Notes from "Grieving with the Help of Your Catholic Faith" - 2

Send us a text

Today explore the difficult questions that arise during grief and how our Catholic faith offers pathways for healing.  We examine how questions of "why" and "what if" can become poignant prayers and how sharing our stories helps us accept the reality of loss.

• Questions beginning with "why" are often not really questions but statements of protest or pain
• The sacrament of reconciliation helps those struggling with unresolved "what-if" questions and feelings of guilt
• Telling your story repeatedly is healing 
• Support groups provide safe places to share stories, express concerns, and feel a sense of belonging
• One-on-one counseling is available through Catholic Charities, hospital chaplains, and hospice services
• There is no "right" timeline for seeking support - this is a personal decision

This material comes from the book "Grieving with the Help of your Catholic Faith" by Lorene Hanley Duquin. (Available on Amazon)

Listen every Friday on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and Amazon Music for spiritual direction, art, and workshops shared through Santa Clara University, https://events.scu.edu/markey-center/event/344943-spiritual-accompaniment

You can reach us at: [e-mail].
SPIRITUAL DIRECTION WHILE GRIEVING IS AVAILABLE

Art:  https://www.etsy.com/shop/vasonaArts?ref=seller-platform-mcnav
and  https://fineartamerica.com/profiles/candee-lucas

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0F2SFH4Z6

Music and sound effects today by:   via Pixabay

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:11):
I.
I welcome you to Solace SoulPlus Grief.
My name's Candy Lucas and I'm agrief chaplain.
I accompany those who aregrieving any kind of loss and I

(00:37):
ask that you let me accompanyyou today.
You're always welcome in thiscircle of healing, love and
support.
Remember, we are all on thisjourney together.
Today we continue with thematerial from the book by

(00:59):
Lorraine Duquin Grieving withthe Help of your Catholic Faith.
More information in the shownotes.
Today we consider questionsabout what happened.
This always begins with why.
Why did they die?

(01:20):
Why did it happen this way?
Why now Searching for answersto why is our attempt to make
sense out of something we don'twant to believe and can't
comprehend?
Sometimes, why?
Questions have answers, butsome do not.

(01:41):
Often the question why is notreally a question but a
statement of protest,helplessness or pain.
The answers other people offerto your why?
Questions are usuallyunsatisfying.
Albert Einstein said theimportant thing is not to stop

(02:03):
questioning.
Said the important thing is notto stop questioning.
Some people find why questionsbecome their most poignant
prayer.
Like Job, they cry out let theAlmighty answer me.
Like Job, they discover thateven if God doesn't answer the
question why God never abandonsus in our grief.

(02:27):
See verse 31.
Next are the what-ifs.
When someone dies, we begin tospeculate what if this had
happened?
What if this hadn't happened?
What if I had done this?
What if this hadn't happened?

(02:47):
What if I had done this?
What if I hadn't done that?
Is there something else Ishould have done or could have
done?
Some people are tortured bywhat-if questions.
It is important to examinefeelings of guilt and talk about
them.
Most people come to see whatthey agonized about in the end

(03:14):
didn't make any difference inwhat happened.
They did what they thought wasright at the time.
Sometimes we look for others toblame the doctor, the
paramedics, the nurses, thehospital, an industry that

(03:34):
polluted the environment, adrunken driver or a person who
forgot to lock a gate or repairsomething that was broken.
The sacrament of reconciliationcan be tremendous help to people
struggling with unresolvedwhat-if questions.
Whether you are blamingyourself or someone else for the

(03:56):
death of a loved one, a priestcan help you sort through some
of this emotional turmoil thatyou feel.
A priest can help you forgiveyourself and other people.
The sacrament of reconciliationat any time during the grieving
process can oftentimes behealing in and of itself.

(04:22):
Why do you feel the need tokeep telling everyone what
happened.
Talking about the final illness, the death, the wake and the
funeral is part of the healingprocess.
Each time we tell the story, wehelp ourselves accept the

(04:45):
reality of the person's death.
It's so important that onepriest tells grieving people to
find ten friends.
Each day.
Tell the story to a differentperson.
Ideally every ten days someonewill be willing to hear the
story again.
Telling the story over and overand over again until you feel

(05:12):
you have been heard fully andcompletely takes the power away
from the story itself and givesit back to you.
Another good place to tell yourstory is in a bereavement
support group.
Support groups offer safeplaces to share stories, express

(05:37):
concerns, work through emotions, learn about the grieving
process and feel a sense ofbelonging.
Many parishes offer bereavementsupport groups.
Some support groups focus onspecific types of grief, such as

(06:00):
support for grieving parents orwidows or widowers or people
grieving a violent death orsuicide.
Other groups are general andanyone can attend.
Even if your parish does nothave a grief support group,

(06:21):
there is probably more than oneavailable in your diocese and I
urge you to seek that out.
The structure of these groupsvary.
Some groups use a book such asthis one.
Some have discussion topics forthe evening, some have guest

(06:43):
speakers.
Others may have very littlestructure and simply provide a
safe place.
There is no time frame on whenyou should seek a support group.
Some people join a group in thefirst weeks after the funeral

(07:05):
and others wait for six to ninemonths.
This is a very personaldecision and you should discern
on your own when it is the righttime for you.
Some people find support groupshelpful.
Others feel uncomfortable in agroup setting.
Neither approach is right orwrong.

(07:28):
Many people prefer one-on-onesupport and there are many
people available, trained inthis area, to listen and help
you through the process.
Everything you say isconfidential and you're most
likely to benefit from aone-on-one counseling.

(07:50):
If you have no one else to talkto, if you are concerned that
your feelings are not normal, ifyou are unable to function, if
you have thoughts or feelingsthat you cannot share with
anyone else or do not feelcomfortable sharing with anyone

(08:13):
else, if you feel as if yourlife is completely out of
control or if you feel as if youcan't go on.
To find a qualified bereavementcounselor, you can contact
Catholic Charities or a Catholicchaplain at a local hospital.
In most communities, hospicesalso offer bereavement services

(08:38):
and counseling, even if youhaven't used the hospice service
directly.
And so we pray God of strength,who calls forth eagles to bend

(08:59):
wings in adoration and who sendsforth eagles to wing wide in
praise.
I am in need of your strength.
I am weary, tired, unable tosoar in my sky of life.
Please carry me on your lovingwings.
Please renew my strength, giveme the energy for the going and

(09:27):
create in me openness to future.
Flying Great God of eagles'hearts, I want to trust that you
will bear me up, that you willsupport me.
I look to you to renew mystrength just as surely as the
eagle's wings are wide in thesky.

(09:49):
Amen.
That concludes this week'sepisode.
You can find us on Apple,spotify or Amazon.
Feel free to send any questionsyou might have about grieving

(10:12):
to my email in the show notes.
Remember I'm always availablefor spiritual direction by Zoom
to those who are grieving.
Please reach out to me if youhave this need.
Be safe.

(10:32):
Travel with God always at yourside.
Vaya con Dios.