July 26, 2023 • 33 mins
Death. Let’s face it…
In this episode, Dr. Makeba is joined by her friends, Tommy Fu'rqan Washington, Ominira Mars, LaSheta Reynolds, and Kadijah Kemp, to discuss death, the transition process, and finding peace amidst loss. Together, they share personal experiences, expertise, and spiritual insights to help listeners develop a clearer understanding to gain a different comfort level with death, which is really just a part of life.
o The guests bring diverse perspectives from their work, as elder care providers, death doulas, and spiritual counselors, as well as personal encounters with tragic losses. They shed light on the complexities of death, the emotions involved, and the importance of embracing uncertainty.
o The episode explores the unique challenges associated with unexpected deaths and tragic circumstances. The guests discuss practices such as elevation and veneration that can aid in processing and honoring the souls who have transitioned.
o LaSheta Reynolds shares her practice of communicating with ancestors and guiding souls to the afterlife. The discussion highlights the significance of establishing spiritual connections, providing comfort, and finding solace in knowing that loved ones are at peace.
o Kadijah Kemp opens up about her personal experience of losing her child and the grieving process. The conversation delves into the role of grief counseling, group support, and the importance of creating safe spaces for parents and individuals navigating loss. She also shares her experience working with a medium to help gain closure.
o Throughout the episode, the guests emphasize the importance of living each day fully, expressing gratitude, and appreciating the present moment.
Take a moment to express gratitude for the people in your life. Reach out to a loved one, offer support to someone experiencing loss, or explore practices that promote inner peace and healing. Remember that life is a precious gift, and each moment should be cherished.
Dunbar Creek Collective: https://dunbarcreekcollective.com/
Going with Grace: https://goingwithgrace.com/
“Sol Social w/Dr Makeba & Friends” is a soul-nourishing podcast that explores spirituality, self-discovery, and various healing modalities. Dr. Makeba, a certified Reiki master and spiritual healer based in Atlanta GA is your guide through the world of self-care and spiritual evolution. Here at “Sol Social w/Dr Makeba & Friends” we invite you to embrace your purpose, trust your intuition, and ignite your inner light.
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Love and light, y'all
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
opem (00:00):
Bridge to Nairobi.
Bridge to Nairobi.
Jah, Show us the light.
This movement phonetic.
The chi is kinetic.
You know what's up.
We just leveling up.
Eternal life.
Children of light.
Blessings upon you.
The truth and the pride Womenheal Earth.
Cherish your worth.
Get us back on track likerebirth.
Dr. Makeba (00:22):
Welcome to Sol Social with Dr.
Makeba and Friends, the soulnourishing podcast that takes
you on a journey of spiritualityself-discovery and healing.
I'm Dr.
Makeba, and I'm thrilled to beyour guide on this metamorphic
path toward embracing yourpurpose, trusting your intuition
and igniting your inner light.
(00:43):
In this episode, we will beexploring the topic of death and
transitioning into theafterlife.
I'm joined by my good friends,Tommy Fu'rqan Washington,
Ominira Mars, LaSheta Reynoldsand Khadija Kemp.
In our conversation, we willtouch upon various aspects of
death from understanding tragicand sudden deaths to the
(01:04):
importance of embracinguncertainty and finding peace in
the process.
Our guests will share theirpersonal journeys and shed light
on the role of death, doulas,spiritual practices, and
ancestral connections innavigating the complexities of
death.
As you listen to this episode, Iencourage you to reflect on your
own understanding of death.
And the impact it has on yourlife.
(01:26):
Consider the importance of beingprepared for the inevitable and
embracing a mindset that valueseach moment.
Let us learn from the storiesand insights shared here today
to foster a deeper appreciationfor life and a greater sense of
peace when facing the concept ofdeath.
I'm grateful to have you join ustoday.
Okay let's talk! Well.
(01:48):
Hello.
Hello, hello everyone.
Today we're talking about deathor life and easing into that
transition, really wanting todive in and talk about death and
what that means for us.
We've got some extremelybeautiful people on today to
(02:09):
help us dive deeply into thistopic that work specifically in
that area and have had some deeppersonal experiences with death.
We are gonna try to keep itlight, but it may get heavy
because death can be a heavytopic.
At the end of this timetogether, my goal is for people
(02:32):
to have a much clearerunderstanding and a different
comfort level with what it meansto transition and go on to that
next phase of your life, thatafterlife.
Fu'rquan, would you like tointroduce yourself for us?
Tommy-Fu'rqan (02:51):
Hey, Fu'rquan, Washington.
I hail from Atlanta right now inJersey City, New York based.
My experience with this process,I am becoming something and I'm
not quite sure yet.
I am presently in myprofessional position I run a
group home within Queens.
I deal with elder care.
(03:13):
I've had two of my clients pass,one of my clients passed
recently because of Covid.
I pretty much have an unlicensednurse, so I was also doing his
hospice care.
During Covid I found myselfworking within New York
Presbyterian in transport.
Part of my job was retrievingthe bodies when people expired.
(03:34):
And I was in the hospitalsduring the high time of covid.
I don't have to pretty much saywhere that has led me, but I
found peace in the morgue and Ifound my crew amongst the
transit people.
There were like four of us.
Since I've had that experiencein the hospitals, things have
been in a transition for me.
I'm excited to be here and seewhat I can learn and hear from
(03:55):
everyone else.
Dr. Makeba (03:57):
Omi would you please introduce yourself.
Ominira (04:00):
Hi everyone.
My name is Ominira, but peoplecall me Omi.
I'm a black southern organizer,death doula and writer.
I work mostly exclusively from ablack southern in rural
anti-colonial epistemologyaround death work.
I'm the founder of the DunbarCreek Collective, and this
collective is an organizer ofgrief and death doulas who
(04:23):
specifically work with colonizedcommunities to make end of life
care more accessible.
And who usually work with Folkswho are disenfranchised, such as
houseless folks, and homelessfolks with death and grief work.
I'm really happy to be here.
I'm pretty sure I'm the youngestperson on this call, so I'm
happy to learn from folks whohave been in this work longer
(04:46):
than me.
I really love to sit at people'sfeet and discuss and learn, so
thank you.
Dr. Makeba (04:53):
Thank you.
LaSheta, please introduceyourself.
LaSheta (04:56):
Hello everybody.
I am LaSheta.
About 4 years ago my mom wasgetting ready to transition and
that opened my spirit to thework of being a death doula
slash shaman slash psycho pump,which is someone who carries
souls to the afterlife.
(05:17):
Think of grim reaper when I saypsycho pump.
A lot of my work is focused withancestors.
A lot of them have not crossedover.
I have the ability to cross themover.
I became a death doula through acompany called Going With Grace,
but that's the practical side ofdeath doula-ing I focus more on
the spiritual side.
(05:38):
By day I'm a teacher, but mysoul work requires a lot of work
with ancestors and helping thosesouls find their way back to
God.
Dr. Makeba (05:46):
Thank you.
And Kadijah last but not least,please introduce yourself.
Kadijah (05:52):
Hi, my name is Kadijah and I currently live in the DMV
Maryland.
I'm an educator and I'm herebecause last year I lost my
child.
I'm still going through thegrieving process.
However, I was able to findpeace after I spoke to several
mediums, and one of the mediumswalked me through my son's
(06:14):
transition.
It kind of gave me peace becauseI was wondering about how things
occurred since it was across thecountry in California when I was
here.
And I just was envisioning alltypes of things.
Hearing how he transitioned andhow peaceful it was, gave me
(06:36):
peace.
I'm here just to get differentperspectives and to learn as
much as possible what work youall do and how that brings
people peace or how you helpthem transition.
Dr. Makeba (06:48):
Thank you, Kadijah.
You've experienced a lot ofother death besides your son.
I wanted you to share a littlebit about just what you've been
experiencing lately and some ofthe challenges with that.
Kadijah (07:05):
So, like I said, it's fairly new that I lost my own
child and now being an educatorin DC people are shot daily and
I've lost students.
So I've lost people who aresomewhat close to me, but then
I'm also meeting other parentsand moms who've lost their
(07:27):
children.
And it's happened rapidly, so,I'm still trying to process what
my purpose is and how I fit intothis puzzle.
Because usually when you watchsomething on tv, you can relate
and you feel sorry, and you'relike, oh, you know, you, you
feel, you may have feelings,emotions, however you can detach
(07:50):
because it's not occurring toyou.
But now that this happened tome, sometimes it's overwhelming
emotionally because I'm anempath, so I take on all of
these losses and I'm just tryingto figure out what am I supposed
to do with it.
Dr. Makeba (08:05):
We are all born and we will all die.
Like those are sure things Andone of the things that I've
experienced so much these pastseveral months is how real that
is.
I always believed that thepeople who passed on their
spirits were still around.
(08:26):
We could call on them and allthat stuff.
Like, I believe that, but sincethey've been actually talking to
me it's very different.
It's a very different mm-hmm.
When they start talking to you,it's like, oh yes.
Oh my God.
Ok.
Ok.
Fuquan, I feel you would like toshare a little bit.
Tommy-Fu'rqan (08:45):
Oh, I, you know, you just, you talking to me with
that because when they starttalking, first thing you, you're
like, oh my God, what is this?
am I crazy?
what's going on?
Then if you're coming from aJudo Christianity, they, you're
like, wait, is that God?
wait, is there just one God?
And just like we're sayingpeople are scared when they hear
death.
I've always been attracted toit.
(09:07):
And I wanna hear more aboutrural southern tradition, cuz
I'm from the country in Georgia,so I've always been attracted to
that, but we don't talk aboutthat.
Soon as you bring up death, ohchild we need to put some
blessings on you or something'swrong or ooh.
And you spooky.
And I was always the spooky guy.
I had to learn how to becomecool with being a spooky guy.
(09:28):
When I was in the hospital, Iknew things had started taking
the turn because I remembergoing into not only picking up
the bodies, but the rooms wherepeople were they were in a coma.
And I could feel them and Icould feel fear.
And some people I could feelwere about to transition and
they were scared.
(09:48):
I would go in the rooms and Iwould hear things like, People
screaming or just, just, it'sjust a sense of fear.
And in some rooms you could goin and u would feel overwhelming
peace like people knew what itwas.
And then it was remarkable whenI would pick up bodies, because
some rooms I walk in and theydidn't even know where they
were.
The room was just empty and youcould tell somebody just got
(10:11):
pushed up there and you had totake'em away.
And then there were rooms whereyou went in and it was like, oh
my God, this is chaos.
Let's just do what we gotta doand, and get this done.
And it was it was amazingexperience.
From there all the stuff, I'mjust gonna sit back and shake my
head a lot because I have somany questions to where to go
and so many things I wanna say.
But because this is alldeveloping and it's also about
(10:32):
becoming okay with it.
Not believing that I was gonnago to hell or I was doing
something wrong.
And that was 30 years of workjust to get to that.
So now I'm just standing in myglory and, and letting things
develop.
At my job, I had an 83 year oldman who died.
He was born blind.
His family baptized him when hewas six months old and left him
(10:53):
on the fire station.
And when he passed, he wasPolish and I felt some need to
reconnect him with his roots.
I was always playing polishthings for him because he
thought he was ugly and unlovedand he spoke a horrible
language.
Anybody from New York know hewas from Woodside, Queens, so
that was very Polish.
And he was always scared ofdeath.
(11:14):
I found myself praying with him,doing Catholic things with him
because that brought him peace.
I also had to battle my ownthings in my past.
He passed away and I was reallysad that I wasn't there the day
he passed away.
Because he was fighting death solong, and every time I was
there, it was felt as it was myjob, just comforting, let him
(11:36):
know it was okay.
Let him know that he won hislife.
You're a blind man, born in themid 20th century, and you live
to 83 in a institution in NewYork City?
Okay.
This guy used to be door to doorsalesman, blind, lived in
Harlem.
He was cool.
So, it was just something it'sjust all developing.
So I'm gonna step back, youknow, anybody has any insight,
(11:57):
jump in, please.
Dr. Makeba (12:00):
I'm glad that you shared that.
My father was afraid of deathand he would say not that he was
afraid necessarily, but that hedidn't want to die.
He wanted to stay as long as hecould And so I remember when he
was sick and we knew it wastime, it was hard to make the
decision to stop giving him thatexcess care that was doing
(12:23):
nothing but really harming andprolonging the death process.
And when we finally did let himgo, it was hard and sad but the
calm that came over his ailingbody and that was in the room,
the quiet that was in the room,I knew that he was in a better
(12:44):
place.
I knew that we made the rightcall and it just, it felt good.
And I knew he was with hisbrother and his mother and they
engulfed him with theirbeautiful light.
I felt it deeply in my spirit.
And I do feel like even whenpeople understand that, It's
(13:07):
still hard cuz you grieve thatperson physical presence.
Yeah.
So Omi please share with us
Ominira (13:19):
I only practice being a death doula with very close
family until I feel called byspirit to begin practicing
outside of my family.
I come from a large family, soit's so many of us, so many
people.
I'm always meeting with myfamily one-on-one and I offer
them free death education and myservices for free.
I see this as an act of buildingcommunity around death and
(13:42):
grief, because I also want themto have the same tools to go
build with someone else.
I would agree that, being adeath doula, there are so many
different sides.
Like LaSheta said, there's apractical side to being a death
doula.
This work has been practiced forcenturies, since before the
beginning of time.
There have been death doulas,there have been death workers.
(14:03):
They may have went by differentnames, but this work has been
going on since people have beendying.
And yeah, so there's a practicalside, and then there are folks
who are focused more so on theemotional side.
So they become grief counselors.
There are folks who are morefocused on the spiritual side of
preparing folks for end of life.
There are so many aspects towhat being a death worker or a
(14:24):
death doula is.
And I think as this career orpractice begins to grow, I hope
a lot of people feel moreexcited to step into what it
means to do death work.
In terms of being a death doula,I think my role here on this
earth is to build out some sortof infrastructure So people can
(14:45):
access death, education, deathwork.
Again, I practice with myfamily, but most of my job is
connecting death doulas.
I'm also trying to connect mywork of being a death doula and
a grief doula to myanti-capitalist work or my work
around organizing around blacklives.
so that's the work I do as adeath doula.
I guess my answer to thatquestion is that there's a lot
(15:09):
of ways to arrive to practicingbeing a death worker.
Dr. Makeba (15:14):
LaSheta I know that you have a whole practice where
you leave things for theancestors.
You really communicate with yourancestors very regularly.
I wanted you to share a littlebit about that how you came to
doing that and what is yourpractice?
LaSheta (15:34):
March, 2019 my mom said to me, I have cancer.
August, she said, I have stagefour cancer.
In my mind, I knew exactly whatthat meant.
Prior to my mother being sick,there was no work for Ancestry,
none of this was familiar to me.
And all of a sudden spirits sentme say, Hey, I'm gonna give you
this.
I'm gonna give you this, I'mgonna give you this.
(15:55):
First, I'm gonna give you theconnection with your other
ancestors who, ancestors whohave transitioned.
So you can elevate them, so theycan receive your mother.
So the elevation process tookabout nine days, that's when we
did the veneration with thefood, the offering, the prayers,
all those acts of love.
So when it was my mother's time,she could be received.
The day that she actually died,my brother's door opened and a
(16:20):
gust of wind went by.
I knew my dad came and got mymother's soul cuz he passed
before her.
Ancestor venerations to me isimportant because it opens the
pathway to your other ancestors.
My mom, while she was in thedying phase, I was able to say,
Hey, this is what's going tohappen.
Make sure you go to your light.
That light is for you.
(16:41):
Don't stay here.
We will be fine.
I can find you if I need to findyou.
You know what I mean?
I gave my mother a year restbefore I actually called her
back to help me.
So now I know in the spiritworld, she's on my council.
I have one more seat, that's mygrandmother's seat.
I felt my mother dying.
I felt the day that she wasgonna die.
I called it.
(17:01):
And once I felt my grandmother'stransition, I can start the
elevation process again for her.
When she gets to go before Godand say my granddaughter did
this for me.
This is an act of love.
In turn she comes back to helpme.
So the spiritual side of it isbigger than the practical side
(17:24):
for me.
If I was gonna do the practicalpart of it, I would do sitting
vigils where I sit with peopleat the end of their life and
just gave them my energy to knowthat where they're going is
beautiful.
They don't have to fearanything.
Like I don't really operate inthe space of fear because I know
who God is.
When I talk to people aboutdeath, I say, why do you fear
things you have not experienced?
(17:45):
Then they start thinking.
I said, you plan for everything.
You plan for baby showers,weddings.
Why won't you leave your familythe gift of you planning for
your end of life celebration.
My niece already knows it'sgonna be a party.
It's no mourning.
It's gonna be a party, it'sgonna be a tattoo party, it's
gonna be a party when I go.
I talk to people because I'veseen more death around me since
(18:06):
my mom passed.
I had a coworker, I would talkabout death around her.
Guess what?
She died.
I hope me talking about going tothe light and understanding that
there is nothing to fearresonates with people.
Part of my job is to help themease out of the fear.
I said you will lose everythingthat you love.
(18:26):
That's just the beauty of God.
And so when you lose that yougain so much more.
So my day job being a teacher, Italk to kids about death.
I have students who have losttheir parents, and there's
nobody at my school that talksabout grief.
I talk to the kids about itbecause it's a real thing.
It doesn't have a gender, itdoesn't have a age.
(18:47):
It's one of those things thatwill happen to everybody.
So, you know, it's a gift to meto be able to talk to people
about it and help ease the fear?
The spiritual part of it cameone day I was sitting at my
kitchen table and all of asudden I heard we are ready to
go.
I was like ready to go and I waslike, what is going on?
(19:07):
So Spirit said, go get somecandles, go get some crystals,
line'em up this way, and getsome water, I had to do a candle
for my mom's side.
I had to do a candle for mydad's side, and I had to do a
candle for source.
And all three candles were lit.
I did a collection of prayers.
It didn't take long and after Idid the last prayer, everything
(19:29):
was peaceful.
Those souls that wanted to gowent.
I was at a conference.
I could not finish theconference because I was so sick
because there were people tryingto cross over at the conference.
I had to call my friend to doreiki for me But I called her
and she was like, those soulsare trying to get you to cross
them over.
I literally had to leave myconference room and do a five
(19:50):
minute crossover session withthose souls.
After that everything was calm.
Now I find I can do it veryquickly.
I've done it in my dreams.
That's a part of my ancestry.
Do I know those ancestors?
I have no idea, but I know thatthey are psycho pumps who have
helped souls cross over.
(20:10):
So I know that's a gift that Godgave me.
Do I use it all the time?
No.
I just use it once spirit says,Hey, we're ready.
And so my clientele, I don'treally have clients, I just talk
to people about death because Istill teach during the day.
When I retire from teaching,it's full blown work.
There's no stopping me so thepeople that I'm meeting now will
(20:30):
be a part of the journey as Iget older and as they have
people who die and wanna knowwhat happens to the souls.
So it's more spiritual than itis practical for me.
Dr. Makeba (20:41):
And LaSheta, I see as part of your future that
you'll be teaching this to thechildren as well, because we
need to know these things now.
I do believe that this issomething that will be
incorporated into the classroomat some point, so we have less
fear from a younger age.
As kids we are not scared ofanything.
(21:02):
So why should we be afraid ofdeath?
If they're taught and theyunderstand, then they can live
their lives more in the presentand not have that fear of what's
to come.
Khadija's situation was a littledifferent from what we're
talking about because it soundslike in a lot of these cases,
the death is anticipated or it'ssomething that you could plan
(21:25):
for But in the cases where it'snot like a murder, what is a
death doula's role in that?
What can you do to help in thatsituation?
LaSheta (21:37):
Here goes the elevation part again.
When a spirit, when somebody isdeceased and it's not all lilies
and roses in peace is a tragicdeath.
Elevation works very well.
You'll see elevation, like whencelebrities die, they leave
flowers, candles, prayers, allthat is all that is veneration?
(21:58):
So it's a nine day process thatanybody could do where you offer
the necessities to your people?
So it could be bread, water,white flowers, anything that
makes you think of your personand you do it for nine days.
And on that ninth day, there's asense of peace that comes over
(22:19):
you.
I did one for Kobe Bryant and Idid one for my friend who died
from Covid.
I just prayed for their familiesbecause I know they died very
tragically.
Nobody expected to die, but ithappens?
So the elevation is a great toolto use.
People can do that to help thesouls transition.
(22:41):
Because prayers work, that's theonly thing that supersedes, time
and space.
Cuz guess what?
They're act of love.
And so love is what supersedestime and space.
So that, that, that grief isjust love in another form?
And so when you do theelevation, you're elevating
your, your person's spirit.
(23:01):
So if they died tragically, nowthey can feel the love coming
from the person who's behind andit helps them process death.
Then it helps'em come back aswell to help in another way
that's more beautiful than theway they could help when they
were here.
Ominira (23:15):
So my, my older sister, it was a, both in with my sister
and I.
So as I mentioned earlier, mysister, was struggling with the
last stage of addiction.
And so we were preparing for herdeath because we had to respect
her autonomy and her decisionwas that she was not gonna stop
using drugs.
There were many times in thepast where we, you know, had to
have interventions with her andwe wanted her to go to rehab.
(23:39):
And she refused.
That's when we began preparingfor her death.
However, my sister wastragically murdered and her body
was found in a dump site inDeKalb County.
And to this day, we don't knowwhat happened to her.
But someone had rolled her up intarp and disposed of her body,
and her body began to deposedabout a week later.
(24:02):
And so that was extremelyshocking for my family and I,
because we were preparing for amore, quote unquote, peaceful
death.
We were preparing for somethingthat was more certain.
And so I feel like when thathappens, and as a deaf doula, my
advice to folks who areprocessing a tragic or a violent
or a sudden death is to begin tohave a relationship with
(24:27):
uncertainty.
The thing about death is, deathis certain and uncertain at the
same time.
It's certain that we're going todie.
It's certain that we're notgoing to be here on this earth
in this form forever.
We're going to change forms.
Just like the butterfly.
But we don't know when, we don'tknow how.
And so death is a mix of bothcertainty and uncertainty.
(24:47):
And in my work as a deaf doula,working with the demographic
that I work with, I have to dowork around bringing up
uncertainty in a way that doesnot perpetuate fear.
I'm trying to take this idea ofuncertainty and separate it from
fear because there is no needfor us to be.
(25:08):
We may be fearful of theuncertain, but there really
isn't a need when, again, deathis not the end.
Death is only just atransformation or a change.
In undergrad, I studied a lot ofphysics and I talked to my
clients a lot about black holes,I don't know if y'all know what
black holes are.
But they've been around,scientists and physicists and
astronomers have discoveredblack holes and they're
(25:29):
seemingly this empty black holein space that sucks up
everything.
And scientists have describedthis as an empty place.
This is where things go to die.
And recently I think it was twoyears ago, they discovered that
these black holes where theythought that things go to die
matter stars, meteor wars, allof these things go to die, they
actually birth stars.
(25:50):
At the end of uncertainty can bejoy, can be growth can be a lot
of different things.
And out of my sister's tragicdeath came growth.
My sister always speaks to me inspirit.
She's just like, I know you lostme suddenly and that was a
tragic loss.
However, look at what you'vegained and also you're going to
lose again.
(26:11):
This is not the only time thatyou're going to lose someone
that you love.
It's a matter of beingspiritually, practically, and
emotionally prepared for tragicthings to happen.
It's about having a safety netfor loss to happen in our lives
because change is inevitable.
Death is inevitable.
And if those things, those twothings are inevitable, so it's
(26:33):
loss.
Loss and gain are not binary toone another.
That's what I like to tell someof my clients.
Becoming familiar and okay withloss is a big part of preparing
for a death that is sudden ortragic.
That doesn't mean that you'renot going to feel that pain but
(26:53):
that pain doesn't sit thereforever.
Kadijah (26:55):
So listening sparked up a lot of emotions because
preparing for loss and having anunderstanding of death, I read
years ago, many masters, manylives that talks about
reincarnation and it kind ofwalks you through the
transition.
(27:17):
So I feel like I have someknowledge.
However, my son was 22 years oldstanding outside and weighed
maybe a buck 50.
He was shot 16 times.
Okay.
Nothing, I don't think, nothingcould prepare me for that.
(27:37):
Even though I'm very spiritual Iunderstand death, but I feel
like that loss and a lot of theparents that I meet, it's not
their level of not understandingtransition and the cycle of
life, but it's that sense ofloss.
And I think their spirituality,they question it like, why would
(27:59):
God do this to me?
I know that my purpose isworking with moms and other
survivors of gun violence,helping them grieve, helping
them understand their laws, butalso how to process it.
I'm a teacher, but I'm alsostudying to be a therapist.
So I know a lot of moms, a lotof parents told me that they
(28:22):
don't like going to therapybecause the therapists don't
really understand their loss Butspeaking in groups with other
parents, they feel morecomfortable because they know
that pain.
As I try to figure out, mypurpose, I kind of know, but I'm
trying to hone in justlistening.
I have so many questions becauseafter my son was cremated, maybe
(28:47):
this happened June 15th, 2021and you mentioned your sister,
you lost her on 10 20.
That's my son's birthday.
So that just made me like,
Ominira (28:56):
ugh, that's my sister's birthday.
10 20.
Yeah, it was her 30th birthday.
That's
Kadijah (29:02):
my son.
Well, the 24th, his 24thbirthday.
Wow.
So, yeah, it's been hard.
And a lot of people look at meand they're like, you're so
strong.
How can you advocate?
And how can you do this?
This is my healing.
This is how I find healing in myloss.
How did I find my peace?
When I spoke to the medium, shewalked me through, because like
(29:24):
I said, it took place inCalifornia.
He was standing outside.
I didn't know anything.
She walked me through theprocess of how he was in the
ambulance, how when he was shotthat he was actually calm and he
was just like, oh shoot, mymother's gonna kill me cause I
shouldn't be where I'm at, orwhatever.
(29:45):
She made me laugh and it justwas like, that sound just like
him.
I'm like, yes.
But then also just telling methat someone came for him,
someone came for him.
There was a point in time wherehe was actually watching
everything taking place.
He made it to the hospital.
He was watching it kind of likea movie, like what's gonna
happen?
(30:06):
Knowing that he was leaving thisearth and wondering how we, his
parents are gonna react to this.
It gave me peace that someonewas there to greet him and to
make him feel like everything'sgonna be okay.
And that has helped metremendously through my loss.
(30:26):
I mean, and I don't share thiswith a lot of people, but I have
it recorded and I just listen toit sometimes because it just
makes me feel like, you knowwhat, I know that he wasn't
there crying, screaming for me.
You know, that he was okay, andit just, ugh, it helped me so
much.
Yeah.
Dr. Makeba (30:46):
Whenever I hear you talk about that story, my heart
it's so heavy because ifanything ever happened to my
daughter, I don't know how Iwould live.
I don't know how I would go on.
Even recognizing that there isan afterlife, even recognizing
(31:07):
that she's good and all that, Istill feel for you because I
know that walking on this earthwithout your baby is really,
really hard.
It's really, really hard andit's still fresh.
I appreciate you sharing andaccepting this calling and
(31:33):
recognizing that it is a need.
You know, God puts us throughcertain things so that we can be
helpers, so that we can beteachers.
And sometimes those lessons arehard and they suck but the world
will be so much better for it.
(31:54):
His death was not in vain.
Death is a part of life.
It's a transition.
We need to live each day as ifit's our last.
Be thankful for it.
Pray and meditate at least acouple times every day, so that
(32:16):
you can relax and receive.
Kadijah (32:18):
And I just wanna say thank you.
Dr.
Makeba for the meditation.
I feel like I found my tribethat helps me process my
feelings as well and gives mepeace by my deep breaths and
going to yoga and going yoga.
Dr. Makeba (32:35):
Yoga is the move.
All right, folks.
That's a wrap.
Thank you so much.
I appreciate you so much.
I love you all so much and I'mlooking forward to next time we
get together.
Thank you so much for tuning in.
Please take a moment to expressgratitude for the people in your
life.
Reach out to a loved one, offersupport to someone experiencing
(32:59):
loss, and explore practices thatpromote inner peace and healing.
Remember that life is a preciousgift and each moment should be
cherished.
Love y'all.
Bridge to Nairobi.
Bridge to Nairobi.
Jah, Show us the light.
This movement phonetic.
The chi is kinetic.
You know what's up.
We just leveling up.
Eternal life.
Children of light.
Blessings upon you.
The truth and the pride Womenheal Earth.
Cherish your worth.
Get us back on track likerebirth.
Dr. Makeba (00:22):
Welcome to Sol Social with Dr.
Makeba and Friends, the soulnourishing podcast that takes
you on a journey of spiritualityself-discovery and healing.
I'm Dr.
Makeba, and I'm thrilled to beyour guide on this metamorphic
path toward embracing yourpurpose, trusting your intuition
and igniting your inner light.
(00:43):
In this episode, we will beexploring the topic of death and
transitioning into theafterlife.
I'm joined by my good friends,Tommy Fu'rqan Washington,
Ominira Mars, LaSheta Reynoldsand Khadija Kemp.
In our conversation, we willtouch upon various aspects of
death from understanding tragicand sudden deaths to the
(01:04):
importance of embracinguncertainty and finding peace in
the process.
Our guests will share theirpersonal journeys and shed light
on the role of death, doulas,spiritual practices, and
ancestral connections innavigating the complexities of
death.
As you listen to this episode, Iencourage you to reflect on your
own understanding of death.
And the impact it has on yourlife.
(01:26):
Consider the importance of beingprepared for the inevitable and
embracing a mindset that valueseach moment.
Let us learn from the storiesand insights shared here today
to foster a deeper appreciationfor life and a greater sense of
peace when facing the concept ofdeath.
I'm grateful to have you join ustoday.
Okay let's talk! Well.
(01:48):
Hello.
Hello, hello everyone.
Today we're talking about deathor life and easing into that
transition, really wanting todive in and talk about death and
what that means for us.
We've got some extremelybeautiful people on today to
(02:09):
help us dive deeply into thistopic that work specifically in
that area and have had some deeppersonal experiences with death.
We are gonna try to keep itlight, but it may get heavy
because death can be a heavytopic.
At the end of this timetogether, my goal is for people
(02:32):
to have a much clearerunderstanding and a different
comfort level with what it meansto transition and go on to that
next phase of your life, thatafterlife.
Fu'rquan, would you like tointroduce yourself for us?
Tommy-Fu'rqan (02:51):
Hey, Fu'rquan, Washington.
I hail from Atlanta right now inJersey City, New York based.
My experience with this process,I am becoming something and I'm
not quite sure yet.
I am presently in myprofessional position I run a
group home within Queens.
I deal with elder care.
(03:13):
I've had two of my clients pass,one of my clients passed
recently because of Covid.
I pretty much have an unlicensednurse, so I was also doing his
hospice care.
During Covid I found myselfworking within New York
Presbyterian in transport.
Part of my job was retrievingthe bodies when people expired.
(03:34):
And I was in the hospitalsduring the high time of covid.
I don't have to pretty much saywhere that has led me, but I
found peace in the morgue and Ifound my crew amongst the
transit people.
There were like four of us.
Since I've had that experiencein the hospitals, things have
been in a transition for me.
I'm excited to be here and seewhat I can learn and hear from
(03:55):
everyone else.
Dr. Makeba (03:57):
Omi would you please introduce yourself.
Ominira (04:00):
Hi everyone.
My name is Ominira, but peoplecall me Omi.
I'm a black southern organizer,death doula and writer.
I work mostly exclusively from ablack southern in rural
anti-colonial epistemologyaround death work.
I'm the founder of the DunbarCreek Collective, and this
collective is an organizer ofgrief and death doulas who
(04:23):
specifically work with colonizedcommunities to make end of life
care more accessible.
And who usually work with Folkswho are disenfranchised, such as
houseless folks, and homelessfolks with death and grief work.
I'm really happy to be here.
I'm pretty sure I'm the youngestperson on this call, so I'm
happy to learn from folks whohave been in this work longer
(04:46):
than me.
I really love to sit at people'sfeet and discuss and learn, so
thank you.
Dr. Makeba (04:53):
Thank you.
LaSheta, please introduceyourself.
LaSheta (04:56):
Hello everybody.
I am LaSheta.
About 4 years ago my mom wasgetting ready to transition and
that opened my spirit to thework of being a death doula
slash shaman slash psycho pump,which is someone who carries
souls to the afterlife.
(05:17):
Think of grim reaper when I saypsycho pump.
A lot of my work is focused withancestors.
A lot of them have not crossedover.
I have the ability to cross themover.
I became a death doula through acompany called Going With Grace,
but that's the practical side ofdeath doula-ing I focus more on
the spiritual side.
(05:38):
By day I'm a teacher, but mysoul work requires a lot of work
with ancestors and helping thosesouls find their way back to
God.
Dr. Makeba (05:46):
Thank you.
And Kadijah last but not least,please introduce yourself.
Kadijah (05:52):
Hi, my name is Kadijah and I currently live in the DMV
Maryland.
I'm an educator and I'm herebecause last year I lost my
child.
I'm still going through thegrieving process.
However, I was able to findpeace after I spoke to several
mediums, and one of the mediumswalked me through my son's
(06:14):
transition.
It kind of gave me peace becauseI was wondering about how things
occurred since it was across thecountry in California when I was
here.
And I just was envisioning alltypes of things.
Hearing how he transitioned andhow peaceful it was, gave me
(06:36):
peace.
I'm here just to get differentperspectives and to learn as
much as possible what work youall do and how that brings
people peace or how you helpthem transition.
Dr. Makeba (06:48):
Thank you, Kadijah.
You've experienced a lot ofother death besides your son.
I wanted you to share a littlebit about just what you've been
experiencing lately and some ofthe challenges with that.
Kadijah (07:05):
So, like I said, it's fairly new that I lost my own
child and now being an educatorin DC people are shot daily and
I've lost students.
So I've lost people who aresomewhat close to me, but then
I'm also meeting other parentsand moms who've lost their
(07:27):
children.
And it's happened rapidly, so,I'm still trying to process what
my purpose is and how I fit intothis puzzle.
Because usually when you watchsomething on tv, you can relate
and you feel sorry, and you'relike, oh, you know, you, you
feel, you may have feelings,emotions, however you can detach
(07:50):
because it's not occurring toyou.
But now that this happened tome, sometimes it's overwhelming
emotionally because I'm anempath, so I take on all of
these losses and I'm just tryingto figure out what am I supposed
to do with it.
Dr. Makeba (08:05):
We are all born and we will all die.
Like those are sure things Andone of the things that I've
experienced so much these pastseveral months is how real that
is.
I always believed that thepeople who passed on their
spirits were still around.
(08:26):
We could call on them and allthat stuff.
Like, I believe that, but sincethey've been actually talking to
me it's very different.
It's a very different mm-hmm.
When they start talking to you,it's like, oh yes.
Oh my God.
Ok.
Ok.
Fuquan, I feel you would like toshare a little bit.
Tommy-Fu'rqan (08:45):
Oh, I, you know, you just, you talking to me with
that because when they starttalking, first thing you, you're
like, oh my God, what is this?
am I crazy?
what's going on?
Then if you're coming from aJudo Christianity, they, you're
like, wait, is that God?
wait, is there just one God?
And just like we're sayingpeople are scared when they hear
death.
I've always been attracted toit.
(09:07):
And I wanna hear more aboutrural southern tradition, cuz
I'm from the country in Georgia,so I've always been attracted to
that, but we don't talk aboutthat.
Soon as you bring up death, ohchild we need to put some
blessings on you or something'swrong or ooh.
And you spooky.
And I was always the spooky guy.
I had to learn how to becomecool with being a spooky guy.
(09:28):
When I was in the hospital, Iknew things had started taking
the turn because I remembergoing into not only picking up
the bodies, but the rooms wherepeople were they were in a coma.
And I could feel them and Icould feel fear.
And some people I could feelwere about to transition and
they were scared.
(09:48):
I would go in the rooms and Iwould hear things like, People
screaming or just, just, it'sjust a sense of fear.
And in some rooms you could goin and u would feel overwhelming
peace like people knew what itwas.
And then it was remarkable whenI would pick up bodies, because
some rooms I walk in and theydidn't even know where they
were.
The room was just empty and youcould tell somebody just got
(10:11):
pushed up there and you had totake'em away.
And then there were rooms whereyou went in and it was like, oh
my God, this is chaos.
Let's just do what we gotta doand, and get this done.
And it was it was amazingexperience.
From there all the stuff, I'mjust gonna sit back and shake my
head a lot because I have somany questions to where to go
and so many things I wanna say.
But because this is alldeveloping and it's also about
(10:32):
becoming okay with it.
Not believing that I was gonnago to hell or I was doing
something wrong.
And that was 30 years of workjust to get to that.
So now I'm just standing in myglory and, and letting things
develop.
At my job, I had an 83 year oldman who died.
He was born blind.
His family baptized him when hewas six months old and left him
(10:53):
on the fire station.
And when he passed, he wasPolish and I felt some need to
reconnect him with his roots.
I was always playing polishthings for him because he
thought he was ugly and unlovedand he spoke a horrible
language.
Anybody from New York know hewas from Woodside, Queens, so
that was very Polish.
And he was always scared ofdeath.
(11:14):
I found myself praying with him,doing Catholic things with him
because that brought him peace.
I also had to battle my ownthings in my past.
He passed away and I was reallysad that I wasn't there the day
he passed away.
Because he was fighting death solong, and every time I was
there, it was felt as it was myjob, just comforting, let him
(11:36):
know it was okay.
Let him know that he won hislife.
You're a blind man, born in themid 20th century, and you live
to 83 in a institution in NewYork City?
Okay.
This guy used to be door to doorsalesman, blind, lived in
Harlem.
He was cool.
So, it was just something it'sjust all developing.
So I'm gonna step back, youknow, anybody has any insight,
(11:57):
jump in, please.
Dr. Makeba (12:00):
I'm glad that you shared that.
My father was afraid of deathand he would say not that he was
afraid necessarily, but that hedidn't want to die.
He wanted to stay as long as hecould And so I remember when he
was sick and we knew it wastime, it was hard to make the
decision to stop giving him thatexcess care that was doing
(12:23):
nothing but really harming andprolonging the death process.
And when we finally did let himgo, it was hard and sad but the
calm that came over his ailingbody and that was in the room,
the quiet that was in the room,I knew that he was in a better
(12:44):
place.
I knew that we made the rightcall and it just, it felt good.
And I knew he was with hisbrother and his mother and they
engulfed him with theirbeautiful light.
I felt it deeply in my spirit.
And I do feel like even whenpeople understand that, It's
(13:07):
still hard cuz you grieve thatperson physical presence.
Yeah.
So Omi please share with us
Ominira (13:19):
I only practice being a death doula with very close
family until I feel called byspirit to begin practicing
outside of my family.
I come from a large family, soit's so many of us, so many
people.
I'm always meeting with myfamily one-on-one and I offer
them free death education and myservices for free.
I see this as an act of buildingcommunity around death and
(13:42):
grief, because I also want themto have the same tools to go
build with someone else.
I would agree that, being adeath doula, there are so many
different sides.
Like LaSheta said, there's apractical side to being a death
doula.
This work has been practiced forcenturies, since before the
beginning of time.
There have been death doulas,there have been death workers.
(14:03):
They may have went by differentnames, but this work has been
going on since people have beendying.
And yeah, so there's a practicalside, and then there are folks
who are focused more so on theemotional side.
So they become grief counselors.
There are folks who are morefocused on the spiritual side of
preparing folks for end of life.
There are so many aspects towhat being a death worker or a
(14:24):
death doula is.
And I think as this career orpractice begins to grow, I hope
a lot of people feel moreexcited to step into what it
means to do death work.
In terms of being a death doula,I think my role here on this
earth is to build out some sortof infrastructure So people can
(14:45):
access death, education, deathwork.
Again, I practice with myfamily, but most of my job is
connecting death doulas.
I'm also trying to connect mywork of being a death doula and
a grief doula to myanti-capitalist work or my work
around organizing around blacklives.
so that's the work I do as adeath doula.
I guess my answer to thatquestion is that there's a lot
(15:09):
of ways to arrive to practicingbeing a death worker.
Dr. Makeba (15:14):
LaSheta I know that you have a whole practice where
you leave things for theancestors.
You really communicate with yourancestors very regularly.
I wanted you to share a littlebit about that how you came to
doing that and what is yourpractice?
LaSheta (15:34):
March, 2019 my mom said to me, I have cancer.
August, she said, I have stagefour cancer.
In my mind, I knew exactly whatthat meant.
Prior to my mother being sick,there was no work for Ancestry,
none of this was familiar to me.
And all of a sudden spirits sentme say, Hey, I'm gonna give you
this.
I'm gonna give you this, I'mgonna give you this.
(15:55):
First, I'm gonna give you theconnection with your other
ancestors who, ancestors whohave transitioned.
So you can elevate them, so theycan receive your mother.
So the elevation process tookabout nine days, that's when we
did the veneration with thefood, the offering, the prayers,
all those acts of love.
So when it was my mother's time,she could be received.
The day that she actually died,my brother's door opened and a
(16:20):
gust of wind went by.
I knew my dad came and got mymother's soul cuz he passed
before her.
Ancestor venerations to me isimportant because it opens the
pathway to your other ancestors.
My mom, while she was in thedying phase, I was able to say,
Hey, this is what's going tohappen.
Make sure you go to your light.
That light is for you.
(16:41):
Don't stay here.
We will be fine.
I can find you if I need to findyou.
You know what I mean?
I gave my mother a year restbefore I actually called her
back to help me.
So now I know in the spiritworld, she's on my council.
I have one more seat, that's mygrandmother's seat.
I felt my mother dying.
I felt the day that she wasgonna die.
I called it.
(17:01):
And once I felt my grandmother'stransition, I can start the
elevation process again for her.
When she gets to go before Godand say my granddaughter did
this for me.
This is an act of love.
In turn she comes back to helpme.
So the spiritual side of it isbigger than the practical side
(17:24):
for me.
If I was gonna do the practicalpart of it, I would do sitting
vigils where I sit with peopleat the end of their life and
just gave them my energy to knowthat where they're going is
beautiful.
They don't have to fearanything.
Like I don't really operate inthe space of fear because I know
who God is.
When I talk to people aboutdeath, I say, why do you fear
things you have not experienced?
(17:45):
Then they start thinking.
I said, you plan for everything.
You plan for baby showers,weddings.
Why won't you leave your familythe gift of you planning for
your end of life celebration.
My niece already knows it'sgonna be a party.
It's no mourning.
It's gonna be a party, it'sgonna be a tattoo party, it's
gonna be a party when I go.
I talk to people because I'veseen more death around me since
(18:06):
my mom passed.
I had a coworker, I would talkabout death around her.
Guess what?
She died.
I hope me talking about going tothe light and understanding that
there is nothing to fearresonates with people.
Part of my job is to help themease out of the fear.
I said you will lose everythingthat you love.
(18:26):
That's just the beauty of God.
And so when you lose that yougain so much more.
So my day job being a teacher, Italk to kids about death.
I have students who have losttheir parents, and there's
nobody at my school that talksabout grief.
I talk to the kids about itbecause it's a real thing.
It doesn't have a gender, itdoesn't have a age.
(18:47):
It's one of those things thatwill happen to everybody.
So, you know, it's a gift to meto be able to talk to people
about it and help ease the fear?
The spiritual part of it cameone day I was sitting at my
kitchen table and all of asudden I heard we are ready to
go.
I was like ready to go and I waslike, what is going on?
(19:07):
So Spirit said, go get somecandles, go get some crystals,
line'em up this way, and getsome water, I had to do a candle
for my mom's side.
I had to do a candle for mydad's side, and I had to do a
candle for source.
And all three candles were lit.
I did a collection of prayers.
It didn't take long and after Idid the last prayer, everything
(19:29):
was peaceful.
Those souls that wanted to gowent.
I was at a conference.
I could not finish theconference because I was so sick
because there were people tryingto cross over at the conference.
I had to call my friend to doreiki for me But I called her
and she was like, those soulsare trying to get you to cross
them over.
I literally had to leave myconference room and do a five
(19:50):
minute crossover session withthose souls.
After that everything was calm.
Now I find I can do it veryquickly.
I've done it in my dreams.
That's a part of my ancestry.
Do I know those ancestors?
I have no idea, but I know thatthey are psycho pumps who have
helped souls cross over.
(20:10):
So I know that's a gift that Godgave me.
Do I use it all the time?
No.
I just use it once spirit says,Hey, we're ready.
And so my clientele, I don'treally have clients, I just talk
to people about death because Istill teach during the day.
When I retire from teaching,it's full blown work.
There's no stopping me so thepeople that I'm meeting now will
(20:30):
be a part of the journey as Iget older and as they have
people who die and wanna knowwhat happens to the souls.
So it's more spiritual than itis practical for me.
Dr. Makeba (20:41):
And LaSheta, I see as part of your future that
you'll be teaching this to thechildren as well, because we
need to know these things now.
I do believe that this issomething that will be
incorporated into the classroomat some point, so we have less
fear from a younger age.
As kids we are not scared ofanything.
(21:02):
So why should we be afraid ofdeath?
If they're taught and theyunderstand, then they can live
their lives more in the presentand not have that fear of what's
to come.
Khadija's situation was a littledifferent from what we're
talking about because it soundslike in a lot of these cases,
the death is anticipated or it'ssomething that you could plan
(21:25):
for But in the cases where it'snot like a murder, what is a
death doula's role in that?
What can you do to help in thatsituation?
LaSheta (21:37):
Here goes the elevation part again.
When a spirit, when somebody isdeceased and it's not all lilies
and roses in peace is a tragicdeath.
Elevation works very well.
You'll see elevation, like whencelebrities die, they leave
flowers, candles, prayers, allthat is all that is veneration?
(21:58):
So it's a nine day process thatanybody could do where you offer
the necessities to your people?
So it could be bread, water,white flowers, anything that
makes you think of your personand you do it for nine days.
And on that ninth day, there's asense of peace that comes over
(22:19):
you.
I did one for Kobe Bryant and Idid one for my friend who died
from Covid.
I just prayed for their familiesbecause I know they died very
tragically.
Nobody expected to die, but ithappens?
So the elevation is a great toolto use.
People can do that to help thesouls transition.
(22:41):
Because prayers work, that's theonly thing that supersedes, time
and space.
Cuz guess what?
They're act of love.
And so love is what supersedestime and space.
So that, that, that grief isjust love in another form?
And so when you do theelevation, you're elevating
your, your person's spirit.
(23:01):
So if they died tragically, nowthey can feel the love coming
from the person who's behind andit helps them process death.
Then it helps'em come back aswell to help in another way
that's more beautiful than theway they could help when they
were here.
Ominira (23:15):
So my, my older sister, it was a, both in with my sister
and I.
So as I mentioned earlier, mysister, was struggling with the
last stage of addiction.
And so we were preparing for herdeath because we had to respect
her autonomy and her decisionwas that she was not gonna stop
using drugs.
There were many times in thepast where we, you know, had to
have interventions with her andwe wanted her to go to rehab.
(23:39):
And she refused.
That's when we began preparingfor her death.
However, my sister wastragically murdered and her body
was found in a dump site inDeKalb County.
And to this day, we don't knowwhat happened to her.
But someone had rolled her up intarp and disposed of her body,
and her body began to deposedabout a week later.
(24:02):
And so that was extremelyshocking for my family and I,
because we were preparing for amore, quote unquote, peaceful
death.
We were preparing for somethingthat was more certain.
And so I feel like when thathappens, and as a deaf doula, my
advice to folks who areprocessing a tragic or a violent
or a sudden death is to begin tohave a relationship with
(24:27):
uncertainty.
The thing about death is, deathis certain and uncertain at the
same time.
It's certain that we're going todie.
It's certain that we're notgoing to be here on this earth
in this form forever.
We're going to change forms.
Just like the butterfly.
But we don't know when, we don'tknow how.
And so death is a mix of bothcertainty and uncertainty.
(24:47):
And in my work as a deaf doula,working with the demographic
that I work with, I have to dowork around bringing up
uncertainty in a way that doesnot perpetuate fear.
I'm trying to take this idea ofuncertainty and separate it from
fear because there is no needfor us to be.
(25:08):
We may be fearful of theuncertain, but there really
isn't a need when, again, deathis not the end.
Death is only just atransformation or a change.
In undergrad, I studied a lot ofphysics and I talked to my
clients a lot about black holes,I don't know if y'all know what
black holes are.
But they've been around,scientists and physicists and
astronomers have discoveredblack holes and they're
(25:29):
seemingly this empty black holein space that sucks up
everything.
And scientists have describedthis as an empty place.
This is where things go to die.
And recently I think it was twoyears ago, they discovered that
these black holes where theythought that things go to die
matter stars, meteor wars, allof these things go to die, they
actually birth stars.
(25:50):
At the end of uncertainty can bejoy, can be growth can be a lot
of different things.
And out of my sister's tragicdeath came growth.
My sister always speaks to me inspirit.
She's just like, I know you lostme suddenly and that was a
tragic loss.
However, look at what you'vegained and also you're going to
lose again.
(26:11):
This is not the only time thatyou're going to lose someone
that you love.
It's a matter of beingspiritually, practically, and
emotionally prepared for tragicthings to happen.
It's about having a safety netfor loss to happen in our lives
because change is inevitable.
Death is inevitable.
And if those things, those twothings are inevitable, so it's
(26:33):
loss.
Loss and gain are not binary toone another.
That's what I like to tell someof my clients.
Becoming familiar and okay withloss is a big part of preparing
for a death that is sudden ortragic.
That doesn't mean that you'renot going to feel that pain but
(26:53):
that pain doesn't sit thereforever.
Kadijah (26:55):
So listening sparked up a lot of emotions because
preparing for loss and having anunderstanding of death, I read
years ago, many masters, manylives that talks about
reincarnation and it kind ofwalks you through the
transition.
(27:17):
So I feel like I have someknowledge.
However, my son was 22 years oldstanding outside and weighed
maybe a buck 50.
He was shot 16 times.
Okay.
Nothing, I don't think, nothingcould prepare me for that.
(27:37):
Even though I'm very spiritual Iunderstand death, but I feel
like that loss and a lot of theparents that I meet, it's not
their level of not understandingtransition and the cycle of
life, but it's that sense ofloss.
And I think their spirituality,they question it like, why would
(27:59):
God do this to me?
I know that my purpose isworking with moms and other
survivors of gun violence,helping them grieve, helping
them understand their laws, butalso how to process it.
I'm a teacher, but I'm alsostudying to be a therapist.
So I know a lot of moms, a lotof parents told me that they
(28:22):
don't like going to therapybecause the therapists don't
really understand their loss Butspeaking in groups with other
parents, they feel morecomfortable because they know
that pain.
As I try to figure out, mypurpose, I kind of know, but I'm
trying to hone in justlistening.
I have so many questions becauseafter my son was cremated, maybe
(28:47):
this happened June 15th, 2021and you mentioned your sister,
you lost her on 10 20.
That's my son's birthday.
So that just made me like,
Ominira (28:56):
ugh, that's my sister's birthday.
10 20.
Yeah, it was her 30th birthday.
That's
Kadijah (29:02):
my son.
Well, the 24th, his 24thbirthday.
Wow.
So, yeah, it's been hard.
And a lot of people look at meand they're like, you're so
strong.
How can you advocate?
And how can you do this?
This is my healing.
This is how I find healing in myloss.
How did I find my peace?
When I spoke to the medium, shewalked me through, because like
(29:24):
I said, it took place inCalifornia.
He was standing outside.
I didn't know anything.
She walked me through theprocess of how he was in the
ambulance, how when he was shotthat he was actually calm and he
was just like, oh shoot, mymother's gonna kill me cause I
shouldn't be where I'm at, orwhatever.
(29:45):
She made me laugh and it justwas like, that sound just like
him.
I'm like, yes.
But then also just telling methat someone came for him,
someone came for him.
There was a point in time wherehe was actually watching
everything taking place.
He made it to the hospital.
He was watching it kind of likea movie, like what's gonna
happen?
(30:06):
Knowing that he was leaving thisearth and wondering how we, his
parents are gonna react to this.
It gave me peace that someonewas there to greet him and to
make him feel like everything'sgonna be okay.
And that has helped metremendously through my loss.
(30:26):
I mean, and I don't share thiswith a lot of people, but I have
it recorded and I just listen toit sometimes because it just
makes me feel like, you knowwhat, I know that he wasn't
there crying, screaming for me.
You know, that he was okay, andit just, ugh, it helped me so
much.
Yeah.
Dr. Makeba (30:46):
Whenever I hear you talk about that story, my heart
it's so heavy because ifanything ever happened to my
daughter, I don't know how Iwould live.
I don't know how I would go on.
Even recognizing that there isan afterlife, even recognizing
(31:07):
that she's good and all that, Istill feel for you because I
know that walking on this earthwithout your baby is really,
really hard.
It's really, really hard andit's still fresh.
I appreciate you sharing andaccepting this calling and
(31:33):
recognizing that it is a need.
You know, God puts us throughcertain things so that we can be
helpers, so that we can beteachers.
And sometimes those lessons arehard and they suck but the world
will be so much better for it.
(31:54):
His death was not in vain.
Death is a part of life.
It's a transition.
We need to live each day as ifit's our last.
Be thankful for it.
Pray and meditate at least acouple times every day, so that
(32:16):
you can relax and receive.
Kadijah (32:18):
And I just wanna say thank you.
Dr.
Makeba for the meditation.
I feel like I found my tribethat helps me process my
feelings as well and gives mepeace by my deep breaths and
going to yoga and going yoga.
Dr. Makeba (32:35):
Yoga is the move.
All right, folks.
That's a wrap.
Thank you so much.
I appreciate you so much.
I love you all so much and I'mlooking forward to next time we
get together.
Thank you so much for tuning in.
Please take a moment to expressgratitude for the people in your
life.
Reach out to a loved one, offersupport to someone experiencing
(32:59):
loss, and explore practices thatpromote inner peace and healing.
Remember that life is a preciousgift and each moment should be
cherished.
Love y'all.
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