December 23, 2024 • 15 mins
What if recognizing and prioritizing your personal needs could be the key to unlocking your full potential and fostering resilience? Join Dr. Julie Merriman on SoulJoy as she shares invaluable insights from her book, "In Pursuit of Soul Joy," to guide professional helpers through the challenges of burnout, compassion fatigue, and vicarious trauma. After a heartwarming recount of her recent family adventures in Montana, where laughter and sports filled the air, Dr. Merriman turns her focus to the vital importance of self-care. She extends a compassionate invitation to explore where you stand on the self-awareness spectrum, whether you are a seasoned advocate of self-care or find the concept intertwined with feelings of selfishness.
Discover practical tools to help you confidently identify and communicate your needs, enhancing your well-being and capacity to support others. Dr. Merriman emphasizes that embracing personal needs isn't just about feeling good; it's essential for anyone in a caregiving role. By acknowledging and addressing these needs, you can prevent resentment and victim mentality, allowing you to sparkle a little brighter in your personal and professional life. Tune in to explore how taking this powerful step can transform you into a more confident, resilient version of yourself, ultimately leading to holistic and sustainable self-care.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hey y'all, I'm Dr Julie Merriman and welcome to
SoulJoy.
So in today's episode I'minviting you to consider your
needs, y'all.
This is a necessary componentof holistic, sustainable
self-care.
(00:21):
Sustainable self-care Okay,friends, I'm so glad I mean I'm
honored that y'all stopped bytoday to check out the episode.
I really appreciate you takingthe time to tune in.
I know you're busy and Iappreciate you taking the time
(00:42):
to do this for you.
So just catch up for this week,let's see.
We just got back from Montanawhere we visited my oldest son's
family and we went to theGrands, volleyball games and
football games.
It was just so great to hangout with everyone and see them.
(01:05):
I really oh, that's a sad partof my heart.
We don't all live close to eachother, but it is a joy when we
get to visit.
So that's what the Merrimanshave been up to and it's been
fun.
But okay, professional helpers,this podcast has been designed
for you and it's dedicated topreventing and overcoming the
(01:25):
occupational hazards of thisfield that we lovingly chose to
participate in, and the hazardsI'm speaking of specifically
that we focus on will be burnout, compassion, fatigue and
vicarious trauma.
And I've got a book.
It's on my website and it's onAmazon and it's in bookstores.
(01:47):
It's called In Pursuit of SoulJoy and that entire book is
about how to overcome theseoccupational hazards, because,
y'all, it's real.
It's not that we've doneanything wrong, it's just that
this work we do is hard and it'sgreat to have tools and
techniques to know how to getover that.
So today I again am talking toyou about you considering your
(02:12):
needs, because Lottie knows youdo that for others all day long
in your work.
But I want you to take a hotminute and consider what you do
to take care of you, and so Ijust want you to sit there a
second and just consider whatcomes up for you when I invite
(02:34):
you to take care of your needs.
Y'all over the years becauseI've been talking about this a
long time over the years I'vefound when I'm doing
presentations or working withgroups on this topic, I've found
folks respond to anything.
I mean the range is from well,duh, mary Moon, of course I do
(02:57):
this to.
Oh, that would be so selfish.
I mean I literally see folkswringing their hands and
becoming anxious just thinkingabout considering their needs.
So I just invite you toconsider where do you fall on
this continuum, this range, areyou like?
That's a no-brainer to.
(03:19):
I don't know man, I wasn'ttrained, I wasn't raised to do
that for myself.
I don't know man, I wasn'ttrained, I wasn't raised to do
that for myself.
See, y'all, why this isimportant is because a strong,
confident person is able to holdspace for themselves, to go
deep and ponder what their needstruly are, without shame, are
(03:41):
without shame, without apology,because they know that this is
the tool, one of the tools.
I talk about a lot of them, butthis is a tool that's going to
lead to holistic, sustainableself-care, which I also call
wellness, and that's a veryimportant factor for those of us
(04:03):
who are professional helpersand also y'all.
These are tools you can usewith the patients and clients
that you're working with.
But if you fail to get yourneeds met, you run the risk of
becoming very resentful and evenadopting a victim mentality.
But, my friend, when you showup confident, allowing your
(04:29):
needs to be known and metbecause if they're not known
it's impossible to get them met,but if you show up knowing what
you're needs are and asking forthem to be met, you sparkle
just a little brighter.
Others notice, hell, you notice.
(04:50):
You just feel so much morecomfortable in your skin.
So you might be wondering okay,okay, but how do I do this for
myself?
That's a great question, and Iremember when I was first
introduced to maybe this conceptand how to.
(05:12):
Maybe it wasn't the first timeI was introduced to the concept,
but it was the first time thatthe concept was coupled with a
tool on how to make this happen.
And this happened this first.
I was first introduced someyears back, I mean quite a few
years ago, but I went out toCalifornia, to Deepak Chopra's
(05:37):
place, to attend a meditationretreat.
I really love meditationretreats and this was a really
intense retreat, but y'all, itwas so rewarding.
And what he told us, what wewere first introduced to, is
that before we can even begin tothink about getting our needs
(06:01):
met, we have to know who we are.
So the first meditation that hetook us through and we went
through lots and lots was thatmeditation on who am I, and I
still find that to be a verystrong, powerful meditation.
And that's what I'm going toinvite you to do, first and
(06:23):
foremost, to get really solidwith that who am I.
Because how can we know what ourneeds are if we haven't taken
the time to fully develop thatconcept of who we are.
And I'm not talking about thelabels you wear, I'm talking
about that true self of you, whoyou are.
(06:44):
So again, there's lots ofinformation to be unlocked with
this simple meditation.
And maybe it's not so simplewhen you do it truly right,
because your brain, your brain,wants to get in there and answer
that question and that's afalse place to go.
You've got to go beyond that.
But after you meditate on whoam I, then you have space to
(07:09):
think about and meditate on whatdo I want?
So I mean getting real stilland quiet, really going inside
to honestly answer that questionwhat do I want?
And how this can be done foreverything.
(07:29):
And I invite you to do it foreverything, from what do I
really want for lunch?
I mean, have y'all foundyourself with a plate of food
and you're like, man, this isnot doing it for me, it's not
nourishing my body and soul, notdoing it for me, it's not
nourishing my body and soul.
So you can do it for everything, from what kind of lunch you
(07:49):
want to what kind of work do youwant to do for your life?
I mean that's pretty deep.
Or how do I really want tospend Saturday?
You know what does my soulreally need?
To have a Saturday that leadsme to some soul joy.
Because the whole idea here,y'all, is not to take stuff out
of your life, it's to add stuffinto your life so that it's so
(08:10):
full of things that you wantthat there's not room for that
stuff that doesn't bring you joy.
See what happens, y'all we geton autopilot and we buzz through
life without really getting ourneeds met.
Then we can get all pissy aboutnot feeling seen or heard.
(08:33):
Friend, you have you and onlyyou can get your needs met.
But first you have tounderstand what they are and how
you're going to get them met.
Excuse me, it's crazy, itreally is.
(08:53):
But once you start doing thisfor you, your confidence grows.
And that's what this is reallyabout Having the confidence to
stop and say, no, I do haveneeds and yes, I deserve and am
worth getting these needs met.
See, the energy in your rootchakra becomes more balanced and
(09:15):
you feel the difference whenyou start moving, getting your
needs met and asking for whatyou want.
Imagine y'all showing up tolife confident.
You've got clarity and you feelempowered and it is possible,
and these two simple meditationsare going to help you get there
(09:36):
.
So, before I go to that activity, I just want to remind you to
subscribe to my email list andI'll send you my weekly email
that I share with these podcasts.
That will come with the podcastepisode plus the bonus PDFs
that I create for these podcasts.
So go to my website and justjump on my email list.
(10:00):
That's wwwJulieMerrymanPhDcom.
So, okay, the activity for thispodcast follows, okay.
So to help get you to takingcare of your needs, I want to
share a who am I?
(10:20):
Meditation.
I want to share a who am I?
Meditation, and this is aself-inquiry meditation that
involves asking this questionwithout expectation.
Your only goal is to connect toa timeless presence that is
true self.
So first, of course, you getcomfortable, you close your eyes
(10:44):
, you close your eyes, youfollow your breath, follow the
in-breath and follow the exhalebreath, and you just do that a
few times to just settle intoyour body.
And then I want you to ask thequestion who am I?
I want you to say that out loudto begin with, and then it can
(11:12):
move to a silent question and asyou're doing this, the goal is
to reflect upon that question,really take a moment to just sit
with it and just experiencethat question.
And you ask am I this body?
And you consider if you areyour body and that anything you
(11:37):
call yours is not you.
And you pay attention toawareness.
You notice the awareness thatopens up and identify any words
or emotions that arise, and Ialso want you to identify where
(11:58):
in your body they are arisingfrom.
And then you return to thequestion who am I?
You return to the question andlook past any answers that arise
.
You're looking for an awareness.
You're looking for it's morethan your mind doing all the
(12:19):
monkey mind stuff.
It's going deeper and you'rejust being and you repeat that
question who am I?
As often as possible when, withsincerity, asking the question
of the mind can lead tosuperficial answers.
So you want to go deeper.
(12:41):
I found y'all when I do this,I've actually got on my phone
and I encourage you to do this.
I encourage you to recordyourself reading the script that
I just gave you, and by readingthat script it makes it easier
to use the meditation and thenlisten to the recording whenever
(13:04):
you want to.
So what I'm saying is you'vegot the recording, you've
recorded yourself and anytimeyou want to do the who Am I
meditation, you just pop it on.
You just turn on the recordingon your phone and listen to it.
I found that is really a goodway to get myself to go deeper,
if you will way to get myself togo deeper, if you will.
Okay.
So once you've completed themeditation, I want you to
(13:28):
complete a full body scan,checking the energy of each
chakra, asking what do I want?
As you do.
Well, as you check each chakra,I want you to ask yourself what
(13:48):
do I want and see what comes upfor for you in that chakra.
If you find some heavy or stuckenergy, I want you to take
those thoughts through one of mysuperpower models to see if you
can get to some underlyingthings that might be blocking
you from that true answer ofwhat do I want.
And again, y'all this needs tobe practiced on a daily.
This needs to be practiceddaily.
(14:12):
You need to build it.
I mean, neuroscience isinvolved here.
You need to build some newneural pathways so that when you
ask yourself what do I want, itdoesn't feel foreign or like oh
, it's a lot of work, thatyou're easy.
It's easy what I want for lunch.
Let me go inside do a quick bodyscan.
What what it?
What does it feel like?
Oh my, my Lanta.
(14:32):
I've got all that salad.
I want a yummy, nourishingsalad and I'm going to have a
great, some bubble water withthat and just whatever.
Going in and asking yourselfwhat you want on a regular basis
is going to help you build thatneural pathway that's going to
help you develop thatself-confidence that helps you
(14:55):
show up with clarity andempowerment in your life.
And you also, the more youpractice, who am I?
I mean, those go hand in hand.
So practice those on a regularbasis.
So, okay, that's it for today.
I want you to know that I enjoyso much getting to hang out
with you and I appreciate youbeing here.
Please subscribe to thispodcast wherever you listen, and
(15:20):
please leave a review, becausey'all that helps me reach more
people and I'd love to hear fromyou.
So until next time, take careof you.
Hey y'all, I'm Dr Julie Merriman and welcome to
SoulJoy.
So in today's episode I'minviting you to consider your
needs, y'all.
This is a necessary componentof holistic, sustainable
self-care.
(00:21):
Sustainable self-care Okay,friends, I'm so glad I mean I'm
honored that y'all stopped bytoday to check out the episode.
I really appreciate you takingthe time to tune in.
I know you're busy and Iappreciate you taking the time
(00:42):
to do this for you.
So just catch up for this week,let's see.
We just got back from Montanawhere we visited my oldest son's
family and we went to theGrands, volleyball games and
football games.
It was just so great to hangout with everyone and see them.
(01:05):
I really oh, that's a sad partof my heart.
We don't all live close to eachother, but it is a joy when we
get to visit.
So that's what the Merrimanshave been up to and it's been
fun.
But okay, professional helpers,this podcast has been designed
for you and it's dedicated topreventing and overcoming the
(01:25):
occupational hazards of thisfield that we lovingly chose to
participate in, and the hazardsI'm speaking of specifically
that we focus on will be burnout, compassion, fatigue and
vicarious trauma.
And I've got a book.
It's on my website and it's onAmazon and it's in bookstores.
(01:47):
It's called In Pursuit of SoulJoy and that entire book is
about how to overcome theseoccupational hazards, because,
y'all, it's real.
It's not that we've doneanything wrong, it's just that
this work we do is hard and it'sgreat to have tools and
techniques to know how to getover that.
So today I again am talking toyou about you considering your
(02:12):
needs, because Lottie knows youdo that for others all day long
in your work.
But I want you to take a hotminute and consider what you do
to take care of you, and so Ijust want you to sit there a
second and just consider whatcomes up for you when I invite
(02:34):
you to take care of your needs.
Y'all over the years becauseI've been talking about this a
long time over the years I'vefound when I'm doing
presentations or working withgroups on this topic, I've found
folks respond to anything.
I mean the range is from well,duh, mary Moon, of course I do
(02:57):
this to.
Oh, that would be so selfish.
I mean I literally see folkswringing their hands and
becoming anxious just thinkingabout considering their needs.
So I just invite you toconsider where do you fall on
this continuum, this range, areyou like?
That's a no-brainer to.
(03:19):
I don't know man, I wasn'ttrained, I wasn't raised to do
that for myself.
I don't know man, I wasn'ttrained, I wasn't raised to do
that for myself.
See, y'all, why this isimportant is because a strong,
confident person is able to holdspace for themselves, to go
deep and ponder what their needstruly are, without shame, are
(03:41):
without shame, without apology,because they know that this is
the tool, one of the tools.
I talk about a lot of them, butthis is a tool that's going to
lead to holistic, sustainableself-care, which I also call
wellness, and that's a veryimportant factor for those of us
(04:03):
who are professional helpersand also y'all.
These are tools you can usewith the patients and clients
that you're working with.
But if you fail to get yourneeds met, you run the risk of
becoming very resentful and evenadopting a victim mentality.
But, my friend, when you showup confident, allowing your
(04:29):
needs to be known and metbecause if they're not known
it's impossible to get them met,but if you show up knowing what
you're needs are and asking forthem to be met, you sparkle
just a little brighter.
Others notice, hell, you notice.
(04:50):
You just feel so much morecomfortable in your skin.
So you might be wondering okay,okay, but how do I do this for
myself?
That's a great question, and Iremember when I was first
introduced to maybe this conceptand how to.
(05:12):
Maybe it wasn't the first timeI was introduced to the concept,
but it was the first time thatthe concept was coupled with a
tool on how to make this happen.
And this happened this first.
I was first introduced someyears back, I mean quite a few
years ago, but I went out toCalifornia, to Deepak Chopra's
(05:37):
place, to attend a meditationretreat.
I really love meditationretreats and this was a really
intense retreat, but y'all, itwas so rewarding.
And what he told us, what wewere first introduced to, is
that before we can even begin tothink about getting our needs
(06:01):
met, we have to know who we are.
So the first meditation that hetook us through and we went
through lots and lots was thatmeditation on who am I, and I
still find that to be a verystrong, powerful meditation.
And that's what I'm going toinvite you to do, first and
(06:23):
foremost, to get really solidwith that who am I.
Because how can we know what ourneeds are if we haven't taken
the time to fully develop thatconcept of who we are.
And I'm not talking about thelabels you wear, I'm talking
about that true self of you, whoyou are.
(06:44):
So again, there's lots ofinformation to be unlocked with
this simple meditation.
And maybe it's not so simplewhen you do it truly right,
because your brain, your brain,wants to get in there and answer
that question and that's afalse place to go.
You've got to go beyond that.
But after you meditate on whoam I, then you have space to
(07:09):
think about and meditate on whatdo I want?
So I mean getting real stilland quiet, really going inside
to honestly answer that questionwhat do I want?
And how this can be done foreverything.
(07:29):
And I invite you to do it foreverything, from what do I
really want for lunch?
I mean, have y'all foundyourself with a plate of food
and you're like, man, this isnot doing it for me, it's not
nourishing my body and soul, notdoing it for me, it's not
nourishing my body and soul.
So you can do it for everything, from what kind of lunch you
(07:49):
want to what kind of work do youwant to do for your life?
I mean that's pretty deep.
Or how do I really want tospend Saturday?
You know what does my soulreally need?
To have a Saturday that leadsme to some soul joy.
Because the whole idea here,y'all, is not to take stuff out
of your life, it's to add stuffinto your life so that it's so
(08:10):
full of things that you wantthat there's not room for that
stuff that doesn't bring you joy.
See what happens, y'all we geton autopilot and we buzz through
life without really getting ourneeds met.
Then we can get all pissy aboutnot feeling seen or heard.
(08:33):
Friend, you have you and onlyyou can get your needs met.
But first you have tounderstand what they are and how
you're going to get them met.
Excuse me, it's crazy, itreally is.
(08:53):
But once you start doing thisfor you, your confidence grows.
And that's what this is reallyabout Having the confidence to
stop and say, no, I do haveneeds and yes, I deserve and am
worth getting these needs met.
See, the energy in your rootchakra becomes more balanced and
(09:15):
you feel the difference whenyou start moving, getting your
needs met and asking for whatyou want.
Imagine y'all showing up tolife confident.
You've got clarity and you feelempowered and it is possible,
and these two simple meditationsare going to help you get there
(09:36):
.
So, before I go to that activity, I just want to remind you to
subscribe to my email list andI'll send you my weekly email
that I share with these podcasts.
That will come with the podcastepisode plus the bonus PDFs
that I create for these podcasts.
So go to my website and justjump on my email list.
(10:00):
That's wwwJulieMerrymanPhDcom.
So, okay, the activity for thispodcast follows, okay.
So to help get you to takingcare of your needs, I want to
share a who am I?
(10:20):
Meditation.
I want to share a who am I?
Meditation, and this is aself-inquiry meditation that
involves asking this questionwithout expectation.
Your only goal is to connect toa timeless presence that is
true self.
So first, of course, you getcomfortable, you close your eyes
(10:44):
, you close your eyes, youfollow your breath, follow the
in-breath and follow the exhalebreath, and you just do that a
few times to just settle intoyour body.
And then I want you to ask thequestion who am I?
I want you to say that out loudto begin with, and then it can
(11:12):
move to a silent question and asyou're doing this, the goal is
to reflect upon that question,really take a moment to just sit
with it and just experiencethat question.
And you ask am I this body?
And you consider if you areyour body and that anything you
(11:37):
call yours is not you.
And you pay attention toawareness.
You notice the awareness thatopens up and identify any words
or emotions that arise, and Ialso want you to identify where
(11:58):
in your body they are arisingfrom.
And then you return to thequestion who am I?
You return to the question andlook past any answers that arise
.
You're looking for an awareness.
You're looking for it's morethan your mind doing all the
(12:19):
monkey mind stuff.
It's going deeper and you'rejust being and you repeat that
question who am I?
As often as possible when, withsincerity, asking the question
of the mind can lead tosuperficial answers.
So you want to go deeper.
(12:41):
I found y'all when I do this,I've actually got on my phone
and I encourage you to do this.
I encourage you to recordyourself reading the script that
I just gave you, and by readingthat script it makes it easier
to use the meditation and thenlisten to the recording whenever
(13:04):
you want to.
So what I'm saying is you'vegot the recording, you've
recorded yourself and anytimeyou want to do the who Am I
meditation, you just pop it on.
You just turn on the recordingon your phone and listen to it.
I found that is really a goodway to get myself to go deeper,
if you will way to get myself togo deeper, if you will.
Okay.
So once you've completed themeditation, I want you to
(13:28):
complete a full body scan,checking the energy of each
chakra, asking what do I want?
As you do.
Well, as you check each chakra,I want you to ask yourself what
(13:48):
do I want and see what comes upfor for you in that chakra.
If you find some heavy or stuckenergy, I want you to take
those thoughts through one of mysuperpower models to see if you
can get to some underlyingthings that might be blocking
you from that true answer ofwhat do I want.
And again, y'all this needs tobe practiced on a daily.
This needs to be practiceddaily.
(14:12):
You need to build it.
I mean, neuroscience isinvolved here.
You need to build some newneural pathways so that when you
ask yourself what do I want, itdoesn't feel foreign or like oh
, it's a lot of work, thatyou're easy.
It's easy what I want for lunch.
Let me go inside do a quick bodyscan.
What what it?
What does it feel like?
Oh my, my Lanta.
(14:32):
I've got all that salad.
I want a yummy, nourishingsalad and I'm going to have a
great, some bubble water withthat and just whatever.
Going in and asking yourselfwhat you want on a regular basis
is going to help you build thatneural pathway that's going to
help you develop thatself-confidence that helps you
(14:55):
show up with clarity andempowerment in your life.
And you also, the more youpractice, who am I?
I mean, those go hand in hand.
So practice those on a regularbasis.
So, okay, that's it for today.
I want you to know that I enjoyso much getting to hang out
with you and I appreciate youbeing here.
Please subscribe to thispodcast wherever you listen, and
(15:20):
please leave a review, becausey'all that helps me reach more
people and I'd love to hear fromyou.
So until next time, take careof you.
Popular Podcasts
Amy Robach & T.J. Holmes present: Aubrey O’Day, Covering the Diddy Trial
Introducing… Aubrey O’Day Diddy’s former protege, television personality, platinum selling music artist, Danity Kane alum Aubrey O’Day joins veteran journalists Amy Robach and TJ Holmes to provide a unique perspective on the trial that has captivated the attention of the nation. Join them throughout the trial as they discuss, debate, and dissect every detail, every aspect of the proceedings. Aubrey will offer her opinions and expertise, as only she is qualified to do given her first-hand knowledge. From her days on Making the Band, as she emerged as the breakout star, the truth of the situation would be the opposite of the glitz and glamour. Listen throughout every minute of the trial, for this exclusive coverage. Amy Robach and TJ Holmes present Aubrey O’Day, Covering the Diddy Trial, an iHeartRadio podcast.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
The Breakfast Club
The World's Most Dangerous Morning Show, The Breakfast Club, With DJ Envy And Charlamagne Tha God!