October 1, 2024 • 15 mins
"WELCOME TO SOUNDS SKETCHY—WHERE NOTHING’S OFF-LIMITS, AND EVERYTHING’S FAIR GAME." I’m Kyle James, a writer with a passion for dark comedy, and this is the show where sketch meets the unexpected. Expect laughs, cringe moments, and some questionable choices—because what fun is playing it safe? With guest star Jai Limbani joining the madness, this first episode is just a taste of the chaos to come. Dive in... if you dare!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hey there, welcome to Sound Sketchy, where we're all about layback laughs and good vibes.
(00:14):
I'm Kyle James, and I'll be your host for this audio adventure.
Sometimes we'll have guests, other times it's just you mean the voices in my head, but today,
our guest is my good friend JaI Limbani.
Say hi to the audience, Jai.
Hello there.
Alright, now picture this.
Quirky characters, absurd situations, and a whole lot of laughs packed into every 15 minute episode.
(00:36):
That is the magic of Sound Sketchy, and you're about to get a front row seat.
So, whether you're on your daily commute, chilling at home, or just need to breathe it from real life,
Sound Sketchy is here to bring you laughter and good company.
I'm Kyle James, and this is Sound Sketchy.
Enjoy it.
(01:20):
Hush little baby, don't you cry.
Your mom is gonna leave without saying goodbye.
And if that goodbye's too hard to bear,
Mom is gonna haunt you with an icy stare.
If that stare should freeze you through,
Mom is gonna sell your soul brand new.
(01:43):
And if that soul fetches quite a price,
Mom is gonna buy herself something nice.
And if that something should spark joy,
Mom is gonna forget about it, baby boy.
So, hush little baby, close your eyes tight.
Mom is gonna vanish into the night.
(02:13):
Well hello there, temporal time travelers.
Welcome to the first episode of the Time Travelers Podcast.
This is the podcast where we open up our mics to visitors from the past,
present, and future. I'm Nero Stug, and I'm beyond thrilled to embark on this unique journey through time with you all.
Alright, so any minute now, we are expecting our first guest to materialize right here in the studio.
(02:39):
And I gotta tell you, I've got my fingers crossed on a renaissance painter,
or time-traveling dinosaur enthusiast.
Oh, this is gonna be epic.
You know, I thought about getting some futuristic snacks,
but I wasn't sure if they'd be into our primitive Earth suit.
And, oh man, I had no idea who's gonna show up.
(03:04):
Maybe I should have breast-up on medieval small talk, or dinosaur trivia.
Or, but anyway, hindsight's 20-20, right?
Yep, any minute now.
(03:25):
Maybe they're, maybe they're fashion-delayed, you know.
Time travel can be a tricky thing.
Tardiness might be a relative concept for our guests, right?
Yeah, we're an understanding group here at the Herets and Time Travers podcast.
(03:48):
Maybe I thought that's a coordinate throng or something.
(04:14):
Okay, maybe I got a little carried away with my excitement.
It's just me and the microphone alone in the present.
No time-traveling guests, just Doug.
And the sound of his own voice echoing through the space time continuum.
(04:42):
But anyway, tune in next week when hopefully someone exercises a graces with their presence.
Until then, this is Doug signing off from the Time Travers podcast.
Hello there, sir, and welcome to the Kosherkush Kingdom.
Hey there.
Hi.
(05:02):
Hi there.
Uh, we are a tight-knit family here at the Kosherkush Kingdom,
and we're looking for new members to join our team.
So, tell me a little bit about yourself,
and why you think you'd be a good addition to our family.
Well, first off, I've loved the KKK family since I was a child.
And, uh, you know, like, burning stuff is cool.
(05:23):
You guys do that really well.
And then, like, we just cool too, and yeah, I want to get in on all that.
All right, so how would you deal with new problems as they arise?
Don't.
No?
Okay.
Don't, yeah.
Right.
So, what are your qualifications exactly?
(05:45):
I'm in school for marketing.
Okay.
And, uh, when was that?
When did you graduate?
Yeah, I learned a lot, actually.
And I came to realize that I am just a natural-born salesman,
and actually I have a really good idea I want to fish to you.
What?
No, we're not, we're not pitching anything.
(06:07):
So, imagine a designated cannabis smoking room
where you and several friends can just openly drink and smoke and eat and just chill out.
Kind of like a Sheeshah lounge for weed.
And then, not only would we be providing a nice chill lounge area,
we also provide all the snacks, refreshments, and a metric fuck ton of weed.
(06:30):
What is it, what unit of measurement is that?
A metric fuck ton.
Okay.
And then, like, think about it like,
like, hmm, like a hotel mini bar.
Like, we leave them in a room with all these temptations
and charge them for any and everything that they use.
Even the water.
The water?
(06:53):
Okay, I guess while we're discussing this,
would you per-
how much would you provide?
Like, the accessories?
Like, you're- you have-
Yeah, I don't know about all those details,
but I do know that I want to call it the gas chamber.
What?
What?
I- I-
Why would you choose that name?
(07:13):
Because obviously we need them to know our weed is gas, bro.
Howler.
But, is there anything as kind of offensive to the millions of families affected by the Holocaust?
Dude, are you not listening?
I didn't say anything about holograms.
I don't even know if holograms have feelings.
Now they have families?
What the fuck are you talking about?
No, I-
(07:34):
What?
What?
Are you-
I just mean the name is not PC.
Dog, I- I don't think you're getting this.
Of course it's not PC.
It's GC.
It's the gas chamber.
There's no P in gas.
You're not- you're not woke then.
(07:55):
Listen, buddy, I-
Okay, first of all, I'm wide awake and I-
All I'm trying to say is,
it sounds like a good idea on paper, but we really need to work out some logistics.
Man, I don't get this.
Why are you hating on me right now?
What?
I thought you were chill, bro.
Like, I thought- I thought maybe we could go to like Denny's or something after this.
(08:16):
What the f-
Why would you think that?
Man, you're- you're gonna sit here and tell me you don't like Denny's.
That's not the issue here.
Who doesn't like Denny's?
This is supposed to be an interview.
Can we please get back on track?
Fine.
I'll do it your way.
Now, if we do a background check, is there anything I should know beforehand?
(08:39):
Background check?
Yeah, I'm half-jumakin' on my mom's side.
What?
So, um-
No, that's okay.
I mean, my wife's co-worker's daughter's fiance's mom is black,
but that's not what I meant.
I- I never mind.
I- I lost my train of thought and I don't know.
Ooh.
(08:59):
Ooh-ooh-ooh.
That- that actually reminds me.
I have another idea I wanna face you.
So, basically, in order to, like, uh, advertise the gas chamber,
we round up all these people and we put them on a train, right?
Oh, no, no, no.
No, and then.
No.
Please.
God, oh my god.
Please stop talking.
(09:20):
No, get out.
But, bro, I am not your bro.
Oh.
So, no Denny's?
Jesus Christ.
It's- it's what you guys didn't call me.
Won't.
(09:45):
You know, folks always think Ms. Piggy and I had this fairy tale romance,
but behind the scenes there was anything but- she'd showered me with affection one moment.
And the next, well, let's just say her karate chop wasn't just for the show.
(10:05):
Well, she had her reasons.
She always did.
Jealousy, insecurity, fame.
It changed her.
But I stayed.
Foolishly, perhaps.
(10:29):
Hoping that she'd change.
Hoping she'd love me the way I deserved.
But love, it's a funny thing, isn't it?
Blinds you to the truth.
Makes you believe.
And second chances, even when they're just illusions.
So here I am, pouring my heart out to you all.
(10:52):
For our anxiety could make it work with the pig.
A cautionary tale perhaps.
Or just the ramblings of a broken dreamer.
And yet, despite it all, I still believe in love.
(11:15):
And no, not the kind that Ms. Piggy offered, but something quieter.
Something real.
So here's from your beginnings, my friends.
Finding love in unexpected places.
And never settling for anything less than you deserve.
(11:37):
I'm sorry, it's just...
It's not easy being green.
(12:01):
Well, how'd it do?
I'm looking for an off-road vehicle.
Anything particular, Matt?
Well, I need some storage space, but I don't like parking big vehicles, you know?
Don't like parking big vehicles by yourself, huh?
No, it's a hassle. I want something compact, you know?
Ah, yes, I love a good...
Compact...
(12:23):
Vehicle.
Are you okay? What just happened?
What?
Do you love the feeling?
Of getting your hands behind the wheel of a big, tough, rugged, hand-to-duty, sexy truck.
(12:44):
Don't want people to think you're overcompensating for something that may be a little...
Small.
I... guess?
That's awfully specific.
Well, no need to fear, cause Ford's here.
And with the new Ford micro, you can rest assured that everyone thinks you have a monster in them.
(13:04):
Oh, I... with a monster?
That's right.
Ford is redefining tough with a sleek and compact,
military-grade aluminum body with a 4-inch, I mean, 4-foot cab and a 6-foot bed.
This truck is the perfect size to carry any load.
It ain't huge, but guess the job done.
(13:26):
So it gets good days, give it small packages sometimes.
So, since it's smaller than a regular truck, is it cheaper?
Oh, no, it's way more expensive.
Oh, have you sold any?
I bought one.
Alright, that is it for tonight's episode.
(13:52):
Thank you so much for tuning in to the first episode of Sound Sketchy.
I sincerely hope that you had just about as much fun listening as we did creating it.
If you found yourself chuckling, snickering, or even rolling your eyes at our brand and
fumer, do us a solid and spread the word. Tell a friend, a colleague, your neighbor's cat,
(14:15):
anyone who could use a good laugh.
And hey, if by some bizarre twist of fate you just absolutely despise what you heard today,
well, I'm not here to judge, I mean, but why suffer alone?
Share the misery, pass it on.
After all, laughter is contagious, but so is disdain.
So, whether you loved what you heard here tonight, or absolutely just fucking hated it,
(14:43):
tell a friend.
And remember, our next episode is just around the corner waiting to invade your ears with more
absurdity and hilarity.
So, mark your calendars, set your reminders, or just like tattoo it on your forehead, whatever
works for you, you know?
I'm Kyle James, your humble host signing off from the world of Sound Sketchy,
(15:04):
and until next time, stay sketchy my friends.
Hey there, welcome to Sound Sketchy, where we're all about layback laughs and good vibes.
(00:14):
I'm Kyle James, and I'll be your host for this audio adventure.
Sometimes we'll have guests, other times it's just you mean the voices in my head, but today,
our guest is my good friend JaI Limbani.
Say hi to the audience, Jai.
Hello there.
Alright, now picture this.
Quirky characters, absurd situations, and a whole lot of laughs packed into every 15 minute episode.
(00:36):
That is the magic of Sound Sketchy, and you're about to get a front row seat.
So, whether you're on your daily commute, chilling at home, or just need to breathe it from real life,
Sound Sketchy is here to bring you laughter and good company.
I'm Kyle James, and this is Sound Sketchy.
Enjoy it.
(01:20):
Hush little baby, don't you cry.
Your mom is gonna leave without saying goodbye.
And if that goodbye's too hard to bear,
Mom is gonna haunt you with an icy stare.
If that stare should freeze you through,
Mom is gonna sell your soul brand new.
(01:43):
And if that soul fetches quite a price,
Mom is gonna buy herself something nice.
And if that something should spark joy,
Mom is gonna forget about it, baby boy.
So, hush little baby, close your eyes tight.
Mom is gonna vanish into the night.
(02:13):
Well hello there, temporal time travelers.
Welcome to the first episode of the Time Travelers Podcast.
This is the podcast where we open up our mics to visitors from the past,
present, and future. I'm Nero Stug, and I'm beyond thrilled to embark on this unique journey through time with you all.
Alright, so any minute now, we are expecting our first guest to materialize right here in the studio.
(02:39):
And I gotta tell you, I've got my fingers crossed on a renaissance painter,
or time-traveling dinosaur enthusiast.
Oh, this is gonna be epic.
You know, I thought about getting some futuristic snacks,
but I wasn't sure if they'd be into our primitive Earth suit.
And, oh man, I had no idea who's gonna show up.
(03:04):
Maybe I should have breast-up on medieval small talk, or dinosaur trivia.
Or, but anyway, hindsight's 20-20, right?
Yep, any minute now.
(03:25):
Maybe they're, maybe they're fashion-delayed, you know.
Time travel can be a tricky thing.
Tardiness might be a relative concept for our guests, right?
Yeah, we're an understanding group here at the Herets and Time Travers podcast.
(03:48):
Maybe I thought that's a coordinate throng or something.
(04:14):
Okay, maybe I got a little carried away with my excitement.
It's just me and the microphone alone in the present.
No time-traveling guests, just Doug.
And the sound of his own voice echoing through the space time continuum.
(04:42):
But anyway, tune in next week when hopefully someone exercises a graces with their presence.
Until then, this is Doug signing off from the Time Travers podcast.
Hello there, sir, and welcome to the Kosherkush Kingdom.
Hey there.
Hi.
(05:02):
Hi there.
Uh, we are a tight-knit family here at the Kosherkush Kingdom,
and we're looking for new members to join our team.
So, tell me a little bit about yourself,
and why you think you'd be a good addition to our family.
Well, first off, I've loved the KKK family since I was a child.
And, uh, you know, like, burning stuff is cool.
(05:23):
You guys do that really well.
And then, like, we just cool too, and yeah, I want to get in on all that.
All right, so how would you deal with new problems as they arise?
Don't.
No?
Okay.
Don't, yeah.
Right.
So, what are your qualifications exactly?
(05:45):
I'm in school for marketing.
Okay.
And, uh, when was that?
When did you graduate?
Yeah, I learned a lot, actually.
And I came to realize that I am just a natural-born salesman,
and actually I have a really good idea I want to fish to you.
What?
No, we're not, we're not pitching anything.
(06:07):
So, imagine a designated cannabis smoking room
where you and several friends can just openly drink and smoke and eat and just chill out.
Kind of like a Sheeshah lounge for weed.
And then, not only would we be providing a nice chill lounge area,
we also provide all the snacks, refreshments, and a metric fuck ton of weed.
(06:30):
What is it, what unit of measurement is that?
A metric fuck ton.
Okay.
And then, like, think about it like,
like, hmm, like a hotel mini bar.
Like, we leave them in a room with all these temptations
and charge them for any and everything that they use.
Even the water.
The water?
(06:53):
Okay, I guess while we're discussing this,
would you per-
how much would you provide?
Like, the accessories?
Like, you're- you have-
Yeah, I don't know about all those details,
but I do know that I want to call it the gas chamber.
What?
What?
I- I-
Why would you choose that name?
(07:13):
Because obviously we need them to know our weed is gas, bro.
Howler.
But, is there anything as kind of offensive to the millions of families affected by the Holocaust?
Dude, are you not listening?
I didn't say anything about holograms.
I don't even know if holograms have feelings.
Now they have families?
What the fuck are you talking about?
No, I-
(07:34):
What?
What?
Are you-
I just mean the name is not PC.
Dog, I- I don't think you're getting this.
Of course it's not PC.
It's GC.
It's the gas chamber.
There's no P in gas.
You're not- you're not woke then.
(07:55):
Listen, buddy, I-
Okay, first of all, I'm wide awake and I-
All I'm trying to say is,
it sounds like a good idea on paper, but we really need to work out some logistics.
Man, I don't get this.
Why are you hating on me right now?
What?
I thought you were chill, bro.
Like, I thought- I thought maybe we could go to like Denny's or something after this.
(08:16):
What the f-
Why would you think that?
Man, you're- you're gonna sit here and tell me you don't like Denny's.
That's not the issue here.
Who doesn't like Denny's?
This is supposed to be an interview.
Can we please get back on track?
Fine.
I'll do it your way.
Now, if we do a background check, is there anything I should know beforehand?
(08:39):
Background check?
Yeah, I'm half-jumakin' on my mom's side.
What?
So, um-
No, that's okay.
I mean, my wife's co-worker's daughter's fiance's mom is black,
but that's not what I meant.
I- I never mind.
I- I lost my train of thought and I don't know.
Ooh.
(08:59):
Ooh-ooh-ooh.
That- that actually reminds me.
I have another idea I wanna face you.
So, basically, in order to, like, uh, advertise the gas chamber,
we round up all these people and we put them on a train, right?
Oh, no, no, no.
No, and then.
No.
Please.
God, oh my god.
Please stop talking.
(09:20):
No, get out.
But, bro, I am not your bro.
Oh.
So, no Denny's?
Jesus Christ.
It's- it's what you guys didn't call me.
Won't.
(09:45):
You know, folks always think Ms. Piggy and I had this fairy tale romance,
but behind the scenes there was anything but- she'd showered me with affection one moment.
And the next, well, let's just say her karate chop wasn't just for the show.
(10:05):
Well, she had her reasons.
She always did.
Jealousy, insecurity, fame.
It changed her.
But I stayed.
Foolishly, perhaps.
(10:29):
Hoping that she'd change.
Hoping she'd love me the way I deserved.
But love, it's a funny thing, isn't it?
Blinds you to the truth.
Makes you believe.
And second chances, even when they're just illusions.
So here I am, pouring my heart out to you all.
(10:52):
For our anxiety could make it work with the pig.
A cautionary tale perhaps.
Or just the ramblings of a broken dreamer.
And yet, despite it all, I still believe in love.
(11:15):
And no, not the kind that Ms. Piggy offered, but something quieter.
Something real.
So here's from your beginnings, my friends.
Finding love in unexpected places.
And never settling for anything less than you deserve.
(11:37):
I'm sorry, it's just...
It's not easy being green.
(12:01):
Well, how'd it do?
I'm looking for an off-road vehicle.
Anything particular, Matt?
Well, I need some storage space, but I don't like parking big vehicles, you know?
Don't like parking big vehicles by yourself, huh?
No, it's a hassle. I want something compact, you know?
Ah, yes, I love a good...
Compact...
(12:23):
Vehicle.
Are you okay? What just happened?
What?
Do you love the feeling?
Of getting your hands behind the wheel of a big, tough, rugged, hand-to-duty, sexy truck.
(12:44):
Don't want people to think you're overcompensating for something that may be a little...
Small.
I... guess?
That's awfully specific.
Well, no need to fear, cause Ford's here.
And with the new Ford micro, you can rest assured that everyone thinks you have a monster in them.
(13:04):
Oh, I... with a monster?
That's right.
Ford is redefining tough with a sleek and compact,
military-grade aluminum body with a 4-inch, I mean, 4-foot cab and a 6-foot bed.
This truck is the perfect size to carry any load.
It ain't huge, but guess the job done.
(13:26):
So it gets good days, give it small packages sometimes.
So, since it's smaller than a regular truck, is it cheaper?
Oh, no, it's way more expensive.
Oh, have you sold any?
I bought one.
Alright, that is it for tonight's episode.
(13:52):
Thank you so much for tuning in to the first episode of Sound Sketchy.
I sincerely hope that you had just about as much fun listening as we did creating it.
If you found yourself chuckling, snickering, or even rolling your eyes at our brand and
fumer, do us a solid and spread the word. Tell a friend, a colleague, your neighbor's cat,
(14:15):
anyone who could use a good laugh.
And hey, if by some bizarre twist of fate you just absolutely despise what you heard today,
well, I'm not here to judge, I mean, but why suffer alone?
Share the misery, pass it on.
After all, laughter is contagious, but so is disdain.
So, whether you loved what you heard here tonight, or absolutely just fucking hated it,
(14:43):
tell a friend.
And remember, our next episode is just around the corner waiting to invade your ears with more
absurdity and hilarity.
So, mark your calendars, set your reminders, or just like tattoo it on your forehead, whatever
works for you, you know?
I'm Kyle James, your humble host signing off from the world of Sound Sketchy,
(15:04):
and until next time, stay sketchy my friends.
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