July 16, 2025 • 59 mins
A rigged justice system, rejected advances, and secret schemes drive this tension-filled episode of Falcon Crest as familiar faces navigate treacherous waters in Tuscany Valley. The verdict is in, and justice is anything but served. Lance faces the culmination of a corrupt trial as Judge Holder—secretly in Richard's pocket—pushes a deadlocked jury toward a guilty verdict. When Maggie spots Richard having a clandestine conversation with the judge across the street from the courthouse, her investigative instincts kick into high gear. The resulting seven-year prison sentence shocks everyone in the courtroom, with Lance vowing to prove his innocence no matter how long it takes. Romance proves equally complicated throughout the valley. Emma cautiously considers a relationship with Damon despite still nursing heartbreak over her Nazi ex-boyfriend who met a tragic end. Richard's attempts at seduction fail spectacularly when Cassandra rejects his advances at an after-hours Tuscany Downs, and even his loyal assistant Pam chooses an evening with her cat over his company. Meanwhile, Chase finds himself drawn to champagne expert Connie Giannini, whose professional knowledge creates tension with Cole but whose shoulder massage leads to a passionate night between Chase and Maggie. Behind closed doors, schemes continue to develop. Melissa's search for a surrogate mother takes an interesting turn as her cousin Robin subtly positions herself for the role. Cassandra appears to be orchestrating business deals designed to potentially overload Falcon Crest financially. And Terry embraces her newfound independence through gambling success, standing her ground with Reardon while demanding cream and sugar in her coffee like the boss she is. With family loyalties tested and alliances shifting by the minute, the residents of Falcon Crest demonstrate why taking the "primrose path" of pleasure so often leads to unforeseen consequences. Will Lance find a way to overturn his conviction? Can Richard overcome his growing isolation? And who will ultimately control the destiny of the Falcon Crest empire?
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Breaker 1-9,.
Breaker 1-9,.
This is Polar Bear, polar BearExpress.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys andgirls, welcome, or welcome back
to Soap Floor, the officialgathering place for newbies,
novices and OG diehard fans ofthe golden age of primetime.
I'm your host, jet viewing andreviewing the Soapiest,
studziest primetime storylinesof 1985.
(00:22):
So, whether you're new to thisor true to this, sit back and
enjoy.
So I guess it's time to playoutside or out of sight.
So, babe, no questions,suggestions or concerns for the
next 25 to 35 minutes, everyoneelse on the airshot.
Be cool, be quiet, or you willbe kicked out because we are
watching our stories.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys andgirls, this is Soap Lord.
(00:45):
Hello, gorgeous, good evening.
(01:13):
Ladies and gentlemen, welcomeback to another fun-filled
edition of so floor.
We are diving right back intofalcon crest.
I hope you love this show,because I do number one and
number two.
There's just a little more ofit to love this season.
You know what I'm saying.
We just got to do a coupleextra scoops here and there, but
I'm not mad because the pacingthis episode is really juicy
once again, tens across theboard.
(01:34):
I'm totally impressed thatthey're able to fit so many
storylines within this season.
I do have a little bit of abeverage choice.
Today my husband brought inthis.
It's a drink from Mexico andit's like a coconut soda.
It is bubbly, it is bright, itis fizzy.
(01:54):
Is it the best for podcasting?
Probably not, but I think Ihave adapted over the last few
years and I can drink acarbonated beverage and still
talk and manage to kind of chokemy burps out.
If not, I just edit them out.
I hope none of them have madethe recordings, but you know
what it is, what it is.
We keep the raw, real and uncutaround y'all.
(02:16):
Okay, pina Fiel, I guess, iswhat this is called.
Let's see what this is.
Coconut water carbonated, nowthat, ooh, that is good.
The taste is delicious.
It reminds me of the coconutsnow cone.
Oh, it tastes like summer,which we need because it's a
little bit warm here.
I hope you are settled, I hopeyou are welcome, I hope you have
(02:38):
your own refreshing beverageand I hope you're able to listen
to this podcast and just kindof forget about whatever trouble
you have in the moment.
You know what I'm saying.
We all go through differentthings.
I know there's varying levelsof urgency at all times.
I just hope you come here.
Kick your feet off.
Kick your feet off Don't dothat Unless they are removable
(03:00):
and then you do whatever youneed to do to be comfortable.
Kick your shoes off and enjoysome of this goodness, this good
old TV.
We can talk about these people,we can be judgy wudgy which,
let's be honest, is kind of funsometimes.
But most of all, I hope you aregaining a little confidence,
gaining some new vocabularywords, which I did this episode
(03:22):
again and just having an overallgood time.
I am fully convinced that byDecember 2025, because we watch
these soap operas or you listento me, watch these soap operas
your vintage vocabulary is goingto be off the chain.
Learned another phrase today I'dnever heard before.
I looked up what was it?
What does she call Lorraine?
(03:44):
She doesn't say that's hisstepdaughter.
A shirt, tail, relative Lovethat.
It made me cackle.
I'm like that is such a goodturn of phrase.
I love that.
I do find that our modernlanguage is a little bit lazy
sometimes.
So I love the challenge offinding new words and I want to
be able to curse somebody outwithout ever using a curse word.
This episode she brings a newphrase that we get to chitter,
(04:07):
chatter, chit, chit about.
So go ahead and grab yourselfsomething bubbly bright as we
jump into season four, episode24 of Falcon Crest, justice for
All, aka the Primrose Path,because I am going to be doing
so many of the falcon crest withtheir 30 episodes, my goal is
to condense them down, get allthe juice out in under 30
(04:30):
minutes, which I know I like tosay what I'd like to say.
So, on this episode, we'regoing to go ahead and burst out
the door with the bit players,who happen to be two of my
favorites.
I'm still calling him riker.
If you're new to this show,welcome.
I'm so glad you decided to joinme today.
Kick off your shoes or, if youdo what you got to do.
I'm not here to tell you how tolive your life, but you need to
(04:51):
get comfortable because youneed to listen, because you need
to be caught up on thesestories.
Although I am not an old lady,I grew up around a lot of old
ladies and I am finding now, atmy big age, that names are
irrelevant.
You know who I'm talking to.
You know who I'm talking about,and if I spent most of my life
(05:12):
knowing you as Riker from theUSS Enterprise, that's your name
, sir, I don't care what elseyou do in your life.
He can become president of theUnited States.
That's Riker from the USSEnterprise, and I expect
Jean-Luc Picard to be at yourinauguration period.
Point blank On this show.
His name is Damon.
I'm going to use those namesinterchangeably.
(05:34):
There's another kid on here.
His name is Greg Reardon.
He is a lawyer.
He says it so ridiculously inthis episode.
He had a show called theManimal which has an incredible
storyline that I will, if I canget my hands on it.
We're going to watch it.
So to me he's more fascinatingas the Manimal.
I'm going to use namesinterchangeably, okay, so Damon,
(05:59):
also known as Riker from theEnterprise, and Emma get to
share a meal.
This episode A lovely evening ishad, but nothing more.
Emma is still nursing a brokenheart, despite diversity.
Being a Nazi nepo baby with amurderous streak, she still
loved him, even though he didn'treally love her, even though
(06:20):
they only technically have liketwo to three dates.
But the man whined and he dinedso deliciously, plus he had a
little something crazy going onbehind the eyes.
I think she was attracted tothat.
So although Riker, aka Damon,is fine, she's not really really
ready to jump back into arelationship.
She also has no filter, whichis why I adore her.
(06:42):
So she and Riker Damon aretalking and he wants to know,
well, what happened, whathappened in your last
relationship.
He's smothered to death in acave and I'm like, oh my God,
emma, could we not?
And Riker's like, wait, what?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, he waslooking for like Nazi treasures
or something.
Anyway, he went to this caveand it collapsed, so he was
(07:05):
buried alive.
Actually, I guess I shouldn'tsay some other either way.
He is inside the side of aCanyon covered in dirt and
nobody went in there to check hemight be alive.
But I mean, who knows?
Riker's like, damn, okay, well,she goes well anyway.
Uh, because my ex lover was aNazi nephro baby and he was
buried alive, you can imaginethe trauma that I endured.
(07:28):
So I think I'm going to pushpause on love and love interest,
but I do appreciate your time.
He's like you know what Iunderstand that baby.
You've been through a lot.
So we won't have forever.
We do have tonight.
Let's just enjoy this wonderfulevening.
Kudos to him for not being acreep.
Kudos to him for being able tohear no and continue to be a
(07:54):
gentleman and say you know what?
I still find you just as lovelyas you were before you rejected
me.
Let's go and have this meal.
You want some dessert?
You order whatever you want,miss Emma.
She goes home and she basicallyfloats into the house.
She walks right past her mother, she floats upstairs and I
guess she sleeps on it.
She thinks you know what?
He was fine and he does notgive Nepo baby vibes.
(08:16):
I think I should probably atleast give him a chance.
Plus, he's fine.
So she goes to his office thenext day and she's like listen,
roman, Raymond Riker, whateverthe hell his name is.
Damon, I'm so sorry, I feellike I judged you a little bit
quickly.
I don't want you to feel like Idon't trust you, but you know,
you need to understand I'm alittle tender.
(08:37):
I need to take my time withthis.
He's like, absolutely, he'sfeeling the vibe.
It seems like she's feeling thevibe.
So he cups her face in hisgorgeous hand and he kisses her
and she and she enjoys a kissfor about four seconds and she's
like oh no, damon, I know thisis the next day, but it still
feels like the first day.
I don't do that on the firstdate, but I'll see you around.
(08:58):
She leaves.
Well, his sister sees Emmaleaving.
She's not rushing out, butshe's definitely she's scooting
out, she, but she's definitelyshe's scooting out.
She's not in duress, she's justquickly moving out.
And Cassandra comes walking inand she's like what the heck did
you do to her?
You better not be messing upour plans.
I messed up a plan.
Calm down.
Cassandra thinks it's a badidea to go after Emma.
He's like you know what I wouldgo after Emma even if I weren't
(09:20):
doing this for my mom.
Like I kind of like her.
Cassandra's like, listen, keepit in your pants, we have a plan
, we're sticking to the plan.
Okay, don't mess this up for us.
We'll get back to her in a bit.
I'm proud to announce, for thesecond time this season, aunt
Terry has found and secured herspine at an incredibly stiff 90
degree angle and she looks sogood this episode.
(09:43):
She's got a slick back ponytail.
No more new money hair.
She's not trying to impressanybody, she's not trying to
keep her hair right at theshoulder so she can be
respectable.
Terry is back.
She's dressing all black blackgloves, black boots, gorgeous
gold earrings and a brown minkcoat.
Can I just say it is one of myfavorite things in life to see
(10:04):
people wear brown and black.
I don't know why we don't dothis more often.
I only see it when people wearit in patterns.
But it's okay.
Stacey London, from what Not ToWear, taught me that black and
brown are neutrals.
You can wear any neutrals youwant together.
Anyway, I'm loving her choicebecause she is effortlessly
wealthy, but she also looks likea tough girl.
She looks like Drita from MobWipes.
(10:26):
We all know Drita had hands.
She was my favorite.
So 15 minutes in we have thisscene where she and Craig
Reardon are at.
I suppose they're at thestables, but whatever you call
the field that the horses run in, they're at that.
Terry is sitting on the whitefence and Reardon drives up.
Terry is riding high off the nosmall.
I think I call this horseeverything.
(10:47):
No small win, no small luck, nosmall virtues.
Win at Tuscany Downs.
It seems like gambling agreeswith her.
So Reardon comes up with athermos and a denim jacket.
He is so 80s.
His hair is even flopped down alittle bit.
Looks like Johnny Lawrence fromKarate Kid.
I thought he was so cute.
I did Side note as I take ajourney through vintage soap
(11:07):
opera and I start rememberingbits and pieces of movies.
All the 80s movies, with theexception of Coming to America
and a few others, are kind of astew.
Yeah, they all kind of runtogether.
But one of the first memories Ihave of somebody getting a
biblical beat down on TV was ofKarate Kid, that whole scene in
(11:32):
the lunchroom I think thishappened on that movie I'm
pretty sure we can probably allagree.
I think millennials will agree.
With all teen movies there'susually at least one fight scene
at some point.
I don't know, I think it waskarate kid, where he beats the
brakes off of daniel son, don'the?
Don't he knock him out like ina coma or something?
(11:53):
I might.
That might be a stretch, butdang, that was one of the first
times I ever saw somebody getbeat up on on tv and you would
think it would have thwartedwhat my expectations would have
been for high school.
But it didn't at all.
Like I just assumed that if Isaw somebody wearing acid wash
jeans and a weird head bandanathat they meant no good.
(12:17):
I guess this kind of foldedinto break into electric
boogaloo.
The bad guys and the good guyswear head bandanas, but there
was always a chain, there wasalways a telltale sign.
So I felt very comfortable inhoping that my high school
experience was going to be a lotof fun and that I would easily
be able to identify thedouchebags.
And yeah, I was.
Luckily none of them wore denimand they weren't really a
(12:37):
problem.
Anyway, back to the story.
So Reardon is a little bitmiffed that Terry took him so
literally by allowing no smallvirtue to enter a horse race.
When he said you can watch overthe horse, he didn't mean put
the horse on the horse racks, hemeant like, just take care of
(12:58):
it while I'm working.
She ain't trying to hear that.
She is in her Drita mob wifeera and she says you know what?
I will spend my dead doctorhusband's money any way I see
fit, and I see fit to do somelittle gambling with it, because
this horse is money baby.
This horse is going to make mymoney back.
Also, if you come over hereagain bringing me coffee, don't
(13:20):
bring me no damn black coffee.
You better make sure it iscream and sugar with a splash of
coffee in it.
What am I?
A freaking cowboy?
Also, don't bring me anythingfilled with blueberries.
Blueberries, give me a rash.
Then she hops off the fence andwalks off.
Good for you, terry, put him inhis place, and can we please
stop trying to make fetch happen?
I do not see a Reardon andTerry hookup.
(13:42):
That was a one-time thing, butI do like her on this sort of
this gambling bit.
It looks good on her.
All right, let's get to themain event.
So the show opens up with Maggiewaiting outside the courtroom
with her podcast podcast, withher podcast equipment.
She has a tape recorder with amicrophone attached and she's
(14:04):
got it slung over her shoulderslike a purse Brilliant.
She is in her true crimepodcast era and she's waiting
patiently outside the courtroomhoping to get a word with Judge
Holder.
She's also eating the girlsalive in this red cashmere suit
and cream turtleneck.
The judge, of course, hasabsolutely nothing to say.
He walks by her with his bitterbeard face and she's like dang.
(14:26):
Okay, well, that didn't go well.
It doesn't appear thateverybody is at court.
It seems like most of the gangis wherever else they need to be
.
We get to see Angela at FalconCrest.
She is called and she tellsCharlie oh, we need to get down
to the courthouse because theyhave a verdict.
A nervous woman on the jurystands up and she's clearly
uncomfortable and the judgewho's been paid off, mind you
(14:49):
says well, do you have a verdict?
And the lady goes I mean, no,not really.
We're at a standstill.
We just can't seem to come toan agreement.
Six of us say yes, six of ussay no.
It is deadlocked.
Nobody wants to budge.
Now, my many years of watchingtelevision and zero years of
studying the law, I thought thiswould be called a mistrial and
(15:12):
you could get a whole new trial,whole new jury.
That's what I thought.
I think Kim Kardashian saidthat one time, but I feel like
I've seen enough lawyer TV showswhere I thought that's how that
worked.
I'm not surprised when Reardonsays well, okay, I motioned for
a mistrial.
The judge is like absolutelynot, no way, uh-uh, no.
Gladiator lady lawyer says thesame thing.
(15:33):
She's like no, there's plentyof evidence.
They need to look over it again.
They just take a little moretime.
Judge Holder is far moreaggressive than gladiator lawyer
lady in the way that he says it.
He's like absolutely not.
Y'all basically get back inthat room.
You better not come out withouta verdict.
He doesn't say guilty, but heall but says guilty.
There's evidence, nobody isagainst, nobody is above the law
(15:54):
, nobody gets to get away withthings.
You go back in that room andyou figure out what the verdict
will be.
Even the other lawyer, thegladiator lawyer lady, looks
like that seems that I mean hedidn't say it, but he said it.
Reardon's looking funny,angela's looking funny and for
whatever reason, on this episode, I allegedly, allegedly,
(16:16):
allegedly believe, allegedly,allegedly, allegedly that
Lorenzo Lama was high while heshot this.
Allegedly, allegedly, allegedlythere's not a lot going on.
He shot this Allegedly,allegedly, allegedly there's not
a lot going on behind the eyesand for whatever reason, they
made him look like Danny Zukofrom Grease.
He has a full-on bouffant.
I just remembered he was inGrease, but he had the Justin
(16:41):
Timberlake blonde.
Do you remember that he wasreally stiff and weird?
Maybe, but he had the JustinTimberlake blonde.
You remember that he was reallystiff and weird, baby, well, he
I mean, he wasn't doing a lotthis episode, other than just
kind of looking glassy eyedLooked kind of hot.
Though Judge Holder says no,y'all get back in that room and
come up with a verdict.
Holder's also a basic bitch whocan't sit with us, or at the
(17:02):
very least, he who can't sitwith us or at the very least he
can't park with the rest of thejudges.
He leaves a courthouse and hehas to cross traffic.
He had to park across thestreet.
That's how I know you ain'timportant.
I ain't never been nowhere inmy life where even the prince,
like the principal, has aparking spot.
Employee of the month, thiswill have to walk across the
street.
He didn't even have the therespect of his peers to park his
(17:25):
land yacht in the same parkinglot as him because he's a dirty
guy and everyone knows it's allover his face.
Well, luckily, him beingpersona non grata means he has
to cross the street, which givesRichard an opportunity to hop
out of a burgundy vehicle likehey, come here, come here, come
here.
What's what?
All this mistrial carrying on?
Where's my verdict?
(17:45):
The judge is like dude, I'vedone everything I can.
I've all but said convict him.
You got to get off my back.
I've done my part.
We're just like it's not goodenough, you better be convicted.
I paid you for a conviction.
I was like look, it's out of myhands.
Well, luckily, this littleconversation goes on just long
enough for Maggie and her killerred outfit to come out of the
(18:05):
courthouse, she looks across thestreet and she's like is that
Richard?
That is Richard.
Richard is the judge.
Hmm, she doesn't quite knowwhat to do with that right now,
but she files it away in theback of her mind for later.
Okay, this is what I see.
Let me just see if anythingcomes of this.
Since she's now a true crimepodcaster this season, she
(18:26):
deduces that something ain'tquite right.
Something will most likely comeof that.
Richard's next order of abusiness is to turn the business
he has with Cassandra Wilderinto something pleasurable.
He shuts down Tuscany Downs andhe takes her there after dark.
It's completely silent and noone else is there.
So she's like oh okay,everybody's home.
(18:47):
Oh, okay, oh.
He's like yeah, well, I justwanted us to come here and talk.
Would you like a cognac?
Sure, she says he passes her acognac and then he admits well,
I didn't just bring you here totalk, I brought you here to do
this.
And he leans down to give her akiss.
She also rejects him now.
Her rejection is quitedifferent than emma's rejection
(19:10):
of damon, aka reicher.
Emma wanted to be kissed byDamon.
It is very obvious through herbody language that Cassandra is
weirded out in A, that she'sthere alone with him after dark
and B, that he put the moves onher.
She was like, oh my God, Ican't, I can't.
She runs off.
(19:32):
And if you're watching it itfeels like maybe she's not ready
, like Emma.
But I saw her look grossed outfirst.
She just didn't want to do itand maybe this is all part of
her plan.
She said, oh, I'm so sorry,richard, I just can't, I just
can't.
She runs off and Richard isgobsmacked.
He's like what the heck?
That didn't work out.
(19:52):
Richard is in a unique positionwhere he is good looking, he is
very tall, he is very rich andhe's somewhat charming.
But there is still something alittle bit off about him,
something a little bit creepy,and it's like he is two sugar
cookies away from some sort ofepisode that you don't want to
(20:15):
be around, when he has Can'tquite put my finger on it.
He moves weird, he talks weirdand the good looking part is
what saves him.
Plus he's tall, plus he's rich,but that ain't going to get you
everywhere you need to get andit hurts.
It hurts because, turns out,richard is actually quite lonely
.
His demivillian era is not agood one, it's not a social one.
(20:39):
Richard, this season has onceagain bad-guided himself into a
lonely bed and an even lonelierhome.
He doesn't have thepitter-patter of co-ed feet from
Lorraine because you know whatshe got pregnant with Lance's
baby.
He can't have that in his house.
So now that's gone.
He can't have that in his house, so now that's gone.
(20:59):
He didn't hear the gentle swish, swish, swish swish of Leather
Pants Pam coming in and out ofhis bedroom at his demand.
That's no longer there, andafter today didn't go well,
there's no gentle click clack ofkitten heels from Miss, a very,
very lonely boy, cry me acaviar river.
(21:21):
So what does a successful,good-looking sort of loser at
love man with means like his do?
He calls a professional, as ina professional woman on his
payroll his work wife, head ofsecurity and probably could be
the love of his life if he couldpencil that in between his toy
soldier playtime.
But he won't.
He calls the only friend he has, miss Leather Pants Pam, to see
(21:45):
if she can come over.
Hey Pam, what you up to?
I got a couple figures I'd liketo go over.
Would you like to come over?
She goes.
Oh, i'm'm sorry, richard, I'm alittle busy, can I?
We do it tomorrow.
Richard hears this and it's justunbelievable twice in one night
, even from old faithful.
(22:06):
Richard's already minusculeheart shrinks a little bit more
and he has a realization.
He he says you're not alone.
She tells him she's not and sheapologizes.
But he rebukes her empathy.
Don't pity me.
Pam Hangs up before he can cryon the phone and, damn it,
(22:27):
there's no one there to fetchhim a glass of milk.
Well, pity him, she does.
The company Pam is keeping isnot a hot guy in her bed.
It's one of those expensivecats, pam.
Despite being thrown away byRichard time and time again at
the first swish of some newheifer's hips, she still cares
(22:48):
for him.
So she humbles herself and sheheads down to Falcon Crest to
talk to Lorraine Next day.
Of course she didn't get out ofbed.
She got that new, she got thatexpensive high dollar cat she
got to take care of Plus, it'sbetter company.
She also dresses like thecorporate, business casual
version of Michael Jackson fromthe bad video.
She left the chains at home,she decided to put on a fedora
(23:11):
instead of letting her curls pop, and she tries to convince
Lorraine to go back to Richard.
Lorraine is pregnant.
She is stressed.
Her man may or may not be aboutto go to jail.
She already don't want to liveat falcon crest.
She is not in the mood for thisbull.
Now Angela is ear hustling fromthe other room and she hears
Lorraine tell Pam, listen,richard is getting exactly what
(23:33):
he needs to get.
He got exactly what he wanted.
You don't want no help.
What he wanted, you don't wantno help.
Cool, he's not going to get it.
You don't respect me, cool, Idon't respect him.
He wants to be all alone.
Guess what?
That's exactly what he gets.
Cry me a caviar Ripper.
I ain't going over there.
Richard can kiss my entirebehind.
So Pam leaves and Angela comesgrinning into the living room
(23:55):
like a Cheshire cat.
Now Angela, since the top ofthis show, has been annoyed at
Lorraine.
Because Angela woke up thatmorning, or two mornings ago,
the morning of the first verdictor non-verdict.
She went to Lance's room and hewasn't in his room and she
deduced that he was inLorraine's room.
And she's really pissed off.
They continue to fornicateunder her roof.
(24:15):
She don't care about heralready being pregnant.
It's the principle of it.
Keep it in your pants, keep itin your room, don't want to play
in my face like I'm the bad guyRight now.
Why are y'all paying rentaround here?
Anyway, she sees Lorraine andshe's like well, well, well,
talk your itch, lorraine.
I didn't know, you had nothingin between your ears but your
(24:38):
libido.
Now, okay, that's an old ladythought I would think your
libido would be on your trunk orlower, but if she feels like
it's all in your head, I guessthat's true.
I guess that's partly true, atleast for women.
That's where it starts andthat's where it starts.
(25:01):
But at the top of the showAngela saw that Lance wasn't in
his room and she was just kindof venting to Charlie how
frustrated she was that hergrandson and Lorraine continued
to take the Primrose path.
I'm embarrassed to say that whenI hear Primrose I think of the
Hunger Games.
Was her sister's name Primroseor was it just Prim?
Whatever, I think of the HungerGames and then I think of the
(25:23):
word briar patch for some reasonNot really sure why.
I associate those two thingstogether, but I had to look that
up.
Primrose path is a path ofexploring pleasure and whatnot.
The pursuit of pleasure,especially when it seemed to
bring disastrous consequences.
This particular primrose pathof a fornication has already
(25:45):
done what it needed to do.
I mean, I'm not saying likethat's her house, she don't want
them fornicating in her house,she don't want them fornicating
in her house.
You would think they'd havemore than another.
You know more homes on theproperty, but I guess julia
burnt down the spring house.
They can't go there, and chaseand maggie are living in the
castle.
Oh well, back to angela andlorraine.
(26:08):
Before lorraine has anopportunity to rebuttal, the
phone rings.
It's the courthouse.
Hey, you guys gotta get downhere.
Okay, angela hangs up.
Hey, lorraine, get dressed.
They're about to get you theverdict.
So they run all the way downthere.
And anyway, um, he's guilty,found guilty in a court of law,
and it sucks.
(26:28):
Reardon looks so frustrated.
He walks over to the gladiatorlawyer lady and he goes.
Well, there you have it.
I didn't appreciate thissentiment because she was just
doing her job, just like he wasjust doing his job.
He didn't want to representLance.
You think she actually wantedto go against that?
No, but you both are lawyers,you got lawyering to do and she
(26:51):
looks a little she can't evenenjoy her victory a little.
She can't even enjoy hervictory, like even she knows.
Okay, this is I mean.
I can't help it that I'm justthat good, but I know I'm not
that good like this.
There's obviously something,there's a lot she's saying
without saying the words and,yeah, now they got to figure out
what they're going to do.
Angela, they all can reconvenethe gang, that is, reconvene at
(27:13):
angela's house or in the livingroom.
She has chow lee put on a potof tea and she goes.
Don't even worry about it.
I'm not giving up on this.
But everybody in the room iskind of shocked.
They're like don't you have allof the judges in the valley in
your pocket?
She's like I guess I missed one.
I don't know how it happened,but I'll go down there tomorrow
and talk to him See if we canwork out tomorrow and talk to
(27:39):
him see if we can work out.
She does go to talk to thejudge and he tries to sass her,
but you could tell he's stillscared.
He sits like he's holding in afart.
He's very uncomfortable or likehe ate some bad cottage cheese.
He's kind of squirming in hisseat and this man gives me.
I know he's an actor, but he'sacting this role very well in
real life.
Let's say he wasn't an actor,he was an actual judge.
(27:59):
He would be on Dateline so fast.
We will be watching him.
Circa 1997 and some horriblecorruption, and he'd probably be
like caught on a tropicalisland, just just dumb with,
like his best friend's wife.
He gives that vibe.
Angela sort of thinks so tooand she's like OK, I don't know
(28:19):
what happened, but I'm gonna getto the bottom of it.
He looks a little bit shook,but I mean, that's it, that's
all.
Lance is going to have to do alittle jail time.
You would think this would be amajor victory for Richard.
However, he's not content toleave well enough alone and
decides to go on the radio andtake a heaping dump on an
already badgered Lance.
(28:40):
He goes on the air to talkabout how justice was finally
served and this bratty kid wholived with his grandmother and
then tried to kill her isgetting exactly what he deserves
.
He's entitled, he does.
He's not above the law.
Now he's going to do the hardtime.
(29:02):
And what a disgrace he is.
It's just really horrible.
This pisses Maggie smooth off.
She burst into his office tocuss him out in Maggie language
you know she don't cuss andshe's like okay, he's.
He's going back and forth withher out in Maggie language you
know she don't cuss and she'slike, okay, he's going back and
forth with her like Maggie,you're not a brother.
She's like dude, you have beenat this kid's neck for nothing,
(29:23):
for something so trivial.
You really are comfortableputting this kid in prison.
And Richard's like no, you know, it's the law.
He was, he had a fair trial.
She goes.
No, no, no, you were the one whobadgered me forever and ever
and ever about being objective,about reporting the truth, about
doing my job, but when it comesto you, you're above the law.
(29:44):
Basically, everything you saidabout Lance is true about you.
He's just kind of rolling hiseyes.
Did you come in here to scoldme?
She's like you know what?
I didn't come here to scold you, but I did come here to ask you
.
What were you and Judge Holdertalking about the other day?
Y'all looked awfullycomfortable with your little
chatter, chatter, chitty.
What happened?
What was y'all talking about?
(30:04):
He looks a little uncomfortable.
He always looks uncomfortable.
He doesn't really want to tellher.
I just tried to get aninterview, just like you, I
couldn't do it either.
Okay, now you're talking aboutwhat I can and can't do.
Okay, bet she's got her podcastequipment on.
She lets him know I am a truecrime reporter and I'm a report
(30:32):
what I find Richard, have theday you deserve she's going to
get to this lowbrow, disgraceful, thinly veiled tantrum he's
throwing.
Mags isn't the only personmiffed by this unnecessary
expose.
Bad girl Melly Mel enters thechat.
I call her bad girl Melly Melon every episode and sometimes I
forget that she is indeed alittle bit villainous.
(30:52):
So Melly Mel hears a radioexpose from Richard and she
drives to San Francisco to cusshim out.
She too bursts into his officeand demands that he just lay off
Lance.
She's like you're doing theabsolute most.
You know he's not guilty.
Why do you need to keep doingall this?
Now, I don't think she's stillin love with Lance or anything
(31:16):
like that, but just enough isenough.
Richard gently reminds her.
He's like oh, hey, boo.
Well, I mean, this is alltechnically your fault.
Didn't you hire the coat kingfrom Florida to burst into his
house and mess him up?
You're the one who paid him toframe Lance.
I totally forgot that aspect Inmy mind.
I was only remembering thatRichard had put the kid on a
(31:39):
plane.
I totally forgot how he fellinto all of that information.
So, yeah, he's right.
Remember Lance had pissed offMelissa, I can't remember.
He just said something slickone time too many and she hired
Joel to basically go over thereand beat him down like that kid
from Karate Kid.
Only, joel couldn't really dothat, so he framed him instead.
(31:59):
That was never the plan.
This is how it went down andshe's like damn.
So.
As she's remembering this, she'sobviously too stunned to speak.
Richard says hey, well, I willwalk your pretty little butt
right into the police station.
I'll be your friend, I'll walkin there with you and we can
both tell them how you paid JoelMcCarty to frame Lance.
(32:21):
This is unfortunate.
This is an unfortunate blow forbad girl Melly Mel.
Now she has to humble herselfsort of.
She's not going to be thathumble and mumble-ish under her
breath as she walks out, becausewhat can she say?
What can she say?
Besides, she also has anotherhush-hush situation that needs
her attention.
She has decided that after DrBitters told she and Cole that
(32:45):
they were unfit parents, shedecides she's going to find her
own surrogate.
Now, mind you, her cousin Robinhas shown up, and last time I
talked about this show I saidthat Robin looked totally
different than what I thoughtshe was going to look like.
I need to be a little bit moreclear about that.
Robin is not unattractive andit's not even that I expected
her to be attractive.
(33:05):
But it all sort of makes sensethis episode.
I think I was expectingMelissa's cousin to be another
Agretti, meaning she's also sortof this wealthy girl coming in.
I expected a glamour girl, kindof like Terry, when Melissa is
soap opera glamour.
This girl is just like regularpretty.
(33:26):
She looks like she couldliterally be in any mall in
America, any high school, anycollege in America in the 80s
Not average, but regular looking, if that makes sense.
Her demeanor, everything abouther is kind of regular.
So she and Melissa are inRobin's room and Melissa's
(33:47):
basically catching her up likeokay, I can't have kids anymore,
I want Cole to have one morekid.
I think actually.
No, that's not true.
Let me rewind a little bit.
Melissa and Cole were talkingabout it, talking about the baby
and like how to get a baby in asurrogate situation at
breakfast out on the terrace.
Robin was coming down the stepsand they were kind of loud so
(34:09):
she heard everything and shewasn't like weird about it, she
goes.
I'm so sorry, I wasn't tryingto eavesdrop, I couldn't help it
over here.
And so, melissa, once breakfastis over, they go to Robin's
room to talk about it.
That's where she's filling herin like okay, well, I can have
kids and I still want Joseph tohave a sibling.
I want Cole to have anotherchild.
So we were going to go thesurrogate route.
(34:30):
Now, this must be kind of a newthing at the time, or at least
to Robin.
Because Robin's like wait aminute, you would let him be
with another woman.
Melissa's like girl, absolutelynot.
This is all very medical, it'svery scientific.
The doctor's going to take careof everything.
Ain't nobody helping nobody.
Well, robin looks all kind ofintrigued, as Melissa's like
(34:51):
okay, this is what we're goingto do.
We went through this agency.
The agency said no, so I'm justgoing to put an ad in the paper
, but I don't want to tell ColeCan you keep a secret?
And Robin's like twin.
Obviously I'm not going to saynothing, but like do you think
about this?
Y'all already have Joseph.
He's both of your kids.
Do you think Cole cares thatmuch?
Like she's being a cousin,she's being a good friend.
(35:12):
Do you really think you need todo all this, especially now
that you need to be secretiveabout it.
Melissa's like yeah, I just, Ijust want to do this, so I'm
going to put an ad in the paper.
We're going to be very, verydiscreet, okay.
So I watched this back againjust to make sure I didn't miss
anything.
I discovered this episode thatMelissa is kind of a mean girl.
(35:34):
She seems very self-absorbed ina way that I feel like an only
child could be.
No disrespect to any onlychildren out there, but have you
ever met someone who was anonly child?
Maybe they're raised by theirgrandparents, and I'm talking
about a very specific brat.
This is kind of a unpleasantpersonality.
(35:56):
This kid is used to being thecenter of the tension in an
unnecessary way, like if theyhave to cough, everybody has to
come over.
It's just kind of over the top.
I don't know many people likethis, but this is the vibe I'm
getting Melissa.
So picture this.
Cousin Robin is sitting on thebed, being normal and just kind
(36:19):
of fully invested in this story.
Her mouth's a little bit openlike girl.
Wait what she's listening to,melissa?
Melissa is sitting in front ofthe vanity in Robin's room
looking at herself in the mirror, sort of brushing her hair.
Robin's room looking at herselfin the mirror, sort of brushing
her hair.
Robin's like well, I mean,cousin, of course I'm not going
(36:42):
to say anything, it's the leastI can do for all that you have
done for me.
Melissa looks back at her likewhat have I done for you?
You mean all thosehand-me-downs and clothes and
stuff, ew, which is number one.
Like ew, hand-me-downs aregross.
Secondhand clothes gross, girl,I can't even believe you wore
those.
Her cousin's like well, whenyou're poor, like your,
(37:02):
hand-me-downs are amazing, girl,you kept me fresh to death.
I looked great.
And Melissa's like you likedall those hand-me-down toys.
Oh my God, I would be so pissedif someone gave me secondhand
toys.
But she's looking at herself inthe mirror as she's saying this
(37:22):
stroke in her hair.
She's like laughing, like it'sa joke.
It does not come off aswholesome and it doesn't seem
like that'd be something you sayto somebody you love.
Robin is not offended.
She's like well, I mean, like Isaid, I was poor, I didn't have
anything.
I used to love coming to yourhouse and playing over here with
you.
I always thought you were soglamorous, you're like so
beautiful and just glamorous,you had all these cool things.
And Melissa's like, yeah, I'mgoing to put this ad in the
(37:43):
paper Her even giving me a babyI hope it's a good baby Just
totally blowing her off.
And it made me realize Melissadoesn't have friends.
She has an audience.
She doesn't really care for theconnection.
She needs somebody to bouncethings off of.
And yeah, you're a littlepoorer than me, robin.
How silly of you to enjoy myhand-me-downs.
(38:04):
Ew.
But I mean ew.
Melissa says girl, I would be,not only would I be disgusted if
I had hand-me-downs, I would beso embarrassed.
And Robin says well, I wasn'tembarrassed, I just felt so
lucky to be your cousin.
This girl is so sweet, even ifshe is a little bit sweet on
hold, she is a very sweet girl.
(38:25):
Melissa's just kind of blind,she's ignoring her and I just
thought what a hateful littlewench Reminds me of this girl I
went to school with.
Let's call her Samantha.
Samantha.
She wasn't an only child, so Iguess that theory is a little
bit shaky.
But she was the youngest child,significantly Like she's 12, 13
(38:45):
years younger than her oldersiblings, who were all boys.
She was in pageants as a littlekid, just very gorgeous, really
pretty.
She kind of reminded me of doyou remember the original Well,
not original the ninetiesversion of the version little
rascals movie picture, like aDarla like that.
She looked like that kind ofwell.
(39:08):
She was very bratty, like if youwent to her house she would
always be outside, kind ofcrying because nobody wanted to
play with her and my best friendlived down the road for her.
So sometimes my best friend'smom would be like hey, y'all go
play with her and we'd be likeokay, so we'd go and I mean she
would be okay some days and thenother days she would just be
kind of demonic so we wouldleave.
Well, I started thinking aboutthis.
(39:33):
It was very Mel-y, mel Like ohmy gosh, I get everything new.
I'm the best in this room.
You guys had to come all theway down here.
Her mom made us come and I'm anice kid, like I was willing to
play, but she was a little bittoo much.
Anyway, when we got to middleschool she got beat out a pair
(39:55):
of Asics.
We're telling the wrong girl.
She had a mustache and let's beclear, asics were not popular
at that time, but it's like ourschool had.
They found a surplus of a bunchof shoes they had ordered in
the 80s.
You can look in the yearbookand you can tell like okay,
(40:18):
that's when they found all thoseshoes because everybody had to
wear them for like two, threeyears.
She got beat up at her ASICsfor calling that girl a
mustachioed freak or whatevershe said.
Matter of fact, most of mymemories from her in middle
school is some sort of JerrySpringer lunge action upside her
head.
She was always talking slick,getting beat up.
(40:38):
I think she chilled out by thetime we got in high school.
But yeah, the kind of thatbratty thing, self absorbed, and
you need an audience to feelgood about yourself.
So Mel is self-obsessed butRobin is still just admiring her
.
She's lucky to be her cousin,but you can tell Robin is sort
of cooking up something.
So as the show progresses,melissa starts getting weird
(41:01):
responses from the paper.
People want to give her a wholebasketball team and she's like
nah, I didn't say all that.
So Melissa's sitting in front ofthe mirror, their camera keeps
panning back and forth betweenthe two of them and Melissa
starts to say I just I wonder ifwe're ever going to find
someone.
Robin tells her well, what?
(41:21):
If?
Why don't you ask one of yourfriends why don't you ask
someone closer, someone like inthe valley?
Melissa's like that's the lastthing I would ever do.
But as the camera pans back andforth, melissa's like I would
like someone.
Maybe I should get someone withmy coloring.
That way the baby will looklike me and you start to go back
and forth, back and forth.
It clicks.
(41:41):
I think that was a pull point.
The audience is supposed to seethat she and Melissa do look
quite a bit alike.
They kind of have the same nose.
You have the same color hair,same color eyes.
Their features are very similarand this makes sense since
they're cousins.
It would appear that eitherseems like their moms are
sisters, since robin is notwealthy.
(42:03):
So this is kind of okay.
They don't get, they don't cometo that conclusion.
By the end of the show, melissaisn't like hey, cousin, would
you be my surrogate?
That doesn't happen.
But the seed is planted androbin is sort of slowly steering
the conversation that way.
That's what it feels like to me.
(42:26):
Last but not least, and perhapsthe most salacious part of this
episode, miss Connie Giannini.
Miss Connie Giannini is a conand a little bit of a meanie
when she starts talking aboutsparkling wine.
So it is very obvious to anyonewatching that she has a huge
donor for Chase Gioberti.
(42:47):
I mean, how could she not?
Connie G takes her champagnevery seriously and we learned
through this episode that she'skind of that girl when it comes
to champagne.
She's learned, she's been inFrance, she's been in Rome,
she's been all over Europeperfecting her craft, and she
took the job not only becauseshe has a hots for taste, but
she likes what she does.
(43:07):
So when she gets in that zone,she's in that zone.
She's taking sort of thisinventory of falcon crest and
she discovers that although thewine, or, excuse me, the
sparkling wine, is good, it isnot great.
It is not on the level of thefalcon crest wine Formula's a
little off.
You know what I'm saying?
A little bit too much yeast orwhatnot.
(43:28):
So when she's explaining thisto Chase, who is sort of I feel
like he's feeling her too heseems a little bit enamored, but
he's also sort of in awe of hergenius when it comes to doing
this particular task.
But when she's talking to Chase, she's all duvet eyes and slow
(43:49):
hands and throaty voice.
Oh, chase, this is such aprivilege, privilege.
It's so wonderful to work foryou.
I just love champagne.
I think there might be a littlebit of yeast in it.
I think we can work it out.
She's very seductive not so muchwith cole, who has, to my
surprise, not been filled in onconnie's new role.
(44:10):
So I think he knew she wasgoing to work there.
He didn't know she was going tobe doing this.
So Cole is taken aback orblindsided, depending on who you
talk to, by Connie's newposition at Falcon Crest.
The whole sparkling wine slashchampagne thing was supposed to
be his thing.
He's been working on it.
They've got sales.
It's doing fine.
But he's a little sensitivewhen Connie comes at him with
(44:33):
her new suggestions because itwould mean if they stop making
it the way they're making it nowand they rearrange the yeast or
whatever, it's going to take anadditional six months of
fermenting time.
So they are kind of gettinginto it.
I will say this Connie is veryloud and I don't want to use the
word aggressive because I thinkthat's always kind of thrown
(44:55):
out there too soon.
These are two people passionateabout a topic, having a
conversation.
Now she is loud, she is talkingwith her hands.
These are two grown people.
They're expressive.
And she's like I'm telling youthis is that she's very loud,
though that's the point I'mtrying to make.
She's like I want to make thechanges to the bottles you
already have.
It's good, but it ain't great.
You want weak stuff.
(45:16):
You want great stuff.
And cole's like I'm not aboutto pour out every bottle I've
already created and wait anadditional six months absolutely
not.
Well, chase hears this and hecomes running around the corner.
He's like what the heck's goingon?
Cole's like yo, she's talkingabout too much yeast.
This crack open bottles thatshe's trying to do all that.
(45:38):
You know she wanted to changethe whole formula immediately.
I'm not going to do that rightnow.
So him and Chase are talking.
Connie, as soon as Chase comesinto the room, she just kind of
shrinks down and slinks off.
Now, this is my opinion.
It seems to me like she'splaying victim just a little bit
, or maybe she's embarrassedbecause she didn't realize that
Chase heard her.
But she slinks on out of theroom and Chase continues to talk
(46:03):
to Cole.
He's like listen, I trust you,you're doing a great job, but if
we want the best, we're goingto listen to the best.
That's why we hired her.
She's just not some boho offthe street.
She knows what she's talkingabout.
Well, a little later on in theepisode we find out that Connie
has resigned from her positionbecause she didn't want to come
between Cole and Chase.
She doesn't want to comebetween this family and she's so
(46:24):
sorry.
And I'm like lady what, you hada come on, you had a
conversation, you were notbreaking up families.
But I guess she can also kindof sense that Cole feels a way
about her being there.
Well, when Cole hears this,he's like well dang, I mean, I
wasn't trying to, I didn't wantthat to happen, I just didn't
imagine how would you feel andI'm kind of with him this
(46:45):
episode.
I don't think he was immature,I don't think he overreacted.
How would you feel if youdidn't know someone was coming
in to basically assist you withyour job?
Only they told you okay, thiscould be good, we just have to
redo everything and it's goingto take twice as long as it
normally takes.
You'd feel a way.
Well, he's able to make itright.
(47:07):
Cole decides you know, he'sstill on his.
I'm a big boy, I'm gonna listento my dad.
Let me go make this right.
He's able to talk to Connie'm abig boy.
I'm gonna listen to my dad.
Let me go make this right.
He's able to talk to Connie,she's a reasonable woman and
they decide to come back.
So I hope they've got that outof the way.
Sometimes, when you work onsomething passionate, you can
have a difference of opinion.
It's all in the way you saystuff.
It's okay.
As long as I think, as long asyou know someone's heart is like
(47:35):
I'm not taking a dump on yourwork.
I am basically saying I knowit's close, baby, we can get it
there.
And Cole, once Cole hears that,like okay, you're not saying I
suck, you're just saying okay,you have tricks of the trade
that I was not privy to.
So what you hear, we're goingto kill it, we're going to do
what we're going to do.
Well, angela hears this, hearsabout you know this new
champagne and that Connie nowworks there.
So she goes down to the winehouse with Lance and she's
(47:59):
probably just turning over alittle bit of a new leaf because
she realizes Lance is about togo to jail.
She needs to make sure thattheir lives are running smoothly
.
So she calls Chase over.
She's like nephew, how youdoing baby?
Is there anything I can do foryou.
And Chase is taking him backbecause he was immediately
thinking she was there totalk-ish and he's like what do
(48:22):
you mean?
She said listen, I heard thatConnie is going to be working on
the champagne line and I'm hereto tell you.
You have my approval.
He's like oh, you, okay,where's a candid camera?
What are you saying?
She's like no, no, no.
Basically, she tells him, nowthat there is an actual expert
(48:43):
with that, I don't mind theFalcon Crest name being placed
on bottles of something fromsomeone of her caliber I expect.
Like that's what I expect.
I also expect you to keep aneye on her, to watch her like a
hawk.
So I don't know if she'simplying you need to learn this
too, but you better not messthis up for us, because this is
going to bring in a whole lot ofnew money.
(49:03):
We can increase production.
Yeah, let's do this.
So he's taking them back like ohmy God, angela, for real.
She's like yeah, like, yeah,baby, just whatever you need,
let me know you got it.
He's like oh my god, well, yeah, totally, I'll tell you that I
will.
Well, she smiles at him and Iremember thinking, oh my gosh,
angela, it really is so pretty.
(49:24):
Then I saw um, maybe a day orso ago I saw some other pictures
of her from back in the day.
Jane Wyman was gorgeous,stunning, stunning, stunning and
I'm definitely going to jumpinto a couple of films.
She is so stunning and such agood actress on the show One of
my favorite characters that I'madding her to my Barbara Bel
(49:46):
Geddes list.
These are Oscar winners.
I'm going to watch their filmshere pretty soon.
Okay, so this is where one ofthe bit players falls into this
storyline too.
So Cassandra is in SanFrancisco having dinner with
some guy who owns some sort oflike food company, slash wine
company, something like that,and she's like have you ever
(50:08):
heard of Falcon Crest?
I think that they could handle.
Your heard of Falcon Crest?
I think that they could handleyour.
Um, they can handle themanufacturing of your product.
He goes yeah, I've heard ofthat, I've had Falcon Crest.
That's a huge winery inCalifornia.
But like, do they have themanpower?
Can they do all that?
Are they financially stableenough to take on my business?
(50:28):
Cassandra's like, well, I mean,even if they're not, lenders
are going to be tripping overthemselves because it's falcon
crest, like they're.
I mean, they're worldwide,they're good.
I don't really understand whatshe's pulling here, but we did
learn on this episode too, thatshe is wealthy.
She has a 32-story building inManhattan that she needs to sell
.
I don't know why she would tryto what.
(50:52):
What it feels like.
It feels like she's trying tooverload Falcon Crest in an
effort to financially devastateAngela.
Is that what's going on?
Why does this sound likeDynasty?
Because there is nothing newunder the sun, but that's what
it feels like she's doing.
I'm not really 100% clear onthat.
(51:12):
I listened to the episode and Ireviewed it again, and the thing
that stood out to me the mostis that Cassandra's not drinking
wine.
She is drinking watered downDiet Coke.
I know this for a fact becauseevery teacher I've ever had in
elementary loved themselves aDiet Coke, and I had one in
particular who would pour it ina glass instead of using those
(51:34):
like plastic cups.
They used to sell that the oldyetis you know what I'm saying.
Before everybody figured outmetal was better, they had like
those plastic cups and they werehuge and there were no cup
holders you could put those.
In matter of fact, I have onein my cabinet.
Nowhere to hold.
You have to just kind of holdit around like a baby cup, like
an adult sippy cup.
(51:54):
Anyhow, cassandra's gotsomething up her sleeve, but
that has nothing on what missconnie giannini has up hers.
So she's working late into thenight, I'm assuming, and chase,
who's still just sort ofenamored with her mind, comes
down to the wine house and hesees her.
She didn't even have a properoffice, it's just kind of a room
(52:17):
off to the side.
Well, he comes in to shuteverything down and she is still
working diligently on this newyeast ratio, whatever.
So she's like oh my gosh, chase, I'm just working so hard, my
shoulders, shoulders, I'm in.
So, oh my God, I'm so stiff.
Well, him being a gentleman andthis is long before the sexual
(52:40):
harassment laws, that's theproof he puts down his clipboard
and he walks right over.
Mind you, she wants him toharass her sexually, actually
Not the harass part, but justthe sexual part.
So he starts rubbing her downand he's like oh, like, oh, I
gotta not here, I gotta get thisshoulder.
Ladies and gentlemen, if younotice, I started to whisper,
but yes, I got embarrassed.
(53:01):
I'm listening to this atregular volume.
My family's home.
She is moaning and groaning andthe way I was in paris.
I was mortified.
I'm like got these people inhere.
Don't tell her what my familythinks I'm watching she was
doing the most.
Oh Chase, oh Chase, you can keepthis up all night.
He gets a little uncomfortableby that, but not uncomfortable
(53:29):
enough because he stops.
It's very clear she's fullyturned on.
He stops and he walks kind ofoff to the side and he's like
well, hey, hey, hey, listen,he's still smiling.
He doesn't make her feeluncomfortable.
Why don't you?
Um, you know, don't, don't stayup too late, basically.
But I watched his face.
I watched this probably threetimes.
The second or third time,second or third time it was on
mute and lest I'd be embarrassed, I think he was kind of into it
(53:50):
.
I say that because after heleaves, I mean he's
uncomfortable with all themoaning and when she tells him
that he can keep that up allnight, he just kind of gives her
the one-two dad pat and leaves.
But he goes home and he puts onhis pinstripe pajamas and he
(54:11):
takes Maggie down right there inthe bed.
Maggie also sleeps at ahorrible angle, but that's
neither here nor there, becausehe made sure to get in them
drawers.
I hope he was not thinking aboutConnie.
This is why we tell thechildren to play outside or out
of sight, because sometimeswe're going to talk about grown
men and women things.
I think he did.
I think he was totally thinkingof Connie.
I got a problem with this.
(54:31):
I got a problem with this.
I have a problem with this, butnot nearly as big a problem as
I thought, maybe because I don'tthink it'll really happen.
All right, that's the end ofFalcon Crest.
What did you think?
Oh my God, no, no, no, that'snot the end of Falcon Crest.
Look at me getting alldistracted by the aviator Adonis
.
To me getting all distracted bythe aviator Adonis.
(54:55):
So after him and Maggie have aruckus night of lovemaking, they
have to go to the courthousethe next day because cousin
Lance is going to be convicted.
He seems unbothered.
He also looks like he kind ofwants to tomahawk kick
somebody's head off.
Well, judge Holder, has he justthe audacity to look this young
man in the eye, knowing fullwell he's probably not guilty?
(55:17):
The evidence was flimsy at best.
He demands to know if Lance hasanything to say for himself.
Lance, after a pregnant pause,says well, I'm going to say the
same thing I've been saying I'mnot guilty and I won't rest
until I prove that, even if ittakes the rest of my life.
Mind you, he's going to go toprison, to the clink, to the
(55:40):
penitentiary, as my mama says.
The judge continues to lay it onreally thick.
You are a danger to thiscommunity.
You are a menace to society,and the good people of this
county deserve so much better.
You're going to prison forseven years.
Audible gasp in the courtroomWhoa, what, no, what it was wild
(56:08):
.
Reardon walks back over to agladiator lawyer lady and says,
carolyn, that sentence was fartoo harsh, as if she the one who
did it.
She looks at him and she goes.
Well, that's why you shouldfile an appeal, as in, you know
what to do.
File an appeal, greg.
File a freaking appeal.
(56:28):
Well, you think we just leavethe rest of this episode in
peace, but that can't be.
Lance has to be dramaticallyescorted out of the courtroom.
He does, mind you picture allthis with Danny Zuko hair and a
um brown suit.
So, as the bailiff is draggingLance out, lorraine's like Lance
(56:49):
, how you have bad acting withone word.
And he turns around with thatDanny Zuko hair and she's
looking at him and she gasps acouple times.
It was terrible, it was awful,but we ended on that note End
scene Going to prison, to jail,for something you didn't do.
(57:11):
It's not funny, oh my God.
That's not funny at all.
But this is a soap opera, so Ihave a hunch.
With at least five episodesleft, somebody will come up with
something.
Plus, if Lance's mother couldshoot at the cops, burn down a
spring house and then burrowherself underground like Sonic
the Hedgehog and come upunscathed Mind you, she did all
(57:33):
this dress like a nun.
Just picture that.
And his dad can skip town, havea whole nother family in San
Francisco and still manage to beRashida Med on Dynasty.
I think Lance is going to befine.
I have no reason to worry abouthim.
Well, all right, guys, that'sit, that's all.
(57:54):
I hope you enjoyed this episodeof Soap Floor.
I know I did Remember.
You can always reach out to me.
Oh, I totally forgot Fanninover there.
We'll catch up next time.
You can, totally.
You can reach out to me in theshow notes if you're listening
on a mobile device.
If you're not, don't worryabout it.
You can do it the old fashionedway, which is now email.
You can email me atSoapLorePodcast, that's
(58:22):
S-O-A-P-L-O-R-E-P-O-D-P-A-S-T.
Emailcom.
Love hearing from you guys andI promise I'll always get back
to you.
In the meantime, in betweentime, stay away from the
primrose path, lest you end upin jail for seven years because
you pissed off your not-so-babymama by calling her a whore one
too many times.
(58:43):
Stay hydrated, stay moisturized, mind your own business and
keep all your drama on TV.
Breaker 1-9,.
Breaker 1-9,.
This is Polar Bear, polar BearExpress.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys andgirls, welcome, or welcome back
to Soap Floor, the officialgathering place for newbies,
novices and OG diehard fans ofthe golden age of primetime.
I'm your host, jet viewing andreviewing the Soapiest,
studziest primetime storylinesof 1985.
(00:22):
So, whether you're new to thisor true to this, sit back and
enjoy.
So I guess it's time to playoutside or out of sight.
So, babe, no questions,suggestions or concerns for the
next 25 to 35 minutes, everyoneelse on the airshot.
Be cool, be quiet, or you willbe kicked out because we are
watching our stories.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys andgirls, this is Soap Lord.
(00:45):
Hello, gorgeous, good evening.
(01:13):
Ladies and gentlemen, welcomeback to another fun-filled
edition of so floor.
We are diving right back intofalcon crest.
I hope you love this show,because I do number one and
number two.
There's just a little more ofit to love this season.
You know what I'm saying.
We just got to do a coupleextra scoops here and there, but
I'm not mad because the pacingthis episode is really juicy
once again, tens across theboard.
(01:34):
I'm totally impressed thatthey're able to fit so many
storylines within this season.
I do have a little bit of abeverage choice.
Today my husband brought inthis.
It's a drink from Mexico andit's like a coconut soda.
It is bubbly, it is bright, itis fizzy.
(01:54):
Is it the best for podcasting?
Probably not, but I think Ihave adapted over the last few
years and I can drink acarbonated beverage and still
talk and manage to kind of chokemy burps out.
If not, I just edit them out.
I hope none of them have madethe recordings, but you know
what it is, what it is.
We keep the raw, real and uncutaround y'all.
(02:16):
Okay, pina Fiel, I guess, iswhat this is called.
Let's see what this is.
Coconut water carbonated, nowthat, ooh, that is good.
The taste is delicious.
It reminds me of the coconutsnow cone.
Oh, it tastes like summer,which we need because it's a
little bit warm here.
I hope you are settled, I hopeyou are welcome, I hope you have
(02:38):
your own refreshing beverageand I hope you're able to listen
to this podcast and just kindof forget about whatever trouble
you have in the moment.
You know what I'm saying.
We all go through differentthings.
I know there's varying levelsof urgency at all times.
I just hope you come here.
Kick your feet off.
Kick your feet off Don't dothat Unless they are removable
(03:00):
and then you do whatever youneed to do to be comfortable.
Kick your shoes off and enjoysome of this goodness, this good
old TV.
We can talk about these people,we can be judgy wudgy which,
let's be honest, is kind of funsometimes.
But most of all, I hope you aregaining a little confidence,
gaining some new vocabularywords, which I did this episode
(03:22):
again and just having an overallgood time.
I am fully convinced that byDecember 2025, because we watch
these soap operas or you listento me, watch these soap operas
your vintage vocabulary is goingto be off the chain.
Learned another phrase today I'dnever heard before.
I looked up what was it?
What does she call Lorraine?
(03:44):
She doesn't say that's hisstepdaughter.
A shirt, tail, relative Lovethat.
It made me cackle.
I'm like that is such a goodturn of phrase.
I love that.
I do find that our modernlanguage is a little bit lazy
sometimes.
So I love the challenge offinding new words and I want to
be able to curse somebody outwithout ever using a curse word.
This episode she brings a newphrase that we get to chitter,
(04:07):
chatter, chit, chit about.
So go ahead and grab yourselfsomething bubbly bright as we
jump into season four, episode24 of Falcon Crest, justice for
All, aka the Primrose Path,because I am going to be doing
so many of the falcon crest withtheir 30 episodes, my goal is
to condense them down, get allthe juice out in under 30
(04:30):
minutes, which I know I like tosay what I'd like to say.
So, on this episode, we'regoing to go ahead and burst out
the door with the bit players,who happen to be two of my
favorites.
I'm still calling him riker.
If you're new to this show,welcome.
I'm so glad you decided to joinme today.
Kick off your shoes or, if youdo what you got to do.
I'm not here to tell you how tolive your life, but you need to
(04:51):
get comfortable because youneed to listen, because you need
to be caught up on thesestories.
Although I am not an old lady,I grew up around a lot of old
ladies and I am finding now, atmy big age, that names are
irrelevant.
You know who I'm talking to.
You know who I'm talking about,and if I spent most of my life
(05:12):
knowing you as Riker from theUSS Enterprise, that's your name
, sir, I don't care what elseyou do in your life.
He can become president of theUnited States.
That's Riker from the USSEnterprise, and I expect
Jean-Luc Picard to be at yourinauguration period.
Point blank On this show.
His name is Damon.
I'm going to use those namesinterchangeably.
(05:34):
There's another kid on here.
His name is Greg Reardon.
He is a lawyer.
He says it so ridiculously inthis episode.
He had a show called theManimal which has an incredible
storyline that I will, if I canget my hands on it.
We're going to watch it.
So to me he's more fascinatingas the Manimal.
I'm going to use namesinterchangeably, okay, so Damon,
(05:59):
also known as Riker from theEnterprise, and Emma get to
share a meal.
This episode A lovely evening ishad, but nothing more.
Emma is still nursing a brokenheart, despite diversity.
Being a Nazi nepo baby with amurderous streak, she still
loved him, even though he didn'treally love her, even though
(06:20):
they only technically have liketwo to three dates.
But the man whined and he dinedso deliciously, plus he had a
little something crazy going onbehind the eyes.
I think she was attracted tothat.
So although Riker, aka Damon,is fine, she's not really really
ready to jump back into arelationship.
She also has no filter, whichis why I adore her.
(06:42):
So she and Riker Damon aretalking and he wants to know,
well, what happened, whathappened in your last
relationship.
He's smothered to death in acave and I'm like, oh my God,
emma, could we not?
And Riker's like, wait, what?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, he waslooking for like Nazi treasures
or something.
Anyway, he went to this caveand it collapsed, so he was
(07:05):
buried alive.
Actually, I guess I shouldn'tsay some other either way.
He is inside the side of aCanyon covered in dirt and
nobody went in there to check hemight be alive.
But I mean, who knows?
Riker's like, damn, okay, well,she goes well anyway.
Uh, because my ex lover was aNazi nephro baby and he was
buried alive, you can imaginethe trauma that I endured.
(07:28):
So I think I'm going to pushpause on love and love interest,
but I do appreciate your time.
He's like you know what Iunderstand that baby.
You've been through a lot.
So we won't have forever.
We do have tonight.
Let's just enjoy this wonderfulevening.
Kudos to him for not being acreep.
Kudos to him for being able tohear no and continue to be a
(07:54):
gentleman and say you know what?
I still find you just as lovelyas you were before you rejected
me.
Let's go and have this meal.
You want some dessert?
You order whatever you want,miss Emma.
She goes home and she basicallyfloats into the house.
She walks right past her mother, she floats upstairs and I
guess she sleeps on it.
She thinks you know what?
He was fine and he does notgive Nepo baby vibes.
(08:16):
I think I should probably atleast give him a chance.
Plus, he's fine.
So she goes to his office thenext day and she's like listen,
roman, Raymond Riker, whateverthe hell his name is.
Damon, I'm so sorry, I feellike I judged you a little bit
quickly.
I don't want you to feel like Idon't trust you, but you know,
you need to understand I'm alittle tender.
(08:37):
I need to take my time withthis.
He's like, absolutely, he'sfeeling the vibe.
It seems like she's feeling thevibe.
So he cups her face in hisgorgeous hand and he kisses her
and she and she enjoys a kissfor about four seconds and she's
like oh no, damon, I know thisis the next day, but it still
feels like the first day.
I don't do that on the firstdate, but I'll see you around.
(08:58):
She leaves.
Well, his sister sees Emmaleaving.
She's not rushing out, butshe's definitely she's scooting
out, she, but she's definitelyshe's scooting out.
She's not in duress, she's justquickly moving out.
And Cassandra comes walking inand she's like what the heck did
you do to her?
You better not be messing upour plans.
I messed up a plan.
Calm down.
Cassandra thinks it's a badidea to go after Emma.
He's like you know what I wouldgo after Emma even if I weren't
(09:20):
doing this for my mom.
Like I kind of like her.
Cassandra's like, listen, keepit in your pants, we have a plan
, we're sticking to the plan.
Okay, don't mess this up for us.
We'll get back to her in a bit.
I'm proud to announce, for thesecond time this season, aunt
Terry has found and secured herspine at an incredibly stiff 90
degree angle and she looks sogood this episode.
(09:43):
She's got a slick back ponytail.
No more new money hair.
She's not trying to impressanybody, she's not trying to
keep her hair right at theshoulder so she can be
respectable.
Terry is back.
She's dressing all black blackgloves, black boots, gorgeous
gold earrings and a brown minkcoat.
Can I just say it is one of myfavorite things in life to see
(10:04):
people wear brown and black.
I don't know why we don't dothis more often.
I only see it when people wearit in patterns.
But it's okay.
Stacey London, from what Not ToWear, taught me that black and
brown are neutrals.
You can wear any neutrals youwant together.
Anyway, I'm loving her choicebecause she is effortlessly
wealthy, but she also looks likea tough girl.
She looks like Drita from MobWipes.
(10:26):
We all know Drita had hands.
She was my favorite.
So 15 minutes in we have thisscene where she and Craig
Reardon are at.
I suppose they're at thestables, but whatever you call
the field that the horses run in, they're at that.
Terry is sitting on the whitefence and Reardon drives up.
Terry is riding high off the nosmall.
I think I call this horseeverything.
(10:47):
No small win, no small luck, nosmall virtues.
Win at Tuscany Downs.
It seems like gambling agreeswith her.
So Reardon comes up with athermos and a denim jacket.
He is so 80s.
His hair is even flopped down alittle bit.
Looks like Johnny Lawrence fromKarate Kid.
I thought he was so cute.
I did Side note as I take ajourney through vintage soap
(11:07):
opera and I start rememberingbits and pieces of movies.
All the 80s movies, with theexception of Coming to America
and a few others, are kind of astew.
Yeah, they all kind of runtogether.
But one of the first memories Ihave of somebody getting a
biblical beat down on TV was ofKarate Kid, that whole scene in
(11:32):
the lunchroom I think thishappened on that movie I'm
pretty sure we can probably allagree.
I think millennials will agree.
With all teen movies there'susually at least one fight scene
at some point.
I don't know, I think it waskarate kid, where he beats the
brakes off of daniel son, don'the?
Don't he knock him out like ina coma or something?
(11:53):
I might.
That might be a stretch, butdang, that was one of the first
times I ever saw somebody getbeat up on on tv and you would
think it would have thwartedwhat my expectations would have
been for high school.
But it didn't at all.
Like I just assumed that if Isaw somebody wearing acid wash
jeans and a weird head bandanathat they meant no good.
(12:17):
I guess this kind of foldedinto break into electric
boogaloo.
The bad guys and the good guyswear head bandanas, but there
was always a chain, there wasalways a telltale sign.
So I felt very comfortable inhoping that my high school
experience was going to be a lotof fun and that I would easily
be able to identify thedouchebags.
And yeah, I was.
Luckily none of them wore denimand they weren't really a
(12:37):
problem.
Anyway, back to the story.
So Reardon is a little bitmiffed that Terry took him so
literally by allowing no smallvirtue to enter a horse race.
When he said you can watch overthe horse, he didn't mean put
the horse on the horse racks, hemeant like, just take care of
(12:58):
it while I'm working.
She ain't trying to hear that.
She is in her Drita mob wifeera and she says you know what?
I will spend my dead doctorhusband's money any way I see
fit, and I see fit to do somelittle gambling with it, because
this horse is money baby.
This horse is going to make mymoney back.
Also, if you come over hereagain bringing me coffee, don't
(13:20):
bring me no damn black coffee.
You better make sure it iscream and sugar with a splash of
coffee in it.
What am I?
A freaking cowboy?
Also, don't bring me anythingfilled with blueberries.
Blueberries, give me a rash.
Then she hops off the fence andwalks off.
Good for you, terry, put him inhis place, and can we please
stop trying to make fetch happen?
I do not see a Reardon andTerry hookup.
(13:42):
That was a one-time thing, butI do like her on this sort of
this gambling bit.
It looks good on her.
All right, let's get to themain event.
So the show opens up with Maggiewaiting outside the courtroom
with her podcast podcast, withher podcast equipment.
She has a tape recorder with amicrophone attached and she's
(14:04):
got it slung over her shoulderslike a purse Brilliant.
She is in her true crimepodcast era and she's waiting
patiently outside the courtroomhoping to get a word with Judge
Holder.
She's also eating the girlsalive in this red cashmere suit
and cream turtleneck.
The judge, of course, hasabsolutely nothing to say.
He walks by her with his bitterbeard face and she's like dang.
(14:26):
Okay, well, that didn't go well.
It doesn't appear thateverybody is at court.
It seems like most of the gangis wherever else they need to be
.
We get to see Angela at FalconCrest.
She is called and she tellsCharlie oh, we need to get down
to the courthouse because theyhave a verdict.
A nervous woman on the jurystands up and she's clearly
uncomfortable and the judgewho's been paid off, mind you
(14:49):
says well, do you have a verdict?
And the lady goes I mean, no,not really.
We're at a standstill.
We just can't seem to come toan agreement.
Six of us say yes, six of ussay no.
It is deadlocked.
Nobody wants to budge.
Now, my many years of watchingtelevision and zero years of
studying the law, I thought thiswould be called a mistrial and
(15:12):
you could get a whole new trial,whole new jury.
That's what I thought.
I think Kim Kardashian saidthat one time, but I feel like
I've seen enough lawyer TV showswhere I thought that's how that
worked.
I'm not surprised when Reardonsays well, okay, I motioned for
a mistrial.
The judge is like absolutelynot, no way, uh-uh, no.
Gladiator lady lawyer says thesame thing.
(15:33):
She's like no, there's plentyof evidence.
They need to look over it again.
They just take a little moretime.
Judge Holder is far moreaggressive than gladiator lawyer
lady in the way that he says it.
He's like absolutely not.
Y'all basically get back inthat room.
You better not come out withouta verdict.
He doesn't say guilty, but heall but says guilty.
There's evidence, nobody isagainst, nobody is above the law
(15:54):
, nobody gets to get away withthings.
You go back in that room andyou figure out what the verdict
will be.
Even the other lawyer, thegladiator lawyer lady, looks
like that seems that I mean hedidn't say it, but he said it.
Reardon's looking funny,angela's looking funny and for
whatever reason, on this episode, I allegedly, allegedly,
(16:16):
allegedly believe, allegedly,allegedly, allegedly that
Lorenzo Lama was high while heshot this.
Allegedly, allegedly, allegedlythere's not a lot going on.
He shot this Allegedly,allegedly, allegedly there's not
a lot going on behind the eyesand for whatever reason, they
made him look like Danny Zukofrom Grease.
He has a full-on bouffant.
I just remembered he was inGrease, but he had the Justin
(16:41):
Timberlake blonde.
Do you remember that he wasreally stiff and weird?
Maybe, but he had the JustinTimberlake blonde.
You remember that he was reallystiff and weird, baby, well, he
I mean, he wasn't doing a lotthis episode, other than just
kind of looking glassy eyedLooked kind of hot.
Though Judge Holder says no,y'all get back in that room and
come up with a verdict.
Holder's also a basic bitch whocan't sit with us, or at the
(17:02):
very least, he who can't sitwith us or at the very least he
can't park with the rest of thejudges.
He leaves a courthouse and hehas to cross traffic.
He had to park across thestreet.
That's how I know you ain'timportant.
I ain't never been nowhere inmy life where even the prince,
like the principal, has aparking spot.
Employee of the month, thiswill have to walk across the
street.
He didn't even have the therespect of his peers to park his
(17:25):
land yacht in the same parkinglot as him because he's a dirty
guy and everyone knows it's allover his face.
Well, luckily, him beingpersona non grata means he has
to cross the street, which givesRichard an opportunity to hop
out of a burgundy vehicle likehey, come here, come here, come
here.
What's what?
All this mistrial carrying on?
Where's my verdict?
(17:45):
The judge is like dude, I'vedone everything I can.
I've all but said convict him.
You got to get off my back.
I've done my part.
We're just like it's not goodenough, you better be convicted.
I paid you for a conviction.
I was like look, it's out of myhands.
Well, luckily, this littleconversation goes on just long
enough for Maggie and her killerred outfit to come out of the
(18:05):
courthouse, she looks across thestreet and she's like is that
Richard?
That is Richard.
Richard is the judge.
Hmm, she doesn't quite knowwhat to do with that right now,
but she files it away in theback of her mind for later.
Okay, this is what I see.
Let me just see if anythingcomes of this.
Since she's now a true crimepodcaster this season, she
(18:26):
deduces that something ain'tquite right.
Something will most likely comeof that.
Richard's next order of abusiness is to turn the business
he has with Cassandra Wilderinto something pleasurable.
He shuts down Tuscany Downs andhe takes her there after dark.
It's completely silent and noone else is there.
So she's like oh okay,everybody's home.
(18:47):
Oh, okay, oh.
He's like yeah, well, I justwanted us to come here and talk.
Would you like a cognac?
Sure, she says he passes her acognac and then he admits well,
I didn't just bring you here totalk, I brought you here to do
this.
And he leans down to give her akiss.
She also rejects him now.
Her rejection is quitedifferent than emma's rejection
(19:10):
of damon, aka reicher.
Emma wanted to be kissed byDamon.
It is very obvious through herbody language that Cassandra is
weirded out in A, that she'sthere alone with him after dark
and B, that he put the moves onher.
She was like, oh my God, Ican't, I can't.
She runs off.
(19:32):
And if you're watching it itfeels like maybe she's not ready
, like Emma.
But I saw her look grossed outfirst.
She just didn't want to do itand maybe this is all part of
her plan.
She said, oh, I'm so sorry,richard, I just can't, I just
can't.
She runs off and Richard isgobsmacked.
He's like what the heck?
That didn't work out.
(19:52):
Richard is in a unique positionwhere he is good looking, he is
very tall, he is very rich andhe's somewhat charming.
But there is still something alittle bit off about him,
something a little bit creepy,and it's like he is two sugar
cookies away from some sort ofepisode that you don't want to
(20:15):
be around, when he has Can'tquite put my finger on it.
He moves weird, he talks weirdand the good looking part is
what saves him.
Plus he's tall, plus he's rich,but that ain't going to get you
everywhere you need to get andit hurts.
It hurts because, turns out,richard is actually quite lonely
.
His demivillian era is not agood one, it's not a social one.
(20:39):
Richard, this season has onceagain bad-guided himself into a
lonely bed and an even lonelierhome.
He doesn't have thepitter-patter of co-ed feet from
Lorraine because you know whatshe got pregnant with Lance's
baby.
He can't have that in his house.
So now that's gone.
He can't have that in his house, so now that's gone.
(20:59):
He didn't hear the gentle swish, swish, swish swish of Leather
Pants Pam coming in and out ofhis bedroom at his demand.
That's no longer there, andafter today didn't go well,
there's no gentle click clack ofkitten heels from Miss, a very,
very lonely boy, cry me acaviar river.
(21:21):
So what does a successful,good-looking sort of loser at
love man with means like his do?
He calls a professional, as ina professional woman on his
payroll his work wife, head ofsecurity and probably could be
the love of his life if he couldpencil that in between his toy
soldier playtime.
But he won't.
He calls the only friend he has, miss Leather Pants Pam, to see
(21:45):
if she can come over.
Hey Pam, what you up to?
I got a couple figures I'd liketo go over.
Would you like to come over?
She goes.
Oh, i'm'm sorry, richard, I'm alittle busy, can I?
We do it tomorrow.
Richard hears this and it's justunbelievable twice in one night
, even from old faithful.
(22:06):
Richard's already minusculeheart shrinks a little bit more
and he has a realization.
He he says you're not alone.
She tells him she's not and sheapologizes.
But he rebukes her empathy.
Don't pity me.
Pam Hangs up before he can cryon the phone and, damn it,
(22:27):
there's no one there to fetchhim a glass of milk.
Well, pity him, she does.
The company Pam is keeping isnot a hot guy in her bed.
It's one of those expensivecats, pam.
Despite being thrown away byRichard time and time again at
the first swish of some newheifer's hips, she still cares
(22:48):
for him.
So she humbles herself and sheheads down to Falcon Crest to
talk to Lorraine Next day.
Of course she didn't get out ofbed.
She got that new, she got thatexpensive high dollar cat she
got to take care of Plus, it'sbetter company.
She also dresses like thecorporate, business casual
version of Michael Jackson fromthe bad video.
She left the chains at home,she decided to put on a fedora
(23:11):
instead of letting her curls pop, and she tries to convince
Lorraine to go back to Richard.
Lorraine is pregnant.
She is stressed.
Her man may or may not be aboutto go to jail.
She already don't want to liveat falcon crest.
She is not in the mood for thisbull.
Now Angela is ear hustling fromthe other room and she hears
Lorraine tell Pam, listen,richard is getting exactly what
(23:33):
he needs to get.
He got exactly what he wanted.
You don't want no help.
What he wanted, you don't wantno help.
Cool, he's not going to get it.
You don't respect me, cool, Idon't respect him.
He wants to be all alone.
Guess what?
That's exactly what he gets.
Cry me a caviar Ripper.
I ain't going over there.
Richard can kiss my entirebehind.
So Pam leaves and Angela comesgrinning into the living room
(23:55):
like a Cheshire cat.
Now Angela, since the top ofthis show, has been annoyed at
Lorraine.
Because Angela woke up thatmorning, or two mornings ago,
the morning of the first verdictor non-verdict.
She went to Lance's room and hewasn't in his room and she
deduced that he was inLorraine's room.
And she's really pissed off.
They continue to fornicateunder her roof.
(24:15):
She don't care about heralready being pregnant.
It's the principle of it.
Keep it in your pants, keep itin your room, don't want to play
in my face like I'm the bad guyRight now.
Why are y'all paying rentaround here?
Anyway, she sees Lorraine andshe's like well, well, well,
talk your itch, lorraine.
I didn't know, you had nothingin between your ears but your
(24:38):
libido.
Now, okay, that's an old ladythought I would think your
libido would be on your trunk orlower, but if she feels like
it's all in your head, I guessthat's true.
I guess that's partly true, atleast for women.
That's where it starts andthat's where it starts.
(25:01):
But at the top of the showAngela saw that Lance wasn't in
his room and she was just kindof venting to Charlie how
frustrated she was that hergrandson and Lorraine continued
to take the Primrose path.
I'm embarrassed to say that whenI hear Primrose I think of the
Hunger Games.
Was her sister's name Primroseor was it just Prim?
Whatever, I think of the HungerGames and then I think of the
(25:23):
word briar patch for some reasonNot really sure why.
I associate those two thingstogether, but I had to look that
up.
Primrose path is a path ofexploring pleasure and whatnot.
The pursuit of pleasure,especially when it seemed to
bring disastrous consequences.
This particular primrose pathof a fornication has already
(25:45):
done what it needed to do.
I mean, I'm not saying likethat's her house, she don't want
them fornicating in her house,she don't want them fornicating
in her house.
You would think they'd havemore than another.
You know more homes on theproperty, but I guess julia
burnt down the spring house.
They can't go there, and chaseand maggie are living in the
castle.
Oh well, back to angela andlorraine.
(26:08):
Before lorraine has anopportunity to rebuttal, the
phone rings.
It's the courthouse.
Hey, you guys gotta get downhere.
Okay, angela hangs up.
Hey, lorraine, get dressed.
They're about to get you theverdict.
So they run all the way downthere.
And anyway, um, he's guilty,found guilty in a court of law,
and it sucks.
(26:28):
Reardon looks so frustrated.
He walks over to the gladiatorlawyer lady and he goes.
Well, there you have it.
I didn't appreciate thissentiment because she was just
doing her job, just like he wasjust doing his job.
He didn't want to representLance.
You think she actually wantedto go against that?
No, but you both are lawyers,you got lawyering to do and she
(26:51):
looks a little she can't evenenjoy her victory a little.
She can't even enjoy hervictory, like even she knows.
Okay, this is I mean.
I can't help it that I'm justthat good, but I know I'm not
that good like this.
There's obviously something,there's a lot she's saying
without saying the words and,yeah, now they got to figure out
what they're going to do.
Angela, they all can reconvenethe gang, that is, reconvene at
(27:13):
angela's house or in the livingroom.
She has chow lee put on a potof tea and she goes.
Don't even worry about it.
I'm not giving up on this.
But everybody in the room iskind of shocked.
They're like don't you have allof the judges in the valley in
your pocket?
She's like I guess I missed one.
I don't know how it happened,but I'll go down there tomorrow
and talk to him See if we canwork out tomorrow and talk to
(27:39):
him see if we can work out.
She does go to talk to thejudge and he tries to sass her,
but you could tell he's stillscared.
He sits like he's holding in afart.
He's very uncomfortable or likehe ate some bad cottage cheese.
He's kind of squirming in hisseat and this man gives me.
I know he's an actor, but he'sacting this role very well in
real life.
Let's say he wasn't an actor,he was an actual judge.
(27:59):
He would be on Dateline so fast.
We will be watching him.
Circa 1997 and some horriblecorruption, and he'd probably be
like caught on a tropicalisland, just just dumb with,
like his best friend's wife.
He gives that vibe.
Angela sort of thinks so tooand she's like OK, I don't know
(28:19):
what happened, but I'm gonna getto the bottom of it.
He looks a little bit shook,but I mean, that's it, that's
all.
Lance is going to have to do alittle jail time.
You would think this would be amajor victory for Richard.
However, he's not content toleave well enough alone and
decides to go on the radio andtake a heaping dump on an
already badgered Lance.
(28:40):
He goes on the air to talkabout how justice was finally
served and this bratty kid wholived with his grandmother and
then tried to kill her isgetting exactly what he deserves
.
He's entitled, he does.
He's not above the law.
Now he's going to do the hardtime.
(29:02):
And what a disgrace he is.
It's just really horrible.
This pisses Maggie smooth off.
She burst into his office tocuss him out in Maggie language
you know she don't cuss andshe's like okay, he's.
He's going back and forth withher out in Maggie language you
know she don't cuss and she'slike, okay, he's going back and
forth with her like Maggie,you're not a brother.
She's like dude, you have beenat this kid's neck for nothing,
(29:23):
for something so trivial.
You really are comfortableputting this kid in prison.
And Richard's like no, you know, it's the law.
He was, he had a fair trial.
She goes.
No, no, no, you were the one whobadgered me forever and ever
and ever about being objective,about reporting the truth, about
doing my job, but when it comesto you, you're above the law.
(29:44):
Basically, everything you saidabout Lance is true about you.
He's just kind of rolling hiseyes.
Did you come in here to scoldme?
She's like you know what?
I didn't come here to scold you, but I did come here to ask you
.
What were you and Judge Holdertalking about the other day?
Y'all looked awfullycomfortable with your little
chatter, chatter, chitty.
What happened?
What was y'all talking about?
(30:04):
He looks a little uncomfortable.
He always looks uncomfortable.
He doesn't really want to tellher.
I just tried to get aninterview, just like you, I
couldn't do it either.
Okay, now you're talking aboutwhat I can and can't do.
Okay, bet she's got her podcastequipment on.
She lets him know I am a truecrime reporter and I'm a report
(30:32):
what I find Richard, have theday you deserve she's going to
get to this lowbrow, disgraceful, thinly veiled tantrum he's
throwing.
Mags isn't the only personmiffed by this unnecessary
expose.
Bad girl Melly Mel enters thechat.
I call her bad girl Melly Melon every episode and sometimes I
forget that she is indeed alittle bit villainous.
(30:52):
So Melly Mel hears a radioexpose from Richard and she
drives to San Francisco to cusshim out.
She too bursts into his officeand demands that he just lay off
Lance.
She's like you're doing theabsolute most.
You know he's not guilty.
Why do you need to keep doingall this?
Now, I don't think she's stillin love with Lance or anything
(31:16):
like that, but just enough isenough.
Richard gently reminds her.
He's like oh, hey, boo.
Well, I mean, this is alltechnically your fault.
Didn't you hire the coat kingfrom Florida to burst into his
house and mess him up?
You're the one who paid him toframe Lance.
I totally forgot that aspect Inmy mind.
I was only remembering thatRichard had put the kid on a
(31:39):
plane.
I totally forgot how he fellinto all of that information.
So, yeah, he's right.
Remember Lance had pissed offMelissa, I can't remember.
He just said something slickone time too many and she hired
Joel to basically go over thereand beat him down like that kid
from Karate Kid.
Only, joel couldn't really dothat, so he framed him instead.
(31:59):
That was never the plan.
This is how it went down andshe's like damn.
So.
As she's remembering this, she'sobviously too stunned to speak.
Richard says hey, well, I willwalk your pretty little butt
right into the police station.
I'll be your friend, I'll walkin there with you and we can
both tell them how you paid JoelMcCarty to frame Lance.
(32:21):
This is unfortunate.
This is an unfortunate blow forbad girl Melly Mel.
Now she has to humble herselfsort of.
She's not going to be thathumble and mumble-ish under her
breath as she walks out, becausewhat can she say?
What can she say?
Besides, she also has anotherhush-hush situation that needs
her attention.
She has decided that after DrBitters told she and Cole that
(32:45):
they were unfit parents, shedecides she's going to find her
own surrogate.
Now, mind you, her cousin Robinhas shown up, and last time I
talked about this show I saidthat Robin looked totally
different than what I thoughtshe was going to look like.
I need to be a little bit moreclear about that.
Robin is not unattractive andit's not even that I expected
her to be attractive.
(33:05):
But it all sort of makes sensethis episode.
I think I was expectingMelissa's cousin to be another
Agretti, meaning she's also sortof this wealthy girl coming in.
I expected a glamour girl, kindof like Terry, when Melissa is
soap opera glamour.
This girl is just like regularpretty.
(33:26):
She looks like she couldliterally be in any mall in
America, any high school, anycollege in America in the 80s
Not average, but regular looking, if that makes sense.
Her demeanor, everything abouther is kind of regular.
So she and Melissa are inRobin's room and Melissa's
(33:47):
basically catching her up likeokay, I can't have kids anymore,
I want Cole to have one morekid.
I think actually.
No, that's not true.
Let me rewind a little bit.
Melissa and Cole were talkingabout it, talking about the baby
and like how to get a baby in asurrogate situation at
breakfast out on the terrace.
Robin was coming down the stepsand they were kind of loud so
(34:09):
she heard everything and shewasn't like weird about it, she
goes.
I'm so sorry, I wasn't tryingto eavesdrop, I couldn't help it
over here.
And so, melissa, once breakfastis over, they go to Robin's
room to talk about it.
That's where she's filling herin like okay, well, I can have
kids and I still want Joseph tohave a sibling.
I want Cole to have anotherchild.
So we were going to go thesurrogate route.
(34:30):
Now, this must be kind of a newthing at the time, or at least
to Robin.
Because Robin's like wait aminute, you would let him be
with another woman.
Melissa's like girl, absolutelynot.
This is all very medical, it'svery scientific.
The doctor's going to take careof everything.
Ain't nobody helping nobody.
Well, robin looks all kind ofintrigued, as Melissa's like
(34:51):
okay, this is what we're goingto do.
We went through this agency.
The agency said no, so I'm justgoing to put an ad in the paper
, but I don't want to tell ColeCan you keep a secret?
And Robin's like twin.
Obviously I'm not going to saynothing, but like do you think
about this?
Y'all already have Joseph.
He's both of your kids.
Do you think Cole cares thatmuch?
Like she's being a cousin,she's being a good friend.
(35:12):
Do you really think you need todo all this, especially now
that you need to be secretiveabout it.
Melissa's like yeah, I just, Ijust want to do this, so I'm
going to put an ad in the paper.
We're going to be very, verydiscreet, okay.
So I watched this back againjust to make sure I didn't miss
anything.
I discovered this episode thatMelissa is kind of a mean girl.
(35:34):
She seems very self-absorbed ina way that I feel like an only
child could be.
No disrespect to any onlychildren out there, but have you
ever met someone who was anonly child?
Maybe they're raised by theirgrandparents, and I'm talking
about a very specific brat.
This is kind of a unpleasantpersonality.
(35:56):
This kid is used to being thecenter of the tension in an
unnecessary way, like if theyhave to cough, everybody has to
come over.
It's just kind of over the top.
I don't know many people likethis, but this is the vibe I'm
getting Melissa.
So picture this.
Cousin Robin is sitting on thebed, being normal and just kind
(36:19):
of fully invested in this story.
Her mouth's a little bit openlike girl.
Wait what she's listening to,melissa?
Melissa is sitting in front ofthe vanity in Robin's room
looking at herself in the mirror, sort of brushing her hair.
Robin's room looking at herselfin the mirror, sort of brushing
her hair.
Robin's like well, I mean,cousin, of course I'm not going
(36:42):
to say anything, it's the leastI can do for all that you have
done for me.
Melissa looks back at her likewhat have I done for you?
You mean all thosehand-me-downs and clothes and
stuff, ew, which is number one.
Like ew, hand-me-downs aregross.
Secondhand clothes gross, girl,I can't even believe you wore
those.
Her cousin's like well, whenyou're poor, like your,
(37:02):
hand-me-downs are amazing, girl,you kept me fresh to death.
I looked great.
And Melissa's like you likedall those hand-me-down toys.
Oh my God, I would be so pissedif someone gave me secondhand
toys.
But she's looking at herself inthe mirror as she's saying this
(37:22):
stroke in her hair.
She's like laughing, like it'sa joke.
It does not come off aswholesome and it doesn't seem
like that'd be something you sayto somebody you love.
Robin is not offended.
She's like well, I mean, like Isaid, I was poor, I didn't have
anything.
I used to love coming to yourhouse and playing over here with
you.
I always thought you were soglamorous, you're like so
beautiful and just glamorous,you had all these cool things.
And Melissa's like, yeah, I'mgoing to put this ad in the
(37:43):
paper Her even giving me a babyI hope it's a good baby Just
totally blowing her off.
And it made me realize Melissadoesn't have friends.
She has an audience.
She doesn't really care for theconnection.
She needs somebody to bouncethings off of.
And yeah, you're a littlepoorer than me, robin.
How silly of you to enjoy myhand-me-downs.
(38:04):
Ew.
But I mean ew.
Melissa says girl, I would be,not only would I be disgusted if
I had hand-me-downs, I would beso embarrassed.
And Robin says well, I wasn'tembarrassed, I just felt so
lucky to be your cousin.
This girl is so sweet, even ifshe is a little bit sweet on
hold, she is a very sweet girl.
(38:25):
Melissa's just kind of blind,she's ignoring her and I just
thought what a hateful littlewench Reminds me of this girl I
went to school with.
Let's call her Samantha.
Samantha.
She wasn't an only child, so Iguess that theory is a little
bit shaky.
But she was the youngest child,significantly Like she's 12, 13
(38:45):
years younger than her oldersiblings, who were all boys.
She was in pageants as a littlekid, just very gorgeous, really
pretty.
She kind of reminded me of doyou remember the original Well,
not original the ninetiesversion of the version little
rascals movie picture, like aDarla like that.
She looked like that kind ofwell.
(39:08):
She was very bratty, like if youwent to her house she would
always be outside, kind ofcrying because nobody wanted to
play with her and my best friendlived down the road for her.
So sometimes my best friend'smom would be like hey, y'all go
play with her and we'd be likeokay, so we'd go and I mean she
would be okay some days and thenother days she would just be
kind of demonic so we wouldleave.
Well, I started thinking aboutthis.
(39:33):
It was very Mel-y, mel Like ohmy gosh, I get everything new.
I'm the best in this room.
You guys had to come all theway down here.
Her mom made us come and I'm anice kid, like I was willing to
play, but she was a little bittoo much.
Anyway, when we got to middleschool she got beat out a pair
(39:55):
of Asics.
We're telling the wrong girl.
She had a mustache and let's beclear, asics were not popular
at that time, but it's like ourschool had.
They found a surplus of a bunchof shoes they had ordered in
the 80s.
You can look in the yearbookand you can tell like okay,
(40:18):
that's when they found all thoseshoes because everybody had to
wear them for like two, threeyears.
She got beat up at her ASICsfor calling that girl a
mustachioed freak or whatevershe said.
Matter of fact, most of mymemories from her in middle
school is some sort of JerrySpringer lunge action upside her
head.
She was always talking slick,getting beat up.
(40:38):
I think she chilled out by thetime we got in high school.
But yeah, the kind of thatbratty thing, self absorbed, and
you need an audience to feelgood about yourself.
So Mel is self-obsessed butRobin is still just admiring her
.
She's lucky to be her cousin,but you can tell Robin is sort
of cooking up something.
So as the show progresses,melissa starts getting weird
(41:01):
responses from the paper.
People want to give her a wholebasketball team and she's like
nah, I didn't say all that.
So Melissa's sitting in front ofthe mirror, their camera keeps
panning back and forth betweenthe two of them and Melissa
starts to say I just I wonder ifwe're ever going to find
someone.
Robin tells her well, what?
(41:21):
If?
Why don't you ask one of yourfriends why don't you ask
someone closer, someone like inthe valley?
Melissa's like that's the lastthing I would ever do.
But as the camera pans back andforth, melissa's like I would
like someone.
Maybe I should get someone withmy coloring.
That way the baby will looklike me and you start to go back
and forth, back and forth.
It clicks.
(41:41):
I think that was a pull point.
The audience is supposed to seethat she and Melissa do look
quite a bit alike.
They kind of have the same nose.
You have the same color hair,same color eyes.
Their features are very similarand this makes sense since
they're cousins.
It would appear that eitherseems like their moms are
sisters, since robin is notwealthy.
(42:03):
So this is kind of okay.
They don't get, they don't cometo that conclusion.
By the end of the show, melissaisn't like hey, cousin, would
you be my surrogate?
That doesn't happen.
But the seed is planted androbin is sort of slowly steering
the conversation that way.
That's what it feels like to me.
(42:26):
Last but not least, and perhapsthe most salacious part of this
episode, miss Connie Giannini.
Miss Connie Giannini is a conand a little bit of a meanie
when she starts talking aboutsparkling wine.
So it is very obvious to anyonewatching that she has a huge
donor for Chase Gioberti.
(42:47):
I mean, how could she not?
Connie G takes her champagnevery seriously and we learned
through this episode that she'skind of that girl when it comes
to champagne.
She's learned, she's been inFrance, she's been in Rome,
she's been all over Europeperfecting her craft, and she
took the job not only becauseshe has a hots for taste, but
she likes what she does.
(43:07):
So when she gets in that zone,she's in that zone.
She's taking sort of thisinventory of falcon crest and
she discovers that although thewine, or, excuse me, the
sparkling wine, is good, it isnot great.
It is not on the level of thefalcon crest wine Formula's a
little off.
You know what I'm saying?
A little bit too much yeast orwhatnot.
(43:28):
So when she's explaining thisto Chase, who is sort of I feel
like he's feeling her too heseems a little bit enamored, but
he's also sort of in awe of hergenius when it comes to doing
this particular task.
But when she's talking to Chase, she's all duvet eyes and slow
(43:49):
hands and throaty voice.
Oh, chase, this is such aprivilege, privilege.
It's so wonderful to work foryou.
I just love champagne.
I think there might be a littlebit of yeast in it.
I think we can work it out.
She's very seductive not so muchwith cole, who has, to my
surprise, not been filled in onconnie's new role.
(44:10):
So I think he knew she wasgoing to work there.
He didn't know she was going tobe doing this.
So Cole is taken aback orblindsided, depending on who you
talk to, by Connie's newposition at Falcon Crest.
The whole sparkling wine slashchampagne thing was supposed to
be his thing.
He's been working on it.
They've got sales.
It's doing fine.
But he's a little sensitivewhen Connie comes at him with
(44:33):
her new suggestions because itwould mean if they stop making
it the way they're making it nowand they rearrange the yeast or
whatever, it's going to take anadditional six months of
fermenting time.
So they are kind of gettinginto it.
I will say this Connie is veryloud and I don't want to use the
word aggressive because I thinkthat's always kind of thrown
(44:55):
out there too soon.
These are two people passionateabout a topic, having a
conversation.
Now she is loud, she is talkingwith her hands.
These are two grown people.
They're expressive.
And she's like I'm telling youthis is that she's very loud,
though that's the point I'mtrying to make.
She's like I want to make thechanges to the bottles you
already have.
It's good, but it ain't great.
You want weak stuff.
(45:16):
You want great stuff.
And cole's like I'm not aboutto pour out every bottle I've
already created and wait anadditional six months absolutely
not.
Well, chase hears this and hecomes running around the corner.
He's like what the heck's goingon?
Cole's like yo, she's talkingabout too much yeast.
This crack open bottles thatshe's trying to do all that.
(45:38):
You know she wanted to changethe whole formula immediately.
I'm not going to do that rightnow.
So him and Chase are talking.
Connie, as soon as Chase comesinto the room, she just kind of
shrinks down and slinks off.
Now, this is my opinion.
It seems to me like she'splaying victim just a little bit
, or maybe she's embarrassedbecause she didn't realize that
Chase heard her.
But she slinks on out of theroom and Chase continues to talk
(46:03):
to Cole.
He's like listen, I trust you,you're doing a great job, but if
we want the best, we're goingto listen to the best.
That's why we hired her.
She's just not some boho offthe street.
She knows what she's talkingabout.
Well, a little later on in theepisode we find out that Connie
has resigned from her positionbecause she didn't want to come
between Cole and Chase.
She doesn't want to comebetween this family and she's so
(46:24):
sorry.
And I'm like lady what, you hada come on, you had a
conversation, you were notbreaking up families.
But I guess she can also kindof sense that Cole feels a way
about her being there.
Well, when Cole hears this,he's like well dang, I mean, I
wasn't trying to, I didn't wantthat to happen, I just didn't
imagine how would you feel andI'm kind of with him this
(46:45):
episode.
I don't think he was immature,I don't think he overreacted.
How would you feel if youdidn't know someone was coming
in to basically assist you withyour job?
Only they told you okay, thiscould be good, we just have to
redo everything and it's goingto take twice as long as it
normally takes.
You'd feel a way.
Well, he's able to make itright.
(47:07):
Cole decides you know, he'sstill on his.
I'm a big boy, I'm gonna listento my dad.
Let me go make this right.
He's able to talk to Connie'm abig boy.
I'm gonna listen to my dad.
Let me go make this right.
He's able to talk to Connie,she's a reasonable woman and
they decide to come back.
So I hope they've got that outof the way.
Sometimes, when you work onsomething passionate, you can
have a difference of opinion.
It's all in the way you saystuff.
It's okay.
As long as I think, as long asyou know someone's heart is like
(47:35):
I'm not taking a dump on yourwork.
I am basically saying I knowit's close, baby, we can get it
there.
And Cole, once Cole hears that,like okay, you're not saying I
suck, you're just saying okay,you have tricks of the trade
that I was not privy to.
So what you hear, we're goingto kill it, we're going to do
what we're going to do.
Well, angela hears this, hearsabout you know this new
champagne and that Connie nowworks there.
So she goes down to the winehouse with Lance and she's
(47:59):
probably just turning over alittle bit of a new leaf because
she realizes Lance is about togo to jail.
She needs to make sure thattheir lives are running smoothly
.
So she calls Chase over.
She's like nephew, how youdoing baby?
Is there anything I can do foryou.
And Chase is taking him backbecause he was immediately
thinking she was there totalk-ish and he's like what do
(48:22):
you mean?
She said listen, I heard thatConnie is going to be working on
the champagne line and I'm hereto tell you.
You have my approval.
He's like oh, you, okay,where's a candid camera?
What are you saying?
She's like no, no, no.
Basically, she tells him, nowthat there is an actual expert
(48:43):
with that, I don't mind theFalcon Crest name being placed
on bottles of something fromsomeone of her caliber I expect.
Like that's what I expect.
I also expect you to keep aneye on her, to watch her like a
hawk.
So I don't know if she'simplying you need to learn this
too, but you better not messthis up for us, because this is
going to bring in a whole lot ofnew money.
(49:03):
We can increase production.
Yeah, let's do this.
So he's taking them back like ohmy God, angela, for real.
She's like yeah, like, yeah,baby, just whatever you need,
let me know you got it.
He's like oh my god, well, yeah, totally, I'll tell you that I
will.
Well, she smiles at him and Iremember thinking, oh my gosh,
angela, it really is so pretty.
(49:24):
Then I saw um, maybe a day orso ago I saw some other pictures
of her from back in the day.
Jane Wyman was gorgeous,stunning, stunning, stunning and
I'm definitely going to jumpinto a couple of films.
She is so stunning and such agood actress on the show One of
my favorite characters that I'madding her to my Barbara Bel
(49:46):
Geddes list.
These are Oscar winners.
I'm going to watch their filmshere pretty soon.
Okay, so this is where one ofthe bit players falls into this
storyline too.
So Cassandra is in SanFrancisco having dinner with
some guy who owns some sort oflike food company, slash wine
company, something like that,and she's like have you ever
(50:08):
heard of Falcon Crest?
I think that they could handle.
Your heard of Falcon Crest?
I think that they could handleyour.
Um, they can handle themanufacturing of your product.
He goes yeah, I've heard ofthat, I've had Falcon Crest.
That's a huge winery inCalifornia.
But like, do they have themanpower?
Can they do all that?
Are they financially stableenough to take on my business?
(50:28):
Cassandra's like, well, I mean,even if they're not, lenders
are going to be tripping overthemselves because it's falcon
crest, like they're.
I mean, they're worldwide,they're good.
I don't really understand whatshe's pulling here, but we did
learn on this episode too, thatshe is wealthy.
She has a 32-story building inManhattan that she needs to sell
.
I don't know why she would tryto what.
(50:52):
What it feels like.
It feels like she's trying tooverload Falcon Crest in an
effort to financially devastateAngela.
Is that what's going on?
Why does this sound likeDynasty?
Because there is nothing newunder the sun, but that's what
it feels like she's doing.
I'm not really 100% clear onthat.
(51:12):
I listened to the episode and Ireviewed it again, and the thing
that stood out to me the mostis that Cassandra's not drinking
wine.
She is drinking watered downDiet Coke.
I know this for a fact becauseevery teacher I've ever had in
elementary loved themselves aDiet Coke, and I had one in
particular who would pour it ina glass instead of using those
(51:34):
like plastic cups.
They used to sell that the oldyetis you know what I'm saying.
Before everybody figured outmetal was better, they had like
those plastic cups and they werehuge and there were no cup
holders you could put those.
In matter of fact, I have onein my cabinet.
Nowhere to hold.
You have to just kind of holdit around like a baby cup, like
an adult sippy cup.
(51:54):
Anyhow, cassandra's gotsomething up her sleeve, but
that has nothing on what missconnie giannini has up hers.
So she's working late into thenight, I'm assuming, and chase,
who's still just sort ofenamored with her mind, comes
down to the wine house and hesees her.
She didn't even have a properoffice, it's just kind of a room
(52:17):
off to the side.
Well, he comes in to shuteverything down and she is still
working diligently on this newyeast ratio, whatever.
So she's like oh my gosh, chase, I'm just working so hard, my
shoulders, shoulders, I'm in.
So, oh my God, I'm so stiff.
Well, him being a gentleman andthis is long before the sexual
(52:40):
harassment laws, that's theproof he puts down his clipboard
and he walks right over.
Mind you, she wants him toharass her sexually, actually
Not the harass part, but justthe sexual part.
So he starts rubbing her downand he's like oh, like, oh, I
gotta not here, I gotta get thisshoulder.
Ladies and gentlemen, if younotice, I started to whisper,
but yes, I got embarrassed.
(53:01):
I'm listening to this atregular volume.
My family's home.
She is moaning and groaning andthe way I was in paris.
I was mortified.
I'm like got these people inhere.
Don't tell her what my familythinks I'm watching she was
doing the most.
Oh Chase, oh Chase, you can keepthis up all night.
He gets a little uncomfortableby that, but not uncomfortable
(53:29):
enough because he stops.
It's very clear she's fullyturned on.
He stops and he walks kind ofoff to the side and he's like
well, hey, hey, hey, listen,he's still smiling.
He doesn't make her feeluncomfortable.
Why don't you?
Um, you know, don't, don't stayup too late, basically.
But I watched his face.
I watched this probably threetimes.
The second or third time,second or third time it was on
mute and lest I'd be embarrassed, I think he was kind of into it
(53:50):
.
I say that because after heleaves, I mean he's
uncomfortable with all themoaning and when she tells him
that he can keep that up allnight, he just kind of gives her
the one-two dad pat and leaves.
But he goes home and he puts onhis pinstripe pajamas and he
(54:11):
takes Maggie down right there inthe bed.
Maggie also sleeps at ahorrible angle, but that's
neither here nor there, becausehe made sure to get in them
drawers.
I hope he was not thinking aboutConnie.
This is why we tell thechildren to play outside or out
of sight, because sometimeswe're going to talk about grown
men and women things.
I think he did.
I think he was totally thinkingof Connie.
I got a problem with this.
(54:31):
I got a problem with this.
I have a problem with this, butnot nearly as big a problem as
I thought, maybe because I don'tthink it'll really happen.
All right, that's the end ofFalcon Crest.
What did you think?
Oh my God, no, no, no, that'snot the end of Falcon Crest.
Look at me getting alldistracted by the aviator Adonis
.
To me getting all distracted bythe aviator Adonis.
(54:55):
So after him and Maggie have aruckus night of lovemaking, they
have to go to the courthousethe next day because cousin
Lance is going to be convicted.
He seems unbothered.
He also looks like he kind ofwants to tomahawk kick
somebody's head off.
Well, judge Holder, has he justthe audacity to look this young
man in the eye, knowing fullwell he's probably not guilty?
(55:17):
The evidence was flimsy at best.
He demands to know if Lance hasanything to say for himself.
Lance, after a pregnant pause,says well, I'm going to say the
same thing I've been saying I'mnot guilty and I won't rest
until I prove that, even if ittakes the rest of my life.
Mind you, he's going to go toprison, to the clink, to the
(55:40):
penitentiary, as my mama says.
The judge continues to lay it onreally thick.
You are a danger to thiscommunity.
You are a menace to society,and the good people of this
county deserve so much better.
You're going to prison forseven years.
Audible gasp in the courtroomWhoa, what, no, what it was wild
(56:08):
.
Reardon walks back over to agladiator lawyer lady and says,
carolyn, that sentence was fartoo harsh, as if she the one who
did it.
She looks at him and she goes.
Well, that's why you shouldfile an appeal, as in, you know
what to do.
File an appeal, greg.
File a freaking appeal.
(56:28):
Well, you think we just leavethe rest of this episode in
peace, but that can't be.
Lance has to be dramaticallyescorted out of the courtroom.
He does, mind you picture allthis with Danny Zuko hair and a
um brown suit.
So, as the bailiff is draggingLance out, lorraine's like Lance
(56:49):
, how you have bad acting withone word.
And he turns around with thatDanny Zuko hair and she's
looking at him and she gasps acouple times.
It was terrible, it was awful,but we ended on that note End
scene Going to prison, to jail,for something you didn't do.
(57:11):
It's not funny, oh my God.
That's not funny at all.
But this is a soap opera, so Ihave a hunch.
With at least five episodesleft, somebody will come up with
something.
Plus, if Lance's mother couldshoot at the cops, burn down a
spring house and then burrowherself underground like Sonic
the Hedgehog and come upunscathed Mind you, she did all
(57:33):
this dress like a nun.
Just picture that.
And his dad can skip town, havea whole nother family in San
Francisco and still manage to beRashida Med on Dynasty.
I think Lance is going to befine.
I have no reason to worry abouthim.
Well, all right, guys, that'sit, that's all.
(57:54):
I hope you enjoyed this episodeof Soap Floor.
I know I did Remember.
You can always reach out to me.
Oh, I totally forgot Fanninover there.
We'll catch up next time.
You can, totally.
You can reach out to me in theshow notes if you're listening
on a mobile device.
If you're not, don't worryabout it.
You can do it the old fashionedway, which is now email.
You can email me atSoapLorePodcast, that's
(58:22):
S-O-A-P-L-O-R-E-P-O-D-P-A-S-T.
Emailcom.
Love hearing from you guys andI promise I'll always get back
to you.
In the meantime, in betweentime, stay away from the
primrose path, lest you end upin jail for seven years because
you pissed off your not-so-babymama by calling her a whore one
too many times.
(58:43):
Stay hydrated, stay moisturized, mind your own business and
keep all your drama on TV.
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