Somewhere in the Middle Welcomes Calendar Coach Paul D. Casey
Originally from Chicago, Paul D. Casey has now been a professional speaker for over 25 years (giving almost 300 presentations in the past 4 years), and he is one of the leading authorities in leadership and personal growth—especially time management—helping people take back their calendars and restore sanity to their lives. He has spoken for organizations like Mcdonald's, Subway, Lamb Weston, Northwest Public Power, and Autozone—and among the 80 leaders he coaches per year, 25 of them lead at Pacific NW National Laboratories. Paul has a Master’s degree in education and has been an educator/administrator/Chief Operating Officer in 5 non-profit organizations. He is an ACC-certified coach with the International Coaching Federation, a Master Trainer, and a member of the National Speakers Association. He was awarded Solopreneur of the Year by the West Richland Chamber a few years ago.
Through his company, Growing Forward Services, Paul has partnered with his corporate and individual clients to transform their vision, their habits, and their lives. Currently, Paul carries out his mission of sparking breakthrough success by contributing daily inspirational growth messages on local radio, other people’s podcasts, and social media. Also, he has inspired thousands of individuals and leaders to grow forward through his seminars, team-building off-site retreats, one-to-one self-leadership coaching, and as a keynote speaker. Paul has written 4 books: The Static Cling Principle (on habits and mindsets), Maximizing Every Minute (on time management), Leading the Team You’ve Always Wanted, and Leading with Super-Vision. And he interviews local leaders in his podcast: the Tri-Cities Influencer.
Paul is married to Lovely Laura, has a 23- and a 19-year-old named after state capitals, owns a cat named Sasha and has lived in the Tri-Cities, WA, for over 20 years. For fun, he enjoys golfing, hiking, and bicycling—and orange slices—and he reads about 40 books per year.
Connect with Paul CaseyFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/paul.d.casey.9
Twitter: https://twitter.com/growingfwd
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/growingforwardservices/
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/pauldcasey
Website: http://www.paulcasey.org/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
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(02:09):
Happy Friday, everyone. Welcometo somewhere in the middle with
Michele Barard. I'm your host,Michele Barard, founder and CEO
of Michele O'Brien LLC. I amreally happy to share this hour
with you, where we examine allthose places where spirit meets
life, and the joys andchallenges that may bring. You
know, I'd like to start bythanking Miss Beverly black and
(02:29):
tribe family channel for helpingme create this space for us.
Trapp Family Channel is home toan assortment of thought
provoking shows that explorelife, spirit, business and
culture, including the woman atthe well hosted by Miss Beverly
black herself. Somewhere in themiddle was born on track family
champion. And even though we'vegrown onto our own platform, we
are ever grateful and loyal toour roots. To paraphrase an
(02:52):
African proverb, we're here onlybecause we stand on the
shoulders of those who camebefore us. I want to thank my
guests on the members 20th show,Master integrative life coach,
Nancy Picard, you can connectwith Nancy on social media on
social media and at her website,Nancy Picard life coach.com
(03:13):
That's any nc YPICK rd lifecoach.com If you missed that
show, make sure you listen tothe replay. You can find our
complete show archives includingthe November 17 show at the
somewhere in the middlepodcast.com. I also want to
(03:33):
shout out Bruce George of thegeniuses common movement which
encourages all of us to embraceour inner genius and share it
with the world. This is a reallyimportant message and I hope you
will share it with the youngpeople. But it's not just for
the kids. We adults need to bereminded sometimes that the
world needs our genius. Learnmore about the geniuses comm and
movement at WWW dot genius iscommon.com. Now this month's
(03:58):
guest helps leaders manage theirtime more efficiently,
originally from Chicago. PaulCasey has now been a
professional speaker for over 25years, giving almost 300
presentations just in the lastfour years. He's one of the
(04:19):
leading authorities inleadership and personal growth,
especially time management,helping people take back their
calendars and restore sanity totheir lives. He has spoken for
organizations like McDonald'ssubway, lamb Western, Northwest
public power and AutoZone. Andamong the ad leaders he coaches
(04:40):
per year 25 of them lead atPacific Northwest National
Laboratories. Paul has amaster's degree in education and
has been an educatoradministrator, chief operating
officer in five nonprofitorganizations. He is an ACC
certified ca Coach with theinternational coaching
(05:01):
Federation, a master trainer,and as a member of the National
Speakers Association. He wasawarded solopreneur of the Year
by the West Richland chamber Afew years ago. Through his
company growing forwardservices, Paul has partner with
his corporate and individualclients to transform their
vision, their habits and theirlives. Currently, Paul carries
(05:25):
out his mission of sparkingbreakthrough success by
contributing daily inspirationalgrowth messages on local radio,
other people's podcasts and viasocial media. Also, he has
inspired 1000s of individualsand leaders to grow forward
through his seminars, teambuilding off site retreats, one
(05:46):
to one self leadership coaching,and as a keynote speaker, Paul
has written four books, thestatic cling principle on habits
and mindset, maximizing everyminute on time management,
leading the team you've alwayswanted and leading with
supervision. He also interviewslocal leaders on his podcast the
(06:13):
Tri Cities in influencer. Paulis married to lovely Laura has a
23 and 19 year old named afterstate capitals, ons a cat named
Sasha and has lived in the TriCities Washington area for over
20 years. For fun, he enjoysgolfing, hiking, and bicycling
(06:35):
and orange slices. And he readsabout 40 books per year. So I
would like to welcome Paul Caseyto somewhere in the middle with
Michele Barard. Paul, thank youfor being on the show.
Michelle, what a pleasure.
Well, I'm excited. First of all,I see that you're a native of
(06:57):
Chicago, great town. Great,great, great town. I think I
fell in love with it when I wasthere this summer. I want to
know more and more about you. Iusually start my interview with
two questions. And so if you'reready, I will ask us the
questions.
Let's go for it.
All right. Paul Casey, who areyou? And how did you become who
(07:22):
you are today?
Hmm. Such a deep question. Well,I guess I'll start with my core
values. So faith is a big deal.I'm a follower of Jesus Christ
and a man of faith. And that's,that's gonna play into my story
here in a minute. Family is mysecond core value. I am married.
(07:42):
Second marriage. 12 years toLaura. And I have two wonderful
young adults. Now I'm officiallyan empty nester. So as of this
year, I've got a 23 year old anda 19 year old boy and a girl
named after state capitals. Thatwasn't intentional, but Austin
(08:04):
and Cheyenne. And so if we wouldhave had a third it would have
been Lincoln or Madison we wouldhave we would have had the other
ones don't seem to work. Andthen growth is my third core
values. So my whole life, it'sbeen about being an educator,
helping people get to the nextlevel of growing myself, I'm an
(08:24):
insatiable learner. It's one ofone of the strengths on the
strength finder for me. And soyeah, I know a little bit more
on the introvert and extrovert,although I'm sort of that
ambivert in the middle, which Ican turn it up on a stage to
speak to 1000 people, but I canalso just love reading a book
(08:44):
and journaling for an hour ortwo at a time. So I think I can
go either way, with introvertextrovert. How I got here? Well,
I grew up, like you said inchicken, this suburb of Chicago,
and grew up in a Christianfamily. So it was I was in the
(09:06):
same so I had a I was in a, likea Christian school and a church
and a home and all the samevalues. Pretty sheltered,
growing up, actually verysheltered growing up. And but I
didn't know any different,right? And so my world was very,
very small. And I so I didn'thave a lot of miscues or scars
(09:28):
that a lot of people have intheir life because it was pretty
much sheltered in a bubblealmost like in a greenhouse. So
there's good and bad to that,right. So the good was, I didn't
make too many bad errors. Andthe bad was I wasn't ready for
life in the real world. So Iwent off to college in Florida,
(09:48):
I got a teaching degree inelementary education. Both my
parents were teachers, and eventhough I knew all the dirt on
like how bad teaching was on abad day, I still wanted to be
one. I just love have thethought of educating I was like
the teacher's pet, you know, theone that would come up after
class, anything I could do tohelp you, Mr. So and so you
know, I was that kid, right?This is today I've got a quiz
(10:11):
and everybody would be like, aregrowl at me, you know, because I
did love school. Then aftercollege, I was seeing if a saw
girl I met there, I wanted tosee if she was the one for me.
She was from SouthernCalifornia. And that was like
another planet. For me. I hadnever been west of the
(10:31):
Mississippi before. And so Imoved out there and got a job
and fifth grade class out there.And it was just a whole new
world. I want to see if she wasthe one for me. I knew she
wasn't. But it was like this isall like cool and exciting. And,
and it was it really put all myvalues to the test. And it was
(10:53):
like, I don't know, I just hadto sort of had a reinvention
that happened during that time.And so we broke up with him for
months. And there I was alone.And so California, with fifth
graders and their parents, andthat was my whole circle of
influence. Yep. got promoted tovice principal two years later,
(11:16):
even though I wasn't, I didn'tsee that in me. But a leader saw
that in me and said, You've gotleadership in you? And I'm like,
Okay, well tell me what I needto do is like, well, I'd like
you to be vice principal forhalf the day and then teach PE
the other half of the day, youknow, to justify a full time
position. I did it. And it wassuper fun that to know, 500
(11:37):
students instead of just 20. Andthen went through the earthquake
in 94, Northridge, and was likewe are out of here.
Like that earth shaking underyour feet.
I could still picture thebuilding moving right now as I
think about it. And the smog andthe traffic and the lack of
(11:58):
family values. And oh, that wasjust there was a whole bunch of
reasons. And I had just gottenmarried that year. And she said,
Let's go to my home state, whichis Washington state. And I'm
like, sure I'm game. I've neverbeen up there either. And I
didn't want the rain of Seattle.And so she said, Well, there's
an east side of the state that'stotally different. I'm like, how
(12:20):
different can one state be?Well, it's very different. The
other side of the Cascades. Andso I mailed resumes to Christian
schools on the east side, I gotpicked right away, they
interviewed me within two weeks,within four weeks, we had moved
here to this small area calledthe Tri Cities, it's in the
bottom, southeast corner of thestate. And the next year, they
(12:43):
wanted me to be a schoolprincipal. And I'm like, I'm
only 26 years old. And they'relike, we'll give you a master's
degree, we'll pay for it. I'mlike, alright, I'll do that. And
I did that took the long plan offive years, got a master's.
Let's see, I'm making a shortstory long here. So then we got
(13:05):
took a school in the Seattlearea for a couple of years,
didn't like that, move back hereto the Tri Cities and then
switched over to the church sideof things. Where I became like a
family pastor at a church. Theyneeded someone to help with
parenting skills for theparents. It was a very large,
like a mega church. And so theyhad people doing youth ministry
and children's, but they didn'thave anybody working with the
(13:26):
family as a system. And so theywanted me to do that. And I
thought I said, Great, and allthe all the stress of being a
principal rolled off my back andI'm like, great, I'd be happy to
do that. And this is when likepodcasts were just starting. And
like recording on the CDs was abig deal. And I did live
seminars for parents, and it wassuper fun. They let me
(13:48):
experiment and be creative. Butsadly along the way, my wife
said, I don't want to be marriedanymore. And I was just like,
what, what did you just say?Like, she's like, Yeah, I don't,
she wanted a business trip andcame back and said, I'm done. I
don't want to I want to do thisanymore. And I was just, it's
(14:09):
just like, was getting hit inthe mouth. You know, I was like,
I'm a pastor at one of thebiggest churches in town, and
you want to divorce and it justblew me away. I mean, it just
wrecked me out. I hit bottom.And I knew that at that moment,
I had to reinvent myself yetagain. At that point because it
(14:31):
was such a tragedy. And I feltso sorry for my children who
were six and three at the timeand it just was not the way I'd
scripted out my life. And I washappy that another church picked
me up and wanted me to be anexecutive pastor which is like
being a principal but at churchwithout kids and sort of rebuilt
my life got new hobbies got goodguy friends, got good
(14:54):
counseling. started you know,like golfing and hiking and I
just in that I learned aboutwhat coaching was, and I
thought, like life coaching, andI thought, oh, that's some
woowoo thing, you know, lifecoaching. What was that and
after that, it was like I foundout like this is this is what I
do naturally, I love helpingpeople get to their goals and
(15:16):
their dreams. I love helpingpeople get unstuck, and get to
the next level, I do it withnaturally with friends and
family and in strangers even.And I wonder if I could make a
career of that. So while I havethe day job, I started the dream
job back in 2012, and just had afew clients. And that started
(15:36):
moving up. And so I could speakto Team Build thing. And coach,
and I thought, wonder if thiscould be a business full time.
So in 2015, I launched full timescared, scariest thing, right,
your income goes to zero. Rightaway. I had been remarried. Then
in 20,009, my wife was like,What are you doing? Like, I
(15:57):
don't know if this is a goodplan. And after about a year, I
had networking, networking,networking, I got enough clients
to make a living, and then got abig contract at a bigger like a
national laboratory to docoaching. And that was what I
needed to say, All right, I'mnot looking back. And I've been
doing that for six years now. Ilove what I do. I'm living my
(16:20):
values every day. And yeah,that's my story. That's amazing.
Well want to take you back tothose values, because you said
three things. faith, family, andgrowth. Tell me more about
(16:40):
faith. Yeah, how does thatfactor into you as a, as a
business person? How does thatfactor into what you do as a
coach?
Hmm, that's so good. Yes. Yeah,originally, I thought, Oh, I'm
just going to coach people offaith that have a strong faith.
(17:01):
And I was counseled early on,like, you're taking out a big
chunk of the world that youcould influence for positive
values, if you did that. Andthat was a tough decision. I had
to make early on like, not totake it out of my life, but to
just not put it front page onthe website, that kind of a
deal. And it was like, Well, I'mstill going to cast a positive
(17:24):
shadow over anyone I coach orspeak to. But you know, I'm
probably not going to use Bibleverses when I'm doing a keynote
speech for a business. And sothat it was it was a little bit
of a change for me to still livemy faith and be true to who I
am, and yet still not be like,what's the word like
(17:45):
evangelistic with it like tosay, like, you all have to be
like me right now. And so thatwas that was a something that
I've had to mature in over time.Because it's still this huge
part of me, and I live it everyday, and I get to be, I do my my
quiet time with God every day bydoing Bible reading and
journaling and prayer. And soit's huge for me, but I don't
(18:09):
that answers your question.
Well, no, and I'm actually I'minterested in that balance it
just striking for a couple ofreasons. One is there's nothing
wrong with being evangelistic.Right. I mean, there's, that's
part of what comes out of themodern Christian Church is what
(18:29):
I'm gonna say for lack of adoubt, for sure. Christian
churches really promote theevangelistic aspect and trying
to balance that as a businessperson who's being pragmatic
about their business. Yeah,century that while you know, you
have a lot of people of faith,you have a lot of people prefer
to leave that as it's veryseparate part. Wives. Yeah. How
(18:50):
do you balance that with? Youknow, let's say you've got a new
client, you're dealing with,especially corporate clients,
you have to be careful in thatenvironment. Yeah. How do you
balance that?
Yes. Usually, when I have themtell their story, just like you
had me tell my story there inthat first session, I could hear
(19:11):
their values come out. And thenwithin session two, when I asked
them for to do a core valuesexercise with me, then I get to
hear if spirituality and faithis a big deal for them, or if
it's not, it usually comes outpretty quickly and people's
stories. If I find out that theytruly are a person of faith
similar to me, then we can gothere, so to speak, like we can,
(19:32):
we can talk on that similarlevel. And I've even prayed with
my, my clients, my corporateclients before if we were on
that on on the same page, ifthey're not a person of
spirituality and faith, then Ijust like I said, I sort of eke
out the values in other ways ofjust morality and what kind of
(19:53):
principles can we apply that Iknow are going to be good for
your success? No matter ifyou're a person of faith or not?
You
Awesome. And and I'm jumpingahead a little bit because
there's something that you saidabout family. And you said
family. And then you describeyou mentioned Laura. And what
(20:16):
struck me was as I was readingyour bio, you refer to her as
lovely Laura. Yes. Which I thinkis incredibly sweet. How do you
How did you come about to callher lovely Laura, my wife,
I have a lot of L words. So I'ma nickname kind of a guy. So
(20:39):
there's been some moviecharacters that like to nickname
other people, you know, and Ialways think it's funny. It's,
it's a, just a humorous way totease people that appreciate the
teasing. So I've come up with awhole bunch of L words for
Laura. But I think of lovelybeing that one, it's like she is
(20:59):
my, she's my lover, she's mybest friend, she is a beautiful
person, on the inside and out.And so that's the one that I
chose for the bio.
SP I just thought it was sosweet. I had to ask about it, I
thought, um, you mentioned,California, sometimes not being
(21:21):
a great fit for you, in someways not being a great fit for
you. Because of a lack of familyvalues. What were you seeing
there? What were youexperiencing there that made you
feel uncomfortable?
Yeah, there was a, it's hard toput a finger on exactly how I
felt like to actually label itwith something. But as I
(21:42):
observed within the school, thisthis fast paced society that was
running past theirrelationships, and to see some
of the fractures that came outthrough the children. In the
students from this, I mean, theyhad the material wealth, and it
was a private school, so theyhave to pay big time tuition on
(22:03):
top of it and coming up, youknow, with, with very expensive
cars, you know, you can there'sthis sort of this outward like
material that like these peoplehave it together, like they've
got, they've got the toys, andthey've got the the looks, but
then I could see like there wasthere wasn't the relationships,
there was like, people weren'tspending the time that they had
(22:23):
with each other, but they werehaving a lot of fun. But they
weren't having like core. Theyweren't passing on values to
their children. And so to seethis year after year, started to
just register for me. And then Iwas I felt like I was getting
pulled into the culture as well,like, I needed to have the best
toys, and I needed to make moremoney. And I needed to run fast,
(22:47):
fast, fast. And I felt like itwas incongruent with who I was
at my core.
I think that's reallyinteresting, because one of the
things I tuned the worst in, andI was rearing three kids,
essentially by myself. And Icould have pursued, you know,
(23:10):
kind of high powered career typestuff, I could have gone that
route. But I opted not to, whichmeant sometimes we didn't feel
very comfortable financially.But I wanted to be home when my
kids came home. Because I feellike that's the best thing that
parents can do is really giveour kids excuses not to make bad
(23:31):
decisions. Yes. And sometimesjust having an adult there makes
a huge difference. I don't knowabout you, but I'm a child of
the 80s You know, parents athome. Parents at home, we got
ourselves into all kinds oftrouble. Just because there was
nobody there. So that's what Ithat's what I always thought,
(23:52):
you know, and I think I see whatyou mean, I've been out to
California too. And it's, um,it's definitely a different
animal from certainly from downsouth. And I would imagine from
from some other places, Whatother things did you experience
that made you feel like familyis, is the heart and soul of
everything?
(24:12):
Well, your divorce will do itwill bring you back to the
basics, right? Because it bringsyou to the sort of the end of
yourself, and it makes youprioritize what's most
important, and so, I was veryfortunate that it was an
amicable divorce, where my exwife and I co parented very
(24:33):
well, all the way throughbecause they were six and three
at the beginning. We got them.We got them all graduated last
year. One from college, one fromhigh school, and that felt
wonderful even though in 2020They got ripped off graduations,
man he was wasn't Yeah, it was a
joke. But we did really well. coparenting throughout that
(24:57):
process. But and so what we didis we did a halftime custody
thing where it was three and ahalf days on three and a half
days off, which is an unusualplan. I don't know, too many
other parents, divorced parentsthat do that. But I was never
three and a half days, far fromhaving to see my kids getting to
see my kids again. And that wasreally wonderful. Because even
(25:20):
though I felt like I was losingthem for half of their life, you
know, I was unable tocommunicate values to them for
half of their life, which, youknow, they could still get me a
little riled up today, if Ithink about it too much. But I
was I was still able to seethem, and I was ready for them
when they arrived. And it justbrought me back to dad and kids
nights, you know, where we wouldhave a daddy, daddy daughter
(25:42):
night or a daddy daddy sonnights, and give them full
attention during that time. Sothat's what really grounded
family and parenting deeper intomy life at that point.
That's beautiful. That's reallybeautiful. Especially I think
men bring something different toparenting. You know that it? I
(26:07):
think that men encourage andtell me if you think I'm maybe
stretching this out and makingthis more complicated. I feel
that that men encourageadventure at a different moment.
They encourage, you know, thatindependence and in a different
way? Does that make sense? Likeyes. Maybe you guys tend to play
(26:31):
more physical games, out to dothings. Get them to try new
things that maybe I as the mommight say, Oh, that looks
dangerous. And I'm not sayingall moms are this way, or all
dads are this way. I'm justsaying that. That's just been my
observation. Does that soundlike something that makes sense
to you?
It does, I read a book calledWild at Heart. I don't know how
(26:53):
many years ago was probably 20years ago now. And I hadn't seen
in print what you just said. Butit's true. It's like inside most
men is this adventure spirit.Like we want to be wild and free
at some point. And I was I wassuch a shy, reserved person that
I was like, Ooh, Adventurer,that sounds scary, you know. But
as, as I found myself, my trueself throughout the years, it's
(27:15):
like it's true. I want to gohiking and I want to, I want to
go golfing and I want to try newthings and go to new places. So
you're right, like with kids, Ithink dads can play that role
and not that moms can't becausethey absolutely. There's a lot a
lot of women I know that aremore adventurous than I am. But
there is that innate sense ofwanting to build a confident
(27:36):
child who's, who tries newthings and realize they didn't
die. You know, they got throughit. And you're going to now have
more confidence for the next newthing that you try. Because that
skill of having self confidence,and being able to bounce and be
resilient is something that notevery child has. I think we're
(27:59):
seeing in our culture nowadays.When something little happens,
people freak, and they freakpretty big. So I wanted to try
to build that into my kids. Idon't know if I didn't hit 100%.
But that was one of my goals.
Yeah, but you know, you and Iboth came of age in the 80s. We
were just kind of throwing outlike, oh, go play by and this is
(28:22):
something that I tell my kids, Iwas like, You guys didn't didn't
have the opportunity. Partlybecause, you know, I moved out
to a suburb where there are nosidewalks, you know, Atlanta is
one of those cities, you know,it's almost like they want you
to drive to your house staythere. Like, like Marty McFly,
(28:44):
his neighborhood and Back to theFuture. like nobody's supposed
to leave their house. But or atleast that's how it felt to me
in that movie. But I grew up inin a city, you know, there were
sidewalks and you'd walk to yourfriend's house and hang out, you
guys would all walk home to andfrom school together. And kids
(29:05):
developed a certain resilience.Yes, yes. Because of that level
of independence. They were givenit fairly young ages, not like
crazy New York young ages. I'veheard like six year olds on the
subway by themselves in NewYork, which is insane. But you
know what I mean? Like, I thinkwe have a different level of
freedom that kids don'tnecessarily have anymore. At
(29:27):
some point. Everybody gotscared, their kid was going to
be be kidnapped and, you know,eaten by wolves or whatever. And
so I don't know that we give ourkids enough freedom anymore, you
know, to to develop on theirown. What are your thoughts?
Yeah, and if you're, if you aremom and dad in the home
(29:47):
together, and you've got thatprivilege of having the nuclear
family, whatever that meansnowadays, I think that's a gift
because usually a merrieropposite. At least that's what
I've noticed, and so One isusually more cautious, the one
that's always saying, Becareful, be careful, be careful.
And the other one is like, Comeon, just let him, let him go for
it. Let let him try. And that'sa really nice blend, you know,
(30:10):
too, because it's, it pulls oneway, like, I'll use my marriage
as an example. So Laura is veryspontaneous, creative in the
moment. emotive and I'm a littlebit more on I gotta have the
plan, the structure. You know,this is, this is the way it's
gonna go down. And so she pullsme towards spontaneity, which is
(30:33):
great. That's the spice of life.And I pulled her towards a plan,
like we've got to, we've got tobe there on time for this person
or this this appointment. And soI think with parenting, it's the
same deal if you can have thatnice blend of a little bit of
adventure, but also we're notgonna go crazy.
Yeah, yeah, well, yeah. And Ithink kids crave that. I think
kids want just enough rope. Yep.Especially when they're
(30:57):
toddlers. And when they'reteenagers, because other ages is
not quite so. So extreme, in myopinion. But that's, that's my
observation.
Yep. And we're racing, we'reracing, what they say they were
raising dogs when they'reyounger, and then we're raising
cats when they're teenagers.What they say, I've never heard
(31:18):
that. We have to change ourstyle, and they become
teenagers.
I think we kind of go back tothe toddler stage, you know, how
we handle them as toddlers,where you give them just enough
room? And then you kind of yankthem back? Yeah. Good point.
Well, well, the third value youmentioned, was growth. Hmm. Tell
(31:42):
me about what does that mean toyou? How does that show up for
you, in your work with yourclients?
Man, this gets me excited justlike the other two, because I am
an insatiable learner. So thatmeans that every day, I am
reading professionally, I'mreading inspirationally, through
the Bible. And then I readprofessionally, on my core
(32:03):
topics of leadership andpersonal growth. So I read about
40 to 50 books a year. So andjust chip away at, um, you know,
each day, I have a, so I've gota hardback book, in my book Q by
my reading chair, I've got aaudiobook, going in the car by
(32:24):
book and CD. So that's why I'mgoing in between clients, I've
got in my ears, while I'mworking out, I either have an
audible book, a local library,audible book or podcast going.
So I am just always, and Ialways have a magazine in the
car, just in case. There's athere's somebody's late so I can
(32:45):
I can be reading so insatiableon that side, I also have a
coach myself, which seemscongruent, right, like every
coach should have a coach, Ilove conferences and seminars,
which has been a bummer lastcouple of years to not be able
to go to those live. So so I'mjust all about learning, because
I want to give my clients themost relevant stuff, you know,
(33:07):
the most relevant material thatcould apply to their life. So
you know, I've got a bucket ofassessment tools that I could
pull out, if they're like, Man,I'm just stressed, and I don't
like my response under stress,hey, I've got a response under
stress survey, you know, orlike, I feel, I feel like I
don't have any goals, hey, I'vegot this goal setting tool for
(33:29):
you. Or, you know, I was justreading this morning that, you
know, bosses that walk aroundand say a positive Hello, in the
morning can set the morale forthe rest of the day, you know,
that kind of stuff is just, it'son the tip of my tongue, because
I'm always learning. So I'malways dishing it back out to my
clients. Early in my career, Iwas just a sponge, and I just
took it in. And then I had acoach say, Paul, you gotta have
(33:51):
some output, you got to squeezeout the sponge, on everybody. So
find all the different ways tobe an outlet. So social media,
you know, or writing articleswriting books, coaching,
speaking, and there was aturning point, probably around
age 30, when I went from justtaking it all in to then taking
(34:11):
it in for the purpose ofspreading it out.
That's awesome. But there's a Iwould guess, at least for me, it
feels like there's anintegration period, right? So
you take in this newinformation. And yeah, you've
taken it in, but have you reallyintegrated it into war and how
(34:31):
you understand things, orrejected part of it, because not
everything is for everybody. Andthen after that integration
period, then you can kind ofpush things out, share it, do
you find something similar withyou?
Yes, and I am. There's reallytwo schools of thought there.
There is the book reader whogoes really deep and doesn't
(34:54):
want to move on to another bookuntil it truly is fully
integrated. I'm a little bitMore of the, I don't know, it's
sort of like taking out a wholebunch of things at once sifting
for the good stuff, filing it orputting it in, you know, for a
seminar for later, or quickapplication right away. So I
(35:18):
think there's two schools ofthought, like, I've coached some
people, that's where we've donesome book studies together, and
they've been like, Paul, can wenot go on to the next one? Until
we fully integrated this one?I'm like, Okay, I gotta slow the
train down. Because yes, we surecan do that.
Like, like I do with Yeah.Here's my hard book. I have my
(35:38):
iPad, but I have my AUDIO BOOKtaken and a lot of information.
Oh,
yeah. Yeah, when I read, andwhen I read a book, Michelle, I
give it like three reads. Solike, I'll read a book, and I'll
highlight in it, you know, withmy highlighter. And then when
I'm done. months later, I willthen journal my highlights. So
(35:59):
now it's like, I'm reading thebest pieces of it again. And
then years later, I will go backto the journals and literally
rip them out of the journal andfile them by category like, work
life balance, or trust, orrelationships. And then that
turns into some type of aproduct to pass on. So I really
(36:21):
get three reads on every book.
That's amazing. Now, that's aprocess I've not heard of anyone
doing. And I know for me, well,I'm morally opposed to marking
up books. I'm gonna
Oh, you're one of those. Okay.Yeah, I'm, I'm morally
and ethically opposed to that,because I was taught that books
(36:41):
are our friends and we must keepthem because I do dog here the
corner. Okay. All right, I ammore inclined to use I will even
use a napkin to hold my pagebefore I flutters. Yeah, that's,
I think that's my Catholicschool upbringing. We had to
keep the books in really nicecondition. So putting paper bag,
(37:06):
yes. Yeah. Lovers,
that's my I, I typically themost I'll do is dog your book
cover a book page. But I amalmost obsessive about not
writing on books. But I lovethat concept, right, that you,
you know, you find the partsthat are most valuable you
(37:27):
record that, you know, I'm gonnatell everybody don't highlight
in the books, but you can usethose little flags from Office
Depot.
Right? You can do that.
Mark, would you? Would youconsider the most important
thing go back later, and reallykind of dig into that journal
(37:49):
about it. So I'm presumingyou're writing, not just what
you've found valuable, but alsoyour thoughts and feelings on
that?
Oftentimes, I'll do that. Yeah,like, because I want to know
where I can use this again. SoI've got to have some type of
label on it. That will help mefind it in the future so that I
(38:11):
can use it. Because it's, Imean, I know I'm a little OCD
with this process. But, youknow, it's a lot of words in a
lot of journals. So
that's a great process. That'san amazing process. That's one
I've never really heard of, andcertainly worth considering. And
by the way, for those of you whouse Kindle books, or I think
Barnes and Noble notebooks andall those you can highlight in
(38:33):
those just know, but I thinkthat's a wonderful process to
kind of take in the information.Spend some time kind of letting
your your brain do what it does,subconsciously, to take it in,
and then going back to review itand really dig into how you feel
(38:56):
about it and what you thinkabout it, what you value, do you
still value it the same way aswhen you highlighted it? That's
an interesting question, too.
It is a good question. Because Iused to be the guy that would
come back from a conference andwant to implement everything
tomorrow, right? And I wouldcome back to the leadership team
and say, let's do this and thisand this and, and they would be
like, Whoa, Paul, slow down, youknow, like, back up the truck,
(39:17):
you know, like we weren't atthat seminar like you were. So
we don't have the same type ofand I was just confused for so
many years, like, why are theynot as enthusiastic about it as
I am? And so I had to learn tosit on stuff and mull over it,
meditate on it for a bit beforerealizing okay, this is what can
be applied and this is somethingfor the backburner.
Got it? And that's a maturation,it is act right that we because
(39:45):
I still go to conferences andget excited. I mean, I think
that is part of our maturation,as just grown up people but also
in our careers and particularlyif we're coaches or business
people What we can actuallyimplement immediately or if it's
even right for our, ourparticular circumstance? So how
(40:08):
do you work with your clients?What do you you know, what kinds
of things do you work on withyour clients? And how do you do
that.
So probably my, my targetaudience, quote unquote, would
be a middle manager who isstressed out, unable to get
their priorities done, hasfamily commitments, is trying to
(40:30):
take good care of themselves,but it's just running out of
time, all the time to get theirwork stuff done in their home,
putting in all their values intotheir calendar. So time
management has emerged over thelast, I would say 10 years as as
a niche for me. I was trying tobrand as the calendar coach for
(40:50):
a while. And I do have a freegift for your listeners, if
anybody's interested in that,which we can talk about at the
end. But money to help peoplemanage their time because we
live in the context of time, weall have the same amount of
hours in the day. And we've gotto live more intentionally, or
else we just drift, or we justdeal with the most urgent, or we
(41:11):
just react and put out fires allday long. And then another day
goes by like, what did I getdone today? I was moving. But
did I get anything done? Andthen we get to the end of
another year? And like how am Idifferent this year than it was
last year? How are myrelationships better? How am I
more poised for careeradvancement at the end of this
year than last year, and then wescratch our heads and go, Man,
(41:33):
I'm not any different. Becausewe just let the world just take
over our calendar. And so timemanagement is probably the best
way that I coach, my my clientsfrom the very beginning.
That's amazing. And I'm a bigproponent of time management. I
think I used to be better at itthan I am now. But I mean, it's
(41:57):
really important because it'snot just about what you get done
at work. I think sometimespeople think time management,
and they think just what you getdone at work, right? Or just
what you get done in terms ofyour, you know, outside of
family obligations. But thoseother things really mattered as
well. And I love that you talkabout making sure that you have
(42:19):
that time. And that balance isan overused word. But that's the
word that I want to use rightnow to make sure that it's not
just the work stuff is not justyour volunteerism, it's not just
your political activism orwhatever. It's also that time
with family and loved onesseeking cultivate a life. Life
is not made up of work.
(42:40):
Right? Yeah, it's like we aren'twhat we do, right? It's like I
even block out time on mycalendar. I block out time for
everything like assemble OCDwith it. So, like I've got date
night with Laura always blockedout. It's every Friday night,
right? It's sacred. I've gotchurch on on Sunday morning,
blocked out, I've got datenights, with my kids, when they
(43:02):
were in the home, blocked out.I've got reading time blocked
out. I even have filing on mycalendar. I know, Michelle, and
I'm starting to burn them out alittle bit. It's just 30 minutes
a week. But But
I understand that because thatcan fall through the cracks and
the stack of papers in yourinbox.
Yeah. Yeah. So that's that's howI try to live intentionally. And
(43:25):
it really has maximize myproductivity over my life as a
result of that intentionality.
That's awesome. Well, I aminterested in how you can help
our audience so how can they getin touch with you?
Yeah, so the free tool I wouldlove to give your audience is
take back my calendar.com Go totake back my calendar.com. And
(43:48):
that is a free control mycalendar checklist. If you want
to just start the journey withsome basic tools for time
management, that's where I wouldstart out. So that's just a free
tool if you want to get in touchwith me. And if I could be of
assistance in your journey atall. I'm at Paul casey.org. And
that is my website on all thesocial channels as well as
(44:12):
either growing forward services,or Paul Casey.
Awesome. Awesome. So that's takeback my calendar dot home.
You got it. Go there,
get the checklist. Make sure youcheck out Paul Casey's website
Paul casey.or. Tal, thank you somuch for being on somewhere in
(44:33):
the middle of Michele. It
has been a pleasure, MicheleWell,
that's our show this month,guys, you can reach me online at
Michele barard.com. You can alsofind me on Facebook, Instagram,
and Tiktok as urban book editorfeel free to send in some some
topics you'd like us to cover onthe show. I'd love to hear from
(44:53):
you. You can find this once amonth on Fridays at 5pm Pacific
6pm Mountain 7pm Central 8pmEastern ad this summer in the
middle podcast. Let's continuethe conversation. You guys be
good. stay mindful and remainprayer for peace and blessings
Happy Friday, everyone. Welcometo somewhere in the middle with
Michele Barard. I'm your host,Michele Barard, founder and CEO
of Michele O'Brien LLC. I amreally happy to share this hour
with you, where we examine allthose places where spirit meets
life, and the joys andchallenges that may bring. You
know, I'd like to start bythanking Miss Beverly black and
(02:29):
tribe family channel for helpingme create this space for us.
Trapp Family Channel is home toan assortment of thought
provoking shows that explorelife, spirit, business and
culture, including the woman atthe well hosted by Miss Beverly
black herself. Somewhere in themiddle was born on track family
champion. And even though we'vegrown onto our own platform, we
are ever grateful and loyal toour roots. To paraphrase an
(02:52):
African proverb, we're here onlybecause we stand on the
shoulders of those who camebefore us. I want to thank my
guests on the members 20th show,Master integrative life coach,
Nancy Picard, you can connectwith Nancy on social media on
social media and at her website,Nancy Picard life coach.com
(03:13):
That's any nc YPICK rd lifecoach.com If you missed that
show, make sure you listen tothe replay. You can find our
complete show archives includingthe November 17 show at the
somewhere in the middlepodcast.com. I also want to
(03:33):
shout out Bruce George of thegeniuses common movement which
encourages all of us to embraceour inner genius and share it
with the world. This is a reallyimportant message and I hope you
will share it with the youngpeople. But it's not just for
the kids. We adults need to bereminded sometimes that the
world needs our genius. Learnmore about the geniuses comm and
movement at WWW dot genius iscommon.com. Now this month's
(03:58):
guest helps leaders manage theirtime more efficiently,
originally from Chicago. PaulCasey has now been a
professional speaker for over 25years, giving almost 300
presentations just in the lastfour years. He's one of the
(04:19):
leading authorities inleadership and personal growth,
especially time management,helping people take back their
calendars and restore sanity totheir lives. He has spoken for
organizations like McDonald'ssubway, lamb Western, Northwest
public power and AutoZone. Andamong the ad leaders he coaches
(04:40):
per year 25 of them lead atPacific Northwest National
Laboratories. Paul has amaster's degree in education and
has been an educatoradministrator, chief operating
officer in five nonprofitorganizations. He is an ACC
certified ca Coach with theinternational coaching
(05:01):
Federation, a master trainer,and as a member of the National
Speakers Association. He wasawarded solopreneur of the Year
by the West Richland chamber Afew years ago. Through his
company growing forwardservices, Paul has partner with
his corporate and individualclients to transform their
vision, their habits and theirlives. Currently, Paul carries
(05:25):
out his mission of sparkingbreakthrough success by
contributing daily inspirationalgrowth messages on local radio,
other people's podcasts and viasocial media. Also, he has
inspired 1000s of individualsand leaders to grow forward
through his seminars, teambuilding off site retreats, one
(05:46):
to one self leadership coaching,and as a keynote speaker, Paul
has written four books, thestatic cling principle on habits
and mindset, maximizing everyminute on time management,
leading the team you've alwayswanted and leading with
supervision. He also interviewslocal leaders on his podcast the
(06:13):
Tri Cities in influencer. Paulis married to lovely Laura has a
23 and 19 year old named afterstate capitals, ons a cat named
Sasha and has lived in the TriCities Washington area for over
20 years. For fun, he enjoysgolfing, hiking, and bicycling
(06:35):
and orange slices. And he readsabout 40 books per year. So I
would like to welcome Paul Caseyto somewhere in the middle with
Michele Barard. Paul, thank youfor being on the show.
Michelle, what a pleasure.
Well, I'm excited. First of all,I see that you're a native of
(06:57):
Chicago, great town. Great,great, great town. I think I
fell in love with it when I wasthere this summer. I want to
know more and more about you. Iusually start my interview with
two questions. And so if you'reready, I will ask us the
questions.
Let's go for it.
All right. Paul Casey, who areyou? And how did you become who
(07:22):
you are today?
Hmm. Such a deep question. Well,I guess I'll start with my core
values. So faith is a big deal.I'm a follower of Jesus Christ
and a man of faith. And that's,that's gonna play into my story
here in a minute. Family is mysecond core value. I am married.
(07:42):
Second marriage. 12 years toLaura. And I have two wonderful
young adults. Now I'm officiallyan empty nester. So as of this
year, I've got a 23 year old anda 19 year old boy and a girl
named after state capitals. Thatwasn't intentional, but Austin
(08:04):
and Cheyenne. And so if we wouldhave had a third it would have
been Lincoln or Madison we wouldhave we would have had the other
ones don't seem to work. Andthen growth is my third core
values. So my whole life, it'sbeen about being an educator,
helping people get to the nextlevel of growing myself, I'm an
(08:24):
insatiable learner. It's one ofone of the strengths on the
strength finder for me. And soyeah, I know a little bit more
on the introvert and extrovert,although I'm sort of that
ambivert in the middle, which Ican turn it up on a stage to
speak to 1000 people, but I canalso just love reading a book
(08:44):
and journaling for an hour ortwo at a time. So I think I can
go either way, with introvertextrovert. How I got here? Well,
I grew up, like you said inchicken, this suburb of Chicago,
and grew up in a Christianfamily. So it was I was in the
(09:06):
same so I had a I was in a, likea Christian school and a church
and a home and all the samevalues. Pretty sheltered,
growing up, actually verysheltered growing up. And but I
didn't know any different,right? And so my world was very,
very small. And I so I didn'thave a lot of miscues or scars
(09:28):
that a lot of people have intheir life because it was pretty
much sheltered in a bubblealmost like in a greenhouse. So
there's good and bad to that,right. So the good was, I didn't
make too many bad errors. Andthe bad was I wasn't ready for
life in the real world. So Iwent off to college in Florida,
(09:48):
I got a teaching degree inelementary education. Both my
parents were teachers, and eventhough I knew all the dirt on
like how bad teaching was on abad day, I still wanted to be
one. I just love have thethought of educating I was like
the teacher's pet, you know, theone that would come up after
class, anything I could do tohelp you, Mr. So and so you
know, I was that kid, right?This is today I've got a quiz
(10:11):
and everybody would be like, aregrowl at me, you know, because I
did love school. Then aftercollege, I was seeing if a saw
girl I met there, I wanted tosee if she was the one for me.
She was from SouthernCalifornia. And that was like
another planet. For me. I hadnever been west of the
(10:31):
Mississippi before. And so Imoved out there and got a job
and fifth grade class out there.And it was just a whole new
world. I want to see if she wasthe one for me. I knew she
wasn't. But it was like this isall like cool and exciting. And,
and it was it really put all myvalues to the test. And it was
(10:53):
like, I don't know, I just hadto sort of had a reinvention
that happened during that time.And so we broke up with him for
months. And there I was alone.And so California, with fifth
graders and their parents, andthat was my whole circle of
influence. Yep. got promoted tovice principal two years later,
(11:16):
even though I wasn't, I didn'tsee that in me. But a leader saw
that in me and said, You've gotleadership in you? And I'm like,
Okay, well tell me what I needto do is like, well, I'd like
you to be vice principal forhalf the day and then teach PE
the other half of the day, youknow, to justify a full time
position. I did it. And it wassuper fun that to know, 500
(11:37):
students instead of just 20. Andthen went through the earthquake
in 94, Northridge, and was likewe are out of here.
Like that earth shaking underyour feet.
I could still picture thebuilding moving right now as I
think about it. And the smog andthe traffic and the lack of
(11:58):
family values. And oh, that wasjust there was a whole bunch of
reasons. And I had just gottenmarried that year. And she said,
Let's go to my home state, whichis Washington state. And I'm
like, sure I'm game. I've neverbeen up there either. And I
didn't want the rain of Seattle.And so she said, Well, there's
an east side of the state that'stotally different. I'm like, how
(12:20):
different can one state be?Well, it's very different. The
other side of the Cascades. Andso I mailed resumes to Christian
schools on the east side, I gotpicked right away, they
interviewed me within two weeks,within four weeks, we had moved
here to this small area calledthe Tri Cities, it's in the
bottom, southeast corner of thestate. And the next year, they
(12:43):
wanted me to be a schoolprincipal. And I'm like, I'm
only 26 years old. And they'relike, we'll give you a master's
degree, we'll pay for it. I'mlike, alright, I'll do that. And
I did that took the long plan offive years, got a master's.
Let's see, I'm making a shortstory long here. So then we got
(13:05):
took a school in the Seattlearea for a couple of years,
didn't like that, move back hereto the Tri Cities and then
switched over to the church sideof things. Where I became like a
family pastor at a church. Theyneeded someone to help with
parenting skills for theparents. It was a very large,
like a mega church. And so theyhad people doing youth ministry
and children's, but they didn'thave anybody working with the
(13:26):
family as a system. And so theywanted me to do that. And I
thought I said, Great, and allthe all the stress of being a
principal rolled off my back andI'm like, great, I'd be happy to
do that. And this is when likepodcasts were just starting. And
like recording on the CDs was abig deal. And I did live
seminars for parents, and it wassuper fun. They let me
(13:48):
experiment and be creative. Butsadly along the way, my wife
said, I don't want to be marriedanymore. And I was just like,
what, what did you just say?Like, she's like, Yeah, I don't,
she wanted a business trip andcame back and said, I'm done. I
don't want to I want to do thisanymore. And I was just, it's
(14:09):
just like, was getting hit inthe mouth. You know, I was like,
I'm a pastor at one of thebiggest churches in town, and
you want to divorce and it justblew me away. I mean, it just
wrecked me out. I hit bottom.And I knew that at that moment,
I had to reinvent myself yetagain. At that point because it
(14:31):
was such a tragedy. And I feltso sorry for my children who
were six and three at the timeand it just was not the way I'd
scripted out my life. And I washappy that another church picked
me up and wanted me to be anexecutive pastor which is like
being a principal but at churchwithout kids and sort of rebuilt
my life got new hobbies got goodguy friends, got good
(14:54):
counseling. started you know,like golfing and hiking and I
just in that I learned aboutwhat coaching was, and I
thought, like life coaching, andI thought, oh, that's some
woowoo thing, you know, lifecoaching. What was that and
after that, it was like I foundout like this is this is what I
do naturally, I love helpingpeople get to their goals and
(15:16):
their dreams. I love helpingpeople get unstuck, and get to
the next level, I do it withnaturally with friends and
family and in strangers even.And I wonder if I could make a
career of that. So while I havethe day job, I started the dream
job back in 2012, and just had afew clients. And that started
(15:36):
moving up. And so I could speakto Team Build thing. And coach,
and I thought, wonder if thiscould be a business full time.
So in 2015, I launched full timescared, scariest thing, right,
your income goes to zero. Rightaway. I had been remarried. Then
in 20,009, my wife was like,What are you doing? Like, I
(15:57):
don't know if this is a goodplan. And after about a year, I
had networking, networking,networking, I got enough clients
to make a living, and then got abig contract at a bigger like a
national laboratory to docoaching. And that was what I
needed to say, All right, I'mnot looking back. And I've been
doing that for six years now. Ilove what I do. I'm living my
(16:20):
values every day. And yeah,that's my story. That's amazing.
Well want to take you back tothose values, because you said
three things. faith, family, andgrowth. Tell me more about
(16:40):
faith. Yeah, how does thatfactor into you as a, as a
business person? How does thatfactor into what you do as a
coach?
Hmm, that's so good. Yes. Yeah,originally, I thought, Oh, I'm
just going to coach people offaith that have a strong faith.
(17:01):
And I was counseled early on,like, you're taking out a big
chunk of the world that youcould influence for positive
values, if you did that. Andthat was a tough decision. I had
to make early on like, not totake it out of my life, but to
just not put it front page onthe website, that kind of a
deal. And it was like, Well, I'mstill going to cast a positive
(17:24):
shadow over anyone I coach orspeak to. But you know, I'm
probably not going to use Bibleverses when I'm doing a keynote
speech for a business. And sothat it was it was a little bit
of a change for me to still livemy faith and be true to who I
am, and yet still not be like,what's the word like
(17:45):
evangelistic with it like tosay, like, you all have to be
like me right now. And so thatwas that was a something that
I've had to mature in over time.Because it's still this huge
part of me, and I live it everyday, and I get to be, I do my my
quiet time with God every day bydoing Bible reading and
journaling and prayer. And soit's huge for me, but I don't
(18:09):
that answers your question.
Well, no, and I'm actually I'minterested in that balance it
just striking for a couple ofreasons. One is there's nothing
wrong with being evangelistic.Right. I mean, there's, that's
part of what comes out of themodern Christian Church is what
(18:29):
I'm gonna say for lack of adoubt, for sure. Christian
churches really promote theevangelistic aspect and trying
to balance that as a businessperson who's being pragmatic
about their business. Yeah,century that while you know, you
have a lot of people of faith,you have a lot of people prefer
to leave that as it's veryseparate part. Wives. Yeah. How
(18:50):
do you balance that with? Youknow, let's say you've got a new
client, you're dealing with,especially corporate clients,
you have to be careful in thatenvironment. Yeah. How do you
balance that?
Yes. Usually, when I have themtell their story, just like you
had me tell my story there inthat first session, I could hear
(19:11):
their values come out. And thenwithin session two, when I asked
them for to do a core valuesexercise with me, then I get to
hear if spirituality and faithis a big deal for them, or if
it's not, it usually comes outpretty quickly and people's
stories. If I find out that theytruly are a person of faith
similar to me, then we can gothere, so to speak, like we can,
(19:32):
we can talk on that similarlevel. And I've even prayed with
my, my clients, my corporateclients before if we were on
that on on the same page, ifthey're not a person of
spirituality and faith, then Ijust like I said, I sort of eke
out the values in other ways ofjust morality and what kind of
(19:53):
principles can we apply that Iknow are going to be good for
your success? No matter ifyou're a person of faith or not?
You
Awesome. And and I'm jumpingahead a little bit because
there's something that you saidabout family. And you said
family. And then you describeyou mentioned Laura. And what
(20:16):
struck me was as I was readingyour bio, you refer to her as
lovely Laura. Yes. Which I thinkis incredibly sweet. How do you
How did you come about to callher lovely Laura, my wife,
I have a lot of L words. So I'ma nickname kind of a guy. So
(20:39):
there's been some moviecharacters that like to nickname
other people, you know, and Ialways think it's funny. It's,
it's a, just a humorous way totease people that appreciate the
teasing. So I've come up with awhole bunch of L words for
Laura. But I think of lovelybeing that one, it's like she is
(20:59):
my, she's my lover, she's mybest friend, she is a beautiful
person, on the inside and out.And so that's the one that I
chose for the bio.
SP I just thought it was sosweet. I had to ask about it, I
thought, um, you mentioned,California, sometimes not being
(21:21):
a great fit for you, in someways not being a great fit for
you. Because of a lack of familyvalues. What were you seeing
there? What were youexperiencing there that made you
feel uncomfortable?
Yeah, there was a, it's hard toput a finger on exactly how I
felt like to actually label itwith something. But as I
(21:42):
observed within the school, thisthis fast paced society that was
running past theirrelationships, and to see some
of the fractures that came outthrough the children. In the
students from this, I mean, theyhad the material wealth, and it
was a private school, so theyhave to pay big time tuition on
(22:03):
top of it and coming up, youknow, with, with very expensive
cars, you know, you can there'sthis sort of this outward like
material that like these peoplehave it together, like they've
got, they've got the toys, andthey've got the the looks, but
then I could see like there wasthere wasn't the relationships,
there was like, people weren'tspending the time that they had
(22:23):
with each other, but they werehaving a lot of fun. But they
weren't having like core. Theyweren't passing on values to
their children. And so to seethis year after year, started to
just register for me. And then Iwas I felt like I was getting
pulled into the culture as well,like, I needed to have the best
toys, and I needed to make moremoney. And I needed to run fast,
(22:47):
fast, fast. And I felt like itwas incongruent with who I was
at my core.
I think that's reallyinteresting, because one of the
things I tuned the worst in, andI was rearing three kids,
essentially by myself. And Icould have pursued, you know,
(23:10):
kind of high powered career typestuff, I could have gone that
route. But I opted not to, whichmeant sometimes we didn't feel
very comfortable financially.But I wanted to be home when my
kids came home. Because I feellike that's the best thing that
parents can do is really giveour kids excuses not to make bad
(23:31):
decisions. Yes. And sometimesjust having an adult there makes
a huge difference. I don't knowabout you, but I'm a child of
the 80s You know, parents athome. Parents at home, we got
ourselves into all kinds oftrouble. Just because there was
nobody there. So that's what Ithat's what I always thought,
(23:52):
you know, and I think I see whatyou mean, I've been out to
California too. And it's, um,it's definitely a different
animal from certainly from downsouth. And I would imagine from
from some other places, Whatother things did you experience
that made you feel like familyis, is the heart and soul of
everything?
(24:12):
Well, your divorce will do itwill bring you back to the
basics, right? Because it bringsyou to the sort of the end of
yourself, and it makes youprioritize what's most
important, and so, I was veryfortunate that it was an
amicable divorce, where my exwife and I co parented very
(24:33):
well, all the way throughbecause they were six and three
at the beginning. We got them.We got them all graduated last
year. One from college, one fromhigh school, and that felt
wonderful even though in 2020They got ripped off graduations,
man he was wasn't Yeah, it was a
joke. But we did really well. coparenting throughout that
(24:57):
process. But and so what we didis we did a halftime custody
thing where it was three and ahalf days on three and a half
days off, which is an unusualplan. I don't know, too many
other parents, divorced parentsthat do that. But I was never
three and a half days, far fromhaving to see my kids getting to
see my kids again. And that wasreally wonderful. Because even
(25:20):
though I felt like I was losingthem for half of their life, you
know, I was unable tocommunicate values to them for
half of their life, which, youknow, they could still get me a
little riled up today, if Ithink about it too much. But I
was I was still able to seethem, and I was ready for them
when they arrived. And it justbrought me back to dad and kids
nights, you know, where we wouldhave a daddy, daddy daughter
(25:42):
night or a daddy daddy sonnights, and give them full
attention during that time. Sothat's what really grounded
family and parenting deeper intomy life at that point.
That's beautiful. That's reallybeautiful. Especially I think
men bring something different toparenting. You know that it? I
(26:07):
think that men encourage andtell me if you think I'm maybe
stretching this out and makingthis more complicated. I feel
that that men encourageadventure at a different moment.
They encourage, you know, thatindependence and in a different
way? Does that make sense? Likeyes. Maybe you guys tend to play
(26:31):
more physical games, out to dothings. Get them to try new
things that maybe I as the mommight say, Oh, that looks
dangerous. And I'm not sayingall moms are this way, or all
dads are this way. I'm justsaying that. That's just been my
observation. Does that soundlike something that makes sense
to you?
It does, I read a book calledWild at Heart. I don't know how
(26:53):
many years ago was probably 20years ago now. And I hadn't seen
in print what you just said. Butit's true. It's like inside most
men is this adventure spirit.Like we want to be wild and free
at some point. And I was I wassuch a shy, reserved person that
I was like, Ooh, Adventurer,that sounds scary, you know. But
as, as I found myself, my trueself throughout the years, it's
(27:15):
like it's true. I want to gohiking and I want to, I want to
go golfing and I want to try newthings and go to new places. So
you're right, like with kids, Ithink dads can play that role
and not that moms can't becausethey absolutely. There's a lot a
lot of women I know that aremore adventurous than I am. But
there is that innate sense ofwanting to build a confident
(27:36):
child who's, who tries newthings and realize they didn't
die. You know, they got throughit. And you're going to now have
more confidence for the next newthing that you try. Because that
skill of having self confidence,and being able to bounce and be
resilient is something that notevery child has. I think we're
(27:59):
seeing in our culture nowadays.When something little happens,
people freak, and they freakpretty big. So I wanted to try
to build that into my kids. Idon't know if I didn't hit 100%.
But that was one of my goals.
Yeah, but you know, you and Iboth came of age in the 80s. We
were just kind of throwing outlike, oh, go play by and this is
(28:22):
something that I tell my kids, Iwas like, You guys didn't didn't
have the opportunity. Partlybecause, you know, I moved out
to a suburb where there are nosidewalks, you know, Atlanta is
one of those cities, you know,it's almost like they want you
to drive to your house staythere. Like, like Marty McFly,
(28:44):
his neighborhood and Back to theFuture. like nobody's supposed
to leave their house. But or atleast that's how it felt to me
in that movie. But I grew up inin a city, you know, there were
sidewalks and you'd walk to yourfriend's house and hang out, you
guys would all walk home to andfrom school together. And kids
(29:05):
developed a certain resilience.Yes, yes. Because of that level
of independence. They were givenit fairly young ages, not like
crazy New York young ages. I'veheard like six year olds on the
subway by themselves in NewYork, which is insane. But you
know what I mean? Like, I thinkwe have a different level of
freedom that kids don'tnecessarily have anymore. At
(29:27):
some point. Everybody gotscared, their kid was going to
be be kidnapped and, you know,eaten by wolves or whatever. And
so I don't know that we give ourkids enough freedom anymore, you
know, to to develop on theirown. What are your thoughts?
Yeah, and if you're, if you aremom and dad in the home
(29:47):
together, and you've got thatprivilege of having the nuclear
family, whatever that meansnowadays, I think that's a gift
because usually a merrieropposite. At least that's what
I've noticed, and so One isusually more cautious, the one
that's always saying, Becareful, be careful, be careful.
And the other one is like, Comeon, just let him, let him go for
it. Let let him try. And that'sa really nice blend, you know,
(30:10):
too, because it's, it pulls oneway, like, I'll use my marriage
as an example. So Laura is veryspontaneous, creative in the
moment. emotive and I'm a littlebit more on I gotta have the
plan, the structure. You know,this is, this is the way it's
gonna go down. And so she pullsme towards spontaneity, which is
(30:33):
great. That's the spice of life.And I pulled her towards a plan,
like we've got to, we've got tobe there on time for this person
or this this appointment. And soI think with parenting, it's the
same deal if you can have thatnice blend of a little bit of
adventure, but also we're notgonna go crazy.
Yeah, yeah, well, yeah. And Ithink kids crave that. I think
kids want just enough rope. Yep.Especially when they're
(30:57):
toddlers. And when they'reteenagers, because other ages is
not quite so. So extreme, in myopinion. But that's, that's my
observation.
Yep. And we're racing, we'reracing, what they say they were
raising dogs when they'reyounger, and then we're raising
cats when they're teenagers.What they say, I've never heard
(31:18):
that. We have to change ourstyle, and they become
teenagers.
I think we kind of go back tothe toddler stage, you know, how
we handle them as toddlers,where you give them just enough
room? And then you kind of yankthem back? Yeah. Good point.
Well, well, the third value youmentioned, was growth. Hmm. Tell
(31:42):
me about what does that mean toyou? How does that show up for
you, in your work with yourclients?
Man, this gets me excited justlike the other two, because I am
an insatiable learner. So thatmeans that every day, I am
reading professionally, I'mreading inspirationally, through
the Bible. And then I readprofessionally, on my core
(32:03):
topics of leadership andpersonal growth. So I read about
40 to 50 books a year. So andjust chip away at, um, you know,
each day, I have a, so I've gota hardback book, in my book Q by
my reading chair, I've got aaudiobook, going in the car by
(32:24):
book and CD. So that's why I'mgoing in between clients, I've
got in my ears, while I'mworking out, I either have an
audible book, a local library,audible book or podcast going.
So I am just always, and Ialways have a magazine in the
car, just in case. There's athere's somebody's late so I can
(32:45):
I can be reading so insatiableon that side, I also have a
coach myself, which seemscongruent, right, like every
coach should have a coach, Ilove conferences and seminars,
which has been a bummer lastcouple of years to not be able
to go to those live. So so I'mjust all about learning, because
I want to give my clients themost relevant stuff, you know,
(33:07):
the most relevant material thatcould apply to their life. So
you know, I've got a bucket ofassessment tools that I could
pull out, if they're like, Man,I'm just stressed, and I don't
like my response under stress,hey, I've got a response under
stress survey, you know, orlike, I feel, I feel like I
don't have any goals, hey, I'vegot this goal setting tool for
(33:29):
you. Or, you know, I was justreading this morning that, you
know, bosses that walk aroundand say a positive Hello, in the
morning can set the morale forthe rest of the day, you know,
that kind of stuff is just, it'son the tip of my tongue, because
I'm always learning. So I'malways dishing it back out to my
clients. Early in my career, Iwas just a sponge, and I just
took it in. And then I had acoach say, Paul, you gotta have
(33:51):
some output, you got to squeezeout the sponge, on everybody. So
find all the different ways tobe an outlet. So social media,
you know, or writing articleswriting books, coaching,
speaking, and there was aturning point, probably around
age 30, when I went from justtaking it all in to then taking
(34:11):
it in for the purpose ofspreading it out.
That's awesome. But there's a Iwould guess, at least for me, it
feels like there's anintegration period, right? So
you take in this newinformation. And yeah, you've
taken it in, but have you reallyintegrated it into war and how
(34:31):
you understand things, orrejected part of it, because not
everything is for everybody. Andthen after that integration
period, then you can kind ofpush things out, share it, do
you find something similar withyou?
Yes, and I am. There's reallytwo schools of thought there.
There is the book reader whogoes really deep and doesn't
(34:54):
want to move on to another bookuntil it truly is fully
integrated. I'm a little bitMore of the, I don't know, it's
sort of like taking out a wholebunch of things at once sifting
for the good stuff, filing it orputting it in, you know, for a
seminar for later, or quickapplication right away. So I
(35:18):
think there's two schools ofthought, like, I've coached some
people, that's where we've donesome book studies together, and
they've been like, Paul, can wenot go on to the next one? Until
we fully integrated this one?I'm like, Okay, I gotta slow the
train down. Because yes, we surecan do that.
Like, like I do with Yeah.Here's my hard book. I have my
(35:38):
iPad, but I have my AUDIO BOOKtaken and a lot of information.
Oh,
yeah. Yeah, when I read, andwhen I read a book, Michelle, I
give it like three reads. Solike, I'll read a book, and I'll
highlight in it, you know, withmy highlighter. And then when
I'm done. months later, I willthen journal my highlights. So
(35:59):
now it's like, I'm reading thebest pieces of it again. And
then years later, I will go backto the journals and literally
rip them out of the journal andfile them by category like, work
life balance, or trust, orrelationships. And then that
turns into some type of aproduct to pass on. So I really
(36:21):
get three reads on every book.
That's amazing. Now, that's aprocess I've not heard of anyone
doing. And I know for me, well,I'm morally opposed to marking
up books. I'm gonna
Oh, you're one of those. Okay.Yeah, I'm, I'm morally
and ethically opposed to that,because I was taught that books
(36:41):
are our friends and we must keepthem because I do dog here the
corner. Okay. All right, I ammore inclined to use I will even
use a napkin to hold my pagebefore I flutters. Yeah, that's,
I think that's my Catholicschool upbringing. We had to
keep the books in really nicecondition. So putting paper bag,
(37:06):
yes. Yeah. Lovers,
that's my I, I typically themost I'll do is dog your book
cover a book page. But I amalmost obsessive about not
writing on books. But I lovethat concept, right, that you,
you know, you find the partsthat are most valuable you
(37:27):
record that, you know, I'm gonnatell everybody don't highlight
in the books, but you can usethose little flags from Office
Depot.
Right? You can do that.
Mark, would you? Would youconsider the most important
thing go back later, and reallykind of dig into that journal
(37:49):
about it. So I'm presumingyou're writing, not just what
you've found valuable, but alsoyour thoughts and feelings on
that?
Oftentimes, I'll do that. Yeah,like, because I want to know
where I can use this again. SoI've got to have some type of
label on it. That will help mefind it in the future so that I
(38:11):
can use it. Because it's, Imean, I know I'm a little OCD
with this process. But, youknow, it's a lot of words in a
lot of journals. So
that's a great process. That'san amazing process. That's one
I've never really heard of, andcertainly worth considering. And
by the way, for those of you whouse Kindle books, or I think
Barnes and Noble notebooks andall those you can highlight in
(38:33):
those just know, but I thinkthat's a wonderful process to
kind of take in the information.Spend some time kind of letting
your your brain do what it does,subconsciously, to take it in,
and then going back to review itand really dig into how you feel
(38:56):
about it and what you thinkabout it, what you value, do you
still value it the same way aswhen you highlighted it? That's
an interesting question, too.
It is a good question. Because Iused to be the guy that would
come back from a conference andwant to implement everything
tomorrow, right? And I wouldcome back to the leadership team
and say, let's do this and thisand this and, and they would be
like, Whoa, Paul, slow down, youknow, like, back up the truck,
(39:17):
you know, like we weren't atthat seminar like you were. So
we don't have the same type ofand I was just confused for so
many years, like, why are theynot as enthusiastic about it as
I am? And so I had to learn tosit on stuff and mull over it,
meditate on it for a bit beforerealizing okay, this is what can
be applied and this is somethingfor the backburner.
Got it? And that's a maturation,it is act right that we because
(39:45):
I still go to conferences andget excited. I mean, I think
that is part of our maturation,as just grown up people but also
in our careers and particularlyif we're coaches or business
people What we can actuallyimplement immediately or if it's
even right for our, ourparticular circumstance? So how
(40:08):
do you work with your clients?What do you you know, what kinds
of things do you work on withyour clients? And how do you do
that.
So probably my, my targetaudience, quote unquote, would
be a middle manager who isstressed out, unable to get
their priorities done, hasfamily commitments, is trying to
(40:30):
take good care of themselves,but it's just running out of
time, all the time to get theirwork stuff done in their home,
putting in all their values intotheir calendar. So time
management has emerged over thelast, I would say 10 years as as
a niche for me. I was trying tobrand as the calendar coach for
(40:50):
a while. And I do have a freegift for your listeners, if
anybody's interested in that,which we can talk about at the
end. But money to help peoplemanage their time because we
live in the context of time, weall have the same amount of
hours in the day. And we've gotto live more intentionally, or
else we just drift, or we justdeal with the most urgent, or we
(41:11):
just react and put out fires allday long. And then another day
goes by like, what did I getdone today? I was moving. But
did I get anything done? Andthen we get to the end of
another year? And like how am Idifferent this year than it was
last year? How are myrelationships better? How am I
more poised for careeradvancement at the end of this
year than last year, and then wescratch our heads and go, Man,
(41:33):
I'm not any different. Becausewe just let the world just take
over our calendar. And so timemanagement is probably the best
way that I coach, my my clientsfrom the very beginning.
That's amazing. And I'm a bigproponent of time management. I
think I used to be better at itthan I am now. But I mean, it's
(41:57):
really important because it'snot just about what you get done
at work. I think sometimespeople think time management,
and they think just what you getdone at work, right? Or just
what you get done in terms ofyour, you know, outside of
family obligations. But thoseother things really mattered as
well. And I love that you talkabout making sure that you have
(42:19):
that time. And that balance isan overused word. But that's the
word that I want to use rightnow to make sure that it's not
just the work stuff is not justyour volunteerism, it's not just
your political activism orwhatever. It's also that time
with family and loved onesseeking cultivate a life. Life
is not made up of work.
(42:40):
Right? Yeah, it's like we aren'twhat we do, right? It's like I
even block out time on mycalendar. I block out time for
everything like assemble OCDwith it. So, like I've got date
night with Laura always blockedout. It's every Friday night,
right? It's sacred. I've gotchurch on on Sunday morning,
blocked out, I've got datenights, with my kids, when they
(43:02):
were in the home, blocked out.I've got reading time blocked
out. I even have filing on mycalendar. I know, Michelle, and
I'm starting to burn them out alittle bit. It's just 30 minutes
a week. But But
I understand that because thatcan fall through the cracks and
the stack of papers in yourinbox.
Yeah. Yeah. So that's that's howI try to live intentionally. And
(43:25):
it really has maximize myproductivity over my life as a
result of that intentionality.
That's awesome. Well, I aminterested in how you can help
our audience so how can they getin touch with you?
Yeah, so the free tool I wouldlove to give your audience is
take back my calendar.com Go totake back my calendar.com. And
(43:48):
that is a free control mycalendar checklist. If you want
to just start the journey withsome basic tools for time
management, that's where I wouldstart out. So that's just a free
tool if you want to get in touchwith me. And if I could be of
assistance in your journey atall. I'm at Paul casey.org. And
that is my website on all thesocial channels as well as
(44:12):
either growing forward services,or Paul Casey.
Awesome. Awesome. So that's takeback my calendar dot home.
You got it. Go there,
get the checklist. Make sure youcheck out Paul Casey's website
Paul casey.or. Tal, thank you somuch for being on somewhere in
(44:33):
the middle of Michele. It
has been a pleasure, MicheleWell,
that's our show this month,guys, you can reach me online at
Michele barard.com. You can alsofind me on Facebook, Instagram,
and Tiktok as urban book editorfeel free to send in some some
topics you'd like us to cover onthe show. I'd love to hear from
(44:53):
you. You can find this once amonth on Fridays at 5pm Pacific
6pm Mountain 7pm Central 8pmEastern ad this summer in the
middle podcast. Let's continuethe conversation. You guys be
good. stay mindful and remainprayer for peace and blessings
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