What happens when betrayal, revenge, and real estate collide in California wine country? The aftermath of Cole abandoning Melissa at the altar creates shockwaves through Falcon Crest that nobody could have predicted. Melissa Agretti refuses to play the victim after her public humiliation. Rather than retreating into shame, she transforms her wedding day disaster into an opportunity for reinvention – horseback riding in her couture gown alongside Craig Reardon and setting the stage for what becomes the most jaw-dropping confrontation in Falcon Crest history. When she delivers the first-ever "b*tch" to Angela Channing's face while returning her ruined wedding dress, television history is made in a moment of pure soap opera perfection. Meanwhile, the power struggle over the Giannini vineyard intensifies as Angela and Chase position themselves to control this valuable property. The unexpected arrival of Mary Giannini in a casket rather than on a private jet throws both their schemes into chaos, proving once again that in Tuscany Valley, even the dead play crucial roles in the ongoing vineyard wars. Angela's iconic declaration that her "money is old and strong like the back of my hand" reminds everyone why she remains television's most formidable matriarch. The episode delivers its most surprising wisdom through four-year-old Joseph, whose simple but profound observations about honesty and forgiveness force Cole to reconsider his actions. This leads to an unexpected physical confrontation between Cole and Greg Reardon that somehow transforms into friendship, culminating in an impromptu vineyard wedding where enemies become allies in true soap opera fashion. From Angela's symbolically split red-and-gray outfit to Richard's bizarre reaction to Lorraine's pregnancy, "Recriminations" showcases why primetime soaps of the 1980s created such devoted audiences. If you're nostalgic for the golden age of television melodrama or discovering these classics for the first time, this landmark episode demonstrates precisely why these stories continue to captivate decades later.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
My money is old and strong like the back of my hand.
I will introduce you to both ifyou try to trifle with my
business.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys andgirls, welcome, or welcome back
to SoFloor, the officialgathering place for newbies,
novices and OG diehard fans ofthe golden age of primetime.
I'm your host, jed, viewing andreviewing the Sophia Setia's
(00:23):
primetime storylines of 1985.
So, whether you're new to thisor true to this, get back and
enjoy.
Tell the kids it's time to playoutside or out of sight.
They'll beg no questions,suggestions or concerns for the
next 25 to 35 minutes, everyoneelse in air shot, cool, quiet or
kicked out Period Only optionsyou got today because we are
(00:44):
watching our stories.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys andgirls, this is so full.
Hello party people.
(01:05):
Welcome back to another fun,filledfilled edition of Soap
Floor.
I hope your day is shaping upwell.
I've never been better.
I am on 10.
I am feeling the relaxation ofsummer for the first time this
summer.
That's the thing about gettinggrown.
You ever notice that?
My mind still thinks thatbetween May and September I
(01:27):
should be at home, chilling,riding my bike, eating snow
cones and pickles.
But you know, I have to be anadult and I have to, like, do
other stuff.
I know I'm joking.
Love being good and grown.
How are y'all today?
All of your day is good.
I think we're in new territory.
(01:47):
I think this is anunprecedented episode.
I think this could be alandmark episode.
I'm probably being dramaticbecause I mean, why not?
Why would I watch soap operasand then keep it mellow and
stick to the script?
I think we're on to something,this episode, that I have never
witnessed on another episode.
We're going to jump into onequick little piece of fan mail.
(02:08):
So go ahead and grab yourselfsomething bubbly and bright,
something refreshing and cool.
You can also leave me fan mailor a text.
We don't have to be so formal.
If you're listening to this onyour mobile device, check the
show notes, you'll see.
Send us a text and you can dojust that.
Unfortunately, I can't text youback, but I will acknowledge
you.
Emails is actually where I getthe bulk of everything.
(02:30):
So if you'd like to send anemail, you can reach out to
soplorepodcast at gmailcom.
That is,s-o-a-p-l-o-r-e-p-o-d-c-a-s-t at
gmailcom.
Let's jump into.
Oh, I didn't even tell you whatwe're watching today.
We're on Falcon Crest, we'reback on the West Coast.
(02:51):
We gotta pick up the Shamblesafter Melissa's wedding was
ruined by her fiance.
Season 4, episode 21.
Watch me stumble over this word.
You guys know I was anaccelerated reader, but I'm
(03:11):
going to stumble through this.
Recriminations is what I believethe word says Recriminations
While you pour yourselfsomething to drink or crack open
a bottle or can or whatever youneed to do.
I'm going to Google theenunciation of this word.
I believe it's recriminations.
Watch out, still a macaroni.
That is how you pronounce it.
(03:33):
I'm really glad I looked it up.
Recrimination an accusation inresponse to one from someone
else.
There are no tears, norecriminations.
That is definitely a pre-1974word.
We need to bring that back intothe fold.
I really like that.
Check out this.
Accusations, counteraccusations, counter charge,
(03:55):
counter attacks, retaliations,quarreling, squabbling,
bickering, rowing.
One of the things I love aboutwatching older films is the
vocabulary.
Oh listen, I don't mind a cusshere and there.
You know what I'm saying, youdo you?
It doesn't really bother me tohear it.
I may or may not always use it,but it doesn't bother me to
(04:17):
hear it.
But there is something sodecadent about someone who can
read you fulfilled, without eversparking a curse word, using
colorful language, waxing poeticabout how absolutely deplorable
you are.
Anyway, I may or may not sharethat sentiment.
(04:40):
On this episode, we got to getto this.
I want to appreciate a quicklittle text.
I got Nicole from Ann Arbor.
She told me I could say thatSays Jet, I stumbled upon your
podcast late last night as I waspacking my home.
Thank you for getting methrough the late hours.
The show is hilarious.
Thank you, nicole, forlistening and listen.
(05:04):
Girl, I'm glad I was able tohelp.
I wish I could motivate myselfto go into my laundry room.
I need to clear out everything.
I need to put things in bags.
I need to donate things.
It's not fun.
It's literally one of my leastfavorite things on earth to do
is to sort through everyoneelse's clothes and does this fit
?
Does this not fit?
Where is this?
(05:24):
But it's got to be done.
So maybe I'll listen to myself,maybe I'll put on a couple.
You know what I'll do now thatI'm saying it out loud I'm going
to put on the next four soapoperas so I can get through that
and fully enjoy it.
Okay, if you listened to theprevious episode, I asked you
guys for a little bit of advice.
I am still taking that advice.
I need to make a decision.
(05:44):
I've slept on a little bit more.
Is your girl going to SouthFork?
No, I don't know.
I don't know Really want youropinion.
Anything you have to say isappreciated.
One of the other stops that Iwill make within the next two
years is have to plan it out.
I am going to Falcon Crest.
(06:05):
When I realized that this was areal vineyard, which I kind of
had a hunch, but I thought I hadread somewhere that this house
was really in Iowa.
But when I Googled it, probablyearlier this week, it said yeah
, there was.
There used to be a whole tour.
When Falcon Crest was on theair they would do tours at this
particular vineyard.
Apparently it's Spring MountainVineyard.
(06:26):
If you're an OG, you probablyalready know this.
Maybe you do, maybe you don't,but I really think I want to
check that out, especially sinceChase and Maggie's home is
there.
Gotta go see it, all right.
So when last we left there wasa wedding.
There was a sort of a miserable,no good day.
(06:46):
The tragically unqualified cold.
You dirty amateur brooder,habitual jaw clencher and recent
topless baby oil enthusiast,twisted his face into a
theatrical pout, spun on hisdepartment store heels and
stormed off in a burst of highschool dramatics, leaving bad
(07:08):
girl Melly Mel alone at thealtar in one of the coldest
couture gowns of 1985.
The absolute audacity, theabsolute mortification of a
moment like this bears the wraththat it does produce.
Of a moment like this bears thewrath that it does produce.
(07:29):
Now, in my mind, I'm likeMelissa, melly Mel, do you
really want to go through this?
Do you really want to keeprepeating these same patterns?
To say she's pissed is not anunderstatement.
I would say she's absolutelyraging.
So do you know what she does?
Do you think she runs out afterhim?
Does she chase him?
Does she run crying?
No, she spins on her coutureheels, begins to waltz down the
(07:51):
aisle, where she is quicklyjoined by the manimal.
Now, this is very interesting.
This is in front of everybody.
Mind you, this is a churchfilled to the brim with people.
Everybody's jaw is on the floorexcept Angela.
Filled to the brim with people.
Everybody's jaw is on the floorexcept Angela.
God, she, just she looks likesomeone, like she just saw the
sun for the first time.
(08:11):
She is just smiling it's sowarm, like somebody on their
first day out of prison.
Baby, she is unshakable.
This is amazing.
This is the reason she got upand got dressed that morning.
This is the reason she dug outsome old charcuterie board or
some sort of neat barbecue kitto give to her great nephew, who
(08:33):
she don't really care for.
She put that ish on.
She went to the church to watchthis girl be mortified in front
of God and everybody.
It is a fantastic day to beAngela, big Perm, channing, but
bad girl Melly.
Mel is not one to wallow insadness for very long.
Okay, cool, guess what?
Cole, just like that.
(08:53):
Look who's on my shoulder?
I already found somebody fresh.
She decides she's not takingoff that gown.
She is not taking off thatcoachua gown.
Matter of fact, manimal, go getone of your finest steeds.
We're going horseback riding inmy dress.
I want to look like Ladyfreaking Godiva.
I'm going to enjoy this day oneway or another and I respect
(09:14):
that.
That was my third.
That was my thought after.
The other episode is I wouldstill have the reception.
We did not order all of thisfood.
We did not invite all thesepeople to sit and have a big
empty room.
We're going to have a party.
Raise your hand if you're inthe church, anybody have a kid,
(09:36):
graduate or anything, isanybody's birthday.
Did anybody not flip out on acashier today?
Perfect, that's what we'recelebrating.
We're going to have this partyone way or another.
We are on a cashier todayPerfect, that's what we're
celebrating.
We're going to have this partyone way or another.
We are on a vineyard.
There's tons of wine and cheese.
We don't have a good time.
I will handle Cole at anotherdate and time.
Well, maggie and Chase, as youcan imagine, are not entertained
(10:00):
by this foolishness.
Their son has just embarrassedthe family yet again.
Now I'll say this I don'treally have any beef with Cole,
other than his kind of infantileface always scrunching up.
He's very juvenile to me, butby and large he's a good guy.
He doesn't really do a lotwrong.
He just he kind of gets caughtup.
It's just.
He is what the definition ofcan't win for losing.
(10:22):
He's always in the wrong placeat the wrong time and then he's
got that temper, so it's so easyto trap him.
So he runs off and heembarrasses the family.
He comes stumbling into thehouse later that night singing
at the top of his lungs.
Chase and Maggie got to get upout the bed and they're pissed.
You drunk nincompoop.
(10:44):
You absolute fool, you disgrace.
How dare you come stumbling inhere singing all at the top of
your lungs?
That's reason enough to getcussed out.
But on this occasion he's earnedtheir rap, because not only did
you embarrass us, you ditchedyour baby mama in front of your
son.
Your baby son watched you turnon your department store heels
(11:07):
and sashay out of that doorthrough a fit.
He watched you throw akindergarten fit in a church in
front of his mama.
Chase has had enough.
He's like listen, I understand,listen, listen.
Your mother and I can't standMelissa.
But we are forward thinking.
We understand that we have agrandchild who is attached to
(11:29):
her and, no matter what, we'regoing to make the best of that
relationship, best thatrelationship for him and we make
the best of that relationshipfor you.
That is one thing.
Not to want the girl, it'squite another to ditch her at
the altar in front of your son.
If nothing else, they're pissedthat he has disrespected his
son.
Keep in mind that the reason heleft Melissa at the altar in
front of your son, if nothingelse, they're pissed that he has
disrespected his son.
Keep in mind that the reason heleft Melissa at the altar is
(11:49):
because Angela told him thatMelissa is barren.
He's upset that she didn't tellhim first.
Mind you, she's already givenbirth to his son.
I will not continue to beat thisthought process home, but it
seems a little bit dramatic tome personally.
You know what I'm saying.
It's a weird way to fly off thehandle, didn't see?
(12:09):
Seems like there's probably 150other things underneath the
surface that you really don'twant to handle with her, and
this was the easiest out.
It's like oh my gosh, you liedto me.
She didn't really lie.
One could argue that maybe shewas hoping for a better
diagnosis.
Why wouldn't she?
This is a soap opera.
Obviously, things can happen.
She's young, she's healthy.
There's many different ways tohave a child, even if she can't
(12:34):
carry it.
I almost hate to admit it.
This might be some of Cole'sbest acting.
He acts so much better whenhe's drunk.
He is breaking lamps andsweating all over the place.
But hey, if this is what weneed to pull out of him, I like
it.
Anyway, chase and Maggie pushthe plane home.
You left everybody.
You left a huge mess.
You need to grow up, and youneed to grow up with quickness.
(12:54):
Go upstairs, sleep it off, wakeup tomorrow and you better go
and fix it.
Go handle it, go be a man.
Way to lay down the law, chase,he ain't got time for this.
Chase is also wearing sneakers.
I don't know what he was aboutto do.
Hell, maybe he's good at it.
(13:15):
I find it hard to believe thathe is able to lace up his
shoelaces that quickly at night.
But you know, do you Do you inyour house?
None of my business thatquickly at night.
But you know, do you do you inyour house?
None of my business.
Obviously, the not so Gia,birdie or Grady wedding is the
talk of the town.
So over at Falcon Crest, angelaand the family are eating and
(13:37):
gossiping about what theprevious day's events.
Angela is is iconic for so manyreasons.
She's a perm rock goddess.
She is ruthless, she'shilarious.
She is old auntie, energy, oldmoney and a never-ending thirst
for power.
I have noticed that throughoutthe show.
Usually when she goes and sheputs on something red, it's
(14:00):
about to go down.
It's almost as if she's likeI'm going to little orphan Annie
, you awkwardly, but inside I'ma pit bull.
She's a pit bull in a skirt and, for whatever reason, on this
day she decided to represent herduality.
Yeah Little orphan Annie, Ilook soft and innocent.
I'm a little old lady.
(14:20):
I'm not going to harm you.
I'm going to tear you to shreds.
Them a little away.
I'm not going to harm you, I'mgoing to tear you to shreds.
So she has on or this outfit.
I'm still trying to decide howI like it.
It's very 80s but it is verymuch Cruella de Vil.
It is split down the middle.
So it's split down the middle.
You know, angela, don't playwith all that.
She has a collar on.
Half of the dress is red floral, red and black floral with a
(14:45):
big old bow around the neck.
The other side is ice gray.
What message is she conveyingtoday?
I feel like it's the start ofsomething beautiful.
Baby.
It was about to go down, butother things have to be taken
care of first.
She's always wanting to takecare of business.
Number one I need you to buy mea vineyard, greg.
(15:07):
I need you to continue seducingMelissa, greg.
He's like I know.
I know Lance wants to know ifthey've changed his venue For
some reason.
They don't want to hold histrial in whatever county they're
in.
I guess they're afraid ofpublic opinion.
They want to do it a little bitfurther out where he doesn't
have so much of a reputation.
I guess you can do that if youhave enough money.
I don't, I'm sure, I don't know.
(15:28):
So Greg Reardon's got his platefull.
He's like okay, okay, fine,yeah, I remember all that.
I also think it's a terribleidea to let Greg Reardon be
Lance's lawyer.
He does not like him.
They and I'm afraid I don'tthink these men can separate the
two.
I don't think we can keepbusiness business and personal
personal.
I think they are intertwined.
(15:49):
Chase and Maggie are also makingplans, but not the plans.
You would think they'redownstairs having breakfast and
I guess Chase is feeling alittle more conservative today.
He needs to put on a brave face, since his son embarrassed him
in front of the entire county.
I hate to report it, but he'sonly got one button undone.
I can barely see his chesticlestoday.
I don't even see any chest hair.
It's a very conservative V-neck, very disappointing.
(16:12):
Anyway, he and Maggie arechatting and he's like hey,
angela's probably going to tryto buy Reidman's property, but
if we can talk to the Lajani, Ithink, is her last name we can
tell her.
So that land still belongs toyou.
Cole comes in and Chase giveshim that signature lit purse
like look at Maggie's son, lookat that, look what the cat drug
(16:33):
in this is where the hell youthink you going.
Cole makes himself a cup ofcoffee and then carries it to
the car.
He's like.
You know, I got to go clean upmy own mess.
God, I'm so, so grateful forthe invention of tumblers in
these different sort of cups wehave now.
I like my coffee.
I can't imagine having to driveand maneuver around with a cup
(16:56):
with no lid.
I couldn't do it.
Rest in peace.
My beautiful grandmother hasgone to glory, but it always
reminds me.
Quick little side story.
So my grandma lived reallyclose to us and she would take
us to school.
Sometimes my parents worked sowe would get ready.
My older sister had volleyballor something, so she would have
to leave before my brother and I.
(17:17):
Well, my grandma came over andit was unseasonably cold, like
there would have been some sortof ice storm and it hit us all
of a sudden.
So we didn't realize it, orthere'd been some sort of freeze
.
We didn't realize.
You know, we went to bed, itwas cold.
We woke up there was actuallylike ice on the porch and we had
(17:37):
one of those longer deck styleporches.
So my grandmother comes over andshe's in her nightgown, she has
in her rollers and stuff and Idon't know why her and my
brother would always kind of getinto it.
Don't know why her, my brother,would always kind of get into
(18:03):
it like he was always veryserious about it.
I could tell she was justhaving a little fun with him.
She like he cracked her up sohe'd be.
You know they tell her grandmaeverywhere we go is old people.
You're supposed to take me tomcdonald my grandma would often
take like her aunt.
So you can imagine my grandmawas.
She wasn't super old at thetime.
Obviously she's probably likeonly maybe she was like early
sixties, I don't know.
But her aunts were still alive.
So she would take them to likethe social security office, to
(18:24):
their doctor's appointment.
She was very much being liketheir niece.
Except my brother was youngenough to where he wasn't in
school yet or was like.
You know we only would just gohalf a day, so sometimes he'd be
with her.
He did not enjoy herfestivities.
They were very, very old lady.
Me, on the other hand, Ienjoyed them.
I had a good time runningaround with these old people.
(18:45):
But one time she bought himlike he said you're supposed to
take me to mcdonald's.
You never take me anywhere.
It's always old people andshe'd be like, just deal with it
.
So she bought him a corn dogone time and he just like threw
his body back and stiffened hislegs and he'd let the corn dog
roll it to the floor.
So they kind of had thatrelationship and she was like,
(19:07):
take it up and eat it.
So they kind of go back andforth all the time.
Well, on this particular morningit's icy outside.
I think I went out first.
I was like whoa, whoa, it'sslippery, but I was able to kind
of figure it out soon enough.
My brother comes out, I helphim off the porch, we go sit in
my grandma's car so we can seethe porch from the car, and
(19:29):
she's inside pouring herself ahot cup of coffee so she can
take her grandkids to school.
Mind you, picture all this in aregular daggler nightgown, not
like a silky fun one, just likea regular t-shirt, one that like
hits you at the knees.
She's wearing regular slippers.
She was fine with it.
They used to live in denverbefore they lived in texas.
(19:50):
So she comes outside and she'sholding a cup of coffee.
Next thing, you know, her legsfly from underneath her.
She spills the coffeeeverywhere, she falls down like
the three rolled down the window.
And he just you better not havebroke my mom's coffee cup.
(20:28):
Oh my god, we laughed aboutthat for years.
He didn't give a damn about herback.
You better not have broke mymom's coffee cup.
Oh geez, that was hilarious.
(20:49):
But that was my first thoughtas Cole left the house.
You better not break that damncoffee cup, bring it back.
But you know, when he's goingto handle business, business, he
needs to go and make amends, orso we think.
Only he goes to melissa's houseto act a teetotal fool.
He comes tearing through herhome, picking up paper, storming
off up, running up and down thesteps.
I can't trust you.
You weren't honest with me.
(21:09):
She's like dude, what are youtalking about?
You can't have any babies.
She's like wow, really, what'sthat downstairs, what's that in
the nursery in there?
She's like it wasn't that.
I didn't tell you, I just didn'tknow if this was a final thing.
I just I even went and gotchecked out to see what my
options are like.
(21:30):
I didn't not tell you.
I just you know, I wanted, Iwanted to bring it to you once I
knew all the information, onceI had the answers.
You know what I'm saying.
I hadn't tried to have a baby.
He's still brooding, he'sbumping off, he's snatching
stuff out of their room and shegoes.
You know what?
You know what?
Not marrying you is the bestthing that may have ever
(21:50):
happened to me, I agree, and hewalks out.
Side note Melissa's house isfantastic.
I've never seen the downstairsbefore today.
It is beautiful.
But once he leaves she's soangry she starts tearing up the
room, just destroying everything.
Well, tearing up the bed reallyLies on the bed and kind of
(22:11):
chuckles to herself.
I'm a bubbly baddie, I'm abubbly baddie.
I'm a bubbly baddie of chucklesto herself.
I'm a bubbly baddie, I'm abubbly baddie, I'm a bubbly
baddie.
Cole is so juvenile.
This relationship is so toxic.
Do you know?
He's not actually grabbingthings of value.
This is how I know he's a child.
He bursts in, he grabs hisrecords, he grabs like his
little league trophy.
He's going around the housegrabbing tchotchkes and little
(22:32):
trinkets and stuff.
He didn't even get a bag like agrown man.
I think she did the right thingDuring the argument.
It is worth noting, and it'svery important to the storyline
that he expresses, that itsucked to be the last person to
know that she couldn't have kids.
But it sucked even more to hearfrom Angela Channing.
And in his mind, hearing thathis wife can't have or his
(22:56):
wife-to-be can't have childrenfrom Angela Channing is on par
or equivalent to being left atthe altar in front of the entire
valley.
In his mind I am declaringhenceforth and forevermore I
hate this relationship.
I hate it.
Move on.
Mellie Reardon ain't the one,lance ain't the one.
(23:18):
I'm sure they're going to bringin some hot to trot hottie in
the next season or two.
I need her to move on.
I don't like this at all.
I guess Cole wants to get backto nature.
He needs to ground himself,touch a little earth.
He decides that he and Josephare going to go on a fishing
(23:42):
trip.
So he comes down the stairslooking like Wilson from Home
Improvement and he's got Josephin a very similar getup.
Joseph is remarkable Best actoron the show as far as I'm
concerned.
First millennial, millennial, Idon't care.
Kid is quite brilliant and I'dlike to pepper that scene with a
few more adjectives becauseit's.
Sometimes it takes a little kidto get to you.
So Cole and Joseph are onSilver Lake, or whatever lake
(24:04):
beautiful.
They're fishing and Joseph'slike.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys andgirls, if this is your first
time watching, listening to theprogram, thank you so much.
I hope you enjoy yourself.
I hope you find a home here.
My name is Jet.
I'm an elder millennialwatching these shows for the
very first time.
So when I review a show,understand that I have not seen
(24:25):
the rest of the seasons.
I've only gone as far as we areLike.
Yesterday I watched FalconCrest and I watched Dallas, all
on the same day.
So I may flub a detail here ortwo.
I may make some predictions.
Sometimes I'm right and thensometimes I'm really really
wrong.
Sometimes I take creativeliberties with a scene, but what
(24:45):
I'll never do is lie to youabout a scene.
I might pepper it withadjectives, but I will never
make up something.
I used to do something calledSuperlore Theater, and today is
a little bit like that.
So here's a scene.
Cole, dressed like Wilson fromHome Improvement, is sitting on
a rock talking to his child, whois one of the most brilliant
(25:09):
actors ever on television.
He's a baby genius.
He steals every scene.
He's in Very serious type.
I like to think that baby Josephmaybe runs a small business on
the side, perhaps he has a chainof newspaper stands all over
the county.
I really don't know.
But what I do know is babyJoseph bore witness to his
(25:29):
mother's humiliation.
He put on a penguin suit.
He had his father pin hiscorsage on him.
He said please don't crushthese flowers.
I got plans for these later.
And what does his dad do?
He stomps on his mother's heartinstead, crushes her like a
butt.
So Joseph was like yo listen.
I understand, father, thatthings happen in life, but I'm
(25:50):
going to bless you with a littlewisdom.
You see, I'm four years old andI'm like four years old.
When did Joseph become fouryears old?
He's four years old and I guesssometimes at pre-K he goes
through, he gets in differentsquabbles, he has different
situations that come up and hehas to navigate that with the
wisdom that has been bestowed onhim and he's like look daddy,
(26:11):
I've made some mistake in my day.
The past is the past.
I've made some mistake in myday.
The past is the past.
(26:31):
If I could go back I wouldcorrect it.
But if I don't know anythingelse, I know broads and I know
my mother.
He says Dad, why did you andmommy have a really hard time
being honest with each other?
Joseph's like yeah, okay, I getthat.
I get that.
Honesty is a very tricky, verytouchy thing.
It touches your heart.
You know what I'm saying.
Not everybody is equipped tohandle that, even me myself
personally.
Years ago I told a lie.
I lied.
Cody said it kind of soundedlike he said eight years ago,
(26:54):
and his dad's like you're onlyfour.
He's like yeah, but I lied.
You know what I'm saying.
I wasn't honest when I had theopportunity to be honest.
Does that mean you're going toleave man?
And he's like damn, nah, nah,nah, I guess I wouldn't.
I guess I won't leave you.
(27:19):
Joseph said listen, kiss andmake up.
Make it right, father, make itright.
Go talk to my mother, kiss andmake up, and also, please don't
ever play in her face again,because there will be
consequences.
I added that part in, Ipeppered it.
That did not happen.
So there I go.
(27:41):
But the essence of this scene isso interesting that from the
mouth of babes, a child's pointof view, you're going to leave
us if she tells one lie, reallyLike you've never lied before,
crushing Cole's heart a littlebit, probably thinking dang, my
son is watching me be unyieldingand unforgiving with his mom.
That's probably going to havesome consequences if I don't
make good on this right now.
Plus, he has to know.
(28:02):
By this point his argument isflimsy at best.
Did she lie or did she not tellyou?
Do you think she, as a womanwho loves you, who loves what
you have, who loves the familythat you are creating, do you
think that she's not consideringthese things?
It's just so different thanhaving a full-on affair.
It's just a ridiculous argument.
(28:24):
But because he has such a wiselittle boy, cole sees the error
in his ways and he's like youknow what I'm going to do.
Just that thing, I'm going todo that very thing.
Don't even worry about it.
Joseph's like good dude, I knowyou had it in you.
Ah yes, bad girl Melly Mel.
She's got a lot of things inher.
I've always thought that sheand Angela are two peas in the
(28:44):
pod.
We're just witnessing a youngerversion of Angela and I think
that kind of gets under her skin.
I think it bugs her to the core.
But Angela did her duediligence.
She had busy day, day previous.
She ruined a lot of lives, soat this point, what's one more?
So Angela and her Cruella deVil blouse is minding her
(29:06):
business.
She's poking the fire at herhouse when Charlie announces
that Melissa has arrived.
Melissa would like to visitwith you, angela.
Now, angela, knowing she ruinedthis girl's wedding, is like hey
, boo-boo, what you doing here.
She's really just gleaming andis like God, you look terrible.
Why don't you sit down and havea glass of tea with me?
(29:28):
Baby, what's going on?
I am so surprised you showedyour face after that fiascoco.
But you know what baby girl I'm, you know, I know that's my
nephew, but I just I'm glad youknow now what kind of person he
is.
Melissa is playing it cool,she's.
Oh my god.
Thank you so much for yoursympathies.
I had no idea.
No idea you cared about me somuch.
(29:49):
And she's like of course I care.
Melissa's like you care aboutme or you care about my grapes.
And angela's like don't, girl,don't be ridiculous.
I was doing you a favor.
I wanted you to see what typeof person Cole and the Gia
Birdies are.
Is that really the family youwant to be mixed up with?
Is that really the type ofperson you want to do business
with.
So it makes a little more sensenow why she would be so
(30:13):
ruthless.
I thought she was just beinghateful because she cried two
tears.
Somebody had to pay for it.
She wanted Melissa to behumiliated publicly so that she
didn't jump back in bed with theGiaverdes, metaphorically when
it comes to her harvest.
So Angela is playing Monopolyhere.
She wants to buy up all theadjacent land to have an even
(30:34):
bigger dynasty at some point.
The Rebman property is in hermind.
She just has to buy it from theGianni people.
Now, as far as they're saying Iguess the mother was sick,
gianni, I'm getting this allmixed up.
Miss Gianni is sick.
Her daughter's going to show upa little bit later, I guess, to
(30:56):
take care of business.
Nobody knows that just yet.
I could have sworn.
All this happened on the lastepisode.
That's what I get for watchingthem so close together.
I got to space them out alittle bit.
Back to Melly Mel.
So Angela's like girl.
I just hope you can recover.
You know what I'm saying.
I hope you something.
(31:20):
So it's this big giant white box.
I wish I could remember what Ithought it might be.
I think I had a suspicion thatit was her wedding dress, but
that's exactly what it is.
Melissa is so poised she ischanneling Sue Ellen this entire
time.
She's poised.
She's got her little Chanelsuit on, okay, yeah.
Well, you care about me, not mygrapes, and you did me a favor.
I got it.
I thought of you too, angela.
(31:41):
So Angela opens a box and it isher wedding dress.
Melissa's like.
I thought you would reallyenjoy this.
You can put it in your trophycase.
It's what's left of my weddingdress.
And here we go, people.
It's what's left of my weddingdress.
You bitch.
(32:02):
Is this the first time somebodyhas been called all the way out
their name on this show?
Yes, is this the first time onany of the four shows that we're
watching right now that anyonehas been called a B-A-Ha?
I think it is.
Ladies and gentlemen, it tookto 1985.
Well, okay, hold on, I don'tknow if that's true.
(32:26):
True, I got a little bit aheadof myself.
Yes, I'm watching these.
I've always watched nine to seedallas and falcon crest at the
same time.
Falcon crest is a last in therace.
They didn't actually startfilming until 1981, dynasty or,
excuse me, 1982 or 1981, dynastystarted probably recording.
It aired like the very end ofthe year.
(32:47):
Dallas and Knox Landing hadbeen on for about three years at
that point.
So it is very possible thatsomeone else gets called a
biatch at another point in time.
But this is my first time insomething like 200 episodes
hearing anybody be called a bich.
Angela does not take it well.
(33:07):
She kind of oh, she gets huffyand puffy and oh my.
But it's that kind offrustration where you can't
really do anything becauseMelissa's already sashayed off.
She can't say anything but shejust kind of balls up the dress
and throws it in the fire.
Reminds me like when I was akid and you get in trouble.
You ever get in trouble andmaybe your mom or dad really
(33:28):
irritated you.
So you go in your room.
You like pantomime this wholeargument.
You rage, whisper and throwaround non-destructive things
like pillows and teddy bears andt-shirts and stuff, lest you
make noise and come in there andget your butt whooped.
That's what big Angie does.
(33:49):
She can't believe this.
Hot roller.
Heifer came in here anddisrespected the perm rod
goddess in her home.
I don't want this little cheapfloozy dress.
Threw it in the fire, burn,baby burn.
You know what I fear.
I think Melissa might rue theday for that little stunt.
(34:12):
The next scene we see Angela andshe's back to her bully.
She is in a red dress withpolka dots all over and she is
face to face with her archnemesis.
The other curly haired personon the show, although he's kind
of blow drying his hair out now,the aviator, adonis, is looking
at her all out the side of hereye.
He is big pissed.
Big piss that she ruined hisson's wedding.
(34:35):
Let the record reflect his sonruined his son's wedding.
I guess chase is doing some sortof inventory and he sees andy
is like well, well, well,helping yourself to our stash.
Eh, she's like uh, yeah, I ownit, we own.
It must be nice.
One of us has to work, sinceyou're so busy meddling with
other people's business.
Cole told me what happened?
You wrong for that, auntie,you're wrong for that.
(34:57):
She said please, I have so manyother things to do than meddle
with your crybaby ken doll son'slife.
Jay says listen, I'll admitI've never been a fan of Melissa
, but I feel like you only didit to metal with her harvest.
She goes oh, I ain't worriedabout that.
He goes well, don't tryanything else, because I made
your business my business.
(35:18):
I know you want that Gianniniproperty.
I keep messing up these names.
The Giannini property, that wasthe one Reedman had stolen.
And she's like listen, don'tplay with me, little boy.
My money is old and strong likethe back of my hand.
I will introduce you to both.
If you try to trifle with mybusiness, chase is like yeah,
okay, well, I don't have totrifle with anything, I'm just
going to put a little bug inMary Giannini's ear.
(35:40):
Tell her guess what baby youwere robbed.
You don't have to sell adaggone thing.
He's standing there all smugand she's like oh yeah, you look
real cute.
It's real cute.
We'll see.
We'll see.
At the end of the day, we'regoing to see who wants what.
Who ends up with what.
Remember, you're new to this.
I'm true to this, and Angela'smine.
(36:02):
I'm muddying the details of thelast episode and what I know
happens on this one, but shedoes not seem to be concerned
about this property.
It's as good as sold, as far asshe knows.
Cole's like you know what?
We'll just see.
I talked to Mary.
She's going to be in towntomorrow.
We're going to get it allworked out.
It really pisses off Angela.
(36:23):
She storms back into the house.
I cannot believe my nephew isso just disrespectful.
I've been so disrespectedPeople calling me out my names.
My nephew is defending his son,like back in my day when an old
lady cussed you out andembarrassed you and ruined your
wedding and ruined your son'slife.
You just took it.
Kids nowadays don't have no,they don't have no koofs.
They don't have no hometraining.
(36:44):
They do not know how to take anl properly.
She is super pissed.
She goes back to the house and,of course, greg reardon just
happens to be loitering.
She's like you need to get yourstuff together, greg.
Aren't you supposed to beworking on a trial?
Aren't you supposed to bebuying property and crap for me?
Go get your stuff together, geton, go get.
He leaves the house and sheangrily shuffles paper.
(37:06):
While on his way out he seesaunt terry going down the hill
walking her horse.
I don't know why there's so manyanimals in this episode.
Was ralph lauren popping atthis point?
Because everybody's in poloboots and and those big bows or
whatnot?
Anyway, greg reardon, I guesshe sees her from behind.
He pulls up to her.
He's like hey, sweet thing,what's that baby girl, what you,
(37:28):
what you, what you trying to do?
Trying to have dinner with aplay again, ladies and gentlemen
, I am taking creative liberties.
That's basically what he said.
So she's like absolutely not meand this horse.
I'm gonna continue to walk thishorse like a dog, because
horses need that.
I guess.
She spins on her heels and sheleaves.
(37:50):
I don't really even know whyshe was in this episode, it was
just a little splash of her.
Let's move ahead because thegood things are coming up.
So eventually Melissa, heartsick, very pissed off, decides I
am a bubbly baddie.
I am the bubbly baddie on thisshow.
Terry could never, angela couldnever.
I am the baddie on this showand I'll be damned if I'm going
(38:14):
to be outdone.
So she calls up Reardon oncehe's done running his errands
for the day and she's like it'snight.
I could really use a friend.
So he wakes up, he comes over tothe house.
He's really thinking things aregoing to pop off.
But they spend the entire nightin front of a fire in her
pajamas, him and his bugle boyjeans, and non-broken in boots,
(38:37):
and they make a pallet on thefloor and they talk the entire
night.
They read each other's heartsand minds.
Actually, that's not true.
It's very one-sided.
Melissa waxes poetic about allof the things she and Cole have
been through, all the fun timesand eating ice cream with Joseph
, and it's those moments thatare precious to you because
(39:00):
you're sharing them with someoneelse, but the general
population doesn't really care.
No one cares how cute you thinkyour toddler is when he crawls
in the bed with well, actually,I do, as I say that that is
really cute, but no one caresthat cole wrinkles his nose
every time he smells dial soap,or that he's slightly allergic
to peanut butter, and sometimes,when he pisses you off, you put
(39:23):
a little peanut oil in thespaghetti and things like that
just to keep him on his toes.
Creative liberties, creativeliberties in lieu of an example.
Well, while they're talking,cole, who's been chastised,
reprimanded and rebuilt by hisson, shows up.
He has come to make amends.
He thinks that, you know, notonly did I leave this girl at
(39:46):
the altar, I've gone fishing.
So I smell like swamp thingsand outside, let me go push up
on Melissa and see if she'll,you know, hook back up with me,
even though I smell like outside.
So he shows up at the worstpossible time very early the
next morning.
Melissa's in her gown, so thingsaren't looking great.
(40:08):
He looks past her and he seesReardon.
And then he sees Red.
I can't even believe.
He goes running in lunging atReardon and these two brooding,
bubbly blonde boy bombshellscome to fisticuffs.
(40:30):
They're swinging, they'rebreaking, they're crashing into
Melissa's fine furniture,destroying antiques.
Family air moves are all overthe floor.
It's a wreck.
It's a terrible, awful,horrible mess.
They're punching each other,boom pow, boom, boom pow.
I'm saying all this and itsounds like this is a long fight
.
They don't have the stamina.
(40:51):
I'm going to tell you that Now,boarding school did not do
either one of them any favors.
Now, I thought Cole was fromNew York.
I was quite disappointed at hislack of stamina After they had
crashed everything out.
Melissa's like you know what,oh my God, she sees the light.
Hey, ladies, that's enough.
They stopped fighting andthey're actually both quite
(41:14):
relieved that the fight hasstopped because they're both
winded.
She's like you know.
Both of y'all are pathetic.
Clean up this ish and get outof my house.
She goes upstairs to get dressed.
Well, while she goes upstairsand they're catching their
breath, reardon is like yo.
You're not gonna believe me,but I promise you absolutely
nothing happened.
Note that my bugle boy jeansare still buckled, I'm still
(41:37):
wearing a belt, my boots are onfor crying out loud.
Literally nothing happened.
We spent the entire nighttalking about your peanut
allergies and inability to usestrongly scented soaps.
Melissa loves you, melissawants you, and you'd be a
complete and teetotal fool towalk away from her.
Now I'm going to be a gentleman, mostly because I'm tired, but
(41:59):
also because I'm British.
I'm going to give you theopportunity to go upstairs and
make good with your lady love,because she wants you and she
loves you.
But if you fumble the bag,please believe I'm going to pick
that up.
Either you get her or I'm goingto go upstairs and take her
down.
You need to figure this out.
I'm going to take her from youor you can go up there and
redeem yourself, and I'll bedamned if they don't forge some
(42:22):
sort of a friendship.
So much so that by the end ofthis episode, cola and Melissa
decide to have an impromptushotgun wedding right there at
the Falcon Crest Vineyards.
And do you know who serves asquote unquote best man or second
bestest man?
I guess Joseph's best man,reardon.
Reardon shows up and they'reall buddy buddy.
It's so weird how quicklythings move on a soap opera,
(42:43):
like I know.
You know all buddy buddy.
It's so weird how quicklythings move on a soap opera,
like I know you know.
On daytime it takes quite awhile for one storyline to kind
of push through.
But on nighttime, listen we wasin love on episode three.
I got pregnant.
On episode seven Toxic shocksyndrome.
By episode 12.
Divorcing you by episode 15.
By episode 20, episode 12,divorcing you by episode 15.
(43:05):
By episode 20, I am engaged tosomeone else.
It moved like that.
They hated each other.
Episode 10, episode 21,.
You are my best man.
Maggie and Chase and baby Josephare looking at each other at
the side of the eye like I can'tbelieve we got dragged into
this bull again.
I can't.
(43:26):
They break up and make up.
I bet they desperately want tosay could you please put me on
your don't call list?
Could you please Can I opt outof this email?
The next time y'all fall in andout of love, please don't call
me.
Please don't call me.
Maggie was clearly on hermedication this whole time
because she had zoned the F out.
It was time for the rings andreardon was supposed to have him
(43:53):
.
He's patting his you know camelcolored cashmere blazer and
they look over to maggie andmaggie's just kind of in my mind
.
She's singing phil caw, she's Ican feel it coming in the air
maggie, oh no, maggie, hmm,lorraine, oh yes, yes, here, yes
, pulls it out of pocket, passesit to joseph.
(44:14):
Maggie, get it together, layoff the wine, lay off the mommy
juice.
Allegedly, allegedly, allegedly.
Do you remember how lastepisode angela goes?
She tells Richard that Lorraineis pregnant.
Well, richard is taking it thesame way.
Cole took the lack of pregnancyand its abilities and its hope
(44:36):
for the future.
He takes it the same way.
Richard does not take it.
Well, so Lorraine's pouring hima glass of milk how juvenile.
And he flips out, he slaps itout of her hand.
You're pregnant.
How are you not going to tellher you're pregnant?
How are you not gonna tellyou're pregnant?
I have to say this I've alwaysthought richard behaved.
He had a lot of mannerisms oflike an 80 year old man.
I believe irl, he is about thatage, so it probably it fits now
(44:59):
, but it is peculiar in thesescenes if he doesn't have some
sort of psychosis.
I can't really tell if he'stalking to Gollum on his
shoulder or if there's someweird puppet that he can see.
He moves like a person who istrying to be normal, but he
can't quite get there.
(45:20):
Anyway, he's raging and veryupset at Lorraine, so much so
that he kicks her out.
He says go home, pack yourteams, you gotta go, you can't
be in my home anymore.
He is so devastated by the newsof her having this baby that
he's losing focus like this isyour kid.
This is someone, this is one ofthe few people who loves you
(45:43):
and loves you unconditionally.
By my account, I can't think ofanyone else on the show who
feels that way for him.
Now, pam obviously cares forhim, but she knows that she is
disposable and she's tried herbest to be.
Like Richard, do you want topush this girl away or do you
want her around?
It's an interesting take.
If you look at Richard and youlook at Cole.
(46:03):
They're both mad at women theylove over a child or the ability
to carry a child.
In the grand scheme of things,what they're trying to
accomplish and what they're nottrying to accomplish, it seems
so trivial.
In all honesty, if Richardwants to continue to destroy
Lance, he could do so.
It's kind of a moot point now.
(46:26):
But he could.
There's no reason to destroythe relationship with this girl.
Let Lance go to jail.
Let him spend a little time.
Yeah, you can keep spending it.
She can be upset.
I think you can get over thatat some point.
But you're kicking this babygirl out because she's pregnant.
Oh, she's also Lance's fiance.
He asked her to marry him.
So there's that Last littlepiece of business.
(46:55):
The Giannini property is now thesource of tension between Chase
and Angela, so everybody's backto being enemies.
Richard is still Douglas'sbastard, so Angela's always
going to despise him.
She's pissing him extra on thisseason because he is trying to
frame Lance for her almostmurder, knowing that it was
really Florida man Joel.
Chase and Angela are alwaysbattling over power.
(47:17):
He feels aware about herruining everything he does
basically.
So he tries.
His plan is to intercept thatvineyard, the Giannini Vineyard,
before Angela can do it.
Or at least, if he doesn't getit, he wants Mary to keep it.
It's not that he wants thegrapes, he just doesn't want
Angela to win.
So you start to see, eventhough he's not admitting it,
(47:39):
he's got a little bit of avillain brewing in him.
I think that's how it starts.
Maybe you feel like you havebeef with just one person.
Then, before you know it,everybody's your enemy.
So he had made plans, he andMaggie, to meet with Mary.
She was going to fly in on a PJ, only they're standing at the
airport waiting and it's a smallplane, so there's only like
seven people on it.
(47:59):
They don't see her come out.
They're like what the hell'sgoing on?
A young lady comes up to themand she's like hey, are you
chasing Maggie?
The hell's going on.
A young lady comes up to themand she's like hey, are you
chasing maggie?
Yeah, I'm, I'm mary's daughter.
Oh, where's your mama?
Tell me why.
She is in a whole casket, dead.
Y'all gone.
And we're like, oh, okay, well,that didn't work out, did it?
(48:21):
So, uh, yeah, this becomes veryawkward.
The daughter explains that,yeah, mom was fine, like
yesterday morning.
Now she's dead.
I guess it's 1985.
I don't know if you need anautopsy, so she's going to be
buried, and I figured, since shewas already on her way here
(48:43):
irony, uh, we might as well havea little quick little funeral.
You guys?
You guys want to have a littlequick little funeral.
You guys want to have a funeralreal quick, then maybe we can
grab some lunch.
And they're like oh sure, ofcourse.
So the plan is a little bitmuddled at this point.
Angela and Chase or I thinkAngela thought she was going to
buy it from that lady, from Mary.
(49:03):
Chase thought he couldintercept that with a
conversation and be like hey,you were robbed, you don't
actually have to sell it, youcan go back to your house and
live happily ever after.
Only she did so.
There is a burial and Chase andMaggie have to go home and
change and put on somethingrespectable.
They can't show up in all thesebright colors.
Angela don't give a damn.
She shows up after the burialbecause she's already been to a
(49:25):
wedding.
It was ruined.
We're not doing three majorlife events this week.
Sorry, it's not happening.
So she shows up right after theburial, right after all the
hard work is.
She shows up in hersupervillain car and she's like
hey girl, hey Connie, youremember me.
Baby, I'm so sorry to hearabout your mama.
Listen, listen, I'd love tohelp you out.
(49:46):
Why don't you come down to thehouse?
We'll have a little lunch, alittle tea and we'll talk about
your mama.
Fully enjoyed this episode.
I was so excited to tell y'allabout the biatch part, but I
don't know if it comes up onthese other episodes because I
haven't seen them yet.
I will say, though, there seemsto be a lot of fist fighting or
backbiting on all the showsthat I've watched and I am
(50:07):
loving it.
That's it.
That's all, folks.
Thank you so much for joiningme on this episode of Falcon
Crest.
I think we're gonna go aheadand keep it on the west coast.
I believe Knott's Landing is upnext.
So join me for that as we jumpback into soap opera debauchery
In the meantime, in between time, hey, take a little time out
(50:28):
and listen to a four-year-old.
He might be wise now in hisyears.
He might threaten you, he mightthreaten to take out your knees
if you disrespect his mother,but he always and I mean always
has a point Very insightful fora 48-year-old in a
48-month-old's body.
Stay hydrated, stay moisturized, mind your own business and
keep all of your drama on TV.
Thank you, bye.
My money is old and strong like the back of my hand.
I will introduce you to both ifyou try to trifle with my
business.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys andgirls, welcome, or welcome back
to SoFloor, the officialgathering place for newbies,
novices and OG diehard fans ofthe golden age of primetime.
I'm your host, jed, viewing andreviewing the Sophia Setia's
(00:23):
primetime storylines of 1985.
So, whether you're new to thisor true to this, get back and
enjoy.
Tell the kids it's time to playoutside or out of sight.
They'll beg no questions,suggestions or concerns for the
next 25 to 35 minutes, everyoneelse in air shot, cool, quiet or
kicked out Period Only optionsyou got today because we are
(00:44):
watching our stories.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys andgirls, this is so full.
Hello party people.
(01:05):
Welcome back to another fun,filledfilled edition of Soap
Floor.
I hope your day is shaping upwell.
I've never been better.
I am on 10.
I am feeling the relaxation ofsummer for the first time this
summer.
That's the thing about gettinggrown.
You ever notice that?
My mind still thinks thatbetween May and September I
(01:27):
should be at home, chilling,riding my bike, eating snow
cones and pickles.
But you know, I have to be anadult and I have to, like, do
other stuff.
I know I'm joking.
Love being good and grown.
How are y'all today?
All of your day is good.
I think we're in new territory.
(01:47):
I think this is anunprecedented episode.
I think this could be alandmark episode.
I'm probably being dramaticbecause I mean, why not?
Why would I watch soap operasand then keep it mellow and
stick to the script?
I think we're on to something,this episode, that I have never
witnessed on another episode.
We're going to jump into onequick little piece of fan mail.
(02:08):
So go ahead and grab yourselfsomething bubbly and bright,
something refreshing and cool.
You can also leave me fan mailor a text.
We don't have to be so formal.
If you're listening to this onyour mobile device, check the
show notes, you'll see.
Send us a text and you can dojust that.
Unfortunately, I can't text youback, but I will acknowledge
you.
Emails is actually where I getthe bulk of everything.
(02:30):
So if you'd like to send anemail, you can reach out to
soplorepodcast at gmailcom.
That is,s-o-a-p-l-o-r-e-p-o-d-c-a-s-t at
gmailcom.
Let's jump into.
Oh, I didn't even tell you whatwe're watching today.
We're on Falcon Crest, we'reback on the West Coast.
(02:51):
We gotta pick up the Shamblesafter Melissa's wedding was
ruined by her fiance.
Season 4, episode 21.
Watch me stumble over this word.
You guys know I was anaccelerated reader, but I'm
(03:11):
going to stumble through this.
Recriminations is what I believethe word says Recriminations
While you pour yourselfsomething to drink or crack open
a bottle or can or whatever youneed to do.
I'm going to Google theenunciation of this word.
I believe it's recriminations.
Watch out, still a macaroni.
That is how you pronounce it.
(03:33):
I'm really glad I looked it up.
Recrimination an accusation inresponse to one from someone
else.
There are no tears, norecriminations.
That is definitely a pre-1974word.
We need to bring that back intothe fold.
I really like that.
Check out this.
Accusations, counteraccusations, counter charge,
(03:55):
counter attacks, retaliations,quarreling, squabbling,
bickering, rowing.
One of the things I love aboutwatching older films is the
vocabulary.
Oh listen, I don't mind a cusshere and there.
You know what I'm saying, youdo you?
It doesn't really bother me tohear it.
I may or may not always use it,but it doesn't bother me to
(04:17):
hear it.
But there is something sodecadent about someone who can
read you fulfilled, without eversparking a curse word, using
colorful language, waxing poeticabout how absolutely deplorable
you are.
Anyway, I may or may not sharethat sentiment.
(04:40):
On this episode, we got to getto this.
I want to appreciate a quicklittle text.
I got Nicole from Ann Arbor.
She told me I could say thatSays Jet, I stumbled upon your
podcast late last night as I waspacking my home.
Thank you for getting methrough the late hours.
The show is hilarious.
Thank you, nicole, forlistening and listen.
(05:04):
Girl, I'm glad I was able tohelp.
I wish I could motivate myselfto go into my laundry room.
I need to clear out everything.
I need to put things in bags.
I need to donate things.
It's not fun.
It's literally one of my leastfavorite things on earth to do
is to sort through everyoneelse's clothes and does this fit
?
Does this not fit?
Where is this?
(05:24):
But it's got to be done.
So maybe I'll listen to myself,maybe I'll put on a couple.
You know what I'll do now thatI'm saying it out loud I'm going
to put on the next four soapoperas so I can get through that
and fully enjoy it.
Okay, if you listened to theprevious episode, I asked you
guys for a little bit of advice.
I am still taking that advice.
I need to make a decision.
(05:44):
I've slept on a little bit more.
Is your girl going to SouthFork?
No, I don't know.
I don't know Really want youropinion.
Anything you have to say isappreciated.
One of the other stops that Iwill make within the next two
years is have to plan it out.
I am going to Falcon Crest.
(06:05):
When I realized that this was areal vineyard, which I kind of
had a hunch, but I thought I hadread somewhere that this house
was really in Iowa.
But when I Googled it, probablyearlier this week, it said yeah
, there was.
There used to be a whole tour.
When Falcon Crest was on theair they would do tours at this
particular vineyard.
Apparently it's Spring MountainVineyard.
(06:26):
If you're an OG, you probablyalready know this.
Maybe you do, maybe you don't,but I really think I want to
check that out, especially sinceChase and Maggie's home is
there.
Gotta go see it, all right.
So when last we left there wasa wedding.
There was a sort of a miserable,no good day.
(06:46):
The tragically unqualified cold.
You dirty amateur brooder,habitual jaw clencher and recent
topless baby oil enthusiast,twisted his face into a
theatrical pout, spun on hisdepartment store heels and
stormed off in a burst of highschool dramatics, leaving bad
(07:08):
girl Melly Mel alone at thealtar in one of the coldest
couture gowns of 1985.
The absolute audacity, theabsolute mortification of a
moment like this bears the wraththat it does produce.
Of a moment like this bears thewrath that it does produce.
(07:29):
Now, in my mind, I'm likeMelissa, melly Mel, do you
really want to go through this?
Do you really want to keeprepeating these same patterns?
To say she's pissed is not anunderstatement.
I would say she's absolutelyraging.
So do you know what she does?
Do you think she runs out afterhim?
Does she chase him?
Does she run crying?
No, she spins on her coutureheels, begins to waltz down the
(07:51):
aisle, where she is quicklyjoined by the manimal.
Now, this is very interesting.
This is in front of everybody.
Mind you, this is a churchfilled to the brim with people.
Everybody's jaw is on the floorexcept Angela.
Filled to the brim with people.
Everybody's jaw is on the floorexcept Angela.
God, she, just she looks likesomeone, like she just saw the
sun for the first time.
(08:11):
She is just smiling it's sowarm, like somebody on their
first day out of prison.
Baby, she is unshakable.
This is amazing.
This is the reason she got upand got dressed that morning.
This is the reason she dug outsome old charcuterie board or
some sort of neat barbecue kitto give to her great nephew, who
(08:33):
she don't really care for.
She put that ish on.
She went to the church to watchthis girl be mortified in front
of God and everybody.
It is a fantastic day to beAngela, big Perm, channing, but
bad girl Melly.
Mel is not one to wallow insadness for very long.
Okay, cool, guess what?
Cole, just like that.
(08:53):
Look who's on my shoulder?
I already found somebody fresh.
She decides she's not takingoff that gown.
She is not taking off thatcoachua gown.
Matter of fact, manimal, go getone of your finest steeds.
We're going horseback riding inmy dress.
I want to look like Ladyfreaking Godiva.
I'm going to enjoy this day oneway or another and I respect
(09:14):
that.
That was my third.
That was my thought after.
The other episode is I wouldstill have the reception.
We did not order all of thisfood.
We did not invite all thesepeople to sit and have a big
empty room.
We're going to have a party.
Raise your hand if you're inthe church, anybody have a kid,
(09:36):
graduate or anything, isanybody's birthday.
Did anybody not flip out on acashier today?
Perfect, that's what we'recelebrating.
We're going to have this partyone way or another.
We are on a cashier todayPerfect, that's what we're
celebrating.
We're going to have this partyone way or another.
We are on a vineyard.
There's tons of wine and cheese.
We don't have a good time.
I will handle Cole at anotherdate and time.
Well, maggie and Chase, as youcan imagine, are not entertained
(10:00):
by this foolishness.
Their son has just embarrassedthe family yet again.
Now I'll say this I don'treally have any beef with Cole,
other than his kind of infantileface always scrunching up.
He's very juvenile to me, butby and large he's a good guy.
He doesn't really do a lotwrong.
He just he kind of gets caughtup.
It's just.
He is what the definition ofcan't win for losing.
(10:22):
He's always in the wrong placeat the wrong time and then he's
got that temper, so it's so easyto trap him.
So he runs off and heembarrasses the family.
He comes stumbling into thehouse later that night singing
at the top of his lungs.
Chase and Maggie got to get upout the bed and they're pissed.
You drunk nincompoop.
(10:44):
You absolute fool, you disgrace.
How dare you come stumbling inhere singing all at the top of
your lungs?
That's reason enough to getcussed out.
But on this occasion he's earnedtheir rap, because not only did
you embarrass us, you ditchedyour baby mama in front of your
son.
Your baby son watched you turnon your department store heels
(11:07):
and sashay out of that doorthrough a fit.
He watched you throw akindergarten fit in a church in
front of his mama.
Chase has had enough.
He's like listen, I understand,listen, listen.
Your mother and I can't standMelissa.
But we are forward thinking.
We understand that we have agrandchild who is attached to
(11:29):
her and, no matter what, we'regoing to make the best of that
relationship, best thatrelationship for him and we make
the best of that relationshipfor you.
That is one thing.
Not to want the girl, it'squite another to ditch her at
the altar in front of your son.
If nothing else, they're pissedthat he has disrespected his
son.
Keep in mind that the reason heleft Melissa at the altar in
front of your son, if nothingelse, they're pissed that he has
disrespected his son.
Keep in mind that the reason heleft Melissa at the altar is
(11:49):
because Angela told him thatMelissa is barren.
He's upset that she didn't tellhim first.
Mind you, she's already givenbirth to his son.
I will not continue to beat thisthought process home, but it
seems a little bit dramatic tome personally.
You know what I'm saying.
It's a weird way to fly off thehandle, didn't see?
(12:09):
Seems like there's probably 150other things underneath the
surface that you really don'twant to handle with her, and
this was the easiest out.
It's like oh my gosh, you liedto me.
She didn't really lie.
One could argue that maybe shewas hoping for a better
diagnosis.
Why wouldn't she?
This is a soap opera.
Obviously, things can happen.
She's young, she's healthy.
There's many different ways tohave a child, even if she can't
(12:34):
carry it.
I almost hate to admit it.
This might be some of Cole'sbest acting.
He acts so much better whenhe's drunk.
He is breaking lamps andsweating all over the place.
But hey, if this is what weneed to pull out of him, I like
it.
Anyway, chase and Maggie pushthe plane home.
You left everybody.
You left a huge mess.
You need to grow up, and youneed to grow up with quickness.
(12:54):
Go upstairs, sleep it off, wakeup tomorrow and you better go
and fix it.
Go handle it, go be a man.
Way to lay down the law, chase,he ain't got time for this.
Chase is also wearing sneakers.
I don't know what he was aboutto do.
Hell, maybe he's good at it.
(13:15):
I find it hard to believe thathe is able to lace up his
shoelaces that quickly at night.
But you know, do you Do you inyour house?
None of my business thatquickly at night.
But you know, do you do you inyour house?
None of my business.
Obviously, the not so Gia,birdie or Grady wedding is the
talk of the town.
So over at Falcon Crest, angelaand the family are eating and
(13:37):
gossiping about what theprevious day's events.
Angela is is iconic for so manyreasons.
She's a perm rock goddess.
She is ruthless, she'shilarious.
She is old auntie, energy, oldmoney and a never-ending thirst
for power.
I have noticed that throughoutthe show.
Usually when she goes and sheputs on something red, it's
(14:00):
about to go down.
It's almost as if she's likeI'm going to little orphan Annie
, you awkwardly, but inside I'ma pit bull.
She's a pit bull in a skirt and, for whatever reason, on this
day she decided to represent herduality.
Yeah Little orphan Annie, Ilook soft and innocent.
I'm a little old lady.
(14:20):
I'm not going to harm you.
I'm going to tear you to shreds.
Them a little away.
I'm not going to harm you, I'mgoing to tear you to shreds.
So she has on or this outfit.
I'm still trying to decide howI like it.
It's very 80s but it is verymuch Cruella de Vil.
It is split down the middle.
So it's split down the middle.
You know, angela, don't playwith all that.
She has a collar on.
Half of the dress is red floral, red and black floral with a
(14:45):
big old bow around the neck.
The other side is ice gray.
What message is she conveyingtoday?
I feel like it's the start ofsomething beautiful.
Baby.
It was about to go down, butother things have to be taken
care of first.
She's always wanting to takecare of business.
Number one I need you to buy mea vineyard, greg.
(15:07):
I need you to continue seducingMelissa, greg.
He's like I know.
I know Lance wants to know ifthey've changed his venue For
some reason.
They don't want to hold histrial in whatever county they're
in.
I guess they're afraid ofpublic opinion.
They want to do it a little bitfurther out where he doesn't
have so much of a reputation.
I guess you can do that if youhave enough money.
I don't, I'm sure, I don't know.
(15:28):
So Greg Reardon's got his platefull.
He's like okay, okay, fine,yeah, I remember all that.
I also think it's a terribleidea to let Greg Reardon be
Lance's lawyer.
He does not like him.
They and I'm afraid I don'tthink these men can separate the
two.
I don't think we can keepbusiness business and personal
personal.
I think they are intertwined.
(15:49):
Chase and Maggie are also makingplans, but not the plans.
You would think they'redownstairs having breakfast and
I guess Chase is feeling alittle more conservative today.
He needs to put on a brave face, since his son embarrassed him
in front of the entire county.
I hate to report it, but he'sonly got one button undone.
I can barely see his chesticlestoday.
I don't even see any chest hair.
It's a very conservative V-neck, very disappointing.
(16:12):
Anyway, he and Maggie arechatting and he's like hey,
angela's probably going to tryto buy Reidman's property, but
if we can talk to the Lajani, Ithink, is her last name we can
tell her.
So that land still belongs toyou.
Cole comes in and Chase giveshim that signature lit purse
like look at Maggie's son, lookat that, look what the cat drug
(16:33):
in this is where the hell youthink you going.
Cole makes himself a cup ofcoffee and then carries it to
the car.
He's like.
You know, I got to go clean upmy own mess.
God, I'm so, so grateful forthe invention of tumblers in
these different sort of cups wehave now.
I like my coffee.
I can't imagine having to driveand maneuver around with a cup
(16:56):
with no lid.
I couldn't do it.
Rest in peace.
My beautiful grandmother hasgone to glory, but it always
reminds me.
Quick little side story.
So my grandma lived reallyclose to us and she would take
us to school.
Sometimes my parents worked sowe would get ready.
My older sister had volleyballor something, so she would have
to leave before my brother and I.
(17:17):
Well, my grandma came over andit was unseasonably cold, like
there would have been some sortof ice storm and it hit us all
of a sudden.
So we didn't realize it, orthere'd been some sort of freeze
.
We didn't realize.
You know, we went to bed, itwas cold.
We woke up there was actuallylike ice on the porch and we had
(17:37):
one of those longer deck styleporches.
So my grandmother comes over andshe's in her nightgown, she has
in her rollers and stuff and Idon't know why her and my
brother would always kind of getinto it.
Don't know why her, my brother,would always kind of get into
(18:03):
it like he was always veryserious about it.
I could tell she was justhaving a little fun with him.
She like he cracked her up sohe'd be.
You know they tell her grandmaeverywhere we go is old people.
You're supposed to take me tomcdonald my grandma would often
take like her aunt.
So you can imagine my grandmawas.
She wasn't super old at thetime.
Obviously she's probably likeonly maybe she was like early
sixties, I don't know.
But her aunts were still alive.
So she would take them to likethe social security office, to
(18:24):
their doctor's appointment.
She was very much being liketheir niece.
Except my brother was youngenough to where he wasn't in
school yet or was like.
You know we only would just gohalf a day, so sometimes he'd be
with her.
He did not enjoy herfestivities.
They were very, very old lady.
Me, on the other hand, Ienjoyed them.
I had a good time runningaround with these old people.
(18:45):
But one time she bought himlike he said you're supposed to
take me to mcdonald's.
You never take me anywhere.
It's always old people andshe'd be like, just deal with it
.
So she bought him a corn dogone time and he just like threw
his body back and stiffened hislegs and he'd let the corn dog
roll it to the floor.
So they kind of had thatrelationship and she was like,
(19:07):
take it up and eat it.
So they kind of go back andforth all the time.
Well, on this particular morningit's icy outside.
I think I went out first.
I was like whoa, whoa, it'sslippery, but I was able to kind
of figure it out soon enough.
My brother comes out, I helphim off the porch, we go sit in
my grandma's car so we can seethe porch from the car, and
(19:29):
she's inside pouring herself ahot cup of coffee so she can
take her grandkids to school.
Mind you, picture all this in aregular daggler nightgown, not
like a silky fun one, just likea regular t-shirt, one that like
hits you at the knees.
She's wearing regular slippers.
She was fine with it.
They used to live in denverbefore they lived in texas.
(19:50):
So she comes outside and she'sholding a cup of coffee.
Next thing, you know, her legsfly from underneath her.
She spills the coffeeeverywhere, she falls down like
the three rolled down the window.
And he just you better not havebroke my mom's coffee cup.
(20:28):
Oh my god, we laughed aboutthat for years.
He didn't give a damn about herback.
You better not have broke mymom's coffee cup.
Oh geez, that was hilarious.
(20:49):
But that was my first thoughtas Cole left the house.
You better not break that damncoffee cup, bring it back.
But you know, when he's goingto handle business, business, he
needs to go and make amends, orso we think.
Only he goes to melissa's houseto act a teetotal fool.
He comes tearing through herhome, picking up paper, storming
off up, running up and down thesteps.
I can't trust you.
You weren't honest with me.
(21:09):
She's like dude, what are youtalking about?
You can't have any babies.
She's like wow, really, what'sthat downstairs, what's that in
the nursery in there?
She's like it wasn't that.
I didn't tell you, I just didn'tknow if this was a final thing.
I just I even went and gotchecked out to see what my
options are like.
(21:30):
I didn't not tell you.
I just you know, I wanted, Iwanted to bring it to you once I
knew all the information, onceI had the answers.
You know what I'm saying.
I hadn't tried to have a baby.
He's still brooding, he'sbumping off, he's snatching
stuff out of their room and shegoes.
You know what?
You know what?
Not marrying you is the bestthing that may have ever
(21:50):
happened to me, I agree, and hewalks out.
Side note Melissa's house isfantastic.
I've never seen the downstairsbefore today.
It is beautiful.
But once he leaves she's soangry she starts tearing up the
room, just destroying everything.
Well, tearing up the bed reallyLies on the bed and kind of
(22:11):
chuckles to herself.
I'm a bubbly baddie, I'm abubbly baddie.
I'm a bubbly baddie of chucklesto herself.
I'm a bubbly baddie, I'm abubbly baddie, I'm a bubbly
baddie.
Cole is so juvenile.
This relationship is so toxic.
Do you know?
He's not actually grabbingthings of value.
This is how I know he's a child.
He bursts in, he grabs hisrecords, he grabs like his
little league trophy.
He's going around the housegrabbing tchotchkes and little
(22:32):
trinkets and stuff.
He didn't even get a bag like agrown man.
I think she did the right thingDuring the argument.
It is worth noting, and it'svery important to the storyline
that he expresses, that itsucked to be the last person to
know that she couldn't have kids.
But it sucked even more to hearfrom Angela Channing.
And in his mind, hearing thathis wife can't have or his
(22:56):
wife-to-be can't have childrenfrom Angela Channing is on par
or equivalent to being left atthe altar in front of the entire
valley.
In his mind I am declaringhenceforth and forevermore I
hate this relationship.
I hate it.
Move on.
Mellie Reardon ain't the one,lance ain't the one.
(23:18):
I'm sure they're going to bringin some hot to trot hottie in
the next season or two.
I need her to move on.
I don't like this at all.
I guess Cole wants to get backto nature.
He needs to ground himself,touch a little earth.
He decides that he and Josephare going to go on a fishing
(23:42):
trip.
So he comes down the stairslooking like Wilson from Home
Improvement and he's got Josephin a very similar getup.
Joseph is remarkable Best actoron the show as far as I'm
concerned.
First millennial, millennial, Idon't care.
Kid is quite brilliant and I'dlike to pepper that scene with a
few more adjectives becauseit's.
Sometimes it takes a little kidto get to you.
So Cole and Joseph are onSilver Lake, or whatever lake
(24:04):
beautiful.
They're fishing and Joseph'slike.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys andgirls, if this is your first
time watching, listening to theprogram, thank you so much.
I hope you enjoy yourself.
I hope you find a home here.
My name is Jet.
I'm an elder millennialwatching these shows for the
very first time.
So when I review a show,understand that I have not seen
(24:25):
the rest of the seasons.
I've only gone as far as we areLike.
Yesterday I watched FalconCrest and I watched Dallas, all
on the same day.
So I may flub a detail here ortwo.
I may make some predictions.
Sometimes I'm right and thensometimes I'm really really
wrong.
Sometimes I take creativeliberties with a scene, but what
(24:45):
I'll never do is lie to youabout a scene.
I might pepper it withadjectives, but I will never
make up something.
I used to do something calledSuperlore Theater, and today is
a little bit like that.
So here's a scene.
Cole, dressed like Wilson fromHome Improvement, is sitting on
a rock talking to his child, whois one of the most brilliant
(25:09):
actors ever on television.
He's a baby genius.
He steals every scene.
He's in Very serious type.
I like to think that baby Josephmaybe runs a small business on
the side, perhaps he has a chainof newspaper stands all over
the county.
I really don't know.
But what I do know is babyJoseph bore witness to his
(25:29):
mother's humiliation.
He put on a penguin suit.
He had his father pin hiscorsage on him.
He said please don't crushthese flowers.
I got plans for these later.
And what does his dad do?
He stomps on his mother's heartinstead, crushes her like a
butt.
So Joseph was like yo listen.
I understand, father, thatthings happen in life, but I'm
(25:50):
going to bless you with a littlewisdom.
You see, I'm four years old andI'm like four years old.
When did Joseph become fouryears old?
He's four years old and I guesssometimes at pre-K he goes
through, he gets in differentsquabbles, he has different
situations that come up and hehas to navigate that with the
wisdom that has been bestowed onhim and he's like look daddy,
(26:11):
I've made some mistake in my day.
The past is the past.
I've made some mistake in myday.
The past is the past.
(26:31):
If I could go back I wouldcorrect it.
But if I don't know anythingelse, I know broads and I know
my mother.
He says Dad, why did you andmommy have a really hard time
being honest with each other?
Joseph's like yeah, okay, I getthat.
I get that.
Honesty is a very tricky, verytouchy thing.
It touches your heart.
You know what I'm saying.
Not everybody is equipped tohandle that, even me myself
personally.
Years ago I told a lie.
I lied.
Cody said it kind of soundedlike he said eight years ago,
(26:54):
and his dad's like you're onlyfour.
He's like yeah, but I lied.
You know what I'm saying.
I wasn't honest when I had theopportunity to be honest.
Does that mean you're going toleave man?
And he's like damn, nah, nah,nah, I guess I wouldn't.
I guess I won't leave you.
(27:19):
Joseph said listen, kiss andmake up.
Make it right, father, make itright.
Go talk to my mother, kiss andmake up, and also, please don't
ever play in her face again,because there will be
consequences.
I added that part in, Ipeppered it.
That did not happen.
So there I go.
(27:41):
But the essence of this scene isso interesting that from the
mouth of babes, a child's pointof view, you're going to leave
us if she tells one lie, reallyLike you've never lied before,
crushing Cole's heart a littlebit, probably thinking dang, my
son is watching me be unyieldingand unforgiving with his mom.
That's probably going to havesome consequences if I don't
make good on this right now.
Plus, he has to know.
(28:02):
By this point his argument isflimsy at best.
Did she lie or did she not tellyou?
Do you think she, as a womanwho loves you, who loves what
you have, who loves the familythat you are creating, do you
think that she's not consideringthese things?
It's just so different thanhaving a full-on affair.
It's just a ridiculous argument.
(28:24):
But because he has such a wiselittle boy, cole sees the error
in his ways and he's like youknow what I'm going to do.
Just that thing, I'm going todo that very thing.
Don't even worry about it.
Joseph's like good dude, I knowyou had it in you.
Ah yes, bad girl Melly Mel.
She's got a lot of things inher.
I've always thought that sheand Angela are two peas in the
(28:44):
pod.
We're just witnessing a youngerversion of Angela and I think
that kind of gets under her skin.
I think it bugs her to the core.
But Angela did her duediligence.
She had busy day, day previous.
She ruined a lot of lives, soat this point, what's one more?
So Angela and her Cruella deVil blouse is minding her
(29:06):
business.
She's poking the fire at herhouse when Charlie announces
that Melissa has arrived.
Melissa would like to visitwith you, angela.
Now, angela, knowing she ruinedthis girl's wedding, is like hey
, boo-boo, what you doing here.
She's really just gleaming andis like God, you look terrible.
Why don't you sit down and havea glass of tea with me?
(29:28):
Baby, what's going on?
I am so surprised you showedyour face after that fiascoco.
But you know what baby girl I'm, you know, I know that's my
nephew, but I just I'm glad youknow now what kind of person he
is.
Melissa is playing it cool,she's.
Oh my god.
Thank you so much for yoursympathies.
I had no idea.
No idea you cared about me somuch.
(29:49):
And she's like of course I care.
Melissa's like you care aboutme or you care about my grapes.
And angela's like don't, girl,don't be ridiculous.
I was doing you a favor.
I wanted you to see what typeof person Cole and the Gia
Birdies are.
Is that really the family youwant to be mixed up with?
Is that really the type ofperson you want to do business
with.
So it makes a little more sensenow why she would be so
(30:13):
ruthless.
I thought she was just beinghateful because she cried two
tears.
Somebody had to pay for it.
She wanted Melissa to behumiliated publicly so that she
didn't jump back in bed with theGiaverdes, metaphorically when
it comes to her harvest.
So Angela is playing Monopolyhere.
She wants to buy up all theadjacent land to have an even
(30:34):
bigger dynasty at some point.
The Rebman property is in hermind.
She just has to buy it from theGianni people.
Now, as far as they're saying Iguess the mother was sick,
gianni, I'm getting this allmixed up.
Miss Gianni is sick.
Her daughter's going to show upa little bit later, I guess, to
(30:56):
take care of business.
Nobody knows that just yet.
I could have sworn.
All this happened on the lastepisode.
That's what I get for watchingthem so close together.
I got to space them out alittle bit.
Back to Melly Mel.
So Angela's like girl.
I just hope you can recover.
You know what I'm saying.
I hope you something.
(31:20):
So it's this big giant white box.
I wish I could remember what Ithought it might be.
I think I had a suspicion thatit was her wedding dress, but
that's exactly what it is.
Melissa is so poised she ischanneling Sue Ellen this entire
time.
She's poised.
She's got her little Chanelsuit on, okay, yeah.
Well, you care about me, not mygrapes, and you did me a favor.
I got it.
I thought of you too, angela.
(31:41):
So Angela opens a box and it isher wedding dress.
Melissa's like.
I thought you would reallyenjoy this.
You can put it in your trophycase.
It's what's left of my weddingdress.
And here we go, people.
It's what's left of my weddingdress.
You bitch.
(32:02):
Is this the first time somebodyhas been called all the way out
their name on this show?
Yes, is this the first time onany of the four shows that we're
watching right now that anyonehas been called a B-A-Ha?
I think it is.
Ladies and gentlemen, it tookto 1985.
Well, okay, hold on, I don'tknow if that's true.
(32:26):
True, I got a little bit aheadof myself.
Yes, I'm watching these.
I've always watched nine to seedallas and falcon crest at the
same time.
Falcon crest is a last in therace.
They didn't actually startfilming until 1981, dynasty or,
excuse me, 1982 or 1981, dynastystarted probably recording.
It aired like the very end ofthe year.
(32:47):
Dallas and Knox Landing hadbeen on for about three years at
that point.
So it is very possible thatsomeone else gets called a
biatch at another point in time.
But this is my first time insomething like 200 episodes
hearing anybody be called a bich.
Angela does not take it well.
(33:07):
She kind of oh, she gets huffyand puffy and oh my.
But it's that kind offrustration where you can't
really do anything becauseMelissa's already sashayed off.
She can't say anything but shejust kind of balls up the dress
and throws it in the fire.
Reminds me like when I was akid and you get in trouble.
You ever get in trouble andmaybe your mom or dad really
(33:28):
irritated you.
So you go in your room.
You like pantomime this wholeargument.
You rage, whisper and throwaround non-destructive things
like pillows and teddy bears andt-shirts and stuff, lest you
make noise and come in there andget your butt whooped.
That's what big Angie does.
(33:49):
She can't believe this.
Hot roller.
Heifer came in here anddisrespected the perm rod
goddess in her home.
I don't want this little cheapfloozy dress.
Threw it in the fire, burn,baby burn.
You know what I fear.
I think Melissa might rue theday for that little stunt.
(34:12):
The next scene we see Angela andshe's back to her bully.
She is in a red dress withpolka dots all over and she is
face to face with her archnemesis.
The other curly haired personon the show, although he's kind
of blow drying his hair out now,the aviator, adonis, is looking
at her all out the side of hereye.
He is big pissed.
Big piss that she ruined hisson's wedding.
(34:35):
Let the record reflect his sonruined his son's wedding.
I guess chase is doing some sortof inventory and he sees andy
is like well, well, well,helping yourself to our stash.
Eh, she's like uh, yeah, I ownit, we own.
It must be nice.
One of us has to work, sinceyou're so busy meddling with
other people's business.
Cole told me what happened?
You wrong for that, auntie,you're wrong for that.
(34:57):
She said please, I have so manyother things to do than meddle
with your crybaby ken doll son'slife.
Jay says listen, I'll admitI've never been a fan of Melissa
, but I feel like you only didit to metal with her harvest.
She goes oh, I ain't worriedabout that.
He goes well, don't tryanything else, because I made
your business my business.
(35:18):
I know you want that Gianniniproperty.
I keep messing up these names.
The Giannini property, that wasthe one Reedman had stolen.
And she's like listen, don'tplay with me, little boy.
My money is old and strong likethe back of my hand.
I will introduce you to both.
If you try to trifle with mybusiness, chase is like yeah,
okay, well, I don't have totrifle with anything, I'm just
going to put a little bug inMary Giannini's ear.
(35:40):
Tell her guess what baby youwere robbed.
You don't have to sell adaggone thing.
He's standing there all smugand she's like oh yeah, you look
real cute.
It's real cute.
We'll see.
We'll see.
At the end of the day, we'regoing to see who wants what.
Who ends up with what.
Remember, you're new to this.
I'm true to this, and Angela'smine.
(36:02):
I'm muddying the details of thelast episode and what I know
happens on this one, but shedoes not seem to be concerned
about this property.
It's as good as sold, as far asshe knows.
Cole's like you know what?
We'll just see.
I talked to Mary.
She's going to be in towntomorrow.
We're going to get it allworked out.
It really pisses off Angela.
(36:23):
She storms back into the house.
I cannot believe my nephew isso just disrespectful.
I've been so disrespectedPeople calling me out my names.
My nephew is defending his son,like back in my day when an old
lady cussed you out andembarrassed you and ruined your
wedding and ruined your son'slife.
You just took it.
Kids nowadays don't have no,they don't have no koofs.
They don't have no hometraining.
(36:44):
They do not know how to take anl properly.
She is super pissed.
She goes back to the house and,of course, greg reardon just
happens to be loitering.
She's like you need to get yourstuff together, greg.
Aren't you supposed to beworking on a trial?
Aren't you supposed to bebuying property and crap for me?
Go get your stuff together, geton, go get.
He leaves the house and sheangrily shuffles paper.
(37:06):
While on his way out he seesaunt terry going down the hill
walking her horse.
I don't know why there's so manyanimals in this episode.
Was ralph lauren popping atthis point?
Because everybody's in poloboots and and those big bows or
whatnot?
Anyway, greg reardon, I guesshe sees her from behind.
He pulls up to her.
He's like hey, sweet thing,what's that baby girl, what you,
(37:28):
what you, what you trying to do?
Trying to have dinner with aplay again, ladies and gentlemen
, I am taking creative liberties.
That's basically what he said.
So she's like absolutely not meand this horse.
I'm gonna continue to walk thishorse like a dog, because
horses need that.
I guess.
She spins on her heels and sheleaves.
(37:50):
I don't really even know whyshe was in this episode, it was
just a little splash of her.
Let's move ahead because thegood things are coming up.
So eventually Melissa, heartsick, very pissed off, decides I
am a bubbly baddie.
I am the bubbly baddie on thisshow.
Terry could never, angela couldnever.
I am the baddie on this showand I'll be damned if I'm going
(38:14):
to be outdone.
So she calls up Reardon oncehe's done running his errands
for the day and she's like it'snight.
I could really use a friend.
So he wakes up, he comes over tothe house.
He's really thinking things aregoing to pop off.
But they spend the entire nightin front of a fire in her
pajamas, him and his bugle boyjeans, and non-broken in boots,
(38:37):
and they make a pallet on thefloor and they talk the entire
night.
They read each other's heartsand minds.
Actually, that's not true.
It's very one-sided.
Melissa waxes poetic about allof the things she and Cole have
been through, all the fun timesand eating ice cream with Joseph
, and it's those moments thatare precious to you because
(39:00):
you're sharing them with someoneelse, but the general
population doesn't really care.
No one cares how cute you thinkyour toddler is when he crawls
in the bed with well, actually,I do, as I say that that is
really cute, but no one caresthat cole wrinkles his nose
every time he smells dial soap,or that he's slightly allergic
to peanut butter, and sometimes,when he pisses you off, you put
(39:23):
a little peanut oil in thespaghetti and things like that
just to keep him on his toes.
Creative liberties, creativeliberties in lieu of an example.
Well, while they're talking,cole, who's been chastised,
reprimanded and rebuilt by hisson, shows up.
He has come to make amends.
He thinks that, you know, notonly did I leave this girl at
(39:46):
the altar, I've gone fishing.
So I smell like swamp thingsand outside, let me go push up
on Melissa and see if she'll,you know, hook back up with me,
even though I smell like outside.
So he shows up at the worstpossible time very early the
next morning.
Melissa's in her gown, so thingsaren't looking great.
(40:08):
He looks past her and he seesReardon.
And then he sees Red.
I can't even believe.
He goes running in lunging atReardon and these two brooding,
bubbly blonde boy bombshellscome to fisticuffs.
(40:30):
They're swinging, they'rebreaking, they're crashing into
Melissa's fine furniture,destroying antiques.
Family air moves are all overthe floor.
It's a wreck.
It's a terrible, awful,horrible mess.
They're punching each other,boom pow, boom, boom pow.
I'm saying all this and itsounds like this is a long fight
.
They don't have the stamina.
(40:51):
I'm going to tell you that Now,boarding school did not do
either one of them any favors.
Now, I thought Cole was fromNew York.
I was quite disappointed at hislack of stamina After they had
crashed everything out.
Melissa's like you know what,oh my God, she sees the light.
Hey, ladies, that's enough.
They stopped fighting andthey're actually both quite
(41:14):
relieved that the fight hasstopped because they're both
winded.
She's like you know.
Both of y'all are pathetic.
Clean up this ish and get outof my house.
She goes upstairs to get dressed.
Well, while she goes upstairsand they're catching their
breath, reardon is like yo.
You're not gonna believe me,but I promise you absolutely
nothing happened.
Note that my bugle boy jeansare still buckled, I'm still
(41:37):
wearing a belt, my boots are onfor crying out loud.
Literally nothing happened.
We spent the entire nighttalking about your peanut
allergies and inability to usestrongly scented soaps.
Melissa loves you, melissawants you, and you'd be a
complete and teetotal fool towalk away from her.
Now I'm going to be a gentleman, mostly because I'm tired, but
(41:59):
also because I'm British.
I'm going to give you theopportunity to go upstairs and
make good with your lady love,because she wants you and she
loves you.
But if you fumble the bag,please believe I'm going to pick
that up.
Either you get her or I'm goingto go upstairs and take her
down.
You need to figure this out.
I'm going to take her from youor you can go up there and
redeem yourself, and I'll bedamned if they don't forge some
(42:22):
sort of a friendship.
So much so that by the end ofthis episode, cola and Melissa
decide to have an impromptushotgun wedding right there at
the Falcon Crest Vineyards.
And do you know who serves asquote unquote best man or second
bestest man?
I guess Joseph's best man,reardon.
Reardon shows up and they'reall buddy buddy.
It's so weird how quicklythings move on a soap opera,
(42:43):
like I know.
You know all buddy buddy.
It's so weird how quicklythings move on a soap opera,
like I know you know.
On daytime it takes quite awhile for one storyline to kind
of push through.
But on nighttime, listen we wasin love on episode three.
I got pregnant.
On episode seven Toxic shocksyndrome.
By episode 12.
Divorcing you by episode 15.
By episode 20, episode 12,divorcing you by episode 15.
(43:05):
By episode 20, I am engaged tosomeone else.
It moved like that.
They hated each other.
Episode 10, episode 21,.
You are my best man.
Maggie and Chase and baby Josephare looking at each other at
the side of the eye like I can'tbelieve we got dragged into
this bull again.
I can't.
(43:26):
They break up and make up.
I bet they desperately want tosay could you please put me on
your don't call list?
Could you please Can I opt outof this email?
The next time y'all fall in andout of love, please don't call
me.
Please don't call me.
Maggie was clearly on hermedication this whole time
because she had zoned the F out.
It was time for the rings andreardon was supposed to have him
(43:53):
.
He's patting his you know camelcolored cashmere blazer and
they look over to maggie andmaggie's just kind of in my mind
.
She's singing phil caw, she's Ican feel it coming in the air
maggie, oh no, maggie, hmm,lorraine, oh yes, yes, here, yes
, pulls it out of pocket, passesit to joseph.
(44:14):
Maggie, get it together, layoff the wine, lay off the mommy
juice.
Allegedly, allegedly, allegedly.
Do you remember how lastepisode angela goes?
She tells Richard that Lorraineis pregnant.
Well, richard is taking it thesame way.
Cole took the lack of pregnancyand its abilities and its hope
(44:36):
for the future.
He takes it the same way.
Richard does not take it.
Well, so Lorraine's pouring hima glass of milk how juvenile.
And he flips out, he slaps itout of her hand.
You're pregnant.
How are you not going to tellher you're pregnant?
How are you not gonna tellyou're pregnant?
I have to say this I've alwaysthought richard behaved.
He had a lot of mannerisms oflike an 80 year old man.
I believe irl, he is about thatage, so it probably it fits now
(44:59):
, but it is peculiar in thesescenes if he doesn't have some
sort of psychosis.
I can't really tell if he'stalking to Gollum on his
shoulder or if there's someweird puppet that he can see.
He moves like a person who istrying to be normal, but he
can't quite get there.
(45:20):
Anyway, he's raging and veryupset at Lorraine, so much so
that he kicks her out.
He says go home, pack yourteams, you gotta go, you can't
be in my home anymore.
He is so devastated by the newsof her having this baby that
he's losing focus like this isyour kid.
This is someone, this is one ofthe few people who loves you
(45:43):
and loves you unconditionally.
By my account, I can't think ofanyone else on the show who
feels that way for him.
Now, pam obviously cares forhim, but she knows that she is
disposable and she's tried herbest to be.
Like Richard, do you want topush this girl away or do you
want her around?
It's an interesting take.
If you look at Richard and youlook at Cole.
(46:03):
They're both mad at women theylove over a child or the ability
to carry a child.
In the grand scheme of things,what they're trying to
accomplish and what they're nottrying to accomplish, it seems
so trivial.
In all honesty, if Richardwants to continue to destroy
Lance, he could do so.
It's kind of a moot point now.
(46:26):
But he could.
There's no reason to destroythe relationship with this girl.
Let Lance go to jail.
Let him spend a little time.
Yeah, you can keep spending it.
She can be upset.
I think you can get over thatat some point.
But you're kicking this babygirl out because she's pregnant.
Oh, she's also Lance's fiance.
He asked her to marry him.
So there's that Last littlepiece of business.
(46:55):
The Giannini property is now thesource of tension between Chase
and Angela, so everybody's backto being enemies.
Richard is still Douglas'sbastard, so Angela's always
going to despise him.
She's pissing him extra on thisseason because he is trying to
frame Lance for her almostmurder, knowing that it was
really Florida man Joel.
Chase and Angela are alwaysbattling over power.
(47:17):
He feels aware about herruining everything he does
basically.
So he tries.
His plan is to intercept thatvineyard, the Giannini Vineyard,
before Angela can do it.
Or at least, if he doesn't getit, he wants Mary to keep it.
It's not that he wants thegrapes, he just doesn't want
Angela to win.
So you start to see, eventhough he's not admitting it,
(47:39):
he's got a little bit of avillain brewing in him.
I think that's how it starts.
Maybe you feel like you havebeef with just one person.
Then, before you know it,everybody's your enemy.
So he had made plans, he andMaggie, to meet with Mary.
She was going to fly in on a PJ, only they're standing at the
airport waiting and it's a smallplane, so there's only like
seven people on it.
(47:59):
They don't see her come out.
They're like what the hell'sgoing on?
A young lady comes up to themand she's like hey, are you
chasing Maggie?
The hell's going on.
A young lady comes up to themand she's like hey, are you
chasing maggie?
Yeah, I'm, I'm mary's daughter.
Oh, where's your mama?
Tell me why.
She is in a whole casket, dead.
Y'all gone.
And we're like, oh, okay, well,that didn't work out, did it?
(48:21):
So, uh, yeah, this becomes veryawkward.
The daughter explains that,yeah, mom was fine, like
yesterday morning.
Now she's dead.
I guess it's 1985.
I don't know if you need anautopsy, so she's going to be
buried, and I figured, since shewas already on her way here
(48:43):
irony, uh, we might as well havea little quick little funeral.
You guys?
You guys want to have a littlequick little funeral.
You guys want to have a funeralreal quick, then maybe we can
grab some lunch.
And they're like oh sure, ofcourse.
So the plan is a little bitmuddled at this point.
Angela and Chase or I thinkAngela thought she was going to
buy it from that lady, from Mary.
(49:03):
Chase thought he couldintercept that with a
conversation and be like hey,you were robbed, you don't
actually have to sell it, youcan go back to your house and
live happily ever after.
Only she did so.
There is a burial and Chase andMaggie have to go home and
change and put on somethingrespectable.
They can't show up in all thesebright colors.
Angela don't give a damn.
She shows up after the burialbecause she's already been to a
(49:25):
wedding.
It was ruined.
We're not doing three majorlife events this week.
Sorry, it's not happening.
So she shows up right after theburial, right after all the
hard work is.
She shows up in hersupervillain car and she's like
hey girl, hey Connie, youremember me.
Baby, I'm so sorry to hearabout your mama.
Listen, listen, I'd love tohelp you out.
(49:46):
Why don't you come down to thehouse?
We'll have a little lunch, alittle tea and we'll talk about
your mama.
Fully enjoyed this episode.
I was so excited to tell y'allabout the biatch part, but I
don't know if it comes up onthese other episodes because I
haven't seen them yet.
I will say, though, there seemsto be a lot of fist fighting or
backbiting on all the showsthat I've watched and I am
(50:07):
loving it.
That's it.
That's all, folks.
Thank you so much for joiningme on this episode of Falcon
Crest.
I think we're gonna go aheadand keep it on the west coast.
I believe Knott's Landing is upnext.
So join me for that as we jumpback into soap opera debauchery
In the meantime, in between time, hey, take a little time out
(50:28):
and listen to a four-year-old.
He might be wise now in hisyears.
He might threaten you, he mightthreaten to take out your knees
if you disrespect his mother,but he always and I mean always
has a point Very insightful fora 48-year-old in a
48-month-old's body.
Stay hydrated, stay moisturized, mind your own business and
keep all of your drama on TV.
Thank you, bye.
Popular Podcasts
Bookmarked by Reese's Book Club
Welcome to Bookmarked by Reese’s Book Club — the podcast where great stories, bold women, and irresistible conversations collide! Hosted by award-winning journalist Danielle Robay, each week new episodes balance thoughtful literary insight with the fervor of buzzy book trends, pop culture and more. Bookmarked brings together celebrities, tastemakers, influencers and authors from Reese's Book Club and beyond to share stories that transcend the page. Pull up a chair. You’re not just listening — you’re part of the conversation.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com