January 23, 2024 • 48 mins
Discovering my own adoption story felt like unearthing a hidden chapter of my life, one that explained so much yet raised countless questions. We, Lisa and John, both adoptees, invite you to traverse this complex terrain with us in our podcast, "So I'm Adopted." By bringing to light the myriad emotions and experiences surrounding adoption, we craft a narrative that extends beyond our personal revelations to encompass the diverse stories within the adoption community.
The journey of adoption is layered with love, loss, secrecy, and the quest for identity. Our conversations traverse the silent struggles of adoptive families, the heartache of foster siblings who come and go, and the poignant quest for normalcy in a life punctuated by change. With the wisdom of psychologists and social workers, we delve into the psychological impact of these dynamics, offering a beacon of hope and understanding for anyone touched by the adoption process. Our candid discussions reveal not only our own stories but also the courage it takes to confront the past and forge a path toward reconciliation and healing.
As each chapter unfolds, we peel back the veil on topics too often shrouded in silence—like the reasons some mothers keep adoptions secret and how these truths, once revealed, ripple through families. We share our personal anecdotes, such as the life-altering moment of learning about my adoption from my elderly grandmother, and stories from our guests that span the spectrum of adoptive experiences. It's through these shared narratives that we find solace, build community, and extend a hand to those still grappling with their own adoption journeys. Join us as we embrace these stories with compassion, opening the door to deeper connections and collective understanding.
Music by Curtis Rodgers IG @itsjustcurtis
Produce and Edited by Lisa Sapp
Executive Producer Lisa Sapp
Executive Producer Johnnie Underwood
Tell us your story or leave a comment by following us on
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Email soimadopted@gmail.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Welcome to the so I'm Adopted podcast, where we talk
everything adoption.
This journey is not one we takealone.
Together we grapple with rawemotions that surface from
adoption stories.
We want you to be comfortableenough to heal, so sit back and
go with us on this journey as wedive deep into adoption.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
Episode one.
Welcome to our very firstpodcast episode.
So I'm adopted.
I'm Lisa.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
I'm John.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
And we are adopted, so we wanted to create a space
for adoption.
Truth we have a common bond ofbeing adopted.
Our stories are very, verydifferent, absolutely.
So.
We wanted to have ourconversations and allow other
people to hear our conversationsand also be able to share
theirs as well.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
You know, this podcast is where we will hear
adoption stories from otheradoptees, adoptive parents and
biological families.
We will also have input fromlicensed professionals such as
psychologists, social workers,to get a deeper understanding of
this adoption journey.
Hopefully, these stories andperspectives will give hope and
(01:37):
understanding and courage tothose who are adopted or are
thinking about, you know, beingadopted, along with the journey
of acceptance, reconciliationand maintenance of being adopted
.
Those are going to be some ofthe anchors that we will
highlight each time we come onthis podcast.
Again, I'm going to repeat thatbecause I think those are
important.
As we talked about our storiesand the birth of this podcast,
(02:02):
we said well, we want to makesure we have some fundamentals
that are consistent, so thatacceptance, reconciliation,
maintenance of being adoptedthose are, I guess, pillars of
our journey that we'veidentified so far and, as we go
forward, I'm sure that we willhave more, but you can count
that each time that we do apodcast, we'll speak to those
(02:22):
aspects of it.
So, lisa, when did you knowthat you were adopted?
Speaker 1 (02:29):
So when you would ask that I found out from my
adopted dad's mother, Adopteddad's mother, so that would be
your adopted grandmother.
Yes, okay, all right.
So this time she was about, Iguess, in her late 80s.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
Okay, all right.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
And she was on that.
You know she had dementia.
Okay, and you know when peoplehave dementia, no, filter.
There's no filter and alltruths come out, all truths.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
The hidden truths, the new truths, the made up
truths, just truths, truths.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
All of it.
So I think you know she wantedto talk to me for a very, very,
very long time.
She would always say, oh, lisa,I need to talk to you.
I want to talk to you because,you know, I just want to talk to
you about how you took care ofyour grandmother, which was my
adopted mother's mother.
Okay, all right, and you knowwhen she was alive and
(03:33):
everything, because she ended upmoving in with us when I was a
junior in high school, juniorsenior in high school, and you
know she died.
I said I would take her lastbreath and everything like that.
So she wanted to, you know,talk to me about that.
And I said, okay, whatever.
And just to give you backstory,my parents are deceased.
(03:55):
Okay, I thought the parents aredeceased at this point.
At that point, were you havinga discussion?
We were having this discussion?
Okay, right, and I said, noproblem, but we would always go
over to my grandmother's house.
It's like Ty's is grandmothertoo and Ty's is my husband, ty's
is my husband.
And she said something to himone day like, oh, I'm so sorry
(04:18):
that you know, I'm spending somuch time with her and I want
her to come over a lot, becauseI remember when they brought her
home from the hospital, okay,and he went er.
Speaker 2 (04:31):
So wait a minute.
I remember when they broughther home from the hospital, but
that's a common thing.
Babies are come home from thehospital, so why was that
alarming?
Speaker 1 (04:41):
And again, I can't speak for him.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
Right, I got you, but it was something raised up in
him, something of the way shesaid it Okay, okay, I got it.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
May I got you Made his intent go.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
Because in normal conversation that's the
progression.
You have a child in thehospital but and you said
earlier, with her having tomention having that truth, it
may have been that leadingquestion or that leading
statement you know to kind ofwell.
Since nobody's going to open itup, I'm going to end directly.
Put it out here, and Tituspicked up on it.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
He picked up on it and I think he slept on it for
at least a day before he saidsomething to me Before he said
something to me.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (05:18):
Because he was like oh, I'm supposed to do this.
Oh my gosh, yeah, that's aheavy burden, and this time we
were building a house, so we'lllive with his parents, okay.
And he came in a room and hewas like I got something to tell
you.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
I was like that's a heavy conversation right there.
Speaker 1 (05:42):
What I said.
You know, because that door inthat timeframe, you know he tore
the killies tendon.
You know he's always doingsomething while we're trying to
build his house Right, he'sdoing stuff right.
And I was like what?
And he told me he said you wereadopted.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
I was like so what he drew from that statement.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
Wait, wait, so let me go back, All right.
He said I your grandmother, Ithink your grandmother told me
that you were adopted.
Okay, All right.
And I went.
I said oh, we got to go to herhouse right now.
Okay, Right now.
Speaker 2 (06:24):
So I got in the car.
Y'all rolling.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
Got in the car.
Speaker 2 (06:26):
What's the conversation like in the car on
the way over?
Speaker 1 (06:29):
I mean, I think I was in silence.
I think it was just silence,it's process, just trying to
like yeah, I was like what doyou mean?
Yeah, it was silence.
It had.
I can't remember that detail,but I know it had to be silence.
Okay, who's?
driving him, or you, oh, he'sdriving, okay, and I think I was
saying you know, she's beenalways telling me she wanted to
(06:52):
talk to me.
So oh, we're going to talk.
We're going to talk today.
So, like I said, my grandmotherwas up in her eighties and we
go in her house and she has thishuge bay window and she has a
recliner chair and I was likehey, grandma, she's like hey.
I said we cut to the chase.
You know you said that you youwanted to talk to me.
(07:15):
Titus said you had something tosay, so you know let's talk.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
Let's get busy.
Speaker 1 (07:23):
And she was like.
It was like Titus was behind meand she went.
Oh, I'm not going to talk toyou, to you with him.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
I said well, that's my husband.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
So whatever you have to say, you could say to him,
you know say around me.
Speaker 2 (07:42):
So she initiated this whole domino effect with him.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
But now that it's time to have it she doesn't okay
.
That dementia started to slide.
Speaker 2 (07:52):
Well, maybe she was in a real reality place at that
point, like wait a minute, letme rethink this, right.
Speaker 1 (07:58):
So I said well, let's talk, because you obviously
have something to say.
And she looked at him and thenlooked at me like yeah, I'm not
going to say anything with himthere, and then she goes.
Well, she crossed her legs andsaid I don't have nothing to say
and then looked out the window.
I said oh, ok, it's like that.
(08:21):
Wow.
I said OK, well, you just sitright there.
So my dad was the oldest of 11kids.
Ok, he's from that area.
So my aunt lived in the nextcity.
So I said well, you hold thatchild.
I made a beeline to my aunt'shouse.
Speaker 2 (08:41):
Oh, you left and went there.
You didn't call, you just wentthere?
Speaker 1 (08:43):
Oh no, I just went there OK.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
All right, oh, I'm just.
Speaker 1 (08:46):
Unannounced?
Oh yeah, because we can go toour you know my family's house.
We just go whenever we made abeeline over there.
So I have something to ask youand I need you to give me the
truth.
We sat down on her couch.
She was here, titus was here,and I said am I a copter man?
(09:11):
She took the deepest breath,she went.
Speaker 2 (09:14):
Yes, I went yes, I went, fuck, oh my goodness.
So in that moment you had theemotional release for her, but
you went on a totally differentreality check.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
Yes, Because then I kind of collected myself and I
have a brother, so I asked thesame question for him and she
took that deep breath again andsaid yes, I went all over.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
So your brother biological, or both of you were
adopted with the perception thaty'all were biological,
biological.
Speaker 1 (09:52):
OK, got it.
Yes, yes, and we did that.
We thought we were because hewas light-skinned.
I'm dark-skinned, my dad isdark-skinned, with light brown
eyes.
I'm dark-skinned, with lightbrown eyes.
My brother is light-skinned.
My mother was light-skinned.
Ok, all right, it can happen.
It can happen.
(10:12):
No big deal, right?
So I start freaking out.
I'm like so my whole life is alie.
I'm like this is not.
I'm not this person.
This is somebody else's life.
This is not my life.
I instantly got angry.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
Who were you angry at ?
Speaker 1 (10:34):
My adoptive parents and, to be specific, my adoptive
mother.
Why your mother?
Because she kind of put youcouldn't ask for a better mother
, you could not ask for.
I could not have asked for abetter mother.
(10:55):
And it's like she put mybrother and I up on a pedestal.
There is nothing that we couldnot have gotten in our life.
Mind you, we weren't spoiledkids.
We got within reason.
We got so we were loved.
We were loved.
We were very much loved.
And she just to know her andfor her to keep that piece of
(11:22):
information from me I was like,well, how dare she?
Who gives her that right To dothat right?
At that moment that's how Ifelt.
And my mom was a verystrong-willed person.
She was from Trinidad and Imean she loved everybody.
(11:47):
There was not a stranger sheever met.
Everybody knew her, everybodyloved her.
We had just growing up.
The people in our school system, in our neighborhood, our
friends would come to our housewith us, not even being there,
just so they can eat her foodand talk to her.
You know what I'm saying?
(12:08):
My teachers I would always haveto bring food in for them.
My account teacher was adiabetic.
She would make diabetic treatsfor her.
Yeah, cheesecake, homemadecheesecake, she'd go free.
Speaker 2 (12:23):
Back then she would make sugar free.
It makes sugar free?
Nothing, not in the days.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
I mean from scratch, even this crust.
She was known for her cookingin the area and that was just
who she was.
And I mean she would take careof everybody, from babies, you
name it.
That was who she was, that washer ministry.
And she loved kids, she lovedyoung adults.
(12:51):
That was her ministry.
And so for her not to, I guess,speak her truth to me, I was
angry.
But after her story was told tome me being a mother, I was
(13:12):
gonna ask being a mother didthat alter your view of the
story.
It did 100% Okay.
I understood where she wascoming from and why she didn't
tell us.
Speaker 2 (13:23):
So when you found out this conversation, you weren't
a mother at that time.
Speaker 1 (13:29):
Oh, I was.
I was very much.
I was 39 years old.
Oh, I should have led with that.
That's okay.
I was 39 when.
Speaker 2 (13:36):
I All right.
So you were 39 and you had kids, three kids.
You had three kids at thatpoint, three kids at that point.
And so now I'm visualizing youhave had your family, your sense
of normalcy, you've startedroutines and patterns with your
kids, and then to hear well,what I grew up with, as in your
(14:01):
words, is a lie.
Yes, that can beearth-shattering.
I can definitely, yes,definitely understand what
you're saying and never go.
Speaker 1 (14:09):
Yes, and because the way she treated me, who does
that In my mind?
Who would do the things thatshe has done for me but leave
this really important piece ofinformation of who I am out?
But I mean, like I said, Iunderstood once I found out,
(14:33):
because there's no way she wouldbe able to bear even a thought
of me even thinking about saying, oh, I wonder who my mother is.
She had told me, you know,early in my childhood or
something of that nature, andshe had, even if I just not that
(14:56):
I would ever like leave her.
I mean, I had a good life, butfor her this is my thought,
because I know how she was Ifshe had, even if I had an
indication of just wondering orthe same wondering and saying,
well, I'm going to go look foror, you know, can you give me
(15:19):
more information?
That would have devastated her.
Speaker 2 (15:23):
So let me ask this question In you finding out and
the way, like you said, she putyou all on a pedestal, did you
question her authenticity, withhow she treated you and how she
loved you?
Was that part of your emotional?
Speaker 1 (15:37):
That wasn't part, that wasn't a part of my
emotional aspect of it, becauseI, just because she was just so
given and, mind you, outside ofadopting us, she also, we also
have foster kids in our house,okay so, you grew up with foster
kids in the house, but fromyour belief, you were the
(15:58):
biological yes, okay.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
did you ever ask how do we get to the point that we
have foster?
Well, the other question let meback up were the foster
children younger than you all orolder?
It was a mixture Mixed so thatwas just the routine, that was
just a routine.
Speaker 1 (16:14):
Okay, that was a routine and yeah, it was just a
mixture and some of them wouldcome in and out.
They'll go back to their mom,but sometimes they'll come back
and it was really normally thesame ones that would come back
and forth and the social workerwould come over, but no one had.
(16:34):
It was never.
Well, clearly they're not gonnatalk in front of us.
Speaker 2 (16:39):
They're probably right, right.
Speaker 1 (16:39):
But because now I'm like, oh, my man was only at the
house, but I just assumed hewas always there with the foster
kids.
You know what I'm saying?
And I didn't notice, like, well, why do we have foster kids?
And no one ever talked aboutadoption?
He was always foster kids, butno one ever mentioned adoption.
Speaker 2 (17:01):
So it's interesting that separation of adoption,
foster kids and society.
Unfortunately, foster kidssometimes gets that negative
connotation of viewpoint.
It does, and it's just the waysociety puts these labels on.
But it's very interesting beingin the house and seeing it.
It was just a sense of thatnormalcy and that love.
(17:24):
It's the issue offered toeverybody that you just embraced
it as part of our ecosystem andthat's how we grew up.
Speaker 1 (17:29):
Yeah, and me being her daughter, I did that.
You know I love them, just likeyou know she loved them and we
treated them just.
She treated them just like shewould treat us to a certain
degree.
But you know they were in andout, but Did you keep in contact
with any of them or know any ofthem, their names and stuff?
Not really, it was one.
(17:57):
So when we so, we lived in onepart of New Jersey at one point,
and my earliest recollection iswhen we moved to the area that
we grew up in, I was three, okay, so my brother is three years
older than me, so they adoptedhim first, clearly, and when he
(18:18):
was an infant, then they had afoster kid, but the foster kid
was much older than my brother,and then I came, then they got
me, so you all were the firstthree.
Yes, okay, gotcha.
(18:39):
So, and then once we moved intothe new area, then that's when
the other foster kid startedcoming, but the first foster kid
, he was the constant one.
He never left.
Speaker 2 (18:57):
Okay, so y'all grew up with him in the house.
Speaker 1 (18:59):
Yes, like technically , I didn't know at first that he
was a foster kid until I wasold enough to understand that
his last name wasn't our lastname.
And then I was like, you know,I think at that point I was like
well, why is he not adopted?
Speaker 2 (19:17):
Did he know that he was a foster?
Speaker 1 (19:19):
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, because, like I said, my
brother came first, then thefoster brother came, even though
he was older than him, and thenI came, okay, so he had already
started that moving indifferent places yes because I
think the foster kid came from aabusive situation where we used
to live Okay right.
(19:42):
So he was never adopted, becauseit could be that the mother
never really gave him up orwhatever, I'm not quite sure.
But he was always constant.
He was like my brother and thatwas her heart.
And unfortunately, oh my God,it's like the Ballad Pantry
(20:03):
School Baby.
I was in middle school and whenhe went to the military right
after high school, same year hedied in a Navy.
Oh, wow.
Yet something was wrong withhis heart and they didn't detect
it when he did his physical.
They really didn't even startdoing PT either and, yeah, and I
(20:30):
think she died from a brokenheart from him years before that
, because that was her heart andI don't know his whole entire
story, but I know he had adifficult childhood, so he was
maybe 10 years older than me,something like that.
Speaker 2 (20:49):
So did he have any other family, or you don't know?
Speaker 1 (20:52):
I have no idea.
So when he died, obviously theywere still, he was 18, but
everything he signed everythingto my mom.
Okay gotcha so, and that was adevastating day too.
Speaker 2 (21:06):
So now you are with this reality that you're sitting
with Auntie who's dropped thebomb.
She gives the big sigh and youare trying to regulate your
emotions.
Once you come back to, what doyou do, what do you say?
Speaker 1 (21:24):
So me being the person I am, I need to know what
happened before November 30th.
Okay, november 30th is mybirthday.
Okay, all right.
So what did?
How did my birth?
What led up to my birth?
Well, I think you know what ledup to my birth.
Well, I know but Nine monthsprior to Nine months prior to I
(21:46):
don't.
are you a teenager?
Yeah, are you you know?
Was it you rate?
Right, you are an adult, who,and you know how did y'all come
together?
Were y'all in love?
What was it?
What was the story here?
Right?
So, based off of what my auntiehad told me, was that based on
what she knew?
Because my mother told themthat she wasn't gonna tell us,
(22:12):
she said they're my kids andthat's all they need to know,
right?
So no one, when I say no one,opened their mouth.
Speaker 2 (22:21):
They respected what she asked, the one she said.
Speaker 1 (22:23):
Even to her dad Wow.
Speaker 2 (22:25):
Except for grandma, except for grandma, but Well no,
even grandma said I ain't gotnothing to say.
Speaker 1 (22:29):
But but grandma started the process, started the
process, but she startedknowing that she was, she was
slipping, so she had that littleblame it on that.
She could blame it on that, Idon't know.
Okay, I don't know.
And because from what my eyessaid when they addressed her
with it, she's like I don'tremember saying that.
(22:50):
Okay, right, so that was mymindset, you know, trying to
really figure out how did, howdid I come about?
And after I've accepted andunderstood and forgave her, even
(23:13):
though she had been gone Right.
I still had to forgive her.
Speaker 2 (23:19):
I can't remember how long was that duration of you
finding and then being able toforgive.
Speaker 1 (23:28):
Maybe a couple of months.
Speaker 2 (23:31):
Okay.
Why did you feel like it was aneed to forgive her?
Speaker 1 (23:36):
Because you got people who grudges, because I
understood why she did what shedid, with you being a mother,
with me being a mother, okay,and you know, from what has been
told to me, she's, you know,she had tried and tried.
I mean, they were, they weremarried for years before we even
came on the scene.
So she's a, she's a good.
(23:58):
She was like 39.
Okay, when she adopted me.
Hmm, she was so.
So she, she tried, they try.
And when I understand she would, you know, ask my dad, you know
, let's adopt because she reallyloved, you know, children.
(24:19):
And then I guess he probablysaid okay, and so they adopted
my brother three years prior tome and then me.
So I know she probably wentthrough some struggles.
I can't say whether she, youknow, if she even had
miscarriages or anything likethat.
I don't know that.
Speaker 2 (24:39):
You just know that they weren't able to concede yes
, okay.
Speaker 1 (24:43):
And they were married for years by the time they
decided to do that.
Speaker 2 (24:48):
So go through the process, you forgive, and then
now, how do you?
What did that look like in yourprocess of forgiving?
Like because she's not here inthe physical state.
So how did you regulate youremotions to get to that point to
be able to forgive?
Because there are a lot ofquestions that you weren't able
to get answered.
Speaker 1 (25:09):
There was a lot of questions that I wasn't be able
to get answered, but as soon asI know, it sounds very simple,
but it is simple.
I was a mother, that's it.
I said, oh, I did it.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
Wow, that's beautiful , you know, and it may be.
That's why you're supposed tofind out when you found out,
because, as you find out, beforeyou had kids maybe you would
have held that grudge and notbeen able to get it.
Speaker 1 (25:39):
From that viewpoint, I got it.
Speaker 2 (25:44):
So, since we're talking about like when you
found out, what was yourconversation like with the kids?
When did they find out aboutthe adoption?
Speaker 1 (25:54):
So this was years and years later.
Speaker 2 (26:00):
So you held it.
Speaker 1 (26:01):
Oh yeah, we never told them.
Okay, I processed it.
I was still figuring out.
Okay, how do I find outinformation, knowing that the
state in New Jersey you knowadult adoptees can't get their
birth certificates?
Those are sealed.
That's by law in the state ofNew Jersey.
(26:23):
So, okay, I knew I couldn't getthat.
However, I had a friend.
Speaker 2 (26:33):
I was got a friend.
Speaker 1 (26:35):
And she's a private investigator in New Jersey that
I went to high school with, andI don't know how I knew that,
but it was I found out.
I don't know.
So I said, okay, let me reachout to her because let me just
preface this I thought I wasbought on the black market.
Speaker 2 (27:03):
So why did you go directly to that?
Speaker 1 (27:05):
Because?
So both my parents, without theparents, died in the same year,
six months to the day of eachother.
Okay, so they moved to NewJersey, then they moved to
Virginia.
You thought they wanted to run.
Speaker 2 (27:22):
No, no, no.
Speaker 1 (27:23):
So, before they died, okay, the early day.
So we moved all of their stuff.
I mean, I had everything.
So my mom, she was, her kidneyswere failing, she was on
dialysis and she said she wantedto come home.
She wanted to come home toVirginia, okay, right.
(27:46):
So my dad sold the house.
He stayed up there to sell thehouse, we brought her down, but
we didn't realize that shewanted to come home to Virginia
because she felt this was herhome, but she wanted to come
home to die because this iswhere she ended up dying.
She was only with me for twoweeks and my dad's been taking
(28:09):
care of her forever.
I got up for two weeks and,yeah, that was devastating
enough, right?
So I say that to say is I hadeverything, documents.
My mom, like I said, she wasfrom Trinidad, so I had all her
naturalization paperwork.
Speaker 2 (28:29):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (28:31):
I had I think she did a couple of classes at HU or
somewhere here.
My dad's Norfolk StateInformation is Graves is when he
worked for the CNO and how muchthey pay for the house in New
Jersey.
The receipt you got everything.
You name it, I have it.
(28:52):
Social Security numbers, birthcertificates, everything.
I have all documents but youdon't have any documentation
about it Boom.
Speaker 2 (29:03):
Maybe she got rid of it.
Speaker 1 (29:05):
So.
But the thing is, if for somereason say, they did my dad,
when I say my dad kepteverything, he kept everything.
So in your mind.
Speaker 2 (29:17):
As you're moving everything like I'm going to
find something that's going togive me the answer.
Speaker 1 (29:21):
No, I didn't know at that time.
Speaker 2 (29:22):
That's right.
You didn't know, I didn't know.
Speaker 1 (29:25):
I didn't know at the time that they died.
Okay, and I was saying thatbecause I had all this paperwork
stuff that who would have, whowould have that right?
But my dad was very meticulous.
He kept everything, and justimagine if I ran into some
adoption papers then, wow, justimagine.
Speaker 2 (29:47):
So now you're having to deal with the grief of
watching her in that process andregulate this newfound truth of
who you are and where you comefrom.
Speaker 1 (29:57):
Grief of both of them .
Because I didn't start looking,I didn't start going through
his stuff until after he died,nine months later.
So they both died on my watch,right?
So I didn't know all that.
So I said that to say is that Ididn't see anything in those
documents, right?
(30:17):
So I get my friend to go ahead,and you know, this is normal
facts.
No email is back there.
My facts are all theinformation.
I said look, I don't wantanybody to know, but I was
adopted.
Speaker 2 (30:35):
So did you have a level of shame with that?
Speaker 1 (30:37):
I did At first.
I did because no one knew theneighborhood that I grew up in.
No one knew because when wecame in I was already three,
gotcha, you know, and no, like Isaid, we look like a record
family.
So no one knew.
So I said just keep it toyourself, I don't want anybody
(30:58):
to know, but I'm trying to.
You know, I was adopted.
Blow and I go down a host field.
I said these are, they'resocial security numbers, this is
mine, they're full name level.
I just saw this.
See what you can find Facts itright and I let her do what
she's going to do.
I never took the stuff off thefacts.
(31:20):
The paper was on the facts.
Who found it?
So the kids found it.
Speaker 2 (31:26):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (31:28):
I'm up in my room laying in my bed and all of a
sudden these three critics arecoming in right.
Speaker 2 (31:37):
How old are they at this age, oh man?
Speaker 1 (31:40):
Jasmine was in middle school.
Yeah, maya was at elementaryand TC.
I think he was still at pre-Kor something like that.
So they run upstairs and theyhave the paper in their hand and
I'm laying on the bed and theygo is this true?
Is this true?
(32:00):
And I'm like yes, and theystart crying.
Speaker 2 (32:09):
Because now it's repeating.
Well, if that's true, what's mystory?
And they're crying.
Speaker 1 (32:15):
so Jasmine was a little bit more composed and she
was like what are y'all cryingfor?
Because they're like, this isnot they start going oh, they're
not our odds and this and that,and they're going down and
she's like what are y'all cryingfor?
Y'all know y'all parents, youknow my parents, right?
It's like all the moms are onewho's adopted, right?
(32:38):
Not us, right, not y'all.
Speaker 2 (32:40):
But they, they did what I did right, I was about to
say history repeating.
Speaker 1 (32:46):
So you know, they were like what, what's going on?
So you know, kind of I had totell them a story boy.
There was, they were devastated.
Wow, they were, they werereally devastated.
But when I Address my auntslike you know, why didn't you
tell us, tell me, or whatever,and you know they at that time
(33:08):
they've known for 39 years.
So they was like, oh yeah, wedidn't know, we won't say
anything, she won't come backand hold us Right, and because
the thing is, everybody knew Ididn't know at the funeral of my
mom, so my mom died first andMe go up there, you know yeah,
(33:31):
you give your respects and speakand speak, say all this stuff
and just one line that I saidthe whole entire Church gas,
because the whole, everybodyelse knew but us.
Because I said you know, she'sloved the young people, she
loved children and she only gavebirth to two.
(33:53):
Oh, you had, wow you pinpointedthat one.
Speaker 2 (33:58):
Wow, and you?
Speaker 1 (33:59):
heard the gas?
I didn't.
I didn't hear gas.
This is what my mother-in-lawtold me.
Speaker 2 (34:03):
Okay, did she picked up one like hmm, so did your
mother-in-law know.
Speaker 1 (34:08):
Everybody knew okay, when I say everybody but you and
Titus, of course cuz, and wedon't understand how that
happened because he has siblingsand they knew it.
It's crazy.
I don't get it either, butpretty much everybody knew and I
married the one person whodidn't know.
(34:29):
Go figure, right, but God doesthings to where he does it.
So, you know, when I said that,so they were like, yeah, we
weren't gone, you know.
Speaker 2 (34:41):
So they went on with their lives like oh you know,
yeah, okay, now you know, let'smove on.
Speaker 1 (34:47):
Pump the brakes.
Speaker 2 (34:48):
Uh-huh, it don't work that way for me.
Well, you angry because theykept the secret.
Speaker 1 (34:53):
Well, I can't get mad at them Because I know how my
mom was with them and theinfluence she had on them.
They would do anything for herBecause of the things that she's
done for them.
So I I'm not mad at them.
(35:15):
I'm not.
I'm not mad at anybody.
I just don't understand how noone slipped.
I just don't understand how noone slipped, and I mean, some
people did Slip it away, but atthat time it didn't, but it
didn't register.
It didn't register.
Like Mike, I was playing on theswing set with my cousins at my
aunt's house one day and he'slike well, that's why you're
(35:39):
adopted.
So I ran in crying to my aunt's, just like he don't know what
he's talking about.
Go on back out there and play.
Speaker 2 (35:47):
Didn't ever say yes or no.
Speaker 1 (35:49):
Didn't say yes or no, so hindsight is 2020, so when I
found out, I was about to allthese different Situations start
flooding back in my head.
That's why they said that.
That's why they said oh, that'swhy she, she didn't say nothing.
Then why did she say when Icame home from high school, when
they said are you adopted?
(36:11):
And I'm like nobody adoptedBecause, again, my brother was
three years older than me, he'slight skin, I'm dark skin, our
last name is very unique, right?
So they're like you're, you'reHis sister, everything, yeah,
you adopted.
I go home, tell her the storyand she's like this is what we
(36:38):
have for dinner.
Speaker 2 (36:41):
It's not open in that can Wow.
So you went from a place of youknow, accepting that that's
where you were.
And then you had thereconciliation, because you said
you came to terms withforgiving her because you were a
mom.
So, after the forgiveness, andnow your kids find out in a
parallel way, like you did, youknow how?
(37:03):
How did you like?
Just continue with life?
What was your perception, selfperception of where you were,
knowing this new truth?
Speaker 1 (37:14):
That I wasn't that person.
I wasn't that person thateverybody thought I was right.
Like, let's go back to my aunts.
So in my family they alwayscome to me for organizing family
functions.
That's what I do.
Well, I said, mind you, I toldyou my dad was the oldest of 11
(37:35):
kids.
So just imagine, I got tons andtons about nieces, I mean
cousins.
It's a lot of y'all, it's a lotof us.
But you come to me, the adoptedone, I'm like, oh, I'm not
doing anymore.
Speaker 2 (37:50):
Oh, you dig me a little bit Like oh yeah, I'm
good.
Speaker 1 (37:54):
I'm not doing it.
No, I'm not doing it.
So I stopped doing all thatstuff because they just went on
with life like it was no bigdeal, because they've been used
to it for 39 years.
This is new to me, it's a newtruth, it's a new truth for me.
But it wasn't, it wasn'tnothing for them.
You know what I'm saying.
So then, certain things thathave happened in the family,
(38:18):
then I'm like, oh, you know, butit was no big deal to them.
But kind of in the back of myhead, deep, deep, deep, deep
down inside, I mean, somethingwas off, but I could never put
my finger on it.
You know what I'm saying.
Deep, deep, deep, deep downinside.
(38:42):
And once I was face to facewith then everything.
Speaker 2 (38:51):
That was the missing piece of the puzzle.
Speaker 1 (38:52):
That was the missing piece of the puzzle.
Speaker 2 (38:54):
Wow, yeah, that that journey of finding that out in
that reality check.
But I applaud you being able toregulate your emotions and then
come to terms, forgive and thenrepeat that same cycle with
your kids.
Speaker 1 (39:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (39:12):
Knowing that it bothered you so much that you
weren't told from the beginning.
Because in listening to how youbegan the story in my head I'm
like, okay, so now we're goinghome, let's tell the kids.
But you were still processingit and trying to deal with it.
Speaker 1 (39:29):
So, yeah, I and like you were saying at first, like
you were kind of ashamed, I was,I was kind of ashamed and I
didn't want to blow up my kidslife.
Speaker 2 (39:37):
Okay.
So because that shame, youdon't want to pass that on to
them, right?
Okay, so you didn't sharebecause you weren't at for lack
of better words a healthy placewith it.
You still had a negativeconnotation with it.
Okay, that's a very motherlydecision.
Speaker 1 (39:53):
Yes, Because I'm a mother.
That's right.
That's right.
That's awesome, yeah.
So I was protective.
I was in that protective mode.
I had to first understand whatwas going on and, like you said,
process it and, you know, cometo an acceptance of it.
Speaker 2 (40:09):
So let me ask this, for because everybody finds out
with adoption in different ways,your story is definitely a very
, very isolated one for you.
That's your journey.
What would you say to otherpeople that may not be in that
place, where they just found outthey're trying to regulate,
(40:30):
that might not have children?
They might have children.
You know.
What would you say to them?
What?
Speaker 1 (40:37):
how could you encourage them?
I mean, what I would say is youhave to go.
It's like a grieving process.
You know it's stages.
Yes, when you first find out,you're going to really feel that
anger, that unwantedness.
You know why did this happen tome?
You know you're going to gothrough that.
(40:59):
I don't care who you are,you're going to go to that at
some point or another.
Whether you're younger or older, at some point in your life
you're going to ask thatquestion and that's okay.
You have to go through it inorder for you to be able to get
to the point that you're anacceptance of it, that you
(41:20):
recognize what took place andrealize that nothing happens by
mistake.
Speaker 2 (41:27):
I think that's why you know this platform is so
important, because when you hearabout adoption stories,
normally you hear the fostercare and the horror stories that
go along with it.
But what happens for those whoget the information and then are
left out there just to stillnavigate?
Speaker 1 (41:47):
life, how do you recover, how do you maintain
from a healthy and holisticstandpoint?
That's a good question.
I mean, I didn't experiencethat myself, but I think that,
again, it's going to be ajourney, that you have to come
to an acceptance of it and thentry to take whatever good you
(42:09):
can from it.
Right, because God makes nomistakes and we all are born not
by mistake.
So whatever good you can findfrom it, because you just don't
know.
You may think your journey ishorrible, but what would have
(42:30):
been your real journey if youstayed in that life?
Your other journey, your otherjourney.
You know what I'm saying?
It could have been worse.
Speaker 2 (42:40):
Correct.
You could have been aborted.
You could have been, you know,birthed and then left out
somewhere else and died, youknow.
Speaker 1 (42:49):
But you're still here to even feel the pain of it.
You're still here to speakabout it, whether good, bad or
different.
You're still here to where youstill have the opportunity to
change it for something, to helpsomeone else, because I believe
that our testimonies are notfor us, they're for other people
(43:09):
.
Speaker 2 (43:10):
And I also believe that this is where the benefit
of a licensed professionalbecause this is what we come to
learn now is trauma.
It's a level, it's a form oftrauma it is, and unfortunately
in our community, you know wetry and sweep it under the rug
and oh, I'm going to deal withit.
But it may be beneficial foryou at some point maybe not at
(43:34):
the beginning, when you firstfind out, but at some point
speak to somebody who is notvested, who didn't keep the
secret, who is not finding outwith you, that's able to look at
it from a larger lens and helpyou organize your thoughts and
then help you with that journeyfor a full.
Yeah, that's awesome.
Thank you for sharing yourtruths of how you found out you
(43:55):
were adopted.
Speaker 1 (43:56):
Yes, yes, that's awesome.
I look forward to hearing howyou found out how you were
adopted.
Speaker 2 (44:03):
Yeah, I will definitely share my story of
when I found out.
When did I, you know, firstfind out?
I was adopted.
I was a little, I was youngerthan you, so I had a different
vantage point.
You know, like I said, yours isvery isolated to your journey,
but even listening to it, Igleaned certain things from it
(44:25):
and as I'm as you're talking,I'm like, well, how would I have
responded if what would havebeen my emotion?
You know, so I'm.
I think it's always thatcomparison, because it's a
commonality in this adoptionumbrella that we carry,
absolutely so it's.
I think that's why testimoniesare so important, because you
(44:47):
can draw strength from otherpeople and then just to find out
that you're not the only person.
Speaker 1 (44:52):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (44:53):
That's huge, because when you think that you're the
only person on that island, itcan be a lonely, dark, hurtful
place.
So hopefully this platform willbe where we can help others
share their story, in additionto help others walk through
their journey, you know findyour troops, walk in your troops
(45:13):
and then grow from them andthen build a community of
support.
Speaker 1 (45:20):
That sounds like a great idea and I mean that's
that's so true.
I mean it's really their only.
Everybody has a community andthat's a community that we
really need to focus on.
And you know, foster kids, youknow, and adopted kids, they're
all kind of in that same vein.
It's just, unfortunately, thefoster kids don't get that
(45:41):
opportunity to, you know, getinto a family that an adoptive
child would.
Speaker 2 (45:49):
So.
So the other piece of it isbecause you are, the child went
through the adoption.
There's a different side, thebiological family that the
adoptee lives with.
They have a story and a vantagepoint, but then also, what
about the biological family thatgave up the child for?
Speaker 1 (46:08):
adoption Exactly, you know.
Speaker 2 (46:09):
So it's so many different lenses, and I think
that this is a step in the rightdirection and we're just
excited about the potential ofthis.
Speaker 1 (46:17):
Yeah, you know I'm peeling the layers just to
understand the whole perspectiveof that adoptive journey is
going to be what we want toshare, because everyone has a
reason for doing what they do.
Everybody has a why.
Everybody has a why and thewhy's at that time the decisions
(46:40):
are made are, you know, fromwhat I you know, normally what
you hear is the biological mom,you know, want something better
for their, for their kid, youknow, because they couldn't do
it themselves, or they don'twant them to be in the same
situation that they're in.
(47:00):
And then again there's otherones that other people control
the whole situation and theydon't have a say in it.
So that's going to beinteresting to hear those
different types of stories.
But everyone has a journey,everybody has a story and
hopefully someone can getcourage, someone can get hope
(47:27):
out of the stories and see theirlives in a different
perspective and that our livesaren't in vain.
Speaker 2 (47:34):
Absolutely Well, this has been our first, very first
podcast of so I'm Adopted.
I'm John, I'm Lisa, and this ishow she found out she was
adopted.
Speaker 1 (47:46):
She was adopted until our next episode.
We'll see you then Bye.
Welcome to the so I'm Adopted podcast, where we talk
everything adoption.
This journey is not one we takealone.
Together we grapple with rawemotions that surface from
adoption stories.
We want you to be comfortableenough to heal, so sit back and
go with us on this journey as wedive deep into adoption.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
Episode one.
Welcome to our very firstpodcast episode.
So I'm adopted.
I'm Lisa.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
I'm John.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
And we are adopted, so we wanted to create a space
for adoption.
Truth we have a common bond ofbeing adopted.
Our stories are very, verydifferent, absolutely.
So.
We wanted to have ourconversations and allow other
people to hear our conversationsand also be able to share
theirs as well.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
You know, this podcast is where we will hear
adoption stories from otheradoptees, adoptive parents and
biological families.
We will also have input fromlicensed professionals such as
psychologists, social workers,to get a deeper understanding of
this adoption journey.
Hopefully, these stories andperspectives will give hope and
(01:37):
understanding and courage tothose who are adopted or are
thinking about, you know, beingadopted, along with the journey
of acceptance, reconciliationand maintenance of being adopted
.
Those are going to be some ofthe anchors that we will
highlight each time we come onthis podcast.
Again, I'm going to repeat thatbecause I think those are
important.
As we talked about our storiesand the birth of this podcast,
(02:02):
we said well, we want to makesure we have some fundamentals
that are consistent, so thatacceptance, reconciliation,
maintenance of being adoptedthose are, I guess, pillars of
our journey that we'veidentified so far and, as we go
forward, I'm sure that we willhave more, but you can count
that each time that we do apodcast, we'll speak to those
(02:22):
aspects of it.
So, lisa, when did you knowthat you were adopted?
Speaker 1 (02:29):
So when you would ask that I found out from my
adopted dad's mother, Adopteddad's mother, so that would be
your adopted grandmother.
Yes, okay, all right.
So this time she was about, Iguess, in her late 80s.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
Okay, all right.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
And she was on that.
You know she had dementia.
Okay, and you know when peoplehave dementia, no, filter.
There's no filter and alltruths come out, all truths.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
The hidden truths, the new truths, the made up
truths, just truths, truths.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
All of it.
So I think you know she wantedto talk to me for a very, very,
very long time.
She would always say, oh, lisa,I need to talk to you.
I want to talk to you because,you know, I just want to talk to
you about how you took care ofyour grandmother, which was my
adopted mother's mother.
Okay, all right, and you knowwhen she was alive and
(03:33):
everything, because she ended upmoving in with us when I was a
junior in high school, juniorsenior in high school, and you
know she died.
I said I would take her lastbreath and everything like that.
So she wanted to, you know,talk to me about that.
And I said, okay, whatever.
And just to give you backstory,my parents are deceased.
(03:55):
Okay, I thought the parents aredeceased at this point.
At that point, were you havinga discussion?
We were having this discussion?
Okay, right, and I said, noproblem, but we would always go
over to my grandmother's house.
It's like Ty's is grandmothertoo and Ty's is my husband, ty's
is my husband.
And she said something to himone day like, oh, I'm so sorry
(04:18):
that you know, I'm spending somuch time with her and I want
her to come over a lot, becauseI remember when they brought her
home from the hospital, okay,and he went er.
Speaker 2 (04:31):
So wait a minute.
I remember when they broughther home from the hospital, but
that's a common thing.
Babies are come home from thehospital, so why was that
alarming?
Speaker 1 (04:41):
And again, I can't speak for him.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
Right, I got you, but it was something raised up in
him, something of the way shesaid it Okay, okay, I got it.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
May I got you Made his intent go.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
Because in normal conversation that's the
progression.
You have a child in thehospital but and you said
earlier, with her having tomention having that truth, it
may have been that leadingquestion or that leading
statement you know to kind ofwell.
Since nobody's going to open itup, I'm going to end directly.
Put it out here, and Tituspicked up on it.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
He picked up on it and I think he slept on it for
at least a day before he saidsomething to me Before he said
something to me.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (05:18):
Because he was like oh, I'm supposed to do this.
Oh my gosh, yeah, that's aheavy burden, and this time we
were building a house, so we'lllive with his parents, okay.
And he came in a room and hewas like I got something to tell
you.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
I was like that's a heavy conversation right there.
Speaker 1 (05:42):
What I said.
You know, because that door inthat timeframe, you know he tore
the killies tendon.
You know he's always doingsomething while we're trying to
build his house Right, he'sdoing stuff right.
And I was like what?
And he told me he said you wereadopted.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
I was like so what he drew from that statement.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
Wait, wait, so let me go back, All right.
He said I your grandmother, Ithink your grandmother told me
that you were adopted.
Okay, All right.
And I went.
I said oh, we got to go to herhouse right now.
Okay, Right now.
Speaker 2 (06:24):
So I got in the car.
Y'all rolling.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
Got in the car.
Speaker 2 (06:26):
What's the conversation like in the car on
the way over?
Speaker 1 (06:29):
I mean, I think I was in silence.
I think it was just silence,it's process, just trying to
like yeah, I was like what doyou mean?
Yeah, it was silence.
It had.
I can't remember that detail,but I know it had to be silence.
Okay, who's?
driving him, or you, oh, he'sdriving, okay, and I think I was
saying you know, she's beenalways telling me she wanted to
(06:52):
talk to me.
So oh, we're going to talk.
We're going to talk today.
So, like I said, my grandmotherwas up in her eighties and we
go in her house and she has thishuge bay window and she has a
recliner chair and I was likehey, grandma, she's like hey.
I said we cut to the chase.
You know you said that you youwanted to talk to me.
(07:15):
Titus said you had something tosay, so you know let's talk.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
Let's get busy.
Speaker 1 (07:23):
And she was like.
It was like Titus was behind meand she went.
Oh, I'm not going to talk toyou, to you with him.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
I said well, that's my husband.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
So whatever you have to say, you could say to him,
you know say around me.
Speaker 2 (07:42):
So she initiated this whole domino effect with him.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
But now that it's time to have it she doesn't okay
.
That dementia started to slide.
Speaker 2 (07:52):
Well, maybe she was in a real reality place at that
point, like wait a minute, letme rethink this, right.
Speaker 1 (07:58):
So I said well, let's talk, because you obviously
have something to say.
And she looked at him and thenlooked at me like yeah, I'm not
going to say anything with himthere, and then she goes.
Well, she crossed her legs andsaid I don't have nothing to say
and then looked out the window.
I said oh, ok, it's like that.
(08:21):
Wow.
I said OK, well, you just sitright there.
So my dad was the oldest of 11kids.
Ok, he's from that area.
So my aunt lived in the nextcity.
So I said well, you hold thatchild.
I made a beeline to my aunt'shouse.
Speaker 2 (08:41):
Oh, you left and went there.
You didn't call, you just wentthere?
Speaker 1 (08:43):
Oh no, I just went there OK.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
All right, oh, I'm just.
Speaker 1 (08:46):
Unannounced?
Oh yeah, because we can go toour you know my family's house.
We just go whenever we made abeeline over there.
So I have something to ask youand I need you to give me the
truth.
We sat down on her couch.
She was here, titus was here,and I said am I a copter man?
(09:11):
She took the deepest breath,she went.
Speaker 2 (09:14):
Yes, I went yes, I went, fuck, oh my goodness.
So in that moment you had theemotional release for her, but
you went on a totally differentreality check.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
Yes, Because then I kind of collected myself and I
have a brother, so I asked thesame question for him and she
took that deep breath again andsaid yes, I went all over.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
So your brother biological, or both of you were
adopted with the perception thaty'all were biological,
biological.
Speaker 1 (09:52):
OK, got it.
Yes, yes, and we did that.
We thought we were because hewas light-skinned.
I'm dark-skinned, my dad isdark-skinned, with light brown
eyes.
I'm dark-skinned, with lightbrown eyes.
My brother is light-skinned.
My mother was light-skinned.
Ok, all right, it can happen.
It can happen.
(10:12):
No big deal, right?
So I start freaking out.
I'm like so my whole life is alie.
I'm like this is not.
I'm not this person.
This is somebody else's life.
This is not my life.
I instantly got angry.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
Who were you angry at ?
Speaker 1 (10:34):
My adoptive parents and, to be specific, my adoptive
mother.
Why your mother?
Because she kind of put youcouldn't ask for a better mother
, you could not ask for.
I could not have asked for abetter mother.
(10:55):
And it's like she put mybrother and I up on a pedestal.
There is nothing that we couldnot have gotten in our life.
Mind you, we weren't spoiledkids.
We got within reason.
We got so we were loved.
We were loved.
We were very much loved.
And she just to know her andfor her to keep that piece of
(11:22):
information from me I was like,well, how dare she?
Who gives her that right To dothat right?
At that moment that's how Ifelt.
And my mom was a verystrong-willed person.
She was from Trinidad and Imean she loved everybody.
(11:47):
There was not a stranger sheever met.
Everybody knew her, everybodyloved her.
We had just growing up.
The people in our school system, in our neighborhood, our
friends would come to our housewith us, not even being there,
just so they can eat her foodand talk to her.
You know what I'm saying?
(12:08):
My teachers I would always haveto bring food in for them.
My account teacher was adiabetic.
She would make diabetic treatsfor her.
Yeah, cheesecake, homemadecheesecake, she'd go free.
Speaker 2 (12:23):
Back then she would make sugar free.
It makes sugar free?
Nothing, not in the days.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
I mean from scratch, even this crust.
She was known for her cookingin the area and that was just
who she was.
And I mean she would take careof everybody, from babies, you
name it.
That was who she was, that washer ministry.
And she loved kids, she lovedyoung adults.
(12:51):
That was her ministry.
And so for her not to, I guess,speak her truth to me, I was
angry.
But after her story was told tome me being a mother, I was
(13:12):
gonna ask being a mother didthat alter your view of the
story.
It did 100% Okay.
I understood where she wascoming from and why she didn't
tell us.
Speaker 2 (13:23):
So when you found out this conversation, you weren't
a mother at that time.
Speaker 1 (13:29):
Oh, I was.
I was very much.
I was 39 years old.
Oh, I should have led with that.
That's okay.
I was 39 when.
Speaker 2 (13:36):
I All right.
So you were 39 and you had kids, three kids.
You had three kids at thatpoint, three kids at that point.
And so now I'm visualizing youhave had your family, your sense
of normalcy, you've startedroutines and patterns with your
kids, and then to hear well,what I grew up with, as in your
(14:01):
words, is a lie.
Yes, that can beearth-shattering.
I can definitely, yes,definitely understand what
you're saying and never go.
Speaker 1 (14:09):
Yes, and because the way she treated me, who does
that In my mind?
Who would do the things thatshe has done for me but leave
this really important piece ofinformation of who I am out?
But I mean, like I said, Iunderstood once I found out,
(14:33):
because there's no way she wouldbe able to bear even a thought
of me even thinking about saying, oh, I wonder who my mother is.
She had told me, you know,early in my childhood or
something of that nature, andshe had, even if I just not that
(14:56):
I would ever like leave her.
I mean, I had a good life, butfor her this is my thought,
because I know how she was Ifshe had, even if I had an
indication of just wondering orthe same wondering and saying,
well, I'm going to go look foror, you know, can you give me
(15:19):
more information?
That would have devastated her.
Speaker 2 (15:23):
So let me ask this question In you finding out and
the way, like you said, she putyou all on a pedestal, did you
question her authenticity, withhow she treated you and how she
loved you?
Was that part of your emotional?
Speaker 1 (15:37):
That wasn't part, that wasn't a part of my
emotional aspect of it, becauseI, just because she was just so
given and, mind you, outside ofadopting us, she also, we also
have foster kids in our house,okay so, you grew up with foster
kids in the house, but fromyour belief, you were the
(15:58):
biological yes, okay.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
did you ever ask how do we get to the point that we
have foster?
Well, the other question let meback up were the foster
children younger than you all orolder?
It was a mixture Mixed so thatwas just the routine, that was
just a routine.
Speaker 1 (16:14):
Okay, that was a routine and yeah, it was just a
mixture and some of them wouldcome in and out.
They'll go back to their mom,but sometimes they'll come back
and it was really normally thesame ones that would come back
and forth and the social workerwould come over, but no one had.
(16:34):
It was never.
Well, clearly they're not gonnatalk in front of us.
Speaker 2 (16:39):
They're probably right, right.
Speaker 1 (16:39):
But because now I'm like, oh, my man was only at the
house, but I just assumed hewas always there with the foster
kids.
You know what I'm saying?
And I didn't notice, like, well, why do we have foster kids?
And no one ever talked aboutadoption?
He was always foster kids, butno one ever mentioned adoption.
Speaker 2 (17:01):
So it's interesting that separation of adoption,
foster kids and society.
Unfortunately, foster kidssometimes gets that negative
connotation of viewpoint.
It does, and it's just the waysociety puts these labels on.
But it's very interesting beingin the house and seeing it.
It was just a sense of thatnormalcy and that love.
(17:24):
It's the issue offered toeverybody that you just embraced
it as part of our ecosystem andthat's how we grew up.
Speaker 1 (17:29):
Yeah, and me being her daughter, I did that.
You know I love them, just likeyou know she loved them and we
treated them just.
She treated them just like shewould treat us to a certain
degree.
But you know they were in andout, but Did you keep in contact
with any of them or know any ofthem, their names and stuff?
Not really, it was one.
(17:57):
So when we so, we lived in onepart of New Jersey at one point,
and my earliest recollection iswhen we moved to the area that
we grew up in, I was three, okay, so my brother is three years
older than me, so they adoptedhim first, clearly, and when he
(18:18):
was an infant, then they had afoster kid, but the foster kid
was much older than my brother,and then I came, then they got
me, so you all were the firstthree.
Yes, okay, gotcha.
(18:39):
So, and then once we moved intothe new area, then that's when
the other foster kid startedcoming, but the first foster kid
, he was the constant one.
He never left.
Speaker 2 (18:57):
Okay, so y'all grew up with him in the house.
Speaker 1 (18:59):
Yes, like technically , I didn't know at first that he
was a foster kid until I wasold enough to understand that
his last name wasn't our lastname.
And then I was like, you know,I think at that point I was like
well, why is he not adopted?
Speaker 2 (19:17):
Did he know that he was a foster?
Speaker 1 (19:19):
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, because, like I said, my
brother came first, then thefoster brother came, even though
he was older than him, and thenI came, okay, so he had already
started that moving indifferent places yes because I
think the foster kid came from aabusive situation where we used
to live Okay right.
(19:42):
So he was never adopted, becauseit could be that the mother
never really gave him up orwhatever, I'm not quite sure.
But he was always constant.
He was like my brother and thatwas her heart.
And unfortunately, oh my God,it's like the Ballad Pantry
(20:03):
School Baby.
I was in middle school and whenhe went to the military right
after high school, same year hedied in a Navy.
Oh, wow.
Yet something was wrong withhis heart and they didn't detect
it when he did his physical.
They really didn't even startdoing PT either and, yeah, and I
(20:30):
think she died from a brokenheart from him years before that
, because that was her heart andI don't know his whole entire
story, but I know he had adifficult childhood, so he was
maybe 10 years older than me,something like that.
Speaker 2 (20:49):
So did he have any other family, or you don't know?
Speaker 1 (20:52):
I have no idea.
So when he died, obviously theywere still, he was 18, but
everything he signed everythingto my mom.
Okay gotcha so, and that was adevastating day too.
Speaker 2 (21:06):
So now you are with this reality that you're sitting
with Auntie who's dropped thebomb.
She gives the big sigh and youare trying to regulate your
emotions.
Once you come back to, what doyou do, what do you say?
Speaker 1 (21:24):
So me being the person I am, I need to know what
happened before November 30th.
Okay, november 30th is mybirthday.
Okay, all right.
So what did?
How did my birth?
What led up to my birth?
Well, I think you know what ledup to my birth.
Well, I know but Nine monthsprior to Nine months prior to I
(21:46):
don't.
are you a teenager?
Yeah, are you you know?
Was it you rate?
Right, you are an adult, who,and you know how did y'all come
together?
Were y'all in love?
What was it?
What was the story here?
Right?
So, based off of what my auntiehad told me, was that based on
what she knew?
Because my mother told themthat she wasn't gonna tell us,
(22:12):
she said they're my kids andthat's all they need to know,
right?
So no one, when I say no one,opened their mouth.
Speaker 2 (22:21):
They respected what she asked, the one she said.
Speaker 1 (22:23):
Even to her dad Wow.
Speaker 2 (22:25):
Except for grandma, except for grandma, but Well no,
even grandma said I ain't gotnothing to say.
Speaker 1 (22:29):
But but grandma started the process, started the
process, but she startedknowing that she was, she was
slipping, so she had that littleblame it on that.
She could blame it on that, Idon't know.
Okay, I don't know.
And because from what my eyessaid when they addressed her
with it, she's like I don'tremember saying that.
(22:50):
Okay, right, so that was mymindset, you know, trying to
really figure out how did, howdid I come about?
And after I've accepted andunderstood and forgave her, even
(23:13):
though she had been gone Right.
I still had to forgive her.
Speaker 2 (23:19):
I can't remember how long was that duration of you
finding and then being able toforgive.
Speaker 1 (23:28):
Maybe a couple of months.
Speaker 2 (23:31):
Okay.
Why did you feel like it was aneed to forgive her?
Speaker 1 (23:36):
Because you got people who grudges, because I
understood why she did what shedid, with you being a mother,
with me being a mother, okay,and you know, from what has been
told to me, she's, you know,she had tried and tried.
I mean, they were, they weremarried for years before we even
came on the scene.
So she's a, she's a good.
(23:58):
She was like 39.
Okay, when she adopted me.
Hmm, she was so.
So she, she tried, they try.
And when I understand she would, you know, ask my dad, you know
, let's adopt because she reallyloved, you know, children.
(24:19):
And then I guess he probablysaid okay, and so they adopted
my brother three years prior tome and then me.
So I know she probably wentthrough some struggles.
I can't say whether she, youknow, if she even had
miscarriages or anything likethat.
I don't know that.
Speaker 2 (24:39):
You just know that they weren't able to concede yes
, okay.
Speaker 1 (24:43):
And they were married for years by the time they
decided to do that.
Speaker 2 (24:48):
So go through the process, you forgive, and then
now, how do you?
What did that look like in yourprocess of forgiving?
Like because she's not here inthe physical state.
So how did you regulate youremotions to get to that point to
be able to forgive?
Because there are a lot ofquestions that you weren't able
to get answered.
Speaker 1 (25:09):
There was a lot of questions that I wasn't be able
to get answered, but as soon asI know, it sounds very simple,
but it is simple.
I was a mother, that's it.
I said, oh, I did it.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
Wow, that's beautiful , you know, and it may be.
That's why you're supposed tofind out when you found out,
because, as you find out, beforeyou had kids maybe you would
have held that grudge and notbeen able to get it.
Speaker 1 (25:39):
From that viewpoint, I got it.
Speaker 2 (25:44):
So, since we're talking about like when you
found out, what was yourconversation like with the kids?
When did they find out aboutthe adoption?
Speaker 1 (25:54):
So this was years and years later.
Speaker 2 (26:00):
So you held it.
Speaker 1 (26:01):
Oh yeah, we never told them.
Okay, I processed it.
I was still figuring out.
Okay, how do I find outinformation, knowing that the
state in New Jersey you knowadult adoptees can't get their
birth certificates?
Those are sealed.
That's by law in the state ofNew Jersey.
(26:23):
So, okay, I knew I couldn't getthat.
However, I had a friend.
Speaker 2 (26:33):
I was got a friend.
Speaker 1 (26:35):
And she's a private investigator in New Jersey that
I went to high school with, andI don't know how I knew that,
but it was I found out.
I don't know.
So I said, okay, let me reachout to her because let me just
preface this I thought I wasbought on the black market.
Speaker 2 (27:03):
So why did you go directly to that?
Speaker 1 (27:05):
Because?
So both my parents, without theparents, died in the same year,
six months to the day of eachother.
Okay, so they moved to NewJersey, then they moved to
Virginia.
You thought they wanted to run.
Speaker 2 (27:22):
No, no, no.
Speaker 1 (27:23):
So, before they died, okay, the early day.
So we moved all of their stuff.
I mean, I had everything.
So my mom, she was, her kidneyswere failing, she was on
dialysis and she said she wantedto come home.
She wanted to come home toVirginia, okay, right.
(27:46):
So my dad sold the house.
He stayed up there to sell thehouse, we brought her down, but
we didn't realize that shewanted to come home to Virginia
because she felt this was herhome, but she wanted to come
home to die because this iswhere she ended up dying.
She was only with me for twoweeks and my dad's been taking
(28:09):
care of her forever.
I got up for two weeks and,yeah, that was devastating
enough, right?
So I say that to say is I hadeverything, documents.
My mom, like I said, she wasfrom Trinidad, so I had all her
naturalization paperwork.
Speaker 2 (28:29):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (28:31):
I had I think she did a couple of classes at HU or
somewhere here.
My dad's Norfolk StateInformation is Graves is when he
worked for the CNO and how muchthey pay for the house in New
Jersey.
The receipt you got everything.
You name it, I have it.
(28:52):
Social Security numbers, birthcertificates, everything.
I have all documents but youdon't have any documentation
about it Boom.
Speaker 2 (29:03):
Maybe she got rid of it.
Speaker 1 (29:05):
So.
But the thing is, if for somereason say, they did my dad,
when I say my dad kepteverything, he kept everything.
So in your mind.
Speaker 2 (29:17):
As you're moving everything like I'm going to
find something that's going togive me the answer.
Speaker 1 (29:21):
No, I didn't know at that time.
Speaker 2 (29:22):
That's right.
You didn't know, I didn't know.
Speaker 1 (29:25):
I didn't know at the time that they died.
Okay, and I was saying thatbecause I had all this paperwork
stuff that who would have, whowould have that right?
But my dad was very meticulous.
He kept everything, and justimagine if I ran into some
adoption papers then, wow, justimagine.
Speaker 2 (29:47):
So now you're having to deal with the grief of
watching her in that process andregulate this newfound truth of
who you are and where you comefrom.
Speaker 1 (29:57):
Grief of both of them .
Because I didn't start looking,I didn't start going through
his stuff until after he died,nine months later.
So they both died on my watch,right?
So I didn't know all that.
So I said that to say is that Ididn't see anything in those
documents, right?
(30:17):
So I get my friend to go ahead,and you know, this is normal
facts.
No email is back there.
My facts are all theinformation.
I said look, I don't wantanybody to know, but I was
adopted.
Speaker 2 (30:35):
So did you have a level of shame with that?
Speaker 1 (30:37):
I did At first.
I did because no one knew theneighborhood that I grew up in.
No one knew because when wecame in I was already three,
gotcha, you know, and no, like Isaid, we look like a record
family.
So no one knew.
So I said just keep it toyourself, I don't want anybody
(30:58):
to know, but I'm trying to.
You know, I was adopted.
Blow and I go down a host field.
I said these are, they'resocial security numbers, this is
mine, they're full name level.
I just saw this.
See what you can find Facts itright and I let her do what
she's going to do.
I never took the stuff off thefacts.
(31:20):
The paper was on the facts.
Who found it?
So the kids found it.
Speaker 2 (31:26):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (31:28):
I'm up in my room laying in my bed and all of a
sudden these three critics arecoming in right.
Speaker 2 (31:37):
How old are they at this age, oh man?
Speaker 1 (31:40):
Jasmine was in middle school.
Yeah, maya was at elementaryand TC.
I think he was still at pre-Kor something like that.
So they run upstairs and theyhave the paper in their hand and
I'm laying on the bed and theygo is this true?
Is this true?
(32:00):
And I'm like yes, and theystart crying.
Speaker 2 (32:09):
Because now it's repeating.
Well, if that's true, what's mystory?
And they're crying.
Speaker 1 (32:15):
so Jasmine was a little bit more composed and she
was like what are y'all cryingfor?
Because they're like, this isnot they start going oh, they're
not our odds and this and that,and they're going down and
she's like what are y'all cryingfor?
Y'all know y'all parents, youknow my parents, right?
It's like all the moms are onewho's adopted, right?
(32:38):
Not us, right, not y'all.
Speaker 2 (32:40):
But they, they did what I did right, I was about to
say history repeating.
Speaker 1 (32:46):
So you know, they were like what, what's going on?
So you know, kind of I had totell them a story boy.
There was, they were devastated.
Wow, they were, they werereally devastated.
But when I Address my auntslike you know, why didn't you
tell us, tell me, or whatever,and you know they at that time
(33:08):
they've known for 39 years.
So they was like, oh yeah, wedidn't know, we won't say
anything, she won't come backand hold us Right, and because
the thing is, everybody knew Ididn't know at the funeral of my
mom, so my mom died first andMe go up there, you know yeah,
(33:31):
you give your respects and speakand speak, say all this stuff
and just one line that I saidthe whole entire Church gas,
because the whole, everybodyelse knew but us.
Because I said you know, she'sloved the young people, she
loved children and she only gavebirth to two.
(33:53):
Oh, you had, wow you pinpointedthat one.
Speaker 2 (33:58):
Wow, and you?
Speaker 1 (33:59):
heard the gas?
I didn't.
I didn't hear gas.
This is what my mother-in-lawtold me.
Speaker 2 (34:03):
Okay, did she picked up one like hmm, so did your
mother-in-law know.
Speaker 1 (34:08):
Everybody knew okay, when I say everybody but you and
Titus, of course cuz, and wedon't understand how that
happened because he has siblingsand they knew it.
It's crazy.
I don't get it either, butpretty much everybody knew and I
married the one person whodidn't know.
(34:29):
Go figure, right, but God doesthings to where he does it.
So, you know, when I said that,so they were like, yeah, we
weren't gone, you know.
Speaker 2 (34:41):
So they went on with their lives like oh you know,
yeah, okay, now you know, let'smove on.
Speaker 1 (34:47):
Pump the brakes.
Speaker 2 (34:48):
Uh-huh, it don't work that way for me.
Well, you angry because theykept the secret.
Speaker 1 (34:53):
Well, I can't get mad at them Because I know how my
mom was with them and theinfluence she had on them.
They would do anything for herBecause of the things that she's
done for them.
So I I'm not mad at them.
(35:15):
I'm not.
I'm not mad at anybody.
I just don't understand how noone slipped.
I just don't understand how noone slipped, and I mean, some
people did Slip it away, but atthat time it didn't, but it
didn't register.
It didn't register.
Like Mike, I was playing on theswing set with my cousins at my
aunt's house one day and he'slike well, that's why you're
(35:39):
adopted.
So I ran in crying to my aunt's, just like he don't know what
he's talking about.
Go on back out there and play.
Speaker 2 (35:47):
Didn't ever say yes or no.
Speaker 1 (35:49):
Didn't say yes or no, so hindsight is 2020, so when I
found out, I was about to allthese different Situations start
flooding back in my head.
That's why they said that.
That's why they said oh, that'swhy she, she didn't say nothing.
Then why did she say when Icame home from high school, when
they said are you adopted?
(36:11):
And I'm like nobody adoptedBecause, again, my brother was
three years older than me, he'slight skin, I'm dark skin, our
last name is very unique, right?
So they're like you're, you'reHis sister, everything, yeah,
you adopted.
I go home, tell her the storyand she's like this is what we
(36:38):
have for dinner.
Speaker 2 (36:41):
It's not open in that can Wow.
So you went from a place of youknow, accepting that that's
where you were.
And then you had thereconciliation, because you said
you came to terms withforgiving her because you were a
mom.
So, after the forgiveness, andnow your kids find out in a
parallel way, like you did, youknow how?
(37:03):
How did you like?
Just continue with life?
What was your perception, selfperception of where you were,
knowing this new truth?
Speaker 1 (37:14):
That I wasn't that person.
I wasn't that person thateverybody thought I was right.
Like, let's go back to my aunts.
So in my family they alwayscome to me for organizing family
functions.
That's what I do.
Well, I said, mind you, I toldyou my dad was the oldest of 11
(37:35):
kids.
So just imagine, I got tons andtons about nieces, I mean
cousins.
It's a lot of y'all, it's a lotof us.
But you come to me, the adoptedone, I'm like, oh, I'm not
doing anymore.
Speaker 2 (37:50):
Oh, you dig me a little bit Like oh yeah, I'm
good.
Speaker 1 (37:54):
I'm not doing it.
No, I'm not doing it.
So I stopped doing all thatstuff because they just went on
with life like it was no bigdeal, because they've been used
to it for 39 years.
This is new to me, it's a newtruth, it's a new truth for me.
But it wasn't, it wasn'tnothing for them.
You know what I'm saying.
So then, certain things thathave happened in the family,
(38:18):
then I'm like, oh, you know, butit was no big deal to them.
But kind of in the back of myhead, deep, deep, deep, deep
down inside, I mean, somethingwas off, but I could never put
my finger on it.
You know what I'm saying.
Deep, deep, deep, deep downinside.
(38:42):
And once I was face to facewith then everything.
Speaker 2 (38:51):
That was the missing piece of the puzzle.
Speaker 1 (38:52):
That was the missing piece of the puzzle.
Speaker 2 (38:54):
Wow, yeah, that that journey of finding that out in
that reality check.
But I applaud you being able toregulate your emotions and then
come to terms, forgive and thenrepeat that same cycle with
your kids.
Speaker 1 (39:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (39:12):
Knowing that it bothered you so much that you
weren't told from the beginning.
Because in listening to how youbegan the story in my head I'm
like, okay, so now we're goinghome, let's tell the kids.
But you were still processingit and trying to deal with it.
Speaker 1 (39:29):
So, yeah, I and like you were saying at first, like
you were kind of ashamed, I was,I was kind of ashamed and I
didn't want to blow up my kidslife.
Speaker 2 (39:37):
Okay.
So because that shame, youdon't want to pass that on to
them, right?
Okay, so you didn't sharebecause you weren't at for lack
of better words a healthy placewith it.
You still had a negativeconnotation with it.
Okay, that's a very motherlydecision.
Speaker 1 (39:53):
Yes, Because I'm a mother.
That's right.
That's right.
That's awesome, yeah.
So I was protective.
I was in that protective mode.
I had to first understand whatwas going on and, like you said,
process it and, you know, cometo an acceptance of it.
Speaker 2 (40:09):
So let me ask this, for because everybody finds out
with adoption in different ways,your story is definitely a very
, very isolated one for you.
That's your journey.
What would you say to otherpeople that may not be in that
place, where they just found outthey're trying to regulate,
(40:30):
that might not have children?
They might have children.
You know.
What would you say to them?
What?
Speaker 1 (40:37):
how could you encourage them?
I mean, what I would say is youhave to go.
It's like a grieving process.
You know it's stages.
Yes, when you first find out,you're going to really feel that
anger, that unwantedness.
You know why did this happen tome?
You know you're going to gothrough that.
(40:59):
I don't care who you are,you're going to go to that at
some point or another.
Whether you're younger or older, at some point in your life
you're going to ask thatquestion and that's okay.
You have to go through it inorder for you to be able to get
to the point that you're anacceptance of it, that you
(41:20):
recognize what took place andrealize that nothing happens by
mistake.
Speaker 2 (41:27):
I think that's why you know this platform is so
important, because when you hearabout adoption stories,
normally you hear the fostercare and the horror stories that
go along with it.
But what happens for those whoget the information and then are
left out there just to stillnavigate?
Speaker 1 (41:47):
life, how do you recover, how do you maintain
from a healthy and holisticstandpoint?
That's a good question.
I mean, I didn't experiencethat myself, but I think that,
again, it's going to be ajourney, that you have to come
to an acceptance of it and thentry to take whatever good you
(42:09):
can from it.
Right, because God makes nomistakes and we all are born not
by mistake.
So whatever good you can findfrom it, because you just don't
know.
You may think your journey ishorrible, but what would have
(42:30):
been your real journey if youstayed in that life?
Your other journey, your otherjourney.
You know what I'm saying?
It could have been worse.
Speaker 2 (42:40):
Correct.
You could have been aborted.
You could have been, you know,birthed and then left out
somewhere else and died, youknow.
Speaker 1 (42:49):
But you're still here to even feel the pain of it.
You're still here to speakabout it, whether good, bad or
different.
You're still here to where youstill have the opportunity to
change it for something, to helpsomeone else, because I believe
that our testimonies are notfor us, they're for other people
(43:09):
.
Speaker 2 (43:10):
And I also believe that this is where the benefit
of a licensed professionalbecause this is what we come to
learn now is trauma.
It's a level, it's a form oftrauma it is, and unfortunately
in our community, you know wetry and sweep it under the rug
and oh, I'm going to deal withit.
But it may be beneficial foryou at some point maybe not at
(43:34):
the beginning, when you firstfind out, but at some point
speak to somebody who is notvested, who didn't keep the
secret, who is not finding outwith you, that's able to look at
it from a larger lens and helpyou organize your thoughts and
then help you with that journeyfor a full.
Yeah, that's awesome.
Thank you for sharing yourtruths of how you found out you
(43:55):
were adopted.
Speaker 1 (43:56):
Yes, yes, that's awesome.
I look forward to hearing howyou found out how you were
adopted.
Speaker 2 (44:03):
Yeah, I will definitely share my story of
when I found out.
When did I, you know, firstfind out?
I was adopted.
I was a little, I was youngerthan you, so I had a different
vantage point.
You know, like I said, yours isvery isolated to your journey,
but even listening to it, Igleaned certain things from it
(44:25):
and as I'm as you're talking,I'm like, well, how would I have
responded if what would havebeen my emotion?
You know, so I'm.
I think it's always thatcomparison, because it's a
commonality in this adoptionumbrella that we carry,
absolutely so it's.
I think that's why testimoniesare so important, because you
(44:47):
can draw strength from otherpeople and then just to find out
that you're not the only person.
Speaker 1 (44:52):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (44:53):
That's huge, because when you think that you're the
only person on that island, itcan be a lonely, dark, hurtful
place.
So hopefully this platform willbe where we can help others
share their story, in additionto help others walk through
their journey, you know findyour troops, walk in your troops
(45:13):
and then grow from them andthen build a community of
support.
Speaker 1 (45:20):
That sounds like a great idea and I mean that's
that's so true.
I mean it's really their only.
Everybody has a community andthat's a community that we
really need to focus on.
And you know, foster kids, youknow, and adopted kids, they're
all kind of in that same vein.
It's just, unfortunately, thefoster kids don't get that
(45:41):
opportunity to, you know, getinto a family that an adoptive
child would.
Speaker 2 (45:49):
So.
So the other piece of it isbecause you are, the child went
through the adoption.
There's a different side, thebiological family that the
adoptee lives with.
They have a story and a vantagepoint, but then also, what
about the biological family thatgave up the child for?
Speaker 1 (46:08):
adoption Exactly, you know.
Speaker 2 (46:09):
So it's so many different lenses, and I think
that this is a step in the rightdirection and we're just
excited about the potential ofthis.
Speaker 1 (46:17):
Yeah, you know I'm peeling the layers just to
understand the whole perspectiveof that adoptive journey is
going to be what we want toshare, because everyone has a
reason for doing what they do.
Everybody has a why.
Everybody has a why and thewhy's at that time the decisions
(46:40):
are made are, you know, fromwhat I you know, normally what
you hear is the biological mom,you know, want something better
for their, for their kid, youknow, because they couldn't do
it themselves, or they don'twant them to be in the same
situation that they're in.
(47:00):
And then again there's otherones that other people control
the whole situation and theydon't have a say in it.
So that's going to beinteresting to hear those
different types of stories.
But everyone has a journey,everybody has a story and
hopefully someone can getcourage, someone can get hope
(47:27):
out of the stories and see theirlives in a different
perspective and that our livesaren't in vain.
Speaker 2 (47:34):
Absolutely Well, this has been our first, very first
podcast of so I'm Adopted.
I'm John, I'm Lisa, and this ishow she found out she was
adopted.
Speaker 1 (47:46):
She was adopted until our next episode.
We'll see you then Bye.
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