Fatherly Wisdom and Cherished Traditions

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Join us as John shares the heartwarming and emotional journey leading up to his daughter Jayla's graduation, a milestone that brought his family together in unexpected ways. Lisa and John open up about the profound impact of non-traditional relationships and the emotional layers that come with adoption, highlighting the involvement of John's first mother in their celebration. This episode is a testament to the humility, wisdom, and strength that define familial bonds.

We also explore how adoption has shaped the lives of legendary figures like Steve Jobs and John Lennon. Discover how Jobs' adoptive parents nurtured his unconventional learning style, paving the way for his groundbreaking work at Apple, and how John Lennon’s upbringing by his aunt and uncle may have influenced his musical and artistic legacy. These stories underscore the extraordinary potential within children who might be misunderstood in more traditional settings, spotlighting the critical role adoptive environments play in fostering remarkable achievements.

Reflecting on the search for biological connections, we delve into the bittersweet discoveries and emotional complexities that come with uncovering one's roots. From societal pressures on maternal bonds to the practical importance of medical history, we navigate the nuanced journey of acceptance and self-discovery. As we celebrate cherished family traditions and the enduring influence of our father's  wisdom, we encourage you to appreciate every connection and make the most of the time with your loved ones. Dive into humorous anecdotes, valuable life lessons, and heartfelt reflections in this episode dedicated to the evolving roles and invaluable support of a father.

Music by Curtis Rodgers IG @itsjustcurtis
Produce and Edited by Lisa Sapp
Executive Producer Lisa Sapp
Executive Producer Johnnie Underwood

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 2 (00:13):
Welcome to the so I'm Adopted podcast, where we talk
everything adoption.
This journey is not one we takealone.
Together we grapple with rawemotions that surface from
adoption stories.
We want you to be comfortableenough to heal, so sit back and
go with us on this journey as wedive deep into adoption.

Speaker 1 (00:44):
We wanted to create a space for adoption truth.
We have a common bond of beingadopted.
Our stories are very, verydifferent, absolutely.
So we wanted to have ourconversations and allow other
people to hear our conversationsand also be able to share
theirs as well.

Speaker 2 (01:01):
You know, this podcast is where we will hear
our adoption stories from otheradoptees, adoptive parents and
biological families.
We will also have input fromlicensed professionals such as
psychologists, social workers,to get a deeper understanding of
this adoption journey.
Hopefully, these stories andperspectives will give hope and

(01:22):
understanding and courage tothose who are adopted or who are
thinking about, you know, beingadopted, along with the journey
of acceptance, reconciliationand maintenance of being adopted
.
You know, those are going to besome of the anchors that we
will highlight.
Take one episode.
What's the seven, eight, eight?

(01:43):
Take one of episode eightWelcome, welcome, welcome to
another episode of so we'reAdopted, so I'm adopted.
It's not we're adopted, but yes, we are adopted.

Speaker 1 (02:01):
I'm John and I'm Lisa and we are adopted.

Speaker 2 (02:05):
That's how it goes in the rotation.
It's been a minute.
It has been a minute, but wewant to welcome you all for just
welcome you into this space,where we want to have some
transparent conversations aboutnon-traditional relationships.
We both have different journeysof how we got to this place and
we wanted to create a safespace for individuals, because
adoption impacts people in manydifferent ways.

(02:25):
And we wanted to create a safespace for individuals because
adoption impacts people in manydifferent ways and as we have
continued on our journey, we'velearned so much in a short
amount of time, absolutely soagain, we're going to jump right
in.

Speaker 1 (02:37):
Yes, yes.
So let's talk about our weekend.
We spent a lot of time the pastcouple of weekends.
Let's talk about our weekend.
We spent a lot of time the pastcouple of weekends, haven't we
together?
Yes, we have.

Speaker 2 (02:47):
Yes we have.
Yes, we have.
We had Mother's Day last monthand now it's June, and June is
graduation month and Father'sDay is coming up, and we just
recently had graduation myoldest daughter, she graduated.

Speaker 1 (03:02):
Tell us about that, because I know how I felt when
my first born graduated.
I mean, I cried the whole timeand just knowing you know, after
all of that, it came to thisday where they're getting ready
to go to college.
So I definitely feel your painbecause it's an emotion.

(03:24):
Not that I wasn't emotionalwhen my youngest, when my son I
have three so when my songraduated, but it is the first
the first one really gets you,but I know it was an emotional
rollercoaster for you.
So share, share how that wentfor you.

Speaker 2 (03:42):
So I will tell you and I shared in the other
episodes how, jayla being thefirst blood relative that I had
a chance to meet we have aunique connection and the
anticipation leading up to thegraduation was humbling.
I didn't know how I would feelthe whole time.

(04:04):
I'm like am I going to cry?
I had a lump in my throatbecause I wanted to control that
emotion, but I wanted to bepresent in the most in the
moment as well.
Right as we were leading up tothe graduation, j began sending
out her invitations and she sentout an invitation to my first
mother and she sent out aninvitation to my first mother.

(04:30):
And it was so interestingbecause when my first mom got
the invitation, she called meand she said is this from you or
is this from Jayla?
And I said it's from Jayla.
And her comment was becausethis is not about you, this is
about her celebrating her time.

Speaker 1 (04:46):
Right, right and it just.

Speaker 2 (04:48):
You know, that's that motherly wisdom.
Yes, because I've had momentswhere I get too excited and in
my own way.
And she, she humbled me.
She was like listen, this isnot about you Right?
This is her graduation, so aslong as she's fine with it, I'm
fine.
So I asked Jayla.
I said hey, baby girl, you good?

(05:08):
She was like yeah.
I said OK.
So I went back with the reportexcited yeah, she said it's a go
.
But what was even more powerfulwas the Friday before or the
Thursday before.
I sent her the time that sheneeded to be there and the
address and everything.
And she, she responded back andshe called me and she said

(05:28):
listen, I know you all aresocial media people and you can.
You know any pictures that youwant to take, you can put me in
anything that you want.
And I had a.
I was speechless for a moment.
She just said you know, god isgood.

Speaker 1 (05:50):
I can understand that because since we started the
podcast, we've been very kickgloves, very respectful when it
comes to her Respecting herspace.
It's a process.
So for her to her, you know,respecting her space, respecting
her space, it's a process.
So for her to say, you know, Iknow how you know your world is,

(06:12):
so I'm ready to step my toe in.

Speaker 2 (06:15):
It is a big deal and you know, I told her to come to
the house before so we could allride to graduation together, so
I could park in a place, so shewouldn't have to walk.
When she opened, when she rangthe doorbell, I kind of was like
a little kid, I feel you, shemade some goodies.

(06:38):
She was like this is for you.
I was like I know exactly whatthat is.
I'm not going to say what it ispublicly because I don't want to
get in trouble for my wife whenshe finds it in the house, but
it's some good uh, non-healthyfood yeah, well, we won't say
nothing, um, but in that momenther coming, that was the first
time she had come to the house,really, and that would be the

(06:59):
first time that the villagewould have her in it oh, yes,
and I can attest to that.
Yes, I mean tell me how to letme, let me show you my
experience.
Give me your angle.
So you know, because I've been,because I saw in the graduation
, when everybody was sitting,you like went over there and

(07:21):
y'all were talking.

Speaker 1 (07:22):
Oh, absolutely, you know I was.
I couldn't wait.
Yeah, talk to me.
So, just because I had the sameexperience when my oldest
daughter graduated college,that's awesome.
My first mother was at hergraduation, wow.
So my first question to yourmother, after I gave her a big

(07:42):
hug and she said it's like Ialready know you.
You know cause she watches.

Speaker 2 (07:48):
Thank you very much.
Please subscribe.

Speaker 1 (07:50):
Please, yes, and um, you know.
So you know I was overwhelmedand you know I'm a big baby.
So I I was like oh my goodness.
So I started talking to her.
So my question was so what youknow is, do you have other
grandkids who have graduated, oror you know what's the, you

(08:12):
know what's the story there.
So she said, no, this will bemy first, because I think she
has a grandchild that's 10 or ina 10th grade, 10, 10.
I was like, oh my goodness, soour stories are different, but
our stories are so similar.
So it's crazy, because mydaughter was the first

(08:34):
grandchild to graduate college.
Wow, and really all of mychildren will be the first, all
of my children will be the first, all of well, the first.
And then I have a niece who'sgraduated as well, just
graduated this year.
So we've had a four of themahead of Jasmine.
Um, but Jasmine was the firstand she was there.

(08:58):
I mean, when I say let's like,your mom said that Jayla was
like this is a big deal.
It was a big deal when mymother was at Jasmine's
graduation.
It was a big deal when she camedown, for when Maya graduated
um, college as well, for hergraduation party and it was a
big deal when she came to TC'shigh school graduation.

(09:18):
So she was there for both, allof them, where I didn't have my
second mom there, you know, butI had my first mom there.
If I had planned that any otherway, it would have never
happened.
That's why I say Godorchestrates all things well,

(09:39):
absolutely All things well.
So I'm talking to your mom andwe're conversing and all this
stuff, and she was just talkingabout exactly what you said.
She said she wanted to be herebecause Jayla wanted her here.
It wasn't about you.

Speaker 2 (09:55):
Yeah, she let me know .

Speaker 1 (09:57):
It wasn't about you and it's a process to go through
and as long as Jayla wouldn'tturn here, she was going to be
there and I started like tearingup and stuff.
So she's still talking.
I'm trying to get myselftogether Because I don't want to
start.
You know what I'm saying?
Because it's like the samething that happened with me

(10:21):
happened to you and I am sothankful that I was there to
experience that.

Speaker 2 (10:27):
To me, that's a further illustration of why this
podcast was supposed to happen.
Yeah, you know it's too manyparallels down this road, too
many, and I just think thatthere will be countless others
that can benefit from that.

Speaker 1 (10:41):
Absolutely, absolutely.

Speaker 2 (10:43):
You know, even having a discussion with somebody
about how to start the process,because they were told you got
to pay $500.
Yeah, and I said, well, what?
No, wait a minute, that's freeinformation, yeah, you know.
So I just think that we havethe opportunity to impact so

(11:04):
many people, to help people getto be a key, to help people
unlock things.

Speaker 1 (11:08):
Yes, and if anything that we say can help someone
along their own journey, thenwe're doing our job.

Speaker 2 (11:15):
Please.
We got an email address if youwant to send any questions.
Facebook, instagram, all ofthat.
We are here.
This is an engaging platform.

Speaker 1 (11:23):
Yes, so please subscribe.
So let's take a minute.
Please subscribe, like andfollow us on YouTube, Facebook
and Instagram and all socialmedias, that's right.

Speaker 2 (11:34):
And.

Speaker 1 (11:35):
TikTok, we are on TikTok, we are on TikTok, oh my,
goodness, I'm not even well.

Speaker 2 (11:39):
no, I do have TikTok, I think, but I don't know what
to do.

Speaker 1 (11:42):
We are on TikTok, so please do that for us.
We really, really appreciate it.
And please bring your comments.
We definitely like to hear fromyou, hear your stories.
Again, if you want to come onthe show, don't hesitate to
reach out to us and we'll bemore than happy, and it just
doesn't have to be the adoptee.
Anyone that's in relation orconnected to the adoptee is what

(12:05):
we're looking for.
So again, wonderful, wonderfulweekend.
Your mom is amazing, oh, I mean, she is just a blessing.
I enjoyed it just speaking toher during that little period of
time, but yeah, I was gettingfilled.

Speaker 2 (12:24):
You know, the comment that I heard frequently was I
see where you get it from.
They were like our mannerisms.

Speaker 1 (12:30):
Oh, my goodness, and that's the thing, the same thing
, the mannerisms.
So we're trying to.
So, listen, guys, we're tryingto take, we're taking pictures
outside after the graduation.
So of course I'm come up withthe one hey, everybody move, let
the grandma and the grandchildand John's in the background.
He's not a big dude, I mean,he's not a little dude, right.

(12:53):
And we're like saying John,you're not small, move.
But I know he was going throughwhat he was going through at
the time, because as I'm takingthe picture I started getting
emotions so I had to walk away.
So it's like deja vu all overagain for me.
So again, I'm just glad I wasthere to witness it for myself

(13:14):
once again, the excitement of itall, the full circle moment, I
should say.

Speaker 2 (13:21):
Yeah, that's why I put in my Facebook post she had
intricate pieces of her village.
Yes, you know, and it's, and itwasn't everybody there, it was
47 of us and you still had atleast 10 people that you know
weren't able to make it forvarious reasons yes yes, so, but
again that was my weekend, socongratulations to all the
graduates out there, yes, yes,If you have family members that

(13:44):
graduated or if you graduatedagain.
These are celebratory momentsthat we encourage, because now
you have this tag or this momentconnected to the graduation.

Speaker 1 (13:56):
Yes.

Speaker 2 (13:56):
Graduations are things that are thought of for
years and Jayla will always beable to say my grandma was there
Exactly, you know.
So that to me is priceless, andI didn't talk a lot, I just sat
back and, like, really wantedto be present.
So it was definitely a blessingand I'm glad that you were able
to celebrate it with us and youdid good.

Speaker 1 (14:18):
I appreciate it.
You did, you did, I was rightbehind you.
Yes, yes, yes, you kept yourcomposure.

Speaker 2 (14:24):
There are some pictures of me crying, but I've
been able to intercept those.
But look, we're going to jumpin.
We started a new segment and weidentify celebrities who have
been adopted.
Yes, so each week we try andbring some celebrities to just
show you that there are moreadoptees than you may be aware
of.
So we started this a fewepisodes back.

(14:46):
So, Lisa, who do you have today?

Speaker 1 (14:49):
So I have someone that I believe everybody already
knew.
He was adopted.

Speaker 2 (14:55):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (14:55):
So I kind of went with another angle, knowing that
he was adopted, but what kindof made him who he was, who he
became?
Okay, how did that impact himas being an adoptee?
Ok, all right, so my person isSteve Jobs.

Speaker 2 (15:11):
Yeah, yeah, I didn't know he was adopted.

Speaker 1 (15:13):
So so that's not a mystery.
Ok, all right, but I found afew things about him as a child
and different things.
So his parents first parentswere weren't married, but they
were grad students.
So right, there indicates thathe's probably going to be a
smart kid just because both hisparents were in grad school.

(15:36):
So they were.
You know, further along, hisadoptive father was a mechanic,
a machinist, sorry and his momwas an accountant.
So he was always around sometype of a technical, you know,
numbers-driven kind ofenvironment.
On top of what his DNA was,right Gotcha.

(15:59):
So I'm going to read what Ihave.
I thought it was prettyinteresting.
So when he was growing up, hewas known as a rebellious
student.
Typically those types of kidsthat are disruptors are banned
of behavior issues.
But that's not really what they, because, you know this, it's

(16:23):
because they're what Bored.
That's right, you know this fora fact.
And most of the time it'sreally because, in Steve Jobs'
situation, he was bored.
You know, in his earlyintroduction to electronics,
which his adoptive father kindof put that little spark into

(16:44):
him Because they were trying tofigure out what they can do with
him outside of him being bored.
You know he preferred practicallearning.
He wasn't a traditional learner, ok, so he kind of did things
outside the box, which obviouslyprobably frustrated
administrators.
Oh, yes, right, I'm sure.
So that's what he kind ofenjoyed doing, doing the

(17:08):
untraditional way of learning.
He was a college dropout,didn't you say?

Speaker 2 (17:13):
I did know that.

Speaker 1 (17:14):
I didn't know that.
So he was only there for likeone semester, but throughout his
year he continued to takedifferent classes.
Right, he took a calligraphyclass.
Wow.
So that later helped him withwhat Macintosh, you remember
that?
Did you have that?

Speaker 2 (17:33):
Of course I had a Mac .

Speaker 1 (17:35):
Yes, so that was part of what led that to him.
So he also was.
While he was in school, sincehe was a troubled kid, he had
one teacher, his fourth gradeteacher, who recognized his
greatness.
So what she did was kind ofgive him money or candy every

(17:55):
time he completed an assignment.

Speaker 2 (17:57):
So she positively reinforced his behavior
Positively.

Speaker 1 (18:01):
My thing is, I hope he gave her some Apple stock
later in life.
That's just me.
We'll have to research that andfind out, that's just me, but
shout out to teachers.
Shout out to teachers.

Speaker 2 (18:13):
Shout out to those fourth grade teachers.
Yeah, it's the end of theschool year, so big shout out to
teachers for making it.

Speaker 1 (18:18):
Yes, Because those kids that are disruptors in your
class today.
You just don't know it could bethe next steve job could be the
next steve job.
And with that, you know healways conflicted throughout his
life with school administratorsand with his colleagues.
You know, because he was firedright at one point he was fired

(18:40):
from apple and because he justbumping heads that disruptive
child behavior is still wasstill in him later in life.
But later on he did return backto Apple.
But what really amazed me ishow his adoptive parents
facilitated, facilitated anenvironment that allowed him to

(19:05):
cultivate his learning.
You know they didn't do it thetraditional way they like lead
into the way he thought.
You know they cultivated thatthey didn't.
They didn't say, oh no, mychild, the behavior child that
he needs to go into what do youcall those IPs or you, you know,

(19:26):
or things, or just go with whatthe administrative was saying
because of his behavior wasdisruptive and I can see that,
with both of them being in gradschool, encouraged learning well
, not necessarily no, his, hisbiological parents oh, this is
the adopted parents.

Speaker 2 (19:42):
These are the adopted parents.
That's right, okay, got it.

Speaker 1 (19:44):
Yes, so they saw something in him as well, right,
something that was going to beconstructive later on.
So I just thought that wasamazing because of how he shaped
technology today through hisunconventional approach to life.

(20:04):
That's powerful, because whatI'm talking about right now I'm
reading it off an Apple iPad wedo not own the rights.
We do not own the rights toApple, but I had to make a point
that this person who wasconsidered a behavioral issue
growing up, everything we usetoday is being recorded on

(20:27):
something he developed,something he created.
So a big thank you to Steve.
So thanks, shout out to Steve.
Behavioral Issues.

Speaker 2 (20:34):
That's right.
So my person was John Lennonand I was shocked when I began
to research.
And we talk aboutnon-traditional adoption can
happen at different times.
So what happened with JohnLennon?
His parents passed when he wasthree years old and he was

(20:55):
adopted by his aunt and uncle.

Speaker 1 (20:59):
Oh, I did not know he was adopted.

Speaker 2 (21:02):
Why that part caught my attention?
Because a lot of times and wehad resources and different
things talk about in familyadoptions out of family
adoptions that dynamic of here's, a situation where parents
split up.

(21:22):
It wasn't that they passed away,they were still there Right.
And now my uncle say we'll takethem Right.
And as a result of you knowthat and I don't know if it was
traumatic, we weren't there, butagain, it's just
non-traditional.
So there's some level of traumathat was exposed Right and in

(21:43):
spite of that he still maybethat some of the songs that he
wrote about I had to go back andkind of research, research,
that Wow.

Speaker 1 (21:51):
So just imagine the two people that we highlighted
today.
If they went the normal way,they didn't end up being adopted
.
Would they still be the personthey were today?
Never know We'll were today,never know We'll never know,
never know.

Speaker 2 (22:08):
So the thought or the lesson in that is just be all
you can be.
Continue to press forward.
Don't allow what your perceivedcircumstances are hinder you,
because nobody can write whatyour narrative of life is.

Speaker 1 (22:26):
No, but you, that is know.
But you, that is so true, thatis so true.
But listen, I love about ourhighlighted people.

Speaker 2 (22:33):
So father's day is coming up we get the big piece
of chicken and you knoweverybody always talks about oh
we always do mother's day.

Speaker 1 (22:41):
Everything's about mothersda.
We wanted to make sure we didspend some quality time.

Speaker 2 (22:49):
It'll be a short show today.

Speaker 1 (22:50):
Speaking about, speaking about our father?
Yeah, it will be a short show,no it's going to be a long show,
a good show.
Well, considering that we bothdon't know our biological father
, it will be a short show.

Speaker 2 (23:03):
Potentially so.

Speaker 1 (23:06):
We'll talk about it.
We're going to give it a nicequality time for.

Speaker 2 (23:11):
Father's Day.

Speaker 1 (23:13):
It's a good discussion that we can talk
about our first and secondfathers.
I don't know about you, but Idon't think I lost anything
growing up.
Well, I'm different because Ididn't know until I was older,

(23:35):
right, but now that I know thatI was older, you know how well
you knew.
But when I first found out, itwasn't like, oh, I need to know
who my biological.
I wanted to know my biologicalfamily, but it's again.
I'm sorry, but it's somethingabout the mamas that we
absolutely.
You know what I'm saying.
A mother's love is unmatched,unmatched.

(23:56):
So I didn't have that samedesire as I did to know who my
mother was than my father.
Now, I'm just being real.
How did you feel?

Speaker 2 (24:13):
So, to be honest, my first and it's going to sound
bad, but you got to remember Iwas a child.
I was like six, seven, eightyears old, and the first
question I had and what I wantedto know did I have any siblings
?

Speaker 1 (24:30):
Because I was the only child in the house Right
and then it graduated to.

Speaker 2 (24:35):
I want to know who my mom is.
The concept of who my dad wasreally didn't evolve until later
on.
Isn't that weird?
It is.
And I'm sitting here as youwere talking.
I was like when did I reallystart questioning?
It was always do I have anysiblings?
Who's my mom?

Speaker 1 (24:58):
It's sad to say, but I'm sorry, but I it's and I'm.
I'm at that point where if I do, I do.

Speaker 2 (25:10):
Right.

Speaker 1 (25:11):
If I don't, I don't Well and it's not a negative
thing.

Speaker 2 (25:16):
I just think that society really puts the emphasis
on mothers First and foremost.
Let's start there and, as Istated earlier, mother's love is
unmatched.
So the natural progression whenyou are in the unknown, you
want to know where you come from.
So that key is the mother, andI know.
So I'll say this, I know for me, when I started the process of

(25:40):
exploring who was my firstfamily, exploring who was my
first family, my thought processwas if I can connect with mom,
she'll unlock everything else Iagree, I agree However and it's
different in my situation.

Speaker 1 (26:00):
Yeah, I get bits and pieces and, I'm gonna be honest,
I have bad memory.
Okay, and I'm going to behonest, I have bad memory.
Okay, my kids can attest tothat.
So I did ask a couple of times.
Okay, and she gave me a name.
You forgot Both times.
Why didn't I just write it down?

(26:21):
I had a phone.
Why didn't I just put it in thephone?
Why didn't I just write it down?

(26:45):
I had a phone.
Why didn't I just put it in thephone?
So, but allegedly, as far as mybio father is concerned, he's
deceased.
I don't know true or not true,that is.
I have taken some time to tryand seek him out, but I get to,
like, maybe, second cousins onboth sides, like his mother's
side and his father's side.
I only get to second cousins.

Speaker 2 (26:58):
On like ancestrycom, and that's On ancestrycom and
23andMe.

Speaker 1 (27:03):
So again I've reached out to a few people.
You know they claim they're,you know they're not giving me
any information, saying theydon't have information to give,
they don't know.
But again, I don't know.
You know what?

(27:24):
Ask me why?
I don't think that they don'tknow.

Speaker 2 (27:31):
Why do you think that they don't know?

Speaker 1 (27:33):
No, First ask me how many siblings I have.
Maybe let's start there.

Speaker 2 (27:37):
This is a loaded response.
How many siblings do you have,Lisa?

Speaker 1 (27:42):
I have four that I know of.
Okay, and then ask me how oldthe youngest sibling that I have
.

Speaker 2 (27:52):
How old is the youngest sibling?

Speaker 1 (27:54):
that you have.

Speaker 2 (27:58):
The age of my oldest child, oh wow, 33, 34.

Speaker 1 (28:06):
And that age range, ooh.
So in my mind Papa was aRolling Stone.
Yes, he was Right, yeah, andI'm thinking he had more than
just me and her.

Speaker 2 (28:23):
Because it might be something that said I'm not
taking the DNA because I don'twant to know.
So it's possible.

Speaker 1 (28:28):
So it's possible that they may know who this person
is, or they could have been alittle bit more helpful, but the
type of person that they mayknow who this person is, or they
could have been a little bitmore helpful.

Speaker 2 (28:39):
But the type of person.

Speaker 1 (28:40):
He may have been Right, you know, may not be all
that great, because he was outthere.

Speaker 2 (28:50):
So that yields, though the.
You know, sometimes situationshappen where you are protected
from stuff that you don't know.
You know because it may be.
You have your own buffer, so tospeak, where you have filled in
the narrative to protect yourheart, to protect your space and

(29:12):
your peace.

Speaker 1 (29:14):
And that's why I say whether I do or whether I don't.

Speaker 2 (29:18):
I'm okay.

Speaker 1 (29:19):
The only reason I would want to know more?
For medical reasons.
I mean, that's a big reason,but that would be it really, but
that would be it really.
So so far I haven't really, butI haven't gotten any further

(29:41):
than where I've gotten and I'mnot like you know.
Oh my goodness, I'm notfighting to get there, I'm not.
If it happens, if God sees itto happen before I leave this
earth, then okay, but medicalreasons would be the really the
only reason I would want to know.

Speaker 2 (29:57):
So you talk about medical reasons.
I was watching the Chi.
I love that show.
I just started watching it, oh,and I can't spoil it then.

Speaker 1 (30:05):
I can't spoil it, no, I just started watching it.

Speaker 2 (30:08):
So you're in season one.

Speaker 1 (30:09):
I'm in season four episode three.
Then I'm sorry I can't givewhat I was going to give.
But those of you all who watchit, you can.

Speaker 2 (30:18):
I'm not that type of person?
No, I can't.
If you're watching it, you knowwhat I'm going to reference.
If you watched the last episodewhere the child has sickle cell
and they needed to find out,well, they didn't know he had
sickle cell, he was sick.
And when they went to thedoctor, the doctor said well, I
need DNA from both parents, andthe guy that the young lady is

(30:41):
with is not the father.
Who's the girl?
I'm not telling you that.
So who she perceived to be thefather was deceased and she was
able to get the DNA.
But then, once she got the DNA,it didn't match.
Was it the person who wasdeceased?
Was he killed?
But then, once she got the DNA,it didn't match.
I'm not going in.

Speaker 1 (30:55):
There was he killed.

Speaker 2 (30:58):
I don't remember, you remember, I don't remember.
So yeah, I'm not telling youthat, but it's a great show if
you want to tune in it is.
I am binging it.
Yeah, it's a great show tobinge.
So for me, you know you talkabout you don't know when I did
connect with my first mother.

(31:19):
You know, once I got over theinitial shock with her, I asked.
I said you know, is this personthat they have in my file, my
father?
And she said no.
I didn't tell him father, andshe said no, it's a about Intel.
I said, okay, is this person?
Because, allegedly and she saidyeah, that's it, that was your

(31:41):
father and not having a chanceto have met him, he passed away
in 2013.
For me not having any of thepieces of the puzzle, having now
a piece of the puzzle andhaving to accept that this piece

(32:01):
I would never be able to putinto the puzzle, I think I just
had to accept it because Iwasn't going to mourn so so
painfully that I would disregardthis opportunity?
Does that make sense?
Yeah, I wish I had two handsfull, but I'm going to celebrate

(32:24):
the fact that I got one handfull and continue to move on.
For medical purposes.
He did like I said transitionin 2013.
He did like I said transitionin 2013.
So allegedly or potentially, Ihave a sister.
He had another child, but on myDNA track it doesn't show

(32:47):
anything as of yet.
It's that in our culture theydon't talk about stuff.

Speaker 1 (32:50):
It's taboo and I continue to be respectful of
everybody in this journey,because it's not just me Exactly
, do you question.
Do you know, by any chance,what he died?

Speaker 2 (33:04):
from.
From my understanding and yourwisdom.
I don't know if he fell or whathappened.
I think they shared with me.
He rode motorcycles.
He was in the military, Ibelieve, and I may be wrong, so
please forgive me, but from theinformation I was given I do
know that he had an aneurysm.
He died young too, I'm notmistaken.

(33:25):
Don't quote me on the exact age, but it was young, considering
Well yeah, I mean he was if itwas in 2013,.
That was what?
Well, yeah, I mean he was if itwas in 2013,.
that was what 11 years ago.
So that's in his forties.
That's young.
Yeah, he was, that was young.

Speaker 1 (33:44):
So at least you have something.

Speaker 2 (33:48):
I have something.
I've seen the picture and Idon't.
I look at it.
I don't think we look alike,but other people are like oh
yeah, that's your dad, reallyOkay.

Speaker 1 (33:56):
Oh wow, I didn't even realize that I'm going to show
you the picture.

Speaker 2 (34:00):
I have to show you the picture.
Yeah, yeah, well, at least youhave that and I think that again
, when you're searching foranything, you grasp and hold on
tight to every little piece thatyou have and you celebrate it.
So, like I said, I wasn't goingto rob myself of being able to
celebrate.
At least I know something and Ican't do anything with it or I

(34:23):
can't talk.
So I'm not going to like cryover spilled milk, as they say
and I hate to use that analogy,but I think for this it's
relevant.
I'm going to celebrate the lifethat I'm able to connect with
relevant.
I'm going to celebrate the lifethat I'm able to connect with.
I agree, you know, I appreciatethe fact of having this, this
information, but now I'm goingto make the most because I got
to play catch up for 40something years.

(34:43):
I'm not having that.

Speaker 1 (34:46):
Because tomorrow's not promised.

Speaker 2 (34:48):
You ain't never lied about that.

Speaker 1 (34:50):
Tomorrow is not promised.
So I get it, I understand, Iget it, but I'm glad that you
were able to have something.
So again, if I do, I do, if Idon't, I don't, I'm OK either
way.
But I think I can get somemedical kind of information

(35:11):
through 23andMe.
So we'll see, we see how, whatGod has in store moving forward
with that part of my life.
But talk to me about the fatherwho raised you.
Even though he's number two, hewas number one, the man.

Speaker 2 (35:32):
He was the man Johnny Senior.
He's actually junior.
I'm the third.
Oh, you're the third.
Right was the man Johnny Senior.

Speaker 1 (35:35):
He's actually junior, I'm the third, oh you're the
third Right.

Speaker 2 (35:37):
His dad was Reverend Underwood and my dad was junior
and I'm the third.
So my dad was a unique man.
I will honestly say that, andhe made it a point to be
impactful to everyone that camearound him.

(35:58):
I always made the joke.
You know, he was the biggestshort man I ever met Because he
was only 5'2" yeah, but hecontrolled the room when he
walked in.
He was a thermostat.

Speaker 1 (36:14):
Because when he walked in he was a thermostat.

Speaker 2 (36:15):
Because when he walked in, you knew it and my
mom, my mom, used to joke andsay you in here strutting like
you 30 feet tall, and he'd belike you know it, you know, and
that's just how he carried it.
He was five foot two, had ahandful of diamond rings um,
yeah eddie laverte and oert, andyou know he did that's what

(36:37):
they used to call him that whenI was in high school.
I remember his first car that Iremember he had a blue Nova
two-door, the seats would foldover halfway, pull out A-track,
and you know he was just thatguy and he used to drink pink
champagne.
I'm not pink.
Well, my mom used to drink pinkchampagne.

(36:57):
He used to drink the champagneof beers Miller High Life, so
that was the first beer that Idrank, because that's what my
dad drank.
I had a 40 ounce.

Speaker 1 (37:05):
Yeah, what he did.
I wanted to emulate that.
Yes, yes, you know, he was a arole model for me.
I'll be honest, you know Iunderstand.

Speaker 2 (37:11):
He was a role model for me.
I'll be honest.
And after my mom passed, ourrelationship went to a different
place because at that point webecame peers.
I saw my father cry Two timeswhen his dad died.
We were praying, getting readyto go to the church, and his

(37:36):
cousin was there and a few otherfamily members and Deacon came
in and they started praying.
I'll never forget he turned hishead and acted like he was
sneezing and he was crying and Isaw it and it it floored me
because I had never seen thatlevel of vulnerability.
And then, you know, of course,when my mom transitioned, you

(37:59):
know I saw him cry.
My mom shared a story with me.
When I was in college, I wrotemy dad a letter thanking him and
at the end of the letter, youknow, I put I love you.
You know that generation, theydidn't say I love you, and I'm
trying to remember it was forFather's Day, as a matter of
fact.
And my mom, she said I don'tknow what you wrote in that

(38:22):
letter, but your dad was inthere crying.
He was so proud and I said well, I just shared my heart with
him, right, you know?
And just thinking back tomonumental moments of like when
I got married, when Jayla wasborn, when I graduated from high
school, when I graduated fromcollege, when I got licensed to

(38:44):
preach.
You know that was emotionalbecause my mom had just passed a
few months prior to so thosemonumental moments.
Growing up, my dad was that dadto kids that fathers weren't
present or that weren't asavailable.
I remember you saying that hewould drive around and pick up
the kids and take them topractice.

(39:05):
And you know he, that's justwho.
He was One of my friends.
After the funeral he said yo.
He said, man, I forgot how muchyour dad really did for me.
And he said I always loved yourfamily, they always embraced me
, he says.
But as you were given the eulogy, he said I was that kid that

(39:27):
your dad was picking up, thatyour dad would say, hey, did you
eat?
We're all going to stop.
And he said it wasn't.
That he made, you know, made mefeel less than I was part of
the family and that's just.
You know who my dad was.
So I um, yeah, he was that guy,you know.
And then, as time went on, youknow, like I said, the

(39:47):
relationship evolved and changedand I'm just thankful I learned
a lot of lessons from from him.
I learned a lot of lessons fromhim, like I said when I did the
eulogy.
The fact that he chose to giveme his name, even though I was
adopted, speaks volumes.

Speaker 1 (40:04):
It does.
It definitely does, because myadoptive father did the same
thing.
I didn't get it, I didn't wrapmy head around it.
I was like, who does that?

Speaker 2 (40:20):
I'll tell you what's even more powerful as a black
man.
He gave me an 86 Cadillac SedanDeVille that was his car my dad
used to drive.
After the Nova he got anEldorado and then he got a Sedan
DeVilleVille 86, brand new.
I never forget brown.
And when I got my license hegave me the key.

Speaker 1 (40:41):
And what happened to it?
Did you take care?

Speaker 2 (40:44):
of it?
No, I did not.
I ran it in the ground.
It was so bad.
I feel so badly of what I didto that car.
I used oh my goodness, this iswhen we used to have CDs.
I would have CDs all over thecar.
No, wait a minute, it wascassettes back then I'd have
cassettes all over it.

Speaker 1 (41:01):
You old enough for cassettes.

Speaker 2 (41:03):
Yeah, okay, let's check.
Yeah, I'm old enough forcassettes.
I remember the hubcaps used tocome off.
It was just bad.
It was just bad business, butthe fact that he loved me enough

(41:23):
and then my dad retired fromPhilip Mars.
He went to work at Lowe's OK andhe bought a pickup truck and he
drove that pickup truck and Idrove to Carolina.
Really so, as a as a son, whatis that model for me?
Where you make sacrifice, as myfather, so that I can be
comfortable.
And that's what I try and dowith my kids now.
As long as they're good, I'mgood, you're good, I don't mind.

(41:44):
I fuss and act like I'm upsetsometimes, as long as they all
eat, I come and I fuss and makesome noise, but at the end of
the day, I'd much rather them betaken care of.
That's what dads do, that'swhat we do, that's what we do,
that's what we do I get it?

Speaker 1 (42:03):
My dad.
My dad wasn't a fusser, butwhen he spoke it was like EF
Hutton Everybody listened.
Everybody listened Because hewas a quiet man, he was a
preacher.
Okay, I didn't know that I'm aPK Interesting.

(42:24):
Yes, I am a PK and my dad was.
I thought he didn't.
He was like the best man ever.
I mean, I didn't think he didanything wrong, you know,
financially anything from myperspective he did it.

(42:44):
He's the only person I know whodied being debt free.
I don't know nobody else.
And at that time when he passedaway, he died debt free and
that was mind blowing to me.
He, he, he was a type of manwho would.
He was the protector, he wasthe.

(43:04):
He made sure there was a roofover our head.
He made sure that we had food.
I told you, I think earlier oneof the podcasts, he had a.
He was a grossaholic.
I call him a grossaholic.
My mom was a shopaholic.
He was a grossaholic, so wenever went hungry Ever.
There's no way we could gohungry in that house.

(43:27):
There's food in the house allthe time.
All the time we would ask foodDad, can I, you know, get a
dollar or something to go?
No, I don't have no money, butyet anything breaks down,
anything happened, anythingemergency, whatever he had it,
he would prioritize he knew thatwas the type of person he was

(43:48):
and he was very comical.
A lot of people didn't realizehe was comical, but he was
comical.
He had a very hearty laugh, um,but he didn't say much, but he
observed a lot.
Like I said, I don't think hewas too naive to the things, the
shenanigans, that my mom woulddo back then.

Speaker 2 (44:07):
um, yes, so let me ask this tell me a funny story
that you have about your dad,first one that comes to your
mind.

Speaker 1 (44:14):
Oh wait.

Speaker 2 (44:17):
You can't sugarcoat it.

Speaker 1 (44:18):
No, I'm trying to think of one, I'm trying to
think of one.
All I can think of a funnystory is I don't know, I think I
may have already said it Everyyear because, like I said, my
mom liked to shop.
She shops all the time.
Oh no, forget that one I got abetter one so my dad loves pork,

(44:40):
loves pork, so my mom and Iwould take trips to New York all
the time.
I'm from New Jersey, so goingto New York was no big deal.
My aunt lived in New York, hersister lived in New York, so we
would go there all the time.
So there's one particular timewhen we came back, and you know,

(45:01):
back in the day everybody hadthe plastic on their furniture.
So my dad and he likes I don'tcare what part of the pig, he
loved it.

Speaker 2 (45:08):
From the rooter to the tooter.

Speaker 1 (45:10):
Yes, so he was known for his pressure cooker and
pressure cooker, his pig feedand his chitlins or whatever.
So we come in and we noticethat there was a film On the
plastic couch.
I already know what is goingright.
So, mind you, in our housethere's a wall separating the

(45:32):
kitchen from the living room.
It's the kitchen, the diningroom and then the living room.
All I know is somethingricocheted from the kitchen into
the living room.
Oh my god, and it was all overthe plastic furniture, the
covering of the currentfurniture.

(45:53):
Did he try to clean it up?

Speaker 2 (45:54):
he tried to clean it up.
Okay, all right.
Well, at least he tried toclean it up like what in the
world?

Speaker 1 (46:00):
what happened?
And it was so funny and he wastrying to explain what happened
and all we could do was laugh,oh my god, because he was.
Oh, that's what he did.
He loved food.
He would take his medicine sohe could eat whatever the food.
You know, whatever that was,that was the funniest thing to
us, because how do you get fromthe kitchen to the living room?

(46:22):
Oh no, it was, and it was thechitlin one.
It was everywhere, everywhere.
And he he wasn't one who youknow we claim my.
I don't think my dad everclaimed like he didn't do that.
That was not his thing.
So when he's trying to all, hewas just making it worse, just

(46:43):
making it worse.
It was so funny.
It was all on the china, oh mygod.
The china cabinet all on theall on the wind, all of the
things was everywhere, all inthe dining room table.
It was crazy.
Now, that was funny and he wastrying to explain himself.
But he shouldn't have beeneating it anyway.
But he does it anyway.

(47:04):
He don't eat it regardless, youdouble busted.

Speaker 2 (47:07):
You shouldn't be eating it and you shouldn't be
cooking it Exactly, and hecouldn't hide it.
Because it was everywhere Atthat point.
You can't hide it Everywhereand he couldn't hide it because
it was everywhere At that point.

Speaker 1 (47:15):
You can't hide it Everywhere.
Yeah, my dad was known forthere's one lesson he did teach
me.
He taught me a lot of lessons.

Speaker 2 (47:23):
But one how to cook a good steak Medium rare.

Speaker 1 (47:26):
Why?
Because that's the best way toeat a steak.
Why?
Because if you can cut it andif you don't have to add steak
sauce to it, Okay.

Speaker 2 (47:36):
And I agree with you.
I was told that you know whenyou cook a steak medium well or
well done you cook the flavor.
Yeah, my father in love,michael Bell.
He is a connoisseur of manydifferent things.
He is a connoisseur of manydifferent things and there used
to be a place in Hampton whereyou would cook your own.

(47:59):
There was a great steak.
Yes, you remember that.
Yep, you would go in and youwould get your meat and then
they had a big hibachi grill andyou would cook it and he would
educate all of us on why youwould cook a steak medium.
He was like it should be notblood running, but almost, and
that is when you can tell if youhave a great cut of meat.
Yep, and I was like no dude, Ineeded to be cooked.

(48:22):
I'm not trying to be chasing myfood around on my plate, no.
But again, as I grew and Ilearned, your palate changed, my
palate changed.

Speaker 1 (48:30):
Okay, I needed just a slightly paint.
Yeah, he knew his meats.
That's awesome, he definitelyknew his meats.
I got another story.

Speaker 2 (48:39):
Oh, you got two Okay.

Speaker 1 (48:42):
So he was an electrical engineer.

Speaker 2 (48:44):
Right.

Speaker 1 (48:45):
So he would come down to the shipyard on business
trips quite often.
He worked at the LakehurstNaval Station as a civil servant
.
He was in the Navy but that washis job.
So he would come down and helpwith the aircraft carrier.
He would help do the catapultswhere the planes will catapult

(49:10):
off.
So I have an uncle who livesdown here too.
He worked in the Norfolkshipyard and he would go visit
my dad.
He said every time I go visityour dad he's knocked out, sleep
underneath the catapult wheremy dad can sleep anywhere.
Now, that is no DNA with us,but I can sleep anywhere For

(49:35):
real.
But he would find him knockedout, sleep Under the catapult,
underneath the catapult oh mygosh, any old time.
He said that I always knewwhere to find him.
That's where he'll be asleep.
I was like what, what in theworld?
But that's what he did.
Yeah, he was something.

(49:57):
I tell you, the thing that hereally taught me was he, and I
don't know if I would havegotten this in my original life.
I don't think I would have beenable to have a relationship

(50:20):
with Jesus Christ if it wasn'tfor him.
I don't think I would have why,because he's the one who
introduced me to him and growingup my dad was strict when it

(50:41):
came to church, very strict whenit came to church, very strict
when it came to church.
So my foundation is because ofhim and what I built from that
was because of him.
I can't honestly say that Iwould be where I am today

(51:03):
spiritually if it wasn't for him.

Speaker 2 (51:06):
Your father introduced you to the father.

Speaker 1 (51:08):
Yeah, look at there.

Speaker 2 (51:13):
Gotta preach.

Speaker 1 (51:14):
There's a sermon in there.

Speaker 2 (51:15):
There's a sermon in there.
That's awesome.

Speaker 1 (51:18):
But yeah, if he didn't teach me anything else,
that is definitely somethingthat's good.

Speaker 2 (51:27):
You know, when you talk about the lessons learned,
when you identify the impactthat people have on you, I
always say that we don't givepeople credit for the true
impact they have on us.
You can learn from people whatto do and you can learn from
people what not to do.
You know, you, you just sit backand you watch.

(51:49):
Um, you, you can only hide, butfor so long the true you will
come out.
Um, and I think that you know,being in the intricate or the
intimate spaces of our fathersgranted us a level of access to
just life and how to respond todifferent things.

(52:11):
I found myself.
You know, when I come home I doa lot of the things that he did
just out of routine.
He used to go and he would sitoutside.
He would have the back porch,nice with stuff.
He would just sit out therewith his champagne and beers and
just sit out there.

(52:32):
I'd be like, what are you doing?
I'd just sit down here Enjoyingnature, enjoying nature.
Now I find myself on my backporch.
I don't drink champagne andbeers anymore.
It gives me gas.
My body's not wired for that.

Speaker 1 (52:45):
They make it differently than they did back
then.

Speaker 2 (52:47):
It's still the champagne and beers.
I don't want champagne or beer,they're over too.
Just that wind down, becausethat's what I saw growing up.
It was acceptable to do that.
Like you said, my father hewent to church.
He worked swing shifts.
It may be a scenario where hewould come for the first half

(53:08):
and then he would leave and goto work, or he would come in
late because he was getting offwork.
My dad worked, he got off late.
This is another reason why I'm anight owl, my mom would be up
working and she said, as soon asthat key would hit the door, I
would crawl to the front doorand meet him and he would pick
me up.
And you know, that was justthat moment of connection.

(53:31):
So I just got accustomed tostaying up late, because now I'm
sitting here talking about it.
I think that's when JohnnyCarson will come on.

Speaker 1 (53:41):
Johnny.

Speaker 2 (53:41):
Carson came on 1130.
Yep, that's when Johnny Carsonwould come on, johnny Carson
came on 1130 by the time thesecond or third set of
commercials.
That's when he would be cominghome because he worked like 10
minutes from the house and itjust was when he would come home
.
My mom would have something toeat for him and we would eat.
So, again, bad habits, I knoweating late, trust me, but those

(54:04):
are traditions that, to me,build the foundation.
I still say that the meal timeis one of the most
underrepresented times becausethere's so much that can be
accomplished.

Speaker 1 (54:17):
Yes, over a meal.

Speaker 2 (54:19):
We are so emotionally driven when we eat that that
moment of sitting aroundtogether breaking bread, that's
when you come together and youidentify what happened during
the day, what are our plansgoing forward?
You do a mental health check ofwhere everybody is and we've
gotten away from that becausewe're a microwave society.
Now, instant, you know,everything is instant.

(54:41):
Or I never forget I used towant to go eat in my room and
mom was like boy, if you don'tcome eat at this table, I don't
want to eat.
I want to go get on the phone.

Speaker 1 (54:50):
but it was that connection yeah, we weren't
allowed to do that at all trustme I couldn't eat in my room
when it was dinner time.

Speaker 2 (54:58):
I couldn't go.
I couldn't lay down during theday unless I was sick.
Oh really no, she didn't playthat game.
Her mindset was you go to bedat night, you don't go back in
your room and lay in the bedduring the day.

Speaker 1 (55:10):
You know what I just thought about?
What?

Speaker 2 (55:13):
Oh, here we go.

Speaker 1 (55:15):
You know what I'm about to say, right?
I?

Speaker 2 (55:16):
don't know, I'm nervous.
You just said that you wasn'tallowed to sleep during the day
in the bed, in the bed, right, Icouldn't go back in my room.
Oh okay, that's not counting ifI fall asleep on the couch.

Speaker 1 (55:28):
Oh okay, I know she's trying to say I fell asleep.

Speaker 2 (55:31):
Just trust me, you were asleep as well.
In there we are?

Speaker 1 (55:35):
I actually was okay, absolutely so.

Speaker 2 (55:38):
It just to clarify because I know somebody's like
what are they talking about?
We all had an opportunity wherewe just unplugged and got away
for a moment and we were justworn out because of our lives
and our routines.
And we started watching thebasketball game Caitlin Clark
and Reese and before we knew it,the game was watching us.
We were taking turns, napping,absolutely.

(56:00):
So just to clarify that.

Speaker 1 (56:03):
But we got up at the right time.
Well, I did the last fiveminutes of the game.

Speaker 2 (56:07):
Right, that was the most important part, so I'm
going to share my funny storyabout my dad yes.
I think I shared this on anotherepisode.
I was in the seventh grade andthat is that time where I kind
of started to go in a wrongdirection with friends and not

(56:29):
take my academic.
You smelling yourself?
I started smelling myself, okay, and the teacher I'll never
forget he was an older gentleman.
That's when we startedswitching classes and the older
gentleman they reached out to mydad to kind of say hey, started
switching classes.
And the older gentleman theyreached out to my dad to kind of
say, hey, you know, your son isstarting to make some wrong

(56:51):
choices.
So I walk in the science classand we had labs and in between
the two labs you had anotherroom where they stored all of
the material.
So I walk in class this day andI'm looking because where my
seat was, and I'm like, what isthat shine in that room?
You have to be reminded, my dadhad a handful of diamond rings.
So what happened?

(57:13):
He was in the room to watch theclass, but he realized that the
light from the classroomreflecting into the storage room
because it was a window there.
So I was like, oh, that's whatwe're doing today.
I answered every question.
I was and everybody's like themodel student.

(57:34):
Who?
That is that man?
I'm just sitting there.
So then this guy?
That's not even the funny part.
The funny part is this guycomes out and act like he's Joe
Clark, like he wants to put onthis grandiose old show, excuse
me.
And he says I see why kids inhere aren't learning, excuse me,

(57:54):
getting choked up even talkingabout that's him getting you.
Leave me alone, dude.
He said I see why the schoolsare so messed up now.
Y'all kids, y'all don't learnanything, y'all don't live like
five minutes and the teacher issitting there letting him talk.

(58:14):
I'm like dude, control yourclassroom, why you letting him
disrupt your class?
So then at the end of it, hisgrand finale, I'll see you when
you get home.
And I'm like dude.
I was good today.
What are you talking about?
I was bad and then I had tosave face.
After he left they was like,ooh, you gonna get it.
I said y'all see how short heis.
I knock him down.
What are you talking about, Didyou really?

(58:35):
Absolutely not.

Speaker 1 (58:37):
You're better than that?
No, no, I'm saying, did you?
Oh, I know you was going to.

Speaker 2 (58:41):
Did I tell my friends that?
Yes, absolutely, I did.
I had to save face.
So I get home and he's like.
He said I don't see how you areable to learn in that
environment.
And I said, yeah, dad, it'stough.
I go to school with some roughkids and you know it's tough to
learn in there.
Sometimes I'm so distracted.
I played the role hard.

Speaker 1 (59:03):
I know when you are the distractor, I'm not the
distractor.

Speaker 2 (59:09):
Define Never mind.
Define distractor.

Speaker 1 (59:13):
Everything.
Your father said that hecouldn't believe you weren't
able to learn in that class.
Yeah, was you on any other dayother than that day?
And it's because of the ringsis what gave you a little heads
up.

Speaker 2 (59:28):
True.

Speaker 1 (59:30):
I will give you that I'm not just now meeting you.
I've known you for a while.

Speaker 2 (59:36):
But you know what I will say this In school I was
that kid that was.
I learned differently and itcame easy to me.
Yeah, I learned differently andit came easy to me.
Yeah, I was bored.
So because I was bored, it'snow my playground.
So I yeah that was a veryinteresting time.

(59:58):
I got in touch with the teacher, especially after with my
history teacher, because he saidI'm going to tell your father
and I said I'm going to tellyour father and I said I'm going
to tell your father.
I was like, and it feels badbecause I'm an educator, so I
guess it's like you reap whatyou sow, you reap what you sow.
I was like he said you can'teven get a job with Philip
Morris sweeping the floor.
I said well, you're hereteaching.

(01:00:19):
I said I'll go collect garbageand make more than you.
Your mouth, my mouth was, but Iwas crafty with it, Right.
And you still are you got tohave the gift of gab?
You have it and I will saysomething I got from my father
is being able to talk, the softskills I think are lost in this

(01:00:39):
generation.

Speaker 1 (01:00:41):
Oh, absolutely.
They're always down looking atsomething Definitely, absolutely
.

Speaker 2 (01:00:48):
Wow, you know, I wasn't.
I don't think I was reallyprepared to talk about my father
.

Speaker 1 (01:00:56):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (01:00:58):
You know, just in sitting here reflecting, it was
a block that I had put upsubconsciously.
You know, glad we're havingthis discussion because it is
Father's Day and you know youtalk about the role of fathers.
The blessing that I have is tohave my father and to have.

(01:01:20):
Michael Bell in my house.
You've met Michael Bell.

Speaker 1 (01:01:23):
I have met Michael Bell.
He's a unique.
We need to have him on in myhouse.

Speaker 2 (01:01:25):
You've met Michael Bell.
I have met Michael Bell.
He's a unique.

Speaker 1 (01:01:26):
We need to have him on here, oh wow, because he
watches the podcast he does andI thank you for doing that and
your comments.
I appreciate them.

Speaker 2 (01:01:35):
So I think we'll bring him on because, again,
non-traditional, he has anon-traditional family dynamic
as well.
Everybody has in some regards.
So I think, again, that's whatmakes this so unique, this being
Father's Day month.
Father's Day is actually comingup on Sunday.
Yes, we'll take the time to sayhappy Father's Day to all the

(01:01:57):
fathers.

Speaker 1 (01:01:58):
Happy Father's Day to you, John.

Speaker 2 (01:02:00):
I appreciate it, thank you.

Speaker 1 (01:02:01):
You're welcome.

Speaker 2 (01:02:02):
This will be the first Father's Day that my
oldest will not be with me.
Really, she's going to schooland they can't check out only
twice during pre-college.
So I said you know, it's yourfirst weekend, I don't want you
to check out, I want you toenjoy your time and I said you

(01:02:23):
can FaceTime me and tell mehappy Father's Day, write me a
letter or something, but it'sdifferent.
And now that she's graduatedfrom high school, I see how our
relationship is beginning toshift.

Speaker 1 (01:02:39):
It's going to shift, absolutely.

Speaker 2 (01:02:41):
I'm still that father , but now my responsibility has
a few other characteristics toit.

Speaker 1 (01:02:48):
It changes.
It definitely changes becausethe conversations you've had
with her before, but her, herenvironment is going to change,
so the things that affect herare going to be different than
they once were when she was inhigh school.
This is true, this is true andyou just have to.

(01:03:10):
It's a challenge.
It's a big challenge.
I know that, my husband.
It's challenging for my husbandwhen dealing with his children
as adults, because you stilllook at them as your children as

(01:03:30):
your young children.
Yes, you know they suggestion orsomething of that nature, but

(01:03:51):
you can get through it.
I got no choice.

Speaker 2 (01:03:54):
No, I got another one coming.
Right, you got another onecoming.

Speaker 1 (01:03:56):
But it's going to be OK and I want to wish my husband
, titus, a very happy Father'sDay.
Absolutely, my guy, yes, sohe's been a great dad.
Absolutely, I wouldn't have itany other way for him to be my
baby daddy.

Speaker 2 (01:04:18):
I have, you know, privilege to have a lot of
people in the village Um and youknow Titus is one of the people
and just to watch his examplebecause, you know you, all's
children are older.
So I've, I've sat back from thetime that my kids were very,
very small and just watched howthe potential future could look.

(01:04:39):
So I've drawn many, many, manylessons from you know just his
interactions, his modeling, whathe says and what he doesn't say
in that thing.
So I want to kind of land theplane on this.
With it being Father's Day, Iwant to encourage the fathers

(01:05:02):
first and foremost.
You know, don't take forgranted, just because you hold
the title, the impact that youhave If you are granted the
opportunity.
Try and have a positive impact.
You know there are manydynamics that lead to various
situations.
I'm not speaking to those.
I'm speaking when you do havethe impact.

(01:05:24):
I mean the opportunity to spendsome time and let it happen
organically, even if it hasn'tbeen there previously.
If you're watching this, it'sfor a reason.
Take the opportunity to try andmake a connection, to try and
impact somebody in a positivemanner.
We talk about generationalpurchase.

(01:05:46):
We talk about things that arepassed down over the years.
Be the change, yeah.
You know that's the if I canimpress upon you one thing be
the change, because society willhave you believe that fathers
are not present and I will tellyou that we are present and
accounted for.
Are there some that aren't inthe lives?

(01:06:09):
Yes, there may be variablesthat are unknown of why that
happens.
But if you have the opportunityto to reconcile, if you have
the opportunity for, you know,reconnection, don't close the
door on it Because you know,like we've shared the positive
memories of, you know, ourfathers.

(01:06:30):
You know there is a I don'twant to say it's not a lack, but
there is a awareness of unknownfor lack of better words.
Yeah, you know, and how thatimpacts other people is very
different, you know but the I'msorry, but the mothers also have

(01:06:52):
a pivotal position in that.
Can you speak on that?

Speaker 1 (01:06:56):
I mean I, you, you have to allow the father to be a
father.
You know you really dosometimes.
Yet you and him may not have agreat relationship, but that
still doesn't negate the factthat that is that father's, that
child's father.
And you have to come to sometype of an understanding, an

(01:07:20):
agreement, to agree to disagreefor the benefit of the child.
So, because you hear it all thetime oh, the mom talks down
about the father or the momwon't allow the father to see
the child for stupid reasons.
You know, if it's child support, then Take them to court, do

(01:07:44):
whatever you need to do legallythat allow them to see their
child, because it's importantthat they see a father, because
they're always saying thefather's not there, the father's
not there, but it's not alwaysbecause of the father, it's
because of the mother.
I'm not going down on mothers,but you play a pivotal role in
that.

Speaker 2 (01:08:05):
You have to help with that relationship, what I say
when I do counseling or justhave conversations, mentoring, I
say one remember that the childdidn't ask to be brought in
this world Exactly.
As adults, you chose to makesome adult decisions.
Be adults in your conversations.
I encourage the mother and thefather.

(01:08:30):
Don't talk down about the other.
If that person is who they are,the child will see it when the
time is up, Exactly, Let themmake that decision.
Don't give your narrativebecause your narrative is
situational.
The experience or theinteraction may be different
from what you had.
So, if anything that we can doto encourage, I hope you take

(01:08:55):
that nugget and make the best ofthe situation.

Speaker 1 (01:08:59):
Because fathers are important.

Speaker 2 (01:09:02):
Absolutely Fathers matter.

Speaker 1 (01:09:04):
Fathers matter.

Speaker 2 (01:09:07):
Fathers matter as we sign off for Father's Day 2024,
our Father's Day episode.
I'm John.

Speaker 1 (01:09:15):
And I'm Lisa.

Speaker 2 (01:09:17):
We are adopted.
Thank y'all.

Speaker 1 (01:09:19):
Until next time.

Speaker 2 (01:09:20):
Until next time, until the next episode.
Thank you for listening to theso I'm Adopted podcast.
We hope that this wasinformative and educational.
You can follow us on Instagramand Facebook at so I'm Adopted.
Also, subscribe to our YouTubechannel so I'm Adopted.

(01:09:40):
And again, thank you forlistening and until next time
time, make the choice to beginyour healing journey.