November 20, 2024 • 53 mins
Trisha DiFazio, an award-winning screenwriter and former educator, joins us for a riveting conversation that begins with a seemingly whimsical encounter with a psychic medium and unfolds into a journey of introspection and personal growth. Her insightful reflections on navigating life's thorns—quite literally, through garden metaphors—offer listeners a chance to reconsider their own perspectives and pathways. From the neutrality of life's challenges to the art of self-compassion, Trisha imparts invaluable lessons that resonate far beyond the realm of screenwriting, touching on the universal human experience of facing and overcoming adversity.
This episode ventures into the heart of emotional regulation and self-awareness, especially within educational settings. Trisha recounts her transformative experiences that highlight the inadequacy of punitive measures and how embracing a compassionate approach can empower young voices. Through personal anecdotes and thoughtful analogies, we explore the vital role of social-emotional learning, advocating for educational practices that equip individuals to handle emotional distress with grace and resilience. Our discussion shines a light on how fostering supportive environments can build trust and nurture connections, proving to be far more effective than fear-based strategies.
Rounding off with engaging stories of unexpected life shifts, we delve into the mysterious ways the universe can guide us toward our true purpose. Trisha’s own story of burnout and recovery underscores the importance of aligning with one’s passions and listening to the body's cues, while also celebrating the power of storytelling to connect generations and inspire hope. We close with a touch of humor and aspiration as we imagine the perfect walk-in song for an award ceremony and dream of leaving a legacy that transforms children's education. Tune in for an episode filled with wisdom, warmth, and a touch of magic.
Thanks for listening to Soul SiStories. We hope you follow us on your favorite podcast platform. Five-star ratings and reviews always help to spread our message of hope.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
Welcome to Soul Sisteries.
The truth to her soul, thetruth to her own inspiration,
following through and making ithappen.
She inspires the heck out of me.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
Yeah, for sure.
You know we ask her what isinspiring, or what or who are
inspiring for her, and I'm justinspired by her story, her
professional development and howthat has changed over time, but
also just her personaldevelopment, her spiritual
development.
I loved that shift inperspective which you know was
(00:54):
so important to me.
A lot of what she saidresonated with me and I do know
that we'll have her back becauseI want to talk to her some more
.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
Absolutely.
And when we get to the pointwhere she's talking about
talking to her 13-year-old selfand what she would say, man, I
felt that to my core, it'sresonating in me still.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
So I want everybody to hear that about the work
she's done for educators thatyou know, educators of young
children with the emotionalregulation work, and I'm just
thinking, well, shoot, can Ijust take some of your work and
bring it to my students as Iteach counselors who work at
work in the school system.
(01:36):
You know, I think there's somevalue there also.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
For sure she's got some great stuff out there and
for sure we'll get it in yourhands, because I think it's
worth sharing and the morepeople who know it the better.
So everybody listen in.
Trisha DeFazio Can't wait.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
Welcome everybody to Soul Sisteries.
Here we are today with TrriciaDeFazio.
Tricia is an award-winningscreenwriter and published
author.
She joined the Writers Guild in2023 and currently has a TV
comedy series in development atAmazon Studios.
In 2020, she won the LA LGBTScreenwriting Contest for Best
(02:25):
Feature Screenplay.
Tricia is a former publicschool teacher and USC professor
.
She is passionate aboutcreating inclusive stories that
move people, and here we are,with Tricia and her pup in the
background.
Hello, that's Winston.
Speaker 3 (02:39):
He's a Chihuahua Pitbull.
So if you hear him, it'sbecause he's got a lot of
personality.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
Awesome Winston.
Good to have Winston joining us.
Speaker 3 (02:46):
Yes, Thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1 (02:48):
Yay, I'm so glad you're here.
Thank you for joining us.
We're so excited to talk withyou and your hope through the
word is perspective, which welove, and we can't wait to hear
more about your perspective onperspective and hope.
So let's start there.
Let's start with you, tricia,talking to us about why.
(03:08):
Why is perspective?
Speaker 3 (03:11):
the hope through word .
First of all, thank you guys somuch for having me on.
I'm so honored to be here andget this opportunity to chat
with you all today and alsolearn from you, donna.
I I mean, the other day when wewere talking I was like, oh,
donna's got such an amazingstory.
I'm so happy that they have apodcast, cause it's like so
important the work that you guysare doing in the conversations
that you're having.
(03:31):
And so when I was thinking aboutmy, my, um, hope through, I was
like what word Cause?
I was like, is it hope throughpresence?
And then I felt like that'sgreat, but is that me?
No, I struggle very much withbeing present, I think, as we
all do.
And then I was trying to thinkof what was the, the, the best
tool that I've picked up on onmy journey through what was?
(03:55):
You know, I had a challengingburnout experience where I got
very, very sick for a long time.
That like brought me into abunch of different healing
modalities, and we know that,like you, don't come upon a
healing modality unlesssomething has really gone off
the rails in your life.
There are very few peopleliving in a comfortable, calm
existence who are like let metry somatic healing.
It's usually like the hardthing that sends you on the path
(04:18):
, but we have such a aversion tothe hard thing, right, right.
So when I was this is so superrandom, I can't believe I'm
sharing this story but I washaving an emotional breakdown
the other day in my yard andjust started hacking it, like
all these plants, and was likeclearing all this overgrowth and
I knew that there were vines inthere that had really sharp
(04:40):
thorns on them and I stillattacked so aggressively,
knowing that there were thornsin there and knowing that I was
going to get cut up.
But I was like well, I got toget this done and I don't have
enough time to weed out thethorns.
And then I was like gettinglike bloodied.
And then I had this moment whereI'm like why am I pushing
(05:01):
myself through this pain when Icould just slow down and take
the time and be gentle withthese thorns and respect that
this plant has thorns for animportant reason and that it is
completely neutral.
This is not.
These thorns are not like hereto personally attack me.
If anything, I am infringingupon their very peaceful
(05:21):
existence right now.
But the amount of time that Ispent out there cutting up my
hands and being like it's theprice I have to pay for this
removal.
It brought me into, like Tricia, the way you're thinking about
this is like so unhelpful You're.
Also I was like, maybe respectthe thorns, maybe be gentle with
yourself and with them, and Islowly went through and just
(05:43):
started removing all the thornsand having like this beautiful,
like oh, this is what the monksare talking about when they're
like gardening with intentionand stuff, which was I got this
beautiful lesson in that, that,that very sort of you know
mundane daily thing, which islike, oh, my perspective had to
shift and it completely changedmy experience.
(06:05):
And so I now telling myselfrespect the thorns and be gentle
with them.
And there's been a lot of timesand I'm sure you guys can
relate to this, we all can wheremaybe we're not even noticing
the thorns or this idea that wehave to like push through and be
productive was like one ofthose problematic perspectives
(06:28):
that I had.
That was that has not served mein a lot of ways in my life and
led to like a prettysubstantial burnout in my early
30s that took me completely outof my life but eventually put me
like back on the course that Ishould have been on, which is
how all these big life events,whether it's like death or loss
(06:51):
or illness, and so some of theperspective pieces that I that
I've picked up from that arelike practice, the pause right
when something happens andyou're like amygdala is on fire
with emotion, you feel a strongemotional reaction.
My perspective now and it didn'tused to be as like do not act
(07:13):
in that big emotion.
You have to give it like, at thevery least, give it 90 seconds
to move through you, causeyou're going to fire off a text
message or an email that you'reprobably going to regret.
One of my favorite quotes islike when you act in anger, it
usually ends in shame.
And if you go back and think oflike every time you responded
(07:37):
when you were angry, you wereembarrassed and I like kind of
did this laundry list of mineand I was like yep, yep, yep,
yep, yep, or you misrepresentyourself.
Like you know, you get an emailat work and you're like this
person didn't do and you're likefire off that email and now you
kind of look like a jerk, butreally you were just like this
hits my injustice bone and it'sbeen there since I was a child
and you know it's like that'snot even about you.
So I think a lot of practicingthe pause which is in our social
(08:02):
emotional learning book that mybest friend and coauthor,
alison Rosen, and I wrote forstudents, teachers and parents,
where we talk about emotionalregulation, because I think,
when you look at like our, allof our what are the skills we
most need as human beings versus, like you know, my background
as an educator, versus what'sbeing taught at school, why
(08:23):
aren't we teaching kids how tohandle pain?
Why don't we teach kids how tohandle?
We're all going to losesomebody.
None of us are going to make itout of this alive.
We're all going to sufferdevastatingly painful the loss
of loved ones.
We're going to suffer brokenhearts.
Why are we providing the toolsfor the most essential heart,
like we know that's coming?
(08:43):
I think, like the Pythagoreantheorem is so important, but I
also know that I don't need itwhen my heart is broken and I'm
ripping thorns out of my yard,and so that, I think, is why
we've been drawn to do that.
The work of social emotionallearning, which is like helping
(09:05):
kids and adults regulate theiremotions and like understand
themselves better, so much oflike the curriculum, is about
learning about things outside ofourselves.
Why aren't we learning about us?
Right, like what?
What happened in my life thatmade me think I need to rip up
my hands to get this job done?
Speaker 1 (09:26):
Yeah, I want to take every word of what you just said
.
I'm like imprinting it.
Speaker 3 (09:32):
I know.
Speaker 1 (09:32):
Sorry, the coffee kicked in.
It's in our Reiki language.
I'm going to shokure the heckout of that.
Speaker 3 (09:40):
That's right.
Speaker 2 (09:40):
That's exactly right.
Yeah, oh, that's good stuff.
That's right, that's exactlyright.
Yeah, oh, that's good stuff.
And we have three of us sittinghere that are all educators in
one way or another, and to justshare that, my gosh, you brought
up the emotional regulation,and that's what I've been saying
for years as a social workerand a therapist is why are we
not teaching these in schools?
Why are we leaving it to beafter the fact, after you know
(10:04):
somebody collapses, aftersomebody has the breakdown?
Why are we waiting, then, whenwe could have been using all
these years taking care?
Speaker 3 (10:21):
like building the connections with our kids, or
either we spend the time makingthe investment and building the
connections or we spend the timedealing with, like, the results
of the disconnection.
Either way we spend the time.
So I kind of mangled that.
Sorry, Pamela, but it's thisidea that and I see this so much
it's like at the end of aschool day, you can have 10
(10:41):
people in a room who have, youknow, combined $2 million in
student loan debt and 87advanced degrees.
All try to figure out why Tylerhit Joey.
But if anybody took the time torealize that Tyler didn't have
breakfast that morning, was upvery late, has a stepbrother who
(11:03):
is constantly hitting him andwho doesn't have like the
vocabulary language, doesn'tknow how to ask for help and
cannot regulate and felt likeJoey, you know, taking his cell
phone, which is more valuable tohim than anything in his life.
He was completely justified inhitting him and he doesn't have.
So and guess what, when he hitssomeone, they punish him but
(11:26):
they don't give him areplacement behavior which is to
manage your.
So this, this like idea of likeI'm going to threaten you know,
don't hit him, or I'm going tohit you, which is how I think a
lot of us grew up, is it just?
We know from the research now,and also our basic intuition,
that that doesn't work.
I always give this example inteacher trainings about.
(11:48):
You know, there's something.
This is probably a bad word forit, but it's very like
seductive to think that you canpunish a behavior out because it
does work very quickly.
So let's say, for example, thejob is to get a rabbit to get
into a hole.
Maybe it's a state standard, Idon't know.
But okay, cool, what's thefastest, easiest way to get the
(12:08):
rabbit in the hole is I'm goingto take a huge stick and I'm
going to go rabbit and thatrabbit's going to run in the
hole.
And guess what?
Checks marks the box.
But that rabbit hates me, thehole itself, and trembles every
time it sees the stick.
Versus cool, Now maybe I'll puta couple of carrots in that
hole.
Bribery, that's another goodone, right?
(12:28):
Hey, hey, rabbit, come overhere.
And the rabbit's like sweetcarrots.
But now the next time I say,hey, rabbit, can you go over to
that hole, that rabbit looks inthat hole and goes where are my
carrots?
And I go oh gosh, I'm so sorry,here are your carrots.
And they go.
No see, first time was fivecarrots.
Now I need you to double thecarrots, because there's no
(12:52):
value in this whole.
It's just in your community.
This is like when we bribe kidsto do well, we're saying
studying for the constitutiontense is such drudgery that only
this amount of chocolate couldget you to that point.
Versus what is the mosteffective, and which takes this
a little bit more time, is toshow that rabbit.
Hey, come check out this holewith me.
Here's what it's cool for youcan sleep there, you could read
(13:15):
there, you can feel safe there,you can hang out there.
Oh, you're scared about goingthere.
Well, let's go in it together.
See, look, we're in the hole.
It's great right Now.
Next time you want to nap orhang out, why don't you give it
a shot?
And so when I was telling thestory in Kentucky to a group of
counselors and I was saying thething about the stick works, but
(13:38):
the stick is scary, these twowomen shared.
This.
One lady said when I was young,I got hit with a comb, and
that's, I've had short hair mywhole life and I don't use a
comb.
And this other lady said when Iwas young, I got hit with a
cutting board and I cut all mychildren's food on paper plates.
I won't use a cutting board.
(13:59):
And we all had this momentwhere we were like, oh yeah,
Right, so there's sometimes thebetter way, just as goes back to
like making that investment.
It just takes a little bit moretime.
And there's this like wholecontingent of people who are
like we're being so soft onthese kids, we're like buddy.
The research is cleardemonstrative love and care
(14:20):
Right.
Speaker 1 (14:21):
That little time, that little time we know you
spend that little time, thatlittle time we know you spend
that little time here, yeah,trying on the back end to fix
all sorts of ills andprogramming, oh all that stuff.
And if only, if only we hadspent that little time with that
love and care up front.
Well, yeah, exactly right, true.
(14:43):
Again and again and again, wehave this proven for ourselves
to be true.
Speaker 3 (14:47):
And yeah sure.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
Yeah, hmm, that's good stuff, my friend.
Thank you for all of that, forall beautiful sharing and wisdom
.
I'm going to ruminate on all ofthat, but so what I want to
know before we go any furtherfurther is here you are with
these thoughts, inspirations andthis lifetime of stuff that you
(15:11):
have evolved to and broughtabout.
But what got you here, like,what is the origin?
What puts you on the trajectorythat brings you where you are
today?
Speaker 3 (15:26):
Oh, I mean, there's like two answers to that.
The first one is I was 29 and Iwas a teacher in the suburbs of
Chicago, teaching in a publicschool.
I was content.
I wasn't super happy, my lovelife was kind of a mess.
I came to California for abachelorette party.
I was on the beach, in Venicebeach, and my heart did this
(15:49):
like you would be happy here,and I was like you be quiet.
My heart was like no, really,like I felt so drawn, so pulled
and and I was like you be quietmy heart's like no, for real,
listen to me.
And I'm like you don't have anymoney.
I'm looking down at my chest,like stop talking to me like
that.
Like this is, everybody lovesthe Pacific coast.
(16:09):
Like this is a pipe dream.
And I talked myself out of itbecause my conditioning was like
you can't live here, it'sexpensive, we're in a recession.
You're a teacher, you're onvacation, go back home and do
your job.
So I don't utter a word of itto anybody.
I go to a little teacher happyhour, as we do and deserve.
And a friend of mine said, hey,there's a psychic medium here.
(16:30):
She's doing teacher.
You know we got the teacherdiscount and I, you know we got
the teacher discount and I waslike, oh sweet, I'm here for it
now.
At the time, in my 29th year onthe planet, I'm like healthfully
skeptical.
Right, I'll go get my palm read.
But usually the thing that umkind of separates the charlatans
from like who are, I think,legitimate intuitives is when I
(16:52):
say, tell me about my love lifeand they say, oh, he's tall,
dark, and'm like, well, is he awoman?
Because I'm a lesbian.
And how did you not know that?
I'm pretty sure it was in myaura.
So I see this woman and shetakes one look at me and this is
it.
She's like going up the stairsto get ready for her stuff and
she goes oh, you're going to befun.
And I was like weird, but alsonailed it.
(17:13):
So I run up the stairs and Isit down in front of her and her
name's Delphine, and of courseit is.
And before I'm even likesituated in the chair, she goes.
This time next year you'regoing to be living in Southern
California.
You know that, don't you?
And I was like get out of mybrain, lady.
Like I didn't tell anybody that.
I said that's impossible.
She goes why?
(17:37):
And I said I have no money.
I have student loan.
I have student loan debts formy master's degree.
I'll be paying till I'm 45years old and my whole family's
here I'm.
I have a tenure teaching job.
I have a apartment and a lease.
I have a car I have to pay for.
She's like, okay, hang on.
So she's doing her stuff.
She goes.
I'm getting that these are allgoing to unplug from you in some
somehow, some way, and you'regoing to have a window of
opportunity to go and that'syour window.
(17:59):
She goes because she did thisthing where she was like with
her hands, like did a measuringthing.
You will be, you will behappier there.
And I'm like, wow, that's crazy.
Also, this could just be aself-fulfilling prophecy, cause,
like you told me that now Imove.
So I was being very skepticaland then I was like, okay, and
then I go, how about my lovelife, delfina?
(18:19):
And I'm waiting for her to sayhis name's John and he's an
accounting.
She says they're telling me ifyou move, you get the girl.
And I was like I'm moving truly, truly, truly truly.
And so I mean, through a flukeseries of events that I will not
bore everybody with, that waslike my tenure getting reversed
(18:39):
to me, getting some check for,uh, they'd been garnishing some
health insurance money.
So I had some money come in.
My aunt went like some sort oflottery bingo.
She paid off my car, I got outof my lease, I got my tenure and
it was like the summer was hereand I moved.
And then, um, I got here andI'm like, all right, delphina,
(19:00):
where's she at?
And she goes uh, you got towrite it down, you're going to
write down everything you want.
You have to believe she existsfor us.
She goes part of you doesn'tthink you're going to find what
you're looking for.
So I write it all down.
Um, and then, like three monthslater, I meet a teacher at a bar
and I'm like, oh my gosh, Ithink this is her.
(19:20):
And we went on a date and Isaid remind me to tell you
something in three months.
And three months later herthing went off.
We were still together and Isaid, I think I weird-scienced
you and I think that you're myperson.
And then, three years later,when we got married, on the top
of big bear mountain, whoofficiated our wedding?
(19:41):
Delfina the psychic medium, andmy mom from Chicago was so mad
that I had a psychic and it waslike, oh my gosh, amazing,
Amazing.
So shout, shout out to delphina,who's awesome and lives and
works in in chicago and has beensince then like instrumental in
(20:03):
so much of my like spiritualjourney.
And then, a few years after thewedding not this was probably
going on during it, but donnaknows this I was working as um.
I'd left teaching and wasworking as a educational sales
rep for a company that I reallyliked.
We made really good stuff, butI, you know it's a job that
doesn't end and it is a.
(20:23):
It is a grind, grind, hustle,hustle, grind, grind.
And I was.
You know, you have a goal and Iwas determined to like crush my
goal, you know, to outer spaceand back, and I did.
But I burned out.
I got so ill.
I was like having to pull overand like nap in my car.
I just was ignoring all thewhispers and all the screams of
(20:46):
my body, and they truly were thewhispers like or like your
hair's falling out or your nailsare brittle for a reason that
is probably a vitamin deficiency, and then also like you fell
asleep at the gym again, likeit's not normal, my wife would
be like you're sleeping on theab machine, but you know what
kind of a conditioning it takesfor you to take your body there
(21:10):
and to get on that machine andthen you still and to fall
asleep on it.
I mean, I had hotels where Iwould go in and sleep in the
lobby.
When I was on the road, I couldtell you, between Moreno Valley
and Los Angeles I stopped atthe Hampton Inn.
I would go sleep by the poolbecause I couldn't get myself
home.
I was so exhausted but I wasjust like dragging my body
(21:31):
around and I went to everysingle doctor and they, you know
, had me tested for everythingunder the sun Sorry, my dog is
barking and Western medicinecould not find what was wrong
with me.
And when I was like I'm, I'mdying, I think I'm dying.
Like I have no energy, I can'tlive my life, I'm not, I'm
unable to do my job, I can'teven drive.
(21:53):
I couldn't go out to arestaurant.
I was having like you know, Icouldn't sleep my digestion,
every single system in me wasoff, but nobody could tell me
what was wrong.
And then, finally, I had calledDelfina and she was like you're
completely burnt out.
It's it's your adrenal glands,like adrenal fatigue.
It's cortisol.
(22:14):
Your hormones are out of whack.
It's going to take you a longtime to get better, because it
took you a long time to get thissick and it really did.
It took like years.
But that was the beginning of myperspective shift, which is
(22:35):
like, how do you fall asleep ona workout equipment and not
think you need more rest?
Yeah, it's this likeproductivity and, like you know,
in the religion of productivityand this is especially true, I
think, for women was I was likeI have so much to prove.
My body was something my braindragged around and had to do
what it was told or else I wasgoing to get really mad at it.
And it turns out my body waslike girl.
(22:59):
I have whispered, I have yelled, I have screamed, and now I'm
going to clothesline you and itdid.
I passed out in the middle ofthe street on a vacation in
Scotland and ended up in theemergency room and that was like
the wake up call, where I waslike I fainted in public when I
was alone and it was so scary.
(23:19):
And that's when I startedtaking my healing seriously and
realized so much of this was howI was treating myself.
It was this insane drive to beproductive and to and hit my
goals and to make money and allof these things.
And I I always think of thisone quote which means so much to
(23:43):
me now, cause I never used todo it which is either choose to,
either choose to make time foryour wellness or you will be
forced to make time for yourillness.
Speaker 1 (23:52):
Yes, and.
Speaker 3 (23:53):
I had to spend.
I spent everything I made,getting better but also getting
that sick for that long and Imean like probably four years, I
was like pretty low energy, loweverything was the best thing
that ever happened to me,because to get better I had to
(24:15):
learn a whole different way ofbeing and knowing myself and
relating to the world.
And I, you know, in an act ofdesperation, I went to like a
Reiki class and it was the onlything that made me feel better.
And then the wonderful Reikimaster was like you should do
Reiki two and then you should doReiki three, and then I did
Reiki four with Delphina's wife,marie, who's a wonderful Reiki
(24:38):
master, and that path.
And then I started Reiki.
Everybody right, I was likedoing my practicum.
So here I was, like helpingpeople, which was helping me.
I took every class you couldimagine, from like meeting your
spirit guides to past liferegression, Like I cause I
couldn't do anything else but goto this one meditation studio
that was down the street, whichI was so grateful for and so
(25:01):
ended up in this likemasterclass.
And in one of those classes thisamazing woman walks up to me
and I don't know this woman atall.
And she goes you're real sick,huh.
And I'm like, yeah, I'm justreally struggling.
And she goes let me do yourchart.
And I'm like I don't understandastrology.
I'm pretty sure there's 13constellations now.
Like, how does it even work?
(25:21):
Didn't throw it off by one.
I'm not sure, I don't get it.
And so she does my chart andshe comes back with like 85
pages.
The sweet woman, she's likelet's go have tea.
And she looks at my chart andshe goes writer, writer, writer,
writer, writer, writer, writer.
She goes if you're notcurrently a writer and I mean a
creative writer, that's whyyou're sick.
You're so off your path.
(25:42):
You have, you know, and she'sgoing through all the houses and
her name's Ann Slickter andshe's she too is is an awesome
writer.
And so I was like, actually Ihave been noodling on the
screenplay.
I feel like I'm too old tobreak into this industry and I
can't fetch coffee and I can'tdo this stuff.
But then I really was like youknow what, I'm going to go for
it.
I really like it, I reallyenjoy it.
(26:02):
My first script was about liketeaching in a school in South
central Los Angeles during theday and then teaching at USC at
night where I had, you know,complete opposite students.
Right, I had so much trauma andpain and then I had kids that
had like pet tigers and like aMcLaren and it was like ripping
my brain apart to go from, youknow, south central to SC, and
(26:27):
so my first script was just kindof a story about the confluence
of those worlds as experiencedthrough a teacher, and it got
like it did pretty well at somefestivals.
I didn't know what I was doing,so I start taking classes and
that was the beginning of like a10 year journey of me mostly
being the oldest person at UCLAextension but trying really hard
(26:49):
, trying to make connections,getting out there.
I had one, you know, try andget an agent, try and get a
manager.
And I had one, you know, tryand get an agent, try and get a
manager.
And I had one guy meet with mesays, oh, you have a really good
voice, but you know, would yoube a writer's assistant?
They make like $4 a year.
I was like I'm married, I haveresponsibilities, I can't, I
can't come in entry level.
(27:09):
Is there another way?
And the guy kind of was lookingat me like honey, don't quit
your day job.
And he said to me you wouldneed to have a very rare and
accelerated trajectory and I waslike, cool, that's what I'm
going to have.
So I wrote it on like everymonth of calendar for 10 years I
had rare and acceleratedtrajectory, because what that
(27:29):
meant was I'd have to sell myown show.
And to sell your own show isnot just the odds, aren't,
they're not even getting draftedinto the nfl, they're being the
number, like being like the topfive draft picks to sell your
own show.
And I sold my own show lastyear.
I saw that guy and I was like,do you remember what you said to
(27:51):
me?
A rare and acceleratedtrajectory.
But so, yes, and since, like,I've sold a movie and um have
like a bunch of other projects,but um, it, all of that, to say
all of the hard, put me on thepath to where I was, where I
meant to be, but I wouldn't take.
(28:13):
You know, I know you guys knowwhat that's like.
Speaker 2 (28:18):
And, of course, I want to hear about the show and
what you've written and thescreenplay and the movie.
I want to hear about all of it.
It feels one.
you're speaking my language,Trish, so I love hearing you
talk about the astrology and thestate of work and the Reiki and
all of that, and for me it'svery hopeful.
It just it screams hope and I'mI think everybody listening to
(28:40):
this will probably be sittinghere with you know, jaw open,
just kind of oh my gosh, likelet me soak this in so as you're
kind of sharing hope withothers.
What gives you hope?
Speaker 3 (28:53):
I think, the hope and I I mean I struggled with being
hopeful and I was when, when Isaw like the email, when you
were like hope through, I'm likewhere is my hope?
And then I even was like had tolook up the definition of hope
and I'm like where do I get thissense of like trust, like trust
that it's going to be okay?
And that's again why I pickedthe perspective thing, because
(29:15):
once you can kind of shift yourmindset from the, you know, woe
is me.
Why is this happening to me?
To what did I learn from this?
Like, truly, if I, if I couldlike take away that five years
of me being sick, I wouldn't, Iwouldn't.
It did.
It gave me everything that Ineeded for right now.
(29:39):
And even right now I'm goingthrough a bit of a hard time,
but I keep going back to, youknow, the trust in.
I have to just trust that thisis going to work out, because it
always has, and it's just amatter of how we look at it.
It's not always happening to us.
Sometimes it's happening for us.
Speaker 1 (30:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (30:01):
Even if we don't know it.
Speaker 1 (30:03):
So what is that thing ?
Do you think?
What do you?
What accounts for in you?
That you know that, that youknow to keep going, that you
know that accelerated trajectory, that you know to keep going,
that you know that acceleratedtrajectory users, that you know
it and are willing to go forward.
That I know that you've hadvalidation after validation, but
(30:25):
like there's somethingunderneath that, I think,
because I think the alternativeis is not helpful.
Speaker 3 (30:31):
What's the alternative?
To not, to not trying to?
What am I supposed to do?
Just sit here.
I'm going to just shut thiswindow because there's a I don't
understand leaf blowers.
I'm like Kate Blanchett in thatway where she's like why are we
just blowing them their leavesfrom one side to the other, like
it really makes no sense andwe're all crazy.
But I think this, this, thissense of hope and trust, comes
(30:52):
from.
You're going to find evidencefor whatever you think, wherever
you look for it.
So, for example, if my story isnothing ever works out for me,
my brain will find evidence ofeverything that works out for me
and it will literally discardall of the times when people
(31:12):
have showed up for me or beenthere.
And I think that mental reframeand Renee Brown says this so
much better than me is, ifyou're looking for evidence as
to why you don't belong, you'regoing to find it.
And guess what?
Nobody wants to go to Las Vegaswith you or hang out with you
because you're being a Debbiedowner.
But I had that.
(31:33):
I had that tendency.
I had that tendency towardslike feeling like, oh, I'm a
victim, or if I'm a, I feel likea fraud, or you know, all the
things that I think are naturaland reoccurring kind of
universally in a lot of us.
But once I stopped looking forthe evidence of why it was true
and being like let's look at allthe ways that people have
(31:54):
showed up for me at the exactperfect time right, like selling
and writing that script, like Imet the best professor, mentor
who believed in me.
I had the most wonderfulwomen's writing group who all
rallied and supported me.
You know the script that wassold was about my best friend
and I in college who had, youknow, the most beautiful
(32:16):
friendship of ages and how luckyI was to have that with her,
and that this is a story that wecan share.
So it's about looking for allthe things that I've just
trained myself to try harder tolook for, all the things that
are working out, like Donna, outof nowhere, being like Tricia,
would you be on this podcast andI?
(32:38):
I needed it and I've beenlooking forward to this so much
and I'm like see, that was likeplucked from the ether, you know
, and that that they chalk thatup to to being like things are
happening for me yeah, andthings are happening for you all
and everybody else who'slistening to this.
We, we just have to train ourbrain.
Speaker 1 (32:57):
Amen, sister, amen.
So has there been anyone inyour life who modeled this
perspective?
Speaker 3 (33:05):
No opposite actually.
Speaker 1 (33:08):
No, that way right.
Speaker 2 (33:09):
Like that.
It works just as much that way.
Speaker 3 (33:13):
No, I didn't grow up with any of this.
Really, actually, that's a lie.
I should say I had, and I'mlooking at it right now.
I had a neighbor, my Aunt Mare,who was significantly older
than me, by 60 years orsomething, and she's like of the
World War II generation and shewas so you could not rattle her
(33:37):
.
And when I got older and I wasteaching like eighth grade
social studies, I used to dolike she and my grandma, grandma
Jo and Aunt Mare.
I would have my students askquestions like what would you
ask someone who was alive whenMartin Luther King was shot or
when the atomic bomb was dropped?
And so they would ask thequestions, and then I would film
Grandma Jo and Aunt M Marysaying here's where I was, I was
(33:58):
in downtown Chicago, or thebomb was the scariest thing ever
, Cause we thought that's howlife was going to be, that we
were going to continue to dropatomic bombs on each other,
which thankfully didn't happen.
But again, and so they hadthese beautiful perspectives,
having lived through really hardtimes and being women and, and
you know, couldn't get achecking account until, like,
(34:21):
couldn't have your own name onyour checking account, and my
grandma, who raised, like youknow, three girls kind of on her
own and was just, they weremade of such tough stuff and
they're and I attribute a lot ofthat to like their mindsets.
We're lucky to be alive andwe're lucky to live where we
live and to have what we have,and it's not about wanting more,
(34:42):
it's about being thankful thatwe have our health.
And they both lived into oldage and were so lovely.
And I even remember my Aunt Mareonce sitting in a chair and she
was singing and I go, what areyou singing?
She goes well, I'm justthinking of all the patriotic
songs I can think of because Iwant to keep my mind sharp and I
thought that that was just likethe most amazing thing ever
(35:05):
that she was just like I'm goingto do some mental training
exercises before we even knewwhat that was and I always
admired that in them, cause Idon't even think they were aware
of, like, how emotionallyintelligent they both were.
Yeah, if that makes sense.
Speaker 1 (35:21):
Yeah, it totally does .
Speaker 2 (35:24):
You talked about this kind of shift in perspective
that took place and a lot ofthings that led up to that shift
.
What would your I guess youradolescent self, your 13 year
old self, say to you today?
What would your I guess youradolescent self, your 13 year
old self, say to you today what,what, what would, what would
she think, what would she say?
Speaker 3 (35:42):
Oh, she was so naughty, um, I think.
I think I would just like totell her a few things honestly.
Um, which is it's going to beokay, but I also and this
quote's been flying around nowfor a minute but it is so good,
which is it's going to be okay,but I also and this quote's been
flying around now for a minutebut it is so good which is that
you grow into the person thatwould have protected you when
(36:03):
you were young, and I think weneed to be thankful for all of
those versions of ourselves.
Like, there was a part in mylife in my twenties when I was
just a very reckless likefighter, right when I was like I
mean, I'm at like a fistfighting and and and and a
(36:25):
really like self-destructive,belligerent kind of way, and I
always, in my older age, lookback on that and feel like
pretty embarrassed that I was sodysregulated.
But then I think, in my olderage, look back on that and feel
like pretty embarrassed that Iwas so dysregulated.
But then I think, listen, myfather was a professional boxer,
that's there.
And also I've always had, youknow, a pretty strong injustice
(36:46):
bone.
So if I saw something, I didn'tsay something.
I hit something which is notnormal, but I'm working on like
honoring that all those parts ofme served a purpose and that in
my twenties, the fighting andlike the was all tied to this
(37:06):
like rejection of myself,because I was gay and I had a
very hard time in my kind ofcommunity and in you know, just
in the time at my school and Ihad so much like oh, I'm going
to bring shame upon the house ofmy family with this, and so
there was so much inner turmoil.
But also I'm here and that,those versions of me that
(37:33):
protected me, even when I feltmyself so unprotected.
I owe them a lot because theygot me through they.
They got me through it.
So it's okay that I fought abunch and then I was a little
out of control because, Ilearned from those versions of
myself.
(37:53):
Yeah, and now there's going tobe a tv show about one of them
exactly and imagine that thatself wasn't your journey, you
know, oh, my goodness, we'll see, we'll see.
Talk about synchronicity andhope, like if you, if you could
go back and tell that version ofme like this part of your life
(38:27):
might be on a tv um I mean it'sit's getting a little redundant,
I know, but it's with that hopeat that core right.
Speaker 1 (38:34):
With that hope, with that that possibility, with that
awakening.
We know that that's there.
We know that that's through thethrough line and there's this
discovery and this expansionthat's coming.
We know that that's through thethrough line and there's this
discovery and this expansionthat's coming and it's the
necessary place to be.
And how gorgeous to share thattoo, because, right, that is how
we all connect with one anotherand we can vibe with that and
(38:57):
understand that and go, oh okay,me too, me too, possibilities
for me too.
That outreach and thatvulnerability is just gorgeous.
That's what this is all about,right, that we're doing.
Speaker 3 (39:16):
And the hope I think we find in each other comes from
and you all are you do.
This, I think, is the purposeof this podcast is like when you
share your story, you givepeople permission to share
theirs.
This is also so important forour kids to see people being
vulnerable, talking about havingbig emotions and like hey, I'm
not proud of how I behaved orwhat I did when I was
(39:40):
dysregulated, but there's thereis hope there and a lot of times
it's in another person who'slived through it, sort of with
you.
My favorite cartoon is of.
There's like a person with anarrow sticking out of their back
and there's somebody hunchedover and they're comforting the
(40:02):
person with the arrow in theirback.
But when you pull back, you seethat the person who's
comforting the person with thearrow in their back has a
hundred arrows in their back.
Speaker 2 (40:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (40:13):
And that's like you all and you know what I'm saying
, and I got this little tattoorecently of an arrow, just to
like remind me right.
Like that, the thing that youlive through the loss of a child
or a husband or of parents youare now what you know, whether
we like it or not, the mostqualified helpful resource for
(40:36):
someone else who will go throughit and, because of your
existence and your ability tolike, walk or crawl through the
pain, will give that person thehope for themselves, cause when
things unimaginable like thathappen, you think you're all
alone in it.
And then they meet someonewho's like this happened to me
(40:58):
six years ago or five years agoand here's, you know, you're're
just, you're there with all yourarrows trying to help them with
their fresh one, and I thinkthat's beautiful it's incredibly
beautiful.
Speaker 1 (41:11):
Well, you, you are incredibly inspiring and I hope
you know that and as your storygets out there, even more the
inspiration oof all around.
For sure that on the way, Iknow that's coming, and you've
talked a little bit about youraunt mare, who was inspiring to
you, and I'd love that you hadthat moment to be able to share
(41:32):
about her.
Who who today in your worldoffers you inspiration?
Speaker 3 (41:38):
Oh, good one.
Wow, this I'm going to go withthe first person that came to my
head.
Wow, this I'm going to go withthe first person that came to my
head which is so funny becauseI don't give her enough credit
ever is my coauthor, alisonRoser, who I've written.
We've written now for SEL books.
We just released a series forparents about nurturing a
child's wellness and we did anSEL for parents and adults and
(42:03):
she's we did an SEL for parentsand adults and she's like a
professional life coach, she'san SEL expert.
She's just like the world'sgreatest human being and she's
so good at the perspective andthe reframe and she reminds me
all the time when I have to dohard things.
Full disclosure.
I have a real slant towards,sometimes, the sadness of things
(42:29):
.
I can really kind of disappearinto the woods, sometimes
without even knowing it as much,as I'm sitting here and telling
you guys how amazingly healedand evolved I am.
I'm not.
I struggle.
I go into the forest all thetime and sometimes have a hard
time coming out, but she isalways there to be like you have
what it takes, you can get outof this, and then I'll, you know
(42:50):
, call her and be like I don'tknow what I'm doing, it's too
hard and she's like, she's thequeen of the reframe and she
means it truly and has been sohelpful and I I try to be like
her of all the people that Iknow to emulate, because I think
she truly like walks in thelight and it's very obvious to
(43:10):
people she's going to die whenshe hears this All of my
validation for her.
Oh man, but yeah, I she's.
She's my, my go-to for sure.
Gorgeous.
Speaker 2 (43:29):
What Trish I, of course I'm picturing.
Okay, here you are with your,your show, and you know Amazon,
and you know, here you arewalking up to accept your Emmy
award, or or what would be yourwalk-in song?
Speaker 3 (43:44):
Oh, that's so funny there's.
Well, I don't know that thiswould be my song, but I once saw
this music psychic in thislittle psychic town called
Lilydale, New York, and she said, when people walk in she hears
a song.
And I said, well, what was mysong?
And her song?
She said it was Woman.
I said, well, what was my songin her song?
(44:05):
She said it was woman.
I'm woman, hear me roar.
So I don't know what the songwill be, but I can tell you what
I've always dreamed of myspeech being, which was I could
never understand, first of all,how anybody gets up there and
says, oh, I didn't writeanything.
I really didn't think I wasgoing to win.
Dude, you were nominated.
Write a speech just on the offchance of the five people
(44:27):
nominated.
You have to get up there so youdon't put us all through the I
don't have a speech, right, justwrite the speech.
You've been nominated.
Do us all a favor.
I just think and I know you haveto get up there and think like
everybody on your team that madeit happen and all the
executives and all that's goodand fine and fair, but I'm
thinking you have the attentionof what can be hundreds of
(44:48):
thousands of people Like I woulddo something.
So like hippie dippy and belike let us all close our eyes
and let's all send energy tosomething or someone and let's
just see if it works Right, likewe're all like we like I don't
know, I always I always was likeI would use it as like an
energy experiment.
Yes, and be like let's allfocus on this one thing, because
(45:11):
we have everybody's like you athome, close your eyes, let's
all picture it and then let'ssee if it changes.
I would do something like that,um, and then probably get
canceled by all the people.
Speaker 1 (45:19):
I didn't think that did a lot of work mr Mr Rock was
saying right, it's the Mr Rock.
Yes, yes, yes, I'll watch thetime.
My God, gorgeous.
And what talk?
Do we all remember that one?
Speaker 3 (45:31):
We remember.
That's exactly right.
You don't remember everybodythinking but then you got a
bunch of agents like I can'tbelieve she didn't say my name.
Speaker 1 (45:47):
Yeah, you already made a name for yourself by then
.
That's right.
Get over it.
Love that, okay.
So as you go through thisjourney, my friend, and all of
these gorgeous turns in the roadand all of this evolution and
expansion, there will come atime when you kind of shed the
skin and move on to whatever isnext for you.
To whatever is next for you.
How do you hope, or do you haveany hope around, what your
(46:07):
legacy is or how you will beremembered?
Speaker 3 (46:11):
Oh, I hope it's just like I would love there to be.
That I somehow supported like alarge change for children in
education I think is my numberone.
I obviously care abouteverybody, but I've always felt
called to help kids and I thinkthere's been a weird shift
(46:33):
culturally in the world where wedon't like value, like what
they have to say and how theyfeel about things, and I I just
feel like they need more voiceand more choice.
And, um, I mean, I did like akid Congress thing once with my
students and this was truly byvirtue of me being ignorant to I
(46:55):
did not know how to do my job.
The first year I startedteaching I was in English as a
second language teacher.
I had no teaching credential, Ijust like spoke Spanish and
they threw me in a classroom andI had a group of third graders
and I said, and they were veryvarying levels of language
proficiency, so in retrospectthis was completely out of their
(47:16):
like range in terms of like thelanguage demands.
But I didn't know, and so wedid a model UN and I gave every
kid their country, theirresources, the size of their
military, all the things thatthey needed, and kind of just
said figure it out, and I hadpositioned some places had a lot
more power than others and Iwanted to see how they could use
(47:37):
language.
These kids, first of all, inlike less than 90 minutes solved
all of the problems, shared allof their resources.
Like we're like wait, how muchis my military cost?
But you need it for what?
No, and like they, I was likekid congress, why don't we have
kid congress, kid congress, andwe take some id, like just like,
(47:57):
yeah, right, team congress likewe congress is full of 90 year
old, mostly white men who've hadmostly those perspectives, when
I'm not saying we give you know, little kids the button, but
like let's hear what they haveto say, especially in high
school and kids in their, youknow, young, young adults.
(48:18):
And I always, I always thinkabout that.
I was like they figuredeverything out because there
wasn't so much ego there and Ithought it was beautiful.
And they used language evenbeyond their abilities because
they were so motivated by thepower they felt they had,
because I cared what theythought.
Speaker 1 (48:39):
And you went in open with that belief for them, and
they took it and ran with itbecause no restriction there.
You started with like well, Ididn't know that this was beyond
that.
Speaker 3 (48:51):
Well, it clearly wasn't yeah, I didn't know that
I was supposed to not believemore in.
You didn't get that memo, sothat worked out same belief that
allison has in you yeah, right,oh man, yeah, I'm not sharing
this link with her.
Speaker 2 (49:13):
So I think I think it's time for us to kind of
switch into the rapid firequestions.
Oh man, let me hit my coffeereal quick, take a go.
Speaker 3 (49:22):
Okay, I'm.
Speaker 2 (49:24):
I'm scared, throw some questions at you, and the
first thing that comes to mind,go ahead and tell us.
So what color is hope?
Speaker 3 (49:33):
Um, I saw yellow, but I don't know.
Sounds good.
Speaker 1 (49:36):
What does hope sound like?
Speaker 3 (49:39):
I think it's like a high vibrational horn section.
Speaker 2 (49:44):
I like that.
Like that Perspective is what Achoice.
Speaker 1 (49:55):
Compassion is.
Speaker 3 (49:59):
I mean, I'm just going to say putting yourself in
, like feeling someone else'sfeelings, like trying to really
to care enough to put yourselfin their shoes, but that's more
empathy.
But that's what I thought.
Rapid fire is scary, guys.
Speaker 2 (50:15):
How about the soul?
The soul is what?
Speaker 1 (50:21):
So much bigger than our body so much bigger than our
body like that one of mygreatest teachers in life is
pain.
Speaker 2 (50:35):
Yes, girl um.
The meaning of life isconnection and hope is springs
eternal, emily dickinson.
Speaker 3 (50:45):
hey, connection and hope is Springs Eternal, emily
Dickinson.
Hey, these were hard.
You guys are hard.
Speaker 2 (50:55):
I can get myself Wow, oh, gosh Okay.
Speaker 1 (50:59):
Love it so much.
Oh my gosh, I have loved everysecond of talking.
Speaker 3 (51:03):
No, thank you all.
Thank you all.
I really appreciate it.
You're wonderful.
Speaker 1 (51:07):
More Trish DePazio in my life.
So for sure this conversationcontinues.
And yes, yeah, there for a cupof coffee or whatever.
Speaker 3 (51:15):
I absolutely Thank you so much, friends.
I had so much fun.
Speaker 1 (51:19):
Oh, thank you.
So how can?
What do you, what do you wantto say about what you have
coming out, how people can findyou, how they can follow you?
Oh, I mean, that's about me.
Speaker 3 (51:30):
And if you're a parent or you know a parent and
they are looking for some liketips or tricks or little ways to
help regulate emotions in theirkids, like K through eighth
grade, we have Alice and I.
The books are out, published byTeacher Kated Materials and
Shell Publishing, free SpiritPublishing I could probably be
(51:50):
getting this wrong, but you canfind them on the TCM website or
Amazon.
You can Google Tricia DeFazio.
We also, if you're a teacher,have Social Emotional Learning
starts with us.
I just like people gettingaccess to those books because
there's such so much wisdom inthere and we worked really hard
on them.
And then maybe you'll see a TVshow, but I don't want to jinx
(52:11):
it so I'm not going to give thename, but you'll know it when
you see it.
Speaker 1 (52:16):
Yeah, we're seeing.
We're seeing it now I feel itit's coming, okay, okay.
Speaker 2 (52:20):
I see you get your Emmy, so I'm already there.
Speaker 3 (52:23):
Well, we'll have to figure out our big thought
experiment.
We'll have to brainstorm theway to do that Awesome.
Speaker 1 (52:29):
Absolutely Trish.
Thank you, thank you, thank youall.
Speaker 3 (52:33):
I appreciate it.
Take care you too, you too.
Speaker 2 (52:37):
All right, thank you.
Speaker 1 (52:41):
Thanks for joining us today on Soul Sisteries and
thanks for sharing stories withus today on Soul Sisteries, and
thanks for sharing stories withus.
We'd love to hear your storiesas well and keep the
conversation going, absolutelykeeping the hope going.
So we're really hopeful thatyou'll connect with our guests
as well, who have great storiesto share.
Go ahead and follow them invarious social media platforms
(53:01):
or live venues, wherever it isthat they're performing and
sharing what they do.
Speaker 2 (53:06):
We would love to have you follow us on all of our
social media platforms,subscribe and rate, as that will
help us get our message of hopeout to others.
Thanks for listening to SoulSisteries.
Welcome to Soul Sisteries.
The truth to her soul, thetruth to her own inspiration,
following through and making ithappen.
She inspires the heck out of me.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
Yeah, for sure.
You know we ask her what isinspiring, or what or who are
inspiring for her, and I'm justinspired by her story, her
professional development and howthat has changed over time, but
also just her personaldevelopment, her spiritual
development.
I loved that shift inperspective which you know was
(00:54):
so important to me.
A lot of what she saidresonated with me and I do know
that we'll have her back becauseI want to talk to her some more
.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
Absolutely.
And when we get to the pointwhere she's talking about
talking to her 13-year-old selfand what she would say, man, I
felt that to my core, it'sresonating in me still.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
So I want everybody to hear that about the work
she's done for educators thatyou know, educators of young
children with the emotionalregulation work, and I'm just
thinking, well, shoot, can Ijust take some of your work and
bring it to my students as Iteach counselors who work at
work in the school system.
(01:36):
You know, I think there's somevalue there also.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
For sure she's got some great stuff out there and
for sure we'll get it in yourhands, because I think it's
worth sharing and the morepeople who know it the better.
So everybody listen in.
Trisha DeFazio Can't wait.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
Welcome everybody to Soul Sisteries.
Here we are today with TrriciaDeFazio.
Tricia is an award-winningscreenwriter and published
author.
She joined the Writers Guild in2023 and currently has a TV
comedy series in development atAmazon Studios.
In 2020, she won the LA LGBTScreenwriting Contest for Best
(02:25):
Feature Screenplay.
Tricia is a former publicschool teacher and USC professor
.
She is passionate aboutcreating inclusive stories that
move people, and here we are,with Tricia and her pup in the
background.
Hello, that's Winston.
Speaker 3 (02:39):
He's a Chihuahua Pitbull.
So if you hear him, it'sbecause he's got a lot of
personality.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
Awesome Winston.
Good to have Winston joining us.
Speaker 3 (02:46):
Yes, Thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1 (02:48):
Yay, I'm so glad you're here.
Thank you for joining us.
We're so excited to talk withyou and your hope through the
word is perspective, which welove, and we can't wait to hear
more about your perspective onperspective and hope.
So let's start there.
Let's start with you, tricia,talking to us about why.
(03:08):
Why is perspective?
Speaker 3 (03:11):
the hope through word .
First of all, thank you guys somuch for having me on.
I'm so honored to be here andget this opportunity to chat
with you all today and alsolearn from you, donna.
I I mean, the other day when wewere talking I was like, oh,
donna's got such an amazingstory.
I'm so happy that they have apodcast, cause it's like so
important the work that you guysare doing in the conversations
that you're having.
(03:31):
And so when I was thinking aboutmy, my, um, hope through, I was
like what word Cause?
I was like, is it hope throughpresence?
And then I felt like that'sgreat, but is that me?
No, I struggle very much withbeing present, I think, as we
all do.
And then I was trying to thinkof what was the, the, the best
tool that I've picked up on onmy journey through what was?
(03:55):
You know, I had a challengingburnout experience where I got
very, very sick for a long time.
That like brought me into abunch of different healing
modalities, and we know that,like you, don't come upon a
healing modality unlesssomething has really gone off
the rails in your life.
There are very few peopleliving in a comfortable, calm
existence who are like let metry somatic healing.
It's usually like the hardthing that sends you on the path
(04:18):
, but we have such a aversion tothe hard thing, right, right.
So when I was this is so superrandom, I can't believe I'm
sharing this story but I washaving an emotional breakdown
the other day in my yard andjust started hacking it, like
all these plants, and was likeclearing all this overgrowth and
I knew that there were vines inthere that had really sharp
(04:40):
thorns on them and I stillattacked so aggressively,
knowing that there were thornsin there and knowing that I was
going to get cut up.
But I was like well, I got toget this done and I don't have
enough time to weed out thethorns.
And then I was like gettinglike bloodied.
And then I had this moment whereI'm like why am I pushing
(05:01):
myself through this pain when Icould just slow down and take
the time and be gentle withthese thorns and respect that
this plant has thorns for animportant reason and that it is
completely neutral.
This is not.
These thorns are not like hereto personally attack me.
If anything, I am infringingupon their very peaceful
(05:21):
existence right now.
But the amount of time that Ispent out there cutting up my
hands and being like it's theprice I have to pay for this
removal.
It brought me into, like Tricia, the way you're thinking about
this is like so unhelpful You're.
Also I was like, maybe respectthe thorns, maybe be gentle with
yourself and with them, and Islowly went through and just
(05:43):
started removing all the thornsand having like this beautiful,
like oh, this is what the monksare talking about when they're
like gardening with intentionand stuff, which was I got this
beautiful lesson in that, that,that very sort of you know
mundane daily thing, which islike, oh, my perspective had to
shift and it completely changedmy experience.
(06:05):
And so I now telling myselfrespect the thorns and be gentle
with them.
And there's been a lot of timesand I'm sure you guys can
relate to this, we all can wheremaybe we're not even noticing
the thorns or this idea that wehave to like push through and be
productive was like one ofthose problematic perspectives
(06:28):
that I had.
That was that has not served mein a lot of ways in my life and
led to like a prettysubstantial burnout in my early
30s that took me completely outof my life but eventually put me
like back on the course that Ishould have been on, which is
how all these big life events,whether it's like death or loss
(06:51):
or illness, and so some of theperspective pieces that I that
I've picked up from that arelike practice, the pause right
when something happens andyou're like amygdala is on fire
with emotion, you feel a strongemotional reaction.
My perspective now and it didn'tused to be as like do not act
(07:13):
in that big emotion.
You have to give it like, at thevery least, give it 90 seconds
to move through you, causeyou're going to fire off a text
message or an email that you'reprobably going to regret.
One of my favorite quotes islike when you act in anger, it
usually ends in shame.
And if you go back and think oflike every time you responded
(07:37):
when you were angry, you wereembarrassed and I like kind of
did this laundry list of mineand I was like yep, yep, yep,
yep, yep, or you misrepresentyourself.
Like you know, you get an emailat work and you're like this
person didn't do and you're likefire off that email and now you
kind of look like a jerk, butreally you were just like this
hits my injustice bone and it'sbeen there since I was a child
and you know it's like that'snot even about you.
So I think a lot of practicingthe pause which is in our social
(08:02):
emotional learning book that mybest friend and coauthor,
alison Rosen, and I wrote forstudents, teachers and parents,
where we talk about emotionalregulation, because I think,
when you look at like our, allof our what are the skills we
most need as human beings versus, like you know, my background
as an educator, versus what'sbeing taught at school, why
(08:23):
aren't we teaching kids how tohandle pain?
Why don't we teach kids how tohandle?
We're all going to losesomebody.
None of us are going to make itout of this alive.
We're all going to sufferdevastatingly painful the loss
of loved ones.
We're going to suffer brokenhearts.
Why are we providing the toolsfor the most essential heart,
like we know that's coming?
(08:43):
I think, like the Pythagoreantheorem is so important, but I
also know that I don't need itwhen my heart is broken and I'm
ripping thorns out of my yard,and so that, I think, is why
we've been drawn to do that.
The work of social emotionallearning, which is like helping
(09:05):
kids and adults regulate theiremotions and like understand
themselves better, so much oflike the curriculum, is about
learning about things outside ofourselves.
Why aren't we learning about us?
Right, like what?
What happened in my life thatmade me think I need to rip up
my hands to get this job done?
Speaker 1 (09:26):
Yeah, I want to take every word of what you just said
.
I'm like imprinting it.
Speaker 3 (09:32):
I know.
Speaker 1 (09:32):
Sorry, the coffee kicked in.
It's in our Reiki language.
I'm going to shokure the heckout of that.
Speaker 3 (09:40):
That's right.
Speaker 2 (09:40):
That's exactly right.
Yeah, oh, that's good stuff.
That's right, that's exactlyright.
Yeah, oh, that's good stuff.
And we have three of us sittinghere that are all educators in
one way or another, and to justshare that, my gosh, you brought
up the emotional regulation,and that's what I've been saying
for years as a social workerand a therapist is why are we
not teaching these in schools?
Why are we leaving it to beafter the fact, after you know
(10:04):
somebody collapses, aftersomebody has the breakdown?
Why are we waiting, then, whenwe could have been using all
these years taking care?
Speaker 3 (10:21):
like building the connections with our kids, or
either we spend the time makingthe investment and building the
connections or we spend the timedealing with, like, the results
of the disconnection.
Either way we spend the time.
So I kind of mangled that.
Sorry, Pamela, but it's thisidea that and I see this so much
it's like at the end of aschool day, you can have 10
(10:41):
people in a room who have, youknow, combined $2 million in
student loan debt and 87advanced degrees.
All try to figure out why Tylerhit Joey.
But if anybody took the time torealize that Tyler didn't have
breakfast that morning, was upvery late, has a stepbrother who
(11:03):
is constantly hitting him andwho doesn't have like the
vocabulary language, doesn'tknow how to ask for help and
cannot regulate and felt likeJoey, you know, taking his cell
phone, which is more valuable tohim than anything in his life.
He was completely justified inhitting him and he doesn't have.
So and guess what, when he hitssomeone, they punish him but
(11:26):
they don't give him areplacement behavior which is to
manage your.
So this, this like idea of likeI'm going to threaten you know,
don't hit him, or I'm going tohit you, which is how I think a
lot of us grew up, is it just?
We know from the research now,and also our basic intuition,
that that doesn't work.
I always give this example inteacher trainings about.
(11:48):
You know, there's something.
This is probably a bad word forit, but it's very like
seductive to think that you canpunish a behavior out because it
does work very quickly.
So let's say, for example, thejob is to get a rabbit to get
into a hole.
Maybe it's a state standard, Idon't know.
But okay, cool, what's thefastest, easiest way to get the
(12:08):
rabbit in the hole is I'm goingto take a huge stick and I'm
going to go rabbit and thatrabbit's going to run in the
hole.
And guess what?
Checks marks the box.
But that rabbit hates me, thehole itself, and trembles every
time it sees the stick.
Versus cool, Now maybe I'll puta couple of carrots in that
hole.
Bribery, that's another goodone, right?
(12:28):
Hey, hey, rabbit, come overhere.
And the rabbit's like sweetcarrots.
But now the next time I say,hey, rabbit, can you go over to
that hole, that rabbit looks inthat hole and goes where are my
carrots?
And I go oh gosh, I'm so sorry,here are your carrots.
And they go.
No see, first time was fivecarrots.
Now I need you to double thecarrots, because there's no
(12:52):
value in this whole.
It's just in your community.
This is like when we bribe kidsto do well, we're saying
studying for the constitutiontense is such drudgery that only
this amount of chocolate couldget you to that point.
Versus what is the mosteffective, and which takes this
a little bit more time, is toshow that rabbit.
Hey, come check out this holewith me.
Here's what it's cool for youcan sleep there, you could read
(13:15):
there, you can feel safe there,you can hang out there.
Oh, you're scared about goingthere.
Well, let's go in it together.
See, look, we're in the hole.
It's great right Now.
Next time you want to nap orhang out, why don't you give it
a shot?
And so when I was telling thestory in Kentucky to a group of
counselors and I was saying thething about the stick works, but
(13:38):
the stick is scary, these twowomen shared.
This.
One lady said when I was young,I got hit with a comb, and
that's, I've had short hair mywhole life and I don't use a
comb.
And this other lady said when Iwas young, I got hit with a
cutting board and I cut all mychildren's food on paper plates.
I won't use a cutting board.
(13:59):
And we all had this momentwhere we were like, oh yeah,
Right, so there's sometimes thebetter way, just as goes back to
like making that investment.
It just takes a little bit moretime.
And there's this like wholecontingent of people who are
like we're being so soft onthese kids, we're like buddy.
The research is cleardemonstrative love and care
(14:20):
Right.
Speaker 1 (14:21):
That little time, that little time we know you
spend that little time, thatlittle time we know you spend
that little time here, yeah,trying on the back end to fix
all sorts of ills andprogramming, oh all that stuff.
And if only, if only we hadspent that little time with that
love and care up front.
Well, yeah, exactly right, true.
(14:43):
Again and again and again, wehave this proven for ourselves
to be true.
Speaker 3 (14:47):
And yeah sure.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
Yeah, hmm, that's good stuff, my friend.
Thank you for all of that, forall beautiful sharing and wisdom
.
I'm going to ruminate on all ofthat, but so what I want to
know before we go any furtherfurther is here you are with
these thoughts, inspirations andthis lifetime of stuff that you
(15:11):
have evolved to and broughtabout.
But what got you here, like,what is the origin?
What puts you on the trajectorythat brings you where you are
today?
Speaker 3 (15:26):
Oh, I mean, there's like two answers to that.
The first one is I was 29 and Iwas a teacher in the suburbs of
Chicago, teaching in a publicschool.
I was content.
I wasn't super happy, my lovelife was kind of a mess.
I came to California for abachelorette party.
I was on the beach, in Venicebeach, and my heart did this
(15:49):
like you would be happy here,and I was like you be quiet.
My heart was like no, really,like I felt so drawn, so pulled
and and I was like you be quietmy heart's like no, for real,
listen to me.
And I'm like you don't have anymoney.
I'm looking down at my chest,like stop talking to me like
that.
Like this is, everybody lovesthe Pacific coast.
(16:09):
Like this is a pipe dream.
And I talked myself out of itbecause my conditioning was like
you can't live here, it'sexpensive, we're in a recession.
You're a teacher, you're onvacation, go back home and do
your job.
So I don't utter a word of itto anybody.
I go to a little teacher happyhour, as we do and deserve.
And a friend of mine said, hey,there's a psychic medium here.
(16:30):
She's doing teacher.
You know we got the teacherdiscount and I, you know we got
the teacher discount and I waslike, oh sweet, I'm here for it
now.
At the time, in my 29th year onthe planet, I'm like healthfully
skeptical.
Right, I'll go get my palm read.
But usually the thing that umkind of separates the charlatans
from like who are, I think,legitimate intuitives is when I
(16:52):
say, tell me about my love lifeand they say, oh, he's tall,
dark, and'm like, well, is he awoman?
Because I'm a lesbian.
And how did you not know that?
I'm pretty sure it was in myaura.
So I see this woman and shetakes one look at me and this is
it.
She's like going up the stairsto get ready for her stuff and
she goes oh, you're going to befun.
And I was like weird, but alsonailed it.
(17:13):
So I run up the stairs and Isit down in front of her and her
name's Delphine, and of courseit is.
And before I'm even likesituated in the chair, she goes.
This time next year you'regoing to be living in Southern
California.
You know that, don't you?
And I was like get out of mybrain, lady.
Like I didn't tell anybody that.
I said that's impossible.
She goes why?
(17:37):
And I said I have no money.
I have student loan.
I have student loan debts formy master's degree.
I'll be paying till I'm 45years old and my whole family's
here I'm.
I have a tenure teaching job.
I have a apartment and a lease.
I have a car I have to pay for.
She's like, okay, hang on.
So she's doing her stuff.
She goes.
I'm getting that these are allgoing to unplug from you in some
somehow, some way, and you'regoing to have a window of
opportunity to go and that'syour window.
(17:59):
She goes because she did thisthing where she was like with
her hands, like did a measuringthing.
You will be, you will behappier there.
And I'm like, wow, that's crazy.
Also, this could just be aself-fulfilling prophecy, cause,
like you told me that now Imove.
So I was being very skepticaland then I was like, okay, and
then I go, how about my lovelife, delfina?
(18:19):
And I'm waiting for her to sayhis name's John and he's an
accounting.
She says they're telling me ifyou move, you get the girl.
And I was like I'm moving truly, truly, truly truly.
And so I mean, through a flukeseries of events that I will not
bore everybody with, that waslike my tenure getting reversed
(18:39):
to me, getting some check for,uh, they'd been garnishing some
health insurance money.
So I had some money come in.
My aunt went like some sort oflottery bingo.
She paid off my car, I got outof my lease, I got my tenure and
it was like the summer was hereand I moved.
And then, um, I got here andI'm like, all right, delphina,
(19:00):
where's she at?
And she goes uh, you got towrite it down, you're going to
write down everything you want.
You have to believe she existsfor us.
She goes part of you doesn'tthink you're going to find what
you're looking for.
So I write it all down.
Um, and then, like three monthslater, I meet a teacher at a bar
and I'm like, oh my gosh, Ithink this is her.
(19:20):
And we went on a date and Isaid remind me to tell you
something in three months.
And three months later herthing went off.
We were still together and Isaid, I think I weird-scienced
you and I think that you're myperson.
And then, three years later,when we got married, on the top
of big bear mountain, whoofficiated our wedding?
(19:41):
Delfina the psychic medium, andmy mom from Chicago was so mad
that I had a psychic and it waslike, oh my gosh, amazing,
Amazing.
So shout, shout out to delphina,who's awesome and lives and
works in in chicago and has beensince then like instrumental in
(20:03):
so much of my like spiritualjourney.
And then, a few years after thewedding not this was probably
going on during it, but donnaknows this I was working as um.
I'd left teaching and wasworking as a educational sales
rep for a company that I reallyliked.
We made really good stuff, butI, you know it's a job that
doesn't end and it is a.
(20:23):
It is a grind, grind, hustle,hustle, grind, grind.
And I was.
You know, you have a goal and Iwas determined to like crush my
goal, you know, to outer spaceand back, and I did.
But I burned out.
I got so ill.
I was like having to pull overand like nap in my car.
I just was ignoring all thewhispers and all the screams of
(20:46):
my body, and they truly were thewhispers like or like your
hair's falling out or your nailsare brittle for a reason that
is probably a vitamin deficiency, and then also like you fell
asleep at the gym again, likeit's not normal, my wife would
be like you're sleeping on theab machine, but you know what
kind of a conditioning it takesfor you to take your body there
(21:10):
and to get on that machine andthen you still and to fall
asleep on it.
I mean, I had hotels where Iwould go in and sleep in the
lobby.
When I was on the road, I couldtell you, between Moreno Valley
and Los Angeles I stopped atthe Hampton Inn.
I would go sleep by the poolbecause I couldn't get myself
home.
I was so exhausted but I wasjust like dragging my body
(21:31):
around and I went to everysingle doctor and they, you know
, had me tested for everythingunder the sun Sorry, my dog is
barking and Western medicinecould not find what was wrong
with me.
And when I was like I'm, I'mdying, I think I'm dying.
Like I have no energy, I can'tlive my life, I'm not, I'm
unable to do my job, I can'teven drive.
(21:53):
I couldn't go out to arestaurant.
I was having like you know, Icouldn't sleep my digestion,
every single system in me wasoff, but nobody could tell me
what was wrong.
And then, finally, I had calledDelfina and she was like you're
completely burnt out.
It's it's your adrenal glands,like adrenal fatigue.
It's cortisol.
(22:14):
Your hormones are out of whack.
It's going to take you a longtime to get better, because it
took you a long time to get thissick and it really did.
It took like years.
But that was the beginning of myperspective shift, which is
(22:35):
like, how do you fall asleep ona workout equipment and not
think you need more rest?
Yeah, it's this likeproductivity and, like you know,
in the religion of productivityand this is especially true, I
think, for women was I was likeI have so much to prove.
My body was something my braindragged around and had to do
what it was told or else I wasgoing to get really mad at it.
And it turns out my body waslike girl.
(22:59):
I have whispered, I have yelled, I have screamed, and now I'm
going to clothesline you and itdid.
I passed out in the middle ofthe street on a vacation in
Scotland and ended up in theemergency room and that was like
the wake up call, where I waslike I fainted in public when I
was alone and it was so scary.
(23:19):
And that's when I startedtaking my healing seriously and
realized so much of this was howI was treating myself.
It was this insane drive to beproductive and to and hit my
goals and to make money and allof these things.
And I I always think of thisone quote which means so much to
(23:43):
me now, cause I never used todo it which is either choose to,
either choose to make time foryour wellness or you will be
forced to make time for yourillness.
Speaker 1 (23:52):
Yes, and.
Speaker 3 (23:53):
I had to spend.
I spent everything I made,getting better but also getting
that sick for that long and Imean like probably four years, I
was like pretty low energy, loweverything was the best thing
that ever happened to me,because to get better I had to
(24:15):
learn a whole different way ofbeing and knowing myself and
relating to the world.
And I, you know, in an act ofdesperation, I went to like a
Reiki class and it was the onlything that made me feel better.
And then the wonderful Reikimaster was like you should do
Reiki two and then you should doReiki three, and then I did
Reiki four with Delphina's wife,marie, who's a wonderful Reiki
(24:38):
master, and that path.
And then I started Reiki.
Everybody right, I was likedoing my practicum.
So here I was, like helpingpeople, which was helping me.
I took every class you couldimagine, from like meeting your
spirit guides to past liferegression, Like I cause I
couldn't do anything else but goto this one meditation studio
that was down the street, whichI was so grateful for and so
(25:01):
ended up in this likemasterclass.
And in one of those classes thisamazing woman walks up to me
and I don't know this woman atall.
And she goes you're real sick,huh.
And I'm like, yeah, I'm justreally struggling.
And she goes let me do yourchart.
And I'm like I don't understandastrology.
I'm pretty sure there's 13constellations now.
Like, how does it even work?
(25:21):
Didn't throw it off by one.
I'm not sure, I don't get it.
And so she does my chart andshe comes back with like 85
pages.
The sweet woman, she's likelet's go have tea.
And she looks at my chart andshe goes writer, writer, writer,
writer, writer, writer, writer.
She goes if you're notcurrently a writer and I mean a
creative writer, that's whyyou're sick.
You're so off your path.
(25:42):
You have, you know, and she'sgoing through all the houses and
her name's Ann Slickter andshe's she too is is an awesome
writer.
And so I was like, actually Ihave been noodling on the
screenplay.
I feel like I'm too old tobreak into this industry and I
can't fetch coffee and I can'tdo this stuff.
But then I really was like youknow what, I'm going to go for
it.
I really like it, I reallyenjoy it.
(26:02):
My first script was about liketeaching in a school in South
central Los Angeles during theday and then teaching at USC at
night where I had, you know,complete opposite students.
Right, I had so much trauma andpain and then I had kids that
had like pet tigers and like aMcLaren and it was like ripping
my brain apart to go from, youknow, south central to SC, and
(26:27):
so my first script was just kindof a story about the confluence
of those worlds as experiencedthrough a teacher, and it got
like it did pretty well at somefestivals.
I didn't know what I was doing,so I start taking classes and
that was the beginning of like a10 year journey of me mostly
being the oldest person at UCLAextension but trying really hard
(26:49):
, trying to make connections,getting out there.
I had one, you know, try andget an agent, try and get a
manager.
And I had one, you know, tryand get an agent, try and get a
manager.
And I had one guy meet with mesays, oh, you have a really good
voice, but you know, would yoube a writer's assistant?
They make like $4 a year.
I was like I'm married, I haveresponsibilities, I can't, I
can't come in entry level.
(27:09):
Is there another way?
And the guy kind of was lookingat me like honey, don't quit
your day job.
And he said to me you wouldneed to have a very rare and
accelerated trajectory and I waslike, cool, that's what I'm
going to have.
So I wrote it on like everymonth of calendar for 10 years I
had rare and acceleratedtrajectory, because what that
(27:29):
meant was I'd have to sell myown show.
And to sell your own show isnot just the odds, aren't,
they're not even getting draftedinto the nfl, they're being the
number, like being like the topfive draft picks to sell your
own show.
And I sold my own show lastyear.
I saw that guy and I was like,do you remember what you said to
(27:51):
me?
A rare and acceleratedtrajectory.
But so, yes, and since, like,I've sold a movie and um have
like a bunch of other projects,but um, it, all of that, to say
all of the hard, put me on thepath to where I was, where I
meant to be, but I wouldn't take.
(28:13):
You know, I know you guys knowwhat that's like.
Speaker 2 (28:18):
And, of course, I want to hear about the show and
what you've written and thescreenplay and the movie.
I want to hear about all of it.
It feels one.
you're speaking my language,Trish, so I love hearing you
talk about the astrology and thestate of work and the Reiki and
all of that, and for me it'svery hopeful.
It just it screams hope and I'mI think everybody listening to
(28:40):
this will probably be sittinghere with you know, jaw open,
just kind of oh my gosh, likelet me soak this in so as you're
kind of sharing hope withothers.
What gives you hope?
Speaker 3 (28:53):
I think, the hope and I I mean I struggled with being
hopeful and I was when, when Isaw like the email, when you
were like hope through, I'm likewhere is my hope?
And then I even was like had tolook up the definition of hope
and I'm like where do I get thissense of like trust, like trust
that it's going to be okay?
And that's again why I pickedthe perspective thing, because
(29:15):
once you can kind of shift yourmindset from the, you know, woe
is me.
Why is this happening to me?
To what did I learn from this?
Like, truly, if I, if I couldlike take away that five years
of me being sick, I wouldn't, Iwouldn't.
It did.
It gave me everything that Ineeded for right now.
(29:39):
And even right now I'm goingthrough a bit of a hard time,
but I keep going back to, youknow, the trust in.
I have to just trust that thisis going to work out, because it
always has, and it's just amatter of how we look at it.
It's not always happening to us.
Sometimes it's happening for us.
Speaker 1 (30:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (30:01):
Even if we don't know it.
Speaker 1 (30:03):
So what is that thing ?
Do you think?
What do you?
What accounts for in you?
That you know that, that youknow to keep going, that you
know that accelerated trajectory, that you know to keep going,
that you know that acceleratedtrajectory users, that you know
it and are willing to go forward.
That I know that you've hadvalidation after validation, but
(30:25):
like there's somethingunderneath that, I think,
because I think the alternativeis is not helpful.
Speaker 3 (30:31):
What's the alternative?
To not, to not trying to?
What am I supposed to do?
Just sit here.
I'm going to just shut thiswindow because there's a I don't
understand leaf blowers.
I'm like Kate Blanchett in thatway where she's like why are we
just blowing them their leavesfrom one side to the other, like
it really makes no sense andwe're all crazy.
But I think this, this, thissense of hope and trust, comes
(30:52):
from.
You're going to find evidencefor whatever you think, wherever
you look for it.
So, for example, if my story isnothing ever works out for me,
my brain will find evidence ofeverything that works out for me
and it will literally discardall of the times when people
(31:12):
have showed up for me or beenthere.
And I think that mental reframeand Renee Brown says this so
much better than me is, ifyou're looking for evidence as
to why you don't belong, you'regoing to find it.
And guess what?
Nobody wants to go to Las Vegaswith you or hang out with you
because you're being a Debbiedowner.
But I had that.
(31:33):
I had that tendency.
I had that tendency towardslike feeling like, oh, I'm a
victim, or if I'm a, I feel likea fraud, or you know, all the
things that I think are naturaland reoccurring kind of
universally in a lot of us.
But once I stopped looking forthe evidence of why it was true
and being like let's look at allthe ways that people have
(31:54):
showed up for me at the exactperfect time right, like selling
and writing that script, like Imet the best professor, mentor
who believed in me.
I had the most wonderfulwomen's writing group who all
rallied and supported me.
You know the script that wassold was about my best friend
and I in college who had, youknow, the most beautiful
(32:16):
friendship of ages and how luckyI was to have that with her,
and that this is a story that wecan share.
So it's about looking for allthe things that I've just
trained myself to try harder tolook for, all the things that
are working out, like Donna, outof nowhere, being like Tricia,
would you be on this podcast andI?
(32:38):
I needed it and I've beenlooking forward to this so much
and I'm like see, that was likeplucked from the ether, you know
, and that that they chalk thatup to to being like things are
happening for me yeah, andthings are happening for you all
and everybody else who'slistening to this.
We, we just have to train ourbrain.
Speaker 1 (32:57):
Amen, sister, amen.
So has there been anyone inyour life who modeled this
perspective?
Speaker 3 (33:05):
No opposite actually.
Speaker 1 (33:08):
No, that way right.
Speaker 2 (33:09):
Like that.
It works just as much that way.
Speaker 3 (33:13):
No, I didn't grow up with any of this.
Really, actually, that's a lie.
I should say I had, and I'mlooking at it right now.
I had a neighbor, my Aunt Mare,who was significantly older
than me, by 60 years orsomething, and she's like of the
World War II generation and shewas so you could not rattle her
(33:37):
.
And when I got older and I wasteaching like eighth grade
social studies, I used to dolike she and my grandma, grandma
Jo and Aunt Mare.
I would have my students askquestions like what would you
ask someone who was alive whenMartin Luther King was shot or
when the atomic bomb was dropped?
And so they would ask thequestions, and then I would film
Grandma Jo and Aunt M Marysaying here's where I was, I was
(33:58):
in downtown Chicago, or thebomb was the scariest thing ever
, Cause we thought that's howlife was going to be, that we
were going to continue to dropatomic bombs on each other,
which thankfully didn't happen.
But again, and so they hadthese beautiful perspectives,
having lived through really hardtimes and being women and, and
you know, couldn't get achecking account until, like,
(34:21):
couldn't have your own name onyour checking account, and my
grandma, who raised, like youknow, three girls kind of on her
own and was just, they weremade of such tough stuff and
they're and I attribute a lot ofthat to like their mindsets.
We're lucky to be alive andwe're lucky to live where we
live and to have what we have,and it's not about wanting more,
(34:42):
it's about being thankful thatwe have our health.
And they both lived into oldage and were so lovely.
And I even remember my Aunt Mareonce sitting in a chair and she
was singing and I go, what areyou singing?
She goes well, I'm justthinking of all the patriotic
songs I can think of because Iwant to keep my mind sharp and I
thought that that was just likethe most amazing thing ever
(35:05):
that she was just like I'm goingto do some mental training
exercises before we even knewwhat that was and I always
admired that in them, cause Idon't even think they were aware
of, like, how emotionallyintelligent they both were.
Yeah, if that makes sense.
Speaker 1 (35:21):
Yeah, it totally does .
Speaker 2 (35:24):
You talked about this kind of shift in perspective
that took place and a lot ofthings that led up to that shift
.
What would your I guess youradolescent self, your 13 year
old self, say to you today?
What would your I guess youradolescent self, your 13 year
old self, say to you today what,what, what would, what would
she think, what would she say?
Speaker 3 (35:42):
Oh, she was so naughty, um, I think.
I think I would just like totell her a few things honestly.
Um, which is it's going to beokay, but I also and this
quote's been flying around nowfor a minute but it is so good,
which is it's going to be okay,but I also and this quote's been
flying around now for a minutebut it is so good which is that
you grow into the person thatwould have protected you when
(36:03):
you were young, and I think weneed to be thankful for all of
those versions of ourselves.
Like, there was a part in mylife in my twenties when I was
just a very reckless likefighter, right when I was like I
mean, I'm at like a fistfighting and and and and a
(36:25):
really like self-destructive,belligerent kind of way, and I
always, in my older age, lookback on that and feel like
pretty embarrassed that I was sodysregulated.
But then I think, in my olderage, look back on that and feel
like pretty embarrassed that Iwas so dysregulated.
But then I think, listen, myfather was a professional boxer,
that's there.
And also I've always had, youknow, a pretty strong injustice
(36:46):
bone.
So if I saw something, I didn'tsay something.
I hit something which is notnormal, but I'm working on like
honoring that all those parts ofme served a purpose and that in
my twenties, the fighting andlike the was all tied to this
(37:06):
like rejection of myself,because I was gay and I had a
very hard time in my kind ofcommunity and in you know, just
in the time at my school and Ihad so much like oh, I'm going
to bring shame upon the house ofmy family with this, and so
there was so much inner turmoil.
But also I'm here and that,those versions of me that
(37:33):
protected me, even when I feltmyself so unprotected.
I owe them a lot because theygot me through they.
They got me through it.
So it's okay that I fought abunch and then I was a little
out of control because, Ilearned from those versions of
myself.
(37:53):
Yeah, and now there's going tobe a tv show about one of them
exactly and imagine that thatself wasn't your journey, you
know, oh, my goodness, we'll see, we'll see.
Talk about synchronicity andhope, like if you, if you could
go back and tell that version ofme like this part of your life
(38:27):
might be on a tv um I mean it'sit's getting a little redundant,
I know, but it's with that hopeat that core right.
Speaker 1 (38:34):
With that hope, with that that possibility, with that
awakening.
We know that that's there.
We know that that's through thethrough line and there's this
discovery and this expansionthat's coming.
We know that that's through thethrough line and there's this
discovery and this expansionthat's coming and it's the
necessary place to be.
And how gorgeous to share thattoo, because, right, that is how
we all connect with one anotherand we can vibe with that and
(38:57):
understand that and go, oh okay,me too, me too, possibilities
for me too.
That outreach and thatvulnerability is just gorgeous.
That's what this is all about,right, that we're doing.
Speaker 3 (39:16):
And the hope I think we find in each other comes from
and you all are you do.
This, I think, is the purposeof this podcast is like when you
share your story, you givepeople permission to share
theirs.
This is also so important forour kids to see people being
vulnerable, talking about havingbig emotions and like hey, I'm
not proud of how I behaved orwhat I did when I was
(39:40):
dysregulated, but there's thereis hope there and a lot of times
it's in another person who'slived through it, sort of with
you.
My favorite cartoon is of.
There's like a person with anarrow sticking out of their back
and there's somebody hunchedover and they're comforting the
(40:02):
person with the arrow in theirback.
But when you pull back, you seethat the person who's
comforting the person with thearrow in their back has a
hundred arrows in their back.
Speaker 2 (40:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (40:13):
And that's like you all and you know what I'm saying
, and I got this little tattoorecently of an arrow, just to
like remind me right.
Like that, the thing that youlive through the loss of a child
or a husband or of parents youare now what you know, whether
we like it or not, the mostqualified helpful resource for
(40:36):
someone else who will go throughit and, because of your
existence and your ability tolike, walk or crawl through the
pain, will give that person thehope for themselves, cause when
things unimaginable like thathappen, you think you're all
alone in it.
And then they meet someonewho's like this happened to me
(40:58):
six years ago or five years agoand here's, you know, you're're
just, you're there with all yourarrows trying to help them with
their fresh one, and I thinkthat's beautiful it's incredibly
beautiful.
Speaker 1 (41:11):
Well, you, you are incredibly inspiring and I hope
you know that and as your storygets out there, even more the
inspiration oof all around.
For sure that on the way, Iknow that's coming, and you've
talked a little bit about youraunt mare, who was inspiring to
you, and I'd love that you hadthat moment to be able to share
(41:32):
about her.
Who who today in your worldoffers you inspiration?
Speaker 3 (41:38):
Oh, good one.
Wow, this I'm going to go withthe first person that came to my
head.
Wow, this I'm going to go withthe first person that came to my
head which is so funny becauseI don't give her enough credit
ever is my coauthor, alisonRoser, who I've written.
We've written now for SEL books.
We just released a series forparents about nurturing a
child's wellness and we did anSEL for parents and adults and
(42:03):
she's we did an SEL for parentsand adults and she's like a
professional life coach, she'san SEL expert.
She's just like the world'sgreatest human being and she's
so good at the perspective andthe reframe and she reminds me
all the time when I have to dohard things.
Full disclosure.
I have a real slant towards,sometimes, the sadness of things
(42:29):
.
I can really kind of disappearinto the woods, sometimes
without even knowing it as much,as I'm sitting here and telling
you guys how amazingly healedand evolved I am.
I'm not.
I struggle.
I go into the forest all thetime and sometimes have a hard
time coming out, but she isalways there to be like you have
what it takes, you can get outof this, and then I'll, you know
(42:50):
, call her and be like I don'tknow what I'm doing, it's too
hard and she's like, she's thequeen of the reframe and she
means it truly and has been sohelpful and I I try to be like
her of all the people that Iknow to emulate, because I think
she truly like walks in thelight and it's very obvious to
(43:10):
people she's going to die whenshe hears this All of my
validation for her.
Oh man, but yeah, I she's.
She's my, my go-to for sure.
Gorgeous.
Speaker 2 (43:29):
What Trish I, of course I'm picturing.
Okay, here you are with your,your show, and you know Amazon,
and you know, here you arewalking up to accept your Emmy
award, or or what would be yourwalk-in song?
Speaker 3 (43:44):
Oh, that's so funny there's.
Well, I don't know that thiswould be my song, but I once saw
this music psychic in thislittle psychic town called
Lilydale, New York, and she said, when people walk in she hears
a song.
And I said, well, what was mysong?
And her song?
She said it was Woman.
I said, well, what was my songin her song?
(44:05):
She said it was woman.
I'm woman, hear me roar.
So I don't know what the songwill be, but I can tell you what
I've always dreamed of myspeech being, which was I could
never understand, first of all,how anybody gets up there and
says, oh, I didn't writeanything.
I really didn't think I wasgoing to win.
Dude, you were nominated.
Write a speech just on the offchance of the five people
(44:27):
nominated.
You have to get up there so youdon't put us all through the I
don't have a speech, right, justwrite the speech.
You've been nominated.
Do us all a favor.
I just think and I know you haveto get up there and think like
everybody on your team that madeit happen and all the
executives and all that's goodand fine and fair, but I'm
thinking you have the attentionof what can be hundreds of
(44:48):
thousands of people Like I woulddo something.
So like hippie dippy and belike let us all close our eyes
and let's all send energy tosomething or someone and let's
just see if it works Right, likewe're all like we like I don't
know, I always I always was likeI would use it as like an
energy experiment.
Yes, and be like let's allfocus on this one thing, because
(45:11):
we have everybody's like you athome, close your eyes, let's
all picture it and then let'ssee if it changes.
I would do something like that,um, and then probably get
canceled by all the people.
Speaker 1 (45:19):
I didn't think that did a lot of work mr Mr Rock was
saying right, it's the Mr Rock.
Yes, yes, yes, I'll watch thetime.
My God, gorgeous.
And what talk?
Do we all remember that one?
Speaker 3 (45:31):
We remember.
That's exactly right.
You don't remember everybodythinking but then you got a
bunch of agents like I can'tbelieve she didn't say my name.
Speaker 1 (45:47):
Yeah, you already made a name for yourself by then
.
That's right.
Get over it.
Love that, okay.
So as you go through thisjourney, my friend, and all of
these gorgeous turns in the roadand all of this evolution and
expansion, there will come atime when you kind of shed the
skin and move on to whatever isnext for you.
To whatever is next for you.
How do you hope, or do you haveany hope around, what your
(46:07):
legacy is or how you will beremembered?
Speaker 3 (46:11):
Oh, I hope it's just like I would love there to be.
That I somehow supported like alarge change for children in
education I think is my numberone.
I obviously care abouteverybody, but I've always felt
called to help kids and I thinkthere's been a weird shift
(46:33):
culturally in the world where wedon't like value, like what
they have to say and how theyfeel about things, and I I just
feel like they need more voiceand more choice.
And, um, I mean, I did like akid Congress thing once with my
students and this was truly byvirtue of me being ignorant to I
(46:55):
did not know how to do my job.
The first year I startedteaching I was in English as a
second language teacher.
I had no teaching credential, Ijust like spoke Spanish and
they threw me in a classroom andI had a group of third graders
and I said, and they were veryvarying levels of language
proficiency, so in retrospectthis was completely out of their
(47:16):
like range in terms of like thelanguage demands.
But I didn't know, and so wedid a model UN and I gave every
kid their country, theirresources, the size of their
military, all the things thatthey needed, and kind of just
said figure it out, and I hadpositioned some places had a lot
more power than others and Iwanted to see how they could use
(47:37):
language.
These kids, first of all, inlike less than 90 minutes solved
all of the problems, shared allof their resources.
Like we're like wait, how muchis my military cost?
But you need it for what?
No, and like they, I was likekid congress, why don't we have
kid congress, kid congress, andwe take some id, like just like,
(47:57):
yeah, right, team congress likewe congress is full of 90 year
old, mostly white men who've hadmostly those perspectives, when
I'm not saying we give you know, little kids the button, but
like let's hear what they haveto say, especially in high
school and kids in their, youknow, young, young adults.
(48:18):
And I always, I always thinkabout that.
I was like they figuredeverything out because there
wasn't so much ego there and Ithought it was beautiful.
And they used language evenbeyond their abilities because
they were so motivated by thepower they felt they had,
because I cared what theythought.
Speaker 1 (48:39):
And you went in open with that belief for them, and
they took it and ran with itbecause no restriction there.
You started with like well, Ididn't know that this was beyond
that.
Speaker 3 (48:51):
Well, it clearly wasn't yeah, I didn't know that
I was supposed to not believemore in.
You didn't get that memo, sothat worked out same belief that
allison has in you yeah, right,oh man, yeah, I'm not sharing
this link with her.
Speaker 2 (49:13):
So I think I think it's time for us to kind of
switch into the rapid firequestions.
Oh man, let me hit my coffeereal quick, take a go.
Speaker 3 (49:22):
Okay, I'm.
Speaker 2 (49:24):
I'm scared, throw some questions at you, and the
first thing that comes to mind,go ahead and tell us.
So what color is hope?
Speaker 3 (49:33):
Um, I saw yellow, but I don't know.
Sounds good.
Speaker 1 (49:36):
What does hope sound like?
Speaker 3 (49:39):
I think it's like a high vibrational horn section.
Speaker 2 (49:44):
I like that.
Like that Perspective is what Achoice.
Speaker 1 (49:55):
Compassion is.
Speaker 3 (49:59):
I mean, I'm just going to say putting yourself in
, like feeling someone else'sfeelings, like trying to really
to care enough to put yourselfin their shoes, but that's more
empathy.
But that's what I thought.
Rapid fire is scary, guys.
Speaker 2 (50:15):
How about the soul?
The soul is what?
Speaker 1 (50:21):
So much bigger than our body so much bigger than our
body like that one of mygreatest teachers in life is
pain.
Speaker 2 (50:35):
Yes, girl um.
The meaning of life isconnection and hope is springs
eternal, emily dickinson.
Speaker 3 (50:45):
hey, connection and hope is Springs Eternal, emily
Dickinson.
Hey, these were hard.
You guys are hard.
Speaker 2 (50:55):
I can get myself Wow, oh, gosh Okay.
Speaker 1 (50:59):
Love it so much.
Oh my gosh, I have loved everysecond of talking.
Speaker 3 (51:03):
No, thank you all.
Thank you all.
I really appreciate it.
You're wonderful.
Speaker 1 (51:07):
More Trish DePazio in my life.
So for sure this conversationcontinues.
And yes, yeah, there for a cupof coffee or whatever.
Speaker 3 (51:15):
I absolutely Thank you so much, friends.
I had so much fun.
Speaker 1 (51:19):
Oh, thank you.
So how can?
What do you, what do you wantto say about what you have
coming out, how people can findyou, how they can follow you?
Oh, I mean, that's about me.
Speaker 3 (51:30):
And if you're a parent or you know a parent and
they are looking for some liketips or tricks or little ways to
help regulate emotions in theirkids, like K through eighth
grade, we have Alice and I.
The books are out, published byTeacher Kated Materials and
Shell Publishing, free SpiritPublishing I could probably be
(51:50):
getting this wrong, but you canfind them on the TCM website or
Amazon.
You can Google Tricia DeFazio.
We also, if you're a teacher,have Social Emotional Learning
starts with us.
I just like people gettingaccess to those books because
there's such so much wisdom inthere and we worked really hard
on them.
And then maybe you'll see a TVshow, but I don't want to jinx
(52:11):
it so I'm not going to give thename, but you'll know it when
you see it.
Speaker 1 (52:16):
Yeah, we're seeing.
We're seeing it now I feel itit's coming, okay, okay.
Speaker 2 (52:20):
I see you get your Emmy, so I'm already there.
Speaker 3 (52:23):
Well, we'll have to figure out our big thought
experiment.
We'll have to brainstorm theway to do that Awesome.
Speaker 1 (52:29):
Absolutely Trish.
Thank you, thank you, thank youall.
Speaker 3 (52:33):
I appreciate it.
Take care you too, you too.
Speaker 2 (52:37):
All right, thank you.
Speaker 1 (52:41):
Thanks for joining us today on Soul Sisteries and
thanks for sharing stories withus today on Soul Sisteries, and
thanks for sharing stories withus.
We'd love to hear your storiesas well and keep the
conversation going, absolutelykeeping the hope going.
So we're really hopeful thatyou'll connect with our guests
as well, who have great storiesto share.
Go ahead and follow them invarious social media platforms
(53:01):
or live venues, wherever it isthat they're performing and
sharing what they do.
Speaker 2 (53:06):
We would love to have you follow us on all of our
social media platforms,subscribe and rate, as that will
help us get our message of hopeout to others.
Thanks for listening to SoulSisteries.
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