Notes from "Grieving with the Help of Your Catholic Faith" - 1

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Grief is the process by which healing takes place after loss, requiring time and space to work through the emotional wounds. The work of grieving involves accepting the reality of loss, experiencing the pain, recreating the person in memory, adjusting to life without them, and finding new meaning.

• The word "bereavement" means "to be torn apart"
• Emotional wounds from loss take longer to heal than physical wounds
• Grief helps you grow emotionally and spiritually despite the pain
• The full impact of loss typically hits between 3-9 months after death
• Grieving is your internal experience while mourning is the outward expression
• Jesus wept over Lazarus, giving us permission to express our grief
• Avoiding grief only makes the process longer and more difficult
• Pouring your heart out to God is one of the most powerful forms of prayer

This material comes from the book "Grieving with the Help of your Catholic Faith" by Lorene Hanley Duquin. (Available on Amazon)

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Episode Transcript

Candee (00:01):
I welcome you to Solace: Soul + Grief.

(00:28):
My name's Candee Lucas and I'ma grief chaplain.
I accompany those who aregrieving any kind of loss and I
ask that you let me accompanyyou today.
You're always welcome in thiscircle of healing, love and
support.
Remember, we are all on thisjourney together.

(00:51):
This material comes from a bookcalled Grieving with the Help
of your Catholic Faith by LoreneHanley Duquin.
I recently used this book in myown grief group and found many

(01:16):
of the details, exercises anddiscussions helpful and I want
to share them here, so we'lljust dive in.
One of the quotes she startswith is --Every death is a door
opening on creation's mystery--,by Megary Anderson Anderson.

(01:49):
So, of course, what interestedme most about this material is
how it confirms the closeness ofGod in our grief journeys.
The word bereavement means to betorn apart.
When someone you love dies,part of your life is torn away.
What's left is a deep emotionalwound.

(02:11):
Grief is the process by whichhealing takes place.
Think about what happens whensomeone undergoes surgery.
It can take months for theincision to heal and for the
muscle to regenerate.

(02:32):
It can take a year or longerfor a person's energy level to
return to normal.
Even after a year, the scartissue may be tender to the
touch.
The emotional wound that comeswith losing a loved one takes
longer than a physical wound toheal.

(02:55):
Grief is the emotional agony yougo through as you find ways to
fill the void this person left.
Grief moves you to a placewhere memories of your loved one
are no longer painful.
Grief is the process by whichyou learn to live again.

(03:20):
Doing the hard work of griefinvolves Accepting the reality
of the loss, experiencing thepain of the loss, recreating the
person in your memory,adjusting to life without the
presence of that person andfinding new meaning in life.

(03:42):
Working through the grievingprocess does not mean that
you'll stop loving or missingthe person who died.
It doesn't mean that you try toforget that person.
What it does mean is that youfind ways to live peacefully in
the present moment, look forwardto the future with hope.

(04:04):
It may be hard to believe atthis difficult point.
Grief can help you growemotionally and spiritually.
C.
S.
Lewis once said --In griefnothing stays put.
One keeps on emerging from aphase, but it always recurs

(04:30):
Round and round.
Everything repeats.
Am I going in circles or dare Ihope I am on a spiral?
-- How you grieve depends onyour personality, your family
background, how you coped withprevious losses, your

(04:51):
relationship with the person whodied and your relationship with
God.
Today, it's not uncommon forpeople to expect you to bounce
back to normal within a week orso after the funeral.
What most people don't realizeis that after the funeral, the

(05:12):
hard work of grieving is justbeginning.
Between three and nine monthsafter the death, , the full
impact of the loss begins to hityou.
You may find that a whole yeargoes by in which you use all
your energy just to keep up thepretense of functioning.
Gradually, you come to therealization that things will

(05:37):
never go back to the way theywere before your loved one dies,
but you will survive.
Psalm 13 notes --how long shallI harbor sorrow in my soul,
grief in my heart, day after day.
Look, answer me, O Lord, my God.

(06:01):
-- We, as Christians, havealways turned to God in times of
grief, trouble, darkness, andso it is at this time of
grieving and loss that God ismost near to us, even if we are

(06:25):
not aware of his presence.
What is the difference betweengrieving and mourning?
Grieving is the intense painyou feel inside.
It is your internal experienceof loss.
Mourning is the publicexpression of your grief.
It is how you express yoursorrow to other people when

(06:50):
someone you love dies, we mustexpress our grief if we are to
heal.
In other words, we must takethe time to mourn.
When Jesus said in Matthew--Blessed are those who mourn,
for they shall be comforted.

(07:11):
-- He encouraged us to expressour feelings of loss in public
when he wept over the death ofhis friend Lazarus.
He gave us all permission tocry.
Noted in John 11.

(07:31):
--The Lord also promised thatour mourning will end.
I will turn their mourning intojoy.
I will console and gladden themafter their sorrows--, Jeremiah
31.
Is there any other way?
Through grief, you can try toavoid, deny or postpone the pain

(07:57):
, but it will only make theprocess longer and more
difficult.
Experts agree that when peoplerefuse to grieve the death of a
loved one, grief stays bottledup inside and will resurface
eventually.
Working through your grief canbe painful, but it is necessary

(08:24):
for your emotional and physicalwell-being.
Pouring out your heart to Godis one of the best kinds of
prayer because it comes straightfrom the depths of yourself.
Your prayer at this point maybe as simple --Lord.
Help me-- or you might want touse a lament in Psalm 102.

(08:47):
--Hear my prayer, o Lord.
Let my cry come to Thee.
Do not hide thy face from me inthe day of my distress.
Incline thy ear to me.
Answer me speedily in the daywhen I call.

(09:09):
--More information on how to get a
copy of this book in the shownotes.
That concludes this week'sepisode.

(09:35):
You can find us on Apple,Spotify or Amazon.
Feel free to send any questionsyou might have about grieving
to my email in the show notes.
Remember I'm always availablefor spiritual direction by Zoom
to those who are grieving.
Please reach out to me if youhave this need.

(09:56):
Be safe Travel with God alwaysat your side.
Vaya con Dios.