February 18, 2025 • 43 mins
In this episode of Soul Decodes, the conversation opens with Dr. Tia Jolie Philips making a brief correction regarding the origins of Ibogaine spoken of in a previous episode. The shows commitment to presenting accurate information will always remain a high priority.
The episode transitions into Sarah’s recent emotional upheaval, loss and recovery. She reads an Ode to Sallie which attempts to capture their profound family bond, their sisterhood, and their eternal love. Sarah speaks of their shared experiences; creative collaborations, memorable adventures, and the prospect of meeting up again ‘somewhere down the line’.
The discussion evolves into an exploration of mortality, featuring Tia Jolie sharing her experiences with grief after losing her childhood friend PJ to suicide. Through these personal stories, the women examine how the essence of departed loved ones can be incorporated into one's own character development.
Another poignant moment occurs when Tia Jolie reveals the story of her mother's past trauma and its devastating impact on her family. Her recent and delightful discovery of her long-lost sister follows, which leads to an insightful discussion about how past wounds affect parenting and family dynamics.
With conversation weaving together themes of spirituality, growth and consciousness, the concept of mortality as a ‘transition’ leading to ‘transformation’ is brought to life. Sarah and Tia Jolie share their perspectives on the nature of reincarnation juxtaposed to the traditional limitations of rigid religious worldviews. Again the women emphasize the importance of recognizing the possibility that there is likely a MUCH bigger picture at work.
The episode concludes with words of comfort for listeners dealing with loss who might be working through their own healing. Throughout the discussion, the women maintain a balance between vulnerability and wisdom, charting the path to healing and regaining ones equilibrium.
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SHOW LINKS:
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
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(00:35):
Welcome to soul decodes
Join us as we wander off the path to find the ideas that fascinate
We talk about spirituality the mind the ego wellness and hidden history with tips travels and tales
charms for a better life
(01:01):
Welcome to Phillips Island. This is Dr. Tia Jolie Phillips and with the lovely Sarah Tirri. She's the founder of a new church
The Church of the light ages. I think that's so cool. So before we jump into today's show
And I know it's a it is an important show for you because it's something you've wanted to do for some time, but
Last week we spoke a little bit about ibogaine and I I'm not an herbalist. I'm not a botanist
(01:27):
I'm just a holistic doctor that has a farm. I'm actually misspoke the
The everything's factual in the last episode except ibogaine is not derived from mushrooms
It's actually from a root in the root and I knew this I don't even know why I crossed
I cross why I need to go get it so I can straighten my brain wires out
(01:50):
But the ibogaine is actually from a root in somewhere in Central Africa
Gabon or something like that. I don't even know but I was I got a note from a listener that said hey guess what
I'm glad they're paying attention. That's great. If you think that's happened again
Hey, because guess what? We're just two kids talking about stuff, right? So can't wait to try it now
(02:13):
Yeah, so okay. That's my that's my setting the record straight because I know popular contrary to popular belief
I'm not perfect. All right, so I just put that out there. So well, welcome back
What's going on today? Where are we going? I would like to talk a little bit about my sister-in-law who passed away two months ago
(02:35):
Okay, so tell me her name and what's the Sallie Durham and that's essay LL I E D U R H A M
And I say that because the listeners can go to her website. She's passed on now, but that's where her poetry is
So I want to just do a little ode to Sallie if I may
It's just a page
(03:00):
Here's some tissue for you
Just for all of you listening this Sarah and I have talked about Sallie for
Several weeks now and I keep asking her, you know, do you want to talk about it? She's like, no, I'm not ready yet
Yeah, I'm ready now. I think her daughter's here now. Okay, so that's important
(03:23):
Okay, so let's get to it if you're open to it. Okay. I
Have loved you right back to the time that our souls were introduced. When was that who can say
Millennia ago in a lifetime that occurred on a small island off Hawaii
Maybe we were sister wives in a harem to some shake in Saudi Arabia getting up to mischief as we took charge of our situations
(03:47):
You met Mark my brother the same year. I met Tony my husband. You married Mark in the same year. I married Tony
I loved you immediately
Your intellect your love of the arts your smile and the fact that you were not conditioned to people, please
Mark was besotted and so were you so was I
The level of creativity was very inspiring
(04:09):
Your level of creativity was very inspiring and though I had to be introduced to mine fully
You recognize my budding gift with your open and gushing admiration of my newfound ability and that meant everything
The collaboration that followed piss a lot of people off because we could not stop our late night conversations
We couldn't stop brainstorming knowing our visions were the essence of creation
(04:32):
When we burnt the scrambled eggs after one hour sleep the following morning our husbands vexed
We just got on the phone and laughed and you wrote a poem about it
You said
There's nothing like a pandemic to reveal the vulnerability of humans and to pinpoint our humble place within the living world
Maybe I'm no different from these sheep teetering on the blades of a steaming volcano
(04:55):
All that sets us apart is language but we often fail to communicate
A trip to the hairdresser ends badly
A teenager weeps over a French menu she cannot read
Despite our human fallibility we are like sunflowers endlessly resilient bright with hope
(05:16):
I will miss you darling sis and will never stop the
I will miss you darling sis and will never stop the
I will miss you darling sis and I will never stop the funny memories from filling my mind as they bring you back to earthly life again
The time we got stoned when you ordered oysters and you were horrified as they sat wobbling in their shell and I went off to the bathroom to puke
(05:42):
The time we drunk a glass of chardonnay on the slopes and went further up the mountain not realising the effect of the altitude and what that would do to us
How I knew I could reach you and get you back down to the bottom of the mountain and how you knew I would be able to
That night you told me about your fear of heights for the first time
(06:05):
You were by far the best mum I have ever seen your love and devotion to Jenny it was breathtaking your patience and kindness moved us all
I will always be there for your little girl however that looks whenever forever she is with me now taking selfies and eating fruit loops
I'm going to get my sunflower tattoo on my toe this week and she will get one too we won't tell Mark
(06:31):
I am certain you haven't actually gone anywhere Sal you are probably hanging out with Lord Byron somewhere in the higher realms reading poetry
I bet he has an erection I love you my dear friend my dear sister until we meet again
I'm totally moved that was beautiful so I'm not going to pause the mic we are going to get through this that was beautiful
(06:57):
I spent most of my life I will just be raw with you suicidal wondering what the hell is this place all about why am I here am I being poor
(07:18):
Am I being punished all these things go through my mind but the only thing I always remembered was I'm here for a purpose and I don't know what that purpose is but I'm just going to wait one more day
So I just made one decision but I made it thousands of times just wait another day
What I learned when I was in my early 40s one of my best friends from high school we had lost touch but his name was PJ and my ode to PJ was actually coming from out of town to go to his funeral and speak at his funeral
(07:51):
Because I knew him from when he was very young because we were friends you know five six seven years old before he started you know abusing substances and he was a very very young man
So when PJ passed away I had a really difficult time with it I was I just kept thinking to myself what could I have done because it's one thing for me to think about and I'm not going to be able to do that
(08:21):
But when your best friend from high school or from junior high really removes himself from the equation which is what he did you really become introspective and you really become a person who is not going to be able to do that
But when your best friend from high school or from junior high really removes himself from the equation which is what he did you really become introspective
(08:52):
And it took me a long time to deal with that just to try to figure out what could I have done differently we were in different states we had lost touch for years but still there's this part of you that feels the loss
And I struggled for a long time on how I could keep the essence of PJ alive because he was one of my friends that brought joy and laughter and happiness
(09:17):
Even though his parents were very harsh towards him they were very harsh very hard people not much love and kindness and compassion especially from his father
So what I decided with PJ and this is a life changing event for me was instead of having a hate relationship with mortality I decided to embrace it as part of a continuum as part of life
(09:52):
Which is a highly religious moment isn't it? I wouldn't say religious there's definitely spiritual
Well spiritual yes but to me they kind of they match a bit more but that would be yeah because you decide to embrace mortality as being part of the equation
Right and so there was a very big thing to me and we can talk about the idea of being a child and raising the guiltiness of the weight of the savior being upon you and stuff
(10:20):
That played in but within that context I had to come into my own mind to put in position who was PJ
I wonder if him dying was a sacrifice for you to do that?
I don't know I don't know I can't make that statement because that's pretty
No I'm just wondering though because I felt that my mother did that anyway carry on with this
(10:42):
Yeah so in my world it's like how do I deal with this? This is a loss of a very cool person he was an inventor he was creator he was such soulful of life and to be taken out taking himself out of this was very difficult for me
So what I came to after many weeks was you know when we're put in when we leave this realm there's an epitaph that's put on our tombstone or on our little crematorium
(11:17):
They were quiet people you know it's like he like for me that she was she was a shy person right some garbage right whatever they put on there
Heavily pregnant with an insult
So in my world it's I like to use what I refer to as spiritual alchemy it's if you boil down if you break down the essence of their soul during the time they overlapped in your realm if you boiled it down to the bare essence of what they stood for
(11:53):
What did they represent to you in your life? Kind of like what your ode did what does she represent to you? But and that's a standalone thing and people leave the funeral home and oh she was a quiet person or she was oh the poor family and then they forget about you right?
They forget about you and it's they go back to watching the baseball game the football game go to church for bingo
(12:20):
They kind of have to forget about you to some degree
But to me I don't anyone that comes into my world and this this harkens back to this Chinese philosophy everybody you meet is a reflection of yourself
To some degree but for better or for worse too so my idea is that okay PJ came into my life we were great friends for a long time then we he started using drugs in high school we kind of fell apart because I was going to the Air Force Academy I couldn't do that I couldn't even be around the drugs
(12:52):
No because I can't be implicated with that yeah of course yeah but what did he represent to me and I've subsequently used this with my uncle my godfather even my own parents I use the same template and I hope that this template brings joy and peace and happiness to people
While you're in the process of boiling down the essence what did Sallie represent to you don't just think about it in terms of putting it on a piece of paper and then it ends up in a filing cabinet or in your case in a book
(13:26):
Why don't we just consider taking the very best of the best of the best that she represented to you and incorporating that into yourself
What did you so that way she you become a living tribute to Sallie just that one aspect and I can give you this example I did this with my uncle my uncle he's the reason we have cell phones because he sued the federal he sued the federal government in Detroit
(13:54):
Is he still alive
No he passed away
We need to give him a shout out
Oh I did my uncle Toss
Uncle Toss
Thank you baby
He went his name was Steve Kirkus one of my favorite people but he sued the federal government way back when and he won because they wanted to make the frequencies he bought up all the frequencies in southeast Michigan for like 50
(14:17):
For 50 dollars right and then because he saw the cell phones becoming a thing so he bought the frequencies the Johnson and Nixon administration said no those are federal and he says no they're not they belong to We the People so he sued and he won so here he is in the early 70s with about 13 million dollars
(14:39):
Nice and that's a lot of money
So he was a mentor to me
He was a We the People person
Was he an uncle on your mom or dad's side
He was on my dad's side he was my dad's brother-in-law so he married my dad's sister
Right okay
But they were Macedonian right I'm half Macedonian so but they were very he was very much a business guy he was the one that taught me how to
(15:06):
But also predicted the future
He was he was this is back before we had internet yeah he's the one that I had like 1200 dollars from my from my paper route when I was like I was 14 years old
How long did that take you to save up that's a lot
I was 14 years old
So it was like June and I said hey uncle Toss I want to invest this money and he says well and he literally brought me to his broker this is back when you didn't have
(15:33):
Oh my goodness
I was reading and I bought six stocks and did they turn out well by Christmas that year I had made 1200 into 2000 dollars
So but my point is not to talk about my finances but to talk about my uncle Toss my Steve Kirkus and the reason is because you know when I looked at how he interacted with his family
(15:56):
No matter what happened he was steady as you go yes we all have emotions yes he had garbage happen to him but you could never ever tell that he just he was fighting battles even his wife
You know my aunt Vicki she was battling lung cancer for years but you could never tell that she was struggling with that two of the kindest most beautiful people in the world
(16:23):
They used to give us for birthdays like little silver dollars like real silver dollars those are worth so much money right now
Do you still have them
I have some of them
That's nice
But the point is you take the best of the best that they do that they are that they represent and you make a part of so part of me
And reject the worst
Part of well yeah
(16:45):
Because Sallie was she was very complicated so she wasn't or I mean everything I've written about her here was real but there was also a side to her that I didn't want to be like because I could see that how that affected my brother
And that would have been something she would have seen in me so the person it's not about seeing their perfection or their imperfections about seeing them as a whole so take the gifts and reject what it is that you're seeing that you don't like so in that
(17:18):
In that degree that you're learning from that relationship so she was my greatest teacher on all levels or one of them well so what you said seven years older than me so there was a there was a it's not a generational gap but I which was very wise because she'd been on the streets in London in the 1970s and I was
Oh gosh so what you just described was exactly why when I was an instructor pilot in the Air Force. That's exactly why my students, every one of my students was the top stick in the class, the top performer top stick because on day one I would ask them what's their goal.
(17:59):
Because on day one everyone every new pilot their goal is to be a fighter pilot and graduate top of their class because that's kind of you're taking all of these type a triple charge but it sounds so thrilling too doesn't it.
And so they go into the and you're competing against 28 other people who have the same goal.
So I told them all I said here's the deal. I'm going to give you my hundred percent best as long as I'm going to give you my best as long as it matches your best. If you're not going to give your best I'm not going to give my I'm going to meet you right where you are, but you can expect
(18:30):
100% for me. Now if you want to be the best in the class.
That's not going to all come from me. You're going to sit in when I'm not directly helping you as your instructor. You're going to stay in the flight room you're not going to go to the barbecue you're not going to go to the golf course, you're going to stay in the squadron, and you're going to sit next to the next student that comes in.
(18:53):
That's debriefing so they just flew.
They just came back, you're going to sit in on their debrief.
Ask permission from them and their instructor. Was this a policy that you'd instilled or was this generally expected? No this was not this is my technique. It was not generally expected. This is just the opposite.
Because if you want to be average you do what the average people do. If you want to be superior you do what superior people do. And so what I told them to do is sit in on those debriefs, learn the lessons that they learned from messing up their flight.
(19:25):
If there's anything different that you've learned from that instructor pilot that is different than what I've taught you, bring it to me and we'll have a conversation about what's different and maybe you're just interpreting it differently.
But most of us know how to fly these supersonic airplanes pretty damn well. So let's just have that conversation. And these kids, every one of mine did that and every one of mine was the top stick. So what you just described with Sallie.
(19:54):
Did your technique get modeled by other instructors? Oh I don't know I can't control that. No but I'm not asking that. Did they see how you were benefiting and they were benefiting? Did they learn? I don't think so. Most people really didn't like me.
Oh okay. Back then I was extremely aggressive. I know it's hard to imagine but also probably a little, I was very kind but if you have this level of intensity, just okay, you've watched the move, you've watched Top Gun and you've seen how those pilots interact with each other.
(20:29):
Even if they're shooting pool, they're like, you know, it's just really, there's this edginess, this cockiness that's, it's almost disgusting. It's almost disgusting. It's all using disgustingness. And I'm not proud to say that but that's a legitimate thing.
But if you're going to fly high performance planes, you don't want to be wishy-washy. You don't want to be like, oh what if, what, you know, no you're decisive. So a lot of people misinterpret that. And then saw you as some type of enemy because they actually were probably jealous.
(21:02):
Well because we're competitors. Yeah okay so that's quite normal then. It's very normal. You didn't get anyone saying to you that was really good, I like your style? Oh yeah. You did. Oh yeah.
Mostly the other, mostly the very, very senior instructors. Okay they didn't have too much pride then. So the ones that were not competing against me, the ones that were very senior, they were like, hey that was amazing. Yeah the good. Yeah.
Because they don't care. They want all of the students to succeed. Right. So anyway I bring that up within the context of discussing Sallie and your relationship because I think it's very wise to look at other people and take the best of the best and leave the worst.
(21:42):
Like when I was a first officer. But leaving the worst doesn't mean you're judging. No it's not a judgment. It just means you're not going to emulate. You still love the worst. I mean Sallie at her being the most rascal, I still loved her.
You know she could be very, very difficult but she was so headstrong. I mean she was absolutely, she was a little petite little thing. And so the worst was aggravating to some people but it never was to me.
(22:05):
Well PJ was the one that taught me how to jump off roofs into swimming pools, how to toilet paper homes. Oh that's fun. I mean how to hit cars with eggs. I mean I'm not lying.
He would, if he didn't like somebody he'd pee in their gas tank. Oh my god. At least he didn't put sugar in it. You know it taught me how to do lawn jobs. I did a hard boiled egg at someone's home. We used to go into his dad's basement.
(22:34):
He taught me how to drink the wine without his dad. Oh good. Because you can space all the wine out so he'd never notice it's missing. That'd be savvy. Right? Very, very savvy. So I'm not going to say, I mean a lot of that came in handy later.
But my point is, you know, as people enter our world they do it for a reason. So if we can take the best of their best and not to judge them for the worst but just say yeah that's not going to serve me. That's not going to serve the bigger picture. That is a lesson not what to do.
(23:05):
But that's one of the reasons I'm a really good pilot is because first of all, I've learned to humble myself. Because even the best pilots, if you're too cocky you're going to die. You're going to kill people. So you have to just say okay I'm good but I can still be better.
Right. I'm always trying to say I'm a good pilot. This is not the ceiling on that. Right. I'm actually an average pilot and I can get better. It's worth everything. It's even a podcast. Like even as you came in today I was celebrating because my brother Jeff up in Chicago is freaking best audio. Hey Jeff we love you.
(23:36):
Best audio engineer in the world. And he's my brother. So, you know, I was celebrating because he taught me something I didn't know. I was like, yes, this is so, and it was so easy. It was such a simple solution.
But this is what we do is we, we try to always up our game. And I always tell people like when I'm playing bass guitar. They say hey that was great what you were playing the band was great. Thank you. But in my mind it's like, that's the worst I'm ever going to be.
(24:07):
Even though they loved it. I knew what I messed up. I knew that I could be better. Yes. So I think that's life in general I think wanting to be better the feeling of knowing that you are better than you were the day before, that's a spiritual feeling.
Yeah, and then you're going to attract in the vibration, which is going to make that actually exponential you'll keep going up. Oh, I totally agree and people come into our worlds at the right place at the right time to help make that exponential.
(24:34):
So, but Sallie is a catalyst for you on your journey to divinity really.
These people, I'm not on a journey to divinity. I am divine.
You are. You are. So are you. So is everyone. The manifestation. We're all divine. The manifestation of heaven on earth. Yeah, that's what we're doing. That's what we're doing. So I bring up PJ I bring up my uncle.
(24:57):
Can I ask you a couple of questions? Sure, sure, sure. Yeah, go ahead. So did he intentionally kill himself or was that just by accident one night?
It was intentional. Oh, really? It was. Yeah.
I'm not going to bring power to it. But yeah, it was intentional. Okay. So, but the idea is that every person that leaves my world. I really get calm and peaceful. Of course, it's emotional. We don't want to deny that the emotion attached to it.
(25:25):
It's a thing. You get choked up because you're going to miss that one of the things that you said was an absolute very interesting because I said this with about so have I done enough? Have I done everything I can?
Now she had cancer and on the next episode, we're going to talk about that. You know, that's more of a serious subject. But did I do everything I could to help her?
Could I have done things differently where that wouldn't have happened? And that is a question I've I do with my anyone that's died. And I won't go into this now. But there's things I did with my father, why I might have accelerated his decline. And I can talk about that.
(25:58):
And it's fair enough. That's a very interesting thing. So it's just about to talk about my mom and my dad. I think all of us, we know we could have been better kids. I was just telling you like, I was actually a really good kid.
It's all I grew older. I was talking about I was there for a while, but there's this wild streak to me. Part of my wild streak was the FU because there's this religious, there's a whole religious clamp being clamped down on.
(26:27):
But I'm a free, I'm a freedom fighter from the get go. So there was that but also, I wanted to off myself, but I knew I couldn't because I'd end up terrified. I'd end up in hell the rest of eternity.
I was so I don't want that. Was that the deterrent for you thinking what would happen? If you'd have thought I'm going to be in my consciousness is going to be extinct. Would you have done it?
(26:49):
Probably. Wow, that's interesting. I mean, so I was around. Well, no, no, no, say that again. Okay, so if your consciousness ceased to be and that you didn't have any emotion, and so you wouldn't even know you're dead because you're dead, would you have committed suicide?
Oh, no, I don't think so. I'm all about living. So I just didn't like where I was. I don't like this earth spot.
So you weren't an atheist in that? You didn't you knew you were going to go on somewhere? Oh, I knew. Yeah, I just wanted to ask, but I didn't just get out of this place. Give me the hell out of this place. Part of that was external, but a lot of it was internal to myself.
(27:22):
So I had to figure out things within myself, and I did. I figured it out. I just hung around long enough to figure it out. But with my mom and dad, my mom predeceased. My mom was younger than my dad and predeceased him, which is excruciating for me. I was on a flight in Boston.
How old were you? Oh, gosh, it's probably been 10 years ago. Probably. Oh wow, recently. 50s. Well, she was, I don't even remember. To me, the dates, yeah, the dates were not that important. It was probably a dozen years ago or so.
(27:56):
But I was in Boston and my sister called from Detroit and said, hey, mom has to go in for this. She's really weak right now and she has to talk to this doctor. She had lung cancer that was kind of in a homeostasis. Wasn't getting better, wasn't getting worse.
So I ended up flying in from, I was an airline captain. You could just jump on the next empty seat. Even if it's in the flight deck of a Delta, you can jump on it. So I just jumped down there, went to, told Robin I'm not going to be home. I got to go to Detroit.
(28:27):
And went there and she was extremely weak. So much so they couldn't even check her blood or anything. So she was pretty much on her way out. I spent the last three days with her.
She went in there for some routine tests and ended up passing away. Well, those, I was never so close to my mom in my life because I wanted to be there.
(28:48):
Everything, because she was unconscious most of the time in ICU. But every time she woke up, I wanted to be there for her. That meant that I needed to be there 24 seven. And I was exhausted. It was almost three days, just 24 seven. Go grab a quick snack. Come back.
And then when I couldn't do it anymore, I called my sister said she can't, I got, I got to close my eyes for a few minutes. She came, I left. And no sooner I got to my sister's house for a quick nap. My mom passed.
(29:21):
But I don't, it's not about how people pass. This is a major lesson. It's not how they die. It's how they lived that matters. So I got to that place because I had rehearsed with the other people that passed and I said, okay, what did my mom represent to me?
She represented two things. Number one, she was a great teacher.
(29:44):
You said off mic yesterday so we can take this out. But you said that what, anything you did wasn't quite good enough.
Yeah, just like you said, Sallie had kind of her stuff that she was just that you don't know. I had said to you that was her greatest gift because it allowed you to be you. Maybe she recognized that could have been unconsciously.
(30:05):
Well, that typically because it allowed you just to keep being the best and keep being better. So that was kind of a gift being that critical. My mom was a little like that. Well, I think every parent, every parent wants their kids and their grandkids and their great grandkids to have it better than they do and to be better than they are.
(30:26):
Right. Which is a very ego thing. But with your mom, it came out in the form of you because you felt that you didn't see this as oh, I'm going to succeed. It actually felt hurtful to you.
Well, I think that the answer is yes. You know, you can't give something you don't have. Right. So we didn't know this until after my mom was passed. But you know, she was when she was a teenager, she was raped and she had to give up the child to the church.
(30:58):
But the guy who did it was in the church. I know. Right. So this whole thing was messed up. So the church was the problem. The church was so my mom got separated from her daughter, my older sister as a teenage girl.
And the church is saying how holy and beautiful that they are. And they're they f'ed up my mom's life. So my mom carried this burden into her marriage through all of my life with my dad.
(31:32):
Did your dad? Nope, nope. She didn't reenter. My older sister did not reenter our lives until after my dad passed because she didn't want that disruption to the family, which is very noble, very, very honorable.
Absolutely. I can't even imagine. But so I think it was January 2020 or so. My first cousin, who's actually my uncle Steve's son. He's out and his name is Mark. Hey, Mark.
(32:01):
My brother's name. So Mark called my family. It's like, hey, there's this girl that says she's your sister. So my siblings and I are all like, what? Because we thought there were five of us, but there was a six.
So we thought, OK, well, you know, let's talk through everyone's like we had to zoom. We couldn't go meet her because everyone's in this in the middle of the scam. So we're locked down. But we met her. We welcomed her.
(32:31):
And it's as if she was whether she's a half sister or sister doesn't matter. She was thrilled that the five of us Phillips siblings just welcomed her like she never like she was always there.
It was such a it was a beautiful thing. But in retrospect, my siblings and I are like, all of a sudden, there was this epiphany like, oh my God, this is why mom was always so distant.
(32:58):
She was she was preoccupied. Can you imagine with the trauma? Your oldest sibling was ripped away from you. I can't.
I mean, but even her kid had the church steals a child and you're probably being raped by some bishop. I may be mischaracterizing this and, you know, I don't know. But when I found this out, I first of all, I wanted to find out the name of the guy, where he lives.
(33:23):
And I was going to get my Benelli M4 because this is not going to be. But then I was like, no, no, no, there's a this is not my not my stuff. Yeah, you got really that stuff fires me up when we don't have to say anything else there.
We don't. But he pretty much trashed out my mom's life. But the repercussion of that is that we as children always felt this distance. So when I say you can't give something you don't have, my mom was came into motherhood with a deficiency.
(33:56):
And we've I wouldn't say it's a deficiency because it was supposed anyway. We were well, it was powerful. Well, she but you can't love somebody else more than you love yourself. And she actually was really struggling with herself. Yeah. Right.
So she was struggling with herself. So that projected onto us. So as children, we're like, we pretty much were struggling as a group. We were competitive. We were struggling for affection because my mom felt you see what I'm saying.
(34:26):
She was not able to have affection because that was what she was affectionate naturally towards was removed. Right. So she was not even capable. And I'm not I'm not going to pretend to analyze my mom was beautiful. She was absolutely the one of the most the finest people in the world.
So I wanted to honor my mom after she passed and I thought to myself, what was she good at? She was an amazing teacher. She always wanted she always wanted to be a teacher like in a formal school. And I'm just so glad she wasn't because but she was a great
(34:56):
teacher. They used to play Scrabble. They used to do word games and she was the one that taught me. She's like, hey, is there a better word than this? Or is this the right way to use these words? Why don't you try this instead? Right. And she would she taught me about active voice instead of passive voice. Right. So I went into high school as a very, very English was my most powerful subject. My English teacher was everybody hated her. She was one of my favorite teachers. Mrs.
(35:25):
Castleberry. And she's she was so hard on me. I had to work my fanny off to just get an A minus. Like an A minus is not good enough. And she was but she was so good. But the reason I was able to even I pulled off an A but the reason I was able to is because my mom, she was such a good she was so kind and she was always challenging me to take my vocabulary to the next level. My dad when he passed away, it's I was a very good teacher.
(35:54):
I likened my dad to Fred Flintstone. You're familiar with Fred the Flintstones? Yes.
If you could. Fred Flintstone was like this five year old or six year old kid in a grown up body. Right. He was just this lovable teddy bear guy that was. Thank God he was for your mom. Well, they kind of had to be. They kind of had to be. So everybody knew Sam. He was just he was at the Lions Club. Everybody knew him.
(36:21):
He was just this teddy bear of a guy. So anyway, you take the best of what you what you're given. Both of them had alcohol issues. Right. So I just leave that on the table. So I'm not going to do the alcohol thing, but I'm going to do the kind teach. And the other thing my mom did was she was a great hostess. So whenever somebody comes in, what can I give you? First thing, what can I give you? Yes, graceful. So I got that from my mom. I was always a
(36:50):
very good hostess, but I took it to the next level to honor my mom. Yes, she modeled that and you wanted to honor her. So these are the things that helped me deal with death and dying. But yours tell me what your thoughts are. What is death and mortality? What does it mean?
Nothing at all. It's just a transition. So you really feel it's a transition? Oh, for sure. I think we're as dead now as we'll ever be here on planet Earth. Explain that. Well, I don't need to. Whereas dead now as we'll ever be. This is the closest welcome to death right here.
(37:22):
Okay, so you're saying this? Okay, everything else is rosy. I got what you're saying. Okay, good. So one thing that always confused me was growing up in a Catholic home and being around Christian friends and stuff was this idea that this rejection of another life of reincarnation.
(37:45):
It's a wholesale rejection. It's absolutely disgusting. But what was interesting is not only are there... I don't know how people can thrive without knowing the bigger picture. You're just going to go around the same old mountain. And that's what certain religions have done. They keep you very small.
That belief is very liberating. It is the fundamental. If you can wrap your head around the implications of having lived before, you're going to be... this is going to sound trite, but the next level, you're going to be catapulted. Yeah, and so that's kind of where I'm at. Like even my whole life, it almost doesn't even matter where I'm going from here. It's nothing to worry about. Another fucking planet. But it doesn't even matter. No, because you're immortal. All of living happens right this minute. Yes, that's right.
(38:29):
Years ago, Robin was going through some stuff. So I wrote her a poem called The Special Present. And it was double entendre because it was the present moment. And it was written in haiku form. So it was just layers and layers of haiku. But basically, the present we have, the gift we have is right this moment. Like the most magical moment is in front of these two microphones with each other. That's the magic, right?
(38:56):
And you know when you're in a magic moment and the one, the litmus test to that is would you want it to be any different? Is there anything you'd rather be doing? And there's not right now. I can't think of anything I'd rather be doing. Right?
That's why I did the jig when you walked in the door.
Robin left.
And you're not living in the moment if you think fuck, I want to be out there.
Well, Robin left. She always leaves and she's like, have a good time with you. Play dead.
(39:23):
There's a child in us.
So is there anything else you want to talk about with this episode?
No, I'm going to close it. Just love you, Sal. I'm sure that you're somehow watching and listening to this and I'll take care of Jen. You know I will. I love you.
Yeah, I want to help take care of her too. Whatever we can do to help her to her next level and just have an experience. That'd be great. And thanks for doing honoring, Sal. It was so beautiful. I was emotional. I almost couldn't even talk.
(39:51):
But I think it was really beautiful of you to do that. For those of you who are suffering with death or dying or you have these things, I hope you found some peace from our discussion today. I know I did. I mean, just being part of the discussion was very helpful.
But feel free to share this with people. You know, there's a lot of people experiencing sudden deaths and all sorts of things going on. Now, please share this and let them know that everything's transient, that things will go on, everything's cyclical.
(40:22):
And to use this as a resource for their future self.
How's that?
See you later.
(40:43):
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(00:35):
Welcome to soul decodes
Join us as we wander off the path to find the ideas that fascinate
We talk about spirituality the mind the ego wellness and hidden history with tips travels and tales
charms for a better life
(01:01):
Welcome to Phillips Island. This is Dr. Tia Jolie Phillips and with the lovely Sarah Tirri. She's the founder of a new church
The Church of the light ages. I think that's so cool. So before we jump into today's show
And I know it's a it is an important show for you because it's something you've wanted to do for some time, but
Last week we spoke a little bit about ibogaine and I I'm not an herbalist. I'm not a botanist
(01:27):
I'm just a holistic doctor that has a farm. I'm actually misspoke the
The everything's factual in the last episode except ibogaine is not derived from mushrooms
It's actually from a root in the root and I knew this I don't even know why I crossed
I cross why I need to go get it so I can straighten my brain wires out
(01:50):
But the ibogaine is actually from a root in somewhere in Central Africa
Gabon or something like that. I don't even know but I was I got a note from a listener that said hey guess what
I'm glad they're paying attention. That's great. If you think that's happened again
Hey, because guess what? We're just two kids talking about stuff, right? So can't wait to try it now
(02:13):
Yeah, so okay. That's my that's my setting the record straight because I know popular contrary to popular belief
I'm not perfect. All right, so I just put that out there. So well, welcome back
What's going on today? Where are we going? I would like to talk a little bit about my sister-in-law who passed away two months ago
(02:35):
Okay, so tell me her name and what's the Sallie Durham and that's essay LL I E D U R H A M
And I say that because the listeners can go to her website. She's passed on now, but that's where her poetry is
So I want to just do a little ode to Sallie if I may
It's just a page
(03:00):
Here's some tissue for you
Just for all of you listening this Sarah and I have talked about Sallie for
Several weeks now and I keep asking her, you know, do you want to talk about it? She's like, no, I'm not ready yet
Yeah, I'm ready now. I think her daughter's here now. Okay, so that's important
(03:23):
Okay, so let's get to it if you're open to it. Okay. I
Have loved you right back to the time that our souls were introduced. When was that who can say
Millennia ago in a lifetime that occurred on a small island off Hawaii
Maybe we were sister wives in a harem to some shake in Saudi Arabia getting up to mischief as we took charge of our situations
(03:47):
You met Mark my brother the same year. I met Tony my husband. You married Mark in the same year. I married Tony
I loved you immediately
Your intellect your love of the arts your smile and the fact that you were not conditioned to people, please
Mark was besotted and so were you so was I
The level of creativity was very inspiring
(04:09):
Your level of creativity was very inspiring and though I had to be introduced to mine fully
You recognize my budding gift with your open and gushing admiration of my newfound ability and that meant everything
The collaboration that followed piss a lot of people off because we could not stop our late night conversations
We couldn't stop brainstorming knowing our visions were the essence of creation
(04:32):
When we burnt the scrambled eggs after one hour sleep the following morning our husbands vexed
We just got on the phone and laughed and you wrote a poem about it
You said
There's nothing like a pandemic to reveal the vulnerability of humans and to pinpoint our humble place within the living world
Maybe I'm no different from these sheep teetering on the blades of a steaming volcano
(04:55):
All that sets us apart is language but we often fail to communicate
A trip to the hairdresser ends badly
A teenager weeps over a French menu she cannot read
Despite our human fallibility we are like sunflowers endlessly resilient bright with hope
(05:16):
I will miss you darling sis and will never stop the
I will miss you darling sis and will never stop the
I will miss you darling sis and I will never stop the funny memories from filling my mind as they bring you back to earthly life again
The time we got stoned when you ordered oysters and you were horrified as they sat wobbling in their shell and I went off to the bathroom to puke
(05:42):
The time we drunk a glass of chardonnay on the slopes and went further up the mountain not realising the effect of the altitude and what that would do to us
How I knew I could reach you and get you back down to the bottom of the mountain and how you knew I would be able to
That night you told me about your fear of heights for the first time
(06:05):
You were by far the best mum I have ever seen your love and devotion to Jenny it was breathtaking your patience and kindness moved us all
I will always be there for your little girl however that looks whenever forever she is with me now taking selfies and eating fruit loops
I'm going to get my sunflower tattoo on my toe this week and she will get one too we won't tell Mark
(06:31):
I am certain you haven't actually gone anywhere Sal you are probably hanging out with Lord Byron somewhere in the higher realms reading poetry
I bet he has an erection I love you my dear friend my dear sister until we meet again
I'm totally moved that was beautiful so I'm not going to pause the mic we are going to get through this that was beautiful
(06:57):
I spent most of my life I will just be raw with you suicidal wondering what the hell is this place all about why am I here am I being poor
(07:18):
Am I being punished all these things go through my mind but the only thing I always remembered was I'm here for a purpose and I don't know what that purpose is but I'm just going to wait one more day
So I just made one decision but I made it thousands of times just wait another day
What I learned when I was in my early 40s one of my best friends from high school we had lost touch but his name was PJ and my ode to PJ was actually coming from out of town to go to his funeral and speak at his funeral
(07:51):
Because I knew him from when he was very young because we were friends you know five six seven years old before he started you know abusing substances and he was a very very young man
So when PJ passed away I had a really difficult time with it I was I just kept thinking to myself what could I have done because it's one thing for me to think about and I'm not going to be able to do that
(08:21):
But when your best friend from high school or from junior high really removes himself from the equation which is what he did you really become introspective and you really become a person who is not going to be able to do that
But when your best friend from high school or from junior high really removes himself from the equation which is what he did you really become introspective
(08:52):
And it took me a long time to deal with that just to try to figure out what could I have done differently we were in different states we had lost touch for years but still there's this part of you that feels the loss
And I struggled for a long time on how I could keep the essence of PJ alive because he was one of my friends that brought joy and laughter and happiness
(09:17):
Even though his parents were very harsh towards him they were very harsh very hard people not much love and kindness and compassion especially from his father
So what I decided with PJ and this is a life changing event for me was instead of having a hate relationship with mortality I decided to embrace it as part of a continuum as part of life
(09:52):
Which is a highly religious moment isn't it? I wouldn't say religious there's definitely spiritual
Well spiritual yes but to me they kind of they match a bit more but that would be yeah because you decide to embrace mortality as being part of the equation
Right and so there was a very big thing to me and we can talk about the idea of being a child and raising the guiltiness of the weight of the savior being upon you and stuff
(10:20):
That played in but within that context I had to come into my own mind to put in position who was PJ
I wonder if him dying was a sacrifice for you to do that?
I don't know I don't know I can't make that statement because that's pretty
No I'm just wondering though because I felt that my mother did that anyway carry on with this
(10:42):
Yeah so in my world it's like how do I deal with this? This is a loss of a very cool person he was an inventor he was creator he was such soulful of life and to be taken out taking himself out of this was very difficult for me
So what I came to after many weeks was you know when we're put in when we leave this realm there's an epitaph that's put on our tombstone or on our little crematorium
(11:17):
They were quiet people you know it's like he like for me that she was she was a shy person right some garbage right whatever they put on there
Heavily pregnant with an insult
So in my world it's I like to use what I refer to as spiritual alchemy it's if you boil down if you break down the essence of their soul during the time they overlapped in your realm if you boiled it down to the bare essence of what they stood for
(11:53):
What did they represent to you in your life? Kind of like what your ode did what does she represent to you? But and that's a standalone thing and people leave the funeral home and oh she was a quiet person or she was oh the poor family and then they forget about you right?
They forget about you and it's they go back to watching the baseball game the football game go to church for bingo
(12:20):
They kind of have to forget about you to some degree
But to me I don't anyone that comes into my world and this this harkens back to this Chinese philosophy everybody you meet is a reflection of yourself
To some degree but for better or for worse too so my idea is that okay PJ came into my life we were great friends for a long time then we he started using drugs in high school we kind of fell apart because I was going to the Air Force Academy I couldn't do that I couldn't even be around the drugs
(12:52):
No because I can't be implicated with that yeah of course yeah but what did he represent to me and I've subsequently used this with my uncle my godfather even my own parents I use the same template and I hope that this template brings joy and peace and happiness to people
While you're in the process of boiling down the essence what did Sallie represent to you don't just think about it in terms of putting it on a piece of paper and then it ends up in a filing cabinet or in your case in a book
(13:26):
Why don't we just consider taking the very best of the best of the best that she represented to you and incorporating that into yourself
What did you so that way she you become a living tribute to Sallie just that one aspect and I can give you this example I did this with my uncle my uncle he's the reason we have cell phones because he sued the federal he sued the federal government in Detroit
(13:54):
Is he still alive
No he passed away
We need to give him a shout out
Oh I did my uncle Toss
Uncle Toss
Thank you baby
He went his name was Steve Kirkus one of my favorite people but he sued the federal government way back when and he won because they wanted to make the frequencies he bought up all the frequencies in southeast Michigan for like 50
(14:17):
For 50 dollars right and then because he saw the cell phones becoming a thing so he bought the frequencies the Johnson and Nixon administration said no those are federal and he says no they're not they belong to We the People so he sued and he won so here he is in the early 70s with about 13 million dollars
(14:39):
Nice and that's a lot of money
So he was a mentor to me
He was a We the People person
Was he an uncle on your mom or dad's side
He was on my dad's side he was my dad's brother-in-law so he married my dad's sister
Right okay
But they were Macedonian right I'm half Macedonian so but they were very he was very much a business guy he was the one that taught me how to
(15:06):
But also predicted the future
He was he was this is back before we had internet yeah he's the one that I had like 1200 dollars from my from my paper route when I was like I was 14 years old
How long did that take you to save up that's a lot
I was 14 years old
So it was like June and I said hey uncle Toss I want to invest this money and he says well and he literally brought me to his broker this is back when you didn't have
(15:33):
Oh my goodness
I was reading and I bought six stocks and did they turn out well by Christmas that year I had made 1200 into 2000 dollars
So but my point is not to talk about my finances but to talk about my uncle Toss my Steve Kirkus and the reason is because you know when I looked at how he interacted with his family
(15:56):
No matter what happened he was steady as you go yes we all have emotions yes he had garbage happen to him but you could never ever tell that he just he was fighting battles even his wife
You know my aunt Vicki she was battling lung cancer for years but you could never tell that she was struggling with that two of the kindest most beautiful people in the world
(16:23):
They used to give us for birthdays like little silver dollars like real silver dollars those are worth so much money right now
Do you still have them
I have some of them
That's nice
But the point is you take the best of the best that they do that they are that they represent and you make a part of so part of me
And reject the worst
Part of well yeah
(16:45):
Because Sallie was she was very complicated so she wasn't or I mean everything I've written about her here was real but there was also a side to her that I didn't want to be like because I could see that how that affected my brother
And that would have been something she would have seen in me so the person it's not about seeing their perfection or their imperfections about seeing them as a whole so take the gifts and reject what it is that you're seeing that you don't like so in that
(17:18):
In that degree that you're learning from that relationship so she was my greatest teacher on all levels or one of them well so what you said seven years older than me so there was a there was a it's not a generational gap but I which was very wise because she'd been on the streets in London in the 1970s and I was
Oh gosh so what you just described was exactly why when I was an instructor pilot in the Air Force. That's exactly why my students, every one of my students was the top stick in the class, the top performer top stick because on day one I would ask them what's their goal.
(17:59):
Because on day one everyone every new pilot their goal is to be a fighter pilot and graduate top of their class because that's kind of you're taking all of these type a triple charge but it sounds so thrilling too doesn't it.
And so they go into the and you're competing against 28 other people who have the same goal.
So I told them all I said here's the deal. I'm going to give you my hundred percent best as long as I'm going to give you my best as long as it matches your best. If you're not going to give your best I'm not going to give my I'm going to meet you right where you are, but you can expect
(18:30):
100% for me. Now if you want to be the best in the class.
That's not going to all come from me. You're going to sit in when I'm not directly helping you as your instructor. You're going to stay in the flight room you're not going to go to the barbecue you're not going to go to the golf course, you're going to stay in the squadron, and you're going to sit next to the next student that comes in.
(18:53):
That's debriefing so they just flew.
They just came back, you're going to sit in on their debrief.
Ask permission from them and their instructor. Was this a policy that you'd instilled or was this generally expected? No this was not this is my technique. It was not generally expected. This is just the opposite.
Because if you want to be average you do what the average people do. If you want to be superior you do what superior people do. And so what I told them to do is sit in on those debriefs, learn the lessons that they learned from messing up their flight.
(19:25):
If there's anything different that you've learned from that instructor pilot that is different than what I've taught you, bring it to me and we'll have a conversation about what's different and maybe you're just interpreting it differently.
But most of us know how to fly these supersonic airplanes pretty damn well. So let's just have that conversation. And these kids, every one of mine did that and every one of mine was the top stick. So what you just described with Sallie.
(19:54):
Did your technique get modeled by other instructors? Oh I don't know I can't control that. No but I'm not asking that. Did they see how you were benefiting and they were benefiting? Did they learn? I don't think so. Most people really didn't like me.
Oh okay. Back then I was extremely aggressive. I know it's hard to imagine but also probably a little, I was very kind but if you have this level of intensity, just okay, you've watched the move, you've watched Top Gun and you've seen how those pilots interact with each other.
(20:29):
Even if they're shooting pool, they're like, you know, it's just really, there's this edginess, this cockiness that's, it's almost disgusting. It's almost disgusting. It's all using disgustingness. And I'm not proud to say that but that's a legitimate thing.
But if you're going to fly high performance planes, you don't want to be wishy-washy. You don't want to be like, oh what if, what, you know, no you're decisive. So a lot of people misinterpret that. And then saw you as some type of enemy because they actually were probably jealous.
(21:02):
Well because we're competitors. Yeah okay so that's quite normal then. It's very normal. You didn't get anyone saying to you that was really good, I like your style? Oh yeah. You did. Oh yeah.
Mostly the other, mostly the very, very senior instructors. Okay they didn't have too much pride then. So the ones that were not competing against me, the ones that were very senior, they were like, hey that was amazing. Yeah the good. Yeah.
Because they don't care. They want all of the students to succeed. Right. So anyway I bring that up within the context of discussing Sallie and your relationship because I think it's very wise to look at other people and take the best of the best and leave the worst.
(21:42):
Like when I was a first officer. But leaving the worst doesn't mean you're judging. No it's not a judgment. It just means you're not going to emulate. You still love the worst. I mean Sallie at her being the most rascal, I still loved her.
You know she could be very, very difficult but she was so headstrong. I mean she was absolutely, she was a little petite little thing. And so the worst was aggravating to some people but it never was to me.
(22:05):
Well PJ was the one that taught me how to jump off roofs into swimming pools, how to toilet paper homes. Oh that's fun. I mean how to hit cars with eggs. I mean I'm not lying.
He would, if he didn't like somebody he'd pee in their gas tank. Oh my god. At least he didn't put sugar in it. You know it taught me how to do lawn jobs. I did a hard boiled egg at someone's home. We used to go into his dad's basement.
(22:34):
He taught me how to drink the wine without his dad. Oh good. Because you can space all the wine out so he'd never notice it's missing. That'd be savvy. Right? Very, very savvy. So I'm not going to say, I mean a lot of that came in handy later.
But my point is, you know, as people enter our world they do it for a reason. So if we can take the best of their best and not to judge them for the worst but just say yeah that's not going to serve me. That's not going to serve the bigger picture. That is a lesson not what to do.
(23:05):
But that's one of the reasons I'm a really good pilot is because first of all, I've learned to humble myself. Because even the best pilots, if you're too cocky you're going to die. You're going to kill people. So you have to just say okay I'm good but I can still be better.
Right. I'm always trying to say I'm a good pilot. This is not the ceiling on that. Right. I'm actually an average pilot and I can get better. It's worth everything. It's even a podcast. Like even as you came in today I was celebrating because my brother Jeff up in Chicago is freaking best audio. Hey Jeff we love you.
(23:36):
Best audio engineer in the world. And he's my brother. So, you know, I was celebrating because he taught me something I didn't know. I was like, yes, this is so, and it was so easy. It was such a simple solution.
But this is what we do is we, we try to always up our game. And I always tell people like when I'm playing bass guitar. They say hey that was great what you were playing the band was great. Thank you. But in my mind it's like, that's the worst I'm ever going to be.
(24:07):
Even though they loved it. I knew what I messed up. I knew that I could be better. Yes. So I think that's life in general I think wanting to be better the feeling of knowing that you are better than you were the day before, that's a spiritual feeling.
Yeah, and then you're going to attract in the vibration, which is going to make that actually exponential you'll keep going up. Oh, I totally agree and people come into our worlds at the right place at the right time to help make that exponential.
(24:34):
So, but Sallie is a catalyst for you on your journey to divinity really.
These people, I'm not on a journey to divinity. I am divine.
You are. You are. So are you. So is everyone. The manifestation. We're all divine. The manifestation of heaven on earth. Yeah, that's what we're doing. That's what we're doing. So I bring up PJ I bring up my uncle.
(24:57):
Can I ask you a couple of questions? Sure, sure, sure. Yeah, go ahead. So did he intentionally kill himself or was that just by accident one night?
It was intentional. Oh, really? It was. Yeah.
I'm not going to bring power to it. But yeah, it was intentional. Okay. So, but the idea is that every person that leaves my world. I really get calm and peaceful. Of course, it's emotional. We don't want to deny that the emotion attached to it.
(25:25):
It's a thing. You get choked up because you're going to miss that one of the things that you said was an absolute very interesting because I said this with about so have I done enough? Have I done everything I can?
Now she had cancer and on the next episode, we're going to talk about that. You know, that's more of a serious subject. But did I do everything I could to help her?
Could I have done things differently where that wouldn't have happened? And that is a question I've I do with my anyone that's died. And I won't go into this now. But there's things I did with my father, why I might have accelerated his decline. And I can talk about that.
(25:58):
And it's fair enough. That's a very interesting thing. So it's just about to talk about my mom and my dad. I think all of us, we know we could have been better kids. I was just telling you like, I was actually a really good kid.
It's all I grew older. I was talking about I was there for a while, but there's this wild streak to me. Part of my wild streak was the FU because there's this religious, there's a whole religious clamp being clamped down on.
(26:27):
But I'm a free, I'm a freedom fighter from the get go. So there was that but also, I wanted to off myself, but I knew I couldn't because I'd end up terrified. I'd end up in hell the rest of eternity.
I was so I don't want that. Was that the deterrent for you thinking what would happen? If you'd have thought I'm going to be in my consciousness is going to be extinct. Would you have done it?
(26:49):
Probably. Wow, that's interesting. I mean, so I was around. Well, no, no, no, say that again. Okay, so if your consciousness ceased to be and that you didn't have any emotion, and so you wouldn't even know you're dead because you're dead, would you have committed suicide?
Oh, no, I don't think so. I'm all about living. So I just didn't like where I was. I don't like this earth spot.
So you weren't an atheist in that? You didn't you knew you were going to go on somewhere? Oh, I knew. Yeah, I just wanted to ask, but I didn't just get out of this place. Give me the hell out of this place. Part of that was external, but a lot of it was internal to myself.
(27:22):
So I had to figure out things within myself, and I did. I figured it out. I just hung around long enough to figure it out. But with my mom and dad, my mom predeceased. My mom was younger than my dad and predeceased him, which is excruciating for me. I was on a flight in Boston.
How old were you? Oh, gosh, it's probably been 10 years ago. Probably. Oh wow, recently. 50s. Well, she was, I don't even remember. To me, the dates, yeah, the dates were not that important. It was probably a dozen years ago or so.
(27:56):
But I was in Boston and my sister called from Detroit and said, hey, mom has to go in for this. She's really weak right now and she has to talk to this doctor. She had lung cancer that was kind of in a homeostasis. Wasn't getting better, wasn't getting worse.
So I ended up flying in from, I was an airline captain. You could just jump on the next empty seat. Even if it's in the flight deck of a Delta, you can jump on it. So I just jumped down there, went to, told Robin I'm not going to be home. I got to go to Detroit.
(28:27):
And went there and she was extremely weak. So much so they couldn't even check her blood or anything. So she was pretty much on her way out. I spent the last three days with her.
She went in there for some routine tests and ended up passing away. Well, those, I was never so close to my mom in my life because I wanted to be there.
(28:48):
Everything, because she was unconscious most of the time in ICU. But every time she woke up, I wanted to be there for her. That meant that I needed to be there 24 seven. And I was exhausted. It was almost three days, just 24 seven. Go grab a quick snack. Come back.
And then when I couldn't do it anymore, I called my sister said she can't, I got, I got to close my eyes for a few minutes. She came, I left. And no sooner I got to my sister's house for a quick nap. My mom passed.
(29:21):
But I don't, it's not about how people pass. This is a major lesson. It's not how they die. It's how they lived that matters. So I got to that place because I had rehearsed with the other people that passed and I said, okay, what did my mom represent to me?
She represented two things. Number one, she was a great teacher.
(29:44):
You said off mic yesterday so we can take this out. But you said that what, anything you did wasn't quite good enough.
Yeah, just like you said, Sallie had kind of her stuff that she was just that you don't know. I had said to you that was her greatest gift because it allowed you to be you. Maybe she recognized that could have been unconsciously.
(30:05):
Well, that typically because it allowed you just to keep being the best and keep being better. So that was kind of a gift being that critical. My mom was a little like that. Well, I think every parent, every parent wants their kids and their grandkids and their great grandkids to have it better than they do and to be better than they are.
(30:26):
Right. Which is a very ego thing. But with your mom, it came out in the form of you because you felt that you didn't see this as oh, I'm going to succeed. It actually felt hurtful to you.
Well, I think that the answer is yes. You know, you can't give something you don't have. Right. So we didn't know this until after my mom was passed. But you know, she was when she was a teenager, she was raped and she had to give up the child to the church.
(30:58):
But the guy who did it was in the church. I know. Right. So this whole thing was messed up. So the church was the problem. The church was so my mom got separated from her daughter, my older sister as a teenage girl.
And the church is saying how holy and beautiful that they are. And they're they f'ed up my mom's life. So my mom carried this burden into her marriage through all of my life with my dad.
(31:32):
Did your dad? Nope, nope. She didn't reenter. My older sister did not reenter our lives until after my dad passed because she didn't want that disruption to the family, which is very noble, very, very honorable.
Absolutely. I can't even imagine. But so I think it was January 2020 or so. My first cousin, who's actually my uncle Steve's son. He's out and his name is Mark. Hey, Mark.
(32:01):
My brother's name. So Mark called my family. It's like, hey, there's this girl that says she's your sister. So my siblings and I are all like, what? Because we thought there were five of us, but there was a six.
So we thought, OK, well, you know, let's talk through everyone's like we had to zoom. We couldn't go meet her because everyone's in this in the middle of the scam. So we're locked down. But we met her. We welcomed her.
(32:31):
And it's as if she was whether she's a half sister or sister doesn't matter. She was thrilled that the five of us Phillips siblings just welcomed her like she never like she was always there.
It was such a it was a beautiful thing. But in retrospect, my siblings and I are like, all of a sudden, there was this epiphany like, oh my God, this is why mom was always so distant.
(32:58):
She was she was preoccupied. Can you imagine with the trauma? Your oldest sibling was ripped away from you. I can't.
I mean, but even her kid had the church steals a child and you're probably being raped by some bishop. I may be mischaracterizing this and, you know, I don't know. But when I found this out, I first of all, I wanted to find out the name of the guy, where he lives.
(33:23):
And I was going to get my Benelli M4 because this is not going to be. But then I was like, no, no, no, there's a this is not my not my stuff. Yeah, you got really that stuff fires me up when we don't have to say anything else there.
We don't. But he pretty much trashed out my mom's life. But the repercussion of that is that we as children always felt this distance. So when I say you can't give something you don't have, my mom was came into motherhood with a deficiency.
(33:56):
And we've I wouldn't say it's a deficiency because it was supposed anyway. We were well, it was powerful. Well, she but you can't love somebody else more than you love yourself. And she actually was really struggling with herself. Yeah. Right.
So she was struggling with herself. So that projected onto us. So as children, we're like, we pretty much were struggling as a group. We were competitive. We were struggling for affection because my mom felt you see what I'm saying.
(34:26):
She was not able to have affection because that was what she was affectionate naturally towards was removed. Right. So she was not even capable. And I'm not I'm not going to pretend to analyze my mom was beautiful. She was absolutely the one of the most the finest people in the world.
So I wanted to honor my mom after she passed and I thought to myself, what was she good at? She was an amazing teacher. She always wanted she always wanted to be a teacher like in a formal school. And I'm just so glad she wasn't because but she was a great
(34:56):
teacher. They used to play Scrabble. They used to do word games and she was the one that taught me. She's like, hey, is there a better word than this? Or is this the right way to use these words? Why don't you try this instead? Right. And she would she taught me about active voice instead of passive voice. Right. So I went into high school as a very, very English was my most powerful subject. My English teacher was everybody hated her. She was one of my favorite teachers. Mrs.
(35:25):
Castleberry. And she's she was so hard on me. I had to work my fanny off to just get an A minus. Like an A minus is not good enough. And she was but she was so good. But the reason I was able to even I pulled off an A but the reason I was able to is because my mom, she was such a good she was so kind and she was always challenging me to take my vocabulary to the next level. My dad when he passed away, it's I was a very good teacher.
(35:54):
I likened my dad to Fred Flintstone. You're familiar with Fred the Flintstones? Yes.
If you could. Fred Flintstone was like this five year old or six year old kid in a grown up body. Right. He was just this lovable teddy bear guy that was. Thank God he was for your mom. Well, they kind of had to be. They kind of had to be. So everybody knew Sam. He was just he was at the Lions Club. Everybody knew him.
(36:21):
He was just this teddy bear of a guy. So anyway, you take the best of what you what you're given. Both of them had alcohol issues. Right. So I just leave that on the table. So I'm not going to do the alcohol thing, but I'm going to do the kind teach. And the other thing my mom did was she was a great hostess. So whenever somebody comes in, what can I give you? First thing, what can I give you? Yes, graceful. So I got that from my mom. I was always a
(36:50):
very good hostess, but I took it to the next level to honor my mom. Yes, she modeled that and you wanted to honor her. So these are the things that helped me deal with death and dying. But yours tell me what your thoughts are. What is death and mortality? What does it mean?
Nothing at all. It's just a transition. So you really feel it's a transition? Oh, for sure. I think we're as dead now as we'll ever be here on planet Earth. Explain that. Well, I don't need to. Whereas dead now as we'll ever be. This is the closest welcome to death right here.
(37:22):
Okay, so you're saying this? Okay, everything else is rosy. I got what you're saying. Okay, good. So one thing that always confused me was growing up in a Catholic home and being around Christian friends and stuff was this idea that this rejection of another life of reincarnation.
(37:45):
It's a wholesale rejection. It's absolutely disgusting. But what was interesting is not only are there... I don't know how people can thrive without knowing the bigger picture. You're just going to go around the same old mountain. And that's what certain religions have done. They keep you very small.
That belief is very liberating. It is the fundamental. If you can wrap your head around the implications of having lived before, you're going to be... this is going to sound trite, but the next level, you're going to be catapulted. Yeah, and so that's kind of where I'm at. Like even my whole life, it almost doesn't even matter where I'm going from here. It's nothing to worry about. Another fucking planet. But it doesn't even matter. No, because you're immortal. All of living happens right this minute. Yes, that's right.
(38:29):
Years ago, Robin was going through some stuff. So I wrote her a poem called The Special Present. And it was double entendre because it was the present moment. And it was written in haiku form. So it was just layers and layers of haiku. But basically, the present we have, the gift we have is right this moment. Like the most magical moment is in front of these two microphones with each other. That's the magic, right?
(38:56):
And you know when you're in a magic moment and the one, the litmus test to that is would you want it to be any different? Is there anything you'd rather be doing? And there's not right now. I can't think of anything I'd rather be doing. Right?
That's why I did the jig when you walked in the door.
Robin left.
And you're not living in the moment if you think fuck, I want to be out there.
Well, Robin left. She always leaves and she's like, have a good time with you. Play dead.
(39:23):
There's a child in us.
So is there anything else you want to talk about with this episode?
No, I'm going to close it. Just love you, Sal. I'm sure that you're somehow watching and listening to this and I'll take care of Jen. You know I will. I love you.
Yeah, I want to help take care of her too. Whatever we can do to help her to her next level and just have an experience. That'd be great. And thanks for doing honoring, Sal. It was so beautiful. I was emotional. I almost couldn't even talk.
(39:51):
But I think it was really beautiful of you to do that. For those of you who are suffering with death or dying or you have these things, I hope you found some peace from our discussion today. I know I did. I mean, just being part of the discussion was very helpful.
But feel free to share this with people. You know, there's a lot of people experiencing sudden deaths and all sorts of things going on. Now, please share this and let them know that everything's transient, that things will go on, everything's cyclical.
(40:22):
And to use this as a resource for their future self.
How's that?
See you later.
(40:43):
Soul Decodes, a feature presentation, airs every Friday on the Earth Angel Media Network.
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