July 19, 2025 • 57 mins
The line between celebration and catastrophe blurs deliciously in Dynasty's "Birthday Party" episode as Baby Blake's second birthday becomes the perfect storm of family drama, business betrayal, and romantic complications. At the center of this lavish spectacle stands a birthday party that defies all reason – complete with a functioning train, Shetland ponies, jugglers, a poolside mermaid, and a terrifying six-foot jack-in-the-box. While the toddler guest of honor appears utterly shell-shocked, the adults orbit around him with their own agendas. Jeff dons clown makeup (poorly) to play "Mr. Clown," unwittingly attracting Kirby's attention and stoking Adam's jealousy. Meanwhile, Fallon battles mysterious headaches while putting on a brave face for her son's celebration. he true fireworks happen away from the party grounds. Krystal delivers a palm-stinging slap to Tracy's face after Tracy suggests they're cut from the same cloth – secretaries who slept their way to the top. Alexis drops a bombshell hint about having a fourth child, sending ripples of speculation through the Carrington dynasty. Kirby takes shooting lessons, proving herself a surprisingly accurate markswoman with potential targets in mind. And just when Blake believes he's secured a business triumph that will catapult Denver Carrington above Colby Co, his $100 million deal with Rashid Ahmed is exposed on national television as funding arms for international conflict. The episode culminates with Fallon and Jeff announcing their intention to remarry despite their palpable lack of chemistry, setting up future complications against the backdrop of Blake's unfolding international scandal. Like all great Dynasty episodes, "Birthday Party" serves up the perfect cocktail of wealth, betrayal, unexpected alliances, and consequences that will reverberate through the lives of Denver's elite. Don't miss this quintessential glimpse into the golden age of primetime soap operas!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
and then she struts out the door.
Clearly, tracy is concussed,side of her face is burning, her
ears are ringing.
She doesn't know what she'ssaying right now.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys andgirls, welcome and welcome back
to soap floor, the officialgathering place for newbies,
novices and od diehard fans ofthe golden age of primetime.
(00:21):
We die hard fans of the goldenage of primetime.
I'm your host, chet, viewing andreviewing the Sophie is Betsy's
Primetime Storylines of 1984.
We are back in the mile-highcity for some really, really
satisfying drama.
So, whether you're new to thisor true to this, sit back and
enjoy.
Tell the kids it's time to playoutside or out of sight.
(00:41):
Don't beg no questions,suggestions or concerns.
Everyone else on earshot, cool,quiet or kicked out of your own
room options because we arewatching our story.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys andgirls, this is SoFour.
(01:09):
Hello, gorgeous party peopleand people who party and
everyone in between.
I hope your morning, noon orafter or evening is shaping up
well.
Hope you're having a good day.
If not, baby, leave all that atthe door.
We're about to cut up.
(01:29):
Y'all want some cake.
You want to go to a birthdayparty?
Me either.
Yes, no, maybe.
So sometimes I want a littlecake sometimes.
I don't mind a birthday party,I just find, now listen, if it's
a kid's birthday party, let'smake it a little earlier in the
day.
I don't mind a birthday party,I just find, now, listen, if
it's a kid's birthday party,let's make it a little earlier
in the day.
I don't know what it is about.
Summer People love having aneight o'clock birthday party.
(01:52):
I'm like I'm not going to nokid's party at eight o'clock,
don't I sound like an old lady?
Anyways, guys, I hope your dayis shaping up well.
We are jumping back intoDynasty for one of the most
mind-bending birthday partiesI've ever seen.
It's a Colby party and you knowhow much I love a good Colby
(02:12):
birthday party.
You Dynasty aficionados willrecall season one, episode 11,
the birthday party.
Yeah, dynasty is.
You know, I don't know what'sgoing on.
1980s Nobody cared about atitle, they just recycled it.
They're leaving off the.
That was the birthday partywhere Cecil got read for fifth.
It is, to this day, one of myfavorite, favorite episodes of
(02:38):
Dynasty.
That's the episode where Jefffinds out that Fallon only
married him because, you know,cecil sort of set that up or
whatever.
So Jeff patiently waits for atrack to explode on and that
happens to be his uncle Cecil'sbirthday party.
He reads him for filth in frontof God and everybody.
Meanwhile, crystal was sweatingbullets because she was wearing
(03:03):
those scammer jewels Remember,oh my God, it's one of my
favorite.
It definitely was rent free inmy mind.
Meanwhile, crystal was sweatingbullets because she was wearing
those scammer jewels remember,oh my God, it's one of my
favorite.
It definitely lives rent-freein my mind.
Well, today is not that day.
We got a whole nother Colby.
We have a little seed that heand Fallon created.
It is baby Blake's secondbirthday party.
Y'all, they're doing a lot.
You know who's not doing a lot?
Me, your girl.
(03:28):
Unfortunately, I had adisagreement with a dryer sheet
earlier today and I find myselfsplayed out in bed.
Go ahead and pour yourself upsomething bubbly and bright or,
you know, pick up a sonic drink,do whatever you do.
My friend kelly said she likesto listen to me on her commute.
So, kelly, good morning babe.
I hope everything's going well.
(03:48):
Let me tell you about this dryersheet that attacked me.
That came out of nowhere.
So I'm minding my business,walking through my living room.
I'm going to make it sound likeI live in a mansion?
I definitely don't, but I washeading into my laundry room to
pick up something.
I don't remember what it was atthis moment, but my home was
(04:09):
built probably in the latefifties, so there is a door
right before you get into thelaundry room.
I love this door.
I've always wanted a windowinside my house.
I don't know if it's because Iwatched Pee Wee Herman early on.
There's some sort of impressionthat was made my entire life.
I've always thought, man, itwould be so cool to have like a
(04:33):
wall in your house, but it's awindow that you could open and
talk to people.
For no reason.
I think it's just so cool, sochic.
The door reminds me of that.
It's an older door, it's prettysolid and it's got this really
beautiful stained glass.
I don't know if the west sideof the house was.
Maybe.
Maybe it's an add-on.
I don't think it is.
I think it's just kind of arelic.
(04:53):
I was in a neighbor's house ayear or so ago and she had a
similar door, but it wasn'twhere mine is.
Anyway, the point I'm trying tomake is because this beautiful
door is there, I can't seewhat's on the other side of it
and whoever wired the place.
The light switches on theoutside, which is a little bit
annoying, so I didn't bother toturn on the light.
(05:14):
It's my first mistake, but Iopened the door and there's
enough light for me to see thatthere's a pair of hey dudes in
the middle of the floor.
I have barked about this adnauseum move your shoes, you
know, four or five inches to theother side.
If you're going to kick themoff in the laundry room, just
move them over a little bit.
So I dodge the hey dudes, onlyto immediately feel, instead of
(05:39):
tension, I feel, no resistancewhatsoever as my foot makes
contact with an oversized dryersheet.
Maybe my laundry room haslinoleum.
So I go splatter, tat, tat,splatter, tat, tat and all the
cops scattered.
Next thing, you know, I amfighting for my life not to do
(06:00):
the splits, because your girl isnot flexible like that and I
don't know if I pivoted like aNinja Turtle or something.
I end up on my side, slash back, looking up at my ceiling, just
pissed off, mortified, and alsothinking who put these
styrofoam ceiling tiles up here?
This is hideous.
Well, I made a little bit of afuss and now I'm going to nurse
(06:27):
my wounds for the rest of theday you would think the day was
lost, but I think I have apretty good sense of humor.
Plus, had I not slipped andfell, I would have never been in
bed at this time.
I would have never known thereis a Martha Stewart channel.
I said, oh well, let me seewhat Martha's talking about.
Martha had a whole 30 minuteepisode on the joys of eggs and
(06:48):
eggs making.
She had eggs in every which wayyou could think of.
Then I watched her pickle someonions.
I watched her build an aboveground I'm saying an above
ground maze, that's not what Imeant A raised garden and I
thought, oh my God, I can dothat, but she made hers a maze.
I'm like, wow, martha's reallydoing a lot.
She's doing the absolute most,but it didn't.
(07:09):
She doesn't make it feel likeit's the most.
You know what I'm saying?
She's just making the most ofwhat she has, and it's fabulous.
This episode of Dynasty is inthe neighborhood, but it's over
the top, because that's whatthey wanna do.
Do we need all these things?
(07:31):
No.
Do I need 37 ways to make anegg?
No, but I watched all 37chapters of it.
Buckle in, pour yourself upsomething bubbly and bright as
we explore a birthday party thatwould make even Martha Stewart
say, well, not damn.
On season four, episode 23 ofDynasty birthday party, birthday
party per usual.
We're going to start with thebit players.
Everyone's a little bit of abit player this episode, but
(07:52):
they each have their own littlething going on.
Everything comes crashing intogether because there's a
birthday party.
So at the top of the show wesee crystal floating down the
steps directing some of the help.
There's so many maids andbutlers at this mansion, ain't,
but what?
Eight people who live there,who live there for real, for
(08:14):
real.
The rest is just staff anyway.
Crystal comes down the stairs,she goes to have breakfast and
Fallon's already sitting down.
Crystal in this exquisite lightblue floor lane silk robe, once
again solidifying my resolve Iam getting me some more robes.
I don't know what I'm going tostart selling y'all, but I'm
going to start selling somethingto fund my dynasty fascination.
(08:38):
Now I need a fur coat or two.
I definitely need some gloves.
I need a whole array of robesanyway.
Crystal comes floating into thedining room.
Valen, oh my gosh, how excitedare you for baby blake's party.
I'm so excited, I can't wait.
Valen practically goes.
Oh, crystal's like dang girl iseverything all right?
(09:00):
Because, yeah, yeah, it's fine.
I just have so many things todo.
I have a bunch of ribbon andrunning to do downtown.
Plus, I don't think I'm allthat excited about the terrible
twos.
Young lady number one.
We, the audience, know thatfallon has this headache.
She's not feeling real good.
So I totally understand.
The last thing you want to dois be in a super loud
(09:21):
environment with a bunch oflittle two-year-olds.
Sounds like hell on earth ifyou have a migraine.
So she gets a pass from me.
But also, why is she worriedabout the terrible twos?
She don't spend nothing, butwhat?
Like a day and a half with thiskid?
She sees baby Blake once every10 business days.
Can we please stop acting likeyou're a mother of a year, her
and Jeff this episode oh, it'sso much work.
(09:44):
How would your mother of theyear, her and jeff this episode
oh, it's so much work.
How would you know?
Time I turn around, y'all haveon suits and church shoes
running all over.
God's creation, she spends more.
I'm not even gonna get into it.
I am gonna get into it.
I'm not gonna shut up.
Fallon almost jumped on a planea private plane that she would
(10:05):
have been painting for, by theway, with the booger sugar baron
himself, peter Crackpiper.
She wasn't worried about babyBlake then, or his terrible ones
1.5s, 18 months and twos.
Girl bye.
She has a headache.
She's just talking out of theside of her neck, so she goes
down the hallway to make a phonecall.
Before we get into her phonecall, I got to talk about her
(10:27):
sweater.
I'm going to say this and itwill sound funny, but let's just
allow that to happen.
You know what I'm saying.
Just let it happen.
She's wearing a like crochetedlayered sweater.
And you're probably saying, jet, aren't all sweaters crocheted
or knitted at the very least?
Yeah, they are, but not likethis.
This reminds me of this trendthat happened once upon a time.
(10:51):
It might still be happening incertain parts of the world, I'm
sure.
I remember there was like thiswhole explosion of these
porcelain dolls, only it wasn'treally a full body doll, it'd be
like their head.
Sometimes they'd be plastic.
They'd always be a little bitcreepy.
(11:13):
People would knit them dressesor crochet them dresses.
So imagine a doll dressed likeshe's from like the late 1800s.
They were everywhere, butthat's not the weird part Dolls
have been around since thebeginning of time, for whatever
reason.
People started turning thesedolls into tissue boxes and
sometimes they'd have really,really big dresses.
I'm saying it's late 90s whenI'm remembering this, but it
(11:34):
probably was even a little bitearlier.
I feel like I've seen pictureswith these weird kind of creepy
dolls dressed like thatAntebellum style looking ones,
with this whole crochet bonnetand big old crochet dress.
People would sit them on top oftissue boxes.
They'd even put them on toiletpaper rolls.
This is what I'm remembering asI'm seeing this.
She got on the toilet paper doll3000.
(11:56):
It is a weird, thick, hideoussweater and maybe that's because
of her headache.
So she gets a hold of Dr BlackDoctor, hands of Black Doctor,
makes it down to his office andshe's trying to explain to him.
Like I don't just have aheadache, doc, it feels like
there's noise inside of my head,like it's not just a regular
(12:19):
migraine or whatever.
It's horrible.
And he says well, fallon, honey, you had a pretty serious
injury, you had a big concussion, this is just your body's way
of migraine or whatever it'shorrible.
And he says well, fallon, honey, you just I mean, you had a
pretty serious injury, you had abig concussion.
This is just your body's way ofhealing.
It won't be forever, buteverything is checking out.
You seem perfectly normal.
She's like I don't know, itjust feels really bad.
So he goes okay, let's go aheadand get you in the.
What is it?
The EKG machine?
(12:40):
The machine, whatever that doesthe scan MRI, whatever?
We'll get you in the scannerand I'll let you know as soon as
I know what's going on.
She's like OK, cool, Iappreciate you.
Crystal decides that she's goingto continue her silk outfit of
the day, goes upstairs, getsdressed for work, she walks into
her office and she sees Tracyeyeballing the QED reports Tracy
(13:08):
, tracy, tracy reports Tracy,tracy, tracy.
Well, well, well, what are youdoing here?
When last we left, tracy wasfired from Denver Carrington,
she had a raucous night withDexter.
So Tracy is in the market for afresh set of taste buds and a
biodegradable hinge for her newjaw after crystal and tote and a
pewter wonder woman belt slapsthe taste buds smooth out of her
(13:31):
mouth.
So tracy hits the ride homefrom hong kong and she has a
mission.
She has to get a job withalexis and report everything
back to dex.
Dexter, granted, she's nothurting for money, since Dex
will be paying her, but shestill has to get hired by Alexis
.
Before she can do any of that,she has to clean out her desk at
Denver Carrington, which iswhen she's caught by Crystal.
(13:53):
Crystal struts in with a taupeand pewter killer combo look at
Wonder Woman belt demanding toknow why this overly qualified
assistant is looking through herdesk.
Now the cynic in me is likeCrystal.
She's been doing your work thisentire time.
She's been doing the QEDreports.
Why are you, why are you askingher that?
(14:17):
But I mean, in all reality, shedid just try to sleep with your
husband, crystal.
I get it.
Tracy's not really absorbingthe gravity of Crystal's
presence.
She's almost dismissive of herand she scoffs.
She claims to be returning somereports she found while she was
clearing out her own personaldesk.
Only she was really memorizingthose QED reports.
Crystal thinks that all this isa likely story.
(14:39):
After all, tracy did just tryto sleep with her man.
She's like yeah, yeah, yeah,likely story.
Well, tracy thinks Crystal isuppity and a little bit hoary.
So what if I tried to bang youron and off again, husband Big
whoop?
See, the thing is, tracy thinksCrystal is a card carrying.
Member of the Secretariat ofDestruction Society Incorporated
(15:02):
.
She thinks she comes from along line of HR hookers who get
jobs and then seduce the higherups.
That's what you do.
That's what girls like us do.
So Tracy says as much as like,please don't come in here
looking down on me.
I only did what you did first.
Okay, crystal's like, what areyou talking about?
I know you were his secretary,crystal.
(15:24):
I know you used to work here.
You put your claws on him.
Now you're walking around withthe Zsa, zsa jewelry, spending
$100,000 every season on yourwardrobe which is better, by the
way, by the way.
So don't look down on me fordoing what you did.
I did what we're supposed to do.
I have a card, you have a card.
This is what we do to get inthe game.
Crystal is very, very slick.
(15:44):
She's almost like thatvelociraptor on jurassic park.
We got to study her form.
Crystal, the taupe and pewterrefuter, delivers five fingers
in a freshly ponds, cold cream,moisturized palm to the left
side of tracy's Unsuspectingface spat out Tracy's dignity.
Her last three conversations,six months worth of memories, go
(16:13):
flying across the room.
Pile out Crystal.
Crystal's very stealthy.
She didn't reach back toMississippi like she did last
time she just kind of came fromup and under.
She shoots it up at a 90 degreeangle and comes across your
face so fast you don't even knowwhat happened.
Crystal is tired of hearingthis riffraff Tells Tracy this
(16:36):
little game is over, tracy, andyou've lost.
Tracy is clutching the side ofher face and blinking back tears
.
She's like, okay, I'll see you,chris, I'll see you, we'll let
you have that one.
But the way I play the game,this isn't over until the team
walks off the field, considerthis a time out.
And then she struts out thedoor.
(16:58):
Clearly, tracy is concussed.
Side of her face is burning.
Her ears are ringing.
She doesn't know what she'ssaying.
Right now she's probably neverbeen so desperate to get out of
an office in her life.
Thank God no one else saw that.
But she's going to have ahandprint on the side of her
(17:19):
face, a moisturized handprint,mind you, but it is what it is.
Someone else also grappling withtheir dignity is Morgan Hess.
Morgan Hess ended up in jailafter Blake confronted him about
those tapes he was sending toClaudia the Stallion.
We know he's in jail notbecause of the last episode.
Well, we did see him getarrested, the last episode I
(17:41):
actually thought that MorganHess could have fought off the
one detective.
He only brought one.
He was in plain clothes, hedidn't even have handcuffs, so
that he didn't believe that thatwas really a cop and taking off
running.
But I mean Morgan Hess, helooked like he was probably in
okay shape.
He probably could have made ittwo or three blocks.
Apparently he didn't.
Now he's in jail.
Now he's looking for bail moneyand of all the people in the
(18:01):
world to call.
He wants his feelings hurt, hewants to be degraded because he
calls alexis.
He didn't even call her at home, he calls her at work.
She comes into her office andher secretary, douglas it looks
like the other kid, thelookalike lyle the one look just
like stephen.
He's out of the door.
I guess he quit or was fired, Idon't know.
She was in Hong Kong so I can'timagine what would happen over
(18:23):
those last few days.
But Douglas tells her you know,mr Morgan Hess is on the phone,
he's in jail.
What should I tell him?
She's like don't tell himnothing.
That's exactly where he wouldbe.
I don't even know why.
He called playing on my phoneand my place of business.
But he hands her a telegram,telemessage, telegram, it's not.
He didn her a telegram,tele-message, telegram, it's not
.
He didn't say telegram, buttell us something.
(18:43):
He hands her whatever she goesinto her office and, to my
surprise, stephen is still inthat damn office.
Are there not laws againstsquatting in a corporation's
building?
Maybe, maybe not.
Maybe he's under the guise ofhe's working, but every time
I've seen Stephen, he's eitherbeen in that office or he's been
in that office.
Did he office or he's been inthat office?
Did he really just chill outthere the whole time?
She was in hong kong?
He's desperate to hear okay,mother, lay it on me, how many
(19:06):
oil wells did we get?
And she goes oh darling,unfortunately we didn't get any.
Your dad moved so swiftly, wejust didn't have any.
Stephen starts to flip out.
Oh my god, mom, do you see whatI'm talking about?
Adam came in my room.
He's always moving my things.
He took my report and now wedon't have any oil wells.
And she was like honey, relax,it's okay, it's business.
Sometimes you win, sometimesyou lose, but you know what.
(19:28):
I don't want you to lose.
I don't want you to lose theprogress that you and your
father have made.
You guys are once again afamily, and you know what.
This business is not worthdestroying that relationship.
I won't do it, my dear Mind you.
She already knows she put afull plan in place, but I like
her style.
The less people know about this, the better.
(19:49):
Stephen takes a deep breath andhe's like you know what, mama,
you're right, you're right,you're right.
I'm sorry, I'm tripping.
I've been in this office toolong.
I think there might be somemercuric oxide residue or
something left.
I'm tripping.
Glad you're back.
Good to see you Soon.
As Stephen leaves the room,alexis opens said telegraph and
(20:09):
it is from none other thanRashid Ahmed.
It has all of his information,baby, every drop, every piece of
his information, every piece ofher information, and it says
explosion tomorrow.
Rashid Ahmed, I'm thinking.
Alexis darling, didn't you getcaught up before and behind
(20:30):
signing paperwork, leaving aboutreceipts?
You can't do that.
I don't know why Rashid didn'tsend kind of an anonymous.
He could have said my name wasBill Barrymore from the Gullah
Gullah Island.
He could have made up anything,but he didn't.
So she's sitting on pins andneedles for the rest of the
episode, kind of waiting on saidexplosion.
(20:52):
Oh, another person who does notunderstand what discretion means
is our good sister CorbethiasCurbethias has been invited by
none other than Blake Carringtonfor lunch.
Not at La Mirage, whereeveryone else goes, not even at
the house they both live in.
No, no, no, no.
Blake has the option of havinghis help come to his office and
(21:16):
lay out a gorgeous spread.
Only, it's not gorgeous.
It looks rather sickly.
Shout out to.
Bob pointed out something thatwas always sort of dancing in
the back of my mind and I trynot to let it take me out of the
scene too many times.
But you have props.
Obviously, this is a.
This is television.
You can't have fresh food allthe time because it's going to
(21:36):
change.
On Dynasty, alexis always has aspread.
There's always seemed to besome sort of food on this show
and by and large, they do apretty good job, I think.
As long as you have like fruitor breads, you don't really have
to think about it.
You can reuse those day afterday, as long as they, you know,
once you get them pretty fresh.
This is the second time they'vehad meat on the show and it
(21:58):
just has this weird sort ofsickly peachy gray tone to it.
It looks very rubbery and thisscene is no different.
So Kirby and and Blake aresitting in his office.
Of course he has servants.
They have a full table with atablecloth, no paper blade, they
got real blade.
(22:19):
They each have a glass of wineand a glass of water and it
looks like lunch is a pre-slicedplatter of sickly looking crab
legs and lemons.
Blake basically called her downthere because the lieutenant at
the police station told him thathe showed Kirby the suicide
note and he just wants to fillher out a little bit.
(22:40):
He's like I know this isdevastating and I want you to
know that your dad never, everwanted you to know about your
mom.
I hope you can forgive AlexisLike she's.
I know she seems a little bitruthless, but she was.
I mean, she was just notthinking.
I promise you she didn't haveany ill will toward you.
Just try to forgive her.
Like you're going to be marriedto Adam, you don't want any
(23:01):
drama.
So I find it kind of cute thatboth Blake and Alexis are
championing each other behindclosed doors.
I'm not going to give you yourprops to your face, but behind
your back Alexis is tellingSteven keep it cute with your
dad, that relationship'simportant, and Blake is telling
his future daughter-in-law.
Hey, I don't.
(23:21):
I mean.
I know it sucks, but just thinkof Adam.
You guys are about to be afamily.
She's going to be in your life,like, let's just try to make
this as happy as possible.
Cute, but not cute.
So Kirby says absolutely, blake,I can assure you that I'll make
sure this is taken care of.
She's not blinking and if youread the sign, she said okay,
(23:42):
I'm going to take care of it.
You know what I'm saying.
So she goes into the hallwayand she makes a very loud, very
public phone call on a pay phone.
She gives her full governmentname Good afternoon.
This is Kirby Anders.
I am calling for Mr Gunmanwho's going to teach me how to
(24:03):
shoot.
I need shooting lessons on thisday and this time.
Can we please confirm that I,kirby Anders, will be shooting
with lessons From a man who'sgiving me shooting lessons?
I have acquired a gun on thisday, at this time.
Yes, kirby, thank you forletting at least 20 people know
that you have a gun.
So something pop off a littlelater.
(24:25):
We already know what to look.
Steven is really getting on mynerves.
New face, steven is a huge painin the butt.
I missed the original one.
New one is feeling himself alittle too much for me.
He's really pissed about thesepapers.
I'm going to force myself nowto go back and just I need to
get to the bottom of this.
I'm tired of the arguing, solet's just backtrack just a
(24:46):
little bit.
It must be the morning inquestion.
This all happens on baby Blake'sbirthday or the day of his
party.
I don't know if it's his actualbirthday, but Steven is coming
downstairs and he has on like asweatshirt that says Princeton
or Yale or some Ivy Leagueschool and some shorts.
He's clearly on his way to workout.
Adam is on the phonequestioning someone about some
(25:08):
leases.
So he's gone ahead and donesome legwork to see the best
places to go ahead and startdrilling for the oil wells that
Denver Carrington is going tokeep.
Yes, blake has this deal, butthere's other people who are
kind of vying to get in on someof those wells and some of those
are going to keep.
So Adam has done his duediligence.
He's found some wells.
He was able to present it toBlake and Blake's like oh, this
(25:30):
is so good, adam, go ahead andset it up.
It seems like Adam was takenaback.
Maybe he expected to have toprove himself a little bit more.
Maybe he expected someresistance, which is why I think
I'm so irritated at Steven,because even when Adam was doing
fine at Colby Co, he always hadto prove himself he was.
(25:50):
It was very clear that he was asecond favorite son and
Steven's voice trumped his.
So, mind you, steven did have alittle bit more of an oil
background, but that does.
That's beside the point.
So Adam's on the phone trying tofigure out like hey, what's
going on?
Have you guys started digging?
Can you have so-and-so?
Call me.
Stephen comes downstairs makelittle slick comments.
(26:11):
Oh, look at you, big ruler,you're just yelling at people.
Adam's like are you still on it?
Please go somewhere, stephen,could you please get out of my
face?
Steven walks off and goes intothat god awful gym.
They have a gym in the mansionthat is carpeted, which everyone
knows is really gross.
But I think sometimes in the80s they had carpet in the
(26:33):
bathroom too.
We all know better.
I feel like we knew better.
And then they did it anyway.
And then they were like okay,maybe that wasn't a great idea,
we knew better.
And then they did it anyway.
And then they were like okay,maybe that wasn't a great idea.
You think you want a roomfilled with sweat that you could
usually just mop up, but nowit's going to be soaking into
this hideous blood red carpet.
Well, jeff is in there lifting atotal of about 27 pounds,
(26:53):
sweating profusely, trying toget his money his morning.
But I can't even say it.
He's having a gym bro moment.
He's trying to get the bloodpumping before he goes to the
office.
Steven comes in and he's likeI'm just going to do a little
road bike thing.
And I guess Adam was thinkingto himself no, I keep letting
(27:17):
this slide.
I can't keep letting this slide.
So he runs up on him in the gym.
But when Adam sees that Jeff isin there, he's like okay, last
thing I want to do is tell allmy business, I'm not going to go
there.
But he's already talking ashe's opening the door as
siblings do, like you can't justlet your little sibling say
something and run off.
You got to run up on him.
So Adam says Steven, we got toget to the bottom of this, I'm
(27:38):
getting sick.
And then he sees Jeff.
He's like OK, this isn't thetime and the place, but we are
going to finish this.
I promise you that we're goingto finish this.
So he leaves and Jeff's.
I guess this is the first timeJeff's ever seen them arguing.
So he asked Stephen what'sgoing on?
Stephen's like well to know.
Adam is to be upset with Adam.
Just ask him about the southsea things.
(28:03):
So the whole deal.
And jeff has that inquisitivelook on his face.
They also share some bs memoryabout somebody threw something
on fallon.
Fallon thought it was jeff, soshe sucker punched him in the
face.
I did enjoy that part, but Ihate these little false memories
of oh, we're so close.
Remember when we were kids weused to hang out.
No, I don't, you know why,because it didn't happen.
And how old is everybody.
This is very confusing anyway,because of that slip up that
(28:27):
morning where adam burst intothe sweaty, sweaty, stinky,
carpet filled gym, jeff nowfeels entitled to ask adam about
it at work.
Wait a minute, why was Adam atwork?
Adam works for okay, no, that'sright, that's right.
This family they scrambledabout too much.
Adam works at Denver Carrington.
(28:50):
Jeff works at Denver Carringtonbut he's also collecting Colby
Co money because he is the himand baby Blake are the only
Colby's.
So when Adam comes into hisoffice to give him the new
paperwork for the new wells thatblake has already approved.
Jeff wants to know.
Well, what was up with you andsteven this morning?
And adam's like oh my god, jeffdude, this kid will not let it
(29:13):
go.
He thinks I stole his stupidqed report.
But I told him I've beenworking on the qed report with
jorge.
And jeff's like well, is thattrue?
Adam says yeah, I've been doingit ever since colorado spring.
Well, jeff says the only thingI remember in colorado springs
is your botched date rapeattempt with kirby.
Adam's like jeff here, why areyou bringing up old stuff?
(29:35):
We're past that.
As soon as the ink is dry onyour papers, I'm going to pick
up your divorced wife.
I have to be very specific inthis moment.
I'm going to pick up yoursecond divorced wife.
Sir, they better stop pushingAdam up against the wall.
(29:56):
But it's so funny when I watchthis scene.
It's so funny when I watch thisscene when Jeff and Steven were
in the workout room pumping.
Well, steven was working out.
Jeff was, like I said, lifting27 pounds.
Maybe it was like 50 or 60pounds.
It wasn't a lot.
I remember thinking to myselfyou know what this family needs.
(30:16):
They need another brother.
That was my thought they need.
It has to be a boy.
It can't be Fallon, because youknow she's already faded into
the background.
Adam, in this instant, adamstill wants approval, whether he
admits it or not, he stillwants approval.
Jeff and Steven it's too easyfor them to sort of tag team.
Adam needs some sort of ally.
(30:36):
And also you need a Carringtonson who's like a douche bag.
We needed someone who was likealmost roided out.
He needs to have Blake's angerissue.
He needs to be stunning.
He needs to look like Alexis,like dark hair, her eyes, just,
you know, good looking and justtotally douchey.
(30:56):
He needs to be unapologeticabout being rich.
He need we need a lance.
That's what you need.
You need somebody to, becauseyou got that.
Jeff is the do-gooder.
Steven is trying to provesomething.
Adam just wants love.
Fallon, you know I need.
I need an obnoxious, apleasantly obnoxious carrington
boy.
And at the end of the episode Iswear to you I haven't gone any
(31:19):
further than this alexis kind ofmentioned something.
I'm like wait what?
But this is a soap opera.
So you know, only time willtell.
Hopefully not.
Surely she hadn't forgotten shehad yet another baby because
Adam came out of nowhere.
Adam was a rain baby that theyleft outside of his cart while
they were shopping.
Anyway, let's get to the mainevents and the big, big place.
(31:42):
So Blake is planning a trip to,I think, san Francisco.
He's calling his PJ like hey,y'all guys have the plane, I got
some business to tend to.
Somebody, send a car around,get me to the airport.
So he flies private, obviously,so at the private airport when
he arrives.
Well, alexis is coming home fromHong Kong and, baby, she's
(32:05):
coming home in style.
She's got on a fresh set of fur.
I think these are fox tails orsomething.
It's like loose pieces burgundy.
I can't tell if it's likeburgundy fur or not.
The point is she looks fabulousand she's looking at him to
make sure he notices her, andthen she kind of coyly turns her
head and walks off.
You also see Mark in thebackground in a tracksuit.
(32:27):
He looks hot, I'm not gonna lie.
And then there's probably eightor nine men pulling boxes and
all this luggage out of herprivate jet.
I love the fact that Alexis wasable to fly private all the way
to Hong Kong, where Blake hadto hitch a ride at some point.
So Blake walks up to Alexis and,mind you, she knows that she's
(32:49):
already put a plan in play withRashida Med, but she has to keep
it cute.
So Blake walks up to her andhe's like hey, alexis, he's
gloating without really sayingmuch because you know he's that
guy, he's the most famous dudein the world right now.
He's he's locked in a deal thatno one else could and he knows
that this acquisition is goingto move him from second place
(33:12):
just under alexis to on top ofher and he can't wait.
So before she starts to poke athim, you know, know, she pulls
a Mariah Carey.
Can I get a little commotionfor my outfit?
Hey, blake, you know I'm inHong Kong, got me some new
things.
She shows him her ring.
Look at my ring, look at mycoat, don't I look good?
(33:33):
Anyway, saw you and Richette onTV.
You look real cute together.
When y'all get so cutesy cozy, Ithought you couldn't stand him.
Blake's.
Like you know, I don't haveanything getting between
business and world domination.
It is what it is and yeah, weare kind of cute together.
Thank you so much for settingus up.
She was like wow, that's justkind of weird, don't you hate
(33:58):
him.
I thought it was about that.
He's like, like I said,business is business.
Thank you for setting us up,though I really do.
I really like my newrelationship with Ahmed.
She then says you know, that'sreal funny.
You never thanked me for givingyou three beautiful children,
but you thanked me for RashidAhmed and the new money you're
(34:19):
going to make.
Oh, isn't that rich?
Blake says well, you know, Igot to thank my baby mother.
If not for you, I wouldn't bewhere I am.
Do you know where I am, alexis?
I am almost number one.
I am almost a number one oilcompany in the entire world.
I am no longer second place toColby Co.
I'm numero uno.
(34:39):
Thanks to you, my love, thankyou.
I'm numero uno.
Thanks to you, my love, thankyou.
I'm paraphrasing here people.
She's still smiling and shesays that's the day they'll give
away fur coats and hell.
Well, a little later on she'schilling in her apartment.
She's laid up like I am at themoment.
Looks she's anxious.
(35:04):
You know she's already gotten acable card telling her that
there's going to be an explosion, so she's trying to watch the
news all day.
Mind you, mark has been there.
Mark was ear hustling at theairport, even comes up to say
something.
She's like you know, I feelabout you listening.
Go to your room, mark.
So he leaves.
He sees her on the couchfluttering on the tv, like going
back and forth with all thechannels probably all like five
channels in 1984.
When he says alexis, you'regiving off.
(35:26):
I know something, you don'tknow energy.
Are you expecting some news?
Because he is reporting to thecongressman.
So he's like mark, oh my god,take your hangover and your
bloody mary and scram mark'slike you forgot to tell me to go
to my room.
Go to your room, mark.
What's understood doesn't haveto be explained.
(35:49):
You know where to go.
Scram.
Well, as he's leaving, dexDexter comes walking in.
Remember when we talked aboutMartha at the top of the episode
?
Martha Stewart Well, I watchedher show today, but I've watched
her documentary a little whileback.
I've always kind of kept upwith her.
If you haven't seen the Netflixdocumentary then I don't know
if you were a fan of her.
(36:09):
But it's like the Martha youthink you know she is exactly
who you think she is and thenshe's the total opposite of that
.
That makes sense.
So the documentary she's justkind of talking about her life,
life how her dad was kind of anunstable person.
This encouraged her to makesure she had her own money when
the opportunity presented heritself.
One of her homegirls had a richhusband or rich brother.
(36:32):
She made sure she was alignedso she could meet him.
You know, she was modeling.
She did this, that and thethird, with stocks and whatnot,
lived this whole interestinglife.
But one of the more interestingthings is she's talking about
being on her honeymoon right,going into this beautiful church
and then meeting this.
He was either italian or irish,I can't remember which one.
(36:52):
Uh, she basically had a littlerendezvous with him and then
when the, the producers, arelike oh well, how was the affair
?
She's like what affair theywere like with the, the italian
guy or the irish guy?
That didn't count, he wasitalian or he was irish.
I'm like martha, she was deadserious, led me to believe she
(37:18):
had many affairs.
Was she like?
I mean, that didn't count, Ididn't like him, like I wasn't
in love?
You, that's beside the point.
This is the same energy alexisis giving on this couch to dex,
like he's.
He's kind of pissed, but he'slike we still have business to
tend to.
Mind you, he has a master planshe didn't know anything about.
Well, she's like well, are youcoming to apologize to me?
She pulled a full-on mark.
(37:40):
The steward like yes, I wascheating.
You need to apologize forcoming to Hong Kong, because
that doesn't count.
So, ladies and gentlemen, Iguess the rule of thumb is if
you have an affair on yourhoneymoon, as long as a person
is from Italy or Ireland, itdoesn't count.
(38:01):
I don't know why those are therules.
I don't make them.
Alexis feels the same way.
This is Hong Kong.
This is basically.
You weren't supposed to bethere, so you need to apologize
to me.
I'm glad we're not together, nomore.
Dex is pissed, but she'sheartbroken.
I think he's like you know what?
I'm not fooling with youanymore, but, by the way, blake
did just fire his PR lady.
(38:22):
She might be good for you.
And Alexis is like bros beforehoes.
Dude, I don't hire women.
You take that women's libelsewhere.
Actually, she was like nah, Idon't think so.
She's really cute, though.
Maybe you should hire her.
She is completely unbothered,but that was kind of my thought
(38:43):
too, like she didn't hire awoman, so maybe she will, maybe
she will, maybe she won't.
I don't know, but she'sreclining in her seat eating her
delicious charcuterie boardwhen dex pulls out the key.
He pulled out like a harrypotter key and he drops it right
in the middle of her ranch dip.
Would you still eat it?
I don't know.
(39:07):
Dex seems to have Pond's coldcream moisturized hands too, but
no, it's like you drew in thewhole thing.
She has money to get more andshe's forced to eat a dry piece
of broccoli when he leaves.
That's the most tragic part ofthis episode.
So, fiends, in a ratherdisappointing turn of events,
(39:30):
jeff colby is a clown.
He is an actual clown.
We been knew that.
But this episode he is dressingup as a clown for his child's
birthday and I have to say Idon't know what pisses me off
more.
If it is his absolutelackluster attempt at being a
(39:51):
clown, you would think somebodythat corny and goofy, this would
be right up your alley.
But you also need sort of apersonality to be a clown and he
lacks a lot of that.
I don't know if that pisses meoff more or the fact that he is
being touted as a sexy clown.
It's all rather disturbing.
So I'm minding my business whenall of a sudden I see he and
(40:14):
fallon in, I guess, theirbedroom I don't know whose
bedroom you're sharing what andthere's little hints that you
know how you feeling.
You're the most handsome clownI've ever seen.
Why don't you staying around?
Make sure you, you.
I can't wait to see you inthose shoes.
Think about marrying me, right?
Okay, cool, he does.
He has.
I keep using pond cold cream.
(40:36):
He has pond cold cream.
He has noxzema on his face.
He doesn't even have the energyor the imagination or the
integrity to put a decent coatof white paint on his face.
He didn't even have the energyor the imagination or the
integrity to put a decent coatof white paint on his face.
To become a said clown.
Do it all the way or take itoff.
Anyway, he's going to be theclown for his own son's party.
And baby over the top is anunderstatement.
(40:57):
This is a weird feverish dreamof a party.
I'm not saying it looks bad.
It's got all the traditionalpieces.
There's tons of balloons,there's obviously cake.
This was like a three or fourtier cake.
It is incredible.
It would be well over athousand dollars in today's
money.
But you got to keep in mindthis is for a two-year-old.
(41:18):
Everybody knows, with kids likethe first, probably three
birthday parties.
They may or may not evenremember.
They probably don't even knowit's their birthday until their
third birthday, and even thenthey don't really care like that
.
So anything you do before that,you're really doing it for
pictures, right LikeHarrington's.
No, no limits.
Martha Stewart would even belike okay, now can we scale this
(41:40):
back a little bit bit?
They have an actual choo-chootrain.
Children are being driven allover the the yard not bad.
There's a guy juggling.
There is a giant wooden rockinghorse.
There is a giantjack-in-the-box.
That is terrifying because it'san actual clown.
This thing is at least six feettall.
(42:01):
There is a princess who lookslike she just got out of the
hospital.
She might have a littlenovocaine issue.
She got on a giant hat.
She is not interacting withthem kids, but there is y'all.
There is a mermaid in aterrible latex bottom right and
I swear to you, I implore you towatch this episode there's a
little girl standing behind herand this baby, I just know, is
(42:25):
fighting all of her invasivethoughts.
She keeps looking like I'mgoing to push her in here.
I'm going to push her in here.
So in my head she definitelypushed her into the.
How old are these kids?
Yeah, these are millennials.
She definitely got pushed inthat pool, I promise you she did
.
But and millennials?
She definitely got pushed inthat pool, promise you she did.
But there are tons of childrenaround and they're all dressed
(42:50):
to the nines.
Like the boys have on sportscoats, the girls are in their
dresses.
We've got a giant.
There's actually like two giantnutcrackers, like the kind you
have at Christmas.
There's a gentleman runningaround in a horse suit.
I thought about this when you,when you have props on a show,
you can't have animals.
Sometimes animals are a littleunpredictable and horses like to
(43:12):
poop.
Let's see, you got a balloonartist.
Baby blake is freaking the fout the entire time.
By the way, neither he nor babysteven what's steven's baby's
name?
Um, baby danny.
Neither one of them are feelingthis.
This is freaking them both out.
I would love to be a fly on thewall in their nursery that
(43:32):
night when they're talking aboutthis.
They have shetland ponies.
That blake doesn't know thedifference between a pony and a
horse.
He's like hey, this is a nicelittle horse.
He had in my mind the ponies.
I'm a pony and a horse.
He's like hey, this is a nicelittle horse and, in my mind,
the ponies I'm a pony fishjugglers, whoever there's a girl
doing, she's not acontortionist.
She is giving cheer stunt to me, which isn't bad, but they're
(43:55):
not like tossing her.
The point I'm trying to make,though, is that she looks
exactly like Fallon.
I wonder if that's her cousinor her little sister or
something.
There's just whatever you canthink of.
There's stuff everywhere.
There's little kids sitting ata table in their sport coats or
looking at the balloons, andthey have plates filled with
popcorn.
Not food, just popcorn.
So we're drinking this all in.
(44:16):
Jeff is half-ass clowning.
Hey, kid, come here.
Hey, what do you think of MrClown?
Mr Clown, mr Clown.
That's the most creative thing,mr Clown.
I can't stand, jeff.
The rest of this episode justpisses me off, with the
exception of Kirby taking gunlessons and being she's a crack
shot.
Who would have ever thoughtOther than that?
(44:38):
The rest of this pisses me off.
Let me just state that, exceptfor Alexis.
So Alexis comes waltzing in inher Easter Sunday dress and a
hat and she's playing it cool.
I think she feels good aboutbeing invited to the party
Because she you know she usuallysometimes she's had to miss out
on stuff.
She goes over to Blake, like hey, I hope we can put this, you
know, sweep everything under therug and when you see my bed, I
(45:00):
hope you'll consider it.
He's like I'll consider, I mean, you are my baby's mother, I'll
absolutely make sure you knowif your bed is good, you're
gonna get it.
Don't even worry about it.
So she goes into the house andshe forgets, or shouldn't forget
.
She doesn't care.
But she is not the woman of themanor, she, she's hungry.
She sees the kids with theirpopcorn plates.
(45:20):
She's a full woman.
She's not about to eat that.
So she walks around and all shesees is water, chestnuts or
watercress instead of caviar.
She's like hey, what does agirl got to do to get some
caviar in this bitch?
Well, the maids, they're stilla little afraid of her.
They're like I'm sorry, mrsColby, this is Mrs Carrington's
house and she wanted watercressor watercress.
(45:44):
Crystal has walked into thehouse and she she handles this
rather well.
She's like all right, somebodyget this.
Wait, some caviar horsd'oeuvres please.
They step into a separate roomand it's at this point that
alexis starts to notice thatcrystal's not drinking champagne
and she's like are you pregnant?
Crystal's like yeah, you mighthave taken my other baby, but
you'll never take this one,you'll never get anywhere near
(46:06):
it.
And alexis is like big whoop, Ithink you're the first person
to ever get pregnant or lose ababy.
Don't even trip, talk to mewhen you've had at least four
kids.
Chris was like four.
See, this is what I'm saying.
I swear I didn't look ahead, Iswear I didn't.
But she says four and then shekind of corrects herself.
I guess I can't count themiscarriage before Stephen.
(46:29):
I have three.
Don't act like you're the onlyperson who's ever given birth or
lost a baby.
So now I'm wondering well, alittle later on, crystal, you
know she she feels kind of bad,like oh crap, I didn't know that
.
So she asked Blake about itlater on, like I didn't know
that y'all had a miscarriagebefore Stephen, we didn't have a
(46:49):
miscarriage.
So I don't know what that'sabout.
Either he didn't know.
Sounds to me like she mighthave had an affair and got
pregnant with somebody else'sbaby and lost it.
But why bring it up?
Here's the thing about dynasty.
If this was any other show, Iwould probably take it fully,
fully, fully to heart.
I'm actually hoping it is toheart, and I'm hoping they have
(47:10):
a douchebag west coast jim bratype kid who comes in and wreaks
havoc.
We need a bad boy like a badbad boy.
Not that I feel bad about it,adam boy, it's so.
It's so weird, but it's likeshe had.
You can't.
I'm all for the soap operaintroducing children thing, but
you can't do this Like you.
(47:31):
They've already had.
They had the two.
We didn't talk about anythingelse.
Then, all of a sudden, you hada third one, who you found.
Now there's a fourth one.
I don't think so.
I don't think so.
I don't think so.
But, like I said, if this wasany other soap opera, I would.
I would count it as gospel, butwe'll just see dynasty.
From what I can tell too someonetold me this before sometimes
(47:54):
they just bring up stuff andthey just don't bring it up
again.
What they keep bringing up,though, is that jeff is some
sort of sexy clown.
Jeff is getting on my lastnerves.
Like I said, either be in it orbe out of it.
Be good or be good at it.
You're not good or good at it.
He's coming down the stairs andKirby gets an eyeful of him and
(48:15):
she's like dang.
Oh, my god, my knight inshining armor turned in his, his
armor for a clown.
He's like, well, you know, yougotta do things for the kids.
She's like, well, you're aboutthe most handsome clown I've
ever seen.
She is literally salivating.
She is looking him up and down,down and up.
I'm like Kirby, does this, this, this, it for you?
This explains a lot.
(48:37):
Well, he, you know he's not, hedoesn't care, he's never really
cared, but she thinks he's hot,even in clown makeup.
I just wish they stopped lyingto him.
This is a terrible, terribleface painting job.
He is a terrible, very offyclown.
And somebody gave him a bicyclehorn.
Mind you, fallon has a wholesymphony of just metal clanging
(48:59):
in her head, of just metalclanging in her head.
She's already worried aboutthese kids hooping and hollering
and screaming and crying,having to walk through that.
He keeps honking his damn horn.
So he's come on, kids, it's MrClown.
Honk, honk, honk, honk.
I want to kill him.
I want to push him right inthat bowl.
I swear there's a kid wearing atop hat too.
So finally, let's just pushpast all this crap.
(49:20):
No, no, no.
One other thing.
Adam sees this quick littleexchange between she and and
jeff.
He doesn't like it.
But what can he do about it?
He's like listen you, I mean he, you still want this clown.
Are you gonna marry me?
She's like I'm gonna marry you,I'm making plans, don't even
worry about it.
Promptly turns on her heels assoon as she sees alexis walk
(49:41):
through the door.
She's like hey, alexis, is thatworking in paris?
Offer still open?
Alexis is like yeah, I'd loveto send you to paris so you
don't marry my son.
Absolutely speaking of marriage, finally, the day's over.
Fallon has taken baby blake tobed and when I say this kid
looks shell shocked.
He looks like he's been throughit.
(50:01):
He needs some warm milk and anice cold cigarette to just
shake the day off of.
He looks like he's been throughit.
He needs some warm milk and anice cold cigarette to just shake
the day off of.
He looks like oh my god, Idon't even know what I just saw.
Well, jeff comes walking in andhe's talking to fallon about.
You know what a great day.
I've never seen my son so happy.
He and baby steven or babydanny were freaking out the
(50:21):
entire party.
Those kids hated it.
Fallon's like yeah, it was sucha success.
She'd also gotten a call from adoctor saying that everything
looks good.
She has one of the best brainshe's ever seen in all of Denver.
She's like okay, perfect.
So I guess her headaches wentaway as soon as she heard that.
I hope they went away.
Because Jeff goes there's stillone more present Now.
I'd love to give him points forthe presentation if this woman
(50:44):
wasn't dealing with a superduper atomic migraine.
He has a three-tierjack-in-the-box which I have
never seen in my life, but shecranks it and it's, you know,
traditional layer.
Next layer pops up, next layerpops up and when the top opens,
instead of yet another, anotherclowns.
We got plenty of those in theroom.
(51:04):
Right now it's the biggest,gaudiest super bowl.
Ja, ja, ruby red ring I've everseen.
It almost puts sue ellen's ringto shame.
It is ginormous, it screams.
I am definitely the leader ofthe Gambino crime family.
Or I took this off of HenryVIII, or I just won the Super
(51:28):
Bowl Huge ring.
She said oh my gosh, this iswhen Jeff mentions oh, this was
grandmother Colby.
Cecil left it to me.
He keep bringing up Cecil.
We all.
We know there's a spinoffcoming, so I won't ignore that
clue.
This is probably the second orthird episode.
He's talked about Cecil.
So they decide they're going togo ahead and make this thing
(51:49):
real and they try to kiss andconjure up a little bit of
passion, but it is as pleasantas those paper gowns they make
you wherever you go to thedoctor's office.
It's just you know.
Okay, we're doing this becausewe need to.
As if it's not enough that theyhave everyone has been at a
super duper, super loud birthdayparty all day.
(52:09):
Fallon sends out a a wire, Iguess and tells the whole house
they need to put on their Sundaybest and come downstairs.
Penguin suits for the dudes,full gowns for the gals.
Meet us in the library at 8 pm.
So everybody goes to thelibrary except Kirby.
Adam can't find Kirby.
It doesn't matter.
Fallon and Jeff announce thatthey are getting married and
(52:32):
they're not going to go to Vegasthis time, because you know his
dead uncle, really who.
She really wanted to bang anddid.
Bang for rewriting history.
Wanted them to get married witha quickness.
No shotgun weddings for them.
No sirree, we're gonna have areal wedding.
Oh god, my back already hurtsfrom slipping and falling in my
(52:54):
own laundry room.
This hurts worse.
This was painful.
I just god, I cannot roll myeyes hard enough.
I cannot, uh, suck my teeth andjust oh and.
But I guess we're gonna endurethis.
Everyone is super happy they'reclinking glasses.
I'll be so pissed, fallon,don't you ever?
(53:16):
You could announce this whenthat kid was opening presents.
You could have told me this atbreakfast.
Why the hell am I gettingdressed for the fourth time
today for this again?
Y'all get on my nerves.
Don't call me for nothing else.
Send me an email.
Well, thankfully someone comesin.
One of the help, one of thebutlers, comes and he's like hey
(53:36):
, lawyer andrews on the phone,boy, he's very, very upset.
He said that you should turn onthe television right now and
watch the news.
Blake didn't ask any questions.
Okay, cool, turn on the tv,dude.
Dude turns on the tv.
It's a whole news announcementtalking about blake.
Carrington may be in over hishead.
Basically, the deal he madeturns out to have been a sham
(53:59):
the hundred million100 millionraised and given to Rashid Ahmed
, who was representing thatcountry.
They're still not saying whatcountry was apparently to buy
arms so that that country couldfight this country or the other
country.
This and that freaking frackBlake's like wait, no, no, it
was for oil wells, not forweapons, doesn't matter.
(54:20):
The whole world thinks Blakechose a side and he is funding
one government.
So the other government is like, oh okay, cool, you want smoke,
we got it.
So now there's this wholelittle conflict.
Does that, or does that notsound exactly like Dallas Damn
near episode for episode.
That's pretty much the end ofthis episode.
(54:41):
Oh, one other little caveatmorgan has came out of jail.
He went to alexis's house like,hey, girl, I'm gonna get, I'm
gonna go to jail.
Wait a minute.
I was thinking about somethingearlier when danny and blake
were crying.
I forgot that claudia them liveat the mansion now.
(55:03):
I mean, I realize they do now,but I forgot why they moved.
Isn't somebody trying to kidnapthis kid Baby?
Not Baby Blake.
What's his name, danny?
They really should name himSteven Jr.
I thought they were, I thoughthe was being followed or
whatever.
I guess he wouldn't.
It wouldn't be a problem ifhe's behind closed doors.
(55:24):
You would be safe at themansion, which is the point, and
there's so many people there.
But this feels very much likelast season.
Remember, when they thought itwas baby Blake that Claudia took
?
I don't know, I just rememberthat was one of the storylines
that nothing ever came up.
Somebody was going to kidnap.
I guess what triggered it isthe whole Jeff and there's all
(55:49):
these people at the party and Iremember that that was kind of
the thing that set up the notkidnapping last season.
They just had a bunch of peoplein and out of the house for no
reason, I don't know.
All right guys, I hope youenjoyed this episode as much as
I did.
All right guys, I hope youenjoyed this episode as much as
I did.
I had a very good time.
Even if I'm not a fan of thisBS relationship between Fallon
and Jeff, I am a fan of hatingon it.
(56:13):
Plus, kirby's a crack shot.
Alexis has a target on her back, actually on her face.
Things are heating up for blake.
So blake said he and adam aregonna head to hong kong in the
morning to get to the bottom ofit with rashida med.
Now I have to also say blakeshould have known better if you
couldn't stand a med, forwhatever reason.
(56:35):
If he was untrustworthy, thenhe's untrustworthy now if he's
representing an entiregovernment.
There's no way I would believethat government is going to be
like an upstanding place.
They were clearly dealing withdo dirt types you should expect
to be a dirty blake.
It is what it is.
All right, guys, that's it,that's all.
Join me next time we go backinto another rhyme time
(56:57):
storyline filled with vintageboxes.
In the meantime, in betweentimes, if you're traveling
international and you have alittle slip up, make sure the
person is from Ireland or Italy.
It doesn't count.
Per, martha Stewart.
Stay hydrated, stay moisturizedwith Palm Skull Cream.
(57:22):
Stay hydrated, stay moisturizedwith Palm Skull Cream.
Mind your business and do allof your drama on TV.
Bye.
and then she struts out the door.
Clearly, tracy is concussed,side of her face is burning, her
ears are ringing.
She doesn't know what she'ssaying right now.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys andgirls, welcome and welcome back
to soap floor, the officialgathering place for newbies,
novices and od diehard fans ofthe golden age of primetime.
(00:21):
We die hard fans of the goldenage of primetime.
I'm your host, chet, viewing andreviewing the Sophie is Betsy's
Primetime Storylines of 1984.
We are back in the mile-highcity for some really, really
satisfying drama.
So, whether you're new to thisor true to this, sit back and
enjoy.
Tell the kids it's time to playoutside or out of sight.
(00:41):
Don't beg no questions,suggestions or concerns.
Everyone else on earshot, cool,quiet or kicked out of your own
room options because we arewatching our story.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys andgirls, this is SoFour.
(01:09):
Hello, gorgeous party peopleand people who party and
everyone in between.
I hope your morning, noon orafter or evening is shaping up
well.
Hope you're having a good day.
If not, baby, leave all that atthe door.
We're about to cut up.
(01:29):
Y'all want some cake.
You want to go to a birthdayparty?
Me either.
Yes, no, maybe.
So sometimes I want a littlecake sometimes.
I don't mind a birthday party,I just find, now listen, if it's
a kid's birthday party, let'smake it a little earlier in the
day.
I don't mind a birthday party,I just find, now, listen, if
it's a kid's birthday party,let's make it a little earlier
in the day.
I don't know what it is about.
Summer People love having aneight o'clock birthday party.
(01:52):
I'm like I'm not going to nokid's party at eight o'clock,
don't I sound like an old lady?
Anyways, guys, I hope your dayis shaping up well.
We are jumping back intoDynasty for one of the most
mind-bending birthday partiesI've ever seen.
It's a Colby party and you knowhow much I love a good Colby
(02:12):
birthday party.
You Dynasty aficionados willrecall season one, episode 11,
the birthday party.
Yeah, dynasty is.
You know, I don't know what'sgoing on.
1980s Nobody cared about atitle, they just recycled it.
They're leaving off the.
That was the birthday partywhere Cecil got read for fifth.
It is, to this day, one of myfavorite, favorite episodes of
(02:38):
Dynasty.
That's the episode where Jefffinds out that Fallon only
married him because, you know,cecil sort of set that up or
whatever.
So Jeff patiently waits for atrack to explode on and that
happens to be his uncle Cecil'sbirthday party.
He reads him for filth in frontof God and everybody.
Meanwhile, crystal was sweatingbullets because she was wearing
(03:03):
those scammer jewels Remember,oh my God, it's one of my
favorite.
It definitely was rent free inmy mind.
Meanwhile, crystal was sweatingbullets because she was wearing
those scammer jewels remember,oh my God, it's one of my
favorite.
It definitely lives rent-freein my mind.
Well, today is not that day.
We got a whole nother Colby.
We have a little seed that heand Fallon created.
It is baby Blake's secondbirthday party.
Y'all, they're doing a lot.
You know who's not doing a lot?
Me, your girl.
(03:28):
Unfortunately, I had adisagreement with a dryer sheet
earlier today and I find myselfsplayed out in bed.
Go ahead and pour yourself upsomething bubbly and bright or,
you know, pick up a sonic drink,do whatever you do.
My friend kelly said she likesto listen to me on her commute.
So, kelly, good morning babe.
I hope everything's going well.
(03:48):
Let me tell you about this dryersheet that attacked me.
That came out of nowhere.
So I'm minding my business,walking through my living room.
I'm going to make it sound likeI live in a mansion?
I definitely don't, but I washeading into my laundry room to
pick up something.
I don't remember what it was atthis moment, but my home was
(04:09):
built probably in the latefifties, so there is a door
right before you get into thelaundry room.
I love this door.
I've always wanted a windowinside my house.
I don't know if it's because Iwatched Pee Wee Herman early on.
There's some sort of impressionthat was made my entire life.
I've always thought, man, itwould be so cool to have like a
(04:33):
wall in your house, but it's awindow that you could open and
talk to people.
For no reason.
I think it's just so cool, sochic.
The door reminds me of that.
It's an older door, it's prettysolid and it's got this really
beautiful stained glass.
I don't know if the west sideof the house was.
Maybe.
Maybe it's an add-on.
I don't think it is.
I think it's just kind of arelic.
(04:53):
I was in a neighbor's house ayear or so ago and she had a
similar door, but it wasn'twhere mine is.
Anyway, the point I'm trying tomake is because this beautiful
door is there, I can't seewhat's on the other side of it
and whoever wired the place.
The light switches on theoutside, which is a little bit
annoying, so I didn't bother toturn on the light.
(05:14):
It's my first mistake, but Iopened the door and there's
enough light for me to see thatthere's a pair of hey dudes in
the middle of the floor.
I have barked about this adnauseum move your shoes, you
know, four or five inches to theother side.
If you're going to kick themoff in the laundry room, just
move them over a little bit.
So I dodge the hey dudes, onlyto immediately feel, instead of
(05:39):
tension, I feel, no resistancewhatsoever as my foot makes
contact with an oversized dryersheet.
Maybe my laundry room haslinoleum.
So I go splatter, tat, tat,splatter, tat, tat and all the
cops scattered.
Next thing, you know, I amfighting for my life not to do
(06:00):
the splits, because your girl isnot flexible like that and I
don't know if I pivoted like aNinja Turtle or something.
I end up on my side, slash back, looking up at my ceiling, just
pissed off, mortified, and alsothinking who put these
styrofoam ceiling tiles up here?
This is hideous.
Well, I made a little bit of afuss and now I'm going to nurse
(06:27):
my wounds for the rest of theday you would think the day was
lost, but I think I have apretty good sense of humor.
Plus, had I not slipped andfell, I would have never been in
bed at this time.
I would have never known thereis a Martha Stewart channel.
I said, oh well, let me seewhat Martha's talking about.
Martha had a whole 30 minuteepisode on the joys of eggs and
(06:48):
eggs making.
She had eggs in every which wayyou could think of.
Then I watched her pickle someonions.
I watched her build an aboveground I'm saying an above
ground maze, that's not what Imeant A raised garden and I
thought, oh my God, I can dothat, but she made hers a maze.
I'm like, wow, martha's reallydoing a lot.
She's doing the absolute most,but it didn't.
(07:09):
She doesn't make it feel likeit's the most.
You know what I'm saying?
She's just making the most ofwhat she has, and it's fabulous.
This episode of Dynasty is inthe neighborhood, but it's over
the top, because that's whatthey wanna do.
Do we need all these things?
(07:31):
No.
Do I need 37 ways to make anegg?
No, but I watched all 37chapters of it.
Buckle in, pour yourself upsomething bubbly and bright as
we explore a birthday party thatwould make even Martha Stewart
say, well, not damn.
On season four, episode 23 ofDynasty birthday party, birthday
party per usual.
We're going to start with thebit players.
Everyone's a little bit of abit player this episode, but
(07:52):
they each have their own littlething going on.
Everything comes crashing intogether because there's a
birthday party.
So at the top of the show wesee crystal floating down the
steps directing some of the help.
There's so many maids andbutlers at this mansion, ain't,
but what?
Eight people who live there,who live there for real, for
(08:14):
real.
The rest is just staff anyway.
Crystal comes down the stairs,she goes to have breakfast and
Fallon's already sitting down.
Crystal in this exquisite lightblue floor lane silk robe, once
again solidifying my resolve Iam getting me some more robes.
I don't know what I'm going tostart selling y'all, but I'm
going to start selling somethingto fund my dynasty fascination.
(08:38):
Now I need a fur coat or two.
I definitely need some gloves.
I need a whole array of robesanyway.
Crystal comes floating into thedining room.
Valen, oh my gosh, how excitedare you for baby blake's party.
I'm so excited, I can't wait.
Valen practically goes.
Oh, crystal's like dang girl iseverything all right?
(09:00):
Because, yeah, yeah, it's fine.
I just have so many things todo.
I have a bunch of ribbon andrunning to do downtown.
Plus, I don't think I'm allthat excited about the terrible
twos.
Young lady number one.
We, the audience, know thatfallon has this headache.
She's not feeling real good.
So I totally understand.
The last thing you want to dois be in a super loud
(09:21):
environment with a bunch oflittle two-year-olds.
Sounds like hell on earth ifyou have a migraine.
So she gets a pass from me.
But also, why is she worriedabout the terrible twos?
She don't spend nothing, butwhat?
Like a day and a half with thiskid?
She sees baby Blake once every10 business days.
Can we please stop acting likeyou're a mother of a year, her
and Jeff this episode oh, it'sso much work.
(09:44):
How would your mother of theyear, her and jeff this episode
oh, it's so much work.
How would you know?
Time I turn around, y'all haveon suits and church shoes
running all over.
God's creation, she spends more.
I'm not even gonna get into it.
I am gonna get into it.
I'm not gonna shut up.
Fallon almost jumped on a planea private plane that she would
(10:05):
have been painting for, by theway, with the booger sugar baron
himself, peter Crackpiper.
She wasn't worried about babyBlake then, or his terrible ones
1.5s, 18 months and twos.
Girl bye.
She has a headache.
She's just talking out of theside of her neck, so she goes
down the hallway to make a phonecall.
Before we get into her phonecall, I got to talk about her
(10:27):
sweater.
I'm going to say this and itwill sound funny, but let's just
allow that to happen.
You know what I'm saying.
Just let it happen.
She's wearing a like crochetedlayered sweater.
And you're probably saying, jet, aren't all sweaters crocheted
or knitted at the very least?
Yeah, they are, but not likethis.
This reminds me of this trendthat happened once upon a time.
(10:51):
It might still be happening incertain parts of the world, I'm
sure.
I remember there was like thiswhole explosion of these
porcelain dolls, only it wasn'treally a full body doll, it'd be
like their head.
Sometimes they'd be plastic.
They'd always be a little bitcreepy.
(11:13):
People would knit them dressesor crochet them dresses.
So imagine a doll dressed likeshe's from like the late 1800s.
They were everywhere, butthat's not the weird part Dolls
have been around since thebeginning of time, for whatever
reason.
People started turning thesedolls into tissue boxes and
sometimes they'd have really,really big dresses.
I'm saying it's late 90s whenI'm remembering this, but it
(11:34):
probably was even a little bitearlier.
I feel like I've seen pictureswith these weird kind of creepy
dolls dressed like thatAntebellum style looking ones,
with this whole crochet bonnetand big old crochet dress.
People would sit them on top oftissue boxes.
They'd even put them on toiletpaper rolls.
This is what I'm remembering asI'm seeing this.
She got on the toilet paper doll3000.
(11:56):
It is a weird, thick, hideoussweater and maybe that's because
of her headache.
So she gets a hold of Dr BlackDoctor, hands of Black Doctor,
makes it down to his office andshe's trying to explain to him.
Like I don't just have aheadache, doc, it feels like
there's noise inside of my head,like it's not just a regular
(12:19):
migraine or whatever.
It's horrible.
And he says well, fallon, honey, you had a pretty serious
injury, you had a big concussion, this is just your body's way
of migraine or whatever it'shorrible.
And he says well, fallon, honey, you just I mean, you had a
pretty serious injury, you had abig concussion.
This is just your body's way ofhealing.
It won't be forever, buteverything is checking out.
You seem perfectly normal.
She's like I don't know, itjust feels really bad.
So he goes okay, let's go aheadand get you in the.
What is it?
The EKG machine?
(12:40):
The machine, whatever that doesthe scan MRI, whatever?
We'll get you in the scannerand I'll let you know as soon as
I know what's going on.
She's like OK, cool, Iappreciate you.
Crystal decides that she's goingto continue her silk outfit of
the day, goes upstairs, getsdressed for work, she walks into
her office and she sees Tracyeyeballing the QED reports Tracy
(13:08):
, tracy, tracy reports Tracy,tracy, tracy.
Well, well, well, what are youdoing here?
When last we left, tracy wasfired from Denver Carrington,
she had a raucous night withDexter.
So Tracy is in the market for afresh set of taste buds and a
biodegradable hinge for her newjaw after crystal and tote and a
pewter wonder woman belt slapsthe taste buds smooth out of her
(13:31):
mouth.
So tracy hits the ride homefrom hong kong and she has a
mission.
She has to get a job withalexis and report everything
back to dex.
Dexter, granted, she's nothurting for money, since Dex
will be paying her, but shestill has to get hired by Alexis
.
Before she can do any of that,she has to clean out her desk at
Denver Carrington, which iswhen she's caught by Crystal.
(13:53):
Crystal struts in with a taupeand pewter killer combo look at
Wonder Woman belt demanding toknow why this overly qualified
assistant is looking through herdesk.
Now the cynic in me is likeCrystal.
She's been doing your work thisentire time.
She's been doing the QEDreports.
Why are you, why are you askingher that?
(14:17):
But I mean, in all reality, shedid just try to sleep with your
husband, crystal.
I get it.
Tracy's not really absorbingthe gravity of Crystal's
presence.
She's almost dismissive of herand she scoffs.
She claims to be returning somereports she found while she was
clearing out her own personaldesk.
Only she was really memorizingthose QED reports.
Crystal thinks that all this isa likely story.
(14:39):
After all, tracy did just tryto sleep with her man.
She's like yeah, yeah, yeah,likely story.
Well, tracy thinks Crystal isuppity and a little bit hoary.
So what if I tried to bang youron and off again, husband Big
whoop?
See, the thing is, tracy thinksCrystal is a card carrying.
Member of the Secretariat ofDestruction Society Incorporated
(15:02):
.
She thinks she comes from along line of HR hookers who get
jobs and then seduce the higherups.
That's what you do.
That's what girls like us do.
So Tracy says as much as like,please don't come in here
looking down on me.
I only did what you did first.
Okay, crystal's like, what areyou talking about?
I know you were his secretary,crystal.
(15:24):
I know you used to work here.
You put your claws on him.
Now you're walking around withthe Zsa, zsa jewelry, spending
$100,000 every season on yourwardrobe which is better, by the
way, by the way.
So don't look down on me fordoing what you did.
I did what we're supposed to do.
I have a card, you have a card.
This is what we do to get inthe game.
Crystal is very, very slick.
(15:44):
She's almost like thatvelociraptor on jurassic park.
We got to study her form.
Crystal, the taupe and pewterrefuter, delivers five fingers
in a freshly ponds, cold cream,moisturized palm to the left
side of tracy's Unsuspectingface spat out Tracy's dignity.
Her last three conversations,six months worth of memories, go
(16:13):
flying across the room.
Pile out Crystal.
Crystal's very stealthy.
She didn't reach back toMississippi like she did last
time she just kind of came fromup and under.
She shoots it up at a 90 degreeangle and comes across your
face so fast you don't even knowwhat happened.
Crystal is tired of hearingthis riffraff Tells Tracy this
(16:36):
little game is over, tracy, andyou've lost.
Tracy is clutching the side ofher face and blinking back tears
.
She's like, okay, I'll see you,chris, I'll see you, we'll let
you have that one.
But the way I play the game,this isn't over until the team
walks off the field, considerthis a time out.
And then she struts out thedoor.
(16:58):
Clearly, tracy is concussed.
Side of her face is burning.
Her ears are ringing.
She doesn't know what she'ssaying.
Right now she's probably neverbeen so desperate to get out of
an office in her life.
Thank God no one else saw that.
But she's going to have ahandprint on the side of her
(17:19):
face, a moisturized handprint,mind you, but it is what it is.
Someone else also grappling withtheir dignity is Morgan Hess.
Morgan Hess ended up in jailafter Blake confronted him about
those tapes he was sending toClaudia the Stallion.
We know he's in jail notbecause of the last episode.
Well, we did see him getarrested, the last episode I
(17:41):
actually thought that MorganHess could have fought off the
one detective.
He only brought one.
He was in plain clothes, hedidn't even have handcuffs, so
that he didn't believe that thatwas really a cop and taking off
running.
But I mean Morgan Hess, helooked like he was probably in
okay shape.
He probably could have made ittwo or three blocks.
Apparently he didn't.
Now he's in jail.
Now he's looking for bail moneyand of all the people in the
(18:01):
world to call.
He wants his feelings hurt, hewants to be degraded because he
calls alexis.
He didn't even call her at home, he calls her at work.
She comes into her office andher secretary, douglas it looks
like the other kid, thelookalike lyle the one look just
like stephen.
He's out of the door.
I guess he quit or was fired, Idon't know.
She was in Hong Kong so I can'timagine what would happen over
(18:23):
those last few days.
But Douglas tells her you know,mr Morgan Hess is on the phone,
he's in jail.
What should I tell him?
She's like don't tell himnothing.
That's exactly where he wouldbe.
I don't even know why.
He called playing on my phoneand my place of business.
But he hands her a telegram,telemessage, telegram, it's not.
He didn her a telegram,tele-message, telegram, it's not
.
He didn't say telegram, buttell us something.
(18:43):
He hands her whatever she goesinto her office and, to my
surprise, stephen is still inthat damn office.
Are there not laws againstsquatting in a corporation's
building?
Maybe, maybe not.
Maybe he's under the guise ofhe's working, but every time
I've seen Stephen, he's eitherbeen in that office or he's been
in that office.
Did he office or he's been inthat office?
Did he really just chill outthere the whole time?
She was in hong kong?
He's desperate to hear okay,mother, lay it on me, how many
(19:06):
oil wells did we get?
And she goes oh darling,unfortunately we didn't get any.
Your dad moved so swiftly, wejust didn't have any.
Stephen starts to flip out.
Oh my god, mom, do you see whatI'm talking about?
Adam came in my room.
He's always moving my things.
He took my report and now wedon't have any oil wells.
And she was like honey, relax,it's okay, it's business.
Sometimes you win, sometimesyou lose, but you know what.
(19:28):
I don't want you to lose.
I don't want you to lose theprogress that you and your
father have made.
You guys are once again afamily, and you know what.
This business is not worthdestroying that relationship.
I won't do it, my dear Mind you.
She already knows she put afull plan in place, but I like
her style.
The less people know about this, the better.
(19:49):
Stephen takes a deep breath andhe's like you know what, mama,
you're right, you're right,you're right.
I'm sorry, I'm tripping.
I've been in this office toolong.
I think there might be somemercuric oxide residue or
something left.
I'm tripping.
Glad you're back.
Good to see you Soon.
As Stephen leaves the room,alexis opens said telegraph and
(20:09):
it is from none other thanRashid Ahmed.
It has all of his information,baby, every drop, every piece of
his information, every piece ofher information, and it says
explosion tomorrow.
Rashid Ahmed, I'm thinking.
Alexis darling, didn't you getcaught up before and behind
(20:30):
signing paperwork, leaving aboutreceipts?
You can't do that.
I don't know why Rashid didn'tsend kind of an anonymous.
He could have said my name wasBill Barrymore from the Gullah
Gullah Island.
He could have made up anything,but he didn't.
So she's sitting on pins andneedles for the rest of the
episode, kind of waiting on saidexplosion.
(20:52):
Oh, another person who does notunderstand what discretion means
is our good sister CorbethiasCurbethias has been invited by
none other than Blake Carringtonfor lunch.
Not at La Mirage, whereeveryone else goes, not even at
the house they both live in.
No, no, no, no.
Blake has the option of havinghis help come to his office and
(21:16):
lay out a gorgeous spread.
Only, it's not gorgeous.
It looks rather sickly.
Shout out to.
Bob pointed out something thatwas always sort of dancing in
the back of my mind and I trynot to let it take me out of the
scene too many times.
But you have props.
Obviously, this is a.
This is television.
You can't have fresh food allthe time because it's going to
(21:36):
change.
On Dynasty, alexis always has aspread.
There's always seemed to besome sort of food on this show
and by and large, they do apretty good job, I think.
As long as you have like fruitor breads, you don't really have
to think about it.
You can reuse those day afterday, as long as they, you know,
once you get them pretty fresh.
This is the second time they'vehad meat on the show and it
(21:58):
just has this weird sort ofsickly peachy gray tone to it.
It looks very rubbery and thisscene is no different.
So Kirby and and Blake aresitting in his office.
Of course he has servants.
They have a full table with atablecloth, no paper blade, they
got real blade.
(22:19):
They each have a glass of wineand a glass of water and it
looks like lunch is a pre-slicedplatter of sickly looking crab
legs and lemons.
Blake basically called her downthere because the lieutenant at
the police station told him thathe showed Kirby the suicide
note and he just wants to fillher out a little bit.
(22:40):
He's like I know this isdevastating and I want you to
know that your dad never, everwanted you to know about your
mom.
I hope you can forgive AlexisLike she's.
I know she seems a little bitruthless, but she was.
I mean, she was just notthinking.
I promise you she didn't haveany ill will toward you.
Just try to forgive her.
Like you're going to be marriedto Adam, you don't want any
(23:01):
drama.
So I find it kind of cute thatboth Blake and Alexis are
championing each other behindclosed doors.
I'm not going to give you yourprops to your face, but behind
your back Alexis is tellingSteven keep it cute with your
dad, that relationship'simportant, and Blake is telling
his future daughter-in-law.
Hey, I don't.
(23:21):
I mean.
I know it sucks, but just thinkof Adam.
You guys are about to be afamily.
She's going to be in your life,like, let's just try to make
this as happy as possible.
Cute, but not cute.
So Kirby says absolutely, blake,I can assure you that I'll make
sure this is taken care of.
She's not blinking and if youread the sign, she said okay,
(23:42):
I'm going to take care of it.
You know what I'm saying.
So she goes into the hallwayand she makes a very loud, very
public phone call on a pay phone.
She gives her full governmentname Good afternoon.
This is Kirby Anders.
I am calling for Mr Gunmanwho's going to teach me how to
(24:03):
shoot.
I need shooting lessons on thisday and this time.
Can we please confirm that I,kirby Anders, will be shooting
with lessons From a man who'sgiving me shooting lessons?
I have acquired a gun on thisday, at this time.
Yes, kirby, thank you forletting at least 20 people know
that you have a gun.
So something pop off a littlelater.
(24:25):
We already know what to look.
Steven is really getting on mynerves.
New face, steven is a huge painin the butt.
I missed the original one.
New one is feeling himself alittle too much for me.
He's really pissed about thesepapers.
I'm going to force myself nowto go back and just I need to
get to the bottom of this.
I'm tired of the arguing, solet's just backtrack just a
(24:46):
little bit.
It must be the morning inquestion.
This all happens on baby Blake'sbirthday or the day of his
party.
I don't know if it's his actualbirthday, but Steven is coming
downstairs and he has on like asweatshirt that says Princeton
or Yale or some Ivy Leagueschool and some shorts.
He's clearly on his way to workout.
Adam is on the phonequestioning someone about some
(25:08):
leases.
So he's gone ahead and donesome legwork to see the best
places to go ahead and startdrilling for the oil wells that
Denver Carrington is going tokeep.
Yes, blake has this deal, butthere's other people who are
kind of vying to get in on someof those wells and some of those
are going to keep.
So Adam has done his duediligence.
He's found some wells.
He was able to present it toBlake and Blake's like oh, this
(25:30):
is so good, adam, go ahead andset it up.
It seems like Adam was takenaback.
Maybe he expected to have toprove himself a little bit more.
Maybe he expected someresistance, which is why I think
I'm so irritated at Steven,because even when Adam was doing
fine at Colby Co, he always hadto prove himself he was.
(25:50):
It was very clear that he was asecond favorite son and
Steven's voice trumped his.
So, mind you, steven did have alittle bit more of an oil
background, but that does.
That's beside the point.
So Adam's on the phone trying tofigure out like hey, what's
going on?
Have you guys started digging?
Can you have so-and-so?
Call me.
Stephen comes downstairs makelittle slick comments.
(26:11):
Oh, look at you, big ruler,you're just yelling at people.
Adam's like are you still on it?
Please go somewhere, stephen,could you please get out of my
face?
Steven walks off and goes intothat god awful gym.
They have a gym in the mansionthat is carpeted, which everyone
knows is really gross.
But I think sometimes in the80s they had carpet in the
(26:33):
bathroom too.
We all know better.
I feel like we knew better.
And then they did it anyway.
And then they were like okay,maybe that wasn't a great idea,
we knew better.
And then they did it anyway.
And then they were like okay,maybe that wasn't a great idea.
You think you want a roomfilled with sweat that you could
usually just mop up, but nowit's going to be soaking into
this hideous blood red carpet.
Well, jeff is in there lifting atotal of about 27 pounds,
(26:53):
sweating profusely, trying toget his money his morning.
But I can't even say it.
He's having a gym bro moment.
He's trying to get the bloodpumping before he goes to the
office.
Steven comes in and he's likeI'm just going to do a little
road bike thing.
And I guess Adam was thinkingto himself no, I keep letting
(27:17):
this slide.
I can't keep letting this slide.
So he runs up on him in the gym.
But when Adam sees that Jeff isin there, he's like okay, last
thing I want to do is tell allmy business, I'm not going to go
there.
But he's already talking ashe's opening the door as
siblings do, like you can't justlet your little sibling say
something and run off.
You got to run up on him.
So Adam says Steven, we got toget to the bottom of this, I'm
(27:38):
getting sick.
And then he sees Jeff.
He's like OK, this isn't thetime and the place, but we are
going to finish this.
I promise you that we're goingto finish this.
So he leaves and Jeff's.
I guess this is the first timeJeff's ever seen them arguing.
So he asked Stephen what'sgoing on?
Stephen's like well to know.
Adam is to be upset with Adam.
Just ask him about the southsea things.
(28:03):
So the whole deal.
And jeff has that inquisitivelook on his face.
They also share some bs memoryabout somebody threw something
on fallon.
Fallon thought it was jeff, soshe sucker punched him in the
face.
I did enjoy that part, but Ihate these little false memories
of oh, we're so close.
Remember when we were kids weused to hang out.
No, I don't, you know why,because it didn't happen.
And how old is everybody.
This is very confusing anyway,because of that slip up that
(28:27):
morning where adam burst intothe sweaty, sweaty, stinky,
carpet filled gym, jeff nowfeels entitled to ask adam about
it at work.
Wait a minute, why was Adam atwork?
Adam works for okay, no, that'sright, that's right.
This family they scrambledabout too much.
Adam works at Denver Carrington.
(28:50):
Jeff works at Denver Carringtonbut he's also collecting Colby
Co money because he is the himand baby Blake are the only
Colby's.
So when Adam comes into hisoffice to give him the new
paperwork for the new wells thatblake has already approved.
Jeff wants to know.
Well, what was up with you andsteven this morning?
And adam's like oh my god, jeffdude, this kid will not let it
(29:13):
go.
He thinks I stole his stupidqed report.
But I told him I've beenworking on the qed report with
jorge.
And jeff's like well, is thattrue?
Adam says yeah, I've been doingit ever since colorado spring.
Well, jeff says the only thingI remember in colorado springs
is your botched date rapeattempt with kirby.
Adam's like jeff here, why areyou bringing up old stuff?
(29:35):
We're past that.
As soon as the ink is dry onyour papers, I'm going to pick
up your divorced wife.
I have to be very specific inthis moment.
I'm going to pick up yoursecond divorced wife.
Sir, they better stop pushingAdam up against the wall.
(29:56):
But it's so funny when I watchthis scene.
It's so funny when I watch thisscene when Jeff and Steven were
in the workout room pumping.
Well, steven was working out.
Jeff was, like I said, lifting27 pounds.
Maybe it was like 50 or 60pounds.
It wasn't a lot.
I remember thinking to myselfyou know what this family needs.
(30:16):
They need another brother.
That was my thought they need.
It has to be a boy.
It can't be Fallon, because youknow she's already faded into
the background.
Adam, in this instant, adamstill wants approval, whether he
admits it or not, he stillwants approval.
Jeff and Steven it's too easyfor them to sort of tag team.
Adam needs some sort of ally.
(30:36):
And also you need a Carringtonson who's like a douche bag.
We needed someone who was likealmost roided out.
He needs to have Blake's angerissue.
He needs to be stunning.
He needs to look like Alexis,like dark hair, her eyes, just,
you know, good looking and justtotally douchey.
(30:56):
He needs to be unapologeticabout being rich.
He need we need a lance.
That's what you need.
You need somebody to, becauseyou got that.
Jeff is the do-gooder.
Steven is trying to provesomething.
Adam just wants love.
Fallon, you know I need.
I need an obnoxious, apleasantly obnoxious carrington
boy.
And at the end of the episode Iswear to you I haven't gone any
(31:19):
further than this alexis kind ofmentioned something.
I'm like wait what?
But this is a soap opera.
So you know, only time willtell.
Hopefully not.
Surely she hadn't forgotten shehad yet another baby because
Adam came out of nowhere.
Adam was a rain baby that theyleft outside of his cart while
they were shopping.
Anyway, let's get to the mainevents and the big, big place.
(31:42):
So Blake is planning a trip to,I think, san Francisco.
He's calling his PJ like hey,y'all guys have the plane, I got
some business to tend to.
Somebody, send a car around,get me to the airport.
So he flies private, obviously,so at the private airport when
he arrives.
Well, alexis is coming home fromHong Kong and, baby, she's
(32:05):
coming home in style.
She's got on a fresh set of fur.
I think these are fox tails orsomething.
It's like loose pieces burgundy.
I can't tell if it's likeburgundy fur or not.
The point is she looks fabulousand she's looking at him to
make sure he notices her, andthen she kind of coyly turns her
head and walks off.
You also see Mark in thebackground in a tracksuit.
(32:27):
He looks hot, I'm not gonna lie.
And then there's probably eightor nine men pulling boxes and
all this luggage out of herprivate jet.
I love the fact that Alexis wasable to fly private all the way
to Hong Kong, where Blake hadto hitch a ride at some point.
So Blake walks up to Alexis and,mind you, she knows that she's
(32:49):
already put a plan in play withRashida Med, but she has to keep
it cute.
So Blake walks up to her andhe's like hey, alexis, he's
gloating without really sayingmuch because you know he's that
guy, he's the most famous dudein the world right now.
He's he's locked in a deal thatno one else could and he knows
that this acquisition is goingto move him from second place
(33:12):
just under alexis to on top ofher and he can't wait.
So before she starts to poke athim, you know, know, she pulls
a Mariah Carey.
Can I get a little commotionfor my outfit?
Hey, blake, you know I'm inHong Kong, got me some new
things.
She shows him her ring.
Look at my ring, look at mycoat, don't I look good?
(33:33):
Anyway, saw you and Richette onTV.
You look real cute together.
When y'all get so cutesy cozy, Ithought you couldn't stand him.
Blake's.
Like you know, I don't haveanything getting between
business and world domination.
It is what it is and yeah, weare kind of cute together.
Thank you so much for settingus up.
She was like wow, that's justkind of weird, don't you hate
(33:58):
him.
I thought it was about that.
He's like, like I said,business is business.
Thank you for setting us up,though I really do.
I really like my newrelationship with Ahmed.
She then says you know, that'sreal funny.
You never thanked me for givingyou three beautiful children,
but you thanked me for RashidAhmed and the new money you're
(34:19):
going to make.
Oh, isn't that rich?
Blake says well, you know, Igot to thank my baby mother.
If not for you, I wouldn't bewhere I am.
Do you know where I am, alexis?
I am almost number one.
I am almost a number one oilcompany in the entire world.
I am no longer second place toColby Co.
I'm numero uno.
(34:39):
Thanks to you, my love, thankyou.
I'm numero uno.
Thanks to you, my love, thankyou.
I'm paraphrasing here people.
She's still smiling and shesays that's the day they'll give
away fur coats and hell.
Well, a little later on she'schilling in her apartment.
She's laid up like I am at themoment.
Looks she's anxious.
(35:04):
You know she's already gotten acable card telling her that
there's going to be an explosion, so she's trying to watch the
news all day.
Mind you, mark has been there.
Mark was ear hustling at theairport, even comes up to say
something.
She's like you know, I feelabout you listening.
Go to your room, mark.
So he leaves.
He sees her on the couchfluttering on the tv, like going
back and forth with all thechannels probably all like five
channels in 1984.
When he says alexis, you'regiving off.
(35:26):
I know something, you don'tknow energy.
Are you expecting some news?
Because he is reporting to thecongressman.
So he's like mark, oh my god,take your hangover and your
bloody mary and scram mark'slike you forgot to tell me to go
to my room.
Go to your room, mark.
What's understood doesn't haveto be explained.
(35:49):
You know where to go.
Scram.
Well, as he's leaving, dexDexter comes walking in.
Remember when we talked aboutMartha at the top of the episode
?
Martha Stewart Well, I watchedher show today, but I've watched
her documentary a little whileback.
I've always kind of kept upwith her.
If you haven't seen the Netflixdocumentary then I don't know
if you were a fan of her.
(36:09):
But it's like the Martha youthink you know she is exactly
who you think she is and thenshe's the total opposite of that
.
That makes sense.
So the documentary she's justkind of talking about her life,
life how her dad was kind of anunstable person.
This encouraged her to makesure she had her own money when
the opportunity presented heritself.
One of her homegirls had a richhusband or rich brother.
(36:32):
She made sure she was alignedso she could meet him.
You know, she was modeling.
She did this, that and thethird, with stocks and whatnot,
lived this whole interestinglife.
But one of the more interestingthings is she's talking about
being on her honeymoon right,going into this beautiful church
and then meeting this.
He was either italian or irish,I can't remember which one.
(36:52):
Uh, she basically had a littlerendezvous with him and then
when the, the producers, arelike oh well, how was the affair
?
She's like what affair theywere like with the, the italian
guy or the irish guy?
That didn't count, he wasitalian or he was irish.
I'm like martha, she was deadserious, led me to believe she
(37:18):
had many affairs.
Was she like?
I mean, that didn't count, Ididn't like him, like I wasn't
in love?
You, that's beside the point.
This is the same energy alexisis giving on this couch to dex,
like he's.
He's kind of pissed, but he'slike we still have business to
tend to.
Mind you, he has a master planshe didn't know anything about.
Well, she's like well, are youcoming to apologize to me?
She pulled a full-on mark.
(37:40):
The steward like yes, I wascheating.
You need to apologize forcoming to Hong Kong, because
that doesn't count.
So, ladies and gentlemen, Iguess the rule of thumb is if
you have an affair on yourhoneymoon, as long as a person
is from Italy or Ireland, itdoesn't count.
(38:01):
I don't know why those are therules.
I don't make them.
Alexis feels the same way.
This is Hong Kong.
This is basically.
You weren't supposed to bethere, so you need to apologize
to me.
I'm glad we're not together, nomore.
Dex is pissed, but she'sheartbroken.
I think he's like you know what?
I'm not fooling with youanymore, but, by the way, blake
did just fire his PR lady.
(38:22):
She might be good for you.
And Alexis is like bros beforehoes.
Dude, I don't hire women.
You take that women's libelsewhere.
Actually, she was like nah, Idon't think so.
She's really cute, though.
Maybe you should hire her.
She is completely unbothered,but that was kind of my thought
(38:43):
too, like she didn't hire awoman, so maybe she will, maybe
she will, maybe she won't.
I don't know, but she'sreclining in her seat eating her
delicious charcuterie boardwhen dex pulls out the key.
He pulled out like a harrypotter key and he drops it right
in the middle of her ranch dip.
Would you still eat it?
I don't know.
(39:07):
Dex seems to have Pond's coldcream moisturized hands too, but
no, it's like you drew in thewhole thing.
She has money to get more andshe's forced to eat a dry piece
of broccoli when he leaves.
That's the most tragic part ofthis episode.
So, fiends, in a ratherdisappointing turn of events,
(39:30):
jeff colby is a clown.
He is an actual clown.
We been knew that.
But this episode he is dressingup as a clown for his child's
birthday and I have to say Idon't know what pisses me off
more.
If it is his absolutelackluster attempt at being a
(39:51):
clown, you would think somebodythat corny and goofy, this would
be right up your alley.
But you also need sort of apersonality to be a clown and he
lacks a lot of that.
I don't know if that pisses meoff more or the fact that he is
being touted as a sexy clown.
It's all rather disturbing.
So I'm minding my business whenall of a sudden I see he and
(40:14):
fallon in, I guess, theirbedroom I don't know whose
bedroom you're sharing what andthere's little hints that you
know how you feeling.
You're the most handsome clownI've ever seen.
Why don't you staying around?
Make sure you, you.
I can't wait to see you inthose shoes.
Think about marrying me, right?
Okay, cool, he does.
He has.
I keep using pond cold cream.
(40:36):
He has pond cold cream.
He has noxzema on his face.
He doesn't even have the energyor the imagination or the
integrity to put a decent coatof white paint on his face.
He didn't even have the energyor the imagination or the
integrity to put a decent coatof white paint on his face.
To become a said clown.
Do it all the way or take itoff.
Anyway, he's going to be theclown for his own son's party.
And baby over the top is anunderstatement.
(40:57):
This is a weird feverish dreamof a party.
I'm not saying it looks bad.
It's got all the traditionalpieces.
There's tons of balloons,there's obviously cake.
This was like a three or fourtier cake.
It is incredible.
It would be well over athousand dollars in today's
money.
But you got to keep in mindthis is for a two-year-old.
(41:18):
Everybody knows, with kids likethe first, probably three
birthday parties.
They may or may not evenremember.
They probably don't even knowit's their birthday until their
third birthday, and even thenthey don't really care like that
.
So anything you do before that,you're really doing it for
pictures, right LikeHarrington's.
No, no limits.
Martha Stewart would even belike okay, now can we scale this
(41:40):
back a little bit bit?
They have an actual choo-chootrain.
Children are being driven allover the the yard not bad.
There's a guy juggling.
There is a giant wooden rockinghorse.
There is a giantjack-in-the-box.
That is terrifying because it'san actual clown.
This thing is at least six feettall.
(42:01):
There is a princess who lookslike she just got out of the
hospital.
She might have a littlenovocaine issue.
She got on a giant hat.
She is not interacting withthem kids, but there is y'all.
There is a mermaid in aterrible latex bottom right and
I swear to you, I implore you towatch this episode there's a
little girl standing behind herand this baby, I just know, is
(42:25):
fighting all of her invasivethoughts.
She keeps looking like I'mgoing to push her in here.
I'm going to push her in here.
So in my head she definitelypushed her into the.
How old are these kids?
Yeah, these are millennials.
She definitely got pushed inthat pool, I promise you she did
.
But and millennials?
She definitely got pushed inthat pool, promise you she did.
But there are tons of childrenaround and they're all dressed
(42:50):
to the nines.
Like the boys have on sportscoats, the girls are in their
dresses.
We've got a giant.
There's actually like two giantnutcrackers, like the kind you
have at Christmas.
There's a gentleman runningaround in a horse suit.
I thought about this when you,when you have props on a show,
you can't have animals.
Sometimes animals are a littleunpredictable and horses like to
(43:12):
poop.
Let's see, you got a balloonartist.
Baby blake is freaking the fout the entire time.
By the way, neither he nor babysteven what's steven's baby's
name?
Um, baby danny.
Neither one of them are feelingthis.
This is freaking them both out.
I would love to be a fly on thewall in their nursery that
(43:32):
night when they're talking aboutthis.
They have shetland ponies.
That blake doesn't know thedifference between a pony and a
horse.
He's like hey, this is a nicelittle horse.
He had in my mind the ponies.
I'm a pony and a horse.
He's like hey, this is a nicelittle horse and, in my mind,
the ponies I'm a pony fishjugglers, whoever there's a girl
doing, she's not acontortionist.
She is giving cheer stunt to me, which isn't bad, but they're
(43:55):
not like tossing her.
The point I'm trying to make,though, is that she looks
exactly like Fallon.
I wonder if that's her cousinor her little sister or
something.
There's just whatever you canthink of.
There's stuff everywhere.
There's little kids sitting ata table in their sport coats or
looking at the balloons, andthey have plates filled with
popcorn.
Not food, just popcorn.
So we're drinking this all in.
(44:16):
Jeff is half-ass clowning.
Hey, kid, come here.
Hey, what do you think of MrClown?
Mr Clown, mr Clown.
That's the most creative thing,mr Clown.
I can't stand, jeff.
The rest of this episode justpisses me off, with the
exception of Kirby taking gunlessons and being she's a crack
shot.
Who would have ever thoughtOther than that?
(44:38):
The rest of this pisses me off.
Let me just state that, exceptfor Alexis.
So Alexis comes waltzing in inher Easter Sunday dress and a
hat and she's playing it cool.
I think she feels good aboutbeing invited to the party
Because she you know she usuallysometimes she's had to miss out
on stuff.
She goes over to Blake, like hey, I hope we can put this, you
know, sweep everything under therug and when you see my bed, I
(45:00):
hope you'll consider it.
He's like I'll consider, I mean, you are my baby's mother, I'll
absolutely make sure you knowif your bed is good, you're
gonna get it.
Don't even worry about it.
So she goes into the house andshe forgets, or shouldn't forget
.
She doesn't care.
But she is not the woman of themanor, she, she's hungry.
She sees the kids with theirpopcorn plates.
(45:20):
She's a full woman.
She's not about to eat that.
So she walks around and all shesees is water, chestnuts or
watercress instead of caviar.
She's like hey, what does agirl got to do to get some
caviar in this bitch?
Well, the maids, they're stilla little afraid of her.
They're like I'm sorry, mrsColby, this is Mrs Carrington's
house and she wanted watercressor watercress.
(45:44):
Crystal has walked into thehouse and she she handles this
rather well.
She's like all right, somebodyget this.
Wait, some caviar horsd'oeuvres please.
They step into a separate roomand it's at this point that
alexis starts to notice thatcrystal's not drinking champagne
and she's like are you pregnant?
Crystal's like yeah, you mighthave taken my other baby, but
you'll never take this one,you'll never get anywhere near
(46:06):
it.
And alexis is like big whoop, Ithink you're the first person
to ever get pregnant or lose ababy.
Don't even trip, talk to mewhen you've had at least four
kids.
Chris was like four.
See, this is what I'm saying.
I swear I didn't look ahead, Iswear I didn't.
But she says four and then shekind of corrects herself.
I guess I can't count themiscarriage before Stephen.
(46:29):
I have three.
Don't act like you're the onlyperson who's ever given birth or
lost a baby.
So now I'm wondering well, alittle later on, crystal, you
know she she feels kind of bad,like oh crap, I didn't know that
.
So she asked Blake about itlater on, like I didn't know
that y'all had a miscarriagebefore Stephen, we didn't have a
(46:49):
miscarriage.
So I don't know what that'sabout.
Either he didn't know.
Sounds to me like she mighthave had an affair and got
pregnant with somebody else'sbaby and lost it.
But why bring it up?
Here's the thing about dynasty.
If this was any other show, Iwould probably take it fully,
fully, fully to heart.
I'm actually hoping it is toheart, and I'm hoping they have
(47:10):
a douchebag west coast jim bratype kid who comes in and wreaks
havoc.
We need a bad boy like a badbad boy.
Not that I feel bad about it,adam boy, it's so.
It's so weird, but it's likeshe had.
You can't.
I'm all for the soap operaintroducing children thing, but
you can't do this Like you.
(47:31):
They've already had.
They had the two.
We didn't talk about anythingelse.
Then, all of a sudden, you hada third one, who you found.
Now there's a fourth one.
I don't think so.
I don't think so.
I don't think so.
But, like I said, if this wasany other soap opera, I would.
I would count it as gospel, butwe'll just see dynasty.
From what I can tell too someonetold me this before sometimes
(47:54):
they just bring up stuff andthey just don't bring it up
again.
What they keep bringing up,though, is that jeff is some
sort of sexy clown.
Jeff is getting on my lastnerves.
Like I said, either be in it orbe out of it.
Be good or be good at it.
You're not good or good at it.
He's coming down the stairs andKirby gets an eyeful of him and
(48:15):
she's like dang.
Oh, my god, my knight inshining armor turned in his, his
armor for a clown.
He's like, well, you know, yougotta do things for the kids.
She's like, well, you're aboutthe most handsome clown I've
ever seen.
She is literally salivating.
She is looking him up and down,down and up.
I'm like Kirby, does this, this, this, it for you?
This explains a lot.
(48:37):
Well, he, you know he's not, hedoesn't care, he's never really
cared, but she thinks he's hot,even in clown makeup.
I just wish they stopped lyingto him.
This is a terrible, terribleface painting job.
He is a terrible, very offyclown.
And somebody gave him a bicyclehorn.
Mind you, fallon has a wholesymphony of just metal clanging
(48:59):
in her head, of just metalclanging in her head.
She's already worried aboutthese kids hooping and hollering
and screaming and crying,having to walk through that.
He keeps honking his damn horn.
So he's come on, kids, it's MrClown.
Honk, honk, honk, honk.
I want to kill him.
I want to push him right inthat bowl.
I swear there's a kid wearing atop hat too.
So finally, let's just pushpast all this crap.
(49:20):
No, no, no.
One other thing.
Adam sees this quick littleexchange between she and and
jeff.
He doesn't like it.
But what can he do about it?
He's like listen you, I mean he, you still want this clown.
Are you gonna marry me?
She's like I'm gonna marry you,I'm making plans, don't even
worry about it.
Promptly turns on her heels assoon as she sees alexis walk
(49:41):
through the door.
She's like hey, alexis, is thatworking in paris?
Offer still open?
Alexis is like yeah, I'd loveto send you to paris so you
don't marry my son.
Absolutely speaking of marriage, finally, the day's over.
Fallon has taken baby blake tobed and when I say this kid
looks shell shocked.
He looks like he's been throughit.
(50:01):
He needs some warm milk and anice cold cigarette to just
shake the day off of.
He looks like he's been throughit.
He needs some warm milk and anice cold cigarette to just shake
the day off of.
He looks like oh my god, Idon't even know what I just saw.
Well, jeff comes walking in andhe's talking to fallon about.
You know what a great day.
I've never seen my son so happy.
He and baby steven or babydanny were freaking out the
(50:21):
entire party.
Those kids hated it.
Fallon's like yeah, it was sucha success.
She'd also gotten a call from adoctor saying that everything
looks good.
She has one of the best brainshe's ever seen in all of Denver.
She's like okay, perfect.
So I guess her headaches wentaway as soon as she heard that.
I hope they went away.
Because Jeff goes there's stillone more present Now.
I'd love to give him points forthe presentation if this woman
(50:44):
wasn't dealing with a superduper atomic migraine.
He has a three-tierjack-in-the-box which I have
never seen in my life, but shecranks it and it's, you know,
traditional layer.
Next layer pops up, next layerpops up and when the top opens,
instead of yet another, anotherclowns.
We got plenty of those in theroom.
(51:04):
Right now it's the biggest,gaudiest super bowl.
Ja, ja, ruby red ring I've everseen.
It almost puts sue ellen's ringto shame.
It is ginormous, it screams.
I am definitely the leader ofthe Gambino crime family.
Or I took this off of HenryVIII, or I just won the Super
(51:28):
Bowl Huge ring.
She said oh my gosh, this iswhen Jeff mentions oh, this was
grandmother Colby.
Cecil left it to me.
He keep bringing up Cecil.
We all.
We know there's a spinoffcoming, so I won't ignore that
clue.
This is probably the second orthird episode.
He's talked about Cecil.
So they decide they're going togo ahead and make this thing
(51:49):
real and they try to kiss andconjure up a little bit of
passion, but it is as pleasantas those paper gowns they make
you wherever you go to thedoctor's office.
It's just you know.
Okay, we're doing this becausewe need to.
As if it's not enough that theyhave everyone has been at a
super duper, super loud birthdayparty all day.
(52:09):
Fallon sends out a a wire, Iguess and tells the whole house
they need to put on their Sundaybest and come downstairs.
Penguin suits for the dudes,full gowns for the gals.
Meet us in the library at 8 pm.
So everybody goes to thelibrary except Kirby.
Adam can't find Kirby.
It doesn't matter.
Fallon and Jeff announce thatthey are getting married and
(52:32):
they're not going to go to Vegasthis time, because you know his
dead uncle, really who.
She really wanted to bang anddid.
Bang for rewriting history.
Wanted them to get married witha quickness.
No shotgun weddings for them.
No sirree, we're gonna have areal wedding.
Oh god, my back already hurtsfrom slipping and falling in my
(52:54):
own laundry room.
This hurts worse.
This was painful.
I just god, I cannot roll myeyes hard enough.
I cannot, uh, suck my teeth andjust oh and.
But I guess we're gonna endurethis.
Everyone is super happy they'reclinking glasses.
I'll be so pissed, fallon,don't you ever?
(53:16):
You could announce this whenthat kid was opening presents.
You could have told me this atbreakfast.
Why the hell am I gettingdressed for the fourth time
today for this again?
Y'all get on my nerves.
Don't call me for nothing else.
Send me an email.
Well, thankfully someone comesin.
One of the help, one of thebutlers, comes and he's like hey
(53:36):
, lawyer andrews on the phone,boy, he's very, very upset.
He said that you should turn onthe television right now and
watch the news.
Blake didn't ask any questions.
Okay, cool, turn on the tv,dude.
Dude turns on the tv.
It's a whole news announcementtalking about blake.
Carrington may be in over hishead.
Basically, the deal he madeturns out to have been a sham
(53:59):
the hundred million100 millionraised and given to Rashid Ahmed
, who was representing thatcountry.
They're still not saying whatcountry was apparently to buy
arms so that that country couldfight this country or the other
country.
This and that freaking frackBlake's like wait, no, no, it
was for oil wells, not forweapons, doesn't matter.
(54:20):
The whole world thinks Blakechose a side and he is funding
one government.
So the other government is like, oh okay, cool, you want smoke,
we got it.
So now there's this wholelittle conflict.
Does that, or does that notsound exactly like Dallas Damn
near episode for episode.
That's pretty much the end ofthis episode.
(54:41):
Oh, one other little caveatmorgan has came out of jail.
He went to alexis's house like,hey, girl, I'm gonna get, I'm
gonna go to jail.
Wait a minute.
I was thinking about somethingearlier when danny and blake
were crying.
I forgot that claudia them liveat the mansion now.
(55:03):
I mean, I realize they do now,but I forgot why they moved.
Isn't somebody trying to kidnapthis kid Baby?
Not Baby Blake.
What's his name, danny?
They really should name himSteven Jr.
I thought they were, I thoughthe was being followed or
whatever.
I guess he wouldn't.
It wouldn't be a problem ifhe's behind closed doors.
(55:24):
You would be safe at themansion, which is the point, and
there's so many people there.
But this feels very much likelast season.
Remember, when they thought itwas baby Blake that Claudia took
?
I don't know, I just rememberthat was one of the storylines
that nothing ever came up.
Somebody was going to kidnap.
I guess what triggered it isthe whole Jeff and there's all
(55:49):
these people at the party and Iremember that that was kind of
the thing that set up the notkidnapping last season.
They just had a bunch of peoplein and out of the house for no
reason, I don't know.
All right guys, I hope youenjoyed this episode as much as
I did.
All right guys, I hope youenjoyed this episode as much as
I did.
I had a very good time.
Even if I'm not a fan of thisBS relationship between Fallon
and Jeff, I am a fan of hatingon it.
(56:13):
Plus, kirby's a crack shot.
Alexis has a target on her back, actually on her face.
Things are heating up for blake.
So blake said he and adam aregonna head to hong kong in the
morning to get to the bottom ofit with rashida med.
Now I have to also say blakeshould have known better if you
couldn't stand a med, forwhatever reason.
(56:35):
If he was untrustworthy, thenhe's untrustworthy now if he's
representing an entiregovernment.
There's no way I would believethat government is going to be
like an upstanding place.
They were clearly dealing withdo dirt types you should expect
to be a dirty blake.
It is what it is.
All right, guys, that's it,that's all.
Join me next time we go backinto another rhyme time
(56:57):
storyline filled with vintageboxes.
In the meantime, in betweentimes, if you're traveling
international and you have alittle slip up, make sure the
person is from Ireland or Italy.
It doesn't count.
Per, martha Stewart.
Stay hydrated, stay moisturizedwith Palm Skull Cream.
(57:22):
Stay hydrated, stay moisturizedwith Palm Skull Cream.
Mind your business and do allof your drama on TV.
Bye.
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