December 3, 2024 • 49 mins
How does a successful fashion designer find herself in the throes of addiction, battling homelessness, and rising again to help others find their path?
In this episode, we sit down with Jessica Summers, a mom and former boutique owner whose life fell apart after complications during childbirth led her to rely on prescription pills. That dependence spiraled into street drugs and eventually homelessness. Jessica shares her raw, honest story to shed light on how addiction can take hold of even the most seemingly “normal” lives.
Jessica opens up about losing everything to addiction and how she fought her way back. She talks about the emotional and physical toll of postpartum struggles and how being dismissed by her healthcare providers left her vulnerable. In her darkest moments, she found strength through a small, still voice that guided her toward hope and healing. Her journey is proof that even the toughest battles can be won.
Jessica’s recovery wasn’t just about getting clean—it was about rebuilding her life. With the help of compassionate care and dual diagnosis treatment, she learned that addiction isn’t a moral failing but a disease that requires understanding and support. Today, she’s an author, speaker, and cognitive behavioral therapy coach, using her story to inspire others to reclaim their power and find renewal, no matter how hopeless life might seem.
Her upcoming book, The Road to Now: From Tragedy to Triumph, is a must-read for anyone facing similar struggles. Click the link below to learn more and get your copy.
To connect with Jessica Summers:
www.jessica-summers.com
http://linkedin.com/in/jessica-summers-b12680182
https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100080486230656&mibextid=LQQJ4d
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
The person that I once knew is no longer present
and I had no idea where alongthe path I completely lost
myself.
I don't even know who I am, andthe thing that I did not know
and this is why I was so hard onmyself is there is a very big
difference between making badchoices or actually just a
(00:23):
choice to begin with.
If you want to do drugs and youchoose to do them, okay, and
then there's addiction.
And then there's like heavyaddiction when you're in it and
you don't even know how you gotthere and you've never known
addiction before.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
Welcome to the Sober Living Stories podcast.
This podcast is dedicated tosharing stories of sobriety.
We shine a spotlight onindividuals who have faced the
challenges of alcoholism andaddiction and are today living
out their best lives sober.
Each guest has experiencedincredible transformation and
are here to share their storywith you.
(01:00):
I'm Jessica Stepanovich, yourhost.
Join me each week as guestsfrom all walks of life share
their stories to inspire andprovide hope to those who need
it most.
Welcome to the Sober LivingStories podcast.
Meet Jessica Summers, a formerfashion designer who once
struggled with pregnancycomplications, postpartum, which
(01:21):
then led to health issues, andaddiction complications
postpartum, which then led tohealth issues and addiction.
Today she's going to share herpersonal story.
She's a speaker and a coach incognitive behavioral therapy and
she helps others unlock theirpotential.
Her book is now coming out injust a couple of days the Road
to Now From Tragedy to Triumph.
What I'm excited about today isthe part where your addiction
(01:45):
goes from just having a healthissue to a full-blown addiction
to homelessness.
I have seen in the last 20years, particularly the last 10
years, that people who arerelatively living normal lives
and they get prescribedmedication and wow, what a fast
road downhill, so I'm happy tohave you on.
So welcome, welcome, jessica.
(02:07):
Welcome to the show.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
Thank you so much and , excuse me, it's huge about.
Well, let me say this I dospeaking events and I'll come
right out and say do I look likea mentally ill, homeless, drug
addict?
And of course, everybody, oh,I'm vulnerable, right?
What does that look like?
(02:29):
What does that look like to you?
Because those were the labelsthat I had and carried around
for a while and I didn't ask forit, right.
But there's so much in that Ididn't know any of this until I
knew it.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
Sure.
So how did it start?
How was your prior to youraddiction?
Walk us through a little bit ofthat life right before and then
just take it all the waythrough, so listeners can see
that transition, can see thattransition.
Speaker 1 (03:03):
So at the time I was married with children and I was
a fashion designer and I owned aboutique and on the outside
everything looked great.
And I think that was the hardpart in it too, because people
have a really hard timelistening or hearing you when
you have it all and you lookokay.
(03:25):
So what are you complainingabout?
And so it started with my thirdtrimester, my second pregnancy,
and it was completely differentthan the first.
I thought I've had a childbefore, I know all the rules and
the regulations and I've mappedit out, how to be the perfect
(03:46):
mother, whatever you get goingin your head, and I'm doing
everything that I did in myfirst pregnancy.
But I'm in my doctor's office,like it.
My third trimester ended upbeing every other week and
they're checking on my bloodpressure fluids and her heart
rate.
And one of my last it was acouple of weeks before I was
(04:09):
actually due.
I was on one of thoseappointments and the doctor's
freaking out and saying we'regoing to take you across the
street, we're going to induce,because they were worried that I
was going to have a strokebecause I had labial blood
pressure.
So it was like high, high andthen drop.
So they induced and what wasalso something that I look back
in retrospect like why did thisaffect my child?
(04:32):
Before she even came into thisworld, I had an epidural and it
only took on one side of my body.
I could feel everything and theother side was like jello.
When they finally did deliverher, they had to resuscitate her
, but then right away, first itwas a panic and then everybody
heard me and everything was okay.
So I ended up going back homeand I have like debilitating ab
(04:58):
pains, so I would eventually goback to the hospital and they
found that they had leftplacenta behind.
So that, right, there was thebeginning of the end that I did
not see.
But that was the pain pills, theinfections, one after another.
I had been given so manyantibiotics that I had an
overgrowth of bacteria from toomany antibiotics, so they gave
(05:22):
me more antibiotics.
From too many antibiotics, sothey gave me more antibiotics.
And what I know now too aboutlike gut brain and just our gut
in general and just that's awhole nother thing.
But I didn't know it then, butthat was just wreaking havoc on
my on my stomach, on my gut, andthen all these medications and
say that was the start of it.
(05:43):
And then I go back in and Ithey find I had a hiatal hernia,
then I had having rupturedovarian cysts, then I had to
have an ablation.
Then I mean, it was just onething after another.
And after a while you're kindof like okay, what am I doing?
I don't understand, becausethat conversation really doesn't
(06:06):
even come up in the doctor'soffice.
It was just more like this iswhat it is, here's some pain
pills, here's some medication,here's some antibiotics.
And you just kind of do, sure,right, what?
you're told Right and in factUntil you say wait a minute, and
that's what you did.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
So then, what happened next?
Speaker 1 (06:37):
Because I've had that same experience with different
medications.
Pilot, we are about go to thedoctor.
Take what they tell you to fixyourself.
If you don't, it must be a youproblem.
I didn't recognize that again.
So I was like, excuse me, sofar removed from that to see how
we actually all do functionuntil we question how we're
(06:59):
functioning.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
I remember saying to myself I felt terrible, my side
effects were intense and finallyI said to myself wait, we're
paying him, which?
Means I can go in and tell himI don't want to do this anymore
because it's wrong.
Understood.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
So I wish I would have.
I was too far in it by the endto even know up from down.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
So did you get the yeah, go ahead.
Did you?
Did the pain medication becomeproblematic in in that process?
Speaker 1 (07:28):
This is how you get sucked into.
Or for myself, is the pain isstill there.
I'm only taking the painmedication when I feel the
symptoms, but in that time thepain would get so bad that I
would end up taking more painmedication to try to get rid of
the pain.
And I was never.
I don't.
(07:49):
I used to party like a rockstar in my 20s.
This is something completelydifferent and I didn't know that
and I see it's all inretrospect and addiction and the
withdrawal symptoms were so.
They were the same of thefeelings I was having originally
(08:10):
from when they left theplacenta behind that whole
stomach.
There was right, so I didn'tknow how to distinguish one from
the other, decipher what washappening.
Got it, yes, and I keep havingall these other diagnoses and
medication.
And when I say I don't thinkthat medication is helping me, I
think it's making my stomachworse.
I would get more medication.
(08:31):
So I don't, I don't, I don'tunderstand anymore.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
And plus, you just you just had a baby, so the
tired factor it's zero, soalready you're not, you're doing
that.
And then you have this influxof medications, these diagnoses,
these trips to the doctor, painmedication, addiction starting
to happen.
Speaker 1 (08:51):
And I also too, postpartum right the thought
processes that I had right, Iwasn't okay, right, you weren't
yourself Right, and so weeksturned into months, turned into
years that moving.
I had a really close friend ofmine.
He drowned and it was just kindof you know, life happens, and
(09:15):
it was just one thing afteranother and, like I said, I was
complaining about it, saying Idon't know what I'm doing right,
I don't know what I'm doingwrong, and nobody really hears
you Again, if you don't looksick, you're complaining.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
You're the first person that said that on here,
and I, oh, I think that's sotrue.
When you don't, when you haveit together but you're falling
apart, it's tough for people tolisten because you're not saying
it and nobody's really sayinghey.
So you really have to, at somepoint, advocate for yourself.
You're just not going to makeit.
Speaker 1 (09:52):
Right, and so I end up I don't know how to advocate
for myself.
I don't even know what's wrongwith me.
I'm going to the doctor, I'mdoing and I had actually started
seeing a therapist who referredme out and he prescribes me
Valium.
So I'm already really.
Now I'm I'm pretty much passingout right in front of family
(10:16):
and I'm complaining, but I don'tthink anybody really wants to
see or hear it.
Now I'm there, so I start goingout at night and I'm pretty
pathetic Actually.
I am out at bars and I amwhining to anyone who will
listen.
(10:36):
So then I meet a drug dealerand then we go to a party and he
shoots me up with heroin.
Wow, and I thought I had beensaved.
Wow, cause I start.
I start making it okay becauseI don't care about going to the
doctor anymore.
I just have to do just a littlebit of heroin to function
(10:59):
because I'm still out.
I'm playing co-ed softball andco-ed soccer with my husband.
I can do all that if I justmake my own little concoction
here.
Think about that for a minute.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
Well, I've seen that I've had a friend and she worked
with me and she just needed alittle bit to get through same
exact thing, or she'd get verysick.
And it's just incredible howyou didn't need the doctor
anymore, so those visits stopped, but then you needed your
dealer.
See the transition there.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
So of course it is.
Reality is are you kidding me,right?
You've gone down this path andyou're going to make heroin,
right?
So I mean, but I, in allhonesty, my state of being at
that time and the thing that Idid not know and this is why I
(11:55):
was so hard on myself is thereis a very big difference between
making bad choices or actuallyjust a choice to begin with, if
(12:17):
you want to do drugs and youchoose to do them, and then
there's addiction, and thenthere's heavy addiction when
you're in it and you don't evenknow how you got there and
you've never known addictionbefore.
I'm looking in the mirror goingyou monster, you liar, you
don't want to do it, then whyare you doing it, right?
Speaker 2 (12:38):
Yeah, so listen, I think listeners can really
relate to that.
I know I can.
When you don't have anyexamples of what it was.
That's my story.
I didn't know what alcoholismwas.
I had no one around me who wassuffering from it.
I had no one in recovery.
So what is wrong with me?
And it took me a year, decadeto try to figure it out.
(12:59):
So you speaking today iscommendable and continuing.
I'd love to hear more and justwalk us through that.
So how did you look in themirror and say how did you
change from saying you monster,you're such a liar.
What's happening here?
Pull it together, doing thesethings you would never do, to
what's next?
Speaker 1 (13:18):
So I had tried.
I did some outpatient here andthere I kept and I really
believe in this too attractingright.
So I was attracting all thewrong people and we'd wanted to
get clean but brought each otherdown and I see that's a whole
nother topic and conversation initself, because that's such a
(13:41):
big one, but the intention isthere.
You just don't know that youneed all the help in the world
and you're not going to get itfrom another addict trying to
get clean.
If it happens, fantastic andgood for you.
For my particular case, no way,Because I also didn't realize
and didn't know that and I thinkthis is a big one is in the
(14:04):
time that I was growing up,there was no such thing as
depression, sharing feelings,and it was.
You got a problem, fix it,basically, get your shit
together, is your record in myhead.
So you don't know how to getyour shit together.
You've tried.
(14:25):
I don't know what to do anymore.
So I'm like spinning down evenfurther.
My mental health is this time.
It's mental, physical,emotional, spiritual.
I'm just, I'm done.
Speaker 2 (14:37):
And where are you at with your business?
You're being a mom, being awife.
What's happening there?
Speaker 1 (14:44):
So I and this is also I was going to tell the work
that I've done to actually,because, getting to know myself
better, I understand myselfbetter and how I function and
how I am very intuitive andsensitive, and so I was well
aware and I could see what myillness, even though people
(15:05):
didn't want to see it oracknowledge it.
I could see the chaos and thesadness, I could see it and feel
it, right.
But at the same time, I'm alsobeing told to get up, get your
shit together and all this otherstuff.
So I keep doing it so I can getout on the field.
Like I said, I ended up givingup my business because I, we had
(15:29):
moved and I just I could not.
I was falling asleep at thewheel commuting from Sacramento
to San Francisco.
San Francisco is where I hadthe boutique and that's where we
had lived but I was trying todo all this stuff and I can't
remember I have to think aboutit how long this goes on, for
Cause, like I said, I'm tryingto do some outpatient, but you,
(15:50):
just I I had to completelyremove myself from everything to
get the help that I needed.
Right, doing it and pretendingthat everything is okay.
Speaker 2 (16:03):
So did you do inpatient?
Did you go to rehab?
Because some people just needtheir entire world to stop, and
so that they can because it'shard to get to the fridge, which
is two feet away from me, andfigure out what's inside of it
to eat, like that's where we'reat when we show up right, which
is incredible.
How is that possible?
(16:24):
But that's the truth.
That's the truth.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
So check yourself out .
A big truth.
And that's what I think it getspeople stuck in getting the
actual help that they need.
Because they think like, okay,I can intellectualize this, how
come I'm doing the completeopposite.
It just doesn't work that way.
So I'm at the same apartmentwhere I originally got the drugs
(16:50):
and I'm sitting there and I'mbawling.
And I had usually had a routineof I'd buy enough for right
then and there for the rest ofthat day and then for the
following morning to come backto start the whole thing over
again.
So I'm not paying attention,I'm bawling because I don't know
(17:11):
who to ask for help for from.
I don't know where to goanymore.
I've tried outpatient.
I'm failing left and right.
I spies myself.
So I question sometimes shouldI even ask for help?
So I'm in this, so I'm cookingit up, not paying attention, and
I end up cooking it all up andas I did it, I said makes me
(17:38):
emotional.
I said God, why would you wantme to suffer so bad?
And I was like a simultaneous.
I felt him and I heard him andhe said I wouldn't.
And I got up.
I should have been knocked outif not have OD'd.
And I got up and I walked outand I was like, wow, I don't
(17:59):
know how, but I had also notthat.
I know I'm not a religiousperson I guess God in my life as
a I didn't really know then.
Speaker 2 (18:10):
So in that moment you had mistakenly cooked up your
entire supply of heroin.
Did it?
And then said God, why wouldyou want me to suffer so much?
And then you audibly heard himsay I wouldn't.
And then you got up, so you didknow D.
That's a profound moment, andI'm not surprised it brings
(18:30):
tears to your eyes, because itwas such a profound moment.
Absolute miracle, right.
And so then, what happenedafter that?
As far as where did you go?
Speaker 1 (18:43):
So I ended up going home and I had been trying to
kind of duck and hide fromeverybody, including God.
Right, I don't know who.
The devil is in my ear,laughing, telling me what a
piece of garbage I am and I'mbelieving it.
Right, I'm right, I am, but nowI have this new profound green
(19:04):
light.
Right, it's go time, and Idon't know what that means.
Speaker 2 (19:10):
But all that other talk doesn't matter, because you
said go right, let's do thisthing.
Speaker 1 (19:16):
So I end up, you go home and it still took a couple
of days.
But think about this too I hadused all of that and now I'm
home, a couple of days go by, Ihaven't used, I'm not going
through withdrawal, I'm not.
There's nothing there.
Come on For real, right, forreal.
(19:36):
Then there is one night and Ikind of strange.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
That's an absolute miracle, that's a supernatural
healing of sorts to notexperience that.
Can we just pause for a momenthere?
Because it's it's so true thatthat happened to you.
So when you have evidence likethat, regardless of whether
we're religious or you'rereligious or not, or you believe
in that is something that can'tbe contested.
(20:05):
Right, that was a true, that'sevidence that you get.
That's how faith is built inmoments like that and people say
, well, how'd you get here?
How are you so faithful?
Because I've lived in momentslike that where I've actually
seen evidence of God's work inmy life.
When it should have been thisway, it absolutely was not.
(20:25):
And these undeniable spacesthat he gives.
You know what I'm saying.
So it's just incredible.
I know of someone and I justwant to share this right quick,
because it's so similar to whatyou said there was somebody who
I knew who was on methadone andhe was.
You know, third day is supposedto be the worst day and he was
taking his daughter out to icecream.
(20:46):
A month later, two months later, I saw him again and said wow
how are you so?
okay, right now I was a mess attwo months and he just looked at
me and he said God changed me.
And I thought well, that washis truth and that's what
happened.
And it was, that was it.
And like everybody has adifferent experience.
(21:07):
So I'm just so, was it?
And everybody has a differentexperience.
So I'm just so.
You beautifully said that, andso what happened next?
And it's not to say that thisis going to stick or whatever,
but these pieces of evidencebring us to the remembrances too
, and this is kind of like.
Speaker 1 (21:25):
Isn't that kind of what faith is Like?
That was my experience.
That was so real and soprofound, and that was the only
thing that made me even havejust a little glimmer of hope.
I was hopeless.
There's no way I was gettingout of what I had gotten myself
(21:46):
into, because I'm not even thesame person.
I don't even know how tofunction correctly, and nobody
sees it, nobody hears me.
I feel like I'm underwatersaying hello, I'm drowning, and
people are calling me a liar.
You're not really underwater.
That's, in your imagination, soridiculous.
So what happens next?
(22:06):
So I, a couple, a couple dayslater, I'm laying in bed.
We're all asleep well,everybody's asleep, except for
myself.
And I'd gotten up, grabbed myoldest daughter, put her into
bed, grabbed my youngest one,put her into bed, and I just sat
up all night and I looked atthe three of them.
They were facing me and Ibawled all night because I knew
(22:30):
I'm going to tell on myself, I'mgoing to tell my husband every
single thing and whatever heneeds to hear so I can get the
help that I need.
He'll understand, right?
Oh wait, yes, he will.
So it's the battle of allbattles that night.
Oh wait, yes, you know, we went.
So the battle of all battlesthat night.
The next morning he gets up, thegirls start getting ready, and
(22:53):
I just said, and I showed him myarms and it just came out.
And of course he had somechoice words for me and it was
I'm sorry, excuse me, they hadleft.
I'm so sorry they had left.
He went to work, the girls wentto school was when they got
(23:14):
back, because we were actuallysupposed to go to a Kings game
that night.
And that's when I saideverything, because he wanted me
to get up for that and Icouldn't get up.
And so that's when everythingcame out and he said some things
to me and he left with thegirls.
And then my dad and my stepmomshow up and when I think about
(23:35):
this too, this is soheartbreaking Showed them my
arms and just the looks.
To think that you could scaresomebody so bad people that you
love and care about it is that'sa heavy weight, really a heavy
weight.
So I end up, I grab some stuff,we go to their house and it's
(23:55):
still another couple of daysuntil they're taking me to the
hospital.
I'm getting the pep talk of,like you know, one step at a
time.
I can't sleep, I'm a mess.
And this is the last thing thatI can remember.
We're at an E and I feel myselfslipping and I don't know
(24:17):
exactly what's happening.
But I know I have to get my dadout of here.
He can't see what's gettingready to happen.
I don't know but it's, and Iwas mean to him, but I said what
I had to say to get him out ofthere.
And then the next thing, I knowit's a day later and I'm
walking down the hallway and Ilooking around and I'm actually
(24:43):
feel some relief.
I'm in a mental institution andI said, thank God, the monster
that I am can be under lock andkey and watched 24 hours a day.
I've been saved.
This is it.
This is exactly where I neededto be.
Who gets excited about being ina mental institution?
Speaker 2 (25:04):
Right that reaction.
Didn't know what you were goingto say, but it just shows you
were relieved.
Speaker 1 (25:10):
So and listen to this , though.
So I'd been there for in totalwas 17 days.
One day I'm there and middle ofthe night and I'm walking
around in circles.
I noticed myself rubbing mystomach.
Went, wait a minute, I feelpain right now like excruciating
pain.
I thought I was lying and thenthe next thing I'm down on my
(25:34):
knees curled up in a ball.
They have to call an ambulance.
I go to ER and they say thistime it's either diverticulitis
or colitis and send me back with.
You'll never guess whatantibiotics and pain pills Wow,
and I said anybody heard a wordthat has come out of my mouth?
Speaker 2 (26:00):
I've been trying to tell you from the beginning how
all of this has happened.
Wow, and so what happened next?
Speaker 1 (26:05):
Did you take them?
So then it said that was kindof the beginning and I think it
was in.
I still had those stomachissues and when they put me back
on all the medication that Isaid was making me feel worse
and I was hurting my stomach, Igot put back on all of those
things and so I had a reactionjust like before.
So, fast forward, I would getseparation papers at three days
(26:31):
out of that mental institution Ihad been.
They told me I was disabled.
I discharged papers, I carriedthem around with me to
understand myself, becausepeople were so still so cut off
from what was actually going onand what their fear and
assumptions, yes and right, sostuck in that that they still
(26:56):
could not see where I was at.
Speaker 2 (26:58):
So it's a scary place to be right To live in that, in
all of that, and yeah, I canunderstand.
Speaker 1 (27:08):
Scary is an understatement, I don't even
have the verbiage or it is afear outside of my understanding
as a human being.
I couldn't understand.
I was in another reality.
Speaker 2 (27:22):
So you were a fashion designer who owned a boutique
in Sacramento giving birth toyour second child, and now we're
here because we were in SanFrancisco at the time, but, yes,
I was a fashion designer livingthe life right and would you
say that's all stemmed from thepain medication addiction that
(27:43):
started after the postpartum?
Speaker 1 (27:46):
I think it was a combination of so the postpartum
and the medication, for sure,and I think everything because
of those also in combinationwith unhealed Right, which
everyone has.
Right, so where does it?
Speaker 2 (28:03):
take you now.
So You're now re-addicted oryou've initiated craving, so do
you follow it?
Out, or do you stay put?
Speaker 1 (28:14):
Well, at first I was okay, but I've also been given
separation papers, like onething that I needed was some
kind of stability and I hadnothing.
And I'm right.
I had nothing and I'm right.
I know God has saved me tocarry on.
But at the same time, in thehuman part of it and human
(28:36):
interaction was hitting one wallafter another.
So fast forward.
I'm sleeping in people'sgarages, sleeping in my car,
ended up on somebody's couch andthat was the last place I had
stayed.
I had been given a telephonenumber which I still can't even
wrap my head around that.
I had saved it and I knew whereit was because it had been some
(28:59):
time since I had been given itto me.
But it was a phone number for adual diagnosis and thank God
for the guy on the phone becausehe knew exactly how to ask me
the right questions to, becauseI kept thinking I had to have it
so figured out.
I can't go because of A, b andC.
Speaker 2 (29:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:19):
Right, and that's why you really need so much
handholding and love andunderstanding, even if somebody
doesn't understand, right.
Speaker 2 (29:29):
Well, I was thinking about that when you felt like
the lack of support, which isunderstandable, right, because
of what they've been through.
But I think too, and noteverybody loves 12 step, but a
lot of people do, and I thinkyou know why.
Because when everyone else sayswe're done here, you land there
, you walk into a room.
Sometimes, if you walk into a12 step and they're there and
(29:51):
the coffee's hot and they'relike, let's go, what do you?
Got Sit down, you just surroundyou and they just have the time
to pour in, because they'vebeen there and nothing shocking
and everything's okay and soit's like a.
so that's one avenue, that is,and it's open all the time and
it's free, and that's that's abig one.
(30:13):
I don't know if you went thatroute, which route did you go?
Where did you find that supportor?
Speaker 1 (30:18):
did you keep?
Speaker 2 (30:18):
going downhill until.
Speaker 1 (30:20):
Well, I went up and down, but when I got that phone
number cause this is actuallywhat I needed all along Well,
where I?
The dual diagnosis?
Yes, because I kept trying toget help for separate things and
I would end up right back whereI started.
And when you're trying to dothat and advocate for yourself,
it's a joke People are lookingat you like so.
(30:43):
In fact, I don't even thinkpeople believed me after a while
, because when I was in it, Iwas in it.
I couldn't.
This is who I am, because I wasno longer that person.
I was what you see right infront of your face.
You're a homeless drug addict,right?
So anyway, so fast forward, I'min a dual diagnosis and that's
(31:05):
where I started getting the helpthat I needed.
I still had another reactionand ended up in the hospital,
but they picked me up, they, andthat's where I need.
What I needed in the end issome handholding of cause.
I couldn't remember doctor'sappointments.
Speaker 2 (31:22):
Yeah, like some follow-up, extra set of ears and
eyes on you, so not thejudgment of what's taking you so
long.
Speaker 1 (31:32):
What's your effing problem?
Get your shit together, right.
I know you're mad, everybody'smad.
I'm mad too.
We're all pissed off.
However, we're going to getnowhere fast.
Speaker 2 (31:45):
But this is where the lack of understanding that
addiction is a disease.
Alcoholism it's a disease.
It's not good people gettingbad, what is that saying?
It's not bad people gettinggood, it's sick people getting
well, period, that's it.
Some people don't agree withalcoholism or addiction as a
(32:07):
disease, but I do, and when youview it like that, it takes all
of the hostility out.
It might still be there, butit's more understandable.
I didn't ask for it.
Speaker 1 (32:18):
I don't Right why would I want to ruin my entire
life Right.
Speaker 2 (32:26):
The failed attempts you mentioned earlier and the
self-hatred that they go hand inhand, because you start to have
those failures on your attemptsat getting better, changing
your life, and they don't do it.
And you were successful in allthese other areas.
Why can't I do this?
So then the despising starts tohappen and then it doesn't
matter if you destroy yourself,because why wouldn't you?
Speaker 1 (32:48):
And it's such a cycle destroy yourself, because why
wouldn't you?
And it's such a cycle, and thatis why I have seen time and
time and time again, and it'sheartbreaking because of stigma,
right, if it's not familyfriends, the world, it's us.
And who is our biggest enemybut ourselves, especially when
(33:11):
we're in it?
Right, because I mean, we're atour weakest, most vulnerable
state and the only thing we canthink of is failures that you've
made, going down and down anddown.
And I see it, I've seen it.
(33:31):
The reason I speak about it isbecause I've been in recovery
with women that are no longerhere, that have children around
the same ages as mine.
Right, those are moms, thoseare daughters.
Nobody asks for this.
Speaker 2 (33:49):
What happens at the dual diagnosis?
Do they continue to support you, and when do things start to
change and get good?
Speaker 1 (33:57):
Well, I think, because I really started to
understand myself more and I wasable to.
I'm taking classes and learningabout the brain and addiction
and our brains on addiction andunderstanding the difference in
how to differentiate yourselfand your illness and what
(34:17):
addiction is, and this is a bigone.
People think that, oh, if it'sa disease, it's okay, you can
just do whatever you want.
No, it's an understanding ofhow to differentiate the
difference between what is inyour control and when to ask for
help.
As a well, I can do whateverthe hell I want to.
(34:37):
That's really an excellentpoint.
Like I said, I needed all thehelp in the world and I finally
got it with the dual diagnosisbecause I could understand by
saying I could understand anddifferentiate what was in my
control and where to ask forhelp.
That's huge and I think that issomething that everybody needs
(35:00):
to hear.
No matter what side of thissituation you might be on is.
It's not an excuse right Tobehave however you want to.
It's an understanding of how totake care of yourself.
So right and so it was kind ofthing at one foot in front of
the other, and this is a wholenother story in itself, but I'll
(35:21):
just say this was a big turningpoint.
I was there for about nine or10 months and I kept getting
followed around with divorcepapers and it would make me
literally shake every time theytried to hand me this envelope,
because I still I could notunderstand anymore.
(35:43):
I was at a place that if youput one more thing on me I'm
going to snap.
I don't know how to do all ofthis.
And it ended up where I wasrocking myself just saying God,
I need you to give me the wordsto say to somebody else so
(36:03):
they'll hear me.
And I said, please hear, Icannot be in this loud ass
recovery, I need to go someplaceelse.
And I think they, please hear,I cannot be in this loud ass
recovery, I need to go someplaceelse.
And I think they knew what thatmeant.
So I ended up in another mentalinstitution, which I needed
because I couldn't even thinkstraight, and they made some
medication changes and fromthere I would go back, the
(36:25):
papers would come and it askedfor help and guidance and I got
none and I ended up signingeverything away, including my
children.
So then that started a wholenew.
I have the basics.
I'm terrified because I don'thave insurance or I'm not going
to have insurance anymore.
I need to get back home and Ineed to make a plan how I'm
(36:54):
going to get my girls back, howI'm going to function and start
integrating myself back into theworld.
Sure, and it wasn't easy.
It didn't happen overnight.
Just the trying to go out tofind an attorney without when I
would hear the words that werecoming out of my mouth.
I was so full of shame andguilt I didn't think that I
(37:14):
actually deserved to be there,right, so I would stop and I
would go home and loathe myself.
But I had some tools now andright, and I also, while I still
had the insurance, was settingup, my people, my support system
, and I just started doing onething at a time, knowing what
(37:35):
had helped me in that nine to 10months, and that's exactly what
I needed here.
I needed that support and I waspast.
That shame of this is the kindof help and support that I need.
I'm in a totally differentmindset now.
I'm going to take everythingthat I need in order for me to
(37:55):
succeed.
Speaker 2 (38:01):
That's way different.
So how far, how long did ittake to get back into good
graces with your family and backinto society and start to do
what you presently do, presentlydo.
Speaker 1 (38:14):
So I had gotten back in 2017.
I started taking somepsychology classes.
I ended up getting a job aspeer support for the county, and
so I helped other people thatwere in recovery or dealing with
mental health issues.
Cause I really, when I was atthat dual diagnosis and I
started to understand the thingsthat I didn't know before I was
off to the races, it was likenight and day, because I start
(38:39):
when you have the informationand something outside of what
you think right, because that'swhat.
That's how I was beating myselfup, because I thought I had to
have the answers Right, and soit's night and day.
So it just is one thing afteranother and some certifications
and some training and some, likeI said, one thing after another
(39:01):
and I ended up getting anattorney and we went to court
and I ended up getting the girls50-50.
I said I will do and jumpthrough whatever hoops I have to
, because I am well aware thatthose labels do not equate to a
sound fit.
(39:21):
Mother Right, if the tableswere turned, sure, right, so it
all makes sense.
Were they vigorous and Pauling?
Yes, but I did it and I don'tknow how again, but I think it
all goes back to.
Speaker 2 (39:36):
So that was like 2000,.
Excuse me, I'm sorry, go aheadit was back to that one.
Speaker 1 (39:40):
When you have that, that green light and that it's
going to be okay, and you driveit home with faith that I don't
know how we're going to do it,but look at all the steps that
I've made.
Speaker 2 (39:50):
There's no going back entirely.
Wow, that's incredible.
So you currently are in yourchildren's life today.
We're how many years in now?
So the current day?
What does your life look liketoday?
How different does it look?
Speaker 1 (40:05):
It's hard to believe really.
I got called a bag lady andmade fun of because when I got
out of the mental institution Ihad a lot of memory problems.
Oh, I don't think I discussedthis either.
I was misdiagnosed bipolar, soI was on antipsychs and mood
(40:26):
stabilizers which followed mearound for a while and was not
good.
In any case.
I would come in and out ofreality and nobody hears me and
the more outrageous it mightsound, true, you're nobody's
going to hear you.
So I drug around this bag and Ihad all my medical records and
little notes that I would writeto myself because I knew one day
that I would refer back to thatto remind myself of who I was
(40:49):
and what I was doing and where Iwas going.
It's like concrete evidenceRight.
And when you think about that, Ihad to carry myself around in a
bag.
Right, I don't have to do thatanymore.
Speaker 2 (41:00):
Giving proof right.
Speaker 1 (41:03):
It's wild to think about that happened Wow.
Speaker 2 (41:06):
Well, it's a lot of life experience and that you
bring to the table with helpinganyone else, because I don't
think anyone who hasn't beenthrough certain things to that
measure have much to offersomebody who's in similar
situations or even any kind oflike.
Yeah, I mean it's just.
There's no one more capable ofassisting someone in a crisis
(41:30):
situation like that than someonewho has walked through it
themselves period, and it's justthat effective because the
honesty is there, because thetransparency is there and the
non-judgment and theacknowledgement.
I know who you used to be,because I used to be and this is
(41:51):
all real and it happened.
But we don't have to stay here.
There's a way out.
Come, follow me.
This is what we're going to doand this is the hope that's here
, because it means just and yourlife comes back threefold.
It's just, and so can you speakto what you do now and walk us
through that a little bit, andthen we'll connect with
(42:12):
listeners on where they can findyou, Because I know that you
did write a book, so you're anauthor and sharing that hope
with people worldwide.
Speaker 1 (42:23):
Right, so fast forward.
And here I am, because I thinkone of the biggest things is
that I saw it all, right.
I've been on both sides of thefence, if you will, and I see
people, the high achievers thatpush themselves and it's like,
(42:43):
hey, that kind of looks familiar, right, because we don't know
when to stop, we don't know howto ask for help, because we
don't know what kind of help weneed, right?
So my focus now is, like Gen XRight, because we all fit in
that category of we weren't realto.
We didn't sit around the dinnertable and talk feelings, right?
(43:06):
Mental health issues isridiculous.
It is a new problem and I haveto change that.
I want to not be the personthat you see when you're at the
end.
I want to stop you before yougo there and just recognize that
it's not your fault, it's okayand it makes sense, because how
(43:30):
can you know something that youdon't know?
It is assumed that youunderstand because of stigma,
because of just growing up inthis world, but that is a false
belief system and it's not trueand wrong information that we
keep feeding each other, right?
So if you and I and I coach andI have clients.
(43:53):
Now let's write out like andwho are you really Right?
Until you start digging aroundand understanding who you think
you are and who yoursubconscious is ruling you to be
?
I have this analogy and I just Ilove this story.
It's oh, and I'm going to messup his name.
The story is he is anAfrican-American jazz musician.
(44:17):
He's out, he's in Mississippi,he's out playing at a gig and he
sees these two white guys, likeyou know, totally getting into
his playing and afterwards hegoes up to them or they come up
to him and say that was amazing.
I've never seen a black guyplay music like that before.
That was amazing.
(44:49):
I've never seen a black guyplay music like that before.
And he was like his wallet andwhips out an ID and he's like
some grand poobah of the Ku KluxKlan and that started a
relationship and this is myperfect example of.
He learned how to hate peoplebecause that's what he learned.
(45:10):
He didn't know why, wow, and hewas schooled right then and
there and had a newunderstanding of like, wait a
minute, why do I even hate thisperson?
I don't even know, right, andthat's exactly what I'm saying
about anything in life.
We run off our subconscious andwhat we've learned, and even if
it's not immediate and in yourfamily and surroundings, it is
(45:34):
at the world at large.
You don't know layers of crapthat are underneath until you
start healing the layers back,right?
So who are you and who are youreally?
Don't wait until you get yourass kicked, have one too many
things happen to you, right,exactly.
Speaker 2 (45:56):
Love that.
So what do you offer now andwhere can people find your book?
Speaker 1 (46:01):
So the best place to get ahold of me is my website is
jessica-sommerscom, and thereis a you can fill out whatever.
Reach out, say whatever youlike and I'll get back to you,
and there's also a calendar linkfor a free 30 minute.
Ask me questions, let's get youon track.
(46:23):
You say I coach, the book iscoming out and I'm a speaker, so
I can be hired as that as well.
But start there.
Reach out to me and I mean,like I said, you don't know what
you don't know and it's okay toask questions.
Speaker 2 (46:38):
Who is your focus?
Who is your ideal client?
I help.
Speaker 1 (46:42):
Gen X get out of their heads to help them in
their purpose power and peace,because you can have all of
those once you understand andget to know yourself.
Speaker 2 (46:58):
And you've done a tremendous job of really sharing
your personal story and yourheart, and there's so many parts
in there that listeners inearly sobriety are going to be
able to relate to and pull from.
It's just really good.
So I know that you have writtena book called the Road to Now
from Tragedy to Triumph.
Can you share with listenerswhat stage that book is in,
(47:18):
where they can find it?
Is it available as an ebook oris it just paperback?
Speaker 1 (47:23):
So the best place would be, actually any day, I
would say, to give it a week.
So we're right at that end.
Little stages and ebook willcome out.
Like I say, that will be thefirst, and then the paperback
comes out August 13th.
Um you know.
Speaker 2 (47:41):
Congratulations, that's a big thank you.
Excellent achievement, I meanincredible.
Speaker 1 (47:46):
And, like we spoke earlier too, there's a lot in
that goes in there to get it outto that point where to launch
it into the world.
Speaker 2 (47:55):
It just takes.
It's a.
It's a lot of work, so I Icongratulations to you.
Speaker 1 (48:00):
Thank you, I appreciate that.
I think, like all that happenedand I got through, that it's
just a book.
Come on, what's the problem?
Speaker 2 (48:09):
Yeah, and where can people find you during the week
so they can connect with you onsocials?
Your website.
So I'm on LinkedIn and I'mgoing to put those links in the
show notes so if anybody wouldlike to connect with you, they
can connect with you there andyour website.
Again one more time Iswwwjessica-summerscom.
(48:37):
And so you know, you've taken usfrom boutique owner to
prescription medication, toaddiction of those, to a heroin
addiction, to homelessness, tolosing your children, and then
you brought us all the way backto regaining custody of your
children, life, education tohelp others in the same area, to
(49:04):
now coaching and havingauthored a book that you're
about to share with the world.
So thank you so much for comingon and sharing your personal
story with us.
Thank, you.
Speaker 1 (49:14):
Thank you for this too.
So we can you know thesestories, so other people can
hear them, to know that they'regoing to be okay.
We can do this.
Speaker 2 (49:23):
It's wonderful.
Thank you for being here.
Thank you.
Thank you for tuning into theSober Living Stories podcast.
If you have been inspired,consider subscribing and sharing
with anyone who could use hopein their lives.
Remember to stay tuned for moreinspiring stories in the
episodes to come.
To view our featured author ofthe month or to become a guest
(49:44):
yourself, visityoujessicastephanoviccom.
The person that I once knew is no longer present
and I had no idea where alongthe path I completely lost
myself.
I don't even know who I am, andthe thing that I did not know
and this is why I was so hard onmyself is there is a very big
difference between making badchoices or actually just a
(00:23):
choice to begin with.
If you want to do drugs and youchoose to do them, okay, and
then there's addiction.
And then there's like heavyaddiction when you're in it and
you don't even know how you gotthere and you've never known
addiction before.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
Welcome to the Sober Living Stories podcast.
This podcast is dedicated tosharing stories of sobriety.
We shine a spotlight onindividuals who have faced the
challenges of alcoholism andaddiction and are today living
out their best lives sober.
Each guest has experiencedincredible transformation and
are here to share their storywith you.
(01:00):
I'm Jessica Stepanovich, yourhost.
Join me each week as guestsfrom all walks of life share
their stories to inspire andprovide hope to those who need
it most.
Welcome to the Sober LivingStories podcast.
Meet Jessica Summers, a formerfashion designer who once
struggled with pregnancycomplications, postpartum, which
(01:21):
then led to health issues, andaddiction complications
postpartum, which then led tohealth issues and addiction.
Today she's going to share herpersonal story.
She's a speaker and a coach incognitive behavioral therapy and
she helps others unlock theirpotential.
Her book is now coming out injust a couple of days the Road
to Now From Tragedy to Triumph.
What I'm excited about today isthe part where your addiction
(01:45):
goes from just having a healthissue to a full-blown addiction
to homelessness.
I have seen in the last 20years, particularly the last 10
years, that people who arerelatively living normal lives
and they get prescribedmedication and wow, what a fast
road downhill, so I'm happy tohave you on.
So welcome, welcome, jessica.
(02:07):
Welcome to the show.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
Thank you so much and , excuse me, it's huge about.
Well, let me say this I dospeaking events and I'll come
right out and say do I look likea mentally ill, homeless, drug
addict?
And of course, everybody, oh,I'm vulnerable, right?
What does that look like?
(02:29):
What does that look like to you?
Because those were the labelsthat I had and carried around
for a while and I didn't ask forit, right.
But there's so much in that Ididn't know any of this until I
knew it.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
Sure.
So how did it start?
How was your prior to youraddiction?
Walk us through a little bit ofthat life right before and then
just take it all the waythrough, so listeners can see
that transition, can see thattransition.
Speaker 1 (03:03):
So at the time I was married with children and I was
a fashion designer and I owned aboutique and on the outside
everything looked great.
And I think that was the hardpart in it too, because people
have a really hard timelistening or hearing you when
you have it all and you lookokay.
(03:25):
So what are you complainingabout?
And so it started with my thirdtrimester, my second pregnancy,
and it was completely differentthan the first.
I thought I've had a childbefore, I know all the rules and
the regulations and I've mappedit out, how to be the perfect
(03:46):
mother, whatever you get goingin your head, and I'm doing
everything that I did in myfirst pregnancy.
But I'm in my doctor's office,like it.
My third trimester ended upbeing every other week and
they're checking on my bloodpressure fluids and her heart
rate.
And one of my last it was acouple of weeks before I was
(04:09):
actually due.
I was on one of thoseappointments and the doctor's
freaking out and saying we'regoing to take you across the
street, we're going to induce,because they were worried that I
was going to have a strokebecause I had labial blood
pressure.
So it was like high, high andthen drop.
So they induced and what wasalso something that I look back
in retrospect like why did thisaffect my child?
(04:32):
Before she even came into thisworld, I had an epidural and it
only took on one side of my body.
I could feel everything and theother side was like jello.
When they finally did deliverher, they had to resuscitate her
, but then right away, first itwas a panic and then everybody
heard me and everything was okay.
So I ended up going back homeand I have like debilitating ab
(04:58):
pains, so I would eventually goback to the hospital and they
found that they had leftplacenta behind.
So that, right, there was thebeginning of the end that I did
not see.
But that was the pain pills, theinfections, one after another.
I had been given so manyantibiotics that I had an
overgrowth of bacteria from toomany antibiotics, so they gave
(05:22):
me more antibiotics.
From too many antibiotics, sothey gave me more antibiotics.
And what I know now too aboutlike gut brain and just our gut
in general and just that's awhole nother thing.
But I didn't know it then, butthat was just wreaking havoc on
my on my stomach, on my gut, andthen all these medications and
say that was the start of it.
(05:43):
And then I go back in and Ithey find I had a hiatal hernia,
then I had having rupturedovarian cysts, then I had to
have an ablation.
Then I mean, it was just onething after another.
And after a while you're kindof like okay, what am I doing?
I don't understand, becausethat conversation really doesn't
(06:06):
even come up in the doctor'soffice.
It was just more like this iswhat it is, here's some pain
pills, here's some medication,here's some antibiotics.
And you just kind of do, sure,right, what?
you're told Right and in factUntil you say wait a minute, and
that's what you did.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
So then, what happened next?
Speaker 1 (06:37):
Because I've had that same experience with different
medications.
Pilot, we are about go to thedoctor.
Take what they tell you to fixyourself.
If you don't, it must be a youproblem.
I didn't recognize that again.
So I was like, excuse me, sofar removed from that to see how
we actually all do functionuntil we question how we're
(06:59):
functioning.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
I remember saying to myself I felt terrible, my side
effects were intense and finallyI said to myself wait, we're
paying him, which?
Means I can go in and tell himI don't want to do this anymore
because it's wrong.
Understood.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
So I wish I would have.
I was too far in it by the endto even know up from down.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
So did you get the yeah, go ahead.
Did you?
Did the pain medication becomeproblematic in in that process?
Speaker 1 (07:28):
This is how you get sucked into.
Or for myself, is the pain isstill there.
I'm only taking the painmedication when I feel the
symptoms, but in that time thepain would get so bad that I
would end up taking more painmedication to try to get rid of
the pain.
And I was never.
I don't.
(07:49):
I used to party like a rockstar in my 20s.
This is something completelydifferent and I didn't know that
and I see it's all inretrospect and addiction and the
withdrawal symptoms were so.
They were the same of thefeelings I was having originally
(08:10):
from when they left theplacenta behind that whole
stomach.
There was right, so I didn'tknow how to distinguish one from
the other, decipher what washappening.
Got it, yes, and I keep havingall these other diagnoses and
medication.
And when I say I don't thinkthat medication is helping me, I
think it's making my stomachworse.
I would get more medication.
(08:31):
So I don't, I don't, I don'tunderstand anymore.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
And plus, you just you just had a baby, so the
tired factor it's zero, soalready you're not, you're doing
that.
And then you have this influxof medications, these diagnoses,
these trips to the doctor, painmedication, addiction starting
to happen.
Speaker 1 (08:51):
And I also too, postpartum right the thought
processes that I had right, Iwasn't okay, right, you weren't
yourself Right, and so weeksturned into months, turned into
years that moving.
I had a really close friend ofmine.
He drowned and it was just kindof you know, life happens, and
(09:15):
it was just one thing afteranother and, like I said, I was
complaining about it, saying Idon't know what I'm doing right,
I don't know what I'm doingwrong, and nobody really hears
you Again, if you don't looksick, you're complaining.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
You're the first person that said that on here,
and I, oh, I think that's sotrue.
When you don't, when you haveit together but you're falling
apart, it's tough for people tolisten because you're not saying
it and nobody's really sayinghey.
So you really have to, at somepoint, advocate for yourself.
You're just not going to makeit.
Speaker 1 (09:52):
Right, and so I end up I don't know how to advocate
for myself.
I don't even know what's wrongwith me.
I'm going to the doctor, I'mdoing and I had actually started
seeing a therapist who referredme out and he prescribes me
Valium.
So I'm already really.
Now I'm I'm pretty much passingout right in front of family
(10:16):
and I'm complaining, but I don'tthink anybody really wants to
see or hear it.
Now I'm there, so I start goingout at night and I'm pretty
pathetic Actually.
I am out at bars and I amwhining to anyone who will
listen.
(10:36):
So then I meet a drug dealerand then we go to a party and he
shoots me up with heroin.
Wow, and I thought I had beensaved.
Wow, cause I start.
I start making it okay becauseI don't care about going to the
doctor anymore.
I just have to do just a littlebit of heroin to function
(10:59):
because I'm still out.
I'm playing co-ed softball andco-ed soccer with my husband.
I can do all that if I justmake my own little concoction
here.
Think about that for a minute.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
Well, I've seen that I've had a friend and she worked
with me and she just needed alittle bit to get through same
exact thing, or she'd get verysick.
And it's just incredible howyou didn't need the doctor
anymore, so those visits stopped, but then you needed your
dealer.
See the transition there.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
So of course it is.
Reality is are you kidding me,right?
You've gone down this path andyou're going to make heroin,
right?
So I mean, but I, in allhonesty, my state of being at
that time and the thing that Idid not know and this is why I
(11:55):
was so hard on myself is thereis a very big difference between
making bad choices or actuallyjust a choice to begin with, if
(12:17):
you want to do drugs and youchoose to do them, and then
there's addiction, and thenthere's heavy addiction when
you're in it and you don't evenknow how you got there and
you've never known addictionbefore.
I'm looking in the mirror goingyou monster, you liar, you
don't want to do it, then whyare you doing it, right?
Speaker 2 (12:38):
Yeah, so listen, I think listeners can really
relate to that.
I know I can.
When you don't have anyexamples of what it was.
That's my story.
I didn't know what alcoholismwas.
I had no one around me who wassuffering from it.
I had no one in recovery.
So what is wrong with me?
And it took me a year, decadeto try to figure it out.
(12:59):
So you speaking today iscommendable and continuing.
I'd love to hear more and justwalk us through that.
So how did you look in themirror and say how did you
change from saying you monster,you're such a liar.
What's happening here?
Pull it together, doing thesethings you would never do, to
what's next?
Speaker 1 (13:18):
So I had tried.
I did some outpatient here andthere I kept and I really
believe in this too attractingright.
So I was attracting all thewrong people and we'd wanted to
get clean but brought each otherdown and I see that's a whole
nother topic and conversation initself, because that's such a
(13:41):
big one, but the intention isthere.
You just don't know that youneed all the help in the world
and you're not going to get itfrom another addict trying to
get clean.
If it happens, fantastic andgood for you.
For my particular case, no way,Because I also didn't realize
and didn't know that and I thinkthis is a big one is in the
(14:04):
time that I was growing up,there was no such thing as
depression, sharing feelings,and it was.
You got a problem, fix it,basically, get your shit
together, is your record in myhead.
So you don't know how to getyour shit together.
You've tried.
(14:25):
I don't know what to do anymore.
So I'm like spinning down evenfurther.
My mental health is this time.
It's mental, physical,emotional, spiritual.
I'm just, I'm done.
Speaker 2 (14:37):
And where are you at with your business?
You're being a mom, being awife.
What's happening there?
Speaker 1 (14:44):
So I and this is also I was going to tell the work
that I've done to actually,because, getting to know myself
better, I understand myselfbetter and how I function and
how I am very intuitive andsensitive, and so I was well
aware and I could see what myillness, even though people
(15:05):
didn't want to see it oracknowledge it.
I could see the chaos and thesadness, I could see it and feel
it, right.
But at the same time, I'm alsobeing told to get up, get your
shit together and all this otherstuff.
So I keep doing it so I can getout on the field.
Like I said, I ended up givingup my business because I, we had
(15:29):
moved and I just I could not.
I was falling asleep at thewheel commuting from Sacramento
to San Francisco.
San Francisco is where I hadthe boutique and that's where we
had lived but I was trying todo all this stuff and I can't
remember I have to think aboutit how long this goes on, for
Cause, like I said, I'm tryingto do some outpatient, but you,
(15:50):
just I I had to completelyremove myself from everything to
get the help that I needed.
Right, doing it and pretendingthat everything is okay.
Speaker 2 (16:03):
So did you do inpatient?
Did you go to rehab?
Because some people just needtheir entire world to stop, and
so that they can because it'shard to get to the fridge, which
is two feet away from me, andfigure out what's inside of it
to eat, like that's where we'reat when we show up right, which
is incredible.
How is that possible?
(16:24):
But that's the truth.
That's the truth.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
So check yourself out .
A big truth.
And that's what I think it getspeople stuck in getting the
actual help that they need.
Because they think like, okay,I can intellectualize this, how
come I'm doing the completeopposite.
It just doesn't work that way.
So I'm at the same apartmentwhere I originally got the drugs
(16:50):
and I'm sitting there and I'mbawling.
And I had usually had a routineof I'd buy enough for right
then and there for the rest ofthat day and then for the
following morning to come backto start the whole thing over
again.
So I'm not paying attention,I'm bawling because I don't know
(17:11):
who to ask for help for from.
I don't know where to goanymore.
I've tried outpatient.
I'm failing left and right.
I spies myself.
So I question sometimes shouldI even ask for help?
So I'm in this, so I'm cookingit up, not paying attention, and
I end up cooking it all up andas I did it, I said makes me
(17:38):
emotional.
I said God, why would you wantme to suffer so bad?
And I was like a simultaneous.
I felt him and I heard him andhe said I wouldn't.
And I got up.
I should have been knocked outif not have OD'd.
And I got up and I walked outand I was like, wow, I don't
(17:59):
know how, but I had also notthat.
I know I'm not a religiousperson I guess God in my life as
a I didn't really know then.
Speaker 2 (18:10):
So in that moment you had mistakenly cooked up your
entire supply of heroin.
Did it?
And then said God, why wouldyou want me to suffer so much?
And then you audibly heard himsay I wouldn't.
And then you got up, so you didknow D.
That's a profound moment, andI'm not surprised it brings
(18:30):
tears to your eyes, because itwas such a profound moment.
Absolute miracle, right.
And so then, what happenedafter that?
As far as where did you go?
Speaker 1 (18:43):
So I ended up going home and I had been trying to
kind of duck and hide fromeverybody, including God.
Right, I don't know who.
The devil is in my ear,laughing, telling me what a
piece of garbage I am and I'mbelieving it.
Right, I'm right, I am, but nowI have this new profound green
(19:04):
light.
Right, it's go time, and Idon't know what that means.
Speaker 2 (19:10):
But all that other talk doesn't matter, because you
said go right, let's do thisthing.
Speaker 1 (19:16):
So I end up, you go home and it still took a couple
of days.
But think about this too I hadused all of that and now I'm
home, a couple of days go by, Ihaven't used, I'm not going
through withdrawal, I'm not.
There's nothing there.
Come on For real, right, forreal.
(19:36):
Then there is one night and Ikind of strange.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
That's an absolute miracle, that's a supernatural
healing of sorts to notexperience that.
Can we just pause for a momenthere?
Because it's it's so true thatthat happened to you.
So when you have evidence likethat, regardless of whether
we're religious or you'rereligious or not, or you believe
in that is something that can'tbe contested.
(20:05):
Right, that was a true, that'sevidence that you get.
That's how faith is built inmoments like that and people say
, well, how'd you get here?
How are you so faithful?
Because I've lived in momentslike that where I've actually
seen evidence of God's work inmy life.
When it should have been thisway, it absolutely was not.
(20:25):
And these undeniable spacesthat he gives.
You know what I'm saying.
So it's just incredible.
I know of someone and I justwant to share this right quick,
because it's so similar to whatyou said there was somebody who
I knew who was on methadone andhe was.
You know, third day is supposedto be the worst day and he was
taking his daughter out to icecream.
(20:46):
A month later, two months later, I saw him again and said wow
how are you so?
okay, right now I was a mess attwo months and he just looked at
me and he said God changed me.
And I thought well, that washis truth and that's what
happened.
And it was, that was it.
And like everybody has adifferent experience.
(21:07):
So I'm just so, was it?
And everybody has a differentexperience.
So I'm just so.
You beautifully said that, andso what happened next?
And it's not to say that thisis going to stick or whatever,
but these pieces of evidencebring us to the remembrances too
, and this is kind of like.
Speaker 1 (21:25):
Isn't that kind of what faith is Like?
That was my experience.
That was so real and soprofound, and that was the only
thing that made me even havejust a little glimmer of hope.
I was hopeless.
There's no way I was gettingout of what I had gotten myself
(21:46):
into, because I'm not even thesame person.
I don't even know how tofunction correctly, and nobody
sees it, nobody hears me.
I feel like I'm underwatersaying hello, I'm drowning, and
people are calling me a liar.
You're not really underwater.
That's, in your imagination, soridiculous.
So what happens next?
(22:06):
So I, a couple, a couple dayslater, I'm laying in bed.
We're all asleep well,everybody's asleep, except for
myself.
And I'd gotten up, grabbed myoldest daughter, put her into
bed, grabbed my youngest one,put her into bed, and I just sat
up all night and I looked atthe three of them.
They were facing me and Ibawled all night because I knew
(22:30):
I'm going to tell on myself, I'mgoing to tell my husband every
single thing and whatever heneeds to hear so I can get the
help that I need.
He'll understand, right?
Oh wait, yes, he will.
So it's the battle of allbattles that night.
Oh wait, yes, you know, we went.
So the battle of all battlesthat night.
The next morning he gets up, thegirls start getting ready, and
(22:53):
I just said, and I showed him myarms and it just came out.
And of course he had somechoice words for me and it was
I'm sorry, excuse me, they hadleft.
I'm so sorry they had left.
He went to work, the girls wentto school was when they got
(23:14):
back, because we were actuallysupposed to go to a Kings game
that night.
And that's when I saideverything, because he wanted me
to get up for that and Icouldn't get up.
And so that's when everythingcame out and he said some things
to me and he left with thegirls.
And then my dad and my stepmomshow up and when I think about
(23:35):
this too, this is soheartbreaking Showed them my
arms and just the looks.
To think that you could scaresomebody so bad people that you
love and care about it is that'sa heavy weight, really a heavy
weight.
So I end up, I grab some stuff,we go to their house and it's
(23:55):
still another couple of daysuntil they're taking me to the
hospital.
I'm getting the pep talk of,like you know, one step at a
time.
I can't sleep, I'm a mess.
And this is the last thing thatI can remember.
We're at an E and I feel myselfslipping and I don't know
(24:17):
exactly what's happening.
But I know I have to get my dadout of here.
He can't see what's gettingready to happen.
I don't know but it's, and Iwas mean to him, but I said what
I had to say to get him out ofthere.
And then the next thing, I knowit's a day later and I'm
walking down the hallway and Ilooking around and I'm actually
(24:43):
feel some relief.
I'm in a mental institution andI said, thank God, the monster
that I am can be under lock andkey and watched 24 hours a day.
I've been saved.
This is it.
This is exactly where I neededto be.
Who gets excited about being ina mental institution?
Speaker 2 (25:04):
Right that reaction.
Didn't know what you were goingto say, but it just shows you
were relieved.
Speaker 1 (25:10):
So and listen to this , though.
So I'd been there for in totalwas 17 days.
One day I'm there and middle ofthe night and I'm walking
around in circles.
I noticed myself rubbing mystomach.
Went, wait a minute, I feelpain right now like excruciating
pain.
I thought I was lying and thenthe next thing I'm down on my
(25:34):
knees curled up in a ball.
They have to call an ambulance.
I go to ER and they say thistime it's either diverticulitis
or colitis and send me back with.
You'll never guess whatantibiotics and pain pills Wow,
and I said anybody heard a wordthat has come out of my mouth?
Speaker 2 (26:00):
I've been trying to tell you from the beginning how
all of this has happened.
Wow, and so what happened next?
Speaker 1 (26:05):
Did you take them?
So then it said that was kindof the beginning and I think it
was in.
I still had those stomachissues and when they put me back
on all the medication that Isaid was making me feel worse
and I was hurting my stomach, Igot put back on all of those
things and so I had a reactionjust like before.
So, fast forward, I would getseparation papers at three days
(26:31):
out of that mental institution Ihad been.
They told me I was disabled.
I discharged papers, I carriedthem around with me to
understand myself, becausepeople were so still so cut off
from what was actually going onand what their fear and
assumptions, yes and right, sostuck in that that they still
(26:56):
could not see where I was at.
Speaker 2 (26:58):
So it's a scary place to be right To live in that, in
all of that, and yeah, I canunderstand.
Speaker 1 (27:08):
Scary is an understatement, I don't even
have the verbiage or it is afear outside of my understanding
as a human being.
I couldn't understand.
I was in another reality.
Speaker 2 (27:22):
So you were a fashion designer who owned a boutique
in Sacramento giving birth toyour second child, and now we're
here because we were in SanFrancisco at the time, but, yes,
I was a fashion designer livingthe life right and would you
say that's all stemmed from thepain medication addiction that
(27:43):
started after the postpartum?
Speaker 1 (27:46):
I think it was a combination of so the postpartum
and the medication, for sure,and I think everything because
of those also in combinationwith unhealed Right, which
everyone has.
Right, so where does it?
Speaker 2 (28:03):
take you now.
So You're now re-addicted oryou've initiated craving, so do
you follow it?
Out, or do you stay put?
Speaker 1 (28:14):
Well, at first I was okay, but I've also been given
separation papers, like onething that I needed was some
kind of stability and I hadnothing.
And I'm right.
I had nothing and I'm right.
I know God has saved me tocarry on.
But at the same time, in thehuman part of it and human
(28:36):
interaction was hitting one wallafter another.
So fast forward.
I'm sleeping in people'sgarages, sleeping in my car,
ended up on somebody's couch andthat was the last place I had
stayed.
I had been given a telephonenumber which I still can't even
wrap my head around that.
I had saved it and I knew whereit was because it had been some
(28:59):
time since I had been given itto me.
But it was a phone number for adual diagnosis and thank God
for the guy on the phone becausehe knew exactly how to ask me
the right questions to, becauseI kept thinking I had to have it
so figured out.
I can't go because of A, b andC.
Speaker 2 (29:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:19):
Right, and that's why you really need so much
handholding and love andunderstanding, even if somebody
doesn't understand, right.
Speaker 2 (29:29):
Well, I was thinking about that when you felt like
the lack of support, which isunderstandable, right, because
of what they've been through.
But I think too, and noteverybody loves 12 step, but a
lot of people do, and I thinkyou know why.
Because when everyone else sayswe're done here, you land there
, you walk into a room.
Sometimes, if you walk into a12 step and they're there and
(29:51):
the coffee's hot and they'relike, let's go, what do you?
Got Sit down, you just surroundyou and they just have the time
to pour in, because they'vebeen there and nothing shocking
and everything's okay and soit's like a.
so that's one avenue, that is,and it's open all the time and
it's free, and that's that's abig one.
(30:13):
I don't know if you went thatroute, which route did you go?
Where did you find that supportor?
Speaker 1 (30:18):
did you keep?
Speaker 2 (30:18):
going downhill until.
Speaker 1 (30:20):
Well, I went up and down, but when I got that phone
number cause this is actuallywhat I needed all along Well,
where I?
The dual diagnosis?
Yes, because I kept trying toget help for separate things and
I would end up right back whereI started.
And when you're trying to dothat and advocate for yourself,
it's a joke People are lookingat you like so.
(30:43):
In fact, I don't even thinkpeople believed me after a while
, because when I was in it, Iwas in it.
I couldn't.
This is who I am, because I wasno longer that person.
I was what you see right infront of your face.
You're a homeless drug addict,right?
So anyway, so fast forward, I'min a dual diagnosis and that's
(31:05):
where I started getting the helpthat I needed.
I still had another reactionand ended up in the hospital,
but they picked me up, they, andthat's where I need.
What I needed in the end issome handholding of cause.
I couldn't remember doctor'sappointments.
Speaker 2 (31:22):
Yeah, like some follow-up, extra set of ears and
eyes on you, so not thejudgment of what's taking you so
long.
Speaker 1 (31:32):
What's your effing problem?
Get your shit together, right.
I know you're mad, everybody'smad.
I'm mad too.
We're all pissed off.
However, we're going to getnowhere fast.
Speaker 2 (31:45):
But this is where the lack of understanding that
addiction is a disease.
Alcoholism it's a disease.
It's not good people gettingbad, what is that saying?
It's not bad people gettinggood, it's sick people getting
well, period, that's it.
Some people don't agree withalcoholism or addiction as a
(32:07):
disease, but I do, and when youview it like that, it takes all
of the hostility out.
It might still be there, butit's more understandable.
I didn't ask for it.
Speaker 1 (32:18):
I don't Right why would I want to ruin my entire
life Right.
Speaker 2 (32:26):
The failed attempts you mentioned earlier and the
self-hatred that they go hand inhand, because you start to have
those failures on your attemptsat getting better, changing
your life, and they don't do it.
And you were successful in allthese other areas.
Why can't I do this?
So then the despising starts tohappen and then it doesn't
matter if you destroy yourself,because why wouldn't you?
Speaker 1 (32:48):
And it's such a cycle destroy yourself, because why
wouldn't you?
And it's such a cycle, and thatis why I have seen time and
time and time again, and it'sheartbreaking because of stigma,
right, if it's not familyfriends, the world, it's us.
And who is our biggest enemybut ourselves, especially when
(33:11):
we're in it?
Right, because I mean, we're atour weakest, most vulnerable
state and the only thing we canthink of is failures that you've
made, going down and down anddown.
And I see it, I've seen it.
(33:31):
The reason I speak about it isbecause I've been in recovery
with women that are no longerhere, that have children around
the same ages as mine.
Right, those are moms, thoseare daughters.
Nobody asks for this.
Speaker 2 (33:49):
What happens at the dual diagnosis?
Do they continue to support you, and when do things start to
change and get good?
Speaker 1 (33:57):
Well, I think, because I really started to
understand myself more and I wasable to.
I'm taking classes and learningabout the brain and addiction
and our brains on addiction andunderstanding the difference in
how to differentiate yourselfand your illness and what
(34:17):
addiction is, and this is a bigone.
People think that, oh, if it'sa disease, it's okay, you can
just do whatever you want.
No, it's an understanding ofhow to differentiate the
difference between what is inyour control and when to ask for
help.
As a well, I can do whateverthe hell I want to.
(34:37):
That's really an excellentpoint.
Like I said, I needed all thehelp in the world and I finally
got it with the dual diagnosisbecause I could understand by
saying I could understand anddifferentiate what was in my
control and where to ask forhelp.
That's huge and I think that issomething that everybody needs
(35:00):
to hear.
No matter what side of thissituation you might be on is.
It's not an excuse right Tobehave however you want to.
It's an understanding of how totake care of yourself.
So right and so it was kind ofthing at one foot in front of
the other, and this is a wholenother story in itself, but I'll
(35:21):
just say this was a big turningpoint.
I was there for about nine or10 months and I kept getting
followed around with divorcepapers and it would make me
literally shake every time theytried to hand me this envelope,
because I still I could notunderstand anymore.
(35:43):
I was at a place that if youput one more thing on me I'm
going to snap.
I don't know how to do all ofthis.
And it ended up where I wasrocking myself just saying God,
I need you to give me the wordsto say to somebody else so
(36:03):
they'll hear me.
And I said, please hear, Icannot be in this loud ass
recovery, I need to go someplaceelse.
And I think they, please hear,I cannot be in this loud ass
recovery, I need to go someplaceelse.
And I think they knew what thatmeant.
So I ended up in another mentalinstitution, which I needed
because I couldn't even thinkstraight, and they made some
medication changes and fromthere I would go back, the
(36:25):
papers would come and it askedfor help and guidance and I got
none and I ended up signingeverything away, including my
children.
So then that started a wholenew.
I have the basics.
I'm terrified because I don'thave insurance or I'm not going
to have insurance anymore.
I need to get back home and Ineed to make a plan how I'm
(36:54):
going to get my girls back, howI'm going to function and start
integrating myself back into theworld.
Sure, and it wasn't easy.
It didn't happen overnight.
Just the trying to go out tofind an attorney without when I
would hear the words that werecoming out of my mouth.
I was so full of shame andguilt I didn't think that I
(37:14):
actually deserved to be there,right, so I would stop and I
would go home and loathe myself.
But I had some tools now andright, and I also, while I still
had the insurance, was settingup, my people, my support system
, and I just started doing onething at a time, knowing what
(37:35):
had helped me in that nine to 10months, and that's exactly what
I needed here.
I needed that support and I waspast.
That shame of this is the kindof help and support that I need.
I'm in a totally differentmindset now.
I'm going to take everythingthat I need in order for me to
(37:55):
succeed.
Speaker 2 (38:01):
That's way different.
So how far, how long did ittake to get back into good
graces with your family and backinto society and start to do
what you presently do, presentlydo.
Speaker 1 (38:14):
So I had gotten back in 2017.
I started taking somepsychology classes.
I ended up getting a job aspeer support for the county, and
so I helped other people thatwere in recovery or dealing with
mental health issues.
Cause I really, when I was atthat dual diagnosis and I
started to understand the thingsthat I didn't know before I was
off to the races, it was likenight and day, because I start
(38:39):
when you have the informationand something outside of what
you think right, because that'swhat.
That's how I was beating myselfup, because I thought I had to
have the answers Right, and soit's night and day.
So it just is one thing afteranother and some certifications
and some training and some, likeI said, one thing after another
(39:01):
and I ended up getting anattorney and we went to court
and I ended up getting the girls50-50.
I said I will do and jumpthrough whatever hoops I have to
, because I am well aware thatthose labels do not equate to a
sound fit.
(39:21):
Mother Right, if the tableswere turned, sure, right, so it
all makes sense.
Were they vigorous and Pauling?
Yes, but I did it and I don'tknow how again, but I think it
all goes back to.
Speaker 2 (39:36):
So that was like 2000,.
Excuse me, I'm sorry, go aheadit was back to that one.
Speaker 1 (39:40):
When you have that, that green light and that it's
going to be okay, and you driveit home with faith that I don't
know how we're going to do it,but look at all the steps that
I've made.
Speaker 2 (39:50):
There's no going back entirely.
Wow, that's incredible.
So you currently are in yourchildren's life today.
We're how many years in now?
So the current day?
What does your life look liketoday?
How different does it look?
Speaker 1 (40:05):
It's hard to believe really.
I got called a bag lady andmade fun of because when I got
out of the mental institution Ihad a lot of memory problems.
Oh, I don't think I discussedthis either.
I was misdiagnosed bipolar, soI was on antipsychs and mood
(40:26):
stabilizers which followed mearound for a while and was not
good.
In any case.
I would come in and out ofreality and nobody hears me and
the more outrageous it mightsound, true, you're nobody's
going to hear you.
So I drug around this bag and Ihad all my medical records and
little notes that I would writeto myself because I knew one day
that I would refer back to thatto remind myself of who I was
(40:49):
and what I was doing and where Iwas going.
It's like concrete evidenceRight.
And when you think about that, Ihad to carry myself around in a
bag.
Right, I don't have to do thatanymore.
Speaker 2 (41:00):
Giving proof right.
Speaker 1 (41:03):
It's wild to think about that happened Wow.
Speaker 2 (41:06):
Well, it's a lot of life experience and that you
bring to the table with helpinganyone else, because I don't
think anyone who hasn't beenthrough certain things to that
measure have much to offersomebody who's in similar
situations or even any kind oflike.
Yeah, I mean it's just.
There's no one more capable ofassisting someone in a crisis
(41:30):
situation like that than someonewho has walked through it
themselves period, and it's justthat effective because the
honesty is there, because thetransparency is there and the
non-judgment and theacknowledgement.
I know who you used to be,because I used to be and this is
(41:51):
all real and it happened.
But we don't have to stay here.
There's a way out.
Come, follow me.
This is what we're going to doand this is the hope that's here
, because it means just and yourlife comes back threefold.
It's just, and so can you speakto what you do now and walk us
through that a little bit, andthen we'll connect with
(42:12):
listeners on where they can findyou, Because I know that you
did write a book, so you're anauthor and sharing that hope
with people worldwide.
Speaker 1 (42:23):
Right, so fast forward.
And here I am, because I thinkone of the biggest things is
that I saw it all, right.
I've been on both sides of thefence, if you will, and I see
people, the high achievers thatpush themselves and it's like,
(42:43):
hey, that kind of looks familiar, right, because we don't know
when to stop, we don't know howto ask for help, because we
don't know what kind of help weneed, right?
So my focus now is, like Gen XRight, because we all fit in
that category of we weren't realto.
We didn't sit around the dinnertable and talk feelings, right?
(43:06):
Mental health issues isridiculous.
It is a new problem and I haveto change that.
I want to not be the personthat you see when you're at the
end.
I want to stop you before yougo there and just recognize that
it's not your fault, it's okayand it makes sense, because how
(43:30):
can you know something that youdon't know?
It is assumed that youunderstand because of stigma,
because of just growing up inthis world, but that is a false
belief system and it's not trueand wrong information that we
keep feeding each other, right?
So if you and I and I coach andI have clients.
(43:53):
Now let's write out like andwho are you really Right?
Until you start digging aroundand understanding who you think
you are and who yoursubconscious is ruling you to be
?
I have this analogy and I just Ilove this story.
It's oh, and I'm going to messup his name.
The story is he is anAfrican-American jazz musician.
(44:17):
He's out, he's in Mississippi,he's out playing at a gig and he
sees these two white guys, likeyou know, totally getting into
his playing and afterwards hegoes up to them or they come up
to him and say that was amazing.
I've never seen a black guyplay music like that before.
That was amazing.
(44:49):
I've never seen a black guyplay music like that before.
And he was like his wallet andwhips out an ID and he's like
some grand poobah of the Ku KluxKlan and that started a
relationship and this is myperfect example of.
He learned how to hate peoplebecause that's what he learned.
(45:10):
He didn't know why, wow, and hewas schooled right then and
there and had a newunderstanding of like, wait a
minute, why do I even hate thisperson?
I don't even know, right, andthat's exactly what I'm saying
about anything in life.
We run off our subconscious andwhat we've learned, and even if
it's not immediate and in yourfamily and surroundings, it is
(45:34):
at the world at large.
You don't know layers of crapthat are underneath until you
start healing the layers back,right?
So who are you and who are youreally?
Don't wait until you get yourass kicked, have one too many
things happen to you, right,exactly.
Speaker 2 (45:56):
Love that.
So what do you offer now andwhere can people find your book?
Speaker 1 (46:01):
So the best place to get ahold of me is my website is
jessica-sommerscom, and thereis a you can fill out whatever.
Reach out, say whatever youlike and I'll get back to you,
and there's also a calendar linkfor a free 30 minute.
Ask me questions, let's get youon track.
(46:23):
You say I coach, the book iscoming out and I'm a speaker, so
I can be hired as that as well.
But start there.
Reach out to me and I mean,like I said, you don't know what
you don't know and it's okay toask questions.
Speaker 2 (46:38):
Who is your focus?
Who is your ideal client?
I help.
Speaker 1 (46:42):
Gen X get out of their heads to help them in
their purpose power and peace,because you can have all of
those once you understand andget to know yourself.
Speaker 2 (46:58):
And you've done a tremendous job of really sharing
your personal story and yourheart, and there's so many parts
in there that listeners inearly sobriety are going to be
able to relate to and pull from.
It's just really good.
So I know that you have writtena book called the Road to Now
from Tragedy to Triumph.
Can you share with listenerswhat stage that book is in,
(47:18):
where they can find it?
Is it available as an ebook oris it just paperback?
Speaker 1 (47:23):
So the best place would be, actually any day, I
would say, to give it a week.
So we're right at that end.
Little stages and ebook willcome out.
Like I say, that will be thefirst, and then the paperback
comes out August 13th.
Um you know.
Speaker 2 (47:41):
Congratulations, that's a big thank you.
Excellent achievement, I meanincredible.
Speaker 1 (47:46):
And, like we spoke earlier too, there's a lot in
that goes in there to get it outto that point where to launch
it into the world.
Speaker 2 (47:55):
It just takes.
It's a.
It's a lot of work, so I Icongratulations to you.
Speaker 1 (48:00):
Thank you, I appreciate that.
I think, like all that happenedand I got through, that it's
just a book.
Come on, what's the problem?
Speaker 2 (48:09):
Yeah, and where can people find you during the week
so they can connect with you onsocials?
Your website.
So I'm on LinkedIn and I'mgoing to put those links in the
show notes so if anybody wouldlike to connect with you, they
can connect with you there andyour website.
Again one more time Iswwwjessica-summerscom.
(48:37):
And so you know, you've taken usfrom boutique owner to
prescription medication, toaddiction of those, to a heroin
addiction, to homelessness, tolosing your children, and then
you brought us all the way backto regaining custody of your
children, life, education tohelp others in the same area, to
(49:04):
now coaching and havingauthored a book that you're
about to share with the world.
So thank you so much for comingon and sharing your personal
story with us.
Thank, you.
Speaker 1 (49:14):
Thank you for this too.
So we can you know thesestories, so other people can
hear them, to know that they'regoing to be okay.
We can do this.
Speaker 2 (49:23):
It's wonderful.
Thank you for being here.
Thank you.
Thank you for tuning into theSober Living Stories podcast.
If you have been inspired,consider subscribing and sharing
with anyone who could use hopein their lives.
Remember to stay tuned for moreinspiring stories in the
episodes to come.
To view our featured author ofthe month or to become a guest
(49:44):
yourself, visityoujessicastephanoviccom.
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