July 16, 2024 • 37 mins
Have you ever witnessed a friend or family member suffer from alcoholism or addiction and wondered how you could help?
Join us as we share Lisa Dare's powerful journey of witnessing a friend's descent into alcoholism and supporting her path to recovery. Lisa's experiences at a work event sparked a realization that led to her friend's crucial decision to seek help. Through her touching narrative, Lisa and I discuss the stigma and workplace gossip surrounding addiction, and the pivotal role of understanding it as a disease.
In our conversation, we explore the importance of a non-judgmental support system in battling alcoholism/addiction. We dive into the emotional toll addiction takes on families, particularly the harsh realities faced by mothers at risk of losing their children. Lisa's story is an example of the importance of open communication about addiction and celebrates the recovery that is possible from dedicated support and love.
As we talk about the transformative journey of her friend's sobriety, Lisa shares insights on building a resilient life through therapy, coaching, and a strong support foundation. We highlight the importance of personal leadership and the courage to ask for help. Lisa discusses the roles of therapy for healing past wounds and coaching for personal growth.
Listen to understand how trauma-informed coaching can empower individuals to live healthier, happier lives.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Watching a loved one, a family member or friend
struggle with active alcoholismor addiction can be
heartbreaking.
The disease of addiction oftenbrings disappointment, sadness
and destroyed relationships.
Meet Lisa as she talks from anoutside perspective, not as
someone who suffered fromaddiction herself, but as
someone who watched a very closefriend endure and ultimately
(00:22):
recover from alcoholism.
Today she's going to share herstory of how she supported her
friend through that recoveryprocess.
Welcome to the Sober LivingStories podcast.
This podcast is dedicated tosharing stories of sobriety.
(00:43):
We shine a spotlight onindividuals who have faced the
challenges of alcoholism andaddiction and are today living
out their best lives sober.
Each guest has experiencedincredible transformation and
are here to share their storywith you.
I'm Jessica Stepanovic, yourhost.
Join me each week as guestsfrom all walks of life share
(01:05):
their stories to inspire andprovide hope to those who need
it most.
(01:26):
Welcome to another episode ofthe Sober Living Stories podcast
.
Meet Lisa Dare.
She's going to share herpowerful experience with a close
friend's journey throughalcoholism and recovery.
Listen in to understand whatit's like to witness someone
battle addiction and how itaffects their loved ones.
Lisa is going to also offervaluable insight on how you can
(01:50):
support others through therecovery and what you can watch
out for.
With both her personal andprofessional insights as a coach
, lisa is versed in helpingothers become the best version
of themselves and reach theirfull potential.
Hi and welcome to the show,lisa.
Hello, jessica, it's great tohave you on.
I love giving listeners anoutside perspective on what it
(02:15):
looks like to witness someone gothrough addiction and then come
out of it, and so I'm reallyinterested in hearing your
insight.
If you want to just kind ofstart from whatever point you'd
like to and bring us through tothe present day, yes, I'd be,
I'd be happy to do that.
Speaker 2 (02:34):
So the I have a very close friend and it was actually
somebody that I met throughwork, so we had we've been
friends now for over 20 years.
So it's hard to believe and Ithink you know what struck me
when I saw your um, the topic ofyour podcast, jessica, was, yes
(02:55):
, you know it's.
I think you know, often wethink about the um, the impact
on the individual, but, as yousaid, there's um a lot of
impacts, just in many differentways.
And I think, having beenthrough this experience with my
friend of her battlingalcoholism, I learned so much
about it because I think as aneveryday person, you sort of
(03:15):
hear about it, you know about Aand A, but you don't know a lot
about it until you trulyexperience it.
And it's interesting because myoriginal background was as a
healthcare professional, so Ialso saw it from that lens as
well people who were beingtreated for acute episodes of
(03:36):
alcohol poisoning and thingslike that.
But what happened for me withmy friend was what I discovered,
jessica and I know it's beendocumented is that she was
somebody who hit it really welland I can remember the episode
that sort of became, I guess,the tipping point to me, sort of
(03:57):
discovering that maybesomething was really wrong.
And this happened to be at work,at a work function.
I'm in the pharmacy, I was inthe pharmaceutical industry.
It happened to be a functionwhere we were hosting an
educational event with somephysicians and at the end of the
evening I noticed that myfriend had actually gotten quite
(04:21):
intoxicated and in fact thestaff at the restaurant had come
over because she and anotherphysician had really indulged
quite a bit.
And they were concerned becausewhere I am in Canada, there's
laws now around establishmentslike bars and restaurants in
(04:42):
terms of not serving somebody ifthey see that they're clearly
intoxicated and could presentharm to themselves or others.
And so the staff came over andthey said well, we're a little
bit concerned.
We know this is your co-work,we know these are your clients.
What would you like us to do?
Because we obviously can'tserve them anymore?
(05:02):
And unfortunately, what hadhappened was, with my other
colleague, we were trying tofigure out what to do and both
of them ended up leaving in onevehicle and it was just kind of
shocking to me.
I just didn't know what to do.
I had not come across thisbefore and what ended up
(05:24):
happening was I discovered thestory afterwards was that, yes,
she had left with this physician.
I'm not sure what happened thatevening.
She was married and I thinkthat was just the start for me
of Jessica, of then reflectingback on some other incidences
that had happened where Inoticed that she had consumed a
(05:46):
lot of alcohol and seemed toactually be fairly intoxicated,
like it just sort of started totrigger for me some things of
like I wonder what's going on.
And unfortunately, thatparticular episode, jessica,
some of the other physiciansthat were there were concerned
and it got reported to mymanager and that was actually
(06:07):
the turning point of when sheactually sought professional
help.
So at that point she wasadvised by our employer that she
needed to actually seekprofessional help and that she
would need treatment.
So she did actually go to atreatment facility.
One of the things that I wouldshare is that what I thought was
(06:29):
unfortunate, jessica, in thesituation, was the gossip that
ensued.
Right there, I think again,right, it's the stigma, it's the
people wanting to gossip aboutit and making things up about
this individual, when I, when,you know, I realized it is a
disease, you know, and sheactually had a family history of
(06:51):
her father having been analcoholic in a similar in the in
the same industry.
So you know there's also thataspect of I know possibly that
being genetic or hereditary orcertainly having been exposed to
it as a family member, how thatcan influence somebody as well.
So during the time that she wasin treatment it was meant to be
(07:16):
kept confidential at work I wasactually one of the very few
people that knew but it gotdisclosed to other people and I
was actually really disappointedand upset that that had
happened.
She subsequently left theorganization.
She was, unfortunately I don'trecall now whether she chose to
leave or she was exited, but sheleft the organization and a
(07:40):
couple of us as friends, as veryclose friends with her, were
supporting her.
And one of the very unfortunatethings that happened, jessica,
was that she lost custody of herdaughter.
Her husband actually filed forseparation and filed for custody
of her daughter.
(08:01):
Her daughter was, I think,about eight or nine at the time
for custody of her daughter.
Her daughter was, I think,about eight or nine at the time.
She was living, you know, alonein an apartment trying to make
ends meet with a cleaning jobshe did at one point try to take
(08:28):
her own life by overdosing onmedication, but I think it was
more just a cry for help than itwas truly wanting to end, so to
speak.
But one of our another mutualfriend of ours actually took her
in for a period of time to justgive her a place to sort of
land and support her while shewas getting back on her feet.
And I think the thing that Ilearned from that, jessica, is
how important it is to reallyjust be there as a support, not
(08:52):
to judge, to educate, to educateourselves on learning more
about alcoholism and addiction,to understand and to really
appreciate the kinds of issuesthat they might be struggling
with.
I think for her, the thing thatI did the most, jessica, was
(09:12):
just to listen, to just be there, to truly make myself available
, to say if you do need to reachout, please reach out.
And she did also share someconcerns with her children.
She eventually got custody ofher daughter back, but it was a
number of years and, of course,by the time that happened, her
(09:33):
daughter was moving into thetween years, which is a sort of
a very challenging time of lifefor parents and the kids going
through it and one of thebiggest concerns that her
daughter had and her daughter isa very bright young woman is,
she said could I possibly godown the same road?
(09:56):
Her alcoholism also caused herto be separated from her oldest
son, who she has not had contactwith for many, many years now.
She did have to do work torepair her relationship with her
middle son as well.
So I see somebody who has reallyfought to come back from
(10:21):
something and to um, to reallybattle the stigma, um, the
judgment, the shame, um and umalso be willing to admit her
mistakes.
Um, that was, you know, thatwas something she said she spent
a lot of time with her kidstalking about was just owning
(10:43):
her mistakes.
Uh, and I know that that's alsopart of the process through AA.
She's been, I think, about 15years sober now.
Yeah, and one of the things Ithink post post her recovery,
jessica, that I'm very mindfulof is in social events, just
(11:05):
kind of checking in on her tosay, are you okay with being at
this event?
Because it's, you know there'sprobably going to be, you know,
a lot of alcohol served right,or there's going to be bar
service, or if we go for dinner,I will, I specifically bring
alcohol, free wine, and we alldrink it, right, because I'm
(11:26):
perfectly fine with doing that.
Speaker 1 (11:28):
Yeah, you've touched on so many good points so we can
just pause here for a secondand just touch on a couple of
them.
So, first of all, like I thinkfrom the very beginning, when
you said we had talkedpre-recording, about how women
have the ability to two thingsone, hide it, you know, because
(11:49):
of the stigma, and two, like it,it takes them.
So.
So a lot of women are affecteddifferently.
So you know, I know someone whostarted drinking when they were
like in their fort and by thetime they were 45, it was just a
mess.
So it affects women differentlyand you talked a lot about and
(12:17):
that's true, we can present andwe're high functioning and we
get up and we go to work.
I talk about a lot how an act ofalcoholism you get up and you,
you head to work when you shouldprobably be heading to, like,
the hospital, you know.
And the other thing is that, itbeing a disease, I know for
myself I didn't understand that,like I didn't, you know, I
didn't understand that it was mymom that said to me.
(12:38):
She said if you had cancer, wewould all be surrounding your
bedside.
This is no different.
This is a disease.
You're going to take care of it, and then you're going to get
better and you're going to moveon.
And that really helped me.
And she was also, like you hadmentioned, the one that in my
early years I would be at like along dinner table but she would
(13:01):
always order exactly what Iordered.
You get like a Perrier, or youget a Coke or table, but she
would always order what?
Exactly what I ordered.
You know, you get like aPerrier or you get a Coke or
something, and she would haveexactly what I had and I knew
that.
So she was like just such a asolid ground for me, you know,
and it's just so important tohave people who aren't judging,
who are accepting and who aretrying to understand what you're
(13:22):
going through, to see, see youback to your normal self.
Speaker 2 (13:26):
So yeah, yeah, and I think that piece, jessica,
around the fact that women dotend to present as more high
functioning is a reallyimportant piece, especially now
in a world that is so chaoticpiece.
(13:47):
Especially now in a world thatis so chaotic, a world right
where people wear that badge ofbusyness, right, like I'm so
busy I don't have time to write,like have coffee with you,
right, or like, and I think thatjust adds an extra layer of
pressure right to people andwhat you know and how they deal
with that.
And so I think also just beingmuch more accepting and
(14:10):
normalizing the importance ofmental health as much as
physical health.
And I think, to your piece, asyou said, around, you know, if
it was cancer, right, we wouldall be rallying because you know
there's all this, you know somuch around cancer.
But I think that was also areally important point in her
recovery is to know that she hadpeople behind her that
(14:34):
supported her right and yes,even if I didn't understand it,
not to judge it right, because Ihave no idea what it would be
like to be in that world.
Right To, as you said, right toget up in the morning and, yeah
, you know, have a drink and goto work right and put on your
face right.
So we've just got to really bethere to just have their back
(15:00):
right and then have them knowthat we will be there no matter
what.
Speaker 1 (15:05):
Yeah, and also when you made the point that she
almost came to the point of notwanting to be here anymore.
And so you take a relativelyhighly functioning individual,
pair it with the disease ofalcoholism and the struggle to
live in that becomes sodifficult that that looks like a
(15:29):
good option.
And and you know, and that istime and time again, you know,
I've heard people and I'veexperienced that myself and it's
and it's mind blowing inretrospect, but so very true and
that kind of speaks to thedifficulty of this disease and
how it can really take someoneout not only of their day-to-day
(15:52):
life, out of their children'slife, but out of life itself,
you know.
And so the seriousness of it isthere and my heart goes out to
any woman, mom, who has theirchildren taken as a result of,
because I've seen that time andagain and I had one particular
(16:15):
friend who the same thinghappened and the support was so
big.
I remember sitting in court theday that happened and she had
asked a couple people to show upand I think there was 15 women
there to support her regainingcustody of her son because she
had been in a better place forso long and they did award her
(16:37):
that that day.
But it didn't come easy.
That's really a matter of yourheart.
That's one of the heartbreakingrealities of addiction.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
And I think the other thing that I would add to that,
jessica, is that you know thisstory does have a positive
ending.
You know she divorced herhusband at that time, you know,
found somebody else that she'sbeen married to for over 10
years now I was actually hermaid of honor.
She's repaired the relationshipwith her daughter and her son
(17:15):
and I think sometimes too,jessica, when somebody goes
through something like this,they worry about the impact on
their children, right,particularly when they talk
about a hereditary or geneticcomponent to it.
She's had very, very openconversations with her daughter
around that right, if you, youknow, particularly when she's
going to you.
You know, particularly whenshe's going to university.
(17:35):
You know, if you we don't know alot about, you know, like,
whether you'll be affected thesame way as me.
It's.
It's up to you the choices youwant to make, but come to me,
talk to me, ask me any questions.
So she's always been a veryopen book and I think that has
really helped because both ofher children that she does have
(17:56):
relationships with are verysuccessful.
You know her daughter's anaccountant, her son is an
electrician, right, and hestarted his own family.
So there's a really great happyending to that story.
But yes to your point, it cantake some time, as it did, for
her to actually regain custodyof her daughter over time.
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Now back to our guest.
I agree with you too.
That is the story of being inthe disease but once out of it,
(19:23):
the promises of restoration ofyour family, reconciliation with
friendships, regaining yourselfprofessionally all of those
just as hot.
You know we were talking abouthigh functioning and you know
that high functioning alcoholiconce the alcohol is removed,
(19:43):
they are just a complete successstory.
You know, and and to to thepoint of the kids.
I think that that experience,yeah, it's that genetic
component.
You know, you never know right.
So those conversations you'reable to be a little bit more
candid, having lived through ityourself, and you're able to
(20:04):
give your kids an edge onbecause you know like the world
is.
You know, just covered inalcohol, drugs, I don't know
vaping, whatever anybody's doingin the middle school, high
school level, that kind of kicksoff.
You know what their trajectoryis going to be and to have that
wisdom before they walk in thedoor or walk in that classroom,
(20:27):
to know is so important.
Speaker 2 (20:31):
Well, it was interesting to Jessica because
we would often haveconversations around what it was
interesting to Jessica becausewe would often have
conversations around what it waslike for her to be at events,
um, sober, um, and how you know,she said it was a very
different experience.
Um, my husband and I actuallydon't drink very much by choice.
That's just who we are, um, andit is interesting, right, it's
(20:53):
just who we are and it isinteresting, right, it's just
like, okay, the conversationsthat you're having, the
behaviors that you're noticing,right, but it's challenging,
right, and I know that there'smore awareness and more
encouragement to people to livea consciously sober life.
But, you're right, because it's, those kinds of vices and
(21:15):
activities are often associatedwith what we see as being fun,
right, it's like, and you know,and really, what is the term?
And and really what is the termsocial drinker mean like you
either drink or you don't.
It's like there's nothingsocial about it.
It's almost like if you'resocial, you're it.
It's almost like if you'resocial, you're okay.
But it's just like if you wentpast that point, you become an
(21:38):
alcoholic.
And it's like, well, actually,social drinkers probably have an
alcohol problem.
Speaker 1 (21:46):
Yeah, yeah, you can really get back into the world.
You know, once you have areally strong foundation and you
do have the support of friendslike yourself, and then also
family, who is and I think thatreally comes after that internal
decision is made from thealcoholic or the addict that
they don't want to do thisanymore and they're committed to
(22:09):
wellness.
You know, and once they respectyou know, I know, once I
respected my own sobriety, Iknew that I would never have to
explain it to anyone else again.
It just I knew that I hadcrossed over into a life that I
wanted to live and I was willingto do anything to stay there,
and that really changed myrelation.
(22:29):
They always say you know, ifyou've ever heard this saying,
um, the people closest to us arethe last ones to see us change
right, and so it's a walk, butit's one worth taking right
Because you can live in thisworld today sober.
The stigma is still there, forsure, but just like with
anything else that holds astigma, it takes years and I
(22:54):
think presently I feel like it'sa lot more accepted, there's a
lot more non-alcoholic whatevercoming up, and once you arrest
alcoholism, it doesn't have tobecome your entire life to be
like sobriety, like a soberperson, you get access to all
the other parts of your lifethat you were cutting out when
(23:16):
you were drinking.
So your life really gets big,whereas in active addiction, you
know it's small, and so there'sthat component too.
It's really a positive, apositive to a sober life.
If you're truly afflicted withalcoholism, you're truly
afflicted with alcoholism.
Speaker 2 (23:34):
I really love that metaphor, Jessica, of how you
actually get bigger rather thansmaller.
It's like widening the aperturewhen you're actually in a place
where you can actually haveclarity and really be present.
And the other thing that youtouched on that I just wanted to
(23:55):
mention was that as part of herjourney, she did embrace
working with a therapist, and Idid have the opportunity to work
with her as a coach.
So I think that's the otherthing that I would share with
people is that asking for helpright, and we hear it a lot, but
asking for help is a sign ofstrength.
Speaker 1 (24:36):
Asking for help, right, and we hear it a lot, but
asking for help is a sign ofstrength, not weakness, right,
Because it takes courage andstrength to say I have an issue
that needs support or help orassistance right Of some sort.
And so I think for her, thatwas also a really important part
of her journey, of which, youknow, I applaud her for because
it takes a village.
Yeah, sure, sure.
So what are some of the thingsthat you know?
When you were talking, beforewe started, you had said you had
noticed some signs.
We'll go here first before wego to the solution part of it
that we hide it, right, sopeople hide it.
(24:57):
And so what are some of thesigns I could think back of?
When we would be at a familyevent and everybody else would
drink while they were there, butthen, as they were walking out,
the drink would be over andthey would be saying their
goodbyes.
And I remember always havingsomething still in my hand.
(25:18):
And I'm like wow, you know inretrospect telltale sign.
You know, like, if you can'tput it down or remove yourself
from it, you know like that itwas just different.
It was different than whateverybody else was doing.
Did you see any telltale signsin addition to what you've
already spoken about?
Speaker 2 (25:39):
Yeah, that's a good question.
That's a good question.
So during the time that weworked together, one of the
things that would happen is, ifwe were on at meetings, we would
actually have, of course, ourbusiness meeting, but we would
also have social events.
And I think if I were toreflect back there's, you know,
(26:02):
I didn't really pay attention toit, but if I reflect back,
there seemed to be quite a bitof consumption of alcohol, right
, it wasn't just the one or tworight Drinks, there seemed to be
a lot.
And she would often, on occasion, she would get into very sort
(26:24):
of depressive moods, right,because I think you know again,
I know from my days inuniversity, when you know
everybody drank, they wouldparty, like you would get some
people who would get verydepressed, right, some people
who just talked a lot, right,she was one of these people who
would get quite depressed.
And so, as I think about thatJessica, which is not really
(26:49):
like her, she's a very practical, no nonsense person, person.
It's not to say that she isn'temotional or caring, but she
just wasn't those people.
That was that emotive, but itit happened when she would drink
right.
And then I do recall nowreferences to things growing up
that were hard.
(27:09):
She had a you know she lovedher dad and she had a very close
relationship with her dad, butshe would also allude to just
family issues that existed.
So again, I think to me as Ireflect back, those might be
some of the sort of telltalesigns.
And then certainly that episodethat became the turning point
(27:29):
was a real sort of eye opener, Ithink, of like some very
dramatic behavior that I had notever seen before.
Speaker 1 (27:37):
Right, right, yeah, you mentioned you know family
and upbringing and to you know,like alcohol, I think for so
many people is like a copingmechanism, and so when you put
it down, I think you're sayingabout a therapist whatever their
road to recovery is, whetherthey use a 12 step or they,
however they they come to builda foundation.
(27:59):
I think added therapy is so key, like it's such an addition to
understanding yourself, um,bringing to light those things
that may have been hard, liketalking about those struggles,
so that it becomes less and youdon't have all this to cope with
because your coping mechanismas you once knew it is now gone.
(28:20):
And to then get some tools onhow to better cope, because life
doesn't stop In sobriety.
We have losses, we havesicknesses, job changes, moves,
difficulties that you have tonavigate, sober, and so if you
reach out early and I think youknow asking for help, you know a
(28:42):
lot of times the inability toask for help just delays
recovery for years, you know.
And so self-sufficient peoplelike suffer for that because
they're like I can do this.
Why can't you know why?
Why is this failing?
Why?
You know for me, you know howcan I not solve this, you know
and it just that drive to justfigure it out just takes years
(29:07):
away from you know, trulygetting help, and finally you're
just like I need help, like Ireally need help, and that's
when things started to change, Iknow, for me.
Speaker 2 (29:17):
Well, and I think you make a really good point,
jessica, which is what are thethings that we can do to sustain
that?
Right, what sort of?
Because, right, the temptationdoesn't go away.
Right, because, unfortunatelyyou can't.
You know, you hope that thepeople around you will be
supportive, like I said, youknow I am very mindful to bring
(29:38):
a de-alcoholized wine, which Iknow she enjoys when we go for
dinner, to their house, but, youknow, unfortunately people
can't remove themselves fromalcohol completely in the
environment.
Um, and so it is about what sortof, as you said, tools and
skills, and and even for all ofus, right, because, again, right
, we just, the world continuesto be more challenging.
(30:01):
We're all being hit withdifferent traumas all the time.
Right, you and I talked aboutthe fact that we care for
parents.
Right, that in and of itselfcreates pressure.
Right, just, our lifecircumstances.
So, I love what you said, andone of the things that I've
educated myself on is resilience, because I see that is
(30:23):
something that really even justclients who are not struggling
with an addiction, but maybeworkaholics, is a form of
addiction.
Right, because they areconstantly checking their phone.
Right, they are on email on theweekends.
Right, they're working late atphone, right.
They are on email on theweekends, right.
They're working late at night,right.
(30:45):
And so it's the to your pointhow do we build resilience,
right, and how do we learn thetools that will help us in those
moments, as you said, wherethat stress and that tension
comes right, where you'relooking for some way to really
manage it effectively?
Speaker 1 (31:01):
Right, right, yeah, so here would be a great place
to, because I know you have thispersonal experience with a
friend who suffered from thisand now is living out an
incredible life without it.
So you have that personalexperience, but you also have a
professional experience, becauseyou do coach others to find
(31:22):
their best version of themselvesand live to their full
potential.
So can you talk a little bitabout what you offer and where
people can connect with you?
You know we'd like to add thatat the end where people can
connect with you if they wantedto, because if this resonates
with them you've had thisexperience then you would be the
one to speak on that, you know,so share with listeners, just
(31:48):
from a professional perspective.
Speaker 2 (31:53):
Absolutely so.
One of the things that I wouldwant to share with your
listeners, jessica, is to knowthat, as we talked about the
value of a therapist and I lovewhat you said which is that it
actually, if we the sooner we doit, it actually allows us to
move towards recovery morequicker, and so coaching is
(32:15):
really one of those things thatcan be very effective as a, as a
complimentary approach.
So therapy will helpindividuals resolve some of the,
as you said, issues andchallenges, particularly past
ones, that people may bestruggling with, and coaching is
really very much a forwardfocused modality right.
(32:35):
So, now that you we've got youworking on these issues, you
know, if I take my friend'sexample, you know, with your dad
and his addiction, let's talkabout where you want to go with
your life.
Now that you know we've got youworking on these issues, you
know, if I take my friend'sexample, you know, with your dad
and his addiction, let's talkabout where you want to go with
your life.
Now that you know you've gotyou know a way forward.
So I would work withindividuals to help them
identify their values.
Are they living in alignmentwith their values?
(32:56):
If they're not, you know what?
What, what can I do to helpthem with that?
And what I love about coachingis it's all about empowering the
individual to make choices thatalign with who they are and
connect to what they value, andit is less about them not being
capable but the fact that theyare capable and that really, as
(33:20):
a coach, I work alongside themto really identify what's most
important to them and, I think,to your, what we've been talking
about, jessica.
The first step to anything isrecognizing and acknowledging I
have an issue right, I have adisease, I have this behavior
(33:40):
right, I have these habits right, that awareness and the
acknowledgement and theownership of them, but also the
desire and the commitment tomaking changes that will create
much more positive movement intheir life.
So I do that through coachingsessions, but I also bring a lot
(34:01):
of different tools, assessments, and I also draw from so many
bodies of knowledge.
I you know I mentioned to youin the our email correspondence
that I'm working at training ina program where it's coaching
with a trauma informed lens, andI think that's actually really
important, jessica, becauseparticularly for people in
(34:23):
addiction often not all, butoften many of them have suffered
some type of trauma right.
When you speak about the copingmechanism, right, and that's
what's happened to many addicts,right, they're trying to make
the pain that they're sufferinggo away because they don't know
how to do it, and so being ableto understand that as a coach,
(34:46):
and to support people with anapproach that will help them, I
believe, is really important.
So I'm bringing that to mypractice, and I'm also very much
about creating personalleadership.
We are all leaders, and youdecided to take charge of your
life, right, you decided to makesome decisions and move it in a
different direction, as did myfriend, and that's about courage
(35:10):
and leadership, so that's a bigpart of what I do as well.
I do have a newsletter that Iput out weekly, so which, um be
you know, um would love forpeople to subscribe if they'd
like to.
I cover a whole range of topics, um, just related to life and
leadership, um, and anythingthat's out there that I just
(35:32):
want to share with people.
Uh, I'm also on um, facebookand Instagram and LinkedIn, so,
um, people can reach out to methat way.
Uh, and I also shared a linkwith you as well, jessica,
because I think one of the mostimportant things that we can do
when we're supporting people isto actually just be to listen,
(35:52):
and often that's what peopleneed a lot of is just to feel,
to just know that they've beenheard, because listening is
something that can do so muchknow that they've been heard,
because listening is the thingthat can do so much.
Speaker 1 (36:08):
Yes, I agree with you a hundred percent.
This has been such aninsightful conversation.
I love how you differentiatedbetween a therapist and a coach,
where a therapist is generallylooking at the past and a coach
is actually focusing on thepresent and moving forward.
You know so you've brought somuch.
I encourage listeners to headover to the show notes to pick
out your free resource withlistening.
Like it's such a good tool.
(36:28):
That is so like we think, ohwell, we're waiting to talk
right, and so when we listen, wereally gain a lot of valuable
information about who's talkingand how we can better serve them
.
So thank you so much forsharing your personal story with
us today.
I really enjoyed having you on.
Speaker 2 (36:47):
Well, thank you so much for the opportunity to be
here, Jessica, and share thatwith your listeners.
I really appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (37:02):
Thank you for tuning into the Sober Living Stories
podcast.
If you have been inspired,consider subscribing and sharing
with anyone who could use hopein their lives.
Remember to stay tuned for moreinspiring stories in the
episodes to come.
To view our featured author ofthe month or to become a guest
yourself, visitwwwjessicastephanoviccom.
Watching a loved one, a family member or friend
struggle with active alcoholismor addiction can be
heartbreaking.
The disease of addiction oftenbrings disappointment, sadness
and destroyed relationships.
Meet Lisa as she talks from anoutside perspective, not as
someone who suffered fromaddiction herself, but as
someone who watched a very closefriend endure and ultimately
(00:22):
recover from alcoholism.
Today she's going to share herstory of how she supported her
friend through that recoveryprocess.
Welcome to the Sober LivingStories podcast.
This podcast is dedicated tosharing stories of sobriety.
(00:43):
We shine a spotlight onindividuals who have faced the
challenges of alcoholism andaddiction and are today living
out their best lives sober.
Each guest has experiencedincredible transformation and
are here to share their storywith you.
I'm Jessica Stepanovic, yourhost.
Join me each week as guestsfrom all walks of life share
(01:05):
their stories to inspire andprovide hope to those who need
it most.
(01:26):
Welcome to another episode ofthe Sober Living Stories podcast
.
Meet Lisa Dare.
She's going to share herpowerful experience with a close
friend's journey throughalcoholism and recovery.
Listen in to understand whatit's like to witness someone
battle addiction and how itaffects their loved ones.
Lisa is going to also offervaluable insight on how you can
(01:50):
support others through therecovery and what you can watch
out for.
With both her personal andprofessional insights as a coach
, lisa is versed in helpingothers become the best version
of themselves and reach theirfull potential.
Hi and welcome to the show,lisa.
Hello, jessica, it's great tohave you on.
I love giving listeners anoutside perspective on what it
(02:15):
looks like to witness someone gothrough addiction and then come
out of it, and so I'm reallyinterested in hearing your
insight.
If you want to just kind ofstart from whatever point you'd
like to and bring us through tothe present day, yes, I'd be,
I'd be happy to do that.
Speaker 2 (02:34):
So the I have a very close friend and it was actually
somebody that I met throughwork, so we had we've been
friends now for over 20 years.
So it's hard to believe and Ithink you know what struck me
when I saw your um, the topic ofyour podcast, jessica, was, yes
(02:55):
, you know it's.
I think you know, often wethink about the um, the impact
on the individual, but, as yousaid, there's um a lot of
impacts, just in many differentways.
And I think, having beenthrough this experience with my
friend of her battlingalcoholism, I learned so much
about it because I think as aneveryday person, you sort of
(03:15):
hear about it, you know about Aand A, but you don't know a lot
about it until you trulyexperience it.
And it's interesting because myoriginal background was as a
healthcare professional, so Ialso saw it from that lens as
well people who were beingtreated for acute episodes of
(03:36):
alcohol poisoning and thingslike that.
But what happened for me withmy friend was what I discovered,
jessica and I know it's beendocumented is that she was
somebody who hit it really welland I can remember the episode
that sort of became, I guess,the tipping point to me, sort of
(03:57):
discovering that maybesomething was really wrong.
And this happened to be at work,at a work function.
I'm in the pharmacy, I was inthe pharmaceutical industry.
It happened to be a functionwhere we were hosting an
educational event with somephysicians and at the end of the
evening I noticed that myfriend had actually gotten quite
(04:21):
intoxicated and in fact thestaff at the restaurant had come
over because she and anotherphysician had really indulged
quite a bit.
And they were concerned becausewhere I am in Canada, there's
laws now around establishmentslike bars and restaurants in
(04:42):
terms of not serving somebody ifthey see that they're clearly
intoxicated and could presentharm to themselves or others.
And so the staff came over andthey said well, we're a little
bit concerned.
We know this is your co-work,we know these are your clients.
What would you like us to do?
Because we obviously can'tserve them anymore?
(05:02):
And unfortunately, what hadhappened was, with my other
colleague, we were trying tofigure out what to do and both
of them ended up leaving in onevehicle and it was just kind of
shocking to me.
I just didn't know what to do.
I had not come across thisbefore and what ended up
(05:24):
happening was I discovered thestory afterwards was that, yes,
she had left with this physician.
I'm not sure what happened thatevening.
She was married and I thinkthat was just the start for me
of Jessica, of then reflectingback on some other incidences
that had happened where Inoticed that she had consumed a
(05:46):
lot of alcohol and seemed toactually be fairly intoxicated,
like it just sort of started totrigger for me some things of
like I wonder what's going on.
And unfortunately, thatparticular episode, jessica,
some of the other physiciansthat were there were concerned
and it got reported to mymanager and that was actually
(06:07):
the turning point of when sheactually sought professional
help.
So at that point she wasadvised by our employer that she
needed to actually seekprofessional help and that she
would need treatment.
So she did actually go to atreatment facility.
One of the things that I wouldshare is that what I thought was
(06:29):
unfortunate, jessica, in thesituation, was the gossip that
ensued.
Right there, I think again,right, it's the stigma, it's the
people wanting to gossip aboutit and making things up about
this individual, when I, when,you know, I realized it is a
disease, you know, and sheactually had a family history of
(06:51):
her father having been analcoholic in a similar in the in
the same industry.
So you know there's also thataspect of I know possibly that
being genetic or hereditary orcertainly having been exposed to
it as a family member, how thatcan influence somebody as well.
So during the time that she wasin treatment it was meant to be
(07:16):
kept confidential at work I wasactually one of the very few
people that knew but it gotdisclosed to other people and I
was actually really disappointedand upset that that had
happened.
She subsequently left theorganization.
She was, unfortunately I don'trecall now whether she chose to
leave or she was exited, but sheleft the organization and a
(07:40):
couple of us as friends, as veryclose friends with her, were
supporting her.
And one of the very unfortunatethings that happened, jessica,
was that she lost custody of herdaughter.
Her husband actually filed forseparation and filed for custody
of her daughter.
(08:01):
Her daughter was, I think,about eight or nine at the time
for custody of her daughter.
Her daughter was, I think,about eight or nine at the time.
She was living, you know, alonein an apartment trying to make
ends meet with a cleaning jobshe did at one point try to take
(08:28):
her own life by overdosing onmedication, but I think it was
more just a cry for help than itwas truly wanting to end, so to
speak.
But one of our another mutualfriend of ours actually took her
in for a period of time to justgive her a place to sort of
land and support her while shewas getting back on her feet.
And I think the thing that Ilearned from that, jessica, is
how important it is to reallyjust be there as a support, not
(08:52):
to judge, to educate, to educateourselves on learning more
about alcoholism and addiction,to understand and to really
appreciate the kinds of issuesthat they might be struggling
with.
I think for her, the thing thatI did the most, jessica, was
(09:12):
just to listen, to just be there, to truly make myself available
, to say if you do need to reachout, please reach out.
And she did also share someconcerns with her children.
She eventually got custody ofher daughter back, but it was a
number of years and, of course,by the time that happened, her
(09:33):
daughter was moving into thetween years, which is a sort of
a very challenging time of lifefor parents and the kids going
through it and one of thebiggest concerns that her
daughter had and her daughter isa very bright young woman is,
she said could I possibly godown the same road?
(09:56):
Her alcoholism also caused herto be separated from her oldest
son, who she has not had contactwith for many, many years now.
She did have to do work torepair her relationship with her
middle son as well.
So I see somebody who has reallyfought to come back from
(10:21):
something and to um, to reallybattle the stigma, um, the
judgment, the shame, um and umalso be willing to admit her
mistakes.
Um, that was, you know, thatwas something she said she spent
a lot of time with her kidstalking about was just owning
(10:43):
her mistakes.
Uh, and I know that that's alsopart of the process through AA.
She's been, I think, about 15years sober now.
Yeah, and one of the things Ithink post post her recovery,
jessica, that I'm very mindfulof is in social events, just
(11:05):
kind of checking in on her tosay, are you okay with being at
this event?
Because it's, you know there'sprobably going to be, you know,
a lot of alcohol served right,or there's going to be bar
service, or if we go for dinner,I will, I specifically bring
alcohol, free wine, and we alldrink it, right, because I'm
(11:26):
perfectly fine with doing that.
Speaker 1 (11:28):
Yeah, you've touched on so many good points so we can
just pause here for a secondand just touch on a couple of
them.
So, first of all, like I thinkfrom the very beginning, when
you said we had talkedpre-recording, about how women
have the ability to two thingsone, hide it, you know, because
(11:49):
of the stigma, and two, like it,it takes them.
So.
So a lot of women are affecteddifferently.
So you know, I know someone whostarted drinking when they were
like in their fort and by thetime they were 45, it was just a
mess.
So it affects women differentlyand you talked a lot about and
(12:17):
that's true, we can present andwe're high functioning and we
get up and we go to work.
I talk about a lot how an act ofalcoholism you get up and you,
you head to work when you shouldprobably be heading to, like,
the hospital, you know.
And the other thing is that, itbeing a disease, I know for
myself I didn't understand that,like I didn't, you know, I
didn't understand that it was mymom that said to me.
(12:38):
She said if you had cancer, wewould all be surrounding your
bedside.
This is no different.
This is a disease.
You're going to take care of it, and then you're going to get
better and you're going to moveon.
And that really helped me.
And she was also, like you hadmentioned, the one that in my
early years I would be at like along dinner table but she would
(13:01):
always order exactly what Iordered.
You get like a Perrier, or youget a Coke or table, but she
would always order what?
Exactly what I ordered.
You know, you get like aPerrier or you get a Coke or
something, and she would haveexactly what I had and I knew
that.
So she was like just such a asolid ground for me, you know,
and it's just so important tohave people who aren't judging,
who are accepting and who aretrying to understand what you're
(13:22):
going through, to see, see youback to your normal self.
Speaker 2 (13:26):
So yeah, yeah, and I think that piece, jessica,
around the fact that women dotend to present as more high
functioning is a reallyimportant piece, especially now
in a world that is so chaoticpiece.
(13:47):
Especially now in a world thatis so chaotic, a world right
where people wear that badge ofbusyness, right, like I'm so
busy I don't have time to write,like have coffee with you,
right, or like, and I think thatjust adds an extra layer of
pressure right to people andwhat you know and how they deal
with that.
And so I think also just beingmuch more accepting and
(14:10):
normalizing the importance ofmental health as much as
physical health.
And I think, to your piece, asyou said, around, you know, if
it was cancer, right, we wouldall be rallying because you know
there's all this, you know somuch around cancer.
But I think that was also areally important point in her
recovery is to know that she hadpeople behind her that
(14:34):
supported her right and yes,even if I didn't understand it,
not to judge it right, because Ihave no idea what it would be
like to be in that world.
Right To, as you said, right toget up in the morning and, yeah
, you know, have a drink and goto work right and put on your
face right.
So we've just got to really bethere to just have their back
(15:00):
right and then have them knowthat we will be there no matter
what.
Speaker 1 (15:05):
Yeah, and also when you made the point that she
almost came to the point of notwanting to be here anymore.
And so you take a relativelyhighly functioning individual,
pair it with the disease ofalcoholism and the struggle to
live in that becomes sodifficult that that looks like a
(15:29):
good option.
And and you know, and that istime and time again, you know,
I've heard people and I'veexperienced that myself and it's
and it's mind blowing inretrospect, but so very true and
that kind of speaks to thedifficulty of this disease and
how it can really take someoneout not only of their day-to-day
(15:52):
life, out of their children'slife, but out of life itself,
you know.
And so the seriousness of it isthere and my heart goes out to
any woman, mom, who has theirchildren taken as a result of,
because I've seen that time andagain and I had one particular
(16:15):
friend who the same thinghappened and the support was so
big.
I remember sitting in court theday that happened and she had
asked a couple people to show upand I think there was 15 women
there to support her regainingcustody of her son because she
had been in a better place forso long and they did award her
(16:37):
that that day.
But it didn't come easy.
That's really a matter of yourheart.
That's one of the heartbreakingrealities of addiction.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
And I think the other thing that I would add to that,
jessica, is that you know thisstory does have a positive
ending.
You know she divorced herhusband at that time, you know,
found somebody else that she'sbeen married to for over 10
years now I was actually hermaid of honor.
She's repaired the relationshipwith her daughter and her son
(17:15):
and I think sometimes too,jessica, when somebody goes
through something like this,they worry about the impact on
their children, right,particularly when they talk
about a hereditary or geneticcomponent to it.
She's had very, very openconversations with her daughter
around that right, if you, youknow, particularly when she's
going to you.
You know, particularly whenshe's going to university.
(17:35):
You know, if you we don't know alot about, you know, like,
whether you'll be affected thesame way as me.
It's.
It's up to you the choices youwant to make, but come to me,
talk to me, ask me any questions.
So she's always been a veryopen book and I think that has
really helped because both ofher children that she does have
(17:56):
relationships with are verysuccessful.
You know her daughter's anaccountant, her son is an
electrician, right, and hestarted his own family.
So there's a really great happyending to that story.
But yes to your point, it cantake some time, as it did, for
her to actually regain custodyof her daughter over time.
Speaker 1 (18:16):
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(18:40):
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(19:00):
Visit wwwsoberlinkcom backslashsober dash living and check out
the show notes to click thelink and receive $50 off your
device today.
Now back to our guest.
I agree with you too.
That is the story of being inthe disease but once out of it,
(19:23):
the promises of restoration ofyour family, reconciliation with
friendships, regaining yourselfprofessionally all of those
just as hot.
You know we were talking abouthigh functioning and you know
that high functioning alcoholiconce the alcohol is removed,
(19:43):
they are just a complete successstory.
You know, and and to to thepoint of the kids.
I think that that experience,yeah, it's that genetic
component.
You know, you never know right.
So those conversations you'reable to be a little bit more
candid, having lived through ityourself, and you're able to
(20:04):
give your kids an edge onbecause you know like the world
is.
You know, just covered inalcohol, drugs, I don't know
vaping, whatever anybody's doingin the middle school, high
school level, that kind of kicksoff.
You know what their trajectoryis going to be and to have that
wisdom before they walk in thedoor or walk in that classroom,
(20:27):
to know is so important.
Speaker 2 (20:31):
Well, it was interesting to Jessica because
we would often haveconversations around what it was
interesting to Jessica becausewe would often have
conversations around what it waslike for her to be at events,
um, sober, um, and how you know,she said it was a very
different experience.
Um, my husband and I actuallydon't drink very much by choice.
That's just who we are, um, andit is interesting, right, it's
(20:53):
just who we are and it isinteresting, right, it's just
like, okay, the conversationsthat you're having, the
behaviors that you're noticing,right, but it's challenging,
right, and I know that there'smore awareness and more
encouragement to people to livea consciously sober life.
But, you're right, because it's, those kinds of vices and
(21:15):
activities are often associatedwith what we see as being fun,
right, it's like, and you know,and really, what is the term?
And and really what is the termsocial drinker mean like you
either drink or you don't.
It's like there's nothingsocial about it.
It's almost like if you'resocial, you're it.
It's almost like if you'resocial, you're okay.
But it's just like if you wentpast that point, you become an
(21:38):
alcoholic.
And it's like, well, actually,social drinkers probably have an
alcohol problem.
Speaker 1 (21:46):
Yeah, yeah, you can really get back into the world.
You know, once you have areally strong foundation and you
do have the support of friendslike yourself, and then also
family, who is and I think thatreally comes after that internal
decision is made from thealcoholic or the addict that
they don't want to do thisanymore and they're committed to
(22:09):
wellness.
You know, and once they respectyou know, I know, once I
respected my own sobriety, Iknew that I would never have to
explain it to anyone else again.
It just I knew that I hadcrossed over into a life that I
wanted to live and I was willingto do anything to stay there,
and that really changed myrelation.
(22:29):
They always say you know, ifyou've ever heard this saying,
um, the people closest to us arethe last ones to see us change
right, and so it's a walk, butit's one worth taking right
Because you can live in thisworld today sober.
The stigma is still there, forsure, but just like with
anything else that holds astigma, it takes years and I
(22:54):
think presently I feel like it'sa lot more accepted, there's a
lot more non-alcoholic whatevercoming up, and once you arrest
alcoholism, it doesn't have tobecome your entire life to be
like sobriety, like a soberperson, you get access to all
the other parts of your lifethat you were cutting out when
(23:16):
you were drinking.
So your life really gets big,whereas in active addiction, you
know it's small, and so there'sthat component too.
It's really a positive, apositive to a sober life.
If you're truly afflicted withalcoholism, you're truly
afflicted with alcoholism.
Speaker 2 (23:34):
I really love that metaphor, Jessica, of how you
actually get bigger rather thansmaller.
It's like widening the aperturewhen you're actually in a place
where you can actually haveclarity and really be present.
And the other thing that youtouched on that I just wanted to
(23:55):
mention was that as part of herjourney, she did embrace
working with a therapist, and Idid have the opportunity to work
with her as a coach.
So I think that's the otherthing that I would share with
people is that asking for helpright, and we hear it a lot, but
asking for help is a sign ofstrength.
Speaker 1 (24:36):
Asking for help, right, and we hear it a lot, but
asking for help is a sign ofstrength, not weakness, right,
Because it takes courage andstrength to say I have an issue
that needs support or help orassistance right Of some sort.
And so I think for her, thatwas also a really important part
of her journey, of which, youknow, I applaud her for because
it takes a village.
Yeah, sure, sure.
So what are some of the thingsthat you know?
When you were talking, beforewe started, you had said you had
noticed some signs.
We'll go here first before wego to the solution part of it
that we hide it, right, sopeople hide it.
(24:57):
And so what are some of thesigns I could think back of?
When we would be at a familyevent and everybody else would
drink while they were there, butthen, as they were walking out,
the drink would be over andthey would be saying their
goodbyes.
And I remember always havingsomething still in my hand.
(25:18):
And I'm like wow, you know inretrospect telltale sign.
You know, like, if you can'tput it down or remove yourself
from it, you know like that itwas just different.
It was different than whateverybody else was doing.
Did you see any telltale signsin addition to what you've
already spoken about?
Speaker 2 (25:39):
Yeah, that's a good question.
That's a good question.
So during the time that weworked together, one of the
things that would happen is, ifwe were on at meetings, we would
actually have, of course, ourbusiness meeting, but we would
also have social events.
And I think if I were toreflect back there's, you know,
(26:02):
I didn't really pay attention toit, but if I reflect back,
there seemed to be quite a bitof consumption of alcohol, right
, it wasn't just the one or tworight Drinks, there seemed to be
a lot.
And she would often, on occasion, she would get into very sort
(26:24):
of depressive moods, right,because I think you know again,
I know from my days inuniversity, when you know
everybody drank, they wouldparty, like you would get some
people who would get verydepressed, right, some people
who just talked a lot, right,she was one of these people who
would get quite depressed.
And so, as I think about thatJessica, which is not really
(26:49):
like her, she's a very practical, no nonsense person, person.
It's not to say that she isn'temotional or caring, but she
just wasn't those people.
That was that emotive, but itit happened when she would drink
right.
And then I do recall nowreferences to things growing up
that were hard.
(27:09):
She had a you know she lovedher dad and she had a very close
relationship with her dad, butshe would also allude to just
family issues that existed.
So again, I think to me as Ireflect back, those might be
some of the sort of telltalesigns.
And then certainly that episodethat became the turning point
(27:29):
was a real sort of eye opener, Ithink, of like some very
dramatic behavior that I had notever seen before.
Speaker 1 (27:37):
Right, right, yeah, you mentioned you know family
and upbringing and to you know,like alcohol, I think for so
many people is like a copingmechanism, and so when you put
it down, I think you're sayingabout a therapist whatever their
road to recovery is, whetherthey use a 12 step or they,
however they they come to builda foundation.
(27:59):
I think added therapy is so key, like it's such an addition to
understanding yourself, um,bringing to light those things
that may have been hard, liketalking about those struggles,
so that it becomes less and youdon't have all this to cope with
because your coping mechanismas you once knew it is now gone.
(28:20):
And to then get some tools onhow to better cope, because life
doesn't stop In sobriety.
We have losses, we havesicknesses, job changes, moves,
difficulties that you have tonavigate, sober, and so if you
reach out early and I think youknow asking for help, you know a
(28:42):
lot of times the inability toask for help just delays
recovery for years, you know.
And so self-sufficient peoplelike suffer for that because
they're like I can do this.
Why can't you know why?
Why is this failing?
Why?
You know for me, you know howcan I not solve this, you know
and it just that drive to justfigure it out just takes years
(29:07):
away from you know, trulygetting help, and finally you're
just like I need help, like Ireally need help, and that's
when things started to change, Iknow, for me.
Speaker 2 (29:17):
Well, and I think you make a really good point,
jessica, which is what are thethings that we can do to sustain
that?
Right, what sort of?
Because, right, the temptationdoesn't go away.
Right, because, unfortunatelyyou can't.
You know, you hope that thepeople around you will be
supportive, like I said, youknow I am very mindful to bring
(29:38):
a de-alcoholized wine, which Iknow she enjoys when we go for
dinner, to their house, but, youknow, unfortunately people
can't remove themselves fromalcohol completely in the
environment.
Um, and so it is about what sortof, as you said, tools and
skills, and and even for all ofus, right, because, again, right
, we just, the world continuesto be more challenging.
(30:01):
We're all being hit withdifferent traumas all the time.
Right, you and I talked aboutthe fact that we care for
parents.
Right, that in and of itselfcreates pressure.
Right, just, our lifecircumstances.
So, I love what you said, andone of the things that I've
educated myself on is resilience, because I see that is
(30:23):
something that really even justclients who are not struggling
with an addiction, but maybeworkaholics, is a form of
addiction.
Right, because they areconstantly checking their phone.
Right, they are on email on theweekends.
Right, they're working late atphone, right.
They are on email on theweekends, right.
They're working late at night,right.
(30:45):
And so it's the to your pointhow do we build resilience,
right, and how do we learn thetools that will help us in those
moments, as you said, wherethat stress and that tension
comes right, where you'relooking for some way to really
manage it effectively?
Speaker 1 (31:01):
Right, right, yeah, so here would be a great place
to, because I know you have thispersonal experience with a
friend who suffered from thisand now is living out an
incredible life without it.
So you have that personalexperience, but you also have a
professional experience, becauseyou do coach others to find
(31:22):
their best version of themselvesand live to their full
potential.
So can you talk a little bitabout what you offer and where
people can connect with you?
You know we'd like to add thatat the end where people can
connect with you if they wantedto, because if this resonates
with them you've had thisexperience then you would be the
one to speak on that, you know,so share with listeners, just
(31:48):
from a professional perspective.
Speaker 2 (31:53):
Absolutely so.
One of the things that I wouldwant to share with your
listeners, jessica, is to knowthat, as we talked about the
value of a therapist and I lovewhat you said which is that it
actually, if we the sooner we doit, it actually allows us to
move towards recovery morequicker, and so coaching is
(32:15):
really one of those things thatcan be very effective as a, as a
complimentary approach.
So therapy will helpindividuals resolve some of the,
as you said, issues andchallenges, particularly past
ones, that people may bestruggling with, and coaching is
really very much a forwardfocused modality right.
(32:35):
So, now that you we've got youworking on these issues, you
know, if I take my friend'sexample, you know, with your dad
and his addiction, let's talkabout where you want to go with
your life.
Now that you know we've got youworking on these issues, you
know, if I take my friend'sexample, you know, with your dad
and his addiction, let's talkabout where you want to go with
your life.
Now that you know you've gotyou know a way forward.
So I would work withindividuals to help them
identify their values.
Are they living in alignmentwith their values?
(32:56):
If they're not, you know what?
What, what can I do to helpthem with that?
And what I love about coachingis it's all about empowering the
individual to make choices thatalign with who they are and
connect to what they value, andit is less about them not being
capable but the fact that theyare capable and that really, as
(33:20):
a coach, I work alongside themto really identify what's most
important to them and, I think,to your, what we've been talking
about, jessica.
The first step to anything isrecognizing and acknowledging I
have an issue right, I have adisease, I have this behavior
(33:40):
right, I have these habits right, that awareness and the
acknowledgement and theownership of them, but also the
desire and the commitment tomaking changes that will create
much more positive movement intheir life.
So I do that through coachingsessions, but I also bring a lot
(34:01):
of different tools, assessments, and I also draw from so many
bodies of knowledge.
I you know I mentioned to youin the our email correspondence
that I'm working at training ina program where it's coaching
with a trauma informed lens, andI think that's actually really
important, jessica, becauseparticularly for people in
(34:23):
addiction often not all, butoften many of them have suffered
some type of trauma right.
When you speak about the copingmechanism, right, and that's
what's happened to many addicts,right, they're trying to make
the pain that they're sufferinggo away because they don't know
how to do it, and so being ableto understand that as a coach,
(34:46):
and to support people with anapproach that will help them, I
believe, is really important.
So I'm bringing that to mypractice, and I'm also very much
about creating personalleadership.
We are all leaders, and youdecided to take charge of your
life, right, you decided to makesome decisions and move it in a
different direction, as did myfriend, and that's about courage
(35:10):
and leadership, so that's a bigpart of what I do as well.
I do have a newsletter that Iput out weekly, so which, um be
you know, um would love forpeople to subscribe if they'd
like to.
I cover a whole range of topics, um, just related to life and
leadership, um, and anythingthat's out there that I just
(35:32):
want to share with people.
Uh, I'm also on um, facebookand Instagram and LinkedIn, so,
um, people can reach out to methat way.
Uh, and I also shared a linkwith you as well, jessica,
because I think one of the mostimportant things that we can do
when we're supporting people isto actually just be to listen,
(35:52):
and often that's what peopleneed a lot of is just to feel,
to just know that they've beenheard, because listening is
something that can do so muchknow that they've been heard,
because listening is the thingthat can do so much.
Speaker 1 (36:08):
Yes, I agree with you a hundred percent.
This has been such aninsightful conversation.
I love how you differentiatedbetween a therapist and a coach,
where a therapist is generallylooking at the past and a coach
is actually focusing on thepresent and moving forward.
You know so you've brought somuch.
I encourage listeners to headover to the show notes to pick
out your free resource withlistening.
Like it's such a good tool.
(36:28):
That is so like we think, ohwell, we're waiting to talk
right, and so when we listen, wereally gain a lot of valuable
information about who's talkingand how we can better serve them
.
So thank you so much forsharing your personal story with
us today.
I really enjoyed having you on.
Speaker 2 (36:47):
Well, thank you so much for the opportunity to be
here, Jessica, and share thatwith your listeners.
I really appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (37:02):
Thank you for tuning into the Sober Living Stories
podcast.
If you have been inspired,consider subscribing and sharing
with anyone who could use hopein their lives.
Remember to stay tuned for moreinspiring stories in the
episodes to come.
To view our featured author ofthe month or to become a guest
yourself, visitwwwjessicastephanoviccom.
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