July 4, 2024 • 19 mins
Grace and peace to you. Welcome back to Soteria Prophetic Ministries. In this episode, we delve into how to support our loved ones during a season of trauma, reflecting on personal experiences and biblical guidance.
We explore the importance of preparing for crises before they strike, using the story of King Asa to emphasize building spiritual strength during peaceful times. Additionally, we discuss the significance of mental health preservation during grief, sharing personal anecdotes and practical advice.
The episode also highlights the concept of emotional templates and their impact on our responses to both positive and negative experiences. We draw connections to the story of Job and the importance of allowing individuals to express their grief fully.
Finally, we encourage a compassionate approach to supporting those in mourning, advocating for validation of their pain and emotional responses. Join us as we learn to mirror the feelings of those who are hurting and offer genuine support during their time of need.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Grace and peace to you. Welcome back to Soteria Prophetic Ministries.
I wanted to share with you just some guidelines in terms of how we support our
loved ones when they're experiencing a season of trauma.
I know trauma is a very buzzing, trendy word right now, and not everyone has
(00:20):
been trained or licensed to even broach the subject with skill.
However, I think we all can agree that we can relate to experiencing crisis
personally and those who are connected to us.
But I want to recently, we recently lost a loved one and it just caused me to reflect.
(00:41):
Of course, I've lost many loved ones down through the years as most of you have as well.
But you know that often when we lose a loved one, what we hear from our well-meaning
friends is be strong. It's it's going to be all right.
Don't cry. They're in a better place.
And granted, I'm sure, I would like to hope that they mean well,
(01:08):
that they're speaking from a good place, from a safe place.
But that's not necessarily what a person needs to hear when they're in that season.
Number one, your emotions are on a thousand, like you're hypersensitive.
Let me just talk personally about when I lost my mother back in 2015,
(01:32):
and the Holy Spirit walked me through how to preserve my mental health.
I don't know if I want to get into that right now, because that's not really
what I want to talk about.
But I think it's important, number one, for us to know how to prepare before the storm comes.
I think too often, many of us wait until something happens to try to find strength
(01:56):
or to try to build strength.
And it's just, that's not the season to do that.
One of my favorite passages of scripture is when the Bible talks about King Asa.
And the Bible says that King Asa built walls in the time of safety or in the time of peace.
And I think we miss that sometimes as a corporate body of Christ,
because we wait wait until the storm comes to become spiritual,
(02:22):
to start praying or to start trying to get closer to God or trying to hear a
word from God when God gives us warnings.
You know what I'm saying? The Holy Spirit will reveal things to us to a lesser
or greater degree, depending on how mature we are, how we can handle it,
because the Bible does say that there are some things that some people just can't handle.
(02:42):
But the Holy Spirit will clue you in and let you know, like when King David
David was about to pass away.
His entire family knew, the entire kingdom knew.
So I think sometimes we just...
We are oblivious to some of the signs. Sometimes we don't want to receive it.
I know before my mom passed away, all the signs were there and I didn't want
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to receive it. And I know how this thing works, right?
I'm trained in mental health and all of that stuff. I know how it works,
but I did not want to receive it. I was having a human experience.
This was my mom and I just didn't want to hear it. You know,
she should live forever or at least, you know, we go to heaven together.
That was my thought process. But of course, you know, God's ways are not like our ways.
And so So the way that God helped me preserve my mental health during that time
(03:27):
is he caused me to shut everything down and he taught me the power of the imprint.
I don't know how much you know about it or your experience with it,
but our mind can form a template.
For example, I'm teaching this to you on the 4th of July.
Typically, our cultural template is we have fireworks, we have cookout food,
(03:51):
family comes together, there's music, dancing, and the whole nine culturally.
Now, that doesn't mean that everybody does it, but it's culturally acceptable.
Also, for Christmas time, it is culturally acceptable, or we have a national template,
a national cultural template, I'll say, where we hang lights,
and we play holiday music, and we're kind to people, and we give gifts,
(04:14):
even sometimes that which we can't afford.
And, you know, family comes together, and we do egg eggnog and,
you know, all of these kinds of traditional.
So there's that template that we form or that we develop based upon every major event.
And so also, if you're in a season of grief, you're also forming a template
or a template is formed. Let me say that.
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And so you've got to be very careful how you build a pattern on that template.
So for me, this was, you know, I hadn't at that point had never lost a parent.
So I didn't know, you know, and not that, you know, no, even when you do lose
a parent, we all have two. I just didn't know what to do.
And so the Holy Spirit taught me to not listen to music, to not watch TV,
(04:58):
to not be around certain people because a template was being formed in my season of grief.
And to the degree that I could manage what that template looked like,
it could very possibly be a detriment to my mental health. I say that because.
When my stepfather passed away many years ago, as we were on the way to the
(05:20):
hospital to see him, he passed away like several days after our last hospital visit.
And he said some cryptic things, you know, the Holy Spirit gives us signs.
And so I knew being a mature believer, being a prophet, I knew that his time was at hand.
And so I had to be very intentional about what I said and what I I did because
he's in between eternity. You know what I'm saying?
(05:44):
Eternity is happening. And so I couldn't say what I wanted to say.
And I even, I'll venture further to say this.
I have, as a pastor and have been for going on 20 something years,
I have church members or family members of church members who have a loved one who's passing away.
And they'll ask me, apostle, can you visit my loved one? Can you visit or what
(06:06):
have you? and you go into hospice or you go into these other places where the
Holy Spirit will let you know this person's time is at hand.
And so the wisdom is to help coach the people in the room what to say.
This is not the time to be emotional because there may be some last minute conversations
they need to have, right?
Jesus gave us seven last sayings. And to this day, we are still holding on to
(06:30):
that. I don't know why I'm going this way.
Anyway, but you've got to, if you're able to, Again, it comes from building
that relationship with the Lord before the crisis happens.
If that relationship is non-existent, it's not going to happen at that moment of crisis.
And so you will need to lean on the support and the prayers and the shoulders
of others who can bear you through that season.
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The Bible says, let the strong bear the infirmities of the weak, right?
So during the time that my mother passed away, the Holy Spirit blocked me from
listening to music because when my stepfather passed away, as we were leaving
the hospital, a song came on by Tevin Campbell.
And look, guys, I still love my 90s music. I'm saved. I love Jesus.
(07:13):
I'm filled with the Holy Ghost, but I'm a musician.
It's in my DNA, and I love all genres of music for the most part.
But I just love my 90s music. I grew up on that.
Or evolved, I guess, as a young adult on that. Anyway, the song came on, Can We Talk?
And I did not understand templates. I did not understand how to block myself
(07:35):
and protect my mental health like I did when my mom passed away.
And so that song, because my emotions were wounded. I was hurting. I was grieving.
I was very vulnerable. I was open.
And that song, it touched me in a very vulnerable, deep place.
And I sung the song and it reminded me of my stepdad and it began to form a bond.
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And, or some may say a trauma bond, right? And that's a good term,
but I also, I'm just talking about templates.
And so it formed a template that from that point forward, every time I would
hear that song, I would be reminded or I would revisit the place of experiencing
pain of losing my stepdad.
So fast forward many years later, I was in a store and I can't remember what
(08:26):
I was looking at or what have you, but you know, when you're in a department
store, there's songs playing, easy listening, what have you.
Well, wouldn't you know during that time my stepfather passed away, I was the strong one.
I was strong for my mom, strong for my siblings, strong for the family.
And I never took the time to grieve personally.
That template was formed and God in his infinite wisdom, he allowed me to continue functioning.
(08:52):
However, there was going to come a certain time where there was going to be
an inevitable trigger that would relaunch or release that template.
And it will begin to impact my life negatively. Well, I'm in the store,
and I'm just doing what I'm doing. The song comes on.
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Do you know I broke down? I cried.
I just had a mental episode, a very negative mental episode,
because all of the grief that was locked in and that was blocked in and that
was shut down, it flooded, and I could not control it.
And so here I am in this store, you know, because trauma does not discriminate.
(09:33):
It's not, you know, it shows up when it shows up.
And so here I am kind of reminds me of King Saul, right? When it's time for
him to be exalted, he goes and he hides.
Again, trauma, that template, he's afraid of stepping out. Whenever he goes
out, something crazy happens like with his dad and the donkeys, right?
So for me, I had to, I could not not experience that. Like it was overwhelming.
(09:57):
Like I stated, it just flowed an overflow of pent up emotion,
despair, all of that came flooding to the surface in a department store.
So I was not in a safe place. You know what I'm saying? In terms of people who
knew me and who could surround me and comfort me, I did not have that.
And so what I had to do, thank God, because of my relationship with the Lord,
(10:20):
I had to tap in and reach for strength, right?
And that was within in and managed to get myself out of the store.
I sat inside the car and I just let it like a total manifestation.
So I want to talk about that. It's very important when we talk about templates
and how we need to be very mindful.
(10:41):
And it doesn't necessarily have to be with a negative experience.
It could also be with a very positive experience.
For example, if someone calls you right now and say, look, I need you to meet
me around the corner. I've got a million dollar check for you.
Immediately, there's a template of happiness that whenever you're really,
really happy, you scream, you hold your face, you jump up and down,
you say, oh my goodness, oh my goodness.
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And you will find over and over, whenever you experience that particular emotion,
that template begins to activate and you respond pretty much the same way.
My family, we are, God has blessed my family with a natural sense of humor.
We get together and we act up really, really bad. It's amazing.
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Humor heals, of course, but humor also bonds and brings people together.
But when we laugh, you notice you find yourself sort of following the same expression.
Either you're holding your stomach, you're bending over, or there's kind of
that same laughter sound.
That's a template. So I want to just kind of highlight you and connect you to
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Job chapter 2, verse 7 and 8, where the Bible talks about,
And if you don't know the story, I encourage you to read it.
Sometimes I assume everyone knows, but then, you know, we minister to babes
in Christ and also to non-believers who just love, excuse me,
inspirational messages.
So we don't want to assume that everyone knows Job's story.
So, but I'm going to talk about Job and I want you to reference it in the Bible.
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It's in Job chapter two, verses seven and eight.
And during this time, Satan left God with this conversation about Job and God
told Job, and I'm just kind of paraphrasing, told Satan how far he could go.
You can touch everything, just don't touch his life. And so Satan did that.
But the Bible says that Job was badly stricken, right?
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He had spirits of infirmity and germs, bacteria, and disease that attacked his body.
But there's something that Job did. The Bible says he sat down and just scraped himself.
And I'm pointing that out because at that point, there was no one there.
Now you could say, well, maybe no one comforted him because of the way his body looked.
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The Bible talks about he was oozing. Even his wife was like,
why don't you just curse God and go ahead and die?
Because he was experiencing such tremendous challenges with his health.
And no one, you know, they don't have, you know, these medical facilities like we do today.
So no one saw Job 42, which is the end of his story where God restores him.
Everybody is seeing Job in that state of humiliation, shame,
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defeat, grief, pain, all of those negative emotions happening almost at the same time or in levels.
Right. But he sat by himself.
And so we can say, well, no one sat with him because of the way his condition
of his body or the way by his body smelled because he had sores.
And if you've ever been around anybody with oozes and fluids coming out,
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drainage or hemorrhaging or what have you, there is an odor,
you know what I'm saying?
And we could say, well, yeah, it was because of that. But we could also say
that God was preserving Job's mental health.
As in my case with my mom, that he said, don't listen to music,
don't turn the TV on, don't return certain phone calls.
As a matter of fact, during that time, I put my children in place to,
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hey, I'm not taking any calls.
I notified my leadership team, I'm not taking any calls. And so I think it's
very important, again, as my family's experiencing the death of a loved one,
I think it's so important that we be mindful of what that grief experience looks like.
Because we may say, oh, be strong. You don't have to cry. They're in in a better place.
And again, I'm sure the person means well, but even that sentiment comes from.
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An ignorant place. I also point you to what Jesus did when Lazarus was Jesus's friend.
He aided his house. They had fellowship. He was a good neighbor.
And when Lazarus passed away, of course, Jesus delayed his coming for obvious reasons.
But even when Jesus got there, the Bible said Jesus wept. In other words, he identified.
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Remember, he wouldn't even talk to anybody?
He was very cognizant, again, because templates are so vitally important.
And I think we need to understand that. And you don't have to be a mental health
therapist or a licensed clinician, just understanding how the Bible also shows
us these nuances and how to preserve mental health.
So instead of counseling someone or encouraging someone to not cry,
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it's going to to be okay, be strong, they're in a better place,
you're meaning well. I'm sure you do. I'd like to hope that you do.
But let me encourage you to allow that person to express their grief.
Be okay with them crying. Be okay with them screaming.
Be okay with them acting out of that emotional grief because that grief is a normal emotion.
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It only becomes abnormal and harmful when we don't allow it to express itself
in the moment for which it needs to be expressed.
And that's what happened with my stepdad. I did not allow the grief to express
itself because I was being strong for everybody else.
So I put grief on the back burner, not even realizing that a template was formed,
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having no idea that at some point a trigger could release that template.
And I would have to deal with that raw emotion without support,
without the community of my loved ones.
So I want to encourage you that as Jesus wept, as Jesus said,
hey, he's only sleep, and his words were so soothing, and he did not chastise them for hurting.
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He hurt with them. So I believe that sometimes when we have friends and loved
ones who are hurting, the Bible says to weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice.
Let's learn how to mirror their feelings. I'm not saying that you've got to.
Well, I will say this, during that day, in Jesus' day, they hired mourners.
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They hired mourners. They would literally, depending on how well off,
financially well off the family was, they would hire people to just stand outside
the house and cry for them or cry with them.
So that speaks to having a community of people who understand.
Now, I don't understand why that works, but that's the way it was in the culture.
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That was their cultural template of that day.
Nowadays, we may have folks who come around and may share tears,
but we don't pay people to cry for us. We don't do that.
But that was their cultural norm. But I would love to encourage you as I come
off is that, you know, instead of feeling uncomfortable and telling that person in pain to stop crying,
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like, you know, we're feeding them what we think they need to stop.
And that's not what they need. What they need is for someone to validate their pain.
Job needed someone to validate, hey, I don't understand what you're going through.
I can only imagine. Imagine, and I'm here for you. If you need anything,
don't hesitate to call me.
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And sometimes people of God, friends, brothers, and sisters,
sometimes just being there without saying a word.
Do you remember when they brought the woman caught in adultery to Jesus and
they were waiting, her accusers were waiting to stone her? Do you know what Jesus did?
He never uttered a mumbling word.
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She was humiliated. The folks were wondering when he was going to get up and
crucify her, and he just remained quiet.
And then when he did speak, he spoke in her defense.
Anyone here that is without sin, go ahead and cast the first stone.
And then he waited again. And then he said, woman, where are your accusers?
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And she said, you know, I have none. And he said, go and sin no more.
Neither will I accuse you.
So I want to encourage you.
Prayerfully, your family circle has not been unbroken. As a matter of fact,
that's my prayer for you, that the hedge of the Lord is covering you in the
firewall of the protective angels of God that encamp around those who are righteous,
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will protect your family from being broken.
Broken, but undoubtedly you're going to have people in your life at work,
community, networks, what have you, that will experience a broken circle.
And I just want you to be more mindful of what that looks like.
And let's just be more aware of what we say when we call ourselves encouraging
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our loved ones who are in crisis. God bless you.
Grace and peace to you. Welcome back to Soteria Prophetic Ministries.
I wanted to share with you just some guidelines in terms of how we support our
loved ones when they're experiencing a season of trauma.
I know trauma is a very buzzing, trendy word right now, and not everyone has
(00:20):
been trained or licensed to even broach the subject with skill.
However, I think we all can agree that we can relate to experiencing crisis
personally and those who are connected to us.
But I want to recently, we recently lost a loved one and it just caused me to reflect.
(00:41):
Of course, I've lost many loved ones down through the years as most of you have as well.
But you know that often when we lose a loved one, what we hear from our well-meaning
friends is be strong. It's it's going to be all right.
Don't cry. They're in a better place.
And granted, I'm sure, I would like to hope that they mean well,
(01:08):
that they're speaking from a good place, from a safe place.
But that's not necessarily what a person needs to hear when they're in that season.
Number one, your emotions are on a thousand, like you're hypersensitive.
Let me just talk personally about when I lost my mother back in 2015,
(01:32):
and the Holy Spirit walked me through how to preserve my mental health.
I don't know if I want to get into that right now, because that's not really
what I want to talk about.
But I think it's important, number one, for us to know how to prepare before the storm comes.
I think too often, many of us wait until something happens to try to find strength
(01:56):
or to try to build strength.
And it's just, that's not the season to do that.
One of my favorite passages of scripture is when the Bible talks about King Asa.
And the Bible says that King Asa built walls in the time of safety or in the time of peace.
And I think we miss that sometimes as a corporate body of Christ,
because we wait wait until the storm comes to become spiritual,
(02:22):
to start praying or to start trying to get closer to God or trying to hear a
word from God when God gives us warnings.
You know what I'm saying? The Holy Spirit will reveal things to us to a lesser
or greater degree, depending on how mature we are, how we can handle it,
because the Bible does say that there are some things that some people just can't handle.
(02:42):
But the Holy Spirit will clue you in and let you know, like when King David
David was about to pass away.
His entire family knew, the entire kingdom knew.
So I think sometimes we just...
We are oblivious to some of the signs. Sometimes we don't want to receive it.
I know before my mom passed away, all the signs were there and I didn't want
(03:02):
to receive it. And I know how this thing works, right?
I'm trained in mental health and all of that stuff. I know how it works,
but I did not want to receive it. I was having a human experience.
This was my mom and I just didn't want to hear it. You know,
she should live forever or at least, you know, we go to heaven together.
That was my thought process. But of course, you know, God's ways are not like our ways.
And so So the way that God helped me preserve my mental health during that time
(03:27):
is he caused me to shut everything down and he taught me the power of the imprint.
I don't know how much you know about it or your experience with it,
but our mind can form a template.
For example, I'm teaching this to you on the 4th of July.
Typically, our cultural template is we have fireworks, we have cookout food,
(03:51):
family comes together, there's music, dancing, and the whole nine culturally.
Now, that doesn't mean that everybody does it, but it's culturally acceptable.
Also, for Christmas time, it is culturally acceptable, or we have a national template,
a national cultural template, I'll say, where we hang lights,
and we play holiday music, and we're kind to people, and we give gifts,
(04:14):
even sometimes that which we can't afford.
And, you know, family comes together, and we do egg eggnog and,
you know, all of these kinds of traditional.
So there's that template that we form or that we develop based upon every major event.
And so also, if you're in a season of grief, you're also forming a template
or a template is formed. Let me say that.
(04:35):
And so you've got to be very careful how you build a pattern on that template.
So for me, this was, you know, I hadn't at that point had never lost a parent.
So I didn't know, you know, and not that, you know, no, even when you do lose
a parent, we all have two. I just didn't know what to do.
And so the Holy Spirit taught me to not listen to music, to not watch TV,
(04:58):
to not be around certain people because a template was being formed in my season of grief.
And to the degree that I could manage what that template looked like,
it could very possibly be a detriment to my mental health. I say that because.
When my stepfather passed away many years ago, as we were on the way to the
(05:20):
hospital to see him, he passed away like several days after our last hospital visit.
And he said some cryptic things, you know, the Holy Spirit gives us signs.
And so I knew being a mature believer, being a prophet, I knew that his time was at hand.
And so I had to be very intentional about what I said and what I I did because
he's in between eternity. You know what I'm saying?
(05:44):
Eternity is happening. And so I couldn't say what I wanted to say.
And I even, I'll venture further to say this.
I have, as a pastor and have been for going on 20 something years,
I have church members or family members of church members who have a loved one who's passing away.
And they'll ask me, apostle, can you visit my loved one? Can you visit or what
(06:06):
have you? and you go into hospice or you go into these other places where the
Holy Spirit will let you know this person's time is at hand.
And so the wisdom is to help coach the people in the room what to say.
This is not the time to be emotional because there may be some last minute conversations
they need to have, right?
Jesus gave us seven last sayings. And to this day, we are still holding on to
(06:30):
that. I don't know why I'm going this way.
Anyway, but you've got to, if you're able to, Again, it comes from building
that relationship with the Lord before the crisis happens.
If that relationship is non-existent, it's not going to happen at that moment of crisis.
And so you will need to lean on the support and the prayers and the shoulders
of others who can bear you through that season.
(06:52):
The Bible says, let the strong bear the infirmities of the weak, right?
So during the time that my mother passed away, the Holy Spirit blocked me from
listening to music because when my stepfather passed away, as we were leaving
the hospital, a song came on by Tevin Campbell.
And look, guys, I still love my 90s music. I'm saved. I love Jesus.
(07:13):
I'm filled with the Holy Ghost, but I'm a musician.
It's in my DNA, and I love all genres of music for the most part.
But I just love my 90s music. I grew up on that.
Or evolved, I guess, as a young adult on that. Anyway, the song came on, Can We Talk?
And I did not understand templates. I did not understand how to block myself
(07:35):
and protect my mental health like I did when my mom passed away.
And so that song, because my emotions were wounded. I was hurting. I was grieving.
I was very vulnerable. I was open.
And that song, it touched me in a very vulnerable, deep place.
And I sung the song and it reminded me of my stepdad and it began to form a bond.
(08:01):
And, or some may say a trauma bond, right? And that's a good term,
but I also, I'm just talking about templates.
And so it formed a template that from that point forward, every time I would
hear that song, I would be reminded or I would revisit the place of experiencing
pain of losing my stepdad.
So fast forward many years later, I was in a store and I can't remember what
(08:26):
I was looking at or what have you, but you know, when you're in a department
store, there's songs playing, easy listening, what have you.
Well, wouldn't you know during that time my stepfather passed away, I was the strong one.
I was strong for my mom, strong for my siblings, strong for the family.
And I never took the time to grieve personally.
That template was formed and God in his infinite wisdom, he allowed me to continue functioning.
(08:52):
However, there was going to come a certain time where there was going to be
an inevitable trigger that would relaunch or release that template.
And it will begin to impact my life negatively. Well, I'm in the store,
and I'm just doing what I'm doing. The song comes on.
(09:12):
Do you know I broke down? I cried.
I just had a mental episode, a very negative mental episode,
because all of the grief that was locked in and that was blocked in and that
was shut down, it flooded, and I could not control it.
And so here I am in this store, you know, because trauma does not discriminate.
(09:33):
It's not, you know, it shows up when it shows up.
And so here I am kind of reminds me of King Saul, right? When it's time for
him to be exalted, he goes and he hides.
Again, trauma, that template, he's afraid of stepping out. Whenever he goes
out, something crazy happens like with his dad and the donkeys, right?
So for me, I had to, I could not not experience that. Like it was overwhelming.
(09:57):
Like I stated, it just flowed an overflow of pent up emotion,
despair, all of that came flooding to the surface in a department store.
So I was not in a safe place. You know what I'm saying? In terms of people who
knew me and who could surround me and comfort me, I did not have that.
And so what I had to do, thank God, because of my relationship with the Lord,
(10:20):
I had to tap in and reach for strength, right?
And that was within in and managed to get myself out of the store.
I sat inside the car and I just let it like a total manifestation.
So I want to talk about that. It's very important when we talk about templates
and how we need to be very mindful.
(10:41):
And it doesn't necessarily have to be with a negative experience.
It could also be with a very positive experience.
For example, if someone calls you right now and say, look, I need you to meet
me around the corner. I've got a million dollar check for you.
Immediately, there's a template of happiness that whenever you're really,
really happy, you scream, you hold your face, you jump up and down,
you say, oh my goodness, oh my goodness.
(11:02):
And you will find over and over, whenever you experience that particular emotion,
that template begins to activate and you respond pretty much the same way.
My family, we are, God has blessed my family with a natural sense of humor.
We get together and we act up really, really bad. It's amazing.
(11:24):
Humor heals, of course, but humor also bonds and brings people together.
But when we laugh, you notice you find yourself sort of following the same expression.
Either you're holding your stomach, you're bending over, or there's kind of
that same laughter sound.
That's a template. So I want to just kind of highlight you and connect you to
(11:45):
Job chapter 2, verse 7 and 8, where the Bible talks about,
And if you don't know the story, I encourage you to read it.
Sometimes I assume everyone knows, but then, you know, we minister to babes
in Christ and also to non-believers who just love, excuse me,
inspirational messages.
So we don't want to assume that everyone knows Job's story.
So, but I'm going to talk about Job and I want you to reference it in the Bible.
(12:08):
It's in Job chapter two, verses seven and eight.
And during this time, Satan left God with this conversation about Job and God
told Job, and I'm just kind of paraphrasing, told Satan how far he could go.
You can touch everything, just don't touch his life. And so Satan did that.
But the Bible says that Job was badly stricken, right?
(12:30):
He had spirits of infirmity and germs, bacteria, and disease that attacked his body.
But there's something that Job did. The Bible says he sat down and just scraped himself.
And I'm pointing that out because at that point, there was no one there.
Now you could say, well, maybe no one comforted him because of the way his body looked.
(12:52):
The Bible talks about he was oozing. Even his wife was like,
why don't you just curse God and go ahead and die?
Because he was experiencing such tremendous challenges with his health.
And no one, you know, they don't have, you know, these medical facilities like we do today.
So no one saw Job 42, which is the end of his story where God restores him.
Everybody is seeing Job in that state of humiliation, shame,
(13:17):
defeat, grief, pain, all of those negative emotions happening almost at the same time or in levels.
Right. But he sat by himself.
And so we can say, well, no one sat with him because of the way his condition
of his body or the way by his body smelled because he had sores.
And if you've ever been around anybody with oozes and fluids coming out,
(13:40):
drainage or hemorrhaging or what have you, there is an odor,
you know what I'm saying?
And we could say, well, yeah, it was because of that. But we could also say
that God was preserving Job's mental health.
As in my case with my mom, that he said, don't listen to music,
don't turn the TV on, don't return certain phone calls.
As a matter of fact, during that time, I put my children in place to,
(14:04):
hey, I'm not taking any calls.
I notified my leadership team, I'm not taking any calls. And so I think it's
very important, again, as my family's experiencing the death of a loved one,
I think it's so important that we be mindful of what that grief experience looks like.
Because we may say, oh, be strong. You don't have to cry. They're in in a better place.
And again, I'm sure the person means well, but even that sentiment comes from.
(14:32):
An ignorant place. I also point you to what Jesus did when Lazarus was Jesus's friend.
He aided his house. They had fellowship. He was a good neighbor.
And when Lazarus passed away, of course, Jesus delayed his coming for obvious reasons.
But even when Jesus got there, the Bible said Jesus wept. In other words, he identified.
(14:57):
Remember, he wouldn't even talk to anybody?
He was very cognizant, again, because templates are so vitally important.
And I think we need to understand that. And you don't have to be a mental health
therapist or a licensed clinician, just understanding how the Bible also shows
us these nuances and how to preserve mental health.
So instead of counseling someone or encouraging someone to not cry,
(15:22):
it's going to to be okay, be strong, they're in a better place,
you're meaning well. I'm sure you do. I'd like to hope that you do.
But let me encourage you to allow that person to express their grief.
Be okay with them crying. Be okay with them screaming.
Be okay with them acting out of that emotional grief because that grief is a normal emotion.
(15:47):
It only becomes abnormal and harmful when we don't allow it to express itself
in the moment for which it needs to be expressed.
And that's what happened with my stepdad. I did not allow the grief to express
itself because I was being strong for everybody else.
So I put grief on the back burner, not even realizing that a template was formed,
(16:09):
having no idea that at some point a trigger could release that template.
And I would have to deal with that raw emotion without support,
without the community of my loved ones.
So I want to encourage you that as Jesus wept, as Jesus said,
hey, he's only sleep, and his words were so soothing, and he did not chastise them for hurting.
(16:32):
He hurt with them. So I believe that sometimes when we have friends and loved
ones who are hurting, the Bible says to weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice.
Let's learn how to mirror their feelings. I'm not saying that you've got to.
Well, I will say this, during that day, in Jesus' day, they hired mourners.
(16:56):
They hired mourners. They would literally, depending on how well off,
financially well off the family was, they would hire people to just stand outside
the house and cry for them or cry with them.
So that speaks to having a community of people who understand.
Now, I don't understand why that works, but that's the way it was in the culture.
(17:16):
That was their cultural template of that day.
Nowadays, we may have folks who come around and may share tears,
but we don't pay people to cry for us. We don't do that.
But that was their cultural norm. But I would love to encourage you as I come
off is that, you know, instead of feeling uncomfortable and telling that person in pain to stop crying,
(17:41):
like, you know, we're feeding them what we think they need to stop.
And that's not what they need. What they need is for someone to validate their pain.
Job needed someone to validate, hey, I don't understand what you're going through.
I can only imagine. Imagine, and I'm here for you. If you need anything,
don't hesitate to call me.
(18:03):
And sometimes people of God, friends, brothers, and sisters,
sometimes just being there without saying a word.
Do you remember when they brought the woman caught in adultery to Jesus and
they were waiting, her accusers were waiting to stone her? Do you know what Jesus did?
He never uttered a mumbling word.
(18:23):
She was humiliated. The folks were wondering when he was going to get up and
crucify her, and he just remained quiet.
And then when he did speak, he spoke in her defense.
Anyone here that is without sin, go ahead and cast the first stone.
And then he waited again. And then he said, woman, where are your accusers?
(18:45):
And she said, you know, I have none. And he said, go and sin no more.
Neither will I accuse you.
So I want to encourage you.
Prayerfully, your family circle has not been unbroken. As a matter of fact,
that's my prayer for you, that the hedge of the Lord is covering you in the
firewall of the protective angels of God that encamp around those who are righteous,
(19:10):
will protect your family from being broken.
Broken, but undoubtedly you're going to have people in your life at work,
community, networks, what have you, that will experience a broken circle.
And I just want you to be more mindful of what that looks like.
And let's just be more aware of what we say when we call ourselves encouraging
(19:32):
our loved ones who are in crisis. God bless you.
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