October 7, 2025 • 29 mins
Episode Overview
Discover three powerful energy healing practices specifically designed for burned-out helpers, therapists, coaches, and caregivers. Learn how to set energetic boundaries, recalibrate your giving patterns, and reclaim your voice.
Key Timestamps
- 00:00 Introduction: Why traditional self-care isn't enough
- 02:15 Strategy #1: Energetic Boundary Setting
- 08:30 Strategy #2: Heart Chakra Recalibration
- 14:45 Strategy #3: Throat Chakra Liberation
- 21:00 How energy work + neuroscience = sustainable healing
Three Strategies Covered
1. Energetic Boundary Setting (Solar Plexus Chakra)
The Problem: Empaths and sensitive helpers absorb others' emotional energy, depleting their power center.
The Practice:
- Before interactions: Visualize a golden shield of light around your body (arm's length away)
- Set the intention: "I hold space with compassion, but I do not carry what is not mine"
- After interactions: Physically brush hands down arms and legs to release absorbed energy
2. Heart Chakra Recalibration
The Problem: Overactive heart chakra (constant giving) + depleted root chakra (safety/self-preservation) = "I'll save everyone but myself" pattern
The Practice:
- Place one hand on heart, one on lower belly
- Breathe into belly first (root), then let breath rise to heart
- Affirm: "I am safe. I am grounded. My cup fills first"
- Practice 2 minutes daily
3. Throat Chakra Liberation
The Problem: Voicelessness leads to congested throat chakra, manifesting as throat tightness, jaw clenching, or thyroid issues
The Practice:
- Stand with feet hip-width apart
- Release breath with sound (sigh, hum, or gentle scream into pillow)
- Speak one suppressed truth aloud: "I'm exhausted," "I need help," or "This isn't sustainable"
- No audience needed—speaking it aloud clears the energetic blockage
Key Takeaway
Energy work isn't "woo-woo"—it's ancient wisdom that neuroscience is validating. Combining energy healing with nervous system regulation creates sustainable transformation.
Resources Mentioned
Connect With Dr. Julie
- Website
- Instagram: @dr.juliemerriman
- Email: info@juliemerrimanphd.com
Subscribe & Review
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Welcome to Souljoy, the podcast for accomplished
(00:03):
women in healthcare and helpingprofessions who are ready to
reclaim their energy, theirpurpose, and their joy.
I'm your host, Dr.
Julie Merriman, counseloreducator, author, burnout
researcher, and fellow highachiever navigating midlife.
Here, we blend hard science,honest stories, and
(00:26):
evidence-based strategies tohelp advanced degree women over
40 move from exhaustion toempowerment.
Because your education preparedyou to help others, but it
didn't prepare you to sacrificeyourself.
Let's get started.
(00:46):
Welcome back to Soul Joy,burnout truths for brilliant
women.
Man, it's kind of a tonguetwister.
Okay, we're we're pivoting,we're still pivoting.
Uh last week I told y'all abouthow what the pivot looks like.
I'm really focusing on womenover 40, 50, 60, 70, and how our
life looks as a healthcareprovider and the burnout that we
(01:10):
face.
So that's I'm really zoning inon us, us brilliant women who
are overeducated and trying tofigure out what the hey is going
on with this burnout.
So these first few podcasts onthis pivot, I'm going to talk
about some kind of controversialtopics per se.
But I'm I'm excited to do thiswith you, and I just invite you
(01:33):
to approach this with beginners'eyes, uh, beginner's mind, and
just be curious about the topicsI'm bringing up.
So today we're tackling aquestion that makes a lot of
high achievers squirm.
What if the very degree youworked so very hard to earn?
(01:57):
And I mean so very hard.
I'm thinking about thesacrifices I made myself.
I know y'all, we could probablywrite a book, ladies, if we send
me some ideas.
I'd love to put them on thepodcast.
But what if the very degree youworked so hard to earn is
actually making your burnoutworse?
That's right.
(02:18):
Making your burnout worse.
See, you were told, I was told,we were told, education would
protect us.
And in a way, it did.
I mean, from where I started ina really bad marriage at a
really young age, education wasmy way out.
And I was not going to stop tillI was to the top.
But through that, we went, welearned that it would protect
(02:44):
us, that the letters that cameafter our names meant stability,
meant respect, meant afulfilling career.
But the research, and y'all, myown story, grab my book in
pursuit of soul joy.
I I am down and dirty in that,and I give you lots of ideas to
help you.
(03:05):
But the research and my ownstory say otherwise.
So today I want to break thismyth wide open.
Okay, about 15 years ago, andI've told y'all this before, so
bear with me.
But about 15 years ago, my lifelooked like a success story.
(03:29):
Not bragging.
I'm and I'm just being honest,and that's uh I just want y'all
to have something to relate toand to validate some of your own
experiences.
So I'm gonna share mine.
So about 15 years ago, really,life looked like a success
story.
I was a tenured professor,department director, private
(03:52):
practice owner, nationalspeaker, uh, did conference
notes, uh, you know, conferencekeynotes, uh, breakout sessions
as well, had full classrooms,had my publications.
And, you know, to the to thoseof us in this world of
overachievers, my CV sparkled.
I mean, it could always beimproved, right?
(04:14):
I'm not saying I was all that ina bag of chips.
I had just worked my ass off andit showed on my CV.
Y'all, I was running out offumes.
If I'm if I'm dead honest, andum I believe in being honest, I
was running on fumes.
I woke up exhausted, I lived oncaffeine, I was bitchy, I did
(04:35):
not believe in, well, didn'tbelieve in not having fun, I
just couldn't fathom having fun.
I answered emails at midnight,y'all.
At midnight, instead of restingand taking care of myself and
being with my family.
One afternoon, and I rememberthis vividly, and I might kind
(04:56):
of tear up because I rememberthis.
One afternoon, I stepped off aconference stage to a standing
ovation.
I say that with humbleness, Isay that with humility, but
y'all have felt nothing.
I didn't feel pride, I didn'tfeel joy, I just felt emptiness.
(05:19):
All the credentials in theworld, my PhD, my licenses, my
degrees, didn't chill me.
If anything, they amplified thepressure.
That moment forced me to ask ifI have everything I thought I
(05:39):
wanted, why do I feel so burnedout?
So damn empty.
Once I started digging into thedata, now this was later, when
in that moment, you read mybook, it took me a hot minute to
get my shit together.
And really, that's questionabletoday, but I'm trying, right?
(06:01):
We're we're a work in progress.
Um, but once I started digginginto the data, the pattern,
y'all, it was undeniable.
Listen to this.
This is a 20 an APA 2022research um stat.
Mental health clinicians, 42 to61 percent of master's to
(06:23):
doctoral level providers, whichwould be us, most of us, report
high burnout.
42 to 61 percent.
Another 2022 stat, but MayoClinic Proceedings uh reported
this in 2023.
Physicians, 63 percent of U.S.
(06:47):
physicians met burnout criteriain 2022, the highest rate ever
recorded.
Big deep breath, sit down, hearthat again.
63 percent of you beautifulphysicians, you brilliant women
out there, 63 percent metburnout criteria of 2022.
(07:15):
Of course, a lot was going on in2022, but that stat still
stands.
Nurses with doctorates ormaster's degrees, roughly 47%
show significant burnoutsymptoms.
AACN 2022.
I know my husband and I havespent a lot of time in the
hospital in the last few years,and I just I just am in awe of
(07:39):
the way those nurses, I mean,they it's not ending their whole
shift, they're on their feet,and people are not being kind to
them.
It just broke my heart andphysicians as well.
I felt bad for them as they werecycling through.
Um, I live as a mental healthcare professional, so I I mean I
can really relate to that, but Isaw how hard physicians and
(08:04):
nurses were working as well.
See, education was supposed tobe the safeguard, right?
Instead, the very path to thosedegrees trains us for burnout.
Okay, so I'm not saying that toum ruffle feathers.
I'm saying that to get yourattention because I want to help
(08:27):
you.
I have a passion to help stopthis burnout um epidemic.
Yeah, I'm going there.
Burnout epidemic.
Okay, so here's why.
Achievement, arrow toperfectionism, arrow to chronic
stress.
Fit any of us?
(08:47):
I mean, it's not the averageduck that says, hey, I'm gonna
get a master's degree.
Screw that, I'm gonna go get adoctorate or an MD or you know,
whatever next uh level up thatis.
Not just everyone does that.
Achievement drive, perfectionismleads to chronic stress.
Achievement drive leads toperfectionism, perfectionism
(09:10):
leads to chronic stress.
Graduate training rewardsoverwork, right?
Oh, and as a professor, I mean,I'm currently a professor, and
I'm and of course I'm at the I'mold, I'm in my 60s, I'm a much
different professor today than Iwas in my 40s.
You know, I'm always telling mystudents, dude, a B is gonna get
you where you need to go.
(09:30):
Now that C, they can't stand theproblem with C, but a B will get
them where they need to go.
Uh if the paper's a couple ofdays late, it the world is not
gonna end.
I've got some folks gettingmarried right now, and I just
sent an email, I thinkyesterday, that her mental
health and her wedding was farmore important than that paper.
But I'm telling you, I didn'thave professors like that.
(09:50):
I was I had professors who toldme my ass was gonna be, you
know, flunked out if I didn't dothis, that, or the other.
I don't want to do that to mystudents.
But graduate training rewardsoverwork, right?
Those late nights.
I can remember putting the bed,the kids to bed, and then I stay
up all night doing homework.
Endless revisions, publisherperish.
(10:13):
Your nervous system learns thatconstant activation equals
success.
I can remember after I finishedmy doc program, there was a hot
minute, um, you know, maybe sixmonths before I went right into
the academy.
And I just didn't know what thehell I was going to do with
myself because I had some extratime.
You know, but what am I gonnado?
(10:33):
I have time.
Oh, yes, y'all, graduatetraining rewards overwork.
And this wires our nervoussystem to learn that constant
activation is what it takes tobe successful.
Next, we have cognitive load andresponsibility.
Advanced degrees invite complexcases, right?
(10:56):
Where we're at the top of therung.
We're the most educated.
We, those really complex thingsland in our lap.
We land in leadership roles.
And this, all of this bringsconstant ethical decision
making.
Our brain is on 24-7.
(11:17):
It's, I mean, I can I canremember um I put myself through
my undergrad program as ahairdresser, just right out of
um high school.
I went to hair school and and Iowned a hair salon and I was a
hairdresser, um, knowing that Iwasn't going to stop there,
knowing I wanted to go on to bea counselor, but I worked my way
through college, uh, undergradas a hairdresser.
(11:39):
And I can remember there havebeen days when I've been like,
especially when my brain is justdead and there's this demand and
it's it's not fun.
There's all these decisions andit feels like life or death.
And I've thought at times, man,I wish I had my scissors and I
would just go back into a salonand just play with hair.
Um, although uh sending somelove to hairdressers, that's not
(12:03):
just easy peasy because you'redealing with people and how they
like their haircuts.
So um maybe floral arrangement.
You know, I'm just thinkingsometimes I just want to go be
creative and not have to makeanother effing decision.
Just be creative.
Any of y'all relate to that?
Just let me go play.
Our brain is on 24-7.
(12:25):
Okay.
Next, let's put on our the lensof gender and midlife pressures.
Now I'm a little past midlife.
Um, I'm in my 60s, I'm on theother side of all that
perimenopause.
I cannot say menopause for someperimenopause and menopause and
such.
Um, but I remember it well.
(12:47):
Women 40 plus face, and I hangwith me as I say this,
perimenopause.
Whoo, I said it.
We have aging parents.
I just made my mother a coupleof appointments today, arranged
to take her.
Oh, she wants to do this um teaat the Kimball Art Museum in
Fort Worth.
They have this tea.
And uh, of course, we grew up uhright there in Fort Worth around
(13:10):
the Kemble Art.
Anyway, it's gonna be so fun.
Anyway, I've got an aging mom.
She's a widow, so there's a lotof times, yeah, a lot of my
schedule.
I make sure she's has hermedicine, goes to her doctor
appointments, has something funto do.
Um, teen children.
I have teen grandchildren and40-something uh children, but it
(13:35):
really, you know, after 40, therelationship with our children
really looks different.
And we need to honor that and ummake space for that as we
change.
Our kids are changing.
Teen children, ooh, that's ahandful.
Um 20-something children, that'sa handful, 40-something
(13:58):
children, that's just it's justso different.
Uh we also face career plateaus,our hormone shifts.
These shifts, these shifts,these hormonal shifts magnify
stress responses.
Yet our programs, as we weregoing through grad school, did
(14:19):
they ever mention that?
Hey, girlfriend, when you'rehitting your 40s and beyond,
some shit's gonna change.
Things are gonna be a littledifferent.
Plan for that.
No, no.
Uh, you're gonna be a littledepressed when empty nest hits.
You're gonna be in an identitycrisis when someone starts
calling you grandma or boomy.
I'm boomy, which I love and I'mproud of.
(14:41):
But that was, you know, it'slike, whoo, how did grandmahood
hit me?
We're not prepared for that aswe prepare for our careers.
Burnout is not a personalweakness.
In fact, I would invite you, isbecause you do such a darn good
job at what you do, you wind upin burnout.
(15:04):
It's a physiological outcome ofchronic stress and professional
conditioning.
So let's name the myths andreplace them with truth.
Myth one (15:18):
education equals immunity.
Reality, higher educationincreases workload, stakes, and
public expectation.
Right?
And I'm just gonna throw this inas a little nugget.
If you're the first one in yourfamily to be a higher educated
(15:38):
woman, it's very hard for anyoneelse in your family to offer the
support and validity andrelation, you know, relate to
that, which offers a whole otherum type of almost isolation
feeling, which that's a wholeother podcast.
But education equals immunity.
That's not the reality.
(15:59):
Myth two, I should know how tohandle stress.
Reality.
Graduate school, our programsteach theory.
They do not necessarily,especially those of us that are
40, 50, 60, been in the field ahot minute, they did not teach
nervous system regulation.
(16:21):
We're trying to do that betternow.
As a counselor educator, we'retrying to do a better job of
that now.
We can certainly go to umprofessional development and
such, but as you were planningyour career, that was not
something you could put in yournotebook and go, okay, I know to
look out for this.
Myth three (16:39):
success will make life easier.
That was one I was hanging myhat on.
Yeah, the reality is everypromotion or publication or
something in our job thatrequires more responsibility
raises the bar and shrinks yourmargin for rest.
(17:04):
Yeah, these myths keep brilliantwomen such as yourselves blaming
yourself instead of the systemsthat we were trained in.
And I don't know, blame is wherewe even need to go.
I'm just inviting curiosity,awareness, and you to hold space
(17:25):
and think, can I kind of shiftmy thinking around this and and
create some new neural pathwayswhere I'm nicer to myself?
Okay, so what actually helps?
If another degree or a weekendspa trip isn't the answer,
although I highly recommend aspa trip, not gonna not gonna
(17:47):
turn one of those down, butthat's not gonna fix this.
What is the answer?
And I'm just gonna talk a hotminute about Souljoy, and then
I've got four things you can dotoday to help you with this.
But through my own recovery, asI've talked about a lot and
years of research, I developedthe Souljoy method, and there's
(18:10):
four pillars in this method.
I'm just gonna talk about umthree that I've designed.
I mean, Souljoy is designed foradvanced degree helpers.
And first, that's nervous systemregulation.
Daily micro practices, pacedbreathing, grounding vagus nerve
(18:30):
activation, teaching your bodyto feel safe.
That's something we're gonna doon a regular basis in Souljoy.
Second is boundary mastery,saying no with love.
Um, that can be really harderthan it sounds.
In theory, it's like, well, howthe amount I'm gonna say no, but
(18:51):
it can be a little push, alittle um activating when the
time comes up.
But I invite you to justrestructure schedules, delegate
task, and in the culture ofheroic overwork, we're not
getting medals for that.
I invite you to walk away fromthat.
(19:12):
And third, meaningrecalibration, reconnecting to
joy beyond titles, beyondaccomplishments, redefining
success in midlife and beyond onyour own effing terms.
It's time, you know, the I see alot of funny um TikTok.
(19:33):
Well, I'm not on TikTok, butit's you um Instagram reels and
such on us older women just notgiving a F, you know, just don't
have it anymore.
And I can happily say a lot ofmine have retired.
I don't have near as many givinga care as I used to.
So my gift to you, my brilliantsisters, are these next four
(19:57):
practices that you can trytoday.
But before I go there, I justwant to review uh these uh
pieces from the souljoy methodthat I just shared: nervous
system regulation, daily micropractices, boundary mastery,
saying no with love, and meaningrecalibration, redefining
(20:19):
success in midlife and beyond onyour own terms.
Okay, so here are four practicesyou can do today.
The first one, I invite you toset a timer for 60 seconds.
If you don't have access tothat, just wing it.
But inhale for a count of four,hold for a count of two, exhale
(20:47):
for a count of six.
And the invitation here is torepeat this breathing cycle for
one minute, maybe betweenclients, maybe before you start
work, maybe at the end of theday.
Just repeat that because thesimple pattern signals your
vagus nerve to shift from fightor flight into calm.
(21:09):
Now it's not glamorous, but itis science and it does work.
Then these next um strategiesincorporate chakra work and
energy healing.
And if you've read my book, youknow I'm a yoga instructor.
I integrate yoga into my therapypractice with my clients.
(21:31):
I believe we are energy beingsand we need to take care of our
energy.
Just um just watch yourself thenext time you are activated by a
client or a patient or a spouseor a child, just see how your
body feels.
It activates it that that umthat's yeah, you can't see me,
(21:54):
but that that tightness orwhatever shoots through you,
that's that's energy.
And so, as energy beings, weneed to know how to take care of
ourselves.
So this next um strategy iscalled energy boundary setting.
So beyond saying no with words,we need energetic boundaries.
(22:16):
When you're an empath or highlysensitive helper, you are
literally absorbing others'emotion, emotions and emotional
energy.
I talk to this about my studentor with my students all the
time.
They can feel it.
Y'all, when you're doing this,it drains your solar plexus
chakra, your power center.
(22:37):
And that is below your uh well,where your ribcage, where your
ribcage is, that's your solarplexus area, the lower part in
your upper belly.
So I invite you to practice thisbefore client sessions, before
patience, before a difficultconversation, visualize a golden
(22:58):
shield of light around yourbody, about arm's length length
away.
And I want you to set theintention.
I hold space with compassion,but I do not carry what is not
mine.
After interactions, physicallybrush your hands up and down
your arms and legs as if toremove invisible energy dust.
(23:23):
This will help to releaseabsorbed energy.
I'm not being woo-woo.
This is ancient wisdom.
Go and research it.
Okay, next, the heart chakrarecalibration.
So many of us burned outhelpers, you beautiful,
(23:46):
brilliant women, have anoveractive heart chakra.
Giving, giving, giving, whileyour root chakra, that safety
and self-preservation, now theheart chakra is is in your
chest.
I mean, that's common sense, Iguess.
Your root chakra are is fromyour sitz bones all the way down
to your tippy toes.
(24:07):
Um, and in the root chakra,that's where your safety and
self-preservation is living.
Um, and while you're giving,giving, giving, with that
overactive heart chakra, yourroot chakra becomes depleted.
And this creates the classic,I'll save everyone but myself
pattern.
Ooh, does that sound familiar?
(24:29):
I'll save everyone but myselfpattern.
And here's the practice I wouldinvite you to try.
Place one hand on your heart,one hand on your belly, breathe
into your belly first, rootchakra, the lower half.
Then let that breath rise toyour heart.
(24:51):
Silently affirm I'm safe, I'mgrounded, my cup fills first.
Do this for two minutes daily,you know, just do it once, just
start trying it.
Work your way up to two minutes.
You're literally rewiring theenergy flow from depletion to
(25:12):
sustainable nourishment withthis simple act.
Okay, and the last one is isthroat chakra liberation.
And as I work with my clients,of course, I'm always looking at
chakras as I'm working withthem.
They may not know that I'm doingthat, but it tells me what
energy is going on.
(25:33):
And it's amazing to me how ninetimes out of ten, I'm gonna say
999.9999 times, it's exactly theissue they're talking about.
If I in my head, I'm thinking,oh, that's throat chakra stuff.
And they start talking aboutauthentic self.
Um, it's it's just a trick I usethat I really enjoy.
(25:55):
But back to throat chakraliberation.
Burnout often includesvoicelessness, swallowing your
truth, staying silent abouttoxic work cultures, suppressing
your needs, your throat chakrabecomes congested, which
manifests as literal throattightness, jaw clenching,
(26:15):
thyroid issues.
Those of us over 40, try thistoday.
Stand with your feet, hip widthapart, take a deep breath, and
release it with a sound, a sigh,a hum, even a scream into a
pillow.
(26:35):
Let it be messy and authentic.
Then speak one truth out loudthat you've been holding back.
I'm exhausted, I need help.
This isn't sustainable.
Speaking it out loud, even to anempty room, begins clearing that
energetic block.
(26:56):
Again, these are not woo-wooadd-ons.
These this is ancient wisdomthat neuroscience is finally
catching up to.
That's sustainabletransformation.
Okay, so y'all have four umregulatory activities you can
(27:20):
try right now.
The the breathing, thefour-count breathing, the
energetic boundary setting,heart chakra recalibration, and
throat chakra liberation.
All right.
Your degree proves yourbrilliance.
But brilliance withoutboundaries leads straight to
(27:42):
burnout.
You are not weak, you areoperating inside systems that
reward, overdrive, and punishrest.
The good news, you can retrainyour mind, retrain your body,
and your schedule, and no seconddegree, no more setting your
(28:03):
foot inside a college classroomis required.
Your education prepared you tohelp others.
Now it's time to help yourself.
Remember, bubble baths can't fixPhD level burnout, but science,
boundaries, and a little soulcan.
I want you to tune in next weekwhere we are talking about
(28:27):
self-care is gaslighting forsmart women.
Huh.
Sounds a little controversial,doesn't it?
That's what I'm going for.
That's what I'm going for.
I mean, not controversial, Ijust want to get your attention
and get y'all thinking.
So, thank you.
Thanks for listening to SoulJoy.
Remember, you're not broken,you're overwhelmed, and your
(28:50):
best chapter is still coming.
If today's conversationresonated with you, share the
episode with a colleague,subscribe on your favorite
podcast app, and leave a reviewso more brilliant women can find
us.
Ready for personalized support?
Book your free 20-minute SoulJoy consultation or take the
advanced degree Helper BurnoutAssessment.
(29:13):
These links are in the shownotes.
So until next time, I'm Dr.
Julie Merriman, reminding you totake care of yourself with the
same expertise you give toeveryone else.
Welcome to Souljoy, the podcast for accomplished
(00:03):
women in healthcare and helpingprofessions who are ready to
reclaim their energy, theirpurpose, and their joy.
I'm your host, Dr.
Julie Merriman, counseloreducator, author, burnout
researcher, and fellow highachiever navigating midlife.
Here, we blend hard science,honest stories, and
(00:26):
evidence-based strategies tohelp advanced degree women over
40 move from exhaustion toempowerment.
Because your education preparedyou to help others, but it
didn't prepare you to sacrificeyourself.
Let's get started.
(00:46):
Welcome back to Soul Joy,burnout truths for brilliant
women.
Man, it's kind of a tonguetwister.
Okay, we're we're pivoting,we're still pivoting.
Uh last week I told y'all abouthow what the pivot looks like.
I'm really focusing on womenover 40, 50, 60, 70, and how our
life looks as a healthcareprovider and the burnout that we
(01:10):
face.
So that's I'm really zoning inon us, us brilliant women who
are overeducated and trying tofigure out what the hey is going
on with this burnout.
So these first few podcasts onthis pivot, I'm going to talk
about some kind of controversialtopics per se.
But I'm I'm excited to do thiswith you, and I just invite you
(01:33):
to approach this with beginners'eyes, uh, beginner's mind, and
just be curious about the topicsI'm bringing up.
So today we're tackling aquestion that makes a lot of
high achievers squirm.
What if the very degree youworked so very hard to earn?
(01:57):
And I mean so very hard.
I'm thinking about thesacrifices I made myself.
I know y'all, we could probablywrite a book, ladies, if we send
me some ideas.
I'd love to put them on thepodcast.
But what if the very degree youworked so hard to earn is
actually making your burnoutworse?
That's right.
(02:18):
Making your burnout worse.
See, you were told, I was told,we were told, education would
protect us.
And in a way, it did.
I mean, from where I started ina really bad marriage at a
really young age, education wasmy way out.
And I was not going to stop tillI was to the top.
But through that, we went, welearned that it would protect
(02:44):
us, that the letters that cameafter our names meant stability,
meant respect, meant afulfilling career.
But the research, and y'all, myown story, grab my book in
pursuit of soul joy.
I I am down and dirty in that,and I give you lots of ideas to
help you.
(03:05):
But the research and my ownstory say otherwise.
So today I want to break thismyth wide open.
Okay, about 15 years ago, andI've told y'all this before, so
bear with me.
But about 15 years ago, my lifelooked like a success story.
(03:29):
Not bragging.
I'm and I'm just being honest,and that's uh I just want y'all
to have something to relate toand to validate some of your own
experiences.
So I'm gonna share mine.
So about 15 years ago, really,life looked like a success
story.
I was a tenured professor,department director, private
(03:52):
practice owner, nationalspeaker, uh, did conference
notes, uh, you know, conferencekeynotes, uh, breakout sessions
as well, had full classrooms,had my publications.
And, you know, to the to thoseof us in this world of
overachievers, my CV sparkled.
I mean, it could always beimproved, right?
(04:14):
I'm not saying I was all that ina bag of chips.
I had just worked my ass off andit showed on my CV.
Y'all, I was running out offumes.
If I'm if I'm dead honest, andum I believe in being honest, I
was running on fumes.
I woke up exhausted, I lived oncaffeine, I was bitchy, I did
(04:35):
not believe in, well, didn'tbelieve in not having fun, I
just couldn't fathom having fun.
I answered emails at midnight,y'all.
At midnight, instead of restingand taking care of myself and
being with my family.
One afternoon, and I rememberthis vividly, and I might kind
(04:56):
of tear up because I rememberthis.
One afternoon, I stepped off aconference stage to a standing
ovation.
I say that with humbleness, Isay that with humility, but
y'all have felt nothing.
I didn't feel pride, I didn'tfeel joy, I just felt emptiness.
(05:19):
All the credentials in theworld, my PhD, my licenses, my
degrees, didn't chill me.
If anything, they amplified thepressure.
That moment forced me to ask ifI have everything I thought I
(05:39):
wanted, why do I feel so burnedout?
So damn empty.
Once I started digging into thedata, now this was later, when
in that moment, you read mybook, it took me a hot minute to
get my shit together.
And really, that's questionabletoday, but I'm trying, right?
(06:01):
We're we're a work in progress.
Um, but once I started digginginto the data, the pattern,
y'all, it was undeniable.
Listen to this.
This is a 20 an APA 2022research um stat.
Mental health clinicians, 42 to61 percent of master's to
(06:23):
doctoral level providers, whichwould be us, most of us, report
high burnout.
42 to 61 percent.
Another 2022 stat, but MayoClinic Proceedings uh reported
this in 2023.
Physicians, 63 percent of U.S.
(06:47):
physicians met burnout criteriain 2022, the highest rate ever
recorded.
Big deep breath, sit down, hearthat again.
63 percent of you beautifulphysicians, you brilliant women
out there, 63 percent metburnout criteria of 2022.
(07:15):
Of course, a lot was going on in2022, but that stat still
stands.
Nurses with doctorates ormaster's degrees, roughly 47%
show significant burnoutsymptoms.
AACN 2022.
I know my husband and I havespent a lot of time in the
hospital in the last few years,and I just I just am in awe of
(07:39):
the way those nurses, I mean,they it's not ending their whole
shift, they're on their feet,and people are not being kind to
them.
It just broke my heart andphysicians as well.
I felt bad for them as they werecycling through.
Um, I live as a mental healthcare professional, so I I mean I
can really relate to that, but Isaw how hard physicians and
(08:04):
nurses were working as well.
See, education was supposed tobe the safeguard, right?
Instead, the very path to thosedegrees trains us for burnout.
Okay, so I'm not saying that toum ruffle feathers.
I'm saying that to get yourattention because I want to help
(08:27):
you.
I have a passion to help stopthis burnout um epidemic.
Yeah, I'm going there.
Burnout epidemic.
Okay, so here's why.
Achievement, arrow toperfectionism, arrow to chronic
stress.
Fit any of us?
(08:47):
I mean, it's not the averageduck that says, hey, I'm gonna
get a master's degree.
Screw that, I'm gonna go get adoctorate or an MD or you know,
whatever next uh level up thatis.
Not just everyone does that.
Achievement drive, perfectionismleads to chronic stress.
Achievement drive leads toperfectionism, perfectionism
(09:10):
leads to chronic stress.
Graduate training rewardsoverwork, right?
Oh, and as a professor, I mean,I'm currently a professor, and
I'm and of course I'm at the I'mold, I'm in my 60s, I'm a much
different professor today than Iwas in my 40s.
You know, I'm always telling mystudents, dude, a B is gonna get
you where you need to go.
(09:30):
Now that C, they can't stand theproblem with C, but a B will get
them where they need to go.
Uh if the paper's a couple ofdays late, it the world is not
gonna end.
I've got some folks gettingmarried right now, and I just
sent an email, I thinkyesterday, that her mental
health and her wedding was farmore important than that paper.
But I'm telling you, I didn'thave professors like that.
(09:50):
I was I had professors who toldme my ass was gonna be, you
know, flunked out if I didn't dothis, that, or the other.
I don't want to do that to mystudents.
But graduate training rewardsoverwork, right?
Those late nights.
I can remember putting the bed,the kids to bed, and then I stay
up all night doing homework.
Endless revisions, publisherperish.
(10:13):
Your nervous system learns thatconstant activation equals
success.
I can remember after I finishedmy doc program, there was a hot
minute, um, you know, maybe sixmonths before I went right into
the academy.
And I just didn't know what thehell I was going to do with
myself because I had some extratime.
You know, but what am I gonnado?
(10:33):
I have time.
Oh, yes, y'all, graduatetraining rewards overwork.
And this wires our nervoussystem to learn that constant
activation is what it takes tobe successful.
Next, we have cognitive load andresponsibility.
Advanced degrees invite complexcases, right?
(10:56):
Where we're at the top of therung.
We're the most educated.
We, those really complex thingsland in our lap.
We land in leadership roles.
And this, all of this bringsconstant ethical decision
making.
Our brain is on 24-7.
(11:17):
It's, I mean, I can I canremember um I put myself through
my undergrad program as ahairdresser, just right out of
um high school.
I went to hair school and and Iowned a hair salon and I was a
hairdresser, um, knowing that Iwasn't going to stop there,
knowing I wanted to go on to bea counselor, but I worked my way
through college, uh, undergradas a hairdresser.
(11:39):
And I can remember there havebeen days when I've been like,
especially when my brain is justdead and there's this demand and
it's it's not fun.
There's all these decisions andit feels like life or death.
And I've thought at times, man,I wish I had my scissors and I
would just go back into a salonand just play with hair.
Um, although uh sending somelove to hairdressers, that's not
(12:03):
just easy peasy because you'redealing with people and how they
like their haircuts.
So um maybe floral arrangement.
You know, I'm just thinkingsometimes I just want to go be
creative and not have to makeanother effing decision.
Just be creative.
Any of y'all relate to that?
Just let me go play.
Our brain is on 24-7.
(12:25):
Okay.
Next, let's put on our the lensof gender and midlife pressures.
Now I'm a little past midlife.
Um, I'm in my 60s, I'm on theother side of all that
perimenopause.
I cannot say menopause for someperimenopause and menopause and
such.
Um, but I remember it well.
(12:47):
Women 40 plus face, and I hangwith me as I say this,
perimenopause.
Whoo, I said it.
We have aging parents.
I just made my mother a coupleof appointments today, arranged
to take her.
Oh, she wants to do this um teaat the Kimball Art Museum in
Fort Worth.
They have this tea.
And uh, of course, we grew up uhright there in Fort Worth around
(13:10):
the Kemble Art.
Anyway, it's gonna be so fun.
Anyway, I've got an aging mom.
She's a widow, so there's a lotof times, yeah, a lot of my
schedule.
I make sure she's has hermedicine, goes to her doctor
appointments, has something funto do.
Um, teen children.
I have teen grandchildren and40-something uh children, but it
(13:35):
really, you know, after 40, therelationship with our children
really looks different.
And we need to honor that and ummake space for that as we
change.
Our kids are changing.
Teen children, ooh, that's ahandful.
Um 20-something children, that'sa handful, 40-something
(13:58):
children, that's just it's justso different.
Uh we also face career plateaus,our hormone shifts.
These shifts, these shifts,these hormonal shifts magnify
stress responses.
Yet our programs, as we weregoing through grad school, did
(14:19):
they ever mention that?
Hey, girlfriend, when you'rehitting your 40s and beyond,
some shit's gonna change.
Things are gonna be a littledifferent.
Plan for that.
No, no.
Uh, you're gonna be a littledepressed when empty nest hits.
You're gonna be in an identitycrisis when someone starts
calling you grandma or boomy.
I'm boomy, which I love and I'mproud of.
(14:41):
But that was, you know, it'slike, whoo, how did grandmahood
hit me?
We're not prepared for that aswe prepare for our careers.
Burnout is not a personalweakness.
In fact, I would invite you, isbecause you do such a darn good
job at what you do, you wind upin burnout.
(15:04):
It's a physiological outcome ofchronic stress and professional
conditioning.
So let's name the myths andreplace them with truth.
Myth one (15:18):
education equals immunity.
Reality, higher educationincreases workload, stakes, and
public expectation.
Right?
And I'm just gonna throw this inas a little nugget.
If you're the first one in yourfamily to be a higher educated
(15:38):
woman, it's very hard for anyoneelse in your family to offer the
support and validity andrelation, you know, relate to
that, which offers a whole otherum type of almost isolation
feeling, which that's a wholeother podcast.
But education equals immunity.
That's not the reality.
(15:59):
Myth two, I should know how tohandle stress.
Reality.
Graduate school, our programsteach theory.
They do not necessarily,especially those of us that are
40, 50, 60, been in the field ahot minute, they did not teach
nervous system regulation.
(16:21):
We're trying to do that betternow.
As a counselor educator, we'retrying to do a better job of
that now.
We can certainly go to umprofessional development and
such, but as you were planningyour career, that was not
something you could put in yournotebook and go, okay, I know to
look out for this.
Myth three (16:39):
success will make life easier.
That was one I was hanging myhat on.
Yeah, the reality is everypromotion or publication or
something in our job thatrequires more responsibility
raises the bar and shrinks yourmargin for rest.
(17:04):
Yeah, these myths keep brilliantwomen such as yourselves blaming
yourself instead of the systemsthat we were trained in.
And I don't know, blame is wherewe even need to go.
I'm just inviting curiosity,awareness, and you to hold space
(17:25):
and think, can I kind of shiftmy thinking around this and and
create some new neural pathwayswhere I'm nicer to myself?
Okay, so what actually helps?
If another degree or a weekendspa trip isn't the answer,
although I highly recommend aspa trip, not gonna not gonna
(17:47):
turn one of those down, butthat's not gonna fix this.
What is the answer?
And I'm just gonna talk a hotminute about Souljoy, and then
I've got four things you can dotoday to help you with this.
But through my own recovery, asI've talked about a lot and
years of research, I developedthe Souljoy method, and there's
(18:10):
four pillars in this method.
I'm just gonna talk about umthree that I've designed.
I mean, Souljoy is designed foradvanced degree helpers.
And first, that's nervous systemregulation.
Daily micro practices, pacedbreathing, grounding vagus nerve
(18:30):
activation, teaching your bodyto feel safe.
That's something we're gonna doon a regular basis in Souljoy.
Second is boundary mastery,saying no with love.
Um, that can be really harderthan it sounds.
In theory, it's like, well, howthe amount I'm gonna say no, but
(18:51):
it can be a little push, alittle um activating when the
time comes up.
But I invite you to justrestructure schedules, delegate
task, and in the culture ofheroic overwork, we're not
getting medals for that.
I invite you to walk away fromthat.
(19:12):
And third, meaningrecalibration, reconnecting to
joy beyond titles, beyondaccomplishments, redefining
success in midlife and beyond onyour own effing terms.
It's time, you know, the I see alot of funny um TikTok.
(19:33):
Well, I'm not on TikTok, butit's you um Instagram reels and
such on us older women just notgiving a F, you know, just don't
have it anymore.
And I can happily say a lot ofmine have retired.
I don't have near as many givinga care as I used to.
So my gift to you, my brilliantsisters, are these next four
(19:57):
practices that you can trytoday.
But before I go there, I justwant to review uh these uh
pieces from the souljoy methodthat I just shared: nervous
system regulation, daily micropractices, boundary mastery,
saying no with love, and meaningrecalibration, redefining
(20:19):
success in midlife and beyond onyour own terms.
Okay, so here are four practicesyou can do today.
The first one, I invite you toset a timer for 60 seconds.
If you don't have access tothat, just wing it.
But inhale for a count of four,hold for a count of two, exhale
(20:47):
for a count of six.
And the invitation here is torepeat this breathing cycle for
one minute, maybe betweenclients, maybe before you start
work, maybe at the end of theday.
Just repeat that because thesimple pattern signals your
vagus nerve to shift from fightor flight into calm.
(21:09):
Now it's not glamorous, but itis science and it does work.
Then these next um strategiesincorporate chakra work and
energy healing.
And if you've read my book, youknow I'm a yoga instructor.
I integrate yoga into my therapypractice with my clients.
(21:31):
I believe we are energy beingsand we need to take care of our
energy.
Just um just watch yourself thenext time you are activated by a
client or a patient or a spouseor a child, just see how your
body feels.
It activates it that that umthat's yeah, you can't see me,
(21:54):
but that that tightness orwhatever shoots through you,
that's that's energy.
And so, as energy beings, weneed to know how to take care of
ourselves.
So this next um strategy iscalled energy boundary setting.
So beyond saying no with words,we need energetic boundaries.
(22:16):
When you're an empath or highlysensitive helper, you are
literally absorbing others'emotion, emotions and emotional
energy.
I talk to this about my studentor with my students all the
time.
They can feel it.
Y'all, when you're doing this,it drains your solar plexus
chakra, your power center.
(22:37):
And that is below your uh well,where your ribcage, where your
ribcage is, that's your solarplexus area, the lower part in
your upper belly.
So I invite you to practice thisbefore client sessions, before
patience, before a difficultconversation, visualize a golden
(22:58):
shield of light around yourbody, about arm's length length
away.
And I want you to set theintention.
I hold space with compassion,but I do not carry what is not
mine.
After interactions, physicallybrush your hands up and down
your arms and legs as if toremove invisible energy dust.
(23:23):
This will help to releaseabsorbed energy.
I'm not being woo-woo.
This is ancient wisdom.
Go and research it.
Okay, next, the heart chakrarecalibration.
So many of us burned outhelpers, you beautiful,
(23:46):
brilliant women, have anoveractive heart chakra.
Giving, giving, giving, whileyour root chakra, that safety
and self-preservation, now theheart chakra is is in your
chest.
I mean, that's common sense, Iguess.
Your root chakra are is fromyour sitz bones all the way down
to your tippy toes.
(24:07):
Um, and in the root chakra,that's where your safety and
self-preservation is living.
Um, and while you're giving,giving, giving, with that
overactive heart chakra, yourroot chakra becomes depleted.
And this creates the classic,I'll save everyone but myself
pattern.
Ooh, does that sound familiar?
(24:29):
I'll save everyone but myselfpattern.
And here's the practice I wouldinvite you to try.
Place one hand on your heart,one hand on your belly, breathe
into your belly first, rootchakra, the lower half.
Then let that breath rise toyour heart.
(24:51):
Silently affirm I'm safe, I'mgrounded, my cup fills first.
Do this for two minutes daily,you know, just do it once, just
start trying it.
Work your way up to two minutes.
You're literally rewiring theenergy flow from depletion to
(25:12):
sustainable nourishment withthis simple act.
Okay, and the last one is isthroat chakra liberation.
And as I work with my clients,of course, I'm always looking at
chakras as I'm working withthem.
They may not know that I'm doingthat, but it tells me what
energy is going on.
(25:33):
And it's amazing to me how ninetimes out of ten, I'm gonna say
999.9999 times, it's exactly theissue they're talking about.
If I in my head, I'm thinking,oh, that's throat chakra stuff.
And they start talking aboutauthentic self.
Um, it's it's just a trick I usethat I really enjoy.
(25:55):
But back to throat chakraliberation.
Burnout often includesvoicelessness, swallowing your
truth, staying silent abouttoxic work cultures, suppressing
your needs, your throat chakrabecomes congested, which
manifests as literal throattightness, jaw clenching,
(26:15):
thyroid issues.
Those of us over 40, try thistoday.
Stand with your feet, hip widthapart, take a deep breath, and
release it with a sound, a sigh,a hum, even a scream into a
pillow.
(26:35):
Let it be messy and authentic.
Then speak one truth out loudthat you've been holding back.
I'm exhausted, I need help.
This isn't sustainable.
Speaking it out loud, even to anempty room, begins clearing that
energetic block.
(26:56):
Again, these are not woo-wooadd-ons.
These this is ancient wisdomthat neuroscience is finally
catching up to.
That's sustainabletransformation.
Okay, so y'all have four umregulatory activities you can
(27:20):
try right now.
The the breathing, thefour-count breathing, the
energetic boundary setting,heart chakra recalibration, and
throat chakra liberation.
All right.
Your degree proves yourbrilliance.
But brilliance withoutboundaries leads straight to
(27:42):
burnout.
You are not weak, you areoperating inside systems that
reward, overdrive, and punishrest.
The good news, you can retrainyour mind, retrain your body,
and your schedule, and no seconddegree, no more setting your
(28:03):
foot inside a college classroomis required.
Your education prepared you tohelp others.
Now it's time to help yourself.
Remember, bubble baths can't fixPhD level burnout, but science,
boundaries, and a little soulcan.
I want you to tune in next weekwhere we are talking about
(28:27):
self-care is gaslighting forsmart women.
Huh.
Sounds a little controversial,doesn't it?
That's what I'm going for.
That's what I'm going for.
I mean, not controversial, Ijust want to get your attention
and get y'all thinking.
So, thank you.
Thanks for listening to SoulJoy.
Remember, you're not broken,you're overwhelmed, and your
(28:50):
best chapter is still coming.
If today's conversationresonated with you, share the
episode with a colleague,subscribe on your favorite
podcast app, and leave a reviewso more brilliant women can find
us.
Ready for personalized support?
Book your free 20-minute SoulJoy consultation or take the
advanced degree Helper BurnoutAssessment.
(29:13):
These links are in the shownotes.
So until next time, I'm Dr.
Julie Merriman, reminding you totake care of yourself with the
same expertise you give toeveryone else.
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