Journey Into the World of Foster to Adopt: Companionship, Challenges, and Transformation

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Embark on an emotional expedition with social worker and foster parent trainer, Allison Davidson, as we uncover the layers of the foster-to-adopt journey. Allison brings a wealth of knowledge from her 25 years in the field, guiding us through the process with a focus on its financial approachability and the rigorous background checks designed to safeguard the children's welfare. Together, we bust myths about adoption disqualifiers and lay bare the heart and soul that goes into creating forever families.

Navigating the foster care system can feel like threading a needle with a tapestry of legal and emotional threads. This episode delicately balances the two, delving into the complexities of adoption laws, the importance of cultural representation in foster homes, and the impact of maintaining biological connections. We traverse through Virginia's legal landscape, where I share my personal adoption narrative, revealing the profound influence of access to birth family information on identity and sense of self.

Concluding our journey, Allison inspires with stories of resilience and transformation, highlighting the profound satisfaction of witnessing children find their permanent havens. For those moved by our discourse and considering fostering with the intent to adopt, she details the initial steps to take with local agencies. We're reminded that while the path of foster care to adoption can be an emotional labyrinth, the rewards of providing love and stability to a child in need are boundless. Join us as we embrace the spirit of compassion and commitment inherent in the foster-to-adopt adventure.

Music by Curtis Rodgers IG @itsjustcurtis
Produce and Edited by Lisa Sapp
Executive Producer Lisa Sapp
Executive Producer Johnnie Underwood

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 2 (00:13):
Welcome to the so I'm Adopted podcast, where we talk
everything adoption.
This journey is not one we takealone.
Together we grapple with rawemotions that surface from
adoption stories.
We want you to be comfortableenough to heal, so sit back and
go with us on this journey as wedive deep into adoption.

Speaker 1 (00:43):
We wanted to create a space for adoption truth.
We have a common bond of beingadopted.
Our stories are very, verydifferent.
We wanted to have ourconversations and allow other
people to hear our conversationsand also be able to share
theirs as well.

Speaker 2 (00:58):
This podcast is where we will hear adoption stories
from other adoptees, adoptiveparents and biological families.
We will also have input fromlicensed professionals such as
psychologists, social workers,to get a deeper understanding of
this adoption journey.
Hopefully, these stories andperspectives will give hope and

(01:19):
understanding and courage tothose who are adopted or who are
thinking about being adopted,along with the journey of
acceptance, reconciliation andmaintenance of being adopted.
Those are going to be some ofthe anchors that we will
highlight each time we come onthis podcast.
Again, we want to thank you fortaking some time and invest

(01:39):
with us at so I'm Adopted.
This journey has been sofulfilling since we started this
podcast, and what has happenedis it's kind of taken a
different turn from what weinitially thought.
Initially, our focus was juston adoption, but what we have
identified is that it works withnon-traditional relationships

(01:59):
and there are so many differentlayers, and we've had people
that have reached out, that wantto share their stories.
We've had people that want tobe resources, and today we have
somebody at the table with usthat is going to be a resource
and gives a wealth ofinformation.
So, lisa, go ahead and jump in.
Let's go.

Speaker 1 (02:16):
Yes, so today, our guest is a social worker for the
city of Hampton in Virginia.
She has been training fosterparents for over 20 years.
She holds a bachelor's degreeof arts in social work from
Christopher Newport Universityand a master's of arts degree in
education and training from theUniversity of Phoenix.
She's also the CEO andprofessional trainer of Training

(02:39):
Solutions LLC, as well as anauthor of no Excuses.
So let's please welcome.
This is Allison Davidson, thankyou.
Thank you for having me.
I appreciate it.
I'm looking forward to theconversation.
Yes, thank you for coming.
Yes, yes, so, like we mentionedthat, allison works with

(03:03):
fostering to adoption.
That is kind of like foster toadopt, because there's two
different ways is either you gostraight to adoption or
fostering to adoption.
So her expertise is in thefostering to adoption, but we'll
definitely talk on both sidesof it.

Speaker 2 (03:19):
I'm going to say, because I don't even know the
difference in some of thelanguages being used foster care
and then adopt, and so justeducate us in just some basic
language of what you do.

Speaker 3 (03:29):
Well, definitely what I do.
I train our foster parents tobecome foster adopted parents.
I recruit them and train thembecause in the city of Hampton
we have a need.
We have about 86 kids in fostercare and so, with that said,
we're always needing andrecruiting families.
And so when you said somethingvery unique, when you said

(03:51):
foster to adopt, that isdifferent.
For a lot of people.
What that looks like is you getto foster a child for a while
before you're able to adopt them, at least six months before you
can really legally adopt Ifthey become available for
adoption.
So the process is different.
A lot of people don't reallythink about that as an

(04:13):
opportunity to adopt children,but you can foster to adopt a
child in the state of Virginia.

Speaker 1 (04:22):
So what's the difference between you know, the
straight adoption, privateadoption, versus a foster?
What's the big differencesbetween the two?

Speaker 3 (04:32):
Well, the first thing is, the big difference is money
.
Financially, there aredifferent types of adoption.
Okay, so you have your domesticadoption and you have your
international adoption, and thenyou can do foster to adopt.
The more economical way isfoster to adopt.
Obviously, internationaladoption is probably your most

(04:55):
expensive way to adopt.
You're going to be traveling,you're going to be spending a
lot of money going out of thecountry, and so there's
different fees associated withthat.
When you talk about domesticadoption, a lot of people can
choose private, or they can withan agency, or they can go to a
lawyer and have the lawyer writeup the adoption paperwork and

(05:17):
pay that way, but still thosefees can be anywhere from $1,000
to $50,000 to go adoption way,straight up adoption.
If you choose, though, to gofoster to adopt, the state of
Virginia will help you out there, because there is no cost
associated with foster to adopt.

Speaker 2 (05:39):
Wait, whoa, whoa, 30 second time out.
So domestic adoption can costanywhere from $1,000 to $50,000.

Speaker 3 (05:47):
Domestic and international and international.

Speaker 2 (05:50):
But if you do the foster to adopt, there's no cost
.

Speaker 3 (05:53):
There's no cost.

Speaker 2 (05:55):
Wow.

Speaker 1 (05:57):
I got a question Is black market an option to?

Speaker 3 (06:01):
I know nothing about black market.

Speaker 2 (06:02):
I'm not even gonna say anything.
I'm a leader alone.

Speaker 1 (06:07):
I'm sticking to that.

Speaker 2 (06:10):
So I guess the first question would be are there any
disqualifiers where someonewould not be able to go through
that process of foster to adopt?

Speaker 3 (06:20):
There are several.
One of the things that standout is background checks.
We do background checks.
Sometimes individuals mighthave some type of been on a
sexual offender registry.
It's the case that woulddisqualify them.

Speaker 2 (06:34):
Okay.
Is there a certain amount oftime or is it just automatic
Disqualifying?
Okay?

Speaker 3 (06:41):
So when you look at background checks and also you
have to look at if there is anydomestic balance in their past
we look at all of those things.

Speaker 1 (06:51):
Do they also look at the type of nucleus family as
well?

Speaker 3 (06:57):
That's not a disqualifying.
You can be single, you can bemarried, you know, and you can
be same sex couples, it doesn'tmatter.

Speaker 2 (07:05):
What about divorce?
Is that frowned upon?

Speaker 3 (07:08):
Oh no, no Long, as you have your divorce and your
divorce is final and you justhave to give us a copy of your
divorce decree.
And we talk to people aboutthis all the time.
When they call us to foster, toadopt, we do a pre-streaming
and I'll talk to you probably alittle bit later about it, but
we do a pre-streaming and thatis wonderful because it allows

(07:28):
them to ask questions to us andthen we're able to give them
that information that they needto see if they're a good fit.
Some people eliminatethemselves and sometimes we let
them know that they might not beable to move forward because of
some things they need to getstraight.
Some families maybe are in jobsituations where they are not

(07:51):
employed and don't have income.
That could be an issue in termsof getting approved as a foster
parent.
You have to show that you haveincome.

Speaker 1 (08:01):
So why would someone that is not employed want to be
a foster parent?
Because of the money that theyreceive for the child?
Lisa?

Speaker 3 (08:13):
good question, good question.
I'm not sure for certain whateach person's reason but
sometimes that could be a reasonsome people might think is
lucrative that they're lookingfor a job and so becoming a
foster parent is further fromthat.
It's not a job.
You're going to be a parent toour kids and a lot of times you

(08:35):
might spend more money than youmight receive.
We do pay a maintenance, and amaintenance is a reimbursement.
It's not like we pay them, wejust give them a reimbursement
because you know, like I know,it costs money to take care of
these babies.
It's money, and so we reimbursethem for caring for the kids and

(08:55):
foster care.

Speaker 2 (08:57):
I do know that there's a narrative, and back
when I first started teaching,it was a big boom of group homes
because people were aware thatyou did get funding back.
And again the boom took placeand as a result, they changed
the regulations and then theystarted doing more screening,
doing more coming out, checking.
So I would imagine that'sprobably where some of that

(09:18):
narrative came from, that peoplebelieve or if I'm a foster
parent, I'm going to get sometype of money, or if I adopt,
I'm going to get some type offunding back.
So I guess, how do you, ifsomebody does come to you with
that type of narrative andconversation, what is the
response?

Speaker 3 (09:34):
Well, what we try to do is educate them.
We try to tell them about ourprogram and we let them know
that, friend, you might have toput out some money just to make
sure your house is ready.
You have to have a bed for achild.
They don't have to have theirown room, but they have to have
their own bed.
So there are some things theymight have to prepare their
house for, and that is theircost, because they are

(09:56):
interested in becoming a fosterparent.
But they also have to have asuitable home for that child.

Speaker 2 (10:01):
Okay, when you do the screenings and interview, do
you speak to the neighbors?
And the reason I'm asking oneof the things that my family
expressed to me when they weregoing through the process of
adopting me that the casemanager went to multiple houses
in the neighborhood asking aboutwhat type of people they were.

(10:22):
Were they fighting?
Were they out drinking?
All types of questions.
So what type of I guessexternal screenings are there
that you all take?

Speaker 3 (10:32):
Well, we do what we call reference checks, and so
the families provide those to us, though, so we don't go door to
door.
And that which brings me toyour question Do you adopt it
through foster care or not?

Speaker 2 (10:45):
No, okay.
Catholic family services.

Speaker 3 (10:48):
Okay, so yours was a private agency that was utilized
, and sometimes with privateagencies, they can go even over
and beyond the regular standardrequirements.

Speaker 2 (11:01):
So is there a standard set by Virginia and
forgive me for my ignorance,because I don't know or is there
a just an adoption standardthat is the same for all states?

Speaker 3 (11:11):
Well, no, it's not the same for all states.
Similar but not the same.
There could be some variations,but yes, the state of Virginia
has a set of requiredrequirements and those
requirements have to be met.
Things like background checksthat we talked about, things
like medical a person has tohave a physical and things of

(11:32):
that nature.
Each person in the householdthat is 18 or older, we have to
run background checks on them aswell.
So sad, you have a son in yourhome and that son has been had
some type of background checkthat came back that makes them a
disqualifying Right.
They may, they might, have donesomething that you know with
drugs or some type of felonycharge possession with an arm,

(11:59):
robbery or something and so thiscould make them being
disqualified because they livein the household.

Speaker 2 (12:06):
So if that scenario were to take place and then they
were to say, well, they'reabout to move out, do they have
to start the whole process over?
Or, because they weredisqualified by a family member
living in the house, are theyable to?
You know how does that impactit?

Speaker 3 (12:24):
Well, it really can impact them to not be approved
at that time.
And so what happens if theirsituation changes?
They can always come back to bereassessed.

Speaker 2 (12:36):
Good.
What would you say is thesuccess rate of the fostering to
adopt, those who start thatfostering process where they
take the child in, and then thesuccess rate of a full adoption
taking place?
Or and I hate to say it thisway, but you know there's a no,

(12:57):
we're not going to continue,we're going to stop this process
.

Speaker 3 (13:00):
Well, I don't have the stats on that right right in
my head today, but I can tellyou this.
I can tell you that when aperson start the process, it's a
mutual understanding where theycan select out or we can select
them out or we can select themin and so, through the process,

(13:22):
sometimes people selectthemselves out, they discover
that they cannot make thatcommitment.

Speaker 1 (13:29):
Well, I did do a little bit of study and what I
did discover as far as fosterchildren and this is for the
United States, not specificallyfor Virginia, but for the United
States Department of Health andHuman Services on any given day
, over 391,000 children areliving in the US foster care

(13:53):
system, and the number continuesto rise.
Over 113,000 of these childrenare eligible for adoption and
they will weigh an averagealmost three years for an
adoptive family.
Wow, 53% of the children andyouth who left foster care were
reunited with their families orliving with a relative, 25% were

(14:17):
adopted.
More than 48,000 youth in USfoster care lives in some type
of a institution, such as agroup home or other environments
, instead of with a family, andin 2021, 53,500 children and
youth were adopted.

(14:37):
So 55% of them were adopted bytheir foster parents and 34% by
a relative, and then 29% endedup aging out.
And then an average of aboutthe average of being fostered

(15:00):
adopted is six years old, basedon the statistics for human
services for United States.
I thought that was quiteinteresting.
Yes.

Speaker 3 (15:12):
Right currently, right now, the state of Virginia
has over 700 kids waiting foradoption.
We have about 5,240 kids infoster care, so there's a great
need for foster parents, and soif anyone that is interested in
adopting, this is a way to go.

(15:34):
Now, I think some of thedrawbacks is a lot of
individuals like to adopt babies, right, so let's go there right
so when you think about it,when I receive calls from the
city, to receive calls atHampton, the city of Hampton a
lot of times families wantbabies and so we are honest with

(15:55):
them up front.
We have babies sometimes, but alot of our kids might be older
and so if they're willing tofoster to adopt an older child,
they might have an even greaterchance to adopt.
But we do have babies.

Speaker 1 (16:10):
Yeah, because I was a baby.

Speaker 2 (16:13):
I was a baby as well and we do recognize that our
stories are unique and it's justa small snapshot in the big
pool of adoption.
So I guess the other questionand I never thought about it
until we just started thisdiscussion At what point?
I don't know if you said youhave some babies, but do you

(16:34):
have older children that maystart off with their parents or
parent and then they have to gointo the adoption system at a
older age, or does it start whenthey're young and that's the
only place that they can enterinto that pool, so to speak?

Speaker 3 (16:51):
Oh no, they can enter in at any time.
Kids that come into foster caresystem come in different ways.
Sometimes they come in becauseof abuse and neglect, and so
when they come in, through ourCPI Child Protective Services
Unit, we bring them in to placethem into a foster home and our
goal is reunification.

(17:12):
What that really means is wewant to get them back home
Because, just like you read,experts tells us that kids do
want to go home.
They want to go back to theirfamilies, and this is why we see
a rise in a lot of kin.
Families want to be a foster toadopt parents.

Speaker 1 (17:31):
That makes sense, and I know sometimes when maybe the
parents both die and all of asudden, one moment you're in a
happy family and in the nextmoment you're foster kids.
You know what I'm sayingExactly.

Speaker 3 (17:47):
We have had those cases.

Speaker 1 (17:49):
And then you don't have relatives who want to take
you in, so you end up fallinginto that system.

Speaker 3 (17:56):
And a lot of families might not even know their
relative have a child that wasplaced in foster care.
So this is a military area welive in, so we have people
coming from all over.
So sometimes when kids comeinto care the first thing we do
is a family finding.
We try to find out are thereother family rooms that can take
this child right away?

(18:17):
We don't want them to stay infoster care, but our goal is to
return home to family or kinship.
They could be grandma, theycould be grandpa, family members
that could take the child.
But if that can happen, we moveforward to adoption.

Speaker 1 (18:36):
So I know, growing up and I mentioned it when I spoke
about my journey even though mybrother and I were adopted, we
also had foster kids in ourhouse and they would come in and
out.
Sometimes they'll go back totheir family, their parent or
whatever, or they'll come backto us.
So they were never alwaysconstant, so they would.

(18:59):
I guess once their parent wasback on their feet or whatever
the situation didn't, they'llleave, but then they'll come
back and then They'll leave.
So they were never always thereall the time, but we always had
a social worker who came, youknow, who visited quite often.
Is that something that you doas well?

Speaker 3 (19:16):
Excellent point yes, we do that.
We have to visit our kids every30 days and so our foster care
unit Actually go and make theappointments and they go see the
children in their environment.
They can also see them inschool, and so that's to make
sure everything is going well.
House, just checking on thechild, just to make sure that

(19:37):
they're, they are healthy.
The parents, to see if thefoster parents have any
questions.
And I do my visits because I ama Trainer, right and I I go to
the homes and I make sure theparents are doing what they're
supposed to do and I look at thesafety of the home, the
environment.
So that's my part in the fostercare workers worry about the

(19:57):
children place, I worry aboutthe parents to make sure there's
any Knees that need to be takencare of, that I address those
needs.

Speaker 2 (20:06):
So I have so many questions.
The first one I want to go back, and we talked about you do the
, the kinship, where you try andfind if they do have family
members.
So let's say that there's ascenario where a family has
started the foster to adopt andthen you do the, the find, and
you find that there are familymembers.
Who gets precedents withregards to when that child may

(20:32):
go.
This does it go directly to thefamily, because family
overrides, or do you do anassessment between the two
different Families to see who'sthe best fit for the child?

Speaker 3 (20:42):
Well, we definitely do an assessment.
So say, if you have a familyfrom each side the father and
mother Side decides to show upand interested, well we have to
do a home study, we have to doan assessment of each family
that is interested and then thatwill help us to determine the
best fit for that child.
Also, what type of relationshipdo they have with that child

(21:04):
prior to the child?
Coming to Boston, that's veryimportant because older kids
will have an opinion about whatthey want to go.

Speaker 1 (21:11):
Yes, they will and do you guys take that into
consideration?

Speaker 3 (21:14):
Oh, most definitely especially when they're 14 or
older.
Okay, and also when kids are 14and older and foster care, they
can decide if they want toadopt.

Speaker 2 (21:24):
Really.

Speaker 3 (21:25):
Decided they want to be adopted.
Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2 (21:27):
So if they say you know what?
I don't want to be adopted, Idon't want to go down that route
because of the trauma ofexperience, what does their
journey look like?

Speaker 3 (21:36):
Their journey looks like they will stay into a
foster home that has them forpregnancy and when a lot of them
age out at 18 or 21, they canstand to 21 if they're doing
everything they're supposed todo and they have decided that,
yes, I want to go to school, Iwant to do something to better
myself, because, let's see,let's face it, when kids are 18,

(22:00):
oftentimes they're not readyfor the real world.
Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2 (22:03):
This is true.
Yeah, I talk a lot.
Got a 18 year old at home rightnow.
We're trying to let her knowyou.
This is something that you haveto get prepared for.
There's no Blueprint that worksfor every single person.
Some of it is, I can take youright there, but some of it is
you're gonna have to learn.
So the other question I haveand again I have a, a sped hat,

(22:27):
so I have to ask is there aHeightened population of
individuals with disabilitiesthat are in the the pool for
adoption?

Speaker 3 (22:38):
Yes, but just before I answer that question I would
like to pivot back to the factthat that program is called
fostering futures.
When they stay into 18, I meanto 21, yes, we have kids, all
types of kids.
So, yes, kids come in withdisabilities.
We have kids been abused to thepoint where, like a shaking
baby syndrome, and because ofthat they incur injuries.

(23:02):
One child I can think ofEncourage some injuries that was
legally blonde because of beingshaken.
So things happen to kids.
But also, kids come in withtheir developmental delays,
right, and so we have a lot ofkids that have mental health
challenges as well, do adiagnosis, and so depression is

(23:22):
really big.
And so when kids come in, theyare really Looked at and talked
to to see if they can benefitthrough a therapist.
Okay, and so we making sure thatthe trauma that they have
experienced, that we are workingwith them to deal with some of
those trauma.

Speaker 1 (23:40):
So y'all partner with different agencies, or do you
have a therapist on site?

Speaker 3 (23:44):
We actually partners with service providers that
actually work with our kids andour families can actually select
from a team of Serviceproviders to work with.

Speaker 2 (23:53):
Hmm, so what type of training do you you offer the
Individuals who may say I'mwilling to take a individual
that has special needs.
What type of training areavailable for them?

Speaker 3 (24:06):
Well, first of all, the first training we take them
through is a program calledpride.
Okay, and this program withpride is wonderful because it
takes them through five weeks oftraining, three hours each
night, so about five weeks.
Excuse me, one one day a weekfor five weeks.
And in this training we talkabout developmental delays, we

(24:27):
talk about trauma, we talk aboutdiversity and I know we'll get
there but we talk about all ofthose needs that a child might
have when they come in fostercare.
Because even though they mighta parent might have had a
biological child, they haven'thad a child in foster care.
Hmm, and that's a different.

Speaker 2 (24:46):
That's one of the things that we talked about how
being adopted, you have adifferent lens and Sometimes you
don't even understand why youlook at things certain way, but
it is because of what you haveexperienced.
So, yeah, I can't imagine whatthat foster care hat would look

(25:07):
like walking in that.

Speaker 3 (25:09):
I'm glad you mentioned that, because the
story of a child at foster carelooks different from a story
from a child who's been adoptedby one parent right, Absolutely
and then with that parent thewhole time.
Many of our kids in foster caremight have gone through more
than one place and so, as theydisrupt and went from one
placement to another forwhatever reason and some of it

(25:33):
it could be caused by them andsome things are not some
families move and changelocations and a child might have
to move there from their home,but that is trauma.
That's very traumatic for achild.
So when you think about it,when they have been removed from
their home, their biologicalfamily for whatever reason,
right Place with a foster child,and then have to move again,

(25:56):
and in some cases more, once.

Speaker 2 (25:59):
So their story looks different from your story and,
in addition, I would say thatthere's some learned behaviors
and learned expectations in that, because the mindset would be
well, they gave me away, andthen they gave me away.
So now, when they go into a newenvironment, that expectation
or that bias is there of well,how long before you give me away
?
That defense mechanism, youknow mechanism so that is.

(26:24):
You know, all of that would bethe training, because if I'm
excited about the fostering toadopt program and I'm here, but
then I'm met with this child,that is has this wall up and I
don't right and I don'tunderstand how to Take those
bricks away.
It can be detrimental to notonly me but that child, and then

(26:47):
that cycle just repeats itself.

Speaker 3 (26:49):
And often, sometimes our kids.
When they come in your home, ina foster home, they don't want
to unpack.
You know, they want to leavetheir things in the bag because
you might tell me to leave anymoment, and I'm ready to go.
And so that mentality has to bechanged through trust.

Speaker 2 (27:06):
So do you all offer therapy for the child as they
continue to go through thisfoster program?
Most definitely Okay.
And then the other question waswith the one day a week
training, is that done beforethe child enters their house or
is that done simultaneously,once they're done,
simultaneously, once they'realready in?

Speaker 3 (27:25):
great.
Both questions are Veryimportant.
We do training before theyenter their home and then we do
training after they're in theirhome.
They there's a continuoustraining with our foster parents
and you know, when you thinkabout a person giving birth to
their own child, they don't geta lot of training right.
You get the child.
Sometimes parents don't lookinto all of that right, but with

(27:47):
foster parents they really getto have a lot of training before
that child gets there.

Speaker 2 (27:53):
Hmm.

Speaker 3 (27:54):
Hmm.

Speaker 2 (27:56):
That's, that's great.
I'm like excited to hear that.
So again, and I have a biasfrom the school system because
that's that's my lens.
What would you say?
Or how, how can I best put it?
What impact does this processof being fostered to adopted, or
just fostered, have on theireducation?

Speaker 3 (28:19):
Well, definitely kids that I remove.
We like to Keep them in thesame environment as far as the
schools, the doctors, if we can,for continuity of care and this
helps keep them stable.
Oftentimes when we do move themis because we want to do what's
best for them.
But as far as their peers, wetry to keep the connection if

(28:44):
they have other siblings, groups, as like.
We have had families of 14 thatcame in foster kids.
Oh wow, that's a large familyright.
Yeah, so sometimes we can't putthem in the same household Also
household and so but we stillwant to keep them connected,
right?
So we will make sure we havevisitations, we have things set
up so all the foster parents andthe kids can still connect.

Speaker 1 (29:07):
That's interesting because the the kids that I grew
up with they were.
They were siblings, even thoughthey came in.
It was a few of them that wereindividuals, but at least two or
three of them were we'resiblings, and we do that.

Speaker 3 (29:23):
We try to keep them together at all costs.
But when a sibling group, youcan imagine a 14.

Speaker 1 (29:29):
Yeah, yeah, right, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 (29:31):
I'm sure that's challenging, very Challenging
and in fact I shouldn't mentionone point my job is placements.
I'm the placement locator.
So not only do I train theparents to be foster parents, to
get approved as foster, toadopt parents, I'll also find
placements.
So when CPS call, it could beanytime.
We in our unit take care of theplacement of those kids.

(29:54):
So we have to know our familiesquite well.
We have to know informationabout them through their home
studies and to make sure thatwhatever child we place in a
home, we call it first placement, last place.
So if they are not able to gohome, maybe they can be adopted
by the current foster here.

Speaker 1 (30:12):
So how do you?
That's it.
My question is how do youdetermine if this family and
this child Will, will mesh?
You know what I'm saying?
How do you determine?
Okay, we're gonna put thischild with this family because
of whatever right.

Speaker 3 (30:32):
Well, we know there's no direct absolutes right.
Right, we can't just say that,but we can look at what are the
interests of the foster parent.
When they came in, they have ahomestead completed.
They wanted a boy, girl, theywanted the age group that they
indicated.
But they also talk about whothey are, how their family is

(30:53):
made up.
They might have animals or theymay not have animals.
When children come in fostercare, we find out how, what type
of family they can't come from.
Right, we also find out howmany children in their family
that are coming into foster care.
So we look at is this familyinterested in adopting or not?
Because if it's a small childin the Family that their

(31:17):
biological family had a lot ofissues and they came into care
through substance abuse ofmental health and Families
Struggle with trying to gettheir stuff together, we want to
make sure whatever family weput this baby with is interested
in adoption.
Does race play a part?
Well, it certainly.

(31:37):
Allow us to consider.
That is one factor that we doconsider.
It's not it.
A black family doesn't have toadopt a black child, just like a
white family doesn't have toadopt a white child.
We can mix kids in differentenvironments, racial.
But we also look at thetraining that we take them
through and we look at theirhome study and what they're

(31:59):
interested in.
Families often tell us theydon't care or they do want a
child to look like that Got you,and so when we hear that, we
take that in consideration.
So we want kids comfortablewhen we place them at home.

Speaker 2 (32:16):
Wow so much.

Speaker 3 (32:20):
And I want to add something there because it
brings me to the fact thatwhatever household we put them
in, we want that childrepresented so it could be
something in their environment.
The foster parent might go to amixed church.
The foster parent might havedoctors that has a different
race.
The child needs to seethemselves in that environment.

(32:42):
So many studies have shown thatkids that are adopted by a
different race, when they arenot shown themselves, they grow
up in environment and they beginto almost resent the fact that
they didn't see themselves.
And they begin to have lowself-esteem, to begin to
question their identity.
So we don't want that to happen.

(33:04):
We want families that areinterested in adopting kids of
different races.
They are willing to exposethose kids to those different
environments that looks likethem.

Speaker 1 (33:15):
This is such side note, but it's in line with what
you just said.
Angelia Jolie, her daughter.
Obviously she adopted her fromEthiopia.
I think, I think.
International adoptionInternational adoption and she's
so entuned into her childrenthat her daughter goes to

(33:37):
Spelman Wonderful I was andshe's making sure she's
integrated into that and youknow that was.
I believe that obviously thatwas her choice to go to a
historical black school andshe's supporting her because you
see it on, you know, socialmedia.
She's there at the school withher and everything, and she gave

(33:58):
her that space for her to dothat, to see people that look
like her.
I thought that was, that wasphenomenal, excellent example.

Speaker 3 (34:06):
It's so important that kids see themselves.

Speaker 2 (34:11):
So I want to pivot and ask a question what is the
difference between an openadoption and a closed adoption?

Speaker 3 (34:17):
I'm glad you asked that question because so many
people think in Virginia we havean open adoption.
We actually don't.
In the state of Virginia is aclosed adoption.
Everything is closed adoption.
But what does that look like?
Well, it looks like you willhave a closed adoption, but
adopted parents and biopants canhave an agreement and their

(34:38):
agreement could mean it couldhave some open agreement
situations where it could bewell, maybe pictures it could be
, letters could be sent, butthat is between the two parties.
But the state of Virginia doesnot recognize open adoptions.
It only recognize closedadoptions.

(34:58):
So what is a closed?

Speaker 2 (35:00):
adoption and what's an open adoption?

Speaker 3 (35:03):
Well, closed.
Adoption obviously is thethings about the birth family
and adopted family is keptconfidential until that child
get of age.
And so of age in Virginia looksdifferent than it did years ago
.
Years ago, you know, you had tobe 18, and they moved it up to
21, and they kept moving it up.

(35:23):
And they did that because ofthe fact that when kids got a
certain age they wasn't reallyready to talk to that family to
get that information, becausemaybe there was that rejection
and they wasn't ready for that.
So they look at all of that andso in the state of Virginia
kids have to be older now to getthat information.

(35:45):
I don't know if it's 22 or 25.
But I will check for you.

Speaker 1 (35:51):
So, but could they get as an adult over 21,?
Could they get non identifiableinformation?
I know in my situation in thestate of New Jersey they were
all closed adoptions so even asan adoptee adult, I still
couldn't get my original birthcertificate unless my actual

(36:12):
biological mother requested it,for my adoptive parents
requested it, but as an adultadoptee, I still didn't have
that right to get it.

Speaker 3 (36:23):
Good point.
So in the state of Virginia infact I work in my unit we have
adoption worker and so he doesthis all the time.
So what happens is when aperson have been adopted and
want to know information abouttheir parents, they will contact
the state and whatever citythat adoption took place, then

(36:43):
they will contact that agency Inthe state in the city of
Hampton it is my unit that helpswith that.
So we have a person thatactually goes, do the search,
finds the parent if they arealive or not.
Sometimes, unfortunately,they're not, and so he will have
to contact the parent to askthe parent of the bio payer Kid

(37:08):
do you want to hear from thechild?

Speaker 1 (37:11):
Yeah, yeah, that's what I want to know, you know do
you want to talk to them?

Speaker 3 (37:14):
Yeah.
If they say no, they have tohonor that.
Yeah, and they cannot discloseany information.
Yeah, so that's how we do it inthe state of Virginia.

Speaker 1 (37:25):
Yeah, we can go in New Jersey.

Speaker 3 (37:26):
Sounds familiar.

Speaker 2 (37:28):
Sounds very familiar, yeah.

Speaker 1 (37:32):
I could get non-identified information.
Now just to preface it that thelaws have changed in New Jersey
since then and now I requestedmy actual original birth
certificate.
So it have changed since thetime I found out that I was
adopted.
But all I could get from thestate was non-identified

(37:53):
information.
And then what they did wasreach out to my birth mother to
say and they reached out to mybirth mother and any siblings
that's older than me to let themknow that I'm looking for them
and if you know were, were theyinterested in meeting me?
And that's how that processworks.
But any, any child underneathme that's younger than me, they

(38:17):
weren't.
They're not contacting Onlywhat took place prior to me
coming.
Those are the people who arewas you know, can contact it.
So that's how my story happenedwhen I met my biological family
.

Speaker 2 (38:31):
So mine was a little different.
The adoption agency wasactually on Aberdeen in Hampton.

Speaker 3 (38:36):
Okay, yes, but it it was closed.

Speaker 2 (38:39):
So I had to call up to Richmond and say I was
adopted at this agency and I'mtrying to start the process.
And then they assigned a casemanager and then they had a file
that was about this thick andthe case manager said she had
never seen a file that thick,because normally you don't have
that many notes and things.
I mean it was weekly visits andinformation was provided about

(39:04):
the community Wonderful.

Speaker 3 (39:06):
They did a good job.

Speaker 2 (39:07):
They did a good job.
Yes, they did, and it was verylike when I got it I felt like I
had like this bright light inmy hand Because I'm learning
about myself.
So it definitely was a veryemotional and empowering moment
just to have this informationeven though it was the non

(39:29):
identifying information but justto be able to read some of your
story.
So I can only imagine being inthe foster care If you don't
know your story and where youcome from.
You know.
You always asking, you'realways trying to figure out,
because I always knew that mybirth family was what I was

(39:49):
adopted from this area.
So, going to Hampton, I'mwalking around looking to see if
I look like anybody or, youknow, maybe that's somebody.
Then you start conversationsand you drop hints.
But you know, so I my hat goesoff to you for what you do,
because it's such a pivotal roleon both ends, because I'm sure

(40:10):
that, as that social worker inmy case was taking notes, she
had no clue that 3040 yearslater it would have the impact.
Yeah, you know.
So just kudos to you on that.
That's huge.

Speaker 3 (40:25):
Excellent, thank you.
You mentioned several things.
You talked about the fact thatthat information was so
important to you.
Kids in foster care when we doreceive them in through CPS and
we get them in foster care,whatever we know about the child
, their birth family, we sharethat information prior to

(40:45):
adoption.
So if families that are fosterparents are wanting to adopt a
child in foster care, as we knowthe information about that
child prior to them coming tocare about their birth family,
we share that with the, you know, with the adopter here.

Speaker 2 (41:00):
So here's a question in your training or in your
safeguarding this whole journey,do you encourage the family to
tell about the biological familyinformation, or do you leave it
to the discretion of theadoptive or foster family?

Speaker 3 (41:19):
Right, that's an excellent question.
Most of the time is soimportant to share information,
age appropriate and that's whatwe like to tell them, because
you know a four or five year oldcan't handle certain things or
they might not understand, andso when you talk about some of
the dependency, some of thethings that happen to them drug

(41:42):
situation, abuse, sexual abuse,different things it has to be
age appropriate.

Speaker 2 (41:48):
Got it Wow.

Speaker 3 (41:49):
So that would be the adoptive family decision as to
the age and when that occurred.

Speaker 2 (41:54):
Okay, so I do have another question what is an
entrustment?

Speaker 3 (42:01):
Good question.
What happens is done throughthe courts.
A family can decide that theywant to entrust their child into
a family and they may or maynot know that family, but they
usually know the family and theywill go to court and they can
sign a document that they willuse this family and trust that

(42:22):
they will be their parent andtake care of them, and so they
have to sign their rights awaypretty much Okay.

Speaker 2 (42:31):
So because I've heard of giving up parental rights,
so is that basically anextension of that or different
scenario?

Speaker 3 (42:38):
Yes, pretty much, but it could be a little different,
because we do have familiesthat try to give up their
parental rights for differentreasons, so that that looks
different.
Okay, that's a whole other.

Speaker 1 (42:49):
That's a podcast, that's a whole other one, wow.

Speaker 2 (42:55):
So in Virginia we have you said in Virginia all
adoptions are closed.

Speaker 3 (42:59):
Yes, all adoptions are closed adoptions and, like I
said, there are cases wherethere's a document I can't think
of the name of it, but it'slike an agreement that can be
done between the birth familyand adopt a parent, and adopt a
parent has to have read it.
It's right, because they'readopting one, Right?
So they have to agree to allowthis to this relationship to

(43:22):
continue.
There are some pros and cons tothat, okay, okay, let's talk
about that.

Speaker 2 (43:27):
You want to talk about that Absolutely.

Speaker 3 (43:30):
So a pro would be.
It can answer some of theadopted person's question.
Where I'm from.
Like you mentioned Right, it'sa link with their heritage is
who they are, their accessoriesall of that Another pro could be
.
I have a wider group of familymembers now that I can pull from

(43:50):
or they have access to theirmedical information.

Speaker 1 (43:54):
That's important.
That's important Very.

Speaker 3 (43:57):
There's no need to search.
I know who you are.
Yeah, so that's a pro to thatopen type of adoption.
Right, but a con looksdifferently, right.
Possible boundary issues tryingto set those boundaries.
You know, I'm the adoptedparent, I'm the parent now.
Possible unrealisticexpectations?

(44:19):
Yeah, right, maybe the childhas the birth family.
Things don't look like theythought they should look.
Yeah, conflict and values couldbe another one.
Okay, the adopted family hadone value.
The birth family have anothervalue and those values drive
what we do.

Speaker 1 (44:39):
Yeah so.

Speaker 3 (44:40):
I just kind of want to share the difference and you
know there's pros and cons.

Speaker 2 (44:47):
So and I'm enlistening those are a lot of
the things that we brought up insharing our stories.
So the catalyst for me findingout my information was when we
went.
My wife and I went to her firstprenatal appointment and the
doctor gave us these forms andsaid I need you to fill out your

(45:07):
health history, or your family,and my wife's just, and I'm
sitting there like I don't knowwhat to say and she saw the hurt
in my face and that's whatstarted that journey.
So something as simple ashealth history is so empowering.

Speaker 3 (45:27):
Yes.

Speaker 2 (45:27):
And a lot of people take it for granted because it's
just their normalcy.
But those who have anon-traditional journey in
relationships and in life, youknow we grasp for certain straws
because we don't have, becausewe're denied those basic
information.
Yeah, so it's just soempowering.

Speaker 1 (45:50):
I think so too.
That was really good For me.
It's different because I didn'tknow I was adopted until I was
much older, I was in my late 30s.
So you know, my mom, my adoptedmom, had a lot of medical
complications.
She had a bad heart, she was ondialysis and things of that
nature.
So I'm thinking I mean you knowmay have those same type of

(46:16):
illnesses, because I didn't know.
So I'm like, oh, I don't wantyou know.
So I'm trying to prevent allthat, based off of her medical
situation and my dad's medicalsituation.
But that's really could not bemy story.
You know what I'm saying, but Ididn't know that time.
So to me, the disadvantage forme was not knowing what my true

(46:42):
medical history was.
But you know, I was able to atleast obtain some of that once I
found out who my biologicalmother was.

Speaker 3 (46:50):
I'm glad you mentioned about how not not
knowing can really affect you Alot of kids in foster care.
When they don't know theirstory, they begin to make them
up.

Speaker 2 (46:59):
Oh yeah.

Speaker 3 (46:59):
Story Gotta have a story.

Speaker 2 (47:03):
And I'm sure that they create ballooned stories in
that.
So I have another question.
I got to tell you got lots ofquestions.
So and you may not know thestats, but I would be curious to
just get your opinion on thiswhat would you say is the
likelihood of individuals goingthrough foster care becoming a

(47:28):
foster parent themselves?

Speaker 3 (47:31):
Well, wow, it's a small percentage I don't think
it's a huge one from myexperience but they do.
They do want to become fosterparents and they wanna help
those who can.
Some is too hurtful.
They're memories and it's atrigger for them and so they
choose to not do that.

(47:53):
But I have quite a fewindividuals who was in foster
care and they are foster parents.
However, they still have todeal with those triggers because
we still have to address that,and we do that through a number
of ways.
One way is through training.
As we hear it, we talk about anaddress.
When we do the home studies andit comes out.
We ask them how are you dealingwith that?

(48:15):
And so we ask those questions.
It's important.

Speaker 2 (48:17):
That's awesome.
I was speaking with anindividual who was adopted and
they expressed that they wouldnever be married, they would
never have kids, and part of it,I guess, is that trauma and
those triggers and things ofthat nature.
I remember when my wife and Ifirst got together, she was
under the impression that shecouldn't have kids and my

(48:40):
mindset was well, I'm adopted,so it doesn't bother me.
That was just my mindset.
So I'm just always curious toknow what others who have, like
I said, the non-traditionaljourney, what their mindset is
and I guess it would have to dowith the trauma that you
experienced and then what yourwalk actually was, because that
shapes your lens on that.

Speaker 3 (49:01):
And the help that you receive resiliency a lot of
kids in foster care have a lotof resiliency and so every no
two children are alike, right,so they can have the same
parents, grew up in the sameenvironment, same experiences
and be different how they dealwith those things.
And we see that in foster care.
We see kids coming through ourprogram and they come through,

(49:23):
have a foster parent and one,work out and go off to college
and do well and others may dropout and decide to go in the
juvenile justice system.

Speaker 1 (49:36):
What's the juvenile justice system?

Speaker 3 (49:38):
They get into trouble with the community.

Speaker 1 (49:40):
Oh, she did it.
She made it sound so fancy, shemade it sound so fancy.

Speaker 3 (49:46):
Wow, and we got the S&A.
They do further things.

Speaker 2 (49:50):
Take a higher vacation, yeah.

Speaker 3 (49:52):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (49:53):
Yeah, I was like who, what program is that?

Speaker 2 (49:58):
You mentioned something earlier about a
parental placement.
What so?
Can you just give a little moreinformation on?
You know what that looks likeand some of the experiences of
why that takes place, because wetalked earlier about you know,
if parents are deceased, got itboom, but then at any point

(50:19):
cause you said they can be inthis pool, so to speak, until
their age 21?
Well, 18.
18, 18.
Okay.

Speaker 3 (50:27):
And if they are in a program like college or doing
independent living, they canstay into our fostering futures
program.

Speaker 2 (50:34):
Wow.
So up until the child is 18,there's an opportunity for a
parental placement.
Okay, so would that be if aparent is, let's say, that they
become sick and they know?
You know what?
I'm not gonna be able to carefor my child and I don't have
any family members, so I wannastart them in this process now.
Would that be an option?

Speaker 3 (50:55):
Well, what normally happens is we have a program,
sort of like a preventiveprogram, and so if a parent and
we have had parents that havesome health issues and in
particular one particularsituation, I can mention that
the parent had to have surgeryand it was gonna be a prolonged
illness for a while, so thatchild didn't have any family

(51:18):
members to care for them.
And so they came into fosteringlike a respite program for a
couple of weeks while mom gotherself together and we extended
it because she still needed torecover.
But then he didn't come intofoster care.
But we have programs likerespite that helps the birth

(51:39):
families, because I wanted tomention that and this is
something we hadn't reallytalked about.
I mentioned about reunification, right, how we want kids to go
back, even though we areprepared for permanency.
That means moving towardsadoption.
But what do we do with thebirth families?
We work with them.
We try to put them intodifferent programs if we can.

(52:04):
That will help meet their needs, so it will better themselves.
It could be a substance abuseprogram.
It could be parenting acapacity test to make sure we
have any concerns that they'regetting the training and
everything that they need tobecome better parents.
Sometimes it's court order andsometimes it's not.

(52:25):
When it's court order, thatmeans if they don't do X, y and
Z, they're not gonna get thatchild back.

Speaker 1 (52:31):
Yeah, how often is it that a parent is not court
ordered and they really want it.

Speaker 3 (52:39):
Well, usually those are the kids that are not in
foster care, they're in respiteprograms.
But the ones that are in fostercare what we do is there's a
service plan and the familieshave to.
The birth families have tofollow the service plan and only
to get their child back.
The state of Virginia also lookat timing right.

(52:59):
So kids, we don't want them infoster care forever.
They're growing up every dayand so when that happens we
there's on a timeline right.
So we're looking at 14, 15months, by 18 months.
We want kids in return to theirfamily in a short period of
time.
We don't want them to grow upin foster care.

(53:21):
Years ago, many years ago, thatused to happen.
Kids grew up and stayed infoster care, aged out, and they
often did not get adopted.
And so now we're looking atpermanency.
What that looks like permanencyis adoption.
It looks at who can we placethis child with for permanency,

(53:42):
cause you know, once you'readopted, you're still connected
with your family.
Family is family forever.

Speaker 2 (53:48):
That's right.
So, when you go back tospeaking about the training, do
you create group training formultiple families that are in
the foster or is it in theirhouse, just them?
Do you create a community?

Speaker 3 (54:05):
Yes, we create a community and sort of like a
support group too, because theycan help one another, they can
pull from one anotherexperiences.
But yes, we do monthly trainingat the city of Hampton for our
foster parents and so what wetry to do they have to do 10
hours.
Each foster parent has to do 10hours a year and they get

(54:26):
recertified every three years.

Speaker 2 (54:28):
So to get certified in foster parenting or To be a
foster parent.

Speaker 3 (54:33):
It's a license through the state of Virginia
that they're receiving.
And so, in order to maintainthat license, there is certain
training requirements 10 hours ayear per parent, and then every
three years a recertification.

Speaker 2 (54:47):
So how talk to me about your journey, of how you
got into this field?
What if somebody's watching andthey say you know what?
I have a heart for trying tomanage in place and get people
where they need to be.
What would be the journey toget to your position?

Speaker 3 (55:07):
Wow, good question.
I think it's definitely ajourney of knowing that you
wanna work in the human servicesfield, In that it's so many
different areas to work in.
My journey took a while.
I was a teacher first.
I taught in the public schoolsystem and so I started as a
teacher assistant because Ididn't know what I wanted to do,

(55:28):
so I decided to do that for awhile I decided to go back to
school.
When I went back to school Idiscovered while I was going
that I think I wanna be a socialworker.
So I went to ChristopherNewport and while I was there I
discovered that I enjoyed thestudy of people, and so as I

(55:48):
went there my journey kind oftook on different forms.
I went to work with tri-care.
You know tri-care, militaryright.
And so I became sort of like atrainer teacher there, and so I
was teaching and training everyjob that I was in.
And so, as a social worker,when I landed into social work

(56:10):
because I got a degree in socialwork to be a social worker I
realized that I really didn'tlike case management.
There was aspects of the job Ilike or aspects of the job I
didn't.
What my gift was is to train,and so as a trainer I fit in
perfectly to train fosterparents, because there was an

(56:31):
aspect of teaching and aspect ofworking with families.
So it was a good fit for me.
So I think I would tell aperson that they have to go
through the journey of knowingwhat they really wanna do, and
they might not find that outuntil they actually started
doing it.

Speaker 2 (56:48):
One year.

Speaker 3 (56:49):
I never forget this.
I was working a job as atrainer for Lutheran Family
Services and as a trainer, mymother was a foster parent prior
to me getting a job.
When I got the job and Itrained my first class there, my
mother looked up and she saidthat's your column.
And so I think, as a trainer,as a social worker, because I

(57:14):
enjoy what I do, it doesn't seemlike work, you know.

Speaker 2 (57:19):
You're talking about jam training.
That's what I do.
I love to help people have thatlight bulb moment, and then, of
course, I have a passion forthis as well.
So, just like you said, onceyou find out your why, the sky's
the limit.

Speaker 3 (57:33):
The sky's the limit.

Speaker 2 (57:34):
So is there a educational process or direction
that one would need to go inorder to go into this field?

Speaker 3 (57:43):
Definitely human services, anything in that area,
social work, human services,well, in psychology, but really
social work, human services thatwill give you the foundation
that you need Because even ifyou have a degree but it's not
in social work, the fundamentalbasics of social work kind of
give you the discussion of, giveyou the platform to kind of

(58:05):
work with families right, and soyou don't have to learn in a
job training, you learn throughschool because of all the
information that was given toyou.
So I would let them know theyhave to receive, they have to
get a bachelor's degree in orderto do what I do.
You don't have to have amaster's, even though I have a
master's in education andtraining, but I didn't have to
have that to do my job.

Speaker 2 (58:25):
Got it okay.
Interesting Life bubble's goingon.
I like that, so, and how longhave you been in the field?

Speaker 3 (58:35):
Well, she mentioned 20 years, but now it's been over
20 years, it's been over 25years.
I've been doing this a while.
Yes, different aspects of it,but working with foster parents.

Speaker 2 (58:45):
Okay, what would you say has?
Been your greatest reward inyour 25 years Wow good question.

Speaker 3 (58:53):
I think this is really why I came today.
It's really because I've seenthe adoption process work.
I have seen foster parentsfoster kids and adopt kids and
the kids receive the permanency.
That is the reward.
It is such a fulfilling reward.
I have had families that callme back and said we adopted and

(59:17):
I hear about it all along thatthe process, but once it's done
I'm so happy for them Becauselet me mention this that I
didn't talk about the journey tofoster to adopt is a difficult
one because you have to guideyour heart.
Some kids are reunited backwith their families.
So if you have a baby and youwant the baby to adopt, that

(59:40):
baby may or may not be yourfavorite child.
So that's something that I wanteveryone to know Guide your
heart and understand.
It's a journey.
Adoption is a journey.
Whichever way you go domestic,international or just foster to
adopt it's a journey.
It's not gonna be overnight.
It's a process.

(01:00:01):
Some adoptions can take fromsix months to well over almost
two years.

Speaker 1 (01:00:08):
Now, do you have any, I guess, from one of your
children that you placed totheir success story of you know,
one day we're adopted and thenthey graduate college, or
anything of that nature that youcould share?

Speaker 3 (01:00:27):
I don't know about sharing each.
I could share this.
Let me just say this yes tothat answer.
We have a lot of kids come backand they like to share their
stories Not all our successstories come back because they
had a connection with theirworker right.
So they want to talk to theirworker.

(01:00:48):
They want to see their workeragain, and so they would like to
say hey, I was adopted, sowhat's those two working here?
She was my social worker.
So those are wonderful thingsthat they come back and let us
know that they're doing well.
So, yes, Good, good.

Speaker 2 (01:01:06):
So if, let's say, somebody's watching the day and
they say you know what, I wantto start this process, to foster
, to adopt, what would be thefirst thing that they need to do
?

Speaker 3 (01:01:19):
Of course I'm going to tell them to call me in the
city of Hampton.

Speaker 2 (01:01:21):
Okay, all right.

Speaker 3 (01:01:22):
So if you call me in the city of Hampton, I will be
your contact, and so you will becalling me at 757-810-649.

Speaker 1 (01:01:32):
And we'll put that on the end, we'll definitely put
that up there.

Speaker 2 (01:01:37):
And since we do have people that are not just in
Virginia, what is the title thatthey would look for to search?
Let's say that they're in NewJersey, so what title would they
look for?
Or they just Google foster toadopt, or what would be that?

Speaker 3 (01:01:54):
start?
Good question.
They need to start first withtheir like for the city of the
state of Virginia.
You know we have Richmond, ourVirginia Department of Social
Services, and so each state havea Department of Social Services
for that state, and then eachcounty and cities have different
localities and in that they cancall their local city

(01:02:17):
Department of Social Servicesand ask for their foster adopt
program.
I want to be a foster parent,and then we'll take you from
there.

Speaker 2 (01:02:26):
Excellent.
So since we are here, we'regoing to talk about connecting
them with you.
So they call you.
They say I was inspired and Iwant to be a foster parent.
What's the first thing thatthey have to do after they make
contact with you?

Speaker 3 (01:02:40):
They're going to do a pre-spring and that means I'm
going to ask them a series ofquestions right there on the
spot Right there on the spot.
Okay, and I'm going to ask themdo they have time to talk to me
because I have a series ofquestions, or would they like to
call me back when they're at aplace where they can talk,
because some people don't knowthat the questions that I'm
going to ask them.

Speaker 2 (01:02:58):
Right.

Speaker 3 (01:02:58):
And these are simple things and some of them are very
personal.
Like personal things could betheir income.
I will ask them do they work ajob?
Do they have reliable income?
And they give me an estimateabout their annual income.
What is it?
Those things are important todo pre-spring.
We do ask them how manysiblings like, how many children

(01:03:21):
do they have if they're marriedor not married?
We do ask all of those questions.
We ask do they have a place tolive?
How many bedrooms?
Where do they live?
Where do they reside?
They don't have to be in thecity of Hampton, okay.
To be a foster parent forHampton's social services so
they could be suffocated.
They could be in Newport News,so they can be in different

(01:03:45):
areas.
But we try to make sure theyunderstand However far you are.
You have to drive to Hamptonfor training.
You have to bring the kids tothe city of Hampton schools a
lot of times, especially ifwe're trying to keep them
connected for continuity up hereright, so we want to keep them
with their service providers, sothose things will be less

(01:04:08):
traumatic when they come intofoster care Do the cities.

Speaker 1 (01:04:13):
Do you guys work together, Do your partner
together, like you and Hampton,Hampton and Newport News or
Suffolk.

Speaker 3 (01:04:20):
Well, the way we partner together, I would say,
is that training.
For example, if someone couldreceive training for Newport
News and contact Hampton toactually become a foster parent,
we can still bring them in ourprogram.
We might still take themthrough some training, but at
least we know they have acertification.
Most of the time we collaborateanyway.

(01:04:42):
Especially remember I mentionedthat I'm a placement locator.
Sometimes other localities needplacements and they will call
Hampton and say hey, we have achild.
Do y'all have a home?
So we would collaborate that wayas well.
Okay, got it.
Wow, but it's a process throughthat pre-streaming, telling

(01:05:02):
them about the training programs, how long the class is, to see
if they are able to give me acommitment and what that
commitment level is.

Speaker 2 (01:05:12):
So, right now, with the way that the world is going,
with trauma being at theforefront of everybody's mindset
, do you all do anything withregards to social, emotional
learning for the adults that are, like I said, in this journey
in supporting the children?

Speaker 3 (01:05:29):
Wow, good question.
Most of foster parents are partof our training, but they also
could be part of a support group.
So there are different supportgroups throughout the state of
Virginia that they could be apart of, but at our McAllistery
we don't really have a supportgroup other than our normal

(01:05:49):
training program.

Speaker 2 (01:05:50):
Okay, so if you have a group of kids that you would
outsource and do recommendationsand things of that nature, okay
, great, wow, this has been a.
We're going to have to have youback.

Speaker 3 (01:06:02):
Yeah, I love it.

Speaker 2 (01:06:03):
I have a bunch of questions and I hope, and what
I'm going to encourage right nowis anybody that's watching to
ask your questions and whatwe'll do.
We'll take those questions andwe'll share them with you.
You gave the phone number.
You want to get that phonenumber one more time.

Speaker 3 (01:06:16):
Yes, it's 757.
It is 810-649.
And I also.
You can get me through email,alison a-l-l-i-s-o-n dot
Davidson, and that'sd-a-v-i-d-s-o-n at d-s-s dot.
Virginia.
Spelled out dot dot.
I hope to hear from you soon.

Speaker 2 (01:06:39):
I want to thank you just for coming today.
It reinforced some of thethings that we've talked about,
just that mindset.
But I think it also helped tapa whole different audience and
questions, because a lot of thethings that you talked about the
adoption, because we wereadopted, we don't know the other

(01:07:00):
side of that equation.
So I can't thank you enough.
Thank you, this was yourconnect, thank you guys for
having me Absolutely.

Speaker 3 (01:07:10):
Thank you, thank you.

Speaker 1 (01:07:11):
I really appreciate it.
What would be?

Speaker 2 (01:07:13):
your parting like words.
What would you say?

Speaker 3 (01:07:16):
I would say that every child needs a home, every
child wants permanency, but alsothey have a past, they have a
future and it's important thatwe commit, we bring the two
together, wow.

Speaker 2 (01:07:32):
That's awesome.
That's powerful.
Drop the mic on that one.

Speaker 1 (01:07:37):
This has been great, oh my goodness Great.

Speaker 2 (01:07:40):
I don't even want to say anything.
You just cut the camera off onthat.
So I'm John.

Speaker 1 (01:07:45):
And I'm Lisa.

Speaker 2 (01:07:47):
And we're adopted and we want to thank you for
investing your time today.
And again, please, anyquestions that you have that she
brought, that just had youthinking.
Please type your questions in.
She gave you the email.
She gave you the phone number.
Reach out to us.
We definitely will have herback again.
In addition, if you have anyother ideas or if you yourself

(01:08:08):
are a resource, please reach outto us.
We have a platform that is userfriendly, which means it will
be shaped by you.
You have the ability to help usmake this the best possible
platform that it can be.
We are here talking aboutnon-traditional relationships
and how all individuals can havea better chance of success.

(01:08:29):
So, on that note, thank you allvery much.

Speaker 1 (01:08:32):
Until next time.

Speaker 2 (01:08:33):
Until next time, thank you.
Thank you for listening to theso I'm Adopted podcast.
We hope that this wasinformative and educational.

(01:08:56):
You can follow us on Instagramand Facebook at so I'm Adopted.
Also, subscribe to our YouTubechannel so I'm Adopted.
And again, thank you forlistening and until next time,
make the choice to begin yourhealing journey.