December 16, 2025 • 62 mins
What if generosity isn’t about money, but about how freely we offer time, attention, and presence when it’s least convenient? A late, anxious pull into a hospital parking lot turns into a masterclass on dropping judgment and choosing service—and it sets the stage for a deeper dive into how greed and miserliness quietly run our lives. We trace the subtle difference: greed reaches outward for more, miserliness clamps inward in fear. You’ll learn how both show up in the body and why the holidays amplify them.
We bring the Enneagram into focus with practical, compassionate insights for all nine types.
A surprising lesson lands through a spoon-bending exercise: when we stop trying to control outcomes and let energy move through us, service becomes lighter and more effective. We pair story with tools—breathwork, appreciation, sensory grounding, and small acts of service—to bring you back to the only moment that matters. As the season swells with comparison and urgency, we return to what lasts: laughter in the kitchen, help freely offered, and the courage to be seen as we are.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (02:02):
I never define myself as a greedy person.
In fact, I consider myself quitegenerous.
I devote my life to helpingpeople feel better in their
bodies and their minds and toreconnect them to the truth of
who they are.
That's that's basically what Ispend all my free time thinking
about doing as how I make money,that's how I serve.
(02:26):
Um, and I consider that, youknow, quite generous to sit with
people in pain and to help themreclaim their power and, you
know, in their bodies, theiremotions, their love life,
whatever area that is.
But my business coach asked usnot long ago when we were doing
his Mind Your Money program,which was really looking at your
relationship with money, to begenerous.
(02:47):
Um, one of the challenges thatday was to look at where
greediness is getting in the wayof our businesses.
And I was like, not me.
I like pro bono the crap out ofmy work.
And you guessed it.
Today we're talking about greed,happy holidays.
So I'm gonna do a 12-part seriesaround uh Christmas time this
(03:10):
year.
Uh it's 2025.
And today's topic is the gift ofgenerosity.
So hold on tight, my friends.
Uh, we are going to be exploringyour generosity.
So back to my story, I waschallenged to be generous.
And if you listen to my privatepodcast, and if you don't, I'll
(03:30):
put a link below.
I go into a lot more depth on alot of the kind of weird and
woo-woo stuff that I do.
Um, but for the sake of today'sconversation, we were challenged
to be more generous.
And my son and I had anappointment at a blood bank to,
no, not a blood bank.
It was um those places where youhave your blood drawn.
Sorry, I'm coming off of beingsick.
(03:50):
And um I hate going to thehospital.
I can't stand it.
I I can't stand it.
I just see so much suffering.
I see so much um disease thatcould have been prevented with
different lifestyle choices.
Like, I I see so it's just tome, it's it's I hate going to
the hospital.
So we had to go to the hospitalto get his blood drawn.
And um, I'm already anxiousbecause we're late because I got
(04:13):
the address wrong.
And we pull in, and there's thislady, or I didn't even know it
was a lady at the time, butthere was this car like going in
and out of the same parking spotlike 20 times.
And I'm like, oh, we are late.
We're you're gonna be later.
We're gonna miss theappointment.
I already hate being here.
I don't even know where I'mgoing.
My son probably thinks I'm anidiot.
And um, I had this whole storyin my head, and all then I all I
(04:36):
heard was James's voice say, bemore generous.
And so I pulled around her andpulled into the parking spot
next to her.
And I looked over and it wasthis older lady, and I looked at
my son, and I'm like, that's whythey should make people retest
for their license.
And I immediately regretted it.
And I went into generosityinstead, and I said, hold on a
(05:00):
second, I don't think she knowshow to get out of that parking
spot.
And I got out of the car and Iwalked over to her window and I
knew she would be embarrassedalready.
Because if you've ever backed inand out of a parking spot,
hello, pregnancy brain, morethan 10 times, you know how
embarrassing that experience is.
I've done it when I waspregnant.
(05:22):
I've gotten lost when I waspregnant, but that's like a
whole different thing.
So I get out of the car and Ilook in the window and I and I
just say, Oh my gosh, thesespots are so hard to get in and
out of.
And you don't have a backupcamera.
Can I help you?
And she started saying, Oh yeah,I I don't know what happened.
I just I can't seem to get mycar to fit into this spot.
(05:45):
And I have an appointment, andI'm like, yeah, no, no, no, no.
It happens to all of us.
It happens to all of us.
It's happened to me many times,especially when I lived in
England.
I couldn't parallel park to savemy life.
Like, I had to have people comeout and park the car for me.
I know, I know how it feels.
And I look and her tires arebalding, and she doesn't have a
backup camera, and you know, shedoesn't have the basic things
(06:06):
that would make this wholeexperience easier for her.
And I don't know why she's atthe hospital.
You know, she could have beenvisiting a sick friend, she
could have just lost herhusband.
Who knows?
I I didn't ask.
I just wanted to make her feelas comfortable as possible and
help get her out of that parkingspot so that she could, you
know, move on in her day.
(06:27):
And my son, um, he gets out ofthe car without me even asking.
And he goes over to the side andhe starts directing her on one
side, and I'm on the other sideholding up traffic, and I'm like
now a traffic cop.
And in that moment, I realized Icould have taught my son two
lessons that day.
I could have taught him to begreedy with time, or I could
(06:52):
have taught him to be generouswith compassion and generous
with just being of service.
I chose, thank you, James, to begenerous with service.
And I don't think, you know,when we're in a rush, when we're
busy, when we're in our owncrap, we don't always stop to
(07:16):
think about what our childrenare learning from us and what
we're learning with them aswell.
I didn't think that I was greedyat all, but I was 100% being
greedy with my judgments of thiswoman without really even
looking at what her experiencewas.
Greed is defined as an intenseand selfish desire for
(07:39):
something, especially wealth,power, food, or possessions,
more than is needed or deserved.
I can be greedy with space ifI'm in a big room and I just
want more space for myselfbecause I don't like people
being in my bubble sometimes.
Um, but what it really is islike it's intense.
It's an intense emotion.
(08:00):
It's very self-focused.
It's me, me, me, me, me.
Uh, and it's more than isneeded.
Um, you can see greed atChristmas.
Hello, did you remember theHarry Potter where um the fat
kid was like, I want morepresents.
Dudley, I think what's his name.
Um, and it's driven by thisdesire, but the desire turns
(08:21):
into like this compulsion formore.
And it's a very active energy.
It's it's like, I want more, Ineed more, I need more.
We can be greedy in love, we canbe greedy in our relationships,
we can be greedy in wealth.
That's the most obvious one.
Um, and that's not the one Iwant to talk about because I
think that we're all greedy, andthat I think that when we don't
(08:44):
explore our shadow ofgreediness, uh it just spreads
more greediness.
And, you know, we always blamethe wealthy.
Oh, look, it's their fault.
They're so greedy.
But greed is not just for thewealthy, my friends.
Greed is for all of us.
And um, you know, I can be verygreedy with my time.
I'm very greedy with my time.
(09:05):
And um I'm also, you know,obviously greedy with my
judgments, that poor lady in thecar.
Um, and then miserliness isgreed's other friend.
And this is an excessiveunwillingness to spend, give, or
share extreme frugality orstinginess.
Now, I did not think I wasmiserly until I went to my
(09:28):
conference last week, uh, whichwas Business by Design.
It's my entrepreneurial programuh conference.
And as I'm sitting there, Idecided to sit in the back and
watch this time.
Because the last time I went, Ibought into the next level
coaching program and immediatelyspent a year in shame and
comparison, and I was unwillingto be coachable, and I did not
(09:52):
take advantage of theopportunities.
To be fair, I also had two headinjuries, so I really could not
process numbers, and um, myemotions were completely
unchecked because of headinjuries.
So there was a valid reason why.
But miserliness isunwillingness, withholding, fear
of loss, and a restriction.
(10:12):
It's a very restricted,contracted energy.
So when you're thinking about,you know, spending or giving for
other people, do you feel anopenness or do you feel a
restriction?
And I'm not talking about money.
We're not gonna talk aboutmoney.
We're talking about love,affection, energy, uh,
attention, time, uhappreciation, gratitude, things
(10:38):
like that.
So what we're gonna do is we'regonna take a different look at
greed today.
Um, because I don't think mostof the people listening to this
are actually wealthy, or maybeyou are, and if you are, you
should join my coaching program.
Just kidding.
My coaching program is availableto everyone, that's why I keep
it at a very affordable rate.
Um, but uh, because I don'tthink personal transformation
should cost you an arm and a legor put you in debt.
(10:59):
Uh, so greed says there isn'tenough yet, so I need more.
Greed is driven by an insatiablehunger and it reaches outward,
it accelerates, it pushes.
Greed can be a great way to getyou moving, right?
Like, oh man, I really want acookie.
I'm gonna get to the gym so Ican balance out my calories.
(11:23):
It can be a positive.
But what we're really looking attoday is when is it a bad thing?
And when is it actually, youknow, creating more harm than
good?
Because greed often hides underexcitement, anticipation.
It can also hide under anxiety,fear of missing out.
You know, if you spend any timeon social media, and I mean any
(11:45):
time at all, or even drivingaround in your car anywhere,
you're going to experienceunconscious greed.
Because all marketing and salesis happening underneath your
conscious awareness.
And it is all of the time, notsome of the time, it is all of
the time.
It is everywhere you go.
It is when you are driving andyou see billboards that you're
(12:08):
not looking at, when you seefood bill, you know, buildings,
restaurants, also known asrestaurants, when you see that,
there is you are constantlybeing marketed to.
(12:46):
And then your primal need toobtain more kicks in.
It's biology.
So that's greed.
Miserliness is there isn'tenough, so I can't let go.
This is basically scarcity.
Miserly is driven by fear.
It pulls inward, it slows youdown, it clamps down, your
(13:09):
nervous system goes into freezemode or collapse.
You get this tightness in thegut, in your hips, in your
throat.
You have shallow breathing, youstart hoarding, hoarding energy,
hoarding money, time, emotionalavailability.
You start saying things like,you become withdrawn, you want
to control everything, and youprobably have more resentment.
(13:32):
And you're doing silentscorekeeping.
Well, I did all of this for you.
What did you do for me?
Right.
And this comes from not enough.
And when we're looking at thesetwo, it's important to look at
them this time of year becauseit's so obvious, it's so in your
face right now.
It's Christmas time, like greedand miserliness are at their
(13:55):
peak.
I would call this the peakseason.
Okay.
So, you know, I was even lookingonline at like some videos of,
you know, families and how theyspend Christmas together.
And I immediately went intolike, oh, I wish I could go back
and do my kids' childhood alittle bit different.
(14:16):
And then I thought, no, youdon't.
You didn't have social media tocompare yourselves to when you
were raising your children.
Thank God for that.
Because I can't even imaginewhat it's like to in today's
world being a parent, comparingyourself to everybody who looks
like they have the perfectfamily online, and later you
find out they're all serialkillers.
But, you know, that's becauseI've been watching too many
(14:37):
murder shows lately.
So, what I want to talk to youabout is the Enneogram.
Why does the Enneagram and howdoes the Enneogram give us uh
our strategies for dealing withunconscious greed and how it
helps us understand what ourstrategies are because we all
have strategies.
I don't like to call themtriggers or like um bad
(14:59):
behaviors.
I like to call them strategiesthat were developed when
probably you were young.
And there are strategies thateither work for you or there's
strategies that don't work foryou.
And they're either gonna helpyou align with what you want or
they're gonna keep you away fromwhat you want.
And we we need to take a look atthese strategies with honesty so
that we can change if we wantto, you know, if we want to grow
(15:22):
and evolve.
Like I was sitting in thatconference last week and I was
watching this production insteadof being in it.
And I did that intentionallybecause I did not want to be
influenced by my emotions to buysomething that I wasn't going to
do or follow through with.
(15:43):
And as a type seven, I can havea lot of FOMO.
And if I feel like time isrunning out or, you know, I'm
gonna miss out, I'm gonna buy,and I don't think logically, it
shuts off my logical braincompletely.
And I go straight into I'm notgonna be left behind and I'll do
whatever it takes.
And it might be something I'mnot ready for, it might be too
(16:06):
fast for me.
It might maybe I didn't have thefoundational desire yet to do
the thing that I just bought.
Like I can be very impulsivethat way.
So each Enneagram type has theirway that greed and miserliness
gets in their way.
So we're gonna start withEnneagram one.
This is the perfectionist.
They have agreed for perfectionand miserly with the heart.
(16:30):
Enneagram ones tend to behypercritical, and especially in
their relationships, theirrelationships with themselves,
with the people in their livesand the world.
It doesn't end with you knowthem criticizing their loved
ones because the critic insideis way worse about what they
feel about themselves than it isprojected out.
(16:52):
So whatever they're projectingis a hundred times worse on the
inside and on theself-reflection.
They can also be very judgyabout the world, right?
Very critical about what'shappening and maybe not take any
action in alignment with it,which actually just breeds more
criticism.
So their miserly shows upemotionally.
Uh, they withhold their truefeelings, plaster on a polite
(17:13):
smile, and silently seethe withresentment inside.
That false smile fools no one,my friend.
And relationships, this turnsinto a relentless search for
more, more cleanliness, moreorganization, more correctness,
more perfection, more, you know,more of perfection, of an
outwardly appearance that's justsimply not true.
(17:36):
This gets projected onto theirchildren, their partners.
It gets projected onto their,you know, how they present
online.
Maybe you see their perfectChristmas, and perhaps inside
nobody's having fun at allbecause they needed to take 822
pictures in order for the perperfect picture to be present
itself.
And underneath all of it, it's,and this is no judgment to you,
(17:57):
my friend, if you're a type one.
I love type ones.
They have so much capability ofbringing justice into the world.
Um, and I think that, you know,they have an ability to see what
is right and what is wrong inevery situation, and their
intuitive genius is actually soimpressive and um underutilized.
And what ones are really longingfor underneath is intimacy and
(18:21):
connection.
And that suppressed anger thatthey pretend isn't there with a
smile blocks access to theheart.
And it it's like you can't letthe mess exist, you can't let
the emotions exist, and youcan't let love be imperfect,
which love, my friend, is alwaysimperfect.
That is the nature of love.
(18:42):
That is why there is no perfectlove, because love in and of
itself is imperfect, and that iswhat makes it so real, and
that's the thing you crave most,is the thing that you want to
control, and that's just notpossible.
So, my Enneagram two friends,this greediness is very
different.
(19:02):
Um, they want to give greedily,and they they actually give,
give, give, give, give, give,give with this underlying
unconscious agenda.
If I give you enough and meetyour needs, you'll finally
figure out what my needs are,and then you'll meet them for me
(19:24):
because I don't know what theyare.
And that's actually kind ofgreedy uh because it's selfish,
right?
It's like I'm not gonna take thetime to figure out what my needs
are or to learn how to expressthem, my zealiness.
Um, and I'm gonna give you somuch because I know what your
needs are, but I'm not actuallygonna take the time to figure
out what my needs are so that Ican meet them myself.
(19:47):
And it's a really interestingkind of like backwards take on
greediness, because it'sactually like this greediness of
expectation for the otherperson.
And you know, it's it's reallythat you just don't know what
your needs are, and you'rehoping somebody else will figure
it out for you.
(20:08):
And that's your unwillingness tosit down with yourself and go,
actually, what are my needs?
If I was allowed to put myattention on myself, what do I
need?
What do I need in this moment?
What do I need in my life?
What do I need?
And I ask you to do a littleinner work and do some
self-discovery.
(20:29):
Whenever you're over-deliveringfor someone else, what is that
you need?
And take a moment before you,you know, sign up for another
meal delivery service for youknow, someone in need and ask
yourself, what do I need rightnow?
And if I was able to meet thatneed, how would I spend my time
(20:49):
instead of going into completeburnout trying to make everyone
else feel good, hoping that oneday they'll see what I need and
give me the same thing inreturn.
Your intuitive genius is reallyto being able to see what people
need.
Your shadow is not being able tosee your own needs.
Enneagram three, these umwonderful achievement-oriented
(21:11):
people are very greedy withsuccess and goals.
They equate worth withachievement and provision.
In relationships, this cancreate a disconnection.
They crave intimacy andnurturing, but they structure
love like a performance metric.
Love becomes scheduled.
Friday night, one hour ofcuddling, success achieved.
Where's my gold star?
(21:32):
Do I get a raise, a bonus?
Like, is there what's thesuccess metric in this
relationship?
And honestly, that structure canactually help them relax.
So if you're married to a typethree, if you have a type three
in your life, a child, any ofthem, and you're craving more
time with them, remember they'regreedy with their time, but
they're very greedy withachievement.
(21:53):
So, you know, type threes, whereare you unwilling to let go of
your need for achievement andsuccess and just simply be
present and to know that you'reYou're just loved for being
present.
And that's what really peoplewant from you is you don't have
to be producing.
You don't have to be hittinggoals or targets.
You can slow down and just bepresent and allow the connection
(22:17):
with the people around you andappreciate all of the success
that you have alreadyaccomplished this year.
Because I bet you've probablyaccomplished a thousand times
more than the average person.
And it still doesn't feel likeit's enough as we close out the
year.
And that is your intuitivegenius is success.
And, you know, it's being ableto look for opportunities of
(22:40):
success everywhere you go.
But that can also be like thesource of unintentional
greediness of, oh, once I getsuccess, I just want more
success and more success.
And then you finally hit thepinnacle of success and you
realize it didn't mean anythingat all.
Because what you really wantedwas love and connection and to
just be valued for who you are.
And no matter how successful youare, you'll you'll never have
(23:03):
that feeling if you don't taketime now to build those
relationships and that love andconnection that is what you
really actually, underneath itall, crave.
Type fours.
Sometimes we can be a little bitgreedy with our sadness and also
with our own emotions, feelinglike everyone should know what
(23:26):
they are at all times, and thateveryone should want to live in
our feelings with us.
This is a type four protectionprison.
And a lot of the times inconversations, I've seen type
fours that come through myprograms.
They they can be greedy withintellect, and I'll explain
(23:47):
that.
It's more like I want to beunique and I want to be
separate, but I desperately wantto belong at the same time.
But my need to be unique is morethan my need to belong.
So I'm going to almost like begreedy with compassion and
kindness, and I'm going to tryto set you up to fail in our
(24:09):
conversation so that I can stillbe unique.
But I also secretly want toprove that you're a liar and
that you're you're not uniqueand authentic.
So I'm going to push all yourbuttons.
Why is that greedy?
Because you're not havingcompassion for the emotional
depth that that person is readyor willing to share with you.
(24:29):
And miserly, you're withholdingyour ability to simply be in joy
with people and to be in theiremotions instead of your own.
So that's the irony of thefours, is they're probably the
most intuitive on the Enneagram,but their need for to be
different, to be authentic,blocks the thing that they
(24:52):
really want, which is connectionand love and to be seen for who
they really are, not for themasks that they put on.
And I think type fours have adeep longing, which creates
probably more loneliness thanthan they need.
And the thing that you reallycrave is connection and
(25:12):
belonging, because that's whatwe all crave.
It's a human, it's a human, it'sa basic human need is for
connection and um to be seen, tobe witnessed, and to be
vulnerable with other people.
Vulnerability is not traumadumping.
It's not, you know, telling andprojecting your intense emotions
on other people because you'renot being generous with their
(25:35):
space, their time, and theirfeelings, right?
Like what they're experiencingin the world.
And that's where we really needto hold space for am I trauma
dumping?
And is that, isn't that kind ofa type of greed?
Like you will join me in my painbecause my pain's the only thing
that matters.
And I'm not judging you becauseI've been very guilty of doing
(25:57):
this.
When I was in the deepest partof my shadow as a seven, I was
very much like a four.
And I see the four now a lotmore clearly through my own
shadow work and through my ownjourney.
And that depth, oh man, that'swhat's your genius.
That depth, your ability to godeep is your genius.
That's your intuitive genius.
(26:17):
And we also want to be able toembrace the joy of the season.
Like look for the joy all aroundyou.
Don't look for the scarcity andthe loneliness.
Look for the appreciation ofpeople who actually do amazing,
beautiful things this time ofyear.
And step into the joy of thepeople who are actually doing
(26:40):
things that matter.
And I mean, that is really whathelped me come out of my
scarcity mindset was witnessingpeople who were doing amazing
things in the world and saying,how can I do that too?
Heneogram fives, I'm gonna callyou the misers, miserliness of
the miserliness.
And I can say this with lovebecause in a healthy state, I'm
(27:03):
a very much a type five.
And um, I will just say um typefives are the masters of
miserliness.
It's time, energy, emotionalbandwidth, knowledge.
Everything is rationed inrelationships.
This can feel like emotionalwithdrawal, minimal connection.
Like you have this deep meaningin connection with another
(27:24):
person, and then you immediatelywithdraw as if they're gonna
take too much from you.
And then the other person'slike, What happened?
I thought we were finallyconnecting.
And then you like, where'd yougo?
And then they actually feel morelonely than before.
And um, in your mind, you'relike, Well, I gave you that.
Now I'm good for the year,right?
(27:46):
Like, I feel tapped.
Um, and so it could be thatsomeone has asked you to feel
too much or to feel too muchcloseness, to feel like they've
put too much of a demand on yourheart and what you were capable
of experiencing.
Um, this can cause you to shutdown.
And this isn't cruelty.
(28:06):
I want you to know that this isnot cruelty, it's a protection
strategy that was createdusually between the ages of
birth and eight years old.
And what happens is they gosuper introvert and they just
want to go and study and learnand be in their own world
(28:26):
because this is hard for them tobe that emotionally drained by
other people.
So if you love a five, I justwant you to know that, you know,
be patient with them.
If you're having a conflict witha five, please be generous with
(28:48):
them because they will take whatyou say and they'll walk away
and need to process it bythemselves.
Not because they can't sit withyou in the conflict, but because
they really want to think aboutwhat you've said and process it.
And they're a little bit slowerwhen it comes to processing
other people's big feelings.
So, you know, if you push theminto a fight with you, they're
(29:09):
gonna get into a fight with you,but it's not gonna be them, it's
gonna be their wounded self,right?
Not their higher self.
So um, fives can be very greedywith their time, and they often
get stuck in business.
Like if you're an entrepreneur,because they're not actually
using the knowledge and applyingit, or they just want to keep
(29:32):
learning what they want to learnand not learn the thing that
they need to learn to grow theirbusiness and to align with their
soul's mission.
And that could also be true inrelationships, like maybe they
want to go learn this otherthing instead of learning the
thing that they need to learn inorder to improve their quality
of relationships.
Like maybe they need to learnbetter communication skills
(29:53):
instead of learning um, youknow, 28 texts to flirt with
your wife or husband so that youdon't actually have to do it in
person.
I don't know what you're outthere learning, but that that's
just, you know, you you mightnot be learning the thing that
you need to learn.
And this is where greed can getin your way because you're such
a good learner.
You're so good at it, and you'reso good at educating yourself
(30:15):
and you're so good at obtainingknowledge, but let's not hoard
it and be greedy with it.
Let's share it with the worldand you know, also examine am I
learning the things that's gonnahelp me, the the things that are
going to help me, or am I justrelearning the things I already
know?
And I know as a body worker,like I keep wanting to just take
(30:37):
more classes on the human body.
And my higher self is like, no,I need you to take classes on
narcissistic abuse recovery.
I need you to take classes onsales and marketing, I need you
to take classes on these otherthings.
And when I'm in migraine, I'mlike, no, I just want to go,
like, why can't I just go studyhuman anatomy?
And it's always like, no,because that's not the thing
(30:57):
that's gonna help bring yourtrue purpose and your mission
onto the planet.
You're hoarding knowledge andyou're actually withholding
because of it.
So, you know, that is a that ispart of, you know, I think
growing is looking at all ofthese different chest like
shadow aspects and going, oh,where am I withholding?
Where am I being greedy?
(31:18):
Where am I being miserly?
And am I willing to shift thatso that I can grow and so that I
can align with my higher, myhighest path of potential and
things like that.
So Enneagram six.
You have agreed for anxiety, myfriend.
Believe it or not, I know that'sa strange, strange statement,
but your anxiety gives youenergy.
And a lot of the time whenyou're feeling a sense of calm,
(31:41):
you'll start doom scrolling,looking for the latest
conspiracy theory or how AI isgoing to take over your brain.
Because this negative certaintyactually makes you feel a little
bit safer in the world.
So I know that's a strangething, and for all of the other
types out there, this is uniqueto the type six.
So you, your anxiety gives youenergy.
(32:03):
Your focus on what could gowrong actually gives you more
energy today.
So, but it can then, becauseyou're then once you get into
that greediness for it, youactually become so hyper-focused
on what could go wrong, you'regoing to freeze instead of
movement.
So, what's the cost of this?
(32:26):
Because you you miss what'sright now.
Anxiety steals your future fromyou.
That's what it does, it stealsyour future.
Um, because you're actuallycreating a negative vision of
your future on the fly.
It's like what you focus on iswhat you create.
So if you focus on all thethings that could go wrong,
(32:47):
you're probably not focusing onanything that is right right
now.
And you're missing the presentmoment.
And the present moment is allthat we really have in our
lives.
It's right now.
Like, even you giving me yourattention right now is you in
the present moment.
Whether you're driving or takingcare of the kids or you know, at
(33:07):
work and I'm just playing aroundin the background, present
moment right now is all youreally have.
Because you don't know what'sgonna happen tomorrow.
You can think you know, you canhave stress about what might
happen tomorrow.
You could think the world isgonna fall apart at the end of
the year.
Don't you remember 1999?
Hello, we all thought thebanking systems were gonna
crash, and guess what?
(33:28):
It didn't.
It didn't crash.
It was fine.
And, you know, every year peoplef make money on feeding on our
fear, and fear creates anxiety,which can get you energized,
right?
Give you energy.
Like, hello, when your yournervous system goes up into that
anxious state, suddenly I canlift a car off of a small child.
(33:50):
And, you know, there's a reasonfor it.
You'll drain your adrenal glandsand have nothing left for
yourself if you are constantlyin anxiety.
You need to learn how to comeinto a state of calm and
appreciate the present moment.
And I will say breath work,tapping, um, pulling my thoughts
(34:12):
back.
Sometimes I do this exercisewhere I just see my thoughts
turn into feathers and they justkind of gently glide down and go
into my heart.
If you're in my membership, uhteach presence a lot because
this is something that a lot ofpeople struggle with, and stress
is a killer, literally a killer.
It is killing people.
I I don't know the currentstatistics, but when I was
(34:35):
researching it recently,lifestyle illness was I think
80% of the illness that isplaguing humanity right now.
It's high.
And I mean, lifestyle illness isthe things that we could avoid
by lifestyle choices.
So type six is your anxiety isis can get out of control, pull
(34:58):
it back and be in the presentmoment.
Appreciate what's going rightright now, be generous and
gracious for all of the problemsthat you have that you get to
fix, right?
Like I was doing that the otherday, because I have a six-wing,
right?
So I was like, how can I be umvery present and appreciative?
(35:21):
Because I think appreciation isone of the antidotes to greed,
for you know, the debt I took onin order to grow my business.
And you know, when I startedlooking around at this room of
people, some at thisentrepreneur conference, I'm
like, oh, you uh I had this deepgratitude for the opportunity to
be in that room, to be able tobe in that room with these
(35:44):
people, these these some highachievers, some low achievers,
like the whole spectrum ofpeople who want to make the
world a better place.
And I had this overwhelminggratitude for the opportunity of
being there.
And it took away the anxiety ofmaking the decision will I join
(36:05):
next level, will I not join nextlevel?
Because I just came into a deepappreciation for the
opportunities that I have.
And I think for the type sixes,appreciation, gratitude, that
brings you back into the currentmoment.
And you just look around you.
Like one of the tools I learnedwas look around the room and
(36:26):
notice all the things that areyellow, take a deep breath in,
look around the room and noticeall of the things that are blue
and take a deep breath in.
And you can do that to bringyourself out of that, you know,
hyperfixated on what could gowrong, um, which is you know
withholding joy from the presentmoment.
(36:46):
And it's really living in thatchaotic energy.
Any Ram sevens, my friends.
I love you.
We are so greedy with pleasure,we are so greedy with passion
and possibility.
And I will say that that thatreflects in our food choices,
the experiences that we want tocreate, that we crave, our
(37:08):
passion for whatever we'reobsessed about today, um, for
connection, for stimulation.
And there is so much neverenough in us that it's kind of
sad, actually.
Um, we want more excitement,more intimacy, more joy, more,
more, more, more, more.
Type sevens are like thegluttons of the Enneagram, which
(37:28):
is basically greed.
I want more, more, more, more,more, more, more.
It's never enough, never enough,never enough.
And I will say most of thatstems from avoiding the painful
emotion.
Like, I think it was inNovember.
I started realizing it wasdrinking a lot more.
And I was like, that's weird.
I kind of shifted that habit awhile ago.
And so I created a recode tohelp reduce um overdrinking.
(37:52):
And I put it on YouTube, so it'son YouTube.
I'll put a link in the shownotes.
But um it wouldn't shift.
And I was like, oh, why isn't myrecode working?
And it was because I wasn'taddressing the habit, the thing
that was driving the habit.
I was addressing the habit andnot the root cause.
And for me, the root cause wasloneliness.
I was avoiding this, like, ohman, for those of you who are
(38:15):
going through emptinesssyndrome, I had no idea how hard
it would be to transition fromfull-time mothering to living
alone and being single at 50.
I did not know how hard thatwould be.
I was ill prepared for it.
Just like when you have a babyand you don't know how hard it
will be because you won't sleepand you'll smell like breast
(38:35):
milk all the time and your bodystarts doing weird things that
you're ill-prepared for.
I would say 50 is the same wayif your kids are flying the
coop.
It, it has been the hardestthing for me to go through.
Um, and I I always say in myhead, like, oh, it would be so
much easier if I was married.
But that's not actually truebecause maybe my husband
(38:56):
wouldn't want to grow with me.
And I would be wanting to growright now and I might be stuck.
So that's actually, you know,just a lie that I've been
telling myself for the lastseveral years.
However, I digress.
Um when we're like at a portalof change, there's pain that
comes up, right?
And that can be a portal ofchange in your career, it could
(39:16):
be a portal of change insociety, it can be a portal of
change for anything.
There's pain that's going tocome up and to be asked to
witness and released.
And since type sevens reallydon't like to sit with pain,
other people's pain is fine.
Our own, it's like, oh no, I'mfine.
Um, we don't want to sit in ourown discomfort long enough to
(39:36):
hear what's underneath the urgeor the frequency or the craving
in order to get to the otherside of it.
And in the process of sittingwith your discomfort comes so
much depth and growth.
It's like everything you everwanted is on the other side of
that uncomfortable feeling.
(39:59):
And there's more intimacy, morejoy, more connection.
This relationship with yourselfthat is so powerful and so
beautiful.
Like now, when I see my higherself at first, I was like, you,
like, uh, um, I don't know you.
And now I'm like, she's the mostglorious, like generous like
(40:21):
being.
And I'm like, I hope one day I'mlike you.
Like, and she's like, you areme, but like, okay, you're also
a little bit strange.
That's okay.
You're a seven.
Um, so at its core, likehonestly, our greediness for
pleasure is this fear of beingtrapped in pain.
And generosity for a seven isstaying when it's uncomfortable.
(40:43):
It's slowing down and notletting your fear of being late
or letting your son down makeyou stop and actually look at
the woman next to you and say,actually, what do you need and
how can I help you?
If I wasn't worried about time,like, how can I help other
people in need?
(41:03):
How can I stop looking at how Imight be late or how can I
control time?
And how can I be present andappreciate the time that I have
right now?
Because I actually think a lotof sevens don't know this, but
their relationship with time isone of the weirdest things that
really doesn't get talked aboutenough.
And it's this fear of there'sjust not enough time to get
(41:25):
everything done.
Because you have this beautiful,exciting mind and it wants to do
everything.
And in order to do everything,you have to have more time.
So your your greed comes in likelooking for more time, but it
can create an overwhelm thatthen makes you go into
discomfort, which then makes youactually kind of unfortunately
(41:48):
destroy time by over drinking,overeating, over Netflixing,
over, you know, all of thethings.
And then you end up getting sickand you lose time.
So I'm speaking from a verypersonal.
Personal experience right now.
So generosity for a seven lookslike letting one experience be
enough, being present to all ofthe feelings that you're having
(42:12):
in the moment and allowing thatdepth to be there without being
so afraid of the depth of theemotion that you flee into the
next one because that's thething you were chasing in the
first place.
So as I'm like sitting at thisconference and we're doing this
spoon-bending activity where wetake a spoon and we learn how to
(42:32):
turn it into um, we we connectinto the matter of it and we can
bend it with our minds,basically.
And, you know, you are usingyour fingers, so there's fingers
too, but you you do feel themetal like melt, and then all of
a sudden the spoon just twists.
If you've never seen The Matrix,go watch it.
It's where the uh guru that Neofinds um shows him that you know
(42:53):
we are all matter and that wecan control matter with our
intention.
And the first time I did this, Iwas very afraid of success, and
that and that is what came up.
And as soon as the spoon startedbending, I felt myself block it,
and it was my fear of success.
This time I knew I could bendthe spoon.
And I was sitting there and Iwas playing with the spoon and I
could feel it bending, and I waslike, okay, cool, this is gonna
(43:15):
work again.
I'm excited, I'm just gonna letgo and surrender.
And I just felt like light comethrough me and transform the
spoon.
And I started thinking about allthe people I loved and
transferring that into thespoon.
And um then I started gettingcurious because sevens are very
curious by nature.
And I started thinking, like,what if I could get the spoon to
(43:37):
do this really cool thing that Iwant it to do?
And I literally saw a vision oflike a Christ-like figure stand
in front of me and said to me,You will you always do this.
You you figure it out, and thenyou want to contort it and
control it.
And that's when you stopletting, you know, the divine
flow through you.
(43:57):
And this is not a problem.
You were designed this way to bevery curious and to want to
figure out how everything works.
And that's what your geniuses,but that's also what's blocking
you.
Can you say this now?
And I just kind of laughed and Iwas like, oh, I can say this
now.
And the generosity was reallyjust letting the energy flow
through me and not thinking thatI had to do anything about it.
Like I when I'm doing energywork or when I'm doing recodes,
(44:22):
I just let it flow through me.
And I get out of the way and Ijust let whatever needs to come
through for the groups I workwith or for the individual
clients I work with flow throughme.
I let the knowledge flow throughme, and I don't try to control
anything.
And it's when I'm actually in mygenius, is when I just step out
of the way and I let everythingflow the way that it was
(44:42):
supposed to flow.
As soon as I start trying tocontrol, then everything falls
apart.
So that was a lesson for me inthe spoon-bending thing.
It was like really beinggenerous with my energy and just
allowing it to flow and notwithholding it and pulling it
inward, thinking that there'snot enough energy in the
universe to fuel everyone.
(45:05):
And maybe it's sometimes I'mjust the conduit for the energy,
and it doesn't deplete mebecause it just flows through
me.
I know a lot of people when theydo energy work, they say things
like, Oh, I get really depleted,and I ask, like, are you is it
coming from you or is it goingthrough you?
Because there's a hugedistinction.
One will make you greedyafterwards where you don't want
(45:26):
to do a lot of energy work, andthe other one leaves you both
feeling completely energized,and nothing is depleted at all.
Um, so but that also comes witha depth of understanding of who
my higher self is and how towork with that energy to help
other people.
In relationships, it means doingintrospective work.
(45:50):
Where am I being greedy withtime?
Where am I being withholdingappreciation and gratitude for
what other people have doneinstead of holding them to an
expectation that they don't evenknow I'm holding them to?
Um, and where am I being greedywith love?
Like, because I think sevenscrave intimacy so much, but they
(46:11):
can be very greedy with it, uh,mostly because they're afraid of
it and you know, really beingvulnerable with other people.
Okay, so Enneagram eights uh canbe very greedy with power and
control and intensity.
Uh, they want loyalty, truth,and strength, and they want it
(46:32):
now.
And in relationships, this canfeel overwhelming or dominating,
even when the intention isprotection.
So the eight has this almostlike miserliness of I'll make
sure nobody hurts what's mine,right?
And that could be their ownheart and their own people,
(46:52):
without looking at the biggerthing that's happening around
them.
And, you know, I would say ifwe're just looking back at the
definition of greed, um, whichis um, you know, being, you
know, what are you, it's likethis action, right?
It's like this, this forwardenergy.
(47:15):
So it's reaching outwardly.
So where are they trying tocontrol everything instead of
being present with who everyoneis, right?
Where are they doing to createmore power instead of being love
and vulnerable with people?
(47:36):
And I think like sevens, eightstend to be very driven by their
this insatiable hunger as well.
And I think sevens and eightsare, you know, probably two of
the highest ones for likeoverindulging in things,
especially this time of year,right?
Because you're gonna beactivated by oh, this you know,
Mocha thing is only out thistime of year.
(47:57):
I need to get one every day.
Um, things like that.
You're gonna feel more tensionin your body.
Eights have a huge need torelease energy from their body.
So the greed is gonna comethrough in this way of like, as
soon as their greed isactivated, they're gonna want to
take action right now, insteadof looking at the trigger and
going, is that what I actuallywant?
(48:18):
Or am I is somebody getting inthere unconsciously and
activating my need for power?
And then miserliness, remember,is it's an inward thing.
So are people asking me to be inmy feelings?
Um, and I don't want to be.
So am I withholding, am Iretracting my love, my emotions,
(48:40):
my vulnerability, and being busydoing other things so that I can
avoid feeling deep intimacy withthe people who are begging for
me to be intimate with them, tobe emotionally available, to be
present, to not try to solvetheir problems, but just to be
with them and to love them.
(49:00):
Um eights are, oh my gosh,they're powerful, powerful
people.
You're more powerful when yourfeelings are allowed to be
present and you can be withother people's feelings as well.
Enneagram nines.
Your miserliness is thiswithholding of you, my friend.
(49:22):
Simply you.
Um, you have this unconsciouspattern that says you don't
matter.
And when that happens is you gointo this safe of inner
protection where you withholdyou and you simply reflect back
to people who they are, andinstead of actually letting them
know who you are.
(49:43):
And with this, you'rewithholding your truth, you
minimize your own needs, and youmerge with people instead of
engaging with people.
And people love you becauseyou're basically them, right?
So, like they say, oh, this isthe most easygoing person on the
planet.
Um, they're so easy to get alongwith, they're so easy.
(50:04):
But it's only it's not becauseyou're not easy, it's because
you're actually not being you,you're just merging with the
people around you.
And so this holiday season, youcould be completely drained,
especially if you're around alot of people you haven't seen
in a while, and you're trying tomerge with too many people.
Um, you're afraid of conflict.
(50:27):
So instead of addressing thedeep um, I would call it
suppressed rage and anger that'sinside of you, you just mirror
and match what other people wantyou to be so that you don't
actually have to addressconflict in a healthy way.
Now, where your miserly is, isyour unwillingness to learn how
(50:49):
to have healthy conflict.
And if you have someone wholoves you enough to challenge
you to have healthy conflict,and I am talking from a personal
thing with my daughter and I,because we had a huge conflict
last week.
And I was like, I don't want tofight with you.
I want to teach you how to havehealthy conflict with me so that
we can get to the other side ofit, having a deeper
(51:11):
understanding of who we are asadults.
I don't need you to be who Ithink, who you think I want you
to be.
In fact, I want you to justsimply know that you matter and
that that who you are matters tome, the real you, not who you
think I need to see, not youbeing like me, but like you,
your true self.
(51:32):
And, you know, it we had a lotof conflict, and her avoidance
to conflict came up really big,and you know, it ended up with a
lot of projection.
And I was in a lot ofself-reflection too that week
because I went into the wholetrip with this intention of
self-reflection.
And I realized this is normalfor mothers and daughters,
(51:53):
especially mothers of adultdaughters who are, you know,
learning how to adult.
And creating this newrelationship with an adult child
is a very unique experience.
I'll just say that for all ofyou who are transitioning to
adulting parents, um, adultingadults, parenting adults.
(52:16):
That's what I was trying to say.
And then um, so Enneagram nines,and this is true even when
they're teenagers, is theythey're afraid to take up space.
They they don't want to speaktheir discomfort, so they deny
it.
And you know, they numb out.
And so you'll actually see themdissociate completely and they
(52:36):
won't be there.
And they'll be like, I don'tknow what you're talking about,
I don't have any thoughts atall.
And it's like, no, that'sdissociation.
That's not that's notmeditation, that's dissociation.
There's a difference.
So what the nine can do is, youknow, engage with people and
learn how to have conflict withsomeone and resolve it.
(52:58):
Otherwise, it just gets storedup in your body and turns into
disease.
It turns into gut health and umirregular bowel issues, all
kinds of body disease for thetype 9, more than anyone, I
think, is it's going to expressitself as a disease in your body
later in life.
Learn how to have a healthyconflict with someone and how to
(53:22):
do it from a place ofauthenticity.
You're gonna appreciate thatskill set later.
And I would say, you know,that's where you're gonna be
generous, is to be yourself withpeople, to allow people to see
the real you, the one that youhide, um, and to choose to
engage with them, likegenerosity and engagement and
(53:46):
presence, uh, instead ofwithholding the most valuable
part of you, which is yourauthentic self, the true you.
Um, so I hope this was helpful.
This is my holiday holidaygenerosity episode, um, which
honestly, right now, this timeof year, is the best time to
look at am I being greedy or amI being generous?
(54:08):
And I really want you tochallenge yourself.
This is not about money.
I'm talking about time, love,attention, the things that
matter.
I mean, that really matter.
Because when we get to ourdeathbeds, right at the end of
our life, we're not reallythinking about all the money
that we collected or all of thegifts under the tree.
(54:30):
I'm thinking about the giantsaran wrap ball that I did one
year for my family and the joythey all had on their faces as
they were trying to unwrap itwith oven mitts.
I'm thinking about the smiles,the connection, the magic.
I'm thinking about, you know,the mashed potatoes that went
wrong, the things that make lifefunny, that make life worth
(54:54):
living.
I wasn't thinking about how manysocks I got.
I'm thinking about the look onmy kids' faces when they ran
down the stairs and, you know,Santa came and the twinkle in
their eyes and the knowing thatthe world was magic.
I'm thinking about the people Iget to help.
(55:15):
I'm thinking about the love thatI get to experience.
I never think about the giftsand the stuff.
Because to me, generosity is theexperiences that we get to share
with people.
Generosity is the love and theconnection and the community
that we build.
(55:35):
And, you know, allowing peopleto support you and allowing
yourself to support others andfeel generous with intimacy and
connection.
And that's what I want you allto just think about this time of
year is is your heart open?
Is your energy flowing?
(55:57):
Is are you feeling stabilized inlove and relationships?
Is are you feeling like you cangive from a grounded place?
Or are you sacrificing peoplepleasing and giving until you
feel completely empty, burnedout, depleted, and angry?
Because, you know, December 27this gonna roll around and the
(56:19):
hype of the holiday shoppingseason is gonna be over and the
presents are gonna be unwrappedand unfold and it was it worth
it.
Did you feel present?
Did you experience the magic,the joy, and the blessings and
appreciation for everything youhave around you?
Or do you feel like you're aboutto open up your credit card
statement and go, oh crap, now Igotta worry about that.
(56:40):
How am I gonna hustle hardenough to pay that off?
What do I have to compromise orgive up?
And there's no shame in it.
Whatever your choice is, I hopeyou feel good about it and that
you appreciate the experiencesthat you're creating right now.
And my generous gift is becauseI have a generous gift at the
end of all of this, mymembership is going up to a
(57:00):
higher price in the new year.
And I am doing a$1 trial rightnow.
And if you sign up for the fromthe link in the show notes, um
you'll get your first month fora dollar.
And then for all of 2026, youwill only pay$27 a month, which
is insane when I look at themarket research on what
(57:21):
memberships go for.
Now, in Summer Tribe, what we'regonna be focusing on next year
is learning how to use yourintuition to create more higher
self-alignment, which basicallymeans you're aligned with your
true higher self, with who youare.
You will know yourself andyou'll be able to work through
the old story and actually makelasting change.
(57:42):
And it's interesting as I lookback at the last four years
since I found the superconsciouswork, um, how much I've changed
and how much I didn't realize Ichanged until I got into old
situations and old paradigms,and I'm a new person.
And, you know, I often have tohold grace for the people around
me who don't know I'm a newperson yet.
(58:03):
And then I also have to holdspace and compassion for myself
for the changes I made.
And, you know, as I was sittingat BBD Live, which was my
entrepreneur conference, and Isaw this Christ-like figure in
front of me, and he asked me, Isthis what you want?
Because, you know, you need tolearn some new skills in order
to grow the online business thatyou have.
(58:25):
Are you willing to let go of howyou think it needs to be done to
be coachable and actually putthe effort into learning online
sales and marketing and to beconsistent with it?
And I actually sat with thatquestion because it was a great
question.
And I said, you know what?
I am ready.
I am ready to learn it.
I'm ready to be coachable, andI'm ready to step out of my
(58:47):
comfort zone and grow next year.
So I said yes and I joined.
And I didn't have any fear, Ididn't have any um, what was it?
The feeling I had in the pastwas this like FOMO, I better do
it now or I'm gonna run out oftime.
I didn't have any of that.
Intuition is like this calmpresence.
(59:07):
It just felt grounded.
And I felt like it was just theright thing to do.
And I and I didn't question it.
And I'm sure I'll question it asthe charges start coming in on
my credit card and I'm like, ohmy gosh, was this worth the
investment?
The answer is yes.
So, Tabitha, if you're listeningto this in the future, the
answer was yes.
And you just have to do onething at a time and follow your
(59:29):
own intuition and be coachable.
And I think that, you know, thatis what I hope for a lot of you
who might be ready for growthnext year.
Is, you know, if you're ready,the the program that I've
created is actually really good.
And I don't often appreciate thework that my past self has put
into all of it, um, or thetransformations that we get for
(59:50):
people.
And then I get really amazingtext messages from my clients
who say, Oh my God, I justlistened to this.
And it totally shifted my wholeperspective of the planet and
who I am within it.
And thank you for creating this.
And those are the best, right?
Because it's like, oh, this hardwork I've been putting in makes
a difference.
And, you know, I want to make adifference and stop being so
(01:00:11):
greedy with my knowledge and toreach more people, make a bigger
impact on the planet in 2026because I'm ready and I'm
excited about it actually.
And I hope that you're excitedtoo.
So if you know someone who wantsto make a change in their life,
and it could be in their health,their money, um, their
relationship status, in how theyinteract with their family,
(01:00:31):
their kids, their community, um,send them my way.
I'm gonna put the link downbelow.
It will expire on December 31st,2025 at midnight, just like
Cinderella and her littlepumpkin.
Um, because this is actually avery short um trial that I'm
doing to see if it works formarketing and sales because I'm
(01:00:52):
gonna have some fun with it nextyear.
And, you know,$27 a month.
I mean, I that's less than adollar a day.
Like seriously, you can't evenget coffee for that much.
So come check it out.
It's only a dollar.
And uh I would like to see youthere.
And, you know, the cool thingis, is whether or not you think
you're ready to heal or not, youcan do it in private.
(01:01:13):
And I think that's why I createdit was because there was a time
I needed privacy when I washealing.
And I didn't really want to bein a group and vulnerable with
people and watching themwatching them watch me snot
everywhere.
I didn't want that.
I wanted to just be with myselfin it.
And the cool thing about SomaTribe is you can be with
yourself or you could be in thecommunity.
(01:01:33):
It doesn't matter.
Whatever is right for you inthat moment, both are totally
fine.
You can just lurk around andwatch the replays and not
actually show up to the callsand get just as much out of it
as people who really thrive incommunity.
Um, and that's why I created itthat way because I think that
there is a time in everyone'shealing journey when when they
do need a little bit of alonetime to just be with themselves.
(01:01:55):
So, probably all of you typefives out there, this was for
you.
And type sevens.
Any of you who don't likevulnerability.
So there we go.
I love you all.
And I'm looking forward to doingthis segment on my 12 gifts of
the holiday season.
And I'm looking forward to beingconsistent with it.
(01:02:15):
And now that I have my voiceback, uh, I look forward to um
spending some time with you thisholiday season.
Take care and uh happy holidays.
I never define myself as a greedy person.
In fact, I consider myself quitegenerous.
I devote my life to helpingpeople feel better in their
bodies and their minds and toreconnect them to the truth of
who they are.
That's that's basically what Ispend all my free time thinking
about doing as how I make money,that's how I serve.
(02:26):
Um, and I consider that, youknow, quite generous to sit with
people in pain and to help themreclaim their power and, you
know, in their bodies, theiremotions, their love life,
whatever area that is.
But my business coach asked usnot long ago when we were doing
his Mind Your Money program,which was really looking at your
relationship with money, to begenerous.
(02:47):
Um, one of the challenges thatday was to look at where
greediness is getting in the wayof our businesses.
And I was like, not me.
I like pro bono the crap out ofmy work.
And you guessed it.
Today we're talking about greed,happy holidays.
So I'm gonna do a 12-part seriesaround uh Christmas time this
(03:10):
year.
Uh it's 2025.
And today's topic is the gift ofgenerosity.
So hold on tight, my friends.
Uh, we are going to be exploringyour generosity.
So back to my story, I waschallenged to be generous.
And if you listen to my privatepodcast, and if you don't, I'll
(03:30):
put a link below.
I go into a lot more depth on alot of the kind of weird and
woo-woo stuff that I do.
Um, but for the sake of today'sconversation, we were challenged
to be more generous.
And my son and I had anappointment at a blood bank to,
no, not a blood bank.
It was um those places where youhave your blood drawn.
Sorry, I'm coming off of beingsick.
(03:50):
And um I hate going to thehospital.
I can't stand it.
I I can't stand it.
I just see so much suffering.
I see so much um disease thatcould have been prevented with
different lifestyle choices.
Like, I I see so it's just tome, it's it's I hate going to
the hospital.
So we had to go to the hospitalto get his blood drawn.
And um, I'm already anxiousbecause we're late because I got
(04:13):
the address wrong.
And we pull in, and there's thislady, or I didn't even know it
was a lady at the time, butthere was this car like going in
and out of the same parking spotlike 20 times.
And I'm like, oh, we are late.
We're you're gonna be later.
We're gonna miss theappointment.
I already hate being here.
I don't even know where I'mgoing.
My son probably thinks I'm anidiot.
And um, I had this whole storyin my head, and all then I all I
(04:36):
heard was James's voice say, bemore generous.
And so I pulled around her andpulled into the parking spot
next to her.
And I looked over and it wasthis older lady, and I looked at
my son, and I'm like, that's whythey should make people retest
for their license.
And I immediately regretted it.
And I went into generosityinstead, and I said, hold on a
(05:00):
second, I don't think she knowshow to get out of that parking
spot.
And I got out of the car and Iwalked over to her window and I
knew she would be embarrassedalready.
Because if you've ever backed inand out of a parking spot,
hello, pregnancy brain, morethan 10 times, you know how
embarrassing that experience is.
I've done it when I waspregnant.
(05:22):
I've gotten lost when I waspregnant, but that's like a
whole different thing.
So I get out of the car and Ilook in the window and I and I
just say, Oh my gosh, thesespots are so hard to get in and
out of.
And you don't have a backupcamera.
Can I help you?
And she started saying, Oh yeah,I I don't know what happened.
I just I can't seem to get mycar to fit into this spot.
(05:45):
And I have an appointment, andI'm like, yeah, no, no, no, no.
It happens to all of us.
It happens to all of us.
It's happened to me many times,especially when I lived in
England.
I couldn't parallel park to savemy life.
Like, I had to have people comeout and park the car for me.
I know, I know how it feels.
And I look and her tires arebalding, and she doesn't have a
backup camera, and you know, shedoesn't have the basic things
(06:06):
that would make this wholeexperience easier for her.
And I don't know why she's atthe hospital.
You know, she could have beenvisiting a sick friend, she
could have just lost herhusband.
Who knows?
I I didn't ask.
I just wanted to make her feelas comfortable as possible and
help get her out of that parkingspot so that she could, you
know, move on in her day.
(06:27):
And my son, um, he gets out ofthe car without me even asking.
And he goes over to the side andhe starts directing her on one
side, and I'm on the other sideholding up traffic, and I'm like
now a traffic cop.
And in that moment, I realized Icould have taught my son two
lessons that day.
I could have taught him to begreedy with time, or I could
(06:52):
have taught him to be generouswith compassion and generous
with just being of service.
I chose, thank you, James, to begenerous with service.
And I don't think, you know,when we're in a rush, when we're
busy, when we're in our owncrap, we don't always stop to
(07:16):
think about what our childrenare learning from us and what
we're learning with them aswell.
I didn't think that I was greedyat all, but I was 100% being
greedy with my judgments of thiswoman without really even
looking at what her experiencewas.
Greed is defined as an intenseand selfish desire for
(07:39):
something, especially wealth,power, food, or possessions,
more than is needed or deserved.
I can be greedy with space ifI'm in a big room and I just
want more space for myselfbecause I don't like people
being in my bubble sometimes.
Um, but what it really is islike it's intense.
It's an intense emotion.
(08:00):
It's very self-focused.
It's me, me, me, me, me.
Uh, and it's more than isneeded.
Um, you can see greed atChristmas.
Hello, did you remember theHarry Potter where um the fat
kid was like, I want morepresents.
Dudley, I think what's his name.
Um, and it's driven by thisdesire, but the desire turns
(08:21):
into like this compulsion formore.
And it's a very active energy.
It's it's like, I want more, Ineed more, I need more.
We can be greedy in love, we canbe greedy in our relationships,
we can be greedy in wealth.
That's the most obvious one.
Um, and that's not the one Iwant to talk about because I
think that we're all greedy, andthat I think that when we don't
(08:44):
explore our shadow ofgreediness, uh it just spreads
more greediness.
And, you know, we always blamethe wealthy.
Oh, look, it's their fault.
They're so greedy.
But greed is not just for thewealthy, my friends.
Greed is for all of us.
And um, you know, I can be verygreedy with my time.
I'm very greedy with my time.
(09:05):
And um I'm also, you know,obviously greedy with my
judgments, that poor lady in thecar.
Um, and then miserliness isgreed's other friend.
And this is an excessiveunwillingness to spend, give, or
share extreme frugality orstinginess.
Now, I did not think I wasmiserly until I went to my
(09:28):
conference last week, uh, whichwas Business by Design.
It's my entrepreneurial programuh conference.
And as I'm sitting there, Idecided to sit in the back and
watch this time.
Because the last time I went, Ibought into the next level
coaching program and immediatelyspent a year in shame and
comparison, and I was unwillingto be coachable, and I did not
(09:52):
take advantage of theopportunities.
To be fair, I also had two headinjuries, so I really could not
process numbers, and um, myemotions were completely
unchecked because of headinjuries.
So there was a valid reason why.
But miserliness isunwillingness, withholding, fear
of loss, and a restriction.
(10:12):
It's a very restricted,contracted energy.
So when you're thinking about,you know, spending or giving for
other people, do you feel anopenness or do you feel a
restriction?
And I'm not talking about money.
We're not gonna talk aboutmoney.
We're talking about love,affection, energy, uh,
attention, time, uhappreciation, gratitude, things
(10:38):
like that.
So what we're gonna do is we'regonna take a different look at
greed today.
Um, because I don't think mostof the people listening to this
are actually wealthy, or maybeyou are, and if you are, you
should join my coaching program.
Just kidding.
My coaching program is availableto everyone, that's why I keep
it at a very affordable rate.
Um, but uh, because I don'tthink personal transformation
should cost you an arm and a legor put you in debt.
(10:59):
Uh, so greed says there isn'tenough yet, so I need more.
Greed is driven by an insatiablehunger and it reaches outward,
it accelerates, it pushes.
Greed can be a great way to getyou moving, right?
Like, oh man, I really want acookie.
I'm gonna get to the gym so Ican balance out my calories.
(11:23):
It can be a positive.
But what we're really looking attoday is when is it a bad thing?
And when is it actually, youknow, creating more harm than
good?
Because greed often hides underexcitement, anticipation.
It can also hide under anxiety,fear of missing out.
You know, if you spend any timeon social media, and I mean any
(11:45):
time at all, or even drivingaround in your car anywhere,
you're going to experienceunconscious greed.
Because all marketing and salesis happening underneath your
conscious awareness.
And it is all of the time, notsome of the time, it is all of
the time.
It is everywhere you go.
It is when you are driving andyou see billboards that you're
(12:08):
not looking at, when you seefood bill, you know, buildings,
restaurants, also known asrestaurants, when you see that,
there is you are constantlybeing marketed to.
(12:46):
And then your primal need toobtain more kicks in.
It's biology.
So that's greed.
Miserliness is there isn'tenough, so I can't let go.
This is basically scarcity.
Miserly is driven by fear.
It pulls inward, it slows youdown, it clamps down, your
(13:09):
nervous system goes into freezemode or collapse.
You get this tightness in thegut, in your hips, in your
throat.
You have shallow breathing, youstart hoarding, hoarding energy,
hoarding money, time, emotionalavailability.
You start saying things like,you become withdrawn, you want
to control everything, and youprobably have more resentment.
(13:32):
And you're doing silentscorekeeping.
Well, I did all of this for you.
What did you do for me?
Right.
And this comes from not enough.
And when we're looking at thesetwo, it's important to look at
them this time of year becauseit's so obvious, it's so in your
face right now.
It's Christmas time, like greedand miserliness are at their
(13:55):
peak.
I would call this the peakseason.
Okay.
So, you know, I was even lookingonline at like some videos of,
you know, families and how theyspend Christmas together.
And I immediately went intolike, oh, I wish I could go back
and do my kids' childhood alittle bit different.
(14:16):
And then I thought, no, youdon't.
You didn't have social media tocompare yourselves to when you
were raising your children.
Thank God for that.
Because I can't even imaginewhat it's like to in today's
world being a parent, comparingyourself to everybody who looks
like they have the perfectfamily online, and later you
find out they're all serialkillers.
But, you know, that's becauseI've been watching too many
(14:37):
murder shows lately.
So, what I want to talk to youabout is the Enneogram.
Why does the Enneagram and howdoes the Enneogram give us uh
our strategies for dealing withunconscious greed and how it
helps us understand what ourstrategies are because we all
have strategies.
I don't like to call themtriggers or like um bad
(14:59):
behaviors.
I like to call them strategiesthat were developed when
probably you were young.
And there are strategies thateither work for you or there's
strategies that don't work foryou.
And they're either gonna helpyou align with what you want or
they're gonna keep you away fromwhat you want.
And we we need to take a look atthese strategies with honesty so
that we can change if we wantto, you know, if we want to grow
(15:22):
and evolve.
Like I was sitting in thatconference last week and I was
watching this production insteadof being in it.
And I did that intentionallybecause I did not want to be
influenced by my emotions to buysomething that I wasn't going to
do or follow through with.
(15:43):
And as a type seven, I can havea lot of FOMO.
And if I feel like time isrunning out or, you know, I'm
gonna miss out, I'm gonna buy,and I don't think logically, it
shuts off my logical braincompletely.
And I go straight into I'm notgonna be left behind and I'll do
whatever it takes.
And it might be something I'mnot ready for, it might be too
(16:06):
fast for me.
It might maybe I didn't have thefoundational desire yet to do
the thing that I just bought.
Like I can be very impulsivethat way.
So each Enneagram type has theirway that greed and miserliness
gets in their way.
So we're gonna start withEnneagram one.
This is the perfectionist.
They have agreed for perfectionand miserly with the heart.
(16:30):
Enneagram ones tend to behypercritical, and especially in
their relationships, theirrelationships with themselves,
with the people in their livesand the world.
It doesn't end with you knowthem criticizing their loved
ones because the critic insideis way worse about what they
feel about themselves than it isprojected out.
(16:52):
So whatever they're projectingis a hundred times worse on the
inside and on theself-reflection.
They can also be very judgyabout the world, right?
Very critical about what'shappening and maybe not take any
action in alignment with it,which actually just breeds more
criticism.
So their miserly shows upemotionally.
Uh, they withhold their truefeelings, plaster on a polite
(17:13):
smile, and silently seethe withresentment inside.
That false smile fools no one,my friend.
And relationships, this turnsinto a relentless search for
more, more cleanliness, moreorganization, more correctness,
more perfection, more, you know,more of perfection, of an
outwardly appearance that's justsimply not true.
(17:36):
This gets projected onto theirchildren, their partners.
It gets projected onto their,you know, how they present
online.
Maybe you see their perfectChristmas, and perhaps inside
nobody's having fun at allbecause they needed to take 822
pictures in order for the perperfect picture to be present
itself.
And underneath all of it, it's,and this is no judgment to you,
(17:57):
my friend, if you're a type one.
I love type ones.
They have so much capability ofbringing justice into the world.
Um, and I think that, you know,they have an ability to see what
is right and what is wrong inevery situation, and their
intuitive genius is actually soimpressive and um underutilized.
And what ones are really longingfor underneath is intimacy and
(18:21):
connection.
And that suppressed anger thatthey pretend isn't there with a
smile blocks access to theheart.
And it it's like you can't letthe mess exist, you can't let
the emotions exist, and youcan't let love be imperfect,
which love, my friend, is alwaysimperfect.
That is the nature of love.
(18:42):
That is why there is no perfectlove, because love in and of
itself is imperfect, and that iswhat makes it so real, and
that's the thing you crave most,is the thing that you want to
control, and that's just notpossible.
So, my Enneagram two friends,this greediness is very
different.
(19:02):
Um, they want to give greedily,and they they actually give,
give, give, give, give, give,give with this underlying
unconscious agenda.
If I give you enough and meetyour needs, you'll finally
figure out what my needs are,and then you'll meet them for me
(19:24):
because I don't know what theyare.
And that's actually kind ofgreedy uh because it's selfish,
right?
It's like I'm not gonna take thetime to figure out what my needs
are or to learn how to expressthem, my zealiness.
Um, and I'm gonna give you somuch because I know what your
needs are, but I'm not actuallygonna take the time to figure
out what my needs are so that Ican meet them myself.
(19:47):
And it's a really interestingkind of like backwards take on
greediness, because it'sactually like this greediness of
expectation for the otherperson.
And you know, it's it's reallythat you just don't know what
your needs are, and you'rehoping somebody else will figure
it out for you.
(20:08):
And that's your unwillingness tosit down with yourself and go,
actually, what are my needs?
If I was allowed to put myattention on myself, what do I
need?
What do I need in this moment?
What do I need in my life?
What do I need?
And I ask you to do a littleinner work and do some
self-discovery.
(20:29):
Whenever you're over-deliveringfor someone else, what is that
you need?
And take a moment before you,you know, sign up for another
meal delivery service for youknow, someone in need and ask
yourself, what do I need rightnow?
And if I was able to meet thatneed, how would I spend my time
(20:49):
instead of going into completeburnout trying to make everyone
else feel good, hoping that oneday they'll see what I need and
give me the same thing inreturn.
Your intuitive genius is reallyto being able to see what people
need.
Your shadow is not being able tosee your own needs.
Enneagram three, these umwonderful achievement-oriented
(21:11):
people are very greedy withsuccess and goals.
They equate worth withachievement and provision.
In relationships, this cancreate a disconnection.
They crave intimacy andnurturing, but they structure
love like a performance metric.
Love becomes scheduled.
Friday night, one hour ofcuddling, success achieved.
Where's my gold star?
(21:32):
Do I get a raise, a bonus?
Like, is there what's thesuccess metric in this
relationship?
And honestly, that structure canactually help them relax.
So if you're married to a typethree, if you have a type three
in your life, a child, any ofthem, and you're craving more
time with them, remember they'regreedy with their time, but
they're very greedy withachievement.
(21:53):
So, you know, type threes, whereare you unwilling to let go of
your need for achievement andsuccess and just simply be
present and to know that you'reYou're just loved for being
present.
And that's what really peoplewant from you is you don't have
to be producing.
You don't have to be hittinggoals or targets.
You can slow down and just bepresent and allow the connection
(22:17):
with the people around you andappreciate all of the success
that you have alreadyaccomplished this year.
Because I bet you've probablyaccomplished a thousand times
more than the average person.
And it still doesn't feel likeit's enough as we close out the
year.
And that is your intuitivegenius is success.
And, you know, it's being ableto look for opportunities of
(22:40):
success everywhere you go.
But that can also be like thesource of unintentional
greediness of, oh, once I getsuccess, I just want more
success and more success.
And then you finally hit thepinnacle of success and you
realize it didn't mean anythingat all.
Because what you really wantedwas love and connection and to
just be valued for who you are.
And no matter how successful youare, you'll you'll never have
(23:03):
that feeling if you don't taketime now to build those
relationships and that love andconnection that is what you
really actually, underneath itall, crave.
Type fours.
Sometimes we can be a little bitgreedy with our sadness and also
with our own emotions, feelinglike everyone should know what
(23:26):
they are at all times, and thateveryone should want to live in
our feelings with us.
This is a type four protectionprison.
And a lot of the times inconversations, I've seen type
fours that come through myprograms.
They they can be greedy withintellect, and I'll explain
(23:47):
that.
It's more like I want to beunique and I want to be
separate, but I desperately wantto belong at the same time.
But my need to be unique is morethan my need to belong.
So I'm going to almost like begreedy with compassion and
kindness, and I'm going to tryto set you up to fail in our
(24:09):
conversation so that I can stillbe unique.
But I also secretly want toprove that you're a liar and
that you're you're not uniqueand authentic.
So I'm going to push all yourbuttons.
Why is that greedy?
Because you're not havingcompassion for the emotional
depth that that person is readyor willing to share with you.
(24:29):
And miserly, you're withholdingyour ability to simply be in joy
with people and to be in theiremotions instead of your own.
So that's the irony of thefours, is they're probably the
most intuitive on the Enneagram,but their need for to be
different, to be authentic,blocks the thing that they
(24:52):
really want, which is connectionand love and to be seen for who
they really are, not for themasks that they put on.
And I think type fours have adeep longing, which creates
probably more loneliness thanthan they need.
And the thing that you reallycrave is connection and
(25:12):
belonging, because that's whatwe all crave.
It's a human, it's a human, it'sa basic human need is for
connection and um to be seen, tobe witnessed, and to be
vulnerable with other people.
Vulnerability is not traumadumping.
It's not, you know, telling andprojecting your intense emotions
on other people because you'renot being generous with their
(25:35):
space, their time, and theirfeelings, right?
Like what they're experiencingin the world.
And that's where we really needto hold space for am I trauma
dumping?
And is that, isn't that kind ofa type of greed?
Like you will join me in my painbecause my pain's the only thing
that matters.
And I'm not judging you becauseI've been very guilty of doing
(25:57):
this.
When I was in the deepest partof my shadow as a seven, I was
very much like a four.
And I see the four now a lotmore clearly through my own
shadow work and through my ownjourney.
And that depth, oh man, that'swhat's your genius.
That depth, your ability to godeep is your genius.
That's your intuitive genius.
(26:17):
And we also want to be able toembrace the joy of the season.
Like look for the joy all aroundyou.
Don't look for the scarcity andthe loneliness.
Look for the appreciation ofpeople who actually do amazing,
beautiful things this time ofyear.
And step into the joy of thepeople who are actually doing
(26:40):
things that matter.
And I mean, that is really whathelped me come out of my
scarcity mindset was witnessingpeople who were doing amazing
things in the world and saying,how can I do that too?
Heneogram fives, I'm gonna callyou the misers, miserliness of
the miserliness.
And I can say this with lovebecause in a healthy state, I'm
(27:03):
a very much a type five.
And um, I will just say um typefives are the masters of
miserliness.
It's time, energy, emotionalbandwidth, knowledge.
Everything is rationed inrelationships.
This can feel like emotionalwithdrawal, minimal connection.
Like you have this deep meaningin connection with another
(27:24):
person, and then you immediatelywithdraw as if they're gonna
take too much from you.
And then the other person'slike, What happened?
I thought we were finallyconnecting.
And then you like, where'd yougo?
And then they actually feel morelonely than before.
And um, in your mind, you'relike, Well, I gave you that.
Now I'm good for the year,right?
(27:46):
Like, I feel tapped.
Um, and so it could be thatsomeone has asked you to feel
too much or to feel too muchcloseness, to feel like they've
put too much of a demand on yourheart and what you were capable
of experiencing.
Um, this can cause you to shutdown.
And this isn't cruelty.
(28:06):
I want you to know that this isnot cruelty, it's a protection
strategy that was createdusually between the ages of
birth and eight years old.
And what happens is they gosuper introvert and they just
want to go and study and learnand be in their own world
(28:26):
because this is hard for them tobe that emotionally drained by
other people.
So if you love a five, I justwant you to know that, you know,
be patient with them.
If you're having a conflict witha five, please be generous with
(28:48):
them because they will take whatyou say and they'll walk away
and need to process it bythemselves.
Not because they can't sit withyou in the conflict, but because
they really want to think aboutwhat you've said and process it.
And they're a little bit slowerwhen it comes to processing
other people's big feelings.
So, you know, if you push theminto a fight with you, they're
(29:09):
gonna get into a fight with you,but it's not gonna be them, it's
gonna be their wounded self,right?
Not their higher self.
So um, fives can be very greedywith their time, and they often
get stuck in business.
Like if you're an entrepreneur,because they're not actually
using the knowledge and applyingit, or they just want to keep
(29:32):
learning what they want to learnand not learn the thing that
they need to learn to grow theirbusiness and to align with their
soul's mission.
And that could also be true inrelationships, like maybe they
want to go learn this otherthing instead of learning the
thing that they need to learn inorder to improve their quality
of relationships.
Like maybe they need to learnbetter communication skills
(29:53):
instead of learning um, youknow, 28 texts to flirt with
your wife or husband so that youdon't actually have to do it in
person.
I don't know what you're outthere learning, but that that's
just, you know, you you mightnot be learning the thing that
you need to learn.
And this is where greed can getin your way because you're such
a good learner.
You're so good at it, and you'reso good at educating yourself
(30:15):
and you're so good at obtainingknowledge, but let's not hoard
it and be greedy with it.
Let's share it with the worldand you know, also examine am I
learning the things that's gonnahelp me, the the things that are
going to help me, or am I justrelearning the things I already
know?
And I know as a body worker,like I keep wanting to just take
(30:37):
more classes on the human body.
And my higher self is like, no,I need you to take classes on
narcissistic abuse recovery.
I need you to take classes onsales and marketing, I need you
to take classes on these otherthings.
And when I'm in migraine, I'mlike, no, I just want to go,
like, why can't I just go studyhuman anatomy?
And it's always like, no,because that's not the thing
(30:57):
that's gonna help bring yourtrue purpose and your mission
onto the planet.
You're hoarding knowledge andyou're actually withholding
because of it.
So, you know, that is a that ispart of, you know, I think
growing is looking at all ofthese different chest like
shadow aspects and going, oh,where am I withholding?
Where am I being greedy?
(31:18):
Where am I being miserly?
And am I willing to shift thatso that I can grow and so that I
can align with my higher, myhighest path of potential and
things like that.
So Enneagram six.
You have agreed for anxiety, myfriend.
Believe it or not, I know that'sa strange, strange statement,
but your anxiety gives youenergy.
And a lot of the time whenyou're feeling a sense of calm,
(31:41):
you'll start doom scrolling,looking for the latest
conspiracy theory or how AI isgoing to take over your brain.
Because this negative certaintyactually makes you feel a little
bit safer in the world.
So I know that's a strangething, and for all of the other
types out there, this is uniqueto the type six.
So you, your anxiety gives youenergy.
(32:03):
Your focus on what could gowrong actually gives you more
energy today.
So, but it can then, becauseyou're then once you get into
that greediness for it, youactually become so hyper-focused
on what could go wrong, you'regoing to freeze instead of
movement.
So, what's the cost of this?
(32:26):
Because you you miss what'sright now.
Anxiety steals your future fromyou.
That's what it does, it stealsyour future.
Um, because you're actuallycreating a negative vision of
your future on the fly.
It's like what you focus on iswhat you create.
So if you focus on all thethings that could go wrong,
(32:47):
you're probably not focusing onanything that is right right
now.
And you're missing the presentmoment.
And the present moment is allthat we really have in our
lives.
It's right now.
Like, even you giving me yourattention right now is you in
the present moment.
Whether you're driving or takingcare of the kids or you know, at
(33:07):
work and I'm just playing aroundin the background, present
moment right now is all youreally have.
Because you don't know what'sgonna happen tomorrow.
You can think you know, you canhave stress about what might
happen tomorrow.
You could think the world isgonna fall apart at the end of
the year.
Don't you remember 1999?
Hello, we all thought thebanking systems were gonna
crash, and guess what?
(33:28):
It didn't.
It didn't crash.
It was fine.
And, you know, every year peoplef make money on feeding on our
fear, and fear creates anxiety,which can get you energized,
right?
Give you energy.
Like, hello, when your yournervous system goes up into that
anxious state, suddenly I canlift a car off of a small child.
(33:50):
And, you know, there's a reasonfor it.
You'll drain your adrenal glandsand have nothing left for
yourself if you are constantlyin anxiety.
You need to learn how to comeinto a state of calm and
appreciate the present moment.
And I will say breath work,tapping, um, pulling my thoughts
(34:12):
back.
Sometimes I do this exercisewhere I just see my thoughts
turn into feathers and they justkind of gently glide down and go
into my heart.
If you're in my membership, uhteach presence a lot because
this is something that a lot ofpeople struggle with, and stress
is a killer, literally a killer.
It is killing people.
I I don't know the currentstatistics, but when I was
(34:35):
researching it recently,lifestyle illness was I think
80% of the illness that isplaguing humanity right now.
It's high.
And I mean, lifestyle illness isthe things that we could avoid
by lifestyle choices.
So type six is your anxiety isis can get out of control, pull
(34:58):
it back and be in the presentmoment.
Appreciate what's going rightright now, be generous and
gracious for all of the problemsthat you have that you get to
fix, right?
Like I was doing that the otherday, because I have a six-wing,
right?
So I was like, how can I be umvery present and appreciative?
(35:21):
Because I think appreciation isone of the antidotes to greed,
for you know, the debt I took onin order to grow my business.
And you know, when I startedlooking around at this room of
people, some at thisentrepreneur conference, I'm
like, oh, you uh I had this deepgratitude for the opportunity to
be in that room, to be able tobe in that room with these
(35:44):
people, these these some highachievers, some low achievers,
like the whole spectrum ofpeople who want to make the
world a better place.
And I had this overwhelminggratitude for the opportunity of
being there.
And it took away the anxiety ofmaking the decision will I join
(36:05):
next level, will I not join nextlevel?
Because I just came into a deepappreciation for the
opportunities that I have.
And I think for the type sixes,appreciation, gratitude, that
brings you back into the currentmoment.
And you just look around you.
Like one of the tools I learnedwas look around the room and
(36:26):
notice all the things that areyellow, take a deep breath in,
look around the room and noticeall of the things that are blue
and take a deep breath in.
And you can do that to bringyourself out of that, you know,
hyperfixated on what could gowrong, um, which is you know
withholding joy from the presentmoment.
(36:46):
And it's really living in thatchaotic energy.
Any Ram sevens, my friends.
I love you.
We are so greedy with pleasure,we are so greedy with passion
and possibility.
And I will say that that thatreflects in our food choices,
the experiences that we want tocreate, that we crave, our
(37:08):
passion for whatever we'reobsessed about today, um, for
connection, for stimulation.
And there is so much neverenough in us that it's kind of
sad, actually.
Um, we want more excitement,more intimacy, more joy, more,
more, more, more, more.
Type sevens are like thegluttons of the Enneagram, which
(37:28):
is basically greed.
I want more, more, more, more,more, more, more.
It's never enough, never enough,never enough.
And I will say most of thatstems from avoiding the painful
emotion.
Like, I think it was inNovember.
I started realizing it wasdrinking a lot more.
And I was like, that's weird.
I kind of shifted that habit awhile ago.
And so I created a recode tohelp reduce um overdrinking.
(37:52):
And I put it on YouTube, so it'son YouTube.
I'll put a link in the shownotes.
But um it wouldn't shift.
And I was like, oh, why isn't myrecode working?
And it was because I wasn'taddressing the habit, the thing
that was driving the habit.
I was addressing the habit andnot the root cause.
And for me, the root cause wasloneliness.
I was avoiding this, like, ohman, for those of you who are
(38:15):
going through emptinesssyndrome, I had no idea how hard
it would be to transition fromfull-time mothering to living
alone and being single at 50.
I did not know how hard thatwould be.
I was ill prepared for it.
Just like when you have a babyand you don't know how hard it
will be because you won't sleepand you'll smell like breast
(38:35):
milk all the time and your bodystarts doing weird things that
you're ill-prepared for.
I would say 50 is the same wayif your kids are flying the
coop.
It, it has been the hardestthing for me to go through.
Um, and I I always say in myhead, like, oh, it would be so
much easier if I was married.
But that's not actually truebecause maybe my husband
(38:56):
wouldn't want to grow with me.
And I would be wanting to growright now and I might be stuck.
So that's actually, you know,just a lie that I've been
telling myself for the lastseveral years.
However, I digress.
Um when we're like at a portalof change, there's pain that
comes up, right?
And that can be a portal ofchange in your career, it could
(39:16):
be a portal of change insociety, it can be a portal of
change for anything.
There's pain that's going tocome up and to be asked to
witness and released.
And since type sevens reallydon't like to sit with pain,
other people's pain is fine.
Our own, it's like, oh no, I'mfine.
Um, we don't want to sit in ourown discomfort long enough to
(39:36):
hear what's underneath the urgeor the frequency or the craving
in order to get to the otherside of it.
And in the process of sittingwith your discomfort comes so
much depth and growth.
It's like everything you everwanted is on the other side of
that uncomfortable feeling.
(39:59):
And there's more intimacy, morejoy, more connection.
This relationship with yourselfthat is so powerful and so
beautiful.
Like now, when I see my higherself at first, I was like, you,
like, uh, um, I don't know you.
And now I'm like, she's the mostglorious, like generous like
(40:21):
being.
And I'm like, I hope one day I'mlike you.
Like, and she's like, you areme, but like, okay, you're also
a little bit strange.
That's okay.
You're a seven.
Um, so at its core, likehonestly, our greediness for
pleasure is this fear of beingtrapped in pain.
And generosity for a seven isstaying when it's uncomfortable.
(40:43):
It's slowing down and notletting your fear of being late
or letting your son down makeyou stop and actually look at
the woman next to you and say,actually, what do you need and
how can I help you?
If I wasn't worried about time,like, how can I help other
people in need?
(41:03):
How can I stop looking at how Imight be late or how can I
control time?
And how can I be present andappreciate the time that I have
right now?
Because I actually think a lotof sevens don't know this, but
their relationship with time isone of the weirdest things that
really doesn't get talked aboutenough.
And it's this fear of there'sjust not enough time to get
(41:25):
everything done.
Because you have this beautiful,exciting mind and it wants to do
everything.
And in order to do everything,you have to have more time.
So your your greed comes in likelooking for more time, but it
can create an overwhelm thatthen makes you go into
discomfort, which then makes youactually kind of unfortunately
(41:48):
destroy time by over drinking,overeating, over Netflixing,
over, you know, all of thethings.
And then you end up getting sickand you lose time.
So I'm speaking from a verypersonal.
Personal experience right now.
So generosity for a seven lookslike letting one experience be
enough, being present to all ofthe feelings that you're having
(42:12):
in the moment and allowing thatdepth to be there without being
so afraid of the depth of theemotion that you flee into the
next one because that's thething you were chasing in the
first place.
So as I'm like sitting at thisconference and we're doing this
spoon-bending activity where wetake a spoon and we learn how to
(42:32):
turn it into um, we we connectinto the matter of it and we can
bend it with our minds,basically.
And, you know, you are usingyour fingers, so there's fingers
too, but you you do feel themetal like melt, and then all of
a sudden the spoon just twists.
If you've never seen The Matrix,go watch it.
It's where the uh guru that Neofinds um shows him that you know
(42:53):
we are all matter and that wecan control matter with our
intention.
And the first time I did this, Iwas very afraid of success, and
that and that is what came up.
And as soon as the spoon startedbending, I felt myself block it,
and it was my fear of success.
This time I knew I could bendthe spoon.
And I was sitting there and Iwas playing with the spoon and I
could feel it bending, and I waslike, okay, cool, this is gonna
(43:15):
work again.
I'm excited, I'm just gonna letgo and surrender.
And I just felt like light comethrough me and transform the
spoon.
And I started thinking about allthe people I loved and
transferring that into thespoon.
And um then I started gettingcurious because sevens are very
curious by nature.
And I started thinking, like,what if I could get the spoon to
(43:37):
do this really cool thing that Iwant it to do?
And I literally saw a vision oflike a Christ-like figure stand
in front of me and said to me,You will you always do this.
You you figure it out, and thenyou want to contort it and
control it.
And that's when you stopletting, you know, the divine
flow through you.
(43:57):
And this is not a problem.
You were designed this way to bevery curious and to want to
figure out how everything works.
And that's what your geniuses,but that's also what's blocking
you.
Can you say this now?
And I just kind of laughed and Iwas like, oh, I can say this
now.
And the generosity was reallyjust letting the energy flow
through me and not thinking thatI had to do anything about it.
Like I when I'm doing energywork or when I'm doing recodes,
(44:22):
I just let it flow through me.
And I get out of the way and Ijust let whatever needs to come
through for the groups I workwith or for the individual
clients I work with flow throughme.
I let the knowledge flow throughme, and I don't try to control
anything.
And it's when I'm actually in mygenius, is when I just step out
of the way and I let everythingflow the way that it was
(44:42):
supposed to flow.
As soon as I start trying tocontrol, then everything falls
apart.
So that was a lesson for me inthe spoon-bending thing.
It was like really beinggenerous with my energy and just
allowing it to flow and notwithholding it and pulling it
inward, thinking that there'snot enough energy in the
universe to fuel everyone.
(45:05):
And maybe it's sometimes I'mjust the conduit for the energy,
and it doesn't deplete mebecause it just flows through
me.
I know a lot of people when theydo energy work, they say things
like, Oh, I get really depleted,and I ask, like, are you is it
coming from you or is it goingthrough you?
Because there's a hugedistinction.
One will make you greedyafterwards where you don't want
(45:26):
to do a lot of energy work, andthe other one leaves you both
feeling completely energized,and nothing is depleted at all.
Um, so but that also comes witha depth of understanding of who
my higher self is and how towork with that energy to help
other people.
In relationships, it means doingintrospective work.
(45:50):
Where am I being greedy withtime?
Where am I being withholdingappreciation and gratitude for
what other people have doneinstead of holding them to an
expectation that they don't evenknow I'm holding them to?
Um, and where am I being greedywith love?
Like, because I think sevenscrave intimacy so much, but they
(46:11):
can be very greedy with it, uh,mostly because they're afraid of
it and you know, really beingvulnerable with other people.
Okay, so Enneagram eights uh canbe very greedy with power and
control and intensity.
Uh, they want loyalty, truth,and strength, and they want it
(46:32):
now.
And in relationships, this canfeel overwhelming or dominating,
even when the intention isprotection.
So the eight has this almostlike miserliness of I'll make
sure nobody hurts what's mine,right?
And that could be their ownheart and their own people,
(46:52):
without looking at the biggerthing that's happening around
them.
And, you know, I would say ifwe're just looking back at the
definition of greed, um, whichis um, you know, being, you
know, what are you, it's likethis action, right?
It's like this, this forwardenergy.
(47:15):
So it's reaching outwardly.
So where are they trying tocontrol everything instead of
being present with who everyoneis, right?
Where are they doing to createmore power instead of being love
and vulnerable with people?
(47:36):
And I think like sevens, eightstend to be very driven by their
this insatiable hunger as well.
And I think sevens and eightsare, you know, probably two of
the highest ones for likeoverindulging in things,
especially this time of year,right?
Because you're gonna beactivated by oh, this you know,
Mocha thing is only out thistime of year.
(47:57):
I need to get one every day.
Um, things like that.
You're gonna feel more tensionin your body.
Eights have a huge need torelease energy from their body.
So the greed is gonna comethrough in this way of like, as
soon as their greed isactivated, they're gonna want to
take action right now, insteadof looking at the trigger and
going, is that what I actuallywant?
(48:18):
Or am I is somebody getting inthere unconsciously and
activating my need for power?
And then miserliness, remember,is it's an inward thing.
So are people asking me to be inmy feelings?
Um, and I don't want to be.
So am I withholding, am Iretracting my love, my emotions,
(48:40):
my vulnerability, and being busydoing other things so that I can
avoid feeling deep intimacy withthe people who are begging for
me to be intimate with them, tobe emotionally available, to be
present, to not try to solvetheir problems, but just to be
with them and to love them.
(49:00):
Um eights are, oh my gosh,they're powerful, powerful
people.
You're more powerful when yourfeelings are allowed to be
present and you can be withother people's feelings as well.
Enneagram nines.
Your miserliness is thiswithholding of you, my friend.
(49:22):
Simply you.
Um, you have this unconsciouspattern that says you don't
matter.
And when that happens is you gointo this safe of inner
protection where you withholdyou and you simply reflect back
to people who they are, andinstead of actually letting them
know who you are.
(49:43):
And with this, you'rewithholding your truth, you
minimize your own needs, and youmerge with people instead of
engaging with people.
And people love you becauseyou're basically them, right?
So, like they say, oh, this isthe most easygoing person on the
planet.
Um, they're so easy to get alongwith, they're so easy.
(50:04):
But it's only it's not becauseyou're not easy, it's because
you're actually not being you,you're just merging with the
people around you.
And so this holiday season, youcould be completely drained,
especially if you're around alot of people you haven't seen
in a while, and you're trying tomerge with too many people.
Um, you're afraid of conflict.
(50:27):
So instead of addressing thedeep um, I would call it
suppressed rage and anger that'sinside of you, you just mirror
and match what other people wantyou to be so that you don't
actually have to addressconflict in a healthy way.
Now, where your miserly is, isyour unwillingness to learn how
(50:49):
to have healthy conflict.
And if you have someone wholoves you enough to challenge
you to have healthy conflict,and I am talking from a personal
thing with my daughter and I,because we had a huge conflict
last week.
And I was like, I don't want tofight with you.
I want to teach you how to havehealthy conflict with me so that
we can get to the other side ofit, having a deeper
(51:11):
understanding of who we are asadults.
I don't need you to be who Ithink, who you think I want you
to be.
In fact, I want you to justsimply know that you matter and
that that who you are matters tome, the real you, not who you
think I need to see, not youbeing like me, but like you,
your true self.
(51:32):
And, you know, it we had a lotof conflict, and her avoidance
to conflict came up really big,and you know, it ended up with a
lot of projection.
And I was in a lot ofself-reflection too that week
because I went into the wholetrip with this intention of
self-reflection.
And I realized this is normalfor mothers and daughters,
(51:53):
especially mothers of adultdaughters who are, you know,
learning how to adult.
And creating this newrelationship with an adult child
is a very unique experience.
I'll just say that for all ofyou who are transitioning to
adulting parents, um, adultingadults, parenting adults.
(52:16):
That's what I was trying to say.
And then um, so Enneagram nines,and this is true even when
they're teenagers, is theythey're afraid to take up space.
They they don't want to speaktheir discomfort, so they deny
it.
And you know, they numb out.
And so you'll actually see themdissociate completely and they
(52:36):
won't be there.
And they'll be like, I don'tknow what you're talking about,
I don't have any thoughts atall.
And it's like, no, that'sdissociation.
That's not that's notmeditation, that's dissociation.
There's a difference.
So what the nine can do is, youknow, engage with people and
learn how to have conflict withsomeone and resolve it.
(52:58):
Otherwise, it just gets storedup in your body and turns into
disease.
It turns into gut health and umirregular bowel issues, all
kinds of body disease for thetype 9, more than anyone, I
think, is it's going to expressitself as a disease in your body
later in life.
Learn how to have a healthyconflict with someone and how to
(53:22):
do it from a place ofauthenticity.
You're gonna appreciate thatskill set later.
And I would say, you know,that's where you're gonna be
generous, is to be yourself withpeople, to allow people to see
the real you, the one that youhide, um, and to choose to
engage with them, likegenerosity and engagement and
(53:46):
presence, uh, instead ofwithholding the most valuable
part of you, which is yourauthentic self, the true you.
Um, so I hope this was helpful.
This is my holiday holidaygenerosity episode, um, which
honestly, right now, this timeof year, is the best time to
look at am I being greedy or amI being generous?
(54:08):
And I really want you tochallenge yourself.
This is not about money.
I'm talking about time, love,attention, the things that
matter.
I mean, that really matter.
Because when we get to ourdeathbeds, right at the end of
our life, we're not reallythinking about all the money
that we collected or all of thegifts under the tree.
(54:30):
I'm thinking about the giantsaran wrap ball that I did one
year for my family and the joythey all had on their faces as
they were trying to unwrap itwith oven mitts.
I'm thinking about the smiles,the connection, the magic.
I'm thinking about, you know,the mashed potatoes that went
wrong, the things that make lifefunny, that make life worth
(54:54):
living.
I wasn't thinking about how manysocks I got.
I'm thinking about the look onmy kids' faces when they ran
down the stairs and, you know,Santa came and the twinkle in
their eyes and the knowing thatthe world was magic.
I'm thinking about the people Iget to help.
(55:15):
I'm thinking about the love thatI get to experience.
I never think about the giftsand the stuff.
Because to me, generosity is theexperiences that we get to share
with people.
Generosity is the love and theconnection and the community
that we build.
(55:35):
And, you know, allowing peopleto support you and allowing
yourself to support others andfeel generous with intimacy and
connection.
And that's what I want you allto just think about this time of
year is is your heart open?
Is your energy flowing?
(55:57):
Is are you feeling stabilized inlove and relationships?
Is are you feeling like you cangive from a grounded place?
Or are you sacrificing peoplepleasing and giving until you
feel completely empty, burnedout, depleted, and angry?
Because, you know, December 27this gonna roll around and the
(56:19):
hype of the holiday shoppingseason is gonna be over and the
presents are gonna be unwrappedand unfold and it was it worth
it.
Did you feel present?
Did you experience the magic,the joy, and the blessings and
appreciation for everything youhave around you?
Or do you feel like you're aboutto open up your credit card
statement and go, oh crap, now Igotta worry about that.
(56:40):
How am I gonna hustle hardenough to pay that off?
What do I have to compromise orgive up?
And there's no shame in it.
Whatever your choice is, I hopeyou feel good about it and that
you appreciate the experiencesthat you're creating right now.
And my generous gift is becauseI have a generous gift at the
end of all of this, mymembership is going up to a
(57:00):
higher price in the new year.
And I am doing a$1 trial rightnow.
And if you sign up for the fromthe link in the show notes, um
you'll get your first month fora dollar.
And then for all of 2026, youwill only pay$27 a month, which
is insane when I look at themarket research on what
(57:21):
memberships go for.
Now, in Summer Tribe, what we'regonna be focusing on next year
is learning how to use yourintuition to create more higher
self-alignment, which basicallymeans you're aligned with your
true higher self, with who youare.
You will know yourself andyou'll be able to work through
the old story and actually makelasting change.
(57:42):
And it's interesting as I lookback at the last four years
since I found the superconsciouswork, um, how much I've changed
and how much I didn't realize Ichanged until I got into old
situations and old paradigms,and I'm a new person.
And, you know, I often have tohold grace for the people around
me who don't know I'm a newperson yet.
(58:03):
And then I also have to holdspace and compassion for myself
for the changes I made.
And, you know, as I was sittingat BBD Live, which was my
entrepreneur conference, and Isaw this Christ-like figure in
front of me, and he asked me, Isthis what you want?
Because, you know, you need tolearn some new skills in order
to grow the online business thatyou have.
(58:25):
Are you willing to let go of howyou think it needs to be done to
be coachable and actually putthe effort into learning online
sales and marketing and to beconsistent with it?
And I actually sat with thatquestion because it was a great
question.
And I said, you know what?
I am ready.
I am ready to learn it.
I'm ready to be coachable, andI'm ready to step out of my
(58:47):
comfort zone and grow next year.
So I said yes and I joined.
And I didn't have any fear, Ididn't have any um, what was it?
The feeling I had in the pastwas this like FOMO, I better do
it now or I'm gonna run out oftime.
I didn't have any of that.
Intuition is like this calmpresence.
(59:07):
It just felt grounded.
And I felt like it was just theright thing to do.
And I and I didn't question it.
And I'm sure I'll question it asthe charges start coming in on
my credit card and I'm like, ohmy gosh, was this worth the
investment?
The answer is yes.
So, Tabitha, if you're listeningto this in the future, the
answer was yes.
And you just have to do onething at a time and follow your
(59:29):
own intuition and be coachable.
And I think that, you know, thatis what I hope for a lot of you
who might be ready for growthnext year.
Is, you know, if you're ready,the the program that I've
created is actually really good.
And I don't often appreciate thework that my past self has put
into all of it, um, or thetransformations that we get for
(59:50):
people.
And then I get really amazingtext messages from my clients
who say, Oh my God, I justlistened to this.
And it totally shifted my wholeperspective of the planet and
who I am within it.
And thank you for creating this.
And those are the best, right?
Because it's like, oh, this hardwork I've been putting in makes
a difference.
And, you know, I want to make adifference and stop being so
(01:00:11):
greedy with my knowledge and toreach more people, make a bigger
impact on the planet in 2026because I'm ready and I'm
excited about it actually.
And I hope that you're excitedtoo.
So if you know someone who wantsto make a change in their life,
and it could be in their health,their money, um, their
relationship status, in how theyinteract with their family,
(01:00:31):
their kids, their community, um,send them my way.
I'm gonna put the link downbelow.
It will expire on December 31st,2025 at midnight, just like
Cinderella and her littlepumpkin.
Um, because this is actually avery short um trial that I'm
doing to see if it works formarketing and sales because I'm
(01:00:52):
gonna have some fun with it nextyear.
And, you know,$27 a month.
I mean, I that's less than adollar a day.
Like seriously, you can't evenget coffee for that much.
So come check it out.
It's only a dollar.
And uh I would like to see youthere.
And, you know, the cool thingis, is whether or not you think
you're ready to heal or not, youcan do it in private.
(01:01:13):
And I think that's why I createdit was because there was a time
I needed privacy when I washealing.
And I didn't really want to bein a group and vulnerable with
people and watching themwatching them watch me snot
everywhere.
I didn't want that.
I wanted to just be with myselfin it.
And the cool thing about SomaTribe is you can be with
yourself or you could be in thecommunity.
(01:01:33):
It doesn't matter.
Whatever is right for you inthat moment, both are totally
fine.
You can just lurk around andwatch the replays and not
actually show up to the callsand get just as much out of it
as people who really thrive incommunity.
Um, and that's why I created itthat way because I think that
there is a time in everyone'shealing journey when when they
do need a little bit of alonetime to just be with themselves.
(01:01:55):
So, probably all of you typefives out there, this was for
you.
And type sevens.
Any of you who don't likevulnerability.
So there we go.
I love you all.
And I'm looking forward to doingthis segment on my 12 gifts of
the holiday season.
And I'm looking forward to beingconsistent with it.
(01:02:15):
And now that I have my voiceback, uh, I look forward to um
spending some time with you thisholiday season.
Take care and uh happy holidays.
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