February 5, 2025 • 55 mins
What if the key to hope was not a distant dream, but a conscious choice? Leah, a friend dear to our hearts, embodies this very idea. Her journey from social work and forensic interviewing in the 90s to creative entrepreneurship and real estate showcases an indomitable spirit. Leah’s battle with breast cancer reveals a beacon of resilience and positivity, reminding us all that hope and joy can be guiding lights through life's toughest challenges. She shares her experiences with humor and camaraderie, showing how community and laughter are powerful tools in overcoming adversity.
Our conversation with Leah goes even deeper as we explore the healing power of animal companionship. Her bond with a horse named Koda provided a much-needed source of strength and comfort during chemotherapy, illustrating the profound impact of connections with both humans and animals. Leah enlightens us on the transformative experience of equine-assisted therapy and the unexpected joy found in gratitude, even in the face of hardship. Her reflections on loss and grief highlight the beauty in life's final moments, offering a tender perspective on end-of-life care.
As we celebrate Leah’s incredible spirit, her story inspires us to embrace hope with open arms and a joyful heart. Through her experiences, she encourages us to see the beauty in every moment and to cherish the connections that guide us. We invite you all to join us in keeping the spirit of hope alive by following Leah's journey and the stories shared on Soul Sisteries. Let’s continue to amplify these voices of inspiration and gratitude, spreading the message of hope far and wide.
Thanks for listening to Soul SiStories. We hope you follow us on your favorite podcast platform. Five-star ratings and reviews always help to spread our message of hope.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome to Soul Sisteries.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Welcome to Soul Sisteries.
We are so excited to have youlisten to our friend Leah, who
is just so filled with hope andlove and light and beauty, and
for myself, having gotten tospend this time with her, I just
feel lighter and more hopeful.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
For sure.
Oh my gosh, I was so thrilledto talk with Leah because here
she shared everything that we'rehoping to be about in this
podcast, right, and so all thatmessaging is there.
And also, like I want to say,here it can be very easy to see
this stuff as sort of aPollyanna.
Oh, just be hopeful and justfeel the hope, and it's not that
(00:53):
at all, and she shares that sogorgeously.
That this is.
There are choices to be madehere, right, and the
consciousness aroundperspectives and how we embrace
life, and it doesn't negate thehard stuff and the very heavy
stuff or even the feelingsaround that, but how one can
(01:14):
lead this hope-filled andjoy-filled life throughout.
All of it is oh man, that issome magic stuff right there.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
Yeah, and the idea that hope is available to all of
us.
Right, it's not this thing thatonly some people get or only
some people deserve.
It can be a conscious decisionto be hope, you know.
It can be a conscious decisionto be hopeful, yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:45):
Yeah, and there are concrete things that one can do
in order to generate thatemotional experience and
certainly that intellectual one.
So this is good stuff.
I can't wait for everybody tohear what Leah has to share.
Oh my goodness, man, we are onto something.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
Her story.
All right, here we go, everyone, okay.
Well, so here we are at SoulSisteries.
Today we are talking with mygood friend, leah.
Leah and I go way back workingas social workers and forensic
interviewers in the 90s.
I was able to watch Leah becomean amazing mom to her precious
girl.
Later she left social work andreturned to her hometown where
(02:38):
she started her own creativebusiness refinishing furniture.
So many beautiful projects shecreated.
Then she became a realtor,which she is still doing now.
She gets so much joy helpingothers create the home life that
they've dreamed about.
She heroically battled and beatbreast cancer a journey through
oh my gosh, I'm going to cryalready a journey through which
(03:00):
she taught so many of us aboutperseverance and never giving up
hope.
Despite her life experienceswith multiple losses and loved
ones, struggles with mentalillness, she has been a beacon
of hope for me, a trueinspiration, and I'm so excited
to welcome Leah to SoulSisteries and to share her story
with everybody.
Leah, of course, we ask how sheexperiences hope.
(03:25):
Hope through, and Leahmentioned that she experiences
hope through knowing that behindthe clouds, the sky is always
blue, which is absolutelybeautiful.
So welcome Leah to our SoulSisteries podcast.
We're very excited to have youhere.
Speaker 3 (03:42):
Hi, thank you, I'm so happy to be here.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
Yay, Yay, yay, yay.
So really what we said is thatthis is just a few of us sitting
around chatting.
We do have questions for you.
We really want to just kind ofhear from you.
The podcast itself is abouthope and how people have found
hope, created hope.
What gives them hope?
Really kind of with this ideathat we just want everybody to
(04:08):
know that hope is not thiselusive thing that we can all
access.
Hope and, as I mentioned, yourstory has always been so hopeful
for me and you have been veryinspiring for me, so I want to
just kind of throw it to youfirst for you to share kind of,
I guess, what got you here.
(04:28):
Like I'm trying to think backto the 90s and when I think of
Leah in the 90s, was she full ofhope?
Did we talk about hope?
I don't know that that was partof our discussion back then,
and so I guess I just want youto share what has got you to
this, the state of being hopeful.
Speaker 3 (04:50):
Yeah, that is interesting.
I don't think back then that Ireally gave hope a lot of
thought.
I don't recall us having spokenabout it.
I mean, obviously we wereyounger and just sort of going
about our lives living.
But I feel that, probably forme and for you, because I think
(05:14):
we kind of express ourselvessimilarly and I think that hope
was probably like part of us butwe just didn't acknowledge it.
Maybe we didn't have likeenough bad experiences to make
us need it, you know.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
Isn't that a true thing also, that we find these
wells by our choices inadversity, in the challenges,
their choices we make, and thenthe hope sort of comes through.
That, wouldn't you say?
Speaker 3 (05:44):
Yeah, definitely.
I will say too that I think Iam by nature an optimistic
person, and hope and optimism Idon't think they have to go hand
in hand, but for me theydefinitely do, because even in
the darkest of times, for themost part, I've been able to
(06:05):
remain hopeful and optimisticthat things can improve.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
Yeah, yeah, you know I'm trying to think back to
early years.
I had mine and I remember yougetting pregnant and just the
excitement and the hope and thelike.
We were young, I mean, we wereadults, but we were young adults
(06:34):
and I remember just thinking,my God, she's got it all
together, like she's ready tojust tackle this parenting thing
Right now.
As a parent myself, I'm like,okay, there were probably a lot
of challenges, but you did it soeasily and just like, just
really hopefully, like knowingthat you had this child's future
(06:55):
in your hands.
Oof, that's daunting.
Speaker 3 (06:57):
Well, yeah, I don't know if that is how I felt, but
I was very happy to be pregnantand I was like, okay, well, it's
twofold.
I remember so specifically andthis is hilarious to me about
probably like eight months orsomething like getting close to
childbearing time and thinkingand just being so completely
(07:22):
disgusted by the idea that I wasgoing to have this little baby
and it was going to be with meevery minute of every day and I
was like, how, how am I going todeal with this?
Which is so not the way that Ifeel like and not even probably
how I felt then.
I'm sure it was hormonal, but Iremember distinctly just being
like what have I done?
Speaker 1 (07:44):
And you know what I think, so many you know soon to
be new parents, and new parentshave those feelings and we don't
talk about it.
Like I remember when my eldestwas born and like, first looking
, and I'm going who the hell areyou?
Oh my God, I'm like.
Oh my God, what is?
Speaker 3 (08:05):
happening.
It's so funny, it's such aweird thing being a parent, like
a beautiful thing.
I wouldn't change it foranything at all.
But that feeling quicklydissipated when they raised,
when they held her up Because Iended up having to have a
C-section because she's astubborn little thing and she
was upside down and late, andthey held her up to me.
I remember and I just rememberthe feeling and I said I love
(08:30):
her so much.
Yeah, and they brought her tome to kiss.
What they took her to, likeclean her up and like sew me up
and everything, and um, and Iremember going to kiss her but I
didn't want to touch herbecause she was so perfect and I
didn't want to give her a germ.
Speaker 1 (08:45):
It's so true, I'm going to tag on there real quick
.
Same I was.
That first thought was like whoare you?
And then I held him and hemoved his hip in the way that I
that was exactly that motion Irecalled from in my womb.
It was, and it was theoverwhelming oh my God, it's you
(09:06):
, it's you.
And just, and then that rush oflove came.
So it was that double whammy.
Speaker 3 (09:12):
I, I, yeah, I love that you just shared your story
because I, oh, and I did lovelike I remember Diana like
talking to you and being like,oh, I Like I remember Diana like
talking to you and being like,oh, I get to go get Sophie now,
like go and pick her up.
I was just so enthusiastic tosee her and be around her little
cute self.
Speaker 2 (09:34):
Oh my gosh, it seems like just yesterday that she was
born, and I think when we weretalking last week, I think, you
said she's 25.
25.
And she was just born.
I just, I still remember that.
Speaker 1 (09:45):
So, yeah, yeah, oh, my goodness.
Well, leah, thank you fortaking the time to be here with
us and to share your story andyour journey.
I I know that, um, hope is notjust this magic wand, and I am
hopeful and here we go.
And it certainly doesn'tdiscount any real lived
(10:07):
experience and real feelingsalong the journey, and we would
never want to suggest that itshould.
We'll just be hopeful, everyoneand everything will be okay.
That's not it.
But what is it, though, in theworld?
Clearly, you said you wereoptimist.
Naturally, you had certaininclinations.
(10:29):
I know you have clinicaltraining, so there's things that
you know through your studies.
But what is it consciously inthe world around you that does
give you hope and inspire you tohold on and to think a new
thought, or think differently,feel differently?
I said a lot.
(10:52):
Let me synthesize that andbreak it.
Yeah, thank you.
Speaker 3 (10:57):
I think that for me, being hopeful is a choice.
So if I'm feeling hopelesswhich um has happened and could
probably happen again in thefuture is that I I've had to
(11:19):
make a conscious choice and Ihave a really good example of
when I worked here back inAustin at the DA's office and I
had a.
I worked with the victims ofviolent crimes like murders,
rapes, you name it like justhorrible stuff.
That's intense.
It was, yes, it was, and I hadone mom who had a daughter.
(11:43):
She was disabled, and the mom'ssister and the sister's
boyfriend went to the house andbeat her to death.
The attorneys on the casedecided not to take it to trial.
They were going to just pleadit out, like work out a plea
bargain with the sister, and themom was understandably upset
(12:08):
and I remember when they weretalking to us and she was
holding my hand like so, so, so,so tight, like just squeezing
the life out of my hand and andit was awful and I felt really
hopeless.
I felt very disappointed in ouroffice for not pushing forward
with that.
I felt the heartbreak of herthat my sister did this and
basically she's getting offscot-free Really a very dark
(12:29):
moment.
So I was like, all right, theyleft.
I got to get out of here for alittle while.
So I walked out and cause I wasjust going to drive around, you
know like listen to some music,or just I don't even know what
my plan was.
But I was out of the DA's officefor like an hour or so and I
(12:51):
walked outside and it's not likea very beautiful environment,
it's downtown like not a lot oftrees or anything.
But I took a deep breath andthen I heard birds singing and I
was like even now the birdscontinue to sing and I was like
things will go on, like therewill be beauty in her life again
, in the mom's life, and I knowthat there is.
I'm not in a lot of contactwith her, but I reach out to her
(13:14):
every just few years.
I think it's probably a littlehard for her to talk to me and I
don't want to make her lifeharder, but I know that she
obviously will never get overthat loss.
But she's gotten married, likeshe has a life of her own.
That's continued and I havelike a million stories like that
(13:34):
, but that one in particular,like I made a choice, like I've
got to get out of thisoppressive environment of
despair that I'm in at thismoment and walk out environment
of despair that I'm in at thismoment and walk out.
And, however, I managed tostill be aware that there was
beauty going on, despite theugliness.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
Because it's not, yeah, it's not an either or it's
a both.
There's the duality that wesometimes really struggle with
accepting and existing thatthese, both of these things are
true.
This nightmare, horrific loss,horrible, the injustice that is
true, and also the birds singingand other possibilities of love
(14:18):
and union and joy.
All of that can exist in thesame space.
Yes, yes, absolutely yeah myGod, that's a great, that's a I
mean great story, I don't?
Speaker 2 (14:30):
it's heartbreaking and also so hopeful and so, and
that's just, that's humanitythere, right, that's the heart
of it, Thank you, thank you forsharing that, thank you and and
that experience reminds me a lotof the work that we did when we
were working together, you know, working in the field of child
abuse, and people, my familyincluded, thought I was crazy
(14:53):
and why would I do that kind ofwork.
And I think back to that andeven if we didn't talk about
hope back then, leah, I think wedid it because we were hopeful.
Because we were hopeful wecould make a difference in these
kids' lives, right yeah.
Speaker 3 (15:07):
Yes, and maybe even prevent it from happening to
somebody else.
You know, through that andoffering an ear to hear their
story, without judgment orexpectation or relationship,
because you know it's got to bekind of hard to talk about that
stuff with your family whenyou're young.
You barely even have the wordsto express like, like how they
(15:31):
touched you or you know just thesort of malignancy of of all of
that.
But yeah, I think, I mean I dothink that we were hopeful then
and I remember then too feelingsometimes like God dang, this
world is hard and some of thosestories I mean they're
heartbreaking.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
Yeah, yeah, and and and pushing through it though,
because we knew it was somethingon the other side, and kind of
like what you know, your, yourhope through knowing that behind
the clouds the sky is stillblue.
You know that that beauty stillexists.
I think is really important.
Speaker 1 (16:07):
So it was not a good group of people because we like
I remember you know we would crybut then we would laugh and you
know we had maybe, maybe, a bitof dark humor and for sure
there has to be something inthat too right that you, you
weren't in it alone, that therewas this community who
understood, and of course that'sthat's just something that we
(16:29):
all need, right, those people totalk, somebody who understands
this space, that we're in thisplace, that, and to be able to
talk with them and share.
And boy and humor goes a longway to let's not discount dark
humor, man.
That is life-saving.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
So crazy work, right?
I mean, you've had some heavywork experience.
Maybe real estate, I'm hoping,is a little lighter than that
kind of work was, but who knows,there's still things that
happen and I know you have theups and downs with clients.
I mentioned earlier, leah, yourbattle with breast cancer, and
(17:12):
that is something that you know.
You were in a different state.
We connected over Facebook andI I watched your journey and
it's crazy to say this, but itwas a very beautiful journey, a
very graceful journey, and itwas so positive and hope-filled,
of course, and you beat its ass.
(17:34):
I mean, you really did and I'mcurious how you got the strength
, how you got the confidence todo what, to battle the way you
did, with grace and hope, thewhole time.
Speaker 3 (17:51):
Um, I mean, I mean it was so weird I remember it so
clearly obviously like thedoctor called me like I had
found a lump and I was like itwas.
Just I had to keep remindingmyself.
I found it on a Friday or maybea Saturday and I was like I
(18:11):
have to remember this and callthe doctor next week.
And I wasn't afraid, I was justlike I have to remember this,
like I kept somehow it keptcoming to my mind.
I'm like I have to remember, Ihave to remember.
So I went, did all thedifferent stuff.
They ended up doing a biopsy.
They're like we'll call you onFriday.
So I told I asked the doctor.
Then I'm like look, I mean ifyou think it's cancer, just tell
me.
And she's like I don't know.
(18:32):
She said part of it doesn't.
And I'm like all right,whatever.
So Friday I was waiting for thecall.
I got the call.
She was like it is a type ofbreast cancer, so blah, blah,
blah, whatever she said.
And I remember just saying okay, okay, okay, like that's all I
was saying.
And then I got off the phoneand my husband was there and we
(18:58):
had just recently separated andI mean poor guy, you know, I'm
just like saying okay, okay,okay, and he's just like staring
at me with his eyes bolting outof his head.
So finally I gave him a thumbsdown and I remember he came over
to hug me and I was like no.
I'm okay and that's a wholedifferent story.
But I remember like no, I'mgood, and I immediately thought
(19:24):
I am not leaving my daughter, Iwill live through this and and
that was that like it was adecision.
Now, I mean, maybe I would havelived without it.
It was a pretty aggressivelittle bugger, I will say,
really growing very, veryquickly, and I'm super thankful
(19:47):
that I found it when I did,otherwise we might not be having
this conversation, but it wasliterally a instantaneous,
wholehearted decision that I'mgoing to go forward, I'm going
to live and I'm going to make itas easy on her as possible,
(20:09):
because she was in eighth gradeand like what a crappy time to
have your mom sick.
You know, eighth grade is hardenough without worrying about
your, your mom dying.
Speaker 2 (20:18):
Right, Right, Goodness.
And so you made that decisionand then, like I, I feel like I
have hope in my life.
Even when things get bad, Istill have this piece of hope.
But I could let myself go downkind of that dark hole and throw
(20:39):
me a pity party and let me, letme wallow for a little bit
before I bounce back out.
You I don't know that, ifanybody didn't know you, if they
saw anything, and of course weknow, like social media only
shares what we want to shareEverything was so positive,
Everything everything that youshared gave us hope, Like.
(21:04):
So I don't know if it was youfeeling like, okay, well, I have
to just show the world thatthis is what's going on and I'm
only going to show them the goodside, but it just it.
It it gave us hope, Like, nomatter what was going on in my
life while you were battling, Iwas hopeful because I knew what
you were doing.
I guess, if that makes sense,yeah, thank you.
Speaker 3 (21:26):
Thank you.
I didn't show all of the bad,the bad parts, because nobody
wants to really hear about thebad parts, but there really
weren't a lot of them I did.
I didn't ever have a pity party.
I never was like, oh, why me?
Oh, poor me, this is so unfair.
(21:48):
I never felt anything like that.
I did on occasion have what Icall them blue days, where I
would kind of let my imaginationrun away with me and I would
see myself like so skinny anddying and then in the coffin and
wondering about, like not thatI would be in a coffin, cause I
(22:09):
probably wouldn't be, but anyway, like that was just my vision,
wondering like, how would people, how would it affect people
without me here, specifically,so obviously, my mom, my sister,
my friends, um, so I did have afew moments of that.
Steroids made me grouchy.
(22:29):
I told my doctor I'm not takingthem and she was like don't
take them.
And I was like, great, she also, um, cut down cause they, they
for my chemo.
It was very strong and theygave me part of the protocol I
guess is steroids ahead of timeto help you from getting sick,
and she cut down the steroids onthat as much as she could.
(22:52):
She actually wanted to go tozero, but the pharmacist
wouldn't allow that because theywere like no, she'll get sick.
So I was lucky that I hadsomebody listen to me, but I did
get grouchy with those steroids.
They made me want to claw myskin off.
It was not good.
But other than that, I mean Ireally I don't know if you've
(23:13):
ever read the thing that I wrote, but after my surgery, after my
lumpectomy, and I had taken apink boa and they were pushing
me out in the wheelchair, and Iwrote but after my surgery,
after my lumpectomy, and I hadtaken a pink boa and they were
pushing me out in the wheelchairand I'd forgotten my pink boa
in the car and I was like, ohwait, you got to repush me out.
And the nurse was like what?
And I'm like I got to have theboa.
So I got the boa.
I'm really really sure that thenurse was rolling her eyes at
(23:35):
me.
So I put my boa on.
My friend was there with me, myfamily was in the car and
evidently I said, look, if it'snot fun, I'm not doing it.
And that is kind of the waythat I looked at it and I, I
will say I had so much support,every single chemo treatment.
Somebody else would take me.
(23:55):
A different friend would comeforward and take me and sit with
me.
Somebody else would take me Adifferent friend would come
forward and take me and sit withme.
And every single one.
I was never afraid of chemo, Iembraced it.
I was like heck, yeah, bring methe chemo, I'm staying alive.
(24:17):
Looking at all the people inthere, some of them you knew
weren't going to make it.
It could have been a sadsituation and I was like, heck,
look how far we've come.
Look at this, this, what all wehave to do to help people.
So I was always very thankfulwhen I got into the infusion
area and every single time whenthey bring it to me to start
(24:37):
infusing me, I would ask thenurse and whoever was with me to
pray.
And so whoever was there likemaybe it was me, maybe it was
one of them, it didn't reallymatter, but we would pray on the
chemo and I think that maybethat helped because I was like,
thankful, I was thankful for it.
Speaker 2 (24:56):
Living with gratitude .
Speaker 1 (24:58):
Yeah, and what I'm hearing also is a consciousness
around all of this that itwasn't that you were a conscious
participant in your healingstory.
Whether it was, I'm going tolook for the fun, I'm going to
be consciously grateful, I amgoing to welcome the support of
(25:21):
others and invite them into thisjourney with me.
Diana, you've shared that youwere a part of this story and
all of you were.
That you were sharing openlyand freely, and I have to
believe that part, a big chunk,of your healing story is this
openness and this connection andthis consciousness around it.
(25:44):
I don't want to put words inyour mouth.
That's, that's what I'm hearingfrom what you're showing.
Speaker 3 (25:49):
Yeah, I think it was very conscious, conscious on my
part, like the steps that I took.
Um, it was not accident.
I didn't go into theaccidentally willy nilly like oh
, what's going to happen.
I didn't do a lot of research,um into chemo or anything, Cause
I was like I don't really needto know all that business.
(26:11):
You know, I just knew that Iwas going to go bald and, um
that I might have some stomachissues and that I'd probably get
tired.
I never had stomach issues.
I did go bald and I got tired,but not like tired.
I still rode my horse, I walkeda few times but I didn't sleep.
(26:32):
You know I take naps in theafternoon and I am not a napper,
so that was a big difference.
Speaker 1 (26:38):
Okay.
So you just said a littlesomething that I wanted I want
you to talk more about.
You said you rode your horse,and I didn't know that you had a
horse or a horse.
So I'm thinking there's gottabe some animal connection here.
That was probably part of yourhealing journey as well.
Can you?
Can you talk about that alittle bit?
Speaker 3 (26:57):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (26:58):
I'm looking at the expression on your face right
now and I'm feeling all of it.
Speaker 3 (27:03):
I'm probably going to cry.
I loved my horse.
I call him my equine soulmate.
His name was Coda.
When I got him he was a horsethat not many people wanted or
anybody had really wanted atthat point.
I bought him from a woman whowe knew who sells horses, and we
(27:23):
were taking classes and stuffand like doing different trail
rides and stuff.
Oh, I'm going to cry.
So I rode him and I knewinstantly that he was my guy and
and I bought him and she waslike you don't want this horse?
And I was like, oh, yes, I do.
And people would make fun ofhim Like you bought that horse.
I'm like, yeah, I love thishorse and I promised him that I
(27:47):
would never put him in asituation that would make him
scared and he never offered tofuck me off or anything and he
was not like super well-trainedhe was.
He had a lot of fear.
I'll say he had a lot of fearand I don't know.
I just loved him so much and soduring that time I would still
(28:09):
go out and feed him and stuff.
And this one particular day Iremember my mom came over and I
rode Koda and I was pretty tired, so when I got off.
I just sat on the littlemounting block and he was
standing next to me in a likepasture of excuse me, I'm
getting all choked up a pastureof green grass and you know,
(28:33):
horses like to graze.
Right, he did not graze, hestood like a statue next to me.
Graze, right, he did not graze.
He stood like a statue next tome and every few minutes he
would turn his head to the leftand look down at me and just
wait, and I know that he wasjust like loving me and helping
me heal that horse.
I mean, it sounds kind of dorkybut like, really you changed my
(28:56):
life and I know I changed his.
And yes, there was definitelyan animal healing session going
on with him.
He definitely even just feedinghim, even if I wasn't riding.
And I had other horses too, butand I love them, don't get me
wrong, but Koda was my, he wasmy guy and just the way he would
(29:19):
look at me, he was just sogentle with me during that time
in particular, like he knew andI'm sure he did know like he
could probably smell the chemoin me and he just took care of
me.
He took care of my heart.
Speaker 1 (29:33):
Oh, that's beautiful and people are listening right
now and they can't see.
But what happened as soon asyou started talking about Coda,
your little friend with thestriped tail, coming into the
picture and wanting to be sureyou're OK and share some love
with you too?
Speaker 3 (29:54):
That's my daughter's cat and she's really not that
friendly, but she's being veryfriendly right now.
So yes, you know her.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
That's beautiful Because I think we've talked a
little bit too about just youknow energy and you know Reiki
and that sort of thing, andthere's so much energy and
healing in animals I mean justwhat they bring and their
groundedness and theirconnection to nature that as
humans I think we forget aboutthat.
(30:20):
We let go at some point, and sowhen, even if you're not
outside in the pasture, but ifyou could connect with those
animals and I know I mean I'veseen lots of posts with your
horse, beautiful Koda, and justbeing able to even touch Koda
probably would give you a senseof healing especially.
Speaker 3 (30:40):
Oh, yeah, for sure.
I mean, horses are definitelyhere to, to help and guide us.
They're very all animals.
All animals are wonderful and Ithink all animals have the
capacity, but there's somethingespecially strong with the
connection between a human andtheir horse, yeah, so much in
(31:03):
the work I do and I have severalstudents who do their
internships at equine assistedtherapy places, you know.
Speaker 2 (31:11):
And so, whether it's for physical health, for mental
health, just the benefits ofriding a horse, horse, of
brushing a horse, are so muchresearch, yeah, wonderful and
there's some, you know researchthat their heart rate will bring
yours down.
Speaker 3 (31:27):
You know like they literally can calm you and you
know they always say don't showfear.
The horse can tell what I mean.
The horse can tell theyintuitively mean.
The horse can tell theyintuitively pick it up.
They're just very, veryintuitive, knowing animals, and
I'm so thankful that I had Coda.
Speaker 2 (31:47):
Yeah, even the stride , like when I first thought, oh
wait, why are you going on ahorse?
If you're weak, if you're tired, maybe you shouldn't be on the
horse.
But I could imagine even I hearabout the stride of the horse
and the way their hips move andhow that kind of relaxes your
body and gets you kind of insync with it, which is, yeah,
(32:08):
that's beautiful.
Speaker 1 (32:09):
I guess maybe like rocking right, like there's
something, yeah, so we've talkedabout kind of childbirth
parenting.
Speaker 2 (32:24):
You mentioned the separation from your husband and
then going through breastcancer and then fighting it and
beating it, and I also know thatyour husband passed away, as
did Sophie's dad.
Two huge losses, two wonderfulmen in your life and you showed
(32:46):
up for everybody around you.
You have showed up for yourdaughter at all times, giving
her hope also, and I know thatshe's had her own struggles.
So as a parent, as a partnerthat has dealt with some pretty
(33:08):
heavy blows, pretty seriousblows, I wonder if you can even
talk about how you I'm not goingto say you found hope.
It didn't just pop up on you,but how did you continue to see
that the sky is blue duringthese really heavy times?
Speaker 3 (33:28):
Yeah, yeah, well, with Sophie's dad, danny, he
actually helped me with that,unknowingly, because he was so
completely himself, he wasn'tafraid, he was just more of
himself than I had ever seen himbe through the years.
(33:52):
He would just talk to us.
He was just, I don't know.
It was a very beautiful death.
I don't know, it was a verybeautiful death.
And I remember talking to oneof my friends and saying I've
never in my life wantedsomething to end as much as I
want this to and to never end asmuch as I want this to, because
(34:13):
it was so beautiful but soheartbreaking.
It's so beautiful but, soheartbreaking, yeah, and I mean,
if I can put myself back inthat time and just feel like the
overwhelming pre-grief I guessyou would call it like knowing
(34:34):
he was going to go and then likefrom week to week or day to day
, however often we would beseeing him, the changes, the
physical changes in his body.
But even with that, he wasstill just so wholly himself and
I grabbed onto that and I justwas so thankful because I think
if he had been afraid or cryingit would have been a lot harder
(34:58):
on everyone else.
I can only speak for myself.
What I did was hold on to thatso that I could remind people
specifically selfie.
But I also.
He has other children.
I wanted I held his memory andI hold it so strongly so that I
can remind them of who he was,how he loved them.
(35:19):
I feel like I never answeredthe question.
I'm just like blah, blah, blah,blah blah, you're answering
gorgeously and thank you.
Thank you, but specifically,once again, it was a conscious
choice on my part to to feel thereal, real sadness of the
(35:45):
moment and to appreciate thebeauty of it.
And it's like you said earlier,don, I think it's like it's the
duality of life.
Like you can have the mostmagnificent situation and there
are horrible things going on,like there's no, if I don't even
(36:07):
know what I'm saying, but bothcan exist and both do exist and
it's the duality of life.
And so for me, again, likebeing hopeful during that time
like I mean I knew he was goingto die, there was no two ways
about it time, like I mean Iknew he was going to die, there
was no two ways about it.
Um, but hope in, like the lovethat was created and I will hand
it to Chris, my husband at thattime, like he would drive over
(36:28):
to see Danny's like an hour anda half and just to play checkers
with him, and so that gave mehope, to like all the love.
It was just like it was really,really beautiful and I hope
that the kids can see that oneday.
I'm not sure that they see itquite yet.
It's been a while now that hedied, but that was their dad and
(36:51):
they were very young.
So but I will, I promise youchildren, sophie and all of you
others, I have him in my heartand I will share him with you
whenever you want.
Speaker 2 (37:02):
That's beautiful.
Speaker 1 (37:04):
It is and it moves me so deeply.
Thank you so much for sharingall of that, and I know that
others right now are being somoved and touched as they hear
that it's for those of us andmost of us right have
experienced the journey of deathand we've lost someone of
import to us.
(37:24):
The thing we don't often talkabout is the profound beauty and
grace and love that exists.
We talk, of course, of birthand as people come into this
world and how beautiful andprofound and all of that, but
death can and does resonate insimilarly and and heartbreaking
(37:53):
also, but just profoundly,profoundly beautiful as well.
It's an incredible thing.
Speaker 3 (38:02):
I agree.
Speaker 1 (38:03):
Thank you for sharing that story.
I'm feeling all of it.
Speaker 3 (38:08):
Me too.
I'm crying over here.
Thanks, danny.
He's probably like oh my god.
Speaker 2 (38:18):
We touched base recently.
One of the things you shared iskind of this new path.
You know I I mentioned you didsocial work.
You shared you worked at theda's office, you've done the,
the furniture refinishing,you've done um real estate and
now you're kind of looking intoexploring the death doula
experience.
Speaker 3 (38:38):
Yes, yes, yes, yes yes.
Speaker 2 (38:41):
Makes sense.
You see the sadness, you seethe beauty, you see the hope all
at one time.
So just share a little bitabout that.
Speaker 3 (38:49):
Well, so when I got my, when I was working on my
master's degree, I got I toldyou this I got my master's in
counseling psychology and Ispecifically wanted to work with
in the hospice arena.
I got I told you this I got mymaster's in counseling
psychology and I specificallywanted to work with in in the
hospice arena.
I created an internship atproject transitions in Austin
where I did like um individualtherapy with families, and then
I would just go and see the guysI will call them guys, cause,
(39:12):
um, it was that hospice forpeople with AIDS and they were
mostly men, one woman that Iremember and I was like, oh, if
ever a thing I was born to do,it was to be with these people.
Like I loved it and I think itcame from my childhood being
with my grandparents in Haskell,cause, I mean, lord knows,
(39:33):
they'd take me to funerals allthe time.
I was never afraid of death.
Like I would go and like lookat the bodies and stuff and that
go after church with Smitty,we'd go to the nursing home, and
I love a nursing home, I lovethe smell of it, I love the like
these people are all obviouslynearing the end of their lives.
I love that feeling.
(39:55):
So I knew like this is what I'msupposed to do, until I got out
of school and realized no, no,no, I had the wrong degree.
So I didn't get to do that atthat time and that's okay,
because I have had such such agreat career working with people
(40:17):
, with the most beautiful peopleat the hardest times of their
lives, and I wouldn't trade thatfor all the tears that I've
shed, for all the things I'veprobably yelled at the sky.
Um, but I wouldn't change thatfor for a minute.
Now I'm not doing that anymore.
Yeah, I love real estate.
I love getting people intotheir homes, like that's.
(40:39):
It's really cool.
It's not easy, but it's a loteasier than like sharing your
heart with somebody when theirfamily member's dying.
You know like it's a differentkind of hard, but at any rate, I
just was like dang man, I gotto do something.
So I looked into becoming adeath doula.
So I'm going to start inJanuary and I'm very excited
(41:03):
about that.
I recently applied for a job ata hospice.
I don't know if I'll get it ornot, but it's just a part-time
job, being like a bereavementcounselor, which y'all send me
some good vibes because thatwould be really great.
Yeah, and then what I?
My goal is to work as a deathdoula, which I guess people
(41:23):
prefer the name end of lifedoula, because everybody's
afraid of death right, but towork with them.
But then I was like, but that'snot the end.
And so now I'm trying to make itbigger, to include life
coaching, but and I, I know howto bridge it, like if I'm with a
(41:47):
person but I don't know howI'll bridge it, um, as a
business, but it's not going tostop.
I don't want it to stop with adeath.
Like I want to continue to workwith the families and help them
step back into joy, because,like we keep talking about it
and help them step back into joy, because, like we keep talking
about it, like it's the duality,the dichotomy of, like the hard
(42:10):
and the beautiful, the sad andthe gratefulness.
And so that is what I plan ondoing next year and I'm really
excited.
Speaker 1 (42:20):
I can fully see it coming to be.
I mean, that's definitelycoming from the fire inside of
you and I believe those, thosesort of inspirations, like
they're either, meant to moveforward, and so for sure, see
you doing that work, and howgreat to have you doing that
work.
Speaker 2 (42:47):
Yeah, oh goodness.
So I didn't know you when youwere little.
We've had chats about when wewere younger, I know, but I'm
curious what you little teenager, leah, 13 years old, would say
if she was looking at you today.
What would she think?
What would she say to you?
Speaker 3 (43:06):
she think what would she say to you?
I think she would be like man,oh, I'm going to cry again.
I think that she would thinkI'm pretty cool.
I think she would be like, do Iget to become like this?
Like, is this where I'm going,is this where we're heading?
Speaker 2 (43:26):
And I think she would be like all right it's going to
be okay.
That's awesome, no doubt.
Speaker 1 (43:30):
No doubt.
Oh, I love that.
All right.
So in this beautiful world, whoreally inspires you, who brings
hope to you?
Who do you turn to?
I guess those are all differentquestions.
Speaker 3 (43:48):
Because I'll be answering like a million
questions as I go.
Okay, I'm not going to talk.
Well, my daughter inspires mebecause she has really had a
pretty rough life and is comingthrough it and she's okay, she's
going to be okay and I knowthere are beautiful things ahead
of her, but there were many,many times when she did not feel
(44:14):
the hope.
So that's inspiring to mebecause she is coming through it
and yay, yay for that and I'mgoing to talk, talk.
I've known so many people, likeI've said, like I have another
person, woman, who's very closeto me.
Her daughter was also murdered.
The grace and beauty that shehas gone through that and like
(44:37):
watching her it's been a whilenow since Jennifer was murdered
watching her evolution and howshe kind of transmitted her
grief into working with womenwho are in domestic violence
situations, and to watch herlike I won't say become whole,
because there's always going tobe a piece of her heart missing,
(44:57):
but for kind of to grow aroundthat very inspiring.
So I'm just going to keep itbrief.
I am inspired by people, I aminspired by the underdog, I am
inspired by homeless people onthe street who are out there
asking for money.
I really am Like I try to givethem money all the time.
I have another crazy story,which we probably don't have
(45:19):
time to get into, about asituation with a homeless man
and it was just like blowinginsanity.
Yeah, I'm inspired by theunderdog.
I'm inspired by people who arelike this sucks and I'm going to
keep trying.
Yeah, and a real inspiration inOur Lady of Guadalupe, which is
super random I'm not Catholicbut I don't know.
(45:44):
I have a real relationship withher and she inspires me and I
ask her all the time help me.
Speaker 1 (45:50):
So beautiful, I gosh.
I wish we had like three hours,Cause I want to hear all of
these are all good and I'mhoping that Leah, you and I can
continue to have conversations Iknow you have.
Speaker 3 (46:00):
Yes, ma'am, we're friends now too, right?
Yeah, exactly, I'm like oh, wegot to get a group chat going.
Speaker 1 (46:08):
A hundred percent.
Oh, my goodness, the stories toshare.
Okay, god, I loved yourresponse to that about that
inspiration and the underdog andso many of us.
That's just a.
That's some magic.
We need to hear is just lookingat people differently and
seeing wow, that is someincredible human strength to
(46:32):
come at certain of lifeexperiences and say you know
what, I'm going to strive formore, I am going to survive, I'm
going to find a way.
Oh, that's good stuff.
Okay, my friend, do you have asort of like a mantra or a life
philosophy, a motto, a go-tophrase that really works for you
(46:53):
?
Speaker 3 (46:55):
Well, I do actually have a mantra because I just
recently, in the past month,over a month started doing
Kundalini yoga.
So an actual mantra Sat Namthat I do and it means I am
truth, or the truth is here.
So that is something that Ibelieve.
(47:15):
I actually got it tattooedabove my Our Lady of Guadalupe
tattoo.
Y'all think I'm crazy, like no,I really love her.
Speaker 1 (47:23):
We don't think you're crazy at all.
Speaker 3 (47:29):
But I also believe.
A long time ago my stepmothergave me this little plaque thing
and it says and you might'veseen it, diana, cause I've had
it, I had it in the office Ifthe eyes had no tears, the soul
would have no rainbow.
Speaker 2 (47:42):
Beautiful.
Yeah, that is.
I mean you need beauty, is onlybeauty, because there's pain.
I mean that's, that's whysomething is so beautiful.
So, yeah, so, leah, I know youlove music.
I do Think of you.
Know how people have likethey're walking to stage,
they're going on to people havelike they're walking to the
(48:03):
stage, they're going on to theirTED Talk, they're walking out
to you know the Oprah show andtheir song plays.
They have their walk-in song.
What is your walk-in song?
Speaker 3 (48:15):
Oh, my God.
Okay, well, I have two of them,but that's hilarious because
the Spotify rap came out todayand I have, like my hype song
and it happened to be my numberone song for this year and I'm
so excited Like I'm crying againbecause I'm so excited about it
and y'all are going to be likewhat?
(48:35):
But it's Juice by Lizzo.
Yes, nice song.
Speaker 2 (48:41):
Excellent, nice song.
Speaker 1 (48:45):
Excellent, it works.
Speaker 3 (48:49):
It just makes me laugh, it makes me so happy.
She's so sassy and I'm like,yeah, and part of it's like, if
I'm shining, everybody's goingto shine.
And that's literally my prayerevery day that, like I can be
the brightest like light from,not like ego, but like light
from above, so that other peoplecan be the brightest like light
from, not like ego, but likelight from above, so that other
people can see their best.
And I'm like, yeah, lizzo, youknow, so that's a whole Lizzo
(49:10):
vibe also, right yeah yeah,except for when you start
telling people they were fat.
But anyway, yeah, yeah,everybody again, duality.
Um, so that's my like funny one, but probably my one that I
live by most would be let it belove it that's good words to
(49:31):
live by, all right.
Speaker 1 (49:33):
So, along this journey, and all of its many
turns and all the stories alongthe way, there comes a point for
all of us.
When we move on from this plane, and as you do, how would you
hope?
What's the legacy that you hopeto have left behind, or how
would you hope to be remembered?
Speaker 3 (49:55):
I would like to be remembered as somebody who
embraced life as somebody whoembraced life, lived with joy
and loved to laugh.
Speaker 2 (50:15):
Yeah Well, I was going to say that I already
think of you, of all of thosethings.
Speaker 1 (50:17):
So that's definitely Thank you and it's definitely
how you've entered into my heart.
So I see that already.
Speaker 2 (50:23):
So so I know we're getting close to the hour mark
here.
I want to switch us to ourlittle what we call rapid fire
and, realizing it's not alwaysrapid fire.
Our, our thought was it's like,okay, let's go.
It doesn't have to be a oneword answer, but we'll just the
first thing that comes to yourmind, I guess.
So what color is hope?
(50:43):
Yellow?
What does hope sound?
Speaker 3 (50:46):
like Birds.
Speaker 2 (50:49):
Bird song Sure, so fill in the blank.
Joy is.
Speaker 3 (50:56):
That wasn't so easy.
Joy is allowing yourself.
Joy is accepting yourself,accepting others and allowing
yourself to love that, bothyourself and others, the best
that you can.
I think that doesn't reallycover it.
(51:18):
But yeah, joy is love.
Joy is love and life andlaughter, and all of the beauty
and the ugly, everything crammedtogether and you mix it up like
a little bitty recipe and youcook it and out comes joy.
Speaker 1 (51:31):
Yeah my goodness, that's gorgeous.
Speaker 2 (51:35):
All right, so um empathy is heart, heart, yeah,
okay, the meaning of life islaughter and hope is uh love.
It all goes together.
Yeah, joy, hope, love, it's all.
Speaker 3 (51:56):
Yeah, I can't see, I can't separate them, like that's
just part of it, and I'm cryingagain.
Y'all got me over here in myfeels.
Speaker 1 (52:05):
Well, it only means that you've been very open and
real with us and that'severything right.
That is also part of thisjourney.
Is that openness and thatwillingness to share with others
, to be real and open with them,I did like there's no other way
to live this life.
You know, and this is, and thisis the the out picturing of
(52:28):
that, is this joy, is thisconnection?
I mean, that's, that's how youget there.
Thank you so much for makingthis so real for us, for all of
us.
Speaker 3 (52:38):
You're welcome.
I told Diane I'm like nothing'soff limits.
I'm going to try and come asauthentically and as real and I
hope I did that.
So thank you for having me.
Speaker 2 (52:50):
That's what living is right.
I mean, if you're not livingauthentically, are you living?
Speaker 3 (52:59):
Yeah, like don't half butt it Full butt.
Speaker 1 (53:01):
You can say it Full butt, full butt, full butt, life
Full butt life.
Speaker 3 (53:07):
I need a bumper sticker.
I live a full butt, full buttedlife.
That's so good.
Speaker 2 (53:13):
Usually then we ask you know if there's anything
going on, if, like, you wantpeople to find you.
I know you're a realtor.
I don't know if you want toshare that information If people
want to find you on the realestate scene.
I know down the road you'regoing to finish your doula and a
life training and we candefinitely share that
information once you have thatready to share.
(53:34):
But do you want to share anyinformation if people wanted to
find you?
Speaker 3 (53:39):
Yeah, I think the easiest way would probably be my
Instagram, and it's just Leah TSells, Texas spelled out.
Speaker 2 (53:48):
Leah T Sells, texas.
Yes, she does.
I mean go big girl, go big.
Speaker 3 (53:55):
I love me some Texas Right.
Speaker 2 (53:58):
Well, I just love, leah, that you were willing to
come on and chat with us andjust kind of share your story
and the message of hope that youshare, as I said again and
again and again with me, butalso just to be able to share it
with my sister and witheverybody.
I'm so excited, yeah, yeah, andI know we're going to stay in
touch and I'm going to keepwatching this journey and I
(54:20):
think you know so much of whatI'm doing and what you're doing.
I think that it's just going tokind of keep going.
Speaker 3 (54:29):
We're going to be having, we're going to be having
conversations, all three of us.
Speaker 2 (54:33):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (54:35):
A lot, lot more to be said here, absolutely,
absolutely, love and light andblessings to you.
Thank you so much for sharingthis time with us.
Oh, my goodness, thank you,thank you.
Speaker 3 (54:47):
Thank you.
Thank you for having me.
Bye y'all.
Speaker 1 (54:54):
Thanks for joining us today on Soul Sisteries stories
as well and keep theconversation going, absolutely
keeping the hope going.
So we're really hopeful thatyou'll connect with our guests
as well, who have great storiesto share.
Go ahead and follow them invarious social media platforms
or live venues, wherever it isthat they're performing and
(55:19):
sharing what they do.
Speaker 2 (55:20):
We would love to have you follow us on all of our
social media platforms,subscribe and rate, as that will
help us get our message of hopeout to others.
Thanks for listening to SoulSisteries.
Welcome to Soul Sisteries.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Welcome to Soul Sisteries.
We are so excited to have youlisten to our friend Leah, who
is just so filled with hope andlove and light and beauty, and
for myself, having gotten tospend this time with her, I just
feel lighter and more hopeful.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
For sure.
Oh my gosh, I was so thrilledto talk with Leah because here
she shared everything that we'rehoping to be about in this
podcast, right, and so all thatmessaging is there.
And also, like I want to say,here it can be very easy to see
this stuff as sort of aPollyanna.
Oh, just be hopeful and justfeel the hope, and it's not that
(00:53):
at all, and she shares that sogorgeously.
That this is.
There are choices to be madehere, right, and the
consciousness aroundperspectives and how we embrace
life, and it doesn't negate thehard stuff and the very heavy
stuff or even the feelingsaround that, but how one can
(01:14):
lead this hope-filled andjoy-filled life throughout.
All of it is oh man, that issome magic stuff right there.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
Yeah, and the idea that hope is available to all of
us.
Right, it's not this thing thatonly some people get or only
some people deserve.
It can be a conscious decisionto be hope, you know.
It can be a conscious decisionto be hopeful, yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:45):
Yeah, and there are concrete things that one can do
in order to generate thatemotional experience and
certainly that intellectual one.
So this is good stuff.
I can't wait for everybody tohear what Leah has to share.
Oh my goodness, man, we are onto something.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
Her story.
All right, here we go, everyone, okay.
Well, so here we are at SoulSisteries.
Today we are talking with mygood friend, leah.
Leah and I go way back workingas social workers and forensic
interviewers in the 90s.
I was able to watch Leah becomean amazing mom to her precious
girl.
Later she left social work andreturned to her hometown where
(02:38):
she started her own creativebusiness refinishing furniture.
So many beautiful projects shecreated.
Then she became a realtor,which she is still doing now.
She gets so much joy helpingothers create the home life that
they've dreamed about.
She heroically battled and beatbreast cancer a journey through
oh my gosh, I'm going to cryalready a journey through which
(03:00):
she taught so many of us aboutperseverance and never giving up
hope.
Despite her life experienceswith multiple losses and loved
ones, struggles with mentalillness, she has been a beacon
of hope for me, a trueinspiration, and I'm so excited
to welcome Leah to SoulSisteries and to share her story
with everybody.
Leah, of course, we ask how sheexperiences hope.
(03:25):
Hope through, and Leahmentioned that she experiences
hope through knowing that behindthe clouds, the sky is always
blue, which is absolutelybeautiful.
So welcome Leah to our SoulSisteries podcast.
We're very excited to have youhere.
Speaker 3 (03:42):
Hi, thank you, I'm so happy to be here.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
Yay, Yay, yay, yay.
So really what we said is thatthis is just a few of us sitting
around chatting.
We do have questions for you.
We really want to just kind ofhear from you.
The podcast itself is abouthope and how people have found
hope, created hope.
What gives them hope?
Really kind of with this ideathat we just want everybody to
(04:08):
know that hope is not thiselusive thing that we can all
access.
Hope and, as I mentioned, yourstory has always been so hopeful
for me and you have been veryinspiring for me, so I want to
just kind of throw it to youfirst for you to share kind of,
I guess, what got you here.
(04:28):
Like I'm trying to think backto the 90s and when I think of
Leah in the 90s, was she full ofhope?
Did we talk about hope?
I don't know that that was partof our discussion back then,
and so I guess I just want youto share what has got you to
this, the state of being hopeful.
Speaker 3 (04:50):
Yeah, that is interesting.
I don't think back then that Ireally gave hope a lot of
thought.
I don't recall us having spokenabout it.
I mean, obviously we wereyounger and just sort of going
about our lives living.
But I feel that, probably forme and for you, because I think
(05:14):
we kind of express ourselvessimilarly and I think that hope
was probably like part of us butwe just didn't acknowledge it.
Maybe we didn't have likeenough bad experiences to make
us need it, you know.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
Isn't that a true thing also, that we find these
wells by our choices inadversity, in the challenges,
their choices we make, and thenthe hope sort of comes through.
That, wouldn't you say?
Speaker 3 (05:44):
Yeah, definitely.
I will say too that I think Iam by nature an optimistic
person, and hope and optimism Idon't think they have to go hand
in hand, but for me theydefinitely do, because even in
the darkest of times, for themost part, I've been able to
(06:05):
remain hopeful and optimisticthat things can improve.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
Yeah, yeah, you know I'm trying to think back to
early years.
I had mine and I remember yougetting pregnant and just the
excitement and the hope and thelike.
We were young, I mean, we wereadults, but we were young adults
(06:34):
and I remember just thinking,my God, she's got it all
together, like she's ready tojust tackle this parenting thing
Right now.
As a parent myself, I'm like,okay, there were probably a lot
of challenges, but you did it soeasily and just like, just
really hopefully, like knowingthat you had this child's future
(06:55):
in your hands.
Oof, that's daunting.
Speaker 3 (06:57):
Well, yeah, I don't know if that is how I felt, but
I was very happy to be pregnantand I was like, okay, well, it's
twofold.
I remember so specifically andthis is hilarious to me about
probably like eight months orsomething like getting close to
childbearing time and thinkingand just being so completely
(07:22):
disgusted by the idea that I wasgoing to have this little baby
and it was going to be with meevery minute of every day and I
was like, how, how am I going todeal with this?
Which is so not the way that Ifeel like and not even probably
how I felt then.
I'm sure it was hormonal, but Iremember distinctly just being
like what have I done?
Speaker 1 (07:44):
And you know what I think, so many you know soon to
be new parents, and new parentshave those feelings and we don't
talk about it.
Like I remember when my eldestwas born and like, first looking
, and I'm going who the hell areyou?
Oh my God, I'm like.
Oh my God, what is?
Speaker 3 (08:05):
happening.
It's so funny, it's such aweird thing being a parent, like
a beautiful thing.
I wouldn't change it foranything at all.
But that feeling quicklydissipated when they raised,
when they held her up Because Iended up having to have a
C-section because she's astubborn little thing and she
was upside down and late, andthey held her up to me.
I remember and I just rememberthe feeling and I said I love
(08:30):
her so much.
Yeah, and they brought her tome to kiss.
What they took her to, likeclean her up and like sew me up
and everything, and um, and Iremember going to kiss her but I
didn't want to touch herbecause she was so perfect and I
didn't want to give her a germ.
Speaker 1 (08:45):
It's so true, I'm going to tag on there real quick
.
Same I was.
That first thought was like whoare you?
And then I held him and hemoved his hip in the way that I
that was exactly that motion Irecalled from in my womb.
It was, and it was theoverwhelming oh my God, it's you
(09:06):
, it's you.
And just, and then that rush oflove came.
So it was that double whammy.
Speaker 3 (09:12):
I, I, yeah, I love that you just shared your story
because I, oh, and I did lovelike I remember Diana like
talking to you and being like,oh, I Like I remember Diana like
talking to you and being like,oh, I get to go get Sophie now,
like go and pick her up.
I was just so enthusiastic tosee her and be around her little
cute self.
Speaker 2 (09:34):
Oh my gosh, it seems like just yesterday that she was
born, and I think when we weretalking last week, I think, you
said she's 25.
25.
And she was just born.
I just, I still remember that.
Speaker 1 (09:45):
So, yeah, yeah, oh, my goodness.
Well, leah, thank you fortaking the time to be here with
us and to share your story andyour journey.
I I know that, um, hope is notjust this magic wand, and I am
hopeful and here we go.
And it certainly doesn'tdiscount any real lived
(10:07):
experience and real feelingsalong the journey, and we would
never want to suggest that itshould.
We'll just be hopeful, everyoneand everything will be okay.
That's not it.
But what is it, though, in theworld?
Clearly, you said you wereoptimist.
Naturally, you had certaininclinations.
(10:29):
I know you have clinicaltraining, so there's things that
you know through your studies.
But what is it consciously inthe world around you that does
give you hope and inspire you tohold on and to think a new
thought, or think differently,feel differently?
I said a lot.
(10:52):
Let me synthesize that andbreak it.
Yeah, thank you.
Speaker 3 (10:57):
I think that for me, being hopeful is a choice.
So if I'm feeling hopelesswhich um has happened and could
probably happen again in thefuture is that I I've had to
(11:19):
make a conscious choice and Ihave a really good example of
when I worked here back inAustin at the DA's office and I
had a.
I worked with the victims ofviolent crimes like murders,
rapes, you name it like justhorrible stuff.
That's intense.
It was, yes, it was, and I hadone mom who had a daughter.
(11:43):
She was disabled, and the mom'ssister and the sister's
boyfriend went to the house andbeat her to death.
The attorneys on the casedecided not to take it to trial.
They were going to just pleadit out, like work out a plea
bargain with the sister, and themom was understandably upset
(12:08):
and I remember when they weretalking to us and she was
holding my hand like so, so, so,so tight, like just squeezing
the life out of my hand and andit was awful and I felt really
hopeless.
I felt very disappointed in ouroffice for not pushing forward
with that.
I felt the heartbreak of herthat my sister did this and
basically she's getting offscot-free Really a very dark
(12:29):
moment.
So I was like, all right, theyleft.
I got to get out of here for alittle while.
So I walked out and cause I wasjust going to drive around, you
know like listen to some music,or just I don't even know what
my plan was.
But I was out of the DA's officefor like an hour or so and I
(12:51):
walked outside and it's not likea very beautiful environment,
it's downtown like not a lot oftrees or anything.
But I took a deep breath andthen I heard birds singing and I
was like even now the birdscontinue to sing and I was like
things will go on, like therewill be beauty in her life again
, in the mom's life, and I knowthat there is.
I'm not in a lot of contactwith her, but I reach out to her
(13:14):
every just few years.
I think it's probably a littlehard for her to talk to me and I
don't want to make her lifeharder, but I know that she
obviously will never get overthat loss.
But she's gotten married, likeshe has a life of her own.
That's continued and I havelike a million stories like that
(13:34):
, but that one in particular,like I made a choice, like I've
got to get out of thisoppressive environment of
despair that I'm in at thismoment and walk out environment
of despair that I'm in at thismoment and walk out.
And, however, I managed tostill be aware that there was
beauty going on, despite theugliness.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
Because it's not, yeah, it's not an either or it's
a both.
There's the duality that wesometimes really struggle with
accepting and existing thatthese, both of these things are
true.
This nightmare, horrific loss,horrible, the injustice that is
true, and also the birds singingand other possibilities of love
(14:18):
and union and joy.
All of that can exist in thesame space.
Yes, yes, absolutely yeah myGod, that's a great, that's a I
mean great story, I don't?
Speaker 2 (14:30):
it's heartbreaking and also so hopeful and so, and
that's just, that's humanitythere, right, that's the heart
of it, Thank you, thank you forsharing that, thank you and and
that experience reminds me a lotof the work that we did when we
were working together, you know, working in the field of child
abuse, and people, my familyincluded, thought I was crazy
(14:53):
and why would I do that kind ofwork.
And I think back to that andeven if we didn't talk about
hope back then, leah, I think wedid it because we were hopeful.
Because we were hopeful wecould make a difference in these
kids' lives, right yeah.
Speaker 3 (15:07):
Yes, and maybe even prevent it from happening to
somebody else.
You know, through that andoffering an ear to hear their
story, without judgment orexpectation or relationship,
because you know it's got to bekind of hard to talk about that
stuff with your family whenyou're young.
You barely even have the wordsto express like, like how they
(15:31):
touched you or you know just thesort of malignancy of of all of
that.
But yeah, I think, I mean I dothink that we were hopeful then
and I remember then too feelingsometimes like God dang, this
world is hard and some of thosestories I mean they're
heartbreaking.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
Yeah, yeah, and and and pushing through it though,
because we knew it was somethingon the other side, and kind of
like what you know, your, yourhope through knowing that behind
the clouds the sky is stillblue.
You know that that beauty stillexists.
I think is really important.
Speaker 1 (16:07):
So it was not a good group of people because we like
I remember you know we would crybut then we would laugh and you
know we had maybe, maybe, a bitof dark humor and for sure
there has to be something inthat too right that you, you
weren't in it alone, that therewas this community who
understood, and of course that'sthat's just something that we
(16:29):
all need, right, those people totalk, somebody who understands
this space, that we're in thisplace, that, and to be able to
talk with them and share.
And boy and humor goes a longway to let's not discount dark
humor, man.
That is life-saving.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
So crazy work, right?
I mean, you've had some heavywork experience.
Maybe real estate, I'm hoping,is a little lighter than that
kind of work was, but who knows,there's still things that
happen and I know you have theups and downs with clients.
I mentioned earlier, leah, yourbattle with breast cancer, and
(17:12):
that is something that you know.
You were in a different state.
We connected over Facebook andI I watched your journey and
it's crazy to say this, but itwas a very beautiful journey, a
very graceful journey, and itwas so positive and hope-filled,
of course, and you beat its ass.
(17:34):
I mean, you really did and I'mcurious how you got the strength
, how you got the confidence todo what, to battle the way you
did, with grace and hope, thewhole time.
Speaker 3 (17:51):
Um, I mean, I mean it was so weird I remember it so
clearly obviously like thedoctor called me like I had
found a lump and I was like itwas.
Just I had to keep remindingmyself.
I found it on a Friday or maybea Saturday and I was like I
(18:11):
have to remember this and callthe doctor next week.
And I wasn't afraid, I was justlike I have to remember this,
like I kept somehow it keptcoming to my mind.
I'm like I have to remember, Ihave to remember.
So I went, did all thedifferent stuff.
They ended up doing a biopsy.
They're like we'll call you onFriday.
So I told I asked the doctor.
Then I'm like look, I mean ifyou think it's cancer, just tell
me.
And she's like I don't know.
(18:32):
She said part of it doesn't.
And I'm like all right,whatever.
So Friday I was waiting for thecall.
I got the call.
She was like it is a type ofbreast cancer, so blah, blah,
blah, whatever she said.
And I remember just saying okay, okay, okay, like that's all I
was saying.
And then I got off the phoneand my husband was there and we
(18:58):
had just recently separated andI mean poor guy, you know, I'm
just like saying okay, okay,okay, and he's just like staring
at me with his eyes bolting outof his head.
So finally I gave him a thumbsdown and I remember he came over
to hug me and I was like no.
I'm okay and that's a wholedifferent story.
But I remember like no, I'mgood, and I immediately thought
(19:24):
I am not leaving my daughter, Iwill live through this and and
that was that like it was adecision.
Now, I mean, maybe I would havelived without it.
It was a pretty aggressivelittle bugger, I will say,
really growing very, veryquickly, and I'm super thankful
(19:47):
that I found it when I did,otherwise we might not be having
this conversation, but it wasliterally a instantaneous,
wholehearted decision that I'mgoing to go forward, I'm going
to live and I'm going to make itas easy on her as possible,
(20:09):
because she was in eighth gradeand like what a crappy time to
have your mom sick.
You know, eighth grade is hardenough without worrying about
your, your mom dying.
Speaker 2 (20:18):
Right, Right, Goodness.
And so you made that decisionand then, like I, I feel like I
have hope in my life.
Even when things get bad, Istill have this piece of hope.
But I could let myself go downkind of that dark hole and throw
(20:39):
me a pity party and let me, letme wallow for a little bit
before I bounce back out.
You I don't know that, ifanybody didn't know you, if they
saw anything, and of course weknow, like social media only
shares what we want to shareEverything was so positive,
Everything everything that youshared gave us hope, Like.
(21:04):
So I don't know if it was youfeeling like, okay, well, I have
to just show the world thatthis is what's going on and I'm
only going to show them the goodside, but it just it.
It it gave us hope, Like, nomatter what was going on in my
life while you were battling, Iwas hopeful because I knew what
you were doing.
I guess, if that makes sense,yeah, thank you.
Speaker 3 (21:26):
Thank you.
I didn't show all of the bad,the bad parts, because nobody
wants to really hear about thebad parts, but there really
weren't a lot of them I did.
I didn't ever have a pity party.
I never was like, oh, why me?
Oh, poor me, this is so unfair.
(21:48):
I never felt anything like that.
I did on occasion have what Icall them blue days, where I
would kind of let my imaginationrun away with me and I would
see myself like so skinny anddying and then in the coffin and
wondering about, like not thatI would be in a coffin, cause I
(22:09):
probably wouldn't be, but anyway, like that was just my vision,
wondering like, how would people, how would it affect people
without me here, specifically,so obviously, my mom, my sister,
my friends, um, so I did have afew moments of that.
Steroids made me grouchy.
(22:29):
I told my doctor I'm not takingthem and she was like don't
take them.
And I was like, great, she also, um, cut down cause they, they
for my chemo.
It was very strong and theygave me part of the protocol I
guess is steroids ahead of timeto help you from getting sick,
and she cut down the steroids onthat as much as she could.
(22:52):
She actually wanted to go tozero, but the pharmacist
wouldn't allow that because theywere like no, she'll get sick.
So I was lucky that I hadsomebody listen to me, but I did
get grouchy with those steroids.
They made me want to claw myskin off.
It was not good.
But other than that, I mean Ireally I don't know if you've
(23:13):
ever read the thing that I wrote, but after my surgery, after my
lumpectomy, and I had taken apink boa and they were pushing
me out in the wheelchair, and Iwrote but after my surgery,
after my lumpectomy, and I hadtaken a pink boa and they were
pushing me out in the wheelchairand I'd forgotten my pink boa
in the car and I was like, ohwait, you got to repush me out.
And the nurse was like what?
And I'm like I got to have theboa.
So I got the boa.
I'm really really sure that thenurse was rolling her eyes at
(23:35):
me.
So I put my boa on.
My friend was there with me, myfamily was in the car and
evidently I said, look, if it'snot fun, I'm not doing it.
And that is kind of the waythat I looked at it and I, I
will say I had so much support,every single chemo treatment.
Somebody else would take me.
(23:55):
A different friend would comeforward and take me and sit with
me.
Somebody else would take me Adifferent friend would come
forward and take me and sit withme.
And every single one.
I was never afraid of chemo, Iembraced it.
I was like heck, yeah, bring methe chemo, I'm staying alive.
(24:17):
Looking at all the people inthere, some of them you knew
weren't going to make it.
It could have been a sadsituation and I was like, heck,
look how far we've come.
Look at this, this, what all wehave to do to help people.
So I was always very thankfulwhen I got into the infusion
area and every single time whenthey bring it to me to start
(24:37):
infusing me, I would ask thenurse and whoever was with me to
pray.
And so whoever was there likemaybe it was me, maybe it was
one of them, it didn't reallymatter, but we would pray on the
chemo and I think that maybethat helped because I was like,
thankful, I was thankful for it.
Speaker 2 (24:56):
Living with gratitude .
Speaker 1 (24:58):
Yeah, and what I'm hearing also is a consciousness
around all of this that itwasn't that you were a conscious
participant in your healingstory.
Whether it was, I'm going tolook for the fun, I'm going to
be consciously grateful, I amgoing to welcome the support of
(25:21):
others and invite them into thisjourney with me.
Diana, you've shared that youwere a part of this story and
all of you were.
That you were sharing openlyand freely, and I have to
believe that part, a big chunk,of your healing story is this
openness and this connection andthis consciousness around it.
(25:44):
I don't want to put words inyour mouth.
That's, that's what I'm hearingfrom what you're showing.
Speaker 3 (25:49):
Yeah, I think it was very conscious, conscious on my
part, like the steps that I took.
Um, it was not accident.
I didn't go into theaccidentally willy nilly like oh
, what's going to happen.
I didn't do a lot of research,um into chemo or anything, Cause
I was like I don't really needto know all that business.
(26:11):
You know, I just knew that Iwas going to go bald and, um
that I might have some stomachissues and that I'd probably get
tired.
I never had stomach issues.
I did go bald and I got tired,but not like tired.
I still rode my horse, I walkeda few times but I didn't sleep.
(26:32):
You know I take naps in theafternoon and I am not a napper,
so that was a big difference.
Speaker 1 (26:38):
Okay.
So you just said a littlesomething that I wanted I want
you to talk more about.
You said you rode your horse,and I didn't know that you had a
horse or a horse.
So I'm thinking there's gottabe some animal connection here.
That was probably part of yourhealing journey as well.
Can you?
Can you talk about that alittle bit?
Speaker 3 (26:57):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (26:58):
I'm looking at the expression on your face right
now and I'm feeling all of it.
Speaker 3 (27:03):
I'm probably going to cry.
I loved my horse.
I call him my equine soulmate.
His name was Coda.
When I got him he was a horsethat not many people wanted or
anybody had really wanted atthat point.
I bought him from a woman whowe knew who sells horses, and we
(27:23):
were taking classes and stuffand like doing different trail
rides and stuff.
Oh, I'm going to cry.
So I rode him and I knewinstantly that he was my guy and
and I bought him and she waslike you don't want this horse?
And I was like, oh, yes, I do.
And people would make fun ofhim Like you bought that horse.
I'm like, yeah, I love thishorse and I promised him that I
(27:47):
would never put him in asituation that would make him
scared and he never offered tofuck me off or anything and he
was not like super well-trainedhe was.
He had a lot of fear.
I'll say he had a lot of fearand I don't know.
I just loved him so much and soduring that time I would still
(28:09):
go out and feed him and stuff.
And this one particular day Iremember my mom came over and I
rode Koda and I was pretty tired, so when I got off.
I just sat on the littlemounting block and he was
standing next to me in a likepasture of excuse me, I'm
getting all choked up a pastureof green grass and you know,
(28:33):
horses like to graze.
Right, he did not graze, hestood like a statue next to me.
Graze, right, he did not graze.
He stood like a statue next tome and every few minutes he
would turn his head to the leftand look down at me and just
wait, and I know that he wasjust like loving me and helping
me heal that horse.
I mean, it sounds kind of dorkybut like, really you changed my
(28:56):
life and I know I changed his.
And yes, there was definitelyan animal healing session going
on with him.
He definitely even just feedinghim, even if I wasn't riding.
And I had other horses too, butand I love them, don't get me
wrong, but Koda was my, he wasmy guy and just the way he would
(29:19):
look at me, he was just sogentle with me during that time
in particular, like he knew andI'm sure he did know like he
could probably smell the chemoin me and he just took care of
me.
He took care of my heart.
Speaker 1 (29:33):
Oh, that's beautiful and people are listening right
now and they can't see.
But what happened as soon asyou started talking about Coda,
your little friend with thestriped tail, coming into the
picture and wanting to be sureyou're OK and share some love
with you too?
Speaker 3 (29:54):
That's my daughter's cat and she's really not that
friendly, but she's being veryfriendly right now.
So yes, you know her.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
That's beautiful Because I think we've talked a
little bit too about just youknow energy and you know Reiki
and that sort of thing, andthere's so much energy and
healing in animals I mean justwhat they bring and their
groundedness and theirconnection to nature that as
humans I think we forget aboutthat.
(30:20):
We let go at some point, and sowhen, even if you're not
outside in the pasture, but ifyou could connect with those
animals and I know I mean I'veseen lots of posts with your
horse, beautiful Koda, and justbeing able to even touch Koda
probably would give you a senseof healing especially.
Speaker 3 (30:40):
Oh, yeah, for sure.
I mean, horses are definitelyhere to, to help and guide us.
They're very all animals.
All animals are wonderful and Ithink all animals have the
capacity, but there's somethingespecially strong with the
connection between a human andtheir horse, yeah, so much in
(31:03):
the work I do and I have severalstudents who do their
internships at equine assistedtherapy places, you know.
Speaker 2 (31:11):
And so, whether it's for physical health, for mental
health, just the benefits ofriding a horse, horse, of
brushing a horse, are so muchresearch, yeah, wonderful and
there's some, you know researchthat their heart rate will bring
yours down.
Speaker 3 (31:27):
You know like they literally can calm you and you
know they always say don't showfear.
The horse can tell what I mean.
The horse can tell theyintuitively mean.
The horse can tell theyintuitively pick it up.
They're just very, veryintuitive, knowing animals, and
I'm so thankful that I had Coda.
Speaker 2 (31:47):
Yeah, even the stride , like when I first thought, oh
wait, why are you going on ahorse?
If you're weak, if you're tired, maybe you shouldn't be on the
horse.
But I could imagine even I hearabout the stride of the horse
and the way their hips move andhow that kind of relaxes your
body and gets you kind of insync with it, which is, yeah,
(32:08):
that's beautiful.
Speaker 1 (32:09):
I guess maybe like rocking right, like there's
something, yeah, so we've talkedabout kind of childbirth
parenting.
Speaker 2 (32:24):
You mentioned the separation from your husband and
then going through breastcancer and then fighting it and
beating it, and I also know thatyour husband passed away, as
did Sophie's dad.
Two huge losses, two wonderfulmen in your life and you showed
(32:46):
up for everybody around you.
You have showed up for yourdaughter at all times, giving
her hope also, and I know thatshe's had her own struggles.
So as a parent, as a partnerthat has dealt with some pretty
(33:08):
heavy blows, pretty seriousblows, I wonder if you can even
talk about how you I'm not goingto say you found hope.
It didn't just pop up on you,but how did you continue to see
that the sky is blue duringthese really heavy times?
Speaker 3 (33:28):
Yeah, yeah, well, with Sophie's dad, danny, he
actually helped me with that,unknowingly, because he was so
completely himself, he wasn'tafraid, he was just more of
himself than I had ever seen himbe through the years.
(33:52):
He would just talk to us.
He was just, I don't know.
It was a very beautiful death.
I don't know, it was a verybeautiful death.
And I remember talking to oneof my friends and saying I've
never in my life wantedsomething to end as much as I
want this to and to never end asmuch as I want this to, because
(34:13):
it was so beautiful but soheartbreaking.
It's so beautiful but, soheartbreaking, yeah, and I mean,
if I can put myself back inthat time and just feel like the
overwhelming pre-grief I guessyou would call it like knowing
(34:34):
he was going to go and then likefrom week to week or day to day
, however often we would beseeing him, the changes, the
physical changes in his body.
But even with that, he wasstill just so wholly himself and
I grabbed onto that and I justwas so thankful because I think
if he had been afraid or cryingit would have been a lot harder
(34:58):
on everyone else.
I can only speak for myself.
What I did was hold on to thatso that I could remind people
specifically selfie.
But I also.
He has other children.
I wanted I held his memory andI hold it so strongly so that I
can remind them of who he was,how he loved them.
(35:19):
I feel like I never answeredthe question.
I'm just like blah, blah, blah,blah blah, you're answering
gorgeously and thank you.
Thank you, but specifically,once again, it was a conscious
choice on my part to to feel thereal, real sadness of the
(35:45):
moment and to appreciate thebeauty of it.
And it's like you said earlier,don, I think it's like it's the
duality of life.
Like you can have the mostmagnificent situation and there
are horrible things going on,like there's no, if I don't even
(36:07):
know what I'm saying, but bothcan exist and both do exist and
it's the duality of life.
And so for me, again, likebeing hopeful during that time
like I mean I knew he was goingto die, there was no two ways
about it time, like I mean Iknew he was going to die, there
was no two ways about it.
Um, but hope in, like the lovethat was created and I will hand
it to Chris, my husband at thattime, like he would drive over
(36:28):
to see Danny's like an hour anda half and just to play checkers
with him, and so that gave mehope, to like all the love.
It was just like it was really,really beautiful and I hope
that the kids can see that oneday.
I'm not sure that they see itquite yet.
It's been a while now that hedied, but that was their dad and
(36:51):
they were very young.
So but I will, I promise youchildren, sophie and all of you
others, I have him in my heartand I will share him with you
whenever you want.
Speaker 2 (37:02):
That's beautiful.
Speaker 1 (37:04):
It is and it moves me so deeply.
Thank you so much for sharingall of that, and I know that
others right now are being somoved and touched as they hear
that it's for those of us andmost of us right have
experienced the journey of deathand we've lost someone of
import to us.
(37:24):
The thing we don't often talkabout is the profound beauty and
grace and love that exists.
We talk, of course, of birthand as people come into this
world and how beautiful andprofound and all of that, but
death can and does resonate insimilarly and and heartbreaking
(37:53):
also, but just profoundly,profoundly beautiful as well.
It's an incredible thing.
Speaker 3 (38:02):
I agree.
Speaker 1 (38:03):
Thank you for sharing that story.
I'm feeling all of it.
Speaker 3 (38:08):
Me too.
I'm crying over here.
Thanks, danny.
He's probably like oh my god.
Speaker 2 (38:18):
We touched base recently.
One of the things you shared iskind of this new path.
You know I I mentioned you didsocial work.
You shared you worked at theda's office, you've done the,
the furniture refinishing,you've done um real estate and
now you're kind of looking intoexploring the death doula
experience.
Speaker 3 (38:38):
Yes, yes, yes, yes yes.
Speaker 2 (38:41):
Makes sense.
You see the sadness, you seethe beauty, you see the hope all
at one time.
So just share a little bitabout that.
Speaker 3 (38:49):
Well, so when I got my, when I was working on my
master's degree, I got I toldyou this I got my master's in
counseling psychology and Ispecifically wanted to work with
in the hospice arena.
I got I told you this I got mymaster's in counseling
psychology and I specificallywanted to work with in in the
hospice arena.
I created an internship atproject transitions in Austin
where I did like um individualtherapy with families, and then
I would just go and see the guysI will call them guys, cause,
(39:12):
um, it was that hospice forpeople with AIDS and they were
mostly men, one woman that Iremember and I was like, oh, if
ever a thing I was born to do,it was to be with these people.
Like I loved it and I think itcame from my childhood being
with my grandparents in Haskell,cause, I mean, lord knows,
(39:33):
they'd take me to funerals allthe time.
I was never afraid of death.
Like I would go and like lookat the bodies and stuff and that
go after church with Smitty,we'd go to the nursing home, and
I love a nursing home, I lovethe smell of it, I love the like
these people are all obviouslynearing the end of their lives.
I love that feeling.
(39:55):
So I knew like this is what I'msupposed to do, until I got out
of school and realized no, no,no, I had the wrong degree.
So I didn't get to do that atthat time and that's okay,
because I have had such such agreat career working with people
(40:17):
, with the most beautiful peopleat the hardest times of their
lives, and I wouldn't trade thatfor all the tears that I've
shed, for all the things I'veprobably yelled at the sky.
Um, but I wouldn't change thatfor for a minute.
Now I'm not doing that anymore.
Yeah, I love real estate.
I love getting people intotheir homes, like that's.
(40:39):
It's really cool.
It's not easy, but it's a loteasier than like sharing your
heart with somebody when theirfamily member's dying.
You know like it's a differentkind of hard, but at any rate, I
just was like dang man, I gotto do something.
So I looked into becoming adeath doula.
So I'm going to start inJanuary and I'm very excited
(41:03):
about that.
I recently applied for a job ata hospice.
I don't know if I'll get it ornot, but it's just a part-time
job, being like a bereavementcounselor, which y'all send me
some good vibes because thatwould be really great.
Yeah, and then what I?
My goal is to work as a deathdoula, which I guess people
(41:23):
prefer the name end of lifedoula, because everybody's
afraid of death right, but towork with them.
But then I was like, but that'snot the end.
And so now I'm trying to make itbigger, to include life
coaching, but and I, I know howto bridge it, like if I'm with a
(41:47):
person but I don't know howI'll bridge it, um, as a
business, but it's not going tostop.
I don't want it to stop with adeath.
Like I want to continue to workwith the families and help them
step back into joy, because,like we keep talking about it
and help them step back into joy, because, like we keep talking
about it, like it's the duality,the dichotomy of, like the hard
(42:10):
and the beautiful, the sad andthe gratefulness.
And so that is what I plan ondoing next year and I'm really
excited.
Speaker 1 (42:20):
I can fully see it coming to be.
I mean, that's definitelycoming from the fire inside of
you and I believe those, thosesort of inspirations, like
they're either, meant to moveforward, and so for sure, see
you doing that work, and howgreat to have you doing that
work.
Speaker 2 (42:47):
Yeah, oh goodness.
So I didn't know you when youwere little.
We've had chats about when wewere younger, I know, but I'm
curious what you little teenager, leah, 13 years old, would say
if she was looking at you today.
What would she think?
What would she say to you?
Speaker 3 (43:06):
she think what would she say to you?
I think she would be like man,oh, I'm going to cry again.
I think that she would thinkI'm pretty cool.
I think she would be like, do Iget to become like this?
Like, is this where I'm going,is this where we're heading?
Speaker 2 (43:26):
And I think she would be like all right it's going to
be okay.
That's awesome, no doubt.
Speaker 1 (43:30):
No doubt.
Oh, I love that.
All right.
So in this beautiful world, whoreally inspires you, who brings
hope to you?
Who do you turn to?
I guess those are all differentquestions.
Speaker 3 (43:48):
Because I'll be answering like a million
questions as I go.
Okay, I'm not going to talk.
Well, my daughter inspires mebecause she has really had a
pretty rough life and is comingthrough it and she's okay, she's
going to be okay and I knowthere are beautiful things ahead
of her, but there were many,many times when she did not feel
(44:14):
the hope.
So that's inspiring to mebecause she is coming through it
and yay, yay for that and I'mgoing to talk, talk.
I've known so many people, likeI've said, like I have another
person, woman, who's very closeto me.
Her daughter was also murdered.
The grace and beauty that shehas gone through that and like
(44:37):
watching her it's been a whilenow since Jennifer was murdered
watching her evolution and howshe kind of transmitted her
grief into working with womenwho are in domestic violence
situations, and to watch herlike I won't say become whole,
because there's always going tobe a piece of her heart missing,
(44:57):
but for kind of to grow aroundthat very inspiring.
So I'm just going to keep itbrief.
I am inspired by people, I aminspired by the underdog, I am
inspired by homeless people onthe street who are out there
asking for money.
I really am Like I try to givethem money all the time.
I have another crazy story,which we probably don't have
(45:19):
time to get into, about asituation with a homeless man
and it was just like blowinginsanity.
Yeah, I'm inspired by theunderdog.
I'm inspired by people who arelike this sucks and I'm going to
keep trying.
Yeah, and a real inspiration inOur Lady of Guadalupe, which is
super random I'm not Catholicbut I don't know.
(45:44):
I have a real relationship withher and she inspires me and I
ask her all the time help me.
Speaker 1 (45:50):
So beautiful, I gosh.
I wish we had like three hours,Cause I want to hear all of
these are all good and I'mhoping that Leah, you and I can
continue to have conversations Iknow you have.
Speaker 3 (46:00):
Yes, ma'am, we're friends now too, right?
Yeah, exactly, I'm like oh, wegot to get a group chat going.
Speaker 1 (46:08):
A hundred percent.
Oh, my goodness, the stories toshare.
Okay, god, I loved yourresponse to that about that
inspiration and the underdog andso many of us.
That's just a.
That's some magic.
We need to hear is just lookingat people differently and
seeing wow, that is someincredible human strength to
(46:32):
come at certain of lifeexperiences and say you know
what, I'm going to strive formore, I am going to survive, I'm
going to find a way.
Oh, that's good stuff.
Okay, my friend, do you have asort of like a mantra or a life
philosophy, a motto, a go-tophrase that really works for you
(46:53):
?
Speaker 3 (46:55):
Well, I do actually have a mantra because I just
recently, in the past month,over a month started doing
Kundalini yoga.
So an actual mantra Sat Namthat I do and it means I am
truth, or the truth is here.
So that is something that Ibelieve.
(47:15):
I actually got it tattooedabove my Our Lady of Guadalupe
tattoo.
Y'all think I'm crazy, like no,I really love her.
Speaker 1 (47:23):
We don't think you're crazy at all.
Speaker 3 (47:29):
But I also believe.
A long time ago my stepmothergave me this little plaque thing
and it says and you might'veseen it, diana, cause I've had
it, I had it in the office Ifthe eyes had no tears, the soul
would have no rainbow.
Speaker 2 (47:42):
Beautiful.
Yeah, that is.
I mean you need beauty, is onlybeauty, because there's pain.
I mean that's, that's whysomething is so beautiful.
So, yeah, so, leah, I know youlove music.
I do Think of you.
Know how people have likethey're walking to stage,
they're going on to people havelike they're walking to the
(48:03):
stage, they're going on to theirTED Talk, they're walking out
to you know the Oprah show andtheir song plays.
They have their walk-in song.
What is your walk-in song?
Speaker 3 (48:15):
Oh, my God.
Okay, well, I have two of them,but that's hilarious because
the Spotify rap came out todayand I have, like my hype song
and it happened to be my numberone song for this year and I'm
so excited Like I'm crying againbecause I'm so excited about it
and y'all are going to be likewhat?
(48:35):
But it's Juice by Lizzo.
Yes, nice song.
Speaker 2 (48:41):
Excellent, nice song.
Speaker 1 (48:45):
Excellent, it works.
Speaker 3 (48:49):
It just makes me laugh, it makes me so happy.
She's so sassy and I'm like,yeah, and part of it's like, if
I'm shining, everybody's goingto shine.
And that's literally my prayerevery day that, like I can be
the brightest like light from,not like ego, but like light
from above, so that other peoplecan be the brightest like light
from, not like ego, but likelight from above, so that other
people can see their best.
And I'm like, yeah, lizzo, youknow, so that's a whole Lizzo
(49:10):
vibe also, right yeah yeah,except for when you start
telling people they were fat.
But anyway, yeah, yeah,everybody again, duality.
Um, so that's my like funny one, but probably my one that I
live by most would be let it belove it that's good words to
(49:31):
live by, all right.
Speaker 1 (49:33):
So, along this journey, and all of its many
turns and all the stories alongthe way, there comes a point for
all of us.
When we move on from this plane, and as you do, how would you
hope?
What's the legacy that you hopeto have left behind, or how
would you hope to be remembered?
Speaker 3 (49:55):
I would like to be remembered as somebody who
embraced life as somebody whoembraced life, lived with joy
and loved to laugh.
Speaker 2 (50:15):
Yeah Well, I was going to say that I already
think of you, of all of thosethings.
Speaker 1 (50:17):
So that's definitely Thank you and it's definitely
how you've entered into my heart.
So I see that already.
Speaker 2 (50:23):
So so I know we're getting close to the hour mark
here.
I want to switch us to ourlittle what we call rapid fire
and, realizing it's not alwaysrapid fire.
Our, our thought was it's like,okay, let's go.
It doesn't have to be a oneword answer, but we'll just the
first thing that comes to yourmind, I guess.
So what color is hope?
(50:43):
Yellow?
What does hope sound?
Speaker 3 (50:46):
like Birds.
Speaker 2 (50:49):
Bird song Sure, so fill in the blank.
Joy is.
Speaker 3 (50:56):
That wasn't so easy.
Joy is allowing yourself.
Joy is accepting yourself,accepting others and allowing
yourself to love that, bothyourself and others, the best
that you can.
I think that doesn't reallycover it.
(51:18):
But yeah, joy is love.
Joy is love and life andlaughter, and all of the beauty
and the ugly, everything crammedtogether and you mix it up like
a little bitty recipe and youcook it and out comes joy.
Speaker 1 (51:31):
Yeah my goodness, that's gorgeous.
Speaker 2 (51:35):
All right, so um empathy is heart, heart, yeah,
okay, the meaning of life islaughter and hope is uh love.
It all goes together.
Yeah, joy, hope, love, it's all.
Speaker 3 (51:56):
Yeah, I can't see, I can't separate them, like that's
just part of it, and I'm cryingagain.
Y'all got me over here in myfeels.
Speaker 1 (52:05):
Well, it only means that you've been very open and
real with us and that'severything right.
That is also part of thisjourney.
Is that openness and thatwillingness to share with others
, to be real and open with them,I did like there's no other way
to live this life.
You know, and this is, and thisis the the out picturing of
(52:28):
that, is this joy, is thisconnection?
I mean, that's, that's how youget there.
Thank you so much for makingthis so real for us, for all of
us.
Speaker 3 (52:38):
You're welcome.
I told Diane I'm like nothing'soff limits.
I'm going to try and come asauthentically and as real and I
hope I did that.
So thank you for having me.
Speaker 2 (52:50):
That's what living is right.
I mean, if you're not livingauthentically, are you living?
Speaker 3 (52:59):
Yeah, like don't half butt it Full butt.
Speaker 1 (53:01):
You can say it Full butt, full butt, full butt, life
Full butt life.
Speaker 3 (53:07):
I need a bumper sticker.
I live a full butt, full buttedlife.
That's so good.
Speaker 2 (53:13):
Usually then we ask you know if there's anything
going on, if, like, you wantpeople to find you.
I know you're a realtor.
I don't know if you want toshare that information If people
want to find you on the realestate scene.
I know down the road you'regoing to finish your doula and a
life training and we candefinitely share that
information once you have thatready to share.
(53:34):
But do you want to share anyinformation if people wanted to
find you?
Speaker 3 (53:39):
Yeah, I think the easiest way would probably be my
Instagram, and it's just Leah TSells, Texas spelled out.
Speaker 2 (53:48):
Leah T Sells, texas.
Yes, she does.
I mean go big girl, go big.
Speaker 3 (53:55):
I love me some Texas Right.
Speaker 2 (53:58):
Well, I just love, leah, that you were willing to
come on and chat with us andjust kind of share your story
and the message of hope that youshare, as I said again and
again and again with me, butalso just to be able to share it
with my sister and witheverybody.
I'm so excited, yeah, yeah, andI know we're going to stay in
touch and I'm going to keepwatching this journey and I
(54:20):
think you know so much of whatI'm doing and what you're doing.
I think that it's just going tokind of keep going.
Speaker 3 (54:29):
We're going to be having, we're going to be having
conversations, all three of us.
Speaker 2 (54:33):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (54:35):
A lot, lot more to be said here, absolutely,
absolutely, love and light andblessings to you.
Thank you so much for sharingthis time with us.
Oh, my goodness, thank you,thank you.
Speaker 3 (54:47):
Thank you.
Thank you for having me.
Bye y'all.
Speaker 1 (54:54):
Thanks for joining us today on Soul Sisteries stories
as well and keep theconversation going, absolutely
keeping the hope going.
So we're really hopeful thatyou'll connect with our guests
as well, who have great storiesto share.
Go ahead and follow them invarious social media platforms
or live venues, wherever it isthat they're performing and
(55:19):
sharing what they do.
Speaker 2 (55:20):
We would love to have you follow us on all of our
social media platforms,subscribe and rate, as that will
help us get our message of hopeout to others.
Thanks for listening to SoulSisteries.
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