October 21, 2025 • 38 mins
A bomb tears through the night, Maggie wakes without a past, and Angela finds herself boxed in by court orders and cool smiles. The Phoenix doesn’t ease back into Falcon Crest—it lights the match. We walk you through each twist and why this premiere feels sharper, faster, and far more dangerous than anything the vineyard has poured in a while. Maggie’s amnesia reframes the heart of the show. She reads rooms even when names vanish, pushing Chase to confront who he’s been instead of who he remembers being. Across town, Richard’s nursing a spinal injury in a sleek, sterile fortress while ominous threats arrive and a razor-smart attorney, Jennifer Jordan, sets boundaries and battle lines. Lance, raw with grief, trades healing for high-risk stunts and bad choices, turning into a beautiful liability. And Melissa? She’s turning county into theater, testing patience and parole in equal measure. The power struggle crackles as Cassandra and Anna flex legal control over Falcon Crest, floating a resort plan that tramples heritage for amenities. Angela’s purple-clad fury isn’t just about money; it’s about meaning—how land, legacy, and labor define a family. Then the quietest bomb drops in a Connecticut convent: Julia’s “lost year” hides a living heir raised among priests. That revelation ricochets through bloodlines, leverage, and loyalty, reminding us that in Falcon Crest, the past never dies—it waits to be weaponized. If you crave vintage soap drama with modern pacing—amnesia, long-lost children, boardroom warfare, and razor-edged banter—this is your glass. Hit play, subscribe for the next premiere breakdown, and tell us: which twist changed the game for you?
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_01 (00:04):
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls,
welcome or welcome back toSoaploin Social Gathering Place
for Newbies.
Now this is an OG diehard plansof the golden time now.
I'm your host, Debbie, andreviewing of season 21 of one of
the most out of the place hereweight.
So what the moment does it backon the door?
(00:25):
Tell me if it's time to playoutside or out of sight,
nobody's no questions.
25 to 55 minutes.
(00:58):
How y'all doing today?
Feeling good?
I hope you're feeling greattoday.
I can just feel it in my bones.
I feel like y'all smell good andyou look good today.
If not, don't worry, I ain'tgonna tell nobody.
But welcome back, gorgeous.
We are jumping into anotherfun-filled edition of Soap Lore.
(01:20):
Another review is on the way.
I don't know what I'm watching.
I still have my pieces of paper.
Full disclosure, I accidentallytossed them away with the candy
bag as I should.
So I had to redo them.
But we're gonna dig into thosehere in a second, figure out
what I'm gonna watch.
Honestly, I won't bedisappointed.
Dallas, oh my god, Dallas gaveme everything I thought I
(01:42):
wanted.
Everything.
Go ahead and pour yourself upsomething bubbly and bright, and
we're gonna figure out whatwe're watching after I tell
y'all about this here movie Iwatched yesterday.
Shout out to the great state ofOregon for letting your girl
know about uh a feature filmwith two of my favorite people
on TV.
Mr.
Larry Hagman and Miss Joanalmost called her Crawford.
(02:04):
I almost did it.
Oh my gosh.
Miss Joan Collins.
Speaking of Joan Crawford, I hadno idea that Faye Dunaway did
not like her portrayal in MommyDearest.
I am flabbergasted.
Of course, I'm not an AcademyAward-winning actress, and I'm
(02:25):
not actually sure if she iseither.
I feel like if she's not, she'sbeen robbed.
She's another one like GlennClose, who I feel like I'm
always really shocked to hearthat they don't have all the
accolades I think they deserve.
Now, I hadn't seen Miss FayeDunaway in a minute.
But two things about her.
Number one, her and JenniferLewis are sisters from the same
Mr.
I am convinced.
(02:46):
I am certain.
If they're not first or secondcousins, I don't know.
Some somebody got down withsomebody because they look just
alike to me, just differentraces.
Number two, I don't want tocompare that betrayal to Jared
Luddell, but I feel like I haveto.
I know people ripped him toshred for his portrayal of the
Joker in Suicide Squad.
(03:08):
Obviously, that movie wassupposed to be fun.
I just don't understand whypeople take superheroes, action
heroes, mermaids so serious.
It's not that deep.
I thought he did an excellentjob.
Riddle me this.
If the Joker was a real person,would he not be some sort of
cracked out, semi-homelessweirdo?
Obviously, he would be.
He would be unhinged, he wouldmake you very uncomfortable
(03:30):
every time you saw him.
This was not meant to be DarkNight.
I'm not even gonna get intothat, but you feel what I'm
saying, right?
A lot of people didn't like itbecause that's not their version
of what they wanted to see.
And I could see the audienceswho didn't like mommy dearest
feeling the same way.
I get it.
If you're a Joan Crawford fan,maybe you felt like it was a bit
of an insult, but you need toremember this is her daughter's
(03:52):
recounting of her life with her.
Is it a bit of a caricature?
Of course it is, but if we'rebeing honest, a lot of people's
parents, a lot of people's lovedones, husbands, girlfriends,
boyfriends, whatever, aredifferent people behind closed
doors than they are in person orin around other people.
Take it how you want.
I know a lot of people didn'tlike it for that reason.
(04:13):
I was just surprised that shedidn't like it.
I thought she was amazing, butof course I have the privilege
of seeing her in many, manyother films.
So enough about that.
I went all the way off on MommyDears, is because her name is
Joan Crawford versus JoanCollins.
Okay, Collins, Collins, Collins.
(04:34):
She and Larry Hagman showed upand showed out.
I ended up watching Up in theCellar yesterday and it was
great.
I know what you're thinking.
You're like, you just saidSuicide Squad was good.
I did.
You just said Mommy Dearish wasgood.
I did.
(04:54):
So was Glitter, so was SpiceWorld, so was I'm gonna get you
sucker, so was Dallas BuyersClub.
I got eclectic taste, and that'sokay.
It was great.
It's not I don't know what I wasexpecting.
So, real briefly, the wholepoint of the film is this kid
loses his scholarship and hewants to get back to the dean of
this university, and he has thiscontroversial plan in order to
(05:17):
do it.
Filmed in 1970, immediately, Iguess I didn't really expect to
get the humor, I got it rightaway.
I realized as I started watchingthis, I had never heard Joan
Collins' American accent.
I always thought her Britishaccent was a little more
American, like you can tellshe's been over here for quite a
while, but I'd never heard of afull-on American accent.
(05:40):
And the more I think about it,I'm not sure I've actually ever
heard her talk outside ofDynasty.
With as much TV as I watch, I'msure it came up at some point.
I just don't recall.
She was hilarious.
She was she was a little bitkooky, she was a little bit
earthy, a little bit out ofthere.
(06:00):
Oh my gosh.
There's a couple of scenes whereum, I don't want to give away
anything away because you mayhave the opportunity to watch it
on Amazon, you may find itsomewhere else.
I think if you can get it fromyour public library, or if you
can get it off of Amazon orsomewhere else, or on YouTube,
enjoy yourself.
You're gonna have a good time.
But there's a couple of sceneswhere she needs to go different
(06:21):
places and she decides that sheneeds to wear a disguise.
I never saw this until thismovie.
She gave Brittany, she lookedlike Miss Britney Jean Spears
with the blonde wig on.
I was like, oh my god, she wasit, there was a profile of her
in this wig.
She's talking to this lady, andI'm like, dang, this looks like
Britney in those days where shewas wearing those pink and
(06:42):
purple wigs.
Not judging, I'm just saying,never thought that.
And then when I saw LarryHagman, aka J R, tell me why it
took me probably 45 seconds torealize it was him.
I have never seen his hair slickback.
He didn't have the mama's boypart that he had on Bewitch or
on Dallas.
(07:02):
His hair was slicked back.
He gave DiCaprio.
I'm like, oh my god, look atDiCaprio and Brittany in this.
He was as funny as you as you.
Oh my gosh.
If you like him as JR and youliked him as Durwert or Darren,
you'll love him in this movie.
I can hear a lot of JR comingout, but man, it was a good
(07:22):
time.
Highly recommend 10 out of 10,up in the cellar.
All right, I got my shows in abox here.
That didn't work out the way Iwanted.
Shuffle, shuffle, shuffle.
I am going to watch and reviewfountain crest.
(07:47):
Okay.
I'm not mad at that.
We need to see if Maggie andRichard Savide being blued up.
Let me figure out what it'scalled.
Alright, this is season five,episode one, called The Phoenix.
That seems fitting.
I'm going to do my best to dothis in 15-minute increments.
(08:08):
I think with this show, I mightbe able to do it because I'm
banking on this being a littlebit of a slow burn.
Although I think most of youwould agree season four
definitely was a little bitdifferent, the seasons previous.
So if they stay within thatvein, I wonder if if the pacing
will be a little bit different.
We're about to find out.
Also, I think I misspokeyesterday, or I misspoke on the
(08:30):
last episode.
I kept saying this was 1986.
Looks like this is in 1985.
Probably shot in 84, aired in85.
Okay, so I just had a mild heartattack.
Apparently, the licensing is nolonger available on Amazon.
They didn't tell me nothing.
I know y'all stalked me.
I know this.
They said nothing.
(08:51):
So I'm watching it on Plex justFYI.
If any of you guys are watching.
Okay, Falcon Grass.
I see you.
Looks like they hired a graphicdesigner or something.
The intro's a little bitdifferent.
I want Terry's back.
Okay.
Oh, we have some new people.
Oh, the Mammals back.
Okay, Susan, I see you.
(09:11):
She turned like she was realcute.
Okay, it looks like Maggie livedbecause she's in the opening
credits.
Going forward, this is gonna bea little trickier if I have to
watch it on this platformbecause I've trained my brain to
just sort of skip over stuff.
I can strictly look at just thetitle and just move through it,
or I might have a family memberlook it up for me.
But this time I'm gonna have tobe a little bit more cautious.
(09:33):
And straight out the gate, wegot the soap tack, soap tack,
soap tack.
First of all, this is the firsttime I've ever seen a TV on
Falcon Crest.
Angela has redone her livingroom, looks just like my
great-grandma's circa 1989-ish.
She's got the built, you know,the the entertainment center
(09:56):
with a little bitty TV, butthat's neither here or there.
Her and the manimal are watchingTV, and it is a sheriff
explaining that the bomb inRichard's house seemed to have
been centered right under thesleeping quarters upstairs.
So when it went kaboom, he andMaggie were blown clear before
the fire in the house started.
Soap tack, soap tack, soaptacks.
(10:19):
Oddly enough, the media is atthe hospital.
They're all in the hallwayschasing down Chase, asking him
if his wife's gonna live.
How rude, right?
In the middle of a hospital, youwould think they'd kick him out.
Soap tack, soap tack, soap tack.
So Maggie is in the hospital andRichard already bought a brand
new house.
He is holed up.
(10:39):
They said he's become a hermit.
I'm assuming this is two dayslater.
I don't think that's be a hermitper se.
Maybe he just hadn't gone outyet.
But he's got a new house.
He don't want to come outside.
His guards are pushing everyoneaway.
Apparently, his guards were alsothe people who saved he and
Maggie.
Angela is sitting in her livingroom and her purple people eater
(11:00):
grape Kool-Aid suit and tie.
No, I love purple.
I'm a purple girl, but goodlord, it is Barney.
Barney and purple Kool-Aid.
Now I'm sorry, I disrespectedAngela because no sooner than
she gets good and comfortable,stand up from the couch, in
comes Cassandra and her notburned up mother.
(11:22):
I guess Balconcross loves a goodexplosion, but they're not gonna
burn anybody if they can helpit.
Anyway, Cassandra and her mamaare there because they have full
access apparently to Angela'sbooks.
They want to go over thenumbers, crunch a few just to
see how wealthy they are now.
They're doing it with a smuglook on their face, and Angela's
like, oh, that's cute.
What makes you think you'regonna come in my office?
(11:44):
Well, they have a doodt lawyerbehind them.
He hands them a court order thatsays you just said they can do
it.
Manimal reads over it and he'slike, Jolly, show them the way.
Things are not looking good twominutes in.
Disrespect is at an all-timehigh.
These heifers have to bestopped.
I was kind of on Cassandra'sside last season, just a little.
Well, I'm gonna be honest.
(12:04):
I was just eager to see who shewas and what she wanted, but her
and her mama gotta be stopped.
Not only did they burst up intoAngela's home, they are now in
her newly renovated office.
She has gold embossed furniture,she painted the walls lavender,
she's carrying this purple themewherever she wanted to go.
(12:25):
So she walks into the office,and Cassandra's mama is sitting
in the chair, like, damn, girl,you ain't got nothing with
cushions.
And Angela looks at her, like,my name is Big Perm, not
Pillowtop.
I am not here to make youcomfortable.
You want the books?
Read the books.
So Angela walks around to thetable and like, listen, these
books go all the way back to theturn of the century, but I guess
you're gonna need that if you'retrying to run a winery.
(12:46):
They're like, winery?
Who said anything about wine?
These heifers want to turn herhard work, her her centuries old
blood, sweat, and tears, Italianimmigrants making good with this
rocky land.
They want to turn it into aresort.
Talking about tennis courts andwhatnot.
(13:06):
I can't wait till she turns upon them.
I I know this.
Oh my god.
They're gonna ruin the day.
They're gonna ruin the day theycross big purple perm.
Also, who wants to stay on aresort with no other
attractions?
The winery would be theattraction, right?
Nobody wants to stay in themiddle of nowhere and do
absolutely nothing, not at aresort.
Be a bed and breakfast.
I get that.
Alright, new character alert.
(13:28):
I know this baddie.
I know I know this woman.
I think I think I know thiswoman, or she looks like a lot
of people.
Jennifer Jordan Roberts.
So Richard is holed up in hishouse, but it's because he's
he's nursing a spinal injury.
He's stubbornly walking on atreadmill while this nurse is
fussing over him and some dudeis just staring at him in the
(13:50):
back.
Guess that guy's only job isanswering the telephone when it
rings.
Telephone rings, they're like JJRoberts or Robinson's here.
He thinks it's a dude, so he'slike, Y'all put on my back brace
or my faha after his BBL, andthen he puts on a silver bullet
silk robe, some Nuggy high tops,and walks outside with his cane
(14:11):
looking for JJ.
He thinks JJ is a dude.
She's like, I'm JJ.
He's like, You mean JJ?
She's like, I'm Jennifer Jordan,fool.
My daddy is JJ.
So yeah, I'm her.
Apparently, she wants to be hislawyer.
She knows if somebody tried toblow him to smithereens, she
thinks that they're gonna do itagain.
She's kind of a cocky bra.
She's what Terry should be.
(14:31):
Where do I know this woman?
I know I know this woman.
I know I know her.
Dang, I now wish I'd paid alittle bit more attention to the
names up front.
I paid attention because theyhad pictures of people.
So I noticed one new dude.
I know I know her.
This is driving me nuts.
Okay, I'll just pay attention atthe end.
Anyway, this is a baddie.
I can already tell she's talkingabout she made a million dollars
(14:53):
before she was 30, then she gotbored.
I feel a new bad girl on thehorizon.
Oh, she also knows that Rich wasbroke.
Familiar face.
So the next scene we see Maggieleaving the hospital.
Here's a gotcha gotcha.
It's 1985, but Chase's shirt isdefinitely from 1975.
He has on a butterfly collar.
You already know.
First two buttons undone, so wecan see that chest.
(15:15):
I think Maggie has amnesia.
Thank God.
Do you know how long I've beenwaiting for somebody to lose
their memory?
I feel like that's soap opera's101.
I was wondering we can have anamnesiac.
I kind of thought it'd be Julia.
Oh, Chase is fine.
(15:36):
He's strutting around that carlike he is Saturday Night Fever.
Brand new yellow Mercedes wagon,too.
I don't remember them havingthis.
But Maggie is back.
Naria Stitch, Naria Burn on herbody.
She's an all-white God.
I know this doctor too.
He's every bad guy, like in akid's movie.
(15:56):
I'm gonna figure out his name aswell, too.
But yeah, girl has amnesia.
It is about damn time.
I've been waiting a long timefor this.
She doesn't remember anything,including Chase.
She feels like y'all are puttingme in this car with this
stranger.
I don't know him.
The doctor's like, listen, I canvouch for him.
He hasn't left her side, he's agood dude.
That's your husband.
She's like, I know everybodykeeps telling me you have this
(16:18):
wonderful marriage, but I don'tfeel it, I don't know him.
Chase wants to know how soonshe's gonna remember if she
remembers anything at all.
Interesting though.
So I wonder, you know, this istelevision, but they weren't on
good terms.
He kind of gets a pass.
She don't remember that he wasfeeling all up and down Connie
Giannini's back or backlessback.
It's her back in a backlessdress.
(16:40):
You understand what I'm saying.
I wonder how long this willlast.
I give it four episodes.
Didn't I tell you that bad girlMellie Mel was gonna turn that
jail out?
Tell me why her cell looks likea teenager's room on a sitcom.
She has a full-on comforter witha bed skirt.
(17:05):
She clearly isn't sleeping onsome thin little pillowtop.
She has posters on the wall.
I'm telling you, County is whereit's at.
She's having a conjugal visit,which hey, uh Cole.
Mind you, it's still a jail cellso that her neighbor can see
her.
I'm gonna go ahead and say thistoo.
This feels a little bit skin amaxi.
(17:27):
You know what I'm saying.
This feels like the beginning ofa very specific film, if you
know what I'm saying.
There's one dude, cop on duty,is a baddie, she's a blonde.
The other lady's like thisbombshell, you have a big pair,
everybody's fly, their prisongarb is little dresses.
Come on now.
Really?
That's what we're gonna do.
And and Melissa is all butbanging Cole.
(17:50):
The only reason she's not isbecause he needs to get back to
the hospital to meet his mom.
Lord have mercy.
This feels very skin-maxy, butapparently, if Melissa is on her
best behavior, she can get outfor good behavior.
Mind you, she's only gonna be inprison or jail, she's not even
in prison for two months.
She wants Cole to bring a plant,but he mentioned Rob and she got
(18:10):
pissed off.
Never mind, in her room withposters and all the comforts
from home.
Right at 17 minutes in, we'vealmost seen everybody, Lance,
might I say, lookingexceptionally smoking hot at his
wife's gravesite.
He's sitting in Lorraine's graveup waddles Richard and New
(18:30):
Lawyer Lady.
I feel like I've seen her onlike comedy shows.
I know I've seen her older,she's definitely a baddie and
everything, but I I swear she'slike on a sitcom at some point.
Anyway, Richard seems to thinkthat Lance blew him up.
And I'm like, can we please letthis go?
We are 17 minutes into seasonfive.
(18:52):
Lance already has an accusationon him.
But apparently he's been quitereckless.
He's been drag racing, he's beenhang gliding, he's been riding
motorcycles.
I think he's about to enter hisrenegade era.
But of course, Richard has topoke the bear and be like, Man,
you definitely did it.
I know you did it this oncebecause I guess Lance isn't
giving anybody an alibi.
(19:13):
Plus, we learn at this pointthat it has actually been six
weeks since the explosion.
Maggie's still uncomfortable.
Chase insists that he's gonnasleep in his office until she's
ready to invite him in.
So we're about halfway throughthe show.
Maggie still doesn't rememberanything.
Cole came over, he brought herflowers.
She's playing nice with him,she's doing the best she can.
(19:33):
He mentions Melissa.
Oh Melissa, well, can't wait tosee you.
So Maggie naturally asks, Well,where is she?
And they she can tell that Coleand Chase are acting funny.
So she goes, Oh my god, I'm abad mother-in-law, I'm one of
those.
They're like, No, no, no, no,no.
But she can see it, like, yeah,she has amnesia, but she can
still read the room.
So she's like, There's somethingyou're not saying.
They finally tell her thatMelissa's in jail, and she's
(19:55):
like, Oh, y'all thought I wasweak minded.
I see how it is.
Oh, I'm I'm the crazy lady whodon't know anything.
And they're trying to be like,No, Maggie, no, no, no.
So they don't know me.
I'm going to bed.
She goes upstairs.
I think I'm going to enjoyamnesiac Maggie.
I hope this gives Jeff with themercuric oxide.
Oh god, that was a time.
(20:16):
What a time.
But she's upstairs trying to gether bearings.
That has to suck.
Like, she didn't even rememberthe name of the dessert.
It's very clear that they haveredone all of the sets on Falcon
Crest because the castle, itthere's much more headroom.
Like they they raised theceilings or something.
It looks the same, but you cantell the scale is quite
different.
It's much larger vertically thanit was before.
(20:39):
They have a little old ladywho's a maiden, which I think
they had last time too, butthey're very comfortable now
having someone answer the doordoing all the cooking and stuff,
which is such a far cry fromthem when they first started.
Remember?
They were just willing to gettheir hands dirty and and live
off the land, blah blah blah.
They shoo.
Ever since Jacqueline's money.
(21:00):
Well, which reminds me.
Apparently, Connie Giannini hasfled the scene.
Nobody's seen her.
She's gone, God knows where.
Let Chase tell it.
But he has something up hissleeve.
He knows a Falcon Crest iscrumbling all around him.
He knows that Cassandra and hernot burnt mama are wreaking
havoc on Angela's life.
They don't seem to have anythingpersonally against him, but it's
(21:22):
gonna affect him nonetheless.
He tells Cole, well, ConnieGiannini made me a partner at
her operation, so I'm just gonnago ahead and run it under the
name of Falcon Crest.
Get this money because this ismy birthright, you see.
This is this is my land.
This is the best hundred acresin the country, blah, blah,
blah.
I'm gonna take over.
Okay.
(21:42):
Not really villainy, but I'mhere for it.
Flash forward to good old Emma.
Emma's mining.
Oh no, no, no, let me run itback just a little bit.
So Cassandra's in her office.
Her mom's real annoyed thatthey're not talking more about
Falcon Crest, but I meanCassandra still has a business
to run.
Before you know it, there's alittle bit of a commotion at the
door.
You can hear Angel saying, Moo!She goes in, she's like, I want
(22:04):
to know why you peppers feellike I need to run my bank
account by you.
She goes to the bank, she can'twithdraw any money on the Falcon
Crest accounts unless Cassandraand her mama say it's good.
Obviously, they're not gonna sayit's good.
She is super pissed, but notburnt.
Mama is gloating.
Anna is her name.
I'll start calling her Anna.
Anna is killing it too, by theway.
(22:25):
Whatever outfit she's wearing,like the first time we saw her,
she's wearing this really brightelectric sort of cobalt blue.
She's got matching leathergloves.
She's wearing this chocolatebrown outfit.
She's got matching gloves.
I see you.
I see you, Anna.
I like it.
Anyway, Angel's like, y'all gotme messed all the way up.
Anna tries to make a littleslick comment, like, oh girl,
(22:45):
you need some, you need somespending money.
You need some allowance.
Would hate for you to go broke.
Angel's like, bitch.
My money is quite long, my dear.
I am a lot of things.
Broke or near broke is not oneof them.
But she calls Anna a baby.
She's like, girl, we used to befriends.
You just I can't believe you'reacting like such a big baby.
(23:07):
Anna insists, well, I can't moveon from my husband's death.
Anna's like, I mean, but damn.
But I mean, okay, well, so what?
So what I've turned off thewater and burned your house
down.
And get over it.
It was a 60s.
So Emma's minding her business.
(23:28):
And I suppose because becauseSandra and her mother wanted to
go over the ledgers, somehow inthe ledger, I suppose there was
a diary entry, or maybe therewas a bill now that I'm saying
it out loud.
The Manimal's asking Emma, Sowhat happened to Julia?
It looks like she disappearedfor about a year.
And Emma says, Oh, yeah, Iremember that.
Nobody wanted to tell meanything, but she was sick.
(23:49):
I think she had a she stutters.
I thought she was gonna say ababy, but she says breakdown.
So it's very possible.
I don't know if she reallybelieves that.
The manimal then says, Well, whydoes your mother visit this town
and she gives all this money toa convent?
Da-da-da-da-da.
Isn't that where Julia's hiddenanyway?
Let me pay a little moreattention.
I'm sorry, this is the first runthrough this, but Emma's not
(24:09):
saying something, and theManimal is pressing her.
I just don't understand why thiswould be in the ledgers.
Anything that secretive, but ithas his heckles up for some
reason.
Also, he ran into Terry.
They were at the uh TuscanyDowns.
She's selling Small Virtue.
He's still poking at her, like,I can't believe you're so
unsavory and just dishonest.
And she's like, Let it go.
(24:30):
Did you ever think that I had tobe this way?
He claims he can't.
She does tell him to drop deadwhen he leaves, so we'll see.
Alright, Julia's back with aswoop-de-doo.
I think Julia's flavor in thisshow is so important.
Anytime she shows up, somethingexciting happens.
So Emma told him, told themanimal she didn't know what was
(24:52):
going on, but she knew where tofind him.
So he went to somewhere inOregon, River Creek, Oregon.
Julia shows up at the door.
She got a swoop-de-doo bob.
It's not quite asymmetrical, butit's it's not quite 50s buffon.
The manimal frames a question.
He he hits up Julia.
He's like, listen, your mom's indanger of losing Falcon Crest.
I need to know why you were inMarysville, Connecticut.
(25:13):
Julia looks like she's seen aghost.
She's also not wearing nunattire.
She's kind of wearing mother ofthe bride attire, like this
frock in this sheeny blue girl.
Okay, okay, hold up.
So let Julia tell it.
Let me get my mind together.
The manimal is pressing her.
(25:34):
Your mom's going to lose FalconCrest.
Why were you sent toConnecticut?
More specifically, why were yousent to Connecticut immediately
after the Rossini house burnedto a crisp?
She once again looks like she'sseen it goes, and she's like, Oh
my god, I tried to forget allthat.
I knew this was gonna happen.
She ain't even said it yet.
I know what she's fixing to say.
(25:54):
She said she fell in love withan older man.
So are you telling me thatJulia, the wine scientist, the
mousy little girl who is also amale zero, fell in love with has
Julia ever had a man of her ownother than that one time?
She was with her Ahmad Rashidbefore you went to Dynasty, not
(26:17):
her knocked up by the man?
Okay, let me let her finish.
But that's what I feel likeshe's about to say.
What else would she be saying?
Why else would you disappear fora year?
Oh, unless she burned him up.
Okay, I didn't even think aboutthat.
Maybe she set him a flame.
Maybe it was her.
Maybe Julia been crazy.
So if that's the case, why isEmma the one who's been
institutionalized?
(26:38):
Oh girl.
I don't know why I'm sayinggirl.
Yeah.
She had the man's baby.
I'd like to say this too, beforethis gets too deep.
Something that stood out to meon the last episode of Falcon
Crest when Anna was giving herrecount of what had happened.
She said that she was outsidewhere the kids were in the house
(27:00):
and the dad was in the housechasing them down.
That set really funny to me.
It seems like a weird place forher to be.
I I had it in the back of mymind, maybe she has something to
do with it.
But she's carrying on like she'sso just devastated and she
really wants to stick it toAngela and make her suffer.
Yeah.
That didn't sit well with me.
(27:22):
I'm willing to bet, and I'mhoping she has something to do
with the house burning down.
Because why else would she havebeen outside, leaving the babies
inside?
My gosh.
Y'all, okay, okay, let me gathermyself.
I just finished this entireepisode.
So Julia tells Manimal her babywas stillborn, right?
For whatever reason, he feelslike seeing the grave is
(27:44):
important enough to Falcon Crestthat it'll save it.
I'm not really making theconnection here.
But he decides he's gonna fly toConnecticut to put eyes on the
headstone, I suppose.
Angela catches wind of this andshe's about to head out, but she
has to take care of a few thingsbefore she heads out.
Remember earlier I told y'allthat the county jail felt a
(28:06):
little bit like a Skinmax movie?
Tell me why Lance got himselfthrown in county on like a drunk
charge.
They had him in the drunk tank.
He comes out, he's all holdingon to the nurse Boom Booms,
talking crap to Melissa, callingher a jailbird, and how he
wished he could keep her behindbars.
She was like, ha ha.
(28:27):
I'll be out before you know it.
Anyway, he ends up sleeping withsaid cop Lady Boom Booms,
whatever her name is, OfficerJuggs.
Angela catches wind of this.
This wasn't really important.
She catches him fornicating inher house.
We all know how she feels aboutfornication.
Tells him, I was gonna leave youin charge, Lance, but I'm not
anymore.
He's trying to find a differentway to mourn Lorraine.
(28:48):
He got this letter from Chicagotalking about Lorraine's estate,
and he was a sole heir, and shehad like two million dollars
worth of money and property.
Where is she getting all thisfrom?
At 20 years old.
So I suppose Rich, I don't knowhow that works.
But apparently Lorraine waspapered up and now he is too,
only he doesn't want it.
(29:09):
He just kind of wanted to shoveit in Angela's face.
Like, well, you see, now is shegood enough for me now?
Now that it's totallyirrelevant.
Not a lot's going on with Lance.
I don't know when he becomes arenegade, but know that he is
boning buxome police officersand doing dangerous activities.
So Julia ends up calling FalconCrest at some point while Emma
(29:29):
and Angela are chilling on thecouch, and she she calls.
Angela picks up the phone, andJulia's like, Are y'all okay?
Is everything good?
Reardon was here.
Immediately, that's when Angelaputs two and two together.
She knows he's digging too deep.
She has a feeling that he knowswhat's up, and she immediately
knows that Emma probably knowswhat's up.
Angela flies to Connecticut onlyto find the manimal at the
(29:52):
church slash graveyard lookingfor a stillborn baby circa 1964.
1965 ish.
He doesn't see anything, and forwhatever reason, she just feels
like, Reader, I don't know whyyou keep poking around.
Why what are you doing this for?
He goes, You've always been sogood to me.
And if there's anything I can doto save Falcon Crest, I'm gonna
do it.
I'm not gonna leave any stoneunturned, even if you fire me.
(30:15):
Again, I'm not really making theconnection as to why this would
save Falcon Crest.
Angela's like, Fine, I'm I'mexhausted.
This is season five.
I pay you good money.
Come on in here.
So there's a priest walkingaround on the grounds, and he's
a little, I mean he'smiddle-aged-ish, I guess.
A salt and pepper hair, and heescorts Angela and the Manimal
(30:38):
into this gym.
It's very clear that Angela isthe anonymous donor, anonymous
in quotation, who has beensupplying this church with bu
money year after year afteryear, which is why the manimal's
heckles are up.
She says, Fine, okay, Raiden.
If you tell anybody on earthwhat you're about to find out
here, I'm gonna make your life aliving help.
She confesses, Julia's baby didnot die, but I let her think he
(31:02):
did so that she would just relaxa little.
And the minimal's like, Oh,okay, so I mean he's clearly put
up for adoption, that's why he'snot in the graveyard.
And she goes, Not exactly.
He was raised right here in thisconvent with the priest.
Oh, well, where is he?
She says, You're looking at him.
There are three priests in thisgym.
The boys are like working out.
(31:23):
It almost looks like a bootcamp.
Nobody, you know, it's TV, sothey're not really working out
that hard.
But somebody is on the punchingbags.
The goofiest looking man I'veever seen in my life turns and
gives this big Kool-Aid smile,like a yuck-yuck.
Hi, my name is Wally Bieber,waving at them.
That is Julia's son with Mr.
(31:44):
Rossini.
So Cassandra has a brotheroutside of Riker who is now in
outer space via Julia.
So, what's this whole FalconCrest air thing with Lance?
Soap tack, soap text, soap text.
Anyway, I am super pumped thatnot only do we have an amnesiac
this episode, we have along-lost child.
(32:09):
I guess that's only come up onwell, all of them now, right?
Except Nas Laney.
We've got Ray Krebs being a longlost Adam on Dynasty, and now
Priest Goofy Face.
Only other things worth noting,cousin Robin is around, she is
starting to show, she's gettingon everybody's nerve.
Cole's like, Don't wearMelissa's maternity clothes.
(32:31):
But also when she pushes upagainst him, it's getting harder
and harder for him to resist.
Speaking up of pushing upagainst people, Chase has had
all he can take.
He gets home one night andMaggie is in bed, and she's
telling him that she had theurge to write.
So she's joting down stuff in ajournal, and he's like, All
right, all right, okay.
That's the Maggie I know andlove.
(32:52):
So uh, you want to do something?
And she's like, nah.
He's like touching her robe,talking about he bought it for
her, and she looks so beautiful.
He tries to caress her face.
She's like, Please don't.
I don't know you.
This is weird.
Please don't touch me.
He flips out, turns into Adam,grabs her up, damn it, gives her
a big old passionate kiss, andthen he throws her on the bed.
(33:12):
And I'm like, Oh my god, arethey just did he turn heel?
He didn't.
He got beside himself.
She was turning them on in herfull pajamas, no gown.
She's wearing pajama pants, apajama top, and a robe.
But he's like, You're doing itfor me.
But he apologizes.
Oh my god, I'm sorry, I just gotbeside myself.
(33:33):
I think what happened was Terryplanted the seed in his mind.
So Terry comes over.
As she's coming in, Chase iscoming out.
This is maybe the day before.
She's like, Chase, how is she?
He says, uh, you know, more ofthe same.
And on Terry says, Well, youknow, I mean, maybe she'll
remember you physically, huh?
He's like, Shut up, Terry.
(33:53):
He leaves.
Terry does not understand whatamnesia means, and she doesn't
understand a head injury becauseshe is yelling at Maggie.
Remember what you used to callme when we were kids?
We were so close.
Girl, sit down and be quiet.
She already says she don't knowyou.
She finally had to snap.
She's like, Look, look, lady.
I said I don't remember.
(34:13):
Please relax.
Terry's gonna be a huge pain inthe butt this season.
I can already tell she's talkingabout I have this beautiful body
and this gorgeous face, andnobody takes me seriously.
Girl, bye.
But speaking of being a baddie,which is basically what she
said, the lawyer lady.
Oh, Richard's being harassed,too.
That's another thing.
Richard's being harassed.
Somebody actually went to hisnew house, which looks like
(34:34):
Miami Vice.
It's like all white, white desk,white room, gun metal, gray bed
cover.
Somebody left a note sayingthey'll see him soon.
So, new lady, new lawyer lady,JJ, is trying to put two and two
together.
They can't really come up withwho it could be.
This is going to be a recurringtheme, I guess, for as long as
Richard's on the show, somebodyis trying to kill.
(34:55):
I don't know who this woman is,and it's driving me crazy.
And I didn't notice any names atthe end, but it'll come to me.
I know it will.
I feel like I've seen her onmany things, and she's always
really glamorous.
Maybe she was a naked gun.
I'm gonna go look at the cast ofNaked Gun.
Alright, guys, that's it for thethe season opener.
Very pleased.
As a matter of fact, thisalready feels different.
(35:17):
Falcon Crest is jam-packingquite a bit of things into the
first episode.
That's not like them at all.
I like this pacing.
I did notice the way it's laidout here on uh Plex.
There's 29 episodes this season,which is still quite a bit.
So I'll be curious to see ifthey'll do like they did last
season and basically have twoseasons jammed into one.
(35:39):
But so far, so good.
You got the Rossinis making lifedifficult.
You've got Chase having thiswhole difficulty with Maggie
while also secretly runninganother vineyard.
Melissa's in a weird sort ofSkinemax jail.
Lance is reckless, Julia's got ababy, a grown man baby, a goofy
one.
Oh, that's what I was gonna saytoo.
(36:00):
I think Emma had a nose job.
I not I mean, and do you?
I am not one of those people whofeel like plastic surgery is a
faux pas.
Get whatever you need to getdone to make you feel good about
yourself.
It is a wonderful nose job, butshe definitely looks different
in the face.
And she seems a lot moretogether this season.
(36:22):
She's not nearly as whimsical asshe used to be.
We're off to a great start.
The only question I have left atthis point is if this episode is
called The Phoenix and the showis called Falcon Crest, whatever
happened to that Falcon?
Remember the Falcon used to flyand Lorenzo Lamas would hold it
out, probably season one andtwo, pretty heavy.
I ain't say that Falcon in threeseasons.
(36:43):
I think you need to bring theFalcon back to Falcon Crest, or
at the very least, have themanimal morph into one.
Alright, guys, that's it.
That's all for this episode.
Join me next time as we jumpback into some more season
premieres.
It's either gonna be season fourpremiere of Knott's Landing or
it's gonna be season fivepremiere of Dynasty.
We will find out together.
(37:04):
In the meantime, in betweentime, stay hydrated, stay
moisturized, mind your ownbusiness.
Keep a journal just in case weget amnesia and keep all of your
drama on TV, but I'm gonna go tothe book.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls,
welcome or welcome back toSoaploin Social Gathering Place
for Newbies.
Now this is an OG diehard plansof the golden time now.
I'm your host, Debbie, andreviewing of season 21 of one of
the most out of the place hereweight.
So what the moment does it backon the door?
(00:25):
Tell me if it's time to playoutside or out of sight,
nobody's no questions.
25 to 55 minutes.
(00:58):
How y'all doing today?
Feeling good?
I hope you're feeling greattoday.
I can just feel it in my bones.
I feel like y'all smell good andyou look good today.
If not, don't worry, I ain'tgonna tell nobody.
But welcome back, gorgeous.
We are jumping into anotherfun-filled edition of Soap Lore.
(01:20):
Another review is on the way.
I don't know what I'm watching.
I still have my pieces of paper.
Full disclosure, I accidentallytossed them away with the candy
bag as I should.
So I had to redo them.
But we're gonna dig into thosehere in a second, figure out
what I'm gonna watch.
Honestly, I won't bedisappointed.
Dallas, oh my god, Dallas gaveme everything I thought I
(01:42):
wanted.
Everything.
Go ahead and pour yourself upsomething bubbly and bright, and
we're gonna figure out whatwe're watching after I tell
y'all about this here movie Iwatched yesterday.
Shout out to the great state ofOregon for letting your girl
know about uh a feature filmwith two of my favorite people
on TV.
Mr.
Larry Hagman and Miss Joanalmost called her Crawford.
(02:04):
I almost did it.
Oh my gosh.
Miss Joan Collins.
Speaking of Joan Crawford, I hadno idea that Faye Dunaway did
not like her portrayal in MommyDearest.
I am flabbergasted.
Of course, I'm not an AcademyAward-winning actress, and I'm
(02:25):
not actually sure if she iseither.
I feel like if she's not, she'sbeen robbed.
She's another one like GlennClose, who I feel like I'm
always really shocked to hearthat they don't have all the
accolades I think they deserve.
Now, I hadn't seen Miss FayeDunaway in a minute.
But two things about her.
Number one, her and JenniferLewis are sisters from the same
Mr.
I am convinced.
(02:46):
I am certain.
If they're not first or secondcousins, I don't know.
Some somebody got down withsomebody because they look just
alike to me, just differentraces.
Number two, I don't want tocompare that betrayal to Jared
Luddell, but I feel like I haveto.
I know people ripped him toshred for his portrayal of the
Joker in Suicide Squad.
(03:08):
Obviously, that movie wassupposed to be fun.
I just don't understand whypeople take superheroes, action
heroes, mermaids so serious.
It's not that deep.
I thought he did an excellentjob.
Riddle me this.
If the Joker was a real person,would he not be some sort of
cracked out, semi-homelessweirdo?
Obviously, he would be.
He would be unhinged, he wouldmake you very uncomfortable
(03:30):
every time you saw him.
This was not meant to be DarkNight.
I'm not even gonna get intothat, but you feel what I'm
saying, right?
A lot of people didn't like itbecause that's not their version
of what they wanted to see.
And I could see the audienceswho didn't like mommy dearest
feeling the same way.
I get it.
If you're a Joan Crawford fan,maybe you felt like it was a bit
of an insult, but you need toremember this is her daughter's
(03:52):
recounting of her life with her.
Is it a bit of a caricature?
Of course it is, but if we'rebeing honest, a lot of people's
parents, a lot of people's lovedones, husbands, girlfriends,
boyfriends, whatever, aredifferent people behind closed
doors than they are in person orin around other people.
Take it how you want.
I know a lot of people didn'tlike it for that reason.
(04:13):
I was just surprised that shedidn't like it.
I thought she was amazing, butof course I have the privilege
of seeing her in many, manyother films.
So enough about that.
I went all the way off on MommyDears, is because her name is
Joan Crawford versus JoanCollins.
Okay, Collins, Collins, Collins.
(04:34):
She and Larry Hagman showed upand showed out.
I ended up watching Up in theCellar yesterday and it was
great.
I know what you're thinking.
You're like, you just saidSuicide Squad was good.
I did.
You just said Mommy Dearish wasgood.
I did.
(04:54):
So was Glitter, so was SpiceWorld, so was I'm gonna get you
sucker, so was Dallas BuyersClub.
I got eclectic taste, and that'sokay.
It was great.
It's not I don't know what I wasexpecting.
So, real briefly, the wholepoint of the film is this kid
loses his scholarship and hewants to get back to the dean of
this university, and he has thiscontroversial plan in order to
(05:17):
do it.
Filmed in 1970, immediately, Iguess I didn't really expect to
get the humor, I got it rightaway.
I realized as I started watchingthis, I had never heard Joan
Collins' American accent.
I always thought her Britishaccent was a little more
American, like you can tellshe's been over here for quite a
while, but I'd never heard of afull-on American accent.
(05:40):
And the more I think about it,I'm not sure I've actually ever
heard her talk outside ofDynasty.
With as much TV as I watch, I'msure it came up at some point.
I just don't recall.
She was hilarious.
She was she was a little bitkooky, she was a little bit
earthy, a little bit out ofthere.
(06:00):
Oh my gosh.
There's a couple of scenes whereum, I don't want to give away
anything away because you mayhave the opportunity to watch it
on Amazon, you may find itsomewhere else.
I think if you can get it fromyour public library, or if you
can get it off of Amazon orsomewhere else, or on YouTube,
enjoy yourself.
You're gonna have a good time.
But there's a couple of sceneswhere she needs to go different
(06:21):
places and she decides that sheneeds to wear a disguise.
I never saw this until thismovie.
She gave Brittany, she lookedlike Miss Britney Jean Spears
with the blonde wig on.
I was like, oh my god, she wasit, there was a profile of her
in this wig.
She's talking to this lady, andI'm like, dang, this looks like
Britney in those days where shewas wearing those pink and
(06:42):
purple wigs.
Not judging, I'm just saying,never thought that.
And then when I saw LarryHagman, aka J R, tell me why it
took me probably 45 seconds torealize it was him.
I have never seen his hair slickback.
He didn't have the mama's boypart that he had on Bewitch or
on Dallas.
(07:02):
His hair was slicked back.
He gave DiCaprio.
I'm like, oh my god, look atDiCaprio and Brittany in this.
He was as funny as you as you.
Oh my gosh.
If you like him as JR and youliked him as Durwert or Darren,
you'll love him in this movie.
I can hear a lot of JR comingout, but man, it was a good
(07:22):
time.
Highly recommend 10 out of 10,up in the cellar.
All right, I got my shows in abox here.
That didn't work out the way Iwanted.
Shuffle, shuffle, shuffle.
I am going to watch and reviewfountain crest.
(07:47):
Okay.
I'm not mad at that.
We need to see if Maggie andRichard Savide being blued up.
Let me figure out what it'scalled.
Alright, this is season five,episode one, called The Phoenix.
That seems fitting.
I'm going to do my best to dothis in 15-minute increments.
(08:08):
I think with this show, I mightbe able to do it because I'm
banking on this being a littlebit of a slow burn.
Although I think most of youwould agree season four
definitely was a little bitdifferent, the seasons previous.
So if they stay within thatvein, I wonder if if the pacing
will be a little bit different.
We're about to find out.
Also, I think I misspokeyesterday, or I misspoke on the
(08:30):
last episode.
I kept saying this was 1986.
Looks like this is in 1985.
Probably shot in 84, aired in85.
Okay, so I just had a mild heartattack.
Apparently, the licensing is nolonger available on Amazon.
They didn't tell me nothing.
I know y'all stalked me.
I know this.
They said nothing.
(08:51):
So I'm watching it on Plex justFYI.
If any of you guys are watching.
Okay, Falcon Grass.
I see you.
Looks like they hired a graphicdesigner or something.
The intro's a little bitdifferent.
I want Terry's back.
Okay.
Oh, we have some new people.
Oh, the Mammals back.
Okay, Susan, I see you.
(09:11):
She turned like she was realcute.
Okay, it looks like Maggie livedbecause she's in the opening
credits.
Going forward, this is gonna bea little trickier if I have to
watch it on this platformbecause I've trained my brain to
just sort of skip over stuff.
I can strictly look at just thetitle and just move through it,
or I might have a family memberlook it up for me.
But this time I'm gonna have tobe a little bit more cautious.
(09:33):
And straight out the gate, wegot the soap tack, soap tack,
soap tack.
First of all, this is the firsttime I've ever seen a TV on
Falcon Crest.
Angela has redone her livingroom, looks just like my
great-grandma's circa 1989-ish.
She's got the built, you know,the the entertainment center
(09:56):
with a little bitty TV, butthat's neither here or there.
Her and the manimal are watchingTV, and it is a sheriff
explaining that the bomb inRichard's house seemed to have
been centered right under thesleeping quarters upstairs.
So when it went kaboom, he andMaggie were blown clear before
the fire in the house started.
Soap tack, soap tack, soaptacks.
(10:19):
Oddly enough, the media is atthe hospital.
They're all in the hallwayschasing down Chase, asking him
if his wife's gonna live.
How rude, right?
In the middle of a hospital, youwould think they'd kick him out.
Soap tack, soap tack, soap tack.
So Maggie is in the hospital andRichard already bought a brand
new house.
He is holed up.
(10:39):
They said he's become a hermit.
I'm assuming this is two dayslater.
I don't think that's be a hermitper se.
Maybe he just hadn't gone outyet.
But he's got a new house.
He don't want to come outside.
His guards are pushing everyoneaway.
Apparently, his guards were alsothe people who saved he and
Maggie.
Angela is sitting in her livingroom and her purple people eater
(11:00):
grape Kool-Aid suit and tie.
No, I love purple.
I'm a purple girl, but goodlord, it is Barney.
Barney and purple Kool-Aid.
Now I'm sorry, I disrespectedAngela because no sooner than
she gets good and comfortable,stand up from the couch, in
comes Cassandra and her notburned up mother.
(11:22):
I guess Balconcross loves a goodexplosion, but they're not gonna
burn anybody if they can helpit.
Anyway, Cassandra and her mamaare there because they have full
access apparently to Angela'sbooks.
They want to go over thenumbers, crunch a few just to
see how wealthy they are now.
They're doing it with a smuglook on their face, and Angela's
like, oh, that's cute.
What makes you think you'regonna come in my office?
(11:44):
Well, they have a doodt lawyerbehind them.
He hands them a court order thatsays you just said they can do
it.
Manimal reads over it and he'slike, Jolly, show them the way.
Things are not looking good twominutes in.
Disrespect is at an all-timehigh.
These heifers have to bestopped.
I was kind of on Cassandra'sside last season, just a little.
Well, I'm gonna be honest.
(12:04):
I was just eager to see who shewas and what she wanted, but her
and her mama gotta be stopped.
Not only did they burst up intoAngela's home, they are now in
her newly renovated office.
She has gold embossed furniture,she painted the walls lavender,
she's carrying this purple themewherever she wanted to go.
(12:25):
So she walks into the office,and Cassandra's mama is sitting
in the chair, like, damn, girl,you ain't got nothing with
cushions.
And Angela looks at her, like,my name is Big Perm, not
Pillowtop.
I am not here to make youcomfortable.
You want the books?
Read the books.
So Angela walks around to thetable and like, listen, these
books go all the way back to theturn of the century, but I guess
you're gonna need that if you'retrying to run a winery.
(12:46):
They're like, winery?
Who said anything about wine?
These heifers want to turn herhard work, her her centuries old
blood, sweat, and tears, Italianimmigrants making good with this
rocky land.
They want to turn it into aresort.
Talking about tennis courts andwhatnot.
(13:06):
I can't wait till she turns upon them.
I I know this.
Oh my god.
They're gonna ruin the day.
They're gonna ruin the day theycross big purple perm.
Also, who wants to stay on aresort with no other
attractions?
The winery would be theattraction, right?
Nobody wants to stay in themiddle of nowhere and do
absolutely nothing, not at aresort.
Be a bed and breakfast.
I get that.
Alright, new character alert.
(13:28):
I know this baddie.
I know I know this woman.
I think I think I know thiswoman, or she looks like a lot
of people.
Jennifer Jordan Roberts.
So Richard is holed up in hishouse, but it's because he's
he's nursing a spinal injury.
He's stubbornly walking on atreadmill while this nurse is
fussing over him and some dudeis just staring at him in the
(13:50):
back.
Guess that guy's only job isanswering the telephone when it
rings.
Telephone rings, they're like JJRoberts or Robinson's here.
He thinks it's a dude, so he'slike, Y'all put on my back brace
or my faha after his BBL, andthen he puts on a silver bullet
silk robe, some Nuggy high tops,and walks outside with his cane
(14:11):
looking for JJ.
He thinks JJ is a dude.
She's like, I'm JJ.
He's like, You mean JJ?
She's like, I'm Jennifer Jordan,fool.
My daddy is JJ.
So yeah, I'm her.
Apparently, she wants to be hislawyer.
She knows if somebody tried toblow him to smithereens, she
thinks that they're gonna do itagain.
She's kind of a cocky bra.
She's what Terry should be.
(14:31):
Where do I know this woman?
I know I know this woman.
I know I know her.
Dang, I now wish I'd paid alittle bit more attention to the
names up front.
I paid attention because theyhad pictures of people.
So I noticed one new dude.
I know I know her.
This is driving me nuts.
Okay, I'll just pay attention atthe end.
Anyway, this is a baddie.
I can already tell she's talkingabout she made a million dollars
(14:53):
before she was 30, then she gotbored.
I feel a new bad girl on thehorizon.
Oh, she also knows that Rich wasbroke.
Familiar face.
So the next scene we see Maggieleaving the hospital.
Here's a gotcha gotcha.
It's 1985, but Chase's shirt isdefinitely from 1975.
He has on a butterfly collar.
You already know.
First two buttons undone, so wecan see that chest.
(15:15):
I think Maggie has amnesia.
Thank God.
Do you know how long I've beenwaiting for somebody to lose
their memory?
I feel like that's soap opera's101.
I was wondering we can have anamnesiac.
I kind of thought it'd be Julia.
Oh, Chase is fine.
(15:36):
He's strutting around that carlike he is Saturday Night Fever.
Brand new yellow Mercedes wagon,too.
I don't remember them havingthis.
But Maggie is back.
Naria Stitch, Naria Burn on herbody.
She's an all-white God.
I know this doctor too.
He's every bad guy, like in akid's movie.
(15:56):
I'm gonna figure out his name aswell, too.
But yeah, girl has amnesia.
It is about damn time.
I've been waiting a long timefor this.
She doesn't remember anything,including Chase.
She feels like y'all are puttingme in this car with this
stranger.
I don't know him.
The doctor's like, listen, I canvouch for him.
He hasn't left her side, he's agood dude.
That's your husband.
She's like, I know everybodykeeps telling me you have this
(16:18):
wonderful marriage, but I don'tfeel it, I don't know him.
Chase wants to know how soonshe's gonna remember if she
remembers anything at all.
Interesting though.
So I wonder, you know, this istelevision, but they weren't on
good terms.
He kind of gets a pass.
She don't remember that he wasfeeling all up and down Connie
Giannini's back or backlessback.
It's her back in a backlessdress.
(16:40):
You understand what I'm saying.
I wonder how long this willlast.
I give it four episodes.
Didn't I tell you that bad girlMellie Mel was gonna turn that
jail out?
Tell me why her cell looks likea teenager's room on a sitcom.
She has a full-on comforter witha bed skirt.
(17:05):
She clearly isn't sleeping onsome thin little pillowtop.
She has posters on the wall.
I'm telling you, County is whereit's at.
She's having a conjugal visit,which hey, uh Cole.
Mind you, it's still a jail cellso that her neighbor can see
her.
I'm gonna go ahead and say thistoo.
This feels a little bit skin amaxi.
(17:27):
You know what I'm saying.
This feels like the beginning ofa very specific film, if you
know what I'm saying.
There's one dude, cop on duty,is a baddie, she's a blonde.
The other lady's like thisbombshell, you have a big pair,
everybody's fly, their prisongarb is little dresses.
Come on now.
Really?
That's what we're gonna do.
And and Melissa is all butbanging Cole.
(17:50):
The only reason she's not isbecause he needs to get back to
the hospital to meet his mom.
Lord have mercy.
This feels very skin-maxy, butapparently, if Melissa is on her
best behavior, she can get outfor good behavior.
Mind you, she's only gonna be inprison or jail, she's not even
in prison for two months.
She wants Cole to bring a plant,but he mentioned Rob and she got
(18:10):
pissed off.
Never mind, in her room withposters and all the comforts
from home.
Right at 17 minutes in, we'vealmost seen everybody, Lance,
might I say, lookingexceptionally smoking hot at his
wife's gravesite.
He's sitting in Lorraine's graveup waddles Richard and New
(18:30):
Lawyer Lady.
I feel like I've seen her onlike comedy shows.
I know I've seen her older,she's definitely a baddie and
everything, but I I swear she'slike on a sitcom at some point.
Anyway, Richard seems to thinkthat Lance blew him up.
And I'm like, can we please letthis go?
We are 17 minutes into seasonfive.
(18:52):
Lance already has an accusationon him.
But apparently he's been quitereckless.
He's been drag racing, he's beenhang gliding, he's been riding
motorcycles.
I think he's about to enter hisrenegade era.
But of course, Richard has topoke the bear and be like, Man,
you definitely did it.
I know you did it this oncebecause I guess Lance isn't
giving anybody an alibi.
(19:13):
Plus, we learn at this pointthat it has actually been six
weeks since the explosion.
Maggie's still uncomfortable.
Chase insists that he's gonnasleep in his office until she's
ready to invite him in.
So we're about halfway throughthe show.
Maggie still doesn't rememberanything.
Cole came over, he brought herflowers.
She's playing nice with him,she's doing the best she can.
(19:33):
He mentions Melissa.
Oh Melissa, well, can't wait tosee you.
So Maggie naturally asks, Well,where is she?
And they she can tell that Coleand Chase are acting funny.
So she goes, Oh my god, I'm abad mother-in-law, I'm one of
those.
They're like, No, no, no, no,no.
But she can see it, like, yeah,she has amnesia, but she can
still read the room.
So she's like, There's somethingyou're not saying.
They finally tell her thatMelissa's in jail, and she's
(19:55):
like, Oh, y'all thought I wasweak minded.
I see how it is.
Oh, I'm I'm the crazy lady whodon't know anything.
And they're trying to be like,No, Maggie, no, no, no.
So they don't know me.
I'm going to bed.
She goes upstairs.
I think I'm going to enjoyamnesiac Maggie.
I hope this gives Jeff with themercuric oxide.
Oh god, that was a time.
(20:16):
What a time.
But she's upstairs trying to gether bearings.
That has to suck.
Like, she didn't even rememberthe name of the dessert.
It's very clear that they haveredone all of the sets on Falcon
Crest because the castle, itthere's much more headroom.
Like they they raised theceilings or something.
It looks the same, but you cantell the scale is quite
different.
It's much larger vertically thanit was before.
(20:39):
They have a little old ladywho's a maiden, which I think
they had last time too, butthey're very comfortable now
having someone answer the doordoing all the cooking and stuff,
which is such a far cry fromthem when they first started.
Remember?
They were just willing to gettheir hands dirty and and live
off the land, blah blah blah.
They shoo.
Ever since Jacqueline's money.
(21:00):
Well, which reminds me.
Apparently, Connie Giannini hasfled the scene.
Nobody's seen her.
She's gone, God knows where.
Let Chase tell it.
But he has something up hissleeve.
He knows a Falcon Crest iscrumbling all around him.
He knows that Cassandra and hernot burnt mama are wreaking
havoc on Angela's life.
They don't seem to have anythingpersonally against him, but it's
(21:22):
gonna affect him nonetheless.
He tells Cole, well, ConnieGiannini made me a partner at
her operation, so I'm just gonnago ahead and run it under the
name of Falcon Crest.
Get this money because this ismy birthright, you see.
This is this is my land.
This is the best hundred acresin the country, blah, blah,
blah.
I'm gonna take over.
Okay.
(21:42):
Not really villainy, but I'mhere for it.
Flash forward to good old Emma.
Emma's mining.
Oh no, no, no, let me run itback just a little bit.
So Cassandra's in her office.
Her mom's real annoyed thatthey're not talking more about
Falcon Crest, but I meanCassandra still has a business
to run.
Before you know it, there's alittle bit of a commotion at the
door.
You can hear Angel saying, Moo!She goes in, she's like, I want
(22:04):
to know why you peppers feellike I need to run my bank
account by you.
She goes to the bank, she can'twithdraw any money on the Falcon
Crest accounts unless Cassandraand her mama say it's good.
Obviously, they're not gonna sayit's good.
She is super pissed, but notburnt.
Mama is gloating.
Anna is her name.
I'll start calling her Anna.
Anna is killing it too, by theway.
(22:25):
Whatever outfit she's wearing,like the first time we saw her,
she's wearing this really brightelectric sort of cobalt blue.
She's got matching leathergloves.
She's wearing this chocolatebrown outfit.
She's got matching gloves.
I see you.
I see you, Anna.
I like it.
Anyway, Angel's like, y'all gotme messed all the way up.
Anna tries to make a littleslick comment, like, oh girl,
(22:45):
you need some, you need somespending money.
You need some allowance.
Would hate for you to go broke.
Angel's like, bitch.
My money is quite long, my dear.
I am a lot of things.
Broke or near broke is not oneof them.
But she calls Anna a baby.
She's like, girl, we used to befriends.
You just I can't believe you'reacting like such a big baby.
(23:07):
Anna insists, well, I can't moveon from my husband's death.
Anna's like, I mean, but damn.
But I mean, okay, well, so what?
So what I've turned off thewater and burned your house
down.
And get over it.
It was a 60s.
So Emma's minding her business.
(23:28):
And I suppose because becauseSandra and her mother wanted to
go over the ledgers, somehow inthe ledger, I suppose there was
a diary entry, or maybe therewas a bill now that I'm saying
it out loud.
The Manimal's asking Emma, Sowhat happened to Julia?
It looks like she disappearedfor about a year.
And Emma says, Oh, yeah, Iremember that.
Nobody wanted to tell meanything, but she was sick.
(23:49):
I think she had a she stutters.
I thought she was gonna say ababy, but she says breakdown.
So it's very possible.
I don't know if she reallybelieves that.
The manimal then says, Well, whydoes your mother visit this town
and she gives all this money toa convent?
Da-da-da-da-da.
Isn't that where Julia's hiddenanyway?
Let me pay a little moreattention.
I'm sorry, this is the first runthrough this, but Emma's not
(24:09):
saying something, and theManimal is pressing her.
I just don't understand why thiswould be in the ledgers.
Anything that secretive, but ithas his heckles up for some
reason.
Also, he ran into Terry.
They were at the uh TuscanyDowns.
She's selling Small Virtue.
He's still poking at her, like,I can't believe you're so
unsavory and just dishonest.
And she's like, Let it go.
(24:30):
Did you ever think that I had tobe this way?
He claims he can't.
She does tell him to drop deadwhen he leaves, so we'll see.
Alright, Julia's back with aswoop-de-doo.
I think Julia's flavor in thisshow is so important.
Anytime she shows up, somethingexciting happens.
So Emma told him, told themanimal she didn't know what was
(24:52):
going on, but she knew where tofind him.
So he went to somewhere inOregon, River Creek, Oregon.
Julia shows up at the door.
She got a swoop-de-doo bob.
It's not quite asymmetrical, butit's it's not quite 50s buffon.
The manimal frames a question.
He he hits up Julia.
He's like, listen, your mom's indanger of losing Falcon Crest.
I need to know why you were inMarysville, Connecticut.
(25:13):
Julia looks like she's seen aghost.
She's also not wearing nunattire.
She's kind of wearing mother ofthe bride attire, like this
frock in this sheeny blue girl.
Okay, okay, hold up.
So let Julia tell it.
Let me get my mind together.
The manimal is pressing her.
(25:34):
Your mom's going to lose FalconCrest.
Why were you sent toConnecticut?
More specifically, why were yousent to Connecticut immediately
after the Rossini house burnedto a crisp?
She once again looks like she'sseen it goes, and she's like, Oh
my god, I tried to forget allthat.
I knew this was gonna happen.
She ain't even said it yet.
I know what she's fixing to say.
(25:54):
She said she fell in love withan older man.
So are you telling me thatJulia, the wine scientist, the
mousy little girl who is also amale zero, fell in love with has
Julia ever had a man of her ownother than that one time?
She was with her Ahmad Rashidbefore you went to Dynasty, not
(26:17):
her knocked up by the man?
Okay, let me let her finish.
But that's what I feel likeshe's about to say.
What else would she be saying?
Why else would you disappear fora year?
Oh, unless she burned him up.
Okay, I didn't even think aboutthat.
Maybe she set him a flame.
Maybe it was her.
Maybe Julia been crazy.
So if that's the case, why isEmma the one who's been
institutionalized?
(26:38):
Oh girl.
I don't know why I'm sayinggirl.
Yeah.
She had the man's baby.
I'd like to say this too, beforethis gets too deep.
Something that stood out to meon the last episode of Falcon
Crest when Anna was giving herrecount of what had happened.
She said that she was outsidewhere the kids were in the house
(27:00):
and the dad was in the housechasing them down.
That set really funny to me.
It seems like a weird place forher to be.
I I had it in the back of mymind, maybe she has something to
do with it.
But she's carrying on like she'sso just devastated and she
really wants to stick it toAngela and make her suffer.
Yeah.
That didn't sit well with me.
(27:22):
I'm willing to bet, and I'mhoping she has something to do
with the house burning down.
Because why else would she havebeen outside, leaving the babies
inside?
My gosh.
Y'all, okay, okay, let me gathermyself.
I just finished this entireepisode.
So Julia tells Manimal her babywas stillborn, right?
For whatever reason, he feelslike seeing the grave is
(27:44):
important enough to Falcon Crestthat it'll save it.
I'm not really making theconnection here.
But he decides he's gonna fly toConnecticut to put eyes on the
headstone, I suppose.
Angela catches wind of this andshe's about to head out, but she
has to take care of a few thingsbefore she heads out.
Remember earlier I told y'allthat the county jail felt a
(28:06):
little bit like a Skinmax movie?
Tell me why Lance got himselfthrown in county on like a drunk
charge.
They had him in the drunk tank.
He comes out, he's all holdingon to the nurse Boom Booms,
talking crap to Melissa, callingher a jailbird, and how he
wished he could keep her behindbars.
She was like, ha ha.
(28:27):
I'll be out before you know it.
Anyway, he ends up sleeping withsaid cop Lady Boom Booms,
whatever her name is, OfficerJuggs.
Angela catches wind of this.
This wasn't really important.
She catches him fornicating inher house.
We all know how she feels aboutfornication.
Tells him, I was gonna leave youin charge, Lance, but I'm not
anymore.
He's trying to find a differentway to mourn Lorraine.
(28:48):
He got this letter from Chicagotalking about Lorraine's estate,
and he was a sole heir, and shehad like two million dollars
worth of money and property.
Where is she getting all thisfrom?
At 20 years old.
So I suppose Rich, I don't knowhow that works.
But apparently Lorraine waspapered up and now he is too,
only he doesn't want it.
(29:09):
He just kind of wanted to shoveit in Angela's face.
Like, well, you see, now is shegood enough for me now?
Now that it's totallyirrelevant.
Not a lot's going on with Lance.
I don't know when he becomes arenegade, but know that he is
boning buxome police officersand doing dangerous activities.
So Julia ends up calling FalconCrest at some point while Emma
(29:29):
and Angela are chilling on thecouch, and she she calls.
Angela picks up the phone, andJulia's like, Are y'all okay?
Is everything good?
Reardon was here.
Immediately, that's when Angelaputs two and two together.
She knows he's digging too deep.
She has a feeling that he knowswhat's up, and she immediately
knows that Emma probably knowswhat's up.
Angela flies to Connecticut onlyto find the manimal at the
(29:52):
church slash graveyard lookingfor a stillborn baby circa 1964.
1965 ish.
He doesn't see anything, and forwhatever reason, she just feels
like, Reader, I don't know whyyou keep poking around.
Why what are you doing this for?
He goes, You've always been sogood to me.
And if there's anything I can doto save Falcon Crest, I'm gonna
do it.
I'm not gonna leave any stoneunturned, even if you fire me.
(30:15):
Again, I'm not really making theconnection as to why this would
save Falcon Crest.
Angela's like, Fine, I'm I'mexhausted.
This is season five.
I pay you good money.
Come on in here.
So there's a priest walkingaround on the grounds, and he's
a little, I mean he'smiddle-aged-ish, I guess.
A salt and pepper hair, and heescorts Angela and the Manimal
(30:38):
into this gym.
It's very clear that Angela isthe anonymous donor, anonymous
in quotation, who has beensupplying this church with bu
money year after year afteryear, which is why the manimal's
heckles are up.
She says, Fine, okay, Raiden.
If you tell anybody on earthwhat you're about to find out
here, I'm gonna make your life aliving help.
She confesses, Julia's baby didnot die, but I let her think he
(31:02):
did so that she would just relaxa little.
And the minimal's like, Oh,okay, so I mean he's clearly put
up for adoption, that's why he'snot in the graveyard.
And she goes, Not exactly.
He was raised right here in thisconvent with the priest.
Oh, well, where is he?
She says, You're looking at him.
There are three priests in thisgym.
The boys are like working out.
(31:23):
It almost looks like a bootcamp.
Nobody, you know, it's TV, sothey're not really working out
that hard.
But somebody is on the punchingbags.
The goofiest looking man I'veever seen in my life turns and
gives this big Kool-Aid smile,like a yuck-yuck.
Hi, my name is Wally Bieber,waving at them.
That is Julia's son with Mr.
(31:44):
Rossini.
So Cassandra has a brotheroutside of Riker who is now in
outer space via Julia.
So, what's this whole FalconCrest air thing with Lance?
Soap tack, soap text, soap text.
Anyway, I am super pumped thatnot only do we have an amnesiac
this episode, we have along-lost child.
(32:09):
I guess that's only come up onwell, all of them now, right?
Except Nas Laney.
We've got Ray Krebs being a longlost Adam on Dynasty, and now
Priest Goofy Face.
Only other things worth noting,cousin Robin is around, she is
starting to show, she's gettingon everybody's nerve.
Cole's like, Don't wearMelissa's maternity clothes.
(32:31):
But also when she pushes upagainst him, it's getting harder
and harder for him to resist.
Speaking up of pushing upagainst people, Chase has had
all he can take.
He gets home one night andMaggie is in bed, and she's
telling him that she had theurge to write.
So she's joting down stuff in ajournal, and he's like, All
right, all right, okay.
That's the Maggie I know andlove.
(32:52):
So uh, you want to do something?
And she's like, nah.
He's like touching her robe,talking about he bought it for
her, and she looks so beautiful.
He tries to caress her face.
She's like, Please don't.
I don't know you.
This is weird.
Please don't touch me.
He flips out, turns into Adam,grabs her up, damn it, gives her
a big old passionate kiss, andthen he throws her on the bed.
(33:12):
And I'm like, Oh my god, arethey just did he turn heel?
He didn't.
He got beside himself.
She was turning them on in herfull pajamas, no gown.
She's wearing pajama pants, apajama top, and a robe.
But he's like, You're doing itfor me.
But he apologizes.
Oh my god, I'm sorry, I just gotbeside myself.
(33:33):
I think what happened was Terryplanted the seed in his mind.
So Terry comes over.
As she's coming in, Chase iscoming out.
This is maybe the day before.
She's like, Chase, how is she?
He says, uh, you know, more ofthe same.
And on Terry says, Well, youknow, I mean, maybe she'll
remember you physically, huh?
He's like, Shut up, Terry.
(33:53):
He leaves.
Terry does not understand whatamnesia means, and she doesn't
understand a head injury becauseshe is yelling at Maggie.
Remember what you used to callme when we were kids?
We were so close.
Girl, sit down and be quiet.
She already says she don't knowyou.
She finally had to snap.
She's like, Look, look, lady.
I said I don't remember.
(34:13):
Please relax.
Terry's gonna be a huge pain inthe butt this season.
I can already tell she's talkingabout I have this beautiful body
and this gorgeous face, andnobody takes me seriously.
Girl, bye.
But speaking of being a baddie,which is basically what she
said, the lawyer lady.
Oh, Richard's being harassed,too.
That's another thing.
Richard's being harassed.
Somebody actually went to hisnew house, which looks like
(34:34):
Miami Vice.
It's like all white, white desk,white room, gun metal, gray bed
cover.
Somebody left a note sayingthey'll see him soon.
So, new lady, new lawyer lady,JJ, is trying to put two and two
together.
They can't really come up withwho it could be.
This is going to be a recurringtheme, I guess, for as long as
Richard's on the show, somebodyis trying to kill.
(34:55):
I don't know who this woman is,and it's driving me crazy.
And I didn't notice any names atthe end, but it'll come to me.
I know it will.
I feel like I've seen her onmany things, and she's always
really glamorous.
Maybe she was a naked gun.
I'm gonna go look at the cast ofNaked Gun.
Alright, guys, that's it for thethe season opener.
Very pleased.
As a matter of fact, thisalready feels different.
(35:17):
Falcon Crest is jam-packingquite a bit of things into the
first episode.
That's not like them at all.
I like this pacing.
I did notice the way it's laidout here on uh Plex.
There's 29 episodes this season,which is still quite a bit.
So I'll be curious to see ifthey'll do like they did last
season and basically have twoseasons jammed into one.
(35:39):
But so far, so good.
You got the Rossinis making lifedifficult.
You've got Chase having thiswhole difficulty with Maggie
while also secretly runninganother vineyard.
Melissa's in a weird sort ofSkinemax jail.
Lance is reckless, Julia's got ababy, a grown man baby, a goofy
one.
Oh, that's what I was gonna saytoo.
(36:00):
I think Emma had a nose job.
I not I mean, and do you?
I am not one of those people whofeel like plastic surgery is a
faux pas.
Get whatever you need to getdone to make you feel good about
yourself.
It is a wonderful nose job, butshe definitely looks different
in the face.
And she seems a lot moretogether this season.
(36:22):
She's not nearly as whimsical asshe used to be.
We're off to a great start.
The only question I have left atthis point is if this episode is
called The Phoenix and the showis called Falcon Crest, whatever
happened to that Falcon?
Remember the Falcon used to flyand Lorenzo Lamas would hold it
out, probably season one andtwo, pretty heavy.
I ain't say that Falcon in threeseasons.
(36:43):
I think you need to bring theFalcon back to Falcon Crest, or
at the very least, have themanimal morph into one.
Alright, guys, that's it.
That's all for this episode.
Join me next time as we jumpback into some more season
premieres.
It's either gonna be season fourpremiere of Knott's Landing or
it's gonna be season fivepremiere of Dynasty.
We will find out together.
(37:04):
In the meantime, in betweentime, stay hydrated, stay
moisturized, mind your ownbusiness.
Keep a journal just in case weget amnesia and keep all of your
drama on TV, but I'm gonna go tothe book.
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