April 21, 2025 • 22 mins
Your heart chakra holds the key to experiencing true soul joy. This week, we're continuing our exploration of the heart chakra by diving into the transformative practices of self-compassion and gratitude – two essential components of sustainable wellness care.
Did you know your amygdala – that little almond-shaped structure in your brain – is constantly listening to how you speak to yourself? When we practice harsh self-judgment, this "lizard brain" actually works to make those negative thoughts our reality. But there's a beautiful alternative. By speaking to ourselves with compassion and focusing on gratitude, we can rewire our neural pathways toward positivity and healing. This isn't just feel-good advice – it's backed by neuroscience!
Many of us grew up in environments where "gentle parenting" wasn't a concept yet, leaving us with schemas that make self-kindness feel unnatural or even wrong. I share my personal journey of transforming the harsh self-talk I inherited from my father's tough-love approach into a practice of genuine self-acceptance. The relief I see on my clients' faces when given "permission" to be kind to themselves speaks volumes about how desperately we need this shift.
Ready to practice? I offer several simple exercises to build your self-compassion muscles: keeping a gratitude journal, writing compassionate letters to yourself, practicing loving-kindness meditation, engaging in mindful walking, and consciously changing negative beliefs. These practices balance your heart chakra energy, allowing expansive love to flow – not just for others, but crucially, for yourself.
Subscribe to my podcast, visit juliemerrimanphd.com for weekly PDFs with exercises, and start experiencing the freedom that comes when you treat yourself with the same kindness you offer others.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey y'all, I'm Dr Julie Merriman and welcome to
SoulJoy.
So this week we're stillexploring the heart chakra.
We're going to exploreself-compassion and gratitude
Because, my friend, these aretwo very necessary components of
holistic, sustainable self-care, also known as wellness care.
(00:31):
Also known as wellness.
All right, thank you so muchfor hanging out with me for just
a few minutes.
I appreciate your time.
So let's see, this week waskind of exciting.
My beloved and I and a couple ofour really good friends
traveled over to Arlington andwent to the ACDC concert.
Old folks can have fun too.
It was awesome.
(00:52):
It really was a spectaculartime.
They packed the Dallas CowboysStadium.
I mean, people from all walkswere in there having a blast.
So it was really a greatexperience and we had a good
time.
But y'all what I try to doespecially after last year we
had so many medical emergenciesI try to plan a thrill a month
(01:15):
for us, excuse me, as we arecelebrating being alive.
Right, it's a great thing.
Okay, professional professionalhelpers.
This podcast is dedicated topreventing and overcoming the
occupational hazards of thecareer that we've chosen, and
those hazards would be burnout,compassion, fatigue and
(01:38):
vicarious trauma.
But please know this podcast isfor everyone.
So share, share and share,alrighty.
Last week we talked aboutholding space and
self-acceptance.
We're working on that heartchakra and this week we're going
to explore gratitude andself-compassion, because y'all
(02:02):
those constructs pave the wayfor us being able to hold space
and practice fullself-acceptance.
It's all about trying tobalance our heart, our heart
chakra, and that energy in ourheart chakra.
I mean it's an important one,right there in the middle of our
(02:24):
chest.
I mean, I don't know about you,but a lot of things that
happened to me throughout theday hit me right in my chest.
So I think that's a reallyimportant chakra for us to
balance that energy and just,you know, just get to know,
because we're energy beings.
That's why I always bring achakra into what we're talking
about, because we're energybeings.
(02:46):
That's why I always bring achakra into what we're talking
about.
We are energy beings, so it'simportant to know how energies
are impacting our energies andhow that helps us or impacts us
in experiencing our life.
So when we walk throughpracticing harsh judgment back
to the heart chakra, this harshjudgment, you you know, if we're
(03:08):
not self-compassionate, ifwe're not self-accepting and
we're not able to hold thatspace for ourself, we're going
to find ourself in a place ofharsh judgment and if we do this
it can demotivate us, to saythe very least.
This kind of energy blocks usand we really need to be able to
(03:29):
appreciate ourself and be kindto ourself.
So getting demotivated, beingharsh with ourself is not being
productive and you know I reallywant to bump it into a bit of
neuroscience, if you will.
You know I really want to bumpit into a bit of neuroscience,
if you will.
Our amygdala, that littlealmond-shaped structure in our
(03:49):
brain, also known as the lizardbrain, the freeze fight, flight
part of our brain y'all.
It listens to all the harshjudgments that we're sending our
way throughout the day, evenwhen we're sending it out to
others, because that energystill washes through us.
The amygdala is taking noticeof our thoughts and this
(04:15):
amygdala will set about tryingto make these thoughts a reality
.
So it's really important thatwe listen to our linguistics and
we really catch our thoughtsthroughout the day, because
we've got a part of our braintrying who's listening?
I mean I.
Well, it's listening and, yeah,studying about trying to make a
(04:39):
reality.
I find it's very helpful, ifI'm spiraling, to kind of pat my
face and go Julie, julie,sweetness, julie, you've done
the best you can.
And I find when I say my name,my amygdala takes notice and
kind of sits dump and a wholedifferent reality takes place,
(05:07):
as opposed to me saying what adumbass I've been right.
So it's really important howwe're talking to ourself, but I
would ask you to imagine this abalanced heart chakra, a really
strong and resilient heartchakra, one that's full of
(05:28):
gratitude and compassion,something less so, let's say
that something less thanpleasant happens.
In lieu of creating the drama Ijust described, you choose to
be nice to yourself and you saythose self-soothing things, as I
said, patting my face andtelling myself I've done the
(05:49):
best I can and this will helpoffer hope.
And your amygdala hears thisand sets about making this your
reality so much more pleasant,rides through that heart chakra
so much more pleasant, whichrides through that heart shocker
so much more pleasant.
Which scenario do you supposefeels better?
The one where you're beatingthe hell out of yourself or the
(06:12):
one where you're beingcompassionate?
Gratitude is scientificallyproven to rewire our brains and
help us be more mindful andhappy.
Self-compassion y'all is onthat very same bus.
When I introduce the idea ofself-compassion to my clients.
(06:33):
I'll tell you I get some.
Really it's just precious.
I get looks of relief on theirfaces, on their faces.
I think we may have lots of oldschema from childhood that
haunts us, especially those ofus over 40, when that gentle
parenting wasn't even heard of.
(06:54):
But the schema can prevent usfrom believing it is good and
called for to be compassionatetowards self.
So I would say sometimes thatrelief I see on my clients'
faces when I talk aboutself-compassion and being nice
to yourself and gratitude, Ithink that relief is almost.
(07:17):
They hear that they havepermission to be nice to
themselves.
So everyone, take a deep breath.
I'm giving you completepermission, not that you need
deep breath, I'm giving youcomplete permission, not that
you need it, but I'm giving youcomplete permission to be kind
to yourself.
You know, and I'm one of those,certainly over 40, and my
parents were precious, butgentle parenting was, I mean, it
(07:39):
wasn't even heard of in thesixties.
And my daddy and y'all, mydaddy, hung the moon for me.
I love him but he was tough onus and, don't get me wrong, I
thank him for all the amazinglessons that he taught us
through through our lives.
I really thank him for this,this especially y'all and my
(08:01):
dogs are just raising pain outthere.
But here we go.
When so when I'd get in troubleat school and I tried to blame
the teacher for what was goingon, daddy wasn't having it.
He would look at me and sayenough of that crap.
What did you do to make theteacher respond that way?
(08:21):
And I thank him for that,because I learned responsibility
for my actions, maybe the hardway, but but still, you know I
didn't.
I didn't learn that I get toblame others.
I had to take responsibilityand I I think that's a gift he
gave me.
But my dear daddy would alsosay things that I took to heart
(08:42):
and y'all.
It took my therapist a hotminute to help me unwrap and
work through some of this stuff.
But when I would screw up as akid and believe me, it happened
lots Daddy would tell me Julie,you're the world's worst dot dot
dot, whatever I'd done, and itreally.
You know, after a time I tookthat to heart and it really took
(09:07):
a chunk out of my ability toeven have self-compassion.
Of course, back then I had noidea what that was, but but I
knew.
I mean I had the self-talk andthings I was saying to myself.
But you know, let's be honest,I didn't know exactly what was
happening.
But I do know.
I internalized the languagethat I was hearing and so in
(09:33):
later in life, when I thoughtI'd screwed something up, I
would tell myself the same thingJulie, you're the world's most
stupid person.
You're the world's biggest fuckup.
You're the blah, blah, blah.
I mean, you get the picture.
Whatever I'd done, thatlanguage my daddy had used
towards me I just adopted.
(09:53):
Was that self-compassionsprinkled with gratitude?
Absolutely not.
I'm really proud today to saywhen I screw something up and I
expect to screw something upwe're going to.
I mean, my bar has lowered.
(10:15):
I'm proud to say my bar haslowered.
I'm not anywhere near as meanto myself as I was when I was
younger.
I've accepted that I'm human asI was when I was younger.
I've accepted that I'm human.
Now, don't get me wrong, I giveit my all, but I miss the
(10:36):
market times and I still love onmyself and congratulate myself
for showing up for myself andtrying right.
I mean, at least showing up foryourself is a big deal, and I
don't mean getting a trophy, Imean getting up out of bed,
getting dressed, tackling aproject that maybe you're not
looking forward to, but youtackle it, you give it your best
.
Maybe you miss the mark, but bygumballs you got close to it.
(10:57):
When I approach life from thisangle, I feel so much happier in
my skin.
I can easily find gratitudeEasily.
I mean, I just wrote aself-study for our department.
I'm a professor at a universityand I'm trying to get the
department K-CREP accredited andyou counseling people know what
(11:18):
that means.
It's the gold standard forcounseling departments to be
accredited by.
And I'm telling you, it's apain in the ass to write this
thing.
It's almost 5,000 pages long atthis moment.
I'm about to turn it in nextweek.
I promise there'll be someerrors.
I took it through a consultant.
I made some, I made the edits,but I'm not going to beat myself
(11:39):
up.
I I've worked six months onthis thing.
I gave it my all.
And if it misses the mark in afew places six months on this
thing, I gave it my all, and ifit misses the mark in a few
places, that's fine.
At least I know where we're atand I can fix that and move on.
I think we get hung up onperfectionism before we go
through this process of holdingspace and self-compassion and
(12:01):
gratitude.
But I just invite you to putperfectionism in a casket and
bury it and come into the worldof trying to hit that mark the
best you can Again.
When I approach life from thisangle, I just feel happier in my
skin.
So let's see my beloved and Imy sweet Kelly and I have been
(12:23):
together for 35 years.
I'm thinking about gratitudeand y'all.
I'm grateful for this man everyday.
Do we get on each other'snerves at times, of course.
At times, of course, but Ithink both of us practice more
gratitude for being in love likewe are 35 years later.
Then we get hung up on theannoying pieces.
(12:47):
I'm grateful for our amazingrelationship every day.
If I could not tap into myself-compassion and gratitude, I
think it would impact ourrelationship.
Being able to balance theenergy in my heart chakra allows
my heart to swell for mybeloved and my kiddos and I love
(13:10):
my kiddos tremendously.
They bring so much joy to myheart.
But that's because my heartenergy, chakra energy is
balanced and I'm able to feelexpansive energy and bring that
in.
And that's all done throughpracticing self-compassion and
(13:33):
gratitude.
Again, the point here is thatwe've got to do the work to
balance our heart chakras so wecan get to the point of
experiencing soul joy.
To the point of experiencingsoul joy, self-compassion and
gratitude are simple tools.
They really are.
They're simple tools to use andit's really worth the time and
(13:54):
effort it is so I've created areally groovy activity for y'all
.
But before we get there, I wantto invite you to Hop over to my
website, juliemerrimanphdcom.
Subscribe to my email list so Ican send you my weekly email
with this podcast and the PDFthat I create so you can get
(14:18):
even more out of theseactivities.
All right, so exercises forself-compassion.
So here are some simpleexercises you can do by yourself
.
Let's say 30 minutes.
I would say less.
Who has?
If you're like me, 30 minutessounds like a lot, although it's
(14:39):
really not, because I try to dothat and exercise every day.
But you know, I'm inviting youto put yourself down in your
calendar each day to try these.
It's going to help you gain amore positive view of yourself
and feel better.
And keep in mind, all theseexercises can be modified as you
see fit, but try doing one ortwo of these this week and see
(15:03):
if you can begin to viewyourself with more kindness.
Okay, so first we've beentalking about gratitude.
I want you to practicegratitude.
Keep a gratitude journal.
You all have heard it, but areyou doing it?
Keep a gratitude journal.
It's a great way to start orend your day and science has
(15:23):
backed it up.
It will increase your optimism.
But you've got to do it regular.
So go find a notebook, setaside a few minutes at night or
in the morning and write down alist of a minimum of three
things you're grateful for.
It doesn't have to be a longlist, just a sentence, just a
word, just so you know what itmeans.
They also don't have to be hugetopics.
(15:46):
Y'all you can be grateful foryour hair looking fine today,
for a job well done at work, forfriends dropping by, for a TV
show you really enjoyed watching.
What about 1923?
I don't know if any of y'allare watching that.
Oh, the ending.
I digress, okay.
Also, we're not aiming forperfect here, right?
(16:08):
I just said let's putperfectionism away.
If you miss a day or two, ain'tno thing.
Just pick it back up when youthink about it, start it, stay
with it.
You'll notice a difference.
Okay, so that's gratitude.
Be your friend too often andI've talked about it the last
(16:30):
two weeks we send negativemessages to ourselves and that's
not helpful.
When we give ourselves thosenegative messages, we're
practicing that negativeself-talk that I said our
amygdala listens to.
One way of dealing with this isto write down our negative
thoughts and then imagine a goodfriend responding to you with
(16:53):
support and compassion.
So imagine your best friendsaid that about herself or his
self.
What would you say back?
You can also use anyone whorepresents kindness towards you,
even a spiritual figure, even aspiritual figure, so you might
write down I screwed up thingsat work.
I always do this.
To which the spiritual figurereplies Okay, sweetness, you had
(17:17):
a difficult time at work, butit's just one day.
Things were crazy in the office, no wonder it was tough.
Or I can't do anything right.
To which this figure repliesYou're a good husband, good
husband, a good father, andsometimes things are difficult,
it's okay.
You see the difference in thatyou just feel the energy, how
(17:40):
that lands differently.
Another variation you couldpractice is to write a letter to
yourself.
I have my clients do this a lot.
We're, you're having a hardtime.
Do this as though you're yourbest friend, writing to you the
power of shining supportivelight on your suffering cannot
(18:01):
be overestimated.
So take the time to do that foryou.
But wait, there's more Talk.
With compassion we can bring,we can begin to shift our lens
from criticism of self andothers to an attitude of peace
(18:22):
and understanding through theseshort exercises.
Now, these are calledloving-kindness exercises.
The idea is that you repeatseveral positive phrases about
yourself and others, and there'sseveral ways to do this, but
one version that might work foryou is for you to find a quiet
(18:43):
spot and think about some of thethings that are troubling about
yourself and say some sentencesthat offer hope or relief, and
repeat these sentences, you know, several times a day, if you
can.
So here's an example of whatI'm talking about, and I just
(19:03):
invite you to find one thatmight fit you best.
May I be compassionate towardsmyself, may I live a life of joy
, may I accept myself, may I bepatient, may I forgive myself,
may I be at peace.
Now, if you want, you can do itfor someone you like or even a
(19:26):
person you dislike, but finallysay it in the third person, such
as so, before you get to sayingit for a person you dislike, I
mean, there's a lot of energyfor that.
When we have some hardnesstowards another person, that
energy runs through us andimpacts our own energy system.
(19:48):
So say you have a person youdislike named John, may John
live a life of joy?
You know, instead of wishingJohn a bunch of crap, wishing
him good things, you're going tonotice a change in your own
energy there.
But also using that thirdperson, like I told you earlier,
your amygdala is listening foryour name.
(20:10):
So if you say julie, I hope youlive a good life, your amygdala
is going to take notice and goto work on that.
So there's some power in usingyour own name in these, in these
statements.
All right, just a couple morewalking.
Um, again, it's not rocketscience.
Taking a walk 30 minutes a day,10 minutes a day, just getting
(20:33):
out of nature.
It's peaceful, you can focus onsome appreciations.
You can do that walkingmeditation, as I mentioned a
couple of episodes back that Ido when I'm kind of wound up and
saying things like I'm healthy,I'm working on self-compassion,
I'm happy in these beautifulwoods, whatever it might be, you
can match your stride.
(20:54):
So it becomes easier to do so.
Matching your stride as you'rethinking these thoughts, I step
am step, healthy step.
That's kind of working intothat walking meditation.
This exercise accomplishes threethings it gives you exercise,
(21:16):
it gets you outside and it'sgoing to help install positive
thoughts as you move your body.
I'm very somatic in my therapy.
I think we're talking heads andcan sit on our ass and say a
lot of things, but when you getup and move kinesthetically, I
think we embody the changebetter.
(21:38):
So this walking can be verypowerful for you as you're
working on gratitude andself-compassion and then
changing beliefs.
It's a simple exercise you cando on your own anywhere, anytime
.
The aim is to be able toacknowledge your negative
beliefs.
Can't deny them, need to seethem while focusing on more
(22:00):
compassionate ones.
So repeating phrases toyourself like even though I'm
anxious, I'm working on beingcalmer.
Even though I'm unhappy withmyself, I accept myself.
Even though I'm not a greatstudent, worker, boss, whatever
it might be, I am a good bosswho is becoming better.
(22:23):
And then finally and I won'tsay a lot about this and then
finally, and I won't say a lotabout this, but meditation is
very powerful and findingYouTube has great ones.
There's all kinds of apps.
I talk about meditation a lot,but don't forget or negate the
power of medication.
All right, that's it for today.
(22:43):
Subscribe to my podcast, leaveme a review and, until next time
, take care of you.
Hey y'all, I'm Dr Julie Merriman and welcome to
SoulJoy.
So this week we're stillexploring the heart chakra.
We're going to exploreself-compassion and gratitude
Because, my friend, these aretwo very necessary components of
holistic, sustainable self-care, also known as wellness care.
(00:31):
Also known as wellness.
All right, thank you so muchfor hanging out with me for just
a few minutes.
I appreciate your time.
So let's see, this week waskind of exciting.
My beloved and I and a couple ofour really good friends
traveled over to Arlington andwent to the ACDC concert.
Old folks can have fun too.
It was awesome.
(00:52):
It really was a spectaculartime.
They packed the Dallas CowboysStadium.
I mean, people from all walkswere in there having a blast.
So it was really a greatexperience and we had a good
time.
But y'all what I try to doespecially after last year we
had so many medical emergenciesI try to plan a thrill a month
(01:15):
for us, excuse me, as we arecelebrating being alive.
Right, it's a great thing.
Okay, professional professionalhelpers.
This podcast is dedicated topreventing and overcoming the
occupational hazards of thecareer that we've chosen, and
those hazards would be burnout,compassion, fatigue and
(01:38):
vicarious trauma.
But please know this podcast isfor everyone.
So share, share and share,alrighty.
Last week we talked aboutholding space and
self-acceptance.
We're working on that heartchakra and this week we're going
to explore gratitude andself-compassion, because y'all
(02:02):
those constructs pave the wayfor us being able to hold space
and practice fullself-acceptance.
It's all about trying tobalance our heart, our heart
chakra, and that energy in ourheart chakra.
I mean it's an important one,right there in the middle of our
(02:24):
chest.
I mean, I don't know about you,but a lot of things that
happened to me throughout theday hit me right in my chest.
So I think that's a reallyimportant chakra for us to
balance that energy and just,you know, just get to know,
because we're energy beings.
That's why I always bring achakra into what we're talking
about, because we're energybeings.
(02:46):
That's why I always bring achakra into what we're talking
about.
We are energy beings, so it'simportant to know how energies
are impacting our energies andhow that helps us or impacts us
in experiencing our life.
So when we walk throughpracticing harsh judgment back
to the heart chakra, this harshjudgment, you you know, if we're
(03:08):
not self-compassionate, ifwe're not self-accepting and
we're not able to hold thatspace for ourself, we're going
to find ourself in a place ofharsh judgment and if we do this
it can demotivate us, to saythe very least.
This kind of energy blocks usand we really need to be able to
(03:29):
appreciate ourself and be kindto ourself.
So getting demotivated, beingharsh with ourself is not being
productive and you know I reallywant to bump it into a bit of
neuroscience, if you will.
You know I really want to bumpit into a bit of neuroscience,
if you will.
Our amygdala, that littlealmond-shaped structure in our
(03:49):
brain, also known as the lizardbrain, the freeze fight, flight
part of our brain y'all.
It listens to all the harshjudgments that we're sending our
way throughout the day, evenwhen we're sending it out to
others, because that energystill washes through us.
The amygdala is taking noticeof our thoughts and this
(04:15):
amygdala will set about tryingto make these thoughts a reality
.
So it's really important thatwe listen to our linguistics and
we really catch our thoughtsthroughout the day, because
we've got a part of our braintrying who's listening?
I mean I.
Well, it's listening and, yeah,studying about trying to make a
(04:39):
reality.
I find it's very helpful, ifI'm spiraling, to kind of pat my
face and go Julie, julie,sweetness, julie, you've done
the best you can.
And I find when I say my name,my amygdala takes notice and
kind of sits dump and a wholedifferent reality takes place,
(05:07):
as opposed to me saying what adumbass I've been right.
So it's really important howwe're talking to ourself, but I
would ask you to imagine this abalanced heart chakra, a really
strong and resilient heartchakra, one that's full of
(05:28):
gratitude and compassion,something less so, let's say
that something less thanpleasant happens.
In lieu of creating the drama Ijust described, you choose to
be nice to yourself and you saythose self-soothing things, as I
said, patting my face andtelling myself I've done the
(05:49):
best I can and this will helpoffer hope.
And your amygdala hears thisand sets about making this your
reality so much more pleasant,rides through that heart chakra
so much more pleasant, whichrides through that heart shocker
so much more pleasant.
Which scenario do you supposefeels better?
The one where you're beatingthe hell out of yourself or the
(06:12):
one where you're beingcompassionate?
Gratitude is scientificallyproven to rewire our brains and
help us be more mindful andhappy.
Self-compassion y'all is onthat very same bus.
When I introduce the idea ofself-compassion to my clients.
(06:33):
I'll tell you I get some.
Really it's just precious.
I get looks of relief on theirfaces, on their faces.
I think we may have lots of oldschema from childhood that
haunts us, especially those ofus over 40, when that gentle
parenting wasn't even heard of.
(06:54):
But the schema can prevent usfrom believing it is good and
called for to be compassionatetowards self.
So I would say sometimes thatrelief I see on my clients'
faces when I talk aboutself-compassion and being nice
to yourself and gratitude, Ithink that relief is almost.
(07:17):
They hear that they havepermission to be nice to
themselves.
So everyone, take a deep breath.
I'm giving you completepermission, not that you need
deep breath, I'm giving youcomplete permission, not that
you need it, but I'm giving youcomplete permission to be kind
to yourself.
You know, and I'm one of those,certainly over 40, and my
parents were precious, butgentle parenting was, I mean, it
(07:39):
wasn't even heard of in thesixties.
And my daddy and y'all, mydaddy, hung the moon for me.
I love him but he was tough onus and, don't get me wrong, I
thank him for all the amazinglessons that he taught us
through through our lives.
I really thank him for this,this especially y'all and my
(08:01):
dogs are just raising pain outthere.
But here we go.
When so when I'd get in troubleat school and I tried to blame
the teacher for what was goingon, daddy wasn't having it.
He would look at me and sayenough of that crap.
What did you do to make theteacher respond that way?
(08:21):
And I thank him for that,because I learned responsibility
for my actions, maybe the hardway, but but still, you know I
didn't.
I didn't learn that I get toblame others.
I had to take responsibilityand I I think that's a gift he
gave me.
But my dear daddy would alsosay things that I took to heart
(08:42):
and y'all.
It took my therapist a hotminute to help me unwrap and
work through some of this stuff.
But when I would screw up as akid and believe me, it happened
lots Daddy would tell me Julie,you're the world's worst dot dot
dot, whatever I'd done, and itreally.
You know, after a time I tookthat to heart and it really took
(09:07):
a chunk out of my ability toeven have self-compassion.
Of course, back then I had noidea what that was, but but I
knew.
I mean I had the self-talk andthings I was saying to myself.
But you know, let's be honest,I didn't know exactly what was
happening.
But I do know.
I internalized the languagethat I was hearing and so in
(09:33):
later in life, when I thoughtI'd screwed something up, I
would tell myself the same thingJulie, you're the world's most
stupid person.
You're the world's biggest fuckup.
You're the blah, blah, blah.
I mean, you get the picture.
Whatever I'd done, thatlanguage my daddy had used
towards me I just adopted.
(09:53):
Was that self-compassionsprinkled with gratitude?
Absolutely not.
I'm really proud today to saywhen I screw something up and I
expect to screw something upwe're going to.
I mean, my bar has lowered.
(10:15):
I'm proud to say my bar haslowered.
I'm not anywhere near as meanto myself as I was when I was
younger.
I've accepted that I'm human asI was when I was younger.
I've accepted that I'm human.
Now, don't get me wrong, I giveit my all, but I miss the
(10:36):
market times and I still love onmyself and congratulate myself
for showing up for myself andtrying right.
I mean, at least showing up foryourself is a big deal, and I
don't mean getting a trophy, Imean getting up out of bed,
getting dressed, tackling aproject that maybe you're not
looking forward to, but youtackle it, you give it your best
.
Maybe you miss the mark, but bygumballs you got close to it.
(10:57):
When I approach life from thisangle, I feel so much happier in
my skin.
I can easily find gratitudeEasily.
I mean, I just wrote aself-study for our department.
I'm a professor at a universityand I'm trying to get the
department K-CREP accredited andyou counseling people know what
(11:18):
that means.
It's the gold standard forcounseling departments to be
accredited by.
And I'm telling you, it's apain in the ass to write this
thing.
It's almost 5,000 pages long atthis moment.
I'm about to turn it in nextweek.
I promise there'll be someerrors.
I took it through a consultant.
I made some, I made the edits,but I'm not going to beat myself
(11:39):
up.
I I've worked six months onthis thing.
I gave it my all.
And if it misses the mark in afew places six months on this
thing, I gave it my all, and ifit misses the mark in a few
places, that's fine.
At least I know where we're atand I can fix that and move on.
I think we get hung up onperfectionism before we go
through this process of holdingspace and self-compassion and
(12:01):
gratitude.
But I just invite you to putperfectionism in a casket and
bury it and come into the worldof trying to hit that mark the
best you can Again.
When I approach life from thisangle, I just feel happier in my
skin.
So let's see my beloved and Imy sweet Kelly and I have been
(12:23):
together for 35 years.
I'm thinking about gratitudeand y'all.
I'm grateful for this man everyday.
Do we get on each other'snerves at times, of course.
At times, of course, but Ithink both of us practice more
gratitude for being in love likewe are 35 years later.
Then we get hung up on theannoying pieces.
(12:47):
I'm grateful for our amazingrelationship every day.
If I could not tap into myself-compassion and gratitude, I
think it would impact ourrelationship.
Being able to balance theenergy in my heart chakra allows
my heart to swell for mybeloved and my kiddos and I love
(13:10):
my kiddos tremendously.
They bring so much joy to myheart.
But that's because my heartenergy, chakra energy is
balanced and I'm able to feelexpansive energy and bring that
in.
And that's all done throughpracticing self-compassion and
(13:33):
gratitude.
Again, the point here is thatwe've got to do the work to
balance our heart chakras so wecan get to the point of
experiencing soul joy.
To the point of experiencingsoul joy, self-compassion and
gratitude are simple tools.
They really are.
They're simple tools to use andit's really worth the time and
(13:54):
effort it is so I've created areally groovy activity for y'all
.
But before we get there, I wantto invite you to Hop over to my
website, juliemerrimanphdcom.
Subscribe to my email list so Ican send you my weekly email
with this podcast and the PDFthat I create so you can get
(14:18):
even more out of theseactivities.
All right, so exercises forself-compassion.
So here are some simpleexercises you can do by yourself
.
Let's say 30 minutes.
I would say less.
Who has?
If you're like me, 30 minutessounds like a lot, although it's
(14:39):
really not, because I try to dothat and exercise every day.
But you know, I'm inviting youto put yourself down in your
calendar each day to try these.
It's going to help you gain amore positive view of yourself
and feel better.
And keep in mind, all theseexercises can be modified as you
see fit, but try doing one ortwo of these this week and see
(15:03):
if you can begin to viewyourself with more kindness.
Okay, so first we've beentalking about gratitude.
I want you to practicegratitude.
Keep a gratitude journal.
You all have heard it, but areyou doing it?
Keep a gratitude journal.
It's a great way to start orend your day and science has
(15:23):
backed it up.
It will increase your optimism.
But you've got to do it regular.
So go find a notebook, setaside a few minutes at night or
in the morning and write down alist of a minimum of three
things you're grateful for.
It doesn't have to be a longlist, just a sentence, just a
word, just so you know what itmeans.
They also don't have to be hugetopics.
(15:46):
Y'all you can be grateful foryour hair looking fine today,
for a job well done at work, forfriends dropping by, for a TV
show you really enjoyed watching.
What about 1923?
I don't know if any of y'allare watching that.
Oh, the ending.
I digress, okay.
Also, we're not aiming forperfect here, right?
(16:08):
I just said let's putperfectionism away.
If you miss a day or two, ain'tno thing.
Just pick it back up when youthink about it, start it, stay
with it.
You'll notice a difference.
Okay, so that's gratitude.
Be your friend too often andI've talked about it the last
(16:30):
two weeks we send negativemessages to ourselves and that's
not helpful.
When we give ourselves thosenegative messages, we're
practicing that negativeself-talk that I said our
amygdala listens to.
One way of dealing with this isto write down our negative
thoughts and then imagine a goodfriend responding to you with
(16:53):
support and compassion.
So imagine your best friendsaid that about herself or his
self.
What would you say back?
You can also use anyone whorepresents kindness towards you,
even a spiritual figure, even aspiritual figure, so you might
write down I screwed up thingsat work.
I always do this.
To which the spiritual figurereplies Okay, sweetness, you had
(17:17):
a difficult time at work, butit's just one day.
Things were crazy in the office, no wonder it was tough.
Or I can't do anything right.
To which this figure repliesYou're a good husband, good
husband, a good father, andsometimes things are difficult,
it's okay.
You see the difference in thatyou just feel the energy, how
(17:40):
that lands differently.
Another variation you couldpractice is to write a letter to
yourself.
I have my clients do this a lot.
We're, you're having a hardtime.
Do this as though you're yourbest friend, writing to you the
power of shining supportivelight on your suffering cannot
(18:01):
be overestimated.
So take the time to do that foryou.
But wait, there's more Talk.
With compassion we can bring,we can begin to shift our lens
from criticism of self andothers to an attitude of peace
(18:22):
and understanding through theseshort exercises.
Now, these are calledloving-kindness exercises.
The idea is that you repeatseveral positive phrases about
yourself and others, and there'sseveral ways to do this, but
one version that might work foryou is for you to find a quiet
(18:43):
spot and think about some of thethings that are troubling about
yourself and say some sentencesthat offer hope or relief, and
repeat these sentences, you know, several times a day, if you
can.
So here's an example of whatI'm talking about, and I just
(19:03):
invite you to find one thatmight fit you best.
May I be compassionate towardsmyself, may I live a life of joy
, may I accept myself, may I bepatient, may I forgive myself,
may I be at peace.
Now, if you want, you can do itfor someone you like or even a
(19:26):
person you dislike, but finallysay it in the third person, such
as so, before you get to sayingit for a person you dislike, I
mean, there's a lot of energyfor that.
When we have some hardnesstowards another person, that
energy runs through us andimpacts our own energy system.
(19:48):
So say you have a person youdislike named John, may John
live a life of joy?
You know, instead of wishingJohn a bunch of crap, wishing
him good things, you're going tonotice a change in your own
energy there.
But also using that thirdperson, like I told you earlier,
your amygdala is listening foryour name.
(20:10):
So if you say julie, I hope youlive a good life, your amygdala
is going to take notice and goto work on that.
So there's some power in usingyour own name in these, in these
statements.
All right, just a couple morewalking.
Um, again, it's not rocketscience.
Taking a walk 30 minutes a day,10 minutes a day, just getting
(20:33):
out of nature.
It's peaceful, you can focus onsome appreciations.
You can do that walkingmeditation, as I mentioned a
couple of episodes back that Ido when I'm kind of wound up and
saying things like I'm healthy,I'm working on self-compassion,
I'm happy in these beautifulwoods, whatever it might be, you
can match your stride.
(20:54):
So it becomes easier to do so.
Matching your stride as you'rethinking these thoughts, I step
am step, healthy step.
That's kind of working intothat walking meditation.
This exercise accomplishes threethings it gives you exercise,
(21:16):
it gets you outside and it'sgoing to help install positive
thoughts as you move your body.
I'm very somatic in my therapy.
I think we're talking heads andcan sit on our ass and say a
lot of things, but when you getup and move kinesthetically, I
think we embody the changebetter.
(21:38):
So this walking can be verypowerful for you as you're
working on gratitude andself-compassion and then
changing beliefs.
It's a simple exercise you cando on your own anywhere, anytime
.
The aim is to be able toacknowledge your negative
beliefs.
Can't deny them, need to seethem while focusing on more
(22:00):
compassionate ones.
So repeating phrases toyourself like even though I'm
anxious, I'm working on beingcalmer.
Even though I'm unhappy withmyself, I accept myself.
Even though I'm not a greatstudent, worker, boss, whatever
it might be, I am a good bosswho is becoming better.
(22:23):
And then finally and I won'tsay a lot about this and then
finally, and I won't say a lotabout this, but meditation is
very powerful and findingYouTube has great ones.
There's all kinds of apps.
I talk about meditation a lot,but don't forget or negate the
power of medication.
All right, that's it for today.
(22:43):
Subscribe to my podcast, leaveme a review and, until next time
, take care of you.
Popular Podcasts
Amy Robach & T.J. Holmes present: Aubrey O’Day, Covering the Diddy Trial
Introducing… Aubrey O’Day Diddy’s former protege, television personality, platinum selling music artist, Danity Kane alum Aubrey O’Day joins veteran journalists Amy Robach and TJ Holmes to provide a unique perspective on the trial that has captivated the attention of the nation. Join them throughout the trial as they discuss, debate, and dissect every detail, every aspect of the proceedings. Aubrey will offer her opinions and expertise, as only she is qualified to do given her first-hand knowledge. From her days on Making the Band, as she emerged as the breakout star, the truth of the situation would be the opposite of the glitz and glamour. Listen throughout every minute of the trial, for this exclusive coverage. Amy Robach and TJ Holmes present Aubrey O’Day, Covering the Diddy Trial, an iHeartRadio podcast.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
The Breakfast Club
The World's Most Dangerous Morning Show, The Breakfast Club, With DJ Envy And Charlamagne Tha God!