July 28, 2025 • 31 mins
Feeling like you're constantly battling self-doubt in your professional life? The roots might be deeper than you realize. This transformative episode dives into the powerful connection between inner child work and developing unshakable self-trust—especially for those of us in helping professions.
As professional helpers, we're experts at guiding clients through their wounds and struggles, yet often neglect how our own childhood experiences shape our professional identities. Your inner child—those aspects of yourself that developed during your early years—remains active within your psyche, influencing your reactions, beliefs, and emotional responses as an adult professional. When unacknowledged, these patterns can manifest as counter-transference, boundary issues, and the constant need to be needed that drives so many of us to burnout.
The journey toward healing begins with simple acknowledgment—recognizing that your inner child exists and has a voice that manifests in your emotional reactions and professional patterns. Through compassionate reparenting, you can offer your younger self the validation, safety, and love that may have been missing. This isn't just feel-good work; it's a critical professional development tool that transforms the root causes of imposter syndrome, people-pleasing tendencies, and fear of setting boundaries.
Through practical exercises like visualization, journaling dialogues, and reconnecting with playfulness, you can build a relationship with your inner child that fundamentally shifts how you show up professionally. When your inner world integrates rather than remains fragmented by unaddressed childhood issues, your professional intuition becomes clearer and more reliable. You develop robust internal resources instead of constantly seeking external validation, allowing you to trust yourself unconditionally.
Ready to transform old patterns of self-doubt into deep self-trust? Subscribe to receive the accompanying workbook that walks you through a powerful inner child healing practice designed specifically for helping professionals. Your journey toward authentic professional presence starts with healing the child within who still influences your every professional move.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey y'all, I'm Dr Julie Merriman and welcome to
SoulJoy.
Today we're still exploring thethird eye chakra and venturing
into deeply personal yetprofessionally transformative
territory inner child work andits profound connection to
building unwavering self-trust.
Because, y'all this is a verynecessary component of holistic,
(00:24):
sustainable self-care, known aswellness.
All right, all right.
All right, all right.
How is everyone doing today?
I hope y'all are groovy great.
Thank you so much for hangingout with me for a minute on this
(00:45):
podcast.
So yay, thank you.
So let's see.
I like to start off with just ahot little minute of self-talk
about what's going on at thehouse and right now.
I mean it's pretty, I don'tknow, it's pretty chill at the
house.
The hubby's getting ready tomedically retire from being a
(01:05):
state trooper.
He's a little bit sad aboutthat.
The brain tumor the lastsurgery led to a brain infection
and that really impacted hisability to see and out of his
right eye I mean he could see.
But it's interesting, brain,it's like a traumatic brain
injury.
It's impacted his ability tocode, encode as he's trying to
(01:27):
read.
So long story short, he's goingto medically retire at the end
of the month and we're gettingready for that.
How quickly, I mean, we're justtalking.
The other day, you know, wewere young and planning our life
and what all we're going to doand my lanta, you shut your, you
blink and you're at the otherside of things, um, retiring.
(01:47):
So, anyway, that's what theMerrimans are working on right
now.
Um, so it's, and it's going tobe okay.
It's going to be okay.
So, okay, professional helpers,this podcast is dedicated to
preventing and overcoming theoccupational hazards of the
career we chose, and thosehazards are burnout, compassion,
fatigue and vicarious trauma.
(02:08):
But please know, I welcomeeveryone into this community.
If you're not a professionalhelper, I feel confident
there'll be something here foryou as well.
But y'all, as helpingprofessionals, we are masters at
understanding human development, attachment and the impact of
early experiences on adultfunctioning.
(02:30):
Right, we compassionately guideour clients through their own
past wounds and presentstruggles.
Yet funny.
Yet when it comes to our ownstuff, particularly the echoes
of our younger selves, we oftenshy away or perhaps don't even
(02:52):
realize how much those earlyexperiences still shape our
present day professional lives,especially our capacity for
self-trust, especially ourcapacity for self-trust.
So I want you to think about.
(03:12):
Think about how much of ourself-doubt, our imposter
syndrome, our people-pleasingtendencies, or even our struggle
with boundaries, stem from oldmessages, perhaps unmet needs or
protective patterns formed longago that no longer serve us.
Our inner child carries theseimprints and y'all.
(03:35):
When that inner child withinfeels unheard or unsafe or
untrusted, it inevitably impactsour adult ability to trust
ourselves, to trust our judgment, our intuition, our boundaries,
even our worth.
So today we'll explore whatinner child work entails and why
(04:01):
it's especially critical for usas helpers, and how
intentionally engaging with itcan unlock a deeper, more
resilient sense of self-trust,allowing us to show up more
authentically and effectively inour work, in our life, both our
(04:26):
private life and ourprofessional life.
Okay, so what exactly is innerchild work?
And I, you know I love doing itwith my clients, I love doing
it for myself.
Perhaps y'all have lots ofpractice, but I think sometimes
it's good to just kind of take astep back and go.
What the hell is this?
What really is inner child work, and what am I trying to
(04:48):
accomplish through this?
So, at its core, inner childwork is about acknowledging,
validating and nurturing theparts of ourselves that develop
during childhood and may stillcarry some unhealed wounds, that
developed during childhood andmay still carry some unhealed
wounds, maybe some unmet needsor unintegrated experiences, and
(05:11):
y'all it's recognizing thatthose younger versions of us are
still active within our psyche.
They still influence ourautomatic reactions, beliefs and
emotional responses as adults.
How crazy is that, how powerfulis that?
(05:33):
I've seen it.
I've seen clients do that innerchild work and really have a
great epiphany and restructuringcognitions and becoming more
comfortable in their skin, andI've seen it for myself.
So, y'all, as professionalhelpers, this work is not just
(05:57):
self-care.
It's a critical ethical andprofessional development tool
ethical and professionaldevelopment tool.
So first let's talk about how itcan help.
When we do this work, it'sgoing to help prevent
counter-transference andprojection Because, y'all, when
(06:20):
we're unaware of our own innerchild's needs or wounds, we risk
projecting them onto ourclients, our kids, our spouse.
We risk projecting them ontoour clients, our kids, our
spouse, or reacting to clientsituations or personal life
situations in ways that are moreabout our past than the present
.
Healing our inner child helpsus maintain clearer boundaries
(06:43):
and more objective empathy.
So next, let's consideraddressing burnout and
compassion fatigue.
Many of us are driven by anunacknowledged inner child's
need to be fixed or be needed.
This can lead to chronicoverextension and depletion.
(07:08):
Inner child work helps us meetthose needs internally and it
helps foster healthiermotivation.
And I don't know, I know when,with my supervisees and my
students, I'm training to becounselors.
I've discussed this a lot.
A lot of us are drawn to thisprofession because we have a
(07:29):
need to be needed, and that'snot judging it or being ugly,
it's just being self-aware andunderstanding why we're doing
what we do.
Inner child work helps us getto that.
Inner child work is also goingto help strengthen boundaries,
which we talk about a lot on theshow.
A wounded or neglected innerchild often struggles to say no.
(07:51):
This inner child can fearabandonment or rejection and by
reparenting that child andteaching it self-worth, we
empower our adult selves to setfirm, compassionate boundaries.
Inner child work enhances ourintuition, which we're talking
(08:15):
about third eye, and it's allabout intuition, right.
When our inner world isfragmented or chaotic due to
unaddressed childhood issues,it's hard to hear the clear,
calm voice of our professionalintuition.
Inner child work bringsintegration, allowing that
(08:38):
intuitive wisdom to surface.
How cool is that?
I mean, all those are yummythings to work towards, right.
All of those are great.
Preventing counter-transferenceand projection that helps our
clients and our relationships,addressing burnout and
compassion fatigue.
That is what my life's missionis about.
(08:58):
Check out Soul Joy, my book.
Strengthening boundaries andenhancing intuition.
All of that can happen for usby doing our inner child work.
So let's bridge this toself-trust, okay, how does inner
child work directly impact ourability to trust ourselves
(09:22):
unconditionally?
Well, I'm going to tell you.
First, it's going to help healthe root of doubt.
Many of our self-doubt patternsoriginate in childhood.
Perhaps we were told we weren'tgood enough or our feelings
were just dismissed.
The inner child learned not totrust its own perceptions or
(09:45):
capabilities.
And by reparenting this childwith validation and belief, we
fundamentally shift that corebelief, allowing our adult self
the ability for self-trust andfor this self-trust to flourish.
Next, it helps us reclaimauthenticity.
(10:09):
Our inner child often learn tomask true feelings or needs to
gain approval or avoidpunishment.
When we connect with and y'all,when we affirm that authentic
child, then we begin to trustour own desires, values and
(10:31):
genuine self-expression as ouradult selves.
This means trusting our gutfeelings about what's right for
us, for our families and for ourclients, for our families and
for our clients.
Next, y'all, it's going to helpdevelop internal resources,
this inner child work, insteadof constantly looking externally
(10:59):
for validation or solutions.
Inner child work helps us buildrobust internal resources.
We become our own secureattachment figure.
We learn to soothe ourselves,we learn to make healthy choices
and, beautifully, we learn torely on our own inner wisdom.
Y'all this is the essence ofunconditional self-trust, and if
(11:23):
you want to know more aboutthat, check out episode 17.
I did a whole episode on that.
The next thing inner child workhelps with is to transform shame
and guilt.
Childhood experiences can leavedeep imprints of shame or guilt
.
These emotions are potentself-trust destroyers.
(11:47):
Through inner child work, weoffer compassion to those shamed
parts and this helps integratethem rather than allowing them
to silently sabotage ourconfidence.
And finally, inner child workis going to help us embrace our
(12:09):
imperfections with compassion,which I talk about that a lot,
because we are perfectlyimperfect.
A healthy inner childunderstands that mistakes are
part of learning right.
Think about your best learning.
I know for me it was.
I have made mistakes and I havelearned great lessons.
By showing compassion to ouryounger selves who inevitably
(12:34):
stumbled, we learn to trust ouradult ability to learn from
errors rather than beingparalyzed by fear of them.
And that's a yucky place to befear of making a mistake,
embrace those mistakes.
In my book I talk quite a bitabout that.
I just posted a social mediaquote about making friends with
(12:59):
our weaknesses.
Only through that makingfriends and acceptance can we
release them, and that's part ofthis inner child work as well.
So how do we begin this powerfuljourney of inner child work to
cultivate this unconditionalself-trust?
Y'all?
It's a process.
(13:19):
It's not a one-time fix andoften benefits from professional
guidance, meaning if you've gota good therapist book, yourself
an appointment.
But here are some accessiblestarting points for you and, as
always, I will wrap up thepodcast with an activity for you
.
That does come with a PDF,because sometimes I know the
(13:42):
activities are a bit involved in.
Trying to just listen to thepodcast and do them may not be
fruitful, but I do provide you aPDF and we'll talk about that
in a hot sec.
So okay, first you canacknowledge and listen.
That's a starting point.
The first step is to simplyacknowledge that your inner
(14:03):
child exists and has a voice.
Pay attention to sudden strongemotional reactions.
Strong emotional reactions,repetitive unhelpful patterns or
intense self-doubt.
These are often cues from yourinner child and I invite you to
listen to these without judgment, just curiosity, loving
(14:26):
curiosity.
Second, you want to identifyyour core needs.
What did that younger versionof you truly need but didn't
receive?
Was it validation, safety,unconditional love, freedom to
express, maybe permission to gobig, permission to be heard?
(14:50):
Just jot these things down,again with loving curiosity.
And next, you want to practicecompassionate reparenting.
So this requires visualization,where I'm going to have you
close your eyes and imagine youryounger self.
I even encourage my clients togo find a picture of your
(15:14):
younger self, wherever whateverpain you're trying to heal might
have started, and talk to thatpicture, honor that picture,
write a letter to that picture.
But you can also, as I'minviting here, just close your
eyes and imagine your youngerself.
What do you look like?
How do you feel?
(15:35):
You want to be able to offeryourself words of comfort,
validation and reassurance thatyou are loved, you are safe and
you are enough.
Then you offer that inner childaffirmations.
Speak directly to your innerchild, visualize he or her and
(15:59):
tell her or him you are worthyof love.
It's safe to feel your emotions.
I am here for you now.
We can't go back.
I mean, I truly believe ourparents did the best they could
with what they have, and I'm aparent.
I'm an imperfect parent withwhat they have, and I'm a parent
.
I'm an imperfect parent and Inever want to beat up a parent,
and that's not what I'm invitinghere.
(16:19):
But I do want us as adults torealize we can't go back and be
reparented by our parents.
I mean, that's just impossible.
But we can invite this forourselves through ourselves,
through our work.
The next thing in reparentingis action, and this is for you
(16:41):
to consider what small actionyou can take in your adult life
that would meet a childhood need.
Perhaps it's setting a boundaryyou couldn't have set as a
child, or allowing yourself restthat was denied to you as a
child.
It could be a plethora ofthings, but be sure you have to
(17:02):
take action.
Okay, and then we move tojournaling for dialogue, and I
mentioned this briefly earlier.
You want to write letters toyour inner child and then write
responses from your inner child.
So, as your adult self, youwrite a letter of love to your
inner child and then you readthat letter aloud to yourself.
(17:27):
There's something very powerful.
I even have my clients bringthose letters into session and
we read them, because it'spowerful to be witnessed as well
, but you read that letter outloud and then you write a
response from your inner child.
It can be a profound way touncover some hidden feelings and
needs that, as you know, asprofessional helpers they're
(17:49):
messing with you if they're inyour subconscious or in your
consciousness.
But it's very powerful to bringthat from the subconscious
forward and then you can dealwith it.
Next I want to invite you toconnect with play and joy with
this inner child.
I will have clients go out andbuy toys for their inner child.
(18:10):
I remember I had a raggedy Ann.
Of course I'm a child of 63,.
Remember I had a Raggedy Ann.
Of course I'm a child of 63.
So I had a Raggedy Ann.
That was just my pride and joyand I have gone out and bought
myself a Raggedy Ann.
Just you know, through theyears, I don't know, toys go
away, but anyway it's.
We need to play as adults andwe need to provide things for us
to play.
We need to play as adults andwe need to provide things for us
(18:32):
to play and that's a nice wayto heal our inner child.
So y'all children thrive onplay and for us to reconnect
with activities that brought youpure joy as a child is powerful
.
Maybe it's drawing or buildingor dancing, spending time with
nature, buying yourself somePlay-Doh it's not frivolous,
(18:55):
it's a direct way to nurtureyour inner child and tap into
your authentic self-expression.
And, as I mentioned, seekingprofessional support.
I've got a great therapist whohas done inner child work with
me.
I think it's very powerful.
Inner child work with me.
I think it's very powerful.
(19:15):
But, given the depth of thiswork, engaging with your own
therapist who is experienced ininner child work or
trauma-informed work can provideyou a very safe and guided
space for healing andintegration.
Because it's really importantwe have to integrate all these
parts.
Because it's really importantwe have to integrate all these
parts For helping professionalsdoing your own inner child work,
(19:38):
y'all.
It's not an indulgence, it'simperative.
You deserve a thrivingprofessional life.
You deserve a thriving privatelife.
Inner child work is going toget you on that road.
It allows you to transform oldpatterns of self-doubt into deep
(19:58):
, unconditional self-trust.
When you heal and integrateyour past, you become more
present, you become moreauthentic and, most beautifully,
you become more powerfullyresilient in your current role.
You learn to trust your owninner compass, not just because
(20:22):
you've learned a technique, butbecause you've nurtured the very
core of who you are, and that'sa really, really beautiful gift
to give yourself.
Okay, so we're segueing into theactivity and I just want to
remind you to subscribe to myemail list to get the weekly
email.
I'll send you the podcast, aswell as the PDF I create for you
(20:46):
each week, and these are prettydetailed.
I mean, they're littleworkbooks I put together for you
absolutely free.
All you have to do is hop overto my website,
wwwjuliemerrymanphdcom and signup on my email list.
You can also do my seven dayself-care challenge, which I
(21:07):
think has a lot of yummy thingsto help us practice self-care.
Things to help us practiceself-care.
I also have my book for sale onthe web and I have my page
where I offer a coaching program, a six-week coaching program
for helping professionals, and Ialso am a therapist for helping
professionals.
(21:27):
So, okay, there's my commercialmoving on, all right.
So the activity for today I havenamed Healing the Past,
trusting the Present, innerChild Work and Self-Trust, and
this activity I've designed foryou is to help you actively
(21:48):
engage with the concepts of thisepisode.
Through self-reflection andpractical exercises, you're
going to explore your innerchild and how it impacts your
ability to trust yourself inboth your professional and
private life.
Okay, so step one.
You know this is something youcan do as you're listening to
(22:12):
the podcast.
Maybe it's something you wantto re-listen to the podcast and
go through the activity again,but I do invite you to find a
quiet space where you can focuswithout interruption and pay
close attention to the ways inwhich childhood experiences can
impact self-trust in helpingprofessionals.
(22:34):
So what we're doing here atstep one is identifying patterns
.
So you want to identify two tothree specific patterns, beliefs
or reactions you notice in yourprofessional life that might be
linked to your inner child.
Be as concrete as possible.
I know for me shame and you know, I know my parents did the best
(22:58):
they could.
I'm not land blasting myparents or my siblings I'm the
youngest of three by five or sixyears.
So you know there was quite abit of developmental difference
in us, but shame was really big.
I remember a specific time whenmy brother and sister were
supposed to be babysitting meand they locked me out of the
house.
And you know, I don't know Iwas five or six, I don't know I
(23:21):
was little, and you know I'mcrying.
I went back in the house andthey had locked me out and I was
beating.
This back door had about 12little window panes and I'm
beating on a window pane ofshort, so it's the closest one.
Anyway, long story short, Ibroke the window pane and of
course I was bleeding and itfreaked my brother and sister
(23:42):
out and they were like you'regoing to be in so much trouble,
you better run away.
So I packed my little raggedyand suitcase and get my little
raggedy in and I go and hide inmy little fort there in the
backyard and mom and dad gethome and I'm thinking what I
really needed was a hug becauseI was scared.
Yeah, I mean, you can imagine afive or six-year-old, the
(24:02):
emotions going through me at thetime.
And when mom and dad got home,they laughed at me, they made
fun of me.
Really I felt shamed.
They made fun of me.
Really I felt shamed and that'syou know, when I did my inner
child work, I really had to workon that shame piece.
I mean I could.
There's a plethora of otherexamples.
That's just one that popped inmy head, but that's a pattern
(24:26):
that I would work on if I'midentifying my patterns but
other examples might be.
I tend to overwork and struggleto say no, fearing I'll
disappoint others.
Or maybe I downplay myaccomplishments, feeling like I
don't deserve recognition, it'sa big one for me.
Or I get easily triggered bycriticism.
(24:47):
Even constructive feedback Imean, those are just a few
examples.
So that's step one, identifyingyour patterns.
Feedback I mean, those are justa few examples.
So that's step one, identifyingyour patterns.
Step two in this inner childwork is exploring the inner
child connection.
So for each pattern and I'veinvited you to identify two or
(25:08):
three, don't want to overwhelmyourself but for each pattern
you identify, you need toexplore the potential connection
to your inner child.
And you do this by consideringthese pieces.
What unmet needs from mychildhood might be contributing
to this pattern?
Maybe it was a need forvalidation, safety, autonomy.
(25:37):
Next, you ask yourself whatmessages did you receive as a
child that might be influencingthis pattern?
Maybe the message you receivedwas you're not good enough.
Maybe you received a message ofyour feelings don't matter, any
of y'all, I'll give yousomething to cry about.
Or maybe you you received amessage that you have to earn
love.
I mean, all those, those arenot bizarre out there things.
(26:04):
These are pretty common issuesfor lack of a better word that
we arrive to adulthood with thatare impacting our inner child,
that we can work on.
The last thing you want to askyourself in this section is what
emotion does this pattern evokein you?
(26:25):
Now?
What emotions might your innerchild have felt in a similar
situation?
Okay, so you're trying to makethat inner child connection to
those patterns and then onceyou've done that excuse me, it's
we've got allergies in the airhere in Texas, or pollen rather.
But so then you move to stepthree compassionate reparenting
(26:51):
and affirmations.
So you choose the one to twopatterns or two to three
patterns from step two that feelmost impactful or relevant, and
for each chosen pattern youwrite a compassionate letter to
your inner child.
Imagine you're offering thelove, validation and support
(27:14):
they needed.
You needed then and still neednow, and you want to include
these points.
First, you want to acknowledgeyour inner child's feelings and
experiences.
Be as specific as possible.
You want to reassure your innerchild that he or she is safe
(27:36):
and worthy and you want to offeryour inner child the specific
support or validation you neededat that point in your life.
Also, write two to threeaffirmations you might could use
in your daily life to counterthe negative message or unmet
(27:57):
needs, and you want to do thisby speaking directly to your
inner child.
So this might sound like it issafe for you to say no, your
needs matter.
You are worthy of recognitionand praise, your accomplishments
are valid, your feelings areimportant and it's okay and it's
(28:18):
safe for you to express them.
And then you move to step fourand this is your action plan.
Last week, we wound things upwith an action plan.
If you read my book, the lastchapter of my book is an action
plan.
I believe it's very important.
We can have dreams and beliefsand thoughts, but we've got to
put those down.
(28:39):
Write those down, however.
You choose to write those downand put them down also as an
action plan so you can integratethese things.
So you choose one action fromstep three that you're willing
to commit to implement in thenext week and you write down
your specific action plan and inthis you include the specific
(29:03):
action I will practice saying noto one non-essential request
this week, for example.
And you write down how oftenyou will do it, when you will do
it and any resources or supportyou might need to do it when
you will do it and any resourcesor support you might need to do
it.
And then you also identify onepotential obstacle to carrying
(29:25):
out your action plan and yourstrategy for overcoming that
obstacle, because there's goingto be obstacles and it's good to
forward, think on that and havea plan.
And then you wrap all this upwith some reflection questions
what was the most challengingpart of this activity for you
and why?
(29:45):
And remember, we're on thethird eye chakra this week, so
that's, we're trying to get thatthird eye chakra balanced.
We're trying to get you toreally unconditionally trust
yourself, trust your intuitionand move as big as you need to
move in your life.
So, in that, this activityhelps to balance and here's some
(30:10):
reflection questions, as we'rehelping to balance as well what
was the most challenging part ofthis activity for you?
Why?
What new insights did you gainabout your inner child and its
influence on your self-trust?
What feels most empoweringabout connecting with your inner
(30:32):
child?
And what work excuse me, whatsupport do you need to continue
this inner child work?
Okay, that's all there is forthis episode of Soul Joy.
I want to thank you forembarking on this vital journey
(30:53):
of self-discovery and healing.
Remember, as you nurture yourinner child, you build an
unshakable foundation of trustwithin yourself, allowing you to
help others from a place ofprofound strength and integrity.
Okay, subscribe to my podcast.
(31:13):
Wherever you listen to podcasts, leave a review to help me
reach more peeps and take careof you until next time.
Hey y'all, I'm Dr Julie Merriman and welcome to
SoulJoy.
Today we're still exploring thethird eye chakra and venturing
into deeply personal yetprofessionally transformative
territory inner child work andits profound connection to
building unwavering self-trust.
Because, y'all this is a verynecessary component of holistic,
(00:24):
sustainable self-care, known aswellness.
All right, all right.
All right, all right.
How is everyone doing today?
I hope y'all are groovy great.
Thank you so much for hangingout with me for a minute on this
(00:45):
podcast.
So yay, thank you.
So let's see.
I like to start off with just ahot little minute of self-talk
about what's going on at thehouse and right now.
I mean it's pretty, I don'tknow, it's pretty chill at the
house.
The hubby's getting ready tomedically retire from being a
(01:05):
state trooper.
He's a little bit sad aboutthat.
The brain tumor the lastsurgery led to a brain infection
and that really impacted hisability to see and out of his
right eye I mean he could see.
But it's interesting, brain,it's like a traumatic brain
injury.
It's impacted his ability tocode, encode as he's trying to
(01:27):
read.
So long story short, he's goingto medically retire at the end
of the month and we're gettingready for that.
How quickly, I mean, we're justtalking.
The other day, you know, wewere young and planning our life
and what all we're going to doand my lanta, you shut your, you
blink and you're at the otherside of things, um, retiring.
(01:47):
So, anyway, that's what theMerrimans are working on right
now.
Um, so it's, and it's going tobe okay.
It's going to be okay.
So, okay, professional helpers,this podcast is dedicated to
preventing and overcoming theoccupational hazards of the
career we chose, and thosehazards are burnout, compassion,
fatigue and vicarious trauma.
(02:08):
But please know, I welcomeeveryone into this community.
If you're not a professionalhelper, I feel confident
there'll be something here foryou as well.
But y'all, as helpingprofessionals, we are masters at
understanding human development, attachment and the impact of
early experiences on adultfunctioning.
(02:30):
Right, we compassionately guideour clients through their own
past wounds and presentstruggles.
Yet funny.
Yet when it comes to our ownstuff, particularly the echoes
of our younger selves, we oftenshy away or perhaps don't even
(02:52):
realize how much those earlyexperiences still shape our
present day professional lives,especially our capacity for
self-trust, especially ourcapacity for self-trust.
So I want you to think about.
(03:12):
Think about how much of ourself-doubt, our imposter
syndrome, our people-pleasingtendencies, or even our struggle
with boundaries, stem from oldmessages, perhaps unmet needs or
protective patterns formed longago that no longer serve us.
Our inner child carries theseimprints and y'all.
(03:35):
When that inner child withinfeels unheard or unsafe or
untrusted, it inevitably impactsour adult ability to trust
ourselves, to trust our judgment, our intuition, our boundaries,
even our worth.
So today we'll explore whatinner child work entails and why
(04:01):
it's especially critical for usas helpers, and how
intentionally engaging with itcan unlock a deeper, more
resilient sense of self-trust,allowing us to show up more
authentically and effectively inour work, in our life, both our
(04:26):
private life and ourprofessional life.
Okay, so what exactly is innerchild work?
And I, you know I love doing itwith my clients, I love doing
it for myself.
Perhaps y'all have lots ofpractice, but I think sometimes
it's good to just kind of take astep back and go.
What the hell is this?
What really is inner child work, and what am I trying to
(04:48):
accomplish through this?
So, at its core, inner childwork is about acknowledging,
validating and nurturing theparts of ourselves that develop
during childhood and may stillcarry some unhealed wounds, that
developed during childhood andmay still carry some unhealed
wounds, maybe some unmet needsor unintegrated experiences, and
(05:11):
y'all it's recognizing thatthose younger versions of us are
still active within our psyche.
They still influence ourautomatic reactions, beliefs and
emotional responses as adults.
How crazy is that, how powerfulis that?
(05:33):
I've seen it.
I've seen clients do that innerchild work and really have a
great epiphany and restructuringcognitions and becoming more
comfortable in their skin, andI've seen it for myself.
So, y'all, as professionalhelpers, this work is not just
(05:57):
self-care.
It's a critical ethical andprofessional development tool
ethical and professionaldevelopment tool.
So first let's talk about how itcan help.
When we do this work, it'sgoing to help prevent
counter-transference andprojection Because, y'all, when
(06:20):
we're unaware of our own innerchild's needs or wounds, we risk
projecting them onto ourclients, our kids, our spouse.
We risk projecting them ontoour clients, our kids, our
spouse, or reacting to clientsituations or personal life
situations in ways that are moreabout our past than the present
.
Healing our inner child helpsus maintain clearer boundaries
(06:43):
and more objective empathy.
So next, let's consideraddressing burnout and
compassion fatigue.
Many of us are driven by anunacknowledged inner child's
need to be fixed or be needed.
This can lead to chronicoverextension and depletion.
(07:08):
Inner child work helps us meetthose needs internally and it
helps foster healthiermotivation.
And I don't know, I know when,with my supervisees and my
students, I'm training to becounselors.
I've discussed this a lot.
A lot of us are drawn to thisprofession because we have a
(07:29):
need to be needed, and that'snot judging it or being ugly,
it's just being self-aware andunderstanding why we're doing
what we do.
Inner child work helps us getto that.
Inner child work is also goingto help strengthen boundaries,
which we talk about a lot on theshow.
A wounded or neglected innerchild often struggles to say no.
(07:51):
This inner child can fearabandonment or rejection and by
reparenting that child andteaching it self-worth, we
empower our adult selves to setfirm, compassionate boundaries.
Inner child work enhances ourintuition, which we're talking
(08:15):
about third eye, and it's allabout intuition, right.
When our inner world isfragmented or chaotic due to
unaddressed childhood issues,it's hard to hear the clear,
calm voice of our professionalintuition.
Inner child work bringsintegration, allowing that
(08:38):
intuitive wisdom to surface.
How cool is that?
I mean, all those are yummythings to work towards, right.
All of those are great.
Preventing counter-transferenceand projection that helps our
clients and our relationships,addressing burnout and
compassion fatigue.
That is what my life's missionis about.
(08:58):
Check out Soul Joy, my book.
Strengthening boundaries andenhancing intuition.
All of that can happen for usby doing our inner child work.
So let's bridge this toself-trust, okay, how does inner
child work directly impact ourability to trust ourselves
(09:22):
unconditionally?
Well, I'm going to tell you.
First, it's going to help healthe root of doubt.
Many of our self-doubt patternsoriginate in childhood.
Perhaps we were told we weren'tgood enough or our feelings
were just dismissed.
The inner child learned not totrust its own perceptions or
(09:45):
capabilities.
And by reparenting this childwith validation and belief, we
fundamentally shift that corebelief, allowing our adult self
the ability for self-trust andfor this self-trust to flourish.
Next, it helps us reclaimauthenticity.
(10:09):
Our inner child often learn tomask true feelings or needs to
gain approval or avoidpunishment.
When we connect with and y'all,when we affirm that authentic
child, then we begin to trustour own desires, values and
(10:31):
genuine self-expression as ouradult selves.
This means trusting our gutfeelings about what's right for
us, for our families and for ourclients, for our families and
for our clients.
Next, y'all, it's going to helpdevelop internal resources,
this inner child work, insteadof constantly looking externally
(10:59):
for validation or solutions.
Inner child work helps us buildrobust internal resources.
We become our own secureattachment figure.
We learn to soothe ourselves,we learn to make healthy choices
and, beautifully, we learn torely on our own inner wisdom.
Y'all this is the essence ofunconditional self-trust, and if
(11:23):
you want to know more aboutthat, check out episode 17.
I did a whole episode on that.
The next thing inner child workhelps with is to transform shame
and guilt.
Childhood experiences can leavedeep imprints of shame or guilt
.
These emotions are potentself-trust destroyers.
(11:47):
Through inner child work, weoffer compassion to those shamed
parts and this helps integratethem rather than allowing them
to silently sabotage ourconfidence.
And finally, inner child workis going to help us embrace our
(12:09):
imperfections with compassion,which I talk about that a lot,
because we are perfectlyimperfect.
A healthy inner childunderstands that mistakes are
part of learning right.
Think about your best learning.
I know for me it was.
I have made mistakes and I havelearned great lessons.
By showing compassion to ouryounger selves who inevitably
(12:34):
stumbled, we learn to trust ouradult ability to learn from
errors rather than beingparalyzed by fear of them.
And that's a yucky place to befear of making a mistake,
embrace those mistakes.
In my book I talk quite a bitabout that.
I just posted a social mediaquote about making friends with
(12:59):
our weaknesses.
Only through that makingfriends and acceptance can we
release them, and that's part ofthis inner child work as well.
So how do we begin this powerfuljourney of inner child work to
cultivate this unconditionalself-trust?
Y'all?
It's a process.
(13:19):
It's not a one-time fix andoften benefits from professional
guidance, meaning if you've gota good therapist book, yourself
an appointment.
But here are some accessiblestarting points for you and, as
always, I will wrap up thepodcast with an activity for you
.
That does come with a PDF,because sometimes I know the
(13:42):
activities are a bit involved in.
Trying to just listen to thepodcast and do them may not be
fruitful, but I do provide you aPDF and we'll talk about that
in a hot sec.
So okay, first you canacknowledge and listen.
That's a starting point.
The first step is to simplyacknowledge that your inner
(14:03):
child exists and has a voice.
Pay attention to sudden strongemotional reactions.
Strong emotional reactions,repetitive unhelpful patterns or
intense self-doubt.
These are often cues from yourinner child and I invite you to
listen to these without judgment, just curiosity, loving
(14:26):
curiosity.
Second, you want to identifyyour core needs.
What did that younger versionof you truly need but didn't
receive?
Was it validation, safety,unconditional love, freedom to
express, maybe permission to gobig, permission to be heard?
(14:50):
Just jot these things down,again with loving curiosity.
And next, you want to practicecompassionate reparenting.
So this requires visualization,where I'm going to have you
close your eyes and imagine youryounger self.
I even encourage my clients togo find a picture of your
(15:14):
younger self, wherever whateverpain you're trying to heal might
have started, and talk to thatpicture, honor that picture,
write a letter to that picture.
But you can also, as I'minviting here, just close your
eyes and imagine your youngerself.
What do you look like?
How do you feel?
(15:35):
You want to be able to offeryourself words of comfort,
validation and reassurance thatyou are loved, you are safe and
you are enough.
Then you offer that inner childaffirmations.
Speak directly to your innerchild, visualize he or her and
(15:59):
tell her or him you are worthyof love.
It's safe to feel your emotions.
I am here for you now.
We can't go back.
I mean, I truly believe ourparents did the best they could
with what they have, and I'm aparent.
I'm an imperfect parent withwhat they have, and I'm a parent
.
I'm an imperfect parent and Inever want to beat up a parent,
and that's not what I'm invitinghere.
(16:19):
But I do want us as adults torealize we can't go back and be
reparented by our parents.
I mean, that's just impossible.
But we can invite this forourselves through ourselves,
through our work.
The next thing in reparentingis action, and this is for you
(16:41):
to consider what small actionyou can take in your adult life
that would meet a childhood need.
Perhaps it's setting a boundaryyou couldn't have set as a
child, or allowing yourself restthat was denied to you as a
child.
It could be a plethora ofthings, but be sure you have to
(17:02):
take action.
Okay, and then we move tojournaling for dialogue, and I
mentioned this briefly earlier.
You want to write letters toyour inner child and then write
responses from your inner child.
So, as your adult self, youwrite a letter of love to your
inner child and then you readthat letter aloud to yourself.
(17:27):
There's something very powerful.
I even have my clients bringthose letters into session and
we read them, because it'spowerful to be witnessed as well
, but you read that letter outloud and then you write a
response from your inner child.
It can be a profound way touncover some hidden feelings and
needs that, as you know, asprofessional helpers they're
(17:49):
messing with you if they're inyour subconscious or in your
consciousness.
But it's very powerful to bringthat from the subconscious
forward and then you can dealwith it.
Next I want to invite you toconnect with play and joy with
this inner child.
I will have clients go out andbuy toys for their inner child.
(18:10):
I remember I had a raggedy Ann.
Of course I'm a child of 63,.
Remember I had a Raggedy Ann.
Of course I'm a child of 63.
So I had a Raggedy Ann.
That was just my pride and joyand I have gone out and bought
myself a Raggedy Ann.
Just you know, through theyears, I don't know, toys go
away, but anyway it's.
We need to play as adults andwe need to provide things for us
to play.
We need to play as adults andwe need to provide things for us
(18:32):
to play and that's a nice wayto heal our inner child.
So y'all children thrive onplay and for us to reconnect
with activities that brought youpure joy as a child is powerful
.
Maybe it's drawing or buildingor dancing, spending time with
nature, buying yourself somePlay-Doh it's not frivolous,
(18:55):
it's a direct way to nurtureyour inner child and tap into
your authentic self-expression.
And, as I mentioned, seekingprofessional support.
I've got a great therapist whohas done inner child work with
me.
I think it's very powerful.
Inner child work with me.
I think it's very powerful.
(19:15):
But, given the depth of thiswork, engaging with your own
therapist who is experienced ininner child work or
trauma-informed work can provideyou a very safe and guided
space for healing andintegration.
Because it's really importantwe have to integrate all these
parts.
Because it's really importantwe have to integrate all these
parts For helping professionalsdoing your own inner child work,
(19:38):
y'all.
It's not an indulgence, it'simperative.
You deserve a thrivingprofessional life.
You deserve a thriving privatelife.
Inner child work is going toget you on that road.
It allows you to transform oldpatterns of self-doubt into deep
(19:58):
, unconditional self-trust.
When you heal and integrateyour past, you become more
present, you become moreauthentic and, most beautifully,
you become more powerfullyresilient in your current role.
You learn to trust your owninner compass, not just because
(20:22):
you've learned a technique, butbecause you've nurtured the very
core of who you are, and that'sa really, really beautiful gift
to give yourself.
Okay, so we're segueing into theactivity and I just want to
remind you to subscribe to myemail list to get the weekly
email.
I'll send you the podcast, aswell as the PDF I create for you
(20:46):
each week, and these are prettydetailed.
I mean, they're littleworkbooks I put together for you
absolutely free.
All you have to do is hop overto my website,
wwwjuliemerrymanphdcom and signup on my email list.
You can also do my seven dayself-care challenge, which I
(21:07):
think has a lot of yummy thingsto help us practice self-care.
Things to help us practiceself-care.
I also have my book for sale onthe web and I have my page
where I offer a coaching program, a six-week coaching program
for helping professionals, and Ialso am a therapist for helping
professionals.
(21:27):
So, okay, there's my commercialmoving on, all right.
So the activity for today I havenamed Healing the Past,
trusting the Present, innerChild Work and Self-Trust, and
this activity I've designed foryou is to help you actively
(21:48):
engage with the concepts of thisepisode.
Through self-reflection andpractical exercises, you're
going to explore your innerchild and how it impacts your
ability to trust yourself inboth your professional and
private life.
Okay, so step one.
You know this is something youcan do as you're listening to
(22:12):
the podcast.
Maybe it's something you wantto re-listen to the podcast and
go through the activity again,but I do invite you to find a
quiet space where you can focuswithout interruption and pay
close attention to the ways inwhich childhood experiences can
impact self-trust in helpingprofessionals.
(22:34):
So what we're doing here atstep one is identifying patterns
.
So you want to identify two tothree specific patterns, beliefs
or reactions you notice in yourprofessional life that might be
linked to your inner child.
Be as concrete as possible.
I know for me shame and you know, I know my parents did the best
(22:58):
they could.
I'm not land blasting myparents or my siblings I'm the
youngest of three by five or sixyears.
So you know there was quite abit of developmental difference
in us, but shame was really big.
I remember a specific time whenmy brother and sister were
supposed to be babysitting meand they locked me out of the
house.
And you know, I don't know Iwas five or six, I don't know I
(23:21):
was little, and you know I'mcrying.
I went back in the house andthey had locked me out and I was
beating.
This back door had about 12little window panes and I'm
beating on a window pane ofshort, so it's the closest one.
Anyway, long story short, Ibroke the window pane and of
course I was bleeding and itfreaked my brother and sister
(23:42):
out and they were like you'regoing to be in so much trouble,
you better run away.
So I packed my little raggedyand suitcase and get my little
raggedy in and I go and hide inmy little fort there in the
backyard and mom and dad gethome and I'm thinking what I
really needed was a hug becauseI was scared.
Yeah, I mean, you can imagine afive or six-year-old, the
(24:02):
emotions going through me at thetime.
And when mom and dad got home,they laughed at me, they made
fun of me.
Really I felt shamed.
They made fun of me.
Really I felt shamed and that'syou know, when I did my inner
child work, I really had to workon that shame piece.
I mean I could.
There's a plethora of otherexamples.
That's just one that popped inmy head, but that's a pattern
(24:26):
that I would work on if I'midentifying my patterns but
other examples might be.
I tend to overwork and struggleto say no, fearing I'll
disappoint others.
Or maybe I downplay myaccomplishments, feeling like I
don't deserve recognition, it'sa big one for me.
Or I get easily triggered bycriticism.
(24:47):
Even constructive feedback Imean, those are just a few
examples.
So that's step one, identifyingyour patterns.
Feedback I mean, those are justa few examples.
So that's step one, identifyingyour patterns.
Step two in this inner childwork is exploring the inner
child connection.
So for each pattern and I'veinvited you to identify two or
(25:08):
three, don't want to overwhelmyourself but for each pattern
you identify, you need toexplore the potential connection
to your inner child.
And you do this by consideringthese pieces.
What unmet needs from mychildhood might be contributing
to this pattern?
Maybe it was a need forvalidation, safety, autonomy.
(25:37):
Next, you ask yourself whatmessages did you receive as a
child that might be influencingthis pattern?
Maybe the message you receivedwas you're not good enough.
Maybe you received a message ofyour feelings don't matter, any
of y'all, I'll give yousomething to cry about.
Or maybe you you received amessage that you have to earn
love.
I mean, all those, those arenot bizarre out there things.
(26:04):
These are pretty common issuesfor lack of a better word that
we arrive to adulthood with thatare impacting our inner child,
that we can work on.
The last thing you want to askyourself in this section is what
emotion does this pattern evokein you?
(26:25):
Now?
What emotions might your innerchild have felt in a similar
situation?
Okay, so you're trying to makethat inner child connection to
those patterns and then onceyou've done that excuse me, it's
we've got allergies in the airhere in Texas, or pollen rather.
But so then you move to stepthree compassionate reparenting
(26:51):
and affirmations.
So you choose the one to twopatterns or two to three
patterns from step two that feelmost impactful or relevant, and
for each chosen pattern youwrite a compassionate letter to
your inner child.
Imagine you're offering thelove, validation and support
(27:14):
they needed.
You needed then and still neednow, and you want to include
these points.
First, you want to acknowledgeyour inner child's feelings and
experiences.
Be as specific as possible.
You want to reassure your innerchild that he or she is safe
(27:36):
and worthy and you want to offeryour inner child the specific
support or validation you neededat that point in your life.
Also, write two to threeaffirmations you might could use
in your daily life to counterthe negative message or unmet
(27:57):
needs, and you want to do thisby speaking directly to your
inner child.
So this might sound like it issafe for you to say no, your
needs matter.
You are worthy of recognitionand praise, your accomplishments
are valid, your feelings areimportant and it's okay and it's
(28:18):
safe for you to express them.
And then you move to step fourand this is your action plan.
Last week, we wound things upwith an action plan.
If you read my book, the lastchapter of my book is an action
plan.
I believe it's very important.
We can have dreams and beliefsand thoughts, but we've got to
put those down.
(28:39):
Write those down, however.
You choose to write those downand put them down also as an
action plan so you can integratethese things.
So you choose one action fromstep three that you're willing
to commit to implement in thenext week and you write down
your specific action plan and inthis you include the specific
(29:03):
action I will practice saying noto one non-essential request
this week, for example.
And you write down how oftenyou will do it, when you will do
it and any resources or supportyou might need to do it when
you will do it and any resourcesor support you might need to do
it.
And then you also identify onepotential obstacle to carrying
(29:25):
out your action plan and yourstrategy for overcoming that
obstacle, because there's goingto be obstacles and it's good to
forward, think on that and havea plan.
And then you wrap all this upwith some reflection questions
what was the most challengingpart of this activity for you
and why?
(29:45):
And remember, we're on thethird eye chakra this week, so
that's, we're trying to get thatthird eye chakra balanced.
We're trying to get you toreally unconditionally trust
yourself, trust your intuitionand move as big as you need to
move in your life.
So, in that, this activityhelps to balance and here's some
(30:10):
reflection questions, as we'rehelping to balance as well what
was the most challenging part ofthis activity for you?
Why?
What new insights did you gainabout your inner child and its
influence on your self-trust?
What feels most empoweringabout connecting with your inner
(30:32):
child?
And what work excuse me, whatsupport do you need to continue
this inner child work?
Okay, that's all there is forthis episode of Soul Joy.
I want to thank you forembarking on this vital journey
(30:53):
of self-discovery and healing.
Remember, as you nurture yourinner child, you build an
unshakable foundation of trustwithin yourself, allowing you to
help others from a place ofprofound strength and integrity.
Okay, subscribe to my podcast.
(31:13):
Wherever you listen to podcasts, leave a review to help me
reach more peeps and take careof you until next time.
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