65: Marriage Counseling Vs Divorce

In this episode of 'Solving Disconnection and Creating Connected Relationships for Couples and Parents,' Jason Polk, a therapist and coach with over 10 years of experience, discusses the financial and emotional costs of marriage counseling versus divorce. 

Jason highlights the expense and emotional toll of contested divorces, which can range from $10,000 to $15,000, compared to the relatively lower cost of marriage counseling. 

He explains how counseling can help either salvage a relationship or make the separation process more compassionate and dignified. Jason states that counseling can be valuable in creating healthier futures, whether couples stay together or separate.

00:00 Introduction to the Show
00:27 Marriage Counseling vs. Divorce: An Overview
00:39 Financial and Emotional Costs of Divorce
02:17 The Role of Marriage Counseling
05:23 When Divorce is Inevitable
06:15 Cost Comparison: Counseling vs. Divorce
06:48 Conclusion and Final Thoughts

Couples Intensive episode.

This episode was inspired by Jason's blog post. 

Jason's marriage counseling practice.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Welcome everyone.
Today I wanna talk aboutmarriage counseling versus
divorce.
But first I'm going to introducethe show.
Welcome everyone.
This is solving disconnectionand creating connected
relationships for couples andparents.
My name is Jason Polk, and I'veworked this exclusively with
couples as a therapist and coachfor over 10 years.
On this podcast, I share myexperience professionally.

(00:24):
Personally and those of ouramazing guests.
marriage counseling versusdivorce.
Talking about these two things Iwanna share that there are
financial and emotional costs toboth of them.
There are financial andemotional costs to divorce.
For example, a contested divorcewith angry partners can be

(00:47):
expensive due to attorney fees,and obviously there are
emotional costs of divorce, suchas grief loss along with
lingering resentments that maypersist.
Oh yeah.
What about the kids?
How do we handle that?
In regards to marriagecounseling, there are also

(01:08):
financial and emotional costs.
However, I think generally thosecosts can be less compared to
that of a divorce.
So breaking down the financialcost of divorce and legal fees,
I came across an article from,let's see, it was.
Ascent Legal Group, and they arefamily lawyer firm in Colorado

(01:33):
and they said the number for acontested divorce is 10,000 to
$15,000 for a divorce inColorado.
And again, that is contested inwhich both partners don't agree
on how to divide up assets andcustody and the.
Article stated that the level ofconflict in the relationship is

(02:00):
also how much you'll pay,obviously in attorney fees.
And so if both partners feelangry and resentful towards each
other, the divorce may incur.
Higher legal fees and it impliedtrying to fight each other over
everything.
'cause what do you gotta do whenthat happens?
My understanding is you gottacall your attorney and attorneys

(02:22):
are not cheap and I want to talkabout where mayor's counseling
can help.
And so say you are gonna get adivorce anyway.
Mayor's counseling can help withthe resentments and the
animosity that you have for eachother.
A purpose of marriagecounseling, couples counseling,

(02:43):
couples therapy, whatever youwant to call it, is to
understand the root of theanimosity and the conflict.
Now, you may not solve anything.
You may be emotionally checkedout that you don't wanna work on
the relationship anyway.
This could be you, or this couldbe your partner, but

(03:03):
nevertheless, it can help easesome of that by understanding
where it comes from.
And also providing a little bitof validation for where both
people are coming from, even ifyou can't see eye to eye.
But on the flip side, say youare motivated to save your
relationship, then obviouslymarriage counseling can help.,

(03:26):
maybe you've got to a pointwhere you really do wanna work
on it, but maybe you're feelinga bit hopeless.
And that's a difference thanfeeling hopeless and not having
the emotional bandwidth to workon it.
Or maybe another way of saying,feeling hopeless, but not having

(03:48):
the emotional fortitude to workon it.
Maybe you've already given up,you checked out, and you've
already made up your mind, Idon't want to do this.
And that's, where you're at, butwe can still feel hopeless and
have motivation to make itbetter.
Or another way to put it, havethe emotional fortitude to push

(04:12):
through and work on therelationship, knowing that it's
gonna be an uphill battle.
But if you do want to save therelationship, obviously marriage
counseling can help.
And if you're in this placewhere it feels.
Horrible and hopeless.
Maybe a couple's intensive couldbe beneficial.

(04:33):
And I'm gonna share a link tothe episode on couples intensive
that I did earlier again, ifyou're motivated.
As I mentioned, marriagecounseling can help you
understand the root of theissues, understand where they
come from, understand where eachother are coming from, and

(04:55):
provide some validation, heareach other, and then also give
you a roadmap to spend less timein that negative crappy cycle or
those negative dynamics, andthen you know how to repair.
If you do get there, and you'realso intentional about creating

(05:16):
a positive environment ofunderstanding, collaboration,
harmony, and dare I sayintimacy.
And as I mentioned earlier,maybe divorce is inevitable.
Marriage counseling can help youwith some of your anger and
resentment, and it can alsoprovide a little bit of clarity.

(05:37):
And that clarity is, Hey, youknow what?
I'm checked out.
You are checked out.
We can't make this work and itcan help parties separate
divorce.
With compassion, withcollaboration and dignity and
not animosity.

(05:57):
And if you've gotten there whereyou two are both basically cool,
but you still want to divvythings up in a positive manner,
I recommend mediation as opposedto calling lawyers.
Basically you'll save money andI think time as well.
So financial cost of marriagecounseling, a master's level

(06:18):
counselor in Denver Metro costabout$200 per hour.
Our practice is in Denver Metro,and so that's what I compared it
against when I got the averagenumber of dollars per hour and
say that the two of you meet forage sessions and obviously that
will total$1,600 and obviouslyis significantly cheaper than a

(06:43):
contested divorce, which cost10,000 to 15,000.
So to summarize, divorce can becostly, obviously, financially
and emotionally.
However you can do so in arespectful and collaborative way
if that is a direction you aregoing.
If you're motivated to staytogether or you would like some

(07:05):
clarity on whether therelationship will work or not,
counseling offers a moreaffordable.
Alternative to divorce,counseling aims to foster
insight, emotional healing, andcan help both partners.
And families build healthierfutures, and even if separation
and divorce become necessary,counseling can help guide both

(07:29):
of you towards a more peacefuland respectful transition.
Thank you so much for listening.