Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey y'all, I'm Dr
Julie Merriman and welcome to
SoulJoy.
In today's episode, we willlook at how holistic,
sustainable self-care I alsocall wellness creates SoulJoy.
(00:23):
I also call wellness createssoul joy.
Y'all, this understanding isreally essential in maintaining
holistic, sustainable self-care.
Okay, so I said it seems like Isaid that a lot huh, holistic
sustainable self-care.
(00:43):
Well, I really believe in it,and I probably did.
But hang with me.
I'm going to tell you why Ithink this is so important and
how I believe it leads to souljoy.
So I welcome you and I thankyou so much for dropping by
today to listen to this episode.
(01:03):
I hope you're returning and Ihope you're telling friends
about this podcast.
I want to help professionalhelpers live the most joyful
life that we can.
So before we get going, I'dlike to tell y'all just a hot
bit about what's going on hereat the Merriman House and all
(01:26):
that's coming to me today.
I mean, it's been a pretty goodweek.
I keep thinking about my horse,rex.
He is gosh.
I love him.
Horses are just.
They're really just like bigdogs.
I think they are so unique andhave the most.
They all have suchpersonalities.
Of course our cows do too.
Every cow has their own littlepersonality, but Rex, he loves
(01:51):
food.
Now, I don't think he's uniquein that, but he thinks that when
the cows get cubes, he tooshould have these cubes, and
these cubes aren't really madefor horses.
The other day we were out doingsome work with some of the
cattle and I looked around andRex had gotten into the back of
(02:11):
the truck and had torn open abag of cubes.
It took, oh, it took a lot toget that horse out of those
cubes, but he did.
I got him out of the cubes and,and I'm happy to say, I just
saw him out in the pasture.
He's fine.
He evidently has adjusted tobeing able to eat these cubes.
(02:33):
So anyway that's.
I just thought I was justthinking about Rex today and
just how special he is.
I'm sure y'all have a specialfur baby in your life as well,
and I'd love to hear about them.
Fur babies, I think, reallyhelp us when it comes to
self-care, when it comes tohaving joy in our life.
(02:54):
Those fur babies, justespecially when and I know not
everyone listening is an emptynester, but when you are an
empty nester, those fur babiesreally move into a special spot
in your life.
So Rex is just one of our bigfur babies.
So, okay, professional hoppers,this podcast is dedicated to
(03:16):
preventing and overcoming theoccupational hazards of this
career that we've chosen, andspecifically looking at burnout
and compassion fatigue.
But we can't negate howvicarious trauma pops in there
as well.
It sure does, I think.
(03:38):
Today we're really going tofocus on how holistic,
sustainable self-care helps tocreate the soul joy that I talk
about a lot.
And for me, soul joy is reallythat process of falling back in
love with yourself and your life.
And to fall back in love withyourself and y'all I'm talking
(04:02):
about, and to fall back in lovewith yourself and y'all I'm
talking about.
I'm going back to when Icrashed and burned with my
horrible burnout stuff back Iwas in my late 40s.
I'm 60 now, so it's been a fewyears back but I really had to
go in and create someself-support which I'll talk to
you about later and I'm going toleave you with an activity
(04:24):
around that.
But I didn't have anyself-support and you know that
leads to self-efficacy and justthat belief in yourself and just
the belief in yourself thatyou're worth the effort.
If you don't have that soul joyis going to be elusive and
creating some really yummy,holistic, sustainable self-care
helps you get there.
Creating some really yummy,holistic, sustainable self-care
(04:47):
helps you get there.
So here's what I believe thistype of self-care helps you get
to and, first and foremost, it'swellness.
It gets you to wellness.
Now, research has also helpedme uncover that sustainable,
holistic self-care helps youovercome feeling frazzled and
(05:09):
confused and, just you know,drained and really, I sum it up,
it helps you overcome that justblah feeling, just where you
know nothing sounds good.
Just thinking about doing yourhair feels like a chore.
Or, guys maybe, shaving feelslike a chore.
(05:30):
You know, everything that isinvolved in life just feels like
a chore and you're justovercome with this feeling of
blah.
This type of self-careencompasses holistic practices
that are evidence-based, andthese practices help you balance
(05:51):
your energies, reframe yourbrain and take control of your
destiny.
Can I hear an amen Take controlof your destiny.
And amen, take control of yourdestiny.
When you practice this type ofself-care consistently, you're
going to feel refreshed, you'regoing to find your purpose and
(06:15):
passion and feel filled to thebrim with these, and you feel
confident.
You know you're able to own allof you.
So I screw something up?
Meh, it's going to be okay.
(06:37):
It's not the end of the world.
So I did something fabulous.
I'm going to feel good aboutthat.
But no, there's lots more tocome.
You feel good aboutrelationships.
You feel connected again.
You care about relationships,you take time for relationships.
You take time to do your hair.
Every day feels like a, a gift.
That blah feeling has passedyou by.
(07:01):
However, y'all this kind ofself-care and I I say it a lot
because it's true, it's not oneand done.
It takes everyday effort.
You don't just happen upon it,you architect it, is that
something?
You build it, there's ablueprint for it, you have a
(07:25):
plan and you respect your plan.
And, as a professional helper,you know there's going to be
days where you barely make ithome.
I mean, I can remember when Iwas running a psych unit.
I get out to the car and I meanI just live a few blocks from
the hospital, but I would thinkI don't even know how to start
(07:46):
this car, let alone get home.
How do I even get home?
I was just so drained andexhausted.
And that happens asprofessional helpers.
There's going to be days whereyou barely make it home and you
don't know how in the worldyou're going to have the energy
to see a plan through.
I need you to make space to beokay with those days, because
(08:11):
with holistic, sustainableself-care, you're going to have
the energy to see a plan through.
You've got those days covered.
You've got something in place,and maybe it's not the
full-blown plan, but it's a planB let's call it an emergency
plan, if you will.
That this is what I'm going todo when I'm having those kind of
days and maybe it's as simpleas I'm going to lay on that sofa
(08:35):
and I'm going to call in apizza and we're going to be okay
, that we have just a kind ofchill veggie evening Beautiful.
That's part of holisticself-care, that's great.
But you've got to be okay withyourself when those days happen
and put all those shoulds asAlice would say, all those
(08:55):
mustapatory things.
Get rid of those, because thosemessages are robbing you from
feeling at peace with having hada really rough day and I'm
going to have a really chillevening and it's fine.
You've got those rough dayscovered.
(09:18):
And it's important, y'all, whenwe do have those rough days
because, depending on yourcaseload and if you're law
enforcement or first responder,whatever it might be you're
doing it's important that youhave that plan B in place and
(09:39):
have those really rough dayscovered, because you don't want
to revert to those numbingbehaviors that lead you further
down the road of burnout.
And numbing behaviors I'mtalking about over drinking,
over shopping, over Netflixing,over Netflixing, over scrolling.
(10:00):
I mean the numbing behaviors.
We need to be cognizant of whatthose are and where those are
and not build those into ourplan because those don't help us
.
Those do not help us fold souljoy into our life.
(10:22):
This plan and practicing newbehaviors help to rewire your
brain because it's neuroscience.
I think last episode we talkedabout the neuroscience of
exhaustion.
There's neuroscience of souljoy too, and what you're doing
is you're rewiring your brain tothese healthy behaviors, to
(10:44):
these non-numbing behaviors thatlead you to the holistic,
sustainable self-care thatresults in soul joy.
But you have to practice thesenew behaviors on a consistent
basis because that helps thatrewire, lead to wellness.
(11:04):
And I promise, as I said amoment ago, you're going to have
bad days where you're justexhausted, but y'all, I don't
know if it's hormonal, I don'tknow if it's just some days or
just some days, but you're goingto have effort days.
You are, I promise, and itdoesn't mean you failed.
It doesn't mean you've doneanything wrong.
It just means you're human andtoday you're allowing an effort
(11:28):
day.
You're going to love yourselfthrough it and you're going to
acknowledge that, while today isan effort day, I've had fewer
and fewer of those since I'vebeen practicing this holistic,
sustainable self-care.
I promise you're never going toget to 100% of not having an
(11:56):
effort day.
I mean I'm not.
Well, yeah, I do.
I build in a plan for thosedays and I hold self-compassion
for myself for those days and Idig deep and think what's really
going on here?
Maybe it's the anniversary ofmy daddy's death.
Maybe it's the anniversary ofsomething other horrible that's
(12:19):
gone on in life that we justneed to hold a little space for
yourself.
That's okay.
We allow that.
We allow those.
Well, like I said, we allow the, we allow those days and we
don't browbeat ourselves aboutbeing a failure oh, I screwed it
up.
And we don't browbeat ourselvesabout being a failure oh, I
(12:40):
screwed it up.
That's not the case.
The case is that you have aplan and these effort days are
actually part of that plan, andthat's okay.
We're looking for consistencythat leads to change, that leads
to falling back in love withyour life.
Again, we're rewiring our brain, there's neuroscience going on.
(13:04):
This consistency becomes thesuper highway to your soul joy.
Y'all.
You're going to feel better,you're going to look better,
you're going to live better.
Soul joy is full of vibrantlife that is protected by
holistic, sustainable self-care,also known as wellness.
(13:27):
And, as I mentioned in thebeginning, a foundation to this
type of self-care is having astrong belief in self-support, a
strong belief in self-support,having that tank full.
So let me walk you through anactivity that I call the
self-support worksheet.
Now I just noticed, before Istart this activity, I just
(13:59):
noticed that our neighbors areon their ranch today and they've
got a shooting range.
I don't know why they put it soclose to our house, but it is,
and I just heard them shooting.
So if you hear that in thebackground, just know we are out
in the middle of nowhere inTexas and it's perfectly okay.
It's just a target practice andeveryone's okay.
Okay, back to self-supportworksheet.
(14:20):
So I invite you to just opensome space for this and just be
open.
So there's several strategieshere.
We've got strategy number one,which is I call four memories,
(14:42):
and in this I want y'all to knowthat self-support is about
building a strong, nurturingrelationship with yourself, as
if you're the best friend you'vealways wanted.
You trust yourself, you keepyour word to yourself, you
respect and honor yourself.
This self-support translates toa healthy practice and a
(15:06):
healthy life.
You're putting your needs first, and that is necessary.
So I want you to grab a pieceof paper, just a piece of
printing paper or a legal pad,or just, if your kids have some
notebook paper just grab a pieceof paper and I want you to fold
(15:27):
it into quadrants.
So fold it in half and thenfold it in half again, and in
each quadrant you're going todraw a memory of a time with
yourself, just you.
This offers an opportunity toexplore your relationship with
(15:50):
yourself and to recognize areasfor growth.
And again, no judgment.
We only bring curiosity to thisactivity.
So I mean stop the podcast, getout some colored pencils,
markers Maybe you just want aballpoint pen.
(16:11):
This is not meant to.
I mean you don't have to be anartist to do this.
It could be stick figures.
I mean you don't have to be anartist to do this, it could be
stick figures.
You, just, in each quadrant,you draw memory of you with
yourself.
Something if it's you andyourself, it could be any kind
of memory from any time in life.
(16:32):
So allow yourself some time todo that and when you've done
that, pop the podcast back onand we'll process so and what
we're going to do.
Once you've drawn the pictures,I want you to sit with them for
(16:53):
just a hot minute.
And once you've sat with themfor a hot minute, I want you to
go back and label each picturewith an emotion.
Now you could really go bigwith this and turn on your
iPhone or whatever kind of phoneyou have and turn it to video
(17:18):
and make a video of yourselfprocessing each memory and then
play back the video and makenotes on the picture of any
epiphanies that come up for youwhile you do this.
I have found when I record likethat and watch it again, I
really go deeper with my workthan I would just the writing.
(17:41):
But I want you to hold spacefor emotions that come up and
stay curious and stay theobserver for each of those
emotions.
And you know, if you have atherapist, you might take this
activity to your therapist andprocess it with him or her.
So that is the four memoriesactivity and I hope that you
(18:16):
find that helpful.
I find it really valuable when Ihave to, when I'm working on my
self-care plan, and I'm wantingto update it because I think
again, I've told you before, butI believe we need to update it
at least quarterly.
Going in and doing myself-support worksheet really
(18:38):
helps me garner an understandingof where I am in this moment in
time with support, because itebbs and flows.
I'd love to say that we do itand it's there forever, but,
y'all, we can do this and a lifeevent happens and we go
backwards and that's okay.
I found we don't go backwardsquite as far, but we need to
(19:01):
allow space for that and loveourself through it and get back
to our self care as soon as wecan.
Okay, so that's it for today.
I do invite you to subscribe tomy email list to get the weekly
email where I email out thesepodcasts and the PDF of the
activity.
If you go to my website andsign up for my seven-day
(19:26):
self-care challenge, you can geton my email list and I'll get
those to you on a regular basis.
My website iswwwJulieMerrymanPhDcom.
So please subscribe to thepodcast.
Wherever you listen to podcasts, please leave a review, which
(19:48):
helps me reach more, more people, and I would love to hear from
you.
So, until next time, take careof you.