August 22, 2024 • 43 mins
What shapes a person's path more profoundly: the family they’re born into or the family that steps in during times of need? This episode unearths the stories of famous adoptees like Ice-T and Simone Biles, whose lives were irrevocably molded by non-traditional family dynamics. Hear how Ice-T's aunts provided a sanctuary after he lost his parents, and how Simone Biles' grandparents became her bedrock after her turbulent experience in the foster care system. These narratives reveal the resilience and strength that can flourish within non-traditional family structures, and the irreplaceable roles extended family members can play in offering stability and love.
The emotional intricacies of family relationships take center stage as we recount Kirk's heart-wrenching reunion with his mother after over two decades of estrangement. Confronting deep-seated pain and unresolved trauma, Kirk's story brings to light the necessity of understanding, forgiveness, and compassion in healing broken bonds. Through his experience, we explore the cyclical nature of familial pain and the immense struggle that accompanies seeking closure and answers from biological parents. This chapter highlights the power of grace, empathy, and the arduous journey of emotional reconciliation within families.
Finally, the focus shifts to the profound process of emotional healing, barriers we erect to shield ourselves from trauma, and the impact of sharing personal struggles. Inspired by Kirk Franklin’s candidness about his own challenges, we underscore the importance of addressing emotional barriers rather than masking them, and the healing power of open communication and forgiveness. These stories illustrate how brokenness does not diminish one's capacity to inspire and create, much like how broken crayons can still color. Through faith, hope, and perseverance, we aim to inspire listeners to recognize their collective purpose and the transformative potential of their own stories. Tune in for a compelling discussion that will leave you pondering the powerful dynamics within your own family.
Music by Curtis Rodgers IG @itsjustcurtis
Produce and Edited by Lisa Sapp
Executive Producer Lisa Sapp
Executive Producer Johnnie Underwood
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Welcome to the so I'm Adopted podcast, where we talk
everything adoption.
This journey is not one we takealone.
Together we grapple with rawemotions that surface from
adoption stories.
We want you to be comfortableenough to heal, so sit back and
go with us on this journey as wedive deep into adoption.
Speaker 3 (00:45):
Episode nine, take 1.
9.
Welcome everybody, I'm John.
And I'm Lisa and we are adoptedwe finally did it right Only 9
tries but we want to thank youagain for taking the time to
tune in with us.
It's been a minute since wehave come to the table, yes, but
(01:07):
we are still excited about thisopportunity and we have been
discussing this platform withothers and we're just learning
again.
This is about non-traditionalrelationships and families, and
we have more in common than wedon't.
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
Absolutely.
So, as always, you common thanwe don't, absolutely, absolutely
.
Speaker 3 (01:27):
So, as always, you know, we start off, we want to
jump right in, and we started asegment a few episodes ago.
We talk about famous adoptees,right?
Yes, you want to share yoursfirst, or you want me to go?
Speaker 1 (01:40):
You go, because we'll probably end up going into our
next conversation.
Speaker 3 (01:44):
Okay, so mine I was very surprised, Mine is iced tea
, Really.
So what happened with iced tea?
His mother passed away when hewas three and his father passed
away shortly thereafter and as aresult, then his aunts stepped
in and they adopted him and theycared for him.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
Because he used to live in New York and then he
moved to California.
Speaker 3 (02:08):
Yes, yes.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
Yes, I remember, I remember.
Speaker 3 (02:17):
You know, and again, opening the umbrella to just
non-traditional families, itreally paints a picture that you
know, everybody is familiarwith the nonontraditional
situation or household, butthere are so many different
layers to it, so many differentresponses, so many things that
get swept under the rug.
And again I'm just.
I learned so much because nowI'm trying to figure out who
(02:39):
else is carrying this torch ofnontraditional familyhood.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
Yeah, and also the piggyback off of that is.
It's very common that thefamily steps in and takes the
child in, and that leads me tomy person.
Speaker 3 (02:58):
Look at that.
It's organic.
It's supposed to happen thatway.
It's supposed to happen.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
So I have you know, in honor of the Olympics that
just passed, um, I won.
My person is Simone Biles, okay, and I don't know how.
It's not that much of a secretthat she was.
She's adopted.
She's adopted by hergrandparents, okay, and her
(03:23):
mother was, you know, on drugsand alcohol, and it was for them
.
She had a younger sister and twoolder siblings and at the time
her mother couldn't care forthem, so they were in the foster
system.
So they were in the fostersystem, her and her sister.
(03:45):
All four of them were in thefoster system for at least three
years, wow.
So I think they went into thefoster system when she was three
and by six.
So the two older ones thegrandfather's sister took them
(04:06):
and they were in Ohio, right.
And then the grandfather tookthe two younger ones, which is
Simone and her sister.
Oh, wow.
And the thing is that the fathertold his daughter, which is
Simone's mother, don't have anycontact with them.
I don't want you to come bybecause I don't want you in and
(04:27):
out of their lives.
They've been through so muchdrama already and traumatic
situations of going into fostercare that now they're gonna be
in a stable home and she hasn'tbeen there because the father
said don't come at all, he setthe standard.
He set the standard at thebeginning, you know.
(04:49):
So that was interesting becauseshe's still with her parent.
I mean her, her biologicalparent, grandparents, but she
calls them mom and dad.
She doesn't call them grandmaand grandpa, she calls them mom
and dad.
She doesn't call them grandmaand grandpa, she calls them mom
and dad.
Speaker 3 (05:06):
I wonder, now that she's older, has she had any
interaction with her mom?
Speaker 1 (05:12):
So that's the thing.
I don't know if you've seen insocial media, because I'm always
on social media and so I knowthese things.
Her mom has spoken out thisrecently in regards to Simone
and her, her take, and everybodyhas an opinion because, yeah,
everybody has an opinion andyou're entitled to your and
(05:34):
you're entitled to your opinion,but my opinion is I feel that
she is.
You know, she's remorseful andwhat she's saying right now
she's speaking to I think it wasDaily Mail and she said that I
want to be forgiven.
I want to have the opportunityto ask for her forgiveness.
(05:56):
I want to be able to answer anyquestions that she may have,
because she doesn't know whatshe was told.
She hasn't spoken to her.
She has no relationship withher.
Now she speaks to the littlesister.
Okay, a little bit, not a lot,but she does have some type of
an interaction with her, withSimone.
(06:18):
She doesn't.
She was like I think theinterviewer asked her so do you
have a phone number?
She was like yeah, I have it,but I never used it because I
want her.
See, this is my opinion no, no,I got you.
Speaker 2 (06:33):
She doesn't want to.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
When Simone is ready to come and speak to her, she's
ready for her to come whenevershe wants to come.
Now, based on what she stated,she's sober, she's clean.
I don't know how long that'sbeen, but she's clean, she's
sober, she's working as acashier somewhere in Ohio, so
(07:00):
she's trying to get her lifetogether, okay, and she's just
whenever she's ready.
She's like yeah, my daughtergot married and I wasn't there.
I wish I was there.
You know, I want to be a partof her life, but I'm not going
to be a part of life if that'ssomething she doesn't want.
Okay, and I can respect that.
So she's really putting it onher.
Okay, that's good, right, right, and so I feel that she's
(07:23):
sincere, absolutely.
She's in what she's stating, inher position.
Speaker 3 (07:29):
So my initial processing face that caught you
off guard was all right.
Are we doing this right nowbecause of the fame and what's
going on, you know, and wait aminute.
Ok, go ahead, I'm sorry I wasgiving you my yes, yes, yes, go
ahead.
And as you continue to talk,you know I wrestled with OK.
(07:50):
How did you get the number?
Does?
Simone know that you're tryingto reach out Like.
These are the questions, havingtraveled that road, that I'm
asking, right, but then to hearher say, if she doesn't want me
to, I don't want to say, if shedoesn't want me to, I don't want
to.
I respect that.
Yes, you know.
I would just hope that thoseconversations have been put out
(08:12):
there prior to this and not justin a public manner.
But again, you don't know, andwe don't know because we don't
know how.
Speaker 1 (08:19):
If she has, she hasn't gotten a response before
or anything of that nature.
So we don't know, becauseeveryone was saying, oh, she's
just doing that because you know.
Speaker 3 (08:29):
Again, simone just didn't come out this Olympics,
right, she's been known for twoother Olympics so let me ask
this, though, as a a mother andI don't have the mother, I don't
have anything of that naturebut as a mother, when Simone
went through what she wentthrough in that dark season, if
(08:54):
mom knew who she was which weall assume she did, or maybe she
wasn't clean at that time shecould have still been.
You know, I don't know.
But the question would be doesthat mother gene kick in and
override?
Speaker 1 (09:12):
Because of that mental situation she went
through.
I don't think that would havebeen a good, a good thing for
her to even pop up.
That would have made everythingworse.
Okay, considering that, sinceshe's been three years old,
right.
The first time you come in,come in is when that's just
(09:33):
going to add to it.
Speaker 3 (09:35):
Add more questions.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
You know so, and Simone talked a little bit about
when she was three and all thestuff that they had to go
through.
She was like the cats wereeating better than than we were.
So they were, and she's likeyou know, I, just I, I was
taking care of my sister she'sthree, taking care of her baby
sister because she felt that shehad to but that happens more
(10:00):
frequently than not right youknow, that's that a lot of kids
are forced to be adults soonerthan they then they need so.
Therefore, her mother coming inat the time that she had her
issues in 2020, no, that wouldhave no, no, that just would
have added, added to it to wheremaybe she wouldn't have been
able to perform and be inolympics.
(10:21):
This you know, you just don'tknow, you just don't know.
But I feel she's sincere and itwas just crazy how she wants to
be forgiven.
She wants the opportunity to beforgiven, right To apologize,
to speak her truth.
Speaker 3 (10:42):
In that sense, speak her truth in that sense, but
it's the daughter who is notcoming out with open arms.
Oh so it's been documented,it's not?
Speaker 1 (10:52):
documented, I'm assuming because you haven't
heard anything and we haven't.
You know, or I'm sure if simonedid, the mom would have said oh
well, we did speak at one pointor another in the past, but but
not recently, or something likethat.
But she's like they haven't hadany communication.
Speaker 3 (11:10):
That's one of the challenges with being in the
public spotlight.
You know everything.
You have to second guess whatpeople's motivations are and how
will this impact me on thisplatform and it's just a lot to
it, so I encourage and you know.
Pray for all those that are inthat public eyes challenge.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
Exactly.
Speaker 3 (11:31):
So, yeah, and again, this is why this you know
celebrity who's adopted piecesis impactful, because you're
able to see.
You know what.
I'm not the only one goingthrough this.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
No, you're able to see.
You know what?
I'm not the only one goingthrough this.
No, you're not.
And then, if everything didn'tplay out the way it did, would
Simone Biles be Simone Biles?
Speaker 3 (11:56):
everything has a reason.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
Everything has a reason, because her mom probably
wouldn't have been able toafford.
Speaker 3 (12:02):
Right the care.
Speaker 1 (12:03):
The care, the gymnastics, because her and her
sister were gymnasts.
Oh, is her sister still agymnast?
Her sister just.
She just decided to bow out andnot do it because everybody
kept comparing her yeah.
And she was like, eh, I'm on,but she was good oh yeah, but
she wasn't Simone Biles shewasn't, but she won her share
(12:28):
that's the thing never heard ofright and her thing was, I think
, is dance.
she was more into dance, so herpassion for it may not have been
as passionate as Simone'sGotcha, but she was.
She can do it very well.
Speaker 3 (12:48):
That's awesome.
Well, we continue to pray forthe Simone.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
The Biles family.
Speaker 3 (12:54):
It's been a long day, but it's all good.
So again, please hit that likebutton, hit that share button.
Follow us on various socialmedia platforms.
We're on Spotify, apple Music,wherever you can get a podcast,
we are there, and our goal, ourdesire, is to help just improve
(13:15):
healthy families andrelationships.
Improve healthy families andrelationships yes, that is what
we have strived to do.
God placed this on our heartsto share our stories and do that
transparency.
I've had people reach out.
Please, if you are willing tocome on our platform and share
your story, even if you're notwilling to share, but you just
want to talk to us about ourexperiences or different
(13:37):
resources, if you are someonewho has resources for the
adopted community, please sharethem with us.
We have learned about variousconferences, various retreats
for adoptees and for parents ofadoptees and other connected
entities, so we're thankful forthis safe space.
(13:59):
We recognize that it is a heavytask, but one that is needed.
So again, that is ourcelebrities who you didn't know
were adopted.
Yes, so let's jump in for ourtopic for discussion today.
I am excited about this andI'll let you kind of give the
(14:21):
lead.
Speaker 1 (14:24):
So you know how I mentioned Simone Biles.
It's like her mom wants theopportunity to ask for
forgiveness.
So we're going to do a part twowith Kirk Franklin and how it's
like he wants his mother to askfor forgiveness, right, and she
(14:49):
ain't having it.
She's still not having it.
So recently he was on a podcastwith um cam newton.
I mean was if you haven't seenit, you have to see it.
Speaker 3 (15:03):
And don't let us spoil the interview.
It's a long interview and Camgoes real deep.
He goes beyond the churchyquestions and Kirk actually
encouraged him.
He said listen, man, don't askme those questions.
And it yielded some good fruit.
Yes, it did those questions andit yielded some good fruit.
Yes, I think it yielded somegood fruit.
Another illustration that youknow we all have something that
(15:27):
we're carrying in our backpackyes, it was.
Speaker 1 (15:32):
I have to give it to Cam.
Speaker 3 (15:34):
He was really good yeah, I would have expected that
type of product from you knowthe club Shea, because those are
the interviews that he's beengiven exactly and yes, cam
Newton knocked it out the parkbig shout out to Cam, shout out
the park, knocked it out thepark.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
But so tell me what you know set you back.
What were you surprised to hearin that?
Speaker 3 (16:10):
So in the what surprised me, there were a
couple of different nuggets,different nuggets, but what
floored me, what actuallypierced me?
when he shared the story that henever talked about publicly and
he shared, how you know, theywere caring for the sister and
(16:30):
all the family got together andhis mom came in with her new
boyfriend at the time because Idon't think they were married,
no, they were married.
Okay, so the new husbandboyfriend at the time, because I
don't think they were married,no, they were married, the new
husband and they were having afamily moment and the husband
the new husband made the commentto say you need to call your
mama sometime.
And Kirk said he kind ofspazzed out, he used some words
(16:57):
that I'm not going to say herethat he chose not to say.
He did spell it out.
Cam said it because Cam had thefreedom to do that.
Yes, but what he saidafterwards, he said he blacked
out, he did.
He said that his mom, herresponse wasn't oh well, you
know, wait a minute.
Speaker 1 (17:18):
No, but you got to say it right, got it.
You got to say it right.
Okay, you got to say it right.
Speaker 3 (17:23):
Hey, listen.
If you're enjoying theconversation about Kirk Franklin
that's interviewed by Cam, dous a favor, hit those like and
share buttons so that otherpeople can benefit from this
conversation as well.
So I'm adopting podcasts on allof your platforms for podcasts,
please like and share, get theword out, give us some feedback.
(17:44):
All right, I'll let y'all goback.
Speaker 1 (17:46):
So they in the huddle , the mom the sister, no, it's
mom the sister and kirk, they'reall hugging.
Now this is a monument deborahdeborah.
Speaker 3 (17:58):
No, I'm sorry, she was.
Speaker 1 (17:59):
Okay, but the huddle was just three of them, okay.
And she was like, oh, that's sobeautiful, it's beautiful.
This is how family should act.
And then Kurt goes wait aminute, we're not here for us,
we're here for I can't rememberhis sister's name.
We're here for her, we'retrying to get her on the right
track, right.
And then that's when he madethe comment.
(18:22):
The comment came from thepeanut gallery in the corner.
Well, you need to call yourmama sometime.
So Kirk was like wait a minute.
Okay, wait a minute, let's,let's pause here.
He said she's the parent andI'm the child.
And then he had the nerve to gobut you're a Christian, you
call yourself, you call yourselfa Christian.
(18:43):
And that's when he blacked out.
Kurt blacked out, he got alittle bubbly underneath his
skin and they said he followedhim out.
No.
Then the mother goes come on,come on, baby.
Speaker 3 (18:55):
He took his hand and said come on, baby let baby,
took his hand and said come on,baby, let's go.
The husband, the husband right,and that's the part that Kirk
said it broke him.
Speaker 1 (19:03):
Yeah, because here's this mother who never provided,
never protected, never loved andhe gave like five or six other
oh my yes descriptive words, andhere's another illustration of
you choosing something else overme or the sister Right Over us,
(19:23):
and he, he followed them out ofthe of the house and he said to
her go ahead, do what youalways do and walk out on us,
right?
And that right there is why hehas not spoken to her for over
23 years, until the documentary.
Until the documentary in July,and then that's the last time he
(19:45):
talked to her was that day whenshe walked out after two DNA
tests saying that this man washis father.
Speaker 3 (19:52):
She still denies it.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
And still denies it and still won't say why or how
or when he was conceived, and hehasn't spoken to her since then
.
Yeah, help me understand, butthe one thing about it all he
(20:15):
still giving her grace.
Speaker 3 (20:17):
He did.
He said that she still is thewoman that gave me life.
Speaker 1 (20:23):
He gave her a shout out he did.
Speaker 3 (20:25):
After all that, he said listen, I still respect the
fact that she gave me life.
Speaker 1 (20:31):
But he also caveated with saying really I thank God
for Gertrude, for making surethat she didn't make the
decision to have an abortionRight, because he said he heard
her.
Speaker 3 (20:48):
So I didn't want, I don't want to, I was going to
have an abortion.
Speaker 1 (20:50):
You were going to have an abortion.
Speaker 3 (20:52):
Talking to Gertrude wouldn't allow me.
Speaker 1 (20:54):
Would not allow you to.
And I thought Gertrude was likea distant relative or something
.
I don't know.
I kind of think I heard that,but lately he hasn't been saying
that.
But um, that was that waspowerful for him to say.
I still give her grace Aftereverything he said.
(21:15):
He gives her grace because hedoesn't know what.
He doesn't know her story, hedoesn't know her story.
Something happened to her Tomake her act the way she's
acting, make her treat the kidsthe way she's treating them.
Speaker 3 (21:36):
A lot of times a lot of times it's just a repeated
cycle.
You know, the old saying goeshurt people hurt people.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
Absolutely.
Speaker 3 (21:44):
And you know whatever .
Like you said, whatever wasdone to her was so traumatic
that this is the result of it.
So what surprised you inwatching it?
Speaker 1 (21:56):
What surprised me was that he was given her grace.
Speaker 3 (21:59):
After all of that, after all of that was that he
was given her grace After all ofthat.
Speaker 1 (22:00):
After all of that, he was still given her grace.
But I don't understand how youstill won't tell him what
happened.
How did you two end up together?
Cam was like well, what youknow?
Did you ask her?
(22:22):
Cam was like did you, didanybody just ask her?
He was like well, I haven'ttalked to her since that day.
Speaker 3 (22:30):
And she's probably not answering that.
Well, who?
I'm not going to makeassumptions, because you don't
know.
Speaker 1 (22:34):
You don't, you don't know, you don't know.
I don't understand.
I know, for me, when Iaddressed my mother, my
biological mother, withquestions, she was forthright in
it.
Now, do I remember the answersto the questions?
(22:56):
Because, no, I don't, because Ihave bad memory and I didn't
write anything.
But she was forthright and giveme the answers.
Now, to me she didn't give itwillingly.
I mean, she gave it willingly,but it felt like it was forcing.
(23:16):
You know, like, okay, I reallyhave to tell her.
I don't want to tell her.
I felt that, you know, she wasgetting a little bothered when I
would ask questions.
So I didn't ask as manyquestions as I wish I would have
, because now I don't have thatopportunity to ask the questions
.
So now I'm just out here saying, oh, I wish I did this and that
(23:38):
and a third.
But I mean it is what it is,you know.
Speaker 3 (23:44):
So I'll share with you.
With my first mom, you knowwe've had conversations and I've
asked certain questions and youknow I told her.
I said if it's a question thatyou're unable to answer for
whatever reason, I respect that.
And she said well, you can askanything you want, she said, and
I'll let you know.
She said, because it's aprocess and I'm working through
(24:05):
it, and I just appreciated thefact that she was willing to
even be transparent because shecould easily say I don't feel
like talking about it.
Yeah, you know.
So it's a I don't want to saytug of war, because it's not a
battle, it's more of a euphoricseesaw and I'm just appreciative
(24:29):
of that.
So I guess if we could put abullet or a nugget, have
intentional communication andconversation, yeah, because
communication and conversation,yeah, because one you know it's
benefits to knowing and peopleprobably take it for granted
knowing where you come from,knowing who you're connected
(24:51):
with.
Speaker 1 (24:51):
Those of us who don't have those answers, you know we
walk around with blanks and weunfortunately fill in those
blanks with misinformation ormisunderstanding, because we and
it's a coping mechanism- it isbecause we, we kind of play,
(25:11):
make our own narrative in ourheads, you know, and what, what
we would have liked the realityto be, and, like you said, it is
a coping it's.
And then when you find out thereal truth, you like shatter,
you like a ton of bricks?
Speaker 3 (25:27):
wait a minute.
What?
Or it may be.
Why didn't you tell me?
Because now it's too late and Ican't get the rest of the
puzzle, or you?
Speaker 1 (25:37):
know, different things, but then people are only
able to provide based on whatthey had a capacity but check
this out what happens if themother's name is Deborah Deborah
, I'm this hypothetical finallysays okay, I'm gonna tell you
(25:58):
the whole story.
And then Kirk goes really, isthat it?
Oh well, I'm okay with that,but she will never know if he's
okay with it or not.
You know what?
Speaker 3 (26:16):
I'm saying I got you.
Here's the thing, though, wehave to be mindful of.
Her story is her story?
Speaker 1 (26:25):
Right.
Well, I don't mean to say I'mOK with it, but to say that I
understand why you did what youdid.
Speaker 3 (26:31):
Correct, and but I wanted to bring that point
because I think that's somethingthat happens often.
Right, we try and takeownership of other people's
narratives and their thoughtsand their position.
Ownership of other people'snarratives and their thoughts
and their position, so I thinkthat's a very familiar thing.
But, like you said, that's hisability to say I embrace it.
He may need it, he may not needit.
(26:53):
That's something that you haveto unpack yourself and that's
why I'm a big advocate I know weboth are of counseling.
Yes, you know being able to talkto somebody that can help you
organize your thoughts.
Yes, we self-medicate in ourcommunity, whether it's through
alcohol, whether it's throughjobs whether it's through sex,
(27:14):
whether it's through money.
We do all type of differentthings to avoid what's really at
the root of our challenges.
Speaker 1 (27:24):
That's absolutely.
And he he kind of touched onthat um as well, because when he
said he got married he had alot going on.
So I mean they didn't do nomarriage counseling, he didn't.
He didn't do any of thatbecause he didn't, he didn't
know to do that.
You don't know what you don'tknow.
Speaker 3 (27:46):
It hadn't been modeled for him.
Speaker 1 (27:47):
It wasn't modeled for him and he had a lot of.
He was very promiscuous growingup so he had that going on and
that wasn't under control.
When he married Tammy, he had alot of baggage, a lot of
baggage, and then it's like hegravitated to her because her
(28:09):
family was pretty much whole.
She had a mother and father.
They had, you know, they'vebeen a decent house.
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (28:17):
From the outside looking in.
The outside looking in.
Speaker 3 (28:19):
It was a model that he doesn't have, you know, and
that's what he was longing for,because he he didn't see that
right so, and that's let's parkthe car right there for a second
, because I think that alsocreates an avenue for people to
get into relationships.
Thank the lord that you knowthat was a healthy situation
(28:44):
that he got into.
A lot of times when peopledon't have and they think, oh
well, they have what I don'thave, they can end up going into
a repeated situation ofbrokenness.
And again, this is why fullcommunication is productive.
You know, even though it'sscary, it's tough sometimes.
(29:05):
The difficult conversation isjust that a difficult
conversation.
But we want to pack so manydifferent narratives of what it
could be on it.
We have to do better as a whole.
So another thing that flooredme Kirk was talking about his
(29:25):
mom's husband and he said thatafter he had gotten married he
was doing a show in Ohio, Ithink, and these two women came
to him, yes, yes.
And they said we just want toapologize to you.
And he was looking like forwhat?
What did you all do?
(29:45):
And they said that they werethe daughters of him the father
the husband.
And they said they rememberhearing about that interaction
but on top of it, they knew thetype of person he was, so they
weren't surprised, and the factthat it's interesting how they
(30:08):
took responsibility for theirfather's behavior.
Yes, yes, to go and apologizeto those who he hurt.
Again, we carry on.
Speaker 1 (30:20):
We do that, though.
We do that Even though we'renot the one who actually did the
offense.
We feel responsible for ourfamily members when they do
things in that nature.
Speaker 3 (30:33):
But I think that's when we have a good conscience
and we're trying to live right.
We don't want our good to bespoken ill of Exactly, or we
don't want to be necessarilylumped in with that Exactly,
Although that's who you know I'ma part of.
That's not who I am Right.
Speaker 1 (30:53):
And they didn't have to do that.
Speaker 3 (30:54):
No, they didn't.
Speaker 1 (30:55):
He would have never known, he would have never known
at all, he would have beentrying to get something.
Well, they were already at theshow, because Maybe they were
trying to get something.
Well, they were already at theshow, because he said they came
in, so it wasn't like theycalled ahead of time, that's
true.
Hey we want to talk to him.
Yeah, but no.
I think it was admirable ofthem to even bring it up to him,
right and no.
Yeah, that's our dad, that'sthe way he is and we deeply
(31:17):
apologize, and that doesn'trepresent us and our family.
Speaker 3 (31:21):
Right, and you know Kurt acknowledged that that was
powerful for them to have to doit.
Yeah, something about askingfor forgiveness and it's not
always or apologizing.
Let me say that it's not alwaysfor the reasons.
We think a lot of times thatapology gives a release that we
(31:44):
from a place of paralysis.
We hold people hostage in ourbrain.
You know so a lot of times,given that and it may have been
something that was just eatingat them, right, that they were
like you know what allow us totry and go and advocate and
intercede on behalf of ourfamily, because we are good
people.
And the reality is there'sstill a level of connection
(32:07):
there, right, even thoughthey're not biological again,
that's a non-traditional family.
I'm going to point that outevery time that we see it.
That non-traditional family.
Is there Marriages that bringoutside children to it?
You know there's a level ofconnection.
Although it may not be a deeprooted connection, it's still oh
(32:29):
yeah, that's such and suchRight, right, that's powerful.
Speaker 1 (32:36):
And with his, another thing that stood out to me was,
I thought, with Kirk findinghis father and then he, you know
, going to his son, who hehadn't spoken to in some time at
that time, and how he told himwhat was going on and how they
(32:57):
embraced.
I thought that was going to bea turning point for their
relationship, but it's still inprogress.
Still in progress because, youknow, in in the video, you know
(33:17):
he's saying this is, this iswhat I've been missing, this is
what I've been missing, butapparently there's still some
things that's missing becausethey're still, they're still
working through it you know, I'msure there's a level of being
guarded by all individuals,right?
Speaker 3 (33:33):
you know that level of hurt and protect ourselves.
Yeah, case in point if you walkby that table and you stub your
foot the next time, you won'twalk out a little bit wider.
True, true, true, yeah, andlike it or not, claim it or not,
we put up safeguards toemotionally or to protect our
(33:55):
emotion.
Yes Again, but, like I said, wedon't always call it what it is
.
We mask it with otherdistractors, but the reality is
all you're doing is protectingyourself, so you don't go
through that emotional traumaagain.
Speaker 1 (34:12):
True, that's like Kirk said I'm okay, but I'm not
okay.
Right, but I'm okay.
That's a coping OK.
Right, but I'm OK.
Speaker 3 (34:18):
That's a coping statement, yeah, and it's to
protect yourself.
It's like you know what.
Listen, y'all don't have tobombard me, I'm OK, but I still
still got a little somethingRight.
It stings.
Speaker 2 (34:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (34:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (34:30):
So it's definitely, and I just applaud Kirk for
being transparent because hedoesn't have to share that side
of it.
You know it's painful as it isbut, like you said, so many
people that have been blessed byit.
Not to say that it changedeverything in people's lives,
(34:52):
but it gave that little piece ofthe puzzle to say huh maybe
Right.
Should I, could, I, can, I, willI, whatever you know, it may be
, that's true, you know.
So a nugget is you know whatyou're wrestling with may be the
(35:12):
key to unlock somebody else'sdot, dot dot.
You never know, you might bewalking around and because you
are not willing to address whatyou're pulling in your wagon.
Somebody might be waiting tocome out the house, but they're
looking to see who's gonna bepulling the wagon down the
street.
Speaker 1 (35:34):
That's good, that's good, that's good.
Speaker 3 (35:43):
He unpacked a lot.
He did.
He did as I was in the car andI was listening.
It was almost like I could seethe visualization and cam was
saying he said I'm gettinggoosebumps right now.
He said because I listened toyour songs.
And then I'm like you're kirkfranklin, you're dressed, the
nine, the gospel and this andthat, and you're dealing with
this Right.
So again, perception.
Speaker 1 (36:03):
That was his Michael Jordan.
Right, that was Cam Newton'sMichael Jordan.
No, not Michael Jordan.
Michael Jackson, michaelJackson, yeah, michael Jackson.
So to be in front of someonewho you look up to since you was
a child and to hear hisbrokenness, I'm sure that was
(36:28):
very, very impactful and Cam didan outstanding job, so I can
say big shout out to Cam Bigshout out, and he didn't hold
back on any questions.
Speaker 3 (36:38):
Right, right, you know the again and we always try
and give you takeaways.
You know, broken crayons stillcolor.
Think about that.
Yes, you know, when I wasgrowing up.
Yes, a bucket, a can, a coffeecan full of broken crayon.
Bucket, a can, a coffee canfull of broken crayon, and we
(36:59):
would just color and not thinktwice about it.
But that's how we are, as wewalk around daily.
We all are broken, but we stillhave the ability to create, to
do, to inspire.
But if you look at that canfull of those broken crayons,
look at that can full of thosebroken crayons, it's only a
illustration, or not even anillustration.
(37:20):
It's a starting point to whatcould be.
So don't I just want toencourage somebody?
Don't think that because ofyour situation, that you have
limitations, Right, becausethere's always hope.
(37:41):
There's always hope and there'salways opportunities.
Now, that doesn't mean that itdoesn't require work.
It also may be a scenario whereit may not be for right now.
So I don't want people to hearthat and say, well, I can't do
such and such, well, it may notbe the season for it Exactly,
you may be being prepared forsomething down the road, but if
you don't do the work here, youthink about you're not going to
get the fruit there.
Right, you think about aconveyor and conveyor belt, like
(38:03):
in a warehouse Person A and Bif they don't do their part,
person C and D can't do theirpart.
Right, and then the personwho's waiting for the product
won't get there.
Speaker 1 (38:15):
Won't get there.
Speaker 3 (38:16):
So we have to understand that we all are here
for a purpose.
Everything that we've gonethrough is for a purpose, for
something or somebody else aswell.
Speaker 1 (38:27):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (38:27):
So don't be selfish and hold tight to your testimony
.
Speaker 1 (38:32):
And we just got to keep our faith and believe that,
as long as we are working theprocess and believe that it's
going to bear the outcome thatwe want and we have to believe
that we got to have faith thatthat's going to happen there's
always going to be, like he said, that opportunity and there's
(38:52):
always hope that it can can turnaround for the good.
Speaker 3 (38:56):
Always.
Speaker 1 (38:57):
Everything that you go through, you go through for a
reason.
That's right, and whether yousee it on this side of heaven,
or you see it on the other side,or you don't see it, it's still
gonna reach the purpose that itwas meant to happen.
Speaker 3 (39:18):
You might not even see the purpose.
That's what I'm talking about,Right?
I mean, well, no, even on thisside you might not.
Yeah, true, you know, becausewe have no clue.
Somebody might watch but neverrespond and be benefited.
There might be one thing thatthey hear that's true and it's
just like wow, I never looked atit that way.
(39:39):
So just understand thateverything has a purpose.
Everything has a purpose.
So, I'm thankful for thisopportunity to talk about Kirk
and his journey and hopefullyothers are inspired.
If you haven't seen it, please,it's on YouTube.
You can just type in KirkFranklin and Cam Newton and they
(40:01):
have a couple of different onesthe whole interview and then, I
think, the one with just thatpart snippet.
It may be about 20 minutes.
Yeah, so if you need a quickreference, you can utilize or
view that If you have time toview the whole interview.
I encourage it because, likeshe said, Cam is he's putting in
some journalistic work.
Speaker 1 (40:20):
He is.
Kirk is laying down somenuggets, man, some gems, and all
through the all through theinterview, right so and I've
listened to some other podcastsI think he's on a podcast
circuit right now and he's stillconsistent in his in his
message, right All through it.
(40:41):
So, yeah, kirk is on a roll.
Speaker 3 (40:44):
Awesome, that's awesome.
Speaker 1 (40:45):
On a roll.
Speaker 3 (40:47):
So, again, we hope that you took away the nuggets
that were that came out of thisdiscussion.
This is the first time her andI discussed that.
We wanted it to be organic.
I think that it yields goodfruit.
Yes, Nothing was written,Nothing was planned.
It just was a result of acommon story that was put out
(41:07):
that connected both of us and wehope that it connects to you.
So just remember, counseling isdefinitely something that we
advocate for Number two, youknow your experience.
Your story is not just for you.
Everything has a reason andeverything has a season, you
know.
So just understand and know.
(41:29):
Be encouraged, and we alwaysencourage others or individuals
to seek professional support.
When you don't know the answers, don't try and right the wrong
yourself.
There's nothing wrong withseeking professional help.
Speaker 1 (41:45):
Because everybody doesn't know the answers, and
it's okay that you don't knowthe answers, but as long as you
have an outlet to go somewhereto get the answers, that's the
most important thing.
That's right, that's the mostimportant thing.
So this was great.
Speaker 3 (42:00):
It was, it was great it was therapeutic, it was, it
was unpacked.
Speaker 1 (42:09):
Yes, it was really really good, so make sure you
guys go out there and subscribeto our YouTube channel right.
It's going to be right there.
It's going to be there.
It's right there.
You should see it.
And any podcasts that youusually use.
We are there, so just hit yourlike and share.
(42:29):
Please share, Share yourstories with us if you would
like.
We're just here for you.
We're here to allow you tospeak your truth, however that
may be.
Speaker 3 (42:40):
So if you have some resources, let us know.
Give us any feedback.
We want to be a resource to youand the surrounding community.
So I'm John and I'm Lisa andwe're adopted.
Thank you again for investingtime to hear this truth.
Until next time to hear thistruth.
Until next time, until the nextepisode.
Speaker 2 (43:07):
Thank you for listening to the so I'm Adopted
podcast.
We hope that this wasinformative and educational.
You can follow us on Instagramand Facebook at so I'm Adopted.
Also, subscribe to our YouTubechannel so I'm Adopted.
And again, thank you forlistening and until next time,
make the choice to begin yourhealing journey.
Welcome to the so I'm Adopted podcast, where we talk
everything adoption.
This journey is not one we takealone.
Together we grapple with rawemotions that surface from
adoption stories.
We want you to be comfortableenough to heal, so sit back and
go with us on this journey as wedive deep into adoption.
Speaker 3 (00:45):
Episode nine, take 1.
9.
Welcome everybody, I'm John.
And I'm Lisa and we are adoptedwe finally did it right Only 9
tries but we want to thank youagain for taking the time to
tune in with us.
It's been a minute since wehave come to the table, yes, but
(01:07):
we are still excited about thisopportunity and we have been
discussing this platform withothers and we're just learning
again.
This is about non-traditionalrelationships and families, and
we have more in common than wedon't.
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
Absolutely.
So, as always, you common thanwe don't, absolutely, absolutely
.
Speaker 3 (01:27):
So, as always, you know, we start off, we want to
jump right in, and we started asegment a few episodes ago.
We talk about famous adoptees,right?
Yes, you want to share yoursfirst, or you want me to go?
Speaker 1 (01:40):
You go, because we'll probably end up going into our
next conversation.
Speaker 3 (01:44):
Okay, so mine I was very surprised, Mine is iced tea
, Really.
So what happened with iced tea?
His mother passed away when hewas three and his father passed
away shortly thereafter and as aresult, then his aunts stepped
in and they adopted him and theycared for him.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
Because he used to live in New York and then he
moved to California.
Speaker 3 (02:08):
Yes, yes.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
Yes, I remember, I remember.
Speaker 3 (02:17):
You know, and again, opening the umbrella to just
non-traditional families, itreally paints a picture that you
know, everybody is familiarwith the nonontraditional
situation or household, butthere are so many different
layers to it, so many differentresponses, so many things that
get swept under the rug.
And again I'm just.
I learned so much because nowI'm trying to figure out who
(02:39):
else is carrying this torch ofnontraditional familyhood.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
Yeah, and also the piggyback off of that is.
It's very common that thefamily steps in and takes the
child in, and that leads me tomy person.
Speaker 3 (02:58):
Look at that.
It's organic.
It's supposed to happen thatway.
It's supposed to happen.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
So I have you know, in honor of the Olympics that
just passed, um, I won.
My person is Simone Biles, okay, and I don't know how.
It's not that much of a secretthat she was.
She's adopted.
She's adopted by hergrandparents, okay, and her
(03:23):
mother was, you know, on drugsand alcohol, and it was for them
.
She had a younger sister and twoolder siblings and at the time
her mother couldn't care forthem, so they were in the foster
system.
So they were in the fostersystem, her and her sister.
(03:45):
All four of them were in thefoster system for at least three
years, wow.
So I think they went into thefoster system when she was three
and by six.
So the two older ones thegrandfather's sister took them
(04:06):
and they were in Ohio, right.
And then the grandfather tookthe two younger ones, which is
Simone and her sister.
Oh, wow.
And the thing is that the fathertold his daughter, which is
Simone's mother, don't have anycontact with them.
I don't want you to come bybecause I don't want you in and
(04:27):
out of their lives.
They've been through so muchdrama already and traumatic
situations of going into fostercare that now they're gonna be
in a stable home and she hasn'tbeen there because the father
said don't come at all, he setthe standard.
He set the standard at thebeginning, you know.
(04:49):
So that was interesting becauseshe's still with her parent.
I mean her, her biologicalparent, grandparents, but she
calls them mom and dad.
She doesn't call them grandmaand grandpa, she calls them mom
and dad.
She doesn't call them grandmaand grandpa, she calls them mom
and dad.
Speaker 3 (05:06):
I wonder, now that she's older, has she had any
interaction with her mom?
Speaker 1 (05:12):
So that's the thing.
I don't know if you've seen insocial media, because I'm always
on social media and so I knowthese things.
Her mom has spoken out thisrecently in regards to Simone
and her, her take, and everybodyhas an opinion because, yeah,
everybody has an opinion andyou're entitled to your and
(05:34):
you're entitled to your opinion,but my opinion is I feel that
she is.
You know, she's remorseful andwhat she's saying right now
she's speaking to I think it wasDaily Mail and she said that I
want to be forgiven.
I want to have the opportunityto ask for her forgiveness.
(05:56):
I want to be able to answer anyquestions that she may have,
because she doesn't know whatshe was told.
She hasn't spoken to her.
She has no relationship withher.
Now she speaks to the littlesister.
Okay, a little bit, not a lot,but she does have some type of
an interaction with her, withSimone.
(06:18):
She doesn't.
She was like I think theinterviewer asked her so do you
have a phone number?
She was like yeah, I have it,but I never used it because I
want her.
See, this is my opinion no, no,I got you.
Speaker 2 (06:33):
She doesn't want to.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
When Simone is ready to come and speak to her, she's
ready for her to come whenevershe wants to come.
Now, based on what she stated,she's sober, she's clean.
I don't know how long that'sbeen, but she's clean, she's
sober, she's working as acashier somewhere in Ohio, so
(07:00):
she's trying to get her lifetogether, okay, and she's just
whenever she's ready.
She's like yeah, my daughtergot married and I wasn't there.
I wish I was there.
You know, I want to be a partof her life, but I'm not going
to be a part of life if that'ssomething she doesn't want.
Okay, and I can respect that.
So she's really putting it onher.
Okay, that's good, right, right, and so I feel that she's
(07:23):
sincere, absolutely.
She's in what she's stating, inher position.
Speaker 3 (07:29):
So my initial processing face that caught you
off guard was all right.
Are we doing this right nowbecause of the fame and what's
going on, you know, and wait aminute.
Ok, go ahead, I'm sorry I wasgiving you my yes, yes, yes, go
ahead.
And as you continue to talk,you know I wrestled with OK.
(07:50):
How did you get the number?
Does?
Simone know that you're tryingto reach out Like.
These are the questions, havingtraveled that road, that I'm
asking, right, but then to hearher say, if she doesn't want me
to, I don't want to say, if shedoesn't want me to, I don't want
to.
I respect that.
Yes, you know.
I would just hope that thoseconversations have been put out
(08:12):
there prior to this and not justin a public manner.
But again, you don't know, andwe don't know because we don't
know how.
Speaker 1 (08:19):
If she has, she hasn't gotten a response before
or anything of that nature.
So we don't know, becauseeveryone was saying, oh, she's
just doing that because you know.
Speaker 3 (08:29):
Again, simone just didn't come out this Olympics,
right, she's been known for twoother Olympics so let me ask
this, though, as a a mother andI don't have the mother, I don't
have anything of that naturebut as a mother, when Simone
went through what she wentthrough in that dark season, if
(08:54):
mom knew who she was which weall assume she did, or maybe she
wasn't clean at that time shecould have still been.
You know, I don't know.
But the question would be doesthat mother gene kick in and
override?
Speaker 1 (09:12):
Because of that mental situation she went
through.
I don't think that would havebeen a good, a good thing for
her to even pop up.
That would have made everythingworse.
Okay, considering that, sinceshe's been three years old,
right.
The first time you come in,come in is when that's just
(09:33):
going to add to it.
Speaker 3 (09:35):
Add more questions.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
You know so, and Simone talked a little bit about
when she was three and all thestuff that they had to go
through.
She was like the cats wereeating better than than we were.
So they were, and she's likeyou know, I, just I, I was
taking care of my sister she'sthree, taking care of her baby
sister because she felt that shehad to but that happens more
(10:00):
frequently than not right youknow, that's that a lot of kids
are forced to be adults soonerthan they then they need so.
Therefore, her mother coming inat the time that she had her
issues in 2020, no, that wouldhave no, no, that just would
have added, added to it to wheremaybe she wouldn't have been
able to perform and be inolympics.
(10:21):
This you know, you just don'tknow, you just don't know.
But I feel she's sincere and itwas just crazy how she wants to
be forgiven.
She wants the opportunity to beforgiven, right To apologize,
to speak her truth.
Speaker 3 (10:42):
In that sense, speak her truth in that sense, but
it's the daughter who is notcoming out with open arms.
Oh so it's been documented,it's not?
Speaker 1 (10:52):
documented, I'm assuming because you haven't
heard anything and we haven't.
You know, or I'm sure if simonedid, the mom would have said oh
well, we did speak at one pointor another in the past, but but
not recently, or something likethat.
But she's like they haven't hadany communication.
Speaker 3 (11:10):
That's one of the challenges with being in the
public spotlight.
You know everything.
You have to second guess whatpeople's motivations are and how
will this impact me on thisplatform and it's just a lot to
it, so I encourage and you know.
Pray for all those that are inthat public eyes challenge.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
Exactly.
Speaker 3 (11:31):
So, yeah, and again, this is why this you know
celebrity who's adopted piecesis impactful, because you're
able to see.
You know what.
I'm not the only one goingthrough this.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
No, you're able to see.
You know what?
I'm not the only one goingthrough this.
No, you're not.
And then, if everything didn'tplay out the way it did, would
Simone Biles be Simone Biles?
Speaker 3 (11:56):
everything has a reason.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
Everything has a reason, because her mom probably
wouldn't have been able toafford.
Speaker 3 (12:02):
Right the care.
Speaker 1 (12:03):
The care, the gymnastics, because her and her
sister were gymnasts.
Oh, is her sister still agymnast?
Her sister just.
She just decided to bow out andnot do it because everybody
kept comparing her yeah.
And she was like, eh, I'm on,but she was good oh yeah, but
she wasn't Simone Biles shewasn't, but she won her share
(12:28):
that's the thing never heard ofright and her thing was, I think
, is dance.
she was more into dance, so herpassion for it may not have been
as passionate as Simone'sGotcha, but she was.
She can do it very well.
Speaker 3 (12:48):
That's awesome.
Well, we continue to pray forthe Simone.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
The Biles family.
Speaker 3 (12:54):
It's been a long day, but it's all good.
So again, please hit that likebutton, hit that share button.
Follow us on various socialmedia platforms.
We're on Spotify, apple Music,wherever you can get a podcast,
we are there, and our goal, ourdesire, is to help just improve
(13:15):
healthy families andrelationships.
Improve healthy families andrelationships yes, that is what
we have strived to do.
God placed this on our heartsto share our stories and do that
transparency.
I've had people reach out.
Please, if you are willing tocome on our platform and share
your story, even if you're notwilling to share, but you just
want to talk to us about ourexperiences or different
(13:37):
resources, if you are someonewho has resources for the
adopted community, please sharethem with us.
We have learned about variousconferences, various retreats
for adoptees and for parents ofadoptees and other connected
entities, so we're thankful forthis safe space.
(13:59):
We recognize that it is a heavytask, but one that is needed.
So again, that is ourcelebrities who you didn't know
were adopted.
Yes, so let's jump in for ourtopic for discussion today.
I am excited about this andI'll let you kind of give the
(14:21):
lead.
Speaker 1 (14:24):
So you know how I mentioned Simone Biles.
It's like her mom wants theopportunity to ask for
forgiveness.
So we're going to do a part twowith Kirk Franklin and how it's
like he wants his mother to askfor forgiveness, right, and she
(14:49):
ain't having it.
She's still not having it.
So recently he was on a podcastwith um cam newton.
I mean was if you haven't seenit, you have to see it.
Speaker 3 (15:03):
And don't let us spoil the interview.
It's a long interview and Camgoes real deep.
He goes beyond the churchyquestions and Kirk actually
encouraged him.
He said listen, man, don't askme those questions.
And it yielded some good fruit.
Yes, it did those questions andit yielded some good fruit.
Yes, I think it yielded somegood fruit.
Another illustration that youknow we all have something that
(15:27):
we're carrying in our backpackyes, it was.
Speaker 1 (15:32):
I have to give it to Cam.
Speaker 3 (15:34):
He was really good yeah, I would have expected that
type of product from you knowthe club Shea, because those are
the interviews that he's beengiven exactly and yes, cam
Newton knocked it out the parkbig shout out to Cam, shout out
the park, knocked it out thepark.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
But so tell me what you know set you back.
What were you surprised to hearin that?
Speaker 3 (16:10):
So in the what surprised me, there were a
couple of different nuggets,different nuggets, but what
floored me, what actuallypierced me?
when he shared the story that henever talked about publicly and
he shared, how you know, theywere caring for the sister and
(16:30):
all the family got together andhis mom came in with her new
boyfriend at the time because Idon't think they were married,
no, they were married.
Okay, so the new husbandboyfriend at the time, because I
don't think they were married,no, they were married, the new
husband and they were having afamily moment and the husband
the new husband made the commentto say you need to call your
mama sometime.
And Kirk said he kind ofspazzed out, he used some words
(16:57):
that I'm not going to say herethat he chose not to say.
He did spell it out.
Cam said it because Cam had thefreedom to do that.
Yes, but what he saidafterwards, he said he blacked
out, he did.
He said that his mom, herresponse wasn't oh well, you
know, wait a minute.
Speaker 1 (17:18):
No, but you got to say it right, got it.
You got to say it right.
Okay, you got to say it right.
Speaker 3 (17:23):
Hey, listen.
If you're enjoying theconversation about Kirk Franklin
that's interviewed by Cam, dous a favor, hit those like and
share buttons so that otherpeople can benefit from this
conversation as well.
So I'm adopting podcasts on allof your platforms for podcasts,
please like and share, get theword out, give us some feedback.
(17:44):
All right, I'll let y'all goback.
Speaker 1 (17:46):
So they in the huddle , the mom the sister, no, it's
mom the sister and kirk, they'reall hugging.
Now this is a monument deborahdeborah.
Speaker 3 (17:58):
No, I'm sorry, she was.
Speaker 1 (17:59):
Okay, but the huddle was just three of them, okay.
And she was like, oh, that's sobeautiful, it's beautiful.
This is how family should act.
And then Kurt goes wait aminute, we're not here for us,
we're here for I can't rememberhis sister's name.
We're here for her, we'retrying to get her on the right
track, right.
And then that's when he madethe comment.
(18:22):
The comment came from thepeanut gallery in the corner.
Well, you need to call yourmama sometime.
So Kirk was like wait a minute.
Okay, wait a minute, let's,let's pause here.
He said she's the parent andI'm the child.
And then he had the nerve to gobut you're a Christian, you
call yourself, you call yourselfa Christian.
(18:43):
And that's when he blacked out.
Kurt blacked out, he got alittle bubbly underneath his
skin and they said he followedhim out.
No.
Then the mother goes come on,come on, baby.
Speaker 3 (18:55):
He took his hand and said come on, baby let baby,
took his hand and said come on,baby, let's go.
The husband, the husband right,and that's the part that Kirk
said it broke him.
Speaker 1 (19:03):
Yeah, because here's this mother who never provided,
never protected, never loved andhe gave like five or six other
oh my yes descriptive words, andhere's another illustration of
you choosing something else overme or the sister Right Over us,
(19:23):
and he, he followed them out ofthe of the house and he said to
her go ahead, do what youalways do and walk out on us,
right?
And that right there is why hehas not spoken to her for over
23 years, until the documentary.
Until the documentary in July,and then that's the last time he
(19:45):
talked to her was that day whenshe walked out after two DNA
tests saying that this man washis father.
Speaker 3 (19:52):
She still denies it.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
And still denies it and still won't say why or how
or when he was conceived, and hehasn't spoken to her since then
.
Yeah, help me understand, butthe one thing about it all he
(20:15):
still giving her grace.
Speaker 3 (20:17):
He did.
He said that she still is thewoman that gave me life.
Speaker 1 (20:23):
He gave her a shout out he did.
Speaker 3 (20:25):
After all that, he said listen, I still respect the
fact that she gave me life.
Speaker 1 (20:31):
But he also caveated with saying really I thank God
for Gertrude, for making surethat she didn't make the
decision to have an abortionRight, because he said he heard
her.
Speaker 3 (20:48):
So I didn't want, I don't want to, I was going to
have an abortion.
Speaker 1 (20:50):
You were going to have an abortion.
Speaker 3 (20:52):
Talking to Gertrude wouldn't allow me.
Speaker 1 (20:54):
Would not allow you to.
And I thought Gertrude was likea distant relative or something
.
I don't know.
I kind of think I heard that,but lately he hasn't been saying
that.
But um, that was that waspowerful for him to say.
I still give her grace Aftereverything he said.
(21:15):
He gives her grace because hedoesn't know what.
He doesn't know her story, hedoesn't know her story.
Something happened to her Tomake her act the way she's
acting, make her treat the kidsthe way she's treating them.
Speaker 3 (21:36):
A lot of times a lot of times it's just a repeated
cycle.
You know, the old saying goeshurt people hurt people.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
Absolutely.
Speaker 3 (21:44):
And you know whatever .
Like you said, whatever wasdone to her was so traumatic
that this is the result of it.
So what surprised you inwatching it?
Speaker 1 (21:56):
What surprised me was that he was given her grace.
Speaker 3 (21:59):
After all of that, after all of that was that he
was given her grace After all ofthat.
Speaker 1 (22:00):
After all of that, he was still given her grace.
But I don't understand how youstill won't tell him what
happened.
How did you two end up together?
Cam was like well, what youknow?
Did you ask her?
(22:22):
Cam was like did you, didanybody just ask her?
He was like well, I haven'ttalked to her since that day.
Speaker 3 (22:30):
And she's probably not answering that.
Well, who?
I'm not going to makeassumptions, because you don't
know.
Speaker 1 (22:34):
You don't, you don't know, you don't know.
I don't understand.
I know, for me, when Iaddressed my mother, my
biological mother, withquestions, she was forthright in
it.
Now, do I remember the answersto the questions?
(22:56):
Because, no, I don't, because Ihave bad memory and I didn't
write anything.
But she was forthright and giveme the answers.
Now, to me she didn't give itwillingly.
I mean, she gave it willingly,but it felt like it was forcing.
(23:16):
You know, like, okay, I reallyhave to tell her.
I don't want to tell her.
I felt that, you know, she wasgetting a little bothered when I
would ask questions.
So I didn't ask as manyquestions as I wish I would have
, because now I don't have thatopportunity to ask the questions
.
So now I'm just out here saying, oh, I wish I did this and that
(23:38):
and a third.
But I mean it is what it is,you know.
Speaker 3 (23:44):
So I'll share with you.
With my first mom, you knowwe've had conversations and I've
asked certain questions and youknow I told her.
I said if it's a question thatyou're unable to answer for
whatever reason, I respect that.
And she said well, you can askanything you want, she said, and
I'll let you know.
She said, because it's aprocess and I'm working through
(24:05):
it, and I just appreciated thefact that she was willing to
even be transparent because shecould easily say I don't feel
like talking about it.
Yeah, you know.
So it's a I don't want to saytug of war, because it's not a
battle, it's more of a euphoricseesaw and I'm just appreciative
(24:29):
of that.
So I guess if we could put abullet or a nugget, have
intentional communication andconversation, yeah, because
communication and conversation,yeah, because one you know it's
benefits to knowing and peopleprobably take it for granted
knowing where you come from,knowing who you're connected
(24:51):
with.
Speaker 1 (24:51):
Those of us who don't have those answers, you know we
walk around with blanks and weunfortunately fill in those
blanks with misinformation ormisunderstanding, because we and
it's a coping mechanism- it isbecause we, we kind of play,
(25:11):
make our own narrative in ourheads, you know, and what, what
we would have liked the realityto be, and, like you said, it is
a coping it's.
And then when you find out thereal truth, you like shatter,
you like a ton of bricks?
Speaker 3 (25:27):
wait a minute.
What?
Or it may be.
Why didn't you tell me?
Because now it's too late and Ican't get the rest of the
puzzle, or you?
Speaker 1 (25:37):
know, different things, but then people are only
able to provide based on whatthey had a capacity but check
this out what happens if themother's name is Deborah Deborah
, I'm this hypothetical finallysays okay, I'm gonna tell you
(25:58):
the whole story.
And then Kirk goes really, isthat it?
Oh well, I'm okay with that,but she will never know if he's
okay with it or not.
You know what?
Speaker 3 (26:16):
I'm saying I got you.
Here's the thing, though, wehave to be mindful of.
Her story is her story?
Speaker 1 (26:25):
Right.
Well, I don't mean to say I'mOK with it, but to say that I
understand why you did what youdid.
Speaker 3 (26:31):
Correct, and but I wanted to bring that point
because I think that's somethingthat happens often.
Right, we try and takeownership of other people's
narratives and their thoughtsand their position.
Ownership of other people'snarratives and their thoughts
and their position, so I thinkthat's a very familiar thing.
But, like you said, that's hisability to say I embrace it.
He may need it, he may not needit.
(26:53):
That's something that you haveto unpack yourself and that's
why I'm a big advocate I know weboth are of counseling.
Yes, you know being able to talkto somebody that can help you
organize your thoughts.
Yes, we self-medicate in ourcommunity, whether it's through
alcohol, whether it's throughjobs whether it's through sex,
(27:14):
whether it's through money.
We do all type of differentthings to avoid what's really at
the root of our challenges.
Speaker 1 (27:24):
That's absolutely.
And he he kind of touched onthat um as well, because when he
said he got married he had alot going on.
So I mean they didn't do nomarriage counseling, he didn't.
He didn't do any of thatbecause he didn't, he didn't
know to do that.
You don't know what you don'tknow.
Speaker 3 (27:46):
It hadn't been modeled for him.
Speaker 1 (27:47):
It wasn't modeled for him and he had a lot of.
He was very promiscuous growingup so he had that going on and
that wasn't under control.
When he married Tammy, he had alot of baggage, a lot of
baggage, and then it's like hegravitated to her because her
(28:09):
family was pretty much whole.
She had a mother and father.
They had, you know, they'vebeen a decent house.
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (28:17):
From the outside looking in.
The outside looking in.
Speaker 3 (28:19):
It was a model that he doesn't have, you know, and
that's what he was longing for,because he he didn't see that
right so, and that's let's parkthe car right there for a second
, because I think that alsocreates an avenue for people to
get into relationships.
Thank the lord that you knowthat was a healthy situation
(28:44):
that he got into.
A lot of times when peopledon't have and they think, oh
well, they have what I don'thave, they can end up going into
a repeated situation ofbrokenness.
And again, this is why fullcommunication is productive.
You know, even though it'sscary, it's tough sometimes.
(29:05):
The difficult conversation isjust that a difficult
conversation.
But we want to pack so manydifferent narratives of what it
could be on it.
We have to do better as a whole.
So another thing that flooredme Kirk was talking about his
(29:25):
mom's husband and he said thatafter he had gotten married he
was doing a show in Ohio, Ithink, and these two women came
to him, yes, yes.
And they said we just want toapologize to you.
And he was looking like forwhat?
What did you all do?
(29:45):
And they said that they werethe daughters of him the father
the husband.
And they said they rememberhearing about that interaction
but on top of it, they knew thetype of person he was, so they
weren't surprised, and the factthat it's interesting how they
(30:08):
took responsibility for theirfather's behavior.
Yes, yes, to go and apologizeto those who he hurt.
Again, we carry on.
Speaker 1 (30:20):
We do that, though.
We do that Even though we'renot the one who actually did the
offense.
We feel responsible for ourfamily members when they do
things in that nature.
Speaker 3 (30:33):
But I think that's when we have a good conscience
and we're trying to live right.
We don't want our good to bespoken ill of Exactly, or we
don't want to be necessarilylumped in with that Exactly,
Although that's who you know I'ma part of.
That's not who I am Right.
Speaker 1 (30:53):
And they didn't have to do that.
Speaker 3 (30:54):
No, they didn't.
Speaker 1 (30:55):
He would have never known, he would have never known
at all, he would have beentrying to get something.
Well, they were already at theshow, because Maybe they were
trying to get something.
Well, they were already at theshow, because he said they came
in, so it wasn't like theycalled ahead of time, that's
true.
Hey we want to talk to him.
Yeah, but no.
I think it was admirable ofthem to even bring it up to him,
right and no.
Yeah, that's our dad, that'sthe way he is and we deeply
(31:17):
apologize, and that doesn'trepresent us and our family.
Speaker 3 (31:21):
Right, and you know Kurt acknowledged that that was
powerful for them to have to doit.
Yeah, something about askingfor forgiveness and it's not
always or apologizing.
Let me say that it's not alwaysfor the reasons.
We think a lot of times thatapology gives a release that we
(31:44):
from a place of paralysis.
We hold people hostage in ourbrain.
You know so a lot of times,given that and it may have been
something that was just eatingat them, right, that they were
like you know what allow us totry and go and advocate and
intercede on behalf of ourfamily, because we are good
people.
And the reality is there'sstill a level of connection
(32:07):
there, right, even thoughthey're not biological again,
that's a non-traditional family.
I'm going to point that outevery time that we see it.
That non-traditional family.
Is there Marriages that bringoutside children to it?
You know there's a level ofconnection.
Although it may not be a deeprooted connection, it's still oh
(32:29):
yeah, that's such and suchRight, right, that's powerful.
Speaker 1 (32:36):
And with his, another thing that stood out to me was,
I thought, with Kirk findinghis father and then he, you know
, going to his son, who hehadn't spoken to in some time at
that time, and how he told himwhat was going on and how they
(32:57):
embraced.
I thought that was going to bea turning point for their
relationship, but it's still inprogress.
Still in progress because, youknow, in in the video, you know
(33:17):
he's saying this is, this iswhat I've been missing, this is
what I've been missing, butapparently there's still some
things that's missing becausethey're still, they're still
working through it you know, I'msure there's a level of being
guarded by all individuals,right?
Speaker 3 (33:33):
you know that level of hurt and protect ourselves.
Yeah, case in point if you walkby that table and you stub your
foot the next time, you won'twalk out a little bit wider.
True, true, true, yeah, andlike it or not, claim it or not,
we put up safeguards toemotionally or to protect our
(33:55):
emotion.
Yes Again, but, like I said, wedon't always call it what it is
.
We mask it with otherdistractors, but the reality is
all you're doing is protectingyourself, so you don't go
through that emotional traumaagain.
Speaker 1 (34:12):
True, that's like Kirk said I'm okay, but I'm not
okay.
Right, but I'm okay.
That's a coping OK.
Right, but I'm OK.
Speaker 3 (34:18):
That's a coping statement, yeah, and it's to
protect yourself.
It's like you know what.
Listen, y'all don't have tobombard me, I'm OK, but I still
still got a little somethingRight.
It stings.
Speaker 2 (34:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (34:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (34:30):
So it's definitely, and I just applaud Kirk for
being transparent because hedoesn't have to share that side
of it.
You know it's painful as it isbut, like you said, so many
people that have been blessed byit.
Not to say that it changedeverything in people's lives,
(34:52):
but it gave that little piece ofthe puzzle to say huh maybe
Right.
Should I, could, I, can, I, willI, whatever you know, it may be
, that's true, you know.
So a nugget is you know whatyou're wrestling with may be the
(35:12):
key to unlock somebody else'sdot, dot dot.
You never know, you might bewalking around and because you
are not willing to address whatyou're pulling in your wagon.
Somebody might be waiting tocome out the house, but they're
looking to see who's gonna bepulling the wagon down the
street.
Speaker 1 (35:34):
That's good, that's good, that's good.
Speaker 3 (35:43):
He unpacked a lot.
He did.
He did as I was in the car andI was listening.
It was almost like I could seethe visualization and cam was
saying he said I'm gettinggoosebumps right now.
He said because I listened toyour songs.
And then I'm like you're kirkfranklin, you're dressed, the
nine, the gospel and this andthat, and you're dealing with
this Right.
So again, perception.
Speaker 1 (36:03):
That was his Michael Jordan.
Right, that was Cam Newton'sMichael Jordan.
No, not Michael Jordan.
Michael Jackson, michaelJackson, yeah, michael Jackson.
So to be in front of someonewho you look up to since you was
a child and to hear hisbrokenness, I'm sure that was
(36:28):
very, very impactful and Cam didan outstanding job, so I can
say big shout out to Cam Bigshout out, and he didn't hold
back on any questions.
Speaker 3 (36:38):
Right, right, you know the again and we always try
and give you takeaways.
You know, broken crayons stillcolor.
Think about that.
Yes, you know, when I wasgrowing up.
Yes, a bucket, a can, a coffeecan full of broken crayon.
Bucket, a can, a coffee canfull of broken crayon, and we
(36:59):
would just color and not thinktwice about it.
But that's how we are, as wewalk around daily.
We all are broken, but we stillhave the ability to create, to
do, to inspire.
But if you look at that canfull of those broken crayons,
look at that can full of thosebroken crayons, it's only a
illustration, or not even anillustration.
(37:20):
It's a starting point to whatcould be.
So don't I just want toencourage somebody?
Don't think that because ofyour situation, that you have
limitations, Right, becausethere's always hope.
(37:41):
There's always hope and there'salways opportunities.
Now, that doesn't mean that itdoesn't require work.
It also may be a scenario whereit may not be for right now.
So I don't want people to hearthat and say, well, I can't do
such and such, well, it may notbe the season for it Exactly,
you may be being prepared forsomething down the road, but if
you don't do the work here, youthink about you're not going to
get the fruit there.
Right, you think about aconveyor and conveyor belt, like
(38:03):
in a warehouse Person A and Bif they don't do their part,
person C and D can't do theirpart.
Right, and then the personwho's waiting for the product
won't get there.
Speaker 1 (38:15):
Won't get there.
Speaker 3 (38:16):
So we have to understand that we all are here
for a purpose.
Everything that we've gonethrough is for a purpose, for
something or somebody else aswell.
Speaker 1 (38:27):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (38:27):
So don't be selfish and hold tight to your testimony
.
Speaker 1 (38:32):
And we just got to keep our faith and believe that,
as long as we are working theprocess and believe that it's
going to bear the outcome thatwe want and we have to believe
that we got to have faith thatthat's going to happen there's
always going to be, like he said, that opportunity and there's
(38:52):
always hope that it can can turnaround for the good.
Speaker 3 (38:56):
Always.
Speaker 1 (38:57):
Everything that you go through, you go through for a
reason.
That's right, and whether yousee it on this side of heaven,
or you see it on the other side,or you don't see it, it's still
gonna reach the purpose that itwas meant to happen.
Speaker 3 (39:18):
You might not even see the purpose.
That's what I'm talking about,Right?
I mean, well, no, even on thisside you might not.
Yeah, true, you know, becausewe have no clue.
Somebody might watch but neverrespond and be benefited.
There might be one thing thatthey hear that's true and it's
just like wow, I never looked atit that way.
(39:39):
So just understand thateverything has a purpose.
Everything has a purpose.
So, I'm thankful for thisopportunity to talk about Kirk
and his journey and hopefullyothers are inspired.
If you haven't seen it, please,it's on YouTube.
You can just type in KirkFranklin and Cam Newton and they
(40:01):
have a couple of different onesthe whole interview and then, I
think, the one with just thatpart snippet.
It may be about 20 minutes.
Yeah, so if you need a quickreference, you can utilize or
view that If you have time toview the whole interview.
I encourage it because, likeshe said, Cam is he's putting in
some journalistic work.
Speaker 1 (40:20):
He is.
Kirk is laying down somenuggets, man, some gems, and all
through the all through theinterview, right so and I've
listened to some other podcastsI think he's on a podcast
circuit right now and he's stillconsistent in his in his
message, right All through it.
(40:41):
So, yeah, kirk is on a roll.
Speaker 3 (40:44):
Awesome, that's awesome.
Speaker 1 (40:45):
On a roll.
Speaker 3 (40:47):
So, again, we hope that you took away the nuggets
that were that came out of thisdiscussion.
This is the first time her andI discussed that.
We wanted it to be organic.
I think that it yields goodfruit.
Yes, Nothing was written,Nothing was planned.
It just was a result of acommon story that was put out
(41:07):
that connected both of us and wehope that it connects to you.
So just remember, counseling isdefinitely something that we
advocate for Number two, youknow your experience.
Your story is not just for you.
Everything has a reason andeverything has a season, you
know.
So just understand and know.
(41:29):
Be encouraged, and we alwaysencourage others or individuals
to seek professional support.
When you don't know the answers, don't try and right the wrong
yourself.
There's nothing wrong withseeking professional help.
Speaker 1 (41:45):
Because everybody doesn't know the answers, and
it's okay that you don't knowthe answers, but as long as you
have an outlet to go somewhereto get the answers, that's the
most important thing.
That's right, that's the mostimportant thing.
So this was great.
Speaker 3 (42:00):
It was, it was great it was therapeutic, it was, it
was unpacked.
Speaker 1 (42:09):
Yes, it was really really good, so make sure you
guys go out there and subscribeto our YouTube channel right.
It's going to be right there.
It's going to be there.
It's right there.
You should see it.
And any podcasts that youusually use.
We are there, so just hit yourlike and share.
(42:29):
Please share, Share yourstories with us if you would
like.
We're just here for you.
We're here to allow you tospeak your truth, however that
may be.
Speaker 3 (42:40):
So if you have some resources, let us know.
Give us any feedback.
We want to be a resource to youand the surrounding community.
So I'm John and I'm Lisa andwe're adopted.
Thank you again for investingtime to hear this truth.
Until next time to hear thistruth.
Until next time, until the nextepisode.
Speaker 2 (43:07):
Thank you for listening to the so I'm Adopted
podcast.
We hope that this wasinformative and educational.
You can follow us on Instagramand Facebook at so I'm Adopted.
Also, subscribe to our YouTubechannel so I'm Adopted.
And again, thank you forlistening and until next time,
make the choice to begin yourhealing journey.
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