September 13, 2024 • 64 mins
Ever wondered what it feels like to navigate the intricate labyrinth of adoption and family dynamics? Join us as we welcome Shakia Simmons, an adoptee and Hampton University alumna, who brings her unique perspective on this emotional journey. Shakia's insights, woven with light-hearted banter about football and a tribute to the late James Earl Jones, add depth and warmth to our conversation.
Shakia's story is a heartfelt exploration of the complexities of adoption within a family. Adopted at nine months by her relatives, she sheds light on the emotional tapestry of her life, balancing relationships with both her biological and adoptive families. As she shares her adoptive father's profound loss and his decision to raise her as his own, supported by her biological mother, our listeners gain a poignant insight into her unique family dynamics. Shakia's narrative is a testament to the enduring bonds of family and the challenges of acceptance that come with it.
Our conversation extends to the broader theme of family dynamics and unconditional love, particularly the special bond between a mother and her son. We touch on the emotional nuances that can arise in marital relationships, emphasizing the crucial role of communication and empathy. The episode culminates in a powerful discussion on forgiveness and acceptance, highlighting personal journeys of healing and the importance of seeking support. This episode is a deeply moving exploration of family, love, and the human spirit's resilience.
Music by Curtis Rodgers IG @itsjustcurtis
Produce and Edited by Lisa Sapp
Executive Producer Lisa Sapp
Executive Producer Johnnie Underwood
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Email soimadopted@gmail.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Welcome to the so I'm Adopted podcast, where we talk
everything adoption.
This journey is not one we takealone.
Together we grapple with rawemotions that surface from
adoption stories.
We want you to be comfortableenough to heal, so sit back and
go with us on this journey as wedive deep into adoption.
Hey.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
John, how are you?
Speaker 2 (00:48):
I'm good.
How are you doing?
Speaker 3 (00:50):
I'm doing great, doing great.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
This is the first time on this platform.
We're both virtual Jumping in.
Speaker 3 (01:00):
Yes, I miss sitting next to you.
Speaker 2 (01:07):
Absolutely.
It's definitely a difference,but it's a good change.
This is evolution as a resultof what happened in 2020.
We have been able to justevolve, and I think this
platform will also allow us toget more people in the room with
us to share their story.
So definitely excited aboutthat, you know so what's been
going on.
Speaker 3 (01:28):
Nothing, nothing at all.
You know it's that footballtime of year, football season.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
Y'all play tonight too.
You're 49ers fans, so y'allplay tonight.
Speaker 3 (01:39):
All day, all day.
I saw that, you know, y'alldidn't start off very good.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
I actually went to the game yesterday.
Speaker 3 (01:48):
Did you yeah, so you saw them lose in person.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
Hey, let's see, this is being recorded.
Don't do that.
That's not a good start.
That's not a good way to startoff, especially because y'all
haven't played yet either, andwe all remember the choke that
y'all gave in played yet either.
We all remember the choke thaty'all gave in the Super Bowl,
but that's a whole differentstory.
Speaker 3 (02:10):
Yeah, because he wasn't there.
He wasn't there, washingtonwasn't there.
Speaker 2 (02:15):
Okay, it's the same as window shopping.
Same as window shopping with nomoney.
We were there.
Okay, celebrate that thehistory book.
They were shopping with nomoney.
Speaker 3 (02:23):
We were there.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
Okay, celebrate that the history book only talks
about one team that was therefor like three or four years
straight, and that was Buffalo.
Nobody's bragging about that,because they didn't win anything
.
Speaker 3 (02:39):
True, true.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
Well.
Speaker 3 (02:42):
But we was at the party, I saw.
Like I said, we was at theparty.
I saw like I said we was at theparty, that's fine.
But it should be interestingbecause you know what's his name
.
He's coming back since the Jetsquarterback, so we'll see how
that goes.
You know he's old he's 40 yearsold so we'll see how that all
(03:04):
plays out.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
It should be quite interesting, always, always.
Speaker 3 (03:15):
Other than that, nothing.
Just living life, Just watchingall that's going on in the
world.
That's about it.
So let's see here what else isin hot topic in news today.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
Football season, you got politics coming, you have a
lot of hot button topics andthen today, james Earl Jones
died today already hear thatthat he's like the voice of our
(04:04):
generation.
Speaker 3 (04:04):
That's a big, that's a big loss in hollywood, a huge
loss in hollywood, if you saw,coming to america too.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
They kind of prepared you for that when he was, you
know, in the bed, as though hewas transitioning.
Uh, so he was 93 years old.
That's a blessing.
Speaker 3 (04:28):
Yeah, he was 93.
That is a longevity of a career.
He was always that voice ofpower and authority.
I am your father Because he wasMufasa.
(04:49):
Right, Was he Mufasa?
Speaker 2 (04:51):
He was Mufasa.
It was interesting that youbring up the Luke Skywalker.
That was a non-traditionalrelationship.
Luke grew up this whole timethinking about his father and
then he had another sister andwell, not another sister, but a
(05:13):
sister.
So again, this platform ofnon-traditional relationships
and families.
It is played out and, I'll behonest, I never looked at it
from the standpoint of oh wow,he's.
You know, I can relate to thatbecause you were concerned with
so many other variables, butthat was a very important part
(05:36):
of the story that is.
Speaker 3 (05:44):
I personally am not a Star Trek fan.
I just know that that's notStar Trek.
I mean, I meant to say StarWars.
I'm a Star Trek fan, I'm not aStar Wars fan.
I am a Trekkie.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (06:02):
So I just never really understood all of the
different.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
Storylines.
Speaker 3 (06:10):
Yeah, it was a lot.
It was a lot, but we do havesomeone here today that we are
going to speak with.
It's a young lady, her name isShakia Simmons and I'm getting
(06:38):
ready to click her in so we canchat with her and see.
Obviously she well, that's notobvious because we do talk to
all types of people that hassome type of relationship with
adults, adults- Okay.
Type of relationship withadoptees.
So she, I believe, is an actualadoptee, so let me go ahead and
(06:58):
click her in.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
Let's bring her on in .
Speaker 3 (07:02):
All right, welcome.
This is Shakia Sessoms, and sheis also John, just so you know,
and also a alumni of our homeby the sea.
(07:23):
Okay, all right University heysea.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
Okay, all right, h-u which class?
Speaker 1 (07:28):
Yes, 13.
Sorry, I could not think.
Okay, 13.
2013.
What name of your class?
Speaker 2 (07:43):
Contestant yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:45):
I'm QT3, okay, and my daughter is I can't remember
the number, but yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:52):
She's QT13 If I'm not mistaken.
She's a freshman starting nowthat H-U connection.
Speaker 3 (08:01):
And I'm Dynasty, the one and only.
We'll always be the one andonly.
We'll always be the one andonly.
Also, she has a master's degreewith Liberty University.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (08:19):
She currently works in production planning and
scheduling with HuntingtonIngalls Industry.
Chakiya is married and has afive-year-old son, which I'm
sure he keeps you very, verybusy.
So, let's welcome yes, let'swelcome Chakiya to the show.
Thank you, Welcome, welcome,welcome.
Thank you for coming on.
Speaker 1 (08:42):
I'm excited to be here.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
Absolutely.
I guess the first question istell us about how you came
across our platform.
That's the first question thatwe want to know.
Speaker 1 (08:52):
So I came across your platform because I'm friends
with Jasmine and one day she hadshared something in her story
on Instagram.
One day she had sharedsomething in her story on
Instagram and then when I saw it, I clicked on it and I was like
, hold on, I didn't know foronce.
So that prompted me to go andlook at all of the podcast shows
(09:22):
that you had done up until thatpoint and I was surprised
because I never knew that aboutMs Sapp and I remember that
about you because I remember inchurch you had, you know, shared
your testimony at church, but Inever knew that about Mrs Sapp.
So when I saw that I was like,dang, this is pretty cool.
(09:43):
I like the whole podcast andthen just hearing other people's
stories.
And then when you hear otherpeople's stories and sometimes
the stories are identical or youknow you share similarities.
So that is what reallyintrigued me to reach out and
say I love the podcast and youknow I was interested.
Speaker 3 (10:08):
Yeah, Okay, so we have some type of a connection
with you.
Yes, your face looks familiar.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
Yeah, Okay, mrs Lasseter from Ivy is my
grandmother.
I was about to say the lastname.
Speaker 2 (10:25):
Yeah, you didn't pick up on that.
Speaker 3 (10:28):
She said Sessoms, that's not Lasseter.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
Right, it's Sessoms.
Yes, my last name is Sessoms,but Mrs Lasseter is my
grandmother.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
Okay, when you popped up, I recognized the face I was
like okay, got it.
It was interesting Lisa sharedher adoption story at the church
way before.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
I did Really.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
Wow yeah, so I definitely missed hers.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
But when I saw it on the podcast I was like, oh my
gosh, I never knew this, but itdefinitely.
I was intrigued by it.
Speaker 3 (11:05):
Okay, okay, yeah, your face, now that you're
saying it and you continue totalk, your face looks familiar,
definitely.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
For those that don't know, in podcast world Jasmine
is Lisa's daughter.
Speaker 3 (11:21):
Yes, yes, jasmine is my oldest child, that's right,
so here's the million dollarquestion.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
So tell us when or how did you find out you were
adopted, or what's your adoptionstory, or what is your
connection to this platform thatwe're speaking.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
I was adopted at nine months and I was adopted by
relatives on my mom's side andso kind of when people ask me,
when did I know?
I always like, knew there wasnever, like it was never a
(12:05):
secret, it was never.
I don't even remember it everreally being like a sit down
conversation.
I just always knew that that'syour real mom and you know we
take care of you.
You live here with us, butthat's your mom.
Now my mom had four boys beforeme I'm her only girl and then
(12:34):
she had another boy after me,and so all of my brothers at the
time that I was born, my oldestbrother he probably was about
maybe teenager, if that and soher having all of, at that time,
(12:57):
five kids and her life was not,I guess, put together.
So she, you know she hadstruggles, a lot of struggles of
her own that she was dealingwith, and so what actually ended
up happening was my mom's mompassed away and you know how the
(13:22):
family comes to see everybody,you know to be with you during
that week.
So my adoptive family actuallycame to visit, you know, my mom
and everybody, and when they sawme they were like we want to
take her, we want her and fromwhat they say, my mom said, okay
(13:47):
.
So at first it was justsupposed to be until, like, the
funeral, my grandmother'sfuneral, which was going to be
in a couple of days.
But when they came back, my dadper se, my adopted dad.
He previously had twindaughters and they passed away
(14:08):
shortly after birth.
So he didn't have childrenanymore At the time, he wasn't
married or anything like thatanymore either, and so when at
the time of my grandmother'sfuneral he had asked for me at
the time of my grandmother'sfuneral, he had asked for me,
like I want her to be my child,you know, I'll take care of her,
(14:32):
and everything like that.
And again, my mom was havingsuch a hard time.
So she said, yeah, so that washow I became adopted.
But, like I said, I've never,ever not known who my mom was.
Throughout the years I kept incommunication with my mom.
I still keep in communicationwith my mom, but it was just
(14:55):
like we're your family butthat's your family, and being
that, they were still relatedbecause my mom and my
grandmother were first cousins.
So my biological mom and myadopted grandmother, let me say
that, are first cousins.
Speaker 3 (15:19):
Your biological mother and your adoptive
grandmother.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
Grandmother, our first cousin, our first cousins.
So their moms were sisters.
Speaker 3 (15:33):
Got it Okay, mm-hmm, so yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:38):
Wow, yeah, that's Wow , and it's interesting.
Speaker 1 (15:43):
I'm still trying to wrap my head around.
Try being a five-year oldtrying to explain that to people
.
Speaker 2 (15:51):
But the fact that you were, that you had all that
information and were trying toexplain it, and so I want to ask
so many questions.
That I want to ask, I guess,one of the first ones because
your adopted father had twingirls that had passed away for
(16:13):
him to go into the area and sayI want her to be my daughter.
That, as a father of girls, Ican't and you might not know.
Maybe you had you asked himlike what was his emotional just
(16:35):
in that moment, that he wouldsay that you know that
Everything happens for a reason.
So that's amazing.
And then for your, your firstmom, to be willing to say OK,
recognizing where she was at,that's, that's huge.
Speaker 3 (16:51):
That is huge.
But how did you feel that youknow, knowing that your mom was,
it wasn't a pushback at all.
When it came to them saying,hey, we want to adopt her.
When it came to them saying,hey, we want to adopt her Now
that you're older and you canreally understand the magnitude
of being adopted, how did youfeel like you didn't, even
(17:13):
though it was the right decisionto do.
But how did you feel that yourmom was like, oh okay.
(17:34):
So it's definitely somethingthat I struggled with for a very
long time because, again, mymom had those four older kids
and then she ended up stillhaving another one after me,
which she kept, so she kept allof the boys.
Speaker 1 (17:40):
Yes, yes.
Speaker 3 (17:40):
I'll show you on that she kept everybody except me.
Speaker 1 (17:45):
I understand that and even my grandparents, my
adopted grandparents, actuallywanted to adopt my younger
brother and my mom wouldn't lethim.
So that was another layer oflike, well, how come, you know
you were OK with me going, butyou know you're not okay with
(18:06):
him?
So it has definitely beensomething that I have struggled
with over the years because,also, the way that the story is
always told is like we askedyour mom for you and then she
said, she said, oh, just let meget her clothes together and
(18:27):
boom, you know it was no, nohesitation.
So right, right, that's yeah.
So I feel like, oh, right.
So that has been something thatagain over the years, I have
struggled with, because I justalways wonder, like, what was it
(18:49):
?
Why wasn't there more pushback?
And especially me being a mommyself, you know it makes you
wonder hey, why would you not,you know, fight a little harder
for your child and things likethat?
You not, you know, fight alittle harder for your child and
(19:11):
things like that.
Um, but um.
Speaker 3 (19:18):
I think that answer me this.
I'm sorry, go ahead.
Speaker 1 (19:21):
Go ahead.
I was thinking that do you allhave the same father?
No, I have a different fatherfrom everyone, the one younger
than me, and I have two brothers.
One is younger and then theother one is like two years
(19:43):
older.
They share a father, and thenthe three older boys share a
father.
I'm the only one that has acompletely different dad, and so
that was also something too,because I never had a
relationship with him.
I never had a relationship withhim.
I can actually only rememberseeing him once in my life.
(20:03):
I can actually only rememberseeing him once in my life, and
I was about five and so outsideof that I've never no
conversation, no, nothing.
And when I was about 19, hisbrothers he has brothers, and
(20:27):
one of his brothers reached outto my mom and told her that they
wanted to meet me, and so thenI ended up meeting them.
You know, after the fact, butprior to I had, and by that time
he had, um, he was deceased,and he had been deceased for
some years and I never knew.
So I have his last name andeverything, because my adoptive
(20:53):
parents never, ever, changed mylast name.
Speaker 3 (20:59):
Oh okay.
So my next question is do youthink this is just me thinking,
trying to wrap my head aroundwhy it was so easy for your mom
to say oh okay, let me just gether toothbrush and you guys go
ahead and take her, you know soeasily?
Do you think it had somethingto do with who your father was?
(21:20):
Maybe, possibly.
Speaker 1 (21:24):
Possibly, but I think more so.
So she always says she didn'tknow what to do with the girl,
and so that's that's always her.
She didn't know what to do withthe girl, so, um, got it.
When we've had thatconversation.
That's the only thing she'sever said, and so, but it could
(21:45):
be.
I do think that it probably isa bit of both, because
originally, I think my dad or mybiological father was living
where my mom is from, which isNorth Carolina, and then
somewhere down the line he movedto New Jersey, which is where I
(22:05):
think he was originally from.
So I don't even think they wereseeing each other or anything
at all.
Yeah, they didn't have any kindof communication.
Speaker 2 (22:20):
So got it.
Speaker 3 (22:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:23):
But I like that first point that you brought up, that
she didn't know what to do witha girl.
That's, that's real.
I mean, having had boys and Iwould have never thought about
that.
But being in the in the mentalhealth field and then having
interviewed and working withparents a lot of times when you
(22:46):
have that different child,that's not the same as what I've
had previously.
That takes a lot of.
I appreciate her transparencyand truth in that, because it is
a transition to when I've beendoing, doing, doing and now I
have to switch up.
So that's when I've been doing,doing, doing and now I have to
switch up.
So that's again another uniquelayer that I'm just sitting here
(23:12):
with all these like wow wow,wow.
Speaker 1 (23:13):
Moments to hear through your story, yeah, yeah.
And even with my brothers sorry,even with my brothers my mom
was, when I say she had thingsgoing on, she had things going
on.
So even with my brothers youknow they like my three older
(23:33):
brothers they spent a lot oftime with her mother before her
mom got sick and passed away,passed away.
So all of her kids in some wayspent a lot of time other places
or kind of figuring it out typething.
(23:54):
So I think my situation is itworked out, because with a
little girl you just can't havea little girl all around.
You know you have to be verycareful with the daughter.
So I do think that it workedout.
But yeah, just, and there wereother people Since I have been
(24:21):
an adult, actually my husband,he's from where I'm from and so
when I met his family, his aunt,who was married to one of his
uncles, came up to me and whenshe found out who my mom was,
she said you were supposed to bemine.
(24:43):
I asked for you.
Speaker 3 (24:47):
Oh well, you had a bidding war out for you.
Huh, pop your collar on thatright there and at the time.
Speaker 1 (24:55):
You may not love me, but a lot of other people do.
Right, I was like what?
And she said, yeah, I asked foryou, you were supposed to be
mine, and I was just like shesaid.
And she told me that she usedto babysit me and things like
that.
And you know she wanted me andI was just shocked because I'm
(25:18):
like I don't even know this lady.
I don't even know this lady.
So it was really eye openingbecause in all of that time I
never knew that there were otherpeople that you know were
involved or you know saw me andwas thinking, wanted you.
Speaker 2 (25:45):
Right.
So let me jump in, and I'm sureyou have heard this before.
You do recognize that you are aspecial gift right At that age
for that many people to beasking, for you people to be
(26:11):
asking for you, you already hada blueprint that was supposed to
be supported and amazing, sothat's a nugget just for you to
tuck away that at a young age,before you even knew you had
earthly angels already assignedto you.
Speaker 3 (26:23):
Exactly, that's powerful.
Considering the whole situation, they saw something in you that
they wanted to make sure it wasprotected, or?
Speaker 2 (26:40):
they were being obedient to what God was telling
them to do.
Speaker 3 (26:46):
Either way it's a positive, it worked out.
It's a positive, it worked out,yes, yes.
And at the end of the day, I'msorry, at the end of the day you
could also say that with yourmom so nonchalantly.
With your mom so nonchalantly,it's like, okay, take her, but
(27:09):
she may have had a.
You know, she really caredabout you, she.
It didn't seem like it at thetime in that sense, but if you
think about it, she knew thatyou needed something better than
what she could give you.
You know right.
So because people were comingto her saying, hey, I, I want to
, so she was like, okay, before,let me go ahead and get her off
before they change their mindor something.
(27:30):
So at the end of the day, I feelthat our biological mothers
what do you call them, john?
First moms, first moms, firstmoms loved us enough to do what
they needed to do.
Speaker 2 (28:09):
It may not have looked like that from the
surface, but deep down I alwaysfeel, and I believe, that
they've always had our bestinterests at heart.
I agree.
I agree learned about otherfamily dynamics.
Did you have a chip on yourshoulder?
Were you just not?
Were you oblivious to it, youknow?
Did it impact you at all?
Speaker 1 (28:38):
So the thing with that is that?
Okay.
So I told you about my dad whowanted me.
Well then, I still didn't endup living with him.
I ended up living with hisparents.
So then it added an extra layer, because at the time my
grandparents were probably intheir late forts, and so here I
(29:04):
am at school events andeverybody else is with their mom
, their dad and their parentslook young, their parents are
vibrant, and then here's my.
So that added just extra, anextra layer.
(29:25):
And then also my adoptive dadis in a wheelchair.
So then that was also an extralayer, because it was just like,
everywhere I turned, my storywas nowhere near black and white
or your typical family dynamic.
(29:48):
Everything was just very, verydifferent.
And so that for me I didstruggle a bit because, like I
said, even in watching myfriends as I got older or even
(30:11):
younger, watching classmates orwatching friends and hearing
them say things about what theirmom does with them.
These are all things that leavean impression, and so that
wasn't my story.
And so, even though I was in abetter situation at five, you're
(30:36):
not thinking I'm in a bettersituation, thinking, well, why
doesn't my mom like me?
Well, why don't I live herewith the rest of them, and
things like that.
And so I shared that.
I always knew my mom.
I also always visited her.
(30:56):
I visited her like summers andthings like that.
So in the summer, when I wouldgo to stay with her, I would be
sad because it was differentfrom what I was used to, and
then when I would be leaving, Iwould be sad.
(31:17):
There was never a happy medium,like it was always.
And even the place where I'mfrom for the longest, up until I
started dating my husband andhad my son and things like that,
(31:38):
I associated that place withsadness.
I hated it.
I didn't want to go there.
There was nothing in that placefor me, and so even when we
would have family functions andthings like that, I would go to
the family.
Still, even as an adult, it wasstill that sadness for years,
(32:07):
and I'm saying up until maybefive years ago, when I finally
saw something different fromwhat I had.
I remember it being so yeah,wow, wow so yeah, wow, wow.
Speaker 2 (32:51):
So I guess the next question would be with you
having that experience and thesadness and then, yeah, just
where were you, where were youat mentally with?
Speaker 1 (32:55):
that.
So becoming a mom was like thehighlights for me.
It was finally something thatwas mine.
It was finally something thatjust a bond that I could have
(33:16):
never imagined, and I felt likethroughout my life I was always
trying to find that love.
And I don't know how yourexperiences were, but for me
personally, being adopted hasalways come with like a
sometimes somewhat guilt,because I had my brothers here
(33:43):
who felt like she's in thisplace because of that, and if we
were there, we would be in thisplace.
They thought that my life wasjust so much better when not
knowing that there were thingsthat I envied about their lives,
(34:07):
because they had thattogetherness that I would never
be able to have.
And then also it came with thisfeeling of like forever being
indebted to somebody because,again, you pulled me out of this
(34:32):
situation and so now I feellike I owe you everything you
know, and so that has been aprocess also.
And then so when I had my son,it was just like this is my one
(34:54):
thing that has no.
The only thing it has is nowthe relationship that we have,
you know.
So there is no history, there isno nothing.
I just get a clean slate ofloving someone and someone
loving me and someone loving me,without any strings, any
(35:20):
anything.
This is my one thing, that isjust mine, and so it has kind of
in some ways with my husband.
You know, I tell him all thetime, like you're jealous of
your son, you are, because meand my son are like this and I
(35:42):
don't know if it's a mom-sonthing, but it is just a
completely different love thatI've never had this for anyone
in the world.
This is my one thing, and so Itreat it as such.
Speaker 3 (36:07):
And so I treat it as such and as you should.
(36:31):
As you should Because that'syour blood and all your other
connections to your brothershaven't been that, you haven't
had an opportunity.
If I'm, not mistaken.
Speaker 1 (36:37):
Do you have a relationship with your brothers?
I do have a relationship withall of them and, like I have a
favorite brother and they allknow that he's my favorite and I
have a relationship with all ofthem.
However, my brother's bonds arejust way tighter and it's
because they were around eachother a lot more.
(37:00):
So I missed out on that part,because you know, we'll just
never have that.
Speaker 3 (37:14):
I can understand that because with my siblings, when
I was around them and they talkabout things that happened in
their childhood, you know I waslike man, I should have been
involved in that or I would havebeen involved in that.
You know, just that was one ofthe things that that really hit
(37:38):
home to me when I was around myfamily, my biological family.
They talk about the past and Iwasn't included in that.
That was something that reallystruck me to my core when I hear
them talking about that, right,not taken away from the life
(37:59):
that I have, but they bring outold pictures, that old picture.
Right you know things of thatnature.
I would be right there.
You know things of that nature,so I got a question, the you
(38:19):
know.
Speaker 2 (38:19):
You brought up the fact of your husband being
jealous and I dropped my head.
No, seriously, and this issomething I had to come to terms
with.
I was jealous of my wife's anddaughter's relationship, like
when they were babies.
I didn't call it jealousybecause I didn't Jealousy is
such a bad word but it wasrooted.
(38:41):
It was rooted in me beingadopted, in that, like you said,
that ownership, and I felt like, hold on, little baby, you
coming in and taking my time andmy space.
But once I understood the threeof you that you know, you had
to explain like, or did you evenknow?
(39:07):
Look, this is why this is adifferent connection for me.
This is mine and like.
Did it cause any likechallenges where you all had to
work through it?
Speaker 1 (39:18):
I wouldn't say necessarily it caused anything
that we had to work through.
Necessarily it caused anythingthat we had to work through, but
there definitely had to beconversations because I just I
could pick up on it.
And so, because I could pick upon it, I didn't want my son to
pick up on it or I didn't want.
(39:39):
You know, sometimes you can dothings and you don't even
realize that you're doing it.
And so I also realized that,because my husband comes from a
completely different familydynamic than I do, and so even
(40:01):
that sometimes is a struggle,because when I'm dealing with
things, um, and I'm trying toexplain to him, you know, and I
feel like this and he's like,and then I'm you don't
understand.
You don't understand becauseyou haven't had to go through
this, you know.
And so I did have to sit downand have that conversation with
(40:22):
him though that.
And so I did have to sit downand have that conversation with
him though that.
Hey, it's not that I don't loveyou or I love you any less.
It's not that you're notimportant or you know, the
number one spot.
However, this is my thing, thisis mine.
I love my husband.
But let's be honest, husbands,wives, you know, things could
(40:46):
happen.
My kid is my kid, so it's likelisten, anything with my mom,
even though, like throughout theyears, me and my mom did not
(41:07):
have the best relationship,because she had a lot of
struggles and her struggles Ialso think that one of her main
struggles is not necessarilyaccepting the choices that she
made and the results of thechoices that she made.
(41:28):
And so we struggled a lot, andI mean a lot Because even when I
was younger, you know therewould be things like I'm going
to come, there will be timeswhen, for one, my mom would
disappear and you wouldn't beable to find her, you wouldn't
(41:48):
be able to talk to her oranything like that.
And so in those moments, thosewere moments that were very
pivotal to me, because it wouldbe times when I really just
needed that, that connection.
You know, because my adoptivefamily is my adoptive family,
but because I always knew who mymom was, I was always longing
(42:14):
for that affection, thatattention, that any little piece
of her that I could get.
I wanted it, and so, because ofher struggles, it just created a
barrier, and so for years wehad this back and forth, like
(42:38):
one minute we would becommunicating the next minute?
We wouldn't, and so trying toexplain that to my husband was
also a process of like I knowthat you don't understand this,
because this is just completelydifferent from anything that
you've ever experienced, but Ijust need you to bear with me, I
(43:02):
just need you to you know, knowthat I love you and you still
the man, but this right here islike literally my heart.
So, yeah, but we definitely hadto have those conversations.
Speaker 2 (43:19):
That's awesome.
I'm thankful and glad that youall were able to have that
conversation and that youempowered him to say listen, I
still love you, becausesometimes, as the husbands, we
get caught up in the weeds andwe start taking it personally.
So that's kudos to you on that.
That's awesome yeah.
Does your son know your story,does your son?
Speaker 1 (43:45):
know your story?
He does not.
He knows that he calls my momMimi, so he knows that Mimi is
my mom and he knows that my dadis my dad, but he does not know
the story.
(44:05):
But he doesn't know all theplayers Right.
He knows all the players,though, and he has connected
with them.
He has a relationship with mymom.
Our relationship has gottenbetter since I became a mom.
I'll say initially, when Ibecame a mom, I could not for
(44:31):
the life of me understand howhow you could do this, because
as a mom I couldn't imagine.
As a mom, I couldn't imagine.
But throughout the years ofbeing a mom, I've kind of okay,
I can understand now, becauseI'm a mom of one, I can't
(44:55):
imagine being a mom to five, andso, like my one is tearing me
up.
At least you had three, ms Lisa.
Speaker 3 (45:11):
So that was a challenge, child A challenge.
Speaker 1 (45:17):
People ask me all the time do you want more?
No, the answer is no, this isit.
Speaker 2 (45:24):
Just keep on, you never know.
Just keep on, you never know.
Speaker 3 (45:27):
You never know.
You never know, I'm going tohave to pray on that hard.
But yeah, but you think thatyou're saying that you only want
one because of your ownupbringing I do.
Speaker 1 (45:43):
I always said initially, I remember saying
that I would adopt a child.
This is when I was younger.
And then, as time went on, Iwas like, yeah, I don.
And so now I do think that itis because of my experience,
(46:11):
because I always questionwhether or not I have enough
love to give, you know, morethan just that one, and so
because I'm just unsure and Ifeel like if I had another child
then of course I would, but Ijust can't even imagine my life
(46:36):
with more than one, so I betterstick, keep, play it safe and
stick to the one, play it safeand stick to the one.
Speaker 3 (46:47):
Yeah, but you would adjust, trust me, you would
adjust as they come you adjust.
It's like having one.
It can be very challenging tohave multiple.
So respect to your mom forhaving five.
So, getting back to that, didshe raise the boys?
(47:11):
So they were always with her.
Speaker 1 (47:14):
They were not always with her, they were other places
also.
Like I said, the older threethey spent a lot of time with
her mom before her mom passedaway.
The younger two they were withher.
I would say they were probablywith her more than any of us,
(47:51):
but there came a time even forthem that, like my uncle ended
up, um, they ended up moving inwith my uncle and he ended up,
you know, finishing raising themas they got a little bit older.
It still wasn't.
(48:15):
I wouldn't say that she raised,you know, from baby to high
school, any of her kids, but shewould say something different.
Let me say that.
So I think that's also when Isay me and my mom have just
certain barriers, because thatis one of the things that I
don't think that she necessarilycompletely lives in her truth.
(48:37):
And sometimes I think that youknow certain parts of the story
you would like to blur out andit's our real life.
So in order to really heal andmove forward, you got to tell
the whole story.
Speaker 3 (48:59):
You got to tell the whole story and a lot of people
remember what they want.
Yes.
Speaker 1 (49:04):
Yes, and I think that is the part I struggle with the
most.
Speaker 3 (49:12):
Because she's going to make herself, whether she
does it intentionally orintentionally, she's going to
try and make herself look betterin the situation than what it
really was right you know, andit's not to say she did it
intentionally.
It just nature of people, ofhumans, to kind of always look
(49:34):
at things, you know, in apositive light when it comes to
negative things, right?
So I definitely understand that.
So, yeah, she's not going tosay, oh, I don't remember that,
no, I clearly remember.
You know, I remember when, so Iget it, I get it, I get it.
Speaker 2 (49:59):
So I would ask this what advice would you give,
because you have a lot ofself-awareness about why you're,
why you think the way that youthink, why you are so connected
to your son what advice wouldyou give to other adoptees that
may be going through some of thesame things that you went
(50:20):
through with their children andtrying to build that
relationship, whether they'reovercompensating or just
wrestling like?
What type of advice?
With you, having been fiveyears into the parent, the
motherhood realm, looking atyour journey, what advice could
you share to help others?
Speaker 1 (50:40):
First and foremost, to be honest.
First and foremost, to behonest, just being honest with
yourself and really processinghow you feel.
And if you can't do that byyourself, then go to therapy.
Therapy is like therapy hasbeen a big help.
(51:03):
I've been able to really seethe full picture.
Going to therapy and justsaying things out loud, but
being honest with yourself aboutwhy you feel the way that you
feel, and forgiving.
(51:25):
Forgiving, because for me,forgiving and forgiveness looks
different for me.
I swear like every day, um,because there have been moments
when I have had to ask myselfhave I really forgiven?
Because I still think about it.
It still hurts, it still issensitive to talk about.
(51:49):
You know, one day I could talkabout it and I'm completely fine
.
Another day I'm not so fine.
So, um, and when I say forgiving, not just that person your mom
or your dad or whoever but alsoforgiving the feelings that you
(52:11):
have, it's okay.
It's okay to feel like this andnot feeling guilty about it,
because for a very long time Ihave walked around, walked on
eggshells, trying not to hurtpeople's feelings about how I
felt, about my upbringing, andright, the only person who was
(52:37):
really hurt from that was me.
You know, people are sleepingpeacefully at night and I'm up
and for me it has been like,even if they don't see it, it's
OK.
This is my truth, this is whatI experienced and me sharing how
I what I experienced doesn'tmean that you were the worst
(53:00):
parent on the earth, doesn'tmean that you didn't do anything
for me, doesn't mean that Idon't appreciate and love you.
It just means that this was myexperience and in order for me
to move forward, I have to behonest about that.
So to anybody else I would saythat, like, just be honest about
(53:23):
you.
Know, if you want to love onyour baby extra hard, it's okay
to love on your baby extra hardbecause that is your baby.
And for other people who havenot had that experience, they
may not understand.
But communicate always.
Make sure to communicate,whatever it is that you're
feeling, because I'm telling youeven to today, I still have
(53:49):
moments.
I remember when it occurredFranklin, when his interview
came out or documentary came outI sat and I sobbed, like sobbed
because there were so manythings in there that I could
relate to and it was almost likesomebody sees it's not just me,
(54:14):
okay.
So other people really aregoing through this, you know,
and so I think that a lot oftimes, when it is an adoption by
family members sometimes to me,I think that's harder because
you're constantly reliving itall the time, because when you
(54:38):
see them you know all of thesethings.
So it's a constant reminder andI struggle with that so much.
As a kid I struggled because Icouldn't wrap my head around it.
And even to becoming an adult,when I first had my son, like my
(55:02):
mom was supposed to be there, Istill had this, this faith,
this hope, this she's going to.
You know, this is going to be,this is going to be the thing
that makes her see me, this isgoing to be the thing that makes
us like this.
(55:22):
And that thing never happened.
It just I kept beingdisappointed time after time,
and so I had to just open myeyes and say I have to meet her
where she is.
That's literally it.
I have to just meet her whereshe is.
Because, not meeting her whereshe is, I'm the only one
(55:44):
constantly hurt.
Speaker 3 (55:49):
Wow, wow.
She's so wise, john.
Speaker 2 (55:52):
My goodness.
Speaker 3 (55:55):
Good gracious what.
It's taken a lot of time.
Speaker 2 (56:04):
Oh, my goodness, a lot of time.
I don't have anything to say.
I mean, and again I'm I'mhumbled because I'm listening
and, like you shared earlierwhen we first started the
interview, you know you hearother people's story and you
hear bits and pieces that arethat are embedded, that are
familiar, and just to hear whereyou are now and, like you said,
it's been a process.
There's still days that you are, you have highs and some days
(56:27):
that you have lows.
And the fact that you said youare an advocate for counseling,
it helps.
You have to have somebody helpyou organize your thoughts and
normalize your situation,because we walk around carrying
this book bag that others can'tunderstand nor can they unpack,
(56:47):
and if we just walk around likewe're on that island, it weighs
us down and we don't evenrecognize it.
I mean, you electronicallydropped the mic on us on that
one.
Speaker 1 (57:00):
It has taken a long time, though seriously, and it's
not.
I'm still going through theprocess, honestly.
I am my grandmother, who raisedme was I call her mom because
she raised me and she literallydid everything.
And so recently well, notrecently, but in the last four
(57:28):
years or so she was diagnosedwith dementia and so she has
really been struggling so much,so to the point where we've had
to put her into a nursingfacility and things like that.
And so that has been a struggle, because I am literally
(57:53):
grieving the one person who hasalways shown up, and not
grieving because she's gone, butgrieving because she's not here
in the same capacity.
And so that has been a struggle, because I want to say, maybe
(58:20):
like two weeks ago, it just likea light bulb, it was like a
switch and I was like that wasmy person, that has been my
person out of every that hasbeen my person, and so that has
that has been a struggle,because so many things being
(58:42):
adopted again.
People see, adopted again.
People see if you're notadopted, you don't necessarily
understand but it has just beendifferent.
Speaker 3 (59:06):
Let me say that it's been different.
So, yeah, wow, wow, youdefinitely have given us a lot
of knowledge, thank you.
Much older than you, but atyour age, for you to have such a
(59:31):
deep understanding of it all is.
I just think it's awesome howyou have that much understanding
of it, the whole thing.
So kudos to you for doing thework you know, and that's why we
have this platform where peoplecan hear that it doesn't matter
(59:56):
your age, it doesn't matter.
You know your situation, youknow you can definitely take
away from everything that yousaid and they can apply it to
their lives today.
So we definitely want to thankyou so much, shakia, for you
(01:00:16):
know, coming on our show, ourlittle show here.
Thank you for having me andsharing your truth and just
allowing us to, inside of youknow what took place as far as
(01:00:36):
you being adopted and how youfelt about the whole thing.
And, yeah, I thank you, thankyou.
I mean, right now we're alittle bit, oh no, you're.
So we're John and I are likewow, oh no, you are.
So we're like wow, to be soyoung and be so wise with with
the adoption is just amazing tous.
Speaker 2 (01:00:56):
So thank you, lisa.
Can I jump in?
I just I want to do something.
I want to do somethingdifferent, and you're going to
be the first one.
You inspired me.
Ok, this is something that Iwant to add to our platform as
we close out.
If you had to use one word todescribe your adoption journey
from onset until now, what wouldit be?
Speaker 1 (01:01:23):
One word.
Speaker 2 (01:01:25):
Yeah, I'm making it difficult.
One word I'm making itdifficult.
Speaker 3 (01:01:27):
One word I like it, john, I like it yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:01:47):
Hmm, different, different.
Speaker 2 (01:01:50):
Different, different, different, okay, um, and no
justification.
I just want to hear the word,because what I want to do is
just start building um language.
Okay, that, just differentwords that people use for their
journey.
It's not that you have toexplain it, you don't have to
justify it, because I think alot of times carrying that
backpack, we feel like we haveto justify.
(01:02:11):
So I want to create a spacewhere, because what you've done,
you've unpacked a lot, and thattransparency we want to land it
with whatever word you want totie that bow, to put on top of
it, and be able to walk awaywith a smile, because I know
your story is going to bless alot of people.
(01:02:31):
It's, it's.
It blessed us sitting heretonight?
Speaker 1 (01:02:34):
I hope so.
Speaker 3 (01:02:38):
It really has.
It really has allowed me to tothink about my own journey.
So, thank you, thank you, thankyou so much for coming on.
Speaker 2 (01:02:47):
When you do the description, you got to put her
name and then in parentheses putdifferent Right.
Speaker 3 (01:02:56):
Yes, I like that, I will do that.
Yes, so again, I'm Lisa.
I'm John Shakia.
Again, I'm Lisa.
Speaker 2 (01:03:05):
I'm John.
Speaker 1 (01:03:10):
Shakia, we are adopted.
Yes, thank you so much forhaving me.
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (01:03:17):
Absolutely Thank you.
Bless you, yes, thank you.
Speaker 3 (01:03:20):
Until next time, take care.
Speaker 2 (01:03:39):
Thank you for listening to the so I'm Adopted
podcast.
We hope that this wasinformative and educational.
You can follow us on Instagramand Facebook at so I'm Adopted
podcast.
We hope that this wasinformative and educational.
You can follow us on Instagramand Facebook at so I'm Adopted.
Also, subscribe to our YouTubechannel so I'm Adopted.
And again, thank you forlistening and until next time,
make the choice to begin yourhealing journey.
Welcome to the so I'm Adopted podcast, where we talk
everything adoption.
This journey is not one we takealone.
Together we grapple with rawemotions that surface from
adoption stories.
We want you to be comfortableenough to heal, so sit back and
go with us on this journey as wedive deep into adoption.
Hey.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
John, how are you?
Speaker 2 (00:48):
I'm good.
How are you doing?
Speaker 3 (00:50):
I'm doing great, doing great.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
This is the first time on this platform.
We're both virtual Jumping in.
Speaker 3 (01:00):
Yes, I miss sitting next to you.
Speaker 2 (01:07):
Absolutely.
It's definitely a difference,but it's a good change.
This is evolution as a resultof what happened in 2020.
We have been able to justevolve, and I think this
platform will also allow us toget more people in the room with
us to share their story.
So definitely excited aboutthat, you know so what's been
going on.
Speaker 3 (01:28):
Nothing, nothing at all.
You know it's that footballtime of year, football season.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
Y'all play tonight too.
You're 49ers fans, so y'allplay tonight.
Speaker 3 (01:39):
All day, all day.
I saw that, you know, y'alldidn't start off very good.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
I actually went to the game yesterday.
Speaker 3 (01:48):
Did you yeah, so you saw them lose in person.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
Hey, let's see, this is being recorded.
Don't do that.
That's not a good start.
That's not a good way to startoff, especially because y'all
haven't played yet either, andwe all remember the choke that
y'all gave in played yet either.
We all remember the choke thaty'all gave in the Super Bowl,
but that's a whole differentstory.
Speaker 3 (02:10):
Yeah, because he wasn't there.
He wasn't there, washingtonwasn't there.
Speaker 2 (02:15):
Okay, it's the same as window shopping.
Same as window shopping with nomoney.
We were there.
Okay, celebrate that thehistory book.
They were shopping with nomoney.
Speaker 3 (02:23):
We were there.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
Okay, celebrate that the history book only talks
about one team that was therefor like three or four years
straight, and that was Buffalo.
Nobody's bragging about that,because they didn't win anything
.
Speaker 3 (02:39):
True, true.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
Well.
Speaker 3 (02:42):
But we was at the party, I saw.
Like I said, we was at theparty.
I saw like I said we was at theparty, that's fine.
But it should be interestingbecause you know what's his name
.
He's coming back since the Jetsquarterback, so we'll see how
that goes.
You know he's old he's 40 yearsold so we'll see how that all
(03:04):
plays out.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
It should be quite interesting, always, always.
Speaker 3 (03:15):
Other than that, nothing.
Just living life, Just watchingall that's going on in the
world.
That's about it.
So let's see here what else isin hot topic in news today.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
Football season, you got politics coming, you have a
lot of hot button topics andthen today, james Earl Jones
died today already hear thatthat he's like the voice of our
(04:04):
generation.
Speaker 3 (04:04):
That's a big, that's a big loss in hollywood, a huge
loss in hollywood, if you saw,coming to america too.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
They kind of prepared you for that when he was, you
know, in the bed, as though hewas transitioning.
Uh, so he was 93 years old.
That's a blessing.
Speaker 3 (04:28):
Yeah, he was 93.
That is a longevity of a career.
He was always that voice ofpower and authority.
I am your father Because he wasMufasa.
(04:49):
Right, Was he Mufasa?
Speaker 2 (04:51):
He was Mufasa.
It was interesting that youbring up the Luke Skywalker.
That was a non-traditionalrelationship.
Luke grew up this whole timethinking about his father and
then he had another sister andwell, not another sister, but a
(05:13):
sister.
So again, this platform ofnon-traditional relationships
and families.
It is played out and, I'll behonest, I never looked at it
from the standpoint of oh wow,he's.
You know, I can relate to thatbecause you were concerned with
so many other variables, butthat was a very important part
(05:36):
of the story that is.
Speaker 3 (05:44):
I personally am not a Star Trek fan.
I just know that that's notStar Trek.
I mean, I meant to say StarWars.
I'm a Star Trek fan, I'm not aStar Wars fan.
I am a Trekkie.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (06:02):
So I just never really understood all of the
different.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
Storylines.
Speaker 3 (06:10):
Yeah, it was a lot.
It was a lot, but we do havesomeone here today that we are
going to speak with.
It's a young lady, her name isShakia Simmons and I'm getting
(06:38):
ready to click her in so we canchat with her and see.
Obviously she well, that's notobvious because we do talk to
all types of people that hassome type of relationship with
adults, adults- Okay.
Type of relationship withadoptees.
So she, I believe, is an actualadoptee, so let me go ahead and
(06:58):
click her in.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
Let's bring her on in .
Speaker 3 (07:02):
All right, welcome.
This is Shakia Sessoms, and sheis also John, just so you know,
and also a alumni of our homeby the sea.
(07:23):
Okay, all right University heysea.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
Okay, all right, h-u which class?
Speaker 1 (07:28):
Yes, 13.
Sorry, I could not think.
Okay, 13.
2013.
What name of your class?
Speaker 2 (07:43):
Contestant yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:45):
I'm QT3, okay, and my daughter is I can't remember
the number, but yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:52):
She's QT13 If I'm not mistaken.
She's a freshman starting nowthat H-U connection.
Speaker 3 (08:01):
And I'm Dynasty, the one and only.
We'll always be the one andonly.
We'll always be the one andonly.
Also, she has a master's degreewith Liberty University.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (08:19):
She currently works in production planning and
scheduling with HuntingtonIngalls Industry.
Chakiya is married and has afive-year-old son, which I'm
sure he keeps you very, verybusy.
So, let's welcome yes, let'swelcome Chakiya to the show.
Thank you, Welcome, welcome,welcome.
Thank you for coming on.
Speaker 1 (08:42):
I'm excited to be here.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
Absolutely.
I guess the first question istell us about how you came
across our platform.
That's the first question thatwe want to know.
Speaker 1 (08:52):
So I came across your platform because I'm friends
with Jasmine and one day she hadshared something in her story
on Instagram.
One day she had sharedsomething in her story on
Instagram and then when I saw it, I clicked on it and I was like
, hold on, I didn't know foronce.
So that prompted me to go andlook at all of the podcast shows
(09:22):
that you had done up until thatpoint and I was surprised
because I never knew that aboutMs Sapp and I remember that
about you because I remember inchurch you had, you know, shared
your testimony at church, but Inever knew that about Mrs Sapp.
So when I saw that I was like,dang, this is pretty cool.
(09:43):
I like the whole podcast andthen just hearing other people's
stories.
And then when you hear otherpeople's stories and sometimes
the stories are identical or youknow you share similarities.
So that is what reallyintrigued me to reach out and
say I love the podcast and youknow I was interested.
Speaker 3 (10:08):
Yeah, Okay, so we have some type of a connection
with you.
Yes, your face looks familiar.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
Yeah, Okay, mrs Lasseter from Ivy is my
grandmother.
I was about to say the lastname.
Speaker 2 (10:25):
Yeah, you didn't pick up on that.
Speaker 3 (10:28):
She said Sessoms, that's not Lasseter.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
Right, it's Sessoms.
Yes, my last name is Sessoms,but Mrs Lasseter is my
grandmother.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
Okay, when you popped up, I recognized the face I was
like okay, got it.
It was interesting Lisa sharedher adoption story at the church
way before.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
I did Really.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
Wow yeah, so I definitely missed hers.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
But when I saw it on the podcast I was like, oh my
gosh, I never knew this, but itdefinitely.
I was intrigued by it.
Speaker 3 (11:05):
Okay, okay, yeah, your face, now that you're
saying it and you continue totalk, your face looks familiar,
definitely.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
For those that don't know, in podcast world Jasmine
is Lisa's daughter.
Speaker 3 (11:21):
Yes, yes, jasmine is my oldest child, that's right,
so here's the million dollarquestion.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
So tell us when or how did you find out you were
adopted, or what's your adoptionstory, or what is your
connection to this platform thatwe're speaking.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
I was adopted at nine months and I was adopted by
relatives on my mom's side andso kind of when people ask me,
when did I know?
I always like, knew there wasnever, like it was never a
(12:05):
secret, it was never.
I don't even remember it everreally being like a sit down
conversation.
I just always knew that that'syour real mom and you know we
take care of you.
You live here with us, butthat's your mom.
Now my mom had four boys beforeme I'm her only girl and then
(12:34):
she had another boy after me,and so all of my brothers at the
time that I was born, my oldestbrother he probably was about
maybe teenager, if that and soher having all of, at that time,
(12:57):
five kids and her life was not,I guess, put together.
So she, you know she hadstruggles, a lot of struggles of
her own that she was dealingwith, and so what actually ended
up happening was my mom's mompassed away and you know how the
(13:22):
family comes to see everybody,you know to be with you during
that week.
So my adoptive family actuallycame to visit, you know, my mom
and everybody, and when they sawme they were like we want to
take her, we want her and fromwhat they say, my mom said, okay
(13:47):
.
So at first it was justsupposed to be until, like, the
funeral, my grandmother'sfuneral, which was going to be
in a couple of days.
But when they came back, my dadper se, my adopted dad.
He previously had twindaughters and they passed away
(14:08):
shortly after birth.
So he didn't have childrenanymore At the time, he wasn't
married or anything like thatanymore either, and so when at
the time of my grandmother'sfuneral he had asked for me at
the time of my grandmother'sfuneral, he had asked for me,
like I want her to be my child,you know, I'll take care of her,
(14:32):
and everything like that.
And again, my mom was havingsuch a hard time.
So she said, yeah, so that washow I became adopted.
But, like I said, I've never,ever not known who my mom was.
Throughout the years I kept incommunication with my mom.
I still keep in communicationwith my mom, but it was just
(14:55):
like we're your family butthat's your family, and being
that, they were still relatedbecause my mom and my
grandmother were first cousins.
So my biological mom and myadopted grandmother, let me say
that, are first cousins.
Speaker 3 (15:19):
Your biological mother and your adoptive
grandmother.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
Grandmother, our first cousin, our first cousins.
So their moms were sisters.
Speaker 3 (15:33):
Got it Okay, mm-hmm, so yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:38):
Wow, yeah, that's Wow , and it's interesting.
Speaker 1 (15:43):
I'm still trying to wrap my head around.
Try being a five-year oldtrying to explain that to people
.
Speaker 2 (15:51):
But the fact that you were, that you had all that
information and were trying toexplain it, and so I want to ask
so many questions.
That I want to ask, I guess,one of the first ones because
your adopted father had twingirls that had passed away for
(16:13):
him to go into the area and sayI want her to be my daughter.
That, as a father of girls, Ican't and you might not know.
Maybe you had you asked himlike what was his emotional just
(16:35):
in that moment, that he wouldsay that you know that
Everything happens for a reason.
So that's amazing.
And then for your, your firstmom, to be willing to say OK,
recognizing where she was at,that's, that's huge.
Speaker 3 (16:51):
That is huge.
But how did you feel that youknow, knowing that your mom was,
it wasn't a pushback at all.
When it came to them saying,hey, we want to adopt her.
When it came to them saying,hey, we want to adopt her Now
that you're older and you canreally understand the magnitude
of being adopted, how did youfeel like you didn't, even
(17:13):
though it was the right decisionto do.
But how did you feel that yourmom was like, oh okay.
(17:34):
So it's definitely somethingthat I struggled with for a very
long time because, again, mymom had those four older kids
and then she ended up stillhaving another one after me,
which she kept, so she kept allof the boys.
Speaker 1 (17:40):
Yes, yes.
Speaker 3 (17:40):
I'll show you on that she kept everybody except me.
Speaker 1 (17:45):
I understand that and even my grandparents, my
adopted grandparents, actuallywanted to adopt my younger
brother and my mom wouldn't lethim.
So that was another layer oflike, well, how come, you know
you were OK with me going, butyou know you're not okay with
(18:06):
him?
So it has definitely beensomething that I have struggled
with over the years because,also, the way that the story is
always told is like we askedyour mom for you and then she
said, she said, oh, just let meget her clothes together and
(18:27):
boom, you know it was no, nohesitation.
So right, right, that's yeah.
So I feel like, oh, right.
So that has been something thatagain over the years, I have
struggled with, because I justalways wonder, like, what was it
(18:49):
?
Why wasn't there more pushback?
And especially me being a mommyself, you know it makes you
wonder hey, why would you not,you know, fight a little harder
for your child and things likethat?
You not, you know, fight alittle harder for your child and
(19:11):
things like that.
Um, but um.
Speaker 3 (19:18):
I think that answer me this.
I'm sorry, go ahead.
Speaker 1 (19:21):
Go ahead.
I was thinking that do you allhave the same father?
No, I have a different fatherfrom everyone, the one younger
than me, and I have two brothers.
One is younger and then theother one is like two years
(19:43):
older.
They share a father, and thenthe three older boys share a
father.
I'm the only one that has acompletely different dad, and so
that was also something too,because I never had a
relationship with him.
I never had a relationship withhim.
I can actually only rememberseeing him once in my life.
(20:03):
I can actually only rememberseeing him once in my life, and
I was about five and so outsideof that I've never no
conversation, no, nothing.
And when I was about 19, hisbrothers he has brothers, and
(20:27):
one of his brothers reached outto my mom and told her that they
wanted to meet me, and so thenI ended up meeting them.
You know, after the fact, butprior to I had, and by that time
he had, um, he was deceased,and he had been deceased for
some years and I never knew.
So I have his last name andeverything, because my adoptive
(20:53):
parents never, ever, changed mylast name.
Speaker 3 (20:59):
Oh okay.
So my next question is do youthink this is just me thinking,
trying to wrap my head aroundwhy it was so easy for your mom
to say oh okay, let me just gether toothbrush and you guys go
ahead and take her, you know soeasily?
Do you think it had somethingto do with who your father was?
(21:20):
Maybe, possibly.
Speaker 1 (21:24):
Possibly, but I think more so.
So she always says she didn'tknow what to do with the girl,
and so that's that's always her.
She didn't know what to do withthe girl, so, um, got it.
When we've had thatconversation.
That's the only thing she'sever said, and so, but it could
(21:45):
be.
I do think that it probably isa bit of both, because
originally, I think my dad or mybiological father was living
where my mom is from, which isNorth Carolina, and then
somewhere down the line he movedto New Jersey, which is where I
(22:05):
think he was originally from.
So I don't even think they wereseeing each other or anything
at all.
Yeah, they didn't have any kindof communication.
Speaker 2 (22:20):
So got it.
Speaker 3 (22:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:23):
But I like that first point that you brought up, that
she didn't know what to do witha girl.
That's, that's real.
I mean, having had boys and Iwould have never thought about
that.
But being in the in the mentalhealth field and then having
interviewed and working withparents a lot of times when you
(22:46):
have that different child,that's not the same as what I've
had previously.
That takes a lot of.
I appreciate her transparencyand truth in that, because it is
a transition to when I've beendoing, doing, doing and now I
have to switch up.
So that's when I've been doing,doing, doing and now I have to
switch up.
So that's again another uniquelayer that I'm just sitting here
(23:12):
with all these like wow wow,wow.
Speaker 1 (23:13):
Moments to hear through your story, yeah, yeah.
And even with my brothers sorry,even with my brothers my mom
was, when I say she had thingsgoing on, she had things going
on.
So even with my brothers youknow they like my three older
(23:33):
brothers they spent a lot oftime with her mother before her
mom got sick and passed away,passed away.
So all of her kids in some wayspent a lot of time other places
or kind of figuring it out typething.
(23:54):
So I think my situation is itworked out, because with a
little girl you just can't havea little girl all around.
You know you have to be verycareful with the daughter.
So I do think that it workedout.
But yeah, just, and there wereother people Since I have been
(24:21):
an adult, actually my husband,he's from where I'm from and so
when I met his family, his aunt,who was married to one of his
uncles, came up to me and whenshe found out who my mom was,
she said you were supposed to bemine.
(24:43):
I asked for you.
Speaker 3 (24:47):
Oh well, you had a bidding war out for you.
Huh, pop your collar on thatright there and at the time.
Speaker 1 (24:55):
You may not love me, but a lot of other people do.
Right, I was like what?
And she said, yeah, I asked foryou, you were supposed to be
mine, and I was just like shesaid.
And she told me that she usedto babysit me and things like
that.
And you know she wanted me andI was just shocked because I'm
(25:18):
like I don't even know this lady.
I don't even know this lady.
So it was really eye openingbecause in all of that time I
never knew that there were otherpeople that you know were
involved or you know saw me andwas thinking, wanted you.
Speaker 2 (25:45):
Right.
So let me jump in, and I'm sureyou have heard this before.
You do recognize that you are aspecial gift right At that age
for that many people to beasking, for you people to be
(26:11):
asking for you, you already hada blueprint that was supposed to
be supported and amazing, sothat's a nugget just for you to
tuck away that at a young age,before you even knew you had
earthly angels already assignedto you.
Speaker 3 (26:23):
Exactly, that's powerful.
Considering the whole situation, they saw something in you that
they wanted to make sure it wasprotected, or?
Speaker 2 (26:40):
they were being obedient to what God was telling
them to do.
Speaker 3 (26:46):
Either way it's a positive, it worked out.
It's a positive, it worked out,yes, yes.
And at the end of the day, I'msorry, at the end of the day you
could also say that with yourmom so nonchalantly.
With your mom so nonchalantly,it's like, okay, take her, but
(27:09):
she may have had a.
You know, she really caredabout you, she.
It didn't seem like it at thetime in that sense, but if you
think about it, she knew thatyou needed something better than
what she could give you.
You know right.
So because people were comingto her saying, hey, I, I want to
, so she was like, okay, before,let me go ahead and get her off
before they change their mindor something.
(27:30):
So at the end of the day, I feelthat our biological mothers
what do you call them, john?
First moms, first moms, firstmoms loved us enough to do what
they needed to do.
Speaker 2 (28:09):
It may not have looked like that from the
surface, but deep down I alwaysfeel, and I believe, that
they've always had our bestinterests at heart.
I agree.
I agree learned about otherfamily dynamics.
Did you have a chip on yourshoulder?
Were you just not?
Were you oblivious to it, youknow?
Did it impact you at all?
Speaker 1 (28:38):
So the thing with that is that?
Okay.
So I told you about my dad whowanted me.
Well then, I still didn't endup living with him.
I ended up living with hisparents.
So then it added an extra layer, because at the time my
grandparents were probably intheir late forts, and so here I
(29:04):
am at school events andeverybody else is with their mom
, their dad and their parentslook young, their parents are
vibrant, and then here's my.
So that added just extra, anextra layer.
(29:25):
And then also my adoptive dadis in a wheelchair.
So then that was also an extralayer, because it was just like,
everywhere I turned, my storywas nowhere near black and white
or your typical family dynamic.
(29:48):
Everything was just very, verydifferent.
And so that for me I didstruggle a bit because, like I
said, even in watching myfriends as I got older or even
(30:11):
younger, watching classmates orwatching friends and hearing
them say things about what theirmom does with them.
These are all things that leavean impression, and so that
wasn't my story.
And so, even though I was in abetter situation at five, you're
(30:36):
not thinking I'm in a bettersituation, thinking, well, why
doesn't my mom like me?
Well, why don't I live herewith the rest of them, and
things like that.
And so I shared that.
I always knew my mom.
I also always visited her.
(30:56):
I visited her like summers andthings like that.
So in the summer, when I wouldgo to stay with her, I would be
sad because it was differentfrom what I was used to, and
then when I would be leaving, Iwould be sad.
(31:17):
There was never a happy medium,like it was always.
And even the place where I'mfrom for the longest, up until I
started dating my husband andhad my son and things like that,
(31:38):
I associated that place withsadness.
I hated it.
I didn't want to go there.
There was nothing in that placefor me, and so even when we
would have family functions andthings like that, I would go to
the family.
Still, even as an adult, it wasstill that sadness for years,
(32:07):
and I'm saying up until maybefive years ago, when I finally
saw something different fromwhat I had.
I remember it being so yeah,wow, wow so yeah, wow, wow.
Speaker 2 (32:51):
So I guess the next question would be with you
having that experience and thesadness and then, yeah, just
where were you, where were youat mentally with?
Speaker 1 (32:55):
that.
So becoming a mom was like thehighlights for me.
It was finally something thatwas mine.
It was finally something thatjust a bond that I could have
(33:16):
never imagined, and I felt likethroughout my life I was always
trying to find that love.
And I don't know how yourexperiences were, but for me
personally, being adopted hasalways come with like a
sometimes somewhat guilt,because I had my brothers here
(33:43):
who felt like she's in thisplace because of that, and if we
were there, we would be in thisplace.
They thought that my life wasjust so much better when not
knowing that there were thingsthat I envied about their lives,
(34:07):
because they had thattogetherness that I would never
be able to have.
And then also it came with thisfeeling of like forever being
indebted to somebody because,again, you pulled me out of this
(34:32):
situation and so now I feellike I owe you everything you
know, and so that has been aprocess also.
And then so when I had my son,it was just like this is my one
(34:54):
thing that has no.
The only thing it has is nowthe relationship that we have,
you know.
So there is no history, there isno nothing.
I just get a clean slate ofloving someone and someone
loving me and someone loving me,without any strings, any
(35:20):
anything.
This is my one thing, that isjust mine, and so it has kind of
in some ways with my husband.
You know, I tell him all thetime, like you're jealous of
your son, you are, because meand my son are like this and I
(35:42):
don't know if it's a mom-sonthing, but it is just a
completely different love thatI've never had this for anyone
in the world.
This is my one thing, and so Itreat it as such.
Speaker 3 (36:07):
And so I treat it as such and as you should.
(36:31):
As you should Because that'syour blood and all your other
connections to your brothershaven't been that, you haven't
had an opportunity.
If I'm, not mistaken.
Speaker 1 (36:37):
Do you have a relationship with your brothers?
I do have a relationship withall of them and, like I have a
favorite brother and they allknow that he's my favorite and I
have a relationship with all ofthem.
However, my brother's bonds arejust way tighter and it's
because they were around eachother a lot more.
(37:00):
So I missed out on that part,because you know, we'll just
never have that.
Speaker 3 (37:14):
I can understand that because with my siblings, when
I was around them and they talkabout things that happened in
their childhood, you know I waslike man, I should have been
involved in that or I would havebeen involved in that.
You know, just that was one ofthe things that that really hit
(37:38):
home to me when I was around myfamily, my biological family.
They talk about the past and Iwasn't included in that.
That was something that reallystruck me to my core when I hear
them talking about that, right,not taken away from the life
(37:59):
that I have, but they bring outold pictures, that old picture.
Right you know things of thatnature.
I would be right there.
You know things of that nature,so I got a question, the you
(38:19):
know.
Speaker 2 (38:19):
You brought up the fact of your husband being
jealous and I dropped my head.
No, seriously, and this issomething I had to come to terms
with.
I was jealous of my wife's anddaughter's relationship, like
when they were babies.
I didn't call it jealousybecause I didn't Jealousy is
such a bad word but it wasrooted.
(38:41):
It was rooted in me beingadopted, in that, like you said,
that ownership, and I felt like, hold on, little baby, you
coming in and taking my time andmy space.
But once I understood the threeof you that you know, you had
to explain like, or did you evenknow?
(39:07):
Look, this is why this is adifferent connection for me.
This is mine and like.
Did it cause any likechallenges where you all had to
work through it?
Speaker 1 (39:18):
I wouldn't say necessarily it caused anything
that we had to work through.
Necessarily it caused anythingthat we had to work through, but
there definitely had to beconversations because I just I
could pick up on it.
And so, because I could pick upon it, I didn't want my son to
pick up on it or I didn't want.
(39:39):
You know, sometimes you can dothings and you don't even
realize that you're doing it.
And so I also realized that,because my husband comes from a
completely different familydynamic than I do, and so even
(40:01):
that sometimes is a struggle,because when I'm dealing with
things, um, and I'm trying toexplain to him, you know, and I
feel like this and he's like,and then I'm you don't
understand.
You don't understand becauseyou haven't had to go through
this, you know.
And so I did have to sit downand have that conversation with
(40:22):
him though that.
And so I did have to sit downand have that conversation with
him though that.
Hey, it's not that I don't loveyou or I love you any less.
It's not that you're notimportant or you know, the
number one spot.
However, this is my thing, thisis mine.
I love my husband.
But let's be honest, husbands,wives, you know, things could
(40:46):
happen.
My kid is my kid, so it's likelisten, anything with my mom,
even though, like throughout theyears, me and my mom did not
(41:07):
have the best relationship,because she had a lot of
struggles and her struggles Ialso think that one of her main
struggles is not necessarilyaccepting the choices that she
made and the results of thechoices that she made.
(41:28):
And so we struggled a lot, andI mean a lot Because even when I
was younger, you know therewould be things like I'm going
to come, there will be timeswhen, for one, my mom would
disappear and you wouldn't beable to find her, you wouldn't
(41:48):
be able to talk to her oranything like that.
And so in those moments, thosewere moments that were very
pivotal to me, because it wouldbe times when I really just
needed that, that connection.
You know, because my adoptivefamily is my adoptive family,
but because I always knew who mymom was, I was always longing
(42:14):
for that affection, thatattention, that any little piece
of her that I could get.
I wanted it, and so, because ofher struggles, it just created a
barrier, and so for years wehad this back and forth, like
(42:38):
one minute we would becommunicating the next minute?
We wouldn't, and so trying toexplain that to my husband was
also a process of like I knowthat you don't understand this,
because this is just completelydifferent from anything that
you've ever experienced, but Ijust need you to bear with me, I
(43:02):
just need you to you know, knowthat I love you and you still
the man, but this right here islike literally my heart.
So, yeah, but we definitely hadto have those conversations.
Speaker 2 (43:19):
That's awesome.
I'm thankful and glad that youall were able to have that
conversation and that youempowered him to say listen, I
still love you, becausesometimes, as the husbands, we
get caught up in the weeds andwe start taking it personally.
So that's kudos to you on that.
That's awesome yeah.
Does your son know your story,does your son?
Speaker 1 (43:45):
know your story?
He does not.
He knows that he calls my momMimi, so he knows that Mimi is
my mom and he knows that my dadis my dad, but he does not know
the story.
(44:05):
But he doesn't know all theplayers Right.
He knows all the players,though, and he has connected
with them.
He has a relationship with mymom.
Our relationship has gottenbetter since I became a mom.
I'll say initially, when Ibecame a mom, I could not for
(44:31):
the life of me understand howhow you could do this, because
as a mom I couldn't imagine.
As a mom, I couldn't imagine.
But throughout the years ofbeing a mom, I've kind of okay,
I can understand now, becauseI'm a mom of one, I can't
(44:55):
imagine being a mom to five, andso, like my one is tearing me
up.
At least you had three, ms Lisa.
Speaker 3 (45:11):
So that was a challenge, child A challenge.
Speaker 1 (45:17):
People ask me all the time do you want more?
No, the answer is no, this isit.
Speaker 2 (45:24):
Just keep on, you never know.
Just keep on, you never know.
Speaker 3 (45:27):
You never know.
You never know, I'm going tohave to pray on that hard.
But yeah, but you think thatyou're saying that you only want
one because of your ownupbringing I do.
Speaker 1 (45:43):
I always said initially, I remember saying
that I would adopt a child.
This is when I was younger.
And then, as time went on, Iwas like, yeah, I don.
And so now I do think that itis because of my experience,
(46:11):
because I always questionwhether or not I have enough
love to give, you know, morethan just that one, and so
because I'm just unsure and Ifeel like if I had another child
then of course I would, but Ijust can't even imagine my life
(46:36):
with more than one, so I betterstick, keep, play it safe and
stick to the one, play it safeand stick to the one.
Speaker 3 (46:47):
Yeah, but you would adjust, trust me, you would
adjust as they come you adjust.
It's like having one.
It can be very challenging tohave multiple.
So respect to your mom forhaving five.
So, getting back to that, didshe raise the boys?
(47:11):
So they were always with her.
Speaker 1 (47:14):
They were not always with her, they were other places
also.
Like I said, the older threethey spent a lot of time with
her mom before her mom passedaway.
The younger two they were withher.
I would say they were probablywith her more than any of us,
(47:51):
but there came a time even forthem that, like my uncle ended
up, um, they ended up moving inwith my uncle and he ended up,
you know, finishing raising themas they got a little bit older.
It still wasn't.
(48:15):
I wouldn't say that she raised,you know, from baby to high
school, any of her kids, but shewould say something different.
Let me say that.
So I think that's also when Isay me and my mom have just
certain barriers, because thatis one of the things that I
don't think that she necessarilycompletely lives in her truth.
(48:37):
And sometimes I think that youknow certain parts of the story
you would like to blur out andit's our real life.
So in order to really heal andmove forward, you got to tell
the whole story.
Speaker 3 (48:59):
You got to tell the whole story and a lot of people
remember what they want.
Yes.
Speaker 1 (49:04):
Yes, and I think that is the part I struggle with the
most.
Speaker 3 (49:12):
Because she's going to make herself, whether she
does it intentionally orintentionally, she's going to
try and make herself look betterin the situation than what it
really was right you know, andit's not to say she did it
intentionally.
It just nature of people, ofhumans, to kind of always look
(49:34):
at things, you know, in apositive light when it comes to
negative things, right?
So I definitely understand that.
So, yeah, she's not going tosay, oh, I don't remember that,
no, I clearly remember.
You know, I remember when, so Iget it, I get it, I get it.
Speaker 2 (49:59):
So I would ask this what advice would you give,
because you have a lot ofself-awareness about why you're,
why you think the way that youthink, why you are so connected
to your son what advice wouldyou give to other adoptees that
may be going through some of thesame things that you went
(50:20):
through with their children andtrying to build that
relationship, whether they'reovercompensating or just
wrestling like?
What type of advice?
With you, having been fiveyears into the parent, the
motherhood realm, looking atyour journey, what advice could
you share to help others?
Speaker 1 (50:40):
First and foremost, to be honest.
First and foremost, to behonest, just being honest with
yourself and really processinghow you feel.
And if you can't do that byyourself, then go to therapy.
Therapy is like therapy hasbeen a big help.
(51:03):
I've been able to really seethe full picture.
Going to therapy and justsaying things out loud, but
being honest with yourself aboutwhy you feel the way that you
feel, and forgiving.
(51:25):
Forgiving, because for me,forgiving and forgiveness looks
different for me.
I swear like every day, um,because there have been moments
when I have had to ask myselfhave I really forgiven?
Because I still think about it.
It still hurts, it still issensitive to talk about.
(51:49):
You know, one day I could talkabout it and I'm completely fine
.
Another day I'm not so fine.
So, um, and when I say forgiving, not just that person your mom
or your dad or whoever but alsoforgiving the feelings that you
(52:11):
have, it's okay.
It's okay to feel like this andnot feeling guilty about it,
because for a very long time Ihave walked around, walked on
eggshells, trying not to hurtpeople's feelings about how I
felt, about my upbringing, andright, the only person who was
(52:37):
really hurt from that was me.
You know, people are sleepingpeacefully at night and I'm up
and for me it has been like,even if they don't see it, it's
OK.
This is my truth, this is whatI experienced and me sharing how
I what I experienced doesn'tmean that you were the worst
(53:00):
parent on the earth, doesn'tmean that you didn't do anything
for me, doesn't mean that Idon't appreciate and love you.
It just means that this was myexperience and in order for me
to move forward, I have to behonest about that.
So to anybody else I would saythat, like, just be honest about
(53:23):
you.
Know, if you want to love onyour baby extra hard, it's okay
to love on your baby extra hardbecause that is your baby.
And for other people who havenot had that experience, they
may not understand.
But communicate always.
Make sure to communicate,whatever it is that you're
feeling, because I'm telling youeven to today, I still have
(53:49):
moments.
I remember when it occurredFranklin, when his interview
came out or documentary came outI sat and I sobbed, like sobbed
because there were so manythings in there that I could
relate to and it was almost likesomebody sees it's not just me,
(54:14):
okay.
So other people really aregoing through this, you know,
and so I think that a lot oftimes, when it is an adoption by
family members sometimes to me,I think that's harder because
you're constantly reliving itall the time, because when you
(54:38):
see them you know all of thesethings.
So it's a constant reminder andI struggle with that so much.
As a kid I struggled because Icouldn't wrap my head around it.
And even to becoming an adult,when I first had my son, like my
(55:02):
mom was supposed to be there, Istill had this, this faith,
this hope, this she's going to.
You know, this is going to be,this is going to be the thing
that makes her see me, this isgoing to be the thing that makes
us like this.
(55:22):
And that thing never happened.
It just I kept beingdisappointed time after time,
and so I had to just open myeyes and say I have to meet her
where she is.
That's literally it.
I have to just meet her whereshe is.
Because, not meeting her whereshe is, I'm the only one
(55:44):
constantly hurt.
Speaker 3 (55:49):
Wow, wow.
She's so wise, john.
Speaker 2 (55:52):
My goodness.
Speaker 3 (55:55):
Good gracious what.
It's taken a lot of time.
Speaker 2 (56:04):
Oh, my goodness, a lot of time.
I don't have anything to say.
I mean, and again I'm I'mhumbled because I'm listening
and, like you shared earlierwhen we first started the
interview, you know you hearother people's story and you
hear bits and pieces that arethat are embedded, that are
familiar, and just to hear whereyou are now and, like you said,
it's been a process.
There's still days that you are, you have highs and some days
(56:27):
that you have lows.
And the fact that you said youare an advocate for counseling,
it helps.
You have to have somebody helpyou organize your thoughts and
normalize your situation,because we walk around carrying
this book bag that others can'tunderstand nor can they unpack,
(56:47):
and if we just walk around likewe're on that island, it weighs
us down and we don't evenrecognize it.
I mean, you electronicallydropped the mic on us on that
one.
Speaker 1 (57:00):
It has taken a long time, though seriously, and it's
not.
I'm still going through theprocess, honestly.
I am my grandmother, who raisedme was I call her mom because
she raised me and she literallydid everything.
And so recently well, notrecently, but in the last four
(57:28):
years or so she was diagnosedwith dementia and so she has
really been struggling so much,so to the point where we've had
to put her into a nursingfacility and things like that.
And so that has been a struggle, because I am literally
(57:53):
grieving the one person who hasalways shown up, and not
grieving because she's gone, butgrieving because she's not here
in the same capacity.
And so that has been a struggle, because I want to say, maybe
(58:20):
like two weeks ago, it just likea light bulb, it was like a
switch and I was like that wasmy person, that has been my
person out of every that hasbeen my person, and so that has
that has been a struggle,because so many things being
(58:42):
adopted again.
People see, adopted again.
People see if you're notadopted, you don't necessarily
understand but it has just beendifferent.
Speaker 3 (59:06):
Let me say that it's been different.
So, yeah, wow, wow, youdefinitely have given us a lot
of knowledge, thank you.
Much older than you, but atyour age, for you to have such a
(59:31):
deep understanding of it all is.
I just think it's awesome howyou have that much understanding
of it, the whole thing.
So kudos to you for doing thework you know, and that's why we
have this platform where peoplecan hear that it doesn't matter
(59:56):
your age, it doesn't matter.
You know your situation, youknow you can definitely take
away from everything that yousaid and they can apply it to
their lives today.
So we definitely want to thankyou so much, shakia, for you
(01:00:16):
know, coming on our show, ourlittle show here.
Thank you for having me andsharing your truth and just
allowing us to, inside of youknow what took place as far as
(01:00:36):
you being adopted and how youfelt about the whole thing.
And, yeah, I thank you, thankyou.
I mean, right now we're alittle bit, oh no, you're.
So we're John and I are likewow, oh no, you are.
So we're like wow, to be soyoung and be so wise with with
the adoption is just amazing tous.
Speaker 2 (01:00:56):
So thank you, lisa.
Can I jump in?
I just I want to do something.
I want to do somethingdifferent, and you're going to
be the first one.
You inspired me.
Ok, this is something that Iwant to add to our platform as
we close out.
If you had to use one word todescribe your adoption journey
from onset until now, what wouldit be?
Speaker 1 (01:01:23):
One word.
Speaker 2 (01:01:25):
Yeah, I'm making it difficult.
One word I'm making itdifficult.
Speaker 3 (01:01:27):
One word I like it, john, I like it yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:01:47):
Hmm, different, different.
Speaker 2 (01:01:50):
Different, different, different, okay, um, and no
justification.
I just want to hear the word,because what I want to do is
just start building um language.
Okay, that, just differentwords that people use for their
journey.
It's not that you have toexplain it, you don't have to
justify it, because I think alot of times carrying that
backpack, we feel like we haveto justify.
(01:02:11):
So I want to create a spacewhere, because what you've done,
you've unpacked a lot, and thattransparency we want to land it
with whatever word you want totie that bow, to put on top of
it, and be able to walk awaywith a smile, because I know
your story is going to bless alot of people.
(01:02:31):
It's, it's.
It blessed us sitting heretonight?
Speaker 1 (01:02:34):
I hope so.
Speaker 3 (01:02:38):
It really has.
It really has allowed me to tothink about my own journey.
So, thank you, thank you, thankyou so much for coming on.
Speaker 2 (01:02:47):
When you do the description, you got to put her
name and then in parentheses putdifferent Right.
Speaker 3 (01:02:56):
Yes, I like that, I will do that.
Yes, so again, I'm Lisa.
I'm John Shakia.
Again, I'm Lisa.
Speaker 2 (01:03:05):
I'm John.
Speaker 1 (01:03:10):
Shakia, we are adopted.
Yes, thank you so much forhaving me.
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (01:03:17):
Absolutely Thank you.
Bless you, yes, thank you.
Speaker 3 (01:03:20):
Until next time, take care.
Speaker 2 (01:03:39):
Thank you for listening to the so I'm Adopted
podcast.
We hope that this wasinformative and educational.
You can follow us on Instagramand Facebook at so I'm Adopted
podcast.
We hope that this wasinformative and educational.
You can follow us on Instagramand Facebook at so I'm Adopted.
Also, subscribe to our YouTubechannel so I'm Adopted.
And again, thank you forlistening and until next time,
make the choice to begin yourhealing journey.
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