March 20, 2025 • 73 mins
Saran T. Baker never imagined that at 24, fresh out of college with her first job, she would suddenly become the adoptive parent to her younger siblings after her mother's tragic death. Yet somewhere deep inside, she always knew this would be her path.
Growing up in what she candidly describes as the "hell home," Saran developed an early determination to one day provide her siblings with the safety and stability she never had. When her mother's fatal car accident made this a sudden reality, she navigated the complex interstate adoption process between Florida and Maryland, all while grieving and trying to build her own adult life.
"I inherited a hot mess," Saran shares with striking honesty, describing children already carrying the weight of trauma, abuse, and abandonment. Without a parenting model to follow, she cobbled together approaches by watching others and relying on prayer. When her five-year-old sister asked to call her "mom" after a difficult day at kindergarten, Saran agreed—only to find herself hiding in closets, overwhelmed by a title she never experienced in a healthy way herself.
Music by Curtis Rodgers IG @itsjustcurtis
Produce and Edited by Lisa Sapp
Executive Producer Lisa Sapp
Executive Producer Johnnie Underwood
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
Welcome to the so I'm Adopted podcast, where we talk
everything adoption.
This journey is not one we takealone.
Together we grapple with rawemotions that surface from
adoption stories.
We want you to be comfortableenough to heal, so sit back and
go with us on this journey as wedive deep into adoption.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Go on, Okay go ahead.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
Welcome to another episode of so I'm Adopted, I'm
John and I'm Lisa, and we areboth Adopted.
And again we want to thank you.
Hit that like that share button, let somebody know.
Hopefully this is not yourfirst time and if it is, we
welcome you.
We're excited that you tooksome time to join us and this
platform came about.
We wanted to just create aspace to talk about
(01:08):
non-traditional relationshipsand, lisa, again I always give
you credit for being consistent.
We need to create somewhere totell our story and do this.
And a year later.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
A year later.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
We are here.
We are here.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
We're still moving forward.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
Still moving forward.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
There's a lot of people out there who want to
share their stories?
Speaker 1 (01:27):
Absolutely, and it has just taken legs and grown
more than I think either one ofus understood.
But we're not going to belaborthe point, we're going to just
jump right in, like we always do.
So you want to introduce ourguest for the day?
Speaker 2 (01:42):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (01:44):
So we have today.
Her name is Saran T Baker, atransformative coach and a
speaker based in Maryland,focuses on empowering women,
wealth creator and aprofessional through financial
education.
Drawing from her background inmarketing and organization,
development and human resourcemanagement, Sarans navigates
(02:08):
audience through financialplanning intricacies, covering
budgets, retirement strategies,insurance options and debt
management.
Her commitment to communityservice is evident in her
advocacy for financialempowerment among youth and
women, showcasing her dedicationto universal financial
(02:29):
well-being.
With dynamic speaking skills,saran makes financial
accessibility engaging,motivating audiences forward
towards actionable steps forfinancial freedom.
Her influence extends tocommunity work and dedication to
her financial empowerment,offering not only advice but a
pathway to prosperity.
(02:51):
So if you want to connect withher or book her for an
engagement, just visit her atcoveredbysarancom, but I know
her as my cousin, so let's bringher on in, let's get it, let's
have a conversation.
She has a powerful story.
Speaker 1 (03:10):
She has a story too.
That's why she's here she mighthave just given us a different
angle on your story.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
I didn't know I get that.
She has her own.
She stands on her own, on herown.
Hey, lisa and John, how are youGood?
We are good.
We are good.
We are so excited that you hadyou know you were willing to
come on the show and share yourstory, because your story is
(03:41):
unique in twofold.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
So let's go.
Let's not waste time.
I'm excited.
That's the joke being uniqueand twofold.
Let's go.
Let's not waste time.
I'm excited.
Let's jump in.
Let's get this double dustrolling.
Speaker 2 (03:51):
Let's get it.
I was telling my other friends.
I was like I'm excited and I'mnervous because I talk on
podcasts all the time but Inever talk about this.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
I can relate with the nervous.
When we started the firstepisode it was like wait a
minute, we really talking aboutthis and since it was Lisa's
idea, I made sure she went firstso that she can jump in the
water and test how hot it was.
But this is a welcoming space,a safe space, so please let's go
.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
So please, in your own words, however you want to
share, tell us how did youacquire adopting your siblings?
Well, it's kind of a long story, but I will say this I am the
(04:43):
oldest of eight by birth from mymom, and I'm my dad's only
child, which is the side of thefamily I'm on with you, and I
always knew as a kid that I wasgoing to be taking care of my
siblings.
And so, unfortunately, when Iwas 24, about six months right
(05:05):
after graduating college, my momwas killed in a tragic car
accident and to later have toadopt a few of my siblings
(05:26):
because, when she passed, onlyof the eight, only three of us
were adults over the age of 18.
And it is twofold because Ididn't take all of the kids.
My aunt took some of the kidsand I had some of the kids, and
so, at 24, I became a parent ofa five-year-old, a 10-year-old.
(05:48):
I didn't know what I was doingFresh out of college.
Fresh out of college had myfresh little $32,000 a year job.
I was doing it right, until Iadded daycare to that $32,000.
Yeah, and then I wasn't doingit Right.
(06:14):
So that's the short version ofit, if you will.
And the kids themselves had,unfortunately, had already been
in foster care for a variety ofdifferent reasons, so that's why
I had to actually adopt theminstead of just becoming their
guardian.
(06:35):
So 30 second time out, let's goahead and jump straight in,
because you said you always knewthat you would be Talk to me
about that statement always knewthat you would be Talk to me
about that statement, so Ialways knew that I would care
for my siblings, just because mymom had a challenging life.
And as an adult now I seethings so differently, right, I
(07:01):
was looking at a picture a fewweeks ago of me and her when I
was one, and the Holy Spiritsaid your mother was 17 and you
were one, and she's out herewith a kid.
And because her mom died whenshe was like a year before I was
born, she was without a mom,and so my mom really struggled
(07:26):
with a lot of things and, byvirtue of being the oldest child
, I got the joy of going throughall of that with her as a child
, right, and I say joy verytongue in cheek, right.
And so I went through a lot ofthe difficulties, the trials and
the errors and the things thatshe was trying out in life and
(07:48):
unfortunately, as you know, aolder baby boomer and parent to
a Gen Xer coming through the 60sand 70s and growing up in New
York and the South Bronx, andall that where she grew up I
grew up in Queens.
She, you know, was exposed to alot of different things that
(08:08):
weren't the norm.
And so she was making it big onthe illegal side of the world
in her mind, got it Right and Iwas going along with her somehow
Right.
And as a kid growing up, Ialways knew I didn't want to
live with my mom and I wasalways trying to get away.
(08:31):
I was, I was that kid to her.
Like you said, your mom, I'mfine, sure why I'm here.
I need to go.
I'm going to my granddaddyhouse, I'm going to my guy.
I'm going where I felt like Iknew was home right.
And as I got older and shecontinued to build her family, I
was like I gotta go get mysiblings because if it's
(08:54):
anything like it was when I wasthere, I gotta go get them.
And I remember this oneChristmas I was 16 and I was at
my godmother's house and it wasmy godmother and my aunt, who
technically her daughter, butshe was old, so we just called
her my aunt or whatever and shewas there and I said, yeah, you
know what, when I graduate, I'mgoing to go get my siblings, I'm
(09:15):
going to go, I'm going to dothis, I'm going to do that.
And I remember gettingchastised so harshly Like you
especially, like you can't takecare of anybody else.
Who do you think you are?
You're not going to do anything, um, and I remember leaving and
crying and thinking you don'tknow me like you think you do.
I'm going to get my siblings.
I'm just not going to talkabout it, no more.
(09:36):
And but I didn't know that itwas going to take a tragic car
accident for me to have to, forthat to be the catalyst to step
in and go and seek guardianship.
And when I tell you they tookme through the process right.
(09:57):
At the time, I had to learn theinterstate compact process,
which, if you don't know, that'sthe foster care system's way to
transfer children betweenstates, and it's complicated.
Pause, where were they?
They were in Florida, oh, okay.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
They were in.
Speaker 2 (10:19):
Florida because I had just graduated college.
I had moved to Maryland fromgoing to college in Virginia, so
I was in Maryland.
So I had just graduated college.
I had moved to Maryland fromgoing to college in Virginia, so
I was in Maryland.
So I had to navigate the stateof Maryland's foster care
adoption system and the state ofFlorida's foster care adoption
system simultaneously to get thechildren transferred to me.
(10:40):
And that took from the time mymother passed in December of
1998 until August of 1999.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (10:49):
It took about nine months.
So basically a pregnancy, oh mygosh, yeah, yeah.
So it was a tough time, but Iwouldn't trade it.
Wow, wow, wow, wow.
(11:11):
So when you knew, once your momhad passed, I mean, did you
emotionally go through a processof?
Or you just because you hadalready known when you were
younger that you were going totake care of your siblings, or
was it a time that you had toprocess it and say, oh my gosh,
I have to take care of them?
It was instant, it was instant.
It was instant Because you knowyou make declarations and you
(11:35):
forget about them, becauseyou're like, especially, you say
I'm not going to talk toanybody about it.
You know what, I won't do this,I ain't going to talk about
this, no more, I'm going tofollow the plan that they said.
They said you know what, youneed to go to college and say,
well, you know what, I'm gonnago to college, I'm gonna figure
out what that is, and went toschool, had a great time and did
all that, and so now it's kindof like a little bit out of my,
(11:59):
out of my sphere or my mindset.
Um, and the week before, but theweek before my mother had
passed, I told her.
I said, hey, I'm about to getanother, I'm about to get my own
place Because, you know, I hada new job so I was staying with
the family.
I was actually staying withcousin Michelle for a couple of
months Until I got my apartment.
And so I was about to get myapartment I said, hey, why don't
(12:21):
you let my youngest sister atthe time I said she was like
maybe four, four-ish I said, hey, why don't you let her come
stay with me for a couple ofmonths?
And that was my way of tellingmy mom, like you're not doing a
good job raising these kids andI'm coming to get her right.
And I was like, just let hervisit.
You know, she's not in schoolyet, let's you know, just figure
(12:46):
that out.
And that was exactly seven daysbefore she passed away in the
car accident and she did say yes.
At the time she she took a deepbreath because at first she
said, well, she can come andvisit.
And I said, well, I'm thinkinga little bit longer, what do you
think about that?
And she said, she sighed andshe said maybe that is a good
idea, she should come with you.
And I said, okay, and that wasliterally our last conversation.
(13:11):
Really, yeah, wow, wow.
So what was it about you notallowing them?
When you were younger?
You didn't really want them inthe foster care.
Can you speak to that part?
I mean, is there a reason why?
(13:33):
Because I know you mentionedsomething about your going to
live with your grandfather.
So it was not necessarilyfoster care.
It was because I had lived withmy mother for a time.
Okay, and it was, it is noother word to use it.
It was hell at times andsometimes it was amazing, and
(13:59):
then it was hell again and thenit was you know it just, and I
actually described, because Italked about it a little bit in
an anthology I contributed to.
I called it the hell home and Iwas always trying to get away
from that hell home and Ithought to myself, well if I was
(14:20):
trying to get away.
Maybe they're trying to getaway and they're looking for
somewhere that they can feelsafe, love, protected and cared
for.
I'm their older sister.
I'm willing to do that Right.
I also had a delusional view ofchildren.
I thought they raisedthemselves.
(14:40):
Now walk with me here.
I am a Gen X person and youknow we've been fending for
ourselves for a long time, andso in my mind, I just need to
make sure they have somewhere tostay and put some food in the
refrigerator.
They'll figure the rest out,they'll get themselves to school
(15:00):
, they'll do their homework.
They don't need.
All I got to do is provide asafe space.
This was my delusion becoming aparent, because that was all I
had been provided.
I wasn't parented, and as awoman turning 50, I find myself
spending a lot of time justreparenting myself.
(15:22):
I got to figure out how toreparent the part of me that
never was parented, and so whenI got the kids and it turned out
they needed way more stuff, Iwas like throwing for a loop.
I was like, oh snap, you mean Igotta pick you up from daycare.
You don't just walk home byyourself.
(15:43):
I got to pay for this too.
Like I have to cook too, likeyou don't feed yourself.
Speaker 1 (15:50):
Right.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
I really like the first couple of weeks was really
like in a spin because I haddone all those things for myself
since the time I was able tostand at a stove.
And here are these kids whohave no clue, because they're in
a whole different generationthan I'm in right, because I'm
19 years older than the youngest.
(16:12):
I'm like, oh, I have to figureout how to parent.
And that was more of achallenge because I had never
been parented.
I didn't know what to do, andso I found myself, like most
people, in a quandary in churchtrying to figure it out, and I
(16:32):
said, well, let me just see whatthese people in church are
doing, let me ask some questions.
You know, I didn't want to looklike the dumb person who's a
dumb person with kids, right?
So I just kind of looked andsaw what other people were doing
and tried to you know,duplicate it ask some questions.
And then I sat down I said,well, who are the people that I,
(16:54):
you know, who are my friends,parents that I grew up with?
Like, what did they do?
What would they do?
And just kind of recall, I sawother people received as
parenting and I was winging.
It when I tell you I waswinging it.
I was winging it, I was makingit up.
It was on two prayers and twopennies thrown to the wind wow.
Speaker 1 (17:18):
So I have a question with everything that you had
prior to already being preparedmentally to some degree, that
this was going to be theassignment, did you find that,
once that nine month incubationperiod took place, of you
getting them and then they werewith you, was it a level of
trauma for them transitioning?
(17:40):
Well and I shouldn't even askbecause there is trauma with the
passing of the mom but justwhat else did you observe in
that transition that you learned?
Like what did you inherit?
That's a better question.
Speaker 2 (17:54):
I inherited a hot mess, inherited children who had
already been abused,traumatized, abandoned to some
level physically, mentally,spiritually abused Children who
(18:18):
didn't really have a sense ofthe sanity or the sanctity of a
peaceful home or peaceful space.
Uh, at the same time, I'mgrieving the loss of my mom in
my own way, because we did nothave a um relationship that was
(18:42):
positive, okay, and so my grieflevel was more anger, and it was
more.
You know how could you just go,and you know why did you create
this mess?
For someone else to clean up?
And how are we going to getthese kids back to balance or
(19:02):
baseline or to a place wherethey can become productive
citizens?
And I was angry for a very longtime, to the point of it
impacting me and hurting me.
We don't talk about as much aswe should the anger that we hold
(19:25):
for someone else, how ittorments us.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
Right.
Speaker 2 (19:29):
And how it takes away from who we are and the
heaviness that it creates inyour heart, in your mind, that
doesn't allow you to moveforward and to be and do and
have all the things that God hasallowed you to see and allowed
you to be able to have access toand allowed you to be able to
(19:49):
have the opportunity and doorsopen and do different things.
And in that sense I did my bestto, as they say, not bleed all
over them, if you will, with mystories of my mom and my, you
know, traumatic experiences andthings like that.
(20:10):
And in recent years some of mysiblings have said to me we wish
you would have told us some ofthose stories and I said they
were too painful for me torecall.
And I said they were toopainful for me to recall and I
didn't want to pass on thosestories in such a painful way to
(20:30):
cause you to see herdifferently, because your
experience with her was muchdifferent than mine.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
So that was going to be my next question.
Did they have animosity towardsyou or what was their thought?
Since you had been separate,been separated out, how did they
view you?
Did they view you as thank youfor what you've done?
Did they view you as who do youthink you are like?
What was their approach?
Speaker 2 (20:57):
um, it was a lot of.
Who do you think you are?
It really was, and a lot of ithas come as we've gotten older,
as they're adults now, themexpressing the um, the, what's
the word I want to use?
The twofoldness of you, not mymama, but you did everything for
(21:22):
me that a mother would do, andI didn't ask you to come be my
mama, but you did everything forme that a mother would do.
And I didn't ask you to come bemy mama, but you did do all the
things that a mama would do,but you didn't do a good enough
job, because if my mom was here,she would, and I'm thinking,
nah, she wasn't going to do noneof that, but I didn't want to
(21:44):
take away their pipe dreams,right, it's their hope that mom
would, mom could and my mom like, yeah, nah, that's not what was
about to happen.
Speaker 1 (21:54):
I've seen this Lifetime movie.
I know what it looks like.
Speaker 2 (21:56):
Yeah, I'm like, yeah, nah, and it it's an emotional
thing and it's tough foreveryone involved because, as
children and you can relate tothis you know from the
perspective of what we'retalking about.
So I'm adopted.
We didn't ask anybody to dowhat they did for us, whether
(22:22):
they adopted us or came in,stepped in or whatever it is
they did for us.
Whether they adopted us or theycame and stepped in or whatever
it is they did, we didn't askyou to do that.
And so there is a sense of whoare you to think that you were
the one that was supposed to dothis for me?
Where's the persons?
Where's the mom and the dadthat did birth me?
They're the ones who were doingit.
(22:43):
And and so you know, in everystory there's a villain, there's
a hero and there's a guy andit's easy to become the villain
in that story because nobody'sgoing to make themselves the
villain, they're the hero, orthey make the parent, the absent
parent, the hero in some typeof way.
(23:03):
You know, it's really kind oflooking at the story and
understanding that some of thethings that we make up in our
minds as children, as youngadults, that it's not real.
It's not the real thing.
(23:25):
It was our big emotions tellingthe story about what was
happening.
But it might not have reallybeen what was happening, and so
I don't hold any uh regrets.
If I were the, if this were 25,well, I'll be 50 years, so it's
(23:46):
only 25, 26 years this year.
If it were 25 years, turn back.
26 years, turn back.
I do the same thing again and Ido it every time.
Given the option, I do itdifferently, but I would do it
again.
I'd do it differently, but Iwould do it again.
And because that's just true towho I am, and I would allow for
(24:19):
more opportunity for them tomaybe see more of who I was,
because I held back so much ofwho I was as a person and who I
was as a daughter to our mother,because I couldn't handle the
pain, so I didn't think anyoneelse could and so I refused to
allow someone else to try tocarry the burden I couldn't
(24:40):
figure out for myself.
And in that timeframe of reallytrying to figure it out, the
last five years have been verytransformative for me, because
when COVID started and I had tofind a way to heal myself and to
(25:08):
heal my relationship with mymother in the spirit realm
because it was holding me back,it was eating me alive and had I
not taken the time to go on thejourney, I don't know where I
would be today, because it wasthat imploding and that acidic
(25:30):
inside of my mind and my bodythat it was really just taking
hold of me to a point where Icouldn't function.
Wow, wow.
I would have never been able toarticulate anything like this
(26:00):
years ago or hurtful way,because I see my mother
differently now, as I took thetime to reparent myself and I
took the time to see her as ahuman being, having a human
experience and going through herown journey, and I just so
happened to be along for theride because I decided I wanted
(26:23):
to pop out September 21st 1975.
You know what I'm saying and asI hold space for her here still
being alive and she not beinghere, and I hold um that I now
speak about anything that comesup that I feel like I need to
(26:44):
share about her in the mostloving way that I can, because I
have so much forgiveness forher and I have so much
compassion and understanding fora woman who was battling her
own challenges I don't like touse the word demons her own
challenges, her own internalloss.
(27:05):
She lost her mom.
You know she was growing up withmy grandfather, with you know
who was a man's man?
You know he was a man's man andI love him dearly, but he was
just a man's man.
Everything was just cut and dry.
Just is what it is.
You got food, you got clothes,you got a house, what else you
need.
And as I hold that space and Ihold that space for my siblings
(27:29):
too and I watch as theymatriculate the world I'm
cautious not to hold a space ofjudgment for any of them, for
wherever they are in their lives, we're all navigating something
or some pain or some loss.
(27:49):
And we may be at a place wherewe're handling it well and maybe
at a place where we feel likewe're drowning in quicksand.
And a person drowning inquicksand is scratching and
clawing and grabbing ateverything that they can and
pulling it down with them tosave themselves can, and pulling
(28:14):
it down with them to savethemselves.
And for that, how do you holdanger and resentment for someone
who's just trying to savethemselves?
And it's not necessarily meantto hurt you or bring you down,
it really is.
I need help and I don't knowhow to help myself.
So let me just lash out ateverything close to me and in
(28:46):
that, in that time frame, youknow how to even be, to be the
best at it.
Well, I feel like, and thatpeople say, oh, you did a great
job, you did this, you did that,and I feel like I did the best
job I could do with theresources I had available and
the knowledge I knew how to useRight.
(29:07):
Had I had more resources, moreknowledge and more access, I
could have done better, right.
And it doesn't mean I did bad,it's just that I know what I was
missing, right, right, andother people don't know.
Well, now y'all know, becauseyou go out.
I was going to ask you whatsupport did you have Because
(29:29):
you're support did you havebecause you're, you're 24,
you're just starting your adultlife and now you have children.
So what was your support like?
Because, again, you said theirexperience with their mother was
different than your experience.
Now, I'm not sure if they canrecall their experience being a
(29:50):
positive one, or they werereally young and they didn't
really see what was going on intheir life.
But, based on what you weresaying, they went through a lot
of trauma.
But maybe they didn't thinkthey were going through trauma,
right, right, what if it wasmore of?
They didn't think they weregoing through challenges.
(30:11):
They thought that they were inthe best situation, they were
where they need to be.
It really is the thing of.
You know, if you take the threeme, my mom, them it really was,
it's really more of.
I'm the villain in the storyand she's the hero, because they
(30:32):
glamorize what they do rememberabout it and they're guiding
themselves through this story,thinking, yeah, because my mom
was this, my mom was that, shedid this, she did that, and I'm
thinking I ain't gonna have himbro.
Yeah, no, I was dead.
That's not.
People only remember the good.
You know, they right you kindof, if you go through some type
(30:56):
of dramatic situation, you canblock it out, right, and so they
remember all the good and Iremembered all the bad right?
Speaker 1 (31:04):
so you said that the youngest was 19 years.
It's a 19 year difference,right?
Yes, yes, what's the agedifference in the oldest?
Speaker 2 (31:12):
I'm the oldest.
Speaker 1 (31:14):
So the next one is 19 years.
Speaker 2 (31:15):
So the next one, my younger brother, is two and a
half years younger than me.
Okay, so he was already grown.
And then my other sister is.
She's five years behind me, andthen six and seven and eight,
then 19.
So it was like a huge gap.
Speaker 1 (31:31):
Got it.
So what was the narrative ofyour story that had been
presented to them?
Was there a narrative oranything?
Speaker 2 (31:39):
I don't really know, but I know that the family that
was around would always just sayyou know that's.
You know your sister, she'lltake care of you.
Just you know, do what you knowyour sister, she'll take care
of you.
Just you know, do what she says.
But it really became mom, right, because the youngest she had
just turned five when I got herand I remember her first day
home from kindergarten and shecame home crying and she's like
(32:02):
everybody at school has a mombut me.
And I was like you do.
She's like, but my mom's dead.
I'm the only one without a momand I and like she was like
having this thing.
And I was like and she was like, well, why can't I just call
you mom?
And I said are you sure that'swhat you want to do now?
(32:25):
This is a five-year-old, so I'mthe five-year-old, right, like
you know.
So I said to her I said listen,because I don't want confusion.
I know what you need.
I am going to take care of youas best I can.
I am going to be a motherfigure in your life.
If you feel comfortable thatyou want to call me mom, then
(32:47):
you can call me mom, but what Ido want to do is I want you to
choose one and not go back andforth, so that you can have, so
that you can feel someconfidence in what you, you know
the life that you're living now.
My, my brother, who was like 10or 12 he was.
He was like nah, he was justlike it's gone and whatever, all
(33:07):
right, whatever I get it.
He was like nah, he was justlike sure, it's gone, all right,
whatever I get it.
And because she was so muchyounger, she wanted to call me
mom and that felt like thebiggest mistake I had ever made
in my life, really, because itturned into an episode of Family
Guy where she was just like mom, mom, mother, mother, mom, mama
, mama, mom.
And I can remember hiding in mywalk-in closet in this
(33:30):
apartment that I lived in, likehiding from her, because I just
couldn't take it, like I waslike just stop saying it.
Now, remember, I grew upwithout a mom, so now I just
agreed to a child to call me momand I'm like what kind of
Satanism is this that you justcreated?
What kind of Satanism is?
Speaker 1 (33:47):
this that you just created.
When you were telling theinitial story, it sounded like
she was all ready.
You weren't ready for thatcommitment of the title, mom.
Speaker 2 (33:56):
You were like wait a minute, are you sure?
I was like this has to be themost torturing thing you could
have done to yourself.
But I mean, after a while youknow it worked itself out.
But in the beginning I canremember hiding.
I can see myself right nowsitting in that closet Like I
(34:17):
hope she doesn't find me.
I hope she falls asleep lookingfor me because I can't do it, I
can't mom today, but I mean wehave fun moments, right.
It just is what it is.
It happens in all families.
And so we had an interestingfamily, I think and you asked
the question about support.
So, because I was in a new areahere in Maryland, because I
(34:43):
grew up in New York with thecollege community and I moved to
Maryland, so I had support.
I had support on my dad's side,I had our cousin Michelle and
our friend and they helped.
And then I joined a church and Iwent to get support and the
funny thing is, the first time Iwent to meet with the young
adult pastor because I didn'treally talk about it he's like
(35:07):
so where's the kid's dad?
Like you know how old were youwhen you had?
You know you had this, I'm thiskid and I got a 10, 11-year-old
and a 6-year-old and so theassumption is obviously she just
had kids early and I looked athim.
(35:28):
I said you know these illegallyadopted children and he said
what I said I don't know whotheir daddy is, their sister,
and he was like, oh, but the wayhe said it was judgmental, the
way he came across was kind oflike oh, here we go, another
single mom don't know what she'sdoing, blah, blah, blah, blah,
(35:51):
blah.
I was like bro, no, actually Icame in here because I can't
sleep at night and I need help,I need some spiritual help.
And after we kind of got overthat hurdle, he, you know,
offered me some help.
I was like, can we get out of?
Like in my mind, like can weget out of the judgment box?
And you help me, right.
And so after we were able to do, you know, get over that hurdle
(36:15):
, it became easy and you know,and church became a safe place
because I could drop the kidsoff on Friday for two hours.
Go hide out in the McDonald'sparking lot by myself, nobody's
calling me mom.
Yes, ma'am, go hide out in theMcDonald's parking lot by myself
, nobody's calling me mom.
Eat some fries in private, youknow, sometimes you're going to
eat your own fries.
(36:35):
That part, but it was aninteresting journey to you know.
Behold, it was a blessing.
It was tough, it was reallytough, and yet, at the same time
, it is something that is acornerstone of who I am and who
I become, and allowed me to beso much more in the world, right
(36:59):
so and I don't know.
Speaker 1 (37:01):
Maybe I should have asked prior to did you have any
additional children?
Speaker 2 (37:05):
and I say this because you didn't legally adopt
, so you're are mom no, I didnot have any children of my own
um, I haven't gotten married yet, but I will I was going to ask,
because of the dynamics ofadopting the children did that
(37:25):
have an impact on youestablishing your or a an
additional family partsrelationships?
Yeah, partially.
I actually had to end therelationship right in the middle
of it because he told me thathe would not support me adopting
the kids oh, wow and I told himthat I would not choose him
(37:47):
over them Got it.
So it was a difficult time allaround, right, do you think over
the years, that has been achallenge with relationships as
well.
Oh yeah, nobody want no extrakids and they got extra extra
(38:10):
reasons to have kids.
It's just complicated's justcomplicated.
Right now I'm just like youwant to see me my dog.
She's a very nice dog.
It's way simpler than oh.
I got some legally adopted kidsthat happen to be my siblings,
because my mom was in a tragiccar accident and uh yeah, yeah,
a tragic car accident and yeah.
Yeah, yeah, I can understandthat.
(38:33):
Yeah, that could be challenging.
Yes, so, as of today, how areyour siblings?
Everybody's on their own.
Everybody's grown.
The youngest is now 31.
And so each have establishedthemselves lives, their own
(38:57):
family, their own homes.
Sorry, my phone rang their ownhomes.
Speaker 1 (39:04):
And so it's amazing.
Speaker 2 (39:06):
Does she stay home with mom?
Yeah, okay, but now that she'san adult it's a little less,
which is fine.
Speaker 1 (39:16):
Okay, do you see the impact of their growing up
situations generalized intotheir families?
What we've learned is thatsometimes, when the adoption or
the trauma, people go extremeone way or extreme the other way
, have you seen any types ofrepercussions or results or
(39:39):
benefits or anything?
Speaker 2 (39:41):
I think it depends Right.
And one of my, my middle sister, she just moved to Maryland a
few years ago.
She has an amazingfour-year-old son and she is an
amazing mom and so I've had thepleasure of watching her with
her son and I see like, oh, wedidn't miss the mark.
(40:02):
Like you picked up some stuff,like you got this, and she's
actually a licensed socialworker now, okay, and that was
her thing.
She went and got a actually alicensed social worker now okay,
and that that was her thing.
She went and got a master's insocial work and that's what she
does and I see it and I love it.
And then I have other siblingswho, uh, they still live in
florida and they have theirwhole families and they're doing
an amazing job.
You know, I have one niece.
(40:23):
She's at college in florida now.
And you know another one.
You know several that are.
I probably have like 15 nieces.
Like everybody had kids exceptme and I'm cool with it.
I just like.
I'm like just call me auntieand let me do rich auntie stuff.
Speaker 1 (40:41):
There you go, living your best life.
Speaker 2 (40:44):
Yeah, so, um, I had the pleasure of being a part of
my nephew's life my brother, my,my second youngest sibling, my
brother, his son and he's anamazing kid.
He's turning 21 this year andit just brings me a lot of joy
to see them.
I have a sister in New York whois amazing and creative.
(41:05):
He does all kinds of things,and she has a son who's eight
years old and he calls me onFaceTime because he's a man's
man.
I'm here to talk to you aboutsomething.
Okay, what are we talking about?
Speaker 1 (41:18):
So let me ask you this question, and I applaud the
transparency and the growththat you had when you said, you
know, with the space for yourmom and that.
So for those who are wrestlingwith repairing that relationship
with a sibling who I mean witha parent who is no longer here
what type of words ofencouragement or just advice you
(41:41):
can give of starting thatjourney, because there are a lot
of people that don't have thestrength to be able to go into
that space.
So talk to me a little bitabout if you, if you remember
how you were able to initiatethat journey.
Speaker 2 (41:57):
I know exactly how I did it and I don't often share
it, and this will be the firsttime I've ever shared it on
video and what I did was I tookthe time and it was COVID, so I
was home and so what I did was Iset up an altar and I put out
(42:19):
some water, a plant, um lit aincense, and every day I made
pancakes, bacon and eggs andcoffee, and I sat it on the
altar and I said a prayer andyou know I said something like
you know.
Thank you to all the ancestorsand family who come before me,
(42:39):
thank you for protecting me,thank you, god, for being in my
life and for surrounding andprotecting me and show me what
it is that I need and bring thelight or the healing that I need
.
And you know something simple.
So, whatever you know, you cansay whatever you feel led to say
.
And every day I did this I getup, set up my computer for work
(43:01):
and it was sitting right next tomy computer and I make these
pancakes and just put them upthere, and I change them every
day, and when I went to bed Iwould just and I put her picture
on it because I was focused onher and as it sat there, I
probably did that for maybe amonth and after about a month I
(43:25):
had the most amazing spiritualexperience I had ever had in my
life and I was in a dream andshe came to me in the dream.
Now, mind you, I'll, I'llrewind.
My mother had been trying tocome to me spiritually for years
, in different ways.
Um, when Aunt Pearl was passing, we had a elder Aunt Pearl.
(43:48):
You know, they say when theelders are passing, naturally
they can see into the spiritrealm and speak, you know, speak
on both sides.
And she would say your mom wasjust here.
I'm like my mama wasn't herebecause she did, and she was
like, well, she's, I'm nottrying to hear.
I wasn't trying to hear it.
So now I'm intentionally goingseeking this spiritual
connection, intentionally goingseeking this connect, the
(44:12):
spiritual connection.
And so I remember it was a, itwas hot, it was a July summer
night and I was sleeping and Iremember being in the fetal
position in the dream and when Ibecame aware of the dream
because you can be in a sleepstate and become aware that
you're awake in a dream she washolding me in that fetal
position and she took her handand put it on my chest right
(44:35):
here, and she pushed it.
And as she pushed me, I felt mybody move.
But as I felt my body move, Isaw this huge ball of light just
go go into my body and she saidhere's the love that you
thought I didn't have.
And she just kept pushing meand just kept doing it.
She just kept doing it and shekept squeezing me and holding me
(44:56):
and it felt like an eternity,but it didn't feel like enough
time.
At the same time, and as I wentthrough that process, in that um
dream and in that spiritualexperience because it wasn't
just a dream, it was, it was theexperience and as I went
(45:18):
through that, I said I woke upin tears, and but they weren't
painful tears, they were tearsof joy.
They were tears of joy.
There were tears of I didn'tknow I needed my mother to say
that to me.
There were tears of I didn'tknow that I needed the love of
(45:38):
my mother.
The way I did once.
I received what I didn't evensay I was looking for.
I didn't know how the healingwas going to come.
I set up this ancestor altarjust on a whim, in a prayer,
because somebody said, hey, youknow, if you set up an ancestor
(45:59):
altar, you know it's a way tostay connected to you, know God,
and to stay connected to yourancestors too.
And I was like, all right, yeah, I'm, I'm gonna try, whatever.
Yeah, I'm sitting at home doingnothing and I wonder, and I and
I really subconsciously said Iwant to figure out what it is
(46:19):
what can I do with my mom?
If you're saying that, hey,this is a way to connect
spiritually with your ancestors?
Well, I'm gonna connect with mymom because I need, we need to
have a conversation.
And it wasn't a two-wayconversation, it wasn't she
didn't.
It was like I'm here, I got you, I've always had you, I did,
(46:44):
you didn't know, but you know,I'm proud of you and it was all
the things we seek and we wantto hear from someone that loves
us and someone that cares, andfor someone to just say I see
you and I feel your pain and Idon't want you to be in pain
because of me.
And I'm thankful for beingintroduced to it, because it
(47:09):
really just allowed me to feelfree, a freedom that I had not
found through any other path toGod, a freedom that allowed me
to really be able to speak mytruth, because I didn't have to
be churchy, if you will, to havethis experience.
(47:30):
I didn't have to have theperfect, polished prayer with
the right beginning and end.
I didn't have to do any of that, I just said whatever I wanted.
I literally, some days, put thepancakes out.
I was like I hope you're goingto come on here and talk to me,
because how long is it going totake?
Work this out.
Some days I wouldn't even sayanything, I just put it down and
(47:53):
I'm like whatever.
You know, when we get to thepoint, well, this ain't working.
I'm just wasting pancake mix,but I got a Costco bag, so I'll
just keep doing it.
But it just allowed me thefreedom to be and to be a
spiritual being, having a humanexperience, and take whatever
(48:16):
path it was that was going tolead me to the divine that I
needed.
Wow, and it's interesting thatit happened during COVID,
because everybody has theirviews on on that time period of
our lives you, you had to gothrough that experience at that
(48:38):
time because it stopped you fromdoing I just know you, you're
like everywhere, right, right,she's doing something.
And for you to have to have satstill in all these years.
It happened at that moment andat that time that's only, but
you know god's divine order ofwhen it was time for you to heal
(49:03):
that wound that has beenlingering for so long.
And the kids were gone.
They were still there.
You know them grown peopledidn't leave until they was 30.
28, 29.
Speaker 1 (49:18):
They were there, so they saw the altar and they knew
everything that you were doingas well.
Speaker 2 (49:23):
No, they didn't know what I was doing.
They didn't know what I wasdoing.
Sometimes my nephew would comeeat the pancakes he would run
out of his and be'm just youknow.
So it wasn't, and it wasn't abig deal, because when you do an
altar, um, a divine altar,that's meant to honor the
(49:46):
ancestors, or to honor god, oreven, to you know, to honor
jesus or whatever your, yourpath is a lot of different
religions call it somethingdifferent.
They do different things withit.
It you know, it's said that ifyour pets come and eat it, just
consider that the spirit comeand eat whatever you gave.
Or if one of your familymembers come, just consider that
, you know, passing through thespiritual realm in the way that
(50:09):
they decided to consume it.
So it wasn't like it was a bigdeal.
One time I lit it on fire byaccident with the candle, but
that's again.
Energy is saying, hey, theenergy is flowing around, you
know, because our ancestors arestill with us.
We're just not on the samefrequency as they are and
they're not in a body anymore,and so it was just kind of the
(50:33):
process of going.
They had no idea what I wasdoing.
I didn't share with anyone whatI was doing, what I was trying
to get done, because it was myjourney and I wasn't trying to
necessarily take anyone else onit with me.
It was my journey.
As they say, it was my hero'sjourney.
I was being a hero in my life,and I was using the altar as a
(50:55):
guide to get to where I thoughtmy villain existed, so that I
could resolve it, and so therewas nobody else a part of it, it
was just that's me.
Told her she had a powerfulstory.
Speaker 1 (51:12):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you , yeah, that was yeah.
The thing that is just sopowerful for me is the we're
able to see on the other side ofthe equation.
The feeling that you put forthand where you are now, the peace
that you carry, and you knowspirit, recognized spirit, just
that even in you, sharing thestory as traumatic as it is, the
(51:37):
level of peace that you carrynow, people that may not even
have had a as traumaticexperience in their lives don't
carry that peace that you carry.
So that is just exciting andI'm thankful to even experience
it.
It gives hope to otherindividuals to say that you can
(51:58):
experience peace.
You can make it throughwhatever you're going through,
if you put the work in, you tookthe hardship and you were
consistent.
That's one thing that I thinkwe missed the mark on, because
we're not consistent with things.
Speaker 2 (52:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (52:12):
We'll start with that .
Speaker 2 (52:13):
And I was going to say, and I did all, and after I
had the experience with my mom,I did, I went and I spent some
time working on my family treeand I found pictures of every
family member that I could find,if I knew them or not, and I
just put them up and even now Ihave like a little grandmother
table at my house where all anygrandmother I had a picture of
(52:36):
grandmother, great grandmother,great, great grandmother,
grandmother figure.
I just had their picture upbecause I want to feel connected
to them all the time.
I have one for my grandfathers.
You know, if I have a pictureand I have my mom's picture up
and even in you know, havingthat, having that space and
(52:58):
while I'm not actively, likelighting a candle because I'm
running around back in thestreets doing stuff, so I'm not
having that focus, spiritualtime, but knowing, walking
through life, knowing, um, whileyou may live in a space where
you're not connected to a lot ofpeople or you did, I didn't
create my own family ordifferent things like that I am
(53:21):
always surrounded by family 24hours a day when I'm awake and
when I'm not awake, because theyare there in the spirit realm
waiting for me to say I need youor making a way for me when I
don't know that they are makinga way or their prayers are being
answered.
(53:42):
And I have one picture of mewith my great-great-grandmother
as a baby.
She's holding me and I don'tremember meeting her because she
passed before I was able tocognitively know her.
But I know that I can look atthat picture and say my great
grandmother prayed for me, rightand the, the god that we serve,
(54:02):
has given us access to them.
He hasn't cut us off from itbecause he's a savior or someone
is Buddhist or someone isMuslim and they have Allah or
whatever.
They haven't cut those.
Our God, the God that we serve,in whatever religious sect you
follow, hasn't cut you off fromthe most spiritual and powerful
(54:26):
group of beings in the world,and those are your ancestors and
the people who have come beforeyou who have a vested interest
in your success and yourwellbeing and you becoming
amazing at whatever it is you'redoing, because we're creating
generation after generation thatcan be better and better and
better.
And so we have that power if wetap, tap into it, and even in
(54:53):
the healing process with my mom.
Now I'm in a great place with mymom, but now I gotta repair all
the damage I did to myself,right and so in that, and that's
hard to admit, because you dothe damage to yourself, because
you're angry at this one, you'reangry at that one, or you're
mad this happened, or you didn'thave this, or you didn't have
(55:14):
that, or this didn't go quitethe way that I wanted it to go,
or this one, you know, left mebehind or left me out, or didn't
do this, all the things right.
And so I spend time working onme and that's the reparenting.
And so I spend time working onme and that's the reparenting,
(55:39):
because now that I've healed andforgiven, now I have to heal
and forgive myself all thethings that I have torn myself
up and hurt other people too inthe process.
Now I've got to apologize tothem.
You know what no-transcript.
But you know, and that's one ofthe things too, and even you
know, part of my journey now iswhen I go places, I carry
pictures of my younger selveswith me and I take pictures of
(56:02):
me with that younger self to say, look, this is where you are
now, like whatever you thoughtwasn't going to happen.
Look where you are, like you'rein Costa Rica, you're in Cancun
, you're speaking on stage,you're doing a podcast, you're
doing this.
You're doing that to remind myinner child, because we always
that those inner children stilllive within us and we're
(56:25):
constantly either affirming orabandoning that younger self all
the time.
And we have to decide.
Do we want to affirm thatyounger Saran, that little Lisa,
that little John, or do we wantto continue to abandon them?
And when you decide that youwant to affirm that younger
(56:48):
person, you got to figure outwhat's the affirmation they need
.
Where's the pain?
How do I say this is good, thisis okay, so I.
Speaker 1 (57:02):
I didn't ask you to drop the mic, but you just like
mic drop.
You just was like, yeah, I'mdone here, you go take it.
But uh, that you know we alwaysenter these, these sessions,
and it's so therapeutic notknowing what's going to be the
outcome.
I needed this confirmation morethan I knew.
(57:22):
I needed it Just like I said,even as you're talking in the
piece that you're carrying andto hear the journey.
It is affirmation, but it'salso therapeutic and it gives a
different level of hope and Iknow that's going to be
infectious to others who hear it.
(57:42):
You just come in and completelytaking this podcast by storm.
Speaker 2 (57:51):
Well, you know what?
And I haven't arrived yet.
And I want to be clear I havenot arrived.
I haven't arrived at mydestination.
My goal is my heart so light asa feather, that so so light
that it's as light as a feather,so that there's nothing that
can hold me back, um, enteringthe pearly gates.
I don't have any pain, I don'thave any grudges, I don't have
(58:14):
any pain, I don't have anygrudges, I don't have any ill
will or forgotten this orforgotten that, or you know
animosity or she should have.
You know the stuff that we hadand and I just you know I work
on it daily and some days aregood days.
(58:35):
You know, about three days ago,I wasn't having a good day and I
had to you know reparent myselfand I had to take my hand and
tap myself on the chest and sayyou're right, you got this,
you're loved, you're here.
This is temporary.
This is not what you think itis.
You are worthy because God putyou here and I had to do that
(58:58):
until I felt the light come backinside me.
Because when you grow upwithout your parents right,
because we didn't talk aboutthat a lot I did not grow up
with my parents and then Ibecame a parent and the one
thing I don't talk to my dadabout is the fact that I grew up
(59:21):
without him as much because itbreaks his heart because he
wasn't able to get to me.
Right, he didn't have access tome because my mother wouldn't
make me available to him.
He was living in New York, shewas living in Florida.
It wasn't on cell phones, itwas only pay phones.
We moved every three months anddidn't know where I was, and the
(59:44):
only connection he had to mewas he called my grandfather
every Sunday to see if my momhad called, to see if we were
okay.
And so I rarely have theseconversations with him because I
don't want to break his heartfor something he had no control
over.
And yet still going through myown pain and my own trauma and
(01:00:06):
my own levels of abandonment andmy own questions about where
were these people at?
They're supposed to be doingthis stuff, my own questions
about where were these people at?
I was supposed to be doing thisstuff, but do you think that
you should have?
You know, give your dad theopportunity, because you don't
know what he needs to heal from.
Well, we've talked about, we'vetalked about it enough.
(01:00:27):
Okay, so we haven't not talkedabout it.
And I think, like during thattime, I did call him him and I
think I was very upset one dayand I called him and he's like
we have an amazing relationship,like when I finally was at
touch base and I was with mygrandfather and I was in a good
place and he was going to comeget me to live with him and I
(01:00:47):
refused to go and I refused togo because I had been tumbled
around so much and had all thesethings happen and my mother had
told me 50, 11 people was mydaddy.
I want to show this is my daddy, but this dude just showing
back up Maybe he is the one, butI'm not going to go with him,
right?
And so he allowed me to staywith my grandfather.
(01:01:09):
Um, and I remember the daybecause the court system in New
York had to, my dad had to signover his legal rights.
And I remember the day becausethe court system in New York, my
dad, had to sign over his legalrights.
And I remember him saying areyou sure you want me to sign
these papers?
I said I'm not going with you,so sign the papers.
I'm staying with my grandfather.
And he signed the papers,reluctantly.
(01:01:29):
Obviously it wasn't that clear.
I was 12, so I said some 12year old response about it,
right, and he signed the papersand but he didn't leave.
He didn't like disappear.
He was still on my phone everyday, every Sunday, dragging me
to see my grandmother at the topof the world in the Bronx and
show up and just just being anamazing dad, if I ever, if I can
(01:01:54):
say I ever had a stalker, I sayit was my dad in a good way,
right, and so that part abouthim was so amazing that he just
always was there.
He always made himself available.
Even, you know, when you're afunky teenager and you don't
want to talk, he would get onthe phone.
He would just talk.
Yeah, it's like he had a littletime.
(01:02:17):
We talked for at least 15, 20minutes a week.
He just talked.
He'd be like you got anything?
Sad I'm like no, and you knowthe phone was on the wall so
it's not like I can go anywhereso I'm tied to the kitchen.
Oh, I got to talk, but he keptthat connection.
(01:02:40):
He kept building it.
He never stopped seeking me, henever stopped being present.
He never stopped making surethat I knew that he loved me and
that he cared and that he wasnot going anywhere and he was a
part of my life and I was a partof his and I needed to just
answer the phone a second nowwhen you said that he had to
sign over his rights.
So did you, did your grandfatheradopt you or were you
(01:03:01):
considered in a system?
We were, yeah, we wereconsidered.
We were in kinship, what theycall kinship foster care,
because my mother was not ableto take care of us and at the
time she didn't Same thing aboutour dads, but of course my dad
was around, so he was alwaysthere and they would would have
(01:03:21):
to, you know, go with my dad.
And I refused, like as an adult, I'm like, what if I would have
(01:03:42):
went Like?
What if I would have went Like?
Would that be?
Speaker 1 (01:03:46):
cooler, I don't know, but the fact that you, even
though you said I'm not goingwith you, you still allowed him
a level of access.
Speaker 2 (01:03:53):
Well, I had a choice, because him and my grandfathers
would be at FAPS.
Oh okay, all the time that hespent just talking to my
grandfather trying to find me,my grandfather would be like,
hold on, here's the phone.
He would give him the phone andhe would stand there and make
sure I stayed on the phone.
Good, that's awesome.
And so it wasn't.
(01:04:14):
You know this or that it was.
Yeah, well, I'm going to keepthe kids, but I'm going to make
sure you are her dad and youwant to be in her life.
I'm going to make sure thatthat's there.
So, but we've had enoughconversations and my dad is
amazing.
He's about to be 70, soon andyeah, and he, in two years he'll
(01:04:38):
be 70, but he just, he alwayslets me know when he can't
handle it anymore.
He'll say, daughter, I can'thandle it because he was going
through his own thing trying tofigure out where's his daughter.
I created, right and you know.
And then, and then, if I tellhim the things that I too many
(01:05:00):
of the things that I experienced, I had to overcome, or things
happen, it just I don't want toput him in a place of sadness
and so we have that respect forone another.
He doesn't ask me things hedoesn't really want the answers
to and I don't offer things thathe may not be able to handle.
Well, tell me this how did hefeel that you, you know, you
(01:05:22):
went and took, you know got yoursiblings?
What was his thought process orhow did he feel about that when
?
he tried to talk me out of it,not because he didn't care about
the kids, but he was because hewas worried about me, gotcha.
So he'd be like, are you sure?
Uh, maybe maybe me and my wifecan go and get you know your
(01:05:42):
sister.
I'm like, no, it's not your job, it's mine.
And he say, but what do youmean?
I said, no, it's my, it's myjob to do this, it's not your
job to do this.
And so he let me, and he, hehelped me so much during the
during that time, um, sofinancially, mentally, uh,
(01:06:05):
guiding me do different things.
And so that was always.
That has always been a blessingto me, to just have a strong
dad who listened, and thesalesperson in him.
He would never give me theanswer, sister.
He'd say what do you think youshould do?
And I come up with all theseoptions.
(01:06:25):
And he said, well, that's a lotof options, what do you think
is the most viable?
And then I would say it and hesaid, okay, I actually agree
with that.
And well, he said I disagree,or whatever.
And then we work out the planand he let would say it, and he
said, okay, I actually agreewith that.
And or he said I disagree orwhatever, and then we work out
the plan and he let go executeit.
He allowed me to maintain myindependence, wow, yeah, so this
(01:06:50):
, this has been this has beenawesome.
How can people, um, you know,connect with you?
So you can connect with me onall the platforms, right?
I'm on instagram, the realsaran baker.
I'm on facebook, saran baker,or covered by saran.
My website is covered by saranand I have a tiktok.
(01:07:12):
I don't quite know what I'mdoing with it, but you could
just look for Saran Baker,because I just be throwing stuff
up there.
Tomorrow might be a recipe, whoknows?
But my focus in life has become.
My purpose has become toempower women with their
finances so that they can createthe life that they want to live
.
And part of the reason I dothat is because there were times
(01:07:33):
when I didn't have and timeswhen I did.
And when I did have, I didn'teven know how to create a great
life with it.
I didn't know how to create joy.
I didn't know how to create aspace where I could enjoy and be
present in what I hadaccomplished.
And then, when I did, and then,and then, you again, it's like
(01:07:53):
how did I end up here?
It's like, cause you didn'thave the gratitude and the
thankfulness and the joyassociated when you had it.
So God said you don't need it,cause you're not even rejoicing
in what you have accomplishedwith the gifts I gave you.
And so I learned to be joyousin all the places and have
(01:08:18):
gratitude for the good, the bad,the ugly, and really just try
not to define things so quicklyand let things unfold over time,
even when it may seem like it'sbad.
Let me just let this unfold.
I don't know if this is good orbad yet.
So you know, for me allowingmyself to assist other women who
(01:08:43):
are in the journey ofaccomplishing and earning and
not quite knowing what to dowith it, and then, if they have,
you know, some of the spiritualblocks and things like that, I
put the resources around them todo it.
Now I don't try to counsel thembecause that's not my gift.
Right, I can counsel me, but Igot other people who you know
(01:09:04):
will step in and help, butreally just helping us move
forward, because we never reallyhave a money problem.
We always have a mindsetproblem.
We always have a spiritualproblem.
We never really have a moneyproblem.
We always have a mindsetproblem.
We always have a spiritualproblem.
We never really have a moneyproblem Because if we get our
mindset and our spiritual selfaligned, the money will appear,
(01:09:26):
because that's what God.
God is a provider, god is acreator.
Stop creating, because but youcreate your reality with your
words and your actions.
Until you get grateful, it'swhen you see the harvest.
Another mic drop.
Speaker 1 (01:09:47):
I got my nugget from it.
Trust me, I got my assignmentto meditate on the night.
Speaker 2 (01:09:55):
I love you all.
I was so excited when I sawthat you launched the podcast.
I watched the first one becauseI didn't know Lisa's story
either, you know, because I kindof came to the family late
because this is my dad's side ofthe family, right.
So I didn't even really meetthis side of the family until I
was, like, freshman in college.
Yeah, everybody else wasalready in college too, so it's
(01:10:18):
kind of like who's this kid?
She's like all right, come on,let's go.
I mean, but, but we justtreated you like you've always
been there.
It's like come on, let's go.
Yes, you know so, and so it'samazing to be there.
And even my mom's side of thefamily, like you, don't
understand how you have thiswhole family.
(01:10:39):
I'm like yo, they're freakingdope.
You need to get you one.
They, they are.
Speaker 1 (01:10:45):
they're pretty dope, yeah yeah, I must say thank you
so much for just enriching thisspace, yes, as much as I believe
others will be blessed by it.
I know you've blessed metonight, thank you.
I didn't even realize I neededto pick from the tree that I've
just taken, like I said, tomeditate on tonight.
So, thank you, thank you, thankyou, thank you.
Speaker 2 (01:11:09):
Well, I'm John and I'm Lisa.
Speaker 1 (01:11:13):
And we're adopted, and we're adopted, and we're
adopted, and today we have justbeen blessed by a nontraditional
example of a nontraditionalrelationship that the journey is
unprecedented, but theblessings are so fruitful, so I
hope that you walk away.
Thank you for investing time towatch, to listen, to learn.
(01:11:37):
There definitely was aspiritual transition that took
place tonight.
So if you watched it, you weresupposed to watch it, and I pray
that you take the lessons fromit and utilize them However you
are supposed to, and if youdon't, that's on you.
So, thank you, hit the like toshare and let somebody know Any
(01:11:57):
closing words.
Speaker 2 (01:11:58):
No, this has been awesome and I just appreciate
you, saran, for agreeing to comeon, because this has really
been a powerful, powerful momentin time.
Thank you for having me, weappreciate you and until in time
.
Thank you for having me, weappreciate you and until next
time.
We will see you guys later.
(01:12:22):
Thank you, bye.
Speaker 1 (01:12:29):
Thank you for listening to the so I'm Adopted
podcast.
We hope that this wasinformative and educational.
You can follow us on Instagramand Facebook at so I'm Adopted.
Also, subscribe to our YouTubechannel so I'm Adopted.
And again, thank you forlistening and until next time,
make the choice to begin yourhealing journey.
Welcome to the so I'm Adopted podcast, where we talk
everything adoption.
This journey is not one we takealone.
Together we grapple with rawemotions that surface from
adoption stories.
We want you to be comfortableenough to heal, so sit back and
go with us on this journey as wedive deep into adoption.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Go on, Okay go ahead.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
Welcome to another episode of so I'm Adopted, I'm
John and I'm Lisa, and we areboth Adopted.
And again we want to thank you.
Hit that like that share button, let somebody know.
Hopefully this is not yourfirst time and if it is, we
welcome you.
We're excited that you tooksome time to join us and this
platform came about.
We wanted to just create aspace to talk about
(01:08):
non-traditional relationshipsand, lisa, again I always give
you credit for being consistent.
We need to create somewhere totell our story and do this.
And a year later.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
A year later.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
We are here.
We are here.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
We're still moving forward.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
Still moving forward.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
There's a lot of people out there who want to
share their stories?
Speaker 1 (01:27):
Absolutely, and it has just taken legs and grown
more than I think either one ofus understood.
But we're not going to belaborthe point, we're going to just
jump right in, like we always do.
So you want to introduce ourguest for the day?
Speaker 2 (01:42):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (01:44):
So we have today.
Her name is Saran T Baker, atransformative coach and a
speaker based in Maryland,focuses on empowering women,
wealth creator and aprofessional through financial
education.
Drawing from her background inmarketing and organization,
development and human resourcemanagement, Sarans navigates
(02:08):
audience through financialplanning intricacies, covering
budgets, retirement strategies,insurance options and debt
management.
Her commitment to communityservice is evident in her
advocacy for financialempowerment among youth and
women, showcasing her dedicationto universal financial
(02:29):
well-being.
With dynamic speaking skills,saran makes financial
accessibility engaging,motivating audiences forward
towards actionable steps forfinancial freedom.
Her influence extends tocommunity work and dedication to
her financial empowerment,offering not only advice but a
pathway to prosperity.
(02:51):
So if you want to connect withher or book her for an
engagement, just visit her atcoveredbysarancom, but I know
her as my cousin, so let's bringher on in, let's get it, let's
have a conversation.
She has a powerful story.
Speaker 1 (03:10):
She has a story too.
That's why she's here she mighthave just given us a different
angle on your story.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
I didn't know I get that.
She has her own.
She stands on her own, on herown.
Hey, lisa and John, how are youGood?
We are good.
We are good.
We are so excited that you hadyou know you were willing to
come on the show and share yourstory, because your story is
(03:41):
unique in twofold.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
So let's go.
Let's not waste time.
I'm excited.
That's the joke being uniqueand twofold.
Let's go.
Let's not waste time.
I'm excited.
Let's jump in.
Let's get this double dustrolling.
Speaker 2 (03:51):
Let's get it.
I was telling my other friends.
I was like I'm excited and I'mnervous because I talk on
podcasts all the time but Inever talk about this.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
I can relate with the nervous.
When we started the firstepisode it was like wait a
minute, we really talking aboutthis and since it was Lisa's
idea, I made sure she went firstso that she can jump in the
water and test how hot it was.
But this is a welcoming space,a safe space, so please let's go
.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
So please, in your own words, however you want to
share, tell us how did youacquire adopting your siblings?
Well, it's kind of a long story, but I will say this I am the
(04:43):
oldest of eight by birth from mymom, and I'm my dad's only
child, which is the side of thefamily I'm on with you, and I
always knew as a kid that I wasgoing to be taking care of my
siblings.
And so, unfortunately, when Iwas 24, about six months right
(05:05):
after graduating college, my momwas killed in a tragic car
accident and to later have toadopt a few of my siblings
(05:26):
because, when she passed, onlyof the eight, only three of us
were adults over the age of 18.
And it is twofold because Ididn't take all of the kids.
My aunt took some of the kidsand I had some of the kids, and
so, at 24, I became a parent ofa five-year-old, a 10-year-old.
(05:48):
I didn't know what I was doingFresh out of college.
Fresh out of college had myfresh little $32,000 a year job.
I was doing it right, until Iadded daycare to that $32,000.
Yeah, and then I wasn't doingit Right.
(06:14):
So that's the short version ofit, if you will.
And the kids themselves had,unfortunately, had already been
in foster care for a variety ofdifferent reasons, so that's why
I had to actually adopt theminstead of just becoming their
guardian.
(06:35):
So 30 second time out, let's goahead and jump straight in,
because you said you always knewthat you would be Talk to me
about that statement always knewthat you would be Talk to me
about that statement, so Ialways knew that I would care
for my siblings, just because mymom had a challenging life.
And as an adult now I seethings so differently, right, I
(07:01):
was looking at a picture a fewweeks ago of me and her when I
was one, and the Holy Spiritsaid your mother was 17 and you
were one, and she's out herewith a kid.
And because her mom died whenshe was like a year before I was
born, she was without a mom,and so my mom really struggled
(07:26):
with a lot of things and, byvirtue of being the oldest child
, I got the joy of going throughall of that with her as a child
, right, and I say joy verytongue in cheek, right.
And so I went through a lot ofthe difficulties, the trials and
the errors and the things thatshe was trying out in life and
(07:48):
unfortunately, as you know, aolder baby boomer and parent to
a Gen Xer coming through the 60sand 70s and growing up in New
York and the South Bronx, andall that where she grew up I
grew up in Queens.
She, you know, was exposed to alot of different things that
(08:08):
weren't the norm.
And so she was making it big onthe illegal side of the world
in her mind, got it Right and Iwas going along with her somehow
Right.
And as a kid growing up, Ialways knew I didn't want to
live with my mom and I wasalways trying to get away.
(08:31):
I was, I was that kid to her.
Like you said, your mom, I'mfine, sure why I'm here.
I need to go.
I'm going to my granddaddyhouse, I'm going to my guy.
I'm going where I felt like Iknew was home right.
And as I got older and shecontinued to build her family, I
was like I gotta go get mysiblings because if it's
(08:54):
anything like it was when I wasthere, I gotta go get them.
And I remember this oneChristmas I was 16 and I was at
my godmother's house and it wasmy godmother and my aunt, who
technically her daughter, butshe was old, so we just called
her my aunt or whatever and shewas there and I said, yeah, you
know what, when I graduate, I'mgoing to go get my siblings, I'm
(09:15):
going to go, I'm going to dothis, I'm going to do that.
And I remember gettingchastised so harshly Like you
especially, like you can't takecare of anybody else.
Who do you think you are?
You're not going to do anything, um, and I remember leaving and
crying and thinking you don'tknow me like you think you do.
I'm going to get my siblings.
I'm just not going to talkabout it, no more.
(09:36):
And but I didn't know that itwas going to take a tragic car
accident for me to have to, forthat to be the catalyst to step
in and go and seek guardianship.
And when I tell you they tookme through the process right.
(09:57):
At the time, I had to learn theinterstate compact process,
which, if you don't know, that'sthe foster care system's way to
transfer children betweenstates, and it's complicated.
Pause, where were they?
They were in Florida, oh, okay.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
They were in.
Speaker 2 (10:19):
Florida because I had just graduated college.
I had moved to Maryland fromgoing to college in Virginia, so
I was in Maryland.
So I had just graduated college.
I had moved to Maryland fromgoing to college in Virginia, so
I was in Maryland.
So I had to navigate the stateof Maryland's foster care
adoption system and the state ofFlorida's foster care adoption
system simultaneously to get thechildren transferred to me.
(10:40):
And that took from the time mymother passed in December of
1998 until August of 1999.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (10:49):
It took about nine months.
So basically a pregnancy, oh mygosh, yeah, yeah.
So it was a tough time, but Iwouldn't trade it.
Wow, wow, wow, wow.
(11:11):
So when you knew, once your momhad passed, I mean, did you
emotionally go through a processof?
Or you just because you hadalready known when you were
younger that you were going totake care of your siblings, or
was it a time that you had toprocess it and say, oh my gosh,
I have to take care of them?
It was instant, it was instant.
It was instant Because you knowyou make declarations and you
(11:35):
forget about them, becauseyou're like, especially, you say
I'm not going to talk toanybody about it.
You know what, I won't do this,I ain't going to talk about
this, no more, I'm going tofollow the plan that they said.
They said you know what, youneed to go to college and say,
well, you know what, I'm gonnago to college, I'm gonna figure
out what that is, and went toschool, had a great time and did
all that, and so now it's kindof like a little bit out of my,
(11:59):
out of my sphere or my mindset.
Um, and the week before, but theweek before my mother had
passed, I told her.
I said, hey, I'm about to getanother, I'm about to get my own
place Because, you know, I hada new job so I was staying with
the family.
I was actually staying withcousin Michelle for a couple of
months Until I got my apartment.
And so I was about to get myapartment I said, hey, why don't
(12:21):
you let my youngest sister atthe time I said she was like
maybe four, four-ish I said, hey, why don't you let her come
stay with me for a couple ofmonths?
And that was my way of tellingmy mom, like you're not doing a
good job raising these kids andI'm coming to get her right.
And I was like, just let hervisit.
You know, she's not in schoolyet, let's you know, just figure
(12:46):
that out.
And that was exactly seven daysbefore she passed away in the
car accident and she did say yes.
At the time she she took a deepbreath because at first she
said, well, she can come andvisit.
And I said, well, I'm thinkinga little bit longer, what do you
think about that?
And she said, she sighed andshe said maybe that is a good
idea, she should come with you.
And I said, okay, and that wasliterally our last conversation.
(13:11):
Really, yeah, wow, wow.
So what was it about you notallowing them?
When you were younger?
You didn't really want them inthe foster care.
Can you speak to that part?
I mean, is there a reason why?
(13:33):
Because I know you mentionedsomething about your going to
live with your grandfather.
So it was not necessarilyfoster care.
It was because I had lived withmy mother for a time.
Okay, and it was, it is noother word to use it.
It was hell at times andsometimes it was amazing, and
(13:59):
then it was hell again and thenit was you know it just, and I
actually described, because Italked about it a little bit in
an anthology I contributed to.
I called it the hell home and Iwas always trying to get away
from that hell home and Ithought to myself, well if I was
(14:20):
trying to get away.
Maybe they're trying to getaway and they're looking for
somewhere that they can feelsafe, love, protected and cared
for.
I'm their older sister.
I'm willing to do that Right.
I also had a delusional view ofchildren.
I thought they raisedthemselves.
(14:40):
Now walk with me here.
I am a Gen X person and youknow we've been fending for
ourselves for a long time, andso in my mind, I just need to
make sure they have somewhere tostay and put some food in the
refrigerator.
They'll figure the rest out,they'll get themselves to school
(15:00):
, they'll do their homework.
They don't need.
All I got to do is provide asafe space.
This was my delusion becoming aparent, because that was all I
had been provided.
I wasn't parented, and as awoman turning 50, I find myself
spending a lot of time justreparenting myself.
(15:22):
I got to figure out how toreparent the part of me that
never was parented, and so whenI got the kids and it turned out
they needed way more stuff, Iwas like throwing for a loop.
I was like, oh snap, you mean Igotta pick you up from daycare.
You don't just walk home byyourself.
(15:43):
I got to pay for this too.
Like I have to cook too, likeyou don't feed yourself.
Speaker 1 (15:50):
Right.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
I really like the first couple of weeks was really
like in a spin because I haddone all those things for myself
since the time I was able tostand at a stove.
And here are these kids whohave no clue, because they're in
a whole different generationthan I'm in right, because I'm
19 years older than the youngest.
(16:12):
I'm like, oh, I have to figureout how to parent.
And that was more of achallenge because I had never
been parented.
I didn't know what to do, andso I found myself, like most
people, in a quandary in churchtrying to figure it out, and I
(16:32):
said, well, let me just see whatthese people in church are
doing, let me ask some questions.
You know, I didn't want to looklike the dumb person who's a
dumb person with kids, right?
So I just kind of looked andsaw what other people were doing
and tried to you know,duplicate it ask some questions.
And then I sat down I said,well, who are the people that I,
(16:54):
you know, who are my friends,parents that I grew up with?
Like, what did they do?
What would they do?
And just kind of recall, I sawother people received as
parenting and I was winging.
It when I tell you I waswinging it.
I was winging it, I was makingit up.
It was on two prayers and twopennies thrown to the wind wow.
Speaker 1 (17:18):
So I have a question with everything that you had
prior to already being preparedmentally to some degree, that
this was going to be theassignment, did you find that,
once that nine month incubationperiod took place, of you
getting them and then they werewith you, was it a level of
trauma for them transitioning?
(17:40):
Well and I shouldn't even askbecause there is trauma with the
passing of the mom but justwhat else did you observe in
that transition that you learned?
Like what did you inherit?
That's a better question.
Speaker 2 (17:54):
I inherited a hot mess, inherited children who had
already been abused,traumatized, abandoned to some
level physically, mentally,spiritually abused Children who
(18:18):
didn't really have a sense ofthe sanity or the sanctity of a
peaceful home or peaceful space.
Uh, at the same time, I'mgrieving the loss of my mom in
my own way, because we did nothave a um relationship that was
(18:42):
positive, okay, and so my grieflevel was more anger, and it was
more.
You know how could you just go,and you know why did you create
this mess?
For someone else to clean up?
And how are we going to getthese kids back to balance or
(19:02):
baseline or to a place wherethey can become productive
citizens?
And I was angry for a very longtime, to the point of it
impacting me and hurting me.
We don't talk about as much aswe should the anger that we hold
(19:25):
for someone else, how ittorments us.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
Right.
Speaker 2 (19:29):
And how it takes away from who we are and the
heaviness that it creates inyour heart, in your mind, that
doesn't allow you to moveforward and to be and do and
have all the things that God hasallowed you to see and allowed
you to be able to have access toand allowed you to be able to
(19:49):
have the opportunity and doorsopen and do different things.
And in that sense I did my bestto, as they say, not bleed all
over them, if you will, with mystories of my mom and my, you
know, traumatic experiences andthings like that.
(20:10):
And in recent years some of mysiblings have said to me we wish
you would have told us some ofthose stories and I said they
were too painful for me torecall.
And I said they were toopainful for me to recall and I
didn't want to pass on thosestories in such a painful way to
(20:30):
cause you to see herdifferently, because your
experience with her was muchdifferent than mine.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
So that was going to be my next question.
Did they have animosity towardsyou or what was their thought?
Since you had been separate,been separated out, how did they
view you?
Did they view you as thank youfor what you've done?
Did they view you as who do youthink you are like?
What was their approach?
Speaker 2 (20:57):
um, it was a lot of.
Who do you think you are?
It really was, and a lot of ithas come as we've gotten older,
as they're adults now, themexpressing the um, the, what's
the word I want to use?
The twofoldness of you, not mymama, but you did everything for
(21:22):
me that a mother would do, andI didn't ask you to come be my
mama, but you did everything forme that a mother would do.
And I didn't ask you to come bemy mama, but you did do all the
things that a mama would do,but you didn't do a good enough
job, because if my mom was here,she would, and I'm thinking,
nah, she wasn't going to do noneof that, but I didn't want to
(21:44):
take away their pipe dreams,right, it's their hope that mom
would, mom could and my mom like, yeah, nah, that's not what was
about to happen.
Speaker 1 (21:54):
I've seen this Lifetime movie.
I know what it looks like.
Speaker 2 (21:56):
Yeah, I'm like, yeah, nah, and it it's an emotional
thing and it's tough foreveryone involved because, as
children and you can relate tothis you know from the
perspective of what we'retalking about.
So I'm adopted.
We didn't ask anybody to dowhat they did for us, whether
(22:22):
they adopted us or came in,stepped in or whatever it is
they did for us.
Whether they adopted us or theycame and stepped in or whatever
it is they did, we didn't askyou to do that.
And so there is a sense of whoare you to think that you were
the one that was supposed to dothis for me?
Where's the persons?
Where's the mom and the dadthat did birth me?
They're the ones who were doingit.
(22:43):
And and so you know, in everystory there's a villain, there's
a hero and there's a guy andit's easy to become the villain
in that story because nobody'sgoing to make themselves the
villain, they're the hero, orthey make the parent, the absent
parent, the hero in some typeof way.
(23:03):
You know, it's really kind oflooking at the story and
understanding that some of thethings that we make up in our
minds as children, as youngadults, that it's not real.
It's not the real thing.
(23:25):
It was our big emotions tellingthe story about what was
happening.
But it might not have reallybeen what was happening, and so
I don't hold any uh regrets.
If I were the, if this were 25,well, I'll be 50 years, so it's
(23:46):
only 25, 26 years this year.
If it were 25 years, turn back.
26 years, turn back.
I do the same thing again and Ido it every time.
Given the option, I do itdifferently, but I would do it
again.
I'd do it differently, but Iwould do it again.
And because that's just true towho I am, and I would allow for
(24:19):
more opportunity for them tomaybe see more of who I was,
because I held back so much ofwho I was as a person and who I
was as a daughter to our mother,because I couldn't handle the
pain, so I didn't think anyoneelse could and so I refused to
allow someone else to try tocarry the burden I couldn't
(24:40):
figure out for myself.
And in that timeframe of reallytrying to figure it out, the
last five years have been verytransformative for me, because
when COVID started and I had tofind a way to heal myself and to
(25:08):
heal my relationship with mymother in the spirit realm
because it was holding me back,it was eating me alive and had I
not taken the time to go on thejourney, I don't know where I
would be today, because it wasthat imploding and that acidic
(25:30):
inside of my mind and my bodythat it was really just taking
hold of me to a point where Icouldn't function.
Wow, wow.
I would have never been able toarticulate anything like this
(26:00):
years ago or hurtful way,because I see my mother
differently now, as I took thetime to reparent myself and I
took the time to see her as ahuman being, having a human
experience and going through herown journey, and I just so
happened to be along for theride because I decided I wanted
(26:23):
to pop out September 21st 1975.
You know what I'm saying and asI hold space for her here still
being alive and she not beinghere, and I hold um that I now
speak about anything that comesup that I feel like I need to
(26:44):
share about her in the mostloving way that I can, because I
have so much forgiveness forher and I have so much
compassion and understanding fora woman who was battling her
own challenges I don't like touse the word demons her own
challenges, her own internalloss.
(27:05):
She lost her mom.
You know she was growing up withmy grandfather, with you know
who was a man's man?
You know he was a man's man andI love him dearly, but he was
just a man's man.
Everything was just cut and dry.
Just is what it is.
You got food, you got clothes,you got a house, what else you
need.
And as I hold that space and Ihold that space for my siblings
(27:29):
too and I watch as theymatriculate the world I'm
cautious not to hold a space ofjudgment for any of them, for
wherever they are in their lives, we're all navigating something
or some pain or some loss.
(27:49):
And we may be at a place wherewe're handling it well and maybe
at a place where we feel likewe're drowning in quicksand.
And a person drowning inquicksand is scratching and
clawing and grabbing ateverything that they can and
pulling it down with them tosave themselves can, and pulling
(28:14):
it down with them to savethemselves.
And for that, how do you holdanger and resentment for someone
who's just trying to savethemselves?
And it's not necessarily meantto hurt you or bring you down,
it really is.
I need help and I don't knowhow to help myself.
So let me just lash out ateverything close to me and in
(28:46):
that, in that time frame, youknow how to even be, to be the
best at it.
Well, I feel like, and thatpeople say, oh, you did a great
job, you did this, you did that,and I feel like I did the best
job I could do with theresources I had available and
the knowledge I knew how to useRight.
(29:07):
Had I had more resources, moreknowledge and more access, I
could have done better, right.
And it doesn't mean I did bad,it's just that I know what I was
missing, right, right, andother people don't know.
Well, now y'all know, becauseyou go out.
I was going to ask you whatsupport did you have Because
(29:29):
you're support did you havebecause you're, you're 24,
you're just starting your adultlife and now you have children.
So what was your support like?
Because, again, you said theirexperience with their mother was
different than your experience.
Now, I'm not sure if they canrecall their experience being a
(29:50):
positive one, or they werereally young and they didn't
really see what was going on intheir life.
But, based on what you weresaying, they went through a lot
of trauma.
But maybe they didn't thinkthey were going through trauma,
right, right, what if it wasmore of?
They didn't think they weregoing through challenges.
(30:11):
They thought that they were inthe best situation, they were
where they need to be.
It really is the thing of.
You know, if you take the threeme, my mom, them it really was,
it's really more of.
I'm the villain in the storyand she's the hero, because they
(30:32):
glamorize what they do rememberabout it and they're guiding
themselves through this story,thinking, yeah, because my mom
was this, my mom was that, shedid this, she did that, and I'm
thinking I ain't gonna have himbro.
Yeah, no, I was dead.
That's not.
People only remember the good.
You know, they right you kindof, if you go through some type
(30:56):
of dramatic situation, you canblock it out, right, and so they
remember all the good and Iremembered all the bad right?
Speaker 1 (31:04):
so you said that the youngest was 19 years.
It's a 19 year difference,right?
Yes, yes, what's the agedifference in the oldest?
Speaker 2 (31:12):
I'm the oldest.
Speaker 1 (31:14):
So the next one is 19 years.
Speaker 2 (31:15):
So the next one, my younger brother, is two and a
half years younger than me.
Okay, so he was already grown.
And then my other sister is.
She's five years behind me, andthen six and seven and eight,
then 19.
So it was like a huge gap.
Speaker 1 (31:31):
Got it.
So what was the narrative ofyour story that had been
presented to them?
Was there a narrative oranything?
Speaker 2 (31:39):
I don't really know, but I know that the family that
was around would always just sayyou know that's.
You know your sister, she'lltake care of you.
Just you know, do what you knowyour sister, she'll take care
of you.
Just you know, do what she says.
But it really became mom, right, because the youngest she had
just turned five when I got herand I remember her first day
home from kindergarten and shecame home crying and she's like
(32:02):
everybody at school has a mombut me.
And I was like you do.
She's like, but my mom's dead.
I'm the only one without a momand I and like she was like
having this thing.
And I was like and she was like, well, why can't I just call
you mom?
And I said are you sure that'swhat you want to do now?
(32:25):
This is a five-year-old, so I'mthe five-year-old, right, like
you know.
So I said to her I said listen,because I don't want confusion.
I know what you need.
I am going to take care of youas best I can.
I am going to be a motherfigure in your life.
If you feel comfortable thatyou want to call me mom, then
(32:47):
you can call me mom, but what Ido want to do is I want you to
choose one and not go back andforth, so that you can have, so
that you can feel someconfidence in what you, you know
the life that you're living now.
My, my brother, who was like 10or 12 he was.
He was like nah, he was justlike it's gone and whatever, all
(33:07):
right, whatever I get it.
He was like nah, he was justlike sure, it's gone, all right,
whatever I get it.
And because she was so muchyounger, she wanted to call me
mom and that felt like thebiggest mistake I had ever made
in my life, really, because itturned into an episode of Family
Guy where she was just like mom, mom, mother, mother, mom, mama
, mama, mom.
And I can remember hiding in mywalk-in closet in this
(33:30):
apartment that I lived in, likehiding from her, because I just
couldn't take it, like I waslike just stop saying it.
Now, remember, I grew upwithout a mom, so now I just
agreed to a child to call me momand I'm like what kind of
Satanism is this that you justcreated?
What kind of Satanism is?
Speaker 1 (33:47):
this that you just created.
When you were telling theinitial story, it sounded like
she was all ready.
You weren't ready for thatcommitment of the title, mom.
Speaker 2 (33:56):
You were like wait a minute, are you sure?
I was like this has to be themost torturing thing you could
have done to yourself.
But I mean, after a while youknow it worked itself out.
But in the beginning I canremember hiding.
I can see myself right nowsitting in that closet Like I
(34:17):
hope she doesn't find me.
I hope she falls asleep lookingfor me because I can't do it, I
can't mom today, but I mean wehave fun moments, right.
It just is what it is.
It happens in all families.
And so we had an interestingfamily, I think and you asked
the question about support.
So, because I was in a new areahere in Maryland, because I
(34:43):
grew up in New York with thecollege community and I moved to
Maryland, so I had support.
I had support on my dad's side,I had our cousin Michelle and
our friend and they helped.
And then I joined a church and Iwent to get support and the
funny thing is, the first time Iwent to meet with the young
adult pastor because I didn'treally talk about it he's like
(35:07):
so where's the kid's dad?
Like you know how old were youwhen you had?
You know you had this, I'm thiskid and I got a 10, 11-year-old
and a 6-year-old and so theassumption is obviously she just
had kids early and I looked athim.
(35:28):
I said you know these illegallyadopted children and he said
what I said I don't know whotheir daddy is, their sister,
and he was like, oh, but the wayhe said it was judgmental, the
way he came across was kind oflike oh, here we go, another
single mom don't know what she'sdoing, blah, blah, blah, blah,
(35:51):
blah.
I was like bro, no, actually Icame in here because I can't
sleep at night and I need help,I need some spiritual help.
And after we kind of got overthat hurdle, he, you know,
offered me some help.
I was like, can we get out of?
Like in my mind, like can weget out of the judgment box?
And you help me, right.
And so after we were able to do, you know, get over that hurdle
(36:15):
, it became easy and you know,and church became a safe place
because I could drop the kidsoff on Friday for two hours.
Go hide out in the McDonald'sparking lot by myself, nobody's
calling me mom.
Yes, ma'am, go hide out in theMcDonald's parking lot by myself
, nobody's calling me mom.
Eat some fries in private, youknow, sometimes you're going to
eat your own fries.
(36:35):
That part, but it was aninteresting journey to you know.
Behold, it was a blessing.
It was tough, it was reallytough, and yet, at the same time
, it is something that is acornerstone of who I am and who
I become, and allowed me to beso much more in the world, right
(36:59):
so and I don't know.
Speaker 1 (37:01):
Maybe I should have asked prior to did you have any
additional children?
Speaker 2 (37:05):
and I say this because you didn't legally adopt
, so you're are mom no, I didnot have any children of my own
um, I haven't gotten married yet, but I will I was going to ask,
because of the dynamics ofadopting the children did that
(37:25):
have an impact on youestablishing your or a an
additional family partsrelationships?
Yeah, partially.
I actually had to end therelationship right in the middle
of it because he told me thathe would not support me adopting
the kids oh, wow and I told himthat I would not choose him
(37:47):
over them Got it.
So it was a difficult time allaround, right, do you think over
the years, that has been achallenge with relationships as
well.
Oh yeah, nobody want no extrakids and they got extra extra
(38:10):
reasons to have kids.
It's just complicated's justcomplicated.
Right now I'm just like youwant to see me my dog.
She's a very nice dog.
It's way simpler than oh.
I got some legally adopted kidsthat happen to be my siblings,
because my mom was in a tragiccar accident and uh yeah, yeah,
a tragic car accident and yeah.
Yeah, yeah, I can understandthat.
(38:33):
Yeah, that could be challenging.
Yes, so, as of today, how areyour siblings?
Everybody's on their own.
Everybody's grown.
The youngest is now 31.
And so each have establishedthemselves lives, their own
(38:57):
family, their own homes.
Sorry, my phone rang their ownhomes.
Speaker 1 (39:04):
And so it's amazing.
Speaker 2 (39:06):
Does she stay home with mom?
Yeah, okay, but now that she'san adult it's a little less,
which is fine.
Speaker 1 (39:16):
Okay, do you see the impact of their growing up
situations generalized intotheir families?
What we've learned is thatsometimes, when the adoption or
the trauma, people go extremeone way or extreme the other way
, have you seen any types ofrepercussions or results or
(39:39):
benefits or anything?
Speaker 2 (39:41):
I think it depends Right.
And one of my, my middle sister, she just moved to Maryland a
few years ago.
She has an amazingfour-year-old son and she is an
amazing mom and so I've had thepleasure of watching her with
her son and I see like, oh, wedidn't miss the mark.
(40:02):
Like you picked up some stuff,like you got this, and she's
actually a licensed socialworker now, okay, and that was
her thing.
She went and got a actually alicensed social worker now okay,
and that that was her thing.
She went and got a master's insocial work and that's what she
does and I see it and I love it.
And then I have other siblingswho, uh, they still live in
florida and they have theirwhole families and they're doing
an amazing job.
You know, I have one niece.
(40:23):
She's at college in florida now.
And you know another one.
You know several that are.
I probably have like 15 nieces.
Like everybody had kids exceptme and I'm cool with it.
I just like.
I'm like just call me auntieand let me do rich auntie stuff.
Speaker 1 (40:41):
There you go, living your best life.
Speaker 2 (40:44):
Yeah, so, um, I had the pleasure of being a part of
my nephew's life my brother, my,my second youngest sibling, my
brother, his son and he's anamazing kid.
He's turning 21 this year andit just brings me a lot of joy
to see them.
I have a sister in New York whois amazing and creative.
(41:05):
He does all kinds of things,and she has a son who's eight
years old and he calls me onFaceTime because he's a man's
man.
I'm here to talk to you aboutsomething.
Okay, what are we talking about?
Speaker 1 (41:18):
So let me ask you this question, and I applaud the
transparency and the growththat you had when you said, you
know, with the space for yourmom and that.
So for those who are wrestlingwith repairing that relationship
with a sibling who I mean witha parent who is no longer here
what type of words ofencouragement or just advice you
(41:41):
can give of starting thatjourney, because there are a lot
of people that don't have thestrength to be able to go into
that space.
So talk to me a little bitabout if you, if you remember
how you were able to initiatethat journey.
Speaker 2 (41:57):
I know exactly how I did it and I don't often share
it, and this will be the firsttime I've ever shared it on
video and what I did was I tookthe time and it was COVID, so I
was home and so what I did was Iset up an altar and I put out
(42:19):
some water, a plant, um lit aincense, and every day I made
pancakes, bacon and eggs andcoffee, and I sat it on the
altar and I said a prayer andyou know I said something like
you know.
Thank you to all the ancestorsand family who come before me,
(42:39):
thank you for protecting me,thank you, god, for being in my
life and for surrounding andprotecting me and show me what
it is that I need and bring thelight or the healing that I need
.
And you know something simple.
So, whatever you know, you cansay whatever you feel led to say
.
And every day I did this I getup, set up my computer for work
(43:01):
and it was sitting right next tomy computer and I make these
pancakes and just put them upthere, and I change them every
day, and when I went to bed Iwould just and I put her picture
on it because I was focused onher and as it sat there, I
probably did that for maybe amonth and after about a month I
(43:25):
had the most amazing spiritualexperience I had ever had in my
life and I was in a dream andshe came to me in the dream.
Now, mind you, I'll, I'llrewind.
My mother had been trying tocome to me spiritually for years
, in different ways.
Um, when Aunt Pearl was passing, we had a elder Aunt Pearl.
(43:48):
You know, they say when theelders are passing, naturally
they can see into the spiritrealm and speak, you know, speak
on both sides.
And she would say your mom wasjust here.
I'm like my mama wasn't herebecause she did, and she was
like, well, she's, I'm nottrying to hear.
I wasn't trying to hear it.
So now I'm intentionally goingseeking this spiritual
connection, intentionally goingseeking this connect, the
(44:12):
spiritual connection.
And so I remember it was a, itwas hot, it was a July summer
night and I was sleeping and Iremember being in the fetal
position in the dream and when Ibecame aware of the dream
because you can be in a sleepstate and become aware that
you're awake in a dream she washolding me in that fetal
position and she took her handand put it on my chest right
(44:35):
here, and she pushed it.
And as she pushed me, I felt mybody move.
But as I felt my body move, Isaw this huge ball of light just
go go into my body and she saidhere's the love that you
thought I didn't have.
And she just kept pushing meand just kept doing it.
She just kept doing it and shekept squeezing me and holding me
(44:56):
and it felt like an eternity,but it didn't feel like enough
time.
At the same time, and as I wentthrough that process, in that um
dream and in that spiritualexperience because it wasn't
just a dream, it was, it was theexperience and as I went
(45:18):
through that, I said I woke upin tears, and but they weren't
painful tears, they were tearsof joy.
They were tears of joy.
There were tears of I didn'tknow I needed my mother to say
that to me.
There were tears of I didn'tknow that I needed the love of
(45:38):
my mother.
The way I did once.
I received what I didn't evensay I was looking for.
I didn't know how the healingwas going to come.
I set up this ancestor altarjust on a whim, in a prayer,
because somebody said, hey, youknow, if you set up an ancestor
(45:59):
altar, you know it's a way tostay connected to you, know God,
and to stay connected to yourancestors too.
And I was like, all right, yeah, I'm, I'm gonna try, whatever.
Yeah, I'm sitting at home doingnothing and I wonder, and I and
I really subconsciously said Iwant to figure out what it is
(46:19):
what can I do with my mom?
If you're saying that, hey,this is a way to connect
spiritually with your ancestors?
Well, I'm gonna connect with mymom because I need, we need to
have a conversation.
And it wasn't a two-wayconversation, it wasn't she
didn't.
It was like I'm here, I got you, I've always had you, I did,
(46:44):
you didn't know, but you know,I'm proud of you and it was all
the things we seek and we wantto hear from someone that loves
us and someone that cares, andfor someone to just say I see
you and I feel your pain and Idon't want you to be in pain
because of me.
And I'm thankful for beingintroduced to it, because it
(47:09):
really just allowed me to feelfree, a freedom that I had not
found through any other path toGod, a freedom that allowed me
to really be able to speak mytruth, because I didn't have to
be churchy, if you will, to havethis experience.
(47:30):
I didn't have to have theperfect, polished prayer with
the right beginning and end.
I didn't have to do any of that, I just said whatever I wanted.
I literally, some days, put thepancakes out.
I was like I hope you're goingto come on here and talk to me,
because how long is it going totake?
Work this out.
Some days I wouldn't even sayanything, I just put it down and
(47:53):
I'm like whatever.
You know, when we get to thepoint, well, this ain't working.
I'm just wasting pancake mix,but I got a Costco bag, so I'll
just keep doing it.
But it just allowed me thefreedom to be and to be a
spiritual being, having a humanexperience, and take whatever
(48:16):
path it was that was going tolead me to the divine that I
needed.
Wow, and it's interesting thatit happened during COVID,
because everybody has theirviews on on that time period of
our lives you, you had to gothrough that experience at that
(48:38):
time because it stopped you fromdoing I just know you, you're
like everywhere, right, right,she's doing something.
And for you to have to have satstill in all these years.
It happened at that moment andat that time that's only, but
you know god's divine order ofwhen it was time for you to heal
(49:03):
that wound that has beenlingering for so long.
And the kids were gone.
They were still there.
You know them grown peopledidn't leave until they was 30.
28, 29.
Speaker 1 (49:18):
They were there, so they saw the altar and they knew
everything that you were doingas well.
Speaker 2 (49:23):
No, they didn't know what I was doing.
They didn't know what I wasdoing.
Sometimes my nephew would comeeat the pancakes he would run
out of his and be'm just youknow.
So it wasn't, and it wasn't abig deal, because when you do an
altar, um, a divine altar,that's meant to honor the
(49:46):
ancestors, or to honor god, oreven, to you know, to honor
jesus or whatever your, yourpath is a lot of different
religions call it somethingdifferent.
They do different things withit.
It you know, it's said that ifyour pets come and eat it, just
consider that the spirit comeand eat whatever you gave.
Or if one of your familymembers come, just consider that
, you know, passing through thespiritual realm in the way that
(50:09):
they decided to consume it.
So it wasn't like it was a bigdeal.
One time I lit it on fire byaccident with the candle, but
that's again.
Energy is saying, hey, theenergy is flowing around, you
know, because our ancestors arestill with us.
We're just not on the samefrequency as they are and
they're not in a body anymore,and so it was just kind of the
(50:33):
process of going.
They had no idea what I wasdoing.
I didn't share with anyone whatI was doing, what I was trying
to get done, because it was myjourney and I wasn't trying to
necessarily take anyone else onit with me.
It was my journey.
As they say, it was my hero'sjourney.
I was being a hero in my life,and I was using the altar as a
(50:55):
guide to get to where I thoughtmy villain existed, so that I
could resolve it, and so therewas nobody else a part of it, it
was just that's me.
Told her she had a powerfulstory.
Speaker 1 (51:12):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you , yeah, that was yeah.
The thing that is just sopowerful for me is the we're
able to see on the other side ofthe equation.
The feeling that you put forthand where you are now, the peace
that you carry, and you knowspirit, recognized spirit, just
that even in you, sharing thestory as traumatic as it is, the
(51:37):
level of peace that you carrynow, people that may not even
have had a as traumaticexperience in their lives don't
carry that peace that you carry.
So that is just exciting andI'm thankful to even experience
it.
It gives hope to otherindividuals to say that you can
(51:58):
experience peace.
You can make it throughwhatever you're going through,
if you put the work in, you tookthe hardship and you were
consistent.
That's one thing that I thinkwe missed the mark on, because
we're not consistent with things.
Speaker 2 (52:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (52:12):
We'll start with that .
Speaker 2 (52:13):
And I was going to say, and I did all, and after I
had the experience with my mom,I did, I went and I spent some
time working on my family treeand I found pictures of every
family member that I could find,if I knew them or not, and I
just put them up and even now Ihave like a little grandmother
table at my house where all anygrandmother I had a picture of
(52:36):
grandmother, great grandmother,great, great grandmother,
grandmother figure.
I just had their picture upbecause I want to feel connected
to them all the time.
I have one for my grandfathers.
You know, if I have a pictureand I have my mom's picture up
and even in you know, havingthat, having that space and
(52:58):
while I'm not actively, likelighting a candle because I'm
running around back in thestreets doing stuff, so I'm not
having that focus, spiritualtime, but knowing, walking
through life, knowing, um, whileyou may live in a space where
you're not connected to a lot ofpeople or you did, I didn't
create my own family ordifferent things like that I am
(53:21):
always surrounded by family 24hours a day when I'm awake and
when I'm not awake, because theyare there in the spirit realm
waiting for me to say I need youor making a way for me when I
don't know that they are makinga way or their prayers are being
answered.
(53:42):
And I have one picture of mewith my great-great-grandmother
as a baby.
She's holding me and I don'tremember meeting her because she
passed before I was able tocognitively know her.
But I know that I can look atthat picture and say my great
grandmother prayed for me, rightand the, the god that we serve,
(54:02):
has given us access to them.
He hasn't cut us off from itbecause he's a savior or someone
is Buddhist or someone isMuslim and they have Allah or
whatever.
They haven't cut those.
Our God, the God that we serve,in whatever religious sect you
follow, hasn't cut you off fromthe most spiritual and powerful
(54:26):
group of beings in the world,and those are your ancestors and
the people who have come beforeyou who have a vested interest
in your success and yourwellbeing and you becoming
amazing at whatever it is you'redoing, because we're creating
generation after generation thatcan be better and better and
better.
And so we have that power if wetap, tap into it, and even in
(54:53):
the healing process with my mom.
Now I'm in a great place with mymom, but now I gotta repair all
the damage I did to myself,right and so in that, and that's
hard to admit, because you dothe damage to yourself, because
you're angry at this one, you'reangry at that one, or you're
mad this happened, or you didn'thave this, or you didn't have
(55:14):
that, or this didn't go quitethe way that I wanted it to go,
or this one, you know, left mebehind or left me out, or didn't
do this, all the things right.
And so I spend time working onme and that's the reparenting.
And so I spend time working onme and that's the reparenting,
(55:39):
because now that I've healed andforgiven, now I have to heal
and forgive myself all thethings that I have torn myself
up and hurt other people too inthe process.
Now I've got to apologize tothem.
You know what no-transcript.
But you know, and that's one ofthe things too, and even you
know, part of my journey now iswhen I go places, I carry
pictures of my younger selveswith me and I take pictures of
(56:02):
me with that younger self to say, look, this is where you are
now, like whatever you thoughtwasn't going to happen.
Look where you are, like you'rein Costa Rica, you're in Cancun
, you're speaking on stage,you're doing a podcast, you're
doing this.
You're doing that to remind myinner child, because we always
that those inner children stilllive within us and we're
(56:25):
constantly either affirming orabandoning that younger self all
the time.
And we have to decide.
Do we want to affirm thatyounger Saran, that little Lisa,
that little John, or do we wantto continue to abandon them?
And when you decide that youwant to affirm that younger
(56:48):
person, you got to figure outwhat's the affirmation they need
.
Where's the pain?
How do I say this is good, thisis okay, so I.
Speaker 1 (57:02):
I didn't ask you to drop the mic, but you just like
mic drop.
You just was like, yeah, I'mdone here, you go take it.
But uh, that you know we alwaysenter these, these sessions,
and it's so therapeutic notknowing what's going to be the
outcome.
I needed this confirmation morethan I knew.
(57:22):
I needed it Just like I said,even as you're talking in the
piece that you're carrying andto hear the journey.
It is affirmation, but it'salso therapeutic and it gives a
different level of hope and Iknow that's going to be
infectious to others who hear it.
(57:42):
You just come in and completelytaking this podcast by storm.
Speaker 2 (57:51):
Well, you know what?
And I haven't arrived yet.
And I want to be clear I havenot arrived.
I haven't arrived at mydestination.
My goal is my heart so light asa feather, that so so light
that it's as light as a feather,so that there's nothing that
can hold me back, um, enteringthe pearly gates.
I don't have any pain, I don'thave any grudges, I don't have
(58:14):
any pain, I don't have anygrudges, I don't have any ill
will or forgotten this orforgotten that, or you know
animosity or she should have.
You know the stuff that we hadand and I just you know I work
on it daily and some days aregood days.
(58:35):
You know, about three days ago,I wasn't having a good day and I
had to you know reparent myselfand I had to take my hand and
tap myself on the chest and sayyou're right, you got this,
you're loved, you're here.
This is temporary.
This is not what you think itis.
You are worthy because God putyou here and I had to do that
(58:58):
until I felt the light come backinside me.
Because when you grow upwithout your parents right,
because we didn't talk aboutthat a lot I did not grow up
with my parents and then Ibecame a parent and the one
thing I don't talk to my dadabout is the fact that I grew up
(59:21):
without him as much because itbreaks his heart because he
wasn't able to get to me.
Right, he didn't have access tome because my mother wouldn't
make me available to him.
He was living in New York, shewas living in Florida.
It wasn't on cell phones, itwas only pay phones.
We moved every three months anddidn't know where I was, and the
(59:44):
only connection he had to mewas he called my grandfather
every Sunday to see if my momhad called, to see if we were
okay.
And so I rarely have theseconversations with him because I
don't want to break his heartfor something he had no control
over.
And yet still going through myown pain and my own trauma and
(01:00:06):
my own levels of abandonment andmy own questions about where
were these people at?
They're supposed to be doingthis stuff, my own questions
about where were these people at?
I was supposed to be doing thisstuff, but do you think that
you should have?
You know, give your dad theopportunity, because you don't
know what he needs to heal from.
Well, we've talked about, we'vetalked about it enough.
(01:00:27):
Okay, so we haven't not talkedabout it.
And I think, like during thattime, I did call him him and I
think I was very upset one dayand I called him and he's like
we have an amazing relationship,like when I finally was at
touch base and I was with mygrandfather and I was in a good
place and he was going to comeget me to live with him and I
(01:00:47):
refused to go and I refused togo because I had been tumbled
around so much and had all thesethings happen and my mother had
told me 50, 11 people was mydaddy.
I want to show this is my daddy, but this dude just showing
back up Maybe he is the one, butI'm not going to go with him,
right?
And so he allowed me to staywith my grandfather.
(01:01:09):
Um, and I remember the daybecause the court system in New
York had to, my dad had to signover his legal rights.
And I remember the day becausethe court system in New York, my
dad, had to sign over his legalrights.
And I remember him saying areyou sure you want me to sign
these papers?
I said I'm not going with you,so sign the papers.
I'm staying with my grandfather.
And he signed the papers,reluctantly.
(01:01:29):
Obviously it wasn't that clear.
I was 12, so I said some 12year old response about it,
right, and he signed the papersand but he didn't leave.
He didn't like disappear.
He was still on my phone everyday, every Sunday, dragging me
to see my grandmother at the topof the world in the Bronx and
show up and just just being anamazing dad, if I ever, if I can
(01:01:54):
say I ever had a stalker, I sayit was my dad in a good way,
right, and so that part abouthim was so amazing that he just
always was there.
He always made himself available.
Even, you know, when you're afunky teenager and you don't
want to talk, he would get onthe phone.
He would just talk.
Yeah, it's like he had a littletime.
(01:02:17):
We talked for at least 15, 20minutes a week.
He just talked.
He'd be like you got anything?
Sad I'm like no, and you knowthe phone was on the wall so
it's not like I can go anywhereso I'm tied to the kitchen.
Oh, I got to talk, but he keptthat connection.
(01:02:40):
He kept building it.
He never stopped seeking me, henever stopped being present.
He never stopped making surethat I knew that he loved me and
that he cared and that he wasnot going anywhere and he was a
part of my life and I was a partof his and I needed to just
answer the phone a second nowwhen you said that he had to
sign over his rights.
So did you, did your grandfatheradopt you or were you
(01:03:01):
considered in a system?
We were, yeah, we wereconsidered.
We were in kinship, what theycall kinship foster care,
because my mother was not ableto take care of us and at the
time she didn't Same thing aboutour dads, but of course my dad
was around, so he was alwaysthere and they would would have
(01:03:21):
to, you know, go with my dad.
And I refused, like as an adult, I'm like, what if I would have
(01:03:42):
went Like?
What if I would have went Like?
Would that be?
Speaker 1 (01:03:46):
cooler, I don't know, but the fact that you, even
though you said I'm not goingwith you, you still allowed him
a level of access.
Speaker 2 (01:03:53):
Well, I had a choice, because him and my grandfathers
would be at FAPS.
Oh okay, all the time that hespent just talking to my
grandfather trying to find me,my grandfather would be like,
hold on, here's the phone.
He would give him the phone andhe would stand there and make
sure I stayed on the phone.
Good, that's awesome.
And so it wasn't.
(01:04:14):
You know this or that it was.
Yeah, well, I'm going to keepthe kids, but I'm going to make
sure you are her dad and youwant to be in her life.
I'm going to make sure thatthat's there.
So, but we've had enoughconversations and my dad is
amazing.
He's about to be 70, soon andyeah, and he, in two years he'll
(01:04:38):
be 70, but he just, he alwayslets me know when he can't
handle it anymore.
He'll say, daughter, I can'thandle it because he was going
through his own thing trying tofigure out where's his daughter.
I created, right and you know.
And then, and then, if I tellhim the things that I too many
(01:05:00):
of the things that I experienced, I had to overcome, or things
happen, it just I don't want toput him in a place of sadness
and so we have that respect forone another.
He doesn't ask me things hedoesn't really want the answers
to and I don't offer things thathe may not be able to handle.
Well, tell me this how did hefeel that you, you know, you
(01:05:22):
went and took, you know got yoursiblings?
What was his thought process orhow did he feel about that when
?
he tried to talk me out of it,not because he didn't care about
the kids, but he was because hewas worried about me, gotcha.
So he'd be like, are you sure?
Uh, maybe maybe me and my wifecan go and get you know your
(01:05:42):
sister.
I'm like, no, it's not your job, it's mine.
And he say, but what do youmean?
I said, no, it's my, it's myjob to do this, it's not your
job to do this.
And so he let me, and he, hehelped me so much during the
during that time, um, sofinancially, mentally, uh,
(01:06:05):
guiding me do different things.
And so that was always.
That has always been a blessingto me, to just have a strong
dad who listened, and thesalesperson in him.
He would never give me theanswer, sister.
He'd say what do you think youshould do?
And I come up with all theseoptions.
(01:06:25):
And he said, well, that's a lotof options, what do you think
is the most viable?
And then I would say it and hesaid, okay, I actually agree
with that.
And well, he said I disagree,or whatever.
And then we work out the planand he let would say it, and he
said, okay, I actually agreewith that.
And or he said I disagree orwhatever, and then we work out
the plan and he let go executeit.
He allowed me to maintain myindependence, wow, yeah, so this
(01:06:50):
, this has been this has beenawesome.
How can people, um, you know,connect with you?
So you can connect with me onall the platforms, right?
I'm on instagram, the realsaran baker.
I'm on facebook, saran baker,or covered by saran.
My website is covered by saranand I have a tiktok.
(01:07:12):
I don't quite know what I'mdoing with it, but you could
just look for Saran Baker,because I just be throwing stuff
up there.
Tomorrow might be a recipe, whoknows?
But my focus in life has become.
My purpose has become toempower women with their
finances so that they can createthe life that they want to live
.
And part of the reason I dothat is because there were times
(01:07:33):
when I didn't have and timeswhen I did.
And when I did have, I didn'teven know how to create a great
life with it.
I didn't know how to create joy.
I didn't know how to create aspace where I could enjoy and be
present in what I hadaccomplished.
And then, when I did, and then,and then, you again, it's like
(01:07:53):
how did I end up here?
It's like, cause you didn'thave the gratitude and the
thankfulness and the joyassociated when you had it.
So God said you don't need it,cause you're not even rejoicing
in what you have accomplishedwith the gifts I gave you.
And so I learned to be joyousin all the places and have
(01:08:18):
gratitude for the good, the bad,the ugly, and really just try
not to define things so quicklyand let things unfold over time,
even when it may seem like it'sbad.
Let me just let this unfold.
I don't know if this is good orbad yet.
So you know, for me allowingmyself to assist other women who
(01:08:43):
are in the journey ofaccomplishing and earning and
not quite knowing what to dowith it, and then, if they have,
you know, some of the spiritualblocks and things like that, I
put the resources around them todo it.
Now I don't try to counsel thembecause that's not my gift.
Right, I can counsel me, but Igot other people who you know
(01:09:04):
will step in and help, butreally just helping us move
forward, because we never reallyhave a money problem.
We always have a mindsetproblem.
We always have a spiritualproblem.
We never really have a moneyproblem.
We always have a mindsetproblem.
We always have a spiritualproblem.
We never really have a moneyproblem Because if we get our
mindset and our spiritual selfaligned, the money will appear,
(01:09:26):
because that's what God.
God is a provider, god is acreator.
Stop creating, because but youcreate your reality with your
words and your actions.
Until you get grateful, it'swhen you see the harvest.
Another mic drop.
Speaker 1 (01:09:47):
I got my nugget from it.
Trust me, I got my assignmentto meditate on the night.
Speaker 2 (01:09:55):
I love you all.
I was so excited when I sawthat you launched the podcast.
I watched the first one becauseI didn't know Lisa's story
either, you know, because I kindof came to the family late
because this is my dad's side ofthe family, right.
So I didn't even really meetthis side of the family until I
was, like, freshman in college.
Yeah, everybody else wasalready in college too, so it's
(01:10:18):
kind of like who's this kid?
She's like all right, come on,let's go.
I mean, but, but we justtreated you like you've always
been there.
It's like come on, let's go.
Yes, you know so, and so it'samazing to be there.
And even my mom's side of thefamily, like you, don't
understand how you have thiswhole family.
(01:10:39):
I'm like yo, they're freakingdope.
You need to get you one.
They, they are.
Speaker 1 (01:10:45):
they're pretty dope, yeah yeah, I must say thank you
so much for just enriching thisspace, yes, as much as I believe
others will be blessed by it.
I know you've blessed metonight, thank you.
I didn't even realize I neededto pick from the tree that I've
just taken, like I said, tomeditate on tonight.
So, thank you, thank you, thankyou, thank you.
Speaker 2 (01:11:09):
Well, I'm John and I'm Lisa.
Speaker 1 (01:11:13):
And we're adopted, and we're adopted, and we're
adopted, and today we have justbeen blessed by a nontraditional
example of a nontraditionalrelationship that the journey is
unprecedented, but theblessings are so fruitful, so I
hope that you walk away.
Thank you for investing time towatch, to listen, to learn.
(01:11:37):
There definitely was aspiritual transition that took
place tonight.
So if you watched it, you weresupposed to watch it, and I pray
that you take the lessons fromit and utilize them However you
are supposed to, and if youdon't, that's on you.
So, thank you, hit the like toshare and let somebody know Any
(01:11:57):
closing words.
Speaker 2 (01:11:58):
No, this has been awesome and I just appreciate
you, saran, for agreeing to comeon, because this has really
been a powerful, powerful momentin time.
Thank you for having me, weappreciate you and until in time
.
Thank you for having me, weappreciate you and until next
time.
We will see you guys later.
(01:12:22):
Thank you, bye.
Speaker 1 (01:12:29):
Thank you for listening to the so I'm Adopted
podcast.
We hope that this wasinformative and educational.
You can follow us on Instagramand Facebook at so I'm Adopted.
Also, subscribe to our YouTubechannel so I'm Adopted.
And again, thank you forlistening and until next time,
make the choice to begin yourhealing journey.
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