July 21, 2025 • 26 mins
What if the most profound gift you could give your clients is something you struggle to give yourself? For those of us dedicated to helping others, there's a strange paradox at play: we excel at building trust with clients, yet often fail to extend that same unwavering trust to ourselves.
Unconditional self-trust isn't about blind confidence or ignoring feedback. Instead, it represents an unshakable belief in your capacity, judgment, intuition, and resilience—even when facing self-doubt, challenging outcomes, or professional setbacks. This episode examines why trust erosion happens specifically in helping professions, from the high-stakes nature of our work to the empathic overload we experience absorbing others' anxieties.
With refreshing honesty, Dr. Merriman shares her own moments of professional self-doubt and maps out six core components of unconditional self-trust: deep self-awareness, embodied wisdom and professional intuition, radical self-compassion, competence paired with continuous learning, boundary-setting, and inner validation. These elements create a foundation that transforms how we show up for ourselves and those we serve.
The episode offers practical strategies for building this inner fortress—from mindful self-check-ins and journaling to embodied practices that strengthen the mind-body connection. You'll learn why trusting yourself might be the most profound act of self-care available to helping professionals, creating both resilience against burnout and a more grounded presence for clients. Plus, access a downloadable worksheet designed to help you identify areas of self-doubt and actively cultivate stronger professional self-trust.
Ready to transform your relationship with yourself and enhance your impact as a helper? Subscribe, leave a review, and visit juliemerrimanphd.com to download the companion worksheet for this episode.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey y'all, I'm Dr Julie Merriman and welcome to
SoulJoy.
Today we're still exploring thethird eye and diving into a
topic that might feelparadoxical for those of us in
the helping professions learningto trust yourself
unconditionally.
(00:21):
Y'all, this is a very necessarycomponent of holistic,
sustainable self-care, alsoknown as wellness.
All right, all right, welcome.
Welcome.
I appreciate you taking a hotminute out of your day to hang
(00:41):
out with me.
Let's see Home chat.
Big news at the Merriman House.
We got a new puppy named Clarkand he is precious.
So much joy.
We now have four blue healers,ranging in lots of different
ages, from 16 to now 12 weeks,but so much joy.
(01:04):
It just makes me so happy tosee all four of them playing
together when I pull up and allfour are so happy that we're
home.
So, anyway, kelly and I decidedwe were going to gift ourselves
Clark for our 30th weddinganniversary and we are really
enjoying him.
So I highly recommend puppies.
(01:24):
All right.
Professional helpers.
This podcast is dedicated topreventing and overcoming the
occupational hazards of thecareer.
We chose specifically burnout,compassion, fatigue and
vicarious trauma.
But, as I say each week, thispodcast is for everyone.
If you are a human, you havethe capacity to experience those
(01:49):
burnout or compassion, fatigue,vicarious trauma.
So hopefully you'll findsomething here that is helpful.
Okay, so those of us that havededicated our lives to building
trust with others being helpers,we build trust with our clients
.
We build trust with ourpatients, students, families,
(02:13):
communities.
We strive to create safe spaceswhere they can share their
vulnerabilities, explore theirtruths, explore their truths and
rely on our professionalguidance.
Yet many of us struggle toextend that same unwavering
trust to ourselves.
We battle imposter syndrome, wesecond-guess our instincts, we
(02:44):
fear making mistakes andconstantly seek external
validation.
I can remember a few years backI had a new client who really
had some horrific trauma and I'm, you know, during intake,
you're being present andbuilding rapport and listening,
and my imposter syndrome snuckin there and said to me man
(03:05):
Merriman, this person needs acounselor.
And you know I really had toshake myself and go woman, you
are the counselor here, quitdoubting yourself and plug in.
I don't know if you have everexperienced that.
I just want to normalize it.
We are but human, right, we'rehuman.
We are but human, right, we'rehuman.
(03:31):
What does unconditionalself-trust truly mean in our
context?
It's not about recklessness orignoring critical feedback,
because that is eminentlyimportant in our field Instead.
Well, in any field, feedback isimportant, but instead it's an
unwavering belief in yourinherent capacity, your seasoned
(03:53):
judgment, your honed intuitionand your profound resilience.
It's about cultivating an innervalidation that isn't swayed by
every challenging outcome,every difficult client or every
moment of self-doubt.
It's about trusting yourprocess, your commitment to
(04:16):
growth and your ability tonavigate imperfection, because
y'all, we are all perfectlyimperfect souls.
Perfection is not a state welive in.
So why does self-trust oftenerode in the helping professions
?
I think there are numerousreasons and they're deeply
(04:40):
understandable.
So let's explore just a few.
First, high stakes.
Our work often involvesprofound impact on human lives.
The gravity of thisresponsibility can lead to
excessive self-scrutiny and fearof misstep.
Then the complexity andambiguity that's involved.
(05:04):
There are rarely simple answers.
We operate in gray areas andthe lack of clear-cut solutions
can fuel self-doubt.
Then think about externalscrutiny and accountability.
We're often under themicroscope of a supervisor or
(05:26):
peer review or ethicalguidelines, board rules and
client outcomes.
The pressure to be perfect canbe immense.
And back to we are perfectlyimperfect.
Then there's empathic overload.
We absorb the anxieties, fearsand doubts of those we serve.
(05:49):
This can be.
This can inadvertently amplifyour own insecurities.
If we're not well resourced andI'm hoping this podcast is a
resource for you Then, as Imentioned earlier, imposter
syndrome Despite qualificationsand experience, many of us
(06:10):
secretly fear we're not trulycompetent or we will eventually
be found out.
Then which is one reason forthis podcast there's burnout and
exhaustion.
When our resources are depleted, our capacity for thinking and
self-confidence naturallydiminishes, making self-doubt
(06:35):
much louder.
So y'all these factors cancreate a cycle where we doubt
ourselves.
So we work harder to compensate, which leads to us becoming
more exhausted and thus doubtourselves even more.
I mean, it's a vicious cycle.
Breaking this cycle, y'all ispossible by actively cultivating
(07:00):
the components of unconditionalself-trust.
The components of unconditionalself-trust.
So I've got some components,some interventions here, but at
the end of the podcast, asalways, I've created an activity
(07:20):
for you to address this as well.
So let's look.
Number one deep self-awareness.
Right, I mean, that's part ofthe helping field.
We get to be self-awareconstantly.
My therapist says an AFCO,another effing growth
opportunity.
Deep self-awareness, this isthe bedrock.
Unconditional self-trust isn'tblind, y'all, it's informed.
(07:42):
It means knowing your strengths, your biases, your triggers,
your limitations.
It's about being honest withyourself, about where you excel
and where you still need to grow, because regardless of how long
you've been in this field,there's always opportunities for
growth.
Trusting yourself meanstrusting your ability to know
(08:04):
yourself.
Okay, number two embodied wisdomand professional intuition.
As we discussed in a previousepisode, intuition in our field
is often pattern recognition,informed by years of experience
(08:26):
and learning.
Learning to trust yourselfunconditionally means
distinguishing this genuine,informed intuition from anxiety
or personal projections.
So y'all it's about tuning intothose subtle gut feelings that
signal something important andthen having the clarity to
(08:50):
investigate them further.
Remember, gut intuition.
That's a real thing.
As a counselor, I know that mycraft is informed by art, which
I believe is my gut intuition,how I deliver things, and
(09:11):
science, which are the theoriesthat I plug in.
We have to hone that ability totrust our gut.
We you know our serotonin.
We have brain cells in ourtummy.
It's not all just in our head.
There's a reason why thisancient thing called gut
(09:31):
intuition came up.
It's a real thing and the morewe hone it, the more we trust it
.
It's embodied wisdom, wisdom,and it's that professional
intuition that serves us so well, and it's that professional
intuition that serves us so well.
Next, there's radicalself-compassion, y'all.
This is perhaps the mostunconditional part.
(09:52):
This means treating yourselfwith the same kindness,
understanding and patience thatyou extend to your clients, to
your family, to your friendsHell, I would bet to strangers
on the street.
You need to be able to do this,especially when you make a
(10:15):
mistake, face a setback orexperience self-doubt.
Instead of harsh criticism,it's about acknowledging the
difficulty, learning from theexperience and reaffirming your
inherent worth and goodintentions.
I have found, if I will pat mycheeks or do the butterfly, tap
(10:38):
my shoulders, that helps torelease some oxytocin and I say
to myself sweetness, you havedone the best you can, it's okay
.
I can just feel my anxietygoing down and my
self-compassion rising.
Next, you want to look atcompetence and continuous
(11:00):
learning.
Trusting yourself doesn't meanyou have all the answers.
None of us do.
It means trusting your trainedabilities, crucially, your
commitment to lifelong learning.
You trust that you have theskills or that you have the
capacity to acquire those skillsand regardless of the field
(11:24):
you're in, we need to continuelearning.
It keeps us alive.
It makes life interesting.
Honoring your boundaries wouldbe the next component, as we've
explored before in otherepisodes.
Setting and maintaining healthyboundaries is a profound act of
self-trust.
It communicates to yourselfthat your energy, time and
(11:49):
well-being are valuable andworthy of protection.
When you honor your boundaries,you reinforce your own needs.
That's a really important thing.
Our clients need to see ourboundaries.
It's as good for them as it isfor us, as it is for our
(12:11):
children, as it is for ourspouse, as it is for our friends
.
Boundaries are eminentlyimportant and they're free.
It just takes practice andself-awareness and courage to
set them where you need to.
Inner validation is the next oneto look at.
This is a shift from constantlyseeking external approval maybe
(12:37):
from supervisors or colleagues,spouses or clients to relying
more on your own internalcompass.
Y'all, we do this for ourclients all the time.
Try to teach them that internallocus of control.
We need to do it for ourselvesas well.
While external feedback isvaluable, unconditional
(12:59):
self-trust means that your coresense of competence and worth
comes from within.
Okay, you've got it inside you.
You can't look to others for it.
The gal in the mirror, the guyin the mirror that is, who is
responsible for that.
So how do we begin to buildthis unshakable core of
(13:23):
self-trust?
Y'all, it is a journey.
It is not a destination.
It's built through consistent,intentional practices such as
mindful self check-ins.
You know that's where youregularly pause and ask yourself
(13:43):
how am I feeling right now?
What is my body telling me?
Why is my stomach turning?
What is that about?
What do I need?
This consistentself-communication is key to
staying connected to your innerwisdom and it's helping you
build those neural pathways thatare going to serve you so well.
(14:04):
And you know it takes a hotminute to build those, so give
yourself some patience and loveas you're practicing these.
Next, there's reflectivepractice and journaling, where
you dedicate time to reflect onchallenging cases, difficult
interactions or successes.
You write down what you learned, what went well and what you do
(14:30):
differently next time.
This helps you processexperiences, integrate those
lessons and, more importantly,build confidence in your
evolving competence.
Positive self-talk andaffirmations is the next place
to go where you're activelychallenging that negative
(14:51):
self-talk and affirmations isthe next place to go where
you're actively challenging thatnegative self-talk.
When your inner critic pipes up, you're able to counter that
negativity with an affirmationsuch as I'm capable, I am
learning and growing or I trustmy professional judgment.
Speak these truths to yourselfaloud multiple times throughout
(15:14):
the day.
You want to celebrate smallwins.
You don't just focus on the bigachievements.
You acknowledge every smallsuccess, every moment of clarity
, every instance where youtrusted your intuition and it
served you well.
Y'all this builds robustevidence for your well I yeah,
(15:37):
it builds a very robust base ofevidence for your competence.
Then you want to think aboutengage in embodied practices.
I love somatic practices intherapy.
I think it's wonderful we dothis for ourself.
You want to practice yoga,mindful movements or even just
(15:59):
focus breathing to help youconnect with your body's wisdom.
This also helps releasephysical tension.
That can help to clear mentalfog, allowing your intuition to
surface more clearly.
These practices reinforce thetrust between your body and mind
(16:20):
and that can be the longestjourney and one of the most
important journeys you're goingto make.
Again, it's not a destinationnecessarily, but a journey.
It's not a destinationnecessarily, but a journey.
Next, you want to usesupervision on consultation
strategically and regardlesswhere you are in your practice,
(16:41):
we always need to seekconsultation and supervision.
It makes us better.
See supervision as a space forgrowth and ethical exploration,
not just for seeking permissionor validation.
Trust your ability to ask forhelp without diminishing your
own competence.
Then, as I mentioned earlier,you want to embrace imperfection
(17:05):
, understand that mistakes arepart of learning, a natural part
of learning.
The best part of learning.
Unconditional self-trust isn'tabout being flawless.
It's about trusting yourability to learn from missteps,
apologize if needed and adapt,and then you want to prioritize
(17:29):
fundamental self-care, and thenyou want to prioritize
fundamental self-care.
Of course, I have a whole bookon this and I highly encourage
y'all to check out SoulJoy.
It's over on Amazon or on mywebsite.
But adequate rest, nourishingfood, regular movement y'all
those are non-negotiable.
That's got to happen regularly,every day.
(17:52):
When your basic physical needsare met, your capacity for
mental clarity, emotionalregulation and self-trust is
significantly enhanced.
So learning to trust yourselfunconditionally is arguably the
most profound act of self-carefor a helping professional.
(18:13):
It creates a wellspring ofresilience, allowing you to show
up authentically, makedecisions with greater
confidence.
Navigate challenges, yes, andnot only navigate challenges,
y'all, but you navigate themwith more grace and ultimately,
(18:35):
you're going to prevent burnout.
When you trust yourself, youbring a deeper, more grounded
presence to those you serve.
You become an unshakable core,not just for yourself, but as a
steady presence for othersnavigating their own
complexities.
What a gift, what a gift.
(18:55):
What a gift.
So okay, before we go further.
I'm going to invite you tosubscribe to my email list to
get the weekly podcast emailedto you with the bonus PDF I
create each week of the activitythat I'm about to go over with
you, of the activity that I'mabout to go over with you.
All you have to do is hop overto my website, get on my email
(19:26):
list, wwwjuliemerrimanphdcom.
While you're over there, checkout my counseling services, my
coaching services.
I've got the book for sale onthere.
I've got a great self-carechallenge on there.
I've got several kind of funthings on there.
So I encourage you to hop overthere and check it out, all
right?
So activity for today is calledmy Unshakable Core Cultivating
(19:49):
Unconditional Self-Trust, andit's designed to help you
actively engage with conceptsfrom this podcast Through
self-reflection and practicalexercises.
You will explore areas where youmay doubt yourself and begin to
build a stronger foundation ofself-trust foundation of
(20:14):
self-trust.
So I want you to identify twoto three specific situations,
maybe patterns or beliefs, whereyou find yourself struggling
with self-doubt.
In your professional life, okay, or maybe in your personal life
.
Wherever you find yourselfstruggling with self-doubt, I
(20:36):
need you to be as concrete aspossible.
So an example would be Isecond-guess my clinical
judgment when working withclients who have trauma
histories.
Or maybe I attribute successfulclient outcomes to luck, not my
skill.
So something very specific.
That's step one and step two Ineed you to explore the roots of
(21:05):
self-doubt.
So, for each situation youidentify in step one, explore
the underlying reasons for yourself-doubt.
Step one explore the underlyingreasons for your self-doubt.
Consider what specific fearsare associated with this
situation.
Is it a fear of making amistake, fear of judgment, fear
of failure?
(21:25):
What past experiences might becontributing to this self-doubt?
Maybe a critical supervisor,critical parent, a challenging
case outcome, lack of specifictraining?
And then what unhelpfulself-talk or inner critic
narratives are present and thatcould be.
(21:48):
I'm not good enough.
I'll mess things up.
I don't know what I'm doing.
I mean, we all have that innercritic.
Some are louder than othersdepending on how long we've been
trying to tame them.
But for each situation youidentify that is challenging, I
want you to go in and go deeperand explore those roots, what's
(22:10):
underlying.
And again, I've created a PDF.
If you're not on my email list,feel free to shoot me an email
and I'll send it to you.
So you identify the situation,you go deeper, consider what's
the underlying reason.
And then, step three, youcultivate the components of
(22:32):
self-trust.
And then, step three, youcultivate the components of
self-trust.
So think about the sixcomponents of unconditional
self-trust that I just discussedDeep self-awareness, embodied
wisdom, professional intuition,radical self-compassion,
competence and continuouslearning, honoring your
(22:53):
boundaries and inner validation.
I want you to choose twocomponents that feel the most
relevant to your currentchallenges with self-doubt.
For each chosen component,brainstorm two to three specific
actions you could take tostrengthen that aspect of
(23:16):
self-trust in your daily orweekly life.
So that might look like youchoose self-awareness and you
tell yourself I'm going to spendfive minutes each day
journaling about my feelings andreactions to client
interactions, which is powerful.
(23:37):
Or maybe you chooseself-compassion when I make a
mistake, I will consciouslyspeak to myself with the same
kindness I would offer acolleague in that situation.
Or maybe you chooseintervalidation I will make a
list of my professionalaccomplishments, big and small,
to remind myself of mycompetence.
(23:58):
Because I promise you, I've gotlots of competence, you've got
lots of opportunity forself-compassion and you've got
lots of opportunity forself-awareness.
All those things are just goingto make you a better person as
well as a better helper.
Those things are just going tomake you a better person as well
as a better helper.
(24:19):
Step four you make that actionplan and you commit to it.
You choose one of the actionsyou identified in step three
that you're willing to commit toimplementing in the next week
and you write down your specificaction plan.
You want to include thespecific action, how often
you're going to do it, whenyou're going to do it and any
(24:39):
resources or support you mightneed to get that accomplished.
And I want you to identify onepotential obstacle to carrying
out your action plan and astrategy to overcome that
obstacle.
So okay, easy peasy.
You identify a challenge, yougo deep to explore the root of
(25:02):
that challenge, you cultivatethe components of self-trust and
you choose two of thosecomponents that you're going to
practice.
And then you develop an actionplan where you carry out that
practice and you identify anobstacle and how you're going to
(25:22):
overcome it, because I promisethere are some.
Okay.
So last thing I have for youwould be reflection questions.
What was the most challengingpart of the activity and why?
What new insights did you gainabout your patterns of
self-doubt?
What feels most empoweringabout the activity?
(25:45):
Excuse me about activelycultivating self-trust.
What support do you need tomaintain your commitment to
building self-trust?
All right, that's all for thisepisode of Soul Joy.
Thank you for listening andthank you for all the incredible
(26:11):
work you do.
Subscribe to my podcast.
Leave a review.
Helps me reach more people anduntil next time, take care of
you.
Hey y'all, I'm Dr Julie Merriman and welcome to
SoulJoy.
Today we're still exploring thethird eye and diving into a
topic that might feelparadoxical for those of us in
the helping professions learningto trust yourself
unconditionally.
(00:21):
Y'all, this is a very necessarycomponent of holistic,
sustainable self-care, alsoknown as wellness.
All right, all right, welcome.
Welcome.
I appreciate you taking a hotminute out of your day to hang
(00:41):
out with me.
Let's see Home chat.
Big news at the Merriman House.
We got a new puppy named Clarkand he is precious.
So much joy.
We now have four blue healers,ranging in lots of different
ages, from 16 to now 12 weeks,but so much joy.
(01:04):
It just makes me so happy tosee all four of them playing
together when I pull up and allfour are so happy that we're
home.
So, anyway, kelly and I decidedwe were going to gift ourselves
Clark for our 30th weddinganniversary and we are really
enjoying him.
So I highly recommend puppies.
(01:24):
All right.
Professional helpers.
This podcast is dedicated topreventing and overcoming the
occupational hazards of thecareer.
We chose specifically burnout,compassion, fatigue and
vicarious trauma.
But, as I say each week, thispodcast is for everyone.
If you are a human, you havethe capacity to experience those
(01:49):
burnout or compassion, fatigue,vicarious trauma.
So hopefully you'll findsomething here that is helpful.
Okay, so those of us that havededicated our lives to building
trust with others being helpers,we build trust with our clients
.
We build trust with ourpatients, students, families,
(02:13):
communities.
We strive to create safe spaceswhere they can share their
vulnerabilities, explore theirtruths, explore their truths and
rely on our professionalguidance.
Yet many of us struggle toextend that same unwavering
trust to ourselves.
We battle imposter syndrome, wesecond-guess our instincts, we
(02:44):
fear making mistakes andconstantly seek external
validation.
I can remember a few years backI had a new client who really
had some horrific trauma and I'm, you know, during intake,
you're being present andbuilding rapport and listening,
and my imposter syndrome snuckin there and said to me man
(03:05):
Merriman, this person needs acounselor.
And you know I really had toshake myself and go woman, you
are the counselor here, quitdoubting yourself and plug in.
I don't know if you have everexperienced that.
I just want to normalize it.
We are but human, right, we'rehuman.
We are but human, right, we'rehuman.
(03:31):
What does unconditionalself-trust truly mean in our
context?
It's not about recklessness orignoring critical feedback,
because that is eminentlyimportant in our field Instead.
Well, in any field, feedback isimportant, but instead it's an
unwavering belief in yourinherent capacity, your seasoned
(03:53):
judgment, your honed intuitionand your profound resilience.
It's about cultivating an innervalidation that isn't swayed by
every challenging outcome,every difficult client or every
moment of self-doubt.
It's about trusting yourprocess, your commitment to
(04:16):
growth and your ability tonavigate imperfection, because
y'all, we are all perfectlyimperfect souls.
Perfection is not a state welive in.
So why does self-trust oftenerode in the helping professions
?
I think there are numerousreasons and they're deeply
(04:40):
understandable.
So let's explore just a few.
First, high stakes.
Our work often involvesprofound impact on human lives.
The gravity of thisresponsibility can lead to
excessive self-scrutiny and fearof misstep.
Then the complexity andambiguity that's involved.
(05:04):
There are rarely simple answers.
We operate in gray areas andthe lack of clear-cut solutions
can fuel self-doubt.
Then think about externalscrutiny and accountability.
We're often under themicroscope of a supervisor or
(05:26):
peer review or ethicalguidelines, board rules and
client outcomes.
The pressure to be perfect canbe immense.
And back to we are perfectlyimperfect.
Then there's empathic overload.
We absorb the anxieties, fearsand doubts of those we serve.
(05:49):
This can be.
This can inadvertently amplifyour own insecurities.
If we're not well resourced andI'm hoping this podcast is a
resource for you Then, as Imentioned earlier, imposter
syndrome Despite qualificationsand experience, many of us
(06:10):
secretly fear we're not trulycompetent or we will eventually
be found out.
Then which is one reason forthis podcast there's burnout and
exhaustion.
When our resources are depleted, our capacity for thinking and
self-confidence naturallydiminishes, making self-doubt
(06:35):
much louder.
So y'all these factors cancreate a cycle where we doubt
ourselves.
So we work harder to compensate, which leads to us becoming
more exhausted and thus doubtourselves even more.
I mean, it's a vicious cycle.
Breaking this cycle, y'all ispossible by actively cultivating
(07:00):
the components of unconditionalself-trust.
The components of unconditionalself-trust.
So I've got some components,some interventions here, but at
the end of the podcast, asalways, I've created an activity
(07:20):
for you to address this as well.
So let's look.
Number one deep self-awareness.
Right, I mean, that's part ofthe helping field.
We get to be self-awareconstantly.
My therapist says an AFCO,another effing growth
opportunity.
Deep self-awareness, this isthe bedrock.
Unconditional self-trust isn'tblind, y'all, it's informed.
(07:42):
It means knowing your strengths, your biases, your triggers,
your limitations.
It's about being honest withyourself, about where you excel
and where you still need to grow, because regardless of how long
you've been in this field,there's always opportunities for
growth.
Trusting yourself meanstrusting your ability to know
(08:04):
yourself.
Okay, number two embodied wisdomand professional intuition.
As we discussed in a previousepisode, intuition in our field
is often pattern recognition,informed by years of experience
(08:26):
and learning.
Learning to trust yourselfunconditionally means
distinguishing this genuine,informed intuition from anxiety
or personal projections.
So y'all it's about tuning intothose subtle gut feelings that
signal something important andthen having the clarity to
(08:50):
investigate them further.
Remember, gut intuition.
That's a real thing.
As a counselor, I know that mycraft is informed by art, which
I believe is my gut intuition,how I deliver things, and
(09:11):
science, which are the theoriesthat I plug in.
We have to hone that ability totrust our gut.
We you know our serotonin.
We have brain cells in ourtummy.
It's not all just in our head.
There's a reason why thisancient thing called gut
(09:31):
intuition came up.
It's a real thing and the morewe hone it, the more we trust it
.
It's embodied wisdom, wisdom,and it's that professional
intuition that serves us so well, and it's that professional
intuition that serves us so well.
Next, there's radicalself-compassion, y'all.
This is perhaps the mostunconditional part.
(09:52):
This means treating yourselfwith the same kindness,
understanding and patience thatyou extend to your clients, to
your family, to your friendsHell, I would bet to strangers
on the street.
You need to be able to do this,especially when you make a
(10:15):
mistake, face a setback orexperience self-doubt.
Instead of harsh criticism,it's about acknowledging the
difficulty, learning from theexperience and reaffirming your
inherent worth and goodintentions.
I have found, if I will pat mycheeks or do the butterfly, tap
(10:38):
my shoulders, that helps torelease some oxytocin and I say
to myself sweetness, you havedone the best you can, it's okay
.
I can just feel my anxietygoing down and my
self-compassion rising.
Next, you want to look atcompetence and continuous
(11:00):
learning.
Trusting yourself doesn't meanyou have all the answers.
None of us do.
It means trusting your trainedabilities, crucially, your
commitment to lifelong learning.
You trust that you have theskills or that you have the
capacity to acquire those skillsand regardless of the field
(11:24):
you're in, we need to continuelearning.
It keeps us alive.
It makes life interesting.
Honoring your boundaries wouldbe the next component, as we've
explored before in otherepisodes.
Setting and maintaining healthyboundaries is a profound act of
self-trust.
It communicates to yourselfthat your energy, time and
(11:49):
well-being are valuable andworthy of protection.
When you honor your boundaries,you reinforce your own needs.
That's a really important thing.
Our clients need to see ourboundaries.
It's as good for them as it isfor us, as it is for our
(12:11):
children, as it is for ourspouse, as it is for our friends
.
Boundaries are eminentlyimportant and they're free.
It just takes practice andself-awareness and courage to
set them where you need to.
Inner validation is the next oneto look at.
This is a shift from constantlyseeking external approval maybe
(12:37):
from supervisors or colleagues,spouses or clients to relying
more on your own internalcompass.
Y'all, we do this for ourclients all the time.
Try to teach them that internallocus of control.
We need to do it for ourselvesas well.
While external feedback isvaluable, unconditional
(12:59):
self-trust means that your coresense of competence and worth
comes from within.
Okay, you've got it inside you.
You can't look to others for it.
The gal in the mirror, the guyin the mirror that is, who is
responsible for that.
So how do we begin to buildthis unshakable core of
(13:23):
self-trust?
Y'all, it is a journey.
It is not a destination.
It's built through consistent,intentional practices such as
mindful self check-ins.
You know that's where youregularly pause and ask yourself
(13:43):
how am I feeling right now?
What is my body telling me?
Why is my stomach turning?
What is that about?
What do I need?
This consistentself-communication is key to
staying connected to your innerwisdom and it's helping you
build those neural pathways thatare going to serve you so well.
(14:04):
And you know it takes a hotminute to build those, so give
yourself some patience and loveas you're practicing these.
Next, there's reflectivepractice and journaling, where
you dedicate time to reflect onchallenging cases, difficult
interactions or successes.
You write down what you learned, what went well and what you do
(14:30):
differently next time.
This helps you processexperiences, integrate those
lessons and, more importantly,build confidence in your
evolving competence.
Positive self-talk andaffirmations is the next place
to go where you're activelychallenging that negative
(14:51):
self-talk and affirmations isthe next place to go where
you're actively challenging thatnegative self-talk.
When your inner critic pipes up, you're able to counter that
negativity with an affirmationsuch as I'm capable, I am
learning and growing or I trustmy professional judgment.
Speak these truths to yourselfaloud multiple times throughout
(15:14):
the day.
You want to celebrate smallwins.
You don't just focus on the bigachievements.
You acknowledge every smallsuccess, every moment of clarity
, every instance where youtrusted your intuition and it
served you well.
Y'all this builds robustevidence for your well I yeah,
(15:37):
it builds a very robust base ofevidence for your competence.
Then you want to think aboutengage in embodied practices.
I love somatic practices intherapy.
I think it's wonderful we dothis for ourself.
You want to practice yoga,mindful movements or even just
(15:59):
focus breathing to help youconnect with your body's wisdom.
This also helps releasephysical tension.
That can help to clear mentalfog, allowing your intuition to
surface more clearly.
These practices reinforce thetrust between your body and mind
(16:20):
and that can be the longestjourney and one of the most
important journeys you're goingto make.
Again, it's not a destinationnecessarily, but a journey.
It's not a destinationnecessarily, but a journey.
Next, you want to usesupervision on consultation
strategically and regardlesswhere you are in your practice,
(16:41):
we always need to seekconsultation and supervision.
It makes us better.
See supervision as a space forgrowth and ethical exploration,
not just for seeking permissionor validation.
Trust your ability to ask forhelp without diminishing your
own competence.
Then, as I mentioned earlier,you want to embrace imperfection
(17:05):
, understand that mistakes arepart of learning, a natural part
of learning.
The best part of learning.
Unconditional self-trust isn'tabout being flawless.
It's about trusting yourability to learn from missteps,
apologize if needed and adapt,and then you want to prioritize
(17:29):
fundamental self-care, and thenyou want to prioritize
fundamental self-care.
Of course, I have a whole bookon this and I highly encourage
y'all to check out SoulJoy.
It's over on Amazon or on mywebsite.
But adequate rest, nourishingfood, regular movement y'all
those are non-negotiable.
That's got to happen regularly,every day.
(17:52):
When your basic physical needsare met, your capacity for
mental clarity, emotionalregulation and self-trust is
significantly enhanced.
So learning to trust yourselfunconditionally is arguably the
most profound act of self-carefor a helping professional.
(18:13):
It creates a wellspring ofresilience, allowing you to show
up authentically, makedecisions with greater
confidence.
Navigate challenges, yes, andnot only navigate challenges,
y'all, but you navigate themwith more grace and ultimately,
(18:35):
you're going to prevent burnout.
When you trust yourself, youbring a deeper, more grounded
presence to those you serve.
You become an unshakable core,not just for yourself, but as a
steady presence for othersnavigating their own
complexities.
What a gift, what a gift.
(18:55):
What a gift.
So okay, before we go further.
I'm going to invite you tosubscribe to my email list to
get the weekly podcast emailedto you with the bonus PDF I
create each week of the activitythat I'm about to go over with
you, of the activity that I'mabout to go over with you.
All you have to do is hop overto my website, get on my email
(19:26):
list, wwwjuliemerrimanphdcom.
While you're over there, checkout my counseling services, my
coaching services.
I've got the book for sale onthere.
I've got a great self-carechallenge on there.
I've got several kind of funthings on there.
So I encourage you to hop overthere and check it out, all
right?
So activity for today is calledmy Unshakable Core Cultivating
(19:49):
Unconditional Self-Trust, andit's designed to help you
actively engage with conceptsfrom this podcast Through
self-reflection and practicalexercises.
You will explore areas where youmay doubt yourself and begin to
build a stronger foundation ofself-trust foundation of
(20:14):
self-trust.
So I want you to identify twoto three specific situations,
maybe patterns or beliefs, whereyou find yourself struggling
with self-doubt.
In your professional life, okay, or maybe in your personal life
.
Wherever you find yourselfstruggling with self-doubt, I
(20:36):
need you to be as concrete aspossible.
So an example would be Isecond-guess my clinical
judgment when working withclients who have trauma
histories.
Or maybe I attribute successfulclient outcomes to luck, not my
skill.
So something very specific.
That's step one and step two Ineed you to explore the roots of
(21:05):
self-doubt.
So, for each situation youidentify in step one, explore
the underlying reasons for yourself-doubt.
Step one explore the underlyingreasons for your self-doubt.
Consider what specific fearsare associated with this
situation.
Is it a fear of making amistake, fear of judgment, fear
of failure?
(21:25):
What past experiences might becontributing to this self-doubt?
Maybe a critical supervisor,critical parent, a challenging
case outcome, lack of specifictraining?
And then what unhelpfulself-talk or inner critic
narratives are present and thatcould be.
(21:48):
I'm not good enough.
I'll mess things up.
I don't know what I'm doing.
I mean, we all have that innercritic.
Some are louder than othersdepending on how long we've been
trying to tame them.
But for each situation youidentify that is challenging, I
want you to go in and go deeperand explore those roots, what's
(22:10):
underlying.
And again, I've created a PDF.
If you're not on my email list,feel free to shoot me an email
and I'll send it to you.
So you identify the situation,you go deeper, consider what's
the underlying reason.
And then, step three, youcultivate the components of
(22:32):
self-trust.
And then, step three, youcultivate the components of
self-trust.
So think about the sixcomponents of unconditional
self-trust that I just discussedDeep self-awareness, embodied
wisdom, professional intuition,radical self-compassion,
competence and continuouslearning, honoring your
(22:53):
boundaries and inner validation.
I want you to choose twocomponents that feel the most
relevant to your currentchallenges with self-doubt.
For each chosen component,brainstorm two to three specific
actions you could take tostrengthen that aspect of
(23:16):
self-trust in your daily orweekly life.
So that might look like youchoose self-awareness and you
tell yourself I'm going to spendfive minutes each day
journaling about my feelings andreactions to client
interactions, which is powerful.
(23:37):
Or maybe you chooseself-compassion when I make a
mistake, I will consciouslyspeak to myself with the same
kindness I would offer acolleague in that situation.
Or maybe you chooseintervalidation I will make a
list of my professionalaccomplishments, big and small,
to remind myself of mycompetence.
(23:58):
Because I promise you, I've gotlots of competence, you've got
lots of opportunity forself-compassion and you've got
lots of opportunity forself-awareness.
All those things are just goingto make you a better person as
well as a better helper.
Those things are just going tomake you a better person as well
as a better helper.
(24:19):
Step four you make that actionplan and you commit to it.
You choose one of the actionsyou identified in step three
that you're willing to commit toimplementing in the next week
and you write down your specificaction plan.
You want to include thespecific action, how often
you're going to do it, whenyou're going to do it and any
(24:39):
resources or support you mightneed to get that accomplished.
And I want you to identify onepotential obstacle to carrying
out your action plan and astrategy to overcome that
obstacle.
So okay, easy peasy.
You identify a challenge, yougo deep to explore the root of
(25:02):
that challenge, you cultivatethe components of self-trust and
you choose two of thosecomponents that you're going to
practice.
And then you develop an actionplan where you carry out that
practice and you identify anobstacle and how you're going to
(25:22):
overcome it, because I promisethere are some.
Okay.
So last thing I have for youwould be reflection questions.
What was the most challengingpart of the activity and why?
What new insights did you gainabout your patterns of
self-doubt?
What feels most empoweringabout the activity?
(25:45):
Excuse me about activelycultivating self-trust.
What support do you need tomaintain your commitment to
building self-trust?
All right, that's all for thisepisode of Soul Joy.
Thank you for listening andthank you for all the incredible
(26:11):
work you do.
Subscribe to my podcast.
Leave a review.
Helps me reach more people anduntil next time, take care of
you.
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