May 14, 2024 • 42 mins
If you or a loved one has ever suffered from addiction or mental health challenges, this episode is one you will not want to miss.
Meet Darren Serwas who with seven years of health and sobriety shares about his journey from the depths of addiction and bipolar disorder to a life of sobriety and faith.
This episode is a narrative of Darren's life-changing moments, from being introduced to alcohol at a young age, to run-ins with the law and time spent in psych wards to sanity divine interventions, and a life of freedom. Darren's story, steeped in spirituality and personal growth, isn't just his own—it echoes the losses and hard wins of many who've walked the line between chaos and peace.
The road to recovery is often paved with hardships—relapse, incarceration, and mental health challenges are just a few that Darren faced head-on. As we get into his narrative, we uncover the support systems and spiritual awakenings that rekindle hope for a new life. From the guiding influence of a former NA sponsor to a mother's unwavering tough love, these narratives showcase the transformative impact of embracing a higher power as you understand it and taking steps toward discovering your true self.
Spirituality isn't just a concept for Darren; it's the cornerstone of his newfound peace. Darren is currently living out his creative talents by writing a track that helps other addicts and alcoholics avoid temptation and find freedom.
Whether you're seeking inspiration or looking to share your story, the Sober Living Stories podcast is a testament to the life-altering impact of faith, support, and a commitment to a better life.
Grab your gift for listening today! 👇
Click Here: https://www.jessicastipanovic.com/the-7-day-happiness-challenge
A FREE 7-Day Happiness Challenge | a mini workbook filled with 7 pages of positive habits to help you create the best version of YOU.
Let's Be Friends: Facebook
Sign up for weekly episodes straight to your inbox: Jessica Stipanovic
Connect with me: https://linktr.ee/jessicastipanovic
Your story matters.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
It all started with a divine moment.
On a Sunday morning, as he satin his car praying before church
, a scripture spoke directly tohis heart.
But this divine interventiondidn't stop there.
Later that day, at a 12-stepmeeting, darren experienced an
extraordinary coincidence.
This is just one of many in hisjourney and his sobriety story.
(00:22):
So join us as Darren shares hisfaith and how it directs him to
the best version of who he is,and this is the Sober Living
Stories podcast.
Welcome to the Sober LivingStories podcast.
This podcast is dedicated tosharing stories of sobriety.
(00:44):
We shine a spotlight onindividuals who have faced the
challenges of alcoholism andaddiction and are today living
out their best lives sober.
Each guest has experiencedincredible transformation and
are here to share their storywith you.
I'm Jessica Stepanovic, yourhost.
Join me each week as guestsfrom all walks of life share
(01:06):
their stories to inspire andprovide hope to those who need
it most.
Hi and welcome to anotherepisode of the Sober Living
(01:30):
Stories podcast.
Meet Darren Sirwas.
With seven years of sobriety,darren has seen firsthand the
power of God's guidance in hisstory.
Welcome, darren, it's so goodto see you and have you on the
show.
Hi Jessica Darren and I havebeen friends for more than
probably 15 years.
And you know, just going toopen it up and start from where
(01:53):
you'd like to take us today.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
Before we get to the testimony about that scripture
and stuff that happened in mycar at church, I kind of would
like to give my background alittle bit too.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
That's great Love to hear it.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
So I was born and raised in the area, the Daytona
Beach area, ormond.
My parents divorced when I wasabout three years old.
I had kind of two separate setsof rules in the houses I lived
in, my dad being a Vietnam vetand having alcoholism and mental
(02:31):
illness run on that side of thefamily.
It was always an experiencebetween the homes and stuff.
So I kind of got this likeduality, so to speak, of trying
to grow up.
And you know, I started surfingat an early age.
I was introduced to alcohol bymy father at too young an age,
(02:56):
in my opinion about 12 years old, and when I was about eight I
was at my grandmother's housefor a Christmas party and that
is when I first drank my firstdrink I was.
I drank some cold duck and Idrank too much drank like three
glasses at eight years old andwent in the other room and had
(03:18):
the spins and all that stuff.
And you know that was kind of.
That was kind of how I wasintroduced to it.
But like when I got a littlebit older my mom and my
stepfather didn't drink.
I would go to my dad's and at12, I started drinking by 15
years old.
I clearly remember going tohigh school and junior high and
(03:40):
stuff on Monday mornings andbeing hung over.
It became a everyday habit andI was excited to go to my dad's
on the weekend so I could getalcohol.
But at the same time there wasa lot of abusive things going on
down there, mostly verbal butsometimes physical.
(04:04):
There, mostly verbal butsometimes physical.
It got to be heavy duty andanyways, it carried with me and
as I got older, aroundgraduation age, I started to
have some mental problems.
I made it to college at 18 atFlagler College in St Augustine,
started experimenting with notjust alcohol but marijuana and,
(04:28):
you know, it became a way oflife for me.
I failed out of art school atFlagler College, basically, and
came back home and startedhanging out with some younger
surfer dudes, you know, atStandish Approach in Ormond, and
basically it was all aboutpartying, surfing, working as
(04:53):
little as possible and going toconcerts almost every night of
the week, you know, and so I waskind of like a surf punk, you
know, and I really identifiedwith the surfer culture, you
know, and it's really funny tolook back on now because I'm 54
(05:13):
years old and I really don'teven surf anymore and I really
don't identify with the cultureanymore either.
But I've changed a lot and Ican get into that later.
But anyways, as I progressedinto this alcoholism and drugs
around 91, I started toexperiment with psychedelics,
(05:40):
lsd, mushrooms and stuff likethat and at that time I had a
psychotic break.
I was put in the Halifax psychunit for, I think, about three
weeks until I got a diagnosis.
They diagnosed me with bipolardisorder.
(06:02):
They got me on medicine I thinkit was lithium at the time, you
know and I did okay for quite awhile until I didn't.
I never stopped really drinkingand using some drugs.
You know, through this period Istarted to get DUIs.
(06:24):
This period I started to getDUIs and it really really got
bad.
Through those years, fromprobably 91 to 2001, was a very,
very dark period in my life Ihad.
After I was diagnosed bipolar.
I went to Gainesville, florida,with the intention of going to
(06:47):
school, but using still was sucha big part of my life that I
never got into any classes there.
I just majored in partying, youknow what I mean.
I stopped taking my medicinewhile I was there.
I stopped taking my medicinewhile I was there and shortly,
probably within a year's periodof time I got spun out so bad
(07:10):
that my parents had to reallycome and rescue me and get me
back down here and get me onmeds again.
I was psychotic and delusionalAfter that.
That was around 96.
Uh, I S, I was still drinkingand doing drugs.
I got my second DUI, uh, thefirst one was in South Carolina,
(07:34):
that's a long story I don'tneed to go into.
But the second one was downhere in port orange and, uh, I
was going to a local bar mixingnarcotics and alcohol.
They pulled me over andbasically poured me out of the
car.
I was in a total blackout, youknow, probably driving on the
(07:55):
wrong side of the road type ofthing.
It's not even funny.
And I am, I will have to saythis.
And I am, I will have to saythis.
I am totally grateful for everysingle time I got pulled over
or arrested by the police fordoing something wrong, because
it got me to the point of beingbeaten, you know, until I could
find recovery, fast forward to99, I believe it was, or 2000.
(08:20):
It might have been 2000.
I got my last DUI kind of thesame situation, you know, mixing
high powered opiates andalcohol and pouring me out of
the car in another blackout andI was set pretty much to lose my
license for quite a while.
And this is around the firsttime I had my first brush with
(08:44):
recovery.
Around the first time I had myfirst brush with recovery, I was
riding my bicycle over thebridge from from Ormond to go to
the bar.
You know, because that's whatwe did, that's the kind of
things I did.
You know, I didn't have alicense but I still needed to
get my my drink on and I wouldliterally spend my entire
(09:06):
paycheck.
I was working at a local paintcompany.
I would spend my entirepaycheck pretty much in one
weekend and I was very depressed.
I was on my meds, but verydepressed.
I was riding my bike over thebridge and I looked over the
side and I was thinking aboutjumping at that point in time
(09:29):
and just ending it.
You know semi-suicidal and ofall things.
I was living at my grandmother'shouse and she lived on Rosewood
, which is real close to a localAA recovery house called the
Easy Does it Club, and I justremember that Easy Does it Club
(09:49):
was down there and I was like Ifeel the Holy Spirit right now.
Anyways, I said you know,something's got to be better
than living like this.
And I'm going to cry, man.
Wow, I walked into that EasyDoes it Club.
I sat there, I went to meetingsevery day.
I probably did more than 90.
(10:10):
And 90.
I did.
I did a lot of meetings and Ibecame a part of that place, you
know, for a long time, andthat's all I knew.
And you know I started to graspthat there was another way of
life and I wasn't living it.
You know what?
I started to grasp that therewas another way of life and I
wasn't living it.
You know what I mean.
And I started to hear thingsthere and you know wisdom of
(10:37):
people that had been sober awhile.
And you know people that wouldlike to sponsor me.
And you know I started to grabhold of some guys in the rooms
and, you know, started to get alittle bit of recovery, although
you know I was kind of what mysponsor called at the time a
(10:59):
half measures kind of guy.
I wasn't willing to go to anylength to stay sober.
You know what I mean.
And I had this like lustfuldesire that there might be just
some way.
You know that I could still getaway with drinking or something
.
And what I was doing at thetime is like I would go to
(11:20):
meetings and I started to beintroduced to people outside of
the clubhouse which is good, youknow too, and but I would go to
meetings and I wouldimmediately leave the meeting to
say it was eight o'clockmeeting and ended at nine and I
would make my way over to thenearest bar to hang out with my
(11:42):
old friends and, like you know,drink a Diet Coke or something
at the bar, and then eventuallyit wound up.
You know, I was drinking nearbeer which is non-alcoholic beer
and somebody had to tell me atone point in time that like
non-alcoholic beers fornon-alcoholics.
(12:04):
You know and you know what Imean and like I had to learn the
hard way, like, uh, it's been aprocess, so anyways, um, I
started drinking again, you know, and I would get, I would come
back in, uh, get a sponsor lasta month or a few months, 10
(12:26):
months or a year, and then rightback out again and stuff, and
uh, anyways, um, uh, this lasted.
I got about five years soberand then I went back out.
I got about five years soberand then I went back out.
So about 2006, I started to goin and out and I ended up in
(12:50):
2008.
I came in through the back doorof a Narcotics Anonymous meeting
.
I really liked their literatureand stuff like that and uh
started working that program anduh, it worked for me.
I, I, I wrote uh on my stepsand I literally had uh about you
(13:16):
know, six inches of paperwriting, because there's a lot
of writing in NarcoticsAnonymous.
It's very good, beneficial forsomebody as sick as I was, you
know, and anyways, I got someclean time.
I went back to college, I got adegree in occupational therapy
assisting.
I thought that was going to bemy life.
(13:36):
I found it to be very stressfulfor me, you know, being in the
medical field and stuff likethat.
And anyways, I had, I hadgotten three years clean and the
other fellowship I call it theother fellowship because I came
from AA.
You know I got three yearsclean.
You know I got three yearsclean in NA.
(13:59):
I moved to a new location, Igot, I started going back to
church.
I ended up in a Pentecostalchurch.
I got baptized.
You know, I thought things weregoing to be different for me
still yet I was attending NAmeetings.
I had a short duration relapseand I was living in Flagler
(14:24):
County in a trailer, I wasworking as an occupational
therapist at a nursing home andunder a lot of stress, you know,
and I ended up drinking onenight and maybe for a couple of
weeks drinking one night andmaybe for a couple of weeks.
(14:46):
And then I came back in, startputting together some more time.
This is in around 2010, 2011.
And I was at an NA meeting and,being a dual diagnosis addict
which mental illness being apart of my story I was at this
NA meeting listening to a guythat I respected and he was
talking about how he had gottenoff his psych meds and stuff
(15:10):
like that and me withoutconsulting a doctor.
I thought it would be a goodidea for me to uh stop taking my
psych meds and and uh that thisis uh going around 2015.
Uh, so around that time Istopped taking my meds, you know
(15:33):
, and uh, I got spun.
In a couple of weeks I waspsychotic and delusional.
Um, I had um, what's that now?
Speaker 1 (15:44):
yeah, I don't want to interrupt your, your flow, your
, your story here.
I think it's, I think it'sincredible all the things you're
saying.
But I think it's good to put alittle disclaimer in here for
listeners, because what you saidis so right on.
Like you know, withoutconsulting a doctor is when you
you know if you're on, you know,medication for a mental illness
(16:05):
.
It's.
It's so important to consult adoctor before adjusting that or
going off of it, so go ahead.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
Absolutely.
And uh, you know, uh, I don'twant to segue in here, but I had
a good friend and you know himtoo, and he had a long history
of not doing what he wassupposed to do, you know and
anyways.
But I ended up 2015,.
(16:33):
I had been going to a differentchurch and I got off my meds.
I was going to a church indaytona and and I was still
doing meetings, of course, but Ikept stopped taking my meds.
I was, I was totally out of mymind.
Uh, at manic, because I ambipolar I was manic.
(16:54):
I was going to meetings, stilloff my meds, saying how I got
delivered and all this stuff andI, I wasn't delivered by the
Lord or anything like that.
You know, I just was crazy.
And, uh, I had a Subaru at thetime.
Um, I took off to my uncle'shouse in North Carolina and God
protected me through this wholesituation because I don't know
(17:16):
how I lived through the nextyear, year and a half.
I drove up there through themountains, north Carolina,
maggie Valley, silva, all thatarea.
I was driving down these twolane roads in my Subaru, going
at high rates of speed, you know, and I don't know how I didn't
end up dead.
You know, I was up there.
(17:37):
My uncle knew there wassomething wrong with me because
he had experienced it before Igot thrown in a psych unit for a
while and it wasn't pretty andI still refused to take my meds
at that time.
Somehow I was able to get backhere to my house in Ormond and
(18:00):
my parents really had a hardtime with me because I wasn't
sleeping, wasn't taking my meds,you know, and uh, I was up all
night.
I would go down to the local uhclubhouse and I'd be there at
five o'clock in the morning whenthey're making coffee and stuff
, driving people crazy, and uh,anyways, uh.
(18:22):
The next couple of years, like Isaid, were just pure hell.
I, my car got repossessed.
I had an old NA sponsor thatlived in Venice, florida, which
is where I'm going here onvacation this weekend, and I
went, I got on a bus to see himfrom here to Tampa and then I
(18:43):
got another one from Tampa tonear Venice and he picked me up
and he said look, this is thestipulation If you don't
straighten out in a month I'mgoing to have to kick you out of
my house.
And he was nice enough to letme live there.
Well, guess what?
I didn't want to take my meds,I refused, uh, and I was shortly
(19:04):
put on the street withbasically a bicycle and the
clothes on my back and, uh, Ibecame homeless everywhere, from
, uh, venice and points North,to Bradenton, all the way down
to Naples, florida, and I was.
(19:25):
I don't want to go into a bunchof it, but it I was incarcerated
probably about six times andabout that many times in psych
units I had.
I weigh now right now I weighabout 220 pounds.
At the time I had lost so muchweight from just walking and
riding bicycles, I was eatingout of garbage cans and I
(19:49):
weighed 157 at the time, youknow.
And again, just if anybody canidentify with being in a turtle
suit in a jail cell becausethat's what they put you in they
call it a turtle suit and it'sbasically a green ribbed suit.
It's just for people with psychproblems in jail.
(20:15):
I was in Sarasota County Jail.
I was in Lee County Jail thelast time I got put in jail.
Well, let me back up a second,a good friend of mine over there
who also has a podcast,ironically, I was at an NA
meeting off my meds over thereand my mom had called to have me
(20:37):
psych eval, you know, andSarasota County Police showed up
at the meeting and they stuffedme and cuffed me right in front
of the people at the meetingand stuff.
So it was quite, you know, itwas quite embarrassing.
But, ironically, this girl I'vestayed in touch with her and we
(20:57):
were like really good friendsnow and uh, and I enjoy going
over there to see her and justprove what you know, having God
and recovery can do so, uh, butanyways, my last time in jail I
and I had, you know, I got toshare this.
I, I started getting on my kneesin jail, you know, and praying,
(21:20):
uh, all of a sudden, likethere's a story in the Bible
about Nebuchadnezzar coming backto himself after he was like an
animal living outside and hewas a king at the time.
And anyways, I came to myselfand, like you know, it might be
a good idea for me to starttaking my medicine again, you
know, and yeah so, but you knowI was praying and then, lo and
(21:45):
behold, a, at the same very sametime, a recovery, or these
people that help over in thejails in Sarasota, it's a, it's
a program called Centerstone gotme into what is called mental
health treatment court and youknow I got released on the terms
(22:11):
that you know I would starttaking my meds again, and so,
anyway, I got released from jail, jail eventually, uh, I got
released to a psych unit overthere in sarasota and then to
the salvation army.
I contacted my mom and and thisis uh, 20, uh, 16, uh, I
(22:35):
believe I I'm something bad withdates sometimes.
Anyways, I got released and andI came.
I believe it was May.
It was either May of 2016 orMay of 2017.
I think it was May of 2016.
Maybe 2017.
But I came back home and I don'tknow.
I just being through near deathexperiences on the street and
(22:59):
in jail and I don't have to gointo all that, but it was rude.
I had some brutal, brutalexperiences in jail and on the
streets and stuff and I justsurrendered.
I surrendered to recovery.
I surrendered to taking my medsas prescribed.
I just said, you know whateverit takes and you know I whatever
(23:24):
, whatever fight was left in meto use drugs and alcohol,
narcotics and all that stuff,and it was gone.
You know I had surrendered tothis way of life and, wow, I am
so grateful that I did, you know.
Speaker 1 (23:40):
Yeah, yeah, you know it's funny.
You say the word fight, becauseI remember saying well, I'm
fighting with it, I'm fightingwith this, and someone said to
me see, you're not quite thereyet, cause you're still.
That word shouldn't even be inthe sentence anymore.
Okay, and you just said it youknow that surrender right and I
didn't have that yet at the time.
So that's really good and thankGod for moms right Like making
(24:03):
the hard decisions in thebackgrounds, right.
So thank God for those parentsthat are watching this all
unfold and making the difficultdecisions and bringing it back
home and stuff.
Yeah, it's tough.
Let's take a moment to hear arecovery story from one of my
sponsors.
At the age of 25, recentlymarried and a new father, jack
(24:24):
found himself in a Texas rehabfacility detoxing After 10 years
of addiction.
He was finally able to admitthat it was time to get help.
Not only did Soberlink allowhim to be accountable and track
his sobriety, soberlink allowedJack to prove to himself and
others that he could make thechange he had always hoped for.
Soberlink allowed Jack to proveto himself and others that he
could make the change he hadalways hoped for.
Soberlink is the portablesobriety tracker taking the
(24:46):
recovery world by storm.
It has built-in facialrecognition sensors that detect
cheating and instant resultssent to contacts.
It's the number oneaccountability tool for keeping
yourself honest and rebuildingtrust.
Visit wwwsoberlinkcom backslashsober dash living and check out
(25:08):
the show notes to click thelink and receive $50 off your
device today.
Now back to our guest.
Speaker 2 (25:20):
Well, you know, and it, the first two or three years
was very difficult.
It was very dark for me.
But I started going to meetingsagain, of course, right away.
I knew that's where the helpwas and, ironically, I got to
share this.
You know, I, I started workingthrough the steps process, and,
(25:43):
and, and I've been able to makesome amends, of course, and, and
.
Part of the process, of course,is just living amends and and
and living differently and notdoing the same stupid stuff over
and over.
You know, and but this one guythat that I had a real big
(26:04):
problem with at the Easy Does itClub when I was off my meds and
it almost came to fisticuffs,you know, and stuff, and anyways
, I was afraid.
I set foot back in the Easy Doesit Club and he basically said
you're not welcome here, youcan't come here.
You know, because of my pastbehavior and man it was, it was
(26:27):
tough, and so I I had been, Ihad been getting better jobs and
let me tell you, when I cameback in I start they told me
like I would never work again, Ishould just be on disability
the rest of my life.
You know what I mean.
And uh, but God had differentplans.
So I worked all these crappyjobs and I started to have some
(26:51):
success.
Um, and about four years ago, uh, I ended up getting back into
the paint business.
Uh, that was my career, uh,that I had chosen in the past
before I got sober.
And I started to have somesuccess and I was at a local
(27:11):
restaurant and this gentlemanfrom the Easy Does it Club was
there.
He saw me and you know, hiseyes got a little big, I think,
when he saw me.
Anyways, he, he sat at anothertable and, uh, then, so a few
weeks later, I was there again.
He was there and I bought hisbreakfast, you know.
(27:33):
And and so we uh struck up aconversation.
You know, and uh, you know it,I was it, it was like, it was
like that.
I made amends for my behavior.
I talked to him, you know, anduh, that resent and I was afraid
of him.
You know.
Anyways, that resentment wasgone and uh, that was cleared up
(27:55):
.
I can go back to that clubagain, you know, and uh, and and
the.
But the ironic thing is is hepassed away not far after that.
So, you know, I was verygrateful to have that, that kind
of.
You know, and that's just oneof them.
There's there's a lot of thosekinds of things that have
transpired over the years, youknow.
But moving further in recovery,oh, go ahead.
(28:19):
Were you going to say something?
Speaker 1 (28:20):
Yeah, I was just.
I was just curious as to um I Ithink this is also so important
and you know, yeah, so that,what year are you in about now?
Speaker 2 (28:33):
Well, I, I, my, my clean date is 12, 22, 16.
So I'm over seven years, youknow, yeah, going on seven and a
half years, but uh, you know,I've worked all 12 steps in the
NA fellowship.
I'm uh working step four againbecause uh, of that, uh and uh,
(28:57):
getting some help with an NAsponsor.
I, uh, I recently, about fiveweeks or six weeks ago, I
started attending ACOA meetings,um, which is just unreal.
I, I, I've got the book here, Ibehind me.
It's a big, thick book and uh,I've been reading it and I'm
(29:20):
like, wow, that is defining me.
So what I'm trying to say iswhat is ACOA?
So ACOA Adult.
Speaker 1 (29:28):
Children of Alcoholics.
Is that what it is?
Speaker 2 (29:31):
And you know, there's a new meeting at the club and
you know, and I started, I justI didn't mean to go there, it
was like a God thing.
I just remember there was a two, two o'clock meeting at the
easy does it club and I walkedin there and it's not an aa
meeting, it was an aco a meetingand they're starting to read
(29:54):
from their literature.
I'm like, holy, this is me.
You know they have a laundrylist and and, um, an aco way.
It's kind of a hybrid programfor children and alcoholics.
You don't have to be a child ofan alcoholic to qualify for the
fellowship either.
(30:15):
Anyways, I was like they readthe laundry list and I'm like,
wow, and started reading some ofthe literature.
I'm like, wow, I qualify forthis program.
And apparently, from what Iunderstand, wow, I qualify for
this program.
And apparently, from what Iunderstand and from what I've
been reading, people get somereal deep down recovery from
that fellowship.
So you know, and so, anyways, Istarted, I bought the book and
(30:37):
I've been reading it real slowly, you know, and just enjoying it
.
So yeah.
So what happened?
Speaker 1 (30:45):
What happened?
Take us to that moment.
You just recently had you knowyou talked about, like the, I
think there's so manycoincidences nothing happens by
mistake and so tell us aboutthat, cause I know you have a
strong faith background and Ithink they go hand in hand for
sure.
Speaker 2 (31:01):
Yes, so you know one of the things and I got to go
with the basics here too.
So one of the things that Isaid when I was in jail was that
I got on my knees.
And you know, I know this oldtimer and AA that's been sober
over 40 years and he says I geton my knees in the morning, I
(31:22):
get on my knees at night andwhat happens in between is gravy
.
You know what I mean.
But anyways, it says in the AAliterature that if we fail to
enlarge our spiritual you knowprogram that basically we're in
trouble.
So this has been a progressivething for me.
So this has been a progressivething for me.
(32:10):
I started attending this churchthat I had gone to a long time
ago in the Palm few years Ideveloped this regular habit of
prayer and I work in New Smyrna.
I pray in the morning.
I don't even listen to my radioin my car very often anymore, I
just turn it off.
I pray in my car for a halfhour before I go to work and
stuff like that.
And prayer has become a largerpart of my recovery now and when
(32:32):
I do it I feel a whole lotbetter.
I'm able to handle my worksituation, my challenges better,
you know, because of having acloser walk with God.
Today, you know, I'm in theother literature, in the other
book, which is the Bible.
You know, every day I've beenreading the Bible, and usually
(32:54):
in a year, every I'll readthrough the whole Bible in a
year.
I have incorporated that in mylife.
But anyways, that story, andit's very true, I went to church
one Sunday morning.
I will go in and I'll pray,I'll go back out in my car for a
few minutes and I was sittingthere and you know it wasn't my
(33:19):
thought, but I got thisscripture in my mind and it was,
I believe, 1 Corinthians 1.13.
I didn't come across it, it'slike the Lord spoke it to me.
So, anyways, I went to church,I did the church thing and
immediately after I decided togo to this meeting.
Speaker 1 (33:41):
So what was the scripture?
Though, go back to thescripture yeah, I'm trying.
Speaker 2 (33:45):
I'm trying to find it okay.
Speaker 1 (33:47):
So 1 corinthians 10, 13, it says no temptation has
overtaken you, except what iscommon to mankind yes, god is
faithful.
He will not let you be temptedbeyond what you can bear.
But when you are tempted, hewill also provide a way out so
that you can endure it.
Speaker 2 (34:06):
That's it, yes, so thank you for that.
Ironically and not ironically,it's a God thing, but I just
happened to go.
Well, there's this meeting upin Flagler County.
So after church I knew myfriend Max would be there and I
showed up there and I wassitting there.
(34:28):
I got there right about thetime of the meeting, and you
know it.
This doesn't normally happen atmeetings, but Max's family is
also in the program and his momread that scripture at the
meeting right after I had beenin my car praying before church
and said the same thing.
But to follow up on that, youknow, I was blown away and I
(34:52):
shared at the meeting.
I said I was just thinking thatscripture in my car a little
while ago, you know, talkingabout staying stopped from
drinking, you know, andtemptation and stuff, staying
stopped from drinking, you know,and temptation and stuff.
But to fast forward to the nextday, it was around the time of
the national championship gamein football I had an old friend
(35:13):
like start sending me picturesof pictures of beer and stuff
like that, you know, and thatwas on a Monday.
I was like wow, and so I wasn'tgoing to go to my AA home group
meeting that night.
But when I started getting sentthose pictures of the beer
pitchers and stuff, I was like Ibetter go to my meeting.
(35:36):
You know what I mean.
So it was just like God spokethrough the word of God and
through this alcoholic at themeeting reading the scripture,
and you know it's just thosethings that happen in life.
And you know, the thing thatI've discovered about listening
(35:56):
to God is you've got to be veryquiet.
You know God speaks to me in astill small voice and you got to
shut the media off.
You got to shut out the radioand just talk to God and listen
to God.
You know what I mean.
For me personally, yeah.
Speaker 1 (36:15):
Yeah, no, I, I, I.
I'm happy that you said that,because I think it's so true.
You know, um, oh yeah, there's,it's just the busyness, like
the spirit of busyness.
And we think that's notsomething, but it sure is Right.
And the media, and the socialmedia, the scroll, the.
There's not a moment, muchanymore in a lot of people's
(36:39):
lives where they are just quiet,just like, think of kids.
They're like I'm bored andyou're like, yes, I'm so glad to
hear you say that Because a lotof times we just don't give
ourselves the moment to just be,you know.
So thank you for pointing thatout and also for pointing out
that scripture, because I usedto think of that scripture often
(37:01):
, many, many years ago, andbecause it resonated so much
with me and it comforted me inthe fact that he will not give
me anything which he will notfind me a door to get out of.
And I just said that to my kids,probably a week ago in relation
to just saying hey, if you'reever tempted to do something you
(37:22):
know you shouldn't do, like youcan always make the other
decision, because there's alwaysgoing to be a way, yeah, so
thank you for bringing that upas well.
And how often in 12-stepmeetings.
They don't really talkscripture.
Speaker 2 (37:37):
So that's the big coincidence that day?
No, no, exactly.
And ironically too, I've had along history with this family
over the years.
I've known him for a long time.
When I started going tomeetings, I started going to
some NA meetings down in NewSmyrna down there, and I've
(38:05):
known him for years.
I didn't know that his parentswere going to be at the meeting,
which they they're also beensober a long time.
But for her to quote the sameexact scripture I was just
thinking of, I mean, that is nomere coincidence, you know, and
uh, but uh, I was going to saysomething funny.
You know, uh, I was at a I goto Sunday school, which a lot of
churches don't have anymore,but a brother of mine was
(38:26):
talking about allowing yourselfto be bored.
Today, you know, we just canyou be bored?
You know?
I mean we have to.
It seems like we have to bedoing something all the time and
it's such a rushed and hurriedlife and, you know, going back
to the old time, people, likeyou know, there was a you know a
(38:49):
psychedelic guy that said dropout.
You know, and I feel like, youknow, I just kind of I got to
shut everything down and justspend time with God.
Sometimes you know, and youknow what I mean.
It's like Great reminder.
Yes, there's so manydistractions these days.
We got our phones in our handsconstantly.
(39:11):
We could watch the TV.
There's a million differentshows on Netflix, you know, and
but God's saying to me like, hey, spend some time with me today,
you know you have creativity inyour background.
Speaker 1 (39:26):
You went to school for art.
I know you're working on some,some literary works.
You want to talk about those alittle bit.
Speaker 2 (39:33):
Sure, um, well, you know I, um, I've always been a
writer.
I wrote poetry.
Um, you know I, as a matter offact, I've even considered
writing my like an autobiography.
My own pastor actually wroteone himself about his
(39:53):
experiences and I like to dothat.
But I wrote what we weretalking about before with First
Corinthians 1013.
1 Corinthians, 10, 13,.
I'm writing a tract which isbeing sent back and forth
between me and the pastor to beused as a tool in some of the
apostolic faith churches forpeople that might be struggling
(40:16):
with alcoholism, you know, andtemptation and stuff.
And you know I'm not in a gianthurry to accomplish any of this
, but I just let it flownaturally, you know.
But also I've been writing andwriting down whether I'm at a
meeting or just rememberingstuff.
(40:38):
I want to write like a coffeetable book to be published
eventually.
I want to write like a coffeetable book to be published
eventually, about recovery,wisdom and quotes that you, like
, you will not hear anywhereelse, you know, and I'm trying
to make it as unique as possible.
And again, I'm not in a rush ora hurry to do this, it's just
(40:59):
going to flow naturally.
Speaker 1 (41:00):
I really commend you for sharing and having the
courage to share your your storyand the the mental illness part
of it as well.
So so many people can relate tothat and a lot of time.
It just really mirrors thealcoholism addict um symptoms
and in addition to and the dualdiagnosis is there one thing
(41:23):
that you want to say to anyonewho's struggling, that has
alcoholism, addiction, mentalillness or who lacks faith.
Speaker 2 (41:45):
And it all starts, like I said, with that guy that
taught me.
You know, getting on my kneesin the morning and night I have
to humble myself before my maker, and you know and then just
spending time with God.
You know, there was a time inmy life where I had to have the
radio on constantly.
I had to be Blair.
It's like I fed on chaos andtoday I feed on peace, which is
God through the Holy Ghost.
(42:06):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (42:08):
So good stuff.
Yeah, thank you so much forsharing.
I'm so glad you came on today.
Speaker 2 (42:13):
All right, Love you Jess.
Speaker 1 (42:19):
Thank you for tuning into the Sober Living Stories
podcast.
If you have been inspired,consider subscribing and sharing
with anyone who could use hopein their lives.
Remember to stay tuned for moreinspiring stories in the
episodes to come.
To view our featured author ofthe month or to become a guest
yourself, visitwwwjessicastephanoviccom.
It all started with a divine moment.
On a Sunday morning, as he satin his car praying before church
, a scripture spoke directly tohis heart.
But this divine interventiondidn't stop there.
Later that day, at a 12-stepmeeting, darren experienced an
extraordinary coincidence.
This is just one of many in hisjourney and his sobriety story.
(00:22):
So join us as Darren shares hisfaith and how it directs him to
the best version of who he is,and this is the Sober Living
Stories podcast.
Welcome to the Sober LivingStories podcast.
This podcast is dedicated tosharing stories of sobriety.
(00:44):
We shine a spotlight onindividuals who have faced the
challenges of alcoholism andaddiction and are today living
out their best lives sober.
Each guest has experiencedincredible transformation and
are here to share their storywith you.
I'm Jessica Stepanovic, yourhost.
Join me each week as guestsfrom all walks of life share
(01:06):
their stories to inspire andprovide hope to those who need
it most.
Hi and welcome to anotherepisode of the Sober Living
(01:30):
Stories podcast.
Meet Darren Sirwas.
With seven years of sobriety,darren has seen firsthand the
power of God's guidance in hisstory.
Welcome, darren, it's so goodto see you and have you on the
show.
Hi Jessica Darren and I havebeen friends for more than
probably 15 years.
And you know, just going toopen it up and start from where
(01:53):
you'd like to take us today.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
Before we get to the testimony about that scripture
and stuff that happened in mycar at church, I kind of would
like to give my background alittle bit too.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
That's great Love to hear it.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
So I was born and raised in the area, the Daytona
Beach area, ormond.
My parents divorced when I wasabout three years old.
I had kind of two separate setsof rules in the houses I lived
in, my dad being a Vietnam vetand having alcoholism and mental
(02:31):
illness run on that side of thefamily.
It was always an experiencebetween the homes and stuff.
So I kind of got this likeduality, so to speak, of trying
to grow up.
And you know, I started surfingat an early age.
I was introduced to alcohol bymy father at too young an age,
(02:56):
in my opinion about 12 years old, and when I was about eight I
was at my grandmother's housefor a Christmas party and that
is when I first drank my firstdrink I was.
I drank some cold duck and Idrank too much drank like three
glasses at eight years old andwent in the other room and had
(03:18):
the spins and all that stuff.
And you know that was kind of.
That was kind of how I wasintroduced to it.
But like when I got a littlebit older my mom and my
stepfather didn't drink.
I would go to my dad's and at12, I started drinking by 15
years old.
I clearly remember going tohigh school and junior high and
(03:40):
stuff on Monday mornings andbeing hung over.
It became a everyday habit andI was excited to go to my dad's
on the weekend so I could getalcohol.
But at the same time there wasa lot of abusive things going on
down there, mostly verbal butsometimes physical.
(04:04):
There, mostly verbal butsometimes physical.
It got to be heavy duty andanyways, it carried with me and
as I got older, aroundgraduation age, I started to
have some mental problems.
I made it to college at 18 atFlagler College in St Augustine,
started experimenting with notjust alcohol but marijuana and,
(04:28):
you know, it became a way oflife for me.
I failed out of art school atFlagler College, basically, and
came back home and startedhanging out with some younger
surfer dudes, you know, atStandish Approach in Ormond, and
basically it was all aboutpartying, surfing, working as
(04:53):
little as possible and going toconcerts almost every night of
the week, you know, and so I waskind of like a surf punk, you
know, and I really identifiedwith the surfer culture, you
know, and it's really funny tolook back on now because I'm 54
(05:13):
years old and I really don'teven surf anymore and I really
don't identify with the cultureanymore either.
But I've changed a lot and Ican get into that later.
But anyways, as I progressedinto this alcoholism and drugs
around 91, I started toexperiment with psychedelics,
(05:40):
lsd, mushrooms and stuff likethat and at that time I had a
psychotic break.
I was put in the Halifax psychunit for, I think, about three
weeks until I got a diagnosis.
They diagnosed me with bipolardisorder.
(06:02):
They got me on medicine I thinkit was lithium at the time, you
know and I did okay for quite awhile until I didn't.
I never stopped really drinkingand using some drugs.
You know, through this period Istarted to get DUIs.
(06:24):
This period I started to getDUIs and it really really got
bad.
Through those years, fromprobably 91 to 2001, was a very,
very dark period in my life Ihad.
After I was diagnosed bipolar.
I went to Gainesville, florida,with the intention of going to
(06:47):
school, but using still was sucha big part of my life that I
never got into any classes there.
I just majored in partying, youknow what I mean.
I stopped taking my medicinewhile I was there.
I stopped taking my medicinewhile I was there and shortly,
probably within a year's periodof time I got spun out so bad
(07:10):
that my parents had to reallycome and rescue me and get me
back down here and get me onmeds again.
I was psychotic and delusionalAfter that.
That was around 96.
Uh, I S, I was still drinkingand doing drugs.
I got my second DUI, uh, thefirst one was in South Carolina,
(07:34):
that's a long story I don'tneed to go into.
But the second one was downhere in port orange and, uh, I
was going to a local bar mixingnarcotics and alcohol.
They pulled me over andbasically poured me out of the
car.
I was in a total blackout, youknow, probably driving on the
(07:55):
wrong side of the road type ofthing.
It's not even funny.
And I am, I will have to saythis.
And I am, I will have to saythis.
I am totally grateful for everysingle time I got pulled over
or arrested by the police fordoing something wrong, because
it got me to the point of beingbeaten, you know, until I could
find recovery, fast forward to99, I believe it was, or 2000.
(08:20):
It might have been 2000.
I got my last DUI kind of thesame situation, you know, mixing
high powered opiates andalcohol and pouring me out of
the car in another blackout andI was set pretty much to lose my
license for quite a while.
And this is around the firsttime I had my first brush with
(08:44):
recovery.
Around the first time I had myfirst brush with recovery, I was
riding my bicycle over thebridge from from Ormond to go to
the bar.
You know, because that's whatwe did, that's the kind of
things I did.
You know, I didn't have alicense but I still needed to
get my my drink on and I wouldliterally spend my entire
(09:06):
paycheck.
I was working at a local paintcompany.
I would spend my entirepaycheck pretty much in one
weekend and I was very depressed.
I was on my meds, but verydepressed.
I was riding my bike over thebridge and I looked over the
side and I was thinking aboutjumping at that point in time
(09:29):
and just ending it.
You know semi-suicidal and ofall things.
I was living at my grandmother'shouse and she lived on Rosewood
, which is real close to a localAA recovery house called the
Easy Does it Club, and I justremember that Easy Does it Club
(09:49):
was down there and I was like Ifeel the Holy Spirit right now.
Anyways, I said you know,something's got to be better
than living like this.
And I'm going to cry, man.
Wow, I walked into that EasyDoes it Club.
I sat there, I went to meetingsevery day.
I probably did more than 90.
(10:10):
And 90.
I did.
I did a lot of meetings and Ibecame a part of that place, you
know, for a long time, andthat's all I knew.
And you know I started to graspthat there was another way of
life and I wasn't living it.
You know what?
I started to grasp that therewas another way of life and I
wasn't living it.
You know what I mean.
And I started to hear thingsthere and you know wisdom of
(10:37):
people that had been sober awhile.
And you know people that wouldlike to sponsor me.
And you know I started to grabhold of some guys in the rooms
and, you know, started to get alittle bit of recovery, although
you know I was kind of what mysponsor called at the time a
(10:59):
half measures kind of guy.
I wasn't willing to go to anylength to stay sober.
You know what I mean.
And I had this like lustfuldesire that there might be just
some way.
You know that I could still getaway with drinking or something
.
And what I was doing at thetime is like I would go to
(11:20):
meetings and I started to beintroduced to people outside of
the clubhouse which is good, youknow too, and but I would go to
meetings and I wouldimmediately leave the meeting to
say it was eight o'clockmeeting and ended at nine and I
would make my way over to thenearest bar to hang out with my
(11:42):
old friends and, like you know,drink a Diet Coke or something
at the bar, and then eventuallyit wound up.
You know, I was drinking nearbeer which is non-alcoholic beer
and somebody had to tell me atone point in time that like
non-alcoholic beers fornon-alcoholics.
(12:04):
You know and you know what Imean and like I had to learn the
hard way, like, uh, it's been aprocess, so anyways, um, I
started drinking again, you know, and I would get, I would come
back in, uh, get a sponsor lasta month or a few months, 10
(12:26):
months or a year, and then rightback out again and stuff, and
uh, anyways, um, uh, this lasted.
I got about five years soberand then I went back out.
I got about five years soberand then I went back out.
So about 2006, I started to goin and out and I ended up in
(12:50):
2008.
I came in through the back doorof a Narcotics Anonymous meeting
.
I really liked their literatureand stuff like that and uh
started working that program anduh, it worked for me.
I, I, I wrote uh on my stepsand I literally had uh about you
(13:16):
know, six inches of paperwriting, because there's a lot
of writing in NarcoticsAnonymous.
It's very good, beneficial forsomebody as sick as I was, you
know, and anyways, I got someclean time.
I went back to college, I got adegree in occupational therapy
assisting.
I thought that was going to bemy life.
(13:36):
I found it to be very stressfulfor me, you know, being in the
medical field and stuff likethat.
And anyways, I had, I hadgotten three years clean and the
other fellowship I call it theother fellowship because I came
from AA.
You know I got three yearsclean.
You know I got three yearsclean in NA.
(13:59):
I moved to a new location, Igot, I started going back to
church.
I ended up in a Pentecostalchurch.
I got baptized.
You know, I thought things weregoing to be different for me
still yet I was attending NAmeetings.
I had a short duration relapseand I was living in Flagler
(14:24):
County in a trailer, I wasworking as an occupational
therapist at a nursing home andunder a lot of stress, you know,
and I ended up drinking onenight and maybe for a couple of
weeks drinking one night andmaybe for a couple of weeks.
(14:46):
And then I came back in, startputting together some more time.
This is in around 2010, 2011.
And I was at an NA meeting and,being a dual diagnosis addict
which mental illness being apart of my story I was at this
NA meeting listening to a guythat I respected and he was
talking about how he had gottenoff his psych meds and stuff
(15:10):
like that and me withoutconsulting a doctor.
I thought it would be a goodidea for me to uh stop taking my
psych meds and and uh that thisis uh going around 2015.
Uh, so around that time Istopped taking my meds, you know
(15:33):
, and uh, I got spun.
In a couple of weeks I waspsychotic and delusional.
Um, I had um, what's that now?
Speaker 1 (15:44):
yeah, I don't want to interrupt your, your flow, your
, your story here.
I think it's, I think it'sincredible all the things you're
saying.
But I think it's good to put alittle disclaimer in here for
listeners, because what you saidis so right on.
Like you know, withoutconsulting a doctor is when you
you know if you're on, you know,medication for a mental illness
(16:05):
.
It's.
It's so important to consult adoctor before adjusting that or
going off of it, so go ahead.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
Absolutely.
And uh, you know, uh, I don'twant to segue in here, but I had
a good friend and you know himtoo, and he had a long history
of not doing what he wassupposed to do, you know and
anyways.
But I ended up 2015,.
(16:33):
I had been going to a differentchurch and I got off my meds.
I was going to a church indaytona and and I was still
doing meetings, of course, but Ikept stopped taking my meds.
I was, I was totally out of mymind.
Uh, at manic, because I ambipolar I was manic.
(16:54):
I was going to meetings, stilloff my meds, saying how I got
delivered and all this stuff andI, I wasn't delivered by the
Lord or anything like that.
You know, I just was crazy.
And, uh, I had a Subaru at thetime.
Um, I took off to my uncle'shouse in North Carolina and God
protected me through this wholesituation because I don't know
(17:16):
how I lived through the nextyear, year and a half.
I drove up there through themountains, north Carolina,
maggie Valley, silva, all thatarea.
I was driving down these twolane roads in my Subaru, going
at high rates of speed, you know, and I don't know how I didn't
end up dead.
You know, I was up there.
(17:37):
My uncle knew there wassomething wrong with me because
he had experienced it before Igot thrown in a psych unit for a
while and it wasn't pretty andI still refused to take my meds
at that time.
Somehow I was able to get backhere to my house in Ormond and
(18:00):
my parents really had a hardtime with me because I wasn't
sleeping, wasn't taking my meds,you know, and uh, I was up all
night.
I would go down to the local uhclubhouse and I'd be there at
five o'clock in the morning whenthey're making coffee and stuff
, driving people crazy, and uh,anyways, uh.
(18:22):
The next couple of years, like Isaid, were just pure hell.
I, my car got repossessed.
I had an old NA sponsor thatlived in Venice, florida, which
is where I'm going here onvacation this weekend, and I
went, I got on a bus to see himfrom here to Tampa and then I
(18:43):
got another one from Tampa tonear Venice and he picked me up
and he said look, this is thestipulation If you don't
straighten out in a month I'mgoing to have to kick you out of
my house.
And he was nice enough to letme live there.
Well, guess what?
I didn't want to take my meds,I refused, uh, and I was shortly
(19:04):
put on the street withbasically a bicycle and the
clothes on my back and, uh, Ibecame homeless everywhere, from
, uh, venice and points North,to Bradenton, all the way down
to Naples, florida, and I was.
(19:25):
I don't want to go into a bunchof it, but it I was incarcerated
probably about six times andabout that many times in psych
units I had.
I weigh now right now I weighabout 220 pounds.
At the time I had lost so muchweight from just walking and
riding bicycles, I was eatingout of garbage cans and I
(19:49):
weighed 157 at the time, youknow.
And again, just if anybody canidentify with being in a turtle
suit in a jail cell becausethat's what they put you in they
call it a turtle suit and it'sbasically a green ribbed suit.
It's just for people with psychproblems in jail.
(20:15):
I was in Sarasota County Jail.
I was in Lee County Jail thelast time I got put in jail.
Well, let me back up a second,a good friend of mine over there
who also has a podcast,ironically, I was at an NA
meeting off my meds over thereand my mom had called to have me
(20:37):
psych eval, you know, andSarasota County Police showed up
at the meeting and they stuffedme and cuffed me right in front
of the people at the meetingand stuff.
So it was quite, you know, itwas quite embarrassing.
But, ironically, this girl I'vestayed in touch with her and we
(20:57):
were like really good friendsnow and uh, and I enjoy going
over there to see her and justprove what you know, having God
and recovery can do so, uh, butanyways, my last time in jail I
and I had, you know, I got toshare this.
I, I started getting on my kneesin jail, you know, and praying,
(21:20):
uh, all of a sudden, likethere's a story in the Bible
about Nebuchadnezzar coming backto himself after he was like an
animal living outside and hewas a king at the time.
And anyways, I came to myselfand, like you know, it might be
a good idea for me to starttaking my medicine again, you
know, and yeah so, but you knowI was praying and then, lo and
(21:45):
behold, a, at the same very sametime, a recovery, or these
people that help over in thejails in Sarasota, it's a, it's
a program called Centerstone gotme into what is called mental
health treatment court and youknow I got released on the terms
(22:11):
that you know I would starttaking my meds again, and so,
anyway, I got released from jail, jail eventually, uh, I got
released to a psych unit overthere in sarasota and then to
the salvation army.
I contacted my mom and and thisis uh, 20, uh, 16, uh, I
(22:35):
believe I I'm something bad withdates sometimes.
Anyways, I got released and andI came.
I believe it was May.
It was either May of 2016 orMay of 2017.
I think it was May of 2016.
Maybe 2017.
But I came back home and I don'tknow.
I just being through near deathexperiences on the street and
(22:59):
in jail and I don't have to gointo all that, but it was rude.
I had some brutal, brutalexperiences in jail and on the
streets and stuff and I justsurrendered.
I surrendered to recovery.
I surrendered to taking my medsas prescribed.
I just said, you know whateverit takes and you know I whatever
(23:24):
, whatever fight was left in meto use drugs and alcohol,
narcotics and all that stuff,and it was gone.
You know I had surrendered tothis way of life and, wow, I am
so grateful that I did, you know.
Speaker 1 (23:40):
Yeah, yeah, you know it's funny.
You say the word fight, becauseI remember saying well, I'm
fighting with it, I'm fightingwith this, and someone said to
me see, you're not quite thereyet, cause you're still.
That word shouldn't even be inthe sentence anymore.
Okay, and you just said it youknow that surrender right and I
didn't have that yet at the time.
So that's really good and thankGod for moms right Like making
(24:03):
the hard decisions in thebackgrounds, right.
So thank God for those parentsthat are watching this all
unfold and making the difficultdecisions and bringing it back
home and stuff.
Yeah, it's tough.
Let's take a moment to hear arecovery story from one of my
sponsors.
At the age of 25, recentlymarried and a new father, jack
(24:24):
found himself in a Texas rehabfacility detoxing After 10 years
of addiction.
He was finally able to admitthat it was time to get help.
Not only did Soberlink allowhim to be accountable and track
his sobriety, soberlink allowedJack to prove to himself and
others that he could make thechange he had always hoped for.
Soberlink allowed Jack to proveto himself and others that he
could make the change he hadalways hoped for.
Soberlink is the portablesobriety tracker taking the
(24:46):
recovery world by storm.
It has built-in facialrecognition sensors that detect
cheating and instant resultssent to contacts.
It's the number oneaccountability tool for keeping
yourself honest and rebuildingtrust.
Visit wwwsoberlinkcom backslashsober dash living and check out
(25:08):
the show notes to click thelink and receive $50 off your
device today.
Now back to our guest.
Speaker 2 (25:20):
Well, you know, and it, the first two or three years
was very difficult.
It was very dark for me.
But I started going to meetingsagain, of course, right away.
I knew that's where the helpwas and, ironically, I got to
share this.
You know, I, I started workingthrough the steps process, and,
(25:43):
and, and I've been able to makesome amends, of course, and, and
.
Part of the process, of course,is just living amends and and
and living differently and notdoing the same stupid stuff over
and over.
You know, and but this one guythat that I had a real big
(26:04):
problem with at the Easy Does itClub when I was off my meds and
it almost came to fisticuffs,you know, and stuff, and anyways
, I was afraid.
I set foot back in the Easy Doesit Club and he basically said
you're not welcome here, youcan't come here.
You know, because of my pastbehavior and man it was, it was
(26:27):
tough, and so I I had been, Ihad been getting better jobs and
let me tell you, when I cameback in I start they told me
like I would never work again, Ishould just be on disability
the rest of my life.
You know what I mean.
And uh, but God had differentplans.
So I worked all these crappyjobs and I started to have some
(26:51):
success.
Um, and about four years ago, uh, I ended up getting back into
the paint business.
Uh, that was my career, uh,that I had chosen in the past
before I got sober.
And I started to have somesuccess and I was at a local
(27:11):
restaurant and this gentlemanfrom the Easy Does it Club was
there.
He saw me and you know, hiseyes got a little big, I think,
when he saw me.
Anyways, he, he sat at anothertable and, uh, then, so a few
weeks later, I was there again.
He was there and I bought hisbreakfast, you know.
(27:33):
And and so we uh struck up aconversation.
You know, and uh, you know it,I was it, it was like, it was
like that.
I made amends for my behavior.
I talked to him, you know, anduh, that resent and I was afraid
of him.
You know.
Anyways, that resentment wasgone and uh, that was cleared up
(27:55):
.
I can go back to that clubagain, you know, and uh, and and
the.
But the ironic thing is is hepassed away not far after that.
So, you know, I was verygrateful to have that, that kind
of.
You know, and that's just oneof them.
There's there's a lot of thosekinds of things that have
transpired over the years, youknow.
But moving further in recovery,oh, go ahead.
(28:19):
Were you going to say something?
Speaker 1 (28:20):
Yeah, I was just.
I was just curious as to um I Ithink this is also so important
and you know, yeah, so that,what year are you in about now?
Speaker 2 (28:33):
Well, I, I, my, my clean date is 12, 22, 16.
So I'm over seven years, youknow, yeah, going on seven and a
half years, but uh, you know,I've worked all 12 steps in the
NA fellowship.
I'm uh working step four againbecause uh, of that, uh and uh,
(28:57):
getting some help with an NAsponsor.
I, uh, I recently, about fiveweeks or six weeks ago, I
started attending ACOA meetings,um, which is just unreal.
I, I, I've got the book here, Ibehind me.
It's a big, thick book and uh,I've been reading it and I'm
(29:20):
like, wow, that is defining me.
So what I'm trying to say iswhat is ACOA?
So ACOA Adult.
Speaker 1 (29:28):
Children of Alcoholics.
Is that what it is?
Speaker 2 (29:31):
And you know, there's a new meeting at the club and
you know, and I started, I justI didn't mean to go there, it
was like a God thing.
I just remember there was a two, two o'clock meeting at the
easy does it club and I walkedin there and it's not an aa
meeting, it was an aco a meetingand they're starting to read
(29:54):
from their literature.
I'm like, holy, this is me.
You know they have a laundrylist and and, um, an aco way.
It's kind of a hybrid programfor children and alcoholics.
You don't have to be a child ofan alcoholic to qualify for the
fellowship either.
(30:15):
Anyways, I was like they readthe laundry list and I'm like,
wow, and started reading some ofthe literature.
I'm like, wow, I qualify forthis program.
And apparently, from what Iunderstand, wow, I qualify for
this program.
And apparently, from what Iunderstand and from what I've
been reading, people get somereal deep down recovery from
that fellowship.
So you know, and so, anyways, Istarted, I bought the book and
(30:37):
I've been reading it real slowly, you know, and just enjoying it
.
So yeah.
So what happened?
Speaker 1 (30:45):
What happened?
Take us to that moment.
You just recently had you knowyou talked about, like the, I
think there's so manycoincidences nothing happens by
mistake and so tell us aboutthat, cause I know you have a
strong faith background and Ithink they go hand in hand for
sure.
Speaker 2 (31:01):
Yes, so you know one of the things and I got to go
with the basics here too.
So one of the things that Isaid when I was in jail was that
I got on my knees.
And you know, I know this oldtimer and AA that's been sober
over 40 years and he says I geton my knees in the morning, I
(31:22):
get on my knees at night andwhat happens in between is gravy
.
You know what I mean.
But anyways, it says in the AAliterature that if we fail to
enlarge our spiritual you knowprogram that basically we're in
trouble.
So this has been a progressivething for me.
So this has been a progressivething for me.
(32:10):
I started attending this churchthat I had gone to a long time
ago in the Palm few years Ideveloped this regular habit of
prayer and I work in New Smyrna.
I pray in the morning.
I don't even listen to my radioin my car very often anymore, I
just turn it off.
I pray in my car for a halfhour before I go to work and
stuff like that.
And prayer has become a largerpart of my recovery now and when
(32:32):
I do it I feel a whole lotbetter.
I'm able to handle my worksituation, my challenges better,
you know, because of having acloser walk with God.
Today, you know, I'm in theother literature, in the other
book, which is the Bible.
You know, every day I've beenreading the Bible, and usually
(32:54):
in a year, every I'll readthrough the whole Bible in a
year.
I have incorporated that in mylife.
But anyways, that story, andit's very true, I went to church
one Sunday morning.
I will go in and I'll pray,I'll go back out in my car for a
few minutes and I was sittingthere and you know it wasn't my
(33:19):
thought, but I got thisscripture in my mind and it was,
I believe, 1 Corinthians 1.13.
I didn't come across it, it'slike the Lord spoke it to me.
So, anyways, I went to church,I did the church thing and
immediately after I decided togo to this meeting.
Speaker 1 (33:41):
So what was the scripture?
Though, go back to thescripture yeah, I'm trying.
Speaker 2 (33:45):
I'm trying to find it okay.
Speaker 1 (33:47):
So 1 corinthians 10, 13, it says no temptation has
overtaken you, except what iscommon to mankind yes, god is
faithful.
He will not let you be temptedbeyond what you can bear.
But when you are tempted, hewill also provide a way out so
that you can endure it.
Speaker 2 (34:06):
That's it, yes, so thank you for that.
Ironically and not ironically,it's a God thing, but I just
happened to go.
Well, there's this meeting upin Flagler County.
So after church I knew myfriend Max would be there and I
showed up there and I wassitting there.
(34:28):
I got there right about thetime of the meeting, and you
know it.
This doesn't normally happen atmeetings, but Max's family is
also in the program and his momread that scripture at the
meeting right after I had beenin my car praying before church
and said the same thing.
But to follow up on that, youknow, I was blown away and I
(34:52):
shared at the meeting.
I said I was just thinking thatscripture in my car a little
while ago, you know, talkingabout staying stopped from
drinking, you know, andtemptation and stuff, staying
stopped from drinking, you know,and temptation and stuff.
But to fast forward to the nextday, it was around the time of
the national championship gamein football I had an old friend
(35:13):
like start sending me picturesof pictures of beer and stuff
like that, you know, and thatwas on a Monday.
I was like wow, and so I wasn'tgoing to go to my AA home group
meeting that night.
But when I started getting sentthose pictures of the beer
pitchers and stuff, I was like Ibetter go to my meeting.
(35:36):
You know what I mean.
So it was just like God spokethrough the word of God and
through this alcoholic at themeeting reading the scripture,
and you know it's just thosethings that happen in life.
And you know, the thing thatI've discovered about listening
(35:56):
to God is you've got to be veryquiet.
You know God speaks to me in astill small voice and you got to
shut the media off.
You got to shut out the radioand just talk to God and listen
to God.
You know what I mean.
For me personally, yeah.
Speaker 1 (36:15):
Yeah, no, I, I, I.
I'm happy that you said that,because I think it's so true.
You know, um, oh yeah, there's,it's just the busyness, like
the spirit of busyness.
And we think that's notsomething, but it sure is Right.
And the media, and the socialmedia, the scroll, the.
There's not a moment, muchanymore in a lot of people's
(36:39):
lives where they are just quiet,just like, think of kids.
They're like I'm bored andyou're like, yes, I'm so glad to
hear you say that Because a lotof times we just don't give
ourselves the moment to just be,you know.
So thank you for pointing thatout and also for pointing out
that scripture, because I usedto think of that scripture often
(37:01):
, many, many years ago, andbecause it resonated so much
with me and it comforted me inthe fact that he will not give
me anything which he will notfind me a door to get out of.
And I just said that to my kids,probably a week ago in relation
to just saying hey, if you'reever tempted to do something you
(37:22):
know you shouldn't do, like youcan always make the other
decision, because there's alwaysgoing to be a way, yeah, so
thank you for bringing that upas well.
And how often in 12-stepmeetings.
They don't really talkscripture.
Speaker 2 (37:37):
So that's the big coincidence that day?
No, no, exactly.
And ironically too, I've had along history with this family
over the years.
I've known him for a long time.
When I started going tomeetings, I started going to
some NA meetings down in NewSmyrna down there, and I've
(38:05):
known him for years.
I didn't know that his parentswere going to be at the meeting,
which they they're also beensober a long time.
But for her to quote the sameexact scripture I was just
thinking of, I mean, that is nomere coincidence, you know, and
uh, but uh, I was going to saysomething funny.
You know, uh, I was at a I goto Sunday school, which a lot of
churches don't have anymore,but a brother of mine was
(38:26):
talking about allowing yourselfto be bored.
Today, you know, we just canyou be bored?
You know?
I mean we have to.
It seems like we have to bedoing something all the time and
it's such a rushed and hurriedlife and, you know, going back
to the old time, people, likeyou know, there was a you know a
(38:49):
psychedelic guy that said dropout.
You know, and I feel like, youknow, I just kind of I got to
shut everything down and justspend time with God.
Sometimes you know, and youknow what I mean.
It's like Great reminder.
Yes, there's so manydistractions these days.
We got our phones in our handsconstantly.
(39:11):
We could watch the TV.
There's a million differentshows on Netflix, you know, and
but God's saying to me like, hey, spend some time with me today,
you know you have creativity inyour background.
Speaker 1 (39:26):
You went to school for art.
I know you're working on some,some literary works.
You want to talk about those alittle bit.
Speaker 2 (39:33):
Sure, um, well, you know I, um, I've always been a
writer.
I wrote poetry.
Um, you know I, as a matter offact, I've even considered
writing my like an autobiography.
My own pastor actually wroteone himself about his
(39:53):
experiences and I like to dothat.
But I wrote what we weretalking about before with First
Corinthians 1013.
1 Corinthians, 10, 13,.
I'm writing a tract which isbeing sent back and forth
between me and the pastor to beused as a tool in some of the
apostolic faith churches forpeople that might be struggling
(40:16):
with alcoholism, you know, andtemptation and stuff.
And you know I'm not in a gianthurry to accomplish any of this
, but I just let it flownaturally, you know.
But also I've been writing andwriting down whether I'm at a
meeting or just rememberingstuff.
(40:38):
I want to write like a coffeetable book to be published
eventually.
I want to write like a coffeetable book to be published
eventually, about recovery,wisdom and quotes that you, like
, you will not hear anywhereelse, you know, and I'm trying
to make it as unique as possible.
And again, I'm not in a rush ora hurry to do this, it's just
(40:59):
going to flow naturally.
Speaker 1 (41:00):
I really commend you for sharing and having the
courage to share your your storyand the the mental illness part
of it as well.
So so many people can relate tothat and a lot of time.
It just really mirrors thealcoholism addict um symptoms
and in addition to and the dualdiagnosis is there one thing
(41:23):
that you want to say to anyonewho's struggling, that has
alcoholism, addiction, mentalillness or who lacks faith.
Speaker 2 (41:45):
And it all starts, like I said, with that guy that
taught me.
You know, getting on my kneesin the morning and night I have
to humble myself before my maker, and you know and then just
spending time with God.
You know, there was a time inmy life where I had to have the
radio on constantly.
I had to be Blair.
It's like I fed on chaos andtoday I feed on peace, which is
God through the Holy Ghost.
(42:06):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (42:08):
So good stuff.
Yeah, thank you so much forsharing.
I'm so glad you came on today.
Speaker 2 (42:13):
All right, Love you Jess.
Speaker 1 (42:19):
Thank you for tuning into the Sober Living Stories
podcast.
If you have been inspired,consider subscribing and sharing
with anyone who could use hopein their lives.
Remember to stay tuned for moreinspiring stories in the
episodes to come.
To view our featured author ofthe month or to become a guest
yourself, visitwwwjessicastephanoviccom.
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.