December 20, 2024 • 51 mins
Somewhere in the Middle welcomes Julie Edelman to discuss sisterhood, resilience, and finding strength in unexpected journeys
Julie Edelman is the bestselling author of the how-to book The Accidental Housewife: How to Overcome Housekeeping Hysteria One Task at a Time. She is a well-known lifestyle expert and has appeared on “The Today Show,” “The View,” “Rachael Ray,” “Fox & Friends,” “The Doctors,” ABC Audio Networks and iHeart Radio. She lives in Florida, close to her son, who is her heart and testament to a blessed life lived fully. Julie speaks publicly with heart and humor and in high heels about the value of sisterhood and not letting life’s detours define nor stop us from achieving our dreams. Julie recently published The Accidental Sisterhood, her debut novel, and a testimony to embracing a life detour with hope and determination following her triumph over breast cancer.
Connect with JulieFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/julieedelmanauthor
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/julieedelmanauthor/
Twitter: https://x.com/Julie_Edelman
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@julieedelmanauthor
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/julie-edelman-bbb1a416/
Website: www.julieedelman.com
Amazon: The Accidental Sisterhood is now available on Amazon.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Michele A. Barard (02:07):
Michele Happy Friday. Everyone. Welcome to
somewhere in the middle withMichele Barard. I'm your host.
Michele Barard, founder and CEOof Michele a Barard LLC, and I'm
really delighted to share thishour with you where we examine
all those places where spiritmeets life and the joys and
challenges that may bring. Iwant to thank my guest on the
(02:28):
November 15, 2024 show,entrepreneur and author, Alex
Brookman. You can connect withAlex on LinkedIn or at his
website. Brookman.ca
that's b, r, u, E, C, K, M, a,n, n, dot c, a, if you missed
that show, make sure you listento the replay. You can find our
(02:52):
complete show archives,including the November 15 show
at the somewhere in the middlepodcast.com,
now this month's guest isfamiliar to many of you already,
because of her numerousappearances on TV and radio.
Julie Edelman is the bestselling author of the how to
(03:12):
book the accidental housewife,how to overcome housekeeping
hysteria one task at a time. Sheis a well known lifestyle expert
and has appeared on The TodayShow the view Rachel Ray Fox and
Friends the doctors, ABC, audionetworks and I Heart Radio. She
(03:37):
lives in Florida, close to herson, who is her heart and
testament to a blessed lifelived fully.
Julie speaks publicly with heartand humor and in high heels
about the value of sisterhoodand not letting life's detours
define or stop us from achievingour dreams. Julie recently
(04:00):
published the accidentalsisterhood, her debut novel and
a testimony to embracing a lifedetour with hope and
determination following hertriumph over breast cancer.
So I would like to welcome JulieEdelman to somewhere in the
middle with Michele Barard,Julie, how are you today? Thank
(04:20):
you for being here,
Julie Edelman (04:21):
Michele. I'm great, and I'm thrilled to be
here. Thank you. And I have aquestion too. Somewhere in the
middle, okay, I understand theconcept, but I'm going to
interview you for a second. Tellme what that exactly means, and
sorry about the door slamming.You never know what's going on
in this home.
Michele A. Barard (04:38):
Oh, yeah, no problem. And that's the way of
life these days. Somewhere inthe middle, when I started this
podcast, I had this vision of mecreating impact in my little
corner of the world, and thegoal was really to share
people's journeys, because Ithink we're more alike than we
(04:58):
are different. And.
And I think we learn that byhearing about each other's
journeys. So hopefully we canmeet somewhere in the middle and
understand that even though wemay have different interests,
different
I don't know beliefs indifferent areas, that we're all
basically the same. Everybodywants the same thing. We want a
good life for ourselves and ourfamilies. We want to be healthy,
(05:20):
happy and prosperous. Nobody'strying to get anything from
anybody. We just want to all behappy.
Julie Edelman (05:28):
And you know that really leads to the whole
concept of my book sisterhood,too, that, you know, somewhere
in the middle, we all connect,and we're not alone, and that we
have one another, but we're alsoon very different journeys. But
that doesn't mean we can't allbe there from one another and
get along
Michele A. Barard (05:43):
Exactly, exactly, and that's hopefully
what we can talk about moretoday. But first I want to ask
you two questions. Okay?
Julie Edelman, who are you andhow did you become who you are
today?
Julie Edelman (06:00):
How long do we have?
Well, it's been a journey, as itis for all of us. And you know,
I it's sort of interesting,because in the last few years,
particularly,
I think I've shared with you Iwas diagnosed with breast cancer
about a year and a half ago, andwhat that does, I actually did.
Found it through a selfie I haddone, which I encourage everyone
(06:23):
out there to please do yourmonthly selfies, because the
earlier you find it, the betteryour chances of being it. But
you know, I was asked to speakat Moffitt Cancer Center
as their I guess, testament to awoman who'd gone through the
breast cancer journey. And I washonored, obviously. But what I
realized in the speech, as Istarted to write it, is that
(06:44):
when you ask about me, my lifehas been an accidental journey.
And you know, it started evenwhen I My mother told me when I
was old enough to understandthat I was an accident, that I
wasn't planned. So, I mean, myroots really do go very far
back, and that's not a joke. Imean, that's true. But as life
evolved, you know, you gothrough your 20s, you're
(07:05):
beginning your career. And thenmy 30s, I got married and I
became, you know, it was love,marriage and a baby carriage. So
accidentally, once again, I gotthrust into this role that I
really didn't prep for. Youknow, I was trying to be a
career woman. I was trying to bea mother, a wife, and also find
time for myself. But somewhere,my child had to be fed, and I
(07:28):
had to keep my home clean enoughso health inspectors wouldn't
come here. So I tried to figureout, well, how could I do this?
How could I balance this? And atthe time, I was doing a lot of
segments on the view the TVshow. And I knew, you know, both
from a professional point ofview, that I had to be something
different, a lifestyle expert,was a dime a dozen, but also
(07:50):
through this journey, at thistime, I was years had passed,
and I was was a wife, but I wasalso about to be divorced. I was
going through divorce. My fatherpassed away, and my dog had
trial, you know, taken a walkand had a stroke. He was older,
so it was a perfect storm of mylife. And trying to balance all
of these things and navigate myway led to me coming up with
(08:15):
this persona, the accidentalhousewife. And yeah, you know,
Michele, I've always used tohumor in my life to navigate my
way. So I began finding theseinteresting little hacks that
were not your typical hacks,things like using Alka Seltzer
to clean toilets and coming upwith pop pop Whiz, Whiz,
amazing. Pop Pop biz, biz, awaywill go your poop and whiz. And
(08:38):
I put them into a book and foundthat vodka was a great multi
tasker as a sanitizer, and ifyou drank one a shot, your house
looked cleaner to everybody, butyou know, so I found these
hacks, but also, once I put theminto this book of mine, which I
decided was the way to go,
I got lucky. It hit the bestseller list, and because it
(09:02):
resonated not so much the hats,but because my journey was like
where you talked before aboutsomewhere in the middle,
connected with a community ofwomen trying to find their own
place and realizing they weren'tMartha Stewart, nor did we want
to be. And so I gave them sortof the opportunity to embrace
(09:22):
our, what I called ourimperfections, and come out of
our broom closets and say we'renot perfect, and that's okay. So
that began a community for me,which was really most important
and also got me through thatperiod. Then fast forward to
about a year and a half ago, asI mentioned, when I was
diagnosed, and then was goingthrough this journey with breast
(09:45):
cancer, once again, I was takinga detour in my life, and I took
it and said, You know, I'm goingto turn this into something, a
dream that I've always wanted todo, and that was writing this
book, The excellent sisterhood,and also gave me another way to.
Once again, connect with womenwho are going through similar
journeys life, date, devastatingdetours, and doesn't have to be
(10:07):
health. It could be a divorce.It could be losing your job,
empty nesting, and to try toembrace that and use it to as a
way of inspiring them to goafter something important to
them, and again, to connect andexpress and know you're not
alone. So long answer andforgive me, my life has been an
(10:27):
accidental journey, and I neverknow what tomorrow brings. I
don't look there anymore,because I realized too staying
present is all we have. Andparticularly a few months ago,
there were those horriblehurricanes in Florida where so
many were affected by that. Soyou just it sort of grounds me.
It makes me thrilled to betalking to you, to be able to
(10:49):
hopefully inspire and empowerwomen, to, you know, go after
their dreams, believe inthemselves, but also rely on the
power of sisterhood. So thereyou have it.
Michele A. Barard (11:01):
There we have it. Now, there were so many
things that kind of jumped outat me from what you just said.
One of them first is, of course,the breast cancer diagnosis. Do
you mind if I ask, where are youin that journey?
Julie Edelman (11:16):
Sure. Well, I am over a year now. Well, it was a
year ago in May that I finishedmy radiation treatment. So I
guess you say I'm six, I guessover a year in remission, which
is terrific, you know, I rangthat bell, which is all
important that you do. Thankyou. Yeah, and but it really has
(11:38):
to be here now talking to youabout what has transpired that I
never would have thoughtbecause, also, breast cancer
didn't run in my family, and youoften think that, oh, it, that's
the link. Nothing to do with it.There are so many other things
that happen. So in my breastcancer right now, I go every
three months. I continue to domonthly self exams, because, as
(12:00):
I shared before, that's how Ifound mine annual mammograms,
and just very aware that youneed to be on top of these
things. So yeah, I'm happy I'mhere. It actually in a strange
way. Michele, it was a gift. AndI know I would never said, What
do you want? These are the topthree things I want. Is gifts
(12:22):
through my life, but because ofit, I'm here talking to you and
hopefully able to help so manyother people. And like I said,
my book too. It's something Ialways wanted to write. It's
now, it's out there, and it'sgreat, and I'm excited about it.
Well, so
Michele A. Barard (12:36):
is this your first foray into fiction?
Julie Edelman (12:40):
It is I had done the how to book, the actual
housewife, which was fun, youknow. And both of them are done
first person, like the book thatI've just written, Jules Malone,
who's the central character is,you know, I talk about it for
me, you know, I'm writing downthe street. I So, yes, this is
my first, what I'm calling aromance thriller, and hopefully
(13:03):
it's first in a series. This isbook one of the axon sisterhood,
and I'm working on the next oneas we speak. Amazing. So
Michele A. Barard (13:12):
first, give us a brief synopsis of the book.
Julie Edelman (13:15):
All right, it's about four women, one man,
caught in a web of Love, Lustand lies that is unraveled by
the power of sisterhood. And Imean, that's it's sort of fun.
And there's a movie trailereverybody can watch, too. Not
movie. I call it. It looks likea movie trailer. It's a book
trailer that's really fun. Andwhen I watch it, it's just like,
(13:35):
wow, this is so cool. But it'sabout Jules Malone. She's the
protagonist in this book, andher relationship with this one
man she comes into contact withcalled Sean Connors. And Sean is
this charming man that you know,just Razzle dazzles her with
that fairy tale kind of love youwant, in terms of sending her
(13:59):
roses, champagne. And you know,even though she's an older
woman, as we've talked about,you know, romance isn't dead.
She's been married once. She hada a fiance who she calls her
white nightmare because it wasfunny, but he was abusive. I
mean, there's a lot of somethings going on. Her son Max, as
(14:22):
Asperger's her mother alsoabused her in a different way.
So she's not this simple littlecharacter. I can't share with
you. What's part me? Part that?Because if I do, I'm going to
have to put you in thatimperfect broom clause that we
talked about before, and friendswho know me know that they can't
share. But so it's her journeyfrom when she first meets this
(14:45):
man to then finding out thathe's been telling her a lot of
lies and deceptions and thatthere are other women she's one
of four, but together, shefigures out how to align them
and. Is interesting becausethey're very different
characters too. One is acardiologist, a pediatric
(15:06):
cardiologist, the other is adivorce attorney. I'm not going
to tell you exactly how theyplay. And then one's a
millennial who is in the Navyand is an intelligence officer
who opens a an interesting shop.So they form this bond, which
results in a way to deal withSean's deceptions, and the
ending will literally, I think,blow you away. Interesting.
Michele A. Barard (15:29):
Interesting. Now, what inspired you to write
this particular story? Usually,I think writers get some you
know, nugget from somewhere. Wasthere? What was your nugget?
Nugget was real
Julie Edelman (15:43):
life. Okay, clearly, though, that's the
beauty of writing fiction. Youcan take it anywhere you want.
Okay, so, but it's founded in alot of things that have happened
in my life. You'll see in therethat Jules becomes a best
selling author of the accidentalhousewife, the character, Sean
is based on, yes, somebody. Butdidn't quite do all these
(16:07):
things, but I could take it, asI said, anywhere, and you don't
have to worry about filteringwhen you write fiction. But I
like to call this a work offaction. And again, I can't tell
you what percent is which, butso. So the nuggets came from
real life. And then alsounderstanding that when I read,
and I love to read, the things Ilike to find, and that twists
(16:29):
and turns, and also having thetime to read, I made the
chapters like potato chipchapters. So they're, they're
short and they and you cancontinue or you put them down. I
mean, it's not war and peace,but it's, it's a fun read, but
it's also you come away feelingthat you've connected. And
that's, those are the reviewsI've gotten with people, which
(16:52):
is terrific. It's very excitingto know that not only you think
the book is good, but people whodon't know you or friends and
family. So So yeah, Michele,it's, it's based on nuggets in
my life that I have now turnedinto a whole gold bracelet.
Michele A. Barard (17:08):
That's amazing, well, and I get curious
about the relationships amongthe women, right? So you've got
these four very different women,and there is this trope, I
think, in our society, thatwomen can't get along with one
another, especially if there's aman in the mix. How do you
obviously, without telling theplot without but how do you get
(17:31):
these women, how do these womencome together and and realize,
you know what, we're not theones who are the problem. This
dude's the problem.
Julie Edelman (17:39):
And that was the fun part, and the challenging
part, because you're right, andthat's and actually, feedback
I've gotten is it's nice to seethat this book was, first of
all, written not by, you know, awife who's gone through this,
but by somebody who's involvedin this menage, A four or five.
(18:00):
But it's I got them tounderstand by just saying, You
know what? And this is anotherlife lessons. Sometimes you just
got to do what your gut tellsyou. And Jules decides that even
though she could just let it beand just do her thing and end it
with Sean, that that would bewrong, she couldn't do it. And
(18:21):
so the women understood, becausethey were smarter about this.
They didn't look at each other,to your point, as enemies. They
were caught in his web,separate, and they had no idea
about one another, so withoutgoing into much more, so they
came to respect each person. Andat first, clearly they didn't, I
mean, it wasn't like, oh yeah,great, come on in. Yeah, right.
(18:42):
But they came to understandthrough their own journeys, and
each woman had their own whytheir relationship was
important, that they had withSean, but then also that, you
know what, this guy's anasshole, forgive me, can I say
that on this? Yeah,
Michele A. Barard (18:57):
I think you can. It
Julie Edelman (18:59):
wasn't a disclaimer up there. Okay, yeah,
cuz I use some other strangewords in the book, which are
part of my language, but we willsay those here. So yes, I think
it was really that, that thepower of them understanding that
it wasn't what each of them haddone to one another, and the way
it plays out, they see that, butthat it was this man and that
(19:21):
together, they could bestronger, but it was their
choice too. There was nobody,you know, saying you need to do
this. It was, you know what,this should happen. So
Michele A. Barard (19:31):
that's amazing, because I think one of
the things that we see, youknow, especially with social
media these days, you just seewomen fighting over men. And I'm
like, is that really necessary?No, I remember telling my girls
as they were growing up, youknow, there's a whole lot of D
out there in the world. You canjust find it anywhere. It's not
(19:52):
that big a deal. You know, whyI'm and it makes me wonder why
women are pitted against oneanother. You know? Four men.
It's kind of interesting. Well,
Julie Edelman (20:03):
I think again, it goes to your show somewhere in
the middle. We met in the middleall these four women, and we
didn't use our own issues,because a lot of times too. Just
generally, in life, people reactto you because of their own come
froms. It's not because theyhate you specifically, or that
you've done something wrong orthey're jealous of you. It's
(20:24):
their own insecurities. And eachof these women clearly had
theirs. And as you'll read, theyhave pretty interesting
backgrounds, very different, butinteresting, and that too. I
wanted, I wanted them to be, notalways older women, but that's
why this millennial who's socool, and she's like, you know,
brings this other depth to it,and also relationship of an
(20:46):
older man younger woman, right?So, so to your point, yeah,
there's no reason, but when Isee that, or I'm faced with it,
I've learned through justexperience and that it's that
person's issue. It's not aboutyou, so just let them be. But
not everybody looks at it thatway, because they have their
(21:07):
issues they're bringing to thattable
Michele A. Barard (21:09):
well. And you know, that's interesting,
because I think of myself as ayounger woman going through
different things, you know, my20s and my 30s, and really kind
of thinking everything.Obviously, we are the star of
our own movies, right? We arethe star of our lives. But when
these other people come into itand do certain things and say
(21:32):
certain things, often times,like you said, it has nothing to
do with you. But when you're in20s and 30s, you don't
necessarily recognize that,unless you're extremely wise,
very young, yeah, and it tookuntil I got into my 40s where I
started realizing, oh, that hasnothing to do with me. And when
I realized that I was able tocalm down about things, I know
(21:55):
that sounds weird, maybe right,but do you know like a
Absolutely, because I think thattendency for overreaction tends
to come from you thinking thatit's about you and it's really
not, am I does that? What youwould think, too, absolutely,
Julie Edelman (22:08):
you know. And I think the problem too, or the
cause, the root cause, is thateverybody's in, everybody's
business. You know, with socialmedia, nothing's a secret. You
know, you're out there tellingpeople about your life. You know
what you do? So it you know, tome, I like the old days, and I
have not been a major socialmedia person. Personally, I'm
(22:30):
doing it professionally becauseI want my life to be my life.
But younger people particularly,and you know, we've seen this,
are so influenced by othersthrough Instagram, Tiktok, and
in ways, sure is it great thatwe can all communicate and talk,
but it also creates morepressures and more barometers of
comparison and seeing thesethings. But at the flip side, it
(22:54):
gives you more resources tohopefully help people too. So
yeah, to your point, I'm withyou. You know, I think too, as
we get older, we just becomemore authentic, because we've
been through so much stuff. It'swhat's the point in pretending
we're something we're not. Weare who we are. And to your
point, unless the youngers aremore experienced, they can't
(23:15):
quite get that, and that doescome with age, so you sort of
have to. But women, our age orshould be more aware, more suit
and more forgiving, and not lookfor permission from other women,
but to just want to support oneanother in whatever journey or
way. I
Michele A. Barard (23:32):
think it's interesting too, because you
mentioned, when you get older,we just, I don't want to say
it's that we care less, butsometimes I say, you know, I
have zero F's to give. SometimesI can't worry about whether or
not I'm impressing somebody,right? And I think that is
something that you get to acertain point you're like, you
know what? I've been working sohard to be the right thing for
(23:57):
every situation, whether it's asa mother, as a wife, as a
girlfriend, as a employee, orwhat have you. How did you find
that that changed for you as youaged and mind you still very
young and hip and happening inyour 50s, right? But still, I
(24:18):
mean, it's different in your 50sthan when you're in your 20s and
30s, the things that you'lltolerate and the things that
you'll do. How did that changefor you? Well,
Julie Edelman (24:29):
I think the real catalyst for change was
recognizing certain things in methat I knew didn't feel right.
You know, I grew up with amother who is, you know, I had
to be perfect all the time, andI that barometer I carried, but
it was, it was hard. It washard. I mean, I remember
shopping with my dad when I wasin my early 20s. I was at in
California, and I couldn't makea decision on the pair of jeans
(24:52):
because I was so used to mymother. So the catalyst to that
was, and I, I sort of, this isa. Sort of truth in the book, my
this fiance, who was the whitenightmare, had bought me this
beautiful ring, and when we werefinished, I actually took the
money from that ring and he gaveme a gift. I later call it. It
(25:15):
was the gift of therapy. I wentinto therapy, and the best thing
I've, I'd ever done, because ittook me to have to really deal
with issues and of course,particularly lack of feeling
loved, which is self worth,which is the bottom line of all
of us, if we don't feel thatnothing else matters, it's not
(25:36):
success. Success isn't measured.You never feel successful. It
was like I was watching aninterview the other day with
Kathy Bates. I love her, I don'tknow. And she's got that series
now, Matlock, which is on, whichis terrific. But she was talking
about her mother and her father.And you know, it really that's
where it stems. Michele, if youdon't feel secure or loved from
(25:59):
the two most important people inyour life that can scar you
forever, unless you say, I needto learn, I need to fix this,
and that's what I did, and I'mthrilled because I have a son
who there's often we repeatthings that parents do. I'm not
because I've learned what itwas, what the triggers were, and
(26:21):
I'm so close to him. We talkevery day. He's my 30 year old
little bouncy baby boy, notanymore, but you can see how you
really can at the end of theday, we have to change our
lives. No one can do it for us.It's great to have support
people, even with breast cancer,but the end of the day, I had to
decide, am I going to leave? Letthis take me down or build me
(26:42):
up, lift me up. And I thinkthat's I think I've answered
your question.
Michele A. Barard (26:48):
Well, I think you've done a great job. Because
I think that's important. I thatwhole journey of self discovery
is really what you're talkingabout. I think one of the things
that I felt like was importantas I've gotten older, is
learning to kind of be my ownparent, right? Parents are
(27:12):
giving the best that they canwith what they have at that
time, and sometimes what theyhave is abysmally bad or
abysmally limited, and as likeyou said, we take that into
adulthood with us. If we don'tlearn to understand that and
kind of give ourselves the lovethat we're missing or the praise
(27:35):
that we were missing or thesecurity that we were missing,
it can damage relationships downthe line, and it can damage
generations down the line
Julie Edelman (27:45):
Absolutely. It's self affirmation of yourself and
saying, you know, I'm okay, I'mgood, I'm worthy. It's really
the unworthy part and lovingyourself, because you can't love
anybody else if you don't in theright way, if you don't love
yourself. And that, when yousaid that, about repeating in a
sense, I had done a documentaryon child abuse when I moons ago,
(28:09):
you know, when I died, a storyage, when I was back in college,
and I interviewed threedifferent women. One of them was
15. She murdered her child. Shehad been abused. The most
interesting one, though she wasa woman at 27 she had a five
year old daughter. When she gothelp and came back to being
herself, her daughter actuallybecame a baby again. She started
(28:30):
crawling and doing all thethings she couldn't do because
she had had to be somebody elsegrowing up. And I was astounded
by it, but that's the impact toyour point, that, and that, you
know what, they thought theywere loving their child the way
they should, because that's theonly love they knew, and that's
why it's repeat, you know, withsexual offenders, the others,
(28:51):
it's, it's the it's love definedby your roots. But again, we can
hopefully try to change that.And I'm saying everybody has the
ability to go and get that kindof help. But there are online
places, there are other places,you know, whatever help or
friends, whatever it is that canhelp you, lift you up. It's just
(29:12):
really important, and I feel forthose who don't have the
resources you know, available toperhaps get that kind of help,
but maybe can start to believe alittle bit in themselves, that
that they're good people
Michele A. Barard (29:25):
well, and that's really important
understanding Well, if everybodycan understand that no baby
comes into the world as a badperson,
Julie Edelman (29:35):
absolutely, yeah, yeah. It's uh yes. I mean, we
can go into whole world politicson that one, but
Michele A. Barard (29:45):
yeah, it just makes you think. Every time you
I don't know. It just makes youthink, Well, tell us more about,
if you don't mind, your whitenightmare, and how that journey,
you know, that part of yourjourney. Informed you
particularly
Julie Edelman (30:02):
well in the book Jules, aka maybe a little bit,
found this guy who she wasn'treally interested in dating, and
her sister in law, Tess, justsaid we had met, we lived on the
same floor, and I had actuallyintroduced Tess to Jules
introduces test to her brother,Gil, and they hit it off. They
(30:24):
get married. So she felt sheneeded to do something for me.
So she introduces me to herboss, which is the white knight
initially, and He's great. He'solder, he has, you know, lots of
money. And she says, Hey,instead of tuna fish for dinner,
you can have a great dinner. SoI get involved with him. And she
(30:47):
was right. He was he was a niceguy. I didn't say I fell head
over heels, and so the whitenightmare in my life, he was a
good guy. I mean, we thought, Ithought, but I can't tell you
the whole story, because thatimpacts what happens. But
clearly we as i There's a greatquote by William Blake from
Songs Of Innocence, we err willbelieve a lie who see with not
(31:09):
throw the eye and on thesurface. Except I will tell you
one thing he added to pay, whichhe thought everybody didn't
know, but he did. They did. Allof a sudden it becomes somebody
that she chose to be blind to.She was also younger. I was
younger. And to your point, wedon't see some things because
(31:30):
we're also looking to be loved.And you know, this guy wined and
dined and, you know, did thesuperficial things, until one
day he didn't. And I'll leave itthere. Wow.
Michele A. Barard (31:42):
And how does that change? How does that
change you as a woman and yourperception of yourself,
particularly, if you know, ifyou're not in your 20s, we'll
say that if you're not your 20s,I mean, I feel like when you're
in your 20s, you're like, I'mstill young and sexy, I can I'm
not saying you don't go throughheartbreak. I'm saying that you
(32:04):
kind of have the sense that I'mstill young and sexy. I can go
out there and find somebodyelse, and that's also possibly
part of your goal at that age.How does it change when you're
maybe in your 40s or 50s?
Julie Edelman (32:18):
I think you get gun shy, not gun shy, smarter.
You don't want to get hurtagain. At the same time, though,
you're lonely. You knowloneliness exists, and
particularly when empty nestingstarts to come into it. So in
the case of these characters,they all for different reasons,
were on their own in some ways,and they had different needs.
(32:40):
But I think as we get older,yeah, I think part of us says,
you know, I don't need this, andpart of us can read it and see
the flags and sometimes, likeJules myself, I'm a diet, hard
romantic. I love romance. And sowhen a guy would, you know, buy
me flowers and he's charming,we'd have dinner, you know,
dancing, the initial wooing, ifyou will, is wonderful because
(33:06):
it it's that fairy tale that weall sort of want. Whether you're
a little kid or you're, youknow, an older woman, it's sort
of nice to believe in in loveand happily ever after. Yeah,
until you don't, because all ofa sudden you say, snap out of
it, you know? So I think, yeah,that would be the way I would
(33:26):
share with you was how an olderwoman and somebody like myself
looks at romance, looks atrelationships.
Michele A. Barard (33:35):
Now you mentioned that you're not on
social media much, but orrather, you're on there,
professionally, but notpersonally.
Julie Edelman (33:42):
Yes.
Michele A. Barard (33:43):
Have you ever seen this trend that's going
around or this, I'm going tocall it a I don't know,
conflict. There's this trendthat I'm seeing where women are
saying, No, I think we're donewith dating because the men have
been deceptive, and they'reexpecting things of us that they
(34:04):
don't give us in return, and soforth. What do you and I'm
seeing this with even youngerwomen now, what do you think
might be going on there? I knowyou've got probably limited
experience with this trend, butwhat, what do you think might be
going on there?
Julie Edelman (34:21):
I think people are tired, you know, and I think
it's safer to say I'm done thanto go out there. I think that's
part of it. And Jules, in thebook, says she's done after two
failed relationships, the WhiteNight, Marin and good guy gone
bad. Because it's tiring. Ittakes a lot of work to really
build a relationship. And so Ithink the trend is like
(34:45):
everything will shift. But Ithink our world is also so
overwhelmingly complex that tohave to work so hard at a
relationship, we want it to beeasy. It should be easy. It
shouldn't be if you think aboutit. So. So much hard work and
but that's when you talk aboutsocial media. Women putting
themselves out there, though,are asking for it, you know, and
(35:07):
all the dating apps and allthose things you put yourself in
this environment that you youare just like getting beaten all
the time, or you'll go out ofdate. Oh, it's great. And then
no and check, swipe, whateveryou do. So it's now, it's no
longer the old kind of romance.It's, it's mechanical. So it's,
it's work. I guess maybe that'swhy they're getting it's more
(35:30):
work than it is just dating. Andso I think, and I you know, as
you said, I really haven't hadexperience. I've been in
relationship for over four yearsnow, which he knows, though he
could be the next victim in mybook. I mean, so he lives with
that fear, but that's okay, andactually it's a hint of him at
the end of the book, you'll seeso but I think, I think that's
(35:53):
really it. Michele, I thinkmaybe it's so much work that
they're done, you know, ratherbe by myself. I like myself.
Maybe people are likingthemselves more too, and not
needing somebody else tocomplete them. But, you know, so
I think that's changed. We grewup when things were a little
different, the old fashionedway. Want to get married, want
to have that husband, but wewere also in conflict, because
(36:14):
we also wanted a career. Sowe're sort of that bridge
generation trying to be newfashion with old fashioned and,
you know, in the midst, youknow, balancing that. But were
you, if you don't mind asking apersonal question, you've been
married and divorced, are youstill married to the same mans
Michele A. Barard (36:32):
married and divorced more than once? Well,
that was the
Julie Edelman (36:35):
answer I was hoping for. That's what I'm
saying. Because as we evolve, wegot smarter about it, that we
didn't have to stay in amarriage, whereas our parents
would even it wasn't right, andit's or for the kids, for the
kids. And I had that conflictbecause I didn't you know my
son, what would happen to him?How would he but I realized that
(36:58):
I had to do what was right, alsofor me, because he would see the
unhappiness in our home, andthat would impact him as well.
And the good news from my side,and I'd love to hear yours. Of
course, I need to, like, go outand have cocktails together.
It's like girls down the hallhere. Let's have a happy hour, a
yappy hour. Well, yap somewhere,but we become friends. My former
(37:19):
husband and we co parented Lukereally, really well. And like
just today, I got a text askingme how I was about something
that happened. So it's alsoabout the adults being around
how to be adults in a divorceand not use the kids as, you
know, pawns and so forth
Michele A. Barard (37:36):
well. And that is true. That's very
challenging. And when you're ina difficult relationship. Not so
I I'm gonna make a distinctionhere that might feel like I'm
kind of, you know, teasing outsome hairs here, but I think
it's important there's arelationship there's not that's
(37:57):
not working, because the peopleare too different. Their basic
values are different. They'vechanged over time, what have
you. And then there is arelationship with fundamentally
discordant properties that couldbe considered abusive. For
example, like, I didn't know Iwas in an abusive relationship
(38:17):
until my attorney told me, like,seriously, because interesting
Julie Edelman (38:22):
how blind one can be, isn't it that does and it
wasn't
Michele A. Barard (38:26):
abusive, like I was getting punched out every
day or anything like that. Itwas emotional abuse, and I
didn't realize it until hefinally did punch me, and I went
to a divorce attorney, becauseto me, that was abuse, right?
Oh, you hit me. Okay. Now we Idon't live with that. I just
remember, I don't you're withwe're about the same age, so you
(38:48):
probably remember, did you eversee Farrah Fawcett in the
burning bed? Yeah, I was like,If a man ever hits me, I am
afraid that I will set him onfire one night, so I cannot stay
with him, because that's notgoing to happen. We just won't.
I don't live like that. And sothat's what I equated abuse
with, was the physical I didn'trealize that I was being
(39:10):
emotionally manipulated andabused for years, until my
attorney said, you're an abusiverelationship. I need you to read
this book, and until it was hepromised he would stop. Was the
name of the book. And until Iread that book, I didn't even
realize that I was in an abusiverelationship. So for us, we were
(39:33):
able to co parent to a point,but then at some point, there
was always some conflict, somehe, like he, he would
Julie Edelman (39:45):
trigger some push buttons
Michele A. Barard (39:47):
on purpose. And finally, I had to say, I
can't keep participating inthis. And I had to pull back co
parenting got more distant. Youknow, sure, sure, we still co
parented. We there was never anyproblem with conflict over. The
kids, per se, but I had to putthat distance between us. I
don't know that we would ever
Julie Edelman (40:06):
become friends. Well, you had to put boundaries
down, because yours was, I mean,he just kept stepping over them.
I was fortunate with my myhusband, my former husband, he
that wasn't him. I mean, thewhite knight would have been if
I had married him, that would Iwould have been like you, no, I
would have put up restrainingorders and everything for
variety reasons, emotionally aswell as physically. So I think
(40:30):
you, we also, you learn torespect yourself. And also you,
you feel that maybe they'llchange when it's something like
that. Oh, this is going to pass.He's not going to do that again.
You know, it was just maybe Itriggered it. You look at
yourself and say, and Jules asksherself that with Sean and some
of the things he does, youquestion your own self. Maybe,
maybe it's my fault. You know,you look at yourself and you
(40:52):
eventually realize, no, it'snot. But you go through those
various emotional rollercoasters of, no, this can't be
happening. Okay, he's going tochange. Maybe it's my fault, and
then realizing no, and get thefluk out of there. Fluff, by the
way, is a good term.
Michele A. Barard (41:09):
I like that. Okay, well, I
Julie Edelman (41:11):
found I actually used it with books. It's a gang
of geese doing what you thinkthey may be doing, but it seems
such a more elegant way. SoJules use that a lot. That's
amazing.
Michele A. Barard (41:24):
That's amazing, well. And what would
you say to younger women who arelike, like, I said I didn't even
know I was in an emotionallyabusive relationship until
divorce time, right? And sowe're, we're actually at that
point, and I think sometimesthat's hard to recognize. So I
(41:45):
wasn't sitting there going,maybe it's me. I was more like
La la la la la, no. I don't likethis. La la la la la, no. I
don't like this. You know what Imean? Kind of going through
life, head down, taking care ofthe kids, working all that, and
you're so busy doing what you dothat you don't even realize that
you're being kind of harassedand manipulated on a daily
basis. What would you say toyounger women? What are some
(42:09):
things that maybe they shouldthink about in terms of the way
they approach relationships,that the things that and it
could be men or women doesn'tmatter. It could be a same sex
relationship even. What do youthink people should be looking
for? Well, no, it's
Julie Edelman (42:28):
looking for, I think the biggest thing I've
found over the course of time totrust your gut. If it doesn't
feel right, it's not right. Andit may sound simple, it is
simple, but I ask you when, ifyou had trusted your gut that
something wasn't wrong with arelationship, you probably would
have saved a lot of time. Nowthat's not so easy when you're
(42:48):
younger, because you don't havethe experience of gut being
proven right, but I think that'sthe first benchmark. And if you
see more and more flags andyou're constantly asking
yourself the same question, thattoo, because it shouldn't be
like we were talking about somuch work. The right
relationship and person is, isthe thing that will show itself.
(43:09):
It will shine through. And it'salso, don't be desperate to have
a relationship. You know, it'shard again when you're younger
to love yourself so and say, I'mgood, although nowadays I think
more and more young people aregood. And there are stories I
just saw women men takingthemselves out to dinner and
enjoying it on their own. So Ithink that's sort of cool, that
(43:30):
younger people are embracingtheir own sense of self. But
yeah, Michele, I think theadvice I was give is trust your
gut and sure, but allow yourselfto enjoy the romance of it. But
after three four dates, if allof a sudden there's a red flag,
and then you see that flagagain. Yeah? Listen, heed, heed
your inners, yeah,
Michele A. Barard (43:52):
well, and there is hope, because I know
for me, I started cutting mylosses much more quickly, right?
You know, 11 years in the firstmarriage three years in the
second. I'm like, I
Julie Edelman (44:02):
don't, yeah,
Michele A. Barard (44:04):
I'm like, I can all and now I think you got,
like, minutes. I don't think youget I don't think you get days
now you get minutes butt. Ithink you do start as you get
older, kind of trusting your gutmore quickly. The challenge
comes in when you have kids,because you, of course, you
know, and then you've marriedyour finances together. There's
a reason marriage falls undercontract law, but, um, you know,
(44:30):
I think that you do kind of, Idon't know, as you get older,
hopefully see things morequickly, because you recognize.
It's almost like patternrecognition, isn't it? Yes,
Julie Edelman (44:41):
yeah, it is. It's, yeah, and there, what's
the expression about dogs? Gosh,there's an expression. I can't
think of it right now, as far asyou know, getting older, but,
but I think exactly what you'resaying at the same time, I want
people to allow their heart tobe shown. You know, we also get
so many walls that we put upnowadays. Um. Um, that it
doesn't allow you to sort ofjust fall in love. I mean, it's
(45:04):
simple. I love these old rom commovies, you know, and books
about love, and that's why, atthe end of the day, I mean, even
Jules, she's not going to giveup on love. She's smarter now
she's had because she's lookingat the perspective differently.
And that's another thing. Lookat the takeaways from a
relationship that doesn't work.What have you learned? And maybe
(45:25):
that will help you get to abetter relationship next time.
And the person that was in yourlife, then they're there for a
reason, and I know for me,that's been the case. It's sort
of like connecting the dots. AndI say that to my son about
life's journey, they lead you toa towards a path, lot of
detours, but there's a reason,and if you can learn from those
different moments,relationships, jobs, whatever it
(45:48):
is that's, that's, that's themost important thing, because
hopefully you won't keep makingthe same mistake, but you might,
but don't also beat up onyourself. Just use it as a
stepping stone to get where youwant to be and where you are is
the right place, whether it maynot seem so at the time,
absolutely,
Michele A. Barard (46:07):
I love it. So many words of wisdom. Hopefully,
I
Julie Edelman (46:10):
mean, that'll be my next book, The Accidental
wise woman.
Michele A. Barard (46:14):
I like that. I am so excited about your book.
I'm so excited about all thethings that you shared here. How
can people connect with you?Where can they find you? And
where can they find your book?Well,
Julie Edelman (46:26):
Amazon, they can find it. Audiobook. I did the
audio voiceover. I needed tochannel my inner Meryl Streep,
where are you when I need you?And there's the Kindle version
ebook, and, of course, thepaperback. So Amazon also to get
me, you can go to my website,Julie edelman.com my socials are
Julie Edelman on Facebook,Instagram, so I am all over the
(46:47):
place professionally, andhopefully next time we chat,
we'll continue to sail beyondthe same paths with whomever it
is in our life. But if not,there's a good reason and to
stay empowered and to trust, asI said, the power of sister and
us.
Michele A. Barard (47:02):
I love it, the power of sisterhood in us.
Julie Edelman, thank you so muchfor both.
Julie Edelman (47:08):
I'm sorry I did forget one thing, sorry one last
thing, forgive me forinterrupting you. Um, percentage
of all the book sales is goingto Moffat Cancer Center. So
please, please, please. Youknow, I am an advocate for
mammograms, for doing self examsand hopefully finding the cure
for breast cancer, because thatis just It's invasive. 360,000
(47:32):
women this year alone are beingdiagnosed with it. Michele, so I
apologize for interrupting youas No, I did. Thank you, Julie,
enough already.
Michele A. Barard (47:41):
No thank you. That's wonderful. As I think I
mentioned to you before westarted this interview, my mom
died of complications frombreast cancer, so I am so happy
that you are willing to do thatto share part of the profit. So
you both say that again, it'sfor Moffitt
Julie Edelman (47:58):
Cancer Center. And if you go to my website, you
can link there and give adonation to help, as well as the
monies that I'm going to becontributing from book sales.
Michele A. Barard (48:09):
Awesome. Thank you so much. Julia, great.
Thank you for being with me onGoogle.
Julie Edelman (48:15):
Well, thanks for meeting me somewhere in the
middle.
Michele A. Barard (48:18):
Well, y'all, that's our final show, and what
a way to end the podcast.Somewhere in the middle, has
been on the air for eightseasons, and I am really happy
that you chose to spend thistime with me. I want to thank
all of my guests over the years.You are all amazing, and I am so
grateful for you. Thank you forsharing your expertise and your
(48:43):
life stories with my listeners.I learned a ton from you guys,
and I know the audience did aswell. I'd like to send a big
thank you out to Beverly blackof tribe Family Channel. Beverly
encouraged me to start somewherein the middle and help me
launch, as I've said at thestart of nearly every show, we
(49:05):
are here only because we standon the shoulders of those who
came before us. At the end ofthe previous show, I said we
would take a trip down memorylane, highlight a few memorable
interviews and talk aboutlessons learned and what's next.
I've since decided that lookingforward rather than backward is
(49:27):
the best way to end somewhere inthe middle. That is the most
profound lesson I can leave youwith today, and it's one that
every guest has shared in theirown way. Creating and hosting
somewhere in the middle. Hasbeen an incredible journey, and
I'm so thankful you chose toshare it with me. You can still
reach meonline@urbanbookeditor.com or
(49:50):
Michele barard.com you can alsofind me on Facebook and
Instagram as urban book editor.Send me a note. I'd love to hear
from you. You. You guys, begood, stay mindful and remain
prayerful. Peace and blessingsy'all. You
Michele Happy Friday. Everyone. Welcome to
somewhere in the middle withMichele Barard. I'm your host.
Michele Barard, founder and CEOof Michele a Barard LLC, and I'm
really delighted to share thishour with you where we examine
all those places where spiritmeets life and the joys and
challenges that may bring. Iwant to thank my guest on the
(02:28):
November 15, 2024 show,entrepreneur and author, Alex
Brookman. You can connect withAlex on LinkedIn or at his
website. Brookman.ca
that's b, r, u, E, C, K, M, a,n, n, dot c, a, if you missed
that show, make sure you listento the replay. You can find our
(02:52):
complete show archives,including the November 15 show
at the somewhere in the middlepodcast.com,
now this month's guest isfamiliar to many of you already,
because of her numerousappearances on TV and radio.
Julie Edelman is the bestselling author of the how to
(03:12):
book the accidental housewife,how to overcome housekeeping
hysteria one task at a time. Sheis a well known lifestyle expert
and has appeared on The TodayShow the view Rachel Ray Fox and
Friends the doctors, ABC, audionetworks and I Heart Radio. She
(03:37):
lives in Florida, close to herson, who is her heart and
testament to a blessed lifelived fully.
Julie speaks publicly with heartand humor and in high heels
about the value of sisterhoodand not letting life's detours
define or stop us from achievingour dreams. Julie recently
(04:00):
published the accidentalsisterhood, her debut novel and
a testimony to embracing a lifedetour with hope and
determination following hertriumph over breast cancer.
So I would like to welcome JulieEdelman to somewhere in the
middle with Michele Barard,Julie, how are you today? Thank
(04:20):
you for being here,
Julie Edelman (04:21):
Michele. I'm great, and I'm thrilled to be
here. Thank you. And I have aquestion too. Somewhere in the
middle, okay, I understand theconcept, but I'm going to
interview you for a second. Tellme what that exactly means, and
sorry about the door slamming.You never know what's going on
in this home.
Michele A. Barard (04:38):
Oh, yeah, no problem. And that's the way of
life these days. Somewhere inthe middle, when I started this
podcast, I had this vision of mecreating impact in my little
corner of the world, and thegoal was really to share
people's journeys, because Ithink we're more alike than we
(04:58):
are different. And.
And I think we learn that byhearing about each other's
journeys. So hopefully we canmeet somewhere in the middle and
understand that even though wemay have different interests,
different
I don't know beliefs indifferent areas, that we're all
basically the same. Everybodywants the same thing. We want a
good life for ourselves and ourfamilies. We want to be healthy,
(05:20):
happy and prosperous. Nobody'strying to get anything from
anybody. We just want to all behappy.
Julie Edelman (05:28):
And you know that really leads to the whole
concept of my book sisterhood,too, that, you know, somewhere
in the middle, we all connect,and we're not alone, and that we
have one another, but we're alsoon very different journeys. But
that doesn't mean we can't allbe there from one another and
get along
Michele A. Barard (05:43):
Exactly, exactly, and that's hopefully
what we can talk about moretoday. But first I want to ask
you two questions. Okay?
Julie Edelman, who are you andhow did you become who you are
today?
Julie Edelman (06:00):
How long do we have?
Well, it's been a journey, as itis for all of us. And you know,
I it's sort of interesting,because in the last few years,
particularly,
I think I've shared with you Iwas diagnosed with breast cancer
about a year and a half ago, andwhat that does, I actually did.
Found it through a selfie I haddone, which I encourage everyone
(06:23):
out there to please do yourmonthly selfies, because the
earlier you find it, the betteryour chances of being it. But
you know, I was asked to speakat Moffitt Cancer Center
as their I guess, testament to awoman who'd gone through the
breast cancer journey. And I washonored, obviously. But what I
realized in the speech, as Istarted to write it, is that
(06:44):
when you ask about me, my lifehas been an accidental journey.
And you know, it started evenwhen I My mother told me when I
was old enough to understandthat I was an accident, that I
wasn't planned. So, I mean, myroots really do go very far
back, and that's not a joke. Imean, that's true. But as life
evolved, you know, you gothrough your 20s, you're
(07:05):
beginning your career. And thenmy 30s, I got married and I
became, you know, it was love,marriage and a baby carriage. So
accidentally, once again, I gotthrust into this role that I
really didn't prep for. Youknow, I was trying to be a
career woman. I was trying to bea mother, a wife, and also find
time for myself. But somewhere,my child had to be fed, and I
(07:28):
had to keep my home clean enoughso health inspectors wouldn't
come here. So I tried to figureout, well, how could I do this?
How could I balance this? And atthe time, I was doing a lot of
segments on the view the TVshow. And I knew, you know, both
from a professional point ofview, that I had to be something
different, a lifestyle expert,was a dime a dozen, but also
(07:50):
through this journey, at thistime, I was years had passed,
and I was was a wife, but I wasalso about to be divorced. I was
going through divorce. My fatherpassed away, and my dog had
trial, you know, taken a walkand had a stroke. He was older,
so it was a perfect storm of mylife. And trying to balance all
of these things and navigate myway led to me coming up with
(08:15):
this persona, the accidentalhousewife. And yeah, you know,
Michele, I've always used tohumor in my life to navigate my
way. So I began finding theseinteresting little hacks that
were not your typical hacks,things like using Alka Seltzer
to clean toilets and coming upwith pop pop Whiz, Whiz,
amazing. Pop Pop biz, biz, awaywill go your poop and whiz. And
(08:38):
I put them into a book and foundthat vodka was a great multi
tasker as a sanitizer, and ifyou drank one a shot, your house
looked cleaner to everybody, butyou know, so I found these
hacks, but also, once I put theminto this book of mine, which I
decided was the way to go,
I got lucky. It hit the bestseller list, and because it
(09:02):
resonated not so much the hats,but because my journey was like
where you talked before aboutsomewhere in the middle,
connected with a community ofwomen trying to find their own
place and realizing they weren'tMartha Stewart, nor did we want
to be. And so I gave them sortof the opportunity to embrace
(09:22):
our, what I called ourimperfections, and come out of
our broom closets and say we'renot perfect, and that's okay. So
that began a community for me,which was really most important
and also got me through thatperiod. Then fast forward to
about a year and a half ago, asI mentioned, when I was
diagnosed, and then was goingthrough this journey with breast
(09:45):
cancer, once again, I was takinga detour in my life, and I took
it and said, You know, I'm goingto turn this into something, a
dream that I've always wanted todo, and that was writing this
book, The excellent sisterhood,and also gave me another way to.
Once again, connect with womenwho are going through similar
journeys life, date, devastatingdetours, and doesn't have to be
(10:07):
health. It could be a divorce.It could be losing your job,
empty nesting, and to try toembrace that and use it to as a
way of inspiring them to goafter something important to
them, and again, to connect andexpress and know you're not
alone. So long answer andforgive me, my life has been an
(10:27):
accidental journey, and I neverknow what tomorrow brings. I
don't look there anymore,because I realized too staying
present is all we have. Andparticularly a few months ago,
there were those horriblehurricanes in Florida where so
many were affected by that. Soyou just it sort of grounds me.
It makes me thrilled to betalking to you, to be able to
(10:49):
hopefully inspire and empowerwomen, to, you know, go after
their dreams, believe inthemselves, but also rely on the
power of sisterhood. So thereyou have it.
Michele A. Barard (11:01):
There we have it. Now, there were so many
things that kind of jumped outat me from what you just said.
One of them first is, of course,the breast cancer diagnosis. Do
you mind if I ask, where are youin that journey?
Julie Edelman (11:16):
Sure. Well, I am over a year now. Well, it was a
year ago in May that I finishedmy radiation treatment. So I
guess you say I'm six, I guessover a year in remission, which
is terrific, you know, I rangthat bell, which is all
important that you do. Thankyou. Yeah, and but it really has
(11:38):
to be here now talking to youabout what has transpired that I
never would have thoughtbecause, also, breast cancer
didn't run in my family, and youoften think that, oh, it, that's
the link. Nothing to do with it.There are so many other things
that happen. So in my breastcancer right now, I go every
three months. I continue to domonthly self exams, because, as
(12:00):
I shared before, that's how Ifound mine annual mammograms,
and just very aware that youneed to be on top of these
things. So yeah, I'm happy I'mhere. It actually in a strange
way. Michele, it was a gift. AndI know I would never said, What
do you want? These are the topthree things I want. Is gifts
(12:22):
through my life, but because ofit, I'm here talking to you and
hopefully able to help so manyother people. And like I said,
my book too. It's something Ialways wanted to write. It's
now, it's out there, and it'sgreat, and I'm excited about it.
Well, so
Michele A. Barard (12:36):
is this your first foray into fiction?
Julie Edelman (12:40):
It is I had done the how to book, the actual
housewife, which was fun, youknow. And both of them are done
first person, like the book thatI've just written, Jules Malone,
who's the central character is,you know, I talk about it for
me, you know, I'm writing downthe street. I So, yes, this is
my first, what I'm calling aromance thriller, and hopefully
(13:03):
it's first in a series. This isbook one of the axon sisterhood,
and I'm working on the next oneas we speak. Amazing. So
Michele A. Barard (13:12):
first, give us a brief synopsis of the book.
Julie Edelman (13:15):
All right, it's about four women, one man,
caught in a web of Love, Lustand lies that is unraveled by
the power of sisterhood. And Imean, that's it's sort of fun.
And there's a movie trailereverybody can watch, too. Not
movie. I call it. It looks likea movie trailer. It's a book
trailer that's really fun. Andwhen I watch it, it's just like,
(13:35):
wow, this is so cool. But it'sabout Jules Malone. She's the
protagonist in this book, andher relationship with this one
man she comes into contact withcalled Sean Connors. And Sean is
this charming man that you know,just Razzle dazzles her with
that fairy tale kind of love youwant, in terms of sending her
(13:59):
roses, champagne. And you know,even though she's an older
woman, as we've talked about,you know, romance isn't dead.
She's been married once. She hada a fiance who she calls her
white nightmare because it wasfunny, but he was abusive. I
mean, there's a lot of somethings going on. Her son Max, as
(14:22):
Asperger's her mother alsoabused her in a different way.
So she's not this simple littlecharacter. I can't share with
you. What's part me? Part that?Because if I do, I'm going to
have to put you in thatimperfect broom clause that we
talked about before, and friendswho know me know that they can't
share. But so it's her journeyfrom when she first meets this
(14:45):
man to then finding out thathe's been telling her a lot of
lies and deceptions and thatthere are other women she's one
of four, but together, shefigures out how to align them
and. Is interesting becausethey're very different
characters too. One is acardiologist, a pediatric
(15:06):
cardiologist, the other is adivorce attorney. I'm not going
to tell you exactly how theyplay. And then one's a
millennial who is in the Navyand is an intelligence officer
who opens a an interesting shop.So they form this bond, which
results in a way to deal withSean's deceptions, and the
ending will literally, I think,blow you away. Interesting.
Michele A. Barard (15:29):
Interesting. Now, what inspired you to write
this particular story? Usually,I think writers get some you
know, nugget from somewhere. Wasthere? What was your nugget?
Nugget was real
Julie Edelman (15:43):
life. Okay, clearly, though, that's the
beauty of writing fiction. Youcan take it anywhere you want.
Okay, so, but it's founded in alot of things that have happened
in my life. You'll see in therethat Jules becomes a best
selling author of the accidentalhousewife, the character, Sean
is based on, yes, somebody. Butdidn't quite do all these
(16:07):
things, but I could take it, asI said, anywhere, and you don't
have to worry about filteringwhen you write fiction. But I
like to call this a work offaction. And again, I can't tell
you what percent is which, butso. So the nuggets came from
real life. And then alsounderstanding that when I read,
and I love to read, the things Ilike to find, and that twists
(16:29):
and turns, and also having thetime to read, I made the
chapters like potato chipchapters. So they're, they're
short and they and you cancontinue or you put them down. I
mean, it's not war and peace,but it's, it's a fun read, but
it's also you come away feelingthat you've connected. And
that's, those are the reviewsI've gotten with people, which
(16:52):
is terrific. It's very excitingto know that not only you think
the book is good, but people whodon't know you or friends and
family. So So yeah, Michele,it's, it's based on nuggets in
my life that I have now turnedinto a whole gold bracelet.
Michele A. Barard (17:08):
That's amazing, well, and I get curious
about the relationships amongthe women, right? So you've got
these four very different women,and there is this trope, I
think, in our society, thatwomen can't get along with one
another, especially if there's aman in the mix. How do you
obviously, without telling theplot without but how do you get
(17:31):
these women, how do these womencome together and and realize,
you know what, we're not theones who are the problem. This
dude's the problem.
Julie Edelman (17:39):
And that was the fun part, and the challenging
part, because you're right, andthat's and actually, feedback
I've gotten is it's nice to seethat this book was, first of
all, written not by, you know, awife who's gone through this,
but by somebody who's involvedin this menage, A four or five.
(18:00):
But it's I got them tounderstand by just saying, You
know what? And this is anotherlife lessons. Sometimes you just
got to do what your gut tellsyou. And Jules decides that even
though she could just let it beand just do her thing and end it
with Sean, that that would bewrong, she couldn't do it. And
(18:21):
so the women understood, becausethey were smarter about this.
They didn't look at each other,to your point, as enemies. They
were caught in his web,separate, and they had no idea
about one another, so withoutgoing into much more, so they
came to respect each person. Andat first, clearly they didn't, I
mean, it wasn't like, oh yeah,great, come on in. Yeah, right.
(18:42):
But they came to understandthrough their own journeys, and
each woman had their own whytheir relationship was
important, that they had withSean, but then also that, you
know what, this guy's anasshole, forgive me, can I say
that on this? Yeah,
Michele A. Barard (18:57):
I think you can. It
Julie Edelman (18:59):
wasn't a disclaimer up there. Okay, yeah,
cuz I use some other strangewords in the book, which are
part of my language, but we willsay those here. So yes, I think
it was really that, that thepower of them understanding that
it wasn't what each of them haddone to one another, and the way
it plays out, they see that, butthat it was this man and that
(19:21):
together, they could bestronger, but it was their
choice too. There was nobody,you know, saying you need to do
this. It was, you know what,this should happen. So
Michele A. Barard (19:31):
that's amazing, because I think one of
the things that we see, youknow, especially with social
media these days, you just seewomen fighting over men. And I'm
like, is that really necessary?No, I remember telling my girls
as they were growing up, youknow, there's a whole lot of D
out there in the world. You canjust find it anywhere. It's not
(19:52):
that big a deal. You know, whyI'm and it makes me wonder why
women are pitted against oneanother. You know? Four men.
It's kind of interesting. Well,
Julie Edelman (20:03):
I think again, it goes to your show somewhere in
the middle. We met in the middleall these four women, and we
didn't use our own issues,because a lot of times too. Just
generally, in life, people reactto you because of their own come
froms. It's not because theyhate you specifically, or that
you've done something wrong orthey're jealous of you. It's
(20:24):
their own insecurities. And eachof these women clearly had
theirs. And as you'll read, theyhave pretty interesting
backgrounds, very different, butinteresting, and that too. I
wanted, I wanted them to be, notalways older women, but that's
why this millennial who's socool, and she's like, you know,
brings this other depth to it,and also relationship of an
(20:46):
older man younger woman, right?So, so to your point, yeah,
there's no reason, but when Isee that, or I'm faced with it,
I've learned through justexperience and that it's that
person's issue. It's not aboutyou, so just let them be. But
not everybody looks at it thatway, because they have their
(21:07):
issues they're bringing to thattable
Michele A. Barard (21:09):
well. And you know, that's interesting,
because I think of myself as ayounger woman going through
different things, you know, my20s and my 30s, and really kind
of thinking everything.Obviously, we are the star of
our own movies, right? We arethe star of our lives. But when
these other people come into itand do certain things and say
(21:32):
certain things, often times,like you said, it has nothing to
do with you. But when you're in20s and 30s, you don't
necessarily recognize that,unless you're extremely wise,
very young, yeah, and it tookuntil I got into my 40s where I
started realizing, oh, that hasnothing to do with me. And when
I realized that I was able tocalm down about things, I know
(21:55):
that sounds weird, maybe right,but do you know like a
Absolutely, because I think thattendency for overreaction tends
to come from you thinking thatit's about you and it's really
not, am I does that? What youwould think, too, absolutely,
Julie Edelman (22:08):
you know. And I think the problem too, or the
cause, the root cause, is thateverybody's in, everybody's
business. You know, with socialmedia, nothing's a secret. You
know, you're out there tellingpeople about your life. You know
what you do? So it you know, tome, I like the old days, and I
have not been a major socialmedia person. Personally, I'm
(22:30):
doing it professionally becauseI want my life to be my life.
But younger people particularly,and you know, we've seen this,
are so influenced by othersthrough Instagram, Tiktok, and
in ways, sure is it great thatwe can all communicate and talk,
but it also creates morepressures and more barometers of
comparison and seeing thesethings. But at the flip side, it
(22:54):
gives you more resources tohopefully help people too. So
yeah, to your point, I'm withyou. You know, I think too, as
we get older, we just becomemore authentic, because we've
been through so much stuff. It'swhat's the point in pretending
we're something we're not. Weare who we are. And to your
point, unless the youngers aremore experienced, they can't
(23:15):
quite get that, and that doescome with age, so you sort of
have to. But women, our age orshould be more aware, more suit
and more forgiving, and not lookfor permission from other women,
but to just want to support oneanother in whatever journey or
way. I
Michele A. Barard (23:32):
think it's interesting too, because you
mentioned, when you get older,we just, I don't want to say
it's that we care less, butsometimes I say, you know, I
have zero F's to give. SometimesI can't worry about whether or
not I'm impressing somebody,right? And I think that is
something that you get to acertain point you're like, you
know what? I've been working sohard to be the right thing for
(23:57):
every situation, whether it's asa mother, as a wife, as a
girlfriend, as a employee, orwhat have you. How did you find
that that changed for you as youaged and mind you still very
young and hip and happening inyour 50s, right? But still, I
(24:18):
mean, it's different in your 50sthan when you're in your 20s and
30s, the things that you'lltolerate and the things that
you'll do. How did that changefor you? Well,
Julie Edelman (24:29):
I think the real catalyst for change was
recognizing certain things in methat I knew didn't feel right.
You know, I grew up with amother who is, you know, I had
to be perfect all the time, andI that barometer I carried, but
it was, it was hard. It washard. I mean, I remember
shopping with my dad when I wasin my early 20s. I was at in
California, and I couldn't makea decision on the pair of jeans
(24:52):
because I was so used to mymother. So the catalyst to that
was, and I, I sort of, this isa. Sort of truth in the book, my
this fiance, who was the whitenightmare, had bought me this
beautiful ring, and when we werefinished, I actually took the
money from that ring and he gaveme a gift. I later call it. It
(25:15):
was the gift of therapy. I wentinto therapy, and the best thing
I've, I'd ever done, because ittook me to have to really deal
with issues and of course,particularly lack of feeling
loved, which is self worth,which is the bottom line of all
of us, if we don't feel thatnothing else matters, it's not
(25:36):
success. Success isn't measured.You never feel successful. It
was like I was watching aninterview the other day with
Kathy Bates. I love her, I don'tknow. And she's got that series
now, Matlock, which is on, whichis terrific. But she was talking
about her mother and her father.And you know, it really that's
where it stems. Michele, if youdon't feel secure or loved from
(25:59):
the two most important people inyour life that can scar you
forever, unless you say, I needto learn, I need to fix this,
and that's what I did, and I'mthrilled because I have a son
who there's often we repeatthings that parents do. I'm not
because I've learned what itwas, what the triggers were, and
(26:21):
I'm so close to him. We talkevery day. He's my 30 year old
little bouncy baby boy, notanymore, but you can see how you
really can at the end of theday, we have to change our
lives. No one can do it for us.It's great to have support
people, even with breast cancer,but the end of the day, I had to
decide, am I going to leave? Letthis take me down or build me
(26:42):
up, lift me up. And I thinkthat's I think I've answered
your question.
Michele A. Barard (26:48):
Well, I think you've done a great job. Because
I think that's important. I thatwhole journey of self discovery
is really what you're talkingabout. I think one of the things
that I felt like was importantas I've gotten older, is
learning to kind of be my ownparent, right? Parents are
(27:12):
giving the best that they canwith what they have at that
time, and sometimes what theyhave is abysmally bad or
abysmally limited, and as likeyou said, we take that into
adulthood with us. If we don'tlearn to understand that and
kind of give ourselves the lovethat we're missing or the praise
(27:35):
that we were missing or thesecurity that we were missing,
it can damage relationships downthe line, and it can damage
generations down the line
Julie Edelman (27:45):
Absolutely. It's self affirmation of yourself and
saying, you know, I'm okay, I'mgood, I'm worthy. It's really
the unworthy part and lovingyourself, because you can't love
anybody else if you don't in theright way, if you don't love
yourself. And that, when yousaid that, about repeating in a
sense, I had done a documentaryon child abuse when I moons ago,
(28:09):
you know, when I died, a storyage, when I was back in college,
and I interviewed threedifferent women. One of them was
15. She murdered her child. Shehad been abused. The most
interesting one, though she wasa woman at 27 she had a five
year old daughter. When she gothelp and came back to being
herself, her daughter actuallybecame a baby again. She started
(28:30):
crawling and doing all thethings she couldn't do because
she had had to be somebody elsegrowing up. And I was astounded
by it, but that's the impact toyour point, that, and that, you
know what, they thought theywere loving their child the way
they should, because that's theonly love they knew, and that's
why it's repeat, you know, withsexual offenders, the others,
(28:51):
it's, it's the it's love definedby your roots. But again, we can
hopefully try to change that.And I'm saying everybody has the
ability to go and get that kindof help. But there are online
places, there are other places,you know, whatever help or
friends, whatever it is that canhelp you, lift you up. It's just
(29:12):
really important, and I feel forthose who don't have the
resources you know, available toperhaps get that kind of help,
but maybe can start to believe alittle bit in themselves, that
that they're good people
Michele A. Barard (29:25):
well, and that's really important
understanding Well, if everybodycan understand that no baby
comes into the world as a badperson,
Julie Edelman (29:35):
absolutely, yeah, yeah. It's uh yes. I mean, we
can go into whole world politicson that one, but
Michele A. Barard (29:45):
yeah, it just makes you think. Every time you
I don't know. It just makes youthink, Well, tell us more about,
if you don't mind, your whitenightmare, and how that journey,
you know, that part of yourjourney. Informed you
particularly
Julie Edelman (30:02):
well in the book Jules, aka maybe a little bit,
found this guy who she wasn'treally interested in dating, and
her sister in law, Tess, justsaid we had met, we lived on the
same floor, and I had actuallyintroduced Tess to Jules
introduces test to her brother,Gil, and they hit it off. They
(30:24):
get married. So she felt sheneeded to do something for me.
So she introduces me to herboss, which is the white knight
initially, and He's great. He'solder, he has, you know, lots of
money. And she says, Hey,instead of tuna fish for dinner,
you can have a great dinner. SoI get involved with him. And she
(30:47):
was right. He was he was a niceguy. I didn't say I fell head
over heels, and so the whitenightmare in my life, he was a
good guy. I mean, we thought, Ithought, but I can't tell you
the whole story, because thatimpacts what happens. But
clearly we as i There's a greatquote by William Blake from
Songs Of Innocence, we err willbelieve a lie who see with not
(31:09):
throw the eye and on thesurface. Except I will tell you
one thing he added to pay, whichhe thought everybody didn't
know, but he did. They did. Allof a sudden it becomes somebody
that she chose to be blind to.She was also younger. I was
younger. And to your point, wedon't see some things because
(31:30):
we're also looking to be loved.And you know, this guy wined and
dined and, you know, did thesuperficial things, until one
day he didn't. And I'll leave itthere. Wow.
Michele A. Barard (31:42):
And how does that change? How does that
change you as a woman and yourperception of yourself,
particularly, if you know, ifyou're not in your 20s, we'll
say that if you're not your 20s,I mean, I feel like when you're
in your 20s, you're like, I'mstill young and sexy, I can I'm
not saying you don't go throughheartbreak. I'm saying that you
(32:04):
kind of have the sense that I'mstill young and sexy. I can go
out there and find somebodyelse, and that's also possibly
part of your goal at that age.How does it change when you're
maybe in your 40s or 50s?
Julie Edelman (32:18):
I think you get gun shy, not gun shy, smarter.
You don't want to get hurtagain. At the same time, though,
you're lonely. You knowloneliness exists, and
particularly when empty nestingstarts to come into it. So in
the case of these characters,they all for different reasons,
were on their own in some ways,and they had different needs.
(32:40):
But I think as we get older,yeah, I think part of us says,
you know, I don't need this, andpart of us can read it and see
the flags and sometimes, likeJules myself, I'm a diet, hard
romantic. I love romance. And sowhen a guy would, you know, buy
me flowers and he's charming,we'd have dinner, you know,
dancing, the initial wooing, ifyou will, is wonderful because
(33:06):
it it's that fairy tale that weall sort of want. Whether you're
a little kid or you're, youknow, an older woman, it's sort
of nice to believe in in loveand happily ever after. Yeah,
until you don't, because all ofa sudden you say, snap out of
it, you know? So I think, yeah,that would be the way I would
(33:26):
share with you was how an olderwoman and somebody like myself
looks at romance, looks atrelationships.
Michele A. Barard (33:35):
Now you mentioned that you're not on
social media much, but orrather, you're on there,
professionally, but notpersonally.
Julie Edelman (33:42):
Yes.
Michele A. Barard (33:43):
Have you ever seen this trend that's going
around or this, I'm going tocall it a I don't know,
conflict. There's this trendthat I'm seeing where women are
saying, No, I think we're donewith dating because the men have
been deceptive, and they'reexpecting things of us that they
(34:04):
don't give us in return, and soforth. What do you and I'm
seeing this with even youngerwomen now, what do you think
might be going on there? I knowyou've got probably limited
experience with this trend, butwhat, what do you think might be
going on there?
Julie Edelman (34:21):
I think people are tired, you know, and I think
it's safer to say I'm done thanto go out there. I think that's
part of it. And Jules, in thebook, says she's done after two
failed relationships, the WhiteNight, Marin and good guy gone
bad. Because it's tiring. Ittakes a lot of work to really
build a relationship. And so Ithink the trend is like
(34:45):
everything will shift. But Ithink our world is also so
overwhelmingly complex that tohave to work so hard at a
relationship, we want it to beeasy. It should be easy. It
shouldn't be if you think aboutit. So. So much hard work and
but that's when you talk aboutsocial media. Women putting
themselves out there, though,are asking for it, you know, and
(35:07):
all the dating apps and allthose things you put yourself in
this environment that you youare just like getting beaten all
the time, or you'll go out ofdate. Oh, it's great. And then
no and check, swipe, whateveryou do. So it's now, it's no
longer the old kind of romance.It's, it's mechanical. So it's,
it's work. I guess maybe that'swhy they're getting it's more
(35:30):
work than it is just dating. Andso I think, and I you know, as
you said, I really haven't hadexperience. I've been in
relationship for over four yearsnow, which he knows, though he
could be the next victim in mybook. I mean, so he lives with
that fear, but that's okay, andactually it's a hint of him at
the end of the book, you'll seeso but I think, I think that's
(35:53):
really it. Michele, I thinkmaybe it's so much work that
they're done, you know, ratherbe by myself. I like myself.
Maybe people are likingthemselves more too, and not
needing somebody else tocomplete them. But, you know, so
I think that's changed. We grewup when things were a little
different, the old fashionedway. Want to get married, want
to have that husband, but wewere also in conflict, because
(36:14):
we also wanted a career. Sowe're sort of that bridge
generation trying to be newfashion with old fashioned and,
you know, in the midst, youknow, balancing that. But were
you, if you don't mind asking apersonal question, you've been
married and divorced, are youstill married to the same mans
Michele A. Barard (36:32):
married and divorced more than once? Well,
that was the
Julie Edelman (36:35):
answer I was hoping for. That's what I'm
saying. Because as we evolve, wegot smarter about it, that we
didn't have to stay in amarriage, whereas our parents
would even it wasn't right, andit's or for the kids, for the
kids. And I had that conflictbecause I didn't you know my
son, what would happen to him?How would he but I realized that
(36:58):
I had to do what was right, alsofor me, because he would see the
unhappiness in our home, andthat would impact him as well.
And the good news from my side,and I'd love to hear yours. Of
course, I need to, like, go outand have cocktails together.
It's like girls down the hallhere. Let's have a happy hour, a
yappy hour. Well, yap somewhere,but we become friends. My former
(37:19):
husband and we co parented Lukereally, really well. And like
just today, I got a text askingme how I was about something
that happened. So it's alsoabout the adults being around
how to be adults in a divorceand not use the kids as, you
know, pawns and so forth
Michele A. Barard (37:36):
well. And that is true. That's very
challenging. And when you're ina difficult relationship. Not so
I I'm gonna make a distinctionhere that might feel like I'm
kind of, you know, teasing outsome hairs here, but I think
it's important there's arelationship there's not that's
(37:57):
not working, because the peopleare too different. Their basic
values are different. They'vechanged over time, what have
you. And then there is arelationship with fundamentally
discordant properties that couldbe considered abusive. For
example, like, I didn't know Iwas in an abusive relationship
(38:17):
until my attorney told me, like,seriously, because interesting
Julie Edelman (38:22):
how blind one can be, isn't it that does and it
wasn't
Michele A. Barard (38:26):
abusive, like I was getting punched out every
day or anything like that. Itwas emotional abuse, and I
didn't realize it until hefinally did punch me, and I went
to a divorce attorney, becauseto me, that was abuse, right?
Oh, you hit me. Okay. Now we Idon't live with that. I just
remember, I don't you're withwe're about the same age, so you
(38:48):
probably remember, did you eversee Farrah Fawcett in the
burning bed? Yeah, I was like,If a man ever hits me, I am
afraid that I will set him onfire one night, so I cannot stay
with him, because that's notgoing to happen. We just won't.
I don't live like that. And sothat's what I equated abuse
with, was the physical I didn'trealize that I was being
(39:10):
emotionally manipulated andabused for years, until my
attorney said, you're an abusiverelationship. I need you to read
this book, and until it was hepromised he would stop. Was the
name of the book. And until Iread that book, I didn't even
realize that I was in an abusiverelationship. So for us, we were
(39:33):
able to co parent to a point,but then at some point, there
was always some conflict, somehe, like he, he would
Julie Edelman (39:45):
trigger some push buttons
Michele A. Barard (39:47):
on purpose. And finally, I had to say, I
can't keep participating inthis. And I had to pull back co
parenting got more distant. Youknow, sure, sure, we still co
parented. We there was never anyproblem with conflict over. The
kids, per se, but I had to putthat distance between us. I
don't know that we would ever
Julie Edelman (40:06):
become friends. Well, you had to put boundaries
down, because yours was, I mean,he just kept stepping over them.
I was fortunate with my myhusband, my former husband, he
that wasn't him. I mean, thewhite knight would have been if
I had married him, that would Iwould have been like you, no, I
would have put up restrainingorders and everything for
variety reasons, emotionally aswell as physically. So I think
(40:30):
you, we also, you learn torespect yourself. And also you,
you feel that maybe they'llchange when it's something like
that. Oh, this is going to pass.He's not going to do that again.
You know, it was just maybe Itriggered it. You look at
yourself and say, and Jules asksherself that with Sean and some
of the things he does, youquestion your own self. Maybe,
maybe it's my fault. You know,you look at yourself and you
(40:52):
eventually realize, no, it'snot. But you go through those
various emotional rollercoasters of, no, this can't be
happening. Okay, he's going tochange. Maybe it's my fault, and
then realizing no, and get thefluk out of there. Fluff, by the
way, is a good term.
Michele A. Barard (41:09):
I like that. Okay, well, I
Julie Edelman (41:11):
found I actually used it with books. It's a gang
of geese doing what you thinkthey may be doing, but it seems
such a more elegant way. SoJules use that a lot. That's
amazing.
Michele A. Barard (41:24):
That's amazing, well. And what would
you say to younger women who arelike, like, I said I didn't even
know I was in an emotionallyabusive relationship until
divorce time, right? And sowe're, we're actually at that
point, and I think sometimesthat's hard to recognize. So I
(41:45):
wasn't sitting there going,maybe it's me. I was more like
La la la la la, no. I don't likethis. La la la la la, no. I
don't like this. You know what Imean? Kind of going through
life, head down, taking care ofthe kids, working all that, and
you're so busy doing what you dothat you don't even realize that
you're being kind of harassedand manipulated on a daily
basis. What would you say toyounger women? What are some
(42:09):
things that maybe they shouldthink about in terms of the way
they approach relationships,that the things that and it
could be men or women doesn'tmatter. It could be a same sex
relationship even. What do youthink people should be looking
for? Well, no, it's
Julie Edelman (42:28):
looking for, I think the biggest thing I've
found over the course of time totrust your gut. If it doesn't
feel right, it's not right. Andit may sound simple, it is
simple, but I ask you when, ifyou had trusted your gut that
something wasn't wrong with arelationship, you probably would
have saved a lot of time. Nowthat's not so easy when you're
(42:48):
younger, because you don't havethe experience of gut being
proven right, but I think that'sthe first benchmark. And if you
see more and more flags andyou're constantly asking
yourself the same question, thattoo, because it shouldn't be
like we were talking about somuch work. The right
relationship and person is, isthe thing that will show itself.
(43:09):
It will shine through. And it'salso, don't be desperate to have
a relationship. You know, it'shard again when you're younger
to love yourself so and say, I'mgood, although nowadays I think
more and more young people aregood. And there are stories I
just saw women men takingthemselves out to dinner and
enjoying it on their own. So Ithink that's sort of cool, that
(43:30):
younger people are embracingtheir own sense of self. But
yeah, Michele, I think theadvice I was give is trust your
gut and sure, but allow yourselfto enjoy the romance of it. But
after three four dates, if allof a sudden there's a red flag,
and then you see that flagagain. Yeah? Listen, heed, heed
your inners, yeah,
Michele A. Barard (43:52):
well, and there is hope, because I know
for me, I started cutting mylosses much more quickly, right?
You know, 11 years in the firstmarriage three years in the
second. I'm like, I
Julie Edelman (44:02):
don't, yeah,
Michele A. Barard (44:04):
I'm like, I can all and now I think you got,
like, minutes. I don't think youget I don't think you get days
now you get minutes butt. Ithink you do start as you get
older, kind of trusting your gutmore quickly. The challenge
comes in when you have kids,because you, of course, you
know, and then you've marriedyour finances together. There's
a reason marriage falls undercontract law, but, um, you know,
(44:30):
I think that you do kind of, Idon't know, as you get older,
hopefully see things morequickly, because you recognize.
It's almost like patternrecognition, isn't it? Yes,
Julie Edelman (44:41):
yeah, it is. It's, yeah, and there, what's
the expression about dogs? Gosh,there's an expression. I can't
think of it right now, as far asyou know, getting older, but,
but I think exactly what you'resaying at the same time, I want
people to allow their heart tobe shown. You know, we also get
so many walls that we put upnowadays. Um. Um, that it
doesn't allow you to sort ofjust fall in love. I mean, it's
(45:04):
simple. I love these old rom commovies, you know, and books
about love, and that's why, atthe end of the day, I mean, even
Jules, she's not going to giveup on love. She's smarter now
she's had because she's lookingat the perspective differently.
And that's another thing. Lookat the takeaways from a
relationship that doesn't work.What have you learned? And maybe
(45:25):
that will help you get to abetter relationship next time.
And the person that was in yourlife, then they're there for a
reason, and I know for me,that's been the case. It's sort
of like connecting the dots. AndI say that to my son about
life's journey, they lead you toa towards a path, lot of
detours, but there's a reason,and if you can learn from those
different moments,relationships, jobs, whatever it
(45:48):
is that's, that's, that's themost important thing, because
hopefully you won't keep makingthe same mistake, but you might,
but don't also beat up onyourself. Just use it as a
stepping stone to get where youwant to be and where you are is
the right place, whether it maynot seem so at the time,
absolutely,
Michele A. Barard (46:07):
I love it. So many words of wisdom. Hopefully,
I
Julie Edelman (46:10):
mean, that'll be my next book, The Accidental
wise woman.
Michele A. Barard (46:14):
I like that. I am so excited about your book.
I'm so excited about all thethings that you shared here. How
can people connect with you?Where can they find you? And
where can they find your book?Well,
Julie Edelman (46:26):
Amazon, they can find it. Audiobook. I did the
audio voiceover. I needed tochannel my inner Meryl Streep,
where are you when I need you?And there's the Kindle version
ebook, and, of course, thepaperback. So Amazon also to get
me, you can go to my website,Julie edelman.com my socials are
Julie Edelman on Facebook,Instagram, so I am all over the
(46:47):
place professionally, andhopefully next time we chat,
we'll continue to sail beyondthe same paths with whomever it
is in our life. But if not,there's a good reason and to
stay empowered and to trust, asI said, the power of sister and
us.
Michele A. Barard (47:02):
I love it, the power of sisterhood in us.
Julie Edelman, thank you so muchfor both.
Julie Edelman (47:08):
I'm sorry I did forget one thing, sorry one last
thing, forgive me forinterrupting you. Um, percentage
of all the book sales is goingto Moffat Cancer Center. So
please, please, please. Youknow, I am an advocate for
mammograms, for doing self examsand hopefully finding the cure
for breast cancer, because thatis just It's invasive. 360,000
(47:32):
women this year alone are beingdiagnosed with it. Michele, so I
apologize for interrupting youas No, I did. Thank you, Julie,
enough already.
Michele A. Barard (47:41):
No thank you. That's wonderful. As I think I
mentioned to you before westarted this interview, my mom
died of complications frombreast cancer, so I am so happy
that you are willing to do thatto share part of the profit. So
you both say that again, it'sfor Moffitt
Julie Edelman (47:58):
Cancer Center. And if you go to my website, you
can link there and give adonation to help, as well as the
monies that I'm going to becontributing from book sales.
Michele A. Barard (48:09):
Awesome. Thank you so much. Julia, great.
Thank you for being with me onGoogle.
Julie Edelman (48:15):
Well, thanks for meeting me somewhere in the
middle.
Michele A. Barard (48:18):
Well, y'all, that's our final show, and what
a way to end the podcast.Somewhere in the middle, has
been on the air for eightseasons, and I am really happy
that you chose to spend thistime with me. I want to thank
all of my guests over the years.You are all amazing, and I am so
grateful for you. Thank you forsharing your expertise and your
(48:43):
life stories with my listeners.I learned a ton from you guys,
and I know the audience did aswell. I'd like to send a big
thank you out to Beverly blackof tribe Family Channel. Beverly
encouraged me to start somewherein the middle and help me
launch, as I've said at thestart of nearly every show, we
(49:05):
are here only because we standon the shoulders of those who
came before us. At the end ofthe previous show, I said we
would take a trip down memorylane, highlight a few memorable
interviews and talk aboutlessons learned and what's next.
I've since decided that lookingforward rather than backward is
(49:27):
the best way to end somewhere inthe middle. That is the most
profound lesson I can leave youwith today, and it's one that
every guest has shared in theirown way. Creating and hosting
somewhere in the middle. Hasbeen an incredible journey, and
I'm so thankful you chose toshare it with me. You can still
reach meonline@urbanbookeditor.com or
(49:50):
Michele barard.com you can alsofind me on Facebook and
Instagram as urban book editor.Send me a note. I'd love to hear
from you. You. You guys, begood, stay mindful and remain
prayerful. Peace and blessingsy'all. You
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