November 23, 2021 • 65 mins
It’s Thanksgiving week and what better way to celebrate than by talking about giving and gratitude! This week our conversation found itself centering around the Rumi quote, “Never give from the depths of your well, but from your overflow,” as we explore how our gratitude, unconditional love, and healing can all come from a place of overflow.
Joined by the inspiring Sherri Doucette, founder of Litehouse Wellness, we delve into the possibilities life holds when we let our needs be met, as Sherri shares her amazing personal journey giving back to her community and participating in collective healing.
In this episode we talk about:
- How in grief we can also find gratitude.
- The importance of giving from our overflow and allowing ourselves to not only give, but to receive gratitude and unconditional love as well.
- The value of slowing down and holding space for rest.
- Sherri’s journey creating a safe space for black men through Broga.
- How collective healing starts with individual healing.
About Sherri Doucette
Sherri Doucette, founder of Litehouse Wellness, as featured on ABC’s/WFAA Daybreak at 8 and Good Morning Texas, NBC and BET, is a native of Los Angeles, CA and a long-time resident of Dallas, TX.
Litehouse Wellness is a 501c3 non-profit purposed to strengthen the African American family & community by bridging the wellness accessibility gap for underserved communities, particularly Black men, using contemplative practices and preventative health education.
Sherri recognizes that implementing these scientifically proven, resiliency-building restorative practices is key to healing ongoing trauma and building sustainable resistance against oppressive systems and institutions.
Sherri is a certified yoga & meditation teacher (200Hr RYT / 300Hr MTT), reiki II practitioner, mindfulness consultant, life-span doula and speaker.
She studied social work at Clark Atlanta University and trained with international master yoga and meditation teachers.
In 2020, the critically acclaimed WFAA feature on Litehouse Wellness, Broga = Yoga for the Brothers was nominated for an Emmy award and won the National Association of Black Journalism (NABJ) Excellence Award.
Links so you can explore more:
Learn more about Litehouse Wellness at www.litehousewellness.org on Facebook and Instagram @litehousewellness and Twitter @litehouseheals.
For more words of wisdom from Rumi, check out the Rumi Oracle Deck.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Amy (00:04):
We believe life can be a journey toward wholeness, toward
reconnecting with who we areauthentically meant to be. We
walk this path of growth anddiscovery with our children,
with our partners, withinourselves. These are the stories
of what's possible. These arethe conversations that light the
(00:28):
way. Welcome to soul pathparenting. Hi, Lauren.
Lauren (00:34):
Hi, Amy. I, as usual, I'm so excited to be introducing
a conversation together. Andwhat's so alive for me in this
moment is something that wetalked about in our anniversary
episode, which is this beautifulmerging of the value of planning
(00:56):
and having an intention andhaving a map that we can follow
and the value of being alive inthe moment and willing and able
to go with the flow, pivot, andbe with what's most alive. And
in relation to that idea, thisconversation that we are about
to share with you was originallyintended. And I say this in the
(01:19):
beginning to be a conversationabout grief and gratitude. And,
you know, we were both reallyexcited to talk about grief and
gratitude. And we will be doingthat in the future. This
conversation was alive andorganic, and it evolved
differently than we thought itwould. There's a beautiful aha
(01:44):
moment.
Amy (01:45):
Yeah, so we, in this episode, talk a little bit about
grief and gratitude. It'sThanksgiving week, and we talk
about giving and also theimportance of receiving, slowing
down. Healing, how we can createspace for healing, embodying
(02:09):
unconditional love and theimportance of rest. Those are
the big things that I got out ofthis episode that just was such
a beautiful, I feel like,instead of it being that
straight path, like okay, we'regonna go from here to grieve and
gratitude, we're on the straightpath. It was this like beautiful
winding row that we got to walktogether with Sherry Doucet our
(02:32):
guest, who we will introduce toyou now as we drop into the
actual recorded conversationwith Sherry, here you go.
Lauren (02:48):
Hello, I am so excited to be here today with Sherry do
set who is the founder ofLighthouse wellness, a yoga and
meditation teacher, mindfulnessconsultants, lifespan doula
healer. And from what I can tellfrom your gorgeous website and
(03:08):
some video clips that I've seena view, just an amazing healing
presence in the world. And I'mso excited and grateful to get
to be in your presence today andto hear from you, about you. So
could you start by sharing whoyou are now? And then my follow
(03:29):
up question will be, what hasyour journey been like to get
there? So or in whatever orderyou would like to talk about
that?
Sherri Doucette (03:39):
Oh, there's so much. Right.
Lauren (03:45):
Do you want to start with now or would you like to
start with where you came from?
Sherri Doucette (03:52):
Let's start with where I came from.
Beautiful. Yeah. So I'moriginally from Southern
California. I'm a West Coastgirl. Yay. And so love brought
me to Dallas, Texas. I'm amother of two amazing human
beings. And a yay to one. I wasmarried to an amazing man. And
(04:19):
his life was cut short due tocancer. And that was where I
experience this awakening, ifyou will. Some people call it
spiritual transformation. Thisreally opened my eyes to what
was important in life. Yes. Andso that experience led to me
(04:46):
establishing Lighthousewellness, and, and exploring my
yoga yoga journey to becoming ateacher and to exploring
modality of healing that I canshare with the world, right? The
purpose of Lighthouse wellnessis to provide African American
(05:09):
men and underserved communitieswith transformative tools for
healing. So that is what I dothat is where I came from. And
this is where I am. So I'm justso happy to be here nor in and
Amy,
Lauren (05:25):
thank you so much for sharing, I, I am just so awed by
your story and thetransformation element of it.
And I would love to speak to thetopics today of grief and
gratitude. And I want to includethem both. Because I feel like
(05:51):
we live in a world that feelsenergetically to me, like a lot
of either or, either you'regrieving, or you're over it, and
now you're happy. Either you'rethis or you're that. And my
desire is to createconversations of both and, and
(06:15):
I'm curious, what you would sayto that, because part of your
story is that you transformedyour grief into, you know,
transformed your pain intomedicine, you have these
beautiful Rumi quotes on yourwebsite, and I love Rumi, and so
like to transform pain intomedicine, I feel like sometimes
(06:35):
in the world, it can be like,Oh, so now you're all better,
and you're not sad anymore. AndI can you speak to that a little
bit?
Sherri Doucette (06:43):
Absolutely.
Grief and gratitude are notmutually exclusive. They can
coexist. Right. And you could begrieving and grateful at the
same time. Rain tech, not Hantalks about the, you know, this
phenomenon of impermanence.
(07:09):
Right. And, you know, earlier wewere talking about, you know,
aging and becoming more season,right, and how sometimes that
can be difficult to face. Butonce we, we we recognize and
appreciate impermanence, we'reable to be more present. Right?
Recognizing that each moment isfleeting, right? That this life
(07:32):
is fleeting, that we're allgoing to die, right? That none
of us are getting out of thisthing alive. Right? That that
realization, that recognition,that acceptance, helps you to be
present, right, and to see everymoment as a gift to see death
and dying as an opportunity.
Right? For reconciliation, forremembering for creating legacy.
(07:57):
And so is can death be painfulto experience to witness to
observe? Absolutely. But can yoube grateful at the same time for
that experience? For instance,with my husband, I'm so grateful
that it didn't happen suddenly,right? That he didn't go to work
(08:23):
and I never saw him again.
Right? That he was handed this,you know, this, this horrible
diagnosis, but we have 46 days,to say what we needed to say,
right? To have the conversationsto sit and just to soak up each
(08:43):
other's or an energy and thatexperience really set the stage
or set the I call it a buffetfor my grief journey. Because
because I had those thosenuggets of of remembrance, you
(09:07):
know, that would that wouldaccompany me along the journey.
Like, okay, yeah, he's not hereanymore, physically, but matter.
Matter never stops, you know,being right. It's the
transformation of matter intoenergy. And so he's still here,
(09:28):
and I'm grateful for that. AndI'm grateful for our experience
together. I'm grateful for thelife we had. I'm grateful for
the children that we have, but Ican I can, I can experience
continue to experience himthrough
Lauren (09:42):
that so. Yeah. Oh my.
It's so beautiful. It's sad. Itrings so true. It's like
gorgeously true. And, um, andsomething that I want to ask is
So would you say that you'resimultaneously grateful for the
46 days that you had and sadthat it wasn't longer. Yes, that
(10:03):
it's both and that they bothexist. Yeah. And so I just think
that is so beautiful. And whenpeople are grieving and
experiencing grief, for me griefis so specific. And you can
choose to honor both sides ofit. Even in different
(10:27):
situations, you know, less time,you could have grateful for this
sad about this more even moretime grateful for this sad about
this. And not just about timeabout anything,
Sherri Doucette (10:42):
anything at all? Right? And it is about I
think, you know, my, my, my yogapractice really helped inform
how I showed up at his deathbed.
My I'm also a birth doula and Iam and my experience is that the
death bed and the birth room areboth sacred spaces. And it is an
(11:05):
opportunity to experience God upclose and in person, right? And
if you allow yourself to bepresent and open to that
experience, right, to not turnaway from it, but to be open
hearted and in and to haveembody the curiosity of a child.
(11:29):
You know, that childlikecuriosity, where you don't, you
know, it's, you know, it's likewhy, you know, you lean in
children lean in, right? Andadults when you know, there's
that discomfort, a sense ofunknown, you know, the natural
inclination is to turn awaylife, but in birth and death, if
we would allow ourselves to leadin the gift that we will receive
(11:54):
is, is beyond words, really.
Amy (12:02):
I love to dig into that a little bit more because you talk
about being a lifespan doula.
And I'd love it if you couldtalk about this role that you
play in birth as and in death,and I'm particularly I had never
(12:22):
until we spoken spoke beforethis interview come across this
idea of a death doula. And it'sso intriguing to me. I would
love it if you could share alittle bit more about that.
Sherri Doucette (12:38):
Sure. So just as you know, with with a birth
doula, um, well, let's startthere. So a birth doula is a non
clinical support person, right?
The word doula translated meanswoman servant, right? To be of
service in 2021. You know, thedoula space is not exclusive to
(13:04):
women. There are folks of ofmany identities who show up as
doulas, right? And then there ison the on the other end of the
spectrum, right. So, in my Doulawork, I am a support person who
advocates and helps my birthingclient to feel empowered, right,
(13:25):
and deeply supported as they arebirthing. On the other end of
the spectrum, I meet people whoare dying, or family members of
those who are dying, and Iprovide a similar support and in
helping them to die in a waythat feels dignified, and
(13:47):
empowered. So what does thatlook like? I'm planning visual
planning, right? legacyprojects, recording of video
voice recordings, creating voicerecordings for a for instance,
if it's a person who is who hasyoung children, or there are,
(14:08):
you know, generate our familymembers who will outlive him
providing recordings formilestones, letter writing. What
does what does a dignified andempowered birth look like? How
can I help to orchestrate thatright to be the producer of your
(14:32):
death? Show? Some people up fora living wake. Don't wait until
I've passed to get up and tell aroomful of people what I meant
to you. While I'm here. Tell mewhat I mean to you. Right? Get
that that old adage of give memy roses while I can still smell
(14:56):
them? Yeah. And, and, and and tohelp people to feel like, there,
there isn't a right or wrong wayto die. Right, you can create
whatever it is that you and yourfamily members need. And your
imagination is that is, is isthe limitation. Right. And what
(15:20):
I found, and in addition to thathelping family members to
recognize the signs of impendingdeath, so that the death process
isn't scary. Right? So changesin the color of the skin,
respiration. What do they call,they call it? Terminal
(15:43):
restlessness, where there's thisagitation in the body of a
person who's dying where, wherethey know that they're dying,
right? And there's thisresistance, I'm not ready to go
yet. Right? And then they maycome across as pushing family
members away. But if you if youknow what that is, you won't be
(16:07):
offended, you won't take it, youwon't take it personally. Right?
You can lean in to the process,right? And, and offer that
reassurance that you're there.
You're not going anywhere. I'mhere to support you. I love you.
When you need to go, we're goingto be okay. Beautiful. Yeah.
Lauren (16:29):
Yeah. That is so incredible Sherry, and I wonder.
So I'm in a helping profession,and I, I consider myself to be
something like a wounded healer.
So the quotes that you sharedthe turning my grief into
(16:50):
medicine, the Rumi quote, andthen another beautiful quote,
that is also, I think, on yourwebsite, or maybe it was your
email signature, because I wroteit down. Never give from the
depths of your well, but fromyour overflow Rumi, I really
want to dig into that with you.
(17:12):
And where I'm coming from is,for me, there's a really fine
line between giving from myoverflow and making sure I'm
resourced and I'm still ongoing,having space held for my pain
that's not gone. And servingother people well, and I would
(17:35):
love to hear how you approachthat because I imagine having
walked through what you'vepersonally walked through having
the personal grief experiencethat you've had, and then
supporting others through theseexperiences. Like my question
for you is, how do you do thatfrom your overflow and not from
(17:55):
the depths of your well? How doyou manage that?
Sherri Doucette (17:59):
That's a really good question.
Lauren (18:02):
I'm in the struggle. So you how,
Sherri Doucette (18:10):
listen, this struggle is so real. Mm hmm. And
can we just talk about Romi?
Like big Ruby averages show upand just be like, hello.
Lauren (18:19):
Oh, my gosh, no, he did not. And actually, if you I love
Rumi so much. And if you loveRumi, too, I want to know I'm
finding this sorry. No one canhear me now. I'm looking for
something in my office. Okay.
I'm back by the microphone. Ihave this Rumi Oracle deck. Have
you ever heard of this?
Sherri Doucette (18:37):
I have not.
Okay.
Lauren (18:39):
Can I send this to you?
We can we can do the detailslater. It has a bunch of stuff
by Rumi in it and I would loveto gift this to you as a Rumi to
Rumi heart person.
Amy (18:50):
Bring it Yeah. We will also put a link to that in the show
notes. Yeah, we'll put a link
Lauren (18:58):
for anyone else who wants it but I he never showed
up and just said hello. You'reso right. Can you speak more
about that? Because how are wehow are we supposed to manage
like real life like?
Sherri Doucette (19:12):
So for me that that quote is so deeply
resonating, it creates a visualin my mind and I tell you I was
at the first time I saw thatquote, I was at Kripalu at a
retreat eco Paulo in theBerkshires in Massachusetts. And
it was a few months after myhusband died. Wow. And a friend
(19:37):
of mine was like grabbed my handand said, We're going to Capalbo
you need this. And I'm one ofthe facilitators during during a
restorative yoga session recitedthis quote, and it was imprinted
on my heart. Mm hmm. I didn'thave to write it down. It was It
(20:01):
is imprinted on my heart. Andthe visual for me that that came
to me in that moment thatremains with me is when the
words give not from the depthsof your well, but from your
overflow, I'm standing at thewell, there is this long line
that extends to the horizon ofpeople lined up waiting to get
(20:26):
something for me to get a drinkfrom my well. And here I am,
with my little cup with a ropetethered to the to my ankle, I
am to the from my ankle to thewell, I am reaching down into
the well to the bottom of thewell. And I am scraping with my
(20:49):
little tin cup, the very lastdrops of everything that I have
to give. And I'm continuing togive right and that is that is
the scenario of burnout. Right?
That is that is what givinglooks like out of resentment.
Right? Yes, that is that isgiving out of lack. Right? And
(21:12):
I'm giving thinking, Is thereenough less than me? Will my
needs be met? Right. But when Iposition myself to receive the
download, right, and for me, itis to be in constant communion
with God. Right? It is to besurrounded by people who have an
(21:35):
interest in pouring into me. Sothat I can remain full. And I
can be giving from my overflow.
Now here's the thing, when Igive from my overflow, I never
have to stop and consider Isthere enough left over for me?
(21:55):
Because my needs are always met.
Period. First and foremost. WhenI give from when I give from my
overflow, I can give freely, Ican give with love. I can give
open heartedly. And so I havemade that a part of my my ritual
for wellness to make sure thatI'm being important to you. What
(22:17):
else does that look like? Thatlooks like when I enter a room.
More often than not, I'm not thesmartest person in the room,
right? And I had to shift that.
Because in the position that I'min, people are always coming to
get something from me. Right?
When I'm the facilitator, or I'mthe speaker, no one is showing
(22:39):
up to pour into me. They'reshowing up to take away. Mm hmm.
So I make sure that I more off.
More often than not, I'm inrooms where there are people who
are pouring into me. Yeah. WhereI can bring my cup to be to be
refilled.
Lauren (23:01):
That is so beautiful. If I'm hearing you correctly, and I
want to reflect it back andconfirm this. What I'm hearing
you say is because I show up inthese leadership roles, where
people are bringing their cupsto me, in order to not be an
empty well not be scraping thelast bottom drops from my empty
(23:24):
well, I also intentionally putmyself in situations on a
regular basis where I'm bringingmy cup to somebody else. Yes. I
love that.
Sherri Doucette (23:36):
Yes. And and it's intentional, right? Because
it's real easy to say, you know,I'm just tired, I'm empty, I'm
going to veg out. I'm going topull the covers over my head.
It's going to be a Netflix day.
Don't get me wrong, there's atime and a place for that. But
in terms of your your your selfcare, right, that enables you to
show up in your fullness toserve. You have to be
(24:01):
intentional about being pouredinto about allowing yourself to
be vulnerable. Right. Sosometimes it doesn't feel good
to say I need right out of thefear of being judged. Oh, you're
not strong. You're you're on ayou know. You are you on the
cusp of a breakdown? No, I'mtrying to prevent that actually.
(24:25):
By positioning myself to bepoured into. Yeah,
Lauren (24:33):
well and some of I love everything about what you just
shared. And some of what I loveabout it is it disrupts a story
that I think is a false storythat I am trying to let go of,
which is this story that saysonce you've arrived and become a
(24:54):
leader become like a villageelder, you are no longer fully
human. You are now alwaysshowing up in that role. And the
others that interact with youare always receiving from you.
And that's not sustainable.
Right?
Sherri Doucette (25:11):
Right. It's not sustainable, you know, I have
the privilege of, of, of beingin a community with my mother,
right, she's 73 years old, welive in the same city. And, you
know, what I've noticed is thatas, as I become more seasoned,
the dynamics of our relationshipchanges. And I'm kind of
(25:32):
shifting into this kind ofparental care role for my mom,
right? Where I'm looking out forher well being and making sure
that that that she's taking careof and, and doing the things
that that ensures her safety,however, I will always be her
(25:54):
child. Right. And, and so I haveto yield to that on a regular
basis, to allow my mother totake care of me at times. And I
remember, about a month ago, Iwas really struggling with, with
balance. I was feeling like Iwas I was I was pouring out more
(26:15):
than I was being poured into.
And I was just tired. Like, at acellular level, higher like,
Okay, I'm eating well, I'm doingyoga, meditating, I'm doing all
the things. I'm still tired,right? And it's like a need of
work. And I thought the solutionwas to just go through and work
from home to go to a cafe andjust have a change of scenery.
(26:38):
And I remember being in my carand spirits that go to your
mom's house. Beautiful. And Icall my mom and I said, I'm
coming over. And she was like,great. Are you hungry? And I was
like, Yeah. And it was about 12o'clock, went to her house, she
made me lunch. And you know, mymom likes to I get I get a
(27:01):
servant's heart from my mother.
Right? Because she's the one whomodeled that behavior for me
first. And and she's just such aselfless person. And, you know,
she puts too, like, she bringsout the China like, Nah, like,
put it on a paper plate, youknow, and brings out like a
(27:22):
linen napkin and sets the tablefor me. It's just me. And I eat
lunch and I get my laptop andI'm sitting on our couch. And
then next thing you know, I'mnot off. And I wake up and it's
five o'clock. Okay, according tothe Western world standards,
(27:43):
okay, that day was a loss. Itwas the most productive day of
that week. Yeah, because I gotexactly what I need it. A
refill? Yes. Yeah. Oh, I
Lauren (28:06):
wanna I just want you to tell that story again. I feel
like that is like my whole body,like talk about the cellular
tired. So for one I wasresonating with you have this.
It was about a month ago that Iwas like, I need to quit
coaching. I need to quit helpingpeople. I'm so exhausted.
Nothing. None of my self care iscutting it for me. And that what
(28:30):
you just described, and thatbeing the most productive day of
your week, because you got whatyou needed. You got that refill?
Ah, I just I'm like sighing withrelief at hearing you speak the
truth and have that truth. Beheard over the noise of the
false stories that tell me thatwould be a waste a day that tell
(28:54):
me I need to figure out a way toget more done that day, and
still somehow by magic rechargemy batteries. And it doesn't
work. It doesn't work. And Ilove you for sharing that story.
Thank you.
Sherri Doucette (29:08):
Absolutely. I mean, what happens if our
vehicles run out of fuel? Theystop. There's no wishing there's
no Delaine refilling the tank,it just stops. But as human
beings, we just continue to go.
Amy (29:30):
Yeah. I wonder if you also could talk about your
relationship with the idea ofproductivity and being
productive because it'ssomething that I have really
been stepping into looking at Ifeel like I became addicted with
(29:50):
to being productive like mysomehow my self worth became
measured. Which first of all, ifyou're measuring yourself worth
there's something to learn canself worth a reflection of my
worthiness was my productivityand how much I could produce.
And this is the end. So I haveI'm working a lot less now and
(30:12):
spending a lot more time withmy, my kiddo who will be going
off to kindergarten next year,and I am vastly less productive.
And so feeling so much morefulfilled right now. And I had
several weeks Lauren would hearthis from me of wringing my
hands over feeling like I wasn'tdoing enough and being
(30:33):
productive enough. And I'm justcurious if either of you have
have looked at this idea ofproductivity, which is somehow
embedded in modern life, butisn't, necessarily isn't, I will
proclaim a human value
Sherri Doucette (30:52):
can we just, we just take as well as when my
children were younger, Istruggled with that. And
although I'm from SouthernCalifornia, I live in Texas,
which is like the second matchadjacent to the, the buckle in
(31:16):
the Bible Belt. Okay. And soafter, you know, a simple
salutation, Hey, how are you?
The next question next, but thefirst question is, where do you
worship? What ministry are youat? Right? And I began saying,
My children are my ministry. Andhe will say, Okay, I understand
(31:38):
that I get it. That's a newconcept, but I get it. Excuse
me. And how, you know, let's,let's backtrack a bit. So I was
in corporate America, for 20 orso years, I made the decision to
walk away from corporateAmerica, and to give my
(32:00):
attention full time to mynonprofit in March of 2020. Wow.
Three weeks before the pandemichit the United States. Wow. And
I found myself outside of thecorporate structure, wringing my
(32:20):
hands, right. This is exactlythe moment that I prayed for
this is the season that that I,I visualized, I'm here now. But
now that the world around me hasstopped, what do I do? Right?
And I kept, I kept replayingthose old recordings, to Amy's
(32:41):
point of what it means to beproductive. And my to do list
was just empty day after dayafter day, right? And then,
something beautiful happened. Iwas able to lean back to yield
to the expansiveness of thisseason of lockdown. Right? And I
(33:03):
had to remind myself, this iswhat you've been praying for.
How many times did you did yousay, Oh, if I could just call a
timeout on my life, if I couldjust push the pause button for a
while to just disengage. Right.
And it's tough as COVID Theseason of COVID has been, it has
(33:27):
given me the gift ofexpansiveness. Yeah. Okay. And
so my, my calendar doesn't haveto be feel from the moment I
rise to the moment I lay myhead. Right? That it actually
makes me feel good to see thesepockets of expansiveness and not
(33:52):
feel a need to plug somethingin. Who can relate to that,
right? Looking at your calendar,be like, oh, yeah, I can squeeze
something there. And there andthere. Yeah. And we'll get that
it's cool.
Amy (34:07):
I'm in recovery from that, but yeah.
Sherri Doucette (34:12):
And now and when my calendar becomes too
full, I have to pump the brakesand say enough. I'm not taking
on anything else. It's theexpansiveness, I, I the
expansiveness brings me joy.
Yeah, right. It's it's theinhale. Right? It's, it's the,
the capacity to expand that thatfeels really good in my body.
(34:41):
Right? When when I'm, I, I, Ifeel attached to busyness. When
I quantify my work, or myproductivity by my busyness, I
feel contraction in my body.
Right, my anxiety rises, mystress level is high. I'm not in
(35:06):
the moment because I'm, I'manticipating what's next. Right?
Okay, I only have 30 moreminutes until the next thing,
and then the next thing and thenext thing.
Amy (35:16):
Yeah. So beautiful. And it's bringing up for me. What's
in the news a lot now, which is,I don't that I want to call it
an exodus. Perhaps it's anoverstatement. But a lot of
people leaving the work worldafter this, maybe it was an
interruption in their lives. Formost people, for sure. It was
(35:38):
not something they prayed for.
But it might have been exactlywhat they needed. A lot of
people are making differentchoices for how they use their
time now and I look at my timeis the most precious thing I
have more than money more thananything, because it's the one
thing in human form you can'tget more of.
Sherri Doucette (35:58):
Absolutely, absolutely. Maybe they didn't
pray for it, but it was exactlywhat they needed. And, you know,
the season of COVID, highlightedthe importance of pouring into
and nurturing relationships. Iremember seeing a meme on social
(36:22):
media, many moons ago, but it,it makes its way through every
year. And it says something likeyou a true friend is someone who
you don't talk to in years, butor you don't talk to regularly,
but when you see each other, youcan pick up where you left off.
(36:43):
And that friend isn't meaty, andthey don't question why you
haven't called. And I'm like,You know what, try that with the
houseplant. Try that with achild, try that with a pet to
occasionally check in tooccasionally atone or attend to
(37:05):
their needs and see whathappens. Right? That that's not
realistic. And, you know, you'vetalked about this false
narrative that we've bought intohow many people were so engaged
in work. And, and, and, and, andmoving toward a goal of a golden
(37:26):
carrot that's been dangling infront of them. That when they
found themselves in COVID, thatthe phone stopped ringing.
Right? Because they measuredtheir worth by by their business
relationships, right in theirbusyness. And then once industry
was shut down, and the businesscontext stop calling the phone
(37:51):
stop read period, right? Yeah.
And no one was calling to seeabout you. No one was calling to
just say How are you coping?
Bryant and that is so important.
How are you? How are you coping?
How are you managing and thismoment? And I'd venture to say
(38:12):
that there was a large swath ofpeople who didn't receive those
calls. Yeah. So that's, that'swhere that's that's how I
measure my success by thecondition of my relationships.
Yeah. Right. Am I making time doI have time to pour into the
(38:38):
people that I love? Right? Idon't have to tell you that. I'm
a family, person and FamiliesFirst, you can look at my
calendar and how I budget mytime and know, wow, this is
important.
Amy (38:50):
I love that. I want to shift gears a little bit, except
it probably isn't too much of ashift to talk about gratitude.
Because this episode actuallycomes out Thanksgiving week. And
I'm wondering if you have howyou cultivate gratitude. And if
(39:15):
you have gratitude practices, orif you don't, or how gratitude
just occurs in your life andbecomes an intention for you.
Sherri Doucette (39:28):
Gratitude.
Thanksgiving is by far myfavorite holiday besides my
birthday. I love it. I love it.
I love Thanksgiving because it'sall about family. And it's not
about things, right? Yeah, aboutspending time. It's about
plugging in to your people. Iteach I've been teaching a
(39:52):
community donation based class.
For the last four years weactually celebrated our four
year anniversary September 9.
And it's every Thursday, andit's called thankful Thursdays.
And at the top of the class, Iask everyone to sit with three
things that they're gratefulfor. Right? Gratitude is that
(40:20):
one thing where the more yougive, the more you receive,
right? When you focus on whatyou have, with a grateful heart,
you get more of it. Right. AndI'm not talking about material
beings, right? And, or that, notthat it doesn't relate to the
(40:41):
material world, right? But I'mtalking about the intangible
things, right? That, thatsustain us from moment to
moment.
The more gratitude you give, youincrease your capacity to
(41:02):
receive, right? If I am not openhearted, and I'm closed off, I
miss my blessings I'm able toreceive, the more of it that I
give, the more I empty out, thegreater my capacity to receive
all the things that the universehas, for me, one practice that I
(41:28):
one of the practices that Iengage in daily, that really
helps me to start my day offwith gratitude is to when I upon
rising is to journal, I havelike a gratitude journal. And I
write about what I am gratefulfor in the moment upon rising
(41:49):
What am I grateful for rightnow? Maybe it's just a new day.
Right? Maybe it's just anotheropportunity to get it right.
Maybe it's, it's an opportunityto pick up where where I left
off on yesterday. Maybe I'm justgrateful for the movement of my
lens, and and in my right mind,and recognizing that someone
(42:13):
somewhere did not have thisopportunity, this renewed
opportunity. Right? So agratitude journal that that's
big for me. service. Service isreally big. Like I said, I, I've
been teaching this donation baseclass, every Thursday for four
(42:36):
years, my daughter said, Okay,so when are you going to stop
teaching this class, I don't seemyself stop teaching this ever
stopping, like, it is intendedas my love offer. My way of
giving back to the community,right, if, if you have the
ability to donate, that's fine.
If you don't, that's fine aswell. Wellness should be
accessible to everyone. And thisis how I give back. Right? And I
(42:59):
found the more that I get themore, the more I give, the more
I receive right in a in a in anintrinsic way that my heart is
full. Right. And regardless ofwhat's going on in my life, I
always leave feeling better thanwhen I showed up.
Lauren (43:23):
One of the things I love about that is how you're
embodying this unconditionallove, all are welcome, all can
receive, you're creating likeuniversal access to that class,
which is so beautiful. And Ikind of want to highlight that
and contrast it with theinequities and the oppression
(43:48):
that are prevalent in the world.
And I would also love to, um,you know, share with our
listeners and invite you toshare as well that you also have
the broga yoga class that'sintentionally designed to
maximize access to the mostunderserved group. And I could
(44:10):
you speak to that a little bit.
Sherri Doucette (44:16):
Absolutely. Oh, broga.
Lauren (44:21):
So awesome.
Sherri Doucette (44:23):
Y'all go for the brothers. Mm hmm. Oh, my
goodness, I just my heart swellsjust thinking about it. The
impetus behind broga with theyoga classes for black men, is
that traditional Western yogaspaces are are not welcoming to
(44:44):
black men, and they're not safespaces for black men, right?
largely white female spaces,right? And though they don't say
it, the marketing rightcommunicates that message
rather, you know, very strongly.
In adopting a personal yogapractice it I, I came to the
(45:07):
understanding and recognitionthat it was transformative,
right, in how I was able toharness my breath, and to use it
to calm my peripheral nervoussystem, right? To to access the
vagus nerve to bring about thestate of bliss and equanimity.
(45:36):
Anywhere that I went, right, itwasn't it wasn't exclusive to
the yoga room. And thinking inmy relationship with my husband,
wow, what if black men hadaccess to this practice, right?
How transformative it would bein that they don't have an
(45:57):
outlet, a constructive outlet, asafe outlet to, to come and be
and breathe, right? And to allowtheir bodies to drop out of that
state of hyper vigilance rightout of that state of fight or
flight. And so I was thinking,Okay, so do we invite black men
(46:19):
into yoga to traditional yogastudios? Or do we go to black
men and create safe spaces wherethey are? Right, and help them
to master this practice so thatthey can go on and, and, and pay
it forward? Right, and tocontinue the healing process.
And so I committed myself tothat through Lighthouse
(46:43):
wellness, and what I've seen,has just been so beautiful. And
that it is it is a tool forcoping. It is it is a tool to
build resilience. It is it is atool for healing. There's this
(47:04):
the science of epigenetics thatsays that trauma is transferred
through the DNA, right, Trent,the trauma alters the DNA is
that the actual chromosomaltelomeres that is a predictor of
of lifespan, and longevity isactually shortened. Right,
(47:27):
because of trauma. But on theflip side of that, you can
transform your DNA when youheal. Right. And there's this
the saying that when you healone generation, you heal seven
generations behind and sevengenerations forward. Right. And
(47:48):
so just think of the enormousresponsibility.
And the reimagining of, of whatlife could be like, right, when
we engage in practicesintentionally, for expressly for
(48:11):
healing ourselves, not foranything else, for healing
ourselves. Black men inparticular are called to go out
into the world.
compartmentalize, right, yeah,we only want to see a certain
side of black men, right, theside that makes society feel
(48:31):
safe. In a yoga space, andparticularly in the in the
provost space, the space thatI've created, I am calling for
them. I'm giving them permissionto reintegrate, yeah, to to
remember to pull together allthose pieces of the all the
pieces of themselves, that hasbeen tucked away, right in a box
(48:53):
on a shelf in a closet, behindlock locking key because it
didn't make someone feelcomfortable. Right. And, and,
and to that point, when we whenwe live a compartmentalized
existence, we become unfamiliarand uncomfortable with parts of
ourselves. Right? So yeah, sothat that is broga creating safe
(49:19):
spaces where black men and menof color can come and heal.
Lauren (49:28):
I just love that so much. And I love how you're
speaking to healing andintegration and the value of
creating a space like that withthat intention to intentionally
serve that group of people.
Because one of the things on mymind is this desire for our
global human family to movetowards inclusion and
(49:51):
integration. And it wasfascinating to me to hear you
say do I invite the black To theyoga spaces, or do I create a
space for black men toexperience yoga? And do I call
it broga? And do I make it clearthat this is for you? And I
think they're in my personalopinion, as I continue to
(50:13):
explore what is our path forwardas a human race or humanity as a
collective. I'm seeing so muchvalue in not skipping steps.
Like if we invite them to thecommunal yoga space, and we make
a little room for them there. Wesay, Come on, we're welcoming
(50:34):
you come on in, we're gonnawelcome you now. I feel like
we've skipped an essential stepthere. Like, I wonder if you
would have any more to say aboutlike, why you landed where you
landed with creating thisdedicated broga space?
Sherri Doucette (50:52):
Certainly Rasma Metacam, who is the author of my
grandmother's hands, he's doingamazing work in, in this space
of, of reclamation, and healingaround racial harm, right. And
(51:15):
he talks about the importance ofHealing Within affinity groups,
right? Go to your tribe, andheal amongst your people. Right,
and then come together. Right,because there's some work that
has to be done, where there hasto be full transparency, and
(51:39):
there has to be vulnerability.
And in order for that to happen,I have to feel safe. Right, and
let's not judge that. Right?
Like, it is fat, I need to feelsafe. If if I feel like I have
to mince my words, I have to becareful, I have to self correct,
(51:59):
right, mentally, before I speak,that I cannot have an open and
honest exchange. Because I'mmore concerned with being
accepted. Right. And, andfearful of being wrong. And you
have to be in a safe space whereyou can work through your ish.
(52:23):
Right. And, and, and alsorecognizing that we all have
different work to do. Your workis not my work, and my work is
not your work. But it's equallyimportant. And so let's first
retreat and handle our, ourindividual work, that's
(52:44):
exclusive to our, our livedexperience, right? Because
there's some unpacking thatneeds to happen. Right? That
that our ways of being didn'tjust show up, right? That, you
know, if, if you're, you know,you just minding your business,
and you're in an elevator, andthen all of a sudden someone
(53:05):
walks steps into an elevator andyou feel like you're pretty woke
and you've been doing your workand someone walks into an
elevator and it's just you andthat person, that person doesn't
look like you. And you know, youjust have this reflex of pulling
your your pocket book closer toyour body. You're like, where
did that come from? That's worthexploring, right? And chances
(53:26):
are I didn't start with you,right. And let's talk about my
mom's experience. And mygrandparents lived experience.
Right. And like I said, thathealing, reverberates out
generationally. So you'rehealing the ancestors, you're
healing generations to come. So,so doing creating safe spaces,
(53:48):
where people can come and bevulnerable, and open is, is
really an essential part of ahealing, collectively, is that
we have to heal and do the workindividually. If that makes
sense.
Lauren (54:07):
Yeah, it makes so much sense. And I think when I was
really early in my awakeningjourney, I had this impulse to
try to rush to globalintegration to like, inclusion,
meaning everyone, everyone now.
And I've been learning throughthe work that I'm doing that
(54:30):
that's a form of spiritualbypassing, that's a form that's
skipping essential steps. And soI really appreciate you speaking
to that having the livedexperience of creating a
dedicated space like this for avery specific purpose to meet a
need that could not be metanother way. And I think there's
(54:51):
so much value in that and you'reyou're modeling that for me and
I'm learning to slow down andlearn and listen. And you know,
my goal is to participate incollective healing, but in a way
that honors the whole process.
Sherri Doucette (55:13):
Absolutely. In meeting me, I am meeting people
where they are, right and notrequiring that people come to
you and meet you where you arewhere you feel comfortable,
right? Because there's somediscomfort in meeting people
where they are I'm, I'm, I'm awoman. Right? I was so resistant
(55:36):
to this idea why me? Why am Ibeing called. But the more
resistant, I was, like, I justcould not get away from it. I
could not like God would justnot allow us like, this is your
work, this is your work. And I'mgoing to be patient with you.
And but this is your work. And Iremember teaching that first
(55:56):
class, I just had so muchtrepidation in my body. And I
was just like, I don't know howI'm going to be how I'll be
received in this space. Butthere was just this, these men
feel the space and there wasjust this collective exhale,
like, we've been waiting on you.
We've been waiting for you. AndI felt that in my heart, you
(56:19):
know, it was just, it was sobeautiful. It was so beautiful
that, you know, yeah, I'm a yogateacher. And I know, Sanskrit,
Sanskrit doesn't translate wellin certain spaces, right. And
I'm not going to waste a bunchof time trying to teach you
Sanskrit. Right, I'm, like, I'mgonna cut like, going to go on
(56:40):
to triangle pose, or mountainpose, right, or, you know, I
don't have to use Sanskrit I canspeak in terms that you relate
to. Because let's be honest,some of that can be off putting,
right it can be other rain thatyou've mastered. And you know,
and I don't know, like I want, Iwant the practice to feel like
(57:03):
your own. Right, when I'm, whenI'm guiding a yoga practice. I'm
simply offering suggestions. Youcan choose to or not, you can go
into child's pose, because youneed a rest anytime. Yeah, and
there is no judgment. Andsometimes I will put men into
(57:24):
warrior pose, if you're familiarwith warrior pose, for an
extended period of time, tobreak through to their ego, Mm
hmm. And just hold it, just holdit and just keep talking. And
then I can see that the eye cansee the quads began to shake,
and the, and the and the, andthe biceps are starting to
(57:48):
shake. And I'll say You know,you can, it takes great courage,
it takes greater courage toretreat and to recognize when
you need rest, den to persevereout of ego, when your body is
calling you to do otherwise. Butbut that is just, that's just
something to think about. Andthen I'll notice out of the
(58:10):
corner of my eye, I'll see themstraightening that front leg and
dropping the arms right andtaking a moment. And then going
back into warrior. Like, yes,give yourself what you need,
don't don't scan the room to seewhat the other men are doing.
Focus on what it is that youneed in this moment, right. And
that's just not for yoga,because what I want is my hope,
(58:33):
and my intention is that theywill take the practice out into
the world. And they'll recognizewhen they need self care, right,
and they'll think back when toshare we have them holding
Warrior Two for six minutes.
Amy (58:54):
I love them eautiful. And back to our conversation before
about rest and letting thisagenda this kind of ego driven
obsession with productivity andhow we think oh, yes, also the
ego can can point us to what itmeans to be tough or masculine
or fulfill what's being askedand, and you're just you keep
(59:14):
pointing back to listen toyourself. Give yourself what you
need, which is so beautiful,
Lauren (59:21):
and caring for our bodies and and honoring the
reality that all humans areembodied in bodies that need
rest and care. You know, we noneof us are superhuman, to the
degree that were the specialones that can just keep going,
going, going, going going andnever rest and never slow down.
(59:42):
And never take a break. And Ithink your warrior pose story
speaks to that. And the storywith you with your mom making
lunch for you, which was sobeautiful speaks to that and I
will keep I will take with mefrom this conversation that
reminder to embody that andmodel it And, and try to help co
(01:00:02):
create a world that supports it.
Because I think that's part ofwhat, you know, we're trying to
learn how to do here.
Sherri Doucette (01:00:14):
There's this this philosophy or called the
100. Monkeys, have you everheard of that? No monkeys, so
that there was the scientists,they were observing monkeys in
somewhere in the world. And theynoticed that monkeys began a
(01:00:37):
certain group of monkeys. Well,this one monkey would wash its
food in the river. And then moremonkeys began to wash their
potatoes in the river. And thenthere were 100 monkeys, all the
monkeys were washing the riverNovember, right. And that action
(01:00:59):
spread globally, because of thissmall group that was was not in
community with the group on theother side of the world, right?
And so you're right, it startswith us. And how do we change
the world? By embodying thechange that we want to see in
the world? We have to be it? Wehave to do it, right? We have to
(01:01:24):
be the thing. And you know,tick, not Han talks about that,
well, what do I do, you don't doanything you be it. Right, as a
yogi Yogi is a way of being it'snot something that I do on a
yoga mat. It's how I live mylife. By being present, by being
open hearted, by buildingresilience through these
(01:01:47):
practices, and helping, whichhelps me to pivot quickly,
right? Not to say that I'mperfect, right? But when I find
myself out of alignment, when Ifind myself veering off the
path, that I have this, thisincreased state of awareness of
self awareness, when I say, ah,we got to come back, right. And
more often than not, it's thebreath that I access to help to
(01:02:12):
help me to come back into astate of homeostasis. After
being in you know, corporateAmerica, you know, it's like,
oh, I have four weeks ofvacation. Look at me, this is
amazing for whole weeks out of12 months. And God forbid, if I
would take all four weeks at onetime, there would just be an
(01:02:32):
echo of, of pearls clutchingthroughout the corporate office,
right? Sherry is leaving forfour whole weeks. Oh, my
goodness. And, and initially,when I came into Lighthouse full
time, march 2020, you know, Iwas still in that corporate
mode, right? Like, I need to bebusy, I need to do all the
(01:02:53):
things and, and and reallyreplay in those records, if
you're going to be selfemployed, you got to work harder
than you've ever worked foranyone else, and you're gonna
have sleepless nights, you'regoing to do this? Is that really
what I want to do? Is thatreally the existence what I
want? I am my own boss. Now,what type of life do I want for
myself? And so I've given myselfa gift of a six week, quasi
(01:03:16):
sabbatical at the end of theyear. So December 1 through
January 16. I am disengaged,beautiful, and I used and I will
use that time for self care.
December 1 through January 16.
And the people who are part ofmy team initially, they're like,
What? What do you mean, we'renot taking on any work in
(01:03:39):
December through January? I'mlike, You're right. That's
right. And now they're like,Well, I can't wait till
December. It's gonna be amazing.
Like, it's going to be amazing.
So a new way of being
Lauren (01:03:56):
and then you'll come you'll all come back so
refreshed and refilled, which isso incredible. I love it. You're
such an inspiration to me. Thankyou so much for this beautiful
conversation.
Amy (01:04:08):
Just want to really share with you my gratitude for all
that you've shared with ustoday.
Sherri Doucette (01:04:14):
Oh, the gratitude is mutual. Thank you
so much. I'm honored to be hereand space and time with the both
of you. It has been an absolutepleasure. Absolute pleasure. You
know if folks would like toconnect with me, so the website
is Lighthouse wellness dot work.
And that's li T I know the brainis like Li gh t it's li t h o u
(01:04:37):
s e wellness dot o RG and youcan find me on the gram and on
Facebook at Lighthouse wellnessas well.
Lauren (01:04:49):
Wonderful and we will include links to all of those in
the show notes. So if you justwant to click on it, you'll have
that option to say thank you somuch.
We believe life can be a journey toward wholeness, toward
reconnecting with who we areauthentically meant to be. We
walk this path of growth anddiscovery with our children,
with our partners, withinourselves. These are the stories
of what's possible. These arethe conversations that light the
(00:28):
way. Welcome to soul pathparenting. Hi, Lauren.
Lauren (00:34):
Hi, Amy. I, as usual, I'm so excited to be introducing
a conversation together. Andwhat's so alive for me in this
moment is something that wetalked about in our anniversary
episode, which is this beautifulmerging of the value of planning
(00:56):
and having an intention andhaving a map that we can follow
and the value of being alive inthe moment and willing and able
to go with the flow, pivot, andbe with what's most alive. And
in relation to that idea, thisconversation that we are about
to share with you was originallyintended. And I say this in the
(01:19):
beginning to be a conversationabout grief and gratitude. And,
you know, we were both reallyexcited to talk about grief and
gratitude. And we will be doingthat in the future. This
conversation was alive andorganic, and it evolved
differently than we thought itwould. There's a beautiful aha
(01:44):
moment.
Amy (01:45):
Yeah, so we, in this episode, talk a little bit about
grief and gratitude. It'sThanksgiving week, and we talk
about giving and also theimportance of receiving, slowing
down. Healing, how we can createspace for healing, embodying
(02:09):
unconditional love and theimportance of rest. Those are
the big things that I got out ofthis episode that just was such
a beautiful, I feel like,instead of it being that
straight path, like okay, we'regonna go from here to grieve and
gratitude, we're on the straightpath. It was this like beautiful
winding row that we got to walktogether with Sherry Doucet our
(02:32):
guest, who we will introduce toyou now as we drop into the
actual recorded conversationwith Sherry, here you go.
Lauren (02:48):
Hello, I am so excited to be here today with Sherry do
set who is the founder ofLighthouse wellness, a yoga and
meditation teacher, mindfulnessconsultants, lifespan doula
healer. And from what I can tellfrom your gorgeous website and
(03:08):
some video clips that I've seena view, just an amazing healing
presence in the world. And I'mso excited and grateful to get
to be in your presence today andto hear from you, about you. So
could you start by sharing whoyou are now? And then my follow
(03:29):
up question will be, what hasyour journey been like to get
there? So or in whatever orderyou would like to talk about
that?
Sherri Doucette (03:39):
Oh, there's so much. Right.
Lauren (03:45):
Do you want to start with now or would you like to
start with where you came from?
Sherri Doucette (03:52):
Let's start with where I came from.
Beautiful. Yeah. So I'moriginally from Southern
California. I'm a West Coastgirl. Yay. And so love brought
me to Dallas, Texas. I'm amother of two amazing human
beings. And a yay to one. I wasmarried to an amazing man. And
(04:19):
his life was cut short due tocancer. And that was where I
experience this awakening, ifyou will. Some people call it
spiritual transformation. Thisreally opened my eyes to what
was important in life. Yes. Andso that experience led to me
(04:46):
establishing Lighthousewellness, and, and exploring my
yoga yoga journey to becoming ateacher and to exploring
modality of healing that I canshare with the world, right? The
purpose of Lighthouse wellnessis to provide African American
(05:09):
men and underserved communitieswith transformative tools for
healing. So that is what I dothat is where I came from. And
this is where I am. So I'm justso happy to be here nor in and
Amy,
Lauren (05:25):
thank you so much for sharing, I, I am just so awed by
your story and thetransformation element of it.
And I would love to speak to thetopics today of grief and
gratitude. And I want to includethem both. Because I feel like
(05:51):
we live in a world that feelsenergetically to me, like a lot
of either or, either you'regrieving, or you're over it, and
now you're happy. Either you'rethis or you're that. And my
desire is to createconversations of both and, and
(06:15):
I'm curious, what you would sayto that, because part of your
story is that you transformedyour grief into, you know,
transformed your pain intomedicine, you have these
beautiful Rumi quotes on yourwebsite, and I love Rumi, and so
like to transform pain intomedicine, I feel like sometimes
(06:35):
in the world, it can be like,Oh, so now you're all better,
and you're not sad anymore. AndI can you speak to that a little
bit?
Sherri Doucette (06:43):
Absolutely.
Grief and gratitude are notmutually exclusive. They can
coexist. Right. And you could begrieving and grateful at the
same time. Rain tech, not Hantalks about the, you know, this
phenomenon of impermanence.
(07:09):
Right. And, you know, earlier wewere talking about, you know,
aging and becoming more season,right, and how sometimes that
can be difficult to face. Butonce we, we we recognize and
appreciate impermanence, we'reable to be more present. Right?
Recognizing that each moment isfleeting, right? That this life
(07:32):
is fleeting, that we're allgoing to die, right? That none
of us are getting out of thisthing alive. Right? That that
realization, that recognition,that acceptance, helps you to be
present, right, and to see everymoment as a gift to see death
and dying as an opportunity.
Right? For reconciliation, forremembering for creating legacy.
(07:57):
And so is can death be painfulto experience to witness to
observe? Absolutely. But can yoube grateful at the same time for
that experience? For instance,with my husband, I'm so grateful
that it didn't happen suddenly,right? That he didn't go to work
(08:23):
and I never saw him again.
Right? That he was handed this,you know, this, this horrible
diagnosis, but we have 46 days,to say what we needed to say,
right? To have the conversationsto sit and just to soak up each
(08:43):
other's or an energy and thatexperience really set the stage
or set the I call it a buffetfor my grief journey. Because
because I had those thosenuggets of of remembrance, you
(09:07):
know, that would that wouldaccompany me along the journey.
Like, okay, yeah, he's not hereanymore, physically, but matter.
Matter never stops, you know,being right. It's the
transformation of matter intoenergy. And so he's still here,
(09:28):
and I'm grateful for that. AndI'm grateful for our experience
together. I'm grateful for thelife we had. I'm grateful for
the children that we have, but Ican I can, I can experience
continue to experience himthrough
Lauren (09:42):
that so. Yeah. Oh my.
It's so beautiful. It's sad. Itrings so true. It's like
gorgeously true. And, um, andsomething that I want to ask is
So would you say that you'resimultaneously grateful for the
46 days that you had and sadthat it wasn't longer. Yes, that
(10:03):
it's both and that they bothexist. Yeah. And so I just think
that is so beautiful. And whenpeople are grieving and
experiencing grief, for me griefis so specific. And you can
choose to honor both sides ofit. Even in different
(10:27):
situations, you know, less time,you could have grateful for this
sad about this more even moretime grateful for this sad about
this. And not just about timeabout anything,
Sherri Doucette (10:42):
anything at all? Right? And it is about I
think, you know, my, my, my yogapractice really helped inform
how I showed up at his deathbed.
My I'm also a birth doula and Iam and my experience is that the
death bed and the birth room areboth sacred spaces. And it is an
(11:05):
opportunity to experience God upclose and in person, right? And
if you allow yourself to bepresent and open to that
experience, right, to not turnaway from it, but to be open
hearted and in and to haveembody the curiosity of a child.
(11:29):
You know, that childlikecuriosity, where you don't, you
know, it's, you know, it's likewhy, you know, you lean in
children lean in, right? Andadults when you know, there's
that discomfort, a sense ofunknown, you know, the natural
inclination is to turn awaylife, but in birth and death, if
we would allow ourselves to leadin the gift that we will receive
(11:54):
is, is beyond words, really.
Amy (12:02):
I love to dig into that a little bit more because you talk
about being a lifespan doula.
And I'd love it if you couldtalk about this role that you
play in birth as and in death,and I'm particularly I had never
(12:22):
until we spoken spoke beforethis interview come across this
idea of a death doula. And it'sso intriguing to me. I would
love it if you could share alittle bit more about that.
Sherri Doucette (12:38):
Sure. So just as you know, with with a birth
doula, um, well, let's startthere. So a birth doula is a non
clinical support person, right?
The word doula translated meanswoman servant, right? To be of
service in 2021. You know, thedoula space is not exclusive to
(13:04):
women. There are folks of ofmany identities who show up as
doulas, right? And then there ison the on the other end of the
spectrum, right. So, in my Doulawork, I am a support person who
advocates and helps my birthingclient to feel empowered, right,
(13:25):
and deeply supported as they arebirthing. On the other end of
the spectrum, I meet people whoare dying, or family members of
those who are dying, and Iprovide a similar support and in
helping them to die in a waythat feels dignified, and
(13:47):
empowered. So what does thatlook like? I'm planning visual
planning, right? legacyprojects, recording of video
voice recordings, creating voicerecordings for a for instance,
if it's a person who is who hasyoung children, or there are,
(14:08):
you know, generate our familymembers who will outlive him
providing recordings formilestones, letter writing. What
does what does a dignified andempowered birth look like? How
can I help to orchestrate thatright to be the producer of your
(14:32):
death? Show? Some people up fora living wake. Don't wait until
I've passed to get up and tell aroomful of people what I meant
to you. While I'm here. Tell mewhat I mean to you. Right? Get
that that old adage of give memy roses while I can still smell
(14:56):
them? Yeah. And, and, and and tohelp people to feel like, there,
there isn't a right or wrong wayto die. Right, you can create
whatever it is that you and yourfamily members need. And your
imagination is that is, is isthe limitation. Right. And what
(15:20):
I found, and in addition to thathelping family members to
recognize the signs of impendingdeath, so that the death process
isn't scary. Right? So changesin the color of the skin,
respiration. What do they call,they call it? Terminal
(15:43):
restlessness, where there's thisagitation in the body of a
person who's dying where, wherethey know that they're dying,
right? And there's thisresistance, I'm not ready to go
yet. Right? And then they maycome across as pushing family
members away. But if you if youknow what that is, you won't be
(16:07):
offended, you won't take it, youwon't take it personally. Right?
You can lean in to the process,right? And, and offer that
reassurance that you're there.
You're not going anywhere. I'mhere to support you. I love you.
When you need to go, we're goingto be okay. Beautiful. Yeah.
Lauren (16:29):
Yeah. That is so incredible Sherry, and I wonder.
So I'm in a helping profession,and I, I consider myself to be
something like a wounded healer.
So the quotes that you sharedthe turning my grief into
(16:50):
medicine, the Rumi quote, andthen another beautiful quote,
that is also, I think, on yourwebsite, or maybe it was your
email signature, because I wroteit down. Never give from the
depths of your well, but fromyour overflow Rumi, I really
want to dig into that with you.
(17:12):
And where I'm coming from is,for me, there's a really fine
line between giving from myoverflow and making sure I'm
resourced and I'm still ongoing,having space held for my pain
that's not gone. And servingother people well, and I would
(17:35):
love to hear how you approachthat because I imagine having
walked through what you'vepersonally walked through having
the personal grief experiencethat you've had, and then
supporting others through theseexperiences. Like my question
for you is, how do you do thatfrom your overflow and not from
(17:55):
the depths of your well? How doyou manage that?
Sherri Doucette (17:59):
That's a really good question.
Lauren (18:02):
I'm in the struggle. So you how,
Sherri Doucette (18:10):
listen, this struggle is so real. Mm hmm. And
can we just talk about Romi?
Like big Ruby averages show upand just be like, hello.
Lauren (18:19):
Oh, my gosh, no, he did not. And actually, if you I love
Rumi so much. And if you loveRumi, too, I want to know I'm
finding this sorry. No one canhear me now. I'm looking for
something in my office. Okay.
I'm back by the microphone. Ihave this Rumi Oracle deck. Have
you ever heard of this?
Sherri Doucette (18:37):
I have not.
Okay.
Lauren (18:39):
Can I send this to you?
We can we can do the detailslater. It has a bunch of stuff
by Rumi in it and I would loveto gift this to you as a Rumi to
Rumi heart person.
Amy (18:50):
Bring it Yeah. We will also put a link to that in the show
notes. Yeah, we'll put a link
Lauren (18:58):
for anyone else who wants it but I he never showed
up and just said hello. You'reso right. Can you speak more
about that? Because how are wehow are we supposed to manage
like real life like?
Sherri Doucette (19:12):
So for me that that quote is so deeply
resonating, it creates a visualin my mind and I tell you I was
at the first time I saw thatquote, I was at Kripalu at a
retreat eco Paulo in theBerkshires in Massachusetts. And
it was a few months after myhusband died. Wow. And a friend
(19:37):
of mine was like grabbed my handand said, We're going to Capalbo
you need this. And I'm one ofthe facilitators during during a
restorative yoga session recitedthis quote, and it was imprinted
on my heart. Mm hmm. I didn'thave to write it down. It was It
(20:01):
is imprinted on my heart. Andthe visual for me that that came
to me in that moment thatremains with me is when the
words give not from the depthsof your well, but from your
overflow, I'm standing at thewell, there is this long line
that extends to the horizon ofpeople lined up waiting to get
(20:26):
something for me to get a drinkfrom my well. And here I am,
with my little cup with a ropetethered to the to my ankle, I
am to the from my ankle to thewell, I am reaching down into
the well to the bottom of thewell. And I am scraping with my
(20:49):
little tin cup, the very lastdrops of everything that I have
to give. And I'm continuing togive right and that is that is
the scenario of burnout. Right?
That is that is what givinglooks like out of resentment.
Right? Yes, that is that isgiving out of lack. Right? And
(21:12):
I'm giving thinking, Is thereenough less than me? Will my
needs be met? Right. But when Iposition myself to receive the
download, right, and for me, itis to be in constant communion
with God. Right? It is to besurrounded by people who have an
(21:35):
interest in pouring into me. Sothat I can remain full. And I
can be giving from my overflow.
Now here's the thing, when Igive from my overflow, I never
have to stop and consider Isthere enough left over for me?
(21:55):
Because my needs are always met.
Period. First and foremost. WhenI give from when I give from my
overflow, I can give freely, Ican give with love. I can give
open heartedly. And so I havemade that a part of my my ritual
for wellness to make sure thatI'm being important to you. What
(22:17):
else does that look like? Thatlooks like when I enter a room.
More often than not, I'm not thesmartest person in the room,
right? And I had to shift that.
Because in the position that I'min, people are always coming to
get something from me. Right?
When I'm the facilitator, or I'mthe speaker, no one is showing
(22:39):
up to pour into me. They'reshowing up to take away. Mm hmm.
So I make sure that I more off.
More often than not, I'm inrooms where there are people who
are pouring into me. Yeah. WhereI can bring my cup to be to be
refilled.
Lauren (23:01):
That is so beautiful. If I'm hearing you correctly, and I
want to reflect it back andconfirm this. What I'm hearing
you say is because I show up inthese leadership roles, where
people are bringing their cupsto me, in order to not be an
empty well not be scraping thelast bottom drops from my empty
(23:24):
well, I also intentionally putmyself in situations on a
regular basis where I'm bringingmy cup to somebody else. Yes. I
love that.
Sherri Doucette (23:36):
Yes. And and it's intentional, right? Because
it's real easy to say, you know,I'm just tired, I'm empty, I'm
going to veg out. I'm going topull the covers over my head.
It's going to be a Netflix day.
Don't get me wrong, there's atime and a place for that. But
in terms of your your your selfcare, right, that enables you to
show up in your fullness toserve. You have to be
(24:01):
intentional about being pouredinto about allowing yourself to
be vulnerable. Right. Sosometimes it doesn't feel good
to say I need right out of thefear of being judged. Oh, you're
not strong. You're you're on ayou know. You are you on the
cusp of a breakdown? No, I'mtrying to prevent that actually.
(24:25):
By positioning myself to bepoured into. Yeah,
Lauren (24:33):
well and some of I love everything about what you just
shared. And some of what I loveabout it is it disrupts a story
that I think is a false storythat I am trying to let go of,
which is this story that saysonce you've arrived and become a
(24:54):
leader become like a villageelder, you are no longer fully
human. You are now alwaysshowing up in that role. And the
others that interact with youare always receiving from you.
And that's not sustainable.
Right?
Sherri Doucette (25:11):
Right. It's not sustainable, you know, I have
the privilege of, of, of beingin a community with my mother,
right, she's 73 years old, welive in the same city. And, you
know, what I've noticed is thatas, as I become more seasoned,
the dynamics of our relationshipchanges. And I'm kind of
(25:32):
shifting into this kind ofparental care role for my mom,
right? Where I'm looking out forher well being and making sure
that that that she's taking careof and, and doing the things
that that ensures her safety,however, I will always be her
(25:54):
child. Right. And, and so I haveto yield to that on a regular
basis, to allow my mother totake care of me at times. And I
remember, about a month ago, Iwas really struggling with, with
balance. I was feeling like Iwas I was I was pouring out more
(26:15):
than I was being poured into.
And I was just tired. Like, at acellular level, higher like,
Okay, I'm eating well, I'm doingyoga, meditating, I'm doing all
the things. I'm still tired,right? And it's like a need of
work. And I thought the solutionwas to just go through and work
from home to go to a cafe andjust have a change of scenery.
(26:38):
And I remember being in my carand spirits that go to your
mom's house. Beautiful. And Icall my mom and I said, I'm
coming over. And she was like,great. Are you hungry? And I was
like, Yeah. And it was about 12o'clock, went to her house, she
made me lunch. And you know, mymom likes to I get I get a
(27:01):
servant's heart from my mother.
Right? Because she's the one whomodeled that behavior for me
first. And and she's just such aselfless person. And, you know,
she puts too, like, she bringsout the China like, Nah, like,
put it on a paper plate, youknow, and brings out like a
(27:22):
linen napkin and sets the tablefor me. It's just me. And I eat
lunch and I get my laptop andI'm sitting on our couch. And
then next thing you know, I'mnot off. And I wake up and it's
five o'clock. Okay, according tothe Western world standards,
(27:43):
okay, that day was a loss. Itwas the most productive day of
that week. Yeah, because I gotexactly what I need it. A
refill? Yes. Yeah. Oh, I
Lauren (28:06):
wanna I just want you to tell that story again. I feel
like that is like my whole body,like talk about the cellular
tired. So for one I wasresonating with you have this.
It was about a month ago that Iwas like, I need to quit
coaching. I need to quit helpingpeople. I'm so exhausted.
Nothing. None of my self care iscutting it for me. And that what
(28:30):
you just described, and thatbeing the most productive day of
your week, because you got whatyou needed. You got that refill?
Ah, I just I'm like sighing withrelief at hearing you speak the
truth and have that truth. Beheard over the noise of the
false stories that tell me thatwould be a waste a day that tell
(28:54):
me I need to figure out a way toget more done that day, and
still somehow by magic rechargemy batteries. And it doesn't
work. It doesn't work. And Ilove you for sharing that story.
Thank you.
Sherri Doucette (29:08):
Absolutely. I mean, what happens if our
vehicles run out of fuel? Theystop. There's no wishing there's
no Delaine refilling the tank,it just stops. But as human
beings, we just continue to go.
Amy (29:30):
Yeah. I wonder if you also could talk about your
relationship with the idea ofproductivity and being
productive because it'ssomething that I have really
been stepping into looking at Ifeel like I became addicted with
(29:50):
to being productive like mysomehow my self worth became
measured. Which first of all, ifyou're measuring yourself worth
there's something to learn canself worth a reflection of my
worthiness was my productivityand how much I could produce.
And this is the end. So I haveI'm working a lot less now and
(30:12):
spending a lot more time withmy, my kiddo who will be going
off to kindergarten next year,and I am vastly less productive.
And so feeling so much morefulfilled right now. And I had
several weeks Lauren would hearthis from me of wringing my
hands over feeling like I wasn'tdoing enough and being
(30:33):
productive enough. And I'm justcurious if either of you have
have looked at this idea ofproductivity, which is somehow
embedded in modern life, butisn't, necessarily isn't, I will
proclaim a human value
Sherri Doucette (30:52):
can we just, we just take as well as when my
children were younger, Istruggled with that. And
although I'm from SouthernCalifornia, I live in Texas,
which is like the second matchadjacent to the, the buckle in
(31:16):
the Bible Belt. Okay. And soafter, you know, a simple
salutation, Hey, how are you?
The next question next, but thefirst question is, where do you
worship? What ministry are youat? Right? And I began saying,
My children are my ministry. Andhe will say, Okay, I understand
(31:38):
that I get it. That's a newconcept, but I get it. Excuse
me. And how, you know, let's,let's backtrack a bit. So I was
in corporate America, for 20 orso years, I made the decision to
walk away from corporateAmerica, and to give my
(32:00):
attention full time to mynonprofit in March of 2020. Wow.
Three weeks before the pandemichit the United States. Wow. And
I found myself outside of thecorporate structure, wringing my
(32:20):
hands, right. This is exactlythe moment that I prayed for
this is the season that that I,I visualized, I'm here now. But
now that the world around me hasstopped, what do I do? Right?
And I kept, I kept replayingthose old recordings, to Amy's
(32:41):
point of what it means to beproductive. And my to do list
was just empty day after dayafter day, right? And then,
something beautiful happened. Iwas able to lean back to yield
to the expansiveness of thisseason of lockdown. Right? And I
(33:03):
had to remind myself, this iswhat you've been praying for.
How many times did you did yousay, Oh, if I could just call a
timeout on my life, if I couldjust push the pause button for a
while to just disengage. Right.
And it's tough as COVID Theseason of COVID has been, it has
(33:27):
given me the gift ofexpansiveness. Yeah. Okay. And
so my, my calendar doesn't haveto be feel from the moment I
rise to the moment I lay myhead. Right? That it actually
makes me feel good to see thesepockets of expansiveness and not
(33:52):
feel a need to plug somethingin. Who can relate to that,
right? Looking at your calendar,be like, oh, yeah, I can squeeze
something there. And there andthere. Yeah. And we'll get that
it's cool.
Amy (34:07):
I'm in recovery from that, but yeah.
Sherri Doucette (34:12):
And now and when my calendar becomes too
full, I have to pump the brakesand say enough. I'm not taking
on anything else. It's theexpansiveness, I, I the
expansiveness brings me joy.
Yeah, right. It's it's theinhale. Right? It's, it's the,
the capacity to expand that thatfeels really good in my body.
(34:41):
Right? When when I'm, I, I, Ifeel attached to busyness. When
I quantify my work, or myproductivity by my busyness, I
feel contraction in my body.
Right, my anxiety rises, mystress level is high. I'm not in
(35:06):
the moment because I'm, I'manticipating what's next. Right?
Okay, I only have 30 moreminutes until the next thing,
and then the next thing and thenext thing.
Amy (35:16):
Yeah. So beautiful. And it's bringing up for me. What's
in the news a lot now, which is,I don't that I want to call it
an exodus. Perhaps it's anoverstatement. But a lot of
people leaving the work worldafter this, maybe it was an
interruption in their lives. Formost people, for sure. It was
(35:38):
not something they prayed for.
But it might have been exactlywhat they needed. A lot of
people are making differentchoices for how they use their
time now and I look at my timeis the most precious thing I
have more than money more thananything, because it's the one
thing in human form you can'tget more of.
Sherri Doucette (35:58):
Absolutely, absolutely. Maybe they didn't
pray for it, but it was exactlywhat they needed. And, you know,
the season of COVID, highlightedthe importance of pouring into
and nurturing relationships. Iremember seeing a meme on social
(36:22):
media, many moons ago, but it,it makes its way through every
year. And it says something likeyou a true friend is someone who
you don't talk to in years, butor you don't talk to regularly,
but when you see each other, youcan pick up where you left off.
(36:43):
And that friend isn't meaty, andthey don't question why you
haven't called. And I'm like,You know what, try that with the
houseplant. Try that with achild, try that with a pet to
occasionally check in tooccasionally atone or attend to
(37:05):
their needs and see whathappens. Right? That that's not
realistic. And, you know, you'vetalked about this false
narrative that we've bought intohow many people were so engaged
in work. And, and, and, and, andmoving toward a goal of a golden
(37:26):
carrot that's been dangling infront of them. That when they
found themselves in COVID, thatthe phone stopped ringing.
Right? Because they measuredtheir worth by by their business
relationships, right in theirbusyness. And then once industry
was shut down, and the businesscontext stop calling the phone
(37:51):
stop read period, right? Yeah.
And no one was calling to seeabout you. No one was calling to
just say How are you coping?
Bryant and that is so important.
How are you? How are you coping?
How are you managing and thismoment? And I'd venture to say
(38:12):
that there was a large swath ofpeople who didn't receive those
calls. Yeah. So that's, that'swhere that's that's how I
measure my success by thecondition of my relationships.
Yeah. Right. Am I making time doI have time to pour into the
(38:38):
people that I love? Right? Idon't have to tell you that. I'm
a family, person and FamiliesFirst, you can look at my
calendar and how I budget mytime and know, wow, this is
important.
Amy (38:50):
I love that. I want to shift gears a little bit, except
it probably isn't too much of ashift to talk about gratitude.
Because this episode actuallycomes out Thanksgiving week. And
I'm wondering if you have howyou cultivate gratitude. And if
(39:15):
you have gratitude practices, orif you don't, or how gratitude
just occurs in your life andbecomes an intention for you.
Sherri Doucette (39:28):
Gratitude.
Thanksgiving is by far myfavorite holiday besides my
birthday. I love it. I love it.
I love Thanksgiving because it'sall about family. And it's not
about things, right? Yeah, aboutspending time. It's about
plugging in to your people. Iteach I've been teaching a
(39:52):
community donation based class.
For the last four years weactually celebrated our four
year anniversary September 9.
And it's every Thursday, andit's called thankful Thursdays.
And at the top of the class, Iask everyone to sit with three
things that they're gratefulfor. Right? Gratitude is that
(40:20):
one thing where the more yougive, the more you receive,
right? When you focus on whatyou have, with a grateful heart,
you get more of it. Right. AndI'm not talking about material
beings, right? And, or that, notthat it doesn't relate to the
(40:41):
material world, right? But I'mtalking about the intangible
things, right? That, thatsustain us from moment to
moment.
The more gratitude you give, youincrease your capacity to
(41:02):
receive, right? If I am not openhearted, and I'm closed off, I
miss my blessings I'm able toreceive, the more of it that I
give, the more I empty out, thegreater my capacity to receive
all the things that the universehas, for me, one practice that I
(41:28):
one of the practices that Iengage in daily, that really
helps me to start my day offwith gratitude is to when I upon
rising is to journal, I havelike a gratitude journal. And I
write about what I am gratefulfor in the moment upon rising
(41:49):
What am I grateful for rightnow? Maybe it's just a new day.
Right? Maybe it's just anotheropportunity to get it right.
Maybe it's, it's an opportunityto pick up where where I left
off on yesterday. Maybe I'm justgrateful for the movement of my
lens, and and in my right mind,and recognizing that someone
(42:13):
somewhere did not have thisopportunity, this renewed
opportunity. Right? So agratitude journal that that's
big for me. service. Service isreally big. Like I said, I, I've
been teaching this donation baseclass, every Thursday for four
(42:36):
years, my daughter said, Okay,so when are you going to stop
teaching this class, I don't seemyself stop teaching this ever
stopping, like, it is intendedas my love offer. My way of
giving back to the community,right, if, if you have the
ability to donate, that's fine.
If you don't, that's fine aswell. Wellness should be
accessible to everyone. And thisis how I give back. Right? And I
(42:59):
found the more that I get themore, the more I give, the more
I receive right in a in a in anintrinsic way that my heart is
full. Right. And regardless ofwhat's going on in my life, I
always leave feeling better thanwhen I showed up.
Lauren (43:23):
One of the things I love about that is how you're
embodying this unconditionallove, all are welcome, all can
receive, you're creating likeuniversal access to that class,
which is so beautiful. And Ikind of want to highlight that
and contrast it with theinequities and the oppression
(43:48):
that are prevalent in the world.
And I would also love to, um,you know, share with our
listeners and invite you toshare as well that you also have
the broga yoga class that'sintentionally designed to
maximize access to the mostunderserved group. And I could
(44:10):
you speak to that a little bit.
Sherri Doucette (44:16):
Absolutely. Oh, broga.
Lauren (44:21):
So awesome.
Sherri Doucette (44:23):
Y'all go for the brothers. Mm hmm. Oh, my
goodness, I just my heart swellsjust thinking about it. The
impetus behind broga with theyoga classes for black men, is
that traditional Western yogaspaces are are not welcoming to
(44:44):
black men, and they're not safespaces for black men, right?
largely white female spaces,right? And though they don't say
it, the marketing rightcommunicates that message
rather, you know, very strongly.
In adopting a personal yogapractice it I, I came to the
(45:07):
understanding and recognitionthat it was transformative,
right, in how I was able toharness my breath, and to use it
to calm my peripheral nervoussystem, right? To to access the
vagus nerve to bring about thestate of bliss and equanimity.
(45:36):
Anywhere that I went, right, itwasn't it wasn't exclusive to
the yoga room. And thinking inmy relationship with my husband,
wow, what if black men hadaccess to this practice, right?
How transformative it would bein that they don't have an
(45:57):
outlet, a constructive outlet, asafe outlet to, to come and be
and breathe, right? And to allowtheir bodies to drop out of that
state of hyper vigilance rightout of that state of fight or
flight. And so I was thinking,Okay, so do we invite black men
(46:19):
into yoga to traditional yogastudios? Or do we go to black
men and create safe spaces wherethey are? Right, and help them
to master this practice so thatthey can go on and, and, and pay
it forward? Right, and tocontinue the healing process.
And so I committed myself tothat through Lighthouse
(46:43):
wellness, and what I've seen,has just been so beautiful. And
that it is it is a tool forcoping. It is it is a tool to
build resilience. It is it is atool for healing. There's this
(47:04):
the science of epigenetics thatsays that trauma is transferred
through the DNA, right, Trent,the trauma alters the DNA is
that the actual chromosomaltelomeres that is a predictor of
of lifespan, and longevity isactually shortened. Right,
(47:27):
because of trauma. But on theflip side of that, you can
transform your DNA when youheal. Right. And there's this
the saying that when you healone generation, you heal seven
generations behind and sevengenerations forward. Right. And
(47:48):
so just think of the enormousresponsibility.
And the reimagining of, of whatlife could be like, right, when
we engage in practicesintentionally, for expressly for
(48:11):
healing ourselves, not foranything else, for healing
ourselves. Black men inparticular are called to go out
into the world.
compartmentalize, right, yeah,we only want to see a certain
side of black men, right, theside that makes society feel
(48:31):
safe. In a yoga space, andparticularly in the in the
provost space, the space thatI've created, I am calling for
them. I'm giving them permissionto reintegrate, yeah, to to
remember to pull together allthose pieces of the all the
pieces of themselves, that hasbeen tucked away, right in a box
(48:53):
on a shelf in a closet, behindlock locking key because it
didn't make someone feelcomfortable. Right. And, and,
and to that point, when we whenwe live a compartmentalized
existence, we become unfamiliarand uncomfortable with parts of
ourselves. Right? So yeah, sothat that is broga creating safe
(49:19):
spaces where black men and menof color can come and heal.
Lauren (49:28):
I just love that so much. And I love how you're
speaking to healing andintegration and the value of
creating a space like that withthat intention to intentionally
serve that group of people.
Because one of the things on mymind is this desire for our
global human family to movetowards inclusion and
(49:51):
integration. And it wasfascinating to me to hear you
say do I invite the black To theyoga spaces, or do I create a
space for black men toexperience yoga? And do I call
it broga? And do I make it clearthat this is for you? And I
think they're in my personalopinion, as I continue to
(50:13):
explore what is our path forwardas a human race or humanity as a
collective. I'm seeing so muchvalue in not skipping steps.
Like if we invite them to thecommunal yoga space, and we make
a little room for them there. Wesay, Come on, we're welcoming
(50:34):
you come on in, we're gonnawelcome you now. I feel like
we've skipped an essential stepthere. Like, I wonder if you
would have any more to say aboutlike, why you landed where you
landed with creating thisdedicated broga space?
Sherri Doucette (50:52):
Certainly Rasma Metacam, who is the author of my
grandmother's hands, he's doingamazing work in, in this space
of, of reclamation, and healingaround racial harm, right. And
(51:15):
he talks about the importance ofHealing Within affinity groups,
right? Go to your tribe, andheal amongst your people. Right,
and then come together. Right,because there's some work that
has to be done, where there hasto be full transparency, and
(51:39):
there has to be vulnerability.
And in order for that to happen,I have to feel safe. Right, and
let's not judge that. Right?
Like, it is fat, I need to feelsafe. If if I feel like I have
to mince my words, I have to becareful, I have to self correct,
(51:59):
right, mentally, before I speak,that I cannot have an open and
honest exchange. Because I'mmore concerned with being
accepted. Right. And, andfearful of being wrong. And you
have to be in a safe space whereyou can work through your ish.
(52:23):
Right. And, and, and alsorecognizing that we all have
different work to do. Your workis not my work, and my work is
not your work. But it's equallyimportant. And so let's first
retreat and handle our, ourindividual work, that's
(52:44):
exclusive to our, our livedexperience, right? Because
there's some unpacking thatneeds to happen. Right? That
that our ways of being didn'tjust show up, right? That, you
know, if, if you're, you know,you just minding your business,
and you're in an elevator, andthen all of a sudden someone
(53:05):
walks steps into an elevator andyou feel like you're pretty woke
and you've been doing your workand someone walks into an
elevator and it's just you andthat person, that person doesn't
look like you. And you know, youjust have this reflex of pulling
your your pocket book closer toyour body. You're like, where
did that come from? That's worthexploring, right? And chances
(53:26):
are I didn't start with you,right. And let's talk about my
mom's experience. And mygrandparents lived experience.
Right. And like I said, thathealing, reverberates out
generationally. So you'rehealing the ancestors, you're
healing generations to come. So,so doing creating safe spaces,
(53:48):
where people can come and bevulnerable, and open is, is
really an essential part of ahealing, collectively, is that
we have to heal and do the workindividually. If that makes
sense.
Lauren (54:07):
Yeah, it makes so much sense. And I think when I was
really early in my awakeningjourney, I had this impulse to
try to rush to globalintegration to like, inclusion,
meaning everyone, everyone now.
And I've been learning throughthe work that I'm doing that
(54:30):
that's a form of spiritualbypassing, that's a form that's
skipping essential steps. And soI really appreciate you speaking
to that having the livedexperience of creating a
dedicated space like this for avery specific purpose to meet a
need that could not be metanother way. And I think there's
(54:51):
so much value in that and you'reyou're modeling that for me and
I'm learning to slow down andlearn and listen. And you know,
my goal is to participate incollective healing, but in a way
that honors the whole process.
Sherri Doucette (55:13):
Absolutely. In meeting me, I am meeting people
where they are, right and notrequiring that people come to
you and meet you where you arewhere you feel comfortable,
right? Because there's somediscomfort in meeting people
where they are I'm, I'm, I'm awoman. Right? I was so resistant
(55:36):
to this idea why me? Why am Ibeing called. But the more
resistant, I was, like, I justcould not get away from it. I
could not like God would justnot allow us like, this is your
work, this is your work. And I'mgoing to be patient with you.
And but this is your work. And Iremember teaching that first
(55:56):
class, I just had so muchtrepidation in my body. And I
was just like, I don't know howI'm going to be how I'll be
received in this space. Butthere was just this, these men
feel the space and there wasjust this collective exhale,
like, we've been waiting on you.
We've been waiting for you. AndI felt that in my heart, you
(56:19):
know, it was just, it was sobeautiful. It was so beautiful
that, you know, yeah, I'm a yogateacher. And I know, Sanskrit,
Sanskrit doesn't translate wellin certain spaces, right. And
I'm not going to waste a bunchof time trying to teach you
Sanskrit. Right, I'm, like, I'mgonna cut like, going to go on
(56:40):
to triangle pose, or mountainpose, right, or, you know, I
don't have to use Sanskrit I canspeak in terms that you relate
to. Because let's be honest,some of that can be off putting,
right it can be other rain thatyou've mastered. And you know,
and I don't know, like I want, Iwant the practice to feel like
(57:03):
your own. Right, when I'm, whenI'm guiding a yoga practice. I'm
simply offering suggestions. Youcan choose to or not, you can go
into child's pose, because youneed a rest anytime. Yeah, and
there is no judgment. Andsometimes I will put men into
(57:24):
warrior pose, if you're familiarwith warrior pose, for an
extended period of time, tobreak through to their ego, Mm
hmm. And just hold it, just holdit and just keep talking. And
then I can see that the eye cansee the quads began to shake,
and the, and the and the, andthe biceps are starting to
(57:48):
shake. And I'll say You know,you can, it takes great courage,
it takes greater courage toretreat and to recognize when
you need rest, den to persevereout of ego, when your body is
calling you to do otherwise. Butbut that is just, that's just
something to think about. Andthen I'll notice out of the
(58:10):
corner of my eye, I'll see themstraightening that front leg and
dropping the arms right andtaking a moment. And then going
back into warrior. Like, yes,give yourself what you need,
don't don't scan the room to seewhat the other men are doing.
Focus on what it is that youneed in this moment, right. And
that's just not for yoga,because what I want is my hope,
(58:33):
and my intention is that theywill take the practice out into
the world. And they'll recognizewhen they need self care, right,
and they'll think back when toshare we have them holding
Warrior Two for six minutes.
Amy (58:54):
I love them eautiful. And back to our conversation before
about rest and letting thisagenda this kind of ego driven
obsession with productivity andhow we think oh, yes, also the
ego can can point us to what itmeans to be tough or masculine
or fulfill what's being askedand, and you're just you keep
(59:14):
pointing back to listen toyourself. Give yourself what you
need, which is so beautiful,
Lauren (59:21):
and caring for our bodies and and honoring the
reality that all humans areembodied in bodies that need
rest and care. You know, we noneof us are superhuman, to the
degree that were the specialones that can just keep going,
going, going, going going andnever rest and never slow down.
(59:42):
And never take a break. And Ithink your warrior pose story
speaks to that. And the storywith you with your mom making
lunch for you, which was sobeautiful speaks to that and I
will keep I will take with mefrom this conversation that
reminder to embody that andmodel it And, and try to help co
(01:00:02):
create a world that supports it.
Because I think that's part ofwhat, you know, we're trying to
learn how to do here.
Sherri Doucette (01:00:14):
There's this this philosophy or called the
100. Monkeys, have you everheard of that? No monkeys, so
that there was the scientists,they were observing monkeys in
somewhere in the world. And theynoticed that monkeys began a
(01:00:37):
certain group of monkeys. Well,this one monkey would wash its
food in the river. And then moremonkeys began to wash their
potatoes in the river. And thenthere were 100 monkeys, all the
monkeys were washing the riverNovember, right. And that action
(01:00:59):
spread globally, because of thissmall group that was was not in
community with the group on theother side of the world, right?
And so you're right, it startswith us. And how do we change
the world? By embodying thechange that we want to see in
the world? We have to be it? Wehave to do it, right? We have to
(01:01:24):
be the thing. And you know,tick, not Han talks about that,
well, what do I do, you don't doanything you be it. Right, as a
yogi Yogi is a way of being it'snot something that I do on a
yoga mat. It's how I live mylife. By being present, by being
open hearted, by buildingresilience through these
(01:01:47):
practices, and helping, whichhelps me to pivot quickly,
right? Not to say that I'mperfect, right? But when I find
myself out of alignment, when Ifind myself veering off the
path, that I have this, thisincreased state of awareness of
self awareness, when I say, ah,we got to come back, right. And
more often than not, it's thebreath that I access to help to
(01:02:12):
help me to come back into astate of homeostasis. After
being in you know, corporateAmerica, you know, it's like,
oh, I have four weeks ofvacation. Look at me, this is
amazing for whole weeks out of12 months. And God forbid, if I
would take all four weeks at onetime, there would just be an
(01:02:32):
echo of, of pearls clutchingthroughout the corporate office,
right? Sherry is leaving forfour whole weeks. Oh, my
goodness. And, and initially,when I came into Lighthouse full
time, march 2020, you know, Iwas still in that corporate
mode, right? Like, I need to bebusy, I need to do all the
(01:02:53):
things and, and and reallyreplay in those records, if
you're going to be selfemployed, you got to work harder
than you've ever worked foranyone else, and you're gonna
have sleepless nights, you'regoing to do this? Is that really
what I want to do? Is thatreally the existence what I
want? I am my own boss. Now,what type of life do I want for
myself? And so I've given myselfa gift of a six week, quasi
(01:03:16):
sabbatical at the end of theyear. So December 1 through
January 16. I am disengaged,beautiful, and I used and I will
use that time for self care.
December 1 through January 16.
And the people who are part ofmy team initially, they're like,
What? What do you mean, we'renot taking on any work in
(01:03:39):
December through January? I'mlike, You're right. That's
right. And now they're like,Well, I can't wait till
December. It's gonna be amazing.
Like, it's going to be amazing.
So a new way of being
Lauren (01:03:56):
and then you'll come you'll all come back so
refreshed and refilled, which isso incredible. I love it. You're
such an inspiration to me. Thankyou so much for this beautiful
conversation.
Amy (01:04:08):
Just want to really share with you my gratitude for all
that you've shared with ustoday.
Sherri Doucette (01:04:14):
Oh, the gratitude is mutual. Thank you
so much. I'm honored to be hereand space and time with the both
of you. It has been an absolutepleasure. Absolute pleasure. You
know if folks would like toconnect with me, so the website
is Lighthouse wellness dot work.
And that's li T I know the brainis like Li gh t it's li t h o u
(01:04:37):
s e wellness dot o RG and youcan find me on the gram and on
Facebook at Lighthouse wellnessas well.
Lauren (01:04:49):
Wonderful and we will include links to all of those in
the show notes. So if you justwant to click on it, you'll have
that option to say thank you somuch.
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