Fear: The Big Fat Liar

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Fear is the silent thief that steals our joy, authenticity, and potential – and Dr. Julie Merriman isn't afraid to call it what it truly is: a big fat liar. Drawing from her own journey through paralyzing fear to empowered living, she offers both personal testimony and practical wisdom for anyone ready to stop letting fear dictate their choices.

Dr. Merriman vulnerably shares how fear of rejection and abandonment kept her from living in her authentic skin for years. Having attended 13-14 different high schools before graduating, she experienced firsthand how unstable foundations and social rejection can damage the solar plexus chakra – our energetic center of personal power and self-esteem. This damage manifested as an inability to speak her truth, set boundaries, or fully embody her purpose until her late twenties.

The transformation came through dedicated inner work: therapy, energy healing, and the courageous practice of setting boundaries. "No is a complete sentence," she reminds us, emphasizing how owning your calendar and honoring your limits creates the space needed to examine subconscious fears in the light of reality. For professional helpers especially, these boundaries serve not just ourselves but those we work with, preventing burnout and compassion fatigue.

The episode culminates in a guided solar plexus meditation designed to help listeners visualize and experience healing their own fear-based energy blockages. This powerful visualization connects you to golden healing light, restoring balance and preventing future blockages. As Dr. Merriman wisely observes, "Most everything you need is on the other side of fear" – making this practice not just self-care but an essential gateway to living your fullest life.

Ready to kick fear to the curb and reclaim your joy? Subscribe to SoulJoy wherever you listen to podcasts, sign up for weekly emails with activity PDFs at juliemerrimanphd.com, and join Dr. Merriman on this journey of authentic, fearless living.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey y'all, I'm Dr Julie Merriman and welcome to
SoulJoy.
Today we're going to get closeand personal with fear.
See, if we let fear constantlyrun in the background of our
life, we are not fully living.
Understanding the core issuesof fear is a necessary component

(00:21):
of holistic, sustainableself-care, aka wellness.
All right, hello, hello,welcome, welcome, welcome.
I appreciate you taking time tohang out with me for a hot

(00:41):
minute.
It really, I mean truly, itmeans a lot to me, thank you.
So let's see what's been goingon.
I think I told y'all about mygoat babies.
I have four Nigerian pygmydwarf goats maybe saying that
backwards three mamas and onedaddy and one daddy and the moms

(01:04):
.
They had 10 babies, thetriplets and then quadruplets.
But man, the mamas seem likethey need some respite.
We enlarged their area wheremamas could kind of go and have
a little time to themselves asthe babies.
I mean, they got the zoomies,they zoom all over the place.

(01:24):
And let's see my beloved Kellyis getting the fields ready for
planting.
Gotta grow some food for thecows.
And you know, by the way Idon't know if I've ever told
y'all this we do from ourpasture to your table we create
some really delicious beef.
If you're ever interested,reach out and I will give you

(01:46):
all the deets on that.
So okay, professional helpers.
This podcast is dedicated topreventing and overcoming the
occupational hazards of thecareer we chose, specifically
burnout, compassion, fatigue andthe ever so scary vicarious
trauma.
Today's topic is I believe fearis a big fat liar.

(02:14):
I really believe it is.
I can say honestly and ifyou've read the book, I've told
you all about this I've allowedfear to paralyze me in my life.
Told you all about this.
I've allowed fear to paralyzeme in my life.
It's caused me to not live inmy authentic skin and for me it
was fear of not being loved andfear of being abandoned.

(02:38):
If I actually spoke my truth, Ithought others would reject me,
and I probably had someexperiences of that along the
way.
Not that they rejected me perse, but you know, when you speak
up and have an opinion, otherpeople come back at you with a
hard opinion and if you don'thave a really strong center of

(02:58):
self, that can kind of throw you, and it took me a few years to
grow my um, my my center of self, if you will, in my younger
years, as I said, I had livedexperience that did prove that.
I yeah, I went to like 13,maybe 14 different high schools
and I graduated my junior year.

(03:20):
That was a four-year school.
Um, we just had a lot ofdysfunction playing out in the
family during those years andthen Daddy worked for Bell
Helicopter and that moved himaround some.
But being a new girl every sixweeks at a high school gives
people a lot of opportunity tobe mean.

(03:42):
I mean, I'm not having a pityparty here, I just, you know, I
didn't have my gang and if Ispoke my truth I really put
myself out there and I justdidn't have the.
My solar plexus wasn't strongenough.
My self-esteem, myself-confidence, my boundaries

(04:02):
weren't such that I couldconfidently speak my truth and
not take in how others reactedto that.
Now, mind you, I believe myyoung brain interpreted some
situations wrong, but that storyis all lined out in my book.
But but if it's wrong or right,as I talked about in last

(04:25):
podcast, whatever meaning we'remaking of the fact that's
happening creates the reactionwithin our body.
So if, if my mind was right orwrong, it created something I
was reacting to.
I allowed fear to rob me of joyand a life fully lived for much
longer than I should have.

(04:46):
I bet I was in my late 20sbefore I really got my shit
together and figured out that Icould live my life very
differently.
My solar plexus chakra, y'allmy energy in my solar plexus
chakra it was just wonky,terribly wonky, and it robbed me
of the self-esteem and evenbeing able to truly identify and

(05:10):
live my life's purpose.
To this day, my therapist hasto help me manage the energy of
my solar plexus.
It's the first to go when I'mstressed and she is fabulous
about bringing me there.
I mean, we do a lot of somaticwork.
As a therapist, I do a lot ofsomatic work, but bringing me

(05:32):
into my body and feeling wherethe energy is hitting me the
most, and it's always in mysolar plexus.
Over the years, however, Ilearned and chose to set healthy
boundaries.
You know that, yeah, not mycircus, those are not my monkeys

(05:52):
.
I'm going to focus on me.
No is a complete sentence.
I don't have to be obligated.
Yeah, all those things.
I've learned to set prettyhealthy boundaries and, most
importantly and I work on thiswith my associates that I'm
supervising, owning yourcalendar, and I've talked about
this, but that's, and I thinknext podcast or the next we're

(06:15):
really going to spend some timeon time management because
that's a huge piece of yoursolar plexus and it's a boundary
.
Time management is a boundary,but you've got to own your
calendar.
If you say you're not seeingpeople after five, buy gumball,
don't see people after five.
Calendar owning is important.
See what I've discovered?

(06:36):
These boundaries.
People need boundaries, we needboundaries.
I need a boundary for me, butalso people that are in my life
need my boundaries.
Those are very important thingsto set.
They allowed me to examine thefear that I was experiencing.
I brought it out of mysubconscious into the light of

(06:57):
reality and I was able toexperiment with things and I was
able to show up true to myself,which really that's some throat
chakra work.
But we'll get to that.
Saying things that others mightnot agree with became something
I can do and I know I'm stilllovable and you know sometimes

(07:21):
people just aren't your peopleand that's okay.
But I know that I can say whatI need to say.
Now.
I always want to be sociallyappropriate.
I don't want to be hateful, butI can say the things I need to
say to my people and it's fine.
And sometimes it might come outa little more prickly than I

(07:44):
meant it to be, but I'm able tocome back and soften things if
you will.
Y'all.
You have to kick fear's ass.
You just have to.
It's a liar.
Most everything you need is onthe other side of fear, and I

(08:06):
want this for you.
I remember how miserable it feltto be ruled by fear in every
move or decision I was trying tomake.
It took therapy, energy, workand dedication to me to move the
meter, and I'm telling you,sweet souls, it was worth it.

(08:29):
I'm comfortable in my skin now.
You know I'm in my 60s and I'vereally left fear in the
rearview mirror.
Had I not done the work earlierin life, I'm not sure I'd be so
at peace now.
But it's never too late.
I don't care if you're 85 or 25.

(08:51):
It's work that needs to be done.
So I just invite you to reallythink about that.
Doing the work to bring fear outof your subconscious into the
light of day and understandinghow it's impacting you in life
is very important.
And knowing that very thingyou're really scared of.

(09:15):
What you need is on the otherside of that.
So that's the very thing youneed to go through.
You can't go around it.
You got to go through it.
So okay, before we go to theactivity, I just want to remind
you to subscribe to my emaillist so you can get my weekly
emails where I send you thepodcast and PDFs I create that

(09:36):
go with the activity that I'mabout to go over.
Just go to juliemerrimanphdcomand sign up for my newsletter.
So the activity today I callquick sip of water.
I call is so clever overcomingfear.

(09:56):
Fear blocks your solar plexuschakra energy, your solar plexus
chakra energy.
An old piece of advice says doone thing every day that scares
you.
Back to what I was saying.
What you need is on the otherside of that fear.
So y'all, that means Anythingthat helps you confront your

(10:17):
deep-seated fears and releaselimiting beliefs about yourself
will help restore your solarplexus chakra energy, help
balance it and, best of all,overcoming your fears will also
help you keep another blockagefrom forming in the future.
So this is a meditation andvisualization.

(10:40):
So get yourself comfy.
If you're driving, come back tothis later.
But if you're at home or at aplace where you can kind of
chill for a few moments, pleaseget yourself comfy, sit or lie
in a comfortable position andplace your hands on your solar
plexus area.

(11:01):
Y'all that's in your rib cagearea, it's your high abdomen.
Close your eyes and breathedeeply, using your diaphragm,
allowing your stomach to expand.
Forget trying to hold yourbelly in.
We're breathing here.
Your stomach to expand, forgettrying to hold your belly in.
We're breathing here.

(11:22):
Expand as you breathe in and itcollapses as you breathe out.
Hold your breath for a count offour and we're going to exhale
for a count of seven.
Count of seven.

(12:09):
Repeat this three to five times.
Hold Exhale.
Hold Exhale.
Now, when, now, when you'reready, relax your muscles from
your toes wiggle those toes tothe top of your head.
Feel everything.
Relax toes, calves, thighs,tummy, chest, shoulders, throat,
forehead.
Just relax.
Tummy, chest, shoulders, throat, forehead, just relax.
And picture a glowing goldenball of healing light above you,

(12:29):
kind of like a miniature sun.
Visualize your solar plexuschakra as a round yellow wheel
within your abdomen.
Now connect the two with a beamof yellow energy.
Allow your solar plexus chakrato absorb the warmth and energy

(12:54):
of this miniature sun when youfeel you're ready in the
meditation.
So for our purposes here, I'mgoing to count backwards from
five, five, four, three, two,two and one and open your eyes,

(13:21):
raise your hands over your head,wiggle your fingers, wiggle
your toes and stretch.
Take a nice deep breath andhonor and be present with your
emotions.
Think about advocating for yourneeds and wants.
Think about advocating for yourneeds and wants.
Think about listening to yourgut level intuition.

(13:46):
Think about cultivating ahealthy self-esteem, where you
make choices based on your needsand desires.
Engage in activities that youfind enjoyable.
Where you make choices based onyour needs and desires.
Engage in activities that youfind enjoyable, and all of this

(14:15):
helps you to release that fear.
So, okay, that's it for today.
Subscribe to the podcastwherever you listen, leave a
review and, until next time,take care of you.