49: A Quick Exercise for Cultivating Appreciation and Gratitude

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Here are the questions for the exercise: 

1. What have I received from my partner?
2. What have I given to my partner?
3. What troubles and difficulties have I caused my partner?

For more about Jason's therapy practice, visit here: https://coloradorelationshiprecovery.com/

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
What's up everyone as always.
Thank you so much for listeningand that is an exercise to
cultivate, appreciation andgratitude.
And I think we all can agreethat those are fundamentally a
lot this week in my practice.
The exercise is basically I'llhave both partners.
Write out these questions.

(00:20):
And then once they written themout, they will share that with
their partner and this had thepotential to.
Cultivate.
The feeling of gratitude, love,appreciation.
And let me share those questionswith you right now.
The first question is what haveI received from my partner?

(00:41):
And if I was reflecting on this.
Using my relationship.
I would say what I have receivedfrom Jess.
Is a companionship.
Love trust.
Openness.
Affection.
A family.
Write your answer out.
I'm going to put this into shownote.

(01:02):
So if you're driving, maybe youcan pause and reflect on it and
then write it out later.
The next question in thisexercise is what have I given to
my partner?
So if I was reflecting on it,what I have given from my
perspective, I would say love.
Appreciation affection trust.

(01:24):
Companionship.
A desire to be better.
A desire to be on the same teamin regards to parenting.
Then the last question is whattroubles and difficulties have I
caused my partner?
And this is a good question.
So I would say if I wasanswering this.
It would be.

(01:44):
Uh, judgment.
criticalness financial stress.
Uh, Jess and I were on oppositeends of the money spectrum.
And my financial habits withlet's put it that way has caused
her stress.
And the reason why we reflect onthis last question.
Is because if you share thiswith your partner, it can be a

(02:07):
bit of relief.
It can signal.
Okay, great.
You know, you're aware of howyou're a pain in the ass.
And also that awareness can besome relief.
Also it signals that youcontinue to be mindful not to
continue that.
And that is a really good thing.

(02:28):
Also, it validates that.
You acknowledge you see yourpartner, you have listened.
To your partner in regards tothe troubles and difficulties
you have caused them.
And I always ask couples toshare this with each other.
And like I said, it can't be arelief.
Also.
In terms of gratitude.

(02:49):
When you reflect on the troublesand difficulties, you have
caused your partner.
It can create gratitude becausethey choose to be with you.
Despite how you're a pain in theass.
And let me share we're all apain in the ass.
And also too, if you can lookhonestly, At your side of the
relationship Seesaw, so tospeak.

(03:11):
That is a sign of health.
You know, what would beunhealthy?
It's well saying that you don'tcause your partner any troubles
or difficulties.
It may not be best if you sharea subtle jab at your partner.
For example, I have such a highstandard of cleanliness, or I

(03:32):
demand us to be a well oiledmachine all the time, because
you gotta be careful becausesharing it that way.
may inadvertently be signaling.
That your partner is not clean.
Or is lazy.
No, I know I'm taking that tothe extreme.
But again, we don't want to bejudgemental when we are looking

(03:54):
at our side of the Seesaw.
We want to stay on our side, soto speak.
And just a note on that to StanTatkin and one of my mentors.
He says no one signs up for arelationship because they want
to be changed.
Again, we want to stay on ourside.
And of course you can requestyour partner to do.

(04:17):
Or not do something, but I'vealso heard a provocative
statement.
That I think is primarily true.
That is.
If you ask your partner.
For something more than once.
Then you're trying to control.
So the main question is.
Can you accept your partnerwholeheartedly?
Or another way of looking at it.

(04:39):
Can you grieve what you're notgetting but appreciate what you
are getting There is no perfectpartner.
So the purpose of this exerciseis to appreciate what you are
getting and to look honestly atyour side of the relationship
And to own it And to strive toget better and also to have some

(05:02):
gratitude that your partnerstays with you despite the fact
that you're a pain in the assJust like me.
All right thank you so much forlistening if you thought this
episode was cool.
I would love you to give areview and share with someone
who may benefit.
Again.
Thank you so much for listeningyou rock.