S5 EP2 Falcon Crest: Unfinished Business - The " Un-Mellow in Yellow " Episode

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A glass of nostalgia, a splash of danger, and a valley full of secrets—this Falcon Crest recap is loaded. We kick off with canned screwdriver memories before diving straight into the vineyard’s new tempo: grief turning to heat as Lance and Terry find solace by the lake, Richard reeling from news that Leather Pants Pam is “gone,” and a blacked-out Bronco shoving him toward another near-death mystery. The pace is tighter, the stakes are higher, and every smile hides an angle. Angela does what Angela does best—listen, learn, and leverage. After overhearing Anna and Cassandra’s budget blowup, she weaponizes restraint and reputation, from a brutal San Francisco office visit to a quiet threat at home. Meanwhile, Melissa tries to toe the line between growth and fury as Robin undercuts her in her own house. A weary priest calls out her legendary sins with unvarnished honesty, and Cole steps up to defend boundaries—finally—before the next crack forms. The sharpest blade belongs to Maggie. Amnesia can’t mute instinct, and every mention of Richard lands like static. Angela arrives in soft colors and sharp intent, dropping a whisper of an affair that Chase refuses to confront head-on. The result? A single glass on the table, a note underneath, and a choice that rewrites the power map of the valley. Add in Father Christopher’s arrival—an earnest smile covering a secret that could split the family—and this hour becomes a study in how truth, money, and memory are traded in Tuscany Valley. If you love 80s prime-time soaps, high-stakes family politics, and plot twists that actually pay off, you’ll feel right at home. Hit play, then tell us: is Maggie safer with Chase or Richard—and did Angela finally go too far? Subscribe, share with a fellow soap lover, and leave a review with your boldest theory.

Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_00 (00:04):
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls,
welcome and welcome back toSoul.
First of all, I've placed one ofthese novels with an ODR fan.
I'm your host that's stillviewing and reviewing OpenStab.
So whether you're doing thisover through the background, why

(00:25):
thought you did not play outsideor outside?
So there's no questions on theopen point of four.

(01:09):
I hope your day is shaving onwell.
Mine had a little bit of afoolish hour or two, but we are
back on track.
We are centered.
We are gathered here together toenjoy some vintage primetime
soap operay.
So settle in.
We're about to get into anexciting episode of Falcon
Crest.
Does that sound a little bitunusual to you?

(01:30):
It does sound a little bitunusual to me too, but we'll
we'll discuss that here shortly.
Go ahead and crack opensomething ice cold, refreshing,
something dark and lovely,whatever you need to get through
this.
I, me myself personally, I'mgonna pop open another can of
this hair bubbly as we dive intoseason five, episode two of
Falcon Crest UnfinishedBusiness.

(01:57):
Man, I used to love it as alittle kid going around with my
aunt May who loved soapwhoppers.
She would tell me, okay, getyour purse, we're gonna go take
care of some business.
And taking care of businessusually meant we're going to the
grocery store, we go take an oldrelative to some sort of
appointment or another.
Stop by the liquor store andgrab herself a screwdriver.

(02:22):
But either way, it made me feelso important to have a purse
filled with absolutely nothingbut like lip smackers, lip
gloss, and Dr.
Pepper lip gloss and nothingelse.
And I just knew I said, Oh, Ican't wait to become an adult
and go handle business.
And I I do from time to time Ienjoy running errands.
Funny enough, though, I am nowfour years into this journey of

(02:45):
watching these old shows.
I'm absolutely converted, I'mabsolutely head over heels.
I started this because of her,just because of my my curiosity
about that time in my life, butI've never thought to go and get
a screwdriver.
Is that even a real thing?
It is possible.
I am remembering it as somethingelse, but she used to like these

(03:06):
little cans.
There was a an alcohol store.
Oh my god, how old am I?
What do you call it?
A liquor store.
So there was this grocery storeright on the corner.
We would be handling business.
I would always like get a fewgrapes, and they were nice.
They'd cut up fruit for kids andgive it to you.
We'd run around, pay bills, dowhatever we needed to do, and

(03:29):
then we would go through thedrive-thru at the liquor store.
Now, this is way before peoplecared about kids, I suppose.
Obviously, they knew I wasn'tsitting in there drinking, so it
was no big deal.
But we would definitely go andget two of these little short
cans, and she called themscrewdrivers.
I've never bothered to look thatup, but I think I'm gonna make

(03:49):
that my mission this week is togo find one of those.
Let me see what that is, becausethat sounds like that might be a
little bit.
I think my um stomach lining,and I think you need an ironclad
stomach from at least the 30s todrink that.
That's just my assumptionbecause I do remember she'd be a
little bit buzzed, and like Isaid, it was a little bitty baby

(04:10):
can.
Either way, we didn't come hereto talk about alcoholic
beverages, we came here to talkabout Falcon Crest.
The Vineyard is alive and well,and so many things are popping
off this season right away.
Falconcrest is feeling a wholelot more like um, like uh one of

(04:31):
your best friends who grew upover the summer.
They were an ugly duckling inMay, and by September they came
back as a full-blown baddie.
It behooved me to not recognizethis show has always been a
baddie, but they have notnecessarily pivoted, they have
found a level of confidence thatI think they wear so well, so

(04:53):
far, so good.
So, where should we begin?
We're gonna begin with a littleresearch first and foremost.
Okay, Uncle Google says that ascrewdriver, oh, is vodka and
orange juice?
That doesn't make sense.
Wait a minute.
A screwdriver is an alcoholichighball drink made with orange

(05:15):
juice and vodka.
In the UK, it's referred to as avodka and orange.
While the basic drink is simplytwo ingredients, there are many
variations.
Many variations have differentnames in different parts of the
world.
That is so interesting to mebecause it was in a can, but I
as I'm saying this out loud, I'mrealizing we didn't buy this at
the grocery store, it was at theliquor store.

(05:38):
Okay, I didn't realize that theycould put hard liquor in a can.
Actually, let me take that backjust a little bit.
I've heard about these newdrinks, the cutwaters, which
apparently have hard liquor inthe can.
I just haven't I didn't knowthat was something that you
could do.

(05:59):
That's so weird.
I guess I'm just now realizingin real time that I've always
associated hard alcohol withglass bottles and canned
beverages as just you know maltliquor or something.
You live and you learn.
I'll I I it actually soundsdelicious.
Anyway, let's get down tobusiness.
They're not messing around likethey usually do.

(06:20):
Falconcrest has always kind ofliked to slowly fold you into
the story.
No, no, no.
They came out the gate swingingthis season right away.
Of course, we have to start withour bit players.
That honestly has become myfavorite part, the little side
stories.
I mean, everybody has their ownthing going on, but not all the
time, if that makes any sense.

(06:41):
Bit players this episode aregoing to be none other than
Lorenzo Lamas, aka Lance, andAunt Terry.
Here's the thing.
Beginning of season four,everybody walked, and I do mean
walked away, from a plane crashin the Rockies.
Neri, a burnt piece of clothing,a couple of the men's shirt must

(07:02):
have blown open.
I guess it was a I guess thefire was only strong enough to
melt buttons.
Nobody's hair was singed off,nobody had any smoke inhalation
related illnesses that lingeredfar beyond this accident.
Absolutely not.
Three people died, everybodymoved on with their life,
including Aunt Terry, who wasall up and through the Manimal

(07:25):
all last season.
She still let them disrespecther at the beginning of this
season, but on today, on today,she is a widow in mourning.
We are once again reminded thatshe is the sole heir and and
just absolutely devastated widowto good old cousin Michael.
Cousin Michael was the one whoperformed the first ever

(07:47):
cryogenic brain surgery onMaggie.
Holy crap.
I didn't okay.
I didn't think about that.
So Maggie has had a brain tumorthat was frozen, and then I
guess it shriveled up because itwas frozen and it was gently

(08:07):
removed from her skull, nearly ascar inside.
She had to shave off absolutelynot a follicle of her flawless
hair.
She then goes on to survive aplane crash, nearly a scratch on
her body.
So why didn't I think she wasgonna survive getting blewed up?
And yes, I do know the properterm is blown up, but I like
saying blued up like I likesaying flued out.

(08:32):
So perhaps she's an amnesiacbecause of that cryogenic brain
surgery she had a few episodesago, or a season and a half ago.
Either way, Tuscany Downs ispopping, and Aunt Terry is a
little melancholy.
Lance walks in and he coarse, hemakes some quip about her being

(08:54):
slutty, and she's like, How dareyou talk to me like that?
Do you even know what today is?
And he's looking around, like, Imean, is it buy one, get one
free?
Is it cocktail?
I don't know.
What was today?
Today's the day of the planecrash.
I was sitting right next toMichael.
Girl, you ain't you haven'tuttered Michael.

(09:15):
She ain't been to the craftstore, Michael's.
She ain't said narrell a wordabout that man she knew for 45
minutes.
She ate all his chips, she drankall of his Pepsi, and then she
happened to marry him in abuzzer beater effort.
I gotta give her that, rightbefore he died in a plane crash,
leaving her all of his wealth.
She ain't thought about thatman.

(09:36):
She was too busy ducking anddodging Florida man.
God, Terry might be bad luck.
That's two dead husbands, thatquick.
Watch out, Manimal, watch out,Lance.
But anyway, she's like, Lance, Iwas sitting right next to
Michael and he died.
Mind you, Lance was also on thatplane crash and he did just
fine.
But they have this moment whereLance is like, oh yeah, you're

(09:57):
right.
Okay, yeah, that's the day youbecame a widow.
Hey, I'm a widower.
Sucks to suck sometimes, right?
They decide they need to spendthe evening together in
widowhood, widowhood, just untilthe unease slips away.
Not everybody handles theiremotions well, right?

(10:17):
Some people are veryuncomfortable with low points,
not realizing that they willeventually turn back into high
points.
The pendulum always swings backthe other way.
Some people journal, some peopleknit, some people eat their
feelings, some people drinktheir feelings.
When you are a baddie ontelevision, on primetime

(10:38):
television at that, circa1984-1985, you don't drink, you
certainly don't eat because whowants to look plotted on camera?
But what you do do is you screwyou strip down to your skivvies,
lake side, and you bone a widowor a widower.
Now, Lance and Terry are verylucky that both of their

(11:00):
respective spouses are longgone.
So they are guilt freely havinga good old-fashioned Boeing
fest.
That's right.
I know you're saying Jett and awhite no white wait a minute,
what?
Yeah, they totally did eachother outside by a lake.
Two wealthy, healthy,red-blooded American baddies

(11:22):
said absolutely not to a hotel,motel, holiday inn, absolutely
not to one of our sprawlingestates.
We're gonna pull over this thisCadillac, we're gonna cross the
street, we're gonna strip down,we're gonna do the nasty right
here by a pond, and then we'regonna sleep.
So we find them the nextmorning.

(11:43):
Terry is talking out the side ofher neck about Lance.
Like, how I don't it didn't evenreally make sense.
They're just announcing to theaudience basically that they got
it on, but it was quite obviousbecause they are laying in a
field of grass.
Somehow they had a blanket.
So it makes me wonder did y'allstop by somebody's house and
grab that?
Which one of you is promiscuousenough to keep bedding in your

(12:07):
back seat just in case somethingpops off?
I have my thoughts and I'd loveto hear yours.
Remember, you can always reachout to me via text, check the
show notes.
There is a link that says, Sendus a text.
I want to know who do you thinkbetween Lance and Aunt Terry?
Who do you think is walkingaround or driving around rather

(12:28):
with betting in their back seat?
I know who I think.
I think it's kind of obvious,but I'd love to know what you
think.
And if you'd like to go a littledeeper, you can always reach out
to me via email atsoaplorepodcast at gmail.com.
That'sS-O-A-P-L-O-R-E-P-O-D-C-A-S-T at
gmail.com.
I want to hear from you.

(12:49):
I'll always email you back.
Can't text you back, but I willdefinitely acknowledge you.
Which reminds me, we have acouple pieces of fan mail I need
to get to.
I'm so sorry I already startedthe show and I'm not like in the
same, not in a position rightnow to look that up.
But we will talk about that verysoon.
I got some more tea on KnottsLanding that I find incredibly

(13:10):
interesting.
Anyway, Terry is basicallytelling Lance that the you know
the boink was aight.
It was cool, it was, it was whatit was what it was.
He wakes up, I guess he was alittle more drunk than she was.
Perhaps he had a screwdriver anda can or two.
He's like, Where are my clothes?
She's like, Oh, they're in thecar.
He's looking around.
Where's the car?
Across the street.

(13:31):
Exhibitionist.
You see what I'm saying?
This is how you know they knowthey find.
Like, oh, okay, we we we'rerich, we're wealthy, we have all
the amenities available to theaverage person, and then some,
but now we're gonna do this justin case a school bus or
something drives by.
Who knows?
Lanza's like, you know, I ain'tembarrassed, I ain't ashamed of

(13:52):
myself, you know what I'msaying.
She tells him he can grab a figleaf and walk across the street
and get his clothes, and he'slike, and we'll ain't nobody
scared.
It's a grown man over here.
They, of course, are turned onby each other's mourning breath
and decide we're already nakedout here.
Let's do it one more.
I gotta say though, I'm not I'mnot saying I have a crush on

(14:13):
Lance.
I'm not even saying I find himall yes, I do.
I find him very attractive, butI'm trying to pinpoint when this
happened.
I think it's around late seasonthree.
I know what it is.
He is inching towards thatrenegade look where his hair got
all along.
He was flawless.
He's looking like any 80svillain in any action film, but

(14:37):
he doesn't, he's not as doucheyas he usually is.
And I need to make a quickcorrection.
I said that he was wearing ayellow sweater when he was at
Lorraine's grave.
It wasn't.
It was like a gray Koojisweater, all different colors,
it didn't really matter.
He just looked smoking hot.
Moving on, because we got someother.
Oh I have some devastating news.

(14:59):
Oh, soap thiens.
It is with a heavy heart that Ineed to tell you that the most
unique lover of leather has mether demise.
Allegedly, Leather Pants Pam LPPis gone.

(15:19):
We know this because new ladylawyer Jordan stops by Richard's
place to uh to chitter chatterchit-chit with him.
He has asked her to personallyinvestigate Leather Pants Pam.
He's like, listen, she's got$100,000.
I know she's in Brazil or Texasor Montana getting all the

(15:39):
custom leather she can come upwith.
She is fist fighting EddieMurphy down at the swap meet for
Plether as well.
She's trying to be that chick.
And Miss Lady, Miss Jordan says,unfortunately, that's not the
case because three days prior toyou getting blewed up, she uh
met her demise in a caraccident.
He's sad, sad.
You can tell he's devastatedbecause remember, he tore up

(16:01):
half the universe, half theworld searching for her when the
cartel snatched her up.
You don't just lose thosefeelings.
They have a very interesting andintricate relationship, and I'm
saying they they have becausethere is nobody.
I don't believe Pam is gone.
She was way too pissed off, andquite frankly, she's way too
interesting of a character tojust let her fall by the

(16:22):
wayside.
I think in Falcon Crest style,we're having a Julia moment,
right?
Right?
Julia got blewed up, only reallynot.
She crawled under there like shewas in Sister Act and survived.
I think the same for LeatherPants Pam.
But anyway, Richard is a littlebit devastated.
And okay, thank you guys so muchfor letting me know who this

(16:45):
woman is.
Her name is Morgan Fairchild.
Now you probably knew that.
That name sounds familiar in mymind.
That was a totally differentperson.
Somebody on Full House for somereason, I thought.
I don't I don't know what I wasthinking.
But in my mind, y'all ain'tgonna believe who I thought she
was.
This is so embarrassing.

(17:06):
Mind you, I'm I'm mixing up thenames and the faces a little,
but this is par for the coursefor any 80s baby, 90s kid, I'm
certain.
Most of our formative years werefilled with just absolute
tabloid TV, ratchet daytime TV,fist fight, degenerative stuff

(17:27):
all the time.
So I'm thinking, y'all know whoI thought she was?
I thought that was Trump'sex-wife Marla Maples or his
mistress.
I remember seeing that spreadall over.
Oh, I remember seeing that storyplayed out several times,
probably like on Dateline or 60minutes, something.

(17:50):
One of those shows.
Oddly enough, I was kicked outwhen the soap operas were on,
but I definitely remembersitting in the living room
watching that, watching itseveral times.
So either I thought Marla, Ithought Marla Maples was an
actress, and I thought it washer.
I'm now realizing that's not thecase, and they still, I don't
even think they look that muchalike.

(18:11):
I just I don't know.
It was all running together forme.
Side note, and I'm sure I'vesaid this before, forgive me if
I did.
Another thing that has alwaysran together in my head is the
movie Space Balls and the movieStar Wars.
Like I just remember the littledog eating the ice cream, and
then Darth Vader had a gianthelmet, but then he didn't.
It all sort of meshes togetherwhen you're a kid and you're

(18:34):
just your brain is trying tomake connections, it's making
things make sense.
I thought this woman was MarvelMaples.
Who in my mind is also relatedto Jaja Gabor.
I don't know why I think that,but I did.
Anyway, they're also remakingSpace Balls, so maybe, maybe
I'll sit through that because Iain't finna sit through 12 hours
of Star Wars.

(18:54):
That's what I'm not gonna do.
Not that it sucks, but yeah, Ihave a hard time with space
movies.
Anyway, back to the lecture athand.
Leather Pants Pam has beenscratched off the very long list
of people who could and wouldtry to kill Richard Channing.
Somehow he still has all themoney and wealth and resources

(19:16):
to do all this investigation,but it's not getting him any
closer.
You know who is getting closerto Richard?
Not quite, but sort of MissAmnesiac Maggie.
Let me take it back to thebeginning a little bit.
So Jason and Maggie are makingstrides.
She is warming up to him,they're able to have easier,

(19:37):
more comfortable conversations.
She's not treating him as muchlike a stranger, probably
because, I mean, they're livingin the same house.
He's not trying to press upagainst her anymore.
He's letting her breathe, he'sletting her live, and she is
feeling more comfortable askinghim questions.
So they're out in the vineyard,and he's giving her sort of a
brief history of their historythere and why he loves it and

(19:58):
that she loves it.
And she can sort of feel that.
She's like, wow, how I I like itnow.
Did I like it then?
He's telling her, Yeah, you wereabsolutely in love with this.
Well, while they're having thisconversation, a cowboyslash
lawyer shows up, an older man,sweet little gentleman.
He was on the first episode.
I didn't catch his name thattime, but I believe they're

(20:19):
saying his name is B.
Riley Whitley Esquire.
I added Esquire because I likeit.
So he comes up and he's he'skind of a yokel, he's fun, he's
smiling, but he's deliveringsome news he doesn't really want
to deliver.
The news is that ConnieGiannini, who is still MIA, has
decided that Chase is prettymuch the sole owner.

(20:39):
Now I say pretty much, becauseshe isn't outright giving it to
him, but she is making itextremely easy for him to buy
all the rights, buy everythingup from her.
And then he Chase is like, Whoa,are you serious?
B.
Riley Whitley Esquire says,Unfortunately, I am.
Now I like to play hardball, butfor whatever reason, she doesn't
want to do that.

(21:00):
So Maggie's listening to this,and something in her spirit
starts to shift.
She starts to become uneasy.
Her spidey sense is tingling.
Memory be damned.
She's like, wait a minute.
What wait, who?
What?
Lawyer explains.
Yeah, Miss Connie Giannini ownsthis venue down the roy.
She wants to uh basically helpyour husband start his new wine

(21:23):
venture since he's been kickedout of Falcon Crest.
And the old cowboy man is like,man, you lucky, lucky.
But this is what the lady wants.
The lady gets what she wants.
So as Mr.
S Mr.
Riley Whitley leaves, Maggie'slike, Why does that name make me
uncomfortable?
And she's like, I don't know.
She's like, No, but for real, Iget a little bit pissed off when

(21:43):
I hear her name.
My spine feels funny.
I don't know, man.
Yeah, you know.
Also, though, this sort oftracks.
If you think about it, Connieonly flew in to, I want to say
she wanted to take care of hermom.
But when Chase and Maggie mether, her mom had recently passed
away.
So she basically came in just totie up all the loose ends.

(22:06):
She was lured into working forthem.
She was then seduced.
She then got a little kissypoo-boo face.
And then, you know, his wifeblows up.
She's like, you know what?
Let me go back to my life.
I was very happy on the otherside of the world.
Let me just go back and do whatI know how to do.
But she's willing to give Chasethe opportunity to basically
take over fully.
So I wonder how that's going toplay out on the show.

(22:28):
I feel like she would need toshow up a little bit, but I
don't know.
She's off making those cookiecommercials, eating them diet
cookie with that pageant hair.
Speaking of hair, Big Perm isback, baby, bolder than ever.
Never mind the fact that Annaand her wretched little
advertising queen daughter arethere to destroy Angela's life.

(22:52):
She's not flustered.
She's not bothered becauseAngela is a woman who's
constantly thinking.
She's just not this typicalvillain who's pissed off and
wants to get this random revengeon somebody who slighted her
once upon a time.
That seems to be Anna's MO.
And unfortunately, you start tolose sight of things.

(23:12):
Now, Anna had Anna's strongpoint here is that she has very
capable children, especiallyCassandra.
Now, it was very evident lastseason to me that Cassandra and
her brother Damon, aka Riker,who is now in space, they didn't
really have the stomach fordestroying people.

(23:32):
You know what I'm saying?
They're only doing it to appeasetheir mom.
You can see she she pulls theirheartstrings.
She is telling them this is ourlegacy, this is your birthright.
This woman stole your life fromyou.
We're going to get her back.
We're going to get her back byyou two being educated and savvy
and gorgeous, and you're goingto slip in there, you're going
to take over her business, andI'm going to make her life a
living hell until I can't nomore.

(23:55):
It's petty.
You feel me?
It's petty to the point whereonce you conquer that, what else
do you have to do?
Nothing.
On the other hand, Angela is abusinesswoman first and a super
villain last.
Actually, let me take that back.
She's a bad B first, abusinesswoman second, and a
super, super duper villainthird.

(24:17):
So at the top of the show, weget to see Pastor Pantydropper.
I'm gonna be more respectfulgoing forward.
I don't know if is Christopher afather yet.
I'm not really sure how thatworks.
I have several Catholic friends,but I feel like there's this
whole, if I recall right,there's definitely a lot of

(24:37):
training.
And then I guess eventually atsome point you are called that.
But I don't know if you'recalled that before.
I don't know.
He's wearing the he's wearingthe cloth and he's wearing the
the collar, so perhaps he isthat.
Let's just call him FatherChristopher.
He opens a show, punching a bag.
I'm not gonna make I am gonnamake fun of him.
He's he's not a boxer, andthat's okay.
He is a fine actor.
Christopher, who I called goofylast time, I'm not saying he's

(25:02):
goofy this episode, but he isgiddy.
He is he's uh boyish, is whatI'm seeing.
He's super happy.
It's almost as if it's almost asif he he didn't really know
Angela, but it it feels to melike he has absorbed her into
his mind as as a family member.

(25:25):
She is a familiar face, she issomeone who has um advised him,
she's been a good person to him.
She's everything you would want,like in a godmother or
something.
He he's very fond of her, youcan tell.
He wants to show her around thebuilding, he wants to show the
manimal, the Angela ChanningChow Hall, the wolf, the wolf,
the cafeteria.
She's like, Oh no, baby, I'm sosorry.

(25:46):
I can't stay.
We don't have time for that.
So he's like, Okay, well, nexttime you're in town, you know,
hit me up.
It's so good to see you, MissAngela.
She says, So good to see youtoo, baby.
I'll see you later.
Well, she and the manimal gowalking out to the car.
She is wearing yellow.
I mentioned that because FalconGrass is doing this thing where
everybody will wear the samesort of colorway in some form on

(26:10):
each episode.
So I guess the color of the day,like Sesame Street, is yellow
for this episode.
Anyway, she and the manimal areoutside, and the manimal is
really on my good side thisseason because he's more in his
detective back, he's in hisinvestigation era.
He says, Okay, so let's let'slook at this objectively,
Angela.
Christopher is Julia's Julia washooking up with Anna's husband.

(26:34):
Did Anna know about it?
Angela's like, oh yeah, shedefinitely knew about it.
He was gonna divorce her andeverything.
And the man almost like, youdon't say.
She's like, Yeah, man, he wasgonna divorce her.
So you just keep digging and andand see what see how we can
parlay this into something in myfavor.
And he's like, Well, I mean, Idon't know how we're gonna do
this without exposingChristopher.

(26:56):
Angela insists, Christopher mustnever ever know.
She claims, in not so manywords, she made that decision
when he told her he wanted to bea priest.
She made sure to set upeverything so that could happen.
She doesn't want him to stepaway from his vows, which
doesn't really make sensebecause, like, how is having a

(27:16):
mom stepping away from yourvows?
That's not the same thing.
Anyway, she doesn't wantChristopher to know, and she
doesn't want Christopher to knowbecause she doesn't want Julia
to know.
That's really the T.
She doesn't want Julia to know,and she doesn't want Emma to
know.
She definitely doesn't wantLance to know.
So I best Cassandra would knowthat her mom wasn't telling the
full story.
Although I guess Anna could verywell be like, Well, I didn't

(27:39):
know that.
I had no idea.
I just know that Angela turnedoff all the water, your dad
burned the house, he wasdistraught for whatever reason.
This to me, though, does a lineup a whole lot better with Anna
being outside.
She definitely has something todo with this.
I don't know if she set thefire.
I'm not really sure because shewould have no way of knowing he
would die in it unless she wastrying to kill everybody.

(28:00):
I don't know.
I really don't know, but I knowshe knows more than she's
letting on.
Also, Anna is a giant pain inthe butt.
She's getting on everybody'snerves, including Cassandra's.
So once Angela is back at FalconCrest, she is having a thought
conversation in her own mind.

(28:21):
I don't know why I explainedthat out.
Like we don't know what thoughtsare.
She's thinking to herself, I'vehad enough of this crap.
She decides what's gonna makeher feel better is storming over
to the house that Anna andCassandra are staying on on her
personal property.
She's gonna go over there andshe's gonna cuss this woman out.
She's sick of them.
So she's sauntering up to Anna'ssleeping quarters, cuss her and

(28:42):
her smoke inhalation baby out.
When she stumbles upon a verytelling and a very private
conversation, albeit very loud,because Cassandra and Anna don't
know that uh Angie was on herway over there to cuss them out,
but she's ear hustling.
So Cassandra is not trying to gobrook, she is an ad exec, she is

(29:03):
a successful ad exec, and she issuccessful because she
understands that she does notneed to, she needs investors,
she's not going to foot the billand bear the whole burden of
something.
She understands spreading thatout a little bit.
But Anna has champagne tastes ona beer budget.
She wants a big girl.
We're gonna make this this roomneeds to be bigger, this needs

(29:24):
to be blah, blah, blah.
Cassandra's like, Mama, ma, ma.
We don't have that kind of moneyright now.
We can't, we I'm not movingforward on this anymore.
We need some investors.
Her mom basically calls herwuss.
But Cassandra's like, I mean,I'll be that, but I'm just not
gonna be broke and a wuss.
She decides she needs to leavethe house, get some fresh air.

(29:45):
I'm going for a drive.
And her mom's like, run overAngela if you see her.
I like this old broad.
So anyway, Angela has justenough time to saunter off, but
now.
She's got a little bit moreleverage.
She knows that they're in alittle bit of a pickle.
Financially, at least.

(30:08):
Meanwhile, at the AgrettiGardens, one thing you're not
gonna do is keep a bad bee down.
Especially not a bad bee whoowns a vineyard and who knows
how bad they are, whounderstands leverage and has the
connections.
Speaking of a baddie who owns avineyard and has a few

(30:28):
connections, Angela's youngerversion of herself, Mellie Mel,
is fresh out the county quink.
That's right, folks.
Her eight-week sentence was uhreduced because she's been on
such great behavior.
Or probably somebody on thestaff needed to go out, they
were just tired of like havingto keep an eye on her.

(30:48):
Good behavior, you can go home.
So, mind you, less than twomonths.
Less than two months.
Didn't I tell you Gaunty Joe ismore like a resort?
So Bellybelle saunders throughher own home and discovers that
her family, being Cole, babyJoseph, and Hood Rat Cousin

(31:09):
Robin, are all out on theterrace having a beautiful
little brackie.
They look so cute, they so cute.
She's obviously a little bituncomfortable by this, but she
is quickly comforted when herman looks over and sees her and
leaps out of his chair.
He runs and he hugs her.
Oh, baby, I'm so glad you'rehome.
What are you doing home?
I'm out on bail or I'm fresh outof jail, good behavior or

(31:30):
whatever.
Baby Joseph is like, mommy,mommy.
He jumps in her arm, gives her abig old squeeze.
Cousin Robin is sitting therelooking all disappointed.
But you know what even is moredisappointing?
I don't know what the hell isgoing on with Robin.
Everybody on the show isgorgeous.
Robin has got to be thedirector's niece or something,
IRL, because she has that.

(31:52):
Do y'all remember glamour shots?
Yeah, okay.
Glamour shots, if you don't,were a thing where you could go
to the mall usually, or theywould send out a flyer in your
town, and you'd meet at a hotelor whatever, there'd be this
backdrop, and there's theseprops, and they do this sort of
just just it's exactly what itsounds like.

(32:14):
A glamour shot.
Think toddlers and tieras, butnot as good.
And think of it with 80s hair.
This she's giving mall glamourshots to me, right?
She got the nerve to haveattitude.
Melissa also has an attitude.
She's looking up and down, butshe can't even think about that
that long because baby Joseph,as he's squeezing her neck,
mommy, mommy, why did you go tojail?

(32:34):
And she's like, What?
He goes, I knew you were doing abit in county, but I don't know
why you're doing a bit incounty.
What gifts?
Are you on parole?
Are the feds washing?
Is my toy box tapped?
He didn't say all that, but youknow, indulge your girl here for
a minute.
So she's like, What the actualpoll quickly steps in and he's

(32:57):
like, Hey, buddy, uh, goupstairs and and and uh can you
look over my taxes?
He's like, Bet, I'm on it, Dad,I'm on it.
So he goes upstairs to collecthis atticus or whatever.
And Melissa immediately turns tolook at Robin.
She's like, Dang, Robin is likethat.
Robin's like, oh, I'm sorry, mybig old mouth.
I didn't mean to say anything.
No, she could feel in her spiritthat Melissa was about to swing

(33:20):
on her because she already gotbeat down once in the living
room pregnant or not.
So she makes sure to poke outher stomach and be like, the
doctor says me and the baby aredoing good.
Melissa's like, all right, I'mI'm okay, okay, okay.
I'm fresh out of jail.
I'm on parole, so I'm not gonnado anything wild, but you do
need to get out of my face.
Robin's like, I really do.
I'm so good with kids, kids.
But I didn't mean to slip andtell him that you were in the

(33:42):
clinic.
My bad, girl, my bad.
So she leaves, and immediatelyMelissa's like, so you know
she's got to go, right?
You know she's outworn herwelcome at this point.
That's strike two, Robin.
I'm with bad girl Melly Mill.
Cole ain't trying to hear that.
She's our problem, and we'resupposed to take care of her
anyway.
So later on that night, Cole andMelissa are in bed when baby

(34:04):
Joseph starts wailing.
He's had some sort of nightmare.
So he runs to his father's room,which the door is already
closed, which makes me think,okay, that's interesting.
Kid has a decency to knock.
They open the door.
Melissa goes to to comfort him.
Baby Joseph says, I want Robin.

Here's the thing (34:21):
I'm sure this is an oversight.
It better be an oversight.
But why would Joseph run to hisdaddy's closed door looking for
Robin?
Is there something going on hereI need to know about?
Because it kind of feels likeit.
It better not be.
He's not giving the vibe like helikes Robin like that, but I'm

(34:42):
saying though.
Why would Joseph run to thatroom looking for Aunt Robin?
He knows where Robin sleeps.
He knows where Robin sleeps.
Now, Robin, of course, is earhustling from the hallway.
She rushes in, talking about,oh, I'm so good with kids, and
I'm so sorry, girl.
Let me let me come on, Joseph.
You want to sleep in my bed?
This is strike three.

(35:02):
This has gotten under Melissa'sskin in the worst way.
She's like, this whore must go.
She must flee from me lest shebe toppled or tossed over the
staircase.
I'm gonna crack Robin's egg ifshe keeps playing with me.
Cole again, chastise her.
She's our responsibility.
We're gonna deal with it.

(35:23):
It is time for Melissa to startflexing her money.
Like, excuse me, sir, this is myhouse.
Melissa Agretti, this is aGretti Acres, this is my crib.
You and Robin can get out.
Melissa really is trying.
So part of Millie Mill'sprobation is that she has to go
to counseling and she also hasto volunteer at this girl's

(35:43):
home.
She shows up in yellow at herparish to talk to her priest
father, Bobby.
Bobby's asking her questions,and um she's he can tell that
she's she's basically holdingback, she's not really talking.
He asks about um how she's doingat home, everything's fine.
Hey, your cousin Robin's here,and she's like, who?

(36:04):
Huh?
Yeah, yeah, your cousin.
Isn't she pregnant?
Isn't she here?
I mean, I guess we're trying tohelp her out.
She's very distant.
Melissa is acting like MariahCarey when anybody asks her
about J-Lo.
Like, I don't I don't know, Idon't know who that is.
Um side note that never gets oldto me seeing that clip of Mariah

(36:27):
Carey saying, you know, if I hadthe luxury of not singing my own
music, I too could have eighthours of sleep.
Mariah.
Girl.
Anyway, uh, Father Bobby is notbuying the you don't know J
Little bit.
And he's also older.
He's not old, but he is too oldto be playing with this little

(36:48):
girl.
So he's much less patient and hehas no inhibitions at all.
Based on his line of work, Iwouldn't imagine there isn't
much he hasn't heard and notmuch he hasn't seen, considering
he's everybody's priest.
So he feels free to say what heneeds to say because I mean,
who's gonna check him?
Who's gonna check me?
He said, Melissa, listen, uh, Iain't got time for this, baby

(37:10):
girl.
I'm gonna get another priest whodoesn't know the laundry list of
sins you've committed regularly.
I'm tired, baby girl.
By the way, ain't nobody, and Imean, ain't nobody in this
valley coming anywhere nearclose to your level of sin and
debauchery.
Melissa looks at him and she'slike, Oh no.

(37:31):
Stop.
For real?
I'm really the baddest.
I swear to you.
She almost takes it as acompliment, like, dang, I do be
sinning.
I am that shit.
God, I'm the bad, I'm the worst.
He's like, You're literally theworst.
Nobody is coming close to you,baby girl.
You're the even 30 yet.
She's like, dang.
I mean, I knew I was her, butwow, thank you.

(37:56):
So, Melissa, we'll only discussRobin in one context, and that's
the she gots to go.
Send her to the unwed mothercamp conversation.
That's all I'm here to talkabout.
She gotta get her things and shegotta roll on up out of here.
This, of course, causes yetanother fight with Cole.
They was on the couch, oh,kissy, kissy, boo-boo.
She's like, You know, Robin gotto get up out of here, right?

(38:18):
He once again, she's ourresponsibility.
Melissa's like, I'm so sick ofthis.
Cole, I know you see what she'sdoing.
I know you see it.
It's like, I don't see anything.
I think you're overreacting.
She's like, Okay, well, I'mgonna overreact to my cute
little car.
I'm gonna drive out.
I'm leaving.
So she storms out, she drivesaround the countryside, I
suppose, and she comes back witha change of heart.
Robin, in a hideous gown, comesdownstairs as Melissa's like,

(38:42):
you know what, uh, babe, I'm sosorry.
She's talking to Cole.
So sorry, I don't really want tofight.
Robin, you can stay.
I'm so sorry that I've been sorude to you.
I really want to help you outgoing forward.
She seems to be genuine.
Cole steps up in this moment ina very big way in front of
Robin, which I appreciated.
He says, You know, Robin, eventhough you're staying here, I

(39:03):
need you to understandsomething.
Melissa is Cole's mother.
Whatever she says, goes.
No more going behind her back,giving Joseph what he wants.
Because that was one ofMelissa's grievances, is that if
she told him no, he would justgo to Robin and get whatever he
wanted.
And then Robin is playing theI'm pregnant with a baby, so you
can't slap me across my face,even though you're not pregnant
in your face.
She's playing that card.

(39:23):
So as long as there's noundermining of Melly Mel's bad
girl authority in her own home,everything should be good.
Okay, a little lighthousekeeping.
Not much else goes on withLance.
He does come in at the crack ofhigh noon for lunch.
He sits down with Emma andAngela.
They have a new study, they'renot, no, they're no longer

(39:45):
sitting in that really longtable in that dark dining room.
They're off in the cornersomewhere.
It's light, it's bright.
It's much actually much better.
It's much more practical forbreakfast or lunch or dinner,
even though they're still eatingoff of silver platters.
Anyway, Angela is trying to makeamends with with um Lance.
I guess not make amends becausethey didn't really fall out.

(40:07):
She wants him to get back towork.
He he's a little bit recklessnow that Lorraine is gone.
She's concerned about him.
She thinks maybe going back towork will give him something
else to focus on.
He says he didn't want to do it.
Number one, you fired me.
Number two, you made my life aliving hell, and then you gave
the job to Maggie.
I'm not, I'm not going back andforth with you.
Emma says, you know what, Lance,there's nothing wrong with the

(40:29):
little responsibility.
I sure would like some.
Emma's new nose is a little bitdistracting, even though it
looks good, but she is comingoff a little differently this
season, too.
She seems far more lucid, farmore capable.
I believe she was dropping ahint she would like to be the
editor at the Globe, and I thinkshe does a great job.
Well, now that that's out of theway, uh, the Manimal stops by to

(40:51):
give a little bit of tea.
He's telling Angela, Well, youknow, Anna and her daughter,
Cassandra, are running low onmoney.
She's like, Oh, baby, I alreadyknow I was ear hustling, so I
already know that.
What else you got?
He says, Well, the only otherthing is that Anna has been
hospitalized several times overthe last couple of years.
Nobody really knows why, though.
She keeps going in and out ofthe hospital.

(41:13):
This is a very interesting pointbecause when they introduced
Anna, even though we didn't knowher name, she was covered from
head to toe.
She was riding with these gloveson and such, which I'm starting
to believe is a soap opera tropethat they use until they cast
whatever actor or actress theywant.
They just put a rando in a fullhead-to-toe costume, head-to-toe

(41:34):
covering, excuse me.
Think Alexis at the end ofseason one when she walks into
the courtroom or somebody does.
We don't know who it is, becauseshe's got that Kate Winslit
Titanic type hat.
Church lady Easter Sunday hat.
I wondered about that becauseAnna was definitely
institutionalized.
She wasn't in like a normalhospital.
I thought she was covered withburns.

(41:55):
That does not seem to be thecase.
So I don't really know what'sgoing on.
She does walk with a cane.
Maybe she's the only person withthe smoke inhalation.
I don't know.
Angel says, okay, that's cool.
You keep working on that.
I gotta go see a man about somebusiness.
And that's exactly what shedoes.
She and Chow Lee head to SanFrancisco with her billionaire

(42:17):
homeboy.
But his personal assistant dudeis acting all caddy.
Okay, y'all.
Full disclosure, I almost turnedthis show off right then and
there at that exact moment.
Not because I was offended, notbecause I was busy, but because
I got scared.
You know who I thought that was?
I don't know what I'm gonna callthis episode.

(42:38):
This is the jet thought that wasso-and-so episode.
I thought it was the guy whohosted Unsolved Mysteries, who
was by far the scariest personon network television ever.
And I was afraid of the CryptKeeper, but this man scared the
dog mess out of me every time.

(43:00):
I couldn't stand that.
My mom loved that show.
So he was on, he scared the crapout of me, and I thought, oh my
god, that's him.
I know that's him.
It's not him.
We were almost done with FalconCrest today because of that.
I turned back into aneight-year-old.
I'm like, Jack, get your lifetogether.

(43:20):
It's not that deep.
Apparently, Angela thinks thesame thing.
It's not quite that deep.
This guy is giving up nothing.
Call him a good assistant, callhim a catty bratty little kid
who needs to be put in hisplace.
She's demanding to know whereher Billy and her homeboy, I
think Mr.
Strabos, something like that is.
And the kid's like, uh, no, I'mnot giving you that information.

(43:42):
She's like, you better give meinformation.
Do you know who I am?
My name is Angela FreakingChanning, aka Big Perm, aka the
Merlot goddess of the valley.
I am the owner of Falcon Cress.
This fool was like, oh, that'stragic.
Last year's Cabernet wasdisappointing.
She's like, oh, you funny.
Okay, okay.

(44:03):
Angela is too old and way toorich to be waiting around for
some personal assistant namedClaude to get his life together.
So she does the only reasonablething a woman of her status and
stature does.
She educates Claude.
She says, Claude, I think youneed to understand the
irreparable damage that I can doand will do to your reputation
if you don't stop playing in myface.

(44:26):
After all, I drop millions,millions of dollars in this here
business, which helps fund yoursalary.
So if I decide to startwithholding that money and I
reach out to my homeboy, mybillionaire homeboy, Mr.
Strabos, and I say, you knowwhat?
Claude sucks at life.
Claude needs to go.
He's very bad for your millionbillion dollar business.

(44:48):
He's gonna listen to me, baby,because I got it like that.
This is big anch.
Big anch.
Claude's like, dang, gosh.
She then continues to say, Ihave been that bitch since
before you could wipe your ownbehind.
Since before you could brushyour own teeth, little boy.
You better get my friend overhere now.
Claude ain't really trying tolose his jaw plus.

(45:10):
He is far too fly, he is far tooeducated and talented to be
standing in the unemploymentline.
I can only imagine what thatfeels like in 1982.
Can't just fill out a form youhave to go stand on there.
Or 1985, pardon me.
He goes, okay, well, if you'relooking for Mr.
Stravos, Miss Channing, he is ona boat somewhere between

(45:32):
California and Hawaii.
Oh, thanks, Claude.
Yeah.
So that narrows it down to thePacific Ocean.
Great.
Thank you.
But I mean, that's me.
Angela Channing has herresources.
She's able to get a hold of him.
I guess she sends a wire.
I don't know what you do tosomebody on the boat out there.
I have no clue.
Unfortunately, the disrespectfor the day does not stop there

(45:53):
when it comes to Miss Angela.
She goes home to her study whenher ungrateful nephew, the
Aviator Donna, steals Melissa'sharvest from right up under her.
He does so by calling a meeting,asking Cassandra and Anna if he
can have the agretti harvest forhis new vineyard.
Since they don't really careabout wine anymore, this is

(46:14):
about to be a resort.
They're like, uh yeah, bet.
You can have whatever you want,dude.
Angel's like, this is egregious.
This is a business.
You can't just give away theharvest.
He's like, Well, I mean, sincey'all already said yes to that,
I have all this sparkling winethat I made.
Y'all think I can have thatback?
And they're like, nah, don'tpush it.
Anna's like, don't, don't getgreedy.
You already have one victory.
Take that.
Angela's like, nah, no, give himthat now.

(46:36):
That you do need to get rid of.
So as Cassandra and Anna leave,after saying yes to the grapes,
but no to the wine, Angela turnsto her precious nephew and she
calmly tells him that thislittle stunt you just pulled is
gonna cost you dearly.
She says it in a way that letsyou know she's not joking
around.
It's about to go down.
Chase doesn't really give adamn.

(46:56):
He didn't have to be associatedwith her anymore at this point.
Like, what more what damagecould she do at this point?
So now we're getting to the goodpart.
Maggie is at home.
I suppose it's the next daybecause Chase comes downstairs
in his full blue pajamas,button-up pajamas at that long
sleeve, long legs, and a robe.
And Maggie is sitting at the keythe kitchen table, like she

(47:18):
knows that she's that girl.
She's got on a peach nighty.
Chase comes downstairs to get aglass of milk.
Has that ever worked for anyone?
I feel like that is such acommon thing on TV.
If you need to have aconversation in the middle of
the night, they go into thekitchen and pour themselves a
glass of milk and they usuallywarm it up.
That has never worked for me.
I'm just curious.

(47:39):
Hit me up in the text.
Anyway, Maggie's been readingthe papers all night and she's
been reading about the accident.
And there are two things thatshe wants to know.
Number one, who is RichardChanning?
And number two, what the heckwas I doing in Richard
Channing's house?
This makes Chase a little bituncomfortable, but he plays it
off pretty well.

(48:00):
He says, Well, Richard Channingis my half-brother.
He's more half than brother.
I think he went over there togive him his condolences.
His stepdaughter just died.
Despite Maggie having lost hermemory, she hasn't lost any
instincts, which I think is kindof interesting.
She may not know who thesepeople are, but she can kind of
her body is still responding tothe words he's saying, and she's
paying way more attention tothat.

(48:21):
I had a friend when we werekids, trying to think of how old
we were.
Maybe around 11, something likethat.
Like, not little, little kids,but definitely like not
full-grown teenagers anyway.
Let's say between 11 and 13.
I can't remember.
She started having theseseizures randomly, and they
decided after several tests thatit was it was brought on by

(48:43):
stress and other stuff.
And one particular seizure was alittle rougher, and everybody
was visiting her at thehospital, and she had a little
bit of amnesia.
So it's she could remember allof her friends.
She knew who all of her friendswere, she knew who her mom was,
she knew who her sibling was,but she couldn't remember her
dad.
And then she couldn't rememberlike another cousin.

(49:03):
Turns out these were people whohad, I mean, not necessarily
done anything, but that she hadshe didn't have a great
relationship with them.
And she later confessed, she'slike, I didn't know who they
were, but I knew I didn't likethem.
I think that's reallyinteresting.
I hadn't looked into muchneuroscience behind that, but
Maggie, it seems to it, thisseems to be believable.
She knows who these people are,or she doesn't, she doesn't know

(49:25):
who they are, but she knows howshe feels about them, which has
gotta be one of the weirdestfeelings ever.
Okay, so one morning, Maggie issitting out on her castle porch
and she's typing away thetypewriter in a you guessed it,
bright yellow top.
Big Ange stops by to introduceherself, and of course, she came
by to start some ish.

(49:46):
Hey baby.
And Maggie's like, Hi, who areyou?
I'm your auntie Angela.
I'm so, so glad that you look,you look good.
I've always liked you so much,which is true.
Oh man, I'm so glad you andChase are working on things.
Has Richard stopped by yet,girl?
Now that that tingles Maggie'sspidey scent again.
She's like, no, he hasn't.

(50:07):
Um, why?
Angela plays a little bit dumb,but Maggie's like, please just
tell me.
I feel like everybody'stiptoeing around me.
She goes, Well, I mean, no,nothing.
I just, you know, you andRichard, y'all were y'all were
very close.
Maggie's like, very close.
She's like, girl.
Angela gives her that that kindof I don't want to say anything
look.
And Maggie's like, please, justdon't be afraid.

(50:28):
Um, you're not gonna break me.
Just tell me.
Angela's like, okay, well, youdidn't hear from me.
But word on the street is thatyou and Richard were pretty much
having an affair.
That's what I heard.
I knew y'all was close, close.
But I mean, I'm glad you andChase are working it out.
I'm glad everything's good.
I'm glad you're typing andwriting.
You look good in that yellowgirl.
Bye.
She leaves.
She stirred the bottom, then sheleft.
So Angela isn't the only elderwho likes stirring up trouble

(50:50):
this season, and I'm I'm on tothat.
I'm enjoying that quite a bit.
Chase visits the cowboy lawyerguy, Mr.
B.
Riley Wicker Esquire, for someadvice.
He's not letting this champagnething go.
He's like, listen, sir, I madeall this champagne and now
they're gonna turn it into aresort, but they won't give me
back my champagne.
What should I do?
Mr.
Wicker Esquire has had a littlebit of a history with Cassandra.

(51:14):
He don't really like her thatmuch.
He said, Listen, if I was you,I'd get me a U-Haul truck.
I'd hire five or six dudes whocan do heavy lifting.
I'd go right up to that vineyardand I'd just steal it.
That's what I would do.
This is a lawyer.
This is his advice.
I messed with this guy already.
I like him.
I like him, but somebodydefinitely does not like

(51:35):
Richard.
Somebody is more than content tokeep trying to off this guy,
right?
Tries to run him off the road.
Richard's leaving the vineyard,his bodyguard's like, yeah, get
in this car, I'll get in theother one.
So they have like twolimousines.
Richard and not Marla Maples getinto one limousine, the
bodyguard and the other one getin the other.

(51:57):
Somebody tries to run them offthe road, but I got caught up in
the atmosphere a little bit toomuch because this road looks
exactly like the one on theyellow rose, where gosh, I can't
remember what somebody fell downa mountain or something and they
were blocking off.
Anyway, it was on the yellowrose, and it's also the same
road they use in Dallas on oneepisode where Ray Krebs decides

(52:19):
he's gonna drive to Odessa fromDallas, which baby, I guarantee
you don't look nothing likethat.
He drives and he goes to alittle ranch in Odessa, but it
looks very much like this thisscenery.
So this is probably just areally hot spot everybody uses,
doesn't matter what state it'ssupposed to represent.
Somebody almost ruins Richardoff the road in a black,

(52:40):
murdered-out OJ Bronco.
I'm so glad they brought thosecars back.
I used to love that car.
I know it's tainted, but youknow what I'm saying.
It was a sturdy automobile.
The new ones are a little toosmall for me, but I still like
them.
Fortunately, it's in the 80s, soit still has a really good
reputation.
And fortunately for Richard,because it's the 80s, there's

(53:02):
plenty of land yachts.
It's hard to run an all-metalschool bus link limo off the
side of the road.
It's very hard.
Even if you have an all-metalkidnapping van size Bronco to do
so.
Whoever tries to run him off theroad is unsuccessful.
They do get the bodyguardingthem off.
But then by the time they get toRichard, somebody on a tractor

(53:24):
cuts them off.
So they they can't finish thejob.
I swear that is like 97% ofRichard's storyline.
Who's trying to kill you thisseason?
What ties does he even have atthis point?
Unless there's uh cartel residueleft over, or his leather pants
pan, which I happen to believeit is, who else would care at

(53:45):
this point?
What does he have?
He's running out of money, heain't got no kids.
Maybe it's his ex- Oh, ooh,maybe it's his ex-wife,
Lorraine's mom.
I like that.
I like that.
Whoever tried to kill him wasnot successful.
Meanwhile, back at Falcon Crest,Angie is in her study with the
manimal when Chow Lee announcesa guest.

(54:08):
Father Bobby.
Father Bobby waltz in with noneother than Father Christopher
past panty droppers.
Angela almost vomits and faints.
And she's like, oh my god, oh mygod, oh my god, oh my god.
What are you doing here?
Now Father Bobby is none thewiser about who Christopher is.

(54:28):
He is so relieved that there's anew priest who can take over
Melissa and her laundry list ofsins that he ain't got to deal
with it.
He's like, Oh my gosh, I can'teven tell you how pumped I was.
I was calling around looking forpriests who want to, you know,
come to this parish.
Christopher ends up calling me.
I guess he was looking forsomewhere to go.
Bada bing.
He knows you.
He was willing to come out here.

(54:49):
He flew from the East Coast.
Oh my gosh, I'm so grateful.
And she's like, oh my god, yeah,that's that is fantastic.
Once they leave, Angelacrumbles.
I mean, as much as she's gonnacrumble, she's emotionally
unaware, so she snaps at themanimal.

(55:09):
She's like, What the F-bird boy?
Do something, morph into a lionor something and eat him.
What are you doing?
The manimal asked the wrongquestion.
He is not reading the room, hedoes not understand how pissed
off she is.
He was like, Well, why didn'tyou just tell Father Bobby who
he was?
She's like, She's like, fool,because he wasn't here and it's
none of his business.
Didn't I tell you I didn't tellnobody?
Damn, I'm one of the oldestpeople in the valley that I

(55:31):
didn't kill off.
I mean, nobody knows.
Julia doesn't know, Christopherdon't know, Lance doesn't know,
Emma doesn't know.
The only priest I told was 900years old, and that's the only
reason I told him.
Damn.
Also, Father Bobby does not workon the East Coast, so why would
he know that?
Manholds just pissing people offtoday, I guess.
He just or maybe he's hungry,maybe he has low blood sugar, I

(55:55):
don't care.
Okay, I will say thisChristopher is growing on me.
I maintained my original opinionthat they had him looking goofy
in that last shot.
He just seems giddy this thistime.
He's just like really, reallyhappy to be there.
He is very cute, especially fromthe side.
But he does come off as goofy,and I and I realize why he comes

(56:18):
off goofy in contrast to therest of the cast because nobody
else on the show smiles and hasfun.
Literally.
Emma kind of smirks every nowand again, but everybody is so
serious.
So anybody being jovial or happyin any way is gonna stand out.
You go, you you seem a littleover the top compared to the
rest of the cast.
Speaking of over the top, well,I don't know.

(56:41):
I'll let you be the judge ofthat.
I didn't really get into Coleand Chase, but it feels like
Cole is he's questioning thewhole Connie Giannini thing and
why his mom and his dad were onthe ounce.
Chase isn't being super direct,but he's also not really lying.
He's just sort of he's notomitting the truth, but it he's

(57:02):
not stringing the story along ina way that would bring you to
the proper conclusion.
He's like, Well, I don't know.
Your mom saw Connie and she gotupset.
And Cole's like, uh, that seemsa little extreme.
Like, why did she get upset?
Nobody gets up upset becausesomebody was embracing.
That's what Chase told him whenI guess we hugged or something.
He he makes it sound reallyinnocent.

(57:22):
So it's very clear that hedidn't say anything like this to
Maggie.
She was none the wiser that theywere on the outs.
She just thought she feltuncomfortable around him because
of her amnesia, not because shewas really pissed off at him.
So after Angela stops by thehouse, stirs the pot and then
leaves, Maggie is sitting therein her yellow, trying to make a

(57:42):
decision.
Okay, what do I need to do?
For her.
She's heard the name RichardChanning more times than a
little bit.
It's time she goes to visit thisman face to face.
So at the end of this episode,Cole and Chase are coming into
the castle house.
They're just having a realcasual conversation.
They walk past the dining roomtable where we, the audience,

(58:05):
see this empty wine glass orchampagne flute, I can't
remember.
Slowly, Chase turns around andgoes back to it because he
realizes that underneath theglass is a letter.
It is from Maggie, basicallytelling him she's out.
She's gone.
She kicked rocks.
Not bad.

(58:25):
Episode two is doing what itneeds to do.
I do like the speed of thisseason a little bit more.
I'm chalking up to them justbeing comfortable, probably.
By this point, you know who youare, you know who your audience
is for real.
You know how they react to yougoing off script a little bit.
And I think uh this this feelslike the ugly duckling turning

(58:46):
into the swan, even though theywere never an ugly duckling.
This is a makeover, this is aglow-up, even though they didn't
really need it, but it's hittingall the right notes we got.
A new lawyer coming in out ofnowhere.
I like that.
That's got to be a little bit ofa contrast between she and the
mammal point.
Aunt Terry seems to be movingon.
I'm sure her and the renegadewill get it in a few more times,

(59:08):
and then we gotta bringsomething a little more special
to her because she's been thehooker, she's been the wife,
she's been manipulated for beingthe hooker and the wife.
Let's let's do something new,let's do a new thing.
Bad girl Melly Mel is strugglingto be a good wife and not
strangle her cousin.
There's also no way in my mindthat Robin is gonna give up this

(59:28):
baby easy peasy.
There's zero chance.
Maggie's walking around withamnesia, putting two and two
together to see if it equalsfour.
Chase is being a little bit of adirtbag.
It's a good look for him.
I'm not mad at it.
And most importantly, Angela hasa nemesis who also has a secret
that she kept from her child.

(59:48):
This is good.
This is someone who's probably alittle, she's not quite.
I'm not saying that Anna is onAngela's level, but I am saying
that they are both in a positionto lose something.
To piss people off.
Although, as I'm saying this outloud, it seems like Anna has
more to lose because herchildren believe everything she
says.
As were Angela's children, Ialready know she's trifling.

(01:00:09):
Her grandkids know it too.
So, I mean, if you do one moretrifling thing, I mean, okay,
cool.
All she's gonna do is kick youin and out of the wheel 15
times.
Who cares?
Lance even said that thisepisode.
She when Angela tried to woo himback to the globe, she told him
he could have his inheritanceback.
He is the heir to Falcon Grads.
And he's like, I don't even wantthis place anymore.

(01:00:31):
You can absolutely keep it.
You've given it to me, you'vetaken it away more times in a
little bit.
I'm really not concerned.
Plus, he's about to pop off inhis action career.
Alright, guys, that's it.
That's all.
Thank you so much for joining mefor yet another exquisite,
excellent hour and change spentwatching vintage primetime soap

(01:00:51):
operas.
Join me next time as we jumpback into another vintage
episode of Primetime Debacy.
I think it's gonna be Dallas.
I feel like I started that andthen this weird delivery came to
the door.
It wasn't mine.
I had to return it.
Anyway, I think it'll be Dallas.
If not, it'll be one of theothers.
It'll be fantastic.
I'm so sure.
In the meantime, in betweentime, if you give a baby up,

(01:01:13):
make sure, send them overseas.
Sending them to the oppositecoast clearly will not work in
your favor because yourdaughter's baby daddy's ex-wife
is gonna come through with avengeance 30 plus years later.
You don't need them kind ofproblems.
Stay hydrated, stay moisturized,mind your own business, and keep
all of your drama on TV.