The Journey to Self-Reliance and Belonging

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Imagine uncovering life-altering truths about your past nearly four decades into your life. This is the journey our guest shares, where unexpected revelations about family roots and adoption bring a cascade of emotions. We start by reflecting on the extraordinary lives of celebrated adoptees like Jamie Foxx and Babe Ruth, illustrating how nurturing environments and supportive relationships can shape destinies. Their stories set the stage for our guest’s poignant tale, as they navigate the emotional landscape of discovering their own adoption story and the love and loss that accompanied it.

Our conversation takes a remarkable turn with the unfolding of an unexpected reunion. A mysterious visitor brings shocking news that challenges the very foundation of our guest’s identity, revealing a biological mother thought to be deceased but alive in Alaska. As the layers of family dynamics and motivations unravel, we explore the complex emotions and financial expectations that come with such revelations. Through the turbulence of reconnecting with newfound siblings and confronting a resentful biological mother, our guest’s journey highlights resilience, self-reliance, and the search for belonging in a fractured family.

Finally, we delve into the trials of navigating intricate family relationships, from the painful realities of sibling isolation to the empowering acts of self-sufficiency. Practical skills and personal growth become lifelines in overcoming family trauma, while moments of compassion and empathy provide guiding lights. We share stories of strength and perseverance, including the importance of faith and spiritual guidance as anchors amidst adversity. Through this exploration, the enduring power of family love, respect, and resilience shine through, leaving a profound impact on all who listen.

Music by Curtis Rodgers IG @itsjustcurtis
Produce and Edited by Lisa Sapp
Executive Producer Lisa Sapp
Executive Producer Johnnie Underwood

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 2 (00:13):
Welcome to the so I'm Adopted podcast, where we talk
everything adoption.
This journey is not one we takealone.
Together, we grapple with rawemotions that surface from
adoption stories.
We want you to be comfortableenough to heal, so sit back and
go with us on this journey as wedive deep into adoption.
So we want to welcome you toanother episode of so I'm

(00:47):
Adopted.
I'm John, and I'm Lisa.
And we are Adopted.
Lisa, how have you been?
It's been exciting and we'reback once more.
How have you been?

Speaker 3 (00:57):
I'm good.
I'm good Just trying to livelife.
You know how about you Life?

Speaker 2 (01:01):
be lifin'.

Speaker 3 (01:02):
Life be lifin'.

Speaker 2 (01:04):
That's what the young folks say, right now, yes, and
we're making it through.

Speaker 3 (01:06):
Another year, Another year.

Speaker 2 (01:08):
And, as this year wraps up, our hope is that we
have created an opportunity anda safe space for individuals to
be able to share their truthsabout nontraditional
relationships.
If you have an opportunity,please hit that like or share
button.
Let somebody know.
If you have a story that youthink would be beneficial to the

(01:29):
audience, to us, please reachout.
We do respond to email.
So please, please, please,ma'am sir, hit the like and
share button.

Speaker 3 (01:38):
Yes, please hit the like and share button.

Speaker 2 (01:42):
We are on all platforms Spotify, Apple Music,
everything that you need, we arethere.
So we started Lisa a while ago,talking about famous adoptees,
trying to bring light toindividuals that are celebrities
for whichever reason that areadopted.
So who do you have this week?

Speaker 3 (02:01):
So I have this week is Jamie Foxx Did you know he
was adopted.

Speaker 2 (02:06):
I think I did, and with his standup that he has
right now, you have a veryrelevant star.

Speaker 3 (02:13):
I do, I do.
You know he was born EricMarlon Bishop.
Did you know that?

Speaker 2 (02:18):
I didn't know it, because I saw his standup and he
talks about his real governmentname Government name, as he
says.

Speaker 3 (02:24):
You're right.
So Fox was adopted and raisedby his maternal grandparents
shortly after his birth.
His biological parents were notinvolved in his upbringing, but
his grandmother became a majorinfluence, nurturing his love
for music and comedy performance.
The support he helped, thesupport that he had helped him

(02:46):
become a multi-talented artist,winning Academy Award for his
portrayal of Ray Charles.
Did you see that movie?
Of course, just checking,because an actor would have
pulled your black card if hedidn't see it.
Trust me, my black card issolid.

Speaker 2 (03:01):
Alright, I'm just saying Trust me when I tell you
that.

Speaker 3 (03:02):
I'm going to have to test you later on.

Speaker 2 (03:06):
You don't want to go there.
I don't know.
Have you seen the Last Dragon?
Absolutely what.
Give me the famous line from it?

Speaker 3 (03:13):
Sure enough, one who Sure enough?
Sure enough, sure enough.
Okay, alright, just make itshort, just make it short.

Speaker 2 (03:20):
So you're good, okay, you got that.
You got that my disrespect.

Speaker 3 (03:26):
I think you were still smelling.

Speaker 2 (03:29):
No, no, no, no, no.
I went to the movie theater andwatched.

Speaker 3 (03:31):
Formula what when that came out?

Speaker 2 (03:35):
I'm going to digress because I know and I recognize
that that's an age discussionand I'm not going to get in
trouble.

Speaker 3 (03:44):
That was it for me.
That was my favorite discussion, and I'm not going to get in
trouble.
That was it for me.
That was my favorite movie,really.
Yeah, I want to say that waslike the first movie.
Man, I don't know that.
Oh, yes, I do.
I was about to say Barry Gordy.
Okay, yeah, you got it.
Who's?

Speaker 2 (03:58):
Barry Gordy's son.

Speaker 3 (04:00):
Oh, what's his name?
Utfo or whatever Isn oh what'shis name?

Speaker 1 (04:06):
UTFO or whatever Isn't it UTFO.

Speaker 2 (04:07):
See, no, I told you you don't want to go down that
rabbit hole with me.
No, yeah, utfo.

Speaker 3 (04:12):
Okay, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (04:13):
I know, I know what you're not saying Because of my
age.

Speaker 3 (04:18):
Sometimes my memory ain't all that great.

Speaker 2 (04:20):
We talking BET, we ain't talking MTV.
What great.
We talking bet, we ain'ttalking mtv.
What is his name?

Speaker 3 (04:28):
I see his face you can't google it either.
I'm not googling.
I am not googling.

Speaker 2 (04:30):
Why are you figuring out what I'm gonna do.
I'm gonna go right to my you dothat so my person for this week
?
Um, and I was surprised, I didnot know this it's babe ruth, oh
really I did not sointerestingly, he and his sister
was sent to the orphanage at ayoung age.
The good news is that there hemet brother Matthias, who taught

(04:55):
him and encouraged him to playbaseball.
A talent scout became his legalguardian and Ruth spent 22
record-breaking seasons playingball.
So it's so interesting hownurture versus nature, you know,
it's to a point where him beingpositioned with this individual
exposed him to baseball.

(05:16):
And as a result, he had anamazing career.
Now we can go back and forthabout the record.
That's a whole different thing,but Babe Ruth still is one of
the top conversation pieces whenit comes to baseball.
Okay, but it's just interesting.
Like I said, because of whereGod positioned him, it exposed
him to a whole different avenueof sports.

(05:38):
That's amazing, it is.
It is so again.
That's why we try and say thatwherever you're supposed to be,
god will let you be there.
Yes, right, but sometimes whathappens is he puts us in the
right positions.
We are so unaware, we'refocusing on the wrong things, we
major in the minors or we'redistracted.

(05:59):
So I just want to encouragesomebody right now.
So I just want to encouragesomebody right now.
Take an assessment of where youare and ask you know you may
not understand the why Startunpacking little pieces of it.

Speaker 3 (06:14):
Yeah, yeah, because where we are today is not by
accident, it's not.
And those little things, justlike with Jamie Foxx if it
wasn't for his grandmother,would he be the person he is
today?
Right, the multi-talented actor.
Nobody knows.

(06:35):
Nobody knows.
If you haven't seen hisstand-up comedy, please take a
moment during his holiday seasonto check it out.
It's definitely a tearjerker.
It is, but he does it throughwhat he knows best comedy and
music and music and family andfamily.

(06:57):
Even though he has a lot to say, it's done in a way that only
Jimmy Fox can do, absolutely.

Speaker 2 (07:06):
So we got some upcoming episodes that I think
will be exciting.
We're going to do one with oursignificant others.
We're going to invite them hereso they can just talk about how
they walked along this journey,and I think yours and both are
exciting.
But yours, titus actually theone that told you.

(07:28):
I want to know what was hisinner monologue before he had
that conversation.
Did he wrestle with it or wasthis like, yeah, I'm going to go
ahead and tell her?

Speaker 3 (07:40):
I do know that, and he can talk more in depth about
that, that he held it for, Ithink, a day.
Okay, he didn't immediatelytell me because I think he had
to try to wrap his head around.
How was he going to tell me hehad to process?
it yes, he had to process,process and um.

(08:09):
So, yeah, we'll save that andI'll let him, you know, tell his
his perspective and his theprocess he went through to
finally tell me.
So, yeah, I think it'll be very, very good conversation,
absolutely um, and now we'regonna jump right in.

Speaker 2 (08:21):
in Are you ready?

Speaker 3 (08:24):
I'm ready, let's go.
We do have a guest that'scoming on today and her name is
Dr Darlene Williams-Praides, andshe is an award-winning author,
relationship coach and an AirForce veteran with over 60 years

(08:46):
of experience in leadership,meditation and emergency
management.
She's driven by a mission tobreak generational curses and
foster legacy of love and peace.
She has authored DestinyExposed, ladies of Leadership
Edition and will release morework in the future.

(09:06):
Dr Williams' career spans rolesfrom FEMA and EEOC, where she
champions diversity and justice,and as an entrepreneur with
Superior Love Forever LLC.
She has provided faith-basedcoaching.
A minister and a motivationalspeaker, she hosts the

(09:29):
Relationship Matters podcast,sharing insight on overcoming
toxicity and building strongrelationships, and that's what
we talk about is aboutrelationships.
So her life work is a testamentto her dedication, compassion
and belief in the power ofrestoration, and so we're
getting ready to go ahead andbring her on in.

Speaker 2 (09:51):
Absolutely.

Speaker 3 (09:52):
And then let's deep dive into our conversation with
Ms Darlene.
Hello, Hi, how are you all?
We are well.
We are well.
How are you?
I look always on the move.
Guys got me going, but it's OK.
It's OK.

(10:12):
It's better above ground thanbelow.

Speaker 2 (10:14):
That's right.
You're built for this, sothat's right.
You continue to do it.

Speaker 3 (10:18):
Yes, so we did just go over your bio, so we
definitely have introduced youto our.
We have to figure out a namefor our people, you know,
everybody has Our folks.
You know, like Beyonce has theBeehive.

(10:38):
Oh, my goodness.
And the.

Speaker 2 (10:40):
Swifties.
Oh, we'll figure out something.
We'll figure out something.

Speaker 3 (10:44):
The Beehive and the Swifties.
Okay, we'll figure outsomething.
We'll figure out something.
We'll figure out something.
Woo, I'm going to figure thatout.
I'm going to leave that alone.
I was like no, not mygeneration, I'm going to leave
that.

Speaker 2 (10:58):
Not my generation either, trust me.
So we want to say thank you,first and foremost, for taking
the time just to have thisconversation with us.
We really do appreciate it andanytime that we are in the space
of these conversations it'stherapeutic, it's healing and it
is encouraging.
And that's what I'm excited,because in our previous

(11:20):
conversation we had, it was just.
It was so much fruit that Iwalked away with and just it
helped me.
Even where I am in my journey,I'm still receiving benefits,
blessings and help.
So just thank you and I'mexcited about it.

Speaker 3 (11:38):
Anytime, anytime, anytime.

Speaker 2 (11:40):
So we're going to just we're going to jump right
in and tell us your story.

Speaker 3 (11:48):
My story is one of.
I tell people I am the tale oftwo cities, and what that means
is I had, of course, mybiological parents, and then I
had my adoptive parents, but Idid not know until I was almost
40, I had biological parents.

(12:10):
I thought that the people thatI grew up with, who raised me,
who disciplined me, who taughtme how to build my life and to
build my own happiness and touse my gifts, those were my
people.
That was my village.

Speaker 1 (12:24):
That was my community .

Speaker 3 (12:25):
We're here and so, um , with my mom and my dad it was.
It was an interesting life,because it wasn't like my
neighbors, because it was justthe three of us.
For a short period of time itwas just the three of.
Actually, for a long period oftime was just the three of us.
I never had a question and noone ever said oh, you don't look

(12:47):
like your mom, you don't looklike your dad and you know they
were real quick to do that, okay.
People say oh, your child's alittle light-skinned, she must
look like her father I never gotany of that.
So I never had the thought ofoh, I don't fit here, you know
it wasn't like one of thesethings just doesn't belong here.
It was more like I'm perfect.
So when we celebrated things,we always celebrated together.

(13:10):
We went down to Mississippi towork with my grandparents and I
did things over the summer and Iwas in their farmyard and all
this other stuff that never onceclicked to me.
This is not my village, mypersonal village.
So when I lost them, uh, at 16,about six months apart, I still

(13:32):
didn't know.
That's like my story.
I still I didn't know.
And here's the thing my mom wasa maid where when I was younger,
she'd take me with her, wewould ride the bus and she would
take me with her until I got aschool age and then she
transitioned and became ageriatrics nurse.

(13:53):
But in between that I realizednow, not then that she helped
deliver babies Okay, which, aswe call them now, doulas, and
that had no name back then.
And she helped deliver me andthe person who worked me into

(14:13):
this world, who was the, thebiological mother she didn't
want me.
Now, previous to, she had morechildren.
I was in the middle, I wasnumber five.
She had a total of 11 kids, sothat means I was in the middle
and she kept those on this endand she kept those on this end.

(14:34):
But I was not the kept, I wasthe dismissed.
And the nurse who delivered mesaid oh yeah, I can't have kids,
but I'll keep this one.
And it became mom, dad andthat's.
You know, mommy, daddy.
Hey, I got a boo-boo.
I'm going to my mom.
My mom was a nurse.

(14:54):
Literally she became a nurse.
She had certification, she.
When I got older, I was a candystripper at the hospital.
So I saw things when I gotolder, but I was already in my
first year of college atSouthern University at 16 and a
half years old.
Okay, I was already doing thatand I knew what my path was.

(15:16):
I'm going to be a travelingnews reporter for Channel 2 News
.
Why?
Because I lived across thestreet from WBRZ, channel 2.
I played in that field with myfriends and that just never came
to fruition because while I wason the path of attending
southern university and becomingthe greatest black journalist

(15:37):
on the planet, my mother wasdying of cancer and where she
had taken care of many peopleprior to us and in fact, the
lady across the street manyyears prior had cancer.
Her and her husband didn't havethe money.
My mother got a loan on ourhouse so that this woman could
have what she needed, and so,when my mother passed away, I

(16:01):
found it to be very difficult tounderstand why it is that, okay
, you just saved somebody else,but we couldn't save you,
understanding now that if we hadthe technology and the things
that we had now, that situationwould be different.
Fast forward about six monthsand my father passed away, but
he passed away from a heartattack.

(16:22):
Now, when I look at thatpicture in total as an adult, he
passed away because he washeartbroken you've been with
somebody, since you're nineyears old, so you're passing
away at 73.
That's your wife yeah that'syour whole life.
You understand, that is yourentire life and you don't see

(16:46):
marriages like that anymore.
You don't see marriages where Imet you at nine years old on
the playground and I just knewyou were gonna be my wife and
that happened, that came tofruition and they were together
and he drove the illinoiscentral railroad for many, many,
many years.
He would go past mygrandparents' house and they

(17:09):
would slow the engine down longenough where he would.
Whatever he picked up inChicago, he would drop it off
and then, when it was time forus to come home, of course, he's
now back in Louisiana droppingoff the train.
Now he's got to come back toMississippi to pick up the kid,
to pick up the kid, to pick upthe kid.
But the kid's now got a wholebunch of stuff going back with

(17:30):
her, which was fine, which wasfine.
But my life literally fell intoa dark hole right after my mom
died.
It fell into a dark hole.
It fell into a dark hole andwhat I mean by that is it's like
all of my emotions were shutoff.
It was shut off.

(17:50):
I did not cry at the funeral, Idid not cry at the wake.
I didn't cry at any of thosemoments when I had to go to the
funeral home and this is whenthey were embalming bodies with
very large needles and tubes andI'm the one doing the makeup
and I'm the one choosing whatshe's wearing and I'm the one
choosing how her hair is goingto be.
You know, when you have a childand at 16, I was a child

(18:15):
choosing those things, it's verydifficult to have emotions.
You've really got to be very incontrol, and my father was not.
He, I would say he wascatatonic, he, he would eat, but
there was no conversationbetween us.
The relationship we had, whichwas really really close, where

(18:36):
we would just go hang out, we gofish, or we hang out and we go
shoot pool, he teach me how todo different things it was no, I
no longer existed.
Therefore, I'm basically bymyself.

Speaker 1 (18:49):
I was by myself.

Speaker 3 (18:50):
So when my father passed away, when people say it
takes a village to raise a child, I can tell you from experience
everybody in my neighborhood Istayed in my parents' house, I
didn't have to move.

Speaker 1 (19:04):
At 16?

Speaker 3 (19:06):
I didn't have to move .
Wow, I didn't have to move.
Wow, I had a job at Denny's Iwas still going to school and
every neighbor on my street waslike what you need, we cook this
.
Come over here and eat youhungry.

Speaker 1 (19:19):
Wow.

Speaker 3 (19:19):
It's getting late.
Why you not at home yet?
Why you coming in so late?
Or you know I had that.
They didn't let the ball drop.
So when people think you got togo to other countries for a
village, no, ma'am, I was inBackwoods, louisiana, and that
village stayed strong.
The elderly people that liveacross the street girl, you know

(19:41):
what day it is?
Yes, ma'am.
Are you off from work today?
Yes, girl, you know what day itis?
Yes, ma'am.
Are you off from work today?
Yes, ma'am.
Okay, get some rest.
Do I need to cook something?
No, ma'am, what'd you cook?
I cooked macaroni and cheese.
Girl, you don't know how tocook macaroni and cheese.
Let me go, uh-uh.

Speaker 1 (19:58):
I'm going to cook some fried chicken, some macaron
.

Speaker 3 (20:02):
when I went I said, well, I'm going off to the
military and nobody understoodthat.
But I'm like, look, I don'thave anybody Because my parents
were only children.
My both sets of grandparentswere deceased.
Now I am with a situation whereI don't literally have anybody.
So I've got to do something,and going to the United States

(20:24):
military allowed me to buildrelationships that I didn't have
to keep.

Speaker 2 (20:31):
Ah, okay.

Speaker 3 (20:32):
Didn't have to keep.
They were not keepers, okay,they were temporary.

Speaker 2 (20:38):
Served a purpose for a season.

Speaker 3 (20:40):
Served a purpose.
Look reason season lifetime.

Speaker 1 (20:42):
Come on, that's right .

Speaker 3 (20:45):
There you go.
You know and that for me was anexperience Going through basic
training.
It was I want you to imagineyou got 61 women and everybody's
getting a card, a letter, acare package.
All of this is coming in, theyget to make phone calls and

(21:07):
you're the only one with none ofthat.

Speaker 1 (21:10):
Oh, wow.

Speaker 3 (21:12):
With none of that, and so the adjustment for me is
before I went to the military, Iwas always.
I ran track in school, I rancross country in school and the
uh, what I want?
The technical sergeant said oh,you're going to be the leader
of these women.
I'm like I don't know them, Idon't even care about them.
Those are my exact words.
I don't know them and I don'tcare about them.
I'm here for me, period.

(21:33):
He says no, you're going to lead.
That's why, when I wrote mychapter in Destiny Exposé, it's
called loss leadership legacy,because someone took me and they
go hey, you're going to do this.
They didn't ask me, theyvolunteered me.

(21:54):
And I was good at it Becausenot only was I good at leading
from the front, I understood howI could lead from the rear, I
could lead from the side.
I didn't have to be the centerof attention and it made me more

(22:15):
merciful and graceful witheverybody else, because I
recognized some of this was hardfor them.
They had never been away fromhome, and yet their families
were contacting them.
I had never I had been awayfrom home, but I had no home to
go back to, you know, and onewould think, well, weren't you

(22:37):
jealous?
Weren't you envious?
No, because I'd shut down thosekind of feelings.
The only feeling I had was getthrough this so you can get to
whatever.
That other step is.
Wow, wow.
So when did you, after you,transitioned from the military?

(22:59):
When did you find out that youwere adopted?
What did that look like?
That was an interestingsituation.
I was married, I was.
He was stationed at Keesler AirForce Base in Mississippi.
And we get to snob and open thedoor.

(23:21):
White guy standing there sayhow may I help you?
Are you so-and-so-and-so?
Yeah and why?
And open the door.
Why can't I stand there?
How may I help you?
Are you so and so and so?
Yeah and why?
Yeah and why?
Okay, and well, I need to talkto you about your mother.
I said bam, I didn't even letshut the door.
Wow, Because see now you aremessing with my emotions.

Speaker 2 (23:42):
Right.

Speaker 1 (23:42):
How can you tell me you're going to talk to me about
my mother, and my mother isdeceased?
I know, because I buried her.

Speaker 3 (23:49):
You know what I'm saying I know because I buried
her and he said I want to talkto you about your mother.
I said, sir, my mother has beendeceased since I was 16.
I am currently in my late 30s,so if this is a joke of any kind
, it's going to get youphysically assaulted.

(24:11):
And he said no, no, no, yourmother's alive.
She lives in Anchorage, alaska,along with your other siblings.
And my brain exploded.

Speaker 2 (24:22):
See that's what I did .
What was the first emotion?
Was it anger?
Was it?
What was it?

Speaker 3 (24:30):
My first emotion was shock.

Speaker 2 (24:36):
Understandable.

Speaker 3 (24:37):
Because my brain said he's lying and it's my job to
make him suffer for that.
It's my job to make him sufferfor that.
It's my job to make him sufferfor that.
He never had to cross thethreshold of my home.
I closed the door behind me andwe stood out on the porch.

Speaker 1 (24:53):
Wow.

Speaker 3 (24:54):
I said explain.
And he began to weave all thisinformation.
He gave me some papers.
He said just look over thesepapers and I thank you for your
time and he left.

Speaker 1 (25:07):
I went back inside.

Speaker 3 (25:08):
I opened his portfolio and I'm going through
all this stuff and each thingthat I read.
Then the anger came.

Speaker 1 (25:16):
Yep, yep.

Speaker 3 (25:17):
How dare you?
That was the posture.
How dare you, how dare you, howdare you.
And then, finally, dare you.
And then finally I shared thatinformation with my husband and
he just kind of stared at me andI stared at him and thought,
nah.
So we didn't throw it away, wethrew it in a drawer and he got

(25:40):
orders.
We left, we left there and theysent us to te and we're in
Texas and you know, you'reputting away stuff, emptying out
boxes, and once again thispaperwork comes up.
And so, while this paperwork iscoming up and you're doing all,
I'm sitting there in the housenow, sitting alone because

(26:01):
there's no kids, there's nohusband, there's no dog, alone
because there's no kids, there'sno husband, there's no dog,
it's just me.
And I'm sitting there and I'mlike, okay, I'm gonna sit here
and I'm in this 110 degree intexas and I'm going to actually
read darlene.
Just slow down and read.
So I said, lord, before I readthis paperwork, if this is not
real, I'm gonna need you to handme the nicest piece of

(26:24):
lightning to set this on fiveyear.
I said, and I don't want tomatch, I'm just going to put it
on the front porch and you doyou and I'm good.
I'm good with that I said,because it's not enough right
now that you can sit herestraight, it'll be gone.
I don't have to sit again and Iread that paperwork and
something in me said this isreal and you need to check it

(26:47):
out now.
Question the reason why thisgentleman came to you.
Was it because your mother waslooking?
Your family was looking for you?
Okay, but they were looking forme because they had seen things
about me, because after I gotout of the military, I became a
professional singer.

Speaker 1 (27:07):
Oh.

Speaker 3 (27:10):
And so what they saw were dollar signs.
She sings, she makes money.
She sings, so she makes money.

Speaker 2 (27:18):
So okay, let me 30 second time out.
So how did they know you andthe connection 30 second timeout
.

Speaker 1 (27:25):
So how did they?

Speaker 2 (27:25):
know you and the connection.

Speaker 3 (27:29):
The youngest was one of these people.
Back then.
She was on the internet andshe's trying to find the sister
who's not there, okay.
And she finds a picture and Iam the only one out of 11 kids.
I'm a carbon copy of mybiological mother tight, great

(27:54):
smile, laughter, and she sawthis face and it was like wait,
she looks like, literally likeIf you took her picture and you
took my picture, you couldn'ttell who was who.

Speaker 1 (28:08):
Right right.

Speaker 3 (28:10):
And nobody else looked like her, just me.
So did all nine of yoursiblings knew about you.
Did they know that you existed?
Everybody knew about me, but Ididn't know anything about them,
right right, she was honestenough to tell them who their
fathers were, because none of ushad the same father.
She was honest enough to tellus, you know um, who their
fathers were, because none of ushad the same father uh she was

(28:31):
honest enough to tell us who are, who their fathers were, and
there was so much.
Her mother, which would be mybiological, had so much really,
really visceral animositytowards whoever my father was
and towards me that I mean itwas.

(28:52):
It was venomous.
The first time I met them itwas years later.
We're talking about, I want tosay, maybe five years later.
Okay was five, five, almostseven years later after the

(29:14):
after the guy went to alaska.
After the guy knocked on yourdoor, it was about five or seven
years after, okay, so walk usthrough between that, that five,
that the time he knocked onyour door and the time you met
them.
How.
Why did it take so long?
Because I know for me.
Once you know, we identifiedwho my biological mom was and

(29:38):
they were ready to see me asmuch as I was ready to meet them
, maybe the next month.
So it was Christmas Day I sawher for the first time, and in
January we met for the firsttime face to face.
So explain or give me theunderstanding of why it took so

(29:58):
long.
So my, my process was a littlebit different.
Number one my husband was avery, very narcissistic kind of
guy.
My husband was a very, verynarcissistic kind of guy.
That's the easiest way to putit.
He was a narcissist.
And so me just going somewhereand checking something out, he
wasn't that guy.

(30:18):
He was never that guy.
Um, and the fact that he hewasn't still not believing these
people were real, it's like, uh, this person?
I don't think so.
So that was part of it.
The other part of it was that,you know, when you've done
something for 16 years.
You're wondering.

(30:40):
Well, you've known for 16 years, you're my biological mother.
Why did you wait until I'malmost 40 to send somebody out
to find me?
What's that really all about?
So that became, but I wasn'tcurious about this lady.
Okay, I wasn't curious about thesiblings.

(31:01):
I wasn't curious about any ofit, any of it, because my brain
said you know what?
I've been alone this whole time.
You guys have never beennowhere in the scene.
I've been baptized in thePacific ocean and everything
else, and you guys have beennowhere.
So I'm not in a rush, I'm goingto walk, I'm going to take a

(31:23):
walk.
Um, and when I finally divorcedmy husband, one of the things I
did was I packed up my boys andI said, um, I'm driving to
Alaska.
Now, of course, when you tellsomebody that and they're a
narcissist their brain is notclicking.

(31:43):
It's kind of like that'll neverhappen, right, and I?
I remember he thought it was sofunny.
He said well, let me help youdo laundry.
Okay, wow, he did help me dolaundry, washed it, dried it
folded, put it in the suitcase,but he never once imagined that

(32:05):
I would leave, I'm telling youwhere I'm going.
So, like I tell people, I giveyou the answer to the test and
you still fail the test.
That's your fault not mine andI packed up the kids, and now
it's two boys and a six-year-oldand an eight-year-old, and we
are on this journey fromOklahoma City to Anchorage,

(32:28):
alaska, in a Ford Escort.
Yes, yes.

Speaker 2 (32:35):
So okay.
So here it is.

Speaker 3 (32:40):
We took this journey on the Alcan, which is the
highway one.
At that time it was all graveland that means we had to go
through Yukon territory.
That means we had to go throughVancouver.
Basically, we left the countryand went to another country and
came back into the countryBecause I was sleeping on a
dirty floor inside a sleepingbag and my boys were sleeping on

(33:04):
her sofa.
Why?
Because she lived in a trailer,so pause.
So did they know that you werecoming?

Speaker 2 (33:13):
no, so that's where I wanted to kind of get a get
some insight of with you aboutto leave the house.
What was the, the trigger orwhat made you say now is the
time I'm going here?

Speaker 3 (33:34):
Because I felt like number one, I could get away
from the narcissist.
Number two, I can finally getmy own life.
Number three he was not only anarcissist, but he was a drug
addict and an alcoholic, okay.
And so he had already almostkilled me, almost killed the
boys, and I was like, eh, it'stime to move on.
And that direction, whether Imet them or not, seemed so far

(33:58):
away from him, okay, and I knewhe wasn't going to follow.
He wasn't going to follow.
It was like because, why, he'dnever expect me to go there.
He would think she'd gosomewhere else, but he never
expected me to go there.

Speaker 1 (34:20):
Because for him he never felt like.

Speaker 3 (34:22):
I had the courage to do the things that he'd never
seen me do, and so by me doingthat, it showed him a different
side of me, but he still nevercame to Alaska hmm, never came
to.
Alaska.
In fact, he was arrested forcheck fraud and a whole host of
other things, so they kicked himout.

(34:44):
Of course, he had adishonorable discharge from
military and then he was lockedin leavenworth for a time.
Oh okay, very good, so you justgetting back to meeting your
biological mother.
You just showed up on herdoorstep.
Uh no, I called her when I gotthere.
Oh okay, I, I called, I was ina, I was in a, we were in a

(35:06):
hotel for probably about a month.
I found a job and everythingbefore I ever called, and then
showed up at the home, which Ithought would be a home, but,
like I said, it was a trailerhome and there were six people

(35:27):
in there.

Speaker 1 (35:29):
In a trailer.
In a trailer in a trailer andthese are your siblings.

Speaker 3 (35:37):
The youngest, uh, was sleeping on a sofa.
She had never had a bed in herlife the two older sisters.
They weren't.
One was older than me and onewas, the other was older than me
and one was, the other wasyounger than me.
They slept together in anotherroom and then there was two
other guys.
They slept together in anotherroom and then she had one that
was married.

(35:57):
He was somewhere else and theother several children had
passed away before I ever gotthere.
Oh, okay, and then she had herroom, but I thought okay, so
this is a trailer home, this isa mobile home.
Why are y'all in here and ally'all adults?
I'm not understanding.
And it was, nobody was going tomove.

(36:22):
Well, you know, now that you'rehere, we can get a duplex and
I'm like, no, ma'am, alright.
So go back to when, now thatyou're here, we can get a duplex
and I'm like, no, ma'am, allright.
So go back to when theyidentified you the years prior,
because they saw that you weresinging.
Because they assumed that Istill sang.
Now I did, but I left to comethere.

(36:47):
That means I left behind theband that I was working with and
everything else.
This was me starting my wholenew life, away from the husband.
Away from the husband, far, far, far away from the husband.

(37:07):
And far, far, far away from hisfamily and his life, because the
whole family was like a bunchof narcissistic pills and you
took one, you got rid of them.
The only one that was not likethat was his grandmother and his
father, but his father wasincarcerated.
He was incarcerated for murder.
Oh wow, yeah, didn't learn thatuntil later, later, but I was

(37:31):
already married, but yeah, Imean he, his father, explained
to me.
I went to prison to see him andhis father actually explained
why, but that didn't pretty muchmatter.
It's like you incarcerated formurder, which tells me that
there is a point for you, thatyou can go to that level of
which means there's a point forthis guy.
Right, you understand, ifthere's a point for you, there's

(37:52):
a point for him, and I thought,ok, this, this should be a safe
place.
One of the things that I foundreally interesting when I got
there OK, like I said, I wassleeping on a dirty floor in a
sleeping bag.
It's because you're a trailerand all the traffic was there
Within.
I want to say, within 10 days,I had my own apartment, I just

(38:19):
had my own stuff and one of thethings well, life is not a bowl
of cherries and you don'tunderstand how to be with family
and I'm like okay, and this isnot a mentality that I grew up
around.
Everything I grew up around wasvery life affirming and very
positive, and now you've gotthis person who's kind of going
Because they didn't do anythingwith their lives.

Speaker 2 (38:39):
So do you think that she was instrumental in the
siblings staying put in thehouse and staying with her
staying put in the house andstaying?

Speaker 3 (38:48):
with her?
Did she control that?
Yes, absolutely, because Idon't think they would have ever
left that kind of life Like nowmy sister Arlene.
She's been living in the sameapartment.
She's never wanted to own ahome.
She's been living in the sameapartment now for 23 years.

Speaker 1 (39:07):
Wow.

Speaker 3 (39:09):
The same apartment.
I'm not.
She didn't move to a differentneighborhood.
The same apartment.
The apartment where her childwas born, is where she still
lives.
So did your mom ever tell youwhy, out of all 10 children that
she specifically gave you up?

(39:31):
She never explained it camefrom her mother on.
I'll never forget that.
Came from her mother onThanksgiving day and she said
you know, I never wanted youaround.
I hated your father and I hateyou.
Good to know.
I said well, here's the thing.

(39:52):
I don't know you, so your hateholds no significance for me.
Wow, I said if you were someonethat I knew, that I had a
relationship that might hurt me.

Speaker 2 (40:05):
Yeah, it might feel something.

Speaker 3 (40:05):
At this juncture you're a total stranger.
So to me you're like somebodyon the street.
You're like some racist whiteguy.
You know I don't like youbecause you're the N-word.
Okay.

Speaker 2 (40:18):
How does she receive that?

Speaker 3 (40:20):
Well, you know, you think you know everything.
You think you're smarter thaneverybody else.
No, that's not what I think atall.
What I think is you peoplecalled me, you people sent
somebody looking for me.
I said the minute I walkedthrough the door, the first
thing you want to know is howmuch money I had.
Wow, wow, no, hug.

(40:40):
No, oh, I'm so happy you'rehere.
I never received a hug.
Oh, I'm so glad to see you.
How much money do you have?
Can you help us get a duplex?
Why you have a grown daughter.
You have three grown daughtersin here, two grown sons.
Another grown son across townwho's married Three of her sons.

(41:04):
Two of her sons worked at thesame bank and his wife worked at
that bank as well.
The other son was married and hewas out somewhere else and I'm
like I don't understand.
And then you have somebody whowas doing childcare and the
other person and I'm kept saying, okay, so, all of you people

(41:25):
worked.
Why did you not ever buy a home?
Kept saying, okay, so, all ofyou people worked.
Why did you not ever buy a home?
One son out of the entire groupbought a home One.
What did he do?
He married to one and he movedto New York.

Speaker 1 (41:45):
Oh, he left.

Speaker 3 (41:46):
But no, he didn't just leave.
I talked to my younger sister.
I had to get the explanationwhen my biological mother passed
away.
She passed away because thedrugstore gave her the wrong
medication, which killed her,and they sued.
Well, his wife, the son, whomoved, became the executor.

(42:11):
Now you got your kids in thehouse, but you got somebody
outside your house who was youmade the executor of your estate
.
They took all of the money.
None of those kids got anything.
They moved all the way to NewYork where her family and her
parents were Boom.
So he didn't split it amongsthis siblings huh, not at all.

Speaker 1 (42:37):
Wow.

Speaker 3 (42:39):
Not at all so.
I thought, wow, this is kind ofit's a little shady right here.
This is real shady.
This is what's going on.
This is a real shady.
This is real shady.
This is what's going on.
This is a real shady situation.
And so for me it was like okay,I don't live in this house, so
I'm good.
At one point, one of thesisters came to live with me

(43:00):
when I was in alaska.
She didn't.
She was 36 and still didn'tknow how to drive.
Wow.
So I took my, my el camino,which I rebuilt, which nobody
can understand.
It was like wait a minute,you're doing all these manly
things.
I said see, my father raised mewhere I wouldn't need a man for
school.
He said when you are in arelationship, you should never

(43:24):
need him.
Want him, yes, because thatgives you options to walk away,
but when you have to need him,then it becomes he's got you by
the throat because you need himto do X, y and Z.
But, if you know how to do thesethings yourself.
It's a mutual, respectfulrelationship where you guys want

(43:47):
each other.
You don't need each other.
He said your need should relyon god, god and god alone.
It's true, okay, makes sense tome so when I, when I got a car
I let me go back a few steps theescort caught on fire.

(44:07):
The escort- that took you fromOklahoma all the way to
Anchorage, caught on fire Withthe bubble gum.
It caught on fire Literally.
I was at a stop sign and I sawsmoke billowing from under the
hood.
I didn't have anybody with me,I was by myself, and when I got
out once I got out literallyflames were coming from under

(44:32):
the car.
Fire department came.
They said oh yeah, your fuelline broke and your engine was
hot and there you go.
So that's how it was going.
I paid $500, purchased the ElCamino, redid the whole vehicle
Cause I didn't like it.
I mean from top to bottom tires, paint the whole vehicle
because I didn't like it.
I mean from top to bottom tires, paint the whole nine.

(44:55):
I probably kept it for sixmonths, sold it, upgraded to a
big Wagoneer and my boys and Iwould deliver newspapers in the
morning, they would go to schooland then I would go to work,
and so that is the thing thatkept going.
We stayed in one apartment wheremy son fed young moose all of
my carrots out the window.

(45:16):
So we moved and we were in anapartment in a basement.
The basement got flooded, so wemoved and then I moved to a
townhouse and then everythingwas everything was prosthetic.
And that's when my sisterArlene.
She needed somewhere to live,so she stayed with me.

(45:37):
I taught her how to drive.
She failed the driver's testlike five times, but still I
taught her how to drive,literally in the dead of winter,
um, and she got her driver'slicense and she's been driving
ever since.
But she lived with me.
Um, I got a three bedroom townhome because my sister lived
with me and I had the boys, andit was very interesting because

(46:02):
she had these behaviors,behaviors that I was not
accustomed to, and her favoriteline was my mom, my mom, not our
, my mom and she would say thatso much to the point where I got
to a point where I was likeokay, I said, well, how is your
mother doing, how's she feelingtoday?

(46:24):
You know, she was a diabetic,she had hypertension, she was
just not physically a healthyhuman being, but at the same
time, she was a very givinghuman being, if she knew you
really well.
What they couldn't understandabout me was I wasn't raised the

(46:45):
way you were.
I play violin, viola, cello andpiano, and I sing.
I was writing music, I waswriting poetry, so everything
about my mind is creative.
I wasn't living, though.
My parents were dead.
My brain was no longer stuck insurvival mode.

Speaker 1 (47:03):
Hmm.

Speaker 3 (47:04):
Why?
Because I own two children atthe time and you got to be
creative.

Speaker 1 (47:09):
Right.

Speaker 3 (47:10):
You have to keep them occupied and help them through
whatever little moments they'regoing through.
And it's boys, so it's very,very different.
And because I didn't havesomeone to show me or to mimic
after how do you do this?
I just did it like my parentsdid it.
You know, they were alwayscompassionate.

(47:30):
They were always showing megrace and mercy.
I could realize that now theywere showing me a lot of grace
and mercy because they spent alot of time with me.
So there was not times I cansay, oh, you know, my parents
would just leave me and go do awhole bunch of different stuff
without me.
No, we did things together, wedid things separately, and my

(47:50):
mom and I did things and my dadand I did things, and then, once
I did things with mygrandparents, were they alive.
So I got the experience.
I got the experience of beingsomebody's child that was cared
for.
But in the meantime I gotbullied at school.
I got bullied in myneighborhood.
I got bullied a lot.
I got bullied a lot.

Speaker 2 (48:12):
How did you overcome the residual results of being
bullied, if that makes sense?

Speaker 3 (48:23):
It does.
It took me a while.
It took me a while, it took mea really, really long time to
really digest all of thatBecause, remember, everything
kept rolling, nothing stopped,nothing stopped.
So, from 16, literally until 40, I was this, I was always this,

(48:44):
and it's always that, and it'sgoing.
I'm caring about the kids, thenI'm going to sing, and I
remember asking my mother onceonce hey, can you watch the boys
?
I've got this gig at this club.
Well, you got grown, you havechildren and you don't need to
be singing in no club.
And no, I'm not going to watchthem for you.
Okay, that was number one.

(49:06):
Here comes door number two.
The oldest sibling worked forProcter and Gamble.
Procter Gamble was looking forsomeone to sing jingles.
I gave her my tape.
She never delivered it.
I went in the studio, did allthe work, put it together, paid

(49:28):
for it.
She never delivered it.
So, with that being said, whattype of relationship do you have
, if any, with any of yoursiblings?
Today, I have a relationshipwith one sibling, and that is
Arlene, and she and I literally,it literally until until this

(49:50):
year for us to have a realrelationship.
So it's been a while.
Um, she came out in august andI said hey, I gotta, I have to
go to washington dc.
You want to ride the train withme?
And she said I've never riddena train.
I said, oh okay, we're gonnaride an amtrak, because I'm not,
I'm not driving, I don't wantto.

(50:12):
We took a train, we went to DC.
I took her to the NationalAfrican-American Museum, where
she was in total awe.
And then we walked around,looked at some monuments.
I took her out to eat.
It freaked her out because wehad to ride the metro and she
was like I will never get on ametro.

(50:33):
I was like okay, but this ishow we get around.

Speaker 2 (50:38):
She'll never go to New York.
She wouldn't be able to hangout on New.

Speaker 3 (50:40):
York.
We got off to Amtrak and I tookher to eat breakfast and then
we got on the metro and youwould have thought that I had
thrown Mama from the train.
I'm like no, you just get onthe train and pick a seat, sit
down, shut up and get off andjust stop.
And I said I do this all thetime, she's like and you're not
scared.
I said of right what do I?

(51:03):
Well, if you don't know, youdon't know.

Speaker 1 (51:05):
So yeah, and so she's .

Speaker 3 (51:07):
She's been isolated in anchorage for a really,
really, really long time.
Um, one thing I asked her washey, why don't you come travel
out of the country with me?
Nope, not going to ever happen.
She's worried about gettingtrapped in another country and
being held hostage.
I don't have those fears, Idon't.
I don't have those fears.
I'm like what?

(51:29):
You're letting your imaginationor TV or whatever get the best
of you.
You know so those kind ofthings.
But this year we actually had a.
We sat and while we were eatingwe had a real heart to heart
talk and I said look, what I dofor a living is coach people in

(51:50):
relationships, not just marriage, but sibling to sibling, parent
to sibling, whatever.
I said.
So let's have this candidconversation.
I said because right now we'readults.
You know we're adults.
I said number one you no longertake care of yourself.
She used to really take care ofherself.
Now she's like she let herselfgo.
I said but why?
She is like she let herself go?

(52:11):
I said, but why so?
I've had uterine breast andbrain cancer.
I've hit the back of my neckwhere I just had the surgery
months prior, and been told, hey, if we move you the wrong way
you could be a quadriplegic oryou could die.

(52:31):
I said no, that ain't happening, I'm not going to be a
quadriplegic and I'm not going.
Which I said, no, that ain'thappening, I'm not gonna be
quadriplegic and I'm not gonnadie.
I got too much to do.
But she has been through breastcancer, she and, and so she's
been through a whole lot ofstuff.
The older sibling, which Ididn't really spend any time
with um, she died a couple ofyears back.
I want to say it's been sixyears now.

(52:52):
One of the things about her shedidn't want to stop what she
was doing, so she was a diabetic, she drank Coke, she smoked
like a train, she had her legsamputated up to both knees, then
she had to have triple bypasssurgery and finally and then she
had uterine cancer and she justwould not stop doing what she

(53:15):
was doing.
So she passed away.
And then, several years ago Iwant to say three, the youngest
brother passed away, and thatwas that.
Then one of the older brothers,when I found out he had been
living in his car since it wasfor 17 years.

Speaker 1 (53:35):
He had been living in his car.
Since it was for 17 years hehad been living in his car.

Speaker 3 (53:37):
He had a beautiful home, he was married.
He and his wife and his kidsmoved out of Alaska and they
moved to Washington State wherehe was working for, I want to
say, apple or Microsoft or oneof those, because he's a
computer person, and his wifewas at a bank, working at a bank

(53:58):
because that's what she did.
Well, when she passed away fromcancer, she had uterine cancer
but she had lung cancer, but shenever smoked a day in her life,
but he smoked every day, so itwas secondhand smoke and so for
those 17 years he pretty muchput himself in purgatory and

(54:18):
lived in his car.
He lived in his car with thisyounger person because the house
that he had, he lost the house.
One of the things that he toldme when we had a candid
conversation is the young ladythat he started dating, you know
, years after his wife passedaway, is I don't want pictures
of your wife in the house, uh,and so I'm not gonna live here,

(54:39):
you need to get rid of the house.
Well, he, basically he lost thehouse in foreclosure.
So that was the getting rid ofthe house and he stayed in this
car and he still went to work,but he went to work at a
different place because heallowed this young lady.
They had a shower, I guess, atthe place where he worked.

(55:00):
He gave her his pass card to goin and take a shower.
So he lost his job and Iexplained to him.
Arlene called me.
She said you need to talk toLarry, tell him about any kind
of military benefits he canpossibly get, because he used to
be in the army.
I said, okay, like that's fine.
I didn't know how long he'dbeen in the army so I didn't

(55:20):
have a whole lot to work with.
But I called everybody I knew,got all this information
together.
He never used it.
He never used it.
And then just last year, whenno, that was this year when
Arlene came, she said Larryfinally listened to you, moved

(55:41):
out his car.
He now lives in this place here.
He doesn't live with this girlanymore.
He gave her the car becausewhat she had done was she had
two dogs in his car with them.
No bueno.

Speaker 2 (55:58):
So question with using the, the adoption, the
non-traditional relationship inthe center.
How?
Because in listening to yourstory and it's so much more like
we're going to going to have todo maybe a part two with this
but how?

(56:19):
Because in listening to yourstory I see how do you encourage
those that are wrestling withtrying to overcome the

(56:41):
challenges of relationships andthey don't necessarily have,
they're not facing all thechallenges that you faced and
they may not have the strengththat you had to walk away, to go
knock on the door, to be ableto have and reestablish yourself

(57:01):
in a new season and in a newplace.
Like you said, you didn't needa man, it was.
If you wanted one, you wereequipped for the journey.
A lot of times people aren'tequipped for what.
They don't understand that theyare and they need to unlock
some things.
So how do you get, how do youhelp people get to a place that
they can unlock what's inside ofthem in their relationship

(57:22):
journey?

Speaker 3 (57:23):
Well, the first thing I tell them, I ask anybody
because I don't tell them, I askthem.
I say that, what is your faithlook like?
And when they say, what doesthat mean?
I said, okay, so when you standin a mirror, who do you see?
And well, I see me, do you?

(57:43):
Do you see you?
Who else do you see?
Are you standing there byyourself?
I said, well, I have a programthat has seven biblical steps
that will take you from here tothere, but you got to follow
them.
I have a 40-day love journey.
I want to send you on 40straight days.

(58:05):
When someone says, I said innumbers, if you go to numbers,
they said 12.
They said 12.
They sent 12.
And those people were gone for40 days and in 40 days, two
people came back with a goodreport.
The other 10 did not, but theperson that was listening saw

(58:29):
two people.
When you look in that mirror,there's two people.
I said when Meshack, shadrachand Abednego were in the fire
furnace, there's four people.
I said if you look at Danieland the lions, then there's
still two people.
I said you're never walkingalone.

(58:49):
Just stop running.
That's what you got to do.
What you're running is you'rerunning ahead of your father.
He knows what's up there, butyou don't.
So let's take this walktogether.
So here's the first stepAdmitting that it hurts.

(59:12):
Second step admitting that youdon't know what you don't know.
So don't make assumptions,don't speculate, don't worry
about any of that.
What's the information that youdo know?
Now let's expand on thatinformation.
How deep would you like to gointo this rabbit hole?

(59:33):
Ie together, not just youTogether.
Recognize that he's standingwith you and I'm standing with
you.
We're going to have to takethis journey together.
It is not going to be a shortjourney.
This is not something we canfix in eight weeks, especially
if you're in your 30s, 40s, 50s,60s, 70s and beyond.
We can fix in eight weeks,especially if you're in your 30s
, 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s and beyond.

(59:54):
Because now I said I need youto imagine every place you've
ever been.
You picked up a bag.
I said there's 365 days.
In a year you already got 365bags, times 33.
You're not carrying it, you'redragging it.

(01:00:15):
So let's see how we can let go.

Speaker 2 (01:00:22):
That's powerful, the acknowledgement and you know,
starting with the faith walk,helping them understand whose
you are.

Speaker 1 (01:00:33):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:00:33):
And we are both advocates and stand on that
belief.
Who's you are?
Yeah, and I'm, we are bothadvocates and stand on that
belief.
And it's interesting somepeople, when they come to that
place of knowing who God reallyis, in some situations it's
aversive.
In some situations they hitrock bottom.
In some situations it's becausethey have a curiosity and

(01:00:56):
something is unlocked, right,you know, and it everybody's
journey is individualized andthat's what's so special in in
contact and conversations.
So hindsight is always 20, 20and being able to process where
you've gone on your journey sofar and then doing it in a

(01:01:20):
reflection of well, why did I gothrough that?
And I'm a firm believer thatGod's not going to take you
through anything that he hasn'talready equipped you for we may
not have taken he his soldiersthere you go, he knows, okay, I
already know before I formedthis person.

Speaker 3 (01:01:44):
Yeah, she's a soldier .
She got the helmet, she got thebreastplate, she got the leg
armor, she got her spear, shegot a sword, she got bow and
arrow and guess what?
She got the strongest sword inthe world.
She got her Bible.
That Bible is a compass.
It's a history book.
It's a math book, it's ascience book.
It's everything you need.
If you look at it, it's inthere, but you've got to be

(01:02:06):
willing to look.
And then you've got to bewilling to receive, because some
people will read it.
And still, what does that mean?
You know I have a tool that Igive couples called a 40-day
love journey and it's called alove dare and some say where did

(01:02:29):
you get this from?
I said, believe it or not, Iwas divorced.
My whole church went to thismovie and the whole church we
had to go.
They had to go in threedifferent times because the
church, you know a lot of people, but what they were trying to
do is they were trying to getthe couples to go and I was like

(01:02:50):
I told the pastor.
I said no disrespect.
I said, but everybody needsthis.
I said but everybody needs this.
I said because guess what'sgoing to happen?
I'm going to get into arelationship, but if I know what
I'm going to do.
I said people need boundariesand I remember putting this up

(01:03:10):
on YouTube where I have mypodcast.
And I was talking aboutboundaries and the guy that
responded to me everybodydoesn't understand boundaries
and everybody doesn't needboundaries.
I said here's the problem withnot understanding and not
needing.
Are you that arrogant tobelieve that God will give you
tomorrow just because you don'thave boundaries?
Because he does?

Speaker 1 (01:03:32):
He has boundaries.

Speaker 3 (01:03:34):
There's a line you're not going to cross with him and
he's not going to be the bullyin the play yard.
He's giving you all the answers.
If you fail the test, that'syou.
You've been studying.

Speaker 2 (01:03:49):
You weren't paying attention.

Speaker 3 (01:03:51):
The teacher was at the beginning of the class.
She was writing everything onthe board.
Please take notes, students.
Please take notes.
And you're sitting in the backDidn't pull out a pen.
You didn't pull out paper.
You're going to pull it up here.
Test time comes.
You want to know why you have a33.
Because you did not take thenotes that were given to you.

(01:04:12):
I tell people all the time.
I'm going to give you who I am.
It's your job not to fail thattest.
It's your job, if I give youaccess to me, to not lose that
access.
I said now, like you're going toa military base, they gave you
an ID to get on and off thatpost, but you went in and you

(01:04:34):
stole colonels, whatever.
So now they took all that back.
Who can we blame for that?
Don't say the devil, please,because it ain't the devil, it's
you.
It's you right.
You made a conscious choice tolose access and I'm honest with
people.
I tell them I gave you access.

(01:04:54):
You chose the wrong choice.
I don't have to give it back.
I don't have to.
There's no way the Bible whereit says that I have to.
I married a bride this weekend.
She didn't want her father towalk her down the aisle.
And she said this to me there'snowhere in the Bible where it

(01:05:17):
says my father has to walk medown the aisle.
And I started to laugh at her.

Speaker 2 (01:05:22):
It's the principle.

Speaker 3 (01:05:24):
She said why are you laughing?
I said let me ask you aquestion Are you telling God you
don't want his representativeto walk you down?
But I mean, I'm just asking,I'm just here to officiate, but

(01:05:45):
you tell him I'm not tellingthat.
All right, you let me know whathe says right, you're not
getting up to a good start.
I said because he has hisambassadors and he expects you
to respect those.
Your father got out of prisonjust for this and you won't even

(01:06:06):
give him the five seconds ittakes to get from here to there,
from here to there, from hereto there.
I said, contrary to popularbelief, karma is real.

Speaker 2 (01:06:22):
Yes, it is, yes, it is.

Speaker 3 (01:06:24):
So for me.
That is another reason why Isaid you know, if I don't take
this opportunity to meet her, itwill be the it's the wrong
thing God gave me.
Let me show you how good God is.
I traveled from Oklahoma cityto Alaska with $700.

(01:06:45):
That's it $700.
Got there, got a job and still$700.
With two kids and myself, Ididn't have furniture.

(01:07:07):
I didn't have anything.
That car only had the clotheswe were going to wear.
Everything else, I left behindEverything else and I got there
safely.
I got them there safely,Healthy, happy, no problems and

(01:07:27):
no fear, no fear whatsoever.
So I knew that I could makethings happen, but I just had to
keep believing that I couldmake things happen.

Speaker 2 (01:07:42):
So we're definitely going to have to do a part two
of this so that we can unpack,because the relationships with
the siblings, and that, I think,is another level, that it just
there is a another, anotherlevel, that it just there's some
low hanging fruit there.
That, I think, is absolutely.

Speaker 3 (01:08:03):
I never had a relationship with the younger
brother, the older brothers.
I didn't have a relationshipwith the older sisters.
I told you, rather than givethe audio tape to Procter and
Gamble and then let my lifebuild up, because my picture was
, this happens, then it becomesa us thing, then I'll get you

(01:08:25):
guys out of here.
And it's not a duplex, it's abig enough house where people
can have their own space.

Speaker 2 (01:08:35):
And they couldn't see that, they didn't have the
foresight to be able to embracewhat you were doing If I hold
her back.
She's just modeling what shehad seen from mom, and that's
the unfortunate piece of it, andthat's what's horrible.
That's a whole other discussion.
How do you deprogram when allyou know is this you know that's

(01:09:01):
a challenge, because you got tobe very careful when they truly
believe that this way is theright way and it's toxic?
And I know in the bio you talkabout overcoming toxicity.
Um, yeah, yeah.
So that's why I say it's.
This is, I think, theintroduction to a more

(01:09:23):
pinpointed discussion about thesibling restoration for what it
could have been we.
We still haven't even got tothe mom in that dynamic because
you're telling her hey, if Ireally knew you, maybe that
might hurt, but it don't, no, Isay to somebody metaphorically

(01:09:51):
I'm like if I bump into the wall, I don't have a feeling for the
wall, I have a feeling for myshoulder.
Right, that's what I'm taking on, because the shoulder is me.

Speaker 3 (01:10:00):
That's right you know what I'm saying.
The shoulder is me, the wall isthe wall, and so if I don't
know someone and they say X, y,z, a, b, c, I'm like, okay, so
you said what you said, that'sgood for you.
You feel better now, you know.
Well, for probably I would sayhalf a second, I'd be like huh,

(01:10:23):
I'm disrespectful.
And then in the back of my mind, I'm saying who cares?
This person at this moment isthe most insignificant piece of
dust because you don't know them.
Now here's the converse side ofthat.
What are they going through?
What are they going throughthat they're trying to bring

(01:10:45):
into your front door?
See, you don't know.
And I'll tell you somethingthat just happened.
I was at Union Station, I hadjust gotten in on Friday, and I
got to the front doors, thedouble doors where you go out on
the street, and there was a manstanding and he had a cane and

(01:11:11):
he was dragging a duffel bag,middle Eastern man, and he was a
cane, and he was dragging aduffel bag, middle Eastern man,
and he was just standing andeverybody was walking around him
, you know, walking past him,and he says is this a chair?
I said no, sir, that's a trash.
Can?
I said would you like to sitdown?
No, I need to get to the ticketcounter.

(01:11:36):
Now I could have been like the40, 50, so many people.
And I said take my arm and I'lltake you to the counter.
And he took my arm but he wasscared.
He was scared because one.
He was scared.
He was scared because one hewas blind.
He was completely blind.

(01:11:59):
But see, people thought, becausehis eyes weren't glazed over
and he wasn't wearing glassesand he didn't have the long cane
with the little ball on the end, that he was normal.
They made an assumption.
I didn't do that.
When I stopped at that frontdoor, it wasn't because I was
tired, it wasn't because it wasraining, it's because spirit

(01:12:21):
said I need you to stop moving,I need you to turn around.
I could have been disobedientand went on about.
Hey, I got stuff to do, I gotto go, but I didn't.
I took him to that counter andI said where are we going?
And this is his words I don'tknow where I'm going.
I just got to get out of here.

Speaker 1 (01:12:43):
Wow.

Speaker 3 (01:12:45):
I said, ok, I left him at that counter.
Now we all know that checkinginto a hotel at seven o'clock in
the morning is not normal, andI was checking into the Crown
Hotel over in Greenbelt.
I walked into that lobby and Isaid my name is Dr Darlene

(01:13:07):
Williams-Pratus.
I have a reservation.
I know I can't check in until 3.
This is what this young ladysaid.
Oh no, no, no, we got your roomready.
So it's 12.15.
Just go in until 3.
This is what this young ladysaid oh no, no, no, we got your
room ready.
It's 12.15.
Just go in on upstairs.
See how fast God worked.

Speaker 2 (01:13:19):
He already had it lined up.

Speaker 3 (01:13:21):
He was like you do this and I'm going to do that
for you, so you can lay down andrest, because in order for me
to leave Rocky Mountain, northCarolina, I have to catch a 229
train, which means I need to beup by midnight.
There you go.
So I tell people, I say you maynot think you're being watched.

(01:13:41):
I say baby, he sits on such ahigh throne, he sees everything.

Speaker 2 (01:13:45):
La-di-da-di, everybody, that's right.

Speaker 3 (01:13:50):
I always treat people the way I want to be treated,
but it's just like when I treatsomebody's mother, I treat them
how I would treat my mother ifmy mother was still alive Every
single time.
Yes, ma'am, no, ma'am.
How can I help you, ma'am?
Is there something I can givefor you?
Do you want this?
You have to be my mama.

Speaker 2 (01:14:10):
You have a reverence for that's it.

Speaker 3 (01:14:12):
Yeah, you, yeah, you look oh you want some new shoes?
Hold on, let me check and seeif I got enough money.
My bank complicated for you.

Speaker 1 (01:14:18):
You don't have to be my mother, you want those shoes.

Speaker 3 (01:14:22):
I'm gonna get those shoes.

Speaker 2 (01:14:24):
I'll get the shoes so , yeah, um, I I'm again.
I have a whole list of ofquestions and comments and I
want to to.
I want to come back, like Isaid on another episode, because
I want to be respectful of yourtime, but we're going to have
another conversation and beprepared for some.

(01:14:46):
It's going to be question andanswer on that one Cause I think
you have.
You have really planted theseed in this one with the
illustration of strength and thejourney to really show that you
know, god makes no mistakes.
He, I mean he makes no mistakes.
That's the bottom line that wecan put on that.
So I want to say thank you justfor blessing us and giving us a

(01:15:11):
word of encouragement andhelping us tonight and be
prepared for our next call.

Speaker 3 (01:15:16):
Yes, yes, oh, I'm not .
I'm not worried about it.
I will tell you, I will tellthe audience.
When you have something thatyou really want God to move on,
write it down.
When I said, lord, I need tobreak free from this
relationship, I wrote it in ajournal on October 23rd.

(01:15:37):
Now, it wasn't instantaneous,because that was October 23rd of
one year, june of the followingyear.
I was gone, see, but I was.
I didn't complain about it andI never went back to ask him.
I just wrote it down and I keptit in that journal.

(01:15:59):
I never went back to look at it, I never even thought about it,
and he made it happen and youhad the faith that he will, yeah
, um, answer your prayers.
So that's right and that's itso you don't have to ask him 40
million times.
Ask him once, declare it twice,write it down, walk away.

Speaker 1 (01:16:21):
Yep.

Speaker 2 (01:16:23):
Yeah, so that's a whole other episode of tools
that you're going to get.
So the way that we close, lisasay her name, I'll say my name,
you say your name, and then thenwe say and we're adopted okay,
you got it, I got it okay yeah,this has been powerful it has.

Speaker 3 (01:16:46):
thank you so much, we really appreciate you and until
the next time, um, you know,make make sure you subscribe
like, leave a comment andquestions.

Speaker 2 (01:17:01):
If you have any questions about what you heard
today, so that on the next onewe can address it.

Speaker 3 (01:17:05):
Yes, yes, so I'm Lisa , I'm John and I'm Darlene.
And we are adopted.

Speaker 2 (01:17:12):
Yep.

Speaker 1 (01:17:12):
Thank.
You are adopted, yep Thank youso much.

Speaker 3 (01:17:18):
Thank you all for watching you too, you too.

Speaker 2 (01:17:34):
Thank you for listening to the so I'm Adopted
podcast.
We hope that this wasinformative and educational.
You can follow us on Instagramand Facebook at so I'm Adopted.
Also, subscribe to our YouTubechannel so I'm Adopted.
And again, thank you forlistening and until next time,

(01:18:01):
make the choice to begin yourhealing journey.