August 13, 2024 • 27 mins
Join Jessica Stipanovic as she sits down with Sarah Smith, a Canadian roots rock songwriter, who shares her sobriety story and how she lives it out on the road enjoying a 26-year music career.
Sarah returns to her high school days in a party-loving, farm community and recounts the pivotal moment she left the Royal Military College to chase her musical dreams. Learn about the profound impact a bandmate in recovery had on her, guiding her through the early days of her sobriety, and how she uses her gifts of singing and songwriting with that world today.
Through heartfelt conversation, Sarah reveals how her recovery journey spurred personal and professional growth, allowing her to make music that truly resonates with her audience. She refers to the Third Step Prayer in a 12-step recovery program that refers to the importance of living a life of service to others, and today she does just that.
Divinely inspiring others is her mission; she accomplishes this by using music to let her fans' stories be heard. Discover her unique approach to songwriting, where she collaborates with others to turn their life stories into powerful songs. Sarah’s performances, described as fierce and rockstar-like, capture the essence of her newfound balance and authenticity.
She is the first singer on the Sober Living Stories podcast to relay her message through the beauty of her voice on stages worldwide.
Visit her website to explore her music, tour schedule, and singer/songwriter collaborative opportunities at sarahsmithmusic.com.
To connect with Sarah Smith:
Website: Sarah Smith - A Canadian Roots Rock Singer/Songwriter (sarahsmithmusic.com)
LinkTree for everything thing Sarah Smith: sarahsmithmusic | Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, TikTok | Linktree
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Sarah Smith is a Canadian roots rock songwriter
and performer who's been onstages with Melissa Etheridge
and travels the world to bringpeople music.
She's been awarded over 25independent music awards in her
career and she wants to helppeople through music.
That is her mission.
Her message is one of honesty,gratitude, healing and love, and
today she's sharing herpersonal journey with us, her
(00:22):
story, how she got to where sheis today.
So tune in.
It's going to be one you're notgoing to want to miss.
Welcome to the Sober LivingStories podcast.
This podcast is dedicated tosharing stories of sobriety.
We shine a spotlight onindividuals who have faced the
(00:45):
challenges of alcoholism andaddiction and are today living
out their best lives sober.
Each guest has experiencedincredible transformation and
are here to share their storywith you.
I'm Jessica Stepanovic, yourhost.
Join me each week as guestsfrom all walks of life share
their stories to inspire andprovide hope to those who need
(01:07):
it most.
Welcome to another episode ofthe Sober Living Stories podcast
(01:28):
.
Meet Sarah Smith.
She lives on a quiet island inBritish Columbia, canada, yet
she lives for music.
She's a singer, songwriter andperformer who tours the world to
help people through music.
Today she's going to share herpersonal story.
Welcome, sarah.
Welcome to the show.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
Thank you so much, jessica.
Thank you for having me.
You know it's a real privilegeto be able to sit in a chair
with somebody and talk about mysober journey.
What a journey to get here.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
Yeah, we often talk about how sobriety for some
people who need that it's abridge back to their life and
you know I'd love to hear.
You have had a very successfulcareer.
You're still going.
You're touring.
Right now you're in Ontario.
I just want to hear yourpersonal story how, from the
very beginning to where itbrought you today in your
(02:23):
journey through music beginningto where it brought you today in
your journey through music.
Speaker 2 (02:34):
Oh my goodness, jessica, like I mean, for me,
like my adult life was comprisedof half sobriety and half,
given her, in the rock and roll,sex, drugs, rock and roll
industry, you know.
So I was always sort of teetertottering between being clean
and sober and falling off thewagon and partying all night
long and meeting people in thatjourney as well.
How it all started, you know, Igrew up in a really beautiful
home.
I had loving parents that arestill together to this day, and
(02:59):
my mom was a big part of thechurch and my dad was was a
farmer, and it was a really justa simple life, you know.
But with the small town, farmtype life you get a lot of, you
know.
You want to fit in.
If you don't fit in, the smalltown, life can be pretty dreary.
So I did my best to host a lotof parties and, just, you know,
(03:25):
be that social butterfly andfriend to as many people as I
could.
And in high school my drinkingreally began and my partying
began then and we were thefamily that hosted the parties,
even though maybe my parentsdidn't know about the parties.
We were that farm that hostedthe parties.
(03:46):
My parents could sleep throughanything.
I tell you so similar already.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
Sarah.
Yeah, really.
Yeah yeah yeah, go ahead.
I can't wait to hear the restof the story.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:59):
Totally.
You know, and that's sort ofwhere my singing sort of took
off too was I would, you know,get enough courage in me through
alcohol and drugs that I wouldbe able to sit around a campfire
and start playing people mymusic, my original songs that I
wrote from my heart, and whereelse, like you know, people love
them.
They love the songs and theygave me encouragement to keep
(04:22):
going and I felt like, oh my God, I found something that people
respected me and that I can do.
I could do something great likewrite a song.
How awesome is that.
And out of high school I didn'tknow what I wanted to do.
I know I didn't want to spend alot of money on university and
(04:44):
I actually ended up going toRoyal Military College, which is
a university that pays youbecause you're in the military.
So I did that and that's wherethe drinking career really
became like accepted.
You know so many people in themilitary just accepted.
It was like a bondingexperience where you would meet
in the mess hall and you wouldjust get wasted.
And that was bonding experience, where you would meet in the
(05:04):
mess hall and you would just getwasted.
And that was part of ourjourney in the military and
thank God, you know, I have alot of these.
I call them God moments, wherethere's something that happens
in my life that takes me on thejourney I'm meant to be on.
And this happened in an elevatorwith one of my officers and he
(05:24):
said to me you know, officerCadet Smith, you're doing great,
it's great to have you on board, but why aren't you doing music
?
Wow, I said, like what do youmean?
Like doing music?
I don't even know what you mean.
I grew up on a farm and thatreally wasn't an option.
And he said you know, you canhave a career in music, you can
(05:45):
follow your heart and you can dothat.
And so I honestly marched intothe I don't remember the guy's
name or anything, but it was thehead of the military platoon I
was in and I marched into thatoffice and I saluted him and I
said I'm going to quit, wow.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
And I quit the next day.
Speaker 3 (06:06):
Thank God for that man.
That message in an elevatorright, I know.
Speaker 1 (06:12):
Giving you permission to like launch your career.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
Right and I joined a band a couple of weeks later and
I haven't had another job since.
I've just been a musician sinceI was 20.
So I'm 46 now, 26 years I'vebeen playing music.
And you know the first band Iwas in, my guitar player he was
in AA and I knew that he was inAA and that he was in recovery
(06:38):
and he told me, if you want tomake it in music, you have to
get sober.
And I was only 20.
And I thought, well, you know,if I want to make it, I have to
get sober.
Well, I want to make it.
So I got sober and I startedgoing to meetings and these
(06:58):
recovery meetings, just thepeople were speaking to me and I
could tell that I was one ofthem and I felt belonged and
accepted.
So for the first seven years ofmy career I was sober and clean.
I'd never really tried anyheavy drugs at the time.
I was just an innocent younggirl trying to make it in music
(07:22):
and I made a lot of friends andfans and had a great career
those first seven years.
And then I met a partner andfell in love and we became like
toxic twins, you know, andthat's you know a lot of people.
(07:43):
They need that one person thatsort of helps them along their,
their journey, whether it's thegood side of the journey or or
the you know the other side ofthe journey.
And so we became the partycouple and I started
experimenting with heavy drugsand getting into really the rock
star life.
I, you, you know, I just waspartying all the time and
(08:08):
staying up late and till likenine in the morning, sleeping
the day away, going to my showsat night, staying up till nine
in the morning, sleeping the dayaway.
And you know, those those 10years of of using and using and
trying to get sober and tryingto get clean and just keep
(08:28):
falling off the wagon and I justcould not get clean, those 10
years were soul darkening.
Like I've always had this lightabout me.
I've always felt free and ableto express light and I just felt
like that was being strippedaway from me and I felt like my
(08:52):
soul was dying and I felt in myheart super sad and shameful.
People looked up to me, theycame to my shows, they wanted to
hear what I had to sing aboutand I was on this stage trying
to preach something that Iwasn't.
I was a total fraud Behind thescenes.
(09:14):
I was using drugs and drinkingand completely I couldn't leave
my house in the morning withoutwithout doing what I had to do
to uh, to keep my addiction incheck.
It was a really bad, you know,double life.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
Yeah, you know if we can just pause for a second.
You know, I think listeners canrelate to that.
I I know I certainly can.
When you said that I oftenrefer to to my time as like the
decade in the darkness, you know, because I was light and I knew
all things were possible butthen when I crossed that line
that was all taken away and Icouldn't.
(09:53):
I was just grappling.
You know, you just grapple, tryto get back, and it's just a
slippery slope for however longit takes until you know you make
a change.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
Absolutely, absolutely.
That's exactly what it feltlike, like I was slipping down a
slope into the darkness and Ijust didn't know how to climb
back out, and the way that I hadset my life up.
Now my lifestyle was all about,you know, partying and being
social with people that partiedand it was in my home and in my
(10:27):
personal life, everything wasabout partying.
Every time I went to a gig I'dhave like shots lined up in
front of me and you know I woulddrive home at night.
I would get a little help fromsomething and get in the car and
away I'd go.
And you know this one, this onetime, another God moment.
(10:47):
I was driving and I heard this,this voice say you have to stop
.
And the voice got louder youhave to stop.
If you don't stop now, you'regoing to kill someone or
yourself.
And the voice was so loud thatit was the bump I needed to
(11:14):
actually quit.
Wow, yeah, it was such a loudvoice that I knew it was
something unearthly and that itwas warning me of my future.
A lot of people have thesepremeditated warnings right.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
Yeah, oh, my goodness , can I ask you a question
Because this is really mindblowing.
When I said we were similar, Ihad no idea you were going there
, but that too as well.
I understand that becausethat's exactly what happened to
me and the message was I'm goingto give this to you one more
time, and it was audible, like Iheard it, and please take it.
And that was the very last timeI drank.
That was 19 years ago, and thereason that I did it was
(11:57):
something you had just said.
You said I'm going to killsomeone else or myself, like in
the sense of and that to me wasunacceptable, like my
destructiveness was okay, butwhen you brought somebody else
into it, that's when I stoppedthe line and that's when it
shifted for me.
So I believe you and I alsoknow that I wonder how many
(12:23):
other listeners have had thatexperience where you know you
hear something and youinternally know it to be what
you need to do.
So that's really, that's reallyincredible that that happened
to you.
Speaker 2 (12:38):
It's.
It was so what happened next?
Amazing.
So so it was like I wasstarting to sort of realize that
this was the end of my usingdays, like it was coming to an
end.
But the final blow was when Iwas on stage, I was doing this
sold-out show in my hometown.
It was a cd release party.
(12:59):
It was like my dreams had allcome true.
It was in this big theater, 340people or something, it was
like just a and I was singingthese songs and I was.
I just felt like all the eyeswere going through my soul and
they could see the darkness thatI had hiding inside me and they
(13:20):
could feel my pain instead ofthe light that I wanted to
spread through music.
And, um, you know, after theshow I w I felt so much shame.
You know, I put on a good show,everybody was happy, but I
wasn't happy.
I was super shamed and Iremember just trying to find
drugs.
So I drove around town and Ifound some and I went back to
(13:43):
the party where all my friendswere.
There was like 50 people justready to hang out and party and
celebrate this big show and Isat in my truck and did drugs
the rest of the night, I did notgo in the party and I just I
said that's it, I'm done.
And the next day I quit smoking, I quit drinking, I quit using,
(14:06):
I quit eating meat, I quithaving random sex, I quit Wow, I
said that's it, I'm done.
And I I haven't looked back inyears and years, and years.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
That's incredible, and I'm not surprised you went
that extreme, because that'sjust so typical of you.
Know how how're wired and wowthat's incredible.
That's incredible.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
And since I got sober and clean, like I had to go
through there's pain that comeswith that, because the mirror,
the reflection, theself-reflection, the
introspection I realized all thepeople I had hurt along the way
and I thought that theaddiction was only hurting me or
my partner.
But it went even deeper, youknow, considering what I'd done
(14:56):
to my partner, to my bandmates,to my friends, to my family.
There was a lot of shame, somuch shame.
I forgave myself, I askedforgiveness of others and I
began to find that light again.
You know, for one thing, likesobriety in itself is a huge
light, I already felt like justdropping all those substances
(15:20):
and allowing myself to open upto this universal power, this
energy that can flow through meLove.
You know, I started digginginto spiritual, spiritual
teachings, even though I wasalways attracted to spirituality
and spiritual teachings.
I started living them,breathing them, feeling them.
(15:40):
You know, knowing it was anultimate, knowing that I am
being guided on this journey andthat it's, it's a love journey.
And after I dropped thesubstances, like I was
completely vulnerable and opento being led, it was a surrender
(16:01):
.
Speaker 1 (16:02):
Yeah, yeah, I think, wow, reconciliation and
restoration of.
Yeah, I think, wow,reconciliation and restoration
of.
You know your life, when youget sober, it's a road and not
everybody's receptive, but Ithink the large majority, you
know, those who love us are, andwow.
So what changed as far as?
(16:26):
Because you're still singing,you're still performing, you're
still touring.
So how did you manage that in adrinking world?
Speaker 2 (16:32):
I just started focusing all my other than my
sobriety and taking care ofmyself and the ones around me
and my family and friends.
I started to really focus on mycareer.
Speaker 1 (16:45):
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Now back to our guest.
Speaker 2 (17:45):
As a singer, I started to want to get better.
I wanted to write better songs.
I wanted to get other people'sstories out there.
I started collaborating withothers.
My voice just grewexponentially.
It is powerful and strong andfierce and the things I'm
(18:05):
singing about, my actual innervoice is coming out and I get to
sing about all these thingsthat I've gone through and all
the things I've learned.
My career took off.
It took off greatly.
I started touring around theworld getting respect for being
a musician and I started torespect myself.
(18:26):
I started to attract workingwith other people that were on a
beautiful plane, a spiritualplane.
I started learning from them.
Life has really taken off forme.
I fell in love with somebodythat loves me for who I am, and
(18:46):
I know how to give love back aswell.
Receiving and giving love is areal gift that's come in
sobriety.
Speaker 1 (18:56):
Wow, yeah.
So what are some of the?
What is your message?
You know, when you sing, whenyou're writing songs, when you,
you know what is it that youwant to relate to people.
You know, through that, youknow what is it that you want to
relate to people, you know.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
through that, I want to divinely inspire and help
illuminate others paths alongtheir journey through writing.
Writing, you know, singing,songwriting, collaborating with
others and just using music asthat tool to let their voice be
(19:33):
heard.
So I actually have written alot of songs with other people.
People have told me their lifestories or told me they want to
write a song for a friend.
Told me they want to write asong for a friend, or they've
given me a poem that they findyou know they want to maybe hear
(19:57):
it in a song form and I get togift that to them.
I get to give them this songthat came from physically
nothing and has become aphysical thing, and that's the
biggest gift I've gotten insobriety.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
Wow, yeah, we've had quite a few guests on the show
that that you know take theirpersonal story and turn it into
a career.
But I haven't ever had anyonewho was a singer and a performer
and like a complete, like rocksongwriter touring and this.
So this is great, because whenI I'm not obviously I don't sing
, but I often look at singersand think, wow, they hold their.
(20:30):
I'm a writer, but you hold yourtalent in your voice, you know,
and, like you said, it'spowerful, it's fierce, so you
can, like, relay messagesthrough like that, that, like
beauty of your voice.
You're bringing it with youwherever you go.
So what is it like to performon stage in front of fans and
people who are coming to hearthat?
Speaker 2 (20:54):
Well now, jessica, I just feel like I feel so much
gratitude, I feel authentic, Ifeel like, you know, there's
there's this if you're in arecovery program, there's steps
and there's a prayer called thethird step prayer, and it's
about offering your life as aservant, and offering your life
(21:17):
and allowing God, or your higherpower, to do as it will through
you.
So I always ask you know,please use me and build with me
today and allow me to be avessel of love.
And that's how I feel.
I really do feel like I'm beingused as a vessel of love and
it's authentically beautiful.
(21:39):
I do not fear the stage anymore.
Of course, I get nervous beforeevery show, but I don't fear
the stage, I don't fear peoplestaring through my soul, because
I feel like in my soul it's,it's been um, there was a lot of
damage in there, and now mysoul I feel like it's lighter
and it has so much to offer andI feel like I just feel like
(22:02):
better as a, as a human being,you know, and I feel like my
music is, is, is that toolthat's.
I can share that with others.
Speaker 1 (22:14):
So where can people find you?
So you're, you really sound,you're so balanced and you've
really found exactly who you areauthentically, spiritually, and
it's just very evident to me,and I've talked to so many
people, and your performancesare, like you said, like they're
really rockstar likeperformances and you're like
(22:34):
where can people watch you andfind you who have not?
Speaker 2 (22:40):
Well, I mean, thank you so much, Jessica, for giving
us this, this tool to be ableto talk about sobriety and to
also, you know, help promotepeople in this field, and I
really appreciate that you can.
You can find me atsarahsmithmusiccom and you can
find me on all the socials andYouTube.
Sarah Smith music everywhere.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
And that's Sarah with an H Sarah S-A-R-A-H Smith
music, that's right.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
Yeah, and I just started a whole new part of my
website that actually I'moffering songwriting
collaborations.
So if anybody out there wouldlike to try and write a song
about their life, or if theyhave a poem they'd like to put
into a song, I just started mywebsite.
I've been doing this for aboutthree years now and now it's
official.
Speaker 1 (23:30):
Wonderful.
Yeah, I love that.
Listeners will be able to havethis creative outlet, those that
are interested in music, thosethat are interested in singing,
songwriting because there's somany, you know.
It's so interesting to me justto touch quickly, before we end,
the beginning of your story,when you talked about the
(23:51):
military.
You know it's like so, incontrast to like a rock star
living right, but that is whereyou got the message to, and
almost the permission to honoryour creative side.
And I find it so crazy in thisworld how, like the straight and
narrow which I think ischanging but the straight and
(24:11):
narrow professions that arehonored, but then now we have
this like blast off of creativescoming out into the world and
being honored for whether it'ssharing your personal story and
helping others heal throughcommunity, whether you're a
writer and are able to get thatbook into the world, or whether
(24:33):
you're a songwriter and canperform.
You know, and there's so manyother ways to be creative today
that are honored and I'm sograteful for that because you
know that our jagged linedcreative brain is allowed to
give its message and to be heardand I love that and I love that
(24:54):
your message was given to youin an elevator, in doing
something else that you alignedyourself with.
We never know what day or whatperson is going to give us a
little bit extra permission, assomething we probably already
knew.
Speaker 2 (25:10):
Absolutely, absolutely.
And also I want to thank thatone person that told me you know
I'm worried about you and Ithink you need to get help, and
sometimes it takes just oneperson to say I care about you
and I see you and that can helpsomebody realize that they it's
(25:32):
like a clue that that maybeshould be listened to because it
could delay your progress foryears, you know.
Speaker 1 (25:54):
And so just to kind of have that slight humility to
say, wow, they might be right.
Speaker 2 (26:03):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (26:05):
Thank you so much for being here.
I'm going to put every socialmedia contact, your YouTube
channel, sarahsmithmusiccom,your website, in the show notes
so that others can reach out toyou, and I appreciate you
sharing your authentic andpersonal story with us today.
Speaker 2 (26:23):
Thank you so much, Jessica with us today.
Speaker 1 (26:39):
Thank you so much, jessica.
For more inspiring stories inthe episodes to come, to view
our featured author of the monthor to become a guest yourself,
visit wwwjessicastephanoviccom.
Sarah Smith is a Canadian roots rock songwriter
and performer who's been onstages with Melissa Etheridge
and travels the world to bringpeople music.
She's been awarded over 25independent music awards in her
career and she wants to helppeople through music.
That is her mission.
Her message is one of honesty,gratitude, healing and love, and
today she's sharing herpersonal journey with us, her
(00:22):
story, how she got to where sheis today.
So tune in.
It's going to be one you're notgoing to want to miss.
Welcome to the Sober LivingStories podcast.
This podcast is dedicated tosharing stories of sobriety.
We shine a spotlight onindividuals who have faced the
(00:45):
challenges of alcoholism andaddiction and are today living
out their best lives sober.
Each guest has experiencedincredible transformation and
are here to share their storywith you.
I'm Jessica Stepanovic, yourhost.
Join me each week as guestsfrom all walks of life share
their stories to inspire andprovide hope to those who need
(01:07):
it most.
Welcome to another episode ofthe Sober Living Stories podcast
(01:28):
.
Meet Sarah Smith.
She lives on a quiet island inBritish Columbia, canada, yet
she lives for music.
She's a singer, songwriter andperformer who tours the world to
help people through music.
Today she's going to share herpersonal story.
Welcome, sarah.
Welcome to the show.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
Thank you so much, jessica.
Thank you for having me.
You know it's a real privilegeto be able to sit in a chair
with somebody and talk about mysober journey.
What a journey to get here.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
Yeah, we often talk about how sobriety for some
people who need that it's abridge back to their life and
you know I'd love to hear.
You have had a very successfulcareer.
You're still going.
You're touring.
Right now you're in Ontario.
I just want to hear yourpersonal story how, from the
very beginning to where itbrought you today in your
(02:23):
journey through music beginningto where it brought you today in
your journey through music.
Speaker 2 (02:34):
Oh my goodness, jessica, like I mean, for me,
like my adult life was comprisedof half sobriety and half,
given her, in the rock and roll,sex, drugs, rock and roll
industry, you know.
So I was always sort of teetertottering between being clean
and sober and falling off thewagon and partying all night
long and meeting people in thatjourney as well.
How it all started, you know, Igrew up in a really beautiful
home.
I had loving parents that arestill together to this day, and
(02:59):
my mom was a big part of thechurch and my dad was was a
farmer, and it was a really justa simple life, you know.
But with the small town, farmtype life you get a lot of, you
know.
You want to fit in.
If you don't fit in, the smalltown, life can be pretty dreary.
So I did my best to host a lotof parties and, just, you know,
(03:25):
be that social butterfly andfriend to as many people as I
could.
And in high school my drinkingreally began and my partying
began then and we were thefamily that hosted the parties,
even though maybe my parentsdidn't know about the parties.
We were that farm that hostedthe parties.
(03:46):
My parents could sleep throughanything.
I tell you so similar already.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
Sarah.
Yeah, really.
Yeah yeah yeah, go ahead.
I can't wait to hear the restof the story.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:59):
Totally.
You know, and that's sort ofwhere my singing sort of took
off too was I would, you know,get enough courage in me through
alcohol and drugs that I wouldbe able to sit around a campfire
and start playing people mymusic, my original songs that I
wrote from my heart, and whereelse, like you know, people love
them.
They love the songs and theygave me encouragement to keep
(04:22):
going and I felt like, oh my God, I found something that people
respected me and that I can do.
I could do something great likewrite a song.
How awesome is that.
And out of high school I didn'tknow what I wanted to do.
I know I didn't want to spend alot of money on university and
(04:44):
I actually ended up going toRoyal Military College, which is
a university that pays youbecause you're in the military.
So I did that and that's wherethe drinking career really
became like accepted.
You know so many people in themilitary just accepted.
It was like a bondingexperience where you would meet
in the mess hall and you wouldjust get wasted.
And that was bonding experience, where you would meet in the
(05:04):
mess hall and you would just getwasted.
And that was part of ourjourney in the military and
thank God, you know, I have alot of these.
I call them God moments, wherethere's something that happens
in my life that takes me on thejourney I'm meant to be on.
And this happened in an elevatorwith one of my officers and he
(05:24):
said to me you know, officerCadet Smith, you're doing great,
it's great to have you on board, but why aren't you doing music
?
Wow, I said, like what do youmean?
Like doing music?
I don't even know what you mean.
I grew up on a farm and thatreally wasn't an option.
And he said you know, you canhave a career in music, you can
(05:45):
follow your heart and you can dothat.
And so I honestly marched intothe I don't remember the guy's
name or anything, but it was thehead of the military platoon I
was in and I marched into thatoffice and I saluted him and I
said I'm going to quit, wow.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
And I quit the next day.
Speaker 3 (06:06):
Thank God for that man.
That message in an elevatorright, I know.
Speaker 1 (06:12):
Giving you permission to like launch your career.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
Right and I joined a band a couple of weeks later and
I haven't had another job since.
I've just been a musician sinceI was 20.
So I'm 46 now, 26 years I'vebeen playing music.
And you know the first band Iwas in, my guitar player he was
in AA and I knew that he was inAA and that he was in recovery
(06:38):
and he told me, if you want tomake it in music, you have to
get sober.
And I was only 20.
And I thought, well, you know,if I want to make it, I have to
get sober.
Well, I want to make it.
So I got sober and I startedgoing to meetings and these
(06:58):
recovery meetings, just thepeople were speaking to me and I
could tell that I was one ofthem and I felt belonged and
accepted.
So for the first seven years ofmy career I was sober and clean.
I'd never really tried anyheavy drugs at the time.
I was just an innocent younggirl trying to make it in music
(07:22):
and I made a lot of friends andfans and had a great career
those first seven years.
And then I met a partner andfell in love and we became like
toxic twins, you know, andthat's you know a lot of people.
(07:43):
They need that one person thatsort of helps them along their,
their journey, whether it's thegood side of the journey or or
the you know the other side ofthe journey.
And so we became the partycouple and I started
experimenting with heavy drugsand getting into really the rock
star life.
I, you, you know, I just waspartying all the time and
(08:08):
staying up late and till likenine in the morning, sleeping
the day away, going to my showsat night, staying up till nine
in the morning, sleeping the dayaway.
And you know, those those 10years of of using and using and
trying to get sober and tryingto get clean and just keep
(08:28):
falling off the wagon and I justcould not get clean, those 10
years were soul darkening.
Like I've always had this lightabout me.
I've always felt free and ableto express light and I just felt
like that was being strippedaway from me and I felt like my
(08:52):
soul was dying and I felt in myheart super sad and shameful.
People looked up to me, theycame to my shows, they wanted to
hear what I had to sing aboutand I was on this stage trying
to preach something that Iwasn't.
I was a total fraud Behind thescenes.
(09:14):
I was using drugs and drinkingand completely I couldn't leave
my house in the morning withoutwithout doing what I had to do
to uh, to keep my addiction incheck.
It was a really bad, you know,double life.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
Yeah, you know if we can just pause for a second.
You know, I think listeners canrelate to that.
I I know I certainly can.
When you said that I oftenrefer to to my time as like the
decade in the darkness, you know, because I was light and I knew
all things were possible butthen when I crossed that line
that was all taken away and Icouldn't.
(09:53):
I was just grappling.
You know, you just grapple, tryto get back, and it's just a
slippery slope for however longit takes until you know you make
a change.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
Absolutely, absolutely.
That's exactly what it feltlike, like I was slipping down a
slope into the darkness and Ijust didn't know how to climb
back out, and the way that I hadset my life up.
Now my lifestyle was all about,you know, partying and being
social with people that partiedand it was in my home and in my
(10:27):
personal life, everything wasabout partying.
Every time I went to a gig I'dhave like shots lined up in
front of me and you know I woulddrive home at night.
I would get a little help fromsomething and get in the car and
away I'd go.
And you know this one, this onetime, another God moment.
(10:47):
I was driving and I heard this,this voice say you have to stop
.
And the voice got louder youhave to stop.
If you don't stop now, you'regoing to kill someone or
yourself.
And the voice was so loud thatit was the bump I needed to
(11:14):
actually quit.
Wow, yeah, it was such a loudvoice that I knew it was
something unearthly and that itwas warning me of my future.
A lot of people have thesepremeditated warnings right.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
Yeah, oh, my goodness , can I ask you a question
Because this is really mindblowing.
When I said we were similar, Ihad no idea you were going there
, but that too as well.
I understand that becausethat's exactly what happened to
me and the message was I'm goingto give this to you one more
time, and it was audible, like Iheard it, and please take it.
And that was the very last timeI drank.
That was 19 years ago, and thereason that I did it was
(11:57):
something you had just said.
You said I'm going to killsomeone else or myself, like in
the sense of and that to me wasunacceptable, like my
destructiveness was okay, butwhen you brought somebody else
into it, that's when I stoppedthe line and that's when it
shifted for me.
So I believe you and I alsoknow that I wonder how many
(12:23):
other listeners have had thatexperience where you know you
hear something and youinternally know it to be what
you need to do.
So that's really, that's reallyincredible that that happened
to you.
Speaker 2 (12:38):
It's.
It was so what happened next?
Amazing.
So so it was like I wasstarting to sort of realize that
this was the end of my usingdays, like it was coming to an
end.
But the final blow was when Iwas on stage, I was doing this
sold-out show in my hometown.
It was a cd release party.
(12:59):
It was like my dreams had allcome true.
It was in this big theater, 340people or something, it was
like just a and I was singingthese songs and I was.
I just felt like all the eyeswere going through my soul and
they could see the darkness thatI had hiding inside me and they
(13:20):
could feel my pain instead ofthe light that I wanted to
spread through music.
And, um, you know, after theshow I w I felt so much shame.
You know, I put on a good show,everybody was happy, but I
wasn't happy.
I was super shamed and Iremember just trying to find
drugs.
So I drove around town and Ifound some and I went back to
(13:43):
the party where all my friendswere.
There was like 50 people justready to hang out and party and
celebrate this big show and Isat in my truck and did drugs
the rest of the night, I did notgo in the party and I just I
said that's it, I'm done.
And the next day I quit smoking, I quit drinking, I quit using,
(14:06):
I quit eating meat, I quithaving random sex, I quit Wow, I
said that's it, I'm done.
And I I haven't looked back inyears and years, and years.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
That's incredible, and I'm not surprised you went
that extreme, because that'sjust so typical of you.
Know how how're wired and wowthat's incredible.
That's incredible.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
And since I got sober and clean, like I had to go
through there's pain that comeswith that, because the mirror,
the reflection, theself-reflection, the
introspection I realized all thepeople I had hurt along the way
and I thought that theaddiction was only hurting me or
my partner.
But it went even deeper, youknow, considering what I'd done
(14:56):
to my partner, to my bandmates,to my friends, to my family.
There was a lot of shame, somuch shame.
I forgave myself, I askedforgiveness of others and I
began to find that light again.
You know, for one thing, likesobriety in itself is a huge
light, I already felt like justdropping all those substances
(15:20):
and allowing myself to open upto this universal power, this
energy that can flow through meLove.
You know, I started digginginto spiritual, spiritual
teachings, even though I wasalways attracted to spirituality
and spiritual teachings.
I started living them,breathing them, feeling them.
(15:40):
You know, knowing it was anultimate, knowing that I am
being guided on this journey andthat it's, it's a love journey.
And after I dropped thesubstances, like I was
completely vulnerable and opento being led, it was a surrender
(16:01):
.
Speaker 1 (16:02):
Yeah, yeah, I think, wow, reconciliation and
restoration of.
Yeah, I think, wow,reconciliation and restoration
of.
You know your life, when youget sober, it's a road and not
everybody's receptive, but Ithink the large majority, you
know, those who love us are, andwow.
So what changed as far as?
(16:26):
Because you're still singing,you're still performing, you're
still touring.
So how did you manage that in adrinking world?
Speaker 2 (16:32):
I just started focusing all my other than my
sobriety and taking care ofmyself and the ones around me
and my family and friends.
I started to really focus on mycareer.
Speaker 1 (16:45):
Let's take a moment to hear a recovery story from
one of my sponsors.
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found himself in a Texas rehabfacility detoxing After 10 years
of addiction.
He was finally able to admitthat it was time to get help.
Not only did Soberlink allowhim to be accountable and track
(17:05):
his sobriety, soberlink allowedJack to prove to himself and
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(17:27):
yourself honest and rebuildingtrust.
Visit wwwsoberlinkcom backslashsober dash living and check out
the show notes to click thelink and receive $50 off your
device today.
Now back to our guest.
Speaker 2 (17:45):
As a singer, I started to want to get better.
I wanted to write better songs.
I wanted to get other people'sstories out there.
I started collaborating withothers.
My voice just grewexponentially.
It is powerful and strong andfierce and the things I'm
(18:05):
singing about, my actual innervoice is coming out and I get to
sing about all these thingsthat I've gone through and all
the things I've learned.
My career took off.
It took off greatly.
I started touring around theworld getting respect for being
a musician and I started torespect myself.
(18:26):
I started to attract workingwith other people that were on a
beautiful plane, a spiritualplane.
I started learning from them.
Life has really taken off forme.
I fell in love with somebodythat loves me for who I am, and
(18:46):
I know how to give love back aswell.
Receiving and giving love is areal gift that's come in
sobriety.
Speaker 1 (18:56):
Wow, yeah.
So what are some of the?
What is your message?
You know, when you sing, whenyou're writing songs, when you,
you know what is it that youwant to relate to people.
You know, through that, youknow what is it that you want to
relate to people, you know.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
through that, I want to divinely inspire and help
illuminate others paths alongtheir journey through writing.
Writing, you know, singing,songwriting, collaborating with
others and just using music asthat tool to let their voice be
(19:33):
heard.
So I actually have written alot of songs with other people.
People have told me their lifestories or told me they want to
write a song for a friend.
Told me they want to write asong for a friend, or they've
given me a poem that they findyou know they want to maybe hear
(19:57):
it in a song form and I get togift that to them.
I get to give them this songthat came from physically
nothing and has become aphysical thing, and that's the
biggest gift I've gotten insobriety.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
Wow, yeah, we've had quite a few guests on the show
that that you know take theirpersonal story and turn it into
a career.
But I haven't ever had anyonewho was a singer and a performer
and like a complete, like rocksongwriter touring and this.
So this is great, because whenI I'm not obviously I don't sing
, but I often look at singersand think, wow, they hold their.
(20:30):
I'm a writer, but you hold yourtalent in your voice, you know,
and, like you said, it'spowerful, it's fierce, so you
can, like, relay messagesthrough like that, that, like
beauty of your voice.
You're bringing it with youwherever you go.
So what is it like to performon stage in front of fans and
people who are coming to hearthat?
Speaker 2 (20:54):
Well now, jessica, I just feel like I feel so much
gratitude, I feel authentic, Ifeel like, you know, there's
there's this if you're in arecovery program, there's steps
and there's a prayer called thethird step prayer, and it's
about offering your life as aservant, and offering your life
(21:17):
and allowing God, or your higherpower, to do as it will through
you.
So I always ask you know,please use me and build with me
today and allow me to be avessel of love.
And that's how I feel.
I really do feel like I'm beingused as a vessel of love and
it's authentically beautiful.
(21:39):
I do not fear the stage anymore.
Of course, I get nervous beforeevery show, but I don't fear
the stage, I don't fear peoplestaring through my soul, because
I feel like in my soul it's,it's been um, there was a lot of
damage in there, and now mysoul I feel like it's lighter
and it has so much to offer andI feel like I just feel like
(22:02):
better as a, as a human being,you know, and I feel like my
music is, is, is that toolthat's.
I can share that with others.
Speaker 1 (22:14):
So where can people find you?
So you're, you really sound,you're so balanced and you've
really found exactly who you areauthentically, spiritually, and
it's just very evident to me,and I've talked to so many
people, and your performancesare, like you said, like they're
really rockstar likeperformances and you're like
(22:34):
where can people watch you andfind you who have not?
Speaker 2 (22:40):
Well, I mean, thank you so much, Jessica, for giving
us this, this tool to be ableto talk about sobriety and to
also, you know, help promotepeople in this field, and I
really appreciate that you can.
You can find me atsarahsmithmusiccom and you can
find me on all the socials andYouTube.
Sarah Smith music everywhere.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
And that's Sarah with an H Sarah S-A-R-A-H Smith
music, that's right.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
Yeah, and I just started a whole new part of my
website that actually I'moffering songwriting
collaborations.
So if anybody out there wouldlike to try and write a song
about their life, or if theyhave a poem they'd like to put
into a song, I just started mywebsite.
I've been doing this for aboutthree years now and now it's
official.
Speaker 1 (23:30):
Wonderful.
Yeah, I love that.
Listeners will be able to havethis creative outlet, those that
are interested in music, thosethat are interested in singing,
songwriting because there's somany, you know.
It's so interesting to me justto touch quickly, before we end,
the beginning of your story,when you talked about the
(23:51):
military.
You know it's like so, incontrast to like a rock star
living right, but that is whereyou got the message to, and
almost the permission to honoryour creative side.
And I find it so crazy in thisworld how, like the straight and
narrow which I think ischanging but the straight and
(24:11):
narrow professions that arehonored, but then now we have
this like blast off of creativescoming out into the world and
being honored for whether it'ssharing your personal story and
helping others heal throughcommunity, whether you're a
writer and are able to get thatbook into the world, or whether
(24:33):
you're a songwriter and canperform.
You know, and there's so manyother ways to be creative today
that are honored and I'm sograteful for that because you
know that our jagged linedcreative brain is allowed to
give its message and to be heardand I love that and I love that
(24:54):
your message was given to youin an elevator, in doing
something else that you alignedyourself with.
We never know what day or whatperson is going to give us a
little bit extra permission, assomething we probably already
knew.
Speaker 2 (25:10):
Absolutely, absolutely.
And also I want to thank thatone person that told me you know
I'm worried about you and Ithink you need to get help, and
sometimes it takes just oneperson to say I care about you
and I see you and that can helpsomebody realize that they it's
(25:32):
like a clue that that maybeshould be listened to because it
could delay your progress foryears, you know.
Speaker 1 (25:54):
And so just to kind of have that slight humility to
say, wow, they might be right.
Speaker 2 (26:03):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (26:05):
Thank you so much for being here.
I'm going to put every socialmedia contact, your YouTube
channel, sarahsmithmusiccom,your website, in the show notes
so that others can reach out toyou, and I appreciate you
sharing your authentic andpersonal story with us today.
Speaker 2 (26:23):
Thank you so much, Jessica with us today.
Speaker 1 (26:39):
Thank you so much, jessica.
For more inspiring stories inthe episodes to come, to view
our featured author of the monthor to become a guest yourself,
visit wwwjessicastephanoviccom.
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