August 22, 2025 • 59 mins
The wheels of revenge turn expensively in Falcon Crest as we witness the high cost of holding grudges in the Tuscany Valley. Lance Cumson finds himself trapped in more ways than one – a fugitive from justice hidden away in an apartment above a busy street, his restlessness threatening to expose not only himself but Angela's carefully constructed plans. His ill-advised escape attempt culminates in an impromptu kung fu showdown that perfectly captures the show's evolution toward more dynamic storytelling. At the heart of this episode's intrigue is Melissa Agretti's $100,000 blackmail nightmare. Having orchestrated Lance's framing (all because he called her a name), she now finds herself cornered by the fashion-forward "Leather Pants Pam" in a rain-soaked confrontation that drips with 80s excess. The scene perfectly illustrates how quickly revenge plots can spiral beyond control, leaving Melissa vulnerable just as evidence of her scheme begins to surface through Terry's revelations about her ex-husband Joel. Meanwhile, Angela demonstrates why she remains Falcon Crest's most formidable player, recruiting Maggie to run the Globe newspaper in a brilliant move that serves multiple strategic purposes. As Richard becomes increasingly distracted by his investigation into Cassandra's mysterious past, he fails to see how she and her brother are setting him up for a spectacular fall. Chase correctly identifies Angela's manipulation but remains powerless to counter her chess-like maneuvering without compromising his business prospects. The episode showcases Falcon Crest's evolution in its fourth season – more glamorous, faster-paced, and increasingly willing to embrace the soapier elements that defined primetime dramas of the mid-1980s. From Angela's gangster-grandma fashion statements to the heightened dramatic confrontations, the show has found its stride while maintaining the vineyard politics and family machinations that make it unique in the television landscape of its era. What price would you pay for revenge? And more importantly, could you live with the consequences when the bill comes due?
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
this little caveat.
I said listen, I can take a lotof things.
I can take being called a whore.
I can take being made fun of, Ican take being kicked out of
the house because I tried tosell my son, but what I can't
take is knowing that $95,000 ofmy money is going to your
leather collection.
(00:20):
Ladies and gentlemen, boys andgirls, welcome, or welcome back
to Soap Floor, the officialgathering place for newbies,
novices and OG diehard fans ofthe golden age of primetime.
I'm your host, jeff Ewing,reviewing this dopey, sexy
primetime storyline of 1984.
That's right, we're back on theWest Coast doing the absolute
most with the Falcon Crest crew.
(00:41):
So pour yourself up somethingbubbling, bright.
Tell the kids it's time to playoutside or out of sight.
Tell babe no questions,suggestions or concerns for the
next 25 to 35 minutes.
Everyone else in earshot shouldbe cool, quiet or be prepared
to be put out because we arewatching our stories.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys andgirls, this is Soapy.
(01:04):
Hello, gorgeous, how y'alldoing today.
I hope your day is shaping upnice.
I have just had myself a really,really good time reviewing
Falcon Crest, season four,episode 26.
(01:27):
I have a lot of questions andI'm also I find myself in a mood
to be extremely grateful.
I'm grateful I don't haveenemies crawling all over me.
I'm not sure I could uphold theveil of villainy like Angela
and Richard can.
So much to discuss on thisaction-packed, drama-packed
(01:48):
episode of Falcon Crest.
But before we go any further,we're going to dive into just a
teensy bit of fan mail anddiscuss a quick little
observation.
So go ahead and pour yourselfup something bubbly and bright
as we delve into season four.
Episode 26 of Falcon Crest,decline.
Oh my gosh.
(02:09):
I can remember standing in lineat 7-Eleven when I was in
college, like praying profuselythat I could get my credit card
didn't decline, or a debit card,or even a credit card.
I lived in overdraft for likethree months.
I don't know what my problemwas, I just couldn't get it
together.
But, lord, decline, decline.
(02:31):
Interesting title Per usual,they're not going to give a
whole lot away with the titles.
Not very creative and as Iwatch this entire episode, I'm
still not really sure wherethat's coming from.
Watch this entire episode, I'mstill not really sure where
that's coming from, but I assume, based on the way it's
presented, the next episode willexpand on that single thought.
(02:53):
Tell you what?
There's something different inthe air, something smells
different.
It feels a little weird.
You ever have a coworker you'veworked with for a certain amount
of time.
All of a sudden you startgetting these really polished
professional emails from them,even though in person they can't
string three or four wordstogether without stuttering and
stumbling all over them.
Their pin game is immaculate.
(03:15):
You know, that's chat GPT.
Nothing wrong with chat GPT,but you can kind of feel the
difference.
Or I have a better example ofthat If you have ever worked in
a call center for any amount oftime, if you have ever worked as
a um, one of those people whomaybe passes out samples in a
(03:37):
store, or you've ever sold thosevector knives or whatever door
to door God, the early twothousands were incredible Then
you you'll know what I mean whenI say sometimes, when people
are talking to you who maybehold that same position maybe
they're in customer service orsomething like that you can
always hear the script in theirvoice if they're not comfortable
.
You can always tell someone isreading from a script in those
(04:01):
situations if they're not reallyversed in it.
And it's not that it'sdistracting, but it's just
something you sort of take noteof Like, oh, that's a shift.
If your coworker is suddenlywriting immaculate emails and
they couldn't before, you'relike, oh, that's a shift,
they've definitely had some help.
That's kind of the same feelingI'm getting when I'm watching
Falcon Crest.
Now I can't 100% tell you whenit happened, but it does feel
(04:25):
like it's the latter part of theseason.
So maybe after episode 12, 13,14, somewhere around there,
falcon Crest started to feel alittle bit different, not
necessarily in a bad way, butjust differently.
I did a little bit of snooping,as much as I could without
(04:46):
destroying the storyline goingforward, and from what I can
tell, they had a few new writerscome in, but nothing major,
nothing that would create thesort of shift that I'm seeing as
a newbie watching.
So I started thinking and justsort of putting together some of
the tidbits that you guys havebeen sharing with me.
(05:07):
By the way, I love that youhave any trivia or tidbit or any
sort of behind the scenesinformation, no matter how
insignificant you think it is.
Remember, this is all new to meand I'm really enjoying this.
So drop your facts.
I love facts.
I love tidbits.
I love facts.
I love tidbits.
(05:27):
I love opinions.
You can check the show notes forthe link that says send us a
text.
Or you can reach out theold-fashioned way and email me
at soaplorepodcast at gmailcom.
That is soaplorepodcast atgmailcom.
Anyway, falcon Crest just feelsa little bit different.
They have always stood out tome because of the way they take
(05:51):
their time.
It's going to be a slow burn.
They will slowly build eachseason, brick by brick, line by
line, word by word.
You're going to have slowerepisodes.
You're going to have fasterepisodes.
Of course, towards the end ofthe season you expect everything
to pick up, which I can tell ishappening, but the sudden pivot
bringing in new characters, newconflicts, old conflicts.
(06:17):
We're kind of compounding.
On blackmail, today I was likedamn, who wrote this?
I don't know who did, but I'mglad they did.
They're on to something, but itjust feels different.
Someone who did hit me up viaemail.
Thank you so much.
Her name is Katie, out of Texas.
I wonder if she's from KatieTexas, but Katie says she became
(06:37):
a fan of Dallas while incollege and the episode that she
just listened to, which wouldhave been episode 17, season
four of Dallas, the New MrsEwing she let me know that that
was directed by Patrick Duffy.
That was his directorial debut,so I'm going to have to go back
and watch it and just see what.
I think I enjoyed that one.
(06:58):
That's the one where isn't that?
Where Ellie finds out that thatjock is T'Challa or T'Chapa
Somebody, something.
I think that's so cool.
I love when people step outfrom in front of the camera and
get behind it and have thatvision.
(07:18):
So I suppose season four iswhere you really start to find
your footing.
And I think with Dynasty and inFalcon Crest in particular,
based on what I've been able tojust sort of deduce from you
guys, from the tidbits you tellme, dynasty is about to really
really hit their stride andtheir peak popularity.
(07:39):
It's about to get flashier,shinier, more amazing, which I'm
already here for Season four.
I can feel the differencebetween three and four.
Season four makes me cackle outloud.
Every single episode I'mgasping like oh my gosh, what.
And I'm starting to do thatmore and more with Falcon Crest.
So I kind of think they might'vebeen in a little bit more of
(08:00):
competition.
You got to think about that.
Dallas and Nance Landing werealready well on their way by
1984.
They're already established,already doing their own thing,
and I would argue that both ofthose shows feel, spinoff or not
, same multiverse or not.
They feel like two very, verydifferent shows.
(08:21):
I would actually argue that allthe shows feel very, very
different and very individual bythe time you get to season four
.
Dynasty and Falcon Crest thusfar having the biggest changes.
Dynasty sort of leaning intotheir glamour a little bit more.
Falcon Crest leaning into theirglamour and, excuse me, their
glamour more, and they'respeeding up their storylines to
(08:44):
add in more action, more drama,and it's definitely soapier.
I think that's the biggestthing.
It feels soapier.
And, with that being said, it istime to deep dive into season
four, episode 26,.
Decline, go ahead and pouryourself up something bubbly and
bright.
You might need it for this one.
The more things change, themore they stay the same.
(09:06):
At the top of this episode wesee Lance who is still,
according to him, trapped.
According to others, you couldsay he is being safely housed in
a room above a shop, above avery vibrant, noisy street.
You see, lance is fresh out ofjail, on the run, and he has
(09:31):
been told to keep quiet and laylow.
He is laying low in thisapartment building, but the
sounds of the streets keepcalling him.
He's looking out the window.
There's families running aroundhaving a good time with each
other on their way to take outor to the movies.
There's children giggling andlaughing.
There's couples and lovesholding hands and it's just, oh
(09:52):
my God, I've been in this roomtoo long.
I got to get the heck out ofhere.
He's itching to leave, but I amdistracted by the fashion
schizophrenia that's happening.
I don't know if this is meantto be a disguise or if this is
all they had in the closet wherehe's staying.
He's got the Danny Zuko hairright Like all of a sudden.
(10:14):
Falcon Crest is like okay,lance, we're going to flip this.
You remember that hairdo fromGrease?
Yeah, you're going to wear that.
So he's Danny Zuko about thehead, but then he's got on like
a members only jacket a whiteshirt, khaki pants.
He looks like he's eitherselling you some discount carpet
(10:38):
that was returned from a hotelthat didn't really work out, or
he's a dad at soccer practicewaiting on his third grader.
But he can't really go over andtalk to the third grader
because they're having a teammeeting.
It's like he is reluctantlyrespecting the rules, but you
could tell he's starting to getthat itch.
He got to get up out of here.
The young man.
Instead of jumping out of thewindow or slinking down there,
(11:01):
he decides he's going to go intothe hallway and make a phone
call.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys andgirls, I did not think that this
deep into this soap operaexperience that I would be
rewriting the basic rules.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys andgirls, if you are hiding from
the feds, from the police, fromanybody, basically outside of
(11:23):
your family, what do you not do?
I can't believe.
I have to say this out loud youdo not go to a payphone, you do
not make any outside calls.
I can't believe I have to gothrough the rules of soap opera
survival again, but I supposeover time we're going to have to
keep revisiting this.
Just as a refresher, I supposethese rules will just kind of
(11:43):
compound on each other over time.
Rule number 60.
Do not use a payphone if youwere on the run.
You need to keep it moving.
Let me be very specific here.
Do not use a payphone whichrequires loose change and the
click clacking of very audiblesounding buttons.
(12:05):
Do not use a payphone if youare meant to be hiding in your
room and you need to be stealthy.
That is a noisy distraction.
Someone is going to hear you.
If you don't heed my warning andyou insist on using a payphone,
please do not call the homewhich you just float.
You fleed, yeah, fleed from,almost have flowed from the
(12:28):
house that you skedaddled from.
Don't be calling them.
If you are a felon, if you justleft and nobody knows you're
missing, cool.
But if you are a felon and youare meant to be in a bedroom, do
not use loose, loud, changeloud buttons to call a home that
you just fled from, because itis inevitably being tapped by
(12:49):
the feds.
Then this is what you don't do.
Let me take it a step further.
If you go into the hallway,make a loud call with change.
Call the house you just fledfrom, knowing that the cops are
watching the place.
The feds are definitelylistening.
What you don't do is announceyourself very loudly Hello, this
is Lance Compson.
Emma, pick up the phone.
(13:10):
Oh, hi, lance Compson, this isyour aunt, emma.
Lance, where are you?
You know where he is?
In a headlock now, because nowboth of y'all are talking too
loud.
Now he's got to get chokeholdand put back into the room.
Baby, we're two and a halfminutes into this.
He's restless, he's getting alittle bit feral.
(13:30):
I couldn't believe it, emma.
The sheriff's looking for you.
Why are you talking so loud,emma, on this very tapped phone
call?
You ain't paying for a familywho has so much dirt, so many
skeletons in their closet.
They have zero survival skillsNot a one.
Well, anyway, before Lance issnatched up, he does get a very
(13:53):
brief moment where Lorrainecomes down the stairs, she
snatches the phone and he triesto tell her he loves her, but
he's putting a chokehold andsnatched back into his room
because everybody's tiredplaying with him.
The call is hung up, obviouslyby one of Charlie's.
These are the Charlie's nephewsor cousins.
I'm just going to call themcousins for the meantime.
(14:13):
He's older than them, whichleads me to believe they could
be his nephews.
But Charlie's cousins.
One of them hangs up the phone,drags Lance back to his room
All of a sudden, leaving Emmaand Lorraine confused, perplexed
, bewildered, standing thereclutching a gold-plated phone or
(14:34):
pearl-plated phone.
Gorgeous setup.
They're freaking out.
Oh my God, he needs our help.
They think he called homebecause he's been kidnapped or
something.
I or something Do.
Either of you know him.
Who would kidnap this kid Again?
I guess it could happen.
I guess it could happen.
Well, luckily, right about thistime Angela comes floating down
(14:56):
the steps.
She heard all the commotionupstairs because nobody in this
house knows how to keep theirphone at an inside voice level.
Lorraine frantically tells BigPerm Angela, that was Lance, he
needs our help.
Angela's like hey, hey, hey,hey, hey, be easy, be easy.
She hangs up the phone.
That is none of our business.
Angela understands that.
(15:17):
You know her phone's probablytapped.
Angela is wearing this beautifullike black and yellow plaid
shirt, but it's silk.
And then she's got herself likea rope or two of beautiful
black glass jewel I don't knowwhat they are pearls or
something.
It's shiny and it's verygangster.
It's right up on her collar.
She looks like Cher Horowitz,gangster grandma.
(15:40):
She hey, hey, hey.
Y'all need to be cool with thatphone stuff.
I don't know nothing about stuff.
I don't know nothing aboutLance.
I don't know where he isBasically outing herself to.
Oh, you totally know where heis.
You definitely know what'sgoing on with this.
Angela's not one to give toomuch away, but it is very
obvious at this point toLorraine that not only do okay,
so Lance isn't kidnapped, lanceisn't missing, he's definitely
(16:01):
somewhere.
Angela may not know where he isat this moment, but you know
this isn't a surprise to youthat he would get on the phone
and call Now.
I don't know why I'm feeling sojudgmental today, but I'm just
going to roll with it because Ifeel like this episode is chock
full of moments where I am judgy.
Wudgy was a bear.
I don't know this because Iwasn't in that scene, but I know
(16:22):
this.
The woman who plays Rain, kateVernon, is in Malcolm X.
She's in the movie Malcolm Xcirca 1992.
She was one of the women he wasdating.
They end up going to jail.
I remember her from the film.
She was very good in that.
She wasn't in it long, but shedefinitely wasn't stumbling over
(16:42):
lines.
I believe she was 120% into him.
It was good.
Right, she was not good in 1985.
Let me just say that I would betbig money that this episode or
this particular scene had tohappen at least 10 times,
because, based on the way she'sholding the phone and the way
(17:03):
she's looking at Angela, akaJane Wyman, it's almost as if
like if you ever have your momsay okay, hey, come here.
I want you to tell your teacherthat I'm picking you up at two.
You're going to the doctor, youwon't be back, so get the rest
of your classwork and you haveto keep repeating it to yourself
as you get to school and it'sI'm leaving the class, I'm going
(17:26):
to work, I need 2 pm.
You know you're mixing it up.
I could tell she was doing thatwith this scene.
She's like looking at JaneWyman for approval and she goes.
This is just another trick tokeep Lance and I apart from each
other and I am not gonna takeit and then she runs upstairs
(17:50):
lest she ruin the rest of thescene.
I'm so sorry to be sojudgmental, but it is abysmal
and I don't understand, becausesome episodes it's fine and then
others she is struggling inthis way.
So, oh my God, girl gonesomewhere, lorraine this is so
funny to me because Angela hasto gaslight Lorraine in order to
(18:11):
keep up this facade.
I'm not sure if I shared thislast time.
Lance, when he is on the run,he's obviously hiding at
Charlie's cousin's house lest hebe picked up by the feds, since
he is now a felon.
But what instigated the on therun thing was a visit from
Richard.
They were eating lunchpeacefully, lorraine and Lance.
That is, Richard comes up, hestarts some stuff, lance almost
(18:35):
goes full renegade on his ass,but he decides just to rough him
up a little bit.
Unfortunately, now there couldbe a case.
There could be a second case.
Now this felon who's on the run, who was out on bail which was
a mistake has gone out andharmed a member of the public.
It looked bad.
Matter of fact, it's downrightinconvenient, most of which to
(18:56):
Angela who, because of Lance'snew title as a felon, she is now
the head of the globe.
So she has to run the globe.
She has to continue runningFalcon Crest because, let's be
honest, she is most qualified,and she's got to figure out this
Helios deal, which could be thenail in the coffin for both
Chase and Richard if she playsher cards right.
(19:17):
That's a lot to keep up witheven for the best of us.
Even the very best villainneeds a henchman and they need a
schedule.
Very best villain needs ahenchman and they need a
schedule.
Unfortunately, lance, acting afool down at the hideout, is
throwing way too many curveballsat her.
She's got to figure this outsooner rather than later.
Plus, she's keeping this allclose to the chest.
Nobody but she and Charlieactually know for a fact where
(19:39):
Lance is, Not even Craig Reardon.
But you know what Craig Reardondoes know?
He knows how to keep aninsecure girl on her toes.
Next time we see Craig, he'sanswering the door to his
bedroom, which is a hideousyellow Looks like it's a little
girl's room from the turn of thecentury.
That's neither here nor there.
Craig Reardon has a butler.
Did you know that?
I was like when the heck did heget a butler?
(20:01):
I guess he's rich by his ownmeans.
We can only assume that becausehe owns a horse and stable and
all that.
So butler Jeeves comes to thedoor and he's immediately snooty
.
He got an attitude because hedon't like the fact that a woman
like Terry is laid up in thebed with his employer.
So it says good morning, willyour friend be joining us, or
(20:23):
will that woman be joining us?
Something real snooty like that.
The manimal's too busy readingthe paper and he's like oh yeah,
she will be joining us forbreakfast.
Well, she won't be joining me.
I eat in the kitchen.
I don't know what that's allabout.
He's very snooty, he's veryjealous.
But we now know that there ishelp at the reardon manor.
The manimal goes to sit on thebed and I thought, god, his butt
is awfully close to her face,but maybe that's his way of
(20:45):
waking her up so she can goahead and move on without her
day, because it does stare, dearTerry.
She wakes up all dreamy eyed ohmy gosh, was that a dream?
The manimal plucks a piece ofhay from her hair and says you
know what darling dreams veryrarely leave evidence.
(21:05):
He enunciates everything.
So you mean to tell me that thenight previous Aunt Terry comes
over, they have an actualphysical role in said hay in the
barn, and then come back andlay in the bed, two fully
consenting, wealthy adults withresources like running water,
(21:26):
soap, electricity.
Yeah, they get it in, they getit on and then they get right
back in that bed.
Can you imagine what that roomsmells like?
Reminds me of this museumexhibit I went to one time in
Amarillo or Abilene, I can'tremember which city, it doesn't
matter.
I love reading placards and Icome across this story of a man
(21:47):
who fell in love with this sortof fancy lady back east.
She wasn't super wealthy, butshe was wealthy enough.
He goes back east and heconvinces her.
You know, got this wide, openplans.
We're going to be pioneers.
I'm going to build you this,that and the third.
She falls for him and she fallsfor the dream.
Well, she gets on the trainmany horse rides, carriages, all
this this is like the turn ofthe century, not this century.
(22:08):
The last one.
Anyway, she gets to Amarillo orAbilene, and it is cold, it is
windy and there ain't no treesin sight.
She's like wait a minute, wheream I going?
This guy has a one bedroomshanty, which is par for the
course for pioneers back in theday or enterprising young men
who wanted to make something ofthemselves in cattle and or oil.
(22:30):
So it's a one room shanty, justenough room for you to kind of
lay down.
You have to cook on an openstove.
I mean, it's not a lot of space.
Picture of a decent walk-incloset.
She ain't bougie bougie, butthis is not what he said and I
guess she deduces that.
Okay, well, if you can build aone room shanty, if you can just
build this like six times, thatmakes for a decent size house.
(22:51):
We'll be fine.
So she sticks it out.
She can live with the one roomshanty.
She understands she was going tohave to get her hands dirty a
little bit, but she can't getover this.
Like what the heck is thissmell?
What there's a smell Turns outthat at this time they used to
burn buffalo patties.
It's exactly what you think itis.
Picture a big heaping.
We're not even going to gothere.
This is a classy podcast.
(23:11):
Sometimes they have to burnthat for fuel.
He's that poor.
He actually had no money.
He just was a really goodsalesman.
And try as she may, she saidyou know what I can put up with
a lot of things because you'rekind of fine, but what I won't
do is burn doo-doo to keepmyself warm, not when my daddy
has train fare money.
And that's exactly what she did.
(23:33):
She called up her daddy or senta telegram, had to wait six,
seven weeks to get that trainticket and baby girl was gone.
I have never agreed withsomeone in history so quickly
over something so trivial.
Speaking of trivial, richardRichard's villain arc is always
a little bit wobbly.
(23:53):
It never fails.
It seems like he.
He hones in on something whichmakes him a wonderful
businessman, because he won'tstop until he gets to the root
of it, figures out what theweaknesses are.
But also that only works whenyou have something to gain.
Richard continues to forgetthat he is actually losing the
things that he loves time andtime again because he just don't
(24:14):
know when to quit.
So at the top of this episode wesee that Richard is doing some
deep digging.
He wants to know all aboutChase's money problems.
He's just convinced that thereason Chase doesn't want to
jump into bed with Helios, thisbig conglomerate, is because he
don't have the money, which isnot true, as Leather Pants Pam
points out.
Not only does Chase have themoney, he's got a five-star
(24:38):
credit rating.
He's got millions in the bank,25 to be exact.
He's rich, rich.
But it seems like he haschampagne problems, literally
champagne problems.
His champagne is not moving offthe shelf the way it should, so
he doesn't actually have thecapital.
I hope I'm saying that right.
I'm going to need to reallyhone in and study a little bit
(25:00):
more to make sure I'm deliveringthis properly.
Plus, one bad business dealcould really really tank all the
effort he's made thus far,which makes it all make sense.
Connie coming in bringing in anew leg of wine or spirits or
whatever.
Okay, he needs that to worksooner rather than later.
But you remember, there's awhole issue with the yeast.
(25:22):
It's going to be another sixmonths.
So it's not that he doesn'thave the money, he's just a
little bit overextended at thistime.
If this was a little bit laterhe'd be fine.
Richard sees this as a moment topounce, in addition to try to
bring Chase down.
He's also obsessed withCassandra.
He wants to get to the bottomof who she is and what she's
(25:43):
really about.
I don't know why.
It doesn't seem like he'ssuspicious, but I think he just
likes having that control overeveryone.
Doesn't seem like he'ssuspicious, but I think he just
likes having that control overeveryone.
So most of the episode he isbarking orders over the phone.
At some do dirt PI, who can'treally find a lot of information
.
All they can find is yeah, shewas raised back East.
Apparently she's been married.
Because he says yeah, hermaiden name is da da, da da.
(26:04):
I don't know her maiden name.
Her married name is da da, dada.
Figure out who she is and quick.
Meanwhile, cassandra and herbrother Riker that's not his
name, but that's his name todayare doing okay, remember, they
are well aware that they are inthis scheme and it needs.
It's on a time schedule.
They got to get this thingburning before long.
It seems like this building sheowned in New York the super
(26:26):
high rise has sold, so they nowhave more than enough money to
bury Angela Channing, as theyput it.
Of course, there's a meeting atFalcon Crest between the three
owners Richard, angela and Chaseand Chase is basically walking
in there, chest held high, chestcovered, because he's buttoned
up today and he already knowsthe game.
(26:49):
He's not even looking at thisas a business opportunity.
He's looking at this assabotage, which is exactly what
it is.
Here's the thing it's alwaysbeen sort of obvious that Chase
is touted as the boy scout.
He's the good guy, he's thereluctant hero showing up to
take over something that turnsout to be a passion, and he's
(27:10):
always got to fight against hissemi-demi-evil supervillain of a
Monty and his newfoundhalf-brother.
Now, here's the truth.
Each one of them is a villainto each other, but there really
is levels to this.
So the game that Chase isplaying is I'll just hold out.
You guys can't buy me out if Idon't sell out, and if worse
(27:32):
comes to worse, I'll just startmy own company.
This inevitably leaves him opento losing his portion of Falcon
Crest, so he's going to have tobank on the champagne working
out and then purchasing landelsewhere.
Luckily he has adaughter-in-law that can work
out.
That's just me saying this.
This is me, jet, saying that.
I don't know if that's the case.
Richard, amazing businessman,he's focused.
(27:54):
He's not easily rattled, butwhen he is, he's hyper fixated
on it to the point where hewon't.
He just won't let anything go.
So Chase basically tells Angelaand Richard to kick rocks.
He ain't doing it.
Angela already knows she hasmore money than God, so she can
buy out both of them if the timecomes, if and when the time
(28:14):
comes.
But there's still a matter ofjust kind of associating with
these people, because she has tofor the time being.
Plus, lance is missing.
She didn't need anybodysniffing around.
Enter Richard.
Richard is once againtalking-ish, real smooth-like on
the way out of the door.
Chase leaves first.
Richard is walking.
Angela talking ish, real smoothlike, on the way out of the
door.
Chase leaves first.
Richard is walking Angela tothe door and he's like hey,
(28:34):
angela, listen.
I know we've been through our.
We've been through our thing,we've had our differences, but I
just want to let you know Ireally didn't want to have to
press charges on Lance and makehim run even further because
he's a criminal and all.
That's not what I wanted.
And she's like then why did youpress charges, richard, if
(28:56):
that's not what you wanted?
I was like, you know, I'm justtrying to help the law out, but
why don't you tell Lance I'msorry, when you see him, if you
see him around, walks out thedoor all smooth like Angela, not
to be rattled.
She is in her yellow and black.
She is a honeybee, she is aqueen bee, she is a gangster
grandma today.
And she says you know what, ifLance hadn't whooped his ass, I
would have done it myself.
Go ahead and get the bitplayers out of the way.
(29:19):
Not a lot comes from theCassandra slash Richard thing.
She has to call and let youknow she has to keep up
appearances.
Oh my God, we had so much funlast night.
We're lovers, we're lovers,we're this.
And that she has an advantagebecause she understands that
he's already kind of lookinginto her past, right.
So as long as the deal goesthrough before he finds out who
she is, it doesn't really matterwhat happens after that.
(29:41):
No more about them Trying todecide what happens.
Okay, let's talk about bad girlMelly, mel, real quick, and
then we'll move on.
So you know how Richard thoughtthat Chase had money problems,
or he's kind of framing it as ifhe does.
When I saw this scene, I thoughtthat Melissa had some money
problems.
(30:01):
She and Cole are in their study.
He's sitting down reading abook.
I don't know why the lighting'sso bright on them.
I guess I don't know.
I really don't understand it,but it's a little bit
distracting.
He's got on like this starkwhite members only jacket.
He's reading the paper andMellie Mel is at the desk and it
looks like she has every checkshe's written just kind of laid
out.
She's looking at the money.
(30:22):
She's keeping the books.
Color me impressed because, wow, she doesn't have an accountant
.
No, she doesn't have anaccountant.
No, she's on her own stuff.
She's looking a little bitnervous.
I'm like, oh my God, is MellieMel about to go broke?
How could this be?
This is why she needs a Reardon.
This is why she needs a lawyerin her corner and some sort of
admin staff to take care ofthese things.
(30:44):
Now she and Chase or, excuse me,she and Cole are about to go to
the movies.
But she tells them oh, I got torun to the bank real quick.
They made a mistake onsomething.
Let me make you a sandwich andthen when I come back we'll go
to the movies.
And he's like, okay, cool, he'sreading the paper all casually.
And this fool says Melissa, howis Robin doing?
Melissa's like I'm sure she'sfine, why?
(31:07):
Cole says, well, she ran out ofhere so fast.
I'm just kind of worried abouther.
Okay, am I tripping so much?
So I thought wait a minute, whyis he asking that?
Shouldn't he be trying to tellher what happened?
No, he seems almost indifferent.
He's just very kind of casual,like hey, what's up with your
girl Robin?
So I stopped the show and Iwent back and I watched the end
(31:31):
of the show previous.
The last time we saw them.
He was getting it in with Robinand then it was the next morning
where Mel comes and she's likeyou know, it was a bad idea, I
should have never brought thatup to you.
I'll never bring it up again.
But he was acting like hereally needed to tell her
something.
But now on this episode he'sjust sort of casual about it.
He's not acting nervous.
I don't know what's going onthere.
(31:53):
But Melissa says don't worryabout Robin, she always has a
way of landing on her feet Likeshe's a Robin, always gets her
own way of painting a picture.
You see what I'm talking about.
This ain't the Falcon Crest weknow and love.
All this is just really rapid,turns out.
Melissa is not having moneyproblems Not the way you and I
would think, matter of fact,melly.
(32:14):
Mel is richy, rich.
She's got $100,000 in abriefcase because she is being
blackmailed.
I'd all but forgotten aboutLeather Pants Pam.
So LPP comes running up to thecar.
Oh, of course they have to setthe scene.
Melissa takes all day andalmost all night, apparently, to
(32:34):
go to the bank.
She's parked in her littletwo-seater and it is raining,
cats and dogs outside.
All of a sudden, you see likethis red blurb come by, someone
opens the door, they have a seat.
Leather pants Pam, my God, okay.
(32:57):
What would someone who lovesleather wear in the rain?
Patent leather, tell me why?
Leather pants Pam comes runningup to the car, opens the door,
hops in and she's got on theMissy Elliott, you know, the
bubble outfit, that video, thesuper fly outfit.
She's got on Missy Elliott'soutfit, but picture it in red.
(33:18):
It's a raincoat of like.
Wow, okay, this is a dirty deal,do we not?
Ma'am?
Madam Conspicuous, you'resupposed to be in disguise.
You're supposed to not drawattention to yourself.
Baby, I had a problem with thisscene.
Melissa's like God, if you'regoing to blackmail me, remind
(33:41):
the audience why.
Again, leather pants?
Pam is like sure I amblackmailing you because I know
for a fact that you paid offJoel, the Florida man, to frame
Lance.
And now Lance is going to jailand he's doing all these
horrible.
His whole life is ruinedbecause you set this whole thing
up.
Melissa once again reiterates Ididn't know he was going to go
(34:01):
to jail, I just wanted himroughed up.
He shouldn't have called me awhore, but I hope they never
catch him.
I hope he stays gone and I hopeyou stay gone too.
Now I wish she would have putin this little caveat.
I said listen, I can take a lotof things.
I can take being called a whore.
I can take being made fun of.
I can take being kicked out ofthe house because I tried to
sell my son.
But what I can't take isknowing that $95,000 of my money
(34:25):
is going to your leathercollection.
Pay my money, come on.
I'd make her sign something.
I'm sorry.
No, I'd rather go to jail thangive you a hundred thousand
reasons to go ape-ish buyingleather.
You know Pam too, she was giddy.
Even her hands are clad withleather gloves.
(34:45):
She's also wearing a hat.
You know Pam keeps a fresh hat.
She had a fedora on, she gotthe hair tucked back, she got
the big giant bubble leatherpleather outfit.
But she's been wearing thesereally large sort of red, ruby
red Art Deco style earrings.
I have got to get my hands onthem, so gorgeous.
(35:13):
So I mean I said to myself youknow she's pissed, she can't
wait to go to, like texas ormontana or wyoming or argentina,
brazil, wherever there's alarge cattle culture.
They need to do something withthat hide.
Oh baby, she's gonna set it off, she can't wait.
She does assure melissa thatshe has scruples and she's gonna
keep her mouth shut from hereon out, but I mean, expect her
to be insufferable for the nextfew months.
(35:35):
Baby, with all this freshleather, my goodness, on the
other side of town.
So now Melissa's got two thingsto worry about.
She has to worry about Joel,the Florida man popping back up
out of the blue.
Richard also knows about thesetup.
And now leather pants, pam.
That's a lot of pressure on oneperson.
It's a little bit too much.
(35:57):
Back to our supervillain, angela, juggling a lot of balls, but
she seems to be in control, withLance being on the run, though
even if he wasn't on the run,even if he were in jail, she
needs to run the globe and she,just frankly, doesn't have much
time.
She tells Craig Reardon when hereminds her that, hey, you got
to get down there, you got to atleast show your face from time
(36:17):
to time.
She's like don't worry about it, I know somebody, I know a guy.
I got the perfect person to runthe globe.
Based on the rapid speed inwhich this storyline is
developing, I fully expected yetanother new character.
Only that's not the case.
She had Maggie in mind.
This is actually genius.
Sometimes evil plans areactually really good plans.
(36:39):
Think about it If Richard couldrun the globe with no
experience in the press and hecan do a pretty good job, okay,
cool.
Lance also had no experience.
He did a pretty good job.
Maggie's actually the mostexperienced out of the three.
Yes, she didn't have thebusiness savvy, but she doesn't
really need to.
That part of the business isalready running itself.
(37:00):
So Angela calls her down to theglobe and she says Mags, you're
the only person I trust to dothis.
I know you'll do a good job.
Would you consider the position?
And Maggie is like oh my God,did I, did I do something nice
for you and forget about it?
Why would you even consider me?
Angela reiterates one more timebecause I trust you, I know
(37:20):
you'll do a good job here, soyou don't have to give me a yes,
but just give me, I'll thinkabout it.
Auntie Maggie pretends to belike oh, angela, I never could,
but sure, sure, I'll think aboutit.
But I saw something as Maggiewas leaving that office.
She was looking around.
You could tell she was alreadyrearranging things like I'm
going to have this laid out, I'mgoing to have a glass desk, I'm
going to change all this.
She's definitely thinking aboutit.
(37:42):
Chase is not having it, though.
So that night at dinner gosh,these shows.
It's so interesting thedifference in how they prep food
and how they show it.
So I guess they're going tomake some sort of soup.
Mind you, it's just the two ofthem living at their house, but
(38:02):
she has a literal army pot onthe stove.
She's wearing all white, so Ialready know ain't no flavor in
that and then they're going toget her dirty.
She is putting lots of herbsinto the pot and Chase is
violently massacring thisbeautiful bounty of vegetables.
It is crisp lettuce, freshbroccoli, carrots, and I mean he
(38:24):
is savagely slicing throughthese.
He's pissed.
I can't believe you're doingthis.
This is just a setup.
She just wants to take overyour mind.
She wants you to be one ofthose minions.
He's super pissed that Angelawould have the audacity to ask
his bride to be a part of herjoke of a publication.
He's also chopping this in ablue flannel bounty paper towel
(38:45):
guy shirt and you better believe, baby, it is buttoned halfway
down his chest, sleeves rolledup, chest out.
But I guess he's being a littlebit more demure because he's
wearing like this black zip upvest with a gold zipper, and I
know that because that zipper isall the way down to his belly
button.
Baby, he needs y'all toremember he's sexy and now he's
(39:07):
manly and he wants you to thinkof the brawny man as he slices
the salad.
It looks good though.
It's very crisp, it's realvegetables.
So Maggie's like Chase, it's anopportunity.
Why can't I work with Angela,you work with Angela.
He's like I work with Angelabecause she's my aunt and I have
to.
I didn't pick to do it.
That's a totally differentthing.
(39:28):
I can't believe you'd be sonaive.
Look at her, she's alreadycoming between us and that's
exactly Angela's plan.
If Maggie is running the globe,that's going to be an all day,
everyday job.
If Chase is trying to make thisnew champagne and make enough
money so that they can jump intothe Helios deal or run his own,
he's got to spend a whole lotmore time with Connie.
(39:49):
And if the two of them are inconflict, everything is going to
split up, including his stakeat Falcon Crest.
It's trifling.
However, it might just work.
I got to say Chase hasincredible.
He's a good BS detectivebecause everything he says is
actually 100% true.
But I guess it's just the wayhe said it.
(40:11):
He's so easily worked up thatpeople don't take him seriously.
Well, he's not wrong.
He's also no match for Angela.
The more I think about this,chase is easily distracted.
He's the do-gooder cowboy boyscout who's always going to kind
of go after doing the rightthing.
But he's so focused on gettingpeople in trouble who aren't
doing the right thing that it'sjust it's easy to distract him.
(40:32):
All you have to do is go gocommit a small crime, and he's
going to.
He's going to stick to that.
He must be a Jacqueline Drake,because that's sort of the same
thing with Richard.
Richard is on that next level.
He's not afraid to get hishands dirty, bloody.
He's ruthless.
He doesn't really have a wholelot of feelings, but the
feelings he does have are quitesensitive.
And now that his feelings arehurt, he's obsessed with Lance.
(40:53):
He's obsessed with finding outwho Cassandra is.
Meanwhile, she's already runningthe game.
The trap's already set.
He's fallen into it too quickly.
He's about to get got.
Plus, he don't have the moneyto back it up.
Now, angela, I'm playing chesswhile everyone else is playing
checkers.
She's got this thing licked.
The only real threat at thispoint is Cassandra and her
(41:14):
brother, but we don't reallyeven know what that is.
On the other hand, her renegadegrandson is oh, he's running
amok.
He's causing so much troublethat Chow Lee's cousin can't
even take a proper nap becausehe's afraid that Lance is going
to slip out and make more loudphone calls in the hallway.
(41:36):
So Lance is in his bedroom inthis apartment.
I suppose Seems like they ownthe entire building and Lance
just happens to be in one of thesmaller apartments on the floor
because the cousin is in thehallway, sort of blocking
Lance's way down that hall toescape like out the front door.
But once again, this is a 23year old man.
(41:56):
That ain't gonna stop him if hewant to do what he wants to do.
He is dead set on calling andhooking up with Lorraine.
He's already called Charlie,acting a fool, saying listen,
you tell my grandmother that ifshe didn't send Lorraine down
here, I'm going to go get hermyself.
He's horny and also lonely andalso bored, so he's bound to do
something.
Also, I don't know why, I thinkhe's 23.
(42:18):
I must have seen that somewhereand done the math.
He's early 20s, under 25.
So anyway, charlie's cousin issitting in your standard
breakfast table chair.
Only he has it tilted back ontwo legs and he's got one foot
on the wall and he's sort ofresting against the stairwell so
Lance can't come runningthrough.
(42:40):
He could crawl under him.
He could very easily go out ofthe window and that's what Lance
decides to do.
Looks like they're on like thethird or fourth floor of this
building.
Lance decides he's going to goout on a fire escape a la
Richard Gere in Pretty Woman.
He's doing fine at first, buthe's very tall and as a tall
person, I can attest to notalways having the best depth
(43:04):
perception when you're goingdown down.
So as he's climbing down thestairs, the ladder kind of it
slips and he trips up and hegets his leg all dangly.
Mind you, this is six footthree, 23 year old, loud man
with a Danny Zuko haircut,dressed like a dad.
He is standing out is the pointI'm trying to make.
(43:25):
Mind you, his name is all overthe news.
His face has been all over thenews and, thanks to Richard, his
name and his description of thecrimes he committed.
All this information is goingout every 15 to 20 minutes on
his radio station.
So as he's going down this fireescape, you can imagine how
(43:46):
loud this is, because this is ametal ladder.
People are starting to look uplike, oh my God, what the heck?
By the time Lance hits theground in a very dramatic
fashion, mind you.
So Chow Lee's cousins have madeit down the stairs because it
seems like it kind of took along time for Lance to get down.
I don't know why.
I didn't see this coming.
Ladies and gentlemen, therenegade has reared his head
(44:09):
again.
Tell me why we have a full onaction sequence.
Ha Hoo, ha, kung Fu, this Highkick here, spin kick.
Here he is whooping wholesalebehind in a members only jacket
and khakis.
He is really stomping out thecousins.
And again, I guess because ofall the ruckus, cousin number
(44:30):
four comes downstairs and helooks pissed.
He looked like he's somebody'sdaddy who was maybe having
breakfast with his family tryingto enjoy a nice ice cold bowl
of tricks.
He hears all this riffraff inthe street what that is that is.
He out, goes downstairs, heimmediately whoops Lance's ass
real quick, like, gets him downon the ground, snaps his arm
(44:52):
behind his back.
Now he doesn't say it.
This man doesn't say a word,but he says it.
Not so many words.
I'll break this off right here,right now.
So, lance, so Lance is likeokay, chill, chill, chill, okay,
okay, okay, I'll behave.
This is embarrassing, this isdevastating.
And plus, the entireneighborhood just saw this man
(45:13):
stomp out three people and thenget stomped out himself.
Then they all watched him goback to the apartment.
So now everybody, if anybody inthe neighborhood, wants some
reward money.
It's not going to be that hardto turn them in.
Unfortunately, cousin numberfour has to call Charlie and be
like yo, hey, you need to dosomething.
He's doing a lot.
He's down here fighting.
(45:34):
He's breaking out every two,three hours.
We can't even take naps anymore.
He interrupted my cereal withmy kids.
You got to do something aboutyour boy.
So Charlie is like hey, angela,you know we go way back.
You know I love you dearly anddeeply.
But Lance, down there, acting afool, my cousin said he did X,
y and Z and she's like, oh, myGod, god, what an idiot.
(45:56):
I hope they slapped him arounda little bit.
And he's like, yeah, they did,they did.
They're actually my beststudents.
I would beg to differ.
They are your fifth, fourth andthird best student.
Lance is your second and cousinwith the trick cereal is number
one.
But he's like yo, we got to dosomething sooner or later
because he's acting up.
Well, while this conversation ishappening, emma hears about
(46:19):
this from the stairwell.
She just sort of ducks down,gets all the details and then
pops back up when Chow Lee andAngela come out of the study.
They're going up to her bedroomto come up with a different
plan, I suppose, and Emma's likehi, how's it going?
Where are you going Acting allsuspicious?
Angela says a good guest mightbe upstairs.
(46:40):
I love a smart mouth, old lady,when they go upstairs.
Lorraine comes in right aboutthis time, fresh off of a
shopping spree.
Emma runs over to her and saysoh, lorraine, I need you to take
me to the mall before it closes.
Lorraine's like I hate dude, no, I don't feel like shopping.
I just went shopping.
She's giving her the clues.
I think I know where Lance is.
(47:03):
Lorraine is quickly filled inby Emma who's like hey,
chowley's cousins are keepingLance safe right now I know
where he's at.
Let's just kind of lay lowuntil we need to go over there.
Maggie's still sort of goingback and forth about this deal.
She's not all that impressedwith Richard at the moment
because she feels like he'spushing the narrative that Lance
is this violent criminal andunfortunately Lance is kind of
(47:26):
buying into it.
But she doesn't really likethat.
She's still committed toproving that there is at least
another side of the story, evenif he's not fully innocent.
So she goes to Richard's officeand she's about to tell him
that you know, angela hasoffered me this deal.
And as soon as she startstelling him that he gets all
smart mouth.
Oh, so you come to quit.
You want to quit.
(47:47):
You want to be my mom, you wantto run my life.
She's like you know what Idon't, but now I do, guess what.
You just made this really,really easy for me.
You know she's doing this todrive a wedge between us.
This is Richard's literal onlyfriend I mean her and Leather
(48:09):
Pants, pam maybe but he andMaggie have no romantic
relationship.
It's just a good relationship.
But once again he calls her alittle minion, he calls her
another name and she's like I'mtoo drunk for this or I'm on
Xanax or something.
I'm not even going to give youa reaction.
I'm out.
Bye, richard.
Say hello to the runner of theglobe.
(48:29):
Maggie gets back to the officeat the globe and Aunt Terry has
shown up and she startsdecorating for her.
Now I at first thought this isreally hideous.
She brought in these reallybright whites and bright blues,
but the office still has thissort of sepia colored wallpaper
and a lot of Richard O's stuff,so it's like a really warm rust
(48:50):
colors and then that sepia toneon the wall just not going good.
It looks crazy, but that's notthe point.
The point is that Terry hascome to do something nice.
She's so, so proud of Maggie.
She's like girl, I can'tbelieve you've got the job.
Then she hits Maggie with theMaggie.
I'm in trouble.
You can tell this conversationhas happened more times than a
(49:10):
little bit in their family.
So Maggie says okay, lay it onme.
What's good?
What's happening, what's goingon?
This is Maggie's lucky day.
Terry says Mags, you rememberwhen I was on my like spring
break kick and I lived inFlorida for like two years?
Like yeah, I remember that.
Well, I got married to this guynamed Joel and he was really,
really sweet at first, but thenhe got into drugs.
(49:32):
He got so deep in the drugsthat he was not only using them,
he started selling them.
It was just horrible.
He changed.
He's a totally different personand I divorced him, only to
have him show up and startblackmailing me now, once he
found out that Michael was deadand I got this new money.
She's like what?
Then Terry goes on to say Ialso think that Richard had him
(49:54):
set up, lance, I really do feellike that's the case because of
what Joel was telling me.
He's got this money, blah, blah, blah.
So Terry is telling Maggie aboutRichard being the person who
set up Lance, but she doesn'tknow anything about Melissa
Leather Pants.
Pam knows that Richard andMelissa had a hand in it, but
she's not really pinning it onRichard.
So there's still a lot of eyeson this situation.
(50:17):
But having Terry come throughwith an actual name gives Maggie
something to work with andshe's going to do her due
diligence because she is a goodreporter.
She's going to do her diggingand apparently she has just
enough information to puttogether this really riveting
front page story that she'sgoing to put out into the world
to help dampen this whole.
(50:37):
Lance is a criminal thing.
Well, not only does she do that, she decides that she needs to
help out her little sisterbecause Aunt Terry goes on to
say that she didn't want GregReardon to find out and look at
her differently, like she's aruined woman Girl, okay, if you
say so.
Hence one of the most dramaticscenes I've ever seen on this
(50:59):
show.
The manimal is sitting in hishideously decorated den or layer
with the fire on.
He's wearing a sweater.
Side note, everybody on thisepisode is dressed like a polo
ad.
It looks really awesomesometimes and other times I'm
like okay, it's still California, probably pretty warm but
(51:20):
anyway Rarian's chilling by thefire.
When Jeeves walks in with thishideous man in the yellow boots
what is Curious?
George's handler's name thathe's got on his hat Just picture
that.
Well, he has it in his hands.
He drops his hat on the groundand he says Jeeves tells the
(51:41):
manimal I was instructed by thatwoman to lay this hat on the
ground.
Do you want me to stomp on itor what?
Because if you don't have ananswer, pretty soon that woman
will appear.
I love how he says that hedoesn't say I'm going to let
Miss Terry in or she will enteryour home.
That woman will appear in thishouse.
(52:04):
Sure enough, that woman doesappear.
She's dressed in all black.
She looks like Janet Jackson inone of her videos.
I can't remember, but it'sblack jeans and a sheer long
sleeve black top.
Love it.
So, so, so much Comes in, andearlier that day Maggie had gone
to the animal to smooth thingsover and be like hey, my sister
kind of had this thing happen toher.
(52:25):
She had to reach out to Richardto get some help.
I think Lance might've been setup.
She knows the guy's name blah,blah, blah, blah.
The manimal is just.
He just can't believe it.
I'm appalled that she wouldeven be a part of something like
that.
Blah, blah, blah.
Maggie then just shouts well,she's in love with you.
They're yelling about twototally different things.
Two totally different things.
(52:46):
So when Terry shows up and she'sin her Janet Jackson realness,
tell me why this girl kneels.
She kneels at his feet whereshe sits on her knees at his
feet as he sits in his littlerecliner and she goes are you
still mad at me?
No, do you still at me?
No, do you still like me?
Yup, like he's about to burpand fart.
(53:09):
I don't know what the heck thisguy's problem is.
Basically, do you still want me?
Can I stay here tonight?
Because I have really lowself-esteem and you're the only
guy in the show that's lookingat me right now.
I really need to stay.
And he's like yes, so he letsher stay.
And he called oh, he had askedJeeves to bring them a beverage.
(53:30):
Tell me why Jeeves comes backin with the biggest jug of
brandy ever seen in my life andtwo glasses.
Sir, when I order a drink, Iordered a drink.
I didn't want you to pour itmyself.
This ain't DIY.
This ain't BYOB her to drink.
I didn't want you to pour itmyself.
This ain't DIY, this ain't BYOB.
Pour my stuff up.
He didn't even bring ice oranything.
He's really got an attitude.
I need him gone.
Well, after Terry and the manwill make up, the man will call
(53:54):
Jeeves back in there and he sayshey, dude, tomorrow when you
make breakfast make sure youdon't throw any blueberries or
anything.
And the lady likes cream andsugar in her coffee.
Do you know?
This moves this woman to tears.
This is how low her self-esteemis.
(54:15):
Oh, my God, you're going toserve me the same breakfast I
could get at any gas stationwhen I'm getting my oil changed.
I'm so loved, terry.
God, we need to get Terry inGirl Scouts.
She needs to start from.
She needs we need to scrapewhat little bit of confidence
she has into the garbage can andlet's start from the beginning.
We're going to put you in GirlScouts.
(54:35):
You're going to go all the wayfrom like the daisies to the
seniors or cadets or whateverthey are.
We're going to get her somesocial skills.
We're going to let her feelgood about herself, learn some
things, earn her confidencebadge by badge.
She needs help.
This is depressing and I'm notbuying the Manimal storyline.
This is almost as infuriatingas the Jeff and Fallon thing.
(54:58):
There is zero chemistry andthere's just no reason for these
two people to be together,other than, I guess, her
revealing that she knows whoJoel McCarvey is, who could be
the key to getting Lance freed.
Okay, real quick.
I knew the Anini is minding herbusiness in the wine house.
When Chase comes in with this,this random dude, she sees him,
(55:20):
she freaks out.
Turns out this is a guy thatshe used to sleep with.
He is married.
He corners her a little lateron, like it's very clear that
she's trying to avoid him, butChase doesn't pick up on that,
tries to avoid him.
Later on he corners her andhe's like can't we just have a
few more moments of fun?
And she's like absolutely not.
Are you still married?
Yeah, do you still have twokids?
(55:44):
Well, I have three now, butthey're practically grown
Impossible.
She's like please stop playingin my face, I want absolutely
nothing to do with you.
So we do have a new characterwho's been introduced and he is
some sort of banker who Chase isschmoozing with.
Now.
I don't know if he really wantsto help Chase out or he just
figured out that Connie's backin town and he wanted to be in
the loop.
Angela has to sneak down to ChowLee's cousin's house under a
(56:06):
really fabulous cloak that islike, adorned with these
beautiful jewels at the end orsomething.
It is a very fancy shawl.
Chow Lee comes into Lance'sroom and Lance is talking big
ish about how he want Lorrainethere.
He's going to go get his wifeand then you, just you play on
in my face.
Chow Lee, charlie, Tell mygrandma, I don't care what she
thinks.
Well, she snatches off thestraw and she's like you don't
(56:27):
shut the hell up.
You know how hard it is for abad bee like me to sneak around.
You had to sneak down here andnot get caught.
Do you know how difficult thatis?
I'm putting you in a shippingcontainer and sending you to the
old country so you can hang outwith our cousins and Francesca
and them, because you can't betrusted.
Lance, she don't even careabout putting him on a boat.
You're gonna get on a ship well, I guess it is on a boat, but
(56:47):
you're gonna be in a shippingcontainer because I don't trust
you to do the right thing, okay.
So Angela is right, it is veryhard for a baddie like her to
slip around under the cloak ofdarkness because she a has a
super Gotham villain car andshe's who she is.
Plus, lorraine heard everythingand she definitely followed her
in a car there.
So the show ends on that, butwe got to just touch one more
(57:08):
time on bad girl Melly, mel.
So Chase and his family thatwould be Chase Cole, melissa and
Maggie are at dinner.
I guess maybe Joseph isupstairs reading or doing taxes
or something and they'recheering to Maggie.
Maggie, congratulations onbeing the new editor at the
Globe.
Chase is really proud of thepaperwork or the article she put
(57:29):
out on Lance and Melissa's likewe're so proud, I'm so proud of
you, maggie, you have such animportant job.
I think it's so great.
The family agrees Like mom,you're doing a great job, you're
doing so good.
Chase says so.
It sounds like that guy who usedto work with us might be mixed
up in all of this.
Melissa is just eating her meal.
She don't know who they'retalking about.
At first she's like who are youtalking about?
(57:50):
Chase goes oh, there's newevidence.
Seems like the guy who used torun our driver.
Whatever.
The guy who used to work herereally likes to travel.
Seems like he's run off, butJoel McCarty may have set up
Lance by this point.
Melissa's like wait whatMaggie's like?
Yeah, there's a lot of evidence.
I've already talked to themanimal about it and he's on it.
(58:12):
He's looking for Joel as wespeak and Melissa's face is like
I know you lying.
She is $200,000 down, allbecause Lance called her a whore
.
She had to get revenge on herex-husband.
He just had his little slickmouth, he just wouldn't leave
her alone.
And that, ladies and gentlemen,is that.
(58:34):
I can't even imagine howfrustrating and nerve-wracking
that would be.
You pay a guy to do a littlesomething, he goes AWOL, does
weirdest stuff ever dang.
It's hard out here for a badgirl.
Sometimes all she wanted was alittle smack up, flip up
situation with Lance and it'sturned into a complete and total
(58:56):
fiasco, which is not 100% herfault.
But the evidence mountingagainst bad girl Melly Mel is
substantial.
All right, guys, that's it.
That's all.
We're going to go ahead and jumpinto the next episode of
Vintage Primetime Debauchery.
I hope you've enjoyed this oneas much as I did.
Remember, you can reach out inthe show notes or at
(59:16):
soplorepodcast at gmailcom.
S-o-a-p-l-o-r-e-p-o-d-c-a-s-tat gmailcom.
In the meantime, in betweentime.
Please, please, don't getblackmailed by someone in
leather.
There's nothing morediscouraging than watching
somebody spend all of your hardinherited money on custom
(59:37):
fashion.
But I mean, hey, it's the 80s.
Stay hydrated, stay moisturized, mind your own business and
keep all of your drama on TV.
this little caveat.
I said listen, I can take a lotof things.
I can take being called a whore.
I can take being made fun of, Ican take being kicked out of
the house because I tried tosell my son, but what I can't
take is knowing that $95,000 ofmy money is going to your
leather collection.
(00:20):
Ladies and gentlemen, boys andgirls, welcome, or welcome back
to Soap Floor, the officialgathering place for newbies,
novices and OG diehard fans ofthe golden age of primetime.
I'm your host, jeff Ewing,reviewing this dopey, sexy
primetime storyline of 1984.
That's right, we're back on theWest Coast doing the absolute
most with the Falcon Crest crew.
(00:41):
So pour yourself up somethingbubbling, bright.
Tell the kids it's time to playoutside or out of sight.
Tell babe no questions,suggestions or concerns for the
next 25 to 35 minutes.
Everyone else in earshot shouldbe cool, quiet or be prepared
to be put out because we arewatching our stories.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys andgirls, this is Soapy.
(01:04):
Hello, gorgeous, how y'alldoing today.
I hope your day is shaping upnice.
I have just had myself a really,really good time reviewing
Falcon Crest, season four,episode 26.
(01:27):
I have a lot of questions andI'm also I find myself in a mood
to be extremely grateful.
I'm grateful I don't haveenemies crawling all over me.
I'm not sure I could uphold theveil of villainy like Angela
and Richard can.
So much to discuss on thisaction-packed, drama-packed
(01:48):
episode of Falcon Crest.
But before we go any further,we're going to dive into just a
teensy bit of fan mail anddiscuss a quick little
observation.
So go ahead and pour yourselfup something bubbly and bright
as we delve into season four.
Episode 26 of Falcon Crest,decline.
Oh my gosh.
(02:09):
I can remember standing in lineat 7-Eleven when I was in
college, like praying profuselythat I could get my credit card
didn't decline, or a debit card,or even a credit card.
I lived in overdraft for likethree months.
I don't know what my problemwas, I just couldn't get it
together.
But, lord, decline, decline.
(02:31):
Interesting title Per usual,they're not going to give a
whole lot away with the titles.
Not very creative and as Iwatch this entire episode, I'm
still not really sure wherethat's coming from.
Watch this entire episode, I'mstill not really sure where
that's coming from, but I assume, based on the way it's
presented, the next episode willexpand on that single thought.
(02:53):
Tell you what?
There's something different inthe air, something smells
different.
It feels a little weird.
You ever have a coworker you'veworked with for a certain amount
of time.
All of a sudden you startgetting these really polished
professional emails from them,even though in person they can't
string three or four wordstogether without stuttering and
stumbling all over them.
Their pin game is immaculate.
(03:15):
You know, that's chat GPT.
Nothing wrong with chat GPT,but you can kind of feel the
difference.
Or I have a better example ofthat If you have ever worked in
a call center for any amount oftime, if you have ever worked as
a um, one of those people whomaybe passes out samples in a
(03:37):
store, or you've ever sold thosevector knives or whatever door
to door God, the early twothousands were incredible Then
you you'll know what I mean whenI say sometimes, when people
are talking to you who maybehold that same position maybe
they're in customer service orsomething like that you can
always hear the script in theirvoice if they're not comfortable
.
You can always tell someone isreading from a script in those
(04:01):
situations if they're not reallyversed in it.
And it's not that it'sdistracting, but it's just
something you sort of take noteof Like, oh, that's a shift.
If your coworker is suddenlywriting immaculate emails and
they couldn't before, you'relike, oh, that's a shift,
they've definitely had some help.
That's kind of the same feelingI'm getting when I'm watching
Falcon Crest.
Now I can't 100% tell you whenit happened, but it does feel
(04:25):
like it's the latter part of theseason.
So maybe after episode 12, 13,14, somewhere around there,
falcon Crest started to feel alittle bit different, not
necessarily in a bad way, butjust differently.
I did a little bit of snooping,as much as I could without
(04:46):
destroying the storyline goingforward, and from what I can
tell, they had a few new writerscome in, but nothing major,
nothing that would create thesort of shift that I'm seeing as
a newbie watching.
So I started thinking and justsort of putting together some of
the tidbits that you guys havebeen sharing with me.
(05:07):
By the way, I love that youhave any trivia or tidbit or any
sort of behind the scenesinformation, no matter how
insignificant you think it is.
Remember, this is all new to meand I'm really enjoying this.
So drop your facts.
I love facts.
I love tidbits.
I love facts.
I love tidbits.
(05:27):
I love opinions.
You can check the show notes forthe link that says send us a
text.
Or you can reach out theold-fashioned way and email me
at soaplorepodcast at gmailcom.
That is soaplorepodcast atgmailcom.
Anyway, falcon Crest just feelsa little bit different.
They have always stood out tome because of the way they take
(05:51):
their time.
It's going to be a slow burn.
They will slowly build eachseason, brick by brick, line by
line, word by word.
You're going to have slowerepisodes.
You're going to have fasterepisodes.
Of course, towards the end ofthe season you expect everything
to pick up, which I can tell ishappening, but the sudden pivot
bringing in new characters, newconflicts, old conflicts.
(06:17):
We're kind of compounding.
On blackmail, today I was likedamn, who wrote this?
I don't know who did, but I'mglad they did.
They're on to something, but itjust feels different.
Someone who did hit me up viaemail.
Thank you so much.
Her name is Katie, out of Texas.
I wonder if she's from KatieTexas, but Katie says she became
(06:37):
a fan of Dallas while incollege and the episode that she
just listened to, which wouldhave been episode 17, season
four of Dallas, the New MrsEwing she let me know that that
was directed by Patrick Duffy.
That was his directorial debut,so I'm going to have to go back
and watch it and just see what.
I think I enjoyed that one.
(06:58):
That's the one where isn't that?
Where Ellie finds out that thatjock is T'Challa or T'Chapa
Somebody, something.
I think that's so cool.
I love when people step outfrom in front of the camera and
get behind it and have thatvision.
(07:18):
So I suppose season four iswhere you really start to find
your footing.
And I think with Dynasty and inFalcon Crest in particular,
based on what I've been able tojust sort of deduce from you
guys, from the tidbits you tellme, dynasty is about to really
really hit their stride andtheir peak popularity.
(07:39):
It's about to get flashier,shinier, more amazing, which I'm
already here for Season four.
I can feel the differencebetween three and four.
Season four makes me cackle outloud.
Every single episode I'mgasping like oh my gosh, what.
And I'm starting to do thatmore and more with Falcon Crest.
So I kind of think they might'vebeen in a little bit more of
(08:00):
competition.
You got to think about that.
Dallas and Nance Landing werealready well on their way by
1984.
They're already established,already doing their own thing,
and I would argue that both ofthose shows feel, spinoff or not
, same multiverse or not.
They feel like two very, verydifferent shows.
(08:21):
I would actually argue that allthe shows feel very, very
different and very individual bythe time you get to season four
.
Dynasty and Falcon Crest thusfar having the biggest changes.
Dynasty sort of leaning intotheir glamour a little bit more.
Falcon Crest leaning into theirglamour and, excuse me, their
glamour more, and they'respeeding up their storylines to
(08:44):
add in more action, more drama,and it's definitely soapier.
I think that's the biggestthing.
It feels soapier.
And, with that being said, it istime to deep dive into season
four, episode 26,.
Decline, go ahead and pouryourself up something bubbly and
bright.
You might need it for this one.
The more things change, themore they stay the same.
(09:06):
At the top of this episode wesee Lance who is still,
according to him, trapped.
According to others, you couldsay he is being safely housed in
a room above a shop, above avery vibrant, noisy street.
You see, lance is fresh out ofjail, on the run, and he has
(09:31):
been told to keep quiet and laylow.
He is laying low in thisapartment building, but the
sounds of the streets keepcalling him.
He's looking out the window.
There's families running aroundhaving a good time with each
other on their way to take outor to the movies.
There's children giggling andlaughing.
There's couples and lovesholding hands and it's just, oh
(09:52):
my God, I've been in this roomtoo long.
I got to get the heck out ofhere.
He's itching to leave, but I amdistracted by the fashion
schizophrenia that's happening.
I don't know if this is meantto be a disguise or if this is
all they had in the closet wherehe's staying.
He's got the Danny Zuko hairright Like all of a sudden.
(10:14):
Falcon Crest is like okay,lance, we're going to flip this.
You remember that hairdo fromGrease?
Yeah, you're going to wear that.
So he's Danny Zuko about thehead, but then he's got on like
a members only jacket a whiteshirt, khaki pants.
He looks like he's eitherselling you some discount carpet
(10:38):
that was returned from a hotelthat didn't really work out, or
he's a dad at soccer practicewaiting on his third grader.
But he can't really go over andtalk to the third grader
because they're having a teammeeting.
It's like he is reluctantlyrespecting the rules, but you
could tell he's starting to getthat itch.
He got to get up out of here.
The young man.
Instead of jumping out of thewindow or slinking down there,
(11:01):
he decides he's going to go intothe hallway and make a phone
call.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys andgirls, I did not think that this
deep into this soap operaexperience that I would be
rewriting the basic rules.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys andgirls, if you are hiding from
the feds, from the police, fromanybody, basically outside of
(11:23):
your family, what do you not do?
I can't believe.
I have to say this out loud youdo not go to a payphone, you do
not make any outside calls.
I can't believe I have to gothrough the rules of soap opera
survival again, but I supposeover time we're going to have to
keep revisiting this.
Just as a refresher, I supposethese rules will just kind of
(11:43):
compound on each other over time.
Rule number 60.
Do not use a payphone if youwere on the run.
You need to keep it moving.
Let me be very specific here.
Do not use a payphone whichrequires loose change and the
click clacking of very audiblesounding buttons.
(12:05):
Do not use a payphone if youare meant to be hiding in your
room and you need to be stealthy.
That is a noisy distraction.
Someone is going to hear you.
If you don't heed my warning andyou insist on using a payphone,
please do not call the homewhich you just float.
You fleed, yeah, fleed from,almost have flowed from the
(12:28):
house that you skedaddled from.
Don't be calling them.
If you are a felon, if you justleft and nobody knows you're
missing, cool.
But if you are a felon and youare meant to be in a bedroom, do
not use loose, loud, changeloud buttons to call a home that
you just fled from, because itis inevitably being tapped by
(12:49):
the feds.
Then this is what you don't do.
Let me take it a step further.
If you go into the hallway,make a loud call with change.
Call the house you just fledfrom, knowing that the cops are
watching the place.
The feds are definitelylistening.
What you don't do is announceyourself very loudly Hello, this
is Lance Compson.
Emma, pick up the phone.
(13:10):
Oh, hi, lance Compson, this isyour aunt, emma.
Lance, where are you?
You know where he is?
In a headlock now, because nowboth of y'all are talking too
loud.
Now he's got to get chokeholdand put back into the room.
Baby, we're two and a halfminutes into this.
He's restless, he's getting alittle bit feral.
(13:30):
I couldn't believe it, emma.
The sheriff's looking for you.
Why are you talking so loud,emma, on this very tapped phone
call?
You ain't paying for a familywho has so much dirt, so many
skeletons in their closet.
They have zero survival skillsNot a one.
Well, anyway, before Lance issnatched up, he does get a very
(13:53):
brief moment where Lorrainecomes down the stairs, she
snatches the phone and he triesto tell her he loves her, but
he's putting a chokehold andsnatched back into his room
because everybody's tiredplaying with him.
The call is hung up, obviouslyby one of Charlie's.
These are the Charlie's nephewsor cousins.
I'm just going to call themcousins for the meantime.
(14:13):
He's older than them, whichleads me to believe they could
be his nephews.
But Charlie's cousins.
One of them hangs up the phone,drags Lance back to his room
All of a sudden, leaving Emmaand Lorraine confused, perplexed
, bewildered, standing thereclutching a gold-plated phone or
(14:34):
pearl-plated phone.
Gorgeous setup.
They're freaking out.
Oh my God, he needs our help.
They think he called homebecause he's been kidnapped or
something.
I or something Do.
Either of you know him.
Who would kidnap this kid Again?
I guess it could happen.
I guess it could happen.
Well, luckily, right about thistime Angela comes floating down
(14:56):
the steps.
She heard all the commotionupstairs because nobody in this
house knows how to keep theirphone at an inside voice level.
Lorraine frantically tells BigPerm Angela, that was Lance, he
needs our help.
Angela's like hey, hey, hey,hey, hey, be easy, be easy.
She hangs up the phone.
That is none of our business.
Angela understands that.
(15:17):
You know her phone's probablytapped.
Angela is wearing this beautifullike black and yellow plaid
shirt, but it's silk.
And then she's got herself likea rope or two of beautiful
black glass jewel I don't knowwhat they are pearls or
something.
It's shiny and it's verygangster.
It's right up on her collar.
She looks like Cher Horowitz,gangster grandma.
(15:40):
She hey, hey, hey.
Y'all need to be cool with thatphone stuff.
I don't know nothing about stuff.
I don't know nothing aboutLance.
I don't know where he isBasically outing herself to.
Oh, you totally know where heis.
You definitely know what'sgoing on with this.
Angela's not one to give toomuch away, but it is very
obvious at this point toLorraine that not only do okay,
so Lance isn't kidnapped, lanceisn't missing, he's definitely
(16:01):
somewhere.
Angela may not know where he isat this moment, but you know
this isn't a surprise to youthat he would get on the phone
and call Now.
I don't know why I'm feeling sojudgmental today, but I'm just
going to roll with it because Ifeel like this episode is chock
full of moments where I am judgy.
Wudgy was a bear.
I don't know this because Iwasn't in that scene, but I know
(16:22):
this.
The woman who plays Rain, kateVernon, is in Malcolm X.
She's in the movie Malcolm Xcirca 1992.
She was one of the women he wasdating.
They end up going to jail.
I remember her from the film.
She was very good in that.
She wasn't in it long, but shedefinitely wasn't stumbling over
(16:42):
lines.
I believe she was 120% into him.
It was good.
Right, she was not good in 1985.
Let me just say that I would betbig money that this episode or
this particular scene had tohappen at least 10 times,
because, based on the way she'sholding the phone and the way
(17:03):
she's looking at Angela, akaJane Wyman, it's almost as if
like if you ever have your momsay okay, hey, come here.
I want you to tell your teacherthat I'm picking you up at two.
You're going to the doctor, youwon't be back, so get the rest
of your classwork and you haveto keep repeating it to yourself
as you get to school and it'sI'm leaving the class, I'm going
(17:26):
to work, I need 2 pm.
You know you're mixing it up.
I could tell she was doing thatwith this scene.
She's like looking at JaneWyman for approval and she goes.
This is just another trick tokeep Lance and I apart from each
other and I am not gonna takeit and then she runs upstairs
(17:50):
lest she ruin the rest of thescene.
I'm so sorry to be sojudgmental, but it is abysmal
and I don't understand, becausesome episodes it's fine and then
others she is struggling inthis way.
So, oh my God, girl gonesomewhere, lorraine this is so
funny to me because Angela hasto gaslight Lorraine in order to
(18:11):
keep up this facade.
I'm not sure if I shared thislast time.
Lance, when he is on the run,he's obviously hiding at
Charlie's cousin's house lest hebe picked up by the feds, since
he is now a felon.
But what instigated the on therun thing was a visit from
Richard.
They were eating lunchpeacefully, lorraine and Lance.
That is, Richard comes up, hestarts some stuff, lance almost
(18:35):
goes full renegade on his ass,but he decides just to rough him
up a little bit.
Unfortunately, now there couldbe a case.
There could be a second case.
Now this felon who's on the run, who was out on bail which was
a mistake has gone out andharmed a member of the public.
It looked bad.
Matter of fact, it's downrightinconvenient, most of which to
(18:56):
Angela who, because of Lance'snew title as a felon, she is now
the head of the globe.
So she has to run the globe.
She has to continue runningFalcon Crest because, let's be
honest, she is most qualified,and she's got to figure out this
Helios deal, which could be thenail in the coffin for both
Chase and Richard if she playsher cards right.
(19:17):
That's a lot to keep up witheven for the best of us.
Even the very best villainneeds a henchman and they need a
schedule.
Very best villain needs ahenchman and they need a
schedule.
Unfortunately, lance, acting afool down at the hideout, is
throwing way too many curveballsat her.
She's got to figure this outsooner rather than later.
Plus, she's keeping this allclose to the chest.
Nobody but she and Charlieactually know for a fact where
(19:39):
Lance is, Not even Craig Reardon.
But you know what Craig Reardondoes know?
He knows how to keep aninsecure girl on her toes.
Next time we see Craig, he'sanswering the door to his
bedroom, which is a hideousyellow Looks like it's a little
girl's room from the turn of thecentury.
That's neither here nor there.
Craig Reardon has a butler.
Did you know that?
I was like when the heck did heget a butler?
(20:01):
I guess he's rich by his ownmeans.
We can only assume that becausehe owns a horse and stable and
all that.
So butler Jeeves comes to thedoor and he's immediately snooty
.
He got an attitude because hedon't like the fact that a woman
like Terry is laid up in thebed with his employer.
So it says good morning, willyour friend be joining us, or
(20:23):
will that woman be joining us?
Something real snooty like that.
The manimal's too busy readingthe paper and he's like oh yeah,
she will be joining us forbreakfast.
Well, she won't be joining me.
I eat in the kitchen.
I don't know what that's allabout.
He's very snooty, he's veryjealous.
But we now know that there ishelp at the reardon manor.
The manimal goes to sit on thebed and I thought, god, his butt
is awfully close to her face,but maybe that's his way of
(20:45):
waking her up so she can goahead and move on without her
day, because it does stare, dearTerry.
She wakes up all dreamy eyed ohmy gosh, was that a dream?
The manimal plucks a piece ofhay from her hair and says you
know what darling dreams veryrarely leave evidence.
(21:05):
He enunciates everything.
So you mean to tell me that thenight previous Aunt Terry comes
over, they have an actualphysical role in said hay in the
barn, and then come back andlay in the bed, two fully
consenting, wealthy adults withresources like running water,
(21:26):
soap, electricity.
Yeah, they get it in, they getit on and then they get right
back in that bed.
Can you imagine what that roomsmells like?
Reminds me of this museumexhibit I went to one time in
Amarillo or Abilene, I can'tremember which city, it doesn't
matter.
I love reading placards and Icome across this story of a man
(21:47):
who fell in love with this sortof fancy lady back east.
She wasn't super wealthy, butshe was wealthy enough.
He goes back east and heconvinces her.
You know, got this wide, openplans.
We're going to be pioneers.
I'm going to build you this,that and the third.
She falls for him and she fallsfor the dream.
Well, she gets on the trainmany horse rides, carriages, all
this this is like the turn ofthe century, not this century.
(22:08):
The last one.
Anyway, she gets to Amarillo orAbilene, and it is cold, it is
windy and there ain't no treesin sight.
She's like wait a minute, wheream I going?
This guy has a one bedroomshanty, which is par for the
course for pioneers back in theday or enterprising young men
who wanted to make something ofthemselves in cattle and or oil.
(22:30):
So it's a one room shanty, justenough room for you to kind of
lay down.
You have to cook on an openstove.
I mean, it's not a lot of space.
Picture of a decent walk-incloset.
She ain't bougie bougie, butthis is not what he said and I
guess she deduces that.
Okay, well, if you can build aone room shanty, if you can just
build this like six times, thatmakes for a decent size house.
(22:51):
We'll be fine.
So she sticks it out.
She can live with the one roomshanty.
She understands she was going tohave to get her hands dirty a
little bit, but she can't getover this.
Like what the heck is thissmell?
What there's a smell Turns outthat at this time they used to
burn buffalo patties.
It's exactly what you think itis.
Picture a big heaping.
We're not even going to gothere.
This is a classy podcast.
(23:11):
Sometimes they have to burnthat for fuel.
He's that poor.
He actually had no money.
He just was a really goodsalesman.
And try as she may, she saidyou know what I can put up with
a lot of things because you'rekind of fine, but what I won't
do is burn doo-doo to keepmyself warm, not when my daddy
has train fare money.
And that's exactly what she did.
(23:33):
She called up her daddy or senta telegram, had to wait six,
seven weeks to get that trainticket and baby girl was gone.
I have never agreed withsomeone in history so quickly
over something so trivial.
Speaking of trivial, richardRichard's villain arc is always
a little bit wobbly.
(23:53):
It never fails.
It seems like he.
He hones in on something whichmakes him a wonderful
businessman, because he won'tstop until he gets to the root
of it, figures out what theweaknesses are.
But also that only works whenyou have something to gain.
Richard continues to forgetthat he is actually losing the
things that he loves time andtime again because he just don't
(24:14):
know when to quit.
So at the top of this episode wesee that Richard is doing some
deep digging.
He wants to know all aboutChase's money problems.
He's just convinced that thereason Chase doesn't want to
jump into bed with Helios, thisbig conglomerate, is because he
don't have the money, which isnot true, as Leather Pants Pam
points out.
Not only does Chase have themoney, he's got a five-star
(24:38):
credit rating.
He's got millions in the bank,25 to be exact.
He's rich, rich.
But it seems like he haschampagne problems, literally
champagne problems.
His champagne is not moving offthe shelf the way it should, so
he doesn't actually have thecapital.
I hope I'm saying that right.
I'm going to need to reallyhone in and study a little bit
(25:00):
more to make sure I'm deliveringthis properly.
Plus, one bad business dealcould really really tank all the
effort he's made thus far,which makes it all make sense.
Connie coming in bringing in anew leg of wine or spirits or
whatever.
Okay, he needs that to worksooner rather than later.
But you remember, there's awhole issue with the yeast.
(25:22):
It's going to be another sixmonths.
So it's not that he doesn'thave the money, he's just a
little bit overextended at thistime.
If this was a little bit laterhe'd be fine.
Richard sees this as a moment topounce, in addition to try to
bring Chase down.
He's also obsessed withCassandra.
He wants to get to the bottomof who she is and what she's
(25:43):
really about.
I don't know why.
It doesn't seem like he'ssuspicious, but I think he just
likes having that control overeveryone.
Doesn't seem like he'ssuspicious, but I think he just
likes having that control overeveryone.
So most of the episode he isbarking orders over the phone.
At some do dirt PI, who can'treally find a lot of information
.
All they can find is yeah, shewas raised back East.
Apparently she's been married.
Because he says yeah, hermaiden name is da da, da da.
(26:04):
I don't know her maiden name.
Her married name is da da, dada.
Figure out who she is and quick.
Meanwhile, cassandra and herbrother Riker that's not his
name, but that's his name todayare doing okay, remember, they
are well aware that they are inthis scheme and it needs.
It's on a time schedule.
They got to get this thingburning before long.
It seems like this building sheowned in New York the super
(26:26):
high rise has sold, so they nowhave more than enough money to
bury Angela Channing, as theyput it.
Of course, there's a meeting atFalcon Crest between the three
owners Richard, angela and Chaseand Chase is basically walking
in there, chest held high, chestcovered, because he's buttoned
up today and he already knowsthe game.
(26:49):
He's not even looking at thisas a business opportunity.
He's looking at this assabotage, which is exactly what
it is.
Here's the thing it's alwaysbeen sort of obvious that Chase
is touted as the boy scout.
He's the good guy, he's thereluctant hero showing up to
take over something that turnsout to be a passion, and he's
(27:10):
always got to fight against hissemi-demi-evil supervillain of a
Monty and his newfoundhalf-brother.
Now, here's the truth.
Each one of them is a villainto each other, but there really
is levels to this.
So the game that Chase isplaying is I'll just hold out.
You guys can't buy me out if Idon't sell out, and if worse
(27:32):
comes to worse, I'll just startmy own company.
This inevitably leaves him opento losing his portion of Falcon
Crest, so he's going to have tobank on the champagne working
out and then purchasing landelsewhere.
Luckily he has adaughter-in-law that can work
out.
That's just me saying this.
This is me, jet, saying that.
I don't know if that's the case.
Richard, amazing businessman,he's focused.
(27:54):
He's not easily rattled, butwhen he is, he's hyper fixated
on it to the point where hewon't.
He just won't let anything go.
So Chase basically tells Angelaand Richard to kick rocks.
He ain't doing it.
Angela already knows she hasmore money than God, so she can
buy out both of them if the timecomes, if and when the time
(28:14):
comes.
But there's still a matter ofjust kind of associating with
these people, because she has tofor the time being.
Plus, lance is missing.
She didn't need anybodysniffing around.
Enter Richard.
Richard is once againtalking-ish, real smooth-like on
the way out of the door.
Chase leaves first.
Richard is walking.
Angela talking ish, real smoothlike, on the way out of the
door.
Chase leaves first.
Richard is walking Angela tothe door and he's like hey,
(28:34):
angela, listen.
I know we've been through our.
We've been through our thing,we've had our differences, but I
just want to let you know Ireally didn't want to have to
press charges on Lance and makehim run even further because
he's a criminal and all.
That's not what I wanted.
And she's like then why did youpress charges, richard, if
(28:56):
that's not what you wanted?
I was like, you know, I'm justtrying to help the law out, but
why don't you tell Lance I'msorry, when you see him, if you
see him around, walks out thedoor all smooth like Angela, not
to be rattled.
She is in her yellow and black.
She is a honeybee, she is aqueen bee, she is a gangster
grandma today.
And she says you know what, ifLance hadn't whooped his ass, I
would have done it myself.
Go ahead and get the bitplayers out of the way.
(29:19):
Not a lot comes from theCassandra slash Richard thing.
She has to call and let youknow she has to keep up
appearances.
Oh my God, we had so much funlast night.
We're lovers, we're lovers,we're this.
And that she has an advantagebecause she understands that
he's already kind of lookinginto her past, right.
So as long as the deal goesthrough before he finds out who
she is, it doesn't really matterwhat happens after that.
(29:41):
No more about them Trying todecide what happens.
Okay, let's talk about bad girlMelly, mel, real quick, and
then we'll move on.
So you know how Richard thoughtthat Chase had money problems,
or he's kind of framing it as ifhe does.
When I saw this scene, I thoughtthat Melissa had some money
problems.
(30:01):
She and Cole are in their study.
He's sitting down reading abook.
I don't know why the lighting'sso bright on them.
I guess I don't know.
I really don't understand it,but it's a little bit
distracting.
He's got on like this starkwhite members only jacket.
He's reading the paper andMellie Mel is at the desk and it
looks like she has every checkshe's written just kind of laid
out.
She's looking at the money.
(30:22):
She's keeping the books.
Color me impressed because, wow, she doesn't have an accountant
.
No, she doesn't have anaccountant.
No, she's on her own stuff.
She's looking a little bitnervous.
I'm like, oh my God, is MellieMel about to go broke?
How could this be?
This is why she needs a Reardon.
This is why she needs a lawyerin her corner and some sort of
admin staff to take care ofthese things.
(30:44):
Now she and Chase or, excuse me,she and Cole are about to go to
the movies.
But she tells them oh, I got torun to the bank real quick.
They made a mistake onsomething.
Let me make you a sandwich andthen when I come back we'll go
to the movies.
And he's like, okay, cool, he'sreading the paper all casually.
And this fool says Melissa, howis Robin doing?
Melissa's like I'm sure she'sfine, why?
(31:07):
Cole says, well, she ran out ofhere so fast.
I'm just kind of worried abouther.
Okay, am I tripping so much?
So I thought wait a minute, whyis he asking that?
Shouldn't he be trying to tellher what happened?
No, he seems almost indifferent.
He's just very kind of casual,like hey, what's up with your
girl Robin?
So I stopped the show and Iwent back and I watched the end
(31:31):
of the show previous.
The last time we saw them.
He was getting it in with Robinand then it was the next morning
where Mel comes and she's likeyou know, it was a bad idea, I
should have never brought thatup to you.
I'll never bring it up again.
But he was acting like hereally needed to tell her
something.
But now on this episode he'sjust sort of casual about it.
He's not acting nervous.
I don't know what's going onthere.
(31:53):
But Melissa says don't worryabout Robin, she always has a
way of landing on her feet Likeshe's a Robin, always gets her
own way of painting a picture.
You see what I'm talking about.
This ain't the Falcon Crest weknow and love.
All this is just really rapid,turns out.
Melissa is not having moneyproblems Not the way you and I
would think, matter of fact,melly.
(32:14):
Mel is richy, rich.
She's got $100,000 in abriefcase because she is being
blackmailed.
I'd all but forgotten aboutLeather Pants Pam.
So LPP comes running up to thecar.
Oh, of course they have to setthe scene.
Melissa takes all day andalmost all night, apparently, to
(32:34):
go to the bank.
She's parked in her littletwo-seater and it is raining,
cats and dogs outside.
All of a sudden, you see likethis red blurb come by, someone
opens the door, they have a seat.
Leather pants Pam, my God, okay.
(32:57):
What would someone who lovesleather wear in the rain?
Patent leather, tell me why?
Leather pants Pam comes runningup to the car, opens the door,
hops in and she's got on theMissy Elliott, you know, the
bubble outfit, that video, thesuper fly outfit.
She's got on Missy Elliott'soutfit, but picture it in red.
(33:18):
It's a raincoat of like.
Wow, okay, this is a dirty deal,do we not?
Ma'am?
Madam Conspicuous, you'resupposed to be in disguise.
You're supposed to not drawattention to yourself.
Baby, I had a problem with thisscene.
Melissa's like God, if you'regoing to blackmail me, remind
(33:41):
the audience why.
Again, leather pants?
Pam is like sure I amblackmailing you because I know
for a fact that you paid offJoel, the Florida man, to frame
Lance.
And now Lance is going to jailand he's doing all these
horrible.
His whole life is ruinedbecause you set this whole thing
up.
Melissa once again reiterates Ididn't know he was going to go
(34:01):
to jail, I just wanted himroughed up.
He shouldn't have called me awhore, but I hope they never
catch him.
I hope he stays gone and I hopeyou stay gone too.
Now I wish she would have putin this little caveat.
I said listen, I can take a lotof things.
I can take being called a whore.
I can take being made fun of.
I can take being kicked out ofthe house because I tried to
sell my son.
But what I can't take isknowing that $95,000 of my money
(34:25):
is going to your leathercollection.
Pay my money, come on.
I'd make her sign something.
I'm sorry.
No, I'd rather go to jail thangive you a hundred thousand
reasons to go ape-ish buyingleather.
You know Pam too, she was giddy.
Even her hands are clad withleather gloves.
(34:45):
She's also wearing a hat.
You know Pam keeps a fresh hat.
She had a fedora on, she gotthe hair tucked back, she got
the big giant bubble leatherpleather outfit.
But she's been wearing thesereally large sort of red, ruby
red Art Deco style earrings.
I have got to get my hands onthem, so gorgeous.
(35:13):
So I mean I said to myself youknow she's pissed, she can't
wait to go to, like texas ormontana or wyoming or argentina,
brazil, wherever there's alarge cattle culture.
They need to do something withthat hide.
Oh baby, she's gonna set it off, she can't wait.
She does assure melissa thatshe has scruples and she's gonna
keep her mouth shut from hereon out, but I mean, expect her
to be insufferable for the nextfew months.
(35:35):
Baby, with all this freshleather, my goodness, on the
other side of town.
So now Melissa's got two thingsto worry about.
She has to worry about Joel,the Florida man popping back up
out of the blue.
Richard also knows about thesetup.
And now leather pants, pam.
That's a lot of pressure on oneperson.
It's a little bit too much.
(35:57):
Back to our supervillain, angela, juggling a lot of balls, but
she seems to be in control, withLance being on the run, though
even if he wasn't on the run,even if he were in jail, she
needs to run the globe and she,just frankly, doesn't have much
time.
She tells Craig Reardon when hereminds her that, hey, you got
to get down there, you got to atleast show your face from time
(36:17):
to time.
She's like don't worry about it, I know somebody, I know a guy.
I got the perfect person to runthe globe.
Based on the rapid speed inwhich this storyline is
developing, I fully expected yetanother new character.
Only that's not the case.
She had Maggie in mind.
This is actually genius.
Sometimes evil plans areactually really good plans.
(36:39):
Think about it If Richard couldrun the globe with no
experience in the press and hecan do a pretty good job, okay,
cool.
Lance also had no experience.
He did a pretty good job.
Maggie's actually the mostexperienced out of the three.
Yes, she didn't have thebusiness savvy, but she doesn't
really need to.
That part of the business isalready running itself.
(37:00):
So Angela calls her down to theglobe and she says Mags, you're
the only person I trust to dothis.
I know you'll do a good job.
Would you consider the position?
And Maggie is like oh my God,did I, did I do something nice
for you and forget about it?
Why would you even consider me?
Angela reiterates one more timebecause I trust you, I know
(37:20):
you'll do a good job here, soyou don't have to give me a yes,
but just give me, I'll thinkabout it.
Auntie Maggie pretends to belike oh, angela, I never could,
but sure, sure, I'll think aboutit.
But I saw something as Maggiewas leaving that office.
She was looking around.
You could tell she was alreadyrearranging things like I'm
going to have this laid out, I'mgoing to have a glass desk, I'm
going to change all this.
She's definitely thinking aboutit.
(37:42):
Chase is not having it, though.
So that night at dinner gosh,these shows.
It's so interesting thedifference in how they prep food
and how they show it.
So I guess they're going tomake some sort of soup.
Mind you, it's just the two ofthem living at their house, but
(38:02):
she has a literal army pot onthe stove.
She's wearing all white, so Ialready know ain't no flavor in
that and then they're going toget her dirty.
She is putting lots of herbsinto the pot and Chase is
violently massacring thisbeautiful bounty of vegetables.
It is crisp lettuce, freshbroccoli, carrots, and I mean he
(38:24):
is savagely slicing throughthese.
He's pissed.
I can't believe you're doingthis.
This is just a setup.
She just wants to take overyour mind.
She wants you to be one ofthose minions.
He's super pissed that Angelawould have the audacity to ask
his bride to be a part of herjoke of a publication.
He's also chopping this in ablue flannel bounty paper towel
(38:45):
guy shirt and you better believe, baby, it is buttoned halfway
down his chest, sleeves rolledup, chest out.
But I guess he's being a littlebit more demure because he's
wearing like this black zip upvest with a gold zipper, and I
know that because that zipper isall the way down to his belly
button.
Baby, he needs y'all toremember he's sexy and now he's
(39:07):
manly and he wants you to thinkof the brawny man as he slices
the salad.
It looks good though.
It's very crisp, it's realvegetables.
So Maggie's like Chase, it's anopportunity.
Why can't I work with Angela,you work with Angela.
He's like I work with Angelabecause she's my aunt and I have
to.
I didn't pick to do it.
That's a totally differentthing.
(39:28):
I can't believe you'd be sonaive.
Look at her, she's alreadycoming between us and that's
exactly Angela's plan.
If Maggie is running the globe,that's going to be an all day,
everyday job.
If Chase is trying to make thisnew champagne and make enough
money so that they can jump intothe Helios deal or run his own,
he's got to spend a whole lotmore time with Connie.
(39:49):
And if the two of them are inconflict, everything is going to
split up, including his stakeat Falcon Crest.
It's trifling.
However, it might just work.
I got to say Chase hasincredible.
He's a good BS detectivebecause everything he says is
actually 100% true.
But I guess it's just the wayhe said it.
(40:11):
He's so easily worked up thatpeople don't take him seriously.
Well, he's not wrong.
He's also no match for Angela.
The more I think about this,chase is easily distracted.
He's the do-gooder cowboy boyscout who's always going to kind
of go after doing the rightthing.
But he's so focused on gettingpeople in trouble who aren't
doing the right thing that it'sjust it's easy to distract him.
(40:32):
All you have to do is go gocommit a small crime, and he's
going to.
He's going to stick to that.
He must be a Jacqueline Drake,because that's sort of the same
thing with Richard.
Richard is on that next level.
He's not afraid to get hishands dirty, bloody.
He's ruthless.
He doesn't really have a wholelot of feelings, but the
feelings he does have are quitesensitive.
And now that his feelings arehurt, he's obsessed with Lance.
(40:53):
He's obsessed with finding outwho Cassandra is.
Meanwhile, she's already runningthe game.
The trap's already set.
He's fallen into it too quickly.
He's about to get got.
Plus, he don't have the moneyto back it up.
Now, angela, I'm playing chesswhile everyone else is playing
checkers.
She's got this thing licked.
The only real threat at thispoint is Cassandra and her
(41:14):
brother, but we don't reallyeven know what that is.
On the other hand, her renegadegrandson is oh, he's running
amok.
He's causing so much troublethat Chow Lee's cousin can't
even take a proper nap becausehe's afraid that Lance is going
to slip out and make more loudphone calls in the hallway.
(41:36):
So Lance is in his bedroom inthis apartment.
I suppose Seems like they ownthe entire building and Lance
just happens to be in one of thesmaller apartments on the floor
because the cousin is in thehallway, sort of blocking
Lance's way down that hall toescape like out the front door.
But once again, this is a 23year old man.
(41:56):
That ain't gonna stop him if hewant to do what he wants to do.
He is dead set on calling andhooking up with Lorraine.
He's already called Charlie,acting a fool, saying listen,
you tell my grandmother that ifshe didn't send Lorraine down
here, I'm going to go get hermyself.
He's horny and also lonely andalso bored, so he's bound to do
something.
Also, I don't know why, I thinkhe's 23.
(42:18):
I must have seen that somewhereand done the math.
He's early 20s, under 25.
So anyway, charlie's cousin issitting in your standard
breakfast table chair.
Only he has it tilted back ontwo legs and he's got one foot
on the wall and he's sort ofresting against the stairwell so
Lance can't come runningthrough.
(42:40):
He could crawl under him.
He could very easily go out ofthe window and that's what Lance
decides to do.
Looks like they're on like thethird or fourth floor of this
building.
Lance decides he's going to goout on a fire escape a la
Richard Gere in Pretty Woman.
He's doing fine at first, buthe's very tall and as a tall
person, I can attest to notalways having the best depth
(43:04):
perception when you're goingdown down.
So as he's climbing down thestairs, the ladder kind of it
slips and he trips up and hegets his leg all dangly.
Mind you, this is six footthree, 23 year old, loud man
with a Danny Zuko haircut,dressed like a dad.
He is standing out is the pointI'm trying to make.
(43:25):
Mind you, his name is all overthe news.
His face has been all over thenews and, thanks to Richard, his
name and his description of thecrimes he committed.
All this information is goingout every 15 to 20 minutes on
his radio station.
So as he's going down this fireescape, you can imagine how
(43:46):
loud this is, because this is ametal ladder.
People are starting to look uplike, oh my God, what the heck?
By the time Lance hits theground in a very dramatic
fashion, mind you.
So Chow Lee's cousins have madeit down the stairs because it
seems like it kind of took along time for Lance to get down.
I don't know why.
I didn't see this coming.
Ladies and gentlemen, therenegade has reared his head
(44:09):
again.
Tell me why we have a full onaction sequence.
Ha Hoo, ha, kung Fu, this Highkick here, spin kick.
Here he is whooping wholesalebehind in a members only jacket
and khakis.
He is really stomping out thecousins.
And again, I guess because ofall the ruckus, cousin number
(44:30):
four comes downstairs and helooks pissed.
He looked like he's somebody'sdaddy who was maybe having
breakfast with his family tryingto enjoy a nice ice cold bowl
of tricks.
He hears all this riffraff inthe street what that is that is.
He out, goes downstairs, heimmediately whoops Lance's ass
real quick, like, gets him downon the ground, snaps his arm
(44:52):
behind his back.
Now he doesn't say it.
This man doesn't say a word,but he says it.
Not so many words.
I'll break this off right here,right now.
So, lance, so Lance is likeokay, chill, chill, chill, okay,
okay, okay, I'll behave.
This is embarrassing, this isdevastating.
And plus, the entireneighborhood just saw this man
(45:13):
stomp out three people and thenget stomped out himself.
Then they all watched him goback to the apartment.
So now everybody, if anybody inthe neighborhood, wants some
reward money.
It's not going to be that hardto turn them in.
Unfortunately, cousin numberfour has to call Charlie and be
like yo, hey, you need to dosomething.
He's doing a lot.
He's down here fighting.
(45:34):
He's breaking out every two,three hours.
We can't even take naps anymore.
He interrupted my cereal withmy kids.
You got to do something aboutyour boy.
So Charlie is like hey, angela,you know we go way back.
You know I love you dearly anddeeply.
But Lance, down there, acting afool, my cousin said he did X,
y and Z and she's like, oh, myGod, god, what an idiot.
(45:56):
I hope they slapped him arounda little bit.
And he's like, yeah, they did,they did.
They're actually my beststudents.
I would beg to differ.
They are your fifth, fourth andthird best student.
Lance is your second and cousinwith the trick cereal is number
one.
But he's like yo, we got to dosomething sooner or later
because he's acting up.
Well, while this conversation ishappening, emma hears about
(46:19):
this from the stairwell.
She just sort of ducks down,gets all the details and then
pops back up when Chow Lee andAngela come out of the study.
They're going up to her bedroomto come up with a different
plan, I suppose, and Emma's likehi, how's it going?
Where are you going Acting allsuspicious?
Angela says a good guest mightbe upstairs.
(46:40):
I love a smart mouth, old lady,when they go upstairs.
Lorraine comes in right aboutthis time, fresh off of a
shopping spree.
Emma runs over to her and saysoh, lorraine, I need you to take
me to the mall before it closes.
Lorraine's like I hate dude, no, I don't feel like shopping.
I just went shopping.
She's giving her the clues.
I think I know where Lance is.
(47:03):
Lorraine is quickly filled inby Emma who's like hey,
chowley's cousins are keepingLance safe right now I know
where he's at.
Let's just kind of lay lowuntil we need to go over there.
Maggie's still sort of goingback and forth about this deal.
She's not all that impressedwith Richard at the moment
because she feels like he'spushing the narrative that Lance
is this violent criminal andunfortunately Lance is kind of
(47:26):
buying into it.
But she doesn't really likethat.
She's still committed toproving that there is at least
another side of the story, evenif he's not fully innocent.
So she goes to Richard's officeand she's about to tell him
that you know, angela hasoffered me this deal.
And as soon as she startstelling him that he gets all
smart mouth.
Oh, so you come to quit.
You want to quit.
(47:47):
You want to be my mom, you wantto run my life.
She's like you know what Idon't, but now I do, guess what.
You just made this really,really easy for me.
You know she's doing this todrive a wedge between us.
This is Richard's literal onlyfriend I mean her and Leather
(48:09):
Pants, pam maybe but he andMaggie have no romantic
relationship.
It's just a good relationship.
But once again he calls her alittle minion, he calls her
another name and she's like I'mtoo drunk for this or I'm on
Xanax or something.
I'm not even going to give youa reaction.
I'm out.
Bye, richard.
Say hello to the runner of theglobe.
(48:29):
Maggie gets back to the officeat the globe and Aunt Terry has
shown up and she startsdecorating for her.
Now I at first thought this isreally hideous.
She brought in these reallybright whites and bright blues,
but the office still has thissort of sepia colored wallpaper
and a lot of Richard O's stuff,so it's like a really warm rust
(48:50):
colors and then that sepia toneon the wall just not going good.
It looks crazy, but that's notthe point.
The point is that Terry hascome to do something nice.
She's so, so proud of Maggie.
She's like girl, I can'tbelieve you've got the job.
Then she hits Maggie with theMaggie.
I'm in trouble.
You can tell this conversationhas happened more times than a
(49:10):
little bit in their family.
So Maggie says okay, lay it onme.
What's good?
What's happening, what's goingon?
This is Maggie's lucky day.
Terry says Mags, you rememberwhen I was on my like spring
break kick and I lived inFlorida for like two years?
Like yeah, I remember that.
Well, I got married to this guynamed Joel and he was really,
really sweet at first, but thenhe got into drugs.
(49:32):
He got so deep in the drugsthat he was not only using them,
he started selling them.
It was just horrible.
He changed.
He's a totally different personand I divorced him, only to
have him show up and startblackmailing me now, once he
found out that Michael was deadand I got this new money.
She's like what?
Then Terry goes on to say Ialso think that Richard had him
(49:54):
set up, lance, I really do feellike that's the case because of
what Joel was telling me.
He's got this money, blah, blah, blah.
So Terry is telling Maggie aboutRichard being the person who
set up Lance, but she doesn'tknow anything about Melissa
Leather Pants.
Pam knows that Richard andMelissa had a hand in it, but
she's not really pinning it onRichard.
So there's still a lot of eyeson this situation.
(50:17):
But having Terry come throughwith an actual name gives Maggie
something to work with andshe's going to do her due
diligence because she is a goodreporter.
She's going to do her diggingand apparently she has just
enough information to puttogether this really riveting
front page story that she'sgoing to put out into the world
to help dampen this whole.
(50:37):
Lance is a criminal thing.
Well, not only does she do that, she decides that she needs to
help out her little sisterbecause Aunt Terry goes on to
say that she didn't want GregReardon to find out and look at
her differently, like she's aruined woman Girl, okay, if you
say so.
Hence one of the most dramaticscenes I've ever seen on this
(50:59):
show.
The manimal is sitting in hishideously decorated den or layer
with the fire on.
He's wearing a sweater.
Side note, everybody on thisepisode is dressed like a polo
ad.
It looks really awesomesometimes and other times I'm
like okay, it's still California, probably pretty warm but
(51:20):
anyway Rarian's chilling by thefire.
When Jeeves walks in with thishideous man in the yellow boots
what is Curious?
George's handler's name thathe's got on his hat Just picture
that.
Well, he has it in his hands.
He drops his hat on the groundand he says Jeeves tells the
(51:41):
manimal I was instructed by thatwoman to lay this hat on the
ground.
Do you want me to stomp on itor what?
Because if you don't have ananswer, pretty soon that woman
will appear.
I love how he says that hedoesn't say I'm going to let
Miss Terry in or she will enteryour home.
That woman will appear in thishouse.
(52:04):
Sure enough, that woman doesappear.
She's dressed in all black.
She looks like Janet Jackson inone of her videos.
I can't remember, but it'sblack jeans and a sheer long
sleeve black top.
Love it.
So, so, so much Comes in, andearlier that day Maggie had gone
to the animal to smooth thingsover and be like hey, my sister
kind of had this thing happen toher.
(52:25):
She had to reach out to Richardto get some help.
I think Lance might've been setup.
She knows the guy's name blah,blah, blah, blah.
The manimal is just.
He just can't believe it.
I'm appalled that she wouldeven be a part of something like
that.
Blah, blah, blah.
Maggie then just shouts well,she's in love with you.
They're yelling about twototally different things.
Two totally different things.
(52:46):
So when Terry shows up and she'sin her Janet Jackson realness,
tell me why this girl kneels.
She kneels at his feet whereshe sits on her knees at his
feet as he sits in his littlerecliner and she goes are you
still mad at me?
No, do you still at me?
No, do you still like me?
Yup, like he's about to burpand fart.
(53:09):
I don't know what the heck thisguy's problem is.
Basically, do you still want me?
Can I stay here tonight?
Because I have really lowself-esteem and you're the only
guy in the show that's lookingat me right now.
I really need to stay.
And he's like yes, so he letsher stay.
And he called oh, he had askedJeeves to bring them a beverage.
(53:30):
Tell me why Jeeves comes backin with the biggest jug of
brandy ever seen in my life andtwo glasses.
Sir, when I order a drink, Iordered a drink.
I didn't want you to pour itmyself.
This ain't DIY.
This ain't BYOB her to drink.
I didn't want you to pour itmyself.
This ain't DIY, this ain't BYOB.
Pour my stuff up.
He didn't even bring ice oranything.
He's really got an attitude.
I need him gone.
Well, after Terry and the manwill make up, the man will call
(53:54):
Jeeves back in there and he sayshey, dude, tomorrow when you
make breakfast make sure youdon't throw any blueberries or
anything.
And the lady likes cream andsugar in her coffee.
Do you know?
This moves this woman to tears.
This is how low her self-esteemis.
(54:15):
Oh, my God, you're going toserve me the same breakfast I
could get at any gas stationwhen I'm getting my oil changed.
I'm so loved, terry.
God, we need to get Terry inGirl Scouts.
She needs to start from.
She needs we need to scrapewhat little bit of confidence
she has into the garbage can andlet's start from the beginning.
We're going to put you in GirlScouts.
(54:35):
You're going to go all the wayfrom like the daisies to the
seniors or cadets or whateverthey are.
We're going to get her somesocial skills.
We're going to let her feelgood about herself, learn some
things, earn her confidencebadge by badge.
She needs help.
This is depressing and I'm notbuying the Manimal storyline.
This is almost as infuriatingas the Jeff and Fallon thing.
(54:58):
There is zero chemistry andthere's just no reason for these
two people to be together,other than, I guess, her
revealing that she knows whoJoel McCarvey is, who could be
the key to getting Lance freed.
Okay, real quick.
I knew the Anini is minding herbusiness in the wine house.
When Chase comes in with this,this random dude, she sees him,
(55:20):
she freaks out.
Turns out this is a guy thatshe used to sleep with.
He is married.
He corners her a little lateron, like it's very clear that
she's trying to avoid him, butChase doesn't pick up on that,
tries to avoid him.
Later on he corners her andhe's like can't we just have a
few more moments of fun?
And she's like absolutely not.
Are you still married?
Yeah, do you still have twokids?
(55:44):
Well, I have three now, butthey're practically grown
Impossible.
She's like please stop playingin my face, I want absolutely
nothing to do with you.
So we do have a new characterwho's been introduced and he is
some sort of banker who Chase isschmoozing with.
Now.
I don't know if he really wantsto help Chase out or he just
figured out that Connie's backin town and he wanted to be in
the loop.
Angela has to sneak down to ChowLee's cousin's house under a
(56:06):
really fabulous cloak that islike, adorned with these
beautiful jewels at the end orsomething.
It is a very fancy shawl.
Chow Lee comes into Lance'sroom and Lance is talking big
ish about how he want Lorrainethere.
He's going to go get his wifeand then you, just you play on
in my face.
Chow Lee, charlie, Tell mygrandma, I don't care what she
thinks.
Well, she snatches off thestraw and she's like you don't
(56:27):
shut the hell up.
You know how hard it is for abad bee like me to sneak around.
You had to sneak down here andnot get caught.
Do you know how difficult thatis?
I'm putting you in a shippingcontainer and sending you to the
old country so you can hang outwith our cousins and Francesca
and them, because you can't betrusted.
Lance, she don't even careabout putting him on a boat.
You're gonna get on a ship well, I guess it is on a boat, but
(56:47):
you're gonna be in a shippingcontainer because I don't trust
you to do the right thing, okay.
So Angela is right, it is veryhard for a baddie like her to
slip around under the cloak ofdarkness because she a has a
super Gotham villain car andshe's who she is.
Plus, lorraine heard everythingand she definitely followed her
in a car there.
So the show ends on that, butwe got to just touch one more
(57:08):
time on bad girl Melly, mel.
So Chase and his family thatwould be Chase Cole, melissa and
Maggie are at dinner.
I guess maybe Joseph isupstairs reading or doing taxes
or something and they'recheering to Maggie.
Maggie, congratulations onbeing the new editor at the
Globe.
Chase is really proud of thepaperwork or the article she put
(57:29):
out on Lance and Melissa's likewe're so proud, I'm so proud of
you, maggie, you have such animportant job.
I think it's so great.
The family agrees Like mom,you're doing a great job, you're
doing so good.
Chase says so.
It sounds like that guy who usedto work with us might be mixed
up in all of this.
Melissa is just eating her meal.
She don't know who they'retalking about.
At first she's like who are youtalking about?
(57:50):
Chase goes oh, there's newevidence.
Seems like the guy who used torun our driver.
Whatever.
The guy who used to work herereally likes to travel.
Seems like he's run off, butJoel McCarty may have set up
Lance by this point.
Melissa's like wait whatMaggie's like?
Yeah, there's a lot of evidence.
I've already talked to themanimal about it and he's on it.
(58:12):
He's looking for Joel as wespeak and Melissa's face is like
I know you lying.
She is $200,000 down, allbecause Lance called her a whore
.
She had to get revenge on herex-husband.
He just had his little slickmouth, he just wouldn't leave
her alone.
And that, ladies and gentlemen,is that.
(58:34):
I can't even imagine howfrustrating and nerve-wracking
that would be.
You pay a guy to do a littlesomething, he goes AWOL, does
weirdest stuff ever dang.
It's hard out here for a badgirl.
Sometimes all she wanted was alittle smack up, flip up
situation with Lance and it'sturned into a complete and total
(58:56):
fiasco, which is not 100% herfault.
But the evidence mountingagainst bad girl Melly Mel is
substantial.
All right, guys, that's it.
That's all.
We're going to go ahead and jumpinto the next episode of
Vintage Primetime Debauchery.
I hope you've enjoyed this oneas much as I did.
Remember, you can reach out inthe show notes or at
(59:16):
soplorepodcast at gmailcom.
S-o-a-p-l-o-r-e-p-o-d-c-a-s-tat gmailcom.
In the meantime, in betweentime.
Please, please, don't getblackmailed by someone in
leather.
There's nothing morediscouraging than watching
somebody spend all of your hardinherited money on custom
(59:37):
fashion.
But I mean, hey, it's the 80s.
Stay hydrated, stay moisturized, mind your own business and
keep all of your drama on TV.
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