December 24, 2025 • 54 mins
Power looks different when the money runs out and the people you love go missing. We dive into Dynasty’s Season 5 whirlwind where Blake Carrington flies to Caracas in sandals and bravado, pitching a comeback to Billy Waite—a charming shark who treats goodwill like collateral. Krystal sees the trap instantly, raising the deeper question: what good is a fortune if every deal burns trust to ash? Back home, Steven frays under the weight of Danny’s disappearance and turns his frustration on anyone nearby. His sparring with Alexis over a swamp-well deal becomes a sharp debate about what money is actually for—idealism versus optionality in a crisis. Claudia is the quiet counterweight, holding the center when grief hunts for an easy target. Then Dominique Deveraux glides in with a smile and a file, refusing origin stories while building her own—precise, elegant, and always a step ahead. Alexis, never one to be managed, fires her stiff lawyer and elevates Adam to the role of son-advocate, betting that loyalty plays better than polish. It’s a savvy pivot until the Caracas authorities interrupt her exit, snapping a legal tether that reminds us optics have limits. And in the episode’s coldest turn, Jeff follows a hostel whisper to a convent and hears the word that empties the room: Fallon is “gone.” Maybe final, maybe not—but heavy enough to make everyone re-evaluate what they’re really chasing. Come for the glamour and one-liners, stay for the fault lines: money as a mirror, family as a battlefield, and reputation as a currency that never stops fluctuating. If you’re into Dynasty recaps with wit, heart, and a little forensic reading of elite behavior, you’ll feel right at home. Share the episode, leave a review, and tell us: are you Team Crystal, Team Alexis, or Team Dominique?
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls,
welcome or welcome back toSoapboar.
I'm your host, Jet, viewing andreviewing the Sophia Subsidian
Primetime Storylines of 1984.
So whether you're new to this oraccrue to this, sit back and
enjoy.
Tell the kids it's time to playoutside or out of side.
Tell babe no questions, noquestion or concern for the next
(00:21):
25 to 35 minutes.
Everyone else on Airside, youcan be cool quiet, kicked out,
could you feel in part with thisbaby?
No more time for this note.
We are watching our story.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys andgirls, and look at Welcome and
(00:58):
welcome back to another funbuild edition of Snowflor.
I'm your host, Jack, and yeah,I've got a nothing in my head.
I'm so sorry.
Like, wifey lifing?
Build one retained.
This time of year, dude, I had awhole plan.
I plan to sit back to chill, tolounge in sateen pajamas, to
(01:20):
just sip non-alcoholic and alittle alcoholic champagne.
I thought my hair would be inrollers or get did at some point
during the week, but then I wokeup and remembered, oh, I'm fully
grown.
I'm a full-grown woman.
I got bills and stuff, so lifehas been lifing, but we're we're
on track now.
Back to what is important, andthat is spending a little time
(01:42):
with you as I deep dive intothese vintage primetime soap
operas.
Today we are indulging in afantastic episode of Dynasty.
I gotta be honest with youthough.
When I sat down to watch this,and I and mind you, I cackled.
I had a good time, but by theend of it, I'm like, well, that
was a whole bunch of nothing.
(02:03):
Oh, touche.
Not at all.
Not touche.
I don't even know what the hellthat means.
Wait, touche means like, oh, yougot a point, right?
Oh contraire, whatever.
Whatever French I learned fromwatching sitcoms.
What I mean to say is, oh, I waswrong.
There's always a little bit of alife lesson buried in one of
these shows.
So go ahead and grab yourselfsomething bubbly and bright, or
(02:26):
something warm and sparkling,whatever you need to do to get
right, to get good andcomfortable, as we explore
season five, episode three ofDynasty Fallon.
Luckily, I started watching theshow before I actually noticed
what the title was, and I am I'mglad to admit she didn't
(02:49):
actually show her face on thisepisode.
I'm also starting to come toterms with some of my very toxic
traits.
Is it a toxic trait if you'reaware of it?
Is it is it like being crazy?
You know, they say if if youclaim to be absolutely nuts,
you're crazy.
Crazy people don't know they'recrazy.
So you're probably not.
(03:09):
There's a high level of sanityhere.
Is my trait toxic if I'm fullyaware of it and not ashamed of
it?
Yeah, it probably still is, butone of my toxic traits I am
noticing, especially when itcomes to these shows, is if I
don't like someone on it, Imean, yes, I roll my eyes, I
cuss Gary out for filth, but Ialso know he's not going
(03:31):
anywhere.
But by and large, if I decide Idon't like you, you just sort of
disappear from my mind.
I had all but forgotten thatFallon was gone.
Isn't that the whole premise ofthe the top of this season?
The end of season four, the topof season five is all about
locating Fallon.
As I say that out loud, they'realways looking for somebody.
(03:54):
Season three, they were lookingfor Claudia's baby that she's
heaved hold off the top.
Heaved hold off the top of aroof where they thought was baby
Blake, but it wasn't.
It was like a cabbage patch orsomething.
Season four, they're rescuingAlexis and Crystal from a
burning building, trying tofigure out who who lit that some
bitch of flame.
(04:14):
And here we are chasing afterFallon, who had a, I don't know,
crinoline-induced headache thatgave her amnesia or some sort of
drunken superpower to drive inthe rain while halfway falling
asleep, ducking and dodgingmidnight traffic and work
convoys all while nothydroplaning and then managing
to disappear into the dark.
(04:35):
Impressive.
If nothing else, I'm I'm highlyimpressed.
But that's neither here northere.
We have got to run through thisepisode, which was a lot of the
same.
I don't feel like I walked awayknowing much more, but I learned
so much more.
This is editing jet.
Quick shout out to Byron.
(04:56):
I just saw your I just saw yourmessage.
You play too much.
Yes, I'm back.
I promise I'm gonna give you adouble dose now.
Appreciate you listening.
Hey boo.
I had to slip this in.
I will have you know, LordByron, which I will only address
you by for going forward.
(05:18):
I have not boycotted them, Ihave fully enjoyed them.
It's just you know, the girl gotsideways.
I've been pulled every whichway, but loose.
Byron says, Um, Miss Woman,where is my next dynasty review?
Please tell me you're notboycotting the Carringtons.
You are officially on probationuntil you catch us up.
(05:38):
Lord Byron.
That is hilarious.
I appreciate that.
And for that, I'll have you knowthere is a double scoop coming.
Thank you so much for listening.
At the top of the episode, Blakeand Crystal are in their fancy
schmancy bedroom in their fancyschmancy silk robes.
(05:59):
Crystal looks a little bituncomfortable, and we quickly
figure out why.
Blake is on the phone, he ismaking arrangements to fly to
South America, Caracas, if I'munderstanding correctly.
They're gonna talk to a manabout a horse.
They need to talk to a man aboutsome money, handle a little
business outside of the UnitedStates.
Now, this would seem to be avery normal activity for most
(06:22):
billionaires, I would think,especially people in the oil
business.
Heck, you're probably flying allover the world at different
points in time to conductbusiness.
You gotta you gotta keep upappearances, you need to find
funding.
However, every time BlakeCarrington leaves the country,
something terrible awfulhappens.
(06:43):
So Crystal, being the perceptivewoman that she is, being married
to this man for at least twentyminutes this year, she says, So
Blake, uh, what are we doingdown there again?
Well, what they're going to dois try to secure some funding
for his bankrupt new business.
I said that all the way wrong.
Blake is persona non grottaagain.
(07:04):
He has gone broke.
I mean billionaire broke again.
The same people who invested inthe hundred milli the first time
are not gonna invest 100 millithe second time.
Even though, by all intents andpurposes, there's really nothing
going on over by his oil.
Yes, there's a little bit of awar or whatever.
But what that got to do withthat ain't got nothing to do
with me, according to Blake.
(07:26):
There's still oil sitting in theground.
People, it needs to beextracted.
If not by me, somebody's gonnado it.
So it better be me.
Crystal has better questionsthough.
She's like, okay, cool, Iunderstand you need funding and
no one likes you right now.
So you have to you have to thinkoutside of the box.
The box, this time being UnitedStates.
But her question is, uh, so whydoes Billy Waite live in South
(07:48):
America?
Blake's like, well, I mean,like, he has horses and he's got
some oil wells and he likes thewarm weather.
It's good for his joints.
She goes, okay.
Uh-huh.
Wouldn't have anything to dowith the feds watching, would
it?
See, Crystal is an intelligentwoman.
Not only is she intelligent, shehas the gift of not having the
(08:11):
benefit of the doubt when itcomes to Blake Carrington.
She done seen him stumble moretime than a little bit.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
She did that rah-rah, sis kumba.
You're gonna be the best, Blake.
I believe in you so much.
And Denver Carrington Oilwell,one blah won one.
Meanwhile, behind closed doors,she is doing all the research
she can muster up without a reallive computer.
(08:32):
She is doing this ish by hand.
She is being Carmen San Diegoanalogly, however, you would say
that.
And she happened upon a filethat was very interesting that
said in no uncertain terms thatBilly Waite is a scoundrel.
So her next question is, Blake,baby, how come you don't have
(08:54):
any real friends?
You ever notice that you don'treally have a friend?
You got lawyers, you gotservants, you got kids, you have
tons of enemies, but you ain'treally got no friends.
And also, why is everybody thatyou do business with either a
thug or a cutthroat?
He's like, Well, you know, I'vehere he here he goes with his
revisionist history.
(09:15):
He wants to start acting like heis Trey from Boys in the Hood.
You know, I've I've I've dealtwith more, I've dealt with
rougher, I can deal withanybody.
Apparently, you can't, Blake.
Jet here has been watching thisprogram for a good four years,
and I have yet to see you getthe upper hand on anybody longer
than 45 minutes ever.
Every time this man enters abusiness deal, he's getting
(09:37):
shafted in one way or another.
Yeah, at some point you gotta bereal with yourself and be like,
you know what?
I get really lucky.
I can run a business that'salready running, but if I have
to start or create arelationship that is gonna
sustain me, it ain't happening.
Makes no never mind.
The plane is coming an hour latetomorrow, my darling.
We are flying to Caracas to meetMr.
(09:58):
Billy Waite in the flesh.
You can sort of see what I'msaying here.
No new information, nobody wantsto mess with Blake.
He, of course, needs to dig deepand mess with a scoundrel in
order to get this money.
He is willing to do that becauseI mean, at the end of the day,
whether there's war, famine,fire, an asteroid slamming into
(10:18):
the ground, there's still oil inthat ocean, and he'll be damned
if anyone gets it.
So he and the Mistes quietly flyto Caracas.
Now, I'm saying quietly, okay,as I say this out loud, I wasn't
very clear on this.
It's not clear to me that Idon't know if the world is
watching with baited breath toknow what Blake Carrington is
doing.
It doesn't seem like it, but weknow Alexis is definitely doing
(10:41):
that.
So it seems like they're tryingto keep it quiet so that she
doesn't know every move hemakes.
Let's talk about Billy realquick.
When I see Billy, and Billy is afull-grown man with white hair
and an ascot in South America,full jacket.
My first thought was, what kindof grown man calls himself
Billy?
And then I immediately had tocheck myself, so not so toxic
(11:05):
trait, like Jet, didn't you justfawn over William December
Williams not three episodes ago?
I sure did.
And I forgot that William calledhimself Billy.
But if your name is Billy D,that's a little bit different.
Billy crate, fwait, whatever hisname is, is a scoundrel.
So immediately Blake and Crystalare um, they pull up to this
(11:27):
beautiful, sprawling.
I mean, if you think about atropical mansion, this is
exactly what it looks like.
It's got the terracotta roof,it's got the white adobe walls,
gorgeous.
Flora and fauna everywhere.
I bet it just smells so fresh.
It looks gorgeous.
Crystal and Blake step out ofthe limousine and she's got on a
(11:49):
hat, she's got on sort of amother of the bride Easter
Sunday type dress with someshimmy shambles on the shoulder.
So Crystal gets out of the car.
Sorry, y'all, I had to stop.
I don't even remember what Isaid last.
Crystal hops out the car and upcomes Billy Wade.
Looking like Jeff Colby.
I swear this is his father.
I swear it is.
Anyway, he saunders up toCrystal and he says, Crystal,
(12:13):
what a beautiful name for anexquisite woman.
Whoop, womp dee womp, you're sogorgeous, you're so gorgeous.
I hope you don't mind sleepingin the same room that Blake used
to share with his ex-wife.
Billy is messy.
Billy doesn't understand thefact that this is wife number
two.
Messing up my floor.
Everywhere that Alexis and Blakehave been, Crystal has been too.
(12:34):
She is sharing the home that heshared with her before he kicked
her out.
Immediately though, Chris willsay, Oh, okay.
I already hated you before I gothere, but I definitely hate you
now.
That's real cute, Billy.
I can handle it.
I'm fine.
Conversations are had, numbersare crunched.
Billy wants to know.
(12:55):
Okay, Blake.
Seems like you got a prettydecent plan here.
How many other people areinterested in it?
Interested in this hair plan?
Well, zero.
Well, no, no, not true.
People are interested.
They're just not interested ingiving me money to follow
through with said plan.
Uh-huh.
Billy seems to think Blake isdown and out.
Sounds like you're an officialbillionaire broke boy Blake.
(13:18):
Say that five times fast.
Blake's um me, I mean, I'mbroke, but I had enough money to
scrape up a trip to come seeyou, pal.
So what do you say?
$50 million?
$50 million.
Blake seems to think it's gonnacost about one billion dollars
to get this ball rolling.
But with a generous openingdonation of$50 million, he can
(13:40):
take care of most of theparticulars.
Get the ball rolling.
You know what I'm saying?
It looks good to the outsideworld.
He also takes the time to letBilly know that listen, I don't
like the way you do business.
I know you're sort of a sharkand a cutthroat, but hey, I need
your money.
So I came down here to grovel atyour feet.
What do you say, old pal?
Like, he's not quite done havingfun insulting Blake's brand new
(14:01):
wife.
So let me let me think about it,Blake, and I'm I'm gonna get
back with you, okay?
He needs a couple of days, butBlake is not really
comprehending the fact that hedoes not have the ability to
make any sort of demands.
He can only request, he can'tdemand.
But he tells Billy, you have tothe end of the week to give me
an answer.
(14:22):
While Crystal, meanwhile, isoutside, poolside having a
beautiful breakfast.
I I cannot stress how gorgeousthis scene is.
Flora and fauna everywhere,fresh fruit, she's having orange
juice or whatever.
Even after watching it threetimes in a row, I could not tell
you what they talked about.
I'm assuming they were talkingabout what a scoundrel Billy is.
(14:45):
The only part I can reallyremember is Crystal basically
saying, Blake, that dude givesme the crease.
And she's not wrong.
He's got a whole bunch of likewomen working for him.
I'm sure he makes them call himBig Papa or Papa Grande, even
though it's probably notgrammatically correct.
In Caracas, he definitely givesoff that I probably have a
couple people in the basementthing, but she can't stand him
(15:06):
because he's insinuating thatshe is leftovers or something.
Anyway, watch this scene threetimes, couldn't tell you what
they talked about because I wasso distracted.
Ugh.
So fans, Dynasy has a lot ofthings going for them.
They've got the camp, they'vegot beauty, they've got glamour,
they've got a a costume budgetthat any movie in 2025 would be
(15:29):
NBS.
So it goes without saying, theyhad enough money in the budget
for crystals off the shoulder,South American look, the shimmy
shimmy gold look when shestepped out of the car.
They had the money for that.
They had the money for her hair,for her makeup, for her hat, you
name it.
What they forgot to do isearmark a little bit of money
for the prosthetic baby bumpshe's gonna need.
(15:50):
Keep forgetting she's pregnant.
Now, between yesterday in TBLand where she arrived in
Caracas, and the followingmorning where she's having this
outdoor breakfast, Crystal hasthe baby bump has arrived.
The baby bump has entered thechat.
The problem though is that herstuff is looking a little lumpy,
(16:12):
a little juvenile, a little, I'msneaking out of the house with
this mini skirt.
It's very much giving.
I'm at the mall, I'm 16, I needthese Jabot jeans, but I only
have$12.
So I need my best friend tocreate a diversion so I can
outrun mall security.
It's definitely giving that.
So in my mind, it seems likesomebody in the costume
(16:34):
department was like, Oh crap,she's pregnant.
Pregnant?
Yeah, girl, grab grab a coupleshower caps and some oranges,
put them in there.
That'll be fine.
They make her try it on it.
Uh, still look a little bitcrazy.
Somebody give me one of Alexis'swigs from season two.
Give me that bushy number.
Give me that rat wig and thefull on bouffant one.
Yeah, that's the one.
(16:55):
Yeah, throw in a couple scarves,she'll be all right.
Boom.
Throw it in that girl's dressand send her out the door.
So she's got this makeshift.
She looks like a Californiaraisin.
A claymation freaking raisin.
And if that's not bad enough,Blake is wearing the Jesus of
(17:15):
Nazareth 3000 with socks, socksand sandals.
Blake, make up your mind, myguy.
This scene was so distracting.
So I don't I I couldn't tell youwhat they talked about.
I have no clue.
But I do know that Crystal had agut full of oranges, shower
(17:37):
caps, and connectoron hairpieces, which I'm sure caused a
fight when they got back.
Before we talk about Alexis, wegotta talk about Steven.
Steven has a bit miffed thisentire episode.
Now it's it's acceptable, Isuppose, and understandable
even.
Kid's just been snatched up,he's still gotta go to work, but
he's got a bad attitude thiswhole time.
(17:58):
He needs an adjustment, needs atune-up, as my dad would say
back in the day.
Speaking of Alexis, Alexis showsup at her company, goes into
Steven's office, she just wantsto know what's the latest on
baby Danny, what's the latest onhis sister.
Where were you ever any word?
Um, that's only half true.
(18:19):
She does want to know what'sgoing on with baby Blake and
baby Danny, but she also wantsto know where Blake and Chris
are at.
Excuse me, I said baby Blake.
She wants to know what's goingon with Fallon and Baby Danny.
And she knows that they're sheknows that Blake and Crystal are
out of the country because whenshe went by the house to visit
baby Blake, one of the nanniestold her that.
(18:39):
Stephen immediately is like,Mom, if you want me to tell you
what dad and crystal are, I'mnot gonna tell you.
They'll tell you when they'reready.
She's like, All right, fine.
What about your sister now?
There's nothing changed.
What about you not listening tome?
Here's the thing is upsetbecause he has gone through the
trouble of doing a lot ofdigging himself.
He has personally done someresearch, he's crunched some
(19:00):
numbers, and he feels like hismom should spend at least$50,000
on these oil wells in LouisianaSwamp.
She feels like that's a littletoo high.
I'm not finna do that.
But he's he's like, Well, mom,if you don't buy them, someone
else will.
She's like, I know that.
I'm I'm well aware of the risk,but you don't become a bad b
like me, a wealthy bad b atthat, by not taking risks.
(19:24):
She's basically calling thesepeople bluff.
He's offended that she's nottaking his advice.
She tells him, and not so manywords, grow the heck up, Steven.
Who are you gonna?
Do you want to become somebodyin this business or no?
He's offended by that as well.
Mother, and let's let's beclear.
Let's be clear.
(19:45):
Old face Steven had that samesort of mentality.
I'm going to make a name formyself.
I'm gonna get dirty.
I'm gonna do all of the workrequired to become who I need to
be.
So I I suppose to Steven, hissuccess comes from.
Him not waking up one day andsaying, Mommy, Daddy, give me
this job.
He has, by all intents andpurposes, actually earned.
(20:07):
I mean, you it you could arguethat he has very much earned his
position in her company, eventhough it's still his mother's
company.
He goes on to tell her mom,money is not nearly as important
to me.
Money does not automaticallyequal success.
It's way more important to youthan it is to me.
Now she rolls her eyes real hardand is like, that's the brokest
ish I've ever heard in my life.
(20:28):
Steven, get real.
I have to agree with her onthis.
Even though I agree with him, Iagree with her.
Baby boy, you grew up rich.
It's very difficult, no matterhow true it may be, to believe
somebody who has all of theaccess to wealth and comfort
when they say money isn'timportant for me.
(20:50):
Well, you really wouldn't knowotherwise.
Despite the fact that you havetrekked out on your own a little
bit.
If push came to shove, you hadtwo wealthy parents you could
always reach out to.
But her thing is like, boy,listen, that's that's cute.
I'm glad that you're soaltruistic and you're
hardworking and you knoweverything because all of a
sudden you read a few books.
But I'm trying to tell you, Iwork way too hard to go broke,
(21:14):
and I work way too hard to berich so that I can help my
family when a baby gets snatchedup by his trailer park Barbie
mama that I warned you about andtried to pay off, but you
insisted on bringing her backinto this picture.
And when my daughter disappears,I want to have the resources to
track her trifling A down andbring her back home so she can
(21:34):
marry my rich wish was my son'sson.
And then I need money to buy myway out of this murder charge I
didn't do.
I am freaking the F out, Steven.
And the last thing I need to beis poor while I'm freaking this
out.
So if I don't want to pay anextra$50,000 for these maybe
wells, that's my business.
(21:54):
You need to grow up andunderstand.
You got to take these risks.
I don't care how many books youread, Stephen.
I know what I'm talking about.
And I'm scared, I'm about to goto jail.
Good old-fashioned research.
It works well.
You would do well to bediligent, but she has a point.
Sometimes you gotta go out oninstinct.
Okay, so for me, the jury'sstill out on new face Stephen.
Steven was one of my favoritecharacters in season one, right?
(22:16):
I like the way the old faceSteven played him.
He's a little more subdued.
He there was there was somethingso powerful to me in the way he
it's almost like he was he heseemed like a wounded kid, but
not really, not all the time.
I'm and as I'm saying this, I'mthinking back to the first time
we see him with Crystal, wherehe checks the major doma or
(22:38):
whoever for disrespecting her onher wedding day.
He he wielded a certain amountof power without having to say
too much.
New Face Steven comes off asextra bratty, even though he's
making valid points.
So it makes it a little bitharder for me to like him as
much.
And especially on this episode,because Steven was he had an
attitude this whole time.
(22:58):
So fast forward to where he'shaving a beautiful lunch with
his wife, Claudia the Stallion,but he's not really eating any
of the food because, of course,he's distracted because his baby
boy has been, can't even saykidnapped.
He's been taken back by hismother.
Claudia is so tranquil thisepisode.
She is vibing, she is notletting him get under her skin.
(23:21):
She said, Stephen, honey, you'reyou're hardly touching the
lunch.
Well, I can't eat when my son ismissing.
Claudia says, You know your babymama is gonna hit you up as soon
as she needs a little cash.
You already know this.
Just be cool.
She's gonna bring the baby back.
Do you know what this bastardhas the audacity to say to
Claudia D.
Stallion?
(23:41):
He says, Claudia, get real.
He leaps up from the table alldramatically.
We went to the jungle to findyour daughter.
You know things don't turn outwell, sir.
Sir?
That was out of pocket.
Why are you bringing up herdeceased daughter in this
moment?
Now, this would have set Jedoff.
(24:02):
I I expected some sort ofreaction from Claudia, but she
is Queen Quaalu this episode orVicky Valium.
I don't know what she's on, butmaybe she is not coming off.
She is floating, she is Zen.
She simply says, Stephen, I wentcrazy twice.
(24:23):
I worried myself sick more thanonce.
I don't want that to happen toyou.
He just brought up your charredto death, baby girl.
And the best you can say is, Idon't want to see you go into an
insane asylum like me.
Although the drugs they gave methat I stashed away in my pillow
are working quite well in thismoment.
(24:44):
I warn you, Stephen.
Once this volume wears off, itmight be a different situation.
So watch her tone.
Don't make me come up out ofthis seat.
I wish she said that.
She didn't.
She is incredibly calm.
How dare you?
This is this isn't this isneither here nor there.
(25:04):
You the one who picked the babymama.
You the fool who let her in thedamn house.
Well, her aunt did, but that youknow what I'm saying.
He's freaking out.
He doesn't know where Danny is,and it's getting the best of
him.
It's getting the best of him tothe point where one morning Adam
comes stumbling into the house.
We'll get into Adam a little bitlater and why he was so drunk,
(25:25):
but he is completelyschnockered, and Steven is
standing at the top of thestairs like he's somebody's
daddy.
Judgy Wudgy was a man in a silkrobe at the top of a stair with
a fresh face.
He helps Adam to the kitchenwhere he pours him a hot cup of
coffee, and Adam starts to tellhim that he got like a little
nervous at this party.
He felt like he had to be atbecause it was with Alexis'
(25:45):
lawyer.
And so he drank to calm himselfdown, and it just got the best
of him.
I feel like Adam's being kind ofhe's being kind of vulnerable.
He's comfortable.
He even says, Oh, thank God,like I'm at home with my family.
He explains why he drank as muchas he did, and he was just sort
of uncomfortable.
And he's starting, he's startingto regret it because he doesn't
remember everything.
He's like, I hope I did not makea fool of myself.
(26:06):
Stephen is feeling extrasuperior and says, Oh no, not
you, Adam.
Even drunk, your eyes are waytoo focused on on that bright
future of yours as if this is abad thing.
For whatever reason, thisreminds Adam that Kirby doesn't
want him.
Mind you, he was all up on SammyJoe, but yeah, I write to Kirby,
(26:27):
I call her, she doesn't returnmy calls, she doesn't return my
letters.
She's the only woman I everloved, but I managed to mess
that up.
Stephen takes this as aninvitation to chastise him.
Yep, you sure did mess that up.
You messed up everything, Adam,just like you messed up my my
son's life by letting him gowith his deadbeat mother.
(26:47):
Did you mess up your son's lifeby hooking up with his deadbeat
mother?
Perhaps this is more of yourfault, Stephen.
Stefan, whatever your name is.
Adam is like, well, damn, it'slike that, Stephen.
But then all of a sudden, he hehas a moment of clarity.
He's like, Oh yeah, I forgot totell you something.
So there was this rather prettyboy, or man, he didn't say boy,
(27:10):
pretty man at the party who wasjust as drunk as I was, and he
said he was your roommate,Timmy, somebody or another.
Was your roommate back in prepschool?
I'm assuming prep school is likehigh school, right?
He said he wanted to call andchitter chatter chitch it with
you if it's cool with your wife.
Basically, like I know you had aboyfriend.
Here we go again with this.
I don't know where Dynasty isgoing to go in terms of Steven
(27:33):
having a boyfriend at somepoint, like of not somebody from
the past who pops in, not alawyer friend who is just your
friend.
Old face Steven came out twiceand he was very bold.
So this is this whole scene withAdam.
I think I misunderstood it thefirst time.
As Adam's saying this, I thoughtAdam was insinuating that he
hooked up with Timmy.
(27:54):
I don't think that's a case.
I just re-watched it and it's onI don't really understand
because everybody knows thatSteven keeps a bad man and well,
he keeps a nerdy man and hekeeps a bad B.
He likes a he likes a trashytrailer girl, he likes a girl
fresh out of the asylum, and helikes a quiet dude from New
York.
So it none of this is news.
(28:16):
None of this is not, I'm notsaying it's not noteworthy, but
in this scene, I does Adam notknow that Steven's gay?
Is Adam the only person whodoesn't know?
And even if he doesn't, likeeverybody else knows, so who
cares, right?
That's what I'm saying.
Like it's not news to anybody.
This isn't news to Steven, it'snot news to Claudia.
So I is he is this Adam's way ofintroducing Tim to the story?
(28:41):
Because a little bit later on,Steven picks a fight with
Claudia.
You're always at work, Claudia.
She's like, I know.
I'm sorry, I just took my secondvolume.
I'm trying to be a good motherto Danny, and I try to give you
the attention you request,Steven.
You two spend long hours at youroffice.
(29:04):
I don't understand where this iscoming from.
I think Queen Quaalude might begetting a little bit boring, and
maybe he wants that old thingback.
I don't know.
I don't know where Dynasty'sgonna go with this.
I know on the new dynasty, SammyJoe is a man, which is actually
quite brilliant when you thinkof the name Samantha Joe,
because it's the feminineversion of Samuel Joseph.
(29:26):
But Adam just kept saying ratherprettily.
So I I you know what I choose tokeep my original interpretation.
Adam is like, I'm gonna takeTimmy if you don't if you don't
stop talking ish about me.
Talking about you want me toruin lives, I'll ruin your life.
I'll ruin your life.
Adam is is the only character asI'm realizing this now in the
house left.
(29:46):
Like Jeff is hooked up withClaudia.
Adam has, I'm assuming he hookedup with Sammy Joe.
Definitely hooked up with Kirby.
So did Jeff.
Jeff and Adam are the only twopeople who are sort of free to
bed hop within the house.
So we're running out of peopleto bounce around with.
We're gonna have to bring insome new people eventually.
(30:07):
I just don't know whereDynasty's gonna go.
Steven looks annoyed, but nothurt.
And it's like, damn, y'all justgot on good terms again.
So either Adam is being an ass,or Adam's being an ass, but also
Steven's being an ass.
You didn't have to say he didn'truin everybody's life.
Yes, he's a rapist.
Yes, he ruined Kirby's life.
I'll give you that.
But Sammy Joe is all on you.
(30:28):
This kid is sick to death aboutgetting your kid kidnapped, kick
him while he's down.
But Steven is just he's he's10th the soul episode.
Did not give Claudia enoughcredit.
She does when Steven confrontsher, you can tell he's just it,
it really is the Danny thing.
It's the Danny thing and theSammy Joe thing.
And I think he is come to termswith the fact that you really
(30:49):
did play yourself, Steven, bynot doing a little more with
that custody.
Like there is no way thereshould ever have been a clause
that she can come and go as shepleases with this child.
Granted, they never thoughtshe'd come back, but you could
tell he's kind of kickinghimself in the butt about it
now, so every little thing isgetting on his nerves.
But Claudia keeps it very cute,very qua-luved, very calm, like
(31:11):
she's on a sedative.
But then she says, You I couldsay the same thing about you.
You spend so many hours at theoffice with your mother.
I keep forgetting Alexis doesn'tlike her.
Well, Claudia didn't really getto give it to him the way she
wants to, because the telephonerings, Sammy Joe says, Meet me
in a week.
We're gonna discuss the baby.
That's such a yeah.
(31:32):
So to never let that happen.
God, if you just you just pickthe worst baby mama too.
Speaking of Claudia's workday,we need to talk about one of the
newest bit players, MissDominique Devereux.
Claudia's job is to manage LaMirage while Fallon disappears
into the ether, and part of thatjob requires her setting up
proper advertising forDominique's residency here at La
(31:56):
Mirage.
We learn so very little in thisinteraction, but one thing that
stands out to me is DominiqueDevereux is media trained.
Claudia, who is of course verycurious about this woman's past,
she she's already told Blake,that woman has it out for you.
I don't know why, but there'ssomething about her I'm not
quite feeling, even though I'mfeeling her.
So Claudia comes in, she showsher the new mock-up.
(32:19):
Here's a poster.
Dominique Devereux says, Oh,these are wonderful, I adore
them.
However, I prefer havinglowercase D's for my name.
It's my signature in Europe.
Claudia's like, Oh, okay, noproblem.
That's an easy fix.
What about your bio?
I wanted to put a littlesomething in there for people to
hang on to, like where you grewup, how you met Barrady, blah
blah blah.
(32:39):
Miss Debereau, with a completesmile on her face and
cheerfulness, cheerfulness inher voice, is oh, the nosy
stuff.
Claudia, I do not share my pastwith anyone, not even people I
like.
Now you would think this is oneof those moments where she's
saying, I know what you'redoing, and you're not gonna
outdo me, but she quickly statesafter that, what's the boring
(33:00):
stuff?
I call it the scrapbook effect.
No one wants to see pictures ofme in a canoe as a kid.
It's all quite boring.
And Claudia's like, Okay, yeah,well, I I see your point there.
What about a closing date?
Do you have an idea in mind forthat?
Well, known.
Uh, the club is doing well.
I adore La Mirage, everything'sgoing so wonderful.
So let's just hold off on that.
(33:21):
She has completely thwartedClaudia's plans like that.
With a smile, with delight inher voice.
It was the most polite shutdownI've ever seen on television.
Media train.
The funny thing is, she calledthis a scrapbook syndrome, and
she absolutely has a scrapbook.
Before I get too far off,course, I have to say my
(33:42):
loathing for the 80s hadn'tfully changed.
However, Dominique Devereux'sroom is this lovely shade of
lavender, sort of a lavendergray.
She has these for lack of abetter term, I'm gonna call it
like a bubble-framed mirror andlike a bubble-framed shelf.
It looks like those plates NaraSmith uses to eat her little
(34:04):
snacks on.
But it's a mint green.
You would think mint green andlavender would look so weird.
I don't know why I like it.
I am feeling that.
I love it, but I hate it too.
What I don't hate though isbeing an 80s-born millennial.
One of the things I love so muchthat I've really, really grown
(34:25):
to appreciate is us being sortof the sandwich between the past
and the future.
That may sound dramatic, butjust hear me out.
I was talking to a friend theother day.
We were just talking about ourjunk drawers, and you know, you
have the random ketchup package,soy sauce, whatever.
I was like, I have so manychargers to so many different
electronics.
(34:46):
I can't even tell you whathappened.
Like, I found my iPod nano, Ifound like an old school
BlackBerry, I found an old, oldcell phone, like from high
school.
Like, oh my gosh, I literallyhave 9,000 chords.
And she was saying the samething.
And it's like, because of whenwe were born, it feels to me
(35:06):
like technology moved at a rateof about six months.
So every six months, somethingnew would come along, and
probably a year and a halflater, whatever you were working
with is become obsolete, but youdon't even notice it.
So it's like that's how youaccumulate all of the
electronics that are justsitting uselessly in boxes that
(35:28):
I have no use for anymore.
But I kind of like being thatin-between.
I understand how to use anencyclopedia.
Not that I'm saying kids don'tuse books, but I know how to use
an encyclopedia.
If the if all technology shutoff, I could write a check, I
could go to the bank.
I kind of understand thesethings, and I definitely live
through the scrapbook era.
There was a time where you wouldtake your little Polaroids or
(35:51):
you take your picture, go getthem developed at CVS or
Walgreens or whatever, come andmake a little scrapbook with
different emblems and stuff.
It was so huge for so long.
So when I saw Dominique Deborahwith hers, it wasn't fun like
mine in junior high.
It was totally different.
Hers is filled with littletidbits about Blake, different
(36:14):
articles over time, pictures ofAlexis and the children.
All the information she has evergathered is collected in one
place in a book.
This, ladies and gentlemen,explains why the geriatric
community of today is so damnnosy.
They had to do foot-to-pavementtype investigation.
(36:35):
You couldn't just be nosy onMySpace or look at some, you
stalk someone's Instagram.
You had to actually buynewspapers, sift through
magazine articles, you had toear hustle like crazy, you had
to do all these things to keepup with different people.
I can admit I'm not thatcommitted.
If I can't scroll and find out,I'm not gonna go do all those
(36:57):
things.
But it just reminded me, like,God, we went from a time where
you actually had to like fullyresearch people and you only
knew what was printed, and theonly way to manage that would be
to physically keep a copy ofeverything.
So Dominique is doing her duediligence, she is keeping copies
of everything that's going on,but it's not enough.
So she gets on the phone as soonas Claudia leaves to call JJ.
(37:20):
Tell JJ to call me back.
I'm getting sick of being hereafter she just said Denver was
beautiful and great for herhealth.
I'm starting to believe thatDominique Devereaux is being
blackmailed into somethingbecause when JJ comes, he
doesn't deliver a whole lot ofnews that we didn't already
know.
JJ turns out to be some sort ofPI who can't drink coffee until
he gives her all the tea.
(37:41):
He explains to her that Blakehas his new project.
He wants he needs a billiondollars.
He's reached out to severalpeople, but of course, nobody
wants to pony up the money tohim because of the whole
overthrowing a country thing.
The optics aren't great.
So as JJ tells this to Johnny,she's like, wow, that's really
fascinating.
JJ says, You're not thinking ofhelping him out.
(38:02):
She goes, Well, that wasn't myplan, but now I have a plan to
make a plan.
Now I need you to do somethingfor me, JJ.
Make sure you don't tell myhusband, William December
William, keep it on the low ski.
And then we get absolutelynothing after that.
No less than nothing about her.
She says she's a Carrington, sheis getting sick of being in this
(38:23):
place, and she has a plan tomake a plan, but keep her super
secret plan plan away from herhusband.
That's it, that's all.
So the scrapbook is kind of mootat this point because well, I
can't really say that because II don't know where she's coming
from.
My my best thought here is she'sbeing blackmailed, it kind of
feels like, but she's still verymuch in control.
(38:46):
Doesn't seem to want revenge,and it does seem like she may be
interested in helping him.
He did also tell her, JJ toldher that Alexis holds a note to
the mansion.
That's really the only moneyhe's been able to get.
Okay, now Alexis don't have ascrapbook, but she is definitely
keeping tabs on Blake and themto make sure that he defaults on
(39:09):
that loan so she can get thatmansion back.
Now she talks to Jeff at the topof the show, wondering how
things are going with Fallon.
He's already gone up to Seattleand nothing came of that.
He went to Seattle to a hostel,actually.
I didn't know there were hostelsin the U.S.
Somebody please let me know ifthat's a real thing or was a
(39:29):
real thing at some point.
Jeff goes to Seattle in its bus.
He goes to this hostel, andthere's a girl who looks like
she could be Joe's little sisterfrom the Facts of Life.
And then she looks like shecould be like Claudia or Melissa
a little later on.
That's neither here nor there.
She's ear hustling as thisgentleman tells Jeff he don't
know where Fallon is, he ain'tseen her.
He don't know who that is.
She's not here.
Well, as soon as Jeff walksaway, not Joe from Facts of Life
(39:53):
walks over and says, Why didn'tyou tell him where she is?
Well, she told me not to tellhim.
She asked me not to sayanything.
So Jeff is talking to Alexisback in Denver in their uh in
her apartment and they lookawfully cozy.
And I'm like, dang, are Jeff andAlexis gonna hook up at some
point?
Kind of makes sense to me.
He lets it slip that Crystal andBlake are in Caracas.
(40:15):
So when he leaves, Alexis startsto think, and she knows there's
only one person down there thatthey would know.
She knows it's Billy.
She immediately makesarrangements to go down there
and visit with him first tothwart any plans or any success
that Blake has alreadyestablished.
Now back in the States, she hasher own problems.
Adam was at that party becausehe was with the lawyer who is
(40:37):
representing her, and this dudeis stiff, stuffy, not the kind
of guy you want representingyou.
He seems a little bit sexist,and he's really upset with
Alexis because she's carrying onlike a rich woman.
Now she done been told y'allalready, I'm rich.
This is what I do.
Her new lawyer explains to her,listen, girl, you I understand
(40:59):
you're wealthy, but there's thiswhole campaign against you.
Nobody wants to save the richwoman.
She splashed across the paper.
It's the Alexis Carrington Kilbystory part three, and all these
things are floating up from herpast.
The lawyer's like, Adam, tellyour mama what's popping up.
And he's like, Well, there'ssomething about you having a
moment with this guy.
She goes, I didn't have amoment, I had an affair.
(41:21):
And like she's not hiding it.
I do what I do.
And she explains very briefly tous and her lawyer that after
Blake out of her children'slife, although so many years
ago, she can admit she has beenher biggest charity case.
I had to look out for numberone.
Yes, I I I may have hooked upwith several exquisite men, and
(41:42):
who hasn't?
But that's neither here northere.
I didn't kill anybody.
So Adam starts spitting outdifferent things, different ways
they can counter some of thestories that are out about her.
If you want to talk about anaffair, cool, we'll we'll flood
the media with stories about allthe charities that she's helping
out with.
The lawyer is not really feelingit, but Alexis has formulated a
plan.
She's like, yo, lawyer, whydon't you calm down?
(42:05):
Why don't you sit in the back,just chill in the cut, and allow
Adam to represent me?
Think about the optics.
This is a kid fighting for hismother.
Now, this makes Adam very, verynervous.
I can understand this is a lotof pressure.
Mother, are you sure?
The lawyer man cannot believehis ears.
He was like, You were high.
If you think I'm taking thebackseat to anybody, especially
(42:25):
some 25-year-old punk.
Peace out.
He leave, well, no, actually,Alexis fires him.
He don't get to peace out.
She tells him, Okay, cool.
It's either my baby boy ornobody.
So I guess you're gone.
Goodbye.
Adam's like, Mom, please calmdown.
I don't think you're thinkingthis through.
She's like, I'm thinking thisthrough just fine, Adam.
You're gonna represent me.
Everything's gonna be lusciousand lovely.
(42:45):
By the time Crystal and Blakeget back from South America,
Alexis is once again at thehouse visiting baby Blake.
This is my favorite scene ofthis episode because we have a
little spat between Crystal andAlexis.
Actually, Alexis gets the betterof this exchange.
So she's coming down the stepsand she spots Crystal and she's
(43:05):
like, Damn, Crystal, you ain'tgot no fabuloso, no swipper
sweeper.
You've never heard of a vacuum.
This place is filthy.
It's a shambles.
I'm gonna need you to get what'sleft of the little staff you can
afford together and tell them Iwant this place in pristine
shape.
Crystal says, Girl, get out ofmy house.
(43:26):
Why are you here?
I'm here to see my grandbaby anduh just to, you know, keep tabs
on what's gonna be my newmansion, or old mansion rather.
You can keep Blake.
I want the mansion.
Crystal says, I wouldn't bet onBlake or the mansion.
I respect you being a good wife,but that's not gonna cut it.
Alexis is unmoved by Crystal'sstatement, and she continues to
(43:51):
sort of run her finger over thetable, just like, damn, y'all
don't dust?
You ain't got no Murphy's woodsoap.
Tell somebody to get down hereand put some elbow grease on
this.
This place is hideous.
By Crystal, she basically justcame by Twin Soldier, then hops
on the first thing smoking to godown and talk to Billy.
Now she and Billy have a veryproductive conversation.
(44:13):
It is very clear that he issweet on her and always has
been.
But what else is new?
But as she goes to leave, tellme why the Caracas feds pull up
on her and they're like, Are youAlexis Carrington Colbean?
I am.
The United States governmentdoesn't think it's a good idea
for you to travelinternationally when you're
under when you're when you havea murder trial coming up.
(44:35):
I was like, oops.
Yeah, I I guess that I guessthat tracks.
You probably shouldn't leave thecountry.
She's like, well, I wasn't likefleeing.
I'm obviously on my way back.
Doesn't matter.
Now she's gotta fly to Miami,put my girl back in handcuffs,
and turn her over to the feds.
I suppose the time has come toactually talk about Falon.
So not Joe from Facts of Life isfeeling quite guilty because she
(44:59):
saw how how upset Jeffrey Colbywas that his bride to be again
has gone missing.
So she calls him up and shesays, Are you Jeff Colby?
Yeah.
Because you come all the wayback to frickin' Seattle.
I think I know where your broadis.
He's like, Sweet, I'll be therein no time.
I'll borrow my father-in-law'sjet and I'll be there in no
time.
(45:19):
Not Joe from Facts of Lifeinforms Jeff that Fallon has
indeed scurried off to somerandom convent.
She gives him an address, I'massuming he goes down, he talks
to a monk.
No disrespect.
I'm I'm not fully versed on allthe different sects of
religions, and I feel like amonastery in America is kind of
(45:42):
unusual.
Probably not.
But whoever this man is, let'sjust call him father because I
don't really know his propertitle.
That's not it.
I I apologize.
But uh Father Leo says, Oh,Fallon.
She didn't tell me her name wasFallon.
She said her name was Jeff isimpatient.
He says, I don't really give adamn, Father Leo.
Where is she?
(46:04):
Father Leo says, Well, she'sgone.
Matter of fact, you can checkwith the police, you can check
with the uh the newspapers ifyou need to.
She's gone.
Nothing is clicking in Jeff'sbillion dollar brain.
Jeff says, What do you meanshe's gone?
Well, ladies and gentlemen,she's gone.
(46:25):
Yo, gone.
Quick little segue.
In 2001, my mom and dad boughtme tickets to see InSync in San
Antonio, Texas.
We made the six-hour drive toSan Antonio, Texas with my best
friend and my cousin Ashtray,aka Ashtra.
We got to the concert, it wasamazing.
(46:46):
My dad had a total freakingweeble.
My dad is the most stable, calm,chill person you'll ever meet.
He's a Californian, you knowwhat I'm saying.
But in Texas, he wasmild-mannered until we got to
San Antonio, and after six and ahalf hours, he was starving.
He freaked out, he flipped out.
SPEAKER_01 (47:04):
Oh, I hate this place.
SPEAKER_00 (47:09):
That memory lives rent-free in my mind, but it
never mind that.
I got to see NSYNC in person.
It was during the tour whereJoey's leg was actually broken.
He he came up through the trapfloor and somehow got caught in
between.
Anyway, Joey wasn't on thistour.
I didn't miss a thing.
I was so enamored with thisconcert that I decided I was
(47:30):
gonna get a tramp stamp of NSYNCon my back.
And my best friend was like, yo,don't do it.
Shout out to you, Re.
I love you so much.
I didn't get the tattoo, but thesentiment remains the same.
The song Gone is what pushed meover the edge.
I was like, oh my god, this isthe most perfect piece of music
I've ever heard in my life.
(47:51):
I got caught up in the emotions,and I was, I'm not saying I was
wrong.
Matter of fact, I don't have anytattoos, but if I did, the only
tattoo I would have would be insync right on my lower back.
Now I don't know, my back wasgonna spread.
Wide is all outside.
So she was right, and I'm reallyglad I didn't do it.
But if I if if spirit ever movesme, that's what it's gonna be.
(48:12):
Anyway, if you take thesentiment of that song, that
particular perfect piece ofaudio heaven, then you know the
the singer, aka JustinTimberlake.
There will be no JustinTimberlake slander on this here
podcast ever, was heartbrokenbecause he made all the wrong
moves, and now the girl is gone.
That's how Jeff feels.
(48:34):
Gone.
Me, on the other hand?
I'm hearing the hallelujahcourse.
She's gone.
Hell yeah! I'm sorry, we allknew this was coming, right?
We all saw this a mile away.
After they played in her faceafter season one, Fallon became
a shadow of her, of a person whoshe could have been.
(48:57):
It is only right that theydestroy her in the most
fantastical way.
So I don't know what went down,but all I know is that Jeffrey
Colby flew back from Seattle allthe way to Denver and he took
refuge in his bedroom and hetried his very best to squeeze
out alligator tears.
Only they're not reallyhappening.
(49:17):
Crocodile tears.
He tried that, that's not reallyhappening.
Blake comes meandering into theroom.
Jeffrey, what's wrong?
Where's Fallon?
Now mind you, this man is tryingto hold a he's tried to get all
sorts of resources so that hecan dig in the middle of some
rando ocean.
All while his child andgrandchild are missing.
(49:39):
He's fine up until he sees Jeff.
This to me feels like one ofthose moments where two people
are are they they're notself-aware enough to realize
that the other person is full ofish.
So they decide to one up eachother.
Jeff is trying his best.
He's thinking of all the saddestthings in his life.
(50:00):
What if JC Penney stops makingpenny loafers?
Oh my god, what if I can't be ayoung Republican?
What if my hairdresser dies?
He's trying to think of anythingthat would that would induce
tears, and it's just nothappening.
Blake is also doing the samething.
Jeff, what's wrong?
Where is Fallon?
He's thinking, oh my god, whatif salt and pepper hair dye goes
(50:23):
out of style?
What if I can no longer be inthe middle of a of all of the
cast photos?
What if Crystal realizes I'm abroke bitch and she needs to
bounce?
They both muster up as manytears as they can.
They didn't have visa at thistime, I'm assuming.
Jeff announces she's dead.
And and we're supposed to havetears, however, that doesn't
(50:46):
happen.
Blake is like, oh no.
It reminded me so much of thatMaya Rudolph.
Where she's Kamala Harris, she'sshe's like, oh no, Joe Biden, oh
no, and she's dripping, she'sdrinking like a 7-Eleven big
gulp.
This is what this this was a biggulp saying.
(51:07):
Oh no, Fallon, oh no, oh my god,she's gone.
I'm devastated.
Good riddance.
I don't care if that'sinappropriate.
Of course, I would never saythis IRL.
But on this show, good riddance,shout out to you, actress, who
decided, you know what, this isa sinking ship.
This girl was lame.
They gave her the worsthaircuts, worst storylines.
(51:29):
She's out.
Good for you.
I'm gonna celebrate this.
I'm not sad Fallon's gone.
If you've been listening to theshow for any amount of time, you
already know how I feel aboutit.
I'm not gonna bore you with thedetails, but I am glad that
she's gone.
Hallelujah, holla back.
I'm so glad she's gone.
(51:51):
Ding dong, the dead storyline isdead, but not really.
All right, guys, that's it.
That's all for this episode ofSoap Lore.
I'm so glad you decided to joinme today.
Forgive me for the lateness, butI promise you, I fully took some
days off.
I I turned off, I literally sentout my Jetta's away email today.
(52:12):
So I'm locked in, I'm tapped in,and I I plan to get through at
least six or seven episodes.
Join me next time as we jumpback into some soap opera
debauchery.
I think we might jump intoKnott's Landing, probably
because our snoot peaked.
In the meantime, in betweentime, if you stay at a hostel,
please give your good firstname.
Because if you then transferyourself over to some sort of
(52:35):
monastery and they don't knowyour government name, it's a
whole thing.
We don't know if you're dead ornot.
Let me just say that too.
Everything is telling me thatshe's not dead.
I understand the actress decidedthis was uh a limping lame duck
and she jumped shipped as sheshould.
But also, I don't know when, ifFallon comes back.
I'm assuming she's gonna comeback with amnesia.
(52:58):
My bet is it's a whole miserystoryline.
Misery is one of my favoritemovies ever.
She's gonna be kidnapped, holedup in some sort of mountain.
She's going to escape, go backto her family, and have to
figure out who she is becausethat is the way of a soap opera.
Stay hydrated, stay moisturized,mind your own business, and keep
all of your drama on TV.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls,
welcome or welcome back toSoapboar.
I'm your host, Jet, viewing andreviewing the Sophia Subsidian
Primetime Storylines of 1984.
So whether you're new to this oraccrue to this, sit back and
enjoy.
Tell the kids it's time to playoutside or out of side.
Tell babe no questions, noquestion or concern for the next
(00:21):
25 to 35 minutes.
Everyone else on Airside, youcan be cool quiet, kicked out,
could you feel in part with thisbaby?
No more time for this note.
We are watching our story.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys andgirls, and look at Welcome and
(00:58):
welcome back to another funbuild edition of Snowflor.
I'm your host, Jack, and yeah,I've got a nothing in my head.
I'm so sorry.
Like, wifey lifing?
Build one retained.
This time of year, dude, I had awhole plan.
I plan to sit back to chill, tolounge in sateen pajamas, to
(01:20):
just sip non-alcoholic and alittle alcoholic champagne.
I thought my hair would be inrollers or get did at some point
during the week, but then I wokeup and remembered, oh, I'm fully
grown.
I'm a full-grown woman.
I got bills and stuff, so lifehas been lifing, but we're we're
on track now.
Back to what is important, andthat is spending a little time
(01:42):
with you as I deep dive intothese vintage primetime soap
operas.
Today we are indulging in afantastic episode of Dynasty.
I gotta be honest with youthough.
When I sat down to watch this,and I and mind you, I cackled.
I had a good time, but by theend of it, I'm like, well, that
was a whole bunch of nothing.
(02:03):
Oh, touche.
Not at all.
Not touche.
I don't even know what the hellthat means.
Wait, touche means like, oh, yougot a point, right?
Oh contraire, whatever.
Whatever French I learned fromwatching sitcoms.
What I mean to say is, oh, I waswrong.
There's always a little bit of alife lesson buried in one of
these shows.
So go ahead and grab yourselfsomething bubbly and bright, or
(02:26):
something warm and sparkling,whatever you need to do to get
right, to get good andcomfortable, as we explore
season five, episode three ofDynasty Fallon.
Luckily, I started watching theshow before I actually noticed
what the title was, and I am I'mglad to admit she didn't
(02:49):
actually show her face on thisepisode.
I'm also starting to come toterms with some of my very toxic
traits.
Is it a toxic trait if you'reaware of it?
Is it is it like being crazy?
You know, they say if if youclaim to be absolutely nuts,
you're crazy.
Crazy people don't know they'recrazy.
So you're probably not.
(03:09):
There's a high level of sanityhere.
Is my trait toxic if I'm fullyaware of it and not ashamed of
it?
Yeah, it probably still is, butone of my toxic traits I am
noticing, especially when itcomes to these shows, is if I
don't like someone on it, Imean, yes, I roll my eyes, I
cuss Gary out for filth, but Ialso know he's not going
(03:31):
anywhere.
But by and large, if I decide Idon't like you, you just sort of
disappear from my mind.
I had all but forgotten thatFallon was gone.
Isn't that the whole premise ofthe the top of this season?
The end of season four, the topof season five is all about
locating Fallon.
As I say that out loud, they'realways looking for somebody.
(03:54):
Season three, they were lookingfor Claudia's baby that she's
heaved hold off the top.
Heaved hold off the top of aroof where they thought was baby
Blake, but it wasn't.
It was like a cabbage patch orsomething.
Season four, they're rescuingAlexis and Crystal from a
burning building, trying tofigure out who who lit that some
bitch of flame.
(04:14):
And here we are chasing afterFallon, who had a, I don't know,
crinoline-induced headache thatgave her amnesia or some sort of
drunken superpower to drive inthe rain while halfway falling
asleep, ducking and dodgingmidnight traffic and work
convoys all while nothydroplaning and then managing
to disappear into the dark.
(04:35):
Impressive.
If nothing else, I'm I'm highlyimpressed.
But that's neither here northere.
We have got to run through thisepisode, which was a lot of the
same.
I don't feel like I walked awayknowing much more, but I learned
so much more.
This is editing jet.
Quick shout out to Byron.
(04:56):
I just saw your I just saw yourmessage.
You play too much.
Yes, I'm back.
I promise I'm gonna give you adouble dose now.
Appreciate you listening.
Hey boo.
I had to slip this in.
I will have you know, LordByron, which I will only address
you by for going forward.
(05:18):
I have not boycotted them, Ihave fully enjoyed them.
It's just you know, the girl gotsideways.
I've been pulled every whichway, but loose.
Byron says, Um, Miss Woman,where is my next dynasty review?
Please tell me you're notboycotting the Carringtons.
You are officially on probationuntil you catch us up.
(05:38):
Lord Byron.
That is hilarious.
I appreciate that.
And for that, I'll have you knowthere is a double scoop coming.
Thank you so much for listening.
At the top of the episode, Blakeand Crystal are in their fancy
schmancy bedroom in their fancyschmancy silk robes.
(05:59):
Crystal looks a little bituncomfortable, and we quickly
figure out why.
Blake is on the phone, he ismaking arrangements to fly to
South America, Caracas, if I'munderstanding correctly.
They're gonna talk to a manabout a horse.
They need to talk to a man aboutsome money, handle a little
business outside of the UnitedStates.
Now, this would seem to be avery normal activity for most
(06:22):
billionaires, I would think,especially people in the oil
business.
Heck, you're probably flying allover the world at different
points in time to conductbusiness.
You gotta you gotta keep upappearances, you need to find
funding.
However, every time BlakeCarrington leaves the country,
something terrible awfulhappens.
(06:43):
So Crystal, being the perceptivewoman that she is, being married
to this man for at least twentyminutes this year, she says, So
Blake, uh, what are we doingdown there again?
Well, what they're going to dois try to secure some funding
for his bankrupt new business.
I said that all the way wrong.
Blake is persona non grottaagain.
(07:04):
He has gone broke.
I mean billionaire broke again.
The same people who invested inthe hundred milli the first time
are not gonna invest 100 millithe second time.
Even though, by all intents andpurposes, there's really nothing
going on over by his oil.
Yes, there's a little bit of awar or whatever.
But what that got to do withthat ain't got nothing to do
with me, according to Blake.
(07:26):
There's still oil sitting in theground.
People, it needs to beextracted.
If not by me, somebody's gonnado it.
So it better be me.
Crystal has better questionsthough.
She's like, okay, cool, Iunderstand you need funding and
no one likes you right now.
So you have to you have to thinkoutside of the box.
The box, this time being UnitedStates.
But her question is, uh, so whydoes Billy Waite live in South
(07:48):
America?
Blake's like, well, I mean,like, he has horses and he's got
some oil wells and he likes thewarm weather.
It's good for his joints.
She goes, okay.
Uh-huh.
Wouldn't have anything to dowith the feds watching, would
it?
See, Crystal is an intelligentwoman.
Not only is she intelligent, shehas the gift of not having the
(08:11):
benefit of the doubt when itcomes to Blake Carrington.
She done seen him stumble moretime than a little bit.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
She did that rah-rah, sis kumba.
You're gonna be the best, Blake.
I believe in you so much.
And Denver Carrington Oilwell,one blah won one.
Meanwhile, behind closed doors,she is doing all the research
she can muster up without a reallive computer.
(08:32):
She is doing this ish by hand.
She is being Carmen San Diegoanalogly, however, you would say
that.
And she happened upon a filethat was very interesting that
said in no uncertain terms thatBilly Waite is a scoundrel.
So her next question is, Blake,baby, how come you don't have
(08:54):
any real friends?
You ever notice that you don'treally have a friend?
You got lawyers, you gotservants, you got kids, you have
tons of enemies, but you ain'treally got no friends.
And also, why is everybody thatyou do business with either a
thug or a cutthroat?
He's like, Well, you know, I'vehere he here he goes with his
revisionist history.
(09:15):
He wants to start acting like heis Trey from Boys in the Hood.
You know, I've I've I've dealtwith more, I've dealt with
rougher, I can deal withanybody.
Apparently, you can't, Blake.
Jet here has been watching thisprogram for a good four years,
and I have yet to see you getthe upper hand on anybody longer
than 45 minutes ever.
Every time this man enters abusiness deal, he's getting
(09:37):
shafted in one way or another.
Yeah, at some point you gotta bereal with yourself and be like,
you know what?
I get really lucky.
I can run a business that'salready running, but if I have
to start or create arelationship that is gonna
sustain me, it ain't happening.
Makes no never mind.
The plane is coming an hour latetomorrow, my darling.
We are flying to Caracas to meetMr.
(09:58):
Billy Waite in the flesh.
You can sort of see what I'msaying here.
No new information, nobody wantsto mess with Blake.
He, of course, needs to dig deepand mess with a scoundrel in
order to get this money.
He is willing to do that becauseI mean, at the end of the day,
whether there's war, famine,fire, an asteroid slamming into
(10:18):
the ground, there's still oil inthat ocean, and he'll be damned
if anyone gets it.
So he and the Mistes quietly flyto Caracas.
Now, I'm saying quietly, okay,as I say this out loud, I wasn't
very clear on this.
It's not clear to me that Idon't know if the world is
watching with baited breath toknow what Blake Carrington is
doing.
It doesn't seem like it, but weknow Alexis is definitely doing
(10:41):
that.
So it seems like they're tryingto keep it quiet so that she
doesn't know every move hemakes.
Let's talk about Billy realquick.
When I see Billy, and Billy is afull-grown man with white hair
and an ascot in South America,full jacket.
My first thought was, what kindof grown man calls himself
Billy?
And then I immediately had tocheck myself, so not so toxic
(11:05):
trait, like Jet, didn't you justfawn over William December
Williams not three episodes ago?
I sure did.
And I forgot that William calledhimself Billy.
But if your name is Billy D,that's a little bit different.
Billy crate, fwait, whatever hisname is, is a scoundrel.
So immediately Blake and Crystalare um, they pull up to this
(11:27):
beautiful, sprawling.
I mean, if you think about atropical mansion, this is
exactly what it looks like.
It's got the terracotta roof,it's got the white adobe walls,
gorgeous.
Flora and fauna everywhere.
I bet it just smells so fresh.
It looks gorgeous.
Crystal and Blake step out ofthe limousine and she's got on a
(11:49):
hat, she's got on sort of amother of the bride Easter
Sunday type dress with someshimmy shambles on the shoulder.
So Crystal gets out of the car.
Sorry, y'all, I had to stop.
I don't even remember what Isaid last.
Crystal hops out the car and upcomes Billy Wade.
Looking like Jeff Colby.
I swear this is his father.
I swear it is.
Anyway, he saunders up toCrystal and he says, Crystal,
(12:13):
what a beautiful name for anexquisite woman.
Whoop, womp dee womp, you're sogorgeous, you're so gorgeous.
I hope you don't mind sleepingin the same room that Blake used
to share with his ex-wife.
Billy is messy.
Billy doesn't understand thefact that this is wife number
two.
Messing up my floor.
Everywhere that Alexis and Blakehave been, Crystal has been too.
(12:34):
She is sharing the home that heshared with her before he kicked
her out.
Immediately though, Chris willsay, Oh, okay.
I already hated you before I gothere, but I definitely hate you
now.
That's real cute, Billy.
I can handle it.
I'm fine.
Conversations are had, numbersare crunched.
Billy wants to know.
(12:55):
Okay, Blake.
Seems like you got a prettydecent plan here.
How many other people areinterested in it?
Interested in this hair plan?
Well, zero.
Well, no, no, not true.
People are interested.
They're just not interested ingiving me money to follow
through with said plan.
Uh-huh.
Billy seems to think Blake isdown and out.
Sounds like you're an officialbillionaire broke boy Blake.
(13:18):
Say that five times fast.
Blake's um me, I mean, I'mbroke, but I had enough money to
scrape up a trip to come seeyou, pal.
So what do you say?
$50 million?
$50 million.
Blake seems to think it's gonnacost about one billion dollars
to get this ball rolling.
But with a generous openingdonation of$50 million, he can
(13:40):
take care of most of theparticulars.
Get the ball rolling.
You know what I'm saying?
It looks good to the outsideworld.
He also takes the time to letBilly know that listen, I don't
like the way you do business.
I know you're sort of a sharkand a cutthroat, but hey, I need
your money.
So I came down here to grovel atyour feet.
What do you say, old pal?
Like, he's not quite done havingfun insulting Blake's brand new
(14:01):
wife.
So let me let me think about it,Blake, and I'm I'm gonna get
back with you, okay?
He needs a couple of days, butBlake is not really
comprehending the fact that hedoes not have the ability to
make any sort of demands.
He can only request, he can'tdemand.
But he tells Billy, you have tothe end of the week to give me
an answer.
(14:22):
While Crystal, meanwhile, isoutside, poolside having a
beautiful breakfast.
I I cannot stress how gorgeousthis scene is.
Flora and fauna everywhere,fresh fruit, she's having orange
juice or whatever.
Even after watching it threetimes in a row, I could not tell
you what they talked about.
I'm assuming they were talkingabout what a scoundrel Billy is.
(14:45):
The only part I can reallyremember is Crystal basically
saying, Blake, that dude givesme the crease.
And she's not wrong.
He's got a whole bunch of likewomen working for him.
I'm sure he makes them call himBig Papa or Papa Grande, even
though it's probably notgrammatically correct.
In Caracas, he definitely givesoff that I probably have a
couple people in the basementthing, but she can't stand him
(15:06):
because he's insinuating thatshe is leftovers or something.
Anyway, watch this scene threetimes, couldn't tell you what
they talked about because I wasso distracted.
Ugh.
So fans, Dynasy has a lot ofthings going for them.
They've got the camp, they'vegot beauty, they've got glamour,
they've got a a costume budgetthat any movie in 2025 would be
(15:29):
NBS.
So it goes without saying, theyhad enough money in the budget
for crystals off the shoulder,South American look, the shimmy
shimmy gold look when shestepped out of the car.
They had the money for that.
They had the money for her hair,for her makeup, for her hat, you
name it.
What they forgot to do isearmark a little bit of money
for the prosthetic baby bumpshe's gonna need.
(15:50):
Keep forgetting she's pregnant.
Now, between yesterday in TBLand where she arrived in
Caracas, and the followingmorning where she's having this
outdoor breakfast, Crystal hasthe baby bump has arrived.
The baby bump has entered thechat.
The problem though is that herstuff is looking a little lumpy,
(16:12):
a little juvenile, a little, I'msneaking out of the house with
this mini skirt.
It's very much giving.
I'm at the mall, I'm 16, I needthese Jabot jeans, but I only
have$12.
So I need my best friend tocreate a diversion so I can
outrun mall security.
It's definitely giving that.
So in my mind, it seems likesomebody in the costume
(16:34):
department was like, Oh crap,she's pregnant.
Pregnant?
Yeah, girl, grab grab a coupleshower caps and some oranges,
put them in there.
That'll be fine.
They make her try it on it.
Uh, still look a little bitcrazy.
Somebody give me one of Alexis'swigs from season two.
Give me that bushy number.
Give me that rat wig and thefull on bouffant one.
Yeah, that's the one.
(16:55):
Yeah, throw in a couple scarves,she'll be all right.
Boom.
Throw it in that girl's dressand send her out the door.
So she's got this makeshift.
She looks like a Californiaraisin.
A claymation freaking raisin.
And if that's not bad enough,Blake is wearing the Jesus of
(17:15):
Nazareth 3000 with socks, socksand sandals.
Blake, make up your mind, myguy.
This scene was so distracting.
So I don't I I couldn't tell youwhat they talked about.
I have no clue.
But I do know that Crystal had agut full of oranges, shower
(17:37):
caps, and connectoron hairpieces, which I'm sure caused a
fight when they got back.
Before we talk about Alexis, wegotta talk about Steven.
Steven has a bit miffed thisentire episode.
Now it's it's acceptable, Isuppose, and understandable
even.
Kid's just been snatched up,he's still gotta go to work, but
he's got a bad attitude thiswhole time.
(17:58):
He needs an adjustment, needs atune-up, as my dad would say
back in the day.
Speaking of Alexis, Alexis showsup at her company, goes into
Steven's office, she just wantsto know what's the latest on
baby Danny, what's the latest onhis sister.
Where were you ever any word?
Um, that's only half true.
(18:19):
She does want to know what'sgoing on with baby Blake and
baby Danny, but she also wantsto know where Blake and Chris
are at.
Excuse me, I said baby Blake.
She wants to know what's goingon with Fallon and Baby Danny.
And she knows that they're sheknows that Blake and Crystal are
out of the country because whenshe went by the house to visit
baby Blake, one of the nanniestold her that.
(18:39):
Stephen immediately is like,Mom, if you want me to tell you
what dad and crystal are, I'mnot gonna tell you.
They'll tell you when they'reready.
She's like, All right, fine.
What about your sister now?
There's nothing changed.
What about you not listening tome?
Here's the thing is upsetbecause he has gone through the
trouble of doing a lot ofdigging himself.
He has personally done someresearch, he's crunched some
(19:00):
numbers, and he feels like hismom should spend at least$50,000
on these oil wells in LouisianaSwamp.
She feels like that's a littletoo high.
I'm not finna do that.
But he's he's like, Well, mom,if you don't buy them, someone
else will.
She's like, I know that.
I'm I'm well aware of the risk,but you don't become a bad b
like me, a wealthy bad b atthat, by not taking risks.
(19:24):
She's basically calling thesepeople bluff.
He's offended that she's nottaking his advice.
She tells him, and not so manywords, grow the heck up, Steven.
Who are you gonna?
Do you want to become somebodyin this business or no?
He's offended by that as well.
Mother, and let's let's beclear.
Let's be clear.
(19:45):
Old face Steven had that samesort of mentality.
I'm going to make a name formyself.
I'm gonna get dirty.
I'm gonna do all of the workrequired to become who I need to
be.
So I I suppose to Steven, hissuccess comes from.
Him not waking up one day andsaying, Mommy, Daddy, give me
this job.
He has, by all intents andpurposes, actually earned.
(20:07):
I mean, you it you could arguethat he has very much earned his
position in her company, eventhough it's still his mother's
company.
He goes on to tell her mom,money is not nearly as important
to me.
Money does not automaticallyequal success.
It's way more important to youthan it is to me.
Now she rolls her eyes real hardand is like, that's the brokest
ish I've ever heard in my life.
(20:28):
Steven, get real.
I have to agree with her onthis.
Even though I agree with him, Iagree with her.
Baby boy, you grew up rich.
It's very difficult, no matterhow true it may be, to believe
somebody who has all of theaccess to wealth and comfort
when they say money isn'timportant for me.
(20:50):
Well, you really wouldn't knowotherwise.
Despite the fact that you havetrekked out on your own a little
bit.
If push came to shove, you hadtwo wealthy parents you could
always reach out to.
But her thing is like, boy,listen, that's that's cute.
I'm glad that you're soaltruistic and you're
hardworking and you knoweverything because all of a
sudden you read a few books.
But I'm trying to tell you, Iwork way too hard to go broke,
(21:14):
and I work way too hard to berich so that I can help my
family when a baby gets snatchedup by his trailer park Barbie
mama that I warned you about andtried to pay off, but you
insisted on bringing her backinto this picture.
And when my daughter disappears,I want to have the resources to
track her trifling A down andbring her back home so she can
(21:34):
marry my rich wish was my son'sson.
And then I need money to buy myway out of this murder charge I
didn't do.
I am freaking the F out, Steven.
And the last thing I need to beis poor while I'm freaking this
out.
So if I don't want to pay anextra$50,000 for these maybe
wells, that's my business.
(21:54):
You need to grow up andunderstand.
You got to take these risks.
I don't care how many books youread, Stephen.
I know what I'm talking about.
And I'm scared, I'm about to goto jail.
Good old-fashioned research.
It works well.
You would do well to bediligent, but she has a point.
Sometimes you gotta go out oninstinct.
Okay, so for me, the jury'sstill out on new face Stephen.
Steven was one of my favoritecharacters in season one, right?
(22:16):
I like the way the old faceSteven played him.
He's a little more subdued.
He there was there was somethingso powerful to me in the way he
it's almost like he was he heseemed like a wounded kid, but
not really, not all the time.
I'm and as I'm saying this, I'mthinking back to the first time
we see him with Crystal, wherehe checks the major doma or
(22:38):
whoever for disrespecting her onher wedding day.
He he wielded a certain amountof power without having to say
too much.
New Face Steven comes off asextra bratty, even though he's
making valid points.
So it makes it a little bitharder for me to like him as
much.
And especially on this episode,because Steven was he had an
attitude this whole time.
(22:58):
So fast forward to where he'shaving a beautiful lunch with
his wife, Claudia the Stallion,but he's not really eating any
of the food because, of course,he's distracted because his baby
boy has been, can't even saykidnapped.
He's been taken back by hismother.
Claudia is so tranquil thisepisode.
She is vibing, she is notletting him get under her skin.
(23:21):
She said, Stephen, honey, you'reyou're hardly touching the
lunch.
Well, I can't eat when my son ismissing.
Claudia says, You know your babymama is gonna hit you up as soon
as she needs a little cash.
You already know this.
Just be cool.
She's gonna bring the baby back.
Do you know what this bastardhas the audacity to say to
Claudia D.
Stallion?
(23:41):
He says, Claudia, get real.
He leaps up from the table alldramatically.
We went to the jungle to findyour daughter.
You know things don't turn outwell, sir.
Sir?
That was out of pocket.
Why are you bringing up herdeceased daughter in this
moment?
Now, this would have set Jedoff.
(24:02):
I I expected some sort ofreaction from Claudia, but she
is Queen Quaalu this episode orVicky Valium.
I don't know what she's on, butmaybe she is not coming off.
She is floating, she is Zen.
She simply says, Stephen, I wentcrazy twice.
(24:23):
I worried myself sick more thanonce.
I don't want that to happen toyou.
He just brought up your charredto death, baby girl.
And the best you can say is, Idon't want to see you go into an
insane asylum like me.
Although the drugs they gave methat I stashed away in my pillow
are working quite well in thismoment.
(24:44):
I warn you, Stephen.
Once this volume wears off, itmight be a different situation.
So watch her tone.
Don't make me come up out ofthis seat.
I wish she said that.
She didn't.
She is incredibly calm.
How dare you?
This is this isn't this isneither here nor there.
(25:04):
You the one who picked the babymama.
You the fool who let her in thedamn house.
Well, her aunt did, but that youknow what I'm saying.
He's freaking out.
He doesn't know where Danny is,and it's getting the best of
him.
It's getting the best of him tothe point where one morning Adam
comes stumbling into the house.
We'll get into Adam a little bitlater and why he was so drunk,
(25:25):
but he is completelyschnockered, and Steven is
standing at the top of thestairs like he's somebody's
daddy.
Judgy Wudgy was a man in a silkrobe at the top of a stair with
a fresh face.
He helps Adam to the kitchenwhere he pours him a hot cup of
coffee, and Adam starts to tellhim that he got like a little
nervous at this party.
He felt like he had to be atbecause it was with Alexis'
(25:45):
lawyer.
And so he drank to calm himselfdown, and it just got the best
of him.
I feel like Adam's being kind ofhe's being kind of vulnerable.
He's comfortable.
He even says, Oh, thank God,like I'm at home with my family.
He explains why he drank as muchas he did, and he was just sort
of uncomfortable.
And he's starting, he's startingto regret it because he doesn't
remember everything.
He's like, I hope I did not makea fool of myself.
(26:06):
Stephen is feeling extrasuperior and says, Oh no, not
you, Adam.
Even drunk, your eyes are waytoo focused on on that bright
future of yours as if this is abad thing.
For whatever reason, thisreminds Adam that Kirby doesn't
want him.
Mind you, he was all up on SammyJoe, but yeah, I write to Kirby,
(26:27):
I call her, she doesn't returnmy calls, she doesn't return my
letters.
She's the only woman I everloved, but I managed to mess
that up.
Stephen takes this as aninvitation to chastise him.
Yep, you sure did mess that up.
You messed up everything, Adam,just like you messed up my my
son's life by letting him gowith his deadbeat mother.
(26:47):
Did you mess up your son's lifeby hooking up with his deadbeat
mother?
Perhaps this is more of yourfault, Stephen.
Stefan, whatever your name is.
Adam is like, well, damn, it'slike that, Stephen.
But then all of a sudden, he hehas a moment of clarity.
He's like, Oh yeah, I forgot totell you something.
So there was this rather prettyboy, or man, he didn't say boy,
(27:10):
pretty man at the party who wasjust as drunk as I was, and he
said he was your roommate,Timmy, somebody or another.
Was your roommate back in prepschool?
I'm assuming prep school is likehigh school, right?
He said he wanted to call andchitter chatter chitch it with
you if it's cool with your wife.
Basically, like I know you had aboyfriend.
Here we go again with this.
I don't know where Dynasty isgoing to go in terms of Steven
(27:33):
having a boyfriend at somepoint, like of not somebody from
the past who pops in, not alawyer friend who is just your
friend.
Old face Steven came out twiceand he was very bold.
So this is this whole scene withAdam.
I think I misunderstood it thefirst time.
As Adam's saying this, I thoughtAdam was insinuating that he
hooked up with Timmy.
(27:54):
I don't think that's a case.
I just re-watched it and it's onI don't really understand
because everybody knows thatSteven keeps a bad man and well,
he keeps a nerdy man and hekeeps a bad B.
He likes a he likes a trashytrailer girl, he likes a girl
fresh out of the asylum, and helikes a quiet dude from New
York.
So it none of this is news.
(28:16):
None of this is not, I'm notsaying it's not noteworthy, but
in this scene, I does Adam notknow that Steven's gay?
Is Adam the only person whodoesn't know?
And even if he doesn't, likeeverybody else knows, so who
cares, right?
That's what I'm saying.
Like it's not news to anybody.
This isn't news to Steven, it'snot news to Claudia.
So I is he is this Adam's way ofintroducing Tim to the story?
(28:41):
Because a little bit later on,Steven picks a fight with
Claudia.
You're always at work, Claudia.
She's like, I know.
I'm sorry, I just took my secondvolume.
I'm trying to be a good motherto Danny, and I try to give you
the attention you request,Steven.
You two spend long hours at youroffice.
(29:04):
I don't understand where this iscoming from.
I think Queen Quaalude might begetting a little bit boring, and
maybe he wants that old thingback.
I don't know.
I don't know where Dynasty'sgonna go with this.
I know on the new dynasty, SammyJoe is a man, which is actually
quite brilliant when you thinkof the name Samantha Joe,
because it's the feminineversion of Samuel Joseph.
(29:26):
But Adam just kept saying ratherprettily.
So I I you know what I choose tokeep my original interpretation.
Adam is like, I'm gonna takeTimmy if you don't if you don't
stop talking ish about me.
Talking about you want me toruin lives, I'll ruin your life.
I'll ruin your life.
Adam is is the only character asI'm realizing this now in the
house left.
(29:46):
Like Jeff is hooked up withClaudia.
Adam has, I'm assuming he hookedup with Sammy Joe.
Definitely hooked up with Kirby.
So did Jeff.
Jeff and Adam are the only twopeople who are sort of free to
bed hop within the house.
So we're running out of peopleto bounce around with.
We're gonna have to bring insome new people eventually.
(30:07):
I just don't know whereDynasty's gonna go.
Steven looks annoyed, but nothurt.
And it's like, damn, y'all justgot on good terms again.
So either Adam is being an ass,or Adam's being an ass, but also
Steven's being an ass.
You didn't have to say he didn'truin everybody's life.
Yes, he's a rapist.
Yes, he ruined Kirby's life.
I'll give you that.
But Sammy Joe is all on you.
(30:28):
This kid is sick to death aboutgetting your kid kidnapped, kick
him while he's down.
But Steven is just he's he's10th the soul episode.
Did not give Claudia enoughcredit.
She does when Steven confrontsher, you can tell he's just it,
it really is the Danny thing.
It's the Danny thing and theSammy Joe thing.
And I think he is come to termswith the fact that you really
(30:49):
did play yourself, Steven, bynot doing a little more with
that custody.
Like there is no way thereshould ever have been a clause
that she can come and go as shepleases with this child.
Granted, they never thoughtshe'd come back, but you could
tell he's kind of kickinghimself in the butt about it
now, so every little thing isgetting on his nerves.
But Claudia keeps it very cute,very qua-luved, very calm, like
(31:11):
she's on a sedative.
But then she says, You I couldsay the same thing about you.
You spend so many hours at theoffice with your mother.
I keep forgetting Alexis doesn'tlike her.
Well, Claudia didn't really getto give it to him the way she
wants to, because the telephonerings, Sammy Joe says, Meet me
in a week.
We're gonna discuss the baby.
That's such a yeah.
(31:32):
So to never let that happen.
God, if you just you just pickthe worst baby mama too.
Speaking of Claudia's workday,we need to talk about one of the
newest bit players, MissDominique Devereux.
Claudia's job is to manage LaMirage while Fallon disappears
into the ether, and part of thatjob requires her setting up
proper advertising forDominique's residency here at La
(31:56):
Mirage.
We learn so very little in thisinteraction, but one thing that
stands out to me is DominiqueDevereux is media trained.
Claudia, who is of course verycurious about this woman's past,
she she's already told Blake,that woman has it out for you.
I don't know why, but there'ssomething about her I'm not
quite feeling, even though I'mfeeling her.
So Claudia comes in, she showsher the new mock-up.
(32:19):
Here's a poster.
Dominique Devereux says, Oh,these are wonderful, I adore
them.
However, I prefer havinglowercase D's for my name.
It's my signature in Europe.
Claudia's like, Oh, okay, noproblem.
That's an easy fix.
What about your bio?
I wanted to put a littlesomething in there for people to
hang on to, like where you grewup, how you met Barrady, blah
blah blah.
(32:39):
Miss Debereau, with a completesmile on her face and
cheerfulness, cheerfulness inher voice, is oh, the nosy
stuff.
Claudia, I do not share my pastwith anyone, not even people I
like.
Now you would think this is oneof those moments where she's
saying, I know what you'redoing, and you're not gonna
outdo me, but she quickly statesafter that, what's the boring
(33:00):
stuff?
I call it the scrapbook effect.
No one wants to see pictures ofme in a canoe as a kid.
It's all quite boring.
And Claudia's like, Okay, yeah,well, I I see your point there.
What about a closing date?
Do you have an idea in mind forthat?
Well, known.
Uh, the club is doing well.
I adore La Mirage, everything'sgoing so wonderful.
So let's just hold off on that.
(33:21):
She has completely thwartedClaudia's plans like that.
With a smile, with delight inher voice.
It was the most polite shutdownI've ever seen on television.
Media train.
The funny thing is, she calledthis a scrapbook syndrome, and
she absolutely has a scrapbook.
Before I get too far off,course, I have to say my
(33:42):
loathing for the 80s hadn'tfully changed.
However, Dominique Devereux'sroom is this lovely shade of
lavender, sort of a lavendergray.
She has these for lack of abetter term, I'm gonna call it
like a bubble-framed mirror andlike a bubble-framed shelf.
It looks like those plates NaraSmith uses to eat her little
(34:04):
snacks on.
But it's a mint green.
You would think mint green andlavender would look so weird.
I don't know why I like it.
I am feeling that.
I love it, but I hate it too.
What I don't hate though isbeing an 80s-born millennial.
One of the things I love so muchthat I've really, really grown
(34:25):
to appreciate is us being sortof the sandwich between the past
and the future.
That may sound dramatic, butjust hear me out.
I was talking to a friend theother day.
We were just talking about ourjunk drawers, and you know, you
have the random ketchup package,soy sauce, whatever.
I was like, I have so manychargers to so many different
electronics.
(34:46):
I can't even tell you whathappened.
Like, I found my iPod nano, Ifound like an old school
BlackBerry, I found an old, oldcell phone, like from high
school.
Like, oh my gosh, I literallyhave 9,000 chords.
And she was saying the samething.
And it's like, because of whenwe were born, it feels to me
(35:06):
like technology moved at a rateof about six months.
So every six months, somethingnew would come along, and
probably a year and a halflater, whatever you were working
with is become obsolete, but youdon't even notice it.
So it's like that's how youaccumulate all of the
electronics that are justsitting uselessly in boxes that
(35:28):
I have no use for anymore.
But I kind of like being thatin-between.
I understand how to use anencyclopedia.
Not that I'm saying kids don'tuse books, but I know how to use
an encyclopedia.
If the if all technology shutoff, I could write a check, I
could go to the bank.
I kind of understand thesethings, and I definitely live
through the scrapbook era.
There was a time where you wouldtake your little Polaroids or
(35:51):
you take your picture, go getthem developed at CVS or
Walgreens or whatever, come andmake a little scrapbook with
different emblems and stuff.
It was so huge for so long.
So when I saw Dominique Deborahwith hers, it wasn't fun like
mine in junior high.
It was totally different.
Hers is filled with littletidbits about Blake, different
(36:14):
articles over time, pictures ofAlexis and the children.
All the information she has evergathered is collected in one
place in a book.
This, ladies and gentlemen,explains why the geriatric
community of today is so damnnosy.
They had to do foot-to-pavementtype investigation.
(36:35):
You couldn't just be nosy onMySpace or look at some, you
stalk someone's Instagram.
You had to actually buynewspapers, sift through
magazine articles, you had toear hustle like crazy, you had
to do all these things to keepup with different people.
I can admit I'm not thatcommitted.
If I can't scroll and find out,I'm not gonna go do all those
(36:57):
things.
But it just reminded me, like,God, we went from a time where
you actually had to like fullyresearch people and you only
knew what was printed, and theonly way to manage that would be
to physically keep a copy ofeverything.
So Dominique is doing her duediligence, she is keeping copies
of everything that's going on,but it's not enough.
So she gets on the phone as soonas Claudia leaves to call JJ.
(37:20):
Tell JJ to call me back.
I'm getting sick of being hereafter she just said Denver was
beautiful and great for herhealth.
I'm starting to believe thatDominique Devereaux is being
blackmailed into somethingbecause when JJ comes, he
doesn't deliver a whole lot ofnews that we didn't already
know.
JJ turns out to be some sort ofPI who can't drink coffee until
he gives her all the tea.
(37:41):
He explains to her that Blakehas his new project.
He wants he needs a billiondollars.
He's reached out to severalpeople, but of course, nobody
wants to pony up the money tohim because of the whole
overthrowing a country thing.
The optics aren't great.
So as JJ tells this to Johnny,she's like, wow, that's really
fascinating.
JJ says, You're not thinking ofhelping him out.
(38:02):
She goes, Well, that wasn't myplan, but now I have a plan to
make a plan.
Now I need you to do somethingfor me, JJ.
Make sure you don't tell myhusband, William December
William, keep it on the low ski.
And then we get absolutelynothing after that.
No less than nothing about her.
She says she's a Carrington, sheis getting sick of being in this
(38:23):
place, and she has a plan tomake a plan, but keep her super
secret plan plan away from herhusband.
That's it, that's all.
So the scrapbook is kind of mootat this point because well, I
can't really say that because II don't know where she's coming
from.
My my best thought here is she'sbeing blackmailed, it kind of
feels like, but she's still verymuch in control.
(38:46):
Doesn't seem to want revenge,and it does seem like she may be
interested in helping him.
He did also tell her, JJ toldher that Alexis holds a note to
the mansion.
That's really the only moneyhe's been able to get.
Okay, now Alexis don't have ascrapbook, but she is definitely
keeping tabs on Blake and themto make sure that he defaults on
(39:09):
that loan so she can get thatmansion back.
Now she talks to Jeff at the topof the show, wondering how
things are going with Fallon.
He's already gone up to Seattleand nothing came of that.
He went to Seattle to a hostel,actually.
I didn't know there were hostelsin the U.S.
Somebody please let me know ifthat's a real thing or was a
(39:29):
real thing at some point.
Jeff goes to Seattle in its bus.
He goes to this hostel, andthere's a girl who looks like
she could be Joe's little sisterfrom the Facts of Life.
And then she looks like shecould be like Claudia or Melissa
a little later on.
That's neither here nor there.
She's ear hustling as thisgentleman tells Jeff he don't
know where Fallon is, he ain'tseen her.
He don't know who that is.
She's not here.
Well, as soon as Jeff walksaway, not Joe from Facts of Life
(39:53):
walks over and says, Why didn'tyou tell him where she is?
Well, she told me not to tellhim.
She asked me not to sayanything.
So Jeff is talking to Alexisback in Denver in their uh in
her apartment and they lookawfully cozy.
And I'm like, dang, are Jeff andAlexis gonna hook up at some
point?
Kind of makes sense to me.
He lets it slip that Crystal andBlake are in Caracas.
(40:15):
So when he leaves, Alexis startsto think, and she knows there's
only one person down there thatthey would know.
She knows it's Billy.
She immediately makesarrangements to go down there
and visit with him first tothwart any plans or any success
that Blake has alreadyestablished.
Now back in the States, she hasher own problems.
Adam was at that party becausehe was with the lawyer who is
(40:37):
representing her, and this dudeis stiff, stuffy, not the kind
of guy you want representingyou.
He seems a little bit sexist,and he's really upset with
Alexis because she's carrying onlike a rich woman.
Now she done been told y'allalready, I'm rich.
This is what I do.
Her new lawyer explains to her,listen, girl, you I understand
(40:59):
you're wealthy, but there's thiswhole campaign against you.
Nobody wants to save the richwoman.
She splashed across the paper.
It's the Alexis Carrington Kilbystory part three, and all these
things are floating up from herpast.
The lawyer's like, Adam, tellyour mama what's popping up.
And he's like, Well, there'ssomething about you having a
moment with this guy.
She goes, I didn't have amoment, I had an affair.
(41:21):
And like she's not hiding it.
I do what I do.
And she explains very briefly tous and her lawyer that after
Blake out of her children'slife, although so many years
ago, she can admit she has beenher biggest charity case.
I had to look out for numberone.
Yes, I I I may have hooked upwith several exquisite men, and
(41:42):
who hasn't?
But that's neither here northere.
I didn't kill anybody.
So Adam starts spitting outdifferent things, different ways
they can counter some of thestories that are out about her.
If you want to talk about anaffair, cool, we'll we'll flood
the media with stories about allthe charities that she's helping
out with.
The lawyer is not really feelingit, but Alexis has formulated a
plan.
She's like, yo, lawyer, whydon't you calm down?
(42:05):
Why don't you sit in the back,just chill in the cut, and allow
Adam to represent me?
Think about the optics.
This is a kid fighting for hismother.
Now, this makes Adam very, verynervous.
I can understand this is a lotof pressure.
Mother, are you sure?
The lawyer man cannot believehis ears.
He was like, You were high.
If you think I'm taking thebackseat to anybody, especially
(42:25):
some 25-year-old punk.
Peace out.
He leave, well, no, actually,Alexis fires him.
He don't get to peace out.
She tells him, Okay, cool.
It's either my baby boy ornobody.
So I guess you're gone.
Goodbye.
Adam's like, Mom, please calmdown.
I don't think you're thinkingthis through.
She's like, I'm thinking thisthrough just fine, Adam.
You're gonna represent me.
Everything's gonna be lusciousand lovely.
(42:45):
By the time Crystal and Blakeget back from South America,
Alexis is once again at thehouse visiting baby Blake.
This is my favorite scene ofthis episode because we have a
little spat between Crystal andAlexis.
Actually, Alexis gets the betterof this exchange.
So she's coming down the stepsand she spots Crystal and she's
(43:05):
like, Damn, Crystal, you ain'tgot no fabuloso, no swipper
sweeper.
You've never heard of a vacuum.
This place is filthy.
It's a shambles.
I'm gonna need you to get what'sleft of the little staff you can
afford together and tell them Iwant this place in pristine
shape.
Crystal says, Girl, get out ofmy house.
(43:26):
Why are you here?
I'm here to see my grandbaby anduh just to, you know, keep tabs
on what's gonna be my newmansion, or old mansion rather.
You can keep Blake.
I want the mansion.
Crystal says, I wouldn't bet onBlake or the mansion.
I respect you being a good wife,but that's not gonna cut it.
Alexis is unmoved by Crystal'sstatement, and she continues to
(43:51):
sort of run her finger over thetable, just like, damn, y'all
don't dust?
You ain't got no Murphy's woodsoap.
Tell somebody to get down hereand put some elbow grease on
this.
This place is hideous.
By Crystal, she basically justcame by Twin Soldier, then hops
on the first thing smoking to godown and talk to Billy.
Now she and Billy have a veryproductive conversation.
(44:13):
It is very clear that he issweet on her and always has
been.
But what else is new?
But as she goes to leave, tellme why the Caracas feds pull up
on her and they're like, Are youAlexis Carrington Colbean?
I am.
The United States governmentdoesn't think it's a good idea
for you to travelinternationally when you're
under when you're when you havea murder trial coming up.
(44:35):
I was like, oops.
Yeah, I I guess that I guessthat tracks.
You probably shouldn't leave thecountry.
She's like, well, I wasn't likefleeing.
I'm obviously on my way back.
Doesn't matter.
Now she's gotta fly to Miami,put my girl back in handcuffs,
and turn her over to the feds.
I suppose the time has come toactually talk about Falon.
So not Joe from Facts of Life isfeeling quite guilty because she
(44:59):
saw how how upset Jeffrey Colbywas that his bride to be again
has gone missing.
So she calls him up and shesays, Are you Jeff Colby?
Yeah.
Because you come all the wayback to frickin' Seattle.
I think I know where your broadis.
He's like, Sweet, I'll be therein no time.
I'll borrow my father-in-law'sjet and I'll be there in no
time.
(45:19):
Not Joe from Facts of Lifeinforms Jeff that Fallon has
indeed scurried off to somerandom convent.
She gives him an address, I'massuming he goes down, he talks
to a monk.
No disrespect.
I'm I'm not fully versed on allthe different sects of
religions, and I feel like amonastery in America is kind of
(45:42):
unusual.
Probably not.
But whoever this man is, let'sjust call him father because I
don't really know his propertitle.
That's not it.
I I apologize.
But uh Father Leo says, Oh,Fallon.
She didn't tell me her name wasFallon.
She said her name was Jeff isimpatient.
He says, I don't really give adamn, Father Leo.
Where is she?
(46:04):
Father Leo says, Well, she'sgone.
Matter of fact, you can checkwith the police, you can check
with the uh the newspapers ifyou need to.
She's gone.
Nothing is clicking in Jeff'sbillion dollar brain.
Jeff says, What do you meanshe's gone?
Well, ladies and gentlemen,she's gone.
(46:25):
Yo, gone.
Quick little segue.
In 2001, my mom and dad boughtme tickets to see InSync in San
Antonio, Texas.
We made the six-hour drive toSan Antonio, Texas with my best
friend and my cousin Ashtray,aka Ashtra.
We got to the concert, it wasamazing.
(46:46):
My dad had a total freakingweeble.
My dad is the most stable, calm,chill person you'll ever meet.
He's a Californian, you knowwhat I'm saying.
But in Texas, he wasmild-mannered until we got to
San Antonio, and after six and ahalf hours, he was starving.
He freaked out, he flipped out.
SPEAKER_01 (47:04):
Oh, I hate this place.
SPEAKER_00 (47:09):
That memory lives rent-free in my mind, but it
never mind that.
I got to see NSYNC in person.
It was during the tour whereJoey's leg was actually broken.
He he came up through the trapfloor and somehow got caught in
between.
Anyway, Joey wasn't on thistour.
I didn't miss a thing.
I was so enamored with thisconcert that I decided I was
(47:30):
gonna get a tramp stamp of NSYNCon my back.
And my best friend was like, yo,don't do it.
Shout out to you, Re.
I love you so much.
I didn't get the tattoo, but thesentiment remains the same.
The song Gone is what pushed meover the edge.
I was like, oh my god, this isthe most perfect piece of music
I've ever heard in my life.
(47:51):
I got caught up in the emotions,and I was, I'm not saying I was
wrong.
Matter of fact, I don't have anytattoos, but if I did, the only
tattoo I would have would be insync right on my lower back.
Now I don't know, my back wasgonna spread.
Wide is all outside.
So she was right, and I'm reallyglad I didn't do it.
But if I if if spirit ever movesme, that's what it's gonna be.
(48:12):
Anyway, if you take thesentiment of that song, that
particular perfect piece ofaudio heaven, then you know the
the singer, aka JustinTimberlake.
There will be no JustinTimberlake slander on this here
podcast ever, was heartbrokenbecause he made all the wrong
moves, and now the girl is gone.
That's how Jeff feels.
(48:34):
Gone.
Me, on the other hand?
I'm hearing the hallelujahcourse.
She's gone.
Hell yeah! I'm sorry, we allknew this was coming, right?
We all saw this a mile away.
After they played in her faceafter season one, Fallon became
a shadow of her, of a person whoshe could have been.
(48:57):
It is only right that theydestroy her in the most
fantastical way.
So I don't know what went down,but all I know is that Jeffrey
Colby flew back from Seattle allthe way to Denver and he took
refuge in his bedroom and hetried his very best to squeeze
out alligator tears.
Only they're not reallyhappening.
(49:17):
Crocodile tears.
He tried that, that's not reallyhappening.
Blake comes meandering into theroom.
Jeffrey, what's wrong?
Where's Fallon?
Now mind you, this man is tryingto hold a he's tried to get all
sorts of resources so that hecan dig in the middle of some
rando ocean.
All while his child andgrandchild are missing.
(49:39):
He's fine up until he sees Jeff.
This to me feels like one ofthose moments where two people
are are they they're notself-aware enough to realize
that the other person is full ofish.
So they decide to one up eachother.
Jeff is trying his best.
He's thinking of all the saddestthings in his life.
(50:00):
What if JC Penney stops makingpenny loafers?
Oh my god, what if I can't be ayoung Republican?
What if my hairdresser dies?
He's trying to think of anythingthat would that would induce
tears, and it's just nothappening.
Blake is also doing the samething.
Jeff, what's wrong?
Where is Fallon?
He's thinking, oh my god, whatif salt and pepper hair dye goes
(50:23):
out of style?
What if I can no longer be inthe middle of a of all of the
cast photos?
What if Crystal realizes I'm abroke bitch and she needs to
bounce?
They both muster up as manytears as they can.
They didn't have visa at thistime, I'm assuming.
Jeff announces she's dead.
And and we're supposed to havetears, however, that doesn't
(50:46):
happen.
Blake is like, oh no.
It reminded me so much of thatMaya Rudolph.
Where she's Kamala Harris, she'sshe's like, oh no, Joe Biden, oh
no, and she's dripping, she'sdrinking like a 7-Eleven big
gulp.
This is what this this was a biggulp saying.
(51:07):
Oh no, Fallon, oh no, oh my god,she's gone.
I'm devastated.
Good riddance.
I don't care if that'sinappropriate.
Of course, I would never saythis IRL.
But on this show, good riddance,shout out to you, actress, who
decided, you know what, this isa sinking ship.
This girl was lame.
They gave her the worsthaircuts, worst storylines.
(51:29):
She's out.
Good for you.
I'm gonna celebrate this.
I'm not sad Fallon's gone.
If you've been listening to theshow for any amount of time, you
already know how I feel aboutit.
I'm not gonna bore you with thedetails, but I am glad that
she's gone.
Hallelujah, holla back.
I'm so glad she's gone.
(51:51):
Ding dong, the dead storyline isdead, but not really.
All right, guys, that's it.
That's all for this episode ofSoap Lore.
I'm so glad you decided to joinme today.
Forgive me for the lateness, butI promise you, I fully took some
days off.
I I turned off, I literally sentout my Jetta's away email today.
(52:12):
So I'm locked in, I'm tapped in,and I I plan to get through at
least six or seven episodes.
Join me next time as we jumpback into some soap opera
debauchery.
I think we might jump intoKnott's Landing, probably
because our snoot peaked.
In the meantime, in betweentime, if you stay at a hostel,
please give your good firstname.
Because if you then transferyourself over to some sort of
(52:35):
monastery and they don't knowyour government name, it's a
whole thing.
We don't know if you're dead ornot.
Let me just say that too.
Everything is telling me thatshe's not dead.
I understand the actress decidedthis was uh a limping lame duck
and she jumped shipped as sheshould.
But also, I don't know when, ifFallon comes back.
I'm assuming she's gonna comeback with amnesia.
(52:58):
My bet is it's a whole miserystoryline.
Misery is one of my favoritemovies ever.
She's gonna be kidnapped, holedup in some sort of mountain.
She's going to escape, go backto her family, and have to
figure out who she is becausethat is the way of a soap opera.
Stay hydrated, stay moisturized,mind your own business, and keep
all of your drama on TV.
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