October 22, 2024 • 40 mins
Host Jessica Stipanovic and Renae Saager sit down to talk about how Renae teaches go-getter women worldwide how to start living a powerful, authentic life free from food and weight obsession. Tapping into her own unique journey with disordered eating and alcoholism, Renae connects with her clients on a deeper level, supporting them through the process of rewiring their brains with her no-BS approach. Renae can help clients challenge their mindset and begin healing, using her sense of humor and unparalleled perspective, creating a more enjoyable and transformational process. Undoing the crazy you feel around food is Renae's specialty, the confidence and clarity gained are the guilt-free icing on the cake
Listeners will uncover the raw truth behind the struggle with dual addictions to food and alcohol. Renae's transparency about the progression from casual drinking to dependency paints a vivid picture of the challenges faced. She emphasizes the importance of confronting the discomfort of change, illustrating how hitting rock bottom can transform into a powerful catalyst for seeking help and embracing sobriety. Her zest for life is a powerful example of living life out loud.
As we dive into the nature of dual addictions, Renea shares insights on reclaiming self-identity and solutions. Her experiences highlight the significant turning points in overcoming obsessive dieting and binge eating, emphasizing the deeper work needed to address anxiety and self-worth. Renea encourages listeners to connect with her through her podcast "Ditch the Binge" and other platforms, offering inspiration and support for those seeking an authentic life free from the constraints of addiction. Tune in for an episode filled with hope, resilience, and the pursuit of a life well-lived.
Connect with Renae on Instagram:
Website: Renae Saager
Ig: @renaesaager
Ditch the Binge Podcast: A Ballsy Podcast — Renae Saager
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Undoing the crazy you feel around.
Food is Renee's specialty.
The confidence and claritygained is the guilt-free icing
on the cake.
If you're someone who's ago-getter woman, who wants to
start living a powerful,authentic life free from food
and weight obsession, renee isyour person Certified health and
life coach and emotional eatingexpert, and she taps into her
(00:22):
own unique personal story inthis episode, where she has
battled eating disorders andalcoholism.
So she takes that lifeexperience and she teaches other
women around the world how tobe free from it itself.
So tune in today for your nextbest episode.
(00:46):
Welcome to the Sober LivingStories podcast.
This podcast is dedicated tosharing stories of sobriety.
We shine a spotlight onindividuals who have faced the
challenges of alcoholism andaddiction and are today living
out their best lives sober.
Each guest has experiencedincredible transformation and
are here to share their storywith you.
(01:08):
I'm Jessica Stepanovich, yourhost.
Join me each week as guestsfrom all walks of life share
their stories to inspire andprovide hope to those who need
it most.
Welcome to another episode ofthe Sober Living Stories podcast
(01:40):
.
My guest today is Renee Sager.
She's a certified health andlife coach and also an emotional
eating expert who teachesgo-getter women around the world
how to start living a powerful,authentic life free from food
and weight obsession.
Today she's going to share herpersonal story, her own unique
journey, where she had battledalcoholism and an eating
(02:01):
disorder herself, which bringsher to helping others today.
Do the same, get into thesolution.
I'm so happy to have you ontoday, renee, welcome.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
Thank you, I'm excited to be here.
I love getting to talk aboutthis stuff.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
Good, okay.
So yeah, just bring us back.
This is your story.
Bring us back as far back asyou'd like, up to the presently
what you're doing now.
Speaker 2 (02:25):
Yeah, you know, I was thinking about this this
morning when I was at the gym.
Actually, I was going pee and Iwas like you know what?
Did I get drunk the first timethat I drank and I think that I
did it was Corona, and it was aNew Year's Eve party and I was
14, I think 14 or 15.
(02:47):
And a bunch of families were atour house and we were playing
bunco and I don't remember howmany I had, but I knew that I
was getting intoxicated and Ifelt terrible.
The next day I was definitelydrunk and that was like the
first time I really drank.
And after that nothing reallycame of it.
(03:09):
You know cause, again, I was 14, I think.
So at that point my food stuffwas still pretty dormant and so
I just I had that that episodewhere I got drunk and my mom was
upset and she's like I can'tbelieve you're drinking and like
she didn't know because we weresneaking it and I didn't want
(03:30):
to do it again because I felt sosick.
So then, you know, fast forwarda couple of years and that was
when I started getting a littlebit more into health and fitness
and my body.
I was a normal, you know,likeyear-old girl, you start
your period, your body changes,you start paying attention to
(03:51):
guys, you start paying attentionto your social circles and I
just started becoming very awareof my body and my friend's
situation was not ideal.
I would say I have a little bitof trauma, little t-trauma,
from back then where I justnever really had a solid group
(04:11):
of girlfriends, and the onesthat I did have kind of plucked
me out of the social circle.
One gal in particular it feltlike her mission in life to just
erode me from this group and Ididn't have the skills or the
tools to know what was going onwith that as a 15-year-old girl.
(04:31):
But what I did start to noticewas that I could distract myself
with food and exercise.
And what I also started tonotice was that when you're 15
years old and you start payingmore attention to what you're
eating and you start working out, your body is extremely
receptive, and so it didn't takemuch for me to start losing a
(04:55):
little bit of weight and my bodystarting to change.
And not long after that thecompliments started coming in.
I was like, oh my gosh.
I guess people think this ishard Like this is easy for me.
I obsess over my calories.
I work out no matter what.
Like I'm focused, I don't haveto pay attention to what's going
on at school, I don't have toworry about the fact that I feel
(05:17):
alone and that nobody wants tohang out with me.
It's fine, I'm fine, I'm goingto focus on this.
And so I got really good atrestricting.
I got really good at workingout and pushing through any
limits that I thought that I had.
But then it kind of made ashift where it went from me
being able to have control overthis food thing and this
(05:40):
exercise thing and feltempowered by it and felt like
almost like an air ofsuperiority, like I'm better
than you because I don't have toeat.
I'm better than you because Ican work out when it's hot.
But it started to flip and Istarted eating more and more.
At night, where I used to thinkit was like a badge of honor to
(06:01):
go to sleep with hunger painsand push through that, it now
became this thing where I didn'thave control I had to eat.
Not only did I have to eat, Ihad to eat so much that I could
barely stand upright.
I had to hunch over because mystomach hurts so bad and I was
(06:22):
in that cycle of quote cleaneating aka restricting, aka
eating nothing all day long andworking out once, twice a day
depends on the day, sometimesthree and to binge eating at
night, just like for hours afterpeople would go to sleep.
And then, after a few years ofthis, I can't really remember
(06:47):
what.
My parents always had a liquorcabinet they sometimes
entertained and it didn't have alock on it and it was under, it
was in the kitchen, it was openand probably 15 different kinds
of liqueurs and stuff in there.
Both my parents drank, notalcoholically, but my mom would
enjoy a gin and tonic or acouple glasses of wine and my
dad would have some beers.
(07:08):
So that was never an abnormalthing.
But what I started to notice wasthat, because of my obsession
with food and restriction, thatwhen I would drink, the desire
to eat left.
Not only did the desire to eatleave, but the insanity that was
(07:32):
going on in my brain about canyou have this?
How many calories Did you burnthis off?
Do they like you?
You're not good enough.
Nobody's ever going to thinkthis of you.
You're too fat, you're too this.
All of that inner chatter wassoftened and I was like this is
incredible.
This is incredible.
Not only do I not want to binge, I don't want to eat and I'm
(07:54):
finally relaxed, which was likethe first time in years where I
was like, where I was like thisallows me to go outside and sit
in a chair and just sit.
I could never do that.
Yes, I was too anxious.
I felt too much guilt.
(08:14):
Yeah, I felt too much guiltabout sitting and doing nothing.
I just I'm not that kind ofperson.
It was like go, go, go, alwayson, always things to do, always
stuff to accomplish.
And so this was like such arelief because I was so
exhausted.
The thing that's differentabout alcohol versus food and
(08:35):
I'm sure we'll get into this,because I think a lot of people
think this is that one is veryphysically addicting, in that
your body becomes physicallyaddicted to it and food not so
much.
Again, we can get into this ina little bit.
But I started drinking in theway that I kind of started my
(08:59):
obsession with food, which was 0to 100, where it would start
with, like some Mike's hardlemonade light which they used
to make back in the day, whichwas like 80 calories, low sugar.
I was like this is great, I canget a buzz, low, low Cal, I
don't have to worry about it.
And then it started shifting tohard alcohol because I was like
(09:20):
I have to drink more of that.
The bottles are loud, I don'twant to throw all this away.
I have to pee a ton.
I just I don't want to dealwith that.
I don't have to keep going tothe store.
The bottles are loud.
So I switched to like gin andtonic and I then switched to
just straight alcohol.
(09:42):
Because I got to the pointwhere I was drinking, you know,
it started really innocent likea Mike's Heart lemonade at night
and turned into thinking youknow well, like, if taking the
edge off at 4 or 5 pm is good,why not 10 or 11?
Like, why wait, why put myselfthrough all this suffering all
(10:03):
day long when I can just like,feel this now, like what's the
big deal?
I don't know what the big.
I just have a couple, and Imean, as you can guess, that
again, the physical.
I.
I am a very not I'm a veryintense type of alcoholic.
I started drinking like that atage 18.
(10:26):
And by age 21, 22, when I wasin the hospital, the doctor said
that she had noticed somecirrhosis of the liver starting.
So I very quickly excelled.
I got a straight A in that.
But such a big purpose behind mydrinking was just, I just
(10:50):
wanted some peace of mind, Ijust wanted everything to be
quiet, I just wanted to feelcomfortable in my skin.
But again, the alcohol, thephysical dependency.
For me, that became a bigreason I would have to drink in
the morning.
So I had I was fired frommultiple jobs.
I would wake up and I wouldthrow up bile, for you know, the
(11:14):
first 10, 15 minutes that I wasawake I couldn't keep anything
down until I took some, a coupleshots.
So I never really took shots, Ijust drank it straight out of
the bottle or whatever I couldfind.
You know I had alcohol hidden inmany, many places because
people were always trying to getit.
So I like had I had it in shoes, I had it out like nobody.
I had it outside in this toolchest.
(11:36):
No one ever found that one.
But like I had so manydifferent little secret Heidi
spots that nobody knew aboutbecause I was like, well, if
they find this one, I need tohave backup.
And that was just like my.
That was my life.
Like, get drunk, try not to gettoo drunk so you can go to your
job, eat some alcohol in yourcar, so at lunch you can go out
and get some or keep it in yourpurse so you can go to the
(11:56):
bathroom and take a couple swigsmake sure you have gum in there
, okay, don't get true drunk,because you can't do it and then
go home and then like just gocrazy, go buck wild and just
like hope that you wake up inthe morning so you can do it all
again.
And that was my existence for acouple years and it was rough.
I mean, I was drinking anddriving constantly, constantly
(12:20):
and I ruined relationships.
I ruined relationships.
At a certain point, basically myentire family said we want
nothing to do with you.
I had been to two treatmentcenters at that time.
They had put me in twotreatment centers, both of which
I relapsed within a week or two.
(12:40):
Finally, on the third one, Iended up relapsing again, but I
got back back on the horse,quote unquote, after a few weeks
of that.
But that was when I was veryagainst AA because I was like
I'm not a 50 year old loser, I'mlike what?
I don't, this is not me.
And now I'm like 50 is notwhatever.
(13:01):
I was 20 at the time, folks 22.
Speaker 1 (13:04):
So I was like I'm not going to this.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
I'm not going to these like weird meetings and
also I'm not really an alcoholicLike, I just like to drink.
It's not a problem.
And you know, eventually I gotto the point of going to AA and
that was.
You know, I personally kind ofhad to get to the point of
losing everything, because Ireally did lose everything.
(13:26):
I was dropped off.
I ended up getting sober in aand starting my journey into
sobriety in a clean and soberliving house in Portland, oregon
, with a bunch of other women.
My parents took my car.
I had been fired from like thelast three or four jobs and
there was an NA meeting that wasdown the street that I just
walked to because I didn't knowanyone, I didn't know anywhere
(13:50):
to go, and so I started goingthere and eventually I got my
car back and I started going toAA meetings and I never really
felt the magic of AA necessarily.
I just heard get a sponsor anddo the steps and like your life
is amazing then and I was likeall right, let's go.
Like, let's do these steps, Iam ready to feel.
(14:11):
Whatever these people aretalking about, Bring it.
So I got a sponsor, I crankedthrough those steps, nothing.
I was like this sucks, this isnot what I signed up for.
I got another sponsor.
I cranked through those steps,nothing.
And up for I got anothersponsor.
I cranked through those steps,nothing.
(14:32):
And I was like what is this ajoke?
Like I don't feel any better.
I did the amends, I did theeverything.
I was like this is not greatfor me, like there's no, there's
no, I don't understand.
Um, and you know, at this pointI no longer go to AA, but I do
think that for me in thebeginning, the first, you know,
I I did go fairly consistencyfor sure for the first five
years, but just being aroundother people that didn't drink
(14:53):
was critical for me because, asa 22 year old, I genuinely
thought my life was over.
That was a thing that I was.
I was questioning it's just sosilly that I, at 22, I was so
wildly single I mean, I was likea peer do at my wedding.
If I can't toast with champagne, there is I can't how it's
(15:30):
married without champagne.
But that was how my brainworked, because alcohol was the
center of everything.
It's like what do you do whenyou on a Friday night with
friends?
What do you?
Do you know, at a barbecue.
What do you do with?
your hands when you go to anevent and you don't know anyone?
How do you do you know at abarbecue?
What do you do with your handswhen you go to an event and you
don't know anyone?
How do you do these things?
I don't understand.
(15:50):
Like I really thought my lifewas over.
I truly thought that and Ithink that being around other
individuals that did not drinkwas super helpful.
And just hearing like, oh, yourlife doesn't actually end.
And just because that's, oh,your life doesn't actually end,
and just because that's whatyou're used to, doesn't mean
that's the only way to do life.
(16:10):
You've just been.
I mean, I really think thatdrinking can make our lives
extremely small, because it justbecomes the go-to, like, oh,
let's just get a drink, let'sget a drink, and honestly, like
so many.
I was just talking to my husbandabout this, but I think almost
every single person that I'vetalked to that drinks has said
to me at one point or another Iwonder, if I have a problem with
(16:32):
drinking, I should probably cutback.
I don't know if I should bedrinking as much as I should.
It's a very, very challengingthing for people to moderate and
I do think that the majority ofthe time people drink they wish
they wouldn't have, but it'sjust what we're used to.
It's like OK, I guess I'll havea couple beers.
(16:55):
It turns into four, turns intofive, turns into who knows what.
You know, you wake up with ahangover.
So that was, you know.
I ended up getting sober then at22 and kind of starting to
rebuild my life, and then thefood stuff really hung around
and it turns out that being dualdiagnosis is kind of what they
(17:17):
call it.
Having food issues and drinkingissues is super common, is
super common and I didn'trealize that.
But they actually havetreatment centers that treat
both disordered eating, slasheating disorders and alcoholism,
because they are so similar anda lot of this is because our
brains are seeking that, likedopamine, that excitement that
(17:41):
get, like you know like, you geta rush and you get a release.
You get a release when you'redrinking, even if, like, if
you're restricting, you get ahigh from that.
If you're purging, you get ahigh from that.
You know there's all, there'sthat release that you get.
And so people with that kind ofpersonality whether you're just
, you know, eating a bag ofchips at night or you're going
(18:03):
through three drive throughs aday, like it's the same thing,
it doesn't matter.
And I've done all of it right.
I've been the person that can'tkeep, you know, red vines in my
house because I'll eat thewhole bag.
And I've been the person whohas literally hit three or more
drive-thrus or had to switchthem up because I didn't want
the cashiers to recognize me,which is the exact same thing I
was doing with liquor stores.
(18:24):
I was switching up the liquorstores because I was like
they're going to know I can't begoing in there this much.
Unfortunately, I lived in avery small town, so I had to
find people to get it for me orwhatever.
You get very resourceful whenyou have an addiction that you
need to fulfill.
You are so resourceful so I didall that.
(18:44):
But you know, my food startedfeeling it was just like my
drinking.
And I remember thinking, youknow, I was at this point, I was
wildly bulimic and justthinking, you know, and I had a
partner, I had a relationship, Ihad a job.
At this point I'd been soberfor five years and I was like I
am in another type of hell, likeI have gotten sober Finally.
(19:09):
It took me so long, it wasexhaust, it was not fun, but I
did it and I'm rebuilding mylife and I I'm in another
personal hell.
I might as well go drinkbecause I don't want to live
like this, like I'm so exhaustedof the constant noise.
And so I I bounced around, youknow, to food addict meetings,
(19:33):
therapists, nutritionists,personal trainers.
I tried every program it'swhole 30, the ordering food, not
ordering food like anything,anything to relieve this food
thing from me, because trulythat was what came first for me.
And you know it took aboutanother five or so years before
I really started to change myrelationship with food, thank
(19:58):
God.
And now, you know, fast forward, I really feel like I've come
to the other side of both myrelationship with food and
alcohol.
But also I try not to get toococky with either, so I'm not
(20:18):
super excited about having astocked liquor cabinet here.
My husband drinks and and thiswas something that you know I
remember asking my mom when Iwould come home and stay with
her early on, like the first twoyears or so of sobriety.
I'd be like I know this soundsdumb, but I need all of the
alcohol out of the fridge, likeI just was.
(20:39):
I wasn't on solid, I was prettysolid, but I wasn't that solid.
And so, even today though, I'mnot like yeah, let's keep all
these alcoholic beverages in ourfridge because why not?
Like I just, there's no needfor me to do that, you know.
There's no need for me toencourage it.
And I don't mind.
My husband drinks.
He likes whiskey.
He'll have some beers myselfnow and I can go to bars for
(21:07):
meetups or go to a cocktailparty with girlfriends and have
a Diet Coke or whatever.
It's genuinely no big deal now,but also it's not something I
seek out to go attend.
Same thing with my food.
I can be in a workout class andI can be around someone that's
talking about how much she hatesher body, but do I enjoy it?
No, will I say something?
Probably because I'm like it'sboring, I don't want to be
(21:29):
around it.
I don't want to do that.
Like I I worked so hard to getout of that stuff that I just I
don't tend to be drawn orattracted to people that are.
You know, if you're a dailydrinker, our, our lifestyles
probably just aren't going toline up honestly.
And if you're someone thatwants to obsess over calories
and weigh and measure everythingand spend six hours in the gym
(21:49):
every day, like fine to eachtheir own.
But, like I, just don't want todo that anymore.
So that is is kind of a cliffnotes version of some of my um
story.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
Yeah, you hit on so much, you hit on so many things,
it's really good.
I didn't want to interrupt onemoment.
So, yeah, and it's like fromgoing way back to the beginning
of this, this your story, youknow, when you were pushed out
of the girl group, right, youknow I was going to say well
that you know that that stillhappens, PS in, like forties,
(22:25):
fifties, PS in like 40s, 50s,right, totally it's like that.
But we're, you know, it's justso funny, it's just like you
know.
But as a 14, 15, or 16, youknow you're affected more by it.
When you're older you can seethings for what they are.
But you talked so wonderfullyabout all these different isms
(22:46):
and stuff and the physicalityand the appearance of alcoholism
and also eating disorder.
But two, I think that not theroot issues, like issues of
origin I'm talking about, but Ithink the feelings behind those,
like the isolation, the shame,like if you're binge eating and
(23:08):
your weight gain, it's like sosimilar, it keeps you home, you
don't want to show up, somebodymight see you.
It's so similar to alcoholismwhere it's like you don't want
to drink this much because yougot to get there and they really
go hand in hand.
And so I was.
I didn't know that there wererehabilitation centers that
(23:28):
handled both because they wereso closely connected.
But I'm not surprised, you know.
Speaker 2 (23:34):
yeah, I mean they they have alcoholics anonymous
meetings.
They also have food addictanonymous meetings, which are so
unhelpful.
I spent years in and out offood addict anonymous meetings
that they're just please ifyou're hearing this and you're
like I relate to some of herstory.
Do not go to these meetings.
They're not helpful.
It will exacerbate yourdisorder, eating in like
(23:54):
wildfire.
But yeah, it's very common tohave there be an overlap and,
honestly, it's often people willsay like I've just switched
addictions.
You know, I went, I used todrink a lot and now I eat a ton,
or you know and this issomething I work with my ladies
around food stuff too, is thatit's easy to clear up your food
stuff and then be like, all of asudden you're obsessed with
(24:14):
exercise or all of a suddenyou're obsessed with you know,
your relationship and nitpickingyou flip addictions.
Yeah, it's, completelyunderstood.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (24:25):
It happens all the time and, um, it's good to be
aware of that, because then youcould be, like so, imprisoned
again you know, and that's notwhy anyone gets sober, that's
not why anyone um tackles adisorder to to then move to
another one and be be imprisonedby it.
So talk about like you know.
You said you're on the otherside of it.
(24:45):
So what is the freedom fromthose two things look like for
you?
Like, how does your life getbigger and become better?
Speaker 2 (24:53):
Oh my gosh, just touch on a couple, because
there's so many yeah, it'sliterally every single thing,
like I often.
So I'll be coming up on 15years in July and there is
nothing in my life.
Thank you.
There is nothing in my lifethat would be possible without
first having got sober.
It just wouldn't, becausealcohol inevitably ruined
(25:18):
everything.
And so I'm able to show up.
I missed my dad's weddingbecause I got drunk and blacked
out.
I completely missed it.
So there's photos and I'mmissing in the photo.
You know, I don't have to lie.
I don't have to lie about why Ican't make it or why I have to
leave, or why this or why that.
Like there was just so muchlying and secrecy, and so I can
(25:44):
just show up and do something ona whim, whereas before
everything had to be verycalculated, and this goes for
food and for alcohol.
Like everything had to becalculated.
I was.
Both of these things made me sotightly wound, just like, okay,
I can't do this, I have to dothis.
Like just my brain wasconstantly going.
And so now you know I can't dothis, I have to do this, like
just my brain was constantlygoing.
(26:06):
And so now you know I can sitand read a book.
I can, you know, not have toworry if something happens with
my kid and I might have to driveus somewhere.
You know, because before it waslike I don't know, am I going to
be drunk, Am I going to beblacked out Like I can't do
anything if it's after 5 pm,because that's when I start
drinking.
(26:26):
So you know, there was just somany things in my life.
Yes, and so to just honestly,be able to live you brought up
the word exhaustion.
Speaker 1 (26:38):
a couple of times you brought up the word exhaustion
a couple of times, and I thinkwhen I know from my own
experience, when I got reallyexhausted at the end there, I
was completely done.
Cause it's like you bring itall the way to the point where
you just can't do it, and it'smental exhaustion as well as
(26:59):
physical because of all thethings that you just said.
And so something to be carefulof because I know a lot of
people listening are in sobrietyis we're talking about food and
alcohol, but then there's alsolike busyness.
You know, those tabs can reopenif you're starting a business
and you know, if you're findingyourself too busy where you
(27:19):
can't sit and read a book, thenyou may be moving into like
being addicted in a sense to thework or the hustle or the
sideshow or the building, and soto be careful of that, because
I mean, I know, for me I have alot of tabs open and I'm
thinking, wow, is this anotherform, but not such as?
And then you just reel it backin, you know, and but we have
(27:40):
the tools because we overcamethe other stuff, and so it's
just, it's a really good way ofliving.
It's, you know, and you talkabout exhaustion, and then here
you're, here you are, you haveso much energy, right, and it's
like that's a gift, it's likeamazing to have that positive
energy, that that's coming out,you know, like cause it was so
stifled for so long, right, it'sjust, it's incredible, it's a,
(28:04):
it's a huge gift.
Well, and I think so what areyou doing now?
Cause I know you help women.
You help women do overcomecertain things, so can you talk
about that?
Yeah, how you're what you, whatyou do, how you're using your
um, your past to to in yourprofessional life.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
Yeah, so I work with women around.
I mean, honestly, so many ofthe things that we just touched
on was many.
I would say, um, like 40% ofthe women that I work with maybe
aren't alcoholics, but theywill say, like maybe I should
look at my drinking, maybe Ishould actually take this into
consideration.
But for the most part, you knowit's it's around the food, body
(28:46):
weight obsession.
They've spent years, decades,dieting, obsessing, weighing,
spending hours in the gymcounting every single freaking
almond that they eat.
I mean all of it.
And they're at the point nowwhere kind of like you were just
talking about, where you'relike I can't do this anymore.
Or it's like the dieting isn'teven working, like I don't know
(29:10):
what else to do becausenothing's working anymore.
And while that can feel likesuch a defeating place to be,
you have to reach that point toreally do something different.
Because I don't know about you,but I tried a million ways to
navigate and manipulate my foodto make it work.
(29:30):
I'll drink.
Only, you know, I'll switchback to beer instead of hard
alcohol so I don't get as drunkand I'll make sure I don't start
till seven and I'll make sure Icut off at 10.
And I'll make sure this andI'll make sure that right start
till seven and I'll make sure Icut off at 10 and I'll make sure
this and I'll make sure thatright, we have to go through all
of those things to reach alevel where we're like okay, I
think I'm actually ready to dosomething different, and so
(29:51):
that's the.
That's the spot that they get intheir relationship with food
and, honestly, the food is theeasiest thing to clear up, like
if, if someone's binge eating, Ican almost guarantee, depending
on what I hear about them, thatthey will stop binge eating
within the first two months, ifnot the first month, because
it's so much more about managing.
Speaker 1 (30:12):
Well, that's really good to hear, because I think
people that do that tend tothink like how do I get out of
this?
Like how do I stop?
Like it's everywhere, like youknow you have to eat, so for you
to say that they're going toput that down and not do that
anymore.
That's a pretty good outcomefairly quickly.
Speaker 2 (30:31):
It is.
And I, I I believe this with mywhole being.
I mean, I've done this work forseveral, many years, you know,
at this point and I've workedwith a lot of women and almost
every single one will say Ican't believe how quickly I
stopped binge eating.
I can't believe, I didn't thinkit would happen that fast.
And they've been binge eatingfor you know, or dieting, or
restricting or obsessing for 20years, but that's like the first
(30:53):
, first and fastest thing to toleave.
And then we work on, like theanxiety, your self-worth, your
self-confidence.
Are you speaking up?
Do you feel like you have to bebusy?
I honestly don't think there'sanything wrong if you're just
naturally more of a busy bodytype person, Like you like to
have a lot of things going on,but it's more checking in with
(31:14):
like, why are you really doingit?
Like, are you doing it becauseyou genuinely like it or are you
doing it because you think?
Speaker 1 (31:20):
that if?
Speaker 2 (31:21):
you don't, people are going to think differently,
like if you stop working outevery morning at 6 am.
Do you want to?
Are you worried people aregoing to think like, oh, she's
let herself go, I knew it wascoming, you know, are you
showing up to the meetings andthe events because you want to?
Are you doing it because youthink that if you don't, people
are going to think less of you?
Right, and so it's reallystarting to get super solid on
(31:41):
why you're doing what you'redoing.
And I find so many of myclients are in their 40s to 50s.
I mean, I've worked with womenas young as 16 and as old as 72.
So it's the gamut, right.
Food stuff and drinking stuffdoesn't discriminate.
But really, you know, we reachthis point where we've done a
lot, we've checked off a lot,and we're like I don't want to
(32:03):
do that stuff anymore, like I'veoutgrown these tendencies and
behaviors, I don't want to bethis person anymore, but I don't
know how to get over there.
Like I kind of maybe have anidea of what I want to do, but I
don't know how to get there,and so I come in and help kind
of bridge that gap between wherethey're at and where they want
(32:25):
to be and move over into thatarena.
Speaker 1 (32:26):
Okay, do you do one-to-one coaching or how do
you do that?
Do you have a community?
Speaker 2 (32:31):
I have done a handful of groups in the past, which I
love doing.
I just kind of run those on awhim.
I don't have a set schedule,just kind of whenever I feel
like doing it honestly.
But I primarily work withone-to-one clients and I kind of
have a behind-the-scenes alumnigroup right now with past
clients, which is super greatbecause it's nice to kind of
keep your foot in the waterhonestly.
(32:52):
Where a gal just posted in thereabout talking about how her
sister brought up diet stuff, orsomeone else talked about, you
know, stress at work and notknowing how to handle it.
So life just keeps lifing, youknow, even if we clear up our
food stuff and clear up ouralcohol stuff, you know, so it's
.
It is really nice, I think, tokeep those, those connections in
(33:12):
that community.
And also the diet industry anddiet culture and weight loss
stuff is rampant.
You cannot watch a freakingcartoon without seeing this
stuff, and so I think it's justnice to have women that are like
, focused on, you know, takingbetter care of themselves and
prioritizing themselves andeating in a way that feels good,
without obsessing over caloriesand weight loss.
(33:35):
It's like God.
Every single person, everygroup, every, everything always
talks about weight loss, and soit's just like can we just have
a space where we don't talkabout this for five seconds?
Speaker 1 (33:50):
Yeah, and when you're not talking about what you're
trying to overcome or your pastproblem, it opens up to
something like what are yougoing to do now?
Like it's like, wow, what arewe going to talk about now?
And it's like all future andall present tense, like stuff
we're working on, whether it'sbusiness or what you want to do
(34:11):
in your family, what your talentis, you know, and once you're
not covering up all of that, youactually can like rediscover
who you are, a and B, likereconcile those relationships,
get new ones for the new personthat you're becoming, like that
different version you know, likea talent and like such as.
Like I'm a writer, butsometimes people have creative
(34:33):
talents, or you know they alwayswanted to be or do something
and then it got completelyinterrupted with all of this.
So those are the things that weget to revisit and bring back
out, so that I think it's reallyexciting for a lot of women.
Speaker 2 (34:46):
Yeah, I totally agree .
Speaker 1 (34:49):
So where can people find you during the?
If they want to connect withyou during the week, I'd love
for them to be able to.
Can you let them know wherethey could do that?
Speaker 2 (34:58):
Yeah, they can, even on the weekends.
You can message me on Instagram.
Speaker 1 (35:02):
If I'm around.
Speaker 2 (35:03):
I'll get back to you, but I'm very active on
Instagram, and that's just atRenee Sager.
My website is Renee Sager dotcom and I also have a podcast
that goes way more into detailabout all of this food stuff and
I talk about my alcoholism.
On there too, I have a coupleof podcasts.
I often do a podcast about myalcoholism.
On there, too, I have a couplepodcasts.
I often do a podcast about myjourney on my one year or on
(35:24):
every year.
So those are in there too, andthat's Ditch the Binge.
Speaker 1 (35:27):
Ditch the Binge.
Speaker 2 (35:29):
That's your podcast name Ditch, ditch the Binge.
Speaker 1 (35:33):
Ditch.
I thought you said bitch thebinge, ditch the binge, love it.
And your last name is spelledfor listeners it's Renee
S-A-A-G-E-R.
That's S-A-A-G-E-R, so ifyou're looking for her on IG,
you can find her there.
And Ditch the Binge podcast.
(35:53):
Be sure to check it out.
I loved our conversation.
You hit so many great points.
It was like an all-in-one for,like everyone listening for you
know, uncovering.
Oh, it was great.
I loved it.
Speaker 2 (36:08):
Is there anything.
Speaker 1 (36:09):
you can just lastly say if there's somebody out
there who is suffering frombulimia or binge eating, any
kind of eating disorder, or justgetting started on their
alcohol-free journey as far assobriety, what can you tell them
about the freedom that they'regoing to find and to not give up
(36:29):
, because it is hard in thebeginning to get new footing?
Speaker 2 (36:36):
I mean, I think that's the thing to just embrace
.
I think a lot of people andmarketing out there try to steer
clear of what I'm about to tellyou, and that's just not my
style.
I'm very upfront and I thinkthat we're adults and I think
that you make better decisionswhen you're equipped with the
(36:57):
truth.
I know that.
I personally appreciate that,and so the truth is it is hard
in the beginning, it's hard inthe beginning and then it's
better than you ever could haveimagined, and that sounds a
little cliche, that sounds alittle cheesy, yeah, but but
like it's the truththough.
Yeah, but so wrap your brain,stop trying.
(37:18):
This is what gets us in so muchtrouble and this is what
elongates so much of oursuffering is trying to find the
fastest way, and I get it.
When you're in pain, you'relike, yes, what's the 21 fix,
what's the 28 day fix, what'sthe pill I can take, what's the
shot I can take, and it's like,ok, see you in six months, like
that sounds terrible, but like,truly, that's what it is.
You're just you're.
You're elongating the process,whereas if you just accept, this
(37:43):
is going to be hard for acouple of months and then I'm
going to get to see the lightand it's going to get better and
better and better.
Speaker 1 (37:52):
And I'm going to, and almost yeah, go ahead.
Yeah, so if, if, if you are inthis, some people sail through
in the beginning, I would saythe hard majority have a very
difficult time in the beginning.
So if you are having adifficult time, if you're
uncomfortable, you don't feelgreat, then take that as a cue
that you are on the right track.
Speaker 2 (38:14):
That's to the end.
That's going to make you wantto punch us in the face.
You're uncomfortable.
You're gonna be like I hate youboth.
Speaker 1 (38:19):
I'm uncomfortable but it gets so much better.
That'll bring you like, becauseif you stay the line right and
you stay in this when it's hard,you're going to have a very
hard time later on letting go ofit and being like I'm going to
drink that or I'm going to eatthat, you're going to be like no
, I put a lot of work into thisand I know for me, if I pour
(38:39):
work into something, I'm notgoing to let go of it very
easily.
So I guess the encouragement isfrom that like stay the course,
and if it's hard you're righton track.
You know, and just like the bigchanges is supposed to be easy,
you know.
Speaker 2 (38:59):
Yeah, and the self-respect that you gain in
doing this, like theself-confidence, is truly
priceless.
Because when you look back andyou're like I did that, I did
that, like nobody can take thataway from you ever.
Speaker 1 (39:14):
Yes, yeah, and the things that, when you get around
community, the fun component is.
This is like I think the thingsthat we were so desperate about
are the things that we canlaugh about now with people who
have been through that as well,and that is that's a real change
.
That's a real change.
(39:35):
So thank you so much for beingon, and so, once again, I'll put
all of Renee's information inthe show notes.
You can check her out on herpodcast.
That's Renee Sager, s-a-a-g-e-r, so check her out.
If she's helping women aroundthe world start living a
powerful, more authentic lifefree from food and weight
obsessions, listen in to herpersonal story and I thank you
(39:57):
so much for being here.
It was great.
Loved every minute of it.
Thank you so much for having me.
Thanks.
Thank you for tuning into theSober Living Stories podcast.
If you have been inspired,consider subscribing and sharing
(40:20):
with anyone who could use hopein their lives.
Remember to stay tuned for moreinspiring stories in the
episodes to come To view ourfeatured author of the month.
Undoing the crazy you feel around.
Food is Renee's specialty.
The confidence and claritygained is the guilt-free icing
on the cake.
If you're someone who's ago-getter woman, who wants to
start living a powerful,authentic life free from food
and weight obsession, renee isyour person Certified health and
life coach and emotional eatingexpert, and she taps into her
(00:22):
own unique personal story inthis episode, where she has
battled eating disorders andalcoholism.
So she takes that lifeexperience and she teaches other
women around the world how tobe free from it itself.
So tune in today for your nextbest episode.
(00:46):
Welcome to the Sober LivingStories podcast.
This podcast is dedicated tosharing stories of sobriety.
We shine a spotlight onindividuals who have faced the
challenges of alcoholism andaddiction and are today living
out their best lives sober.
Each guest has experiencedincredible transformation and
are here to share their storywith you.
(01:08):
I'm Jessica Stepanovich, yourhost.
Join me each week as guestsfrom all walks of life share
their stories to inspire andprovide hope to those who need
it most.
Welcome to another episode ofthe Sober Living Stories podcast
(01:40):
.
My guest today is Renee Sager.
She's a certified health andlife coach and also an emotional
eating expert who teachesgo-getter women around the world
how to start living a powerful,authentic life free from food
and weight obsession.
Today she's going to share herpersonal story, her own unique
journey, where she had battledalcoholism and an eating
(02:01):
disorder herself, which bringsher to helping others today.
Do the same, get into thesolution.
I'm so happy to have you ontoday, renee, welcome.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
Thank you, I'm excited to be here.
I love getting to talk aboutthis stuff.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
Good, okay.
So yeah, just bring us back.
This is your story.
Bring us back as far back asyou'd like, up to the presently
what you're doing now.
Speaker 2 (02:25):
Yeah, you know, I was thinking about this this
morning when I was at the gym.
Actually, I was going pee and Iwas like you know what?
Did I get drunk the first timethat I drank and I think that I
did it was Corona, and it was aNew Year's Eve party and I was
14, I think 14 or 15.
(02:47):
And a bunch of families were atour house and we were playing
bunco and I don't remember howmany I had, but I knew that I
was getting intoxicated and Ifelt terrible.
The next day I was definitelydrunk and that was like the
first time I really drank.
And after that nothing reallycame of it.
(03:09):
You know cause, again, I was 14, I think.
So at that point my food stuffwas still pretty dormant and so
I just I had that that episodewhere I got drunk and my mom was
upset and she's like I can'tbelieve you're drinking and like
she didn't know because we weresneaking it and I didn't want
(03:30):
to do it again because I felt sosick.
So then, you know, fast forwarda couple of years and that was
when I started getting a littlebit more into health and fitness
and my body.
I was a normal, you know,likeyear-old girl, you start
your period, your body changes,you start paying attention to
(03:51):
guys, you start paying attentionto your social circles and I
just started becoming very awareof my body and my friend's
situation was not ideal.
I would say I have a little bitof trauma, little t-trauma,
from back then where I justnever really had a solid group
(04:11):
of girlfriends, and the onesthat I did have kind of plucked
me out of the social circle.
One gal in particular it feltlike her mission in life to just
erode me from this group and Ididn't have the skills or the
tools to know what was going onwith that as a 15-year-old girl.
(04:31):
But what I did start to noticewas that I could distract myself
with food and exercise.
And what I also started tonotice was that when you're 15
years old and you start payingmore attention to what you're
eating and you start working out, your body is extremely
receptive, and so it didn't takemuch for me to start losing a
(04:55):
little bit of weight and my bodystarting to change.
And not long after that thecompliments started coming in.
I was like, oh my gosh.
I guess people think this ishard Like this is easy for me.
I obsess over my calories.
I work out no matter what.
Like I'm focused, I don't haveto pay attention to what's going
on at school, I don't have toworry about the fact that I feel
(05:17):
alone and that nobody wants tohang out with me.
It's fine, I'm fine, I'm goingto focus on this.
And so I got really good atrestricting.
I got really good at workingout and pushing through any
limits that I thought that I had.
But then it kind of made ashift where it went from me
being able to have control overthis food thing and this
(05:40):
exercise thing and feltempowered by it and felt like
almost like an air ofsuperiority, like I'm better
than you because I don't have toeat.
I'm better than you because Ican work out when it's hot.
But it started to flip and Istarted eating more and more.
At night, where I used to thinkit was like a badge of honor to
(06:01):
go to sleep with hunger painsand push through that, it now
became this thing where I didn'thave control I had to eat.
Not only did I have to eat, Ihad to eat so much that I could
barely stand upright.
I had to hunch over because mystomach hurts so bad and I was
(06:22):
in that cycle of quote cleaneating aka restricting, aka
eating nothing all day long andworking out once, twice a day
depends on the day, sometimesthree and to binge eating at
night, just like for hours afterpeople would go to sleep.
And then, after a few years ofthis, I can't really remember
(06:47):
what.
My parents always had a liquorcabinet they sometimes
entertained and it didn't have alock on it and it was under, it
was in the kitchen, it was openand probably 15 different kinds
of liqueurs and stuff in there.
Both my parents drank, notalcoholically, but my mom would
enjoy a gin and tonic or acouple glasses of wine and my
dad would have some beers.
(07:08):
So that was never an abnormalthing.
But what I started to notice wasthat, because of my obsession
with food and restriction, thatwhen I would drink, the desire
to eat left.
Not only did the desire to eatleave, but the insanity that was
(07:32):
going on in my brain about canyou have this?
How many calories Did you burnthis off?
Do they like you?
You're not good enough.
Nobody's ever going to thinkthis of you.
You're too fat, you're too this.
All of that inner chatter wassoftened and I was like this is
incredible.
This is incredible.
Not only do I not want to binge, I don't want to eat and I'm
(07:54):
finally relaxed, which was likethe first time in years where I
was like, where I was like thisallows me to go outside and sit
in a chair and just sit.
I could never do that.
Yes, I was too anxious.
I felt too much guilt.
(08:14):
Yeah, I felt too much guiltabout sitting and doing nothing.
I just I'm not that kind ofperson.
It was like go, go, go, alwayson, always things to do, always
stuff to accomplish.
And so this was like such arelief because I was so
exhausted.
The thing that's differentabout alcohol versus food and
(08:35):
I'm sure we'll get into this,because I think a lot of people
think this is that one is veryphysically addicting, in that
your body becomes physicallyaddicted to it and food not so
much.
Again, we can get into this ina little bit.
But I started drinking in theway that I kind of started my
(08:59):
obsession with food, which was 0to 100, where it would start
with, like some Mike's hardlemonade light which they used
to make back in the day, whichwas like 80 calories, low sugar.
I was like this is great, I canget a buzz, low, low Cal, I
don't have to worry about it.
And then it started shifting tohard alcohol because I was like
(09:20):
I have to drink more of that.
The bottles are loud, I don'twant to throw all this away.
I have to pee a ton.
I just I don't want to dealwith that.
I don't have to keep going tothe store.
The bottles are loud.
So I switched to like gin andtonic and I then switched to
just straight alcohol.
(09:42):
Because I got to the pointwhere I was drinking, you know,
it started really innocent likea Mike's Heart lemonade at night
and turned into thinking youknow well, like, if taking the
edge off at 4 or 5 pm is good,why not 10 or 11?
Like, why wait, why put myselfthrough all this suffering all
(10:03):
day long when I can just like,feel this now, like what's the
big deal?
I don't know what the big.
I just have a couple, and Imean, as you can guess, that
again, the physical.
I.
I am a very not I'm a veryintense type of alcoholic.
I started drinking like that atage 18.
(10:26):
And by age 21, 22, when I wasin the hospital, the doctor said
that she had noticed somecirrhosis of the liver starting.
So I very quickly excelled.
I got a straight A in that.
But such a big purpose behind mydrinking was just, I just
(10:50):
wanted some peace of mind, Ijust wanted everything to be
quiet, I just wanted to feelcomfortable in my skin.
But again, the alcohol, thephysical dependency.
For me, that became a bigreason I would have to drink in
the morning.
So I had I was fired frommultiple jobs.
I would wake up and I wouldthrow up bile, for you know, the
(11:14):
first 10, 15 minutes that I wasawake I couldn't keep anything
down until I took some, a coupleshots.
So I never really took shots, Ijust drank it straight out of
the bottle or whatever I couldfind.
You know I had alcohol hidden inmany, many places because
people were always trying to getit.
So I like had I had it in shoes, I had it out like nobody.
I had it outside in this toolchest.
(11:36):
No one ever found that one.
But like I had so manydifferent little secret Heidi
spots that nobody knew aboutbecause I was like, well, if
they find this one, I need tohave backup.
And that was just like my.
That was my life.
Like, get drunk, try not to gettoo drunk so you can go to your
job, eat some alcohol in yourcar, so at lunch you can go out
and get some or keep it in yourpurse so you can go to the
(11:56):
bathroom and take a couple swigsmake sure you have gum in there
, okay, don't get true drunk,because you can't do it and then
go home and then like just gocrazy, go buck wild and just
like hope that you wake up inthe morning so you can do it all
again.
And that was my existence for acouple years and it was rough.
I mean, I was drinking anddriving constantly, constantly
(12:20):
and I ruined relationships.
I ruined relationships.
At a certain point, basically myentire family said we want
nothing to do with you.
I had been to two treatmentcenters at that time.
They had put me in twotreatment centers, both of which
I relapsed within a week or two.
(12:40):
Finally, on the third one, Iended up relapsing again, but I
got back back on the horse,quote unquote, after a few weeks
of that.
But that was when I was veryagainst AA because I was like
I'm not a 50 year old loser, I'mlike what?
I don't, this is not me.
And now I'm like 50 is notwhatever.
(13:01):
I was 20 at the time, folks 22.
Speaker 1 (13:04):
So I was like I'm not going to this.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
I'm not going to these like weird meetings and
also I'm not really an alcoholicLike, I just like to drink.
It's not a problem.
And you know, eventually I gotto the point of going to AA and
that was.
You know, I personally kind ofhad to get to the point of
losing everything, because Ireally did lose everything.
(13:26):
I was dropped off.
I ended up getting sober in aand starting my journey into
sobriety in a clean and soberliving house in Portland, oregon
, with a bunch of other women.
My parents took my car.
I had been fired from like thelast three or four jobs and
there was an NA meeting that wasdown the street that I just
walked to because I didn't knowanyone, I didn't know anywhere
(13:50):
to go, and so I started goingthere and eventually I got my
car back and I started going toAA meetings and I never really
felt the magic of AA necessarily.
I just heard get a sponsor anddo the steps and like your life
is amazing then and I was likeall right, let's go.
Like, let's do these steps, Iam ready to feel.
(14:11):
Whatever these people aretalking about, Bring it.
So I got a sponsor, I crankedthrough those steps, nothing.
I was like this sucks, this isnot what I signed up for.
I got another sponsor.
I cranked through those steps,nothing.
And up for I got anothersponsor.
I cranked through those steps,nothing.
(14:32):
And I was like what is this ajoke?
Like I don't feel any better.
I did the amends, I did theeverything.
I was like this is not greatfor me, like there's no, there's
no, I don't understand.
Um, and you know, at this pointI no longer go to AA, but I do
think that for me in thebeginning, the first, you know,
I I did go fairly consistencyfor sure for the first five
years, but just being aroundother people that didn't drink
(14:53):
was critical for me because, asa 22 year old, I genuinely
thought my life was over.
That was a thing that I was.
I was questioning it's just sosilly that I, at 22, I was so
wildly single I mean, I was likea peer do at my wedding.
If I can't toast with champagne, there is I can't how it's
(15:30):
married without champagne.
But that was how my brainworked, because alcohol was the
center of everything.
It's like what do you do whenyou on a Friday night with
friends?
What do you?
Do you know, at a barbecue.
What do you do with?
your hands when you go to anevent and you don't know anyone?
How do you do you know at abarbecue?
What do you do with your handswhen you go to an event and you
don't know anyone?
How do you do these things?
I don't understand.
(15:50):
Like I really thought my lifewas over.
I truly thought that and Ithink that being around other
individuals that did not drinkwas super helpful.
And just hearing like, oh, yourlife doesn't actually end.
And just because that's, oh,your life doesn't actually end,
and just because that's whatyou're used to, doesn't mean
that's the only way to do life.
(16:10):
You've just been.
I mean, I really think thatdrinking can make our lives
extremely small, because it justbecomes the go-to, like, oh,
let's just get a drink, let'sget a drink, and honestly, like
so many.
I was just talking to my husbandabout this, but I think almost
every single person that I'vetalked to that drinks has said
to me at one point or another Iwonder, if I have a problem with
(16:32):
drinking, I should probably cutback.
I don't know if I should bedrinking as much as I should.
It's a very, very challengingthing for people to moderate and
I do think that the majority ofthe time people drink they wish
they wouldn't have, but it'sjust what we're used to.
It's like OK, I guess I'll havea couple beers.
(16:55):
It turns into four, turns intofive, turns into who knows what.
You know, you wake up with ahangover.
So that was, you know.
I ended up getting sober then at22 and kind of starting to
rebuild my life, and then thefood stuff really hung around
and it turns out that being dualdiagnosis is kind of what they
(17:17):
call it.
Having food issues and drinkingissues is super common, is
super common and I didn'trealize that.
But they actually havetreatment centers that treat
both disordered eating, slasheating disorders and alcoholism,
because they are so similar anda lot of this is because our
brains are seeking that, likedopamine, that excitement that
(17:41):
get, like you know like, you geta rush and you get a release.
You get a release when you'redrinking, even if, like, if
you're restricting, you get ahigh from that.
If you're purging, you get ahigh from that.
You know there's all, there'sthat release that you get.
And so people with that kind ofpersonality whether you're just
, you know, eating a bag ofchips at night or you're going
(18:03):
through three drive throughs aday, like it's the same thing,
it doesn't matter.
And I've done all of it right.
I've been the person that can'tkeep, you know, red vines in my
house because I'll eat thewhole bag.
And I've been the person whohas literally hit three or more
drive-thrus or had to switchthem up because I didn't want
the cashiers to recognize me,which is the exact same thing I
was doing with liquor stores.
(18:24):
I was switching up the liquorstores because I was like
they're going to know I can't begoing in there this much.
Unfortunately, I lived in avery small town, so I had to
find people to get it for me orwhatever.
You get very resourceful whenyou have an addiction that you
need to fulfill.
You are so resourceful so I didall that.
(18:44):
But you know, my food startedfeeling it was just like my
drinking.
And I remember thinking, youknow, I was at this point, I was
wildly bulimic and justthinking, you know, and I had a
partner, I had a relationship, Ihad a job.
At this point I'd been soberfor five years and I was like I
am in another type of hell, likeI have gotten sober Finally.
(19:09):
It took me so long, it wasexhaust, it was not fun, but I
did it and I'm rebuilding mylife and I I'm in another
personal hell.
I might as well go drinkbecause I don't want to live
like this, like I'm so exhaustedof the constant noise.
And so I I bounced around, youknow, to food addict meetings,
(19:33):
therapists, nutritionists,personal trainers.
I tried every program it'swhole 30, the ordering food, not
ordering food like anything,anything to relieve this food
thing from me, because trulythat was what came first for me.
And you know it took aboutanother five or so years before
I really started to change myrelationship with food, thank
(19:58):
God.
And now, you know, fast forward, I really feel like I've come
to the other side of both myrelationship with food and
alcohol.
But also I try not to get toococky with either, so I'm not
(20:18):
super excited about having astocked liquor cabinet here.
My husband drinks and and thiswas something that you know I
remember asking my mom when Iwould come home and stay with
her early on, like the first twoyears or so of sobriety.
I'd be like I know this soundsdumb, but I need all of the
alcohol out of the fridge, likeI just was.
(20:39):
I wasn't on solid, I was prettysolid, but I wasn't that solid.
And so, even today though, I'mnot like yeah, let's keep all
these alcoholic beverages in ourfridge because why not?
Like I just, there's no needfor me to do that, you know.
There's no need for me toencourage it.
And I don't mind.
My husband drinks.
He likes whiskey.
He'll have some beers myselfnow and I can go to bars for
(21:07):
meetups or go to a cocktailparty with girlfriends and have
a Diet Coke or whatever.
It's genuinely no big deal now,but also it's not something I
seek out to go attend.
Same thing with my food.
I can be in a workout class andI can be around someone that's
talking about how much she hatesher body, but do I enjoy it?
No, will I say something?
Probably because I'm like it'sboring, I don't want to be
(21:29):
around it.
I don't want to do that.
Like I I worked so hard to getout of that stuff that I just I
don't tend to be drawn orattracted to people that are.
You know, if you're a dailydrinker, our, our lifestyles
probably just aren't going toline up honestly.
And if you're someone thatwants to obsess over calories
and weigh and measure everythingand spend six hours in the gym
(21:49):
every day, like fine to eachtheir own.
But, like I, just don't want todo that anymore.
So that is is kind of a cliffnotes version of some of my um
story.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
Yeah, you hit on so much, you hit on so many things,
it's really good.
I didn't want to interrupt onemoment.
So, yeah, and it's like fromgoing way back to the beginning
of this, this your story, youknow, when you were pushed out
of the girl group, right, youknow I was going to say well
that you know that that stillhappens, PS in, like forties,
(22:25):
fifties, PS in like 40s, 50s,right, totally it's like that.
But we're, you know, it's justso funny, it's just like you
know.
But as a 14, 15, or 16, youknow you're affected more by it.
When you're older you can seethings for what they are.
But you talked so wonderfullyabout all these different isms
(22:46):
and stuff and the physicalityand the appearance of alcoholism
and also eating disorder.
But two, I think that not theroot issues, like issues of
origin I'm talking about, but Ithink the feelings behind those,
like the isolation, the shame,like if you're binge eating and
(23:08):
your weight gain, it's like sosimilar, it keeps you home, you
don't want to show up, somebodymight see you.
It's so similar to alcoholismwhere it's like you don't want
to drink this much because yougot to get there and they really
go hand in hand.
And so I was.
I didn't know that there wererehabilitation centers that
(23:28):
handled both because they wereso closely connected.
But I'm not surprised, you know.
Speaker 2 (23:34):
yeah, I mean they they have alcoholics anonymous
meetings.
They also have food addictanonymous meetings, which are so
unhelpful.
I spent years in and out offood addict anonymous meetings
that they're just please ifyou're hearing this and you're
like I relate to some of herstory.
Do not go to these meetings.
They're not helpful.
It will exacerbate yourdisorder, eating in like
(23:54):
wildfire.
But yeah, it's very common tohave there be an overlap and,
honestly, it's often people willsay like I've just switched
addictions.
You know, I went, I used todrink a lot and now I eat a ton,
or you know and this issomething I work with my ladies
around food stuff too, is thatit's easy to clear up your food
stuff and then be like, all of asudden you're obsessed with
(24:14):
exercise or all of a suddenyou're obsessed with you know,
your relationship and nitpickingyou flip addictions.
Yeah, it's, completelyunderstood.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (24:25):
It happens all the time and, um, it's good to be
aware of that, because then youcould be, like so, imprisoned
again you know, and that's notwhy anyone gets sober, that's
not why anyone um tackles adisorder to to then move to
another one and be be imprisonedby it.
So talk about like you know.
You said you're on the otherside of it.
(24:45):
So what is the freedom fromthose two things look like for
you?
Like, how does your life getbigger and become better?
Speaker 2 (24:53):
Oh my gosh, just touch on a couple, because
there's so many yeah, it'sliterally every single thing,
like I often.
So I'll be coming up on 15years in July and there is
nothing in my life.
Thank you.
There is nothing in my lifethat would be possible without
first having got sober.
It just wouldn't, becausealcohol inevitably ruined
(25:18):
everything.
And so I'm able to show up.
I missed my dad's weddingbecause I got drunk and blacked
out.
I completely missed it.
So there's photos and I'mmissing in the photo.
You know, I don't have to lie.
I don't have to lie about why Ican't make it or why I have to
leave, or why this or why that.
Like there was just so muchlying and secrecy, and so I can
(25:44):
just show up and do something ona whim, whereas before
everything had to be verycalculated, and this goes for
food and for alcohol.
Like everything had to becalculated.
I was.
Both of these things made me sotightly wound, just like, okay,
I can't do this, I have to dothis.
Like just my brain wasconstantly going.
And so now you know I can't dothis, I have to do this, like
just my brain was constantlygoing.
(26:06):
And so now you know I can sitand read a book.
I can, you know, not have toworry if something happens with
my kid and I might have to driveus somewhere.
You know, because before it waslike I don't know, am I going to
be drunk, Am I going to beblacked out Like I can't do
anything if it's after 5 pm,because that's when I start
drinking.
(26:26):
So you know, there was just somany things in my life.
Yes, and so to just honestly,be able to live you brought up
the word exhaustion.
Speaker 1 (26:38):
a couple of times you brought up the word exhaustion
a couple of times, and I thinkwhen I know from my own
experience, when I got reallyexhausted at the end there, I
was completely done.
Cause it's like you bring itall the way to the point where
you just can't do it, and it'smental exhaustion as well as
(26:59):
physical because of all thethings that you just said.
And so something to be carefulof because I know a lot of
people listening are in sobrietyis we're talking about food and
alcohol, but then there's alsolike busyness.
You know, those tabs can reopenif you're starting a business
and you know, if you're findingyourself too busy where you
(27:19):
can't sit and read a book, thenyou may be moving into like
being addicted in a sense to thework or the hustle or the
sideshow or the building, and soto be careful of that, because
I mean, I know, for me I have alot of tabs open and I'm
thinking, wow, is this anotherform, but not such as?
And then you just reel it backin, you know, and but we have
(27:40):
the tools because we overcamethe other stuff, and so it's
just, it's a really good way ofliving.
It's, you know, and you talkabout exhaustion, and then here
you're, here you are, you haveso much energy, right, and it's
like that's a gift, it's likeamazing to have that positive
energy, that that's coming out,you know, like cause it was so
stifled for so long, right, it'sjust, it's incredible, it's a,
(28:04):
it's a huge gift.
Well, and I think so what areyou doing now?
Cause I know you help women.
You help women do overcomecertain things, so can you talk
about that?
Yeah, how you're what you, whatyou do, how you're using your
um, your past to to in yourprofessional life.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
Yeah, so I work with women around.
I mean, honestly, so many ofthe things that we just touched
on was many.
I would say, um, like 40% ofthe women that I work with maybe
aren't alcoholics, but theywill say, like maybe I should
look at my drinking, maybe Ishould actually take this into
consideration.
But for the most part, you knowit's it's around the food, body
(28:46):
weight obsession.
They've spent years, decades,dieting, obsessing, weighing,
spending hours in the gymcounting every single freaking
almond that they eat.
I mean all of it.
And they're at the point nowwhere kind of like you were just
talking about, where you'relike I can't do this anymore.
Or it's like the dieting isn'teven working, like I don't know
(29:10):
what else to do becausenothing's working anymore.
And while that can feel likesuch a defeating place to be,
you have to reach that point toreally do something different.
Because I don't know about you,but I tried a million ways to
navigate and manipulate my foodto make it work.
(29:30):
I'll drink.
Only, you know, I'll switchback to beer instead of hard
alcohol so I don't get as drunkand I'll make sure I don't start
till seven and I'll make sure Icut off at 10.
And I'll make sure this andI'll make sure that right start
till seven and I'll make sure Icut off at 10 and I'll make sure
this and I'll make sure thatright, we have to go through all
of those things to reach alevel where we're like okay, I
think I'm actually ready to dosomething different, and so
(29:51):
that's the.
That's the spot that they get intheir relationship with food
and, honestly, the food is theeasiest thing to clear up, like
if, if someone's binge eating, Ican almost guarantee, depending
on what I hear about them, thatthey will stop binge eating
within the first two months, ifnot the first month, because
it's so much more about managing.
Speaker 1 (30:12):
Well, that's really good to hear, because I think
people that do that tend tothink like how do I get out of
this?
Like how do I stop?
Like it's everywhere, like youknow you have to eat, so for you
to say that they're going toput that down and not do that
anymore.
That's a pretty good outcomefairly quickly.
Speaker 2 (30:31):
It is.
And I, I I believe this with mywhole being.
I mean, I've done this work forseveral, many years, you know,
at this point and I've workedwith a lot of women and almost
every single one will say Ican't believe how quickly I
stopped binge eating.
I can't believe, I didn't thinkit would happen that fast.
And they've been binge eatingfor you know, or dieting, or
restricting or obsessing for 20years, but that's like the first
(30:53):
, first and fastest thing to toleave.
And then we work on, like theanxiety, your self-worth, your
self-confidence.
Are you speaking up?
Do you feel like you have to bebusy?
I honestly don't think there'sanything wrong if you're just
naturally more of a busy bodytype person, Like you like to
have a lot of things going on,but it's more checking in with
(31:14):
like, why are you really doingit?
Like, are you doing it becauseyou genuinely like it or are you
doing it because you think?
Speaker 1 (31:20):
that if?
Speaker 2 (31:21):
you don't, people are going to think differently,
like if you stop working outevery morning at 6 am.
Do you want to?
Are you worried people aregoing to think like, oh, she's
let herself go, I knew it wascoming, you know, are you
showing up to the meetings andthe events because you want to?
Are you doing it because youthink that if you don't, people
are going to think less of you?
Right, and so it's reallystarting to get super solid on
(31:41):
why you're doing what you'redoing.
And I find so many of myclients are in their 40s to 50s.
I mean, I've worked with womenas young as 16 and as old as 72.
So it's the gamut, right.
Food stuff and drinking stuffdoesn't discriminate.
But really, you know, we reachthis point where we've done a
lot, we've checked off a lot,and we're like I don't want to
(32:03):
do that stuff anymore, like I'veoutgrown these tendencies and
behaviors, I don't want to bethis person anymore, but I don't
know how to get over there.
Like I kind of maybe have anidea of what I want to do, but I
don't know how to get there,and so I come in and help kind
of bridge that gap between wherethey're at and where they want
(32:25):
to be and move over into thatarena.
Speaker 1 (32:26):
Okay, do you do one-to-one coaching or how do
you do that?
Do you have a community?
Speaker 2 (32:31):
I have done a handful of groups in the past, which I
love doing.
I just kind of run those on awhim.
I don't have a set schedule,just kind of whenever I feel
like doing it honestly.
But I primarily work withone-to-one clients and I kind of
have a behind-the-scenes alumnigroup right now with past
clients, which is super greatbecause it's nice to kind of
keep your foot in the waterhonestly.
(32:52):
Where a gal just posted in thereabout talking about how her
sister brought up diet stuff, orsomeone else talked about, you
know, stress at work and notknowing how to handle it.
So life just keeps lifing, youknow, even if we clear up our
food stuff and clear up ouralcohol stuff, you know, so it's
.
It is really nice, I think, tokeep those, those connections in
(33:12):
that community.
And also the diet industry anddiet culture and weight loss
stuff is rampant.
You cannot watch a freakingcartoon without seeing this
stuff, and so I think it's justnice to have women that are like
, focused on, you know, takingbetter care of themselves and
prioritizing themselves andeating in a way that feels good,
without obsessing over caloriesand weight loss.
(33:35):
It's like God.
Every single person, everygroup, every, everything always
talks about weight loss, and soit's just like can we just have
a space where we don't talkabout this for five seconds?
Speaker 1 (33:50):
Yeah, and when you're not talking about what you're
trying to overcome or your pastproblem, it opens up to
something like what are yougoing to do now?
Like it's like, wow, what arewe going to talk about now?
And it's like all future andall present tense, like stuff
we're working on, whether it'sbusiness or what you want to do
(34:11):
in your family, what your talentis, you know, and once you're
not covering up all of that, youactually can like rediscover
who you are, a and B, likereconcile those relationships,
get new ones for the new personthat you're becoming, like that
different version you know, likea talent and like such as.
Like I'm a writer, butsometimes people have creative
(34:33):
talents, or you know they alwayswanted to be or do something
and then it got completelyinterrupted with all of this.
So those are the things that weget to revisit and bring back
out, so that I think it's reallyexciting for a lot of women.
Speaker 2 (34:46):
Yeah, I totally agree .
Speaker 1 (34:49):
So where can people find you during the?
If they want to connect withyou during the week, I'd love
for them to be able to.
Can you let them know wherethey could do that?
Speaker 2 (34:58):
Yeah, they can, even on the weekends.
You can message me on Instagram.
Speaker 1 (35:02):
If I'm around.
Speaker 2 (35:03):
I'll get back to you, but I'm very active on
Instagram, and that's just atRenee Sager.
My website is Renee Sager dotcom and I also have a podcast
that goes way more into detailabout all of this food stuff and
I talk about my alcoholism.
On there too, I have a coupleof podcasts.
I often do a podcast about myalcoholism.
On there, too, I have a couplepodcasts.
I often do a podcast about myjourney on my one year or on
(35:24):
every year.
So those are in there too, andthat's Ditch the Binge.
Speaker 1 (35:27):
Ditch the Binge.
Speaker 2 (35:29):
That's your podcast name Ditch, ditch the Binge.
Speaker 1 (35:33):
Ditch.
I thought you said bitch thebinge, ditch the binge, love it.
And your last name is spelledfor listeners it's Renee
S-A-A-G-E-R.
That's S-A-A-G-E-R, so ifyou're looking for her on IG,
you can find her there.
And Ditch the Binge podcast.
(35:53):
Be sure to check it out.
I loved our conversation.
You hit so many great points.
It was like an all-in-one for,like everyone listening for you
know, uncovering.
Oh, it was great.
I loved it.
Speaker 2 (36:08):
Is there anything.
Speaker 1 (36:09):
you can just lastly say if there's somebody out
there who is suffering frombulimia or binge eating, any
kind of eating disorder, or justgetting started on their
alcohol-free journey as far assobriety, what can you tell them
about the freedom that they'regoing to find and to not give up
(36:29):
, because it is hard in thebeginning to get new footing?
Speaker 2 (36:36):
I mean, I think that's the thing to just embrace
.
I think a lot of people andmarketing out there try to steer
clear of what I'm about to tellyou, and that's just not my
style.
I'm very upfront and I thinkthat we're adults and I think
that you make better decisionswhen you're equipped with the
(36:57):
truth.
I know that.
I personally appreciate that,and so the truth is it is hard
in the beginning, it's hard inthe beginning and then it's
better than you ever could haveimagined, and that sounds a
little cliche, that sounds alittle cheesy, yeah, but but
like it's the truththough.
Yeah, but so wrap your brain,stop trying.
(37:18):
This is what gets us in so muchtrouble and this is what
elongates so much of oursuffering is trying to find the
fastest way, and I get it.
When you're in pain, you'relike, yes, what's the 21 fix,
what's the 28 day fix, what'sthe pill I can take, what's the
shot I can take, and it's like,ok, see you in six months, like
that sounds terrible, but like,truly, that's what it is.
You're just you're.
You're elongating the process,whereas if you just accept, this
(37:43):
is going to be hard for acouple of months and then I'm
going to get to see the lightand it's going to get better and
better and better.
Speaker 1 (37:52):
And I'm going to, and almost yeah, go ahead.
Yeah, so if, if, if you are inthis, some people sail through
in the beginning, I would saythe hard majority have a very
difficult time in the beginning.
So if you are having adifficult time, if you're
uncomfortable, you don't feelgreat, then take that as a cue
that you are on the right track.
Speaker 2 (38:14):
That's to the end.
That's going to make you wantto punch us in the face.
You're uncomfortable.
You're gonna be like I hate youboth.
Speaker 1 (38:19):
I'm uncomfortable but it gets so much better.
That'll bring you like, becauseif you stay the line right and
you stay in this when it's hard,you're going to have a very
hard time later on letting go ofit and being like I'm going to
drink that or I'm going to eatthat, you're going to be like no
, I put a lot of work into thisand I know for me, if I pour
(38:39):
work into something, I'm notgoing to let go of it very
easily.
So I guess the encouragement isfrom that like stay the course,
and if it's hard you're righton track.
You know, and just like the bigchanges is supposed to be easy,
you know.
Speaker 2 (38:59):
Yeah, and the self-respect that you gain in
doing this, like theself-confidence, is truly
priceless.
Because when you look back andyou're like I did that, I did
that, like nobody can take thataway from you ever.
Speaker 1 (39:14):
Yes, yeah, and the things that, when you get around
community, the fun component is.
This is like I think the thingsthat we were so desperate about
are the things that we canlaugh about now with people who
have been through that as well,and that is that's a real change
.
That's a real change.
(39:35):
So thank you so much for beingon, and so, once again, I'll put
all of Renee's information inthe show notes.
You can check her out on herpodcast.
That's Renee Sager, s-a-a-g-e-r, so check her out.
If she's helping women aroundthe world start living a
powerful, more authentic lifefree from food and weight
obsessions, listen in to herpersonal story and I thank you
(39:57):
so much for being here.
It was great.
Loved every minute of it.
Thank you so much for having me.
Thanks.
Thank you for tuning into theSober Living Stories podcast.
If you have been inspired,consider subscribing and sharing
(40:20):
with anyone who could use hopein their lives.
Remember to stay tuned for moreinspiring stories in the
episodes to come To view ourfeatured author of the month.
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