February 1, 2024 • 31 mins
Embark on a heartfelt journey with me, Sho Whitener, as I unfold my narrative, one that journeys from the depths of bullying and self-doubt to the discovery of inner strength and faith. My story, intertwined with the complexities of identity and belief, is not merely my own—it mirrors the struggles and triumphs of many in the LGBTQ community. Through candid conversations, we peel back the layers that often shroud our understanding of ourselves and the roles we play in the grand tapestry of human experience.
This episode is an open invitation to a sanctuary where judgment is suspended and empathy takes the lead. Hear the vivid recount of my transformation, the reason why this platform was started.
Join us as we challenge preconceived notions and explore the controversial, such as the immutability of sexual orientation and the burgeoning debate on children and gender identity. The path to reconciling lifestyle with faith is fraught with introspection and divine encounters—mine led me to San Antonio and a pivotal change in direction.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
How do you identify you?
Like girls and boys, you changeyour identity.
Do you think that people willaccept you?
Hey, that's you, you them.
Come on, bro.
Do you even know what you like?
What even is that Community areyou in?
Lgbtq stands for what?
So how like?
How are you?
What does God say about this?
(00:21):
No, does your family know?
How did you get here?
What are your pronouns?
What gave this to you?
Do you even know how this cameto be?
Can you live like this for real?
What does God say about this?
Are you God's?
Are you so?
Do you think you're gay?
(00:42):
What's up?
Everybody you are tuning in tothe podcast.
So you think you're gay?
I'm your host, shoe Whitner, andthis is the very first episode
on this podcast, and I am goinglive just so that I can talk to
everybody, just to let you know,hey, look, why this platform
(01:04):
exists, why I even created it.
I think in this time and inthis culture, you know, the
LGBTQ community is seeminglygrowing by the second.
There's so many things outthere that has come to fruition.
I mean, it's every daysomething new and it's a hot
buzz topic, right, but it isalso a life-changing topic and I
(01:29):
kind of want to get on here andtell my story.
For the very first episode.
It's like you know what?
Where did this thing come from?
You know what does, so youthink you're gay, mean, and so I
wanted to get on here andreally just talk to everybody
about what it is and what it isnot.
It is possible to come away fromhomosexuality.
(01:49):
Here it is.
I am a Christian, okay, and Iwas once a part of the LGBTQ
community.
I did 10 to 12, maybe 15 yearsin the lifestyle.
I was 18, you know, just doingthe most.
And my story is a unique one,but it's one in the same,
(02:12):
because I really believe thatpeople who are in the LGBTQ
community have a lot of similarthings that are rooted, that
cause them to be a part of thiscommunity, right, and so I kind
of want to talk about that.
But I want to tell you from thebeginning, right, this is why
(02:34):
this platform exists, is becauseof my story, right, and I want
people to know that, hey, youknow you can be a part of that
community and still come awayfrom it.
I do not agree with living inthe LGBTQ community as it
pertains to a homosexuallifestyle.
I don't agree with it.
(02:54):
I do not think it is God's bestfor your life.
I want this platform to be avery loving platform, one that
does not bash, but at the sametime, I want to talk about it.
I want to talk to people intheir stories.
I want to hear their stories.
I want to hear what theirstruggles were and how did they
come to a place of decision tobecome a part of the LGBTQ
(03:18):
community.
Now again, the LGBTQ community.
There's so many things and somany pronouns and so many
letters and so many alphabets,and so I kind of want to break
those things down over thecourse and the span of this
podcast to kind of understandthe community, because there are
a lot of things out there thatwe just don't understand and,
(03:41):
instead of pointing the finger,I just want to know hey, what
does this mean and how did youget to this place?
Right, man, where can I start?
It started from being rejected.
I was bullied as a kid.
I mean bullied all throughoutmiddle school.
(04:02):
I got bullied through highschool and I was just like a
very fearful kid, right, my momwas a very tough and strong
woman and you know she— shewasn't Claire Huxdable, to say
the least, she wasn't ClaireHuxdable and her parenting style
was that of a strong hand andher mother didn't really raise
(04:29):
her.
She was in the streets most ofher life.
So when it came to raising herkids, it was just like, hey,
we're going to get in where wefit in.
And my mom was doing a lot ofthings and a lot of things, and
so we'll get into that later.
But a lot of those things thatplagued not plagued, I'm sorry,
(04:52):
I don't want to use that word Alot of those things that I went
through as a kid shaped myreality as it pertains to things
that I got into, and so,because there were a lot of
traumas in the household andthere was a lot of chaos in the
household, it shaped the realityof how my days went at school
(05:12):
and what I was able to put upwith.
I remember getting bullied,getting off the bus and being
scared because I was bullied bythis young lady.
She was in a vinyl and shoutout to our binos Now, in my
adult's eye, you guys are someof the most amazing people, but
I was afraid of her.
She was brighter than me.
(05:34):
Her eyes would move veryrapidly back and forth.
She had gold, blondish hair.
She was scary to me because Ihad never really seen an albino
before, and so she used to bullyme really bad, and I was afraid
of her.
And then I would go to schooland get bullied, and it wasn't
until my cousin came to theschool and helped me out and I
(05:56):
didn't get bullied anymore.
But I was very fearful, veryafraid, and then my self-esteem
was in the trash.
I mean, it was a whole lotgoing on.
As a kid I wanted to be a boybecause I felt if I was a boy
then I would be tough enough.
And then so I just said, okay,I'm going to tell everybody I
(06:17):
have a twin brother.
Right, Slick my hair back.
And it was bad.
And thinking about it, thosethings shaped my reality and my
decision-making to even become apart of the LGBT community.
Well, it wasn't the LGBTQcommunity back then y'all.
So I'm not going to tell my agebecause I look better than my
(06:38):
age, whatever.
But back then it was justeither you are gay or you're not
.
It wasn't lesbian, binary,queer, it wasn't any of that.
It was either straight or gay.
That's what it was right.
And so I wasn't a part of theLGBT.
It was just gay.
(06:58):
And I didn't even say that Iwas gay, right, it was just hey,
boys didn't really takeinterest in me like that.
I was an ROTC, and I'm not goingto say I was abused as a child.
Well, I wasn't abused as achild.
There were a lot of things thathappened in the household that
(07:19):
caused sexual trauma, I wouldsay that, and so that stuff led
up to self-esteem issues.
That stuff led up to notfeeling good about yourself and
my mom.
Again, her parenting style wasa little harsh and parents say
(07:40):
things when they don'tunderstand things, and so verbal
abuse was there.
And so here I am, this scrawnylittle kid that really wasn't
good in academics andself-esteem was just shot.
And so I'm trying to figure outwhere I fit in.
I'm getting bullied.
(08:00):
Trauma is real right In thehousehold, and you leave and go
to school to find more traumaand more rejection, and it was
just bad.
And so when I became 18, I gotout of the house, I went to the
military and things just startedhappening right, I just started
exploring things because therewas a community waiting on me
(08:25):
and it didn't matter who youwere, what you looked like, what
you had to offer Everyone wasautomatically a part right.
And so I joined this communityof gays and I didn't call myself
gay, I didn't say, hey, I'm gay, no, it was just, hey, I'm
attracted to women Because atthe time, men I didn't trust men
(08:46):
, right, and men they just, Iwas mishandled and so I didn't
want to be around men and Ifigured, ok, if I'm with a woman
, that's safer for me, because,again, I was mishandled and so
within that, so now I'm, myself-esteem is low, I'm like,
okay, I don't deal with menbecause I'm afraid of them and
(09:09):
they've mishandled me.
So then now the judgment is Ican't be around men because
every man is going to try tohurt me, right.
And so these are the thingsthat are growing on the inside
and taking root all the while.
I'm still trying to figure outwho I am.
You know, and again we'retalking about how this all
started.
You know, and this is just abit of my story on how and why I
(09:33):
decided to start this platformAgain, I am a Christian and I
vehemently disagree with livingthe homosexual lifestyle.
But I'm also aware enough toknow that.
You know, things build up andthings happen that push people
towards this lifestyle.
You know People say that theywere gay and they say, you know,
(09:56):
I had no choice, I had to livethis way, and I do not agree
with that.
But I also know that things canstart happening at such an
early age and things can start,you know, going awry early that
you'll think, hey, this must bewho I am, because as long as I
can remember, I've been throughthis, I've been going through
(10:19):
this right, and oftentimes wegrow up in chaotic households
and chaotic situations and thechaos becomes norms.
They become norms.
And so then, because it's anorm, this is how I'm supposed
to be and that's not necessarilythe case.
So here I am.
You know I do not trust men,right.
(10:39):
I've been mishandled and now,you know I'm running to women
because we are the soft ofvessel and I'm a woman.
You're a woman, you can't hurtme unless I'll allow you to hurt
me, right?
And then so I'm in this.
You know homosexualrelationship and you know you
can tell me my feelings were notreal.
You couldn't tell me that Ididn't love these individuals,
(11:02):
right?
And there was a sense offreedom a false sense of freedom
, let me say because I felt like, okay, I can be myself over in
this space and technically Iwasn't, you know.
Looking back on it now, you know, with a clean lens, looking
through the lens of how God seesme, I know now that all of that
(11:26):
was a facade and all of thatwas a trap, because everything
told me hey, you're safe overhere, this is where you should
be.
It's a lie, it's not where youshould be, because over time I
begin to take on a moremasculine role and family.
Let me just be honest.
You know the time boy is a kid,right, and you know the scheme
or the thought is oh, I wasalways rough and I was always
(11:49):
tough.
No, I wasn't.
You know chaos in the householdagain, and I'll get into my
story in more depth.
Chaos in the household, you know, made me tough.
You know my mom was a toughwoman and she taught us hey, you
know, you don't rely on anybody.
You know you go get it foryourself, pick yourself up by
your own bootstraps and let's go.
And so there was a certainlevel of toughness and a certain
(12:12):
level of hardness.
You know my uncles would callme mad dog, you know, and they'd
push me around and wrestle meand I'm like and I felt like the
scheme was to try to make methis tough, you know person, and
it wasn't beenowing to them,it's just like, hey, I'm all
toughening you up.
(12:33):
And I used to get into somethings with my mom, you know.
Hey, she said, go downstairs.
We've been to knock the windowsout of these cars.
Then let's go, I'm gonna go getthat back and we're giving them
.
Knock the windows out of thesecars.
You know what I'm saying and Iremember things like that.
And so a lot of that shaped mydecision making.
Because here I am now.
You know, I'm with this womanand I'm turning into this
(12:56):
masculine being and it's not awoman's place to be tough, it's
not a woman's place to be, youknow, the man, to take on the
man role.
And then so you start doingthings and I have to be honest,
it felt weird because that's notmy genetic makeup, right.
But then the more I did it, themore comfortable I became in it
.
And then, the more comfortableI became in it, then it just was
(13:18):
like yo, I could do this right.
And so then I found myself lostin years of just being in a
role.
It was like I'm here.
You know, there's always a partof me that was like this doesn't
feel right, but hey, I'm here,right, and so that was back then
, I'm talking about 20 years ago.
(13:39):
But now this thing has morphedinto something totally different
.
It's changing of body parts andI remember, you know, I almost
I proposed to a woman I wasgoing to marry a woman, you know
.
But there was always this thing.
God was like no, no, no, therewas always this thing, this
little itty-bitty thing behindme just saying hey, no, that's
(14:00):
not it, that's not what I havefor you, right and so.
But today's culture, it's sodemonstrative, it's so loud,
it's so strong that it's urgingyou to get, to be, to change, to
become something that you'renot.
And it's like a facade, that's,it's like a Halloween mask, is
(14:22):
chasing you and is trying tokeep, you know, keep you in this
costume forever, right, and sogoing back, and so here I am, I
found myself, I'm 18, 19, 20,I'm in the military and I'm just
living this lifestyle, right,and I can't.
I have to be honest.
You know, when you're living ina lifestyle, it's all kicks and
giggles until it's not, youknow.
(14:44):
I mean, I was in all kinds ofthings and into all kinds of
people and you know, with therelationship that I was in, it
amazes me how, when you're inthe homosexual relationship and
you know, people's like why Idon't want a man, and the woman
does it for me and and and andthat's it.
You know, I'm attracted towomen only and this is this.
(15:06):
But then we go and get you knowapparatuses and and and things
to please a woman the same waythat a man does, right, and it's
like no, it's like this doesn'tmake any sense.
Because it's like wait a minute, if you are attracted to women,
why are you going to do andsuit up and try to put on what a
man has naturally in order toplease the woman that you're
(15:28):
with?
It didn't make sense, it didn'tadd up.
But again, while you're in it,you're blinded by what you feel
and what you want, right, andit's like no, let's just call a
spade a spade.
It's not that only a woman canplease you, it's just that
you're mad with men, you have ajudgment with men and you don't
(15:50):
feel safe with a man, so you runto the woman.
Now you still want to bepleased by a man because that's
the natural order.
That's how God intended right,he didn't intend for a man to be
with a man.
In the Bible in Genesis Ibelieve it's chapter two and he
said let us make man and ourimage and our likeness right.
And then you go down and youread a little further and it
(16:13):
says and God had to find ahelpmate suitable for Adam and
he made a woman.
He didn't make another man, hemade a woman right.
And so a key unlocks a lock.
Two keys can't do anythingright and two locks can't do
anything, because if you'retalking about being fruitful and
multiplying, then you're notgoing to do it if both are given
(16:36):
seed.
One has to give seed and theother one has to receive seed.
Okay, we'll talk about thatlater.
So at the end of the day y'all,it's like you're really mad at
the opposite sex because of atraumatic thing or a rejection
thing, or some people like well,I grew up, I didn't see any of
that in the home and I just feelthis way.
(16:56):
At the end of the day, there'sroots to this thing.
It's rejection, it's judgments,it's what you've seen, it's how
you've been treated.
All these things mix up adangerous cocktail and it's all
environmental and so again.
So the reason I started thispodcast is because I want to
talk about it and I want peopleto know that hey, look, this is
(17:21):
not God's best for you and theenemy wants to get you away from
who you were intended to be.
Right, you can't tell me thatthere is a comfortability with.
If you're a man, you have toreconfigure, you have to go
through the motions, you have todo a lot of things to embody a
(17:41):
woman and if you're not bornthat way, if you're not born a
woman, it's hard to put on afacade to be a woman every day,
because that's naturally notyour being and so you have to
put it on, you have to fake it,you have to do all of it and you
have to stop for one second andsay, hey, why do I want to be a
(18:05):
man and I was born a woman?
What if God is God?
And people say I believe in Godand some people they just like
I believe in the forest, or Ibelieve in the universe, or I
believe in I don't know.
It seems like every daysomething else is getting the
(18:26):
credit right.
But it's like people are like Ibelieve in this and I believe
in that, but you have a lot ofpeople that say I believe in God
.
You have a lot of people whoare in the homosexual lifestyle
that believe in God and they'reChristians.
That's fine.
But it's hard to say that youbelieve in God and you believe
in his word and you believe thathe is the supreme being when
(18:50):
you do not believe that he madeyou the way, that what you were
born, he doesn't make mistakes.
So then, at the end of the day,you have to ask yourself if you
are a man or a woman and youfeel like you need to be the
opposite of what you were born.
Then my question is do youreally believe God?
(19:11):
Do you really believe that hedoes not make mistakes?
Right?
And if you do, then now we haveto investigate okay, what's
causing me, who's causing me tobelieve?
Who's telling me that I am notthat what God intended me to be?
And so these are the thingsthat I had to walk through,
right.
(19:32):
I had to really, really, reallygo through my mind like why are
you this way?
Because at the end of the day,fam, there were times when I'd
be laying in the bed aftereverybody had their showers and
everybody had to dry it off.
You know, I'm laying therelistening to God, and God has a
way of wooing you and talking toyou even when you're in the
(19:54):
worst place you could be in.
Now, here's the deal.
It don't seem like it's theworst place to you because, I
mean, everything gets kicks andgiggles until it's not.
You know what I'm saying.
Everything is fun and the partyis the turn up and we out here
live in our best life, but thetruth of the matter is it's all
a facade, because after you'vebeen to every club and after
you've slept with the baddest,and after you've been with the
(20:17):
person who has the status youknow, it's like you're left with
the you of you that nobodyknows but you.
So then, fam, it's like, whatare we really doing and are you
really happy?
At the end of the day?
I really wish people would keepit 100.
I really wish people would keepit a stack.
You cannot say that you'rehaving the best time of your
(20:37):
life operating and beingsomething that you were not
intended to be.
Let's just be clear.
Let's talk about it A Halloweenmash, right?
When it's Halloween, everybodythey excited about their costume
.
I mean you excited family.
You are pumped because I amgoing to be.
I'm going to just picksomething.
The best Michael Jackson ever,right, I'm going to get a Jared
(20:58):
Carroll, you know, becauseMichael had a curl.
Okay, oh, the one with the oldMichael.
So then I'm going to get thejacket, I'm going to get the
shoes, I'm going to get the highwall, I'm going to get the
tight pants right, I'm going toget the glitter glove and I'm
going to get the jacket, youknow.
And I'm going to moonwalk andI'm going to put the penny
loafers on and I'm going to he,he and you know, bring my voice,
you know, and I'm going to doall of that.
But at the end of the day,you're going to get tired of
(21:20):
trying to keep up with thefacade that you're Michael
Jackson, because we're numberone.
Everybody knows that you're not.
Okay, let's just be clear.
You know, you're dressed likeMichael Jackson.
Yes, you're the one with theevident that we can tell that
you're not Michael Jackson.
Okay, so then now, at somepoint, at some point, fam, you
are going to get tired ofwearing the costume and putting
(21:43):
on the facade that you'reMichael Jackson, and it's the
same thing.
At some point, you're going toget tired of becoming or being
something that you're not.
And in today's culture, fam,people are taking hormone pills,
they're taking all kinds ofenhancements and they're doing
(22:04):
it nipping, they're tucking,they're cutting, and it's like,
fam, hold on time out, time out,time out.
Are you really convinced thatthis is what God has for you?
Are you really convinced thatthis is who you are?
And, if so, who's telling youthat?
Right, I mean, we've gotten tothe point where they are
actually talking about lettingfive years old, five year olds
(22:27):
pick their sex.
Wait a minute.
Five, you don't even know themedical terminology for your
private parts, you don't evenknow, you barely know that
you're alive, and you only knowat five what somebody tells you.
You don't know for yourself.
So you got to stop to think forone second.
(22:49):
If they're going to allow afive year old pick their sex,
it's behind this.
Who, like, what's behind thisand why is it allowed?
And so, anyway, so you know,going back full circle.
So these are the things thatcame up in my mind, right, and
I'm like, okay, yes, I'm livingthis lifestyle and yes, I'm
(23:12):
doing this, and yes, I'm doingthat, and it just didn't feel
right.
I was living a foreverHalloween, right, and I got
tired of it.
I got tired of listening to Godtalk to me and just saying I
love you, I'm here for you andyou know I won't leave you, I
won't forsake you.
And I was just like.
You know, I'm tired.
I got tired of living somethingthat I wasn't you know, and it
(23:37):
was like all right, somethinghas to give.
And so, long story short, andwe get more into details as the
episodes go on.
But long story short.
The Lord sent me to San Antonio, texas, and you know, I started
doing what God wanted me to do.
I started being where Godwanted me to be and listening
(24:01):
and doing, and I said, okay, I'mout, I want to walk away from
it.
But I did, you know, withprayer and deliverance and
accountability, and the Lordallowed me to walk away from it.
And you know, people say, well,once gay, always gay, no, no, no
, no, no.
That's so unfair to say,because if you say once gay,
(24:25):
always gay, then you have to sayonce a crackhead, always a
crackhead.
Once an alcoholic, always aalcoholic.
You know, once a liar, always aliar.
You know to say that means youfeel that there can never be
redemption, there can never berecovery, right, and so it is
possible to walk away fromhomosexuality and not be
(24:46):
attracted to a male and not beattracted to the same sex, you
know, and be restored back intoyour correct function, right?
And yes, I was a part of thelifestyle, I was a homosexual, I
was past tense, right?
And so now my job and my goalis to talk to people.
(25:07):
And then my job and my goal isto understand where we are now
today culturally, where thisthing has metamorphed.
I mean, this thing has gottenbig, it has gotten huge, and I,
there are a lot of things that Idon't understand about where we
are or where the culture is asit pertains to the LGBTQ
community.
(25:28):
I, you know, I don't understandall the alphabets, fam, I don't
know, I don't, I'm.
I have a lot of people that Ihave lined up to come on the
show and talk about.
Okay, what does this mean andwhat does that mean, and and and
.
I want to talk to people who arestill in the community.
I want to talk to people whoare out of the community.
(25:49):
I want to talk to people whohave one foot in the community
and one foot out of thecommunity.
I want to talk to kids.
What is your life, like atschool, like what you know?
Are people you know throwing itdown your throat and and?
Are you being bullied with itor are you deciding to do it?
You know, and?
And?
If you are, why?
And then what's making youdecide that way?
(26:10):
Right, and so, on this platform, I really want to understand
the community.
I want to talk to the community.
I want to hear their stories.
I want them to hear mine, andthen I want them to hear the,
the, the redemptive side of thisstory, right, and what God says
about this.
Not in a bashing way, not in aoh, if you're going to do this,
you're going to go to hell.
I don't know where you're goingto go.
(26:31):
Okay, let's just be clear.
You know that's between you andGod.
I don't have a hell to put youin.
I can't say I can't save you,so that's between you and God.
But what I can tell you is whathe says about this and and and
and how you should move, andthen what I've seen in my life
personally, what he has done andand and what he has shown me,
(26:52):
and so I definitely want to talkto people about it, and I want
to talk to pastors, because Iknow a lot of churches and a lot
of people have church hurt andabout.
You know that pastors, a lot ofchurches, don't know how to deal
with people in that lifestyle,and you know what.
And, to be honest, people inthat lifestyle don't know how to
deal with church.
(27:13):
That's just being cleared.
You know, and, yes, I am apastor and I do think some
actions are deliberate and someactions are on purpose and
people do things to rufflefeathers okay, and and people
come to churches and do thingsto pastors and churches because
(27:34):
they have judgments to givechurches and you know all of
that.
But then also there are somechurches and some pastors who
don't know how to handle.
You know the LGBTQ communityand what you should do and you
know and how you should approach.
You know.
And then so, and then anotherthing on this platform, I want
to talk to people who you maywant to step away from the
(27:55):
lifestyle.
And again, this, this platform,is not to get you to do anything
you don't want to do, but I'mgoing to hear your side of the
story.
I'm going to hear how you gotthere.
I want to talk to you about it.
I want you to hear how I got tomy, where I was and have some
casual Conversation.
Let's talk about you know you,where you are emotionally and
(28:15):
and whatever traumas you had andor have, and then Talk about
God, where you stand with him,if you, if you stand at all with
him, you know, it doesn'tmatter where you are.
I want to have the conversationand I want to talk about how
did we get here as a community,how did we get here as, as as a
nation?
And then how do we get here asas personally.
(28:38):
How did you get here Right, anddo you plan on staying that way
?
What is your plan like if youchange your sex and God says,
hey, I don't want you to do that, and you get it in Pifany and
you're like, okay, you're rightnow.
What does that look like foryou?
You know.
And then, for people who don'tunderstand the LGBTQ community,
I do want to provide someeducation on here what the
community is, how, how did itstart?
(28:59):
Where is it going?
What is the agenda?
You know, what is, what is thewhole entire goal?
You know?
Is it after the kids?
Is it?
Is it just a fad?
Is?
If is it, what is it?
You know.
And so these are the thingsthat I'm going to cover on this
podcast.
Again, it'd be definitelysurface based and level.
Surface level and the rest ofit the nitty gritty, the secrets
(29:24):
, the tea, if you will, you knowand If you want to come away
from it, how to come away fromit, what to do to come away from
it all of that would bediscussed in the escape room
again.
This platform was all startedbecause I believe that you are
not living your best life.
I believe that God wants morefrom you and I believe that you
(29:50):
don't have to stay that way now.
This platform is alsoeducational about the community
and I would like to have theconversation.
Yes, I am a Christian.
Do I believe that thehomosexuality and being a part
of the community is right foryou?
I do not.
However, do I want to talk toyou?
Do I want to hear your side?
(30:10):
Do I want to hear how you gotto where you are?
Do I want to hear why you thinkthe way you think?
Yes, I want to hear all of thatand I want to have a
conversation.
Nobody's bashing.
Yes, I disagree, let me beclear, but I'm not bashing.
I actually want to hear yourside.
I want to have the conversationAgain.
I'm gonna have various people onthis show.
(30:31):
People's girl, I said people'sall right.
I'm gonna have various peopleon the show, and from pastors,
from People who are in thecommunity, people who are out of
the community, people whoteeter tottering in the
community, children who arethinking about the community,
you name it.
I want to talk about it and,again, we do have an exclusive
(30:51):
part of this show.
So you think you're gay?
The escape room.
I'm your whole show.
Whitener.
Thank you for tuning in, thankyou for listening to the podcast
.
So you think you're gay.
Make sure you stay tuned.
There's so much more we need todiscuss.
I'm out of here.
You, you.
How do you identify you?
Like girls and boys, you changeyour identity.
Do you think that people willaccept you?
Hey, that's you, you them.
Come on, bro.
Do you even know what you like?
What even is that Community areyou in?
Lgbtq stands for what?
So how like?
How are you?
What does God say about this?
(00:21):
No, does your family know?
How did you get here?
What are your pronouns?
What gave this to you?
Do you even know how this cameto be?
Can you live like this for real?
What does God say about this?
Are you God's?
Are you so?
Do you think you're gay?
(00:42):
What's up?
Everybody you are tuning in tothe podcast.
So you think you're gay?
I'm your host, shoe Whitner, andthis is the very first episode
on this podcast, and I am goinglive just so that I can talk to
everybody, just to let you know,hey, look, why this platform
(01:04):
exists, why I even created it.
I think in this time and inthis culture, you know, the
LGBTQ community is seeminglygrowing by the second.
There's so many things outthere that has come to fruition.
I mean, it's every daysomething new and it's a hot
buzz topic, right, but it isalso a life-changing topic and I
(01:29):
kind of want to get on here andtell my story.
For the very first episode.
It's like you know what?
Where did this thing come from?
You know what does, so youthink you're gay, mean, and so I
wanted to get on here andreally just talk to everybody
about what it is and what it isnot.
It is possible to come away fromhomosexuality.
(01:49):
Here it is.
I am a Christian, okay, and Iwas once a part of the LGBTQ
community.
I did 10 to 12, maybe 15 yearsin the lifestyle.
I was 18, you know, just doingthe most.
And my story is a unique one,but it's one in the same,
(02:12):
because I really believe thatpeople who are in the LGBTQ
community have a lot of similarthings that are rooted, that
cause them to be a part of thiscommunity, right, and so I kind
of want to talk about that.
But I want to tell you from thebeginning, right, this is why
(02:34):
this platform exists, is becauseof my story, right, and I want
people to know that, hey, youknow you can be a part of that
community and still come awayfrom it.
I do not agree with living inthe LGBTQ community as it
pertains to a homosexuallifestyle.
I don't agree with it.
(02:54):
I do not think it is God's bestfor your life.
I want this platform to be avery loving platform, one that
does not bash, but at the sametime, I want to talk about it.
I want to talk to people intheir stories.
I want to hear their stories.
I want to hear what theirstruggles were and how did they
come to a place of decision tobecome a part of the LGBTQ
(03:18):
community.
Now again, the LGBTQ community.
There's so many things and somany pronouns and so many
letters and so many alphabets,and so I kind of want to break
those things down over thecourse and the span of this
podcast to kind of understandthe community, because there are
a lot of things out there thatwe just don't understand and,
(03:41):
instead of pointing the finger,I just want to know hey, what
does this mean and how did youget to this place?
Right, man, where can I start?
It started from being rejected.
I was bullied as a kid.
I mean bullied all throughoutmiddle school.
(04:02):
I got bullied through highschool and I was just like a
very fearful kid, right, my momwas a very tough and strong
woman and you know she— shewasn't Claire Huxdable, to say
the least, she wasn't ClaireHuxdable and her parenting style
was that of a strong hand andher mother didn't really raise
(04:29):
her.
She was in the streets most ofher life.
So when it came to raising herkids, it was just like, hey,
we're going to get in where wefit in.
And my mom was doing a lot ofthings and a lot of things, and
so we'll get into that later.
But a lot of those things thatplagued not plagued, I'm sorry,
(04:52):
I don't want to use that word Alot of those things that I went
through as a kid shaped myreality as it pertains to things
that I got into, and so,because there were a lot of
traumas in the household andthere was a lot of chaos in the
household, it shaped the realityof how my days went at school
(05:12):
and what I was able to put upwith.
I remember getting bullied,getting off the bus and being
scared because I was bullied bythis young lady.
She was in a vinyl and shoutout to our binos Now, in my
adult's eye, you guys are someof the most amazing people, but
I was afraid of her.
She was brighter than me.
(05:34):
Her eyes would move veryrapidly back and forth.
She had gold, blondish hair.
She was scary to me because Ihad never really seen an albino
before, and so she used to bullyme really bad, and I was afraid
of her.
And then I would go to schooland get bullied, and it wasn't
until my cousin came to theschool and helped me out and I
(05:56):
didn't get bullied anymore.
But I was very fearful, veryafraid, and then my self-esteem
was in the trash.
I mean, it was a whole lotgoing on.
As a kid I wanted to be a boybecause I felt if I was a boy
then I would be tough enough.
And then so I just said, okay,I'm going to tell everybody I
(06:17):
have a twin brother.
Right, Slick my hair back.
And it was bad.
And thinking about it, thosethings shaped my reality and my
decision-making to even become apart of the LGBT community.
Well, it wasn't the LGBTQcommunity back then y'all.
So I'm not going to tell my agebecause I look better than my
(06:38):
age, whatever.
But back then it was justeither you are gay or you're not
.
It wasn't lesbian, binary,queer, it wasn't any of that.
It was either straight or gay.
That's what it was right.
And so I wasn't a part of theLGBT.
It was just gay.
(06:58):
And I didn't even say that Iwas gay, right, it was just hey,
boys didn't really takeinterest in me like that.
I was an ROTC, and I'm not goingto say I was abused as a child.
Well, I wasn't abused as achild.
There were a lot of things thathappened in the household that
(07:19):
caused sexual trauma, I wouldsay that, and so that stuff led
up to self-esteem issues.
That stuff led up to notfeeling good about yourself and
my mom.
Again, her parenting style wasa little harsh and parents say
(07:40):
things when they don'tunderstand things, and so verbal
abuse was there.
And so here I am, this scrawnylittle kid that really wasn't
good in academics andself-esteem was just shot.
And so I'm trying to figure outwhere I fit in.
I'm getting bullied.
(08:00):
Trauma is real right In thehousehold, and you leave and go
to school to find more traumaand more rejection, and it was
just bad.
And so when I became 18, I gotout of the house, I went to the
military and things just startedhappening right, I just started
exploring things because therewas a community waiting on me
(08:25):
and it didn't matter who youwere, what you looked like, what
you had to offer Everyone wasautomatically a part right.
And so I joined this communityof gays and I didn't call myself
gay, I didn't say, hey, I'm gay, no, it was just, hey, I'm
attracted to women Because atthe time, men I didn't trust men
(08:46):
, right, and men they just, Iwas mishandled and so I didn't
want to be around men and Ifigured, ok, if I'm with a woman
, that's safer for me, because,again, I was mishandled and so
within that, so now I'm, myself-esteem is low, I'm like,
okay, I don't deal with menbecause I'm afraid of them and
(09:09):
they've mishandled me.
So then now the judgment is Ican't be around men because
every man is going to try tohurt me, right.
And so these are the thingsthat are growing on the inside
and taking root all the while.
I'm still trying to figure outwho I am.
You know, and again we'retalking about how this all
started.
You know, and this is just abit of my story on how and why I
(09:33):
decided to start this platformAgain, I am a Christian and I
vehemently disagree with livingthe homosexual lifestyle.
But I'm also aware enough toknow that.
You know, things build up andthings happen that push people
towards this lifestyle.
You know People say that theywere gay and they say, you know,
(09:56):
I had no choice, I had to livethis way, and I do not agree
with that.
But I also know that things canstart happening at such an
early age and things can start,you know, going awry early that
you'll think, hey, this must bewho I am, because as long as I
can remember, I've been throughthis, I've been going through
(10:19):
this right, and oftentimes wegrow up in chaotic households
and chaotic situations and thechaos becomes norms.
They become norms.
And so then, because it's anorm, this is how I'm supposed
to be and that's not necessarilythe case.
So here I am.
You know I do not trust men,right.
(10:39):
I've been mishandled and now,you know I'm running to women
because we are the soft ofvessel and I'm a woman.
You're a woman, you can't hurtme unless I'll allow you to hurt
me, right?
And then so I'm in this.
You know homosexualrelationship and you know you
can tell me my feelings were notreal.
You couldn't tell me that Ididn't love these individuals,
(11:02):
right?
And there was a sense offreedom a false sense of freedom
, let me say because I felt like, okay, I can be myself over in
this space and technically Iwasn't, you know.
Looking back on it now, you know, with a clean lens, looking
through the lens of how God seesme, I know now that all of that
(11:26):
was a facade and all of thatwas a trap, because everything
told me hey, you're safe overhere, this is where you should
be.
It's a lie, it's not where youshould be, because over time I
begin to take on a moremasculine role and family.
Let me just be honest.
You know the time boy is a kid,right, and you know the scheme
or the thought is oh, I wasalways rough and I was always
(11:49):
tough.
No, I wasn't.
You know chaos in the householdagain, and I'll get into my
story in more depth.
Chaos in the household, you know, made me tough.
You know my mom was a toughwoman and she taught us hey, you
know, you don't rely on anybody.
You know you go get it foryourself, pick yourself up by
your own bootstraps and let's go.
And so there was a certainlevel of toughness and a certain
(12:12):
level of hardness.
You know my uncles would callme mad dog, you know, and they'd
push me around and wrestle meand I'm like and I felt like the
scheme was to try to make methis tough, you know person, and
it wasn't beenowing to them,it's just like, hey, I'm all
toughening you up.
(12:33):
And I used to get into somethings with my mom, you know.
Hey, she said, go downstairs.
We've been to knock the windowsout of these cars.
Then let's go, I'm gonna go getthat back and we're giving them
.
Knock the windows out of thesecars.
You know what I'm saying and Iremember things like that.
And so a lot of that shaped mydecision making.
Because here I am now.
You know, I'm with this womanand I'm turning into this
(12:56):
masculine being and it's not awoman's place to be tough, it's
not a woman's place to be, youknow, the man, to take on the
man role.
And then so you start doingthings and I have to be honest,
it felt weird because that's notmy genetic makeup, right.
But then the more I did it, themore comfortable I became in it
.
And then, the more comfortableI became in it, then it just was
(13:18):
like yo, I could do this right.
And so then I found myself lostin years of just being in a
role.
It was like I'm here.
You know, there's always a partof me that was like this doesn't
feel right, but hey, I'm here,right, and so that was back then
, I'm talking about 20 years ago.
(13:39):
But now this thing has morphedinto something totally different
.
It's changing of body parts andI remember, you know, I almost
I proposed to a woman I wasgoing to marry a woman, you know
.
But there was always this thing.
God was like no, no, no, therewas always this thing, this
little itty-bitty thing behindme just saying hey, no, that's
(14:00):
not it, that's not what I havefor you, right and so.
But today's culture, it's sodemonstrative, it's so loud,
it's so strong that it's urgingyou to get, to be, to change, to
become something that you'renot.
And it's like a facade, that's,it's like a Halloween mask, is
(14:22):
chasing you and is trying tokeep, you know, keep you in this
costume forever, right, and sogoing back, and so here I am, I
found myself, I'm 18, 19, 20,I'm in the military and I'm just
living this lifestyle, right,and I can't.
I have to be honest.
You know, when you're living ina lifestyle, it's all kicks and
giggles until it's not, youknow.
(14:44):
I mean, I was in all kinds ofthings and into all kinds of
people and you know, with therelationship that I was in, it
amazes me how, when you're inthe homosexual relationship and
you know, people's like why Idon't want a man, and the woman
does it for me and and and andthat's it.
You know, I'm attracted towomen only and this is this.
(15:06):
But then we go and get you knowapparatuses and and and things
to please a woman the same waythat a man does, right, and it's
like no, it's like this doesn'tmake any sense.
Because it's like wait a minute, if you are attracted to women,
why are you going to do andsuit up and try to put on what a
man has naturally in order toplease the woman that you're
(15:28):
with?
It didn't make sense, it didn'tadd up.
But again, while you're in it,you're blinded by what you feel
and what you want, right, andit's like no, let's just call a
spade a spade.
It's not that only a woman canplease you, it's just that
you're mad with men, you have ajudgment with men and you don't
(15:50):
feel safe with a man, so you runto the woman.
Now you still want to bepleased by a man because that's
the natural order.
That's how God intended right,he didn't intend for a man to be
with a man.
In the Bible in Genesis Ibelieve it's chapter two and he
said let us make man and ourimage and our likeness right.
And then you go down and youread a little further and it
(16:13):
says and God had to find ahelpmate suitable for Adam and
he made a woman.
He didn't make another man, hemade a woman right.
And so a key unlocks a lock.
Two keys can't do anythingright and two locks can't do
anything, because if you'retalking about being fruitful and
multiplying, then you're notgoing to do it if both are given
(16:36):
seed.
One has to give seed and theother one has to receive seed.
Okay, we'll talk about thatlater.
So at the end of the day y'all,it's like you're really mad at
the opposite sex because of atraumatic thing or a rejection
thing, or some people like well,I grew up, I didn't see any of
that in the home and I just feelthis way.
(16:56):
At the end of the day, there'sroots to this thing.
It's rejection, it's judgments,it's what you've seen, it's how
you've been treated.
All these things mix up adangerous cocktail and it's all
environmental and so again.
So the reason I started thispodcast is because I want to
talk about it and I want peopleto know that hey, look, this is
(17:21):
not God's best for you and theenemy wants to get you away from
who you were intended to be.
Right, you can't tell me thatthere is a comfortability with.
If you're a man, you have toreconfigure, you have to go
through the motions, you have todo a lot of things to embody a
(17:41):
woman and if you're not bornthat way, if you're not born a
woman, it's hard to put on afacade to be a woman every day,
because that's naturally notyour being and so you have to
put it on, you have to fake it,you have to do all of it and you
have to stop for one second andsay, hey, why do I want to be a
(18:05):
man and I was born a woman?
What if God is God?
And people say I believe in Godand some people they just like
I believe in the forest, or Ibelieve in the universe, or I
believe in I don't know.
It seems like every daysomething else is getting the
(18:26):
credit right.
But it's like people are like Ibelieve in this and I believe
in that, but you have a lot ofpeople that say I believe in God
.
You have a lot of people whoare in the homosexual lifestyle
that believe in God and they'reChristians.
That's fine.
But it's hard to say that youbelieve in God and you believe
in his word and you believe thathe is the supreme being when
(18:50):
you do not believe that he madeyou the way, that what you were
born, he doesn't make mistakes.
So then, at the end of the day,you have to ask yourself if you
are a man or a woman and youfeel like you need to be the
opposite of what you were born.
Then my question is do youreally believe God?
(19:11):
Do you really believe that hedoes not make mistakes?
Right?
And if you do, then now we haveto investigate okay, what's
causing me, who's causing me tobelieve?
Who's telling me that I am notthat what God intended me to be?
And so these are the thingsthat I had to walk through,
right.
(19:32):
I had to really, really, reallygo through my mind like why are
you this way?
Because at the end of the day,fam, there were times when I'd
be laying in the bed aftereverybody had their showers and
everybody had to dry it off.
You know, I'm laying therelistening to God, and God has a
way of wooing you and talking toyou even when you're in the
(19:54):
worst place you could be in.
Now, here's the deal.
It don't seem like it's theworst place to you because, I
mean, everything gets kicks andgiggles until it's not.
You know what I'm saying.
Everything is fun and the partyis the turn up and we out here
live in our best life, but thetruth of the matter is it's all
a facade, because after you'vebeen to every club and after
you've slept with the baddest,and after you've been with the
(20:17):
person who has the status youknow, it's like you're left with
the you of you that nobodyknows but you.
So then, fam, it's like, whatare we really doing and are you
really happy?
At the end of the day?
I really wish people would keepit 100.
I really wish people would keepit a stack.
You cannot say that you'rehaving the best time of your
(20:37):
life operating and beingsomething that you were not
intended to be.
Let's just be clear.
Let's talk about it A Halloweenmash, right?
When it's Halloween, everybodythey excited about their costume
.
I mean you excited family.
You are pumped because I amgoing to be.
I'm going to just picksomething.
The best Michael Jackson ever,right, I'm going to get a Jared
(20:58):
Carroll, you know, becauseMichael had a curl.
Okay, oh, the one with the oldMichael.
So then I'm going to get thejacket, I'm going to get the
shoes, I'm going to get the highwall, I'm going to get the
tight pants right, I'm going toget the glitter glove and I'm
going to get the jacket, youknow.
And I'm going to moonwalk andI'm going to put the penny
loafers on and I'm going to he,he and you know, bring my voice,
you know, and I'm going to doall of that.
But at the end of the day,you're going to get tired of
(21:20):
trying to keep up with thefacade that you're Michael
Jackson, because we're numberone.
Everybody knows that you're not.
Okay, let's just be clear.
You know, you're dressed likeMichael Jackson.
Yes, you're the one with theevident that we can tell that
you're not Michael Jackson.
Okay, so then now, at somepoint, at some point, fam, you
are going to get tired ofwearing the costume and putting
(21:43):
on the facade that you'reMichael Jackson, and it's the
same thing.
At some point, you're going toget tired of becoming or being
something that you're not.
And in today's culture, fam,people are taking hormone pills,
they're taking all kinds ofenhancements and they're doing
(22:04):
it nipping, they're tucking,they're cutting, and it's like,
fam, hold on time out, time out,time out.
Are you really convinced thatthis is what God has for you?
Are you really convinced thatthis is who you are?
And, if so, who's telling youthat?
Right, I mean, we've gotten tothe point where they are
actually talking about lettingfive years old, five year olds
(22:27):
pick their sex.
Wait a minute.
Five, you don't even know themedical terminology for your
private parts, you don't evenknow, you barely know that
you're alive, and you only knowat five what somebody tells you.
You don't know for yourself.
So you got to stop to think forone second.
(22:49):
If they're going to allow afive year old pick their sex,
it's behind this.
Who, like, what's behind thisand why is it allowed?
And so, anyway, so you know,going back full circle.
So these are the things thatcame up in my mind, right, and
I'm like, okay, yes, I'm livingthis lifestyle and yes, I'm
(23:12):
doing this, and yes, I'm doingthat, and it just didn't feel
right.
I was living a foreverHalloween, right, and I got
tired of it.
I got tired of listening to Godtalk to me and just saying I
love you, I'm here for you andyou know I won't leave you, I
won't forsake you.
And I was just like.
You know, I'm tired.
I got tired of living somethingthat I wasn't you know, and it
(23:37):
was like all right, somethinghas to give.
And so, long story short, andwe get more into details as the
episodes go on.
But long story short.
The Lord sent me to San Antonio, texas, and you know, I started
doing what God wanted me to do.
I started being where Godwanted me to be and listening
(24:01):
and doing, and I said, okay, I'mout, I want to walk away from
it.
But I did, you know, withprayer and deliverance and
accountability, and the Lordallowed me to walk away from it.
And you know, people say, well,once gay, always gay, no, no, no
, no, no.
That's so unfair to say,because if you say once gay,
(24:25):
always gay, then you have to sayonce a crackhead, always a
crackhead.
Once an alcoholic, always aalcoholic.
You know, once a liar, always aliar.
You know to say that means youfeel that there can never be
redemption, there can never berecovery, right, and so it is
possible to walk away fromhomosexuality and not be
(24:46):
attracted to a male and not beattracted to the same sex, you
know, and be restored back intoyour correct function, right?
And yes, I was a part of thelifestyle, I was a homosexual, I
was past tense, right?
And so now my job and my goalis to talk to people.
(25:07):
And then my job and my goal isto understand where we are now
today culturally, where thisthing has metamorphed.
I mean, this thing has gottenbig, it has gotten huge, and I,
there are a lot of things that Idon't understand about where we
are or where the culture is asit pertains to the LGBTQ
community.
(25:28):
I, you know, I don't understandall the alphabets, fam, I don't
know, I don't, I'm.
I have a lot of people that Ihave lined up to come on the
show and talk about.
Okay, what does this mean andwhat does that mean, and and and
.
I want to talk to people who arestill in the community.
I want to talk to people whoare out of the community.
(25:49):
I want to talk to people whohave one foot in the community
and one foot out of thecommunity.
I want to talk to kids.
What is your life, like atschool, like what you know?
Are people you know throwing itdown your throat and and?
Are you being bullied with itor are you deciding to do it?
You know, and?
And?
If you are, why?
And then what's making youdecide that way?
(26:10):
Right, and so, on this platform, I really want to understand
the community.
I want to talk to the community.
I want to hear their stories.
I want them to hear mine, andthen I want them to hear the,
the, the redemptive side of thisstory, right, and what God says
about this.
Not in a bashing way, not in aoh, if you're going to do this,
you're going to go to hell.
I don't know where you're goingto go.
(26:31):
Okay, let's just be clear.
You know that's between you andGod.
I don't have a hell to put youin.
I can't say I can't save you,so that's between you and God.
But what I can tell you is whathe says about this and and and
and how you should move, andthen what I've seen in my life
personally, what he has done andand and what he has shown me,
(26:52):
and so I definitely want to talkto people about it, and I want
to talk to pastors, because Iknow a lot of churches and a lot
of people have church hurt andabout.
You know that pastors, a lot ofchurches, don't know how to deal
with people in that lifestyle,and you know what.
And, to be honest, people inthat lifestyle don't know how to
deal with church.
(27:13):
That's just being cleared.
You know, and, yes, I am apastor and I do think some
actions are deliberate and someactions are on purpose and
people do things to rufflefeathers okay, and and people
come to churches and do thingsto pastors and churches because
(27:34):
they have judgments to givechurches and you know all of
that.
But then also there are somechurches and some pastors who
don't know how to handle.
You know the LGBTQ communityand what you should do and you
know and how you should approach.
You know.
And then so, and then anotherthing on this platform, I want
to talk to people who you maywant to step away from the
(27:55):
lifestyle.
And again, this, this platform,is not to get you to do anything
you don't want to do, but I'mgoing to hear your side of the
story.
I'm going to hear how you gotthere.
I want to talk to you about it.
I want you to hear how I got tomy, where I was and have some
casual Conversation.
Let's talk about you know you,where you are emotionally and
(28:15):
and whatever traumas you had andor have, and then Talk about
God, where you stand with him,if you, if you stand at all with
him, you know, it doesn'tmatter where you are.
I want to have the conversationand I want to talk about how
did we get here as a community,how did we get here as, as as a
nation?
And then how do we get here asas personally.
(28:38):
How did you get here Right, anddo you plan on staying that way
?
What is your plan like if youchange your sex and God says,
hey, I don't want you to do that, and you get it in Pifany and
you're like, okay, you're rightnow.
What does that look like foryou?
You know.
And then, for people who don'tunderstand the LGBTQ community,
I do want to provide someeducation on here what the
community is, how, how did itstart?
(28:59):
Where is it going?
What is the agenda?
You know, what is, what is thewhole entire goal?
You know?
Is it after the kids?
Is it?
Is it just a fad?
Is?
If is it, what is it?
You know.
And so these are the thingsthat I'm going to cover on this
podcast.
Again, it'd be definitelysurface based and level.
Surface level and the rest ofit the nitty gritty, the secrets
(29:24):
, the tea, if you will, you knowand If you want to come away
from it, how to come away fromit, what to do to come away from
it all of that would bediscussed in the escape room
again.
This platform was all startedbecause I believe that you are
not living your best life.
I believe that God wants morefrom you and I believe that you
(29:50):
don't have to stay that way now.
This platform is alsoeducational about the community
and I would like to have theconversation.
Yes, I am a Christian.
Do I believe that thehomosexuality and being a part
of the community is right foryou?
I do not.
However, do I want to talk toyou?
Do I want to hear your side?
(30:10):
Do I want to hear how you gotto where you are?
Do I want to hear why you thinkthe way you think?
Yes, I want to hear all of thatand I want to have a
conversation.
Nobody's bashing.
Yes, I disagree, let me beclear, but I'm not bashing.
I actually want to hear yourside.
I want to have the conversationAgain.
I'm gonna have various people onthis show.
(30:31):
People's girl, I said people'sall right.
I'm gonna have various peopleon the show, and from pastors,
from People who are in thecommunity, people who are out of
the community, people whoteeter tottering in the
community, children who arethinking about the community,
you name it.
I want to talk about it and,again, we do have an exclusive
(30:51):
part of this show.
So you think you're gay?
The escape room.
I'm your whole show.
Whitener.
Thank you for tuning in, thankyou for listening to the podcast
.
So you think you're gay.
Make sure you stay tuned.
There's so much more we need todiscuss.
I'm out of here.
You, you.
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