November 27, 2024 • 68 mins
Our latest episode of "So I'm Adopted" or should we say "So I wish I was Adopted", promise to deliver a heartfelt tale and more.
Join us as we navigate the intricate world of nontraditional family dynamics. Our conversation sheds light on the emotional intricacies of mixed-race identities and strained family relationships, offering hope through stories of reconciliation and healing. With insights from our guest, Katrina, we explore the unique paths people take, from education to unexpected career shifts, and the resilience required to thrive amidst adversity. Katrina shares her personal experience of growing up on a military base, feeling like an outsider as a mixed-race child caught between two worlds. From the pivotal moment Her mother considered giving her up for adoption, to her father's decision to bring her to Virginia, every aspect of her journey is laid bare.
Discover how upbringing influences personal growth and relationships, particularly within marriage and as parents. Reflections on parental figures, both biological and adoptive, highlight the lasting impact of early adversity on parenting styles. We delve into the cultural nuances of identity, sharing anecdotes about essential Black films and the crucial role of a supportive community. Trina opens up about her healing journey from a challenging childhood, emphasizing the importance of love and understanding in shaping our identities. This episode is a testament to the power of shared stories in fostering connection and resilience.
Music by Curtis Rodgers IG @itsjustcurtis
Produce and Edited by Lisa Sapp
Executive Producer Lisa Sapp
Executive Producer Johnnie Underwood
Tell us your story or leave a comment by following us on
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Welcome to the so I'm Adopted podcast, where we talk
everything adoption.
This journey is not one we takealone.
Together, we grapple with rawemotions that surface from
adoption stories.
We want you to be comfortableenough to heal, so sit back and
go with us on this journey as wedive deep into adoption.
All right, let's jump in.
(00:41):
Hello, hello, hello.
And we want to welcome you toanother episode of so I'm
Adopted.
What's going on, lisa?
Speaker 1 (00:49):
Nothing much, man, nothing much.
How are you?
Speaker 2 (00:52):
I am doing.
I am doing, enjoying life,trying to keep my head above
water and make the adjustmentswith family changes and one
being in college and another oneon her way to college soon.
Yeah, just trying to take abreath.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
Welcome to my world.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Yeah, because you got one in and two to have finished
.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
Two to have finished.
One is going to be finishedDecember 7th.
Congratulations,congratulations.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
Thank you, we'll be all done, all done.
So we're going to jump right inAgain.
As you all know, we createdthis platform so that we can
talk about nontraditionalrelationships and we started
something a while back where wejust brought light to
celebrities who are adopted orare in this adoption umbrella.
(01:38):
And today I want to talk aboutsomebody.
Her name is Jamie Lee Curtisand again, you know she's
because I grew up I'm not goingto age myself, but I grew up
watching Jamie Lee Curtis.
But I did not know that her andher husband, they adopted two
kids and she has a biologicaldaughter as well.
(02:00):
A lot of times you don't seefamilies that adopt and have
biological normally or somesituations.
Well, that's not true becausecelebrities sometimes, once they
get past that age ofchildbearing, then they adopt
thereafter.
But I did not know that JamieLee Curtis had two adopted
children.
So that is my celebrity deposittoday.
Speaker 1 (02:23):
Oh, ok, very good, very good, I like that one.
I think I kind of knew that,but not sure.
I think it didn't sound toofamiliar, unfamiliar to me.
So before I tell you who myperson is, I want to do it, do a
headline in the headline news.
So you know I'm always watchingdifferent podcasts and things.
(02:47):
So this one came across whichwas very, very interesting.
This man in chicago, he umdidn't know he was adopted until
he was in his late 30s or so,and he always goes to this
particular bakery in chicago.
It's his favorite bakery.
(03:08):
And so once he got old enough,once he realized that he was
adopted, so he did the wholeancestrycom, dna and all that
stuff comes to find out that thebakery, his favorite baker, was
his birth mother.
Shout out to the name of thebakery.
(03:28):
It's called Give Me Some Sugar.
That's the name of the bakeryin Chicago, and so it was like
they always knew each other.
It was like they were neverapart for 30-something years
because this was his spot, thisis where he always went to.
(03:51):
Did the mohawk know who he was,didn't say I don't think so.
Oh, that's crazy, isn't thatcrazy?
Wow, I'm like wow, you're goingto this bakery every single day
.
Home cooking, home cooking.
I love it, I love it, and sothat is my headline news for
(04:15):
today.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
Awesome, good stuff, good stuff.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
So I know that we are talking about nontraditional
relationships today with ourguests, are talking about
non-traditional relationshipstoday with our guests, so I
decided that I was going to pullup a non-traditional um person,
and that person is is johnlennon ah I saw that yes, john
(04:39):
lenning, you know, is one of thefounding members of the Beatles
was raised in a non-traditionalfamily.
His parents separated when hewas young and he was primarily
raised by his aunt, mimi Smith,after his mother, julia, deemed
that she would be better for him.
Although Julia remained present, his mom did remain present in
(05:03):
his life.
Although Julia remained present, his mom did remain present in
his life.
His aunt was the one who reallyprovided him that stability and
allowed him to become thatcreative, independent artist
that he was today during hisfamous time as a Beatle.
So shout out to Aunt Mimi.
(05:25):
Got to have an Aunt Mimi, got tohave an Aunt Mimi, gotta have
an Aunt Mimi.
So, yeah, I thought that wasinteresting, john Lennon, wow
the little.
Yeah, what is that?
The yellow submarine?
That might be a little bit tooold, too old for you, maybe it
is.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
I recognize it, but no.
Speaker 1 (05:48):
Hey Jude, no Okay.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
Well on that note.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
I understand that you have someone for us today,
someone that you've known for aminute.
So, introduce us to our guest,please.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
I am excited to have my friend.
Speaker 1 (06:12):
Here's the thing you want me to add her in first?
Speaker 2 (06:15):
Yeah, go ahead and let her in, because I want
everybody to see her face when Igive this introduction.
What's happening, trina?
Speaker 3 (06:23):
Hey, hey, hey hey.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
Hi Trina, hey, hey, hey, hey hi Trina.
Hey, nice welcome, welcome, yes, welcome to our podcast.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
So let me give the.
Let me give the introductionthat she gave, and then I'll
give my introduction.
Okay, uh, trina was born inNorth Dakota and then she moved
to Wyoming.
They came to VA when she waseight, going on nine, she claims
VA as her home and then for 14years we worked together at an
(06:56):
alternative education center forchildren with autism.
We were the squad.
It was yeah.
Yeah, we all grew up together.
That was, you know.
We learned a lot of lifelessons there.
Yes, she was also a bartenderon the side, and then when COVID
hit, you know, bars weren'topen.
(07:16):
So that's when she transitionedfrom being a bartender to
working for the post office Okay, working for the post office
since then.
And she has let me make sure Isay this right she has oh, there
, it is Okay, she has a motherthat raised her.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
And then a mother that birthed her All right.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
I feel that I feel that I feel that too I feel that
Currently she's married and hasan amazing husband.
That's my guy, tony, my guy.
She has two wonderful kids aswell and again, like I said,
because I've been knowing Trina,I've seen them grow up and just
mature.
So to have this conversationtoday, trina has been.
Let me give you a little knownhistory fact.
(07:58):
So the first time that I met mybrother, we went to the bar
when Trina was working, becausewe wanted to find a neutral
place with somebody.
So I said Trina, are youworking today?
She said yeah.
I said listen, this is thescenario.
She was like oh my God, oh myGod, give it away that you know
(08:19):
me.
It was just, it was a great tohave her on this platform now
because she's been a part ofthis whole journey and her story
is so unique.
When we started talking aboutnontraditional relationships,
she was one of the persons thatI had in my mind of you know,
her story is so amazing and itcan help so many other people
(08:43):
not from the standpoint of ohyou know, I'm going to change
something, but no, just to hearthat everybody has a story.
Speaker 1 (08:51):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
And when you understand and you accept your
story, then you're able tounderstand your why.
We always talk about that.
So Trina, and I call her TrinaLee, although I just found out,
like that's not her name- so Icall her Trina Lee, although I
just found out that's not hername.
I always thought it was themiddle name, so I call her Trina
Lee.
That's fine, we can keep itlike that.
(09:13):
We can keep it like that.
That means you got to changethe bottom.
It just says Trina.
I'm joking, you got to changeit.
Speaker 3 (09:20):
So Trina for our guest for Lisa, tell us your
story.
Oh my, I mean, I was born inNorth Dakota.
It's so funny, Like the titleof your podcast is.
So I'm Adopted and I feel likealmost my entire life I wish I
(09:45):
was adopted.
Speaker 1 (09:46):
Oh, wow, wow.
Speaker 3 (09:49):
I mean, I mean, we're not changing your podcast, the
title, but but for Trina'sepisode.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
I wish I was adopted and I got a little antidote to
say a little bit later, but Iwould.
Speaker 3 (10:05):
But, like he said, I was born in North Dakota on a
military installation.
The woman that gave birth to meand my father were married OK
Interesting and they split up,slash divorced as an adult,
(10:27):
split up, slash divorced as anadult.
Now, I know it takes time, butthey basically split up before I
hit a year old and he was thenstationed overseas.
So I stayed with her and NorthDakota was actually where she
was raised, so her family wasall there, was raised, so her
(10:49):
family was all there.
She remarried, moved to Wyominghe was also in the military,
moved to Wyoming I never reallyconsidered him a dad because I
wasn't treated like such, andshe ended up having two other
children with her husband and Iwas more of a third wheel.
(11:13):
I also must say I don't reallyknow how to say this the proper
way but the woman that gavebirth to me is white, my father
is not white, my father is notum and uh.
The the man that she remarriedwas a white man.
So the children that they havedid not look like me and I don't
(11:33):
know if you've ever been innorth dakota or wyoming in the
80s or 70s, 80s.
We don't need to talk about age.
Don't start with me, sir Noteven in 2024.
But you know what I mean.
There's not many people thatlook like me.
(11:54):
And when I was seven, going oneight, I guess the woman that
gave birth to me called myfather and said hey, do you want
custody of your daughter?
If not, I am going to give herup for adoption, I'm going to
(12:15):
give her the social services.
So how old were you at thattime?
I was seven, going on eight.
I might've been early eight, um, and of course my father was
like of course I want her.
Yes, absolutely no, no, no, no,no.
I want her, I want her.
He at that time was stationedum in Hampton, virginia, okay,
(12:40):
Um, however, my father is also,uh, he's a police officer in the
military, later became a policeofficer in the civilian sector.
However, he follows things bythe book and he at that time had
a one bedroom apartment.
You cannot have a child in aone bedroom apartment unless and
(13:00):
he also had a girlfriend at thetime who later became his wife.
But, um, so there was.
It took time, basically it tookabout a year for me to come out
here to Virginia and this is,you know, what I call home, the
woman at the time he was dating.
Um, I also have to say I'm sosorry Again.
(13:27):
I was born in North Dakota, inWyoming.
I knew that my father was Black, but he was the only Black
person I ever saw.
Oh, wow, ever, okay, and youcame to Hampton and we flew into
excuse me, I flew for the veryfirst time by myself from
Cheyenne, wyoming, into Norfolk,virginia, and the flight was I
(13:52):
mean, I was young, you know, mydad picked me up from the
airport and, in my mind, I knewhe had a girlfriend and I knew
that he lived with this womanand he picked me up by himself,
which was fine.
And when I came to the door oftheir house, there was another
white woman there.
What I was like this is yourgirlfriend.
(14:17):
I mean okay, I mean you know,whatever you know, I don't know,
trina, I have a question.
Speaker 2 (14:23):
I have a question.
Yes whatever you know, I don'tknow, I just have a question.
I have a question.
Yes, so how many times like hadyou seen your father, with him
being terry?
Speaker 3 (14:32):
seeing him I only remember twice.
One was a funeral, so it was inand out, and another one I went
to North Dakota to visit mygrandmother, my aunt's, uncle's,
cousins, and then he flew toNorth Dakota.
Birth to me split her mother,brothers all took my dad's side
(15:12):
and stopped kind of speaking toher as much.
Oh really, yes, yes, um, sowell, come to find out.
It's so.
If my story is so complex, I'msorry if I'm not telling this in
the right?
Speaker 1 (15:23):
no, but it's.
I have a question.
Speaker 3 (15:25):
It's interesting why you keep referring to your
mother as the person who gavebirth to me, and she only gave
(15:45):
birth to me because she wantedto have a child by a black man.
Now, I didn't find this outtill I was an adult, but I heard
this.
Her own mother told me.
She told me, actually amongother people but and when she
had me she didn't need my dadanymore.
(16:06):
However, when she remarried, Iwas in the way.
She didn't teach me how to doanything.
She didn't treat me like amother treats a child, and I
didn't realize this until shehad two other children who she
(16:27):
absolutely loved and adored anddid everything for.
Now, my brothers I rarely call,I don't call them anything but
my brothers, but I really, ifsomeone asks me, I'm an only
child, my the brother.
One of my brothers was threewhen I moved and the other one
(16:47):
was eight months old.
Speaker 1 (16:50):
So you don't have a relationship with them today.
Speaker 3 (16:53):
Um, we have each other's numbers.
Um we call each other um forimportant situations.
As in um, she's in the ICU.
As in, she's in the ICU, that'sOK.
So no, I don't.
We don't do Christmas, we don'tdo birthdays.
We don't say hey, hi, how youdoing.
(17:14):
No, we don't have arelationship.
Speaker 2 (17:16):
So do you think, do you have any ill feelings
towards them because of the waythat they were treated and you
weren't OK?
Speaker 3 (17:25):
absolutely not.
It wasn't their fault at alland they were young when I left,
you know, and who knows whatwas said about me when I wasn't
there, right and the reason andthe reason I, because sometimes
we can our emotions, we put themin different places so that we
(17:48):
are able to harness them.
Oh yes.
Speaker 2 (17:53):
Sometimes the anger because, well, you got what I
didn't get.
You know that's been.
And again, I'm just asking justfor discussion purposes,
because I've spoke to peoplethat you know they have a ill
will against the sibling and,like you said, it's not the
siblings fault.
I didn't choose to be, you know.
Speaker 3 (18:16):
I was jealous of them that they got all of the things
that I wanted and never got.
But I didn't blame it on her.
I was excuse me on them.
I was angry at her.
Speaker 1 (18:28):
Gotcha Right Now.
You know what about your, herhusband, your stepfather.
How did he treat you?
Dorn knows that little bit oftime you were there.
Speaker 3 (18:41):
The only time he spoke to me is if he was yelling
at me or if he was beating mewith a leather belt that he made
himself with my name on it.
Well, my name was on the buckleand if you think of Wyoming
(19:04):
country men like it was a yeah,a name belt and.
I never wore it.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
I never wore it, I didn't because that used to be a
thing I had.
I had my name belt yeah youknow that that was in, that was
in style, but that wasn't whatthat was for huh, ma'am, no
ma'am.
Wow, it's interesting that hewould marry a woman with a mixed
child to begin with.
(19:31):
So I'm just trying to wrap myhead around that part, because I
would have thought in Wyomingthat she would be taboo.
You know, hands off.
Well, she has a mixed child youwould.
Speaker 3 (19:46):
I mean, I don't listen, they were in the
military and they were on amilitary installation, and if
you've ever been, I mean you'vebeen in the 757.
The military is a melting potof all sorts of right, you know
what I mean.
And and that's where they metwas on a military installation
okay, so so you're saying heryour stepfather was military
(20:11):
also yes okay, yes all rightso I moved here, um, when I was
eight going online like righteight going online, and it was
in the middle of the school year.
It was a president's dayweekend, there's a holiday, you
know, february and, um, I had a.
(20:34):
My first day of school was atCooper elementary in Hampton,
virginia, and my dad, you knowhe, took me to school, and my
very first day the principal wasa Black woman and I had never
seen one before in my life.
Speaker 1 (20:56):
Oh, wow.
Speaker 3 (20:57):
Like I'm not exaggerating this, I've never
seen one the shows that I now Ihad seen the Cosby show, because
that was, but other than I'm so, excuse me other than Claire
Hugsdale on television.
I never in my life, and this iswhat I.
I looked at her from her toesall the way up and then all the
(21:23):
way back to her toes and my dad,he looked at me, he just.
But even being a military kid,you never experienced any black
people on on base because nowwhen I was in north dakota, um I
, we moved out of north NorthDakota when I was four, going on
(21:45):
five.
I don't have many memories ofNorth Dakota.
And then, when we moved toWyoming, we didn't live on base,
we didn't live on base BaseGotcha.
Speaker 1 (21:57):
Okay, all right.
Speaker 3 (21:58):
Okay, my elementary school was kindergarten through
sixth grade, when I was inCheyenne, ok, and there were two
and a half black people I wasthe half and the other two were
in fifth and fourth grade andthey were siblings.
Speaker 1 (22:17):
So let me jump in real quick One.
Speaker 2 (22:19):
I love the transparency and just the.
This is what it is and that'swhy I've always rocked with you,
trina.
Just because you're like Idon't know how else to say it,
I'm like, just say it like it is.
When you said I was the halfthat part, that part right there
(22:40):
.
Some people would just glanceover that.
No, I wouldn't do like that.
I got the yellow highlighter.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
You silly.
Speaker 2 (22:48):
So, on top of the dynamic of you being, like you
said, the half I'm going to useyour words having this
experience now of seeing a Blackwoman, because most of the time
we don't see Black men ineducation.
So now you've been uprootedfrom the home dynamic, which
(23:10):
there's a level of trauma basedon what you described, and now
you're put here on the otherside of the world.
What?
As you're on that flight, let'sgo back just a little bit.
As you're on that flight, let'sgo back just a little bit.
Speaker 3 (23:43):
As you're on that flight.
What, as much as you canremember, is the thought process
.
Is it I am excited to go see myfather?
Is it I'm just so glad to begone?
Is it?
I don't know?
I'm scared Like what that youcan recall, because I know it
was what like 50?
Don't start.
I'm sorry For everyonelistening.
You are older than me.
We don't need to know by howmuch.
Thank you.
Anyway, funny.
My initial thought was I'm veryexcited.
I'm about to go and live withmy father.
(24:03):
He's going to dump this womanthat he's with and he's going to
get back with my mother, likethis is.
This was my, you know, eightyear old, eight year old Exactly
, um.
And then I quickly found out.
Speaker 2 (24:21):
Yeah, that's never going to happen, but you bring
up.
You bring up a good pointbecause as a child you feel like
I'm here, I want, I'm thereplacement or I'm not going to
be replaced.
So a lot of children, I think,have that mindset.
That's not my story, so I can'tspeak, but I can only imagine
if you're being uprooted andit's like I'm running to this
(24:44):
new place.
I should be the new shiny toy.
It should be nobody else.
Speaker 3 (24:52):
I just I wanted to be with.
I thought that the man thatthat woman married was making
them both mean.
I knew that my father was not amean man and so and I loved her
I mean she was my mother atthat time.
You know what I mean.
Like I wanted again.
This is an eight-year-old,nine-year-old thinking of my, my
(25:16):
dream you know I.
I did not see her again, Gosh.
I did not see her again.
Gosh.
Eight, going on nine.
I did not see her again until Iwas 18.
Speaker 1 (25:31):
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
So let's go back.
Speaker 3 (25:36):
Yeah, okay.
Speaker 1 (25:37):
Let's go back, I'll let you unpack.
It's so many things I told youBefore that.
Let's go back to the day thatyour mom said that you were
going to go live with yourfather.
I mean, how?
How was that conversation?
Speaker 3 (25:59):
Honestly, I don't even remember the details upon
that.
I know she asked if I wanted toand I said yes, but it wasn't a
it wasn't a secret.
I always made it very clearthat that's what I wanted to do.
Oh, okay, oh, you know not asend me to my dad type?
No, because I would have gotbeat for saying something like
(26:21):
that.
But I mean I, I love my father.
And she tried to talk dirtabout my father but it never
sunk in.
You know what I mean.
Like, um, johnny, you weresaying how, um people are saying
mostly it's black men ineducation that people don't see.
And when I was coming up theywere saying you know, my Black
(26:44):
friends don't have their Blackfathers.
And I couldn't understand thatbecause I've always had my dad,
even when I didn't live with him.
I knew that he was my dad, heloved me and he would bend over
backwards for me.
I still believe that about mydad and if you've met him you
(27:04):
know.
I mean, that's just so.
There's different things thatwe just don't under.
You know, I don't understand.
Like people who say they don'thave, they wish they had a
parent in their life.
That woman isn't one of them.
I'm glad that most people aremissing a dad.
I felt at first I was missing amom for a long time.
(27:28):
I felt that way for a long timebut my dad's girlfriend turned
into his wife and like a yearnot even a year after I moved in
and she, she, she turned intomy mom.
When I was about 15 or 16, Istarted calling her mom.
(27:54):
You know, slowly.
The first time I called her momin public we were in the
grocery store and she just keptwalking and I'm like mom, she
kept walking, mom, she's keptwalking.
Mary, oh, were you talking to?
Speaker 1 (28:09):
me that whole time and now I feel like if I called
her Mary right now, she wouldsmack me.
My dad would smack me right yesexactly, exactly.
Speaker 3 (28:31):
She loved me.
She loved my father and shetaught me her and my father.
I'm not leaving my father outof this at all, but, just as a
woman teaching another woman,just being a mother, right, she
was the mother to me that Ineeded.
She showed me the love that Ineeded.
Not just that I wanted, butthat, you know, all kids need
(28:54):
love Right, absolutely.
All kids need love Right,absolutely.
Of course, all of the crap thatI put up with the first eight
years of my life, she kind ofhad to undo that and help me
grow into the person that I amtoday.
Speaker 1 (29:10):
Oh, that's awesome.
Yeah, so, okay.
So, let's, let's bring it backto when you were 18.
So, let's bring it back to whenyou were 18.
Speaker 3 (29:29):
So what was the situation?
That you finally saw your birthmother for the first time since
you were eight.
Her sister passed away and itwas a funeral and I was going to
North Dakota and she was goingto North Dakota.
So that's the only reason whywe were in this.
That's the only reason why wesaw each other.
She, when I was 16 years old, Iwrote her a four page letter
(29:52):
we're not going to quote anybodybecause it's not that kind of
song.
Quote anybody because it's notthat kind of song.
But I did write her a four pageletter about everything that I
was feeling, like my parents putme through therapy and I spoke
with a lot of different peopleand was in church and it was a
very slow process to help me getthrough all of that.
(30:15):
One of those was letting it outlike how you feel about her,
and I did.
I wrote her a four page letterof everything that I felt was
wrong and hurtful and I wassupposed to come out to Wyoming
to visit her and my brothers forthe first time, you know, since
I left, and she said that shecouldn't.
(30:35):
Oh, no, no, no.
After that I'm sorry, after thatfour page letter, she stopped
talking to me for two years andthen I didn't see her again
until that funeral.
And by talking, that was just acall on the phone or a
Christmas card or something.
It wasn't very often and itwasn't on a regular basis either
(30:57):
.
You know, it's funny, it hurtthen and it wasn't on a regular
basis either.
It's funny, it hurt then, butI'm so.
I mean, over time she becamethe woman that gave birth to me.
I mean, my mom is the one thatraised me, who I just saw today,
who told me to tell you hello.
By the way, her and my dad.
Speaker 2 (31:18):
It was my people's, so I'm going to jump in on this.
So, lisa, when I had my bout,where I was in the hospital for
a while, her mom was a nurse.
Speaker 1 (31:29):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (31:30):
You know, I had heard of her mom but she came in and
I guess she didn't know if Iknew who she was.
But she was the sweetest thingand she reminds me of my
mother-in-law.
Just her spirit, she's justthat.
And you know, just, she made myday.
I never forget that day whenshe came in and she was like I
don't know really anything thatI can do, but I just wanted to
(31:52):
check and it just meant theworld to me and she is a
extension of Tr Trina.
I mean, that's just.
I see where Trina gets thatfrom.
I also know Trina's dad.
I see that side of her too.
Okay, okay, perfect combination.
But her folks, I can't speak.
(32:12):
You know I can't speak enough.
You know good about just thewhole dynamic and again her
story.
It has so many layers to it.
Speaker 1 (32:21):
And.
Speaker 2 (32:22):
I remember when we first started the podcast, she
was like, oh my God.
And I said I want you to be onthere.
She was like no, no, no, Idon't want to.
I said well, I understand.
I said, but if you ever get toa point that you're willing,
please take us intoconsideration.
And as we evolved and westarted talking about
non-traditional, I showed herhow her story is what we're
(32:46):
talking about.
Yeah, because there's so manydifferent layers to it and
everybody thinks that they're onthis island by themselves.
But we have more in common thanwe don't.
Speaker 1 (32:57):
Then we don't they're more commonalities than we like
to give credit to.
Speaker 3 (33:02):
Yeah.
So, yeah, if that woman gave meup for adoption, there's no
clue where I'd be.
I mean, I was already highlydepressed before I even came
here, and before I even camehere I honestly tried to kill
myself when I was seven yearsold.
(33:24):
I mean, it was like this.
I didn't know that you couldn'tdo it like that, but I'm just
saying, if I could have, that'swhat.
Speaker 1 (33:35):
I tried to do Right.
You know what?
Speaker 3 (33:38):
I mean, Like it was a , my parents definitely helped
me get through a bunch of oohand that's why I say I wish that
my mom did adopt me, couldadopt me, but that woman
wouldn't, so she wouldn't allowthat to happen.
Speaker 1 (34:01):
Um, let me see what.
Speaker 3 (34:01):
And her right parental rights.
Um, she wouldn't end herparental rights because that's
what my father wanted.
However, she also wasn't payingchild support because she said,
in order for you to get yourdaughter, I'm not paying child
support.
And so, of course, my dad waslike I don't care, he wanted me,
right.
Speaker 1 (34:23):
Thank God.
Speaker 3 (34:29):
Absolutely, absolutely, and I do and I thank
him often.
Speaker 1 (34:31):
Well, you, you know, you wasn't.
You wasn't born for her, foryour, the mother that birthed
you.
You wasn't.
You was born for this woman,Because did they have any other
children?
Speaker 3 (34:43):
No, well, it's funny that you say that A twist to the
story?
There is a twist.
So my mother was born andraised as a Catholic woman.
Unfortunately, she was takensevere advantage of and had her
(35:03):
first and only birth child atthe age of 13.
And that child was given up foradoption.
Oh wow, this was 50 some oddyears ago and, like I said, she
was 13 when she gave birth tothis child and it was a closed
(35:26):
adopt, you know, back then,whatever you can think of, and
she was in New York.
I know you're New Jersey, likeit's the same kind of thing.
Yeah, she's always wanted toknow about this girl.
Her name is Melissa.
That's the name that she gaveher but she didn't even hold her
, couldn't even, and then theytook her, the nuns took her away
(35:49):
.
I know her birthday and my momjust got to a point where she
can actually talk about this andnot get extremely emotional and
extremely depressed, but I willsay maybe three weeks ago she
(36:10):
got a certified letter from theDepartment of Health of um.
Um, however, however vitalstatistics, uh-huh.
And says um, the records areclosed for adoption, but your
biological daughter wants toopen them.
Do we have your permission?
Speaker 1 (36:27):
my mom was like, oh my gosh, oh, my gosh, I can't
sign this fast enough.
Oh, wow, wow, yeah, that's howmy mother, my birth mother, was
when they found out that I waslooking for them.
They would, they could returnthe information back fast enough
for them to say, yes, oh wow.
Speaker 3 (36:50):
So she hasn't heard any news yet.
She's waiting on a response.
She did try to get in touchwith her daughter maybe 10 years
ago, but you know lots ofchange in the DNA world and so
on and so forth.
She did get a hit.
However, the person said Idon't, I don't want to be found,
(37:14):
but oh yeah, that happens.
Right, and so my mom and shewrote her a letter.
It was just like I am yourmother and whenever you're ready
, if you're ready, this is whereI am and where I can be found.
My mother respects everyone'swishes, but ever since she
signed the agreement to yes, youcan look me up, she hasn't
(37:38):
heard anything back yet.
She's okay with it.
She's okay.
Speaker 2 (37:44):
Okay, okay, but yes, yes.
Speaker 3 (37:46):
So I might have a sister.
I mean like I have a sister,but I mean like you know might
be able to see her.
Speaker 2 (37:55):
That's awesome.
Speaker 1 (37:56):
That is awesome.
Oh wow, that's beautiful thatreally is.
Speaker 3 (38:02):
I had, of course.
I asked my mom.
I told her I was coming on yourpodcast and I wanted to make
sure what I was allowed to sayand not allowed to say.
She was like yeah, it's fine,Say it all or whatever you want.
Speaker 1 (38:16):
I was like, because you never know they may be, they
may be listening Exactly.
Speaker 3 (38:22):
Exactly.
Speaker 1 (38:24):
You never know, that's awesome.
Speaker 3 (38:26):
I told her that I would.
I for the day.
Maybe we could change the nameof your podcast to I wish I was
adopted.
I found out that my mom istrying to adopt me.
She said it's a little moredifficult to do as an adult, but
it can be done.
Speaker 1 (38:47):
Oh really.
Speaker 2 (38:48):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (38:49):
That would be amazing .
Speaker 3 (38:51):
Yes, oh, my goodness and I was like, and I just told
her today that I was going to beon your podcast tonight and
she's already been doing theresearch.
Like so it's not like it justkind of.
Speaker 1 (39:04):
I was like oh my gosh , really mom, oh my goodness.
Speaker 2 (39:09):
So the nugget in that is it's never too late you know
yeah too late.
People feel like and again thatgoes back to us
compartmentalizing emotions andsituations so that we can
coexist in this world.
And even in my journey I waslike, oh, I just want to know,
and if I don't know I'm okay,but deep down I really wanted to
(39:32):
know do I have?
siblings and just all of thevoids.
And then, when I found out alittle bit, I'm like I'm
satisfied with this, but itcreated.
Found out a little bit, I'mlike I'm satisfied with this,
but it created more of a hungerwhere I wanted to know well, who
do I look like and can I let meshare this nugget?
I got a bunch of nuggets, trina.
So not only was Trina thelocation sponsor for when I met
(39:55):
my dad at my dad's funeral,sponsor for when I met my dad At
my dad's funeral, trina was theMVP.
Let me tell you why.
The picture that we had of mybiological mom, you're the one
who took that picture.
Speaker 1 (40:09):
Yes, yes.
Speaker 2 (40:12):
She's the MVP.
Speaker 1 (40:13):
Yes, thank you.
Yes, you are, thank you, yes.
Speaker 2 (40:20):
Oh, wow, right, yes, thank you.
Yes, you are yes.
Speaker 1 (40:22):
Oh, wow, right, yes, that was amazing, and she didn't
even know.
Speaker 2 (40:25):
She didn't even know.
She was like I think I took apicture of her.
I was like let me see.
And I showed it and they werelike yeah, that's her.
And I was like, oh my God.
So my first time understandingand seeing this picture, she
unlocked it, trina.
Yes, she unlocked it, and Iremember like I cried on the
inside I ain't crying in frontof y'all, but you know I cried
(40:48):
but it was it was that moment ofyou know the child looking out
the window waiting for theparent to come.
Yeah, yeah even though she had amask on and I'm looking like.
So if I remove the mask, whatdoes she look like and do I see
my eyes and this and that, andso yeah, just publicly.
Thank you, trina.
Speaker 3 (41:08):
Anytime, I guess.
Speaker 2 (41:10):
Yeah, that's what I'm here for, so and I want to
shift the discussion now.
My question is with you havingthe experiences you had with the
mother who gave birth to youand then for eight years, then
you have an opportunity to gowith your dad.
(41:30):
Two questions the first one howdid that impact you as a parent
?
How did that impact you as aparent?
Number two, with the separationof them, with the abusive
relationship that yourbiological mom had with her
(41:50):
husband and what you had toendure, how does that impact, or
how did that impact, yourrelationships as you got older?
Does that impact or how didthat?
Speaker 3 (41:59):
impact your relationships as you got older?
Those are very good questions.
Those are very good questions.
I will say, if it weren't formy mom, I wouldn't be the mother
(42:19):
that I am today my mom and mydad but when I, when I found out
I was pregnant for the firsttime I believe in a woman's
right to choose, and that's awhole other political thing.
However, I couldn't do that tomyself.
She was not planned, so I waswilling to give birth to her and
give her up for adoption forsomeone that could love her and
(42:40):
take care of her more than Icould, and I voiced that and my
mom was like nah, we'll take her, we'll take her.
You know what I'm saying?
You're not going to send herout into the world and you have
to.
You know what I'm saying?
You're not going to send herout to the world and you have to
(43:01):
break the cycle.
Now she she didn't say breakthe cycle, but those were that's
you know she took away from it,Right.
That is what I took away from it.
And and she helped me becausethere were times where I wanted
to just pull my hair out with mydaughter, who looks just like
me and has the same, you know,quirks as me, and I'm just like.
My mom helped me through that,like.
(43:22):
She helped me break the cycle.
The woman that gave birth to medid not get along with her
mother.
You know what I mean Like andand, and she didn't get along
with.
I found all of this out now,not till I was an adult, but you
know I my mom helped me breakthat cycle so that I could be a
good parent.
(43:43):
And my dad I know I said thatthat woman used to say horrible
things about my father to me.
To my face, my father, evenstill, to this day, will not say
not one horrible word aboutthat woman.
If I ask him a question, hewill give me an honest answer,
(44:05):
but he's not gonna put anythingextra on it, or right, you know?
And so, um, because I was in arelationship where I didn't get
along with my son's father, Irefuse to say bad things about
him to him because that's whatmy father did to me.
You know what I mean, and Iended up really disliking that
(44:31):
woman for doing that, and Ididn't want that to happen
between my kids.
Now my children are on paperadults.
They still got a lot of growingto do, but we have a good
relationship.
We have a lot betterrelationship that I had with her
, for sure.
Speaker 1 (45:00):
I'm sure.
I'm sure and it's funny becauseof a lot of things that you
learn, and I can only speak formy my story, because I wouldn't
be the woman I am today if itwasn't for my adoptive mother,
and it wasn't things that thatwas in my DNA, it was things
that that I saw in front of me.
Exactly the thing that you sawin front of you is what made you
who you are, you know.
So God orchestrates all things,all things Well, you went
(45:25):
through what you went throughfor someone else to hear your
first eight year story, but thento hear the joy on the other
side.
You know those real informativeyears.
You had someone there for you.
So that's why you're the parentyou are today, the woman you
are today, and those eight firsteight years didn't really
(45:48):
damage you.
I mean you clearly you have.
You know you had to go throughsome things to get through it,
but it didn't.
It didn't hold you back, itdidn't make you not be the
person you are today, correct.
It didn't break you, it did not.
Speaker 3 (46:05):
It didn't break me.
Yes, I agree it definitely mademe stronger, that's for sure it
did.
Speaker 1 (46:12):
And your kids are going to be better for it.
Speaker 2 (46:14):
I will say this I think that a lot of times we
don't give credit for thosesituations and those people who
put us in those situations.
Because, you know, ironsharpens iron and in order to
strengthen those muscles andthat resolve, you know, and
again I'm not going, I'munapologetic God put you in a
(46:34):
situation because he knew youhad the DNA and the structure
and the strength to be able toovercome it.
He had to put you in situationssituation because he knew you
had the DNA and the structureand the strength to be able to
overcome it.
He had to put you in situationswhere you can be on that
elliptical machine so you canget your endurance.
You know what I'm saying.
So, yeah, everything has apurpose, everything has a
process.
When you don't treat, when youdon't cheat, the process and the
(46:55):
purpose becomes clear, thenyou're able to thrive in and the
low hanging fruit is just thatmuch sweeter.
And I think that your familydynamic, where you are, I think
just your spirit, your spirit,is unbroken.
There are a lot of people whodidn't experience what you
experienced at eight years old,leaving the trauma that you
(47:18):
endured.
A lot of people are walkingaround unable to unpack that
unable to take the backpack off.
So to sit here and to hear youone, have the strength to share
your story.
Two, to be able tocompartmentalize it and still
walk and say this is who I am,this is where I am, this is why
(47:41):
this is who.
That's a powerful thing and Idon't want you to miss open,
miss.
You know.
I don't want to glance overthat, because I believe in
giving credit where credit isdue, because we have so much
negativity in this world.
But I'm sitting here listeningeven though I knew the story and
in the back of my mind I'm likecome on, come.
I'm sitting here listening eventhough I knew the story and in
the back of my mind I'm likecome on, come on, get a chair
put it out there.
Speaker 1 (48:01):
Yes, yes, yes.
Speaker 2 (48:03):
But it's exciting and it's just reassuring to say
that the family dynamic and thestructure it has a place and it
can it, can it, it's, it'samazing, that's all I can say,
because that distance did notimpact the love that your dad
had for you.
Speaker 3 (48:23):
At all.
Speaker 2 (48:24):
And the fact that who God put him with was
preparation for you coming intothis.
Speaker 3 (48:34):
She needed that too.
She needed that too.
Speaker 2 (48:37):
To not be able to needed.
Speaker 3 (48:38):
that too, it was heaven for sure, absolutely,
absolutely.
It's like we all kind of needeach other.
Like you said, people areplaced in certain situations and
you know, johnny, we've knowneach other a long time and
you've seen how much I've grownfrom our first time meeting up
until now.
You know what I mean.
(48:59):
Golly, yes, I met you, uh,pregnant with my 19 year old son
is.
So I've come a long way andI've had people that have helped
me along the way.
You know you and your family aswell.
So I, you know this, but myhusband is an awesome person.
(49:20):
It's like different things andit now allows me to tell my
story without getting all.
Not that getting emotional is ahorrible thing, but I never
would have been able to tellthis story without a lot of cuss
words and um.
Speaker 2 (49:36):
So she was a cusser when I first met her it's the
bar life.
Speaker 3 (49:43):
I'll blame it on the it's all good.
Speaker 1 (49:47):
Everybody's always under construction, that's for
sure, absolutely so let me askthis.
Speaker 2 (49:51):
Let me ask this question how, knowing your story
, knowing the non-traditionalfamily part, how did that impact
you and Tony, you and yourhusband?
Okay, tony, my husband Fromyour standpoint, because you
(50:16):
can't speak for him, but fromyour standpoint how you
approached it, or just give us alittle bit of insight.
Speaker 3 (50:21):
I think because he was born and raised with his
mother, who is his number onefan, and vice versa.
However, he did not have afather in his life and I came
from a family and he had threebrothers and a sister, and I
(50:42):
grew up in only child with bothof my parents, but his family
was that dynamic is justdifferent for a lot of different
reasons.
I don't know if it's a, if it'sa, how well, a lot of of it was
how I was raised, but that'show he, at the end of the day, I
guess um, I don't know how tosay this, I don't know.
(51:06):
I know he loves me and, nomatter what I was going through
or am still currently goingthrough, you know he's there.
Speaker 2 (51:16):
Let me ask it a different way Do you think that
how you were raised and some ofthe things that you saw did it
impact some of the decisionsthat you made, as you all were
evolving in your marriagejourney and relationships?
Speaker 3 (51:34):
Absolutely Okay.
Absolutely Okay, he was.
We're able to work together inlike.
Okay, I see where you're comingfrom.
I can back off a little bit orbe more you know, whatever it
(52:05):
involves.
Yeah, absolutely.
But if he didn't know me or mystory, he would probably still
feel the same way about I don'tknow, I'm not going to.
I don't have too many examplesto give.
I don't want to be too personal.
Speaker 2 (52:21):
That's fine.
And again, my reason, myreasoning for asking that
question, is because a lot oftimes we don't like to deal with
the why, why we respond tocertain things, the motivation
behind our choices and actions,certain things, the motivation
behind our choices and actions,and you have to understand that
(52:42):
how we as individuals grow up,what we're exposed to, it shapes
our lens, it shapes ourexpectations, it shapes how we
respond.
So I wanted to just ask thatblanket question.
And again, it goes to yourmaturity in your journey of how
you're able to see yeah, it didimpact us and to be able to
articulate your story to yoursibling, one of the things Lisa
(53:05):
and I are going to do we'regoing to have our siblings on I
mean our significant others onto kind of talk about you know
us.
Okay you know us, okay, you know.
So that brings a wholedifferent dynamic, because now
you have an audience of thosewho are married to individuals
(53:27):
that have non-traditional familyrelationships.
Yes, and we are different, werespond differently yes you know
we don't always like to admitit, but at the root cause of it
it's different.
Yes, it's different.
Speaker 3 (53:41):
I will say I did take tony to north dakota a couple
of times.
I mean, that's where I was bornand I do still have, you know,
biological family there, and hewent there with the whole.
You know, these people hurt mywife and why would you know?
But I want to see him.
And then he got to know themand it's like okay, wait, no, it
(54:03):
was the woman that gave birthto her that hurt her.
These are her family.
You know what I mean.
And so things kind of changed alittle bit with with that, in
addition to going to northdakota from virginia is a
culture shock period.
Speaker 2 (54:24):
I do want to ask a question, and if it's off limits
, please say so okay the lasttrip that you took to north
dakota can?
You can you just share yourthought process as you went to
that trip?
Speaker 3 (54:42):
So the last OK, the last trip that I went to North
Dakota was, golly, I guess aboutfour years ago the woman that
gave birth to me passed away.
I got a phone call from one ofmy brothers that says she's in
intensive care, she's been,she's called, she's brain dead,
(55:04):
she's not going to make it,they're just waiting for her to
go.
Basically, and then him, hisbrother and their father left
the hospital and left her byherself.
Speaker 1 (55:16):
Wow, Until she passed yeah.
Speaker 3 (55:19):
Until she passed.
Had I known that, I would havegone out there.
I mean, we weren't the best offriends, but at the end of the
day she gave birth to yourmother Right.
Exactly so.
Um, but she died, like in thewinter time.
And um, because she would.
I guess the man that she'smarried to doesn't believe in
any sort of life after death, oryou know, once you're gone,
(55:42):
you're gone, so what's the pointof me doing anything?
He cremated her and basicallysaid I don't, I don't need her,
you know.
So one of her brothers andsister in law went and picked up
her ashes, took them to NorthDakota and when the weather,
it's very cold in North Dakotain the wintertime, so when the
(56:05):
ground thawed, we went out there.
My husband and my fatheractually went out to North
Dakota and buried her ashes withthe rest of the crew Family,
yeah, her family and um, it wasinteresting, we were all there
and nobody wanted to sayanything, um, but my dad did, it
(56:29):
was really, and it was very,you know, he said nice things
and it was like, oh, okay, andthen we all went out to eat.
I mean, it's very odd.
I can't talk about my motherpassing away without me getting
teary-eyed because I'm nowherenear ready for that day, or my
(56:52):
father.
However, that woman that gavebirth to me is just that.
I mean, I don't mean it in arude or disrespectful way at all
.
We were very respectful.
We buried her ashes with herfather, who was her, you know
her favorite person.
She was mad that I was adaddy's girl.
(57:13):
He's a girl, so is she, youknow.
But anyways and um, my husbandwas a very strong rock, you know
, I think, for both me and mydad.
I don't know not that my dadwas, you know whatever, but just
responsible and respectful.
This is where I get this from.
Is my father and of, and youwho met my mother in a hospital
(57:38):
room, I mean, you see where Iget it from, the people that
raised me.
Speaker 2 (57:45):
So I would encourage you.
You don't have to apologize foryour truth.
You made peace long before shetransitioned and thank you,
thank you for being transparentand sharing that piece of the
story.
I just I think that that bringsa I don't want to say a bow,
but it brings a full circle tothe story that you've shared,
(58:09):
because here it is Everythingthat happened in the beginning
and at the end.
You and your dad went back andstill honored her, even though
one could say she didn't deservethis.
That's irrelevant to life.
Because of who you all are.
You did the right thing becauseit was the right thing to do.
(58:31):
Even to hear you say if I hadknown that she was by herself, I
would have and I know you wouldhave.
Not a doubt, knowing you, I knowyou would have and just thank
you for being transparent andbeing vulnerable in this space
because you didn't have to shareit.
(58:52):
I just, I hope that evenhearing your story, it
encourages somebody to say youknow what I dot, dot, dot.
Whatever it may be, becauseeven I'm listening and, like I
said, I know the story and it'sjust like I have a smile and a
appreciation for your journey,for my journey, and it's like
(59:18):
Lisa's journey how you neverknow how your story impacts
somebody else, how what you'regoing through unlocks
opportunities for For others toheal.
Absolutely, because I guaranteeyou, somebody that's listening
to us is having difficulty witha sibling, I mean a parent who
(59:40):
may be transitioning or maybegetting older, and I'm not going
to do such and such, but to beable to have that peace of mind,
one thing my mom used to tellme she was like treat me right
while I'm here, don't be cryingover me, I should have could
have, did have once I'm gone.
Speaker 1 (59:56):
Right.
Speaker 2 (59:57):
You know.
So it's forgiveness is not forthe person, it's for you.
Yes, you know, that's one thingthat I've learned, you know.
So just to hear your strengthon that, this, this, oh my gosh,
it's amazing.
Speaker 1 (01:00:12):
I mean, you are a strong, strong, strong woman,
strong woman.
Speaker 2 (01:00:25):
And your life's journey made you that way,
absolutely.
Speaker 1 (01:00:30):
And I just wanted to say real quick it's interesting
how your mom today is a whitewoman, because you still needed
that peace in your life, becauseyou are biracial, so you still
(01:00:50):
needed that in your life.
Yes, so he gave you that Uh-huhyes.
Speaker 3 (01:00:57):
So he gave you that?
Yes, so he gave you that.
Speaker 1 (01:00:59):
Yeah, as you were talking about it's like wow,
because she's you still grew upin that dynamic right I'm having
a white mother and a blackfather.
You still grew up in that samedynamic, because you needed to.
You needed to have.
Speaker 3 (01:01:11):
I needed to yeah, because I would probably have a
very much hatred um, oh yeah, Ididn't even think about I know
that's not a, that's a terrible.
Speaker 1 (01:01:19):
No, no, but that's true, that's true that's true,
because your experience with awhite woman was so devastating
and so hard so hard, yes thatyou was able to see really the
beauty of the other part of whoyou are.
Speaker 3 (01:01:38):
Yes, yes, good point, thanks, yes, I believe that for
sure, definitely for sure.
It's so funny.
I will say, I know.
At the beginning of the story Isaid there were two and a half
Black children in thiselementary school.
I will say, yes, in thiselementary school.
(01:02:00):
I will say, yes, I am a Blackwoman.
I am not a half Black woman.
I just want to Now, when I wasunder the age of eight, I was
only half, but have you seenschool days yet?
Yeah, oh my gosh, yes.
Speaker 1 (01:02:14):
You just now seen school days in your recent years
.
Speaker 2 (01:02:19):
So let me give you the backdrop yeah, please
explain when we were workingtogether.
February would come around andI would say Trina, have you seen
?
I'm not even going to exposethe movies, but I would ask.
And she was like no, I haven't.
I was like what, I was like yo,for real, you're done.
Speaker 1 (01:02:37):
And I gave her a complete assignment.
Speaker 2 (01:02:39):
I said I need you to watch this, this, this and this
Exactly.
Well, I've watched this.
Does this count?
I said no, that was on MTV,that doesn't count.
Speaker 3 (01:02:49):
Yes, oh my gosh.
So you sound like Tony.
Yes, I've watched lots ofmovies.
Speaker 1 (01:02:54):
OK, awesome, there are key movies that you have to
watch.
Speaker 3 (01:03:00):
Yes, oh, both of you sound like my husband.
Speaker 1 (01:03:03):
In order for you to maintain your black heart, you
have to watch a cookbook.
Speaker 2 (01:03:07):
Hey, you get invited to the cookout.
You got to be ready.
Speaker 3 (01:03:12):
For sure I'm a lot better.
First of all, tony wasn'thaving that Okay, so, like on
date nights, we would sit andwatch.
You know harlem nights, itdoesn't matter.
We were watching a movie, okay,where I needed to understand
what was going on.
We talked about a movie.
If it came out in the 80s Iprobably didn't see it, and if
it was rated r I didn't see ituntil I became an.
(01:03:35):
We don't have to talk about inthe late nineties, early two
thousands.
Speaker 2 (01:03:40):
All right, here we go .
May is the question.
Speaker 1 (01:03:42):
Oh, here we go.
Speaker 2 (01:03:44):
What's your?
Grits?
Sugar or salt and pepper?
Don't answer wrong.
You eat cream and wheat, don'tyou?
Speaker 1 (01:03:54):
No, you don't eat grits.
Speaker 2 (01:03:56):
Porridge.
Speaker 3 (01:03:57):
No, oh, and let me tell.
Let me also tell you, since youwant to go there, I don't like
pumpkin pie, but I don't likesweet potato pie either.
Speaker 2 (01:04:07):
You got raisins in your potato salad, oh my gosh.
Speaker 3 (01:04:10):
I just said I'm a black woman To the no you about
to have me c a cousin on apodcast now We'll be doing that
now.
Speaker 2 (01:04:21):
It's all good.
It's all good.
So look, before we wrap up, atleast you brought up a great
nugget about God giving her themother that she has now in order
to help her, not even knowing.
Speaker 1 (01:04:35):
Yes, yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:04:36):
Trina, as we close, what do you want people to walk
away from as a result of hearingyour story?
Speaker 3 (01:04:47):
I want people to try to get help.
As far as talk to people talkto people that you trust your
village really has to be help toto.
As far as talk to people, talkto people that you trust your
village really has to be somestrong people.
I have strong people in myvillage.
Johnny, you were part of myvillage.
I mean you definitely were.
(01:05:10):
I wasn't over it all yet, but Imean that's really what it is.
I talked my way through and Iput my parents helped me.
I don't really know.
Don't hold it against yourchildren, if you have children,
or your spouse if you know theyhad things that were better or
(01:05:33):
worse than your upbringing.
We all have differentupbringings.
But I don't know and I don'twant to say forgive and forget.
I'm not saying that I forgavethat woman, but I'm not mad at
her anymore.
And honestly, I have made peace,and if I wasn't I don't want to
(01:05:57):
say that people should be, butif I wasn't raised like that the
first eight years and myparents didn't fix me, I
wouldn't be the person that I am.
Like, all of that falls intowho I am today.
Speaker 1 (01:06:10):
Yep, yep, awesome.
Speaker 2 (01:06:14):
Nothing else need to be said after that.
Nothing else.
That's the nugget.
Speaker 1 (01:06:20):
Drop the mic.
Speaker 2 (01:06:21):
Yes, so you know how we close out.
So you know, I'll say my name,I'm adopted.
Lisa will say her name I saw,I'm adopted.
And then Trina, you can sayyour name, and then you can say
I wish I was.
And here's the thing.
Speaker 3 (01:06:39):
Soon you will be.
Yes, yes, okay, yes, I'm downwith that.
Speaker 2 (01:06:42):
So again, we want to thank you for investing time and
listening, taking some time tolisten to our non-traditional
stories about relationships.
Please like us on all platformswhere you can find podcasts.
Trina normally listens to thepodcast, so Prior to, she was
like are people going to see me?
I was like yeah.
She was like oh, I've neverseen it.
I always listen to it while I'mdelivering mail.
(01:07:03):
Whatever platform you're ableto catch us on, please like,
share.
If something in this discussionwas beneficial to you, it
unlocked something.
Just send us a nugget, send usa note, subscribe official to
you.
Speaker 1 (01:07:19):
It unlocks something.
Just hey, send us a nugget,send us a note and subscribe.
Speaker 2 (01:07:21):
Please subscribe, trina.
Thank you so much for beingwilling to come out and jump on
this podcast with us.
It has been a joy.
Speaker 1 (01:07:30):
Thanks for having me, yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:07:33):
So on that note, anything closing Lisa, before,
before we close it out.
Speaker 1 (01:07:38):
No, I think we've said enough for today.
I think this was awesome.
This was really awesome.
Speaker 2 (01:07:42):
Yeah, this was amazing.
So I'm John and I'm adopted.
Speaker 1 (01:07:48):
And I'm Lisa and I'm adopted.
Speaker 3 (01:07:50):
And I'm Trina and I wish I was adopted, but I will
be soon.
Speaker 2 (01:07:58):
Thank you all so much .
Please like and subscribe us.
Have a great evening.
Speaker 1 (01:08:03):
Until next time, bye-bye.
Speaker 2 (01:08:18):
Thank you for listening to the so I'm Adopted
podcast.
We hope that this wasinformative and educational.
You can follow us on Instagramand Facebook at so I'm Adopted.
Also, subscribe to our YouTubechannel so I'm Adopted.
And again, thank you forlistening and until next time,
make the choice to begin yourhealing journey.
Welcome to the so I'm Adopted podcast, where we talk
everything adoption.
This journey is not one we takealone.
Together, we grapple with rawemotions that surface from
adoption stories.
We want you to be comfortableenough to heal, so sit back and
go with us on this journey as wedive deep into adoption.
All right, let's jump in.
(00:41):
Hello, hello, hello.
And we want to welcome you toanother episode of so I'm
Adopted.
What's going on, lisa?
Speaker 1 (00:49):
Nothing much, man, nothing much.
How are you?
Speaker 2 (00:52):
I am doing.
I am doing, enjoying life,trying to keep my head above
water and make the adjustmentswith family changes and one
being in college and another oneon her way to college soon.
Yeah, just trying to take abreath.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
Welcome to my world.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Yeah, because you got one in and two to have finished
.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
Two to have finished.
One is going to be finishedDecember 7th.
Congratulations,congratulations.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
Thank you, we'll be all done, all done.
So we're going to jump right inAgain.
As you all know, we createdthis platform so that we can
talk about nontraditionalrelationships and we started
something a while back where wejust brought light to
celebrities who are adopted orare in this adoption umbrella.
(01:38):
And today I want to talk aboutsomebody.
Her name is Jamie Lee Curtisand again, you know she's
because I grew up I'm not goingto age myself, but I grew up
watching Jamie Lee Curtis.
But I did not know that her andher husband, they adopted two
kids and she has a biologicaldaughter as well.
(02:00):
A lot of times you don't seefamilies that adopt and have
biological normally or somesituations.
Well, that's not true becausecelebrities sometimes, once they
get past that age ofchildbearing, then they adopt
thereafter.
But I did not know that JamieLee Curtis had two adopted
children.
So that is my celebrity deposittoday.
Speaker 1 (02:23):
Oh, ok, very good, very good, I like that one.
I think I kind of knew that,but not sure.
I think it didn't sound toofamiliar, unfamiliar to me.
So before I tell you who myperson is, I want to do it, do a
headline in the headline news.
So you know I'm always watchingdifferent podcasts and things.
(02:47):
So this one came across whichwas very, very interesting.
This man in chicago, he umdidn't know he was adopted until
he was in his late 30s or so,and he always goes to this
particular bakery in chicago.
It's his favorite bakery.
(03:08):
And so once he got old enough,once he realized that he was
adopted, so he did the wholeancestrycom, dna and all that
stuff comes to find out that thebakery, his favorite baker, was
his birth mother.
Shout out to the name of thebakery.
(03:28):
It's called Give Me Some Sugar.
That's the name of the bakeryin Chicago, and so it was like
they always knew each other.
It was like they were neverapart for 30-something years
because this was his spot, thisis where he always went to.
(03:51):
Did the mohawk know who he was,didn't say I don't think so.
Oh, that's crazy, isn't thatcrazy?
Wow, I'm like wow, you're goingto this bakery every single day
.
Home cooking, home cooking.
I love it, I love it, and sothat is my headline news for
(04:15):
today.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
Awesome, good stuff, good stuff.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
So I know that we are talking about nontraditional
relationships today with ourguests, are talking about
non-traditional relationshipstoday with our guests, so I
decided that I was going to pullup a non-traditional um person,
and that person is is johnlennon ah I saw that yes, john
(04:39):
lenning, you know, is one of thefounding members of the Beatles
was raised in a non-traditionalfamily.
His parents separated when hewas young and he was primarily
raised by his aunt, mimi Smith,after his mother, julia, deemed
that she would be better for him.
Although Julia remained present, his mom did remain present in
(05:03):
his life.
Although Julia remained present, his mom did remain present in
his life.
His aunt was the one who reallyprovided him that stability and
allowed him to become thatcreative, independent artist
that he was today during hisfamous time as a Beatle.
So shout out to Aunt Mimi.
(05:25):
Got to have an Aunt Mimi, got tohave an Aunt Mimi, gotta have
an Aunt Mimi.
So, yeah, I thought that wasinteresting, john Lennon, wow
the little.
Yeah, what is that?
The yellow submarine?
That might be a little bit tooold, too old for you, maybe it
is.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
I recognize it, but no.
Speaker 1 (05:48):
Hey Jude, no Okay.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
Well on that note.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
I understand that you have someone for us today,
someone that you've known for aminute.
So, introduce us to our guest,please.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
I am excited to have my friend.
Speaker 1 (06:12):
Here's the thing you want me to add her in first?
Speaker 2 (06:15):
Yeah, go ahead and let her in, because I want
everybody to see her face when Igive this introduction.
What's happening, trina?
Speaker 3 (06:23):
Hey, hey, hey hey.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
Hi Trina, hey, hey, hey, hey hi Trina.
Hey, nice welcome, welcome, yes, welcome to our podcast.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
So let me give the.
Let me give the introductionthat she gave, and then I'll
give my introduction.
Okay, uh, trina was born inNorth Dakota and then she moved
to Wyoming.
They came to VA when she waseight, going on nine, she claims
VA as her home and then for 14years we worked together at an
(06:56):
alternative education center forchildren with autism.
We were the squad.
It was yeah.
Yeah, we all grew up together.
That was, you know.
We learned a lot of lifelessons there.
Yes, she was also a bartenderon the side, and then when COVID
hit, you know, bars weren'topen.
(07:16):
So that's when she transitionedfrom being a bartender to
working for the post office Okay, working for the post office
since then.
And she has let me make sure Isay this right she has oh, there
, it is Okay, she has a motherthat raised her.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
And then a mother that birthed her All right.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
I feel that I feel that I feel that too I feel that
Currently she's married and hasan amazing husband.
That's my guy, tony, my guy.
She has two wonderful kids aswell and again, like I said,
because I've been knowing Trina,I've seen them grow up and just
mature.
So to have this conversationtoday, trina has been.
Let me give you a little knownhistory fact.
(07:58):
So the first time that I met mybrother, we went to the bar
when Trina was working, becausewe wanted to find a neutral
place with somebody.
So I said Trina, are youworking today?
She said yeah.
I said listen, this is thescenario.
She was like oh my God, oh myGod, give it away that you know
(08:19):
me.
It was just, it was a great tohave her on this platform now
because she's been a part ofthis whole journey and her story
is so unique.
When we started talking aboutnontraditional relationships,
she was one of the persons thatI had in my mind of you know,
her story is so amazing and itcan help so many other people
(08:43):
not from the standpoint of ohyou know, I'm going to change
something, but no, just to hearthat everybody has a story.
Speaker 1 (08:51):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
And when you understand and you accept your
story, then you're able tounderstand your why.
We always talk about that.
So Trina, and I call her TrinaLee, although I just found out,
like that's not her name- so Icall her Trina Lee, although I
just found out that's not hername.
I always thought it was themiddle name, so I call her Trina
Lee.
That's fine, we can keep itlike that.
(09:13):
We can keep it like that.
That means you got to changethe bottom.
It just says Trina.
I'm joking, you got to changeit.
Speaker 3 (09:20):
So Trina for our guest for Lisa, tell us your
story.
Oh my, I mean, I was born inNorth Dakota.
It's so funny, Like the titleof your podcast is.
So I'm Adopted and I feel likealmost my entire life I wish I
(09:45):
was adopted.
Speaker 1 (09:46):
Oh, wow, wow.
Speaker 3 (09:49):
I mean, I mean, we're not changing your podcast, the
title, but but for Trina'sepisode.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
I wish I was adopted and I got a little antidote to
say a little bit later, but Iwould.
Speaker 3 (10:05):
But, like he said, I was born in North Dakota on a
military installation.
The woman that gave birth to meand my father were married OK
Interesting and they split up,slash divorced as an adult,
(10:27):
split up, slash divorced as anadult.
Now, I know it takes time, butthey basically split up before I
hit a year old and he was thenstationed overseas.
So I stayed with her and NorthDakota was actually where she
was raised, so her family wasall there, was raised, so her
(10:49):
family was all there.
She remarried, moved to Wyominghe was also in the military,
moved to Wyoming I never reallyconsidered him a dad because I
wasn't treated like such, andshe ended up having two other
children with her husband and Iwas more of a third wheel.
(11:13):
I also must say I don't reallyknow how to say this the proper
way but the woman that gavebirth to me is white, my father
is not white, my father is notum and uh.
The the man that she remarriedwas a white man.
So the children that they havedid not look like me and I don't
(11:33):
know if you've ever been innorth dakota or wyoming in the
80s or 70s, 80s.
We don't need to talk about age.
Don't start with me, sir Noteven in 2024.
But you know what I mean.
There's not many people thatlook like me.
(11:54):
And when I was seven, going oneight, I guess the woman that
gave birth to me called myfather and said hey, do you want
custody of your daughter?
If not, I am going to give herup for adoption, I'm going to
(12:15):
give her the social services.
So how old were you at thattime?
I was seven, going on eight.
I might've been early eight, um, and of course my father was
like of course I want her.
Yes, absolutely no, no, no, no,no.
I want her, I want her.
He at that time was stationedum in Hampton, virginia, okay,
(12:40):
Um, however, my father is also,uh, he's a police officer in the
military, later became a policeofficer in the civilian sector.
However, he follows things bythe book and he at that time had
a one bedroom apartment.
You cannot have a child in aone bedroom apartment unless and
(13:00):
he also had a girlfriend at thetime who later became his wife.
But, um, so there was.
It took time, basically it tookabout a year for me to come out
here to Virginia and this is,you know, what I call home, the
woman at the time he was dating.
Um, I also have to say I'm sosorry Again.
(13:27):
I was born in North Dakota, inWyoming.
I knew that my father was Black, but he was the only Black
person I ever saw.
Oh, wow, ever, okay, and youcame to Hampton and we flew into
excuse me, I flew for the veryfirst time by myself from
Cheyenne, wyoming, into Norfolk,virginia, and the flight was I
(13:52):
mean, I was young, you know, mydad picked me up from the
airport and, in my mind, I knewhe had a girlfriend and I knew
that he lived with this womanand he picked me up by himself,
which was fine.
And when I came to the door oftheir house, there was another
white woman there.
What I was like this is yourgirlfriend.
(14:17):
I mean okay, I mean you know,whatever you know, I don't know,
trina, I have a question.
Speaker 2 (14:23):
I have a question.
Yes whatever you know, I don'tknow, I just have a question.
I have a question.
Yes, so how many times like hadyou seen your father, with him
being terry?
Speaker 3 (14:32):
seeing him I only remember twice.
One was a funeral, so it was inand out, and another one I went
to North Dakota to visit mygrandmother, my aunt's, uncle's,
cousins, and then he flew toNorth Dakota.
Birth to me split her mother,brothers all took my dad's side
(15:12):
and stopped kind of speaking toher as much.
Oh really, yes, yes, um, sowell, come to find out.
It's so.
If my story is so complex, I'msorry if I'm not telling this in
the right?
Speaker 1 (15:23):
no, but it's.
I have a question.
Speaker 3 (15:25):
It's interesting why you keep referring to your
mother as the person who gavebirth to me, and she only gave
(15:45):
birth to me because she wantedto have a child by a black man.
Now, I didn't find this outtill I was an adult, but I heard
this.
Her own mother told me.
She told me, actually amongother people but and when she
had me she didn't need my dadanymore.
(16:06):
However, when she remarried, Iwas in the way.
She didn't teach me how to doanything.
She didn't treat me like amother treats a child, and I
didn't realize this until shehad two other children who she
(16:27):
absolutely loved and adored anddid everything for.
Now, my brothers I rarely call,I don't call them anything but
my brothers, but I really, ifsomeone asks me, I'm an only
child, my the brother.
One of my brothers was threewhen I moved and the other one
(16:47):
was eight months old.
Speaker 1 (16:50):
So you don't have a relationship with them today.
Speaker 3 (16:53):
Um, we have each other's numbers.
Um we call each other um forimportant situations.
As in um, she's in the ICU.
As in, she's in the ICU, that'sOK.
So no, I don't.
We don't do Christmas, we don'tdo birthdays.
We don't say hey, hi, how youdoing.
(17:14):
No, we don't have arelationship.
Speaker 2 (17:16):
So do you think, do you have any ill feelings
towards them because of the waythat they were treated and you
weren't OK?
Speaker 3 (17:25):
absolutely not.
It wasn't their fault at alland they were young when I left,
you know, and who knows whatwas said about me when I wasn't
there, right and the reason andthe reason I, because sometimes
we can our emotions, we put themin different places so that we
(17:48):
are able to harness them.
Oh yes.
Speaker 2 (17:53):
Sometimes the anger because, well, you got what I
didn't get.
You know that's been.
And again, I'm just asking justfor discussion purposes,
because I've spoke to peoplethat you know they have a ill
will against the sibling and,like you said, it's not the
siblings fault.
I didn't choose to be, you know.
Speaker 3 (18:16):
I was jealous of them that they got all of the things
that I wanted and never got.
But I didn't blame it on her.
I was excuse me on them.
I was angry at her.
Speaker 1 (18:28):
Gotcha Right Now.
You know what about your, herhusband, your stepfather.
How did he treat you?
Dorn knows that little bit oftime you were there.
Speaker 3 (18:41):
The only time he spoke to me is if he was yelling
at me or if he was beating mewith a leather belt that he made
himself with my name on it.
Well, my name was on the buckleand if you think of Wyoming
(19:04):
country men like it was a yeah,a name belt and.
I never wore it.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
I never wore it, I didn't because that used to be a
thing I had.
I had my name belt yeah youknow that that was in, that was
in style, but that wasn't whatthat was for huh, ma'am, no
ma'am.
Wow, it's interesting that hewould marry a woman with a mixed
child to begin with.
(19:31):
So I'm just trying to wrap myhead around that part, because I
would have thought in Wyomingthat she would be taboo.
You know, hands off.
Well, she has a mixed child youwould.
Speaker 3 (19:46):
I mean, I don't listen, they were in the
military and they were on amilitary installation, and if
you've ever been, I mean you'vebeen in the 757.
The military is a melting potof all sorts of right, you know
what I mean.
And and that's where they metwas on a military installation
okay, so so you're saying heryour stepfather was military
(20:11):
also yes okay, yes all rightso I moved here, um, when I was
eight going online like righteight going online, and it was
in the middle of the school year.
It was a president's dayweekend, there's a holiday, you
know, february and, um, I had a.
(20:34):
My first day of school was atCooper elementary in Hampton,
virginia, and my dad, you knowhe, took me to school, and my
very first day the principal wasa Black woman and I had never
seen one before in my life.
Speaker 1 (20:56):
Oh, wow.
Speaker 3 (20:57):
Like I'm not exaggerating this, I've never
seen one the shows that I now Ihad seen the Cosby show, because
that was, but other than I'm so, excuse me other than Claire
Hugsdale on television.
I never in my life, and this iswhat I.
I looked at her from her toesall the way up and then all the
(21:23):
way back to her toes and my dad,he looked at me, he just.
But even being a military kid,you never experienced any black
people on on base because nowwhen I was in north dakota, um I
, we moved out of north NorthDakota when I was four, going on
(21:45):
five.
I don't have many memories ofNorth Dakota.
And then, when we moved toWyoming, we didn't live on base,
we didn't live on base BaseGotcha.
Speaker 1 (21:57):
Okay, all right.
Speaker 3 (21:58):
Okay, my elementary school was kindergarten through
sixth grade, when I was inCheyenne, ok, and there were two
and a half black people I wasthe half and the other two were
in fifth and fourth grade andthey were siblings.
Speaker 1 (22:17):
So let me jump in real quick One.
Speaker 2 (22:19):
I love the transparency and just the.
This is what it is and that'swhy I've always rocked with you,
trina.
Just because you're like Idon't know how else to say it,
I'm like, just say it like it is.
When you said I was the halfthat part, that part right there
(22:40):
.
Some people would just glanceover that.
No, I wouldn't do like that.
I got the yellow highlighter.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
You silly.
Speaker 2 (22:48):
So, on top of the dynamic of you being, like you
said, the half I'm going to useyour words having this
experience now of seeing a Blackwoman, because most of the time
we don't see Black men ineducation.
So now you've been uprootedfrom the home dynamic, which
(23:10):
there's a level of trauma basedon what you described, and now
you're put here on the otherside of the world.
What?
As you're on that flight, let'sgo back just a little bit.
As you're on that flight, let'sgo back just a little bit.
Speaker 3 (23:43):
As you're on that flight.
What, as much as you canremember, is the thought process
.
Is it I am excited to go see myfather?
Is it I'm just so glad to begone?
Is it?
I don't know?
I'm scared Like what that youcan recall, because I know it
was what like 50?
Don't start.
I'm sorry For everyonelistening.
You are older than me.
We don't need to know by howmuch.
Thank you.
Anyway, funny.
My initial thought was I'm veryexcited.
I'm about to go and live withmy father.
(24:03):
He's going to dump this womanthat he's with and he's going to
get back with my mother, likethis is.
This was my, you know, eightyear old, eight year old Exactly
, um.
And then I quickly found out.
Speaker 2 (24:21):
Yeah, that's never going to happen, but you bring
up.
You bring up a good pointbecause as a child you feel like
I'm here, I want, I'm thereplacement or I'm not going to
be replaced.
So a lot of children, I think,have that mindset.
That's not my story, so I can'tspeak, but I can only imagine
if you're being uprooted andit's like I'm running to this
(24:44):
new place.
I should be the new shiny toy.
It should be nobody else.
Speaker 3 (24:52):
I just I wanted to be with.
I thought that the man thatthat woman married was making
them both mean.
I knew that my father was not amean man and so and I loved her
I mean she was my mother atthat time.
You know what I mean.
Like I wanted again.
This is an eight-year-old,nine-year-old thinking of my, my
(25:16):
dream you know I.
I did not see her again, Gosh.
I did not see her again.
Gosh.
Eight, going on nine.
I did not see her again until Iwas 18.
Speaker 1 (25:31):
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
So let's go back.
Speaker 3 (25:36):
Yeah, okay.
Speaker 1 (25:37):
Let's go back, I'll let you unpack.
It's so many things I told youBefore that.
Let's go back to the day thatyour mom said that you were
going to go live with yourfather.
I mean, how?
How was that conversation?
Speaker 3 (25:59):
Honestly, I don't even remember the details upon
that.
I know she asked if I wanted toand I said yes, but it wasn't a
it wasn't a secret.
I always made it very clearthat that's what I wanted to do.
Oh, okay, oh, you know not asend me to my dad type?
No, because I would have gotbeat for saying something like
(26:21):
that.
But I mean I, I love my father.
And she tried to talk dirtabout my father but it never
sunk in.
You know what I mean.
Like, um, johnny, you weresaying how, um people are saying
mostly it's black men ineducation that people don't see.
And when I was coming up theywere saying you know, my Black
(26:44):
friends don't have their Blackfathers.
And I couldn't understand thatbecause I've always had my dad,
even when I didn't live with him.
I knew that he was my dad, heloved me and he would bend over
backwards for me.
I still believe that about mydad and if you've met him you
(27:04):
know.
I mean, that's just so.
There's different things thatwe just don't under.
You know, I don't understand.
Like people who say they don'thave, they wish they had a
parent in their life.
That woman isn't one of them.
I'm glad that most people aremissing a dad.
I felt at first I was missing amom for a long time.
(27:28):
I felt that way for a long timebut my dad's girlfriend turned
into his wife and like a yearnot even a year after I moved in
and she, she, she turned intomy mom.
When I was about 15 or 16, Istarted calling her mom.
(27:54):
You know, slowly.
The first time I called her momin public we were in the
grocery store and she just keptwalking and I'm like mom, she
kept walking, mom, she's keptwalking.
Mary, oh, were you talking to?
Speaker 1 (28:09):
me that whole time and now I feel like if I called
her Mary right now, she wouldsmack me.
My dad would smack me right yesexactly, exactly.
Speaker 3 (28:31):
She loved me.
She loved my father and shetaught me her and my father.
I'm not leaving my father outof this at all, but, just as a
woman teaching another woman,just being a mother, right, she
was the mother to me that Ineeded.
She showed me the love that Ineeded.
Not just that I wanted, butthat, you know, all kids need
(28:54):
love Right, absolutely.
All kids need love Right,absolutely.
Of course, all of the crap thatI put up with the first eight
years of my life, she kind ofhad to undo that and help me
grow into the person that I amtoday.
Speaker 1 (29:10):
Oh, that's awesome.
Yeah, so, okay.
So, let's, let's bring it backto when you were 18.
So, let's bring it back to whenyou were 18.
Speaker 3 (29:29):
So what was the situation?
That you finally saw your birthmother for the first time since
you were eight.
Her sister passed away and itwas a funeral and I was going to
North Dakota and she was goingto North Dakota.
So that's the only reason whywe were in this.
That's the only reason why wesaw each other.
She, when I was 16 years old, Iwrote her a four page letter
(29:52):
we're not going to quote anybodybecause it's not that kind of
song.
Quote anybody because it's notthat kind of song.
But I did write her a four pageletter about everything that I
was feeling, like my parents putme through therapy and I spoke
with a lot of different peopleand was in church and it was a
very slow process to help me getthrough all of that.
(30:15):
One of those was letting it outlike how you feel about her,
and I did.
I wrote her a four page letterof everything that I felt was
wrong and hurtful and I wassupposed to come out to Wyoming
to visit her and my brothers forthe first time, you know, since
I left, and she said that shecouldn't.
(30:35):
Oh, no, no, no.
After that I'm sorry, after thatfour page letter, she stopped
talking to me for two years andthen I didn't see her again
until that funeral.
And by talking, that was just acall on the phone or a
Christmas card or something.
It wasn't very often and itwasn't on a regular basis either
(30:57):
.
You know, it's funny, it hurtthen and it wasn't on a regular
basis either.
It's funny, it hurt then, butI'm so.
I mean, over time she becamethe woman that gave birth to me.
I mean, my mom is the one thatraised me, who I just saw today,
who told me to tell you hello.
By the way, her and my dad.
Speaker 2 (31:18):
It was my people's, so I'm going to jump in on this.
So, lisa, when I had my bout,where I was in the hospital for
a while, her mom was a nurse.
Speaker 1 (31:29):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (31:30):
You know, I had heard of her mom but she came in and
I guess she didn't know if Iknew who she was.
But she was the sweetest thingand she reminds me of my
mother-in-law.
Just her spirit, she's justthat.
And you know, just, she made myday.
I never forget that day whenshe came in and she was like I
don't know really anything thatI can do, but I just wanted to
(31:52):
check and it just meant theworld to me and she is a
extension of Tr Trina.
I mean, that's just.
I see where Trina gets thatfrom.
I also know Trina's dad.
I see that side of her too.
Okay, okay, perfect combination.
But her folks, I can't speak.
(32:12):
You know I can't speak enough.
You know good about just thewhole dynamic and again her
story.
It has so many layers to it.
Speaker 1 (32:21):
And.
Speaker 2 (32:22):
I remember when we first started the podcast, she
was like, oh my God.
And I said I want you to be onthere.
She was like no, no, no, Idon't want to.
I said well, I understand.
I said, but if you ever get toa point that you're willing,
please take us intoconsideration.
And as we evolved and westarted talking about
non-traditional, I showed herhow her story is what we're
(32:46):
talking about.
Yeah, because there's so manydifferent layers to it and
everybody thinks that they're onthis island by themselves.
But we have more in common thanwe don't.
Speaker 1 (32:57):
Then we don't they're more commonalities than we like
to give credit to.
Speaker 3 (33:02):
Yeah.
So, yeah, if that woman gave meup for adoption, there's no
clue where I'd be.
I mean, I was already highlydepressed before I even came
here, and before I even camehere I honestly tried to kill
myself when I was seven yearsold.
(33:24):
I mean, it was like this.
I didn't know that you couldn'tdo it like that, but I'm just
saying, if I could have, that'swhat.
Speaker 1 (33:35):
I tried to do Right.
You know what?
Speaker 3 (33:38):
I mean, Like it was a , my parents definitely helped
me get through a bunch of oohand that's why I say I wish that
my mom did adopt me, couldadopt me, but that woman
wouldn't, so she wouldn't allowthat to happen.
Speaker 1 (34:01):
Um, let me see what.
Speaker 3 (34:01):
And her right parental rights.
Um, she wouldn't end herparental rights because that's
what my father wanted.
However, she also wasn't payingchild support because she said,
in order for you to get yourdaughter, I'm not paying child
support.
And so, of course, my dad waslike I don't care, he wanted me,
right.
Speaker 1 (34:23):
Thank God.
Speaker 3 (34:29):
Absolutely, absolutely, and I do and I thank
him often.
Speaker 1 (34:31):
Well, you, you know, you wasn't.
You wasn't born for her, foryour, the mother that birthed
you.
You wasn't.
You was born for this woman,Because did they have any other
children?
Speaker 3 (34:43):
No, well, it's funny that you say that A twist to the
story?
There is a twist.
So my mother was born andraised as a Catholic woman.
Unfortunately, she was takensevere advantage of and had her
(35:03):
first and only birth child atthe age of 13.
And that child was given up foradoption.
Oh wow, this was 50 some oddyears ago and, like I said, she
was 13 when she gave birth tothis child and it was a closed
(35:26):
adopt, you know, back then,whatever you can think of, and
she was in New York.
I know you're New Jersey, likeit's the same kind of thing.
Yeah, she's always wanted toknow about this girl.
Her name is Melissa.
That's the name that she gaveher but she didn't even hold her
, couldn't even, and then theytook her, the nuns took her away
(35:49):
.
I know her birthday and my momjust got to a point where she
can actually talk about this andnot get extremely emotional and
extremely depressed, but I willsay maybe three weeks ago she
(36:10):
got a certified letter from theDepartment of Health of um.
Um, however, however vitalstatistics, uh-huh.
And says um, the records areclosed for adoption, but your
biological daughter wants toopen them.
Do we have your permission?
Speaker 1 (36:27):
my mom was like, oh my gosh, oh, my gosh, I can't
sign this fast enough.
Oh, wow, wow, yeah, that's howmy mother, my birth mother, was
when they found out that I waslooking for them.
They would, they could returnthe information back fast enough
for them to say, yes, oh wow.
Speaker 3 (36:50):
So she hasn't heard any news yet.
She's waiting on a response.
She did try to get in touchwith her daughter maybe 10 years
ago, but you know lots ofchange in the DNA world and so
on and so forth.
She did get a hit.
However, the person said Idon't, I don't want to be found,
(37:14):
but oh yeah, that happens.
Right, and so my mom and shewrote her a letter.
It was just like I am yourmother and whenever you're ready
, if you're ready, this is whereI am and where I can be found.
My mother respects everyone'swishes, but ever since she
signed the agreement to yes, youcan look me up, she hasn't
(37:38):
heard anything back yet.
She's okay with it.
She's okay.
Speaker 2 (37:44):
Okay, okay, but yes, yes.
Speaker 3 (37:46):
So I might have a sister.
I mean like I have a sister,but I mean like you know might
be able to see her.
Speaker 2 (37:55):
That's awesome.
Speaker 1 (37:56):
That is awesome.
Oh wow, that's beautiful thatreally is.
Speaker 3 (38:02):
I had, of course.
I asked my mom.
I told her I was coming on yourpodcast and I wanted to make
sure what I was allowed to sayand not allowed to say.
She was like yeah, it's fine,Say it all or whatever you want.
Speaker 1 (38:16):
I was like, because you never know they may be, they
may be listening Exactly.
Speaker 3 (38:22):
Exactly.
Speaker 1 (38:24):
You never know, that's awesome.
Speaker 3 (38:26):
I told her that I would.
I for the day.
Maybe we could change the nameof your podcast to I wish I was
adopted.
I found out that my mom istrying to adopt me.
She said it's a little moredifficult to do as an adult, but
it can be done.
Speaker 1 (38:47):
Oh really.
Speaker 2 (38:48):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (38:49):
That would be amazing .
Speaker 3 (38:51):
Yes, oh, my goodness and I was like, and I just told
her today that I was going to beon your podcast tonight and
she's already been doing theresearch.
Like so it's not like it justkind of.
Speaker 1 (39:04):
I was like oh my gosh , really mom, oh my goodness.
Speaker 2 (39:09):
So the nugget in that is it's never too late you know
yeah too late.
People feel like and again thatgoes back to us
compartmentalizing emotions andsituations so that we can
coexist in this world.
And even in my journey I waslike, oh, I just want to know,
and if I don't know I'm okay,but deep down I really wanted to
(39:32):
know do I have?
siblings and just all of thevoids.
And then, when I found out alittle bit, I'm like I'm
satisfied with this, but itcreated.
Found out a little bit, I'mlike I'm satisfied with this,
but it created more of a hungerwhere I wanted to know well, who
do I look like and can I let meshare this nugget?
I got a bunch of nuggets, trina.
So not only was Trina thelocation sponsor for when I met
(39:55):
my dad at my dad's funeral,sponsor for when I met my dad At
my dad's funeral, trina was theMVP.
Let me tell you why.
The picture that we had of mybiological mom, you're the one
who took that picture.
Speaker 1 (40:09):
Yes, yes.
Speaker 2 (40:12):
She's the MVP.
Speaker 1 (40:13):
Yes, thank you.
Yes, you are, thank you, yes.
Speaker 2 (40:20):
Oh, wow, right, yes, thank you.
Yes, you are yes.
Speaker 1 (40:22):
Oh, wow, right, yes, that was amazing, and she didn't
even know.
Speaker 2 (40:25):
She didn't even know.
She was like I think I took apicture of her.
I was like let me see.
And I showed it and they werelike yeah, that's her.
And I was like, oh my God.
So my first time understandingand seeing this picture, she
unlocked it, trina.
Yes, she unlocked it, and Iremember like I cried on the
inside I ain't crying in frontof y'all, but you know I cried
(40:48):
but it was it was that moment ofyou know the child looking out
the window waiting for theparent to come.
Yeah, yeah even though she had amask on and I'm looking like.
So if I remove the mask, whatdoes she look like and do I see
my eyes and this and that, andso yeah, just publicly.
Thank you, trina.
Speaker 3 (41:08):
Anytime, I guess.
Speaker 2 (41:10):
Yeah, that's what I'm here for, so and I want to
shift the discussion now.
My question is with you havingthe experiences you had with the
mother who gave birth to youand then for eight years, then
you have an opportunity to gowith your dad.
(41:30):
Two questions the first one howdid that impact you as a parent
?
How did that impact you as aparent?
Number two, with the separationof them, with the abusive
relationship that yourbiological mom had with her
(41:50):
husband and what you had toendure, how does that impact, or
how did that impact, yourrelationships as you got older?
Does that impact or how didthat?
Speaker 3 (41:59):
impact your relationships as you got older?
Those are very good questions.
Those are very good questions.
I will say, if it weren't formy mom, I wouldn't be the mother
(42:19):
that I am today my mom and mydad but when I, when I found out
I was pregnant for the firsttime I believe in a woman's
right to choose, and that's awhole other political thing.
However, I couldn't do that tomyself.
She was not planned, so I waswilling to give birth to her and
give her up for adoption forsomeone that could love her and
(42:40):
take care of her more than Icould, and I voiced that and my
mom was like nah, we'll take her, we'll take her.
You know what I'm saying?
You're not going to send herout into the world and you have
to.
You know what I'm saying?
You're not going to send herout to the world and you have to
(43:01):
break the cycle.
Now she she didn't say breakthe cycle, but those were that's
you know she took away from it,Right.
That is what I took away from it.
And and she helped me becausethere were times where I wanted
to just pull my hair out with mydaughter, who looks just like
me and has the same, you know,quirks as me, and I'm just like.
My mom helped me through that,like.
(43:22):
She helped me break the cycle.
The woman that gave birth to medid not get along with her
mother.
You know what I mean Like andand, and she didn't get along
with.
I found all of this out now,not till I was an adult, but you
know I my mom helped me breakthat cycle so that I could be a
good parent.
(43:43):
And my dad I know I said thatthat woman used to say horrible
things about my father to me.
To my face, my father, evenstill, to this day, will not say
not one horrible word aboutthat woman.
If I ask him a question, hewill give me an honest answer,
(44:05):
but he's not gonna put anythingextra on it, or right, you know?
And so, um, because I was in arelationship where I didn't get
along with my son's father, Irefuse to say bad things about
him to him because that's whatmy father did to me.
You know what I mean, and Iended up really disliking that
(44:31):
woman for doing that, and Ididn't want that to happen
between my kids.
Now my children are on paperadults.
They still got a lot of growingto do, but we have a good
relationship.
We have a lot betterrelationship that I had with her
, for sure.
Speaker 1 (45:00):
I'm sure.
I'm sure and it's funny becauseof a lot of things that you
learn, and I can only speak formy my story, because I wouldn't
be the woman I am today if itwasn't for my adoptive mother,
and it wasn't things that thatwas in my DNA, it was things
that that I saw in front of me.
Exactly the thing that you sawin front of you is what made you
who you are, you know.
So God orchestrates all things,all things Well, you went
(45:25):
through what you went throughfor someone else to hear your
first eight year story, but thento hear the joy on the other
side.
You know those real informativeyears.
You had someone there for you.
So that's why you're the parentyou are today, the woman you
are today, and those eight firsteight years didn't really
(45:48):
damage you.
I mean you clearly you have.
You know you had to go throughsome things to get through it,
but it didn't.
It didn't hold you back, itdidn't make you not be the
person you are today, correct.
It didn't break you, it did not.
Speaker 3 (46:05):
It didn't break me.
Yes, I agree it definitely mademe stronger, that's for sure it
did.
Speaker 1 (46:12):
And your kids are going to be better for it.
Speaker 2 (46:14):
I will say this I think that a lot of times we
don't give credit for thosesituations and those people who
put us in those situations.
Because, you know, ironsharpens iron and in order to
strengthen those muscles andthat resolve, you know, and
again I'm not going, I'munapologetic God put you in a
(46:34):
situation because he knew youhad the DNA and the structure
and the strength to be able toovercome it.
He had to put you in situationssituation because he knew you
had the DNA and the structureand the strength to be able to
overcome it.
He had to put you in situationswhere you can be on that
elliptical machine so you canget your endurance.
You know what I'm saying.
So, yeah, everything has apurpose, everything has a
process.
When you don't treat, when youdon't cheat, the process and the
(46:55):
purpose becomes clear, thenyou're able to thrive in and the
low hanging fruit is just thatmuch sweeter.
And I think that your familydynamic, where you are, I think
just your spirit, your spirit,is unbroken.
There are a lot of people whodidn't experience what you
experienced at eight years old,leaving the trauma that you
(47:18):
endured.
A lot of people are walkingaround unable to unpack that
unable to take the backpack off.
So to sit here and to hear youone, have the strength to share
your story.
Two, to be able tocompartmentalize it and still
walk and say this is who I am,this is where I am, this is why
(47:41):
this is who.
That's a powerful thing and Idon't want you to miss open,
miss.
You know.
I don't want to glance overthat, because I believe in
giving credit where credit isdue, because we have so much
negativity in this world.
But I'm sitting here listeningeven though I knew the story and
in the back of my mind I'm likecome on, come.
I'm sitting here listening eventhough I knew the story and in
the back of my mind I'm likecome on, come on, get a chair
put it out there.
Speaker 1 (48:01):
Yes, yes, yes.
Speaker 2 (48:03):
But it's exciting and it's just reassuring to say
that the family dynamic and thestructure it has a place and it
can it, can it, it's, it'samazing, that's all I can say,
because that distance did notimpact the love that your dad
had for you.
Speaker 3 (48:23):
At all.
Speaker 2 (48:24):
And the fact that who God put him with was
preparation for you coming intothis.
Speaker 3 (48:34):
She needed that too.
She needed that too.
Speaker 2 (48:37):
To not be able to needed.
Speaker 3 (48:38):
that too, it was heaven for sure, absolutely,
absolutely.
It's like we all kind of needeach other.
Like you said, people areplaced in certain situations and
you know, johnny, we've knowneach other a long time and
you've seen how much I've grownfrom our first time meeting up
until now.
You know what I mean.
(48:59):
Golly, yes, I met you, uh,pregnant with my 19 year old son
is.
So I've come a long way andI've had people that have helped
me along the way.
You know you and your family aswell.
So I, you know this, but myhusband is an awesome person.
(49:20):
It's like different things andit now allows me to tell my
story without getting all.
Not that getting emotional is ahorrible thing, but I never
would have been able to tellthis story without a lot of cuss
words and um.
Speaker 2 (49:36):
So she was a cusser when I first met her it's the
bar life.
Speaker 3 (49:43):
I'll blame it on the it's all good.
Speaker 1 (49:47):
Everybody's always under construction, that's for
sure, absolutely so let me askthis.
Speaker 2 (49:51):
Let me ask this question how, knowing your story
, knowing the non-traditionalfamily part, how did that impact
you and Tony, you and yourhusband?
Okay, tony, my husband Fromyour standpoint, because you
(50:16):
can't speak for him, but fromyour standpoint how you
approached it, or just give us alittle bit of insight.
Speaker 3 (50:21):
I think because he was born and raised with his
mother, who is his number onefan, and vice versa.
However, he did not have afather in his life and I came
from a family and he had threebrothers and a sister, and I
(50:42):
grew up in only child with bothof my parents, but his family
was that dynamic is justdifferent for a lot of different
reasons.
I don't know if it's a, if it'sa, how well, a lot of of it was
how I was raised, but that'show he, at the end of the day, I
guess um, I don't know how tosay this, I don't know.
(51:06):
I know he loves me and, nomatter what I was going through
or am still currently goingthrough, you know he's there.
Speaker 2 (51:16):
Let me ask it a different way Do you think that
how you were raised and some ofthe things that you saw did it
impact some of the decisionsthat you made, as you all were
evolving in your marriagejourney and relationships?
Speaker 3 (51:34):
Absolutely Okay.
Absolutely Okay, he was.
We're able to work together inlike.
Okay, I see where you're comingfrom.
I can back off a little bit orbe more you know, whatever it
(52:05):
involves.
Yeah, absolutely.
But if he didn't know me or mystory, he would probably still
feel the same way about I don'tknow, I'm not going to.
I don't have too many examplesto give.
I don't want to be too personal.
Speaker 2 (52:21):
That's fine.
And again, my reason, myreasoning for asking that
question, is because a lot oftimes we don't like to deal with
the why, why we respond tocertain things, the motivation
behind our choices and actions,certain things, the motivation
behind our choices and actions,and you have to understand that
(52:42):
how we as individuals grow up,what we're exposed to, it shapes
our lens, it shapes ourexpectations, it shapes how we
respond.
So I wanted to just ask thatblanket question.
And again, it goes to yourmaturity in your journey of how
you're able to see yeah, it didimpact us and to be able to
articulate your story to yoursibling, one of the things Lisa
(53:05):
and I are going to do we'regoing to have our siblings on I
mean our significant others onto kind of talk about you know
us.
Okay you know us, okay, you know.
So that brings a wholedifferent dynamic, because now
you have an audience of thosewho are married to individuals
(53:27):
that have non-traditional familyrelationships.
Yes, and we are different, werespond differently yes you know
we don't always like to admitit, but at the root cause of it
it's different.
Yes, it's different.
Speaker 3 (53:41):
I will say I did take tony to north dakota a couple
of times.
I mean, that's where I was bornand I do still have, you know,
biological family there, and hewent there with the whole.
You know, these people hurt mywife and why would you know?
But I want to see him.
And then he got to know themand it's like okay, wait, no, it
(54:03):
was the woman that gave birthto her that hurt her.
These are her family.
You know what I mean.
And so things kind of changed alittle bit with with that, in
addition to going to northdakota from virginia is a
culture shock period.
Speaker 2 (54:24):
I do want to ask a question, and if it's off limits
, please say so okay the lasttrip that you took to north
dakota can?
You can you just share yourthought process as you went to
that trip?
Speaker 3 (54:42):
So the last OK, the last trip that I went to North
Dakota was, golly, I guess aboutfour years ago the woman that
gave birth to me passed away.
I got a phone call from one ofmy brothers that says she's in
intensive care, she's been,she's called, she's brain dead,
(55:04):
she's not going to make it,they're just waiting for her to
go.
Basically, and then him, hisbrother and their father left
the hospital and left her byherself.
Speaker 1 (55:16):
Wow, Until she passed yeah.
Speaker 3 (55:19):
Until she passed.
Had I known that, I would havegone out there.
I mean, we weren't the best offriends, but at the end of the
day she gave birth to yourmother Right.
Exactly so.
Um, but she died, like in thewinter time.
And um, because she would.
I guess the man that she'smarried to doesn't believe in
any sort of life after death, oryou know, once you're gone,
(55:42):
you're gone, so what's the pointof me doing anything?
He cremated her and basicallysaid I don't, I don't need her,
you know.
So one of her brothers andsister in law went and picked up
her ashes, took them to NorthDakota and when the weather,
it's very cold in North Dakotain the wintertime, so when the
(56:05):
ground thawed, we went out there.
My husband and my fatheractually went out to North
Dakota and buried her ashes withthe rest of the crew Family,
yeah, her family and um, it wasinteresting, we were all there
and nobody wanted to sayanything, um, but my dad did, it
(56:29):
was really, and it was very,you know, he said nice things
and it was like, oh, okay, andthen we all went out to eat.
I mean, it's very odd.
I can't talk about my motherpassing away without me getting
teary-eyed because I'm nowherenear ready for that day, or my
(56:52):
father.
However, that woman that gavebirth to me is just that.
I mean, I don't mean it in arude or disrespectful way at all
.
We were very respectful.
We buried her ashes with herfather, who was her, you know
her favorite person.
She was mad that I was adaddy's girl.
(57:13):
He's a girl, so is she, youknow.
But anyways and um, my husbandwas a very strong rock, you know
, I think, for both me and mydad.
I don't know not that my dadwas, you know whatever, but just
responsible and respectful.
This is where I get this from.
Is my father and of, and youwho met my mother in a hospital
(57:38):
room, I mean, you see where Iget it from, the people that
raised me.
Speaker 2 (57:45):
So I would encourage you.
You don't have to apologize foryour truth.
You made peace long before shetransitioned and thank you,
thank you for being transparentand sharing that piece of the
story.
I just I think that that bringsa I don't want to say a bow,
but it brings a full circle tothe story that you've shared,
(58:09):
because here it is Everythingthat happened in the beginning
and at the end.
You and your dad went back andstill honored her, even though
one could say she didn't deservethis.
That's irrelevant to life.
Because of who you all are.
You did the right thing becauseit was the right thing to do.
(58:31):
Even to hear you say if I hadknown that she was by herself, I
would have and I know you wouldhave.
Not a doubt, knowing you, I knowyou would have and just thank
you for being transparent andbeing vulnerable in this space
because you didn't have to shareit.
(58:52):
I just, I hope that evenhearing your story, it
encourages somebody to say youknow what I dot, dot, dot.
Whatever it may be, becauseeven I'm listening and, like I
said, I know the story and it'sjust like I have a smile and a
appreciation for your journey,for my journey, and it's like
(59:18):
Lisa's journey how you neverknow how your story impacts
somebody else, how what you'regoing through unlocks
opportunities for For others toheal.
Absolutely, because I guaranteeyou, somebody that's listening
to us is having difficulty witha sibling, I mean a parent who
(59:40):
may be transitioning or maybegetting older, and I'm not going
to do such and such, but to beable to have that peace of mind,
one thing my mom used to tellme she was like treat me right
while I'm here, don't be cryingover me, I should have could
have, did have once I'm gone.
Speaker 1 (59:56):
Right.
Speaker 2 (59:57):
You know.
So it's forgiveness is not forthe person, it's for you.
Yes, you know, that's one thingthat I've learned, you know.
So just to hear your strengthon that, this, this, oh my gosh,
it's amazing.
Speaker 1 (01:00:12):
I mean, you are a strong, strong, strong woman,
strong woman.
Speaker 2 (01:00:25):
And your life's journey made you that way,
absolutely.
Speaker 1 (01:00:30):
And I just wanted to say real quick it's interesting
how your mom today is a whitewoman, because you still needed
that peace in your life, becauseyou are biracial, so you still
(01:00:50):
needed that in your life.
Yes, so he gave you that Uh-huhyes.
Speaker 3 (01:00:57):
So he gave you that?
Yes, so he gave you that.
Speaker 1 (01:00:59):
Yeah, as you were talking about it's like wow,
because she's you still grew upin that dynamic right I'm having
a white mother and a blackfather.
You still grew up in that samedynamic, because you needed to.
You needed to have.
Speaker 3 (01:01:11):
I needed to yeah, because I would probably have a
very much hatred um, oh yeah, Ididn't even think about I know
that's not a, that's a terrible.
Speaker 1 (01:01:19):
No, no, but that's true, that's true that's true,
because your experience with awhite woman was so devastating
and so hard so hard, yes thatyou was able to see really the
beauty of the other part of whoyou are.
Speaker 3 (01:01:38):
Yes, yes, good point, thanks, yes, I believe that for
sure, definitely for sure.
It's so funny.
I will say, I know.
At the beginning of the story Isaid there were two and a half
Black children in thiselementary school.
I will say, yes, in thiselementary school.
(01:02:00):
I will say, yes, I am a Blackwoman.
I am not a half Black woman.
I just want to Now, when I wasunder the age of eight, I was
only half, but have you seenschool days yet?
Yeah, oh my gosh, yes.
Speaker 1 (01:02:14):
You just now seen school days in your recent years
.
Speaker 2 (01:02:19):
So let me give you the backdrop yeah, please
explain when we were workingtogether.
February would come around andI would say Trina, have you seen
?
I'm not even going to exposethe movies, but I would ask.
And she was like no, I haven't.
I was like what, I was like yo,for real, you're done.
Speaker 1 (01:02:37):
And I gave her a complete assignment.
Speaker 2 (01:02:39):
I said I need you to watch this, this, this and this
Exactly.
Well, I've watched this.
Does this count?
I said no, that was on MTV,that doesn't count.
Speaker 3 (01:02:49):
Yes, oh my gosh.
So you sound like Tony.
Yes, I've watched lots ofmovies.
Speaker 1 (01:02:54):
OK, awesome, there are key movies that you have to
watch.
Speaker 3 (01:03:00):
Yes, oh, both of you sound like my husband.
Speaker 1 (01:03:03):
In order for you to maintain your black heart, you
have to watch a cookbook.
Speaker 2 (01:03:07):
Hey, you get invited to the cookout.
You got to be ready.
Speaker 3 (01:03:12):
For sure I'm a lot better.
First of all, tony wasn'thaving that Okay, so, like on
date nights, we would sit andwatch.
You know harlem nights, itdoesn't matter.
We were watching a movie, okay,where I needed to understand
what was going on.
We talked about a movie.
If it came out in the 80s Iprobably didn't see it, and if
it was rated r I didn't see ituntil I became an.
(01:03:35):
We don't have to talk about inthe late nineties, early two
thousands.
Speaker 2 (01:03:40):
All right, here we go .
May is the question.
Speaker 1 (01:03:42):
Oh, here we go.
Speaker 2 (01:03:44):
What's your?
Grits?
Sugar or salt and pepper?
Don't answer wrong.
You eat cream and wheat, don'tyou?
Speaker 1 (01:03:54):
No, you don't eat grits.
Speaker 2 (01:03:56):
Porridge.
Speaker 3 (01:03:57):
No, oh, and let me tell.
Let me also tell you, since youwant to go there, I don't like
pumpkin pie, but I don't likesweet potato pie either.
Speaker 2 (01:04:07):
You got raisins in your potato salad, oh my gosh.
Speaker 3 (01:04:10):
I just said I'm a black woman To the no you about
to have me c a cousin on apodcast now We'll be doing that
now.
Speaker 2 (01:04:21):
It's all good.
It's all good.
So look, before we wrap up, atleast you brought up a great
nugget about God giving her themother that she has now in order
to help her, not even knowing.
Speaker 1 (01:04:35):
Yes, yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:04:36):
Trina, as we close, what do you want people to walk
away from as a result of hearingyour story?
Speaker 3 (01:04:47):
I want people to try to get help.
As far as talk to people talkto people that you trust your
village really has to be help toto.
As far as talk to people, talkto people that you trust your
village really has to be somestrong people.
I have strong people in myvillage.
Johnny, you were part of myvillage.
I mean you definitely were.
(01:05:10):
I wasn't over it all yet, but Imean that's really what it is.
I talked my way through and Iput my parents helped me.
I don't really know.
Don't hold it against yourchildren, if you have children,
or your spouse if you know theyhad things that were better or
(01:05:33):
worse than your upbringing.
We all have differentupbringings.
But I don't know and I don'twant to say forgive and forget.
I'm not saying that I forgavethat woman, but I'm not mad at
her anymore.
And honestly, I have made peace,and if I wasn't I don't want to
(01:05:57):
say that people should be, butif I wasn't raised like that the
first eight years and myparents didn't fix me, I
wouldn't be the person that I am.
Like, all of that falls intowho I am today.
Speaker 1 (01:06:10):
Yep, yep, awesome.
Speaker 2 (01:06:14):
Nothing else need to be said after that.
Nothing else.
That's the nugget.
Speaker 1 (01:06:20):
Drop the mic.
Speaker 2 (01:06:21):
Yes, so you know how we close out.
So you know, I'll say my name,I'm adopted.
Lisa will say her name I saw,I'm adopted.
And then Trina, you can sayyour name, and then you can say
I wish I was.
And here's the thing.
Speaker 3 (01:06:39):
Soon you will be.
Yes, yes, okay, yes, I'm downwith that.
Speaker 2 (01:06:42):
So again, we want to thank you for investing time and
listening, taking some time tolisten to our non-traditional
stories about relationships.
Please like us on all platformswhere you can find podcasts.
Trina normally listens to thepodcast, so Prior to, she was
like are people going to see me?
I was like yeah.
She was like oh, I've neverseen it.
I always listen to it while I'mdelivering mail.
(01:07:03):
Whatever platform you're ableto catch us on, please like,
share.
If something in this discussionwas beneficial to you, it
unlocked something.
Just send us a nugget, send usa note, subscribe official to
you.
Speaker 1 (01:07:19):
It unlocks something.
Just hey, send us a nugget,send us a note and subscribe.
Speaker 2 (01:07:21):
Please subscribe, trina.
Thank you so much for beingwilling to come out and jump on
this podcast with us.
It has been a joy.
Speaker 1 (01:07:30):
Thanks for having me, yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:07:33):
So on that note, anything closing Lisa, before,
before we close it out.
Speaker 1 (01:07:38):
No, I think we've said enough for today.
I think this was awesome.
This was really awesome.
Speaker 2 (01:07:42):
Yeah, this was amazing.
So I'm John and I'm adopted.
Speaker 1 (01:07:48):
And I'm Lisa and I'm adopted.
Speaker 3 (01:07:50):
And I'm Trina and I wish I was adopted, but I will
be soon.
Speaker 2 (01:07:58):
Thank you all so much .
Please like and subscribe us.
Have a great evening.
Speaker 1 (01:08:03):
Until next time, bye-bye.
Speaker 2 (01:08:18):
Thank you for listening to the so I'm Adopted
podcast.
We hope that this wasinformative and educational.
You can follow us on Instagramand Facebook at so I'm Adopted.
Also, subscribe to our YouTubechannel so I'm Adopted.
And again, thank you forlistening and until next time,
make the choice to begin yourhealing journey.
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