June 12, 2023 • 18 mins
So I Said Pod is back with a hilarious and candid episode featuring guest Alyissa Sagoes. Join Dylan Sellers as he breaks his podcast hiatus, revealing his plant-killing tendencies and forgetfulness. Discover Alyissa's Earth Scale Wellness, a herbal brand that kicks mucus out of your system 'like kicking with a hard shoe. Prepare for laughter, introspection, and a genuine conversation between friends. Don't miss this witty and relatable episode!
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Episode Transcript
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Dylan Sellers (00:00):
So I said, I got a guest today. And she's super
dope. I'm very excited to betalking to you. And I'm gonna
let her introduce herself. Butlike, you know, it's been a
minute since I've ever front ofa mic. You know what I mean?
Like? Yeah, probably the lasttime that I was in front of a
(00:22):
mic. For my own podcast was therecordings that we did I think
Kat's house for with me andSharmayne, which are episodes
that like will lead off myseason two. But I did those last
year. This is the first time I'mrecording and 2023 It's March.
Alyissa Sagoes (00:41):
This is March 2023.
Dylan Sellers (00:42):
It is March. It's a it's an old march two. It's
like 18. Like, it's crazy. It's
Alyissa Sagoes (00:47):
the end. Don't say, oh, it's the end. It's
nearing the end of its life. ButI appreciate that. I am the one
that can bring you out of whatis
Dylan Sellers (00:56):
the hiatus? Yes.
A bit of a hiatus? It's a bit ofa hiatus. I think that like,
well, first, introduce yourselfto the people let them know who
you are what you do that kind ofstuff.
Alyissa Sagoes (01:08):
Yes. So my name is Alyissa. Um, I am in the
nonprofit sector. So currentlyin school to get my nonprofit
administration degree superexcited about that I'm ready to
be done. So there's that. Um, Ialso own a business Earth scale
(01:28):
wellness. So we turn up on Earthscales. Well,
Dylan Sellers (01:32):
we got that we got the we got the earth around
us. Yeah. See, this is this isnew. I don't really be doing a
whole lot of like the greenstuff like your Kat has been
trying to get plants in ourpodcast for ever. All right. So
Alyissa Sagoes (01:45):
where are you?
Where are you? From? That I'mWait a minute.
See? Okay, because so my friendnot
Dylan Sellers (01:47):
anti plant. I just okay. Seems like it. Funny
story, right? We Sharmayne has afriend. Really good friend.
She's my friend now to shout outto the homie she she takes care
of plants. She loves plants. Andas as an act of friendship. I'm
assuming she brought Sharmayne apiece of one of her plants. Yes,
(02:09):
like small replotted. And shewas like, very excited to share
this with us. This made meupset. Why? Because it's like,
it's like dropping off a kidthat I didn't ask for. What this
did the same thing. Her name isBarbara shots. She propagated I
teaches you that? No, I don'task for the lesson though. No,
but, like, dropped off aresponsibility to me. And we
(02:30):
didn't even discuss it. Andthat's a little crazy. It's
crazy. Like it like I love her.
But it was just like so like nowwhen this plant dies, does that
mean our relationship is over?
Get an upset like because thisplant is gonna die? Like it's
gonna happen. Why does that haveto be its fate, bro, I got ADHD
(02:52):
like I'm, I'm I'm strugglingmost days to stay focused on
making sure that like Sharmaynehas what she needs. And I have
what I need. You don't I'msaying like I forget that the
think that's how youplant exists if I can see it.
(03:17):
say itpropagated. Yes. A sounds worse.
Unknown (03:21):
No, but it's not. So she propagated a plant for me.
And it's a succulent. I lovesucculents. I have a few and I
love them.
Dylan Sellers (03:29):
These are the ones that is like really hard to
kill. Right.
Alyissa Sagoes (03:32):
Are you good at killing them? Is the question.
Yeah,
Dylan Sellers (03:35):
I'm actually because I've had a couple. Yeah.
Somebody sent me a succulent. Idon't I feel like there's a lot
of judgment right now. And like,I'm trying to just share my
life.
I'm just trying to share my lifewith you. Yeah. So as a work
anniversary present. Someonesent me a succulent, right.
(03:59):
Cute. It is. It was very nicelooking. But I forgot it was in
the box. So I didn't like fullyunpacked the entire box. And I
saw that there was a succulentin there. And I was like, Oh,
that's cool. And I closed thebox. And because I closed the
box, I forgot it was in there acouple months months. I go back
to the box, the succulents dead.
And I realized that it is verydifficult to kill a succulent,
Alyissa Sagoes (04:24):
gotta water like once a week. That's
Dylan Sellers (04:26):
it. It was it was dead. Like,
Alyissa Sagoes (04:30):
so. What has me you saw it in the box. You said
cool, beans closed, neverreturned
Dylan Sellers (04:40):
and never. So again, I am realizing that I
have a problem. Like if, if Ican't see it, it doesn't exist,
like in a lot of real ways, youknow? So I was
Unknown (04:50):
actually doing some research on that. I think it's
called object permanence orimpermanence. Yeah, along those
lines in basically, it's justthat. So if Dylan is not in my
face, I'm not gonna say I don'tcare about him or, you know, I'm
saying, but until he hits meback up again, no, exit to my
Dylan Sellers (05:15):
And so like this, this is a this is a feature of
mind.
the relationship with me andSharmayne that like I enjoy so
much because we both have like,ADHD light, I like to call
light. It's like, you know, I'msaying sugar free. Sugar free is
diet, you know, say like it itexists, but like, not really,
(05:37):
you know what I mean? Like thatkind of thing. But like, so when
I go out of town, like we don'ttalk to each other,
Alyissa Sagoes (05:42):
you know, at all, but literally, and it's no
disrespect,
Dylan Sellers (05:47):
no disrespect.
Nobody is upset about it. Like,if you don't hear from me for a
few days, I forgot you existed,because there was a lot that was
going on. I mean, actually athing though, and it's it is
great. When we come backtogether, it's like, Oh, I love
you so much. And it's great, butlike, Yeah, you don't really
exist.
Alyissa Sagoes (06:04):
I think that's cool, though, that you guys have
that understanding, because somepeople really do get very
offended by it. Like I've heardfrom you in like, three weeks.
I'm like, yo, like, I don't evenknow where my slippers are
Dylan Sellers (06:17):
like, I need you to. I need you to Chill bro. I
really need you to chill. Couldyou tell me a little bit more
about Earth Scale because we gotoff on a tangent. I completely
got in there was like
Unknown (06:28):
no point case in point.
Yes. So Earth scale wellness isan herbal wellness brand. And we
specialize in creating herbalblends to help support the body
naturally. So my most popularblend is the smokers blend. So
that is an all encompassing lungsupport team. So basically, it's
filled with a bunch ofexpectorants, which are herbs
(06:49):
that serve to kick all the mucusout of your system, like
kicking. Wow. Like, with a hardshoe.
Dylan Sellers (07:02):
And so, so Okay, so let me tell you how
embarrassed I am in this in thiscurrent moment. So like, I need
to hide my face. Yeah, veryembarrassed. Because for the
last like two, maybe like maybethree showcases that Sharmayne
has had their shout out to mayneattraction dance, shout out to
(07:23):
Sharmayne. The boss lady loveher awesome lady. So you have
been a vendor there
Alyissa Sagoes (07:29):
I have and you've come over to my table. So
don't say what?
Dylan Sellers (07:33):
I've come to the table. Right? Had no idea what
you actually did. No joke.
That's so here's, I knew thatthere was like, something that
like, you're cool. We talk, butlike you didn't even like down.
Down, bro. Like, I knew the nameof the company like and I knew
that, you know, people flockedto your table and like bought
(07:54):
stuff in droves. I'm like, shemust be doing very well. But it
never dawned on me to like, comeover and say, Hey, man, what are
you selling? I love tea. Youknow, I mean, it's, it's kind of
a thing for me. And I never evenembarrassing.
Unknown (08:10):
No, it's not. No, no, I so I literally do the same exact
thing. Like it'll be right infront of my face. And for some
reason, like, my brain doesn'ttell me to focus on everything
else you got going on. When I'mtalking to you. I'm like how you
do and you're like, I got thisgoing on this, this and this.
And for some reason, justdoesn't retain it like you don't
stick. Right. So then later, I'mlike, what is that again? Like,
(08:32):
I've done that to Kat so manytimes? Where she's like, Oh,
this morning, I'm like, Cool.
Wait.
Dylan Sellers (08:39):
She's gonna be telling you a whole story, like
a life story. And like, I'm withyou in the moment. Yeah. This is
why I'm very good at keepingsecrets. Yeah, I'm amazing at
keeping secrets. I forget. Like,and he's like, you know, I was,
I was really telling himstruggling with this thing. And
(09:00):
you tell me like your lifesecret. And like, I'm in it with
you. I really am. And it's notlike a joke. But then like, you
come back and like you try toremind me of a thing. And I have
to like, really struggle to kindof remember what you're talking
about. Because in my mind, whenyou told me you meant for me
never to speak of this again toanyone else. Really? You don't
(09:21):
I'm saying so like, I take notspeaking to anyone else to
include me. And so like, Iforget it. I'm saying like, it's
not the thing that I I retain,you don't want me talking about
it would be because if I'mtalking about it with me, I'm an
outward processor. So I'll endup talking to someone else about
it, because I'm thinking aboutit.
Unknown (09:42):
I can appreciate that.
You know that about yourprocess. I think I'm a great
secret keeper because like, I'llhear something that you said,
and I'll put it in this specialcompartment in my brain. So
here's all there's this filecabinet of things I've
accumulated about Dylan you Butin this file cabinet, this is
not to be opened by anyoneexcept he and I, and he's not.
(10:03):
Or no one is meant to open itbut him. So I'm not going to
bring your secret up until youmentioned it in conversation,
but it's never gonna be like atold me that one time, right
Dylan Sellers (10:16):
like that it slips out in front of a group of
people. So disrespect oh mygosh, never speak to them again.
Terrible never. It's kind of anoccupational hazard as well like
because like, I'm a pastor. Solike, people expect for me to
like, hold their life, you knowwhat I'm saying? So, okay, go
ahead. No, no, cook.
Unknown (10:37):
Okay. Can you touch on that a little bit more, because
I feel like people find safetyin people like you, people with
your occupation. And so theyoften substitute that for actual
therapy. And they don't want tolike I'd say they trauma dump.
(10:59):
And that's not fair to youeither. But that takes a little
bit of self awareness and like,yeah, awesome self restraint to
be able to catch yourself indoing that. So how do you
navigate that? Because I assumeagain, you just said once they
leave your site, leave yourmind? Yeah, it's not.
Dylan Sellers (11:15):
I mean, I think that that's probably like,
that's a bit of hyperbole.
Right. When I say it leaves themon, it's not something that I I
think about, right, I think I dohave like everyone else
triggers. Does that make sense?
So like, I would, I would saythat, like, you should not be
(11:36):
doing the occupation that I'mdoing without a therapist.
Right? Yeah, right. But thepeople that we, that we serve,
sometimes can't afford therapy,right? Or it's not accessible or
readily accessible. And so therehas to be, and then therapy is
(11:56):
different than what I do,because I'm going to come to you
from a spiritual perspective,right, I'm going to come to you
in a way where like, I'm prayingfor you. So like, my therapist
told me about taught me about myscope of ability. And so once
something gets outside of myscope, I recommend to a person
(12:19):
who I think would be helpful.
And so like, if you and I aretalking, and I'm hearing things
that are concerning that I knowthat like I don't really have
the ability to help with, Irecommend a therapist, but I
never recommend a therapist,unless I can support you in
finding one. Right? Because Iknow how difficult that is. That
(12:39):
process is right? Yeah. So I'mgoing to give you resources and
things like that. Yeah. But Ithink that like trauma dumping
is good for the soul. And right,so the Scripture tells us that
we are to share in each other'sburdens. Right? And so like it
(13:00):
is, it's part of what it meansto be a believer to like, share
in that, you know, with a personand for you to mourn and grieve
and like community. Yeah. Butit's important that I have
somewhere to go in order to getrid of it. So right, like there
(13:22):
are people who have been in myoccupation, who didn't have a
therapist, right? Or wasn't liketalking to anybody about it
regularly. And like, yeah,there's a there's a high there's
a high suicide rate amongstpastors as a high. I didn't know
that. Yeah, alcoholism is huge,right. Like when you're seeing
when you're seeing pastors fall,right, when they're making
(13:47):
decisions that are like hecheated on his wife or she
cheated on her husband or yougonna mean there was some like
impropriety that happen?
Typically, that's an outpouringof undealt with trauma from
probably not them, but what'sbeen dumped on them and the
pressure it is to hold it,right. And I'm not suggesting
(14:10):
that like, it's okay thatthey're doing these things, but
I'm saying where it's comingfrom, so that you sound like so
folk understand. So like, that'show I deal with it. Like my I
think, my therapists, obviously,my, my wife is a counselor, my,
the bishop who covers me, BishopParamore, by trade is a
(14:33):
counselor like, and so they takemental health very, very
seriously. That's very, so I'm,I'm insulated in that way that
like, if I'm off, or if there'sbeen something too much, like
even our church, we value it andso like, it's like, Alright,
it's time for Dylan to take abreak. Yeah, right. You know,
(14:56):
it's a beautiful setup,
Alyissa Sagoes (14:58):
I think to the position you Take when you do
speak to others, like we spokeabout this yesterday.
Dylan Sellers (15:07):
They rally together, whatever. Yeah,
Alyissa Sagoes (15:09):
what are you saying? If, and you had said
that you are not to be anyone'sFather, I'll be your big
brother. And I feel like thatalleviates a lot of pressure to
say the right thing as well.
Like, you're not puttingyourself in a position to be the
All Knowing. Yeah. And so I feellike that makes it easier on a
other people to come to you. AndBrother, you know, I'm saying
(15:33):
like, if you take yourself outof the authoritarian machine,
and also for you, becausethere's no pressure for you
again, to be the professional.
Yeah, you know,
Dylan Sellers (15:46):
like it is, as in the role of like, big brother. I
think that like, there is athere's a responsibility to know
more, but not to know all youknow what I mean? Yeah. And so
like, and we can get into thisat another time, but like,
(16:08):
There's a scripture talks about,like, spiritual parents and
stuff like that, like, Pauldiscusses, like, father figures
and things like that. And beingsomeone's father figure. I tend
to agree more with Jesus andbeing my like, older brother,
(16:28):
like we're brothers and sistersin Christ and that kind of
thing. So I guess the finalthing that I would say to that,
when it comes to like, being abrother, in the faith is that
like, it also puts me in aposition where I get to make
mistakes. Yeah, you know whatI'm saying? where I get to,
like, live life with you, youknow what I'm saying? And like,
(16:52):
we can be friends. Because like,you're never really truly
friends with your parents. Youknow what I'm saying? Like, they
have their own friends. Butlike, with your your siblings,
at some point, you wake up andlike, they're okay. You're an
upstanding man. Yeah. Oh, youknow, you have some shared
experiences together and likeyou trust that person. And like,
(17:13):
that's my goal. When I'm whenI'm pastor, and you have any
thoughts about that? last finalfew thoughts?
Alyissa Sagoes (17:19):
I think you do a very good job with it. Oh, yeah.
Dylan Sellers (17:22):
Oh, you know,
Alyissa Sagoes (17:24):
yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. I appreciate that.
Yeah. And I know that anythingyou say it's always from a place
of love or at least concern andif you can't extend that you
just won't show up?
Dylan Sellers (17:39):
Yeah. I appreciate that. Yeah, I
appreciate that. That's like aroller coaster. It's this is
this is back in there. So Ithink that like, I appreciate
that. That's all I have to sayabout that. Yeah. And I'm think
we're gonna we're gonna comeback with another one. All
right. Yeah.
So I said, I got a guest today. And she's super
dope. I'm very excited to betalking to you. And I'm gonna
let her introduce herself. Butlike, you know, it's been a
minute since I've ever front ofa mic. You know what I mean?
Like? Yeah, probably the lasttime that I was in front of a
(00:22):
mic. For my own podcast was therecordings that we did I think
Kat's house for with me andSharmayne, which are episodes
that like will lead off myseason two. But I did those last
year. This is the first time I'mrecording and 2023 It's March.
Alyissa Sagoes (00:41):
This is March 2023.
Dylan Sellers (00:42):
It is March. It's a it's an old march two. It's
like 18. Like, it's crazy. It's
Alyissa Sagoes (00:47):
the end. Don't say, oh, it's the end. It's
nearing the end of its life. ButI appreciate that. I am the one
that can bring you out of whatis
Dylan Sellers (00:56):
the hiatus? Yes.
A bit of a hiatus? It's a bit ofa hiatus. I think that like,
well, first, introduce yourselfto the people let them know who
you are what you do that kind ofstuff.
Alyissa Sagoes (01:08):
Yes. So my name is Alyissa. Um, I am in the
nonprofit sector. So currentlyin school to get my nonprofit
administration degree superexcited about that I'm ready to
be done. So there's that. Um, Ialso own a business Earth scale
(01:28):
wellness. So we turn up on Earthscales. Well,
Dylan Sellers (01:32):
we got that we got the we got the earth around
us. Yeah. See, this is this isnew. I don't really be doing a
whole lot of like the greenstuff like your Kat has been
trying to get plants in ourpodcast for ever. All right. So
Alyissa Sagoes (01:45):
where are you?
Where are you? From? That I'mWait a minute.
See? Okay, because so my friendnot
Dylan Sellers (01:47):
anti plant. I just okay. Seems like it. Funny
story, right? We Sharmayne has afriend. Really good friend.
She's my friend now to shout outto the homie she she takes care
of plants. She loves plants. Andas as an act of friendship. I'm
assuming she brought Sharmayne apiece of one of her plants. Yes,
(02:09):
like small replotted. And shewas like, very excited to share
this with us. This made meupset. Why? Because it's like,
it's like dropping off a kidthat I didn't ask for. What this
did the same thing. Her name isBarbara shots. She propagated I
teaches you that? No, I don'task for the lesson though. No,
but, like, dropped off aresponsibility to me. And we
(02:30):
didn't even discuss it. Andthat's a little crazy. It's
crazy. Like it like I love her.
But it was just like so like nowwhen this plant dies, does that
mean our relationship is over?
Get an upset like because thisplant is gonna die? Like it's
gonna happen. Why does that haveto be its fate, bro, I got ADHD
(02:52):
like I'm, I'm I'm strugglingmost days to stay focused on
making sure that like Sharmaynehas what she needs. And I have
what I need. You don't I'msaying like I forget that the
think that's how youplant exists if I can see it.
(03:17):
say itpropagated. Yes. A sounds worse.
Unknown (03:21):
No, but it's not. So she propagated a plant for me.
And it's a succulent. I lovesucculents. I have a few and I
love them.
Dylan Sellers (03:29):
These are the ones that is like really hard to
kill. Right.
Alyissa Sagoes (03:32):
Are you good at killing them? Is the question.
Yeah,
Dylan Sellers (03:35):
I'm actually because I've had a couple. Yeah.
Somebody sent me a succulent. Idon't I feel like there's a lot
of judgment right now. And like,I'm trying to just share my
life.
I'm just trying to share my lifewith you. Yeah. So as a work
anniversary present. Someonesent me a succulent, right.
(03:59):
Cute. It is. It was very nicelooking. But I forgot it was in
the box. So I didn't like fullyunpacked the entire box. And I
saw that there was a succulentin there. And I was like, Oh,
that's cool. And I closed thebox. And because I closed the
box, I forgot it was in there acouple months months. I go back
to the box, the succulents dead.
And I realized that it is verydifficult to kill a succulent,
Alyissa Sagoes (04:24):
gotta water like once a week. That's
Dylan Sellers (04:26):
it. It was it was dead. Like,
Alyissa Sagoes (04:30):
so. What has me you saw it in the box. You said
cool, beans closed, neverreturned
Dylan Sellers (04:40):
and never. So again, I am realizing that I
have a problem. Like if, if Ican't see it, it doesn't exist,
like in a lot of real ways, youknow? So I was
Unknown (04:50):
actually doing some research on that. I think it's
called object permanence orimpermanence. Yeah, along those
lines in basically, it's justthat. So if Dylan is not in my
face, I'm not gonna say I don'tcare about him or, you know, I'm
saying, but until he hits meback up again, no, exit to my
Dylan Sellers (05:15):
And so like this, this is a this is a feature of
mind.
the relationship with me andSharmayne that like I enjoy so
much because we both have like,ADHD light, I like to call
light. It's like, you know, I'msaying sugar free. Sugar free is
diet, you know, say like it itexists, but like, not really,
(05:37):
you know what I mean? Like thatkind of thing. But like, so when
I go out of town, like we don'ttalk to each other,
Alyissa Sagoes (05:42):
you know, at all, but literally, and it's no
disrespect,
Dylan Sellers (05:47):
no disrespect.
Nobody is upset about it. Like,if you don't hear from me for a
few days, I forgot you existed,because there was a lot that was
going on. I mean, actually athing though, and it's it is
great. When we come backtogether, it's like, Oh, I love
you so much. And it's great, butlike, Yeah, you don't really
exist.
Alyissa Sagoes (06:04):
I think that's cool, though, that you guys have
that understanding, because somepeople really do get very
offended by it. Like I've heardfrom you in like, three weeks.
I'm like, yo, like, I don't evenknow where my slippers are
Dylan Sellers (06:17):
like, I need you to. I need you to Chill bro. I
really need you to chill. Couldyou tell me a little bit more
about Earth Scale because we gotoff on a tangent. I completely
got in there was like
Unknown (06:28):
no point case in point.
Yes. So Earth scale wellness isan herbal wellness brand. And we
specialize in creating herbalblends to help support the body
naturally. So my most popularblend is the smokers blend. So
that is an all encompassing lungsupport team. So basically, it's
filled with a bunch ofexpectorants, which are herbs
(06:49):
that serve to kick all the mucusout of your system, like
kicking. Wow. Like, with a hardshoe.
Dylan Sellers (07:02):
And so, so Okay, so let me tell you how
embarrassed I am in this in thiscurrent moment. So like, I need
to hide my face. Yeah, veryembarrassed. Because for the
last like two, maybe like maybethree showcases that Sharmayne
has had their shout out to mayneattraction dance, shout out to
(07:23):
Sharmayne. The boss lady loveher awesome lady. So you have
been a vendor there
Alyissa Sagoes (07:29):
I have and you've come over to my table. So
don't say what?
Dylan Sellers (07:33):
I've come to the table. Right? Had no idea what
you actually did. No joke.
That's so here's, I knew thatthere was like, something that
like, you're cool. We talk, butlike you didn't even like down.
Down, bro. Like, I knew the nameof the company like and I knew
that, you know, people flockedto your table and like bought
(07:54):
stuff in droves. I'm like, shemust be doing very well. But it
never dawned on me to like, comeover and say, Hey, man, what are
you selling? I love tea. Youknow, I mean, it's, it's kind of
a thing for me. And I never evenembarrassing.
Unknown (08:10):
No, it's not. No, no, I so I literally do the same exact
thing. Like it'll be right infront of my face. And for some
reason, like, my brain doesn'ttell me to focus on everything
else you got going on. When I'mtalking to you. I'm like how you
do and you're like, I got thisgoing on this, this and this.
And for some reason, justdoesn't retain it like you don't
stick. Right. So then later, I'mlike, what is that again? Like,
(08:32):
I've done that to Kat so manytimes? Where she's like, Oh,
this morning, I'm like, Cool.
Wait.
Dylan Sellers (08:39):
She's gonna be telling you a whole story, like
a life story. And like, I'm withyou in the moment. Yeah. This is
why I'm very good at keepingsecrets. Yeah, I'm amazing at
keeping secrets. I forget. Like,and he's like, you know, I was,
I was really telling himstruggling with this thing. And
(09:00):
you tell me like your lifesecret. And like, I'm in it with
you. I really am. And it's notlike a joke. But then like, you
come back and like you try toremind me of a thing. And I have
to like, really struggle to kindof remember what you're talking
about. Because in my mind, whenyou told me you meant for me
never to speak of this again toanyone else. Really? You don't
(09:21):
I'm saying so like, I take notspeaking to anyone else to
include me. And so like, Iforget it. I'm saying like, it's
not the thing that I I retain,you don't want me talking about
it would be because if I'mtalking about it with me, I'm an
outward processor. So I'll endup talking to someone else about
it, because I'm thinking aboutit.
Unknown (09:42):
I can appreciate that.
You know that about yourprocess. I think I'm a great
secret keeper because like, I'llhear something that you said,
and I'll put it in this specialcompartment in my brain. So
here's all there's this filecabinet of things I've
accumulated about Dylan you Butin this file cabinet, this is
not to be opened by anyoneexcept he and I, and he's not.
(10:03):
Or no one is meant to open itbut him. So I'm not going to
bring your secret up until youmentioned it in conversation,
but it's never gonna be like atold me that one time, right
Dylan Sellers (10:16):
like that it slips out in front of a group of
people. So disrespect oh mygosh, never speak to them again.
Terrible never. It's kind of anoccupational hazard as well like
because like, I'm a pastor. Solike, people expect for me to
like, hold their life, you knowwhat I'm saying? So, okay, go
ahead. No, no, cook.
Unknown (10:37):
Okay. Can you touch on that a little bit more, because
I feel like people find safetyin people like you, people with
your occupation. And so theyoften substitute that for actual
therapy. And they don't want tolike I'd say they trauma dump.
(10:59):
And that's not fair to youeither. But that takes a little
bit of self awareness and like,yeah, awesome self restraint to
be able to catch yourself indoing that. So how do you
navigate that? Because I assumeagain, you just said once they
leave your site, leave yourmind? Yeah, it's not.
Dylan Sellers (11:15):
I mean, I think that that's probably like,
that's a bit of hyperbole.
Right. When I say it leaves themon, it's not something that I I
think about, right, I think I dohave like everyone else
triggers. Does that make sense?
So like, I would, I would saythat, like, you should not be
(11:36):
doing the occupation that I'mdoing without a therapist.
Right? Yeah, right. But thepeople that we, that we serve,
sometimes can't afford therapy,right? Or it's not accessible or
readily accessible. And so therehas to be, and then therapy is
(11:56):
different than what I do,because I'm going to come to you
from a spiritual perspective,right, I'm going to come to you
in a way where like, I'm prayingfor you. So like, my therapist
told me about taught me about myscope of ability. And so once
something gets outside of myscope, I recommend to a person
(12:19):
who I think would be helpful.
And so like, if you and I aretalking, and I'm hearing things
that are concerning that I knowthat like I don't really have
the ability to help with, Irecommend a therapist, but I
never recommend a therapist,unless I can support you in
finding one. Right? Because Iknow how difficult that is. That
(12:39):
process is right? Yeah. So I'mgoing to give you resources and
things like that. Yeah. But Ithink that like trauma dumping
is good for the soul. And right,so the Scripture tells us that
we are to share in each other'sburdens. Right? And so like it
(13:00):
is, it's part of what it meansto be a believer to like, share
in that, you know, with a personand for you to mourn and grieve
and like community. Yeah. Butit's important that I have
somewhere to go in order to getrid of it. So right, like there
(13:22):
are people who have been in myoccupation, who didn't have a
therapist, right? Or wasn't liketalking to anybody about it
regularly. And like, yeah,there's a there's a high there's
a high suicide rate amongstpastors as a high. I didn't know
that. Yeah, alcoholism is huge,right. Like when you're seeing
when you're seeing pastors fall,right, when they're making
(13:47):
decisions that are like hecheated on his wife or she
cheated on her husband or yougonna mean there was some like
impropriety that happen?
Typically, that's an outpouringof undealt with trauma from
probably not them, but what'sbeen dumped on them and the
pressure it is to hold it,right. And I'm not suggesting
(14:10):
that like, it's okay thatthey're doing these things, but
I'm saying where it's comingfrom, so that you sound like so
folk understand. So like, that'show I deal with it. Like my I
think, my therapists, obviously,my, my wife is a counselor, my,
the bishop who covers me, BishopParamore, by trade is a
(14:33):
counselor like, and so they takemental health very, very
seriously. That's very, so I'm,I'm insulated in that way that
like, if I'm off, or if there'sbeen something too much, like
even our church, we value it andso like, it's like, Alright,
it's time for Dylan to take abreak. Yeah, right. You know,
(14:56):
it's a beautiful setup,
Alyissa Sagoes (14:58):
I think to the position you Take when you do
speak to others, like we spokeabout this yesterday.
Dylan Sellers (15:07):
They rally together, whatever. Yeah,
Alyissa Sagoes (15:09):
what are you saying? If, and you had said
that you are not to be anyone'sFather, I'll be your big
brother. And I feel like thatalleviates a lot of pressure to
say the right thing as well.
Like, you're not puttingyourself in a position to be the
All Knowing. Yeah. And so I feellike that makes it easier on a
other people to come to you. AndBrother, you know, I'm saying
(15:33):
like, if you take yourself outof the authoritarian machine,
and also for you, becausethere's no pressure for you
again, to be the professional.
Yeah, you know,
Dylan Sellers (15:46):
like it is, as in the role of like, big brother. I
think that like, there is athere's a responsibility to know
more, but not to know all youknow what I mean? Yeah. And so
like, and we can get into thisat another time, but like,
(16:08):
There's a scripture talks about,like, spiritual parents and
stuff like that, like, Pauldiscusses, like, father figures
and things like that. And beingsomeone's father figure. I tend
to agree more with Jesus andbeing my like, older brother,
(16:28):
like we're brothers and sistersin Christ and that kind of
thing. So I guess the finalthing that I would say to that,
when it comes to like, being abrother, in the faith is that
like, it also puts me in aposition where I get to make
mistakes. Yeah, you know whatI'm saying? where I get to,
like, live life with you, youknow what I'm saying? And like,
(16:52):
we can be friends. Because like,you're never really truly
friends with your parents. Youknow what I'm saying? Like, they
have their own friends. Butlike, with your your siblings,
at some point, you wake up andlike, they're okay. You're an
upstanding man. Yeah. Oh, youknow, you have some shared
experiences together and likeyou trust that person. And like,
(17:13):
that's my goal. When I'm whenI'm pastor, and you have any
thoughts about that? last finalfew thoughts?
Alyissa Sagoes (17:19):
I think you do a very good job with it. Oh, yeah.
Dylan Sellers (17:22):
Oh, you know,
Alyissa Sagoes (17:24):
yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. I appreciate that.
Yeah. And I know that anythingyou say it's always from a place
of love or at least concern andif you can't extend that you
just won't show up?
Dylan Sellers (17:39):
Yeah. I appreciate that. Yeah, I
appreciate that. That's like aroller coaster. It's this is
this is back in there. So Ithink that like, I appreciate
that. That's all I have to sayabout that. Yeah. And I'm think
we're gonna we're gonna comeback with another one. All
right. Yeah.
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