December 30, 2024 • 32 mins
Imagine unlocking the secrets to effortless parent-child communication, transforming daily interactions into moments of connection and growth. On this week's episode, we welcome Aisha Nyer, a seasoned early years educator and parent coach. Aisha's insights, drawn from her experiences in nurturing countless parent-child relationships, provide a roadmap for navigating the emotional language of children and fostering environments where they can express themselves freely and respectfully.
We talk about the transformative power of listening—truly listening—to our children, validating their emotions, and setting clear, calm boundaries. Join us for this thought-provoking exploration into the heart of parenting, and leave with actionable insights that will help you and your children thrive together in communication and beyond.
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Get her free masterclass on toddler emotions on her website, or visit her Facebook, Instagram and TikTok.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome back to Speak Out Standout.
I'm Elizabeth Green and today'sguest is Aisha Nyer.
Aisha is an early years teacher, parent coach, educator and mom
of three, and she coachesparents on how to cope with
their young children's bigemotions and boundary testing
behavior, with the goal ofbuilding strong relationships.
And that is what we're allabout here at Speak Out Standout
(00:22):
is building communicationskills in our children so that
we can have those strongrelationships and they can go on
to have strong relationshipswith others.
So, aisha, really glad to haveyou.
Thanks for taking your timetoday.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
Hi Elizabeth, I'm so glad to be here.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
Thank you for inviting me onto the show so
before we dive in, tell us justa little bit about how did you
get to where.
This is your focus and this iswhat you teach.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
So I used to be a teacher in a nursery and then I
used to run a nursery departmentin international schools and I
always had parents at my doorand I think because it was their
kids first year at schoolusually, so they were every day
with questions, trying to askfor advice on behavior issues
(01:11):
etc.
So I kind of feel like I'vebeen coaching parents
unofficially for years and yearsand years and I always thought
that you know, oh, you know,it's so.
I'm not going to say easy,because I never I knew that it
never I knew it.
I never knew, I never thoughtit was easy, but I just felt
like I had a lot of advice togive and a lot to say and
(01:36):
obviously built greatrelationships with parents that
I used to work with.
But then I became a parentmyself and I was just hit with
this realization that, oh my God, I don't know anything and, but
more importantly, just thefeeling of isolation and
loneliness sometimes, and Irealized how little support
(01:58):
there is for parents and thatmade me realize why those
parents were always at my door.
As you know, I was just theirkid's teacher.
You know, I didn't sort of knowabout things that they, you
know, necessarily it wasn't myprofession to kind of give that
advice, but I realized that theyjust don't have anyone else to
talk to and I found that when Ibecame a parent I was like there
(02:20):
isn't anywhere to kind of justwant this question answered and
there's nobody to ask and nobodyto tell me what to do.
So I then started running babyand mom or baby and parent and
toddler and parent play groupswhere I lived in Prague at the
time and that became that sortof community where I was kind of
(02:45):
teaching parents what I knowand what I read, what I
experienced about childdevelopment, raising children in
a, you know, healthy,respectful, conscious way, and
they would come and askquestions and we'd have you know
amazing discussions.
I did, I ran workshops forparents usually for expecting or
(03:09):
new parents on how to startthis right from birth, how to,
you know, have this in your how,builds that sort of
relationship with your babyright from the start, and then,
obviously, pandemic story.
I guess everybody's got apandemic story, I sort of.
I started doing all of that.
I tried to start do a bit moreonline because we couldn't meet
(03:32):
in person.
So I I've had a few clientsthat I've worked with online and
I have had a membership group,some course groups et cetera.
So, yeah, that's sort of howI've ended up here.
I've got three kids my eldestis six and I've got twins who
are four.
So that was also quite a quitea ride when, when they were born
(03:57):
and I went to show her New borntwins and a two year old was
definitely one of the mostchallenging things, but but yeah
, it was.
You know something that we gotthrough and and I'm just going
to kind of start, if you, if youdon't mind, because it sort of
flows in nicely that'severything that I have in mind
and I'm just going to start withthe relationship that you have
(04:22):
with your child, and theextremely important foundation
of that is how you communicate.
So we just always come back tocommunication.
I think it's such a fundamentalpart of any relationship and
that includes the relationshipthat you have with your child,
and I think that's a reallyimportant part of the
(04:45):
relationship, and that includesthe relationship that we have
with our children and how wecommunicate with them, how we
speak to them, how they learnfrom us how to communicate with
others just all feeds in to youknow how we are with them and
whether or not we have, you know, difficulties and challenges,
(05:09):
which there always are, butthrough communication you can
help yourself and help yourchild get through those
challenges.
Speaker 1 (05:17):
So, yeah, absolutely, and, like you said, it's so
important not only that we buildthose foundations with them so
we protect our relationship, butwhat they learn from us these
early stages.
This is going to go on withthem throughout their entire
lives and absolutely so much ofit like you said it does the
foundation is always oncommunication, so so you talk
about.
One of the things you coach onis how to really get through the
(05:39):
big, the big emotions right.
So whether they're toddlers andthey're so frustrated because
they can't get their shoe onright, or it's a teenager that's
frustrated because they have acurfew earlier than they'd like
right, it all is the same, justdifferent scenarios.
So what are your strategies andnumber one tips for dealing
(06:00):
with those scenarios?
Speaker 2 (06:01):
So number one is and I'm going to kind of start maybe
from a point you might notexpect but number one is making
sure that you, as a parent, feelcontent and calm.
I, calm is a phrase that youknow we use a lot, but sometimes
you can't stay calm.
(06:22):
So I don't want you to feel asa parent, you know, I don't want
you to feel the pressure thatyou have to always be calm, but
I like to use grounded.
So whenever I either anticipateor see my kids kind of, you
know, becoming frustrated or Ican see that there's going to be
a boundary that they're notgoing to be happy about, I make
(06:44):
sure that myself, either beforeI set that boundary or before I
approach them if they arefrustrated or angry or whatever,
that I take, you know,sometimes it's 10 seconds, it's
a minute, to ground myself sothat I go in to that scenario
able to help them, rather thanjoining in the chaos, joining in
(07:07):
with the frustration and angerand madness.
I'm not saying it always worksperfectly, because we know, we
all know that real life is, youknow, very different.
But if I can manage that and ifyou can manage that, you know,
find something that grounds youas a parent and take that time.
You know, I've had momentswhere I can hear my six-year-old
(07:30):
, you know, whining aboutsomething or complaining, and
before I go to speak to her,I'll just and I remember sort of
standing at the fridge and Iopened the fridge to get
something and I heard her voiceand I felt my frustration rising
.
And I stood there at that fridgewith the door open and just
took that 20 seconds to kind offocus myself and focus and think
(07:55):
about what do I want.
You know, when I go and speakto her, what do I want her to
feel and what do I want to getout of this.
And I was like, okay, well, Idon't want to get into an
argument, so let's hear, calm myown nerves, calm my own self,
and then close the fridge doorand then I went to speak to her.
So number one is really beingaware of how you're feeling at
(08:17):
them in that moment as a parent,and I really know that it's not
always possible to kind of takethat time.
If you know, if it's a siblingargument or if something
dangerous is happening, you haveto step in right away.
But if you can, if you remember, then it really really helps.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
And I was just going to add too.
I think it is.
You're right, it is so mucheasier said than done,
especially in the moment, butthis has been a commonality of a
lot of parent experts that I'vespoken with.
It stressed the importance ofthis, and so for me personally,
that has, in the moment, it'sstill a struggle, right, but
it's also made me realize do Ihave to have this conversation
(08:55):
right now?
Or can I hold off and have thisconversation at a later time
when we're both calm and I gointo it with a full focus and,
like you know, under, like yousaid, know what I want them to
experience from the conversation, what I want them to learn, but
also feel from it.
And if you step away from alittle bit, it's so much easier
to do.
But, like you said, not alwaysfeasible at the time.
Sometimes we have to address it, right then, and that alone has
(09:18):
definitely helped me as aparent.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
Definitely.
And also, you know, especiallywith older children, where they
are more verbal, and I guess,you know, with little ones it's
often, you know, something thatthey might be throwing or trying
to hit a sibling or whatever.
With older ones, you know, youmight still have like these
physical reactions, but it tendsto be a lot more verbal.
(09:40):
So you can, you know, maybe thedanger isn't that immediate, so
you can take a step away and,you know, say to them I'm not
ready to have this conversationright now, I just need a couple
of minutes.
Can we just re, you know, meetagain in five minutes, or
something like that.
And they, you know, they might,you know again, they might not
(10:01):
necessarily be thrilled about it, but it's better for everybody
rather than coming into anargument and just having that.
You know, high, high emotions,high, flying everywhere, right,
so, yeah, definitely you can dothat.
And then when you, when you dogo in, it's, I think, we often
(10:25):
assume a lot as parents.
We, you know, we step into asituation and we think that and
I don't mean this in, you know,I do the same.
I don't mean to sort of meanthis in any kind of judgmental
way, but you know, as adults, wealways tend to think that we
have the solution, that we areright, that we know what's going
on right, right.
(10:45):
So sometimes it's just good tohave a little bit of a reality
check and pass that onto yourchild and just kind of, instead
of approaching the situationwith right, I'm going to solve
this, I know what we're going todo here.
Just approach it and be alittle bit curious and see, okay
, what is going on, and If it'san older child, ask them a
(11:10):
question first, like what'sgoing on?
I really really like theopening question, like, if
something is happening witholder children that are more
verbal, to first ask them likedo you actually, do you need my
help, do you want me to do?
You want to talk about it or doyou want me to just listen?
Cause very, very often as welland this applies to younger
(11:33):
children as well they sometimesthey just want to be heard and,
as we know, communication it'sas much about listening as it is
talking.
So let them.
Let them say what they want tosay first.
If it is, you know, a boundarythat you've said, like you know,
like you said, a curfew, orthey've, you know, not allowed
(11:53):
to go and see their friends ortheir screen time is finished
and they are frustrated about it, let them express that and tell
you what's bothering them andbe a listener and hear them out.
Because often, again, you knowwe and this comes from a good
place because there are childrenand we want to help them we
(12:15):
know that's our job, it's kindof our entire life role is to
help our kids and, you know,make sure they're not unhappy
and we want them to be happy, etcetera.
But sometimes we can justoverride what they're feeling
and what they're trying toexpress by our assumptions and
our sort of responses.
And feeling heard just helpswith everything.
(12:38):
And I know personally, you know,when I'm bothered about
something and I go and tell myboyfriend about it and he starts
being like, oh well, did youthink about this?
And what about this and whatabout this?
And I'm just like I don't wantto listen.
I don't want you to tell mewhat to do, I just want you to
listen to me vent and listen tome rant.
Yes, and kids need that as well.
(13:00):
So giving them the chance toexpress themselves.
And you know, with older ones,and I find this, you know, my
six year old is kind of really,she's almost, she's actually
almost seven, she's reallygetting into this and I don't
like the phrase sassy, but justyou know, like the language and
the attitude and the tone andeverything, trying not to take
(13:24):
that personally and if they areresponding to you in a way that
you feel a bit uncomfortablewith, be honest, they say, well,
okay, I hear what you're saying, but I'm not.
I don't really like how you'respeaking to me right now.
So can you try a different way?
Or, if not, maybe we need alittle break and let's come back
(13:44):
to this.
And maybe you need a littlebreak and I need a little break.
Let's come back to thisconversation in 10 minutes.
So, I think, without you know,without shaming and blaming, and
like how dare you speak to melike that?
And you know how, just kind ofbeing that you know that sort of
I don't know how to call itlike traditional or, I guess,
(14:07):
aggressive conversationalist.
Be more understanding buthonest, but have boundaries as
well that are personal and safeto you.
Like, I don't like how you'respeaking to me right now.
Let's come back to this in aminute.
Or can you try again?
Can you try saying that again?
And I will say this to my sixyear old.
I say this to my four year oldand I've said this when they
(14:29):
were two as well, you know whenthey've been either shouting at
me or crying and I say I'm sorry, I just I would like to help
you and I'm here to listen toyou.
But if they're whining orsomething, I can't really
understand what you're saying.
So please can you try again.
So okay, let's see what.
So, yeah, giving them a chanceto tell you what they need to
(14:53):
say.
Speaker 1 (14:54):
Yeah, and I just really wanted to like back up to
what you were saying about thatimportance of letting them talk
.
When you, you know I'm sayingthe exact way when I'm
complaining or venting aboutsomething, you know you don't
want somebody to fix it, youjust want sometimes to be able
to vent, and a lot of times,especially if our kids are
younger, who else do they haveto vent to?
You know it's us, so we need torespect that, and I say all the
(15:16):
time in our debate classes thereason why they are so
successful and so popular isbecause that's all it is is a
chance for the kids to speak andbe heard.
That's all it is right and it'samazing how it transforms them
to be able to have people reallyfocus on what they're saying,
because you know in the day today.
Our conversations are alwaysinterrupted or we're doing other
(15:38):
things.
So to kind of get thatattention and being able to
carve out that time for our kidswhen we feel like they need it,
and then for me too, the hardpart is if they say I don't want
to talk, looking away, you know, and accepting that too, I
think that's hard, but soimportant.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
Yeah, and I think you know those skills also.
I say that teaches them.
That teaches them about theiremotions and how to cope with
them and how to express themappropriately.
You know that's, that's allskills that they are gonna need
when they're adults to be ableto figure out what they're
feeling and how to cope with itand how to deal with it.
(16:14):
So talking things through andgiving them that space to feel
confident enough to talk aboutit.
You know there's so many of us,and myself included, when I feel
something I just shut down andI just won't, you know, won't
say a word, and I find it very,very hard to share anything,
(16:34):
because a lot of us have been,you know, brought up where, in
environments where you know weare told to stop crying or don't
make a fuss, or you know you'remaking the big deal out of
nothing and why are you so mad?
It's, you know you shouldn't bemad and we're kind of.
We've been raised and taught toshut down our emotions.
So now as adults, we find itvery difficult to to deal with
(16:57):
them and you know everybody's intherapy and everybody needs
help.
So allowing our children towork through those feelings and
learn about them and they can'tlearn about them if they don't
experience them.
And they need to experiencethem in a safe space with a
person who is there to supportthem through it, because it's
(17:18):
you know, it's that thoseemotions are really big and
strong and they can be quitescary sometimes as well for kids
.
So, giving them that securityand safety to be able to express
themselves and have theconfidence that they you know,
they've got this space to saywhat they, what they want to and
you know to what.
(17:38):
I had a moment with my, with thetwins, where I'm not going to
get into details, but they, theywere just like messing
something up and and I did.
I actually, you know, I raisedmy voice, I shouted, and after a
while they came up to me andthey said you need to say that
you're sorry for shouting at us.
(18:00):
And you know, and I was like,of course, of course I did, and
I apologize genuinely, but thefact that they had the
confidence to tell me that Ithought that was quite amazing
as well, that they felt that,you know, this is a situation
where people apologize and theydon't feel afraid, they feel
confident enough to come to meand say we feel like we like,
(18:21):
like we need an apology from you.
And then obviously we you knowwe talked about it, but just so
having that relationship whereyour child is not afraid to be
100% them and tell you 100% whatthey need from you, even if you
feel a little bit like, oh yes,I'm in the wrong, you know, but
(18:41):
they've got that confidence tokind of call you out on it, and
I think I actually feel that'sreally, really beautiful and
that's a relationship that'sgoing to last a lifetime.
Speaker 1 (18:52):
So if they don't ever see us apologize to things we
expect them to do it.
Yeah, we're like no, I don'tknow you.
An apology.
Then all we're doing isteaching them to respond the
same.
So that's amazing.
Speaker 2 (19:05):
And it definitely works because, you know, apart
from all the regular siblingarguments, I have heard them,
you know, genuinely apologize toeach other without me saying
anything and when that happens,oh my gosh, my heart just
explodes when that happens.
So, yeah, it's some modeling is.
You can never underestimate howimportant it is actually how
(19:28):
they, how they pick upeverything that you do.
So, yeah, so I'll just go backto we ground ourselves, we let
them not child speak, and wethen so they feel heard, and the
next step is to validate.
Validate their feelings oremotions, to show them that, yes
(19:51):
, we have really listened andwe've really heard, and it's
really easy to do, but also youhave to kind of it's takes
practice, for sure, everythingtakes practice and as a parent,
you know learning all the time.
We're learning new things everyday.
I always say to the parents thatI work with like, we're always
(20:11):
learning.
I'm learning how to be a parentof a six and a half year old
and a four and four year old,and next year I'm going to be
learning how to be a parent of aseven year old and then I'm
going to be learning how to be aparent of a 10 year old.
So it always, always learning.
But um, uh, what was I saying?
Sorry, yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:29):
So after we make sure we're grounded, then we give
them an opportunity to seeopportunities again, then we
validate.
Speaker 2 (20:34):
Yeah, we validate the feelings.
And this can look like you know, for, uh, let's say, a two or
one and a half toddler who isjust completely falling up out
because they got, they wantedthe green cup and you've given
them the blue cup, and ourinstinct is to say to kind of
(20:57):
dismiss, to be like, oh, youknow what's the big deal, it's
just the cup, the green cupsdirty, you can use this one,
we'll have the green cup later.
And just like we kind of tryand justify and explain and that
just that just keeps the wheelspinning.
That you know those emotionsand they still feel unsatisfied,
(21:17):
they still feel disappointed,et cetera.
Whilst, if we can just validatewhat they're feeling, wow,
you're really disappointed, youwanted to use your green cup and
it's not available, and thenjust zip it Once you've said
that, said to them, I find it, Ifind it.
It's like you have that at thetip of your tongue where you
(21:38):
want to explain and be like, oh,but the you know the green cups
in the dishwasher, just zip it.
Just say, just say to them, showthem that you understand and
with an older child, I know howupset you are.
You really wanted to go and seeyour friend today and I said no
, and I understand that you'remad about that and zip it and
(21:58):
done.
There's no need to justify,there's no need to kind of
explain yourself.
It's not about us kind of beingin this position where, oh, we
need to justify what we're doing.
It's about us being the parentwho has confidently set a
boundary and we are acceptingour child's disappointment.
They're allowed to feeldisappointed and we validate
(22:21):
that disappointment for them, weshow them that we are
understanding of how they'refeeling and we keep the boundary
because this is what we'vedecided.
For whatever reason, you're theparent, you have to keep them
safe, etc.
And again, same with an, evenwith a teenager.
There's a lot of and in areally, really good and positive
(22:49):
way, I mean this in a good waythere's a lot of similarities
between communicating withtoddlers and teenagers, in that,
of course, I understand thatthe situations are very, very
different and much more complex.
But if we can extend that same,you know, validation and
acceptance to a teenager'sfeelings, as we do to a
(23:10):
toddler's feelings, you knowthat line of communication opens
up and, yes, they might stormoff.
Yes, they might, you know,shout something at us that we
don't like, but we remember thatit's not personal.
It's just them expressingthemselves in the way that they
know, and they're learning.
They're still learning.
(23:31):
You know, even though they'reas tall as us, or sometimes even
taller, they're still learningand our role is still to guide
them at that point.
Speaker 1 (23:39):
So I love what you said about like and this is the
hardest part for me to is juststopping you know, like what you
said, just stop, like Iunderstand you're upset about
this.
Stop right, like I mean, justlike stopping yourselves that is
so hard for me.
But it makes so much sense whenyou say it.
like the example you gave, itsounded like the conversation
was over, whereas if you'd goneon with, but you can't use it
(24:03):
because of this reason orwhatever.
It just opens up a room forthem to respond, so that that
makes a ton of sense.
Speaker 2 (24:09):
That's what I'm saying it almost like just opens
up just this power, you know,room for another power, struggle
and negotiations, and you, justyou, just keep going, whereas
whereas if you can and I don'tmean, you know, in like a mean
or strict voice, but just aconfident voice and a calm voice
you state the boundary and thenyou show them that you
(24:30):
understand that they're feelingupset about it or disappointed
about it, and you know you can.
You can accept and acknowledgeand validate their feelings and
you can hold the boundary aswell.
So, yeah, like it's, it's, itis a skill.
It's definitely something thatI had to learn as a parent and
(24:53):
you know, I've sort of beenpracticing for years now and I
and I have to admit that I dofind it a bit harder with my
older, you know, the older mydaughter gets, because all these
expectations come into my headas well and I'm thinking well,
she's, you know, she's oldenough, she should know that she
shouldn't argue with me likethat.
But when, and when, you know,when I get all those thoughts in
(25:14):
my head and I give in to them,then again it just continues and
an argument happens and allthat, whereas if I can really
see it, as you know, she's she'sstill learning all these skills
and I'm still here to supporther, and my role as the parent
is to stay grounded and not getcaught up in these power
(25:34):
struggles and arguments.
My role as a parent is to makesure everybody's safe, with
whatever limits I've decided orboundaries.
I've decided and and, but, thenalso giving them the space to
express themselves because I amthat safe space for them.
Speaker 1 (25:52):
Yeah, Well, I love it and I love that five step
process, and so that makes it somuch easier to remember, right,
make sure we're grounded, givethem the opportunity to speak
and set our boundaries and zipit and validate their feelings.
Speaker 2 (26:07):
And validate yes, validate Of course, that's kind
of I think that's probably oneof the most powerful parenting
tools, if I can call it thatLike, and I, and I, you know,
with my toddlers, I would sortof see them like their bodies
would like have this physicalrelief when they were crying
about something, and and I wouldjust say back to them, yeah,
(26:29):
you really wanted to play withthat thing and it's, you know,
it's not available, someone elsehas it.
Or you really really wantedthat thing, and they kind of
just go into this like, yes, andjust, you know, collapse in
relief that finally someoneunderstands what, what.
Or you know that I understoodwhat they, what they were upset
about.
(26:49):
And and the thing is, I know,I'm sure if you've ever had a
toddler, you also know thattrying to give them the thing
that they want, that they'reupset about, that never actually
really solves that tantrum, itnever really helps, right,
because it's really not aboutthe thing, it's more about the
feelings and allowing thosefeelings to be.
And it's I think it definitelyapplies to our older kids.
(27:12):
And and then you know, againwith our older kids, more verbal
kids, we can have aconversation about it later, you
know, either in the evening,once everybody's calm once we're
having a nice cuddle.
You know, if it's somethingthat you feel needs bringing up
again, but without the heat ofthe emotions, just have you know
, open it up again and it's notlike, hey, I saw that you were
(27:35):
like so upset earlier about this.
Do you want to tell me moreabout that or do you want to
have another chat about it?
Do you need any help withanything?
So, giving them the opportunityto process it again, if you know
if it's something that'srecurring or if it's something
that you notice that you knowthey always get upset about
switching off the screen or youcan never really have.
(27:56):
You know there's something thatthat you always end up in
arguments about.
And another way is some kind ofgoing a little bit off topic
but is involving them in theboundary making process, in
setting the boundaries,involving them, you know,
appropriate to their age, andhaving a conversation,
(28:18):
communicating with them about it.
You know how, how would youfeel if your boss comes to you
and just says, hey, you need towork extra three hours every
Friday from now on, done, andwalks out of the room?
Or, versus your boss comes intoyou and says, listen, we've got
this big project coming up.
I need, like, extra hours fromyou.
(28:40):
How can we make this work sosame with your team?
You know, I'm the parent.
I feel like an hour and a halfor whatever, like an hour of
screen time a day is a good andhealthy amount.
What can we do?
How can we agree on thisboundary to help you stick to
this boundary and then, if youfind that there are you know,
(29:02):
after the hour is coming up,there's always a lot of feelings
, always a lot of upset Revisitit, communicate again.
Like you know, we agreed thatan hour is a healthy amount, but
you're finding it really hardto switch off, like what, what
could we do to help you?
You know, do we need, do youneed, a reminder 15 minutes
before?
Do you need, you know, areminder half an hour into the
(29:24):
time so that you can switch whatyou're doing?
So, yeah, communicatingeverything comes back to
communication, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (29:31):
And it's not negotiating either.
It is, I mean, it is justcommunicating about.
This is the boundary.
How can we help you?
You know, meet these things.
So I think that's fantastic and, you know, often we don't speak
to children like we speak toadults, and we shouldn't, for a
lot of reasons.
However, in some cases we arenot, not in some cases, in a
roundabout way we should Like ifI wouldn't say it to an adult
(29:56):
then I probably shouldn't say itto my kid either you know or
use.
Yeah, Like you, just use theexample with the boss coming in
right, it's the same scenarioyou want to treat him with
respect to exactly, and I thinkthat's it.
Speaker 2 (30:07):
You know, some some people get like all ruffled up
when you say you should speak tochildren in the same way you
should to adults and, of course,when we say that it just means
extend them the same respectthat you would any other human
being, because they are also ahuman being.
Speaker 1 (30:23):
Exactly you said it's so much better to be that's
exactly what I meant.
Absolutely Well, I should.
This has been really, reallyhelpful.
Again, I love the simple stuffapproach.
That makes it easy to rememberand easier to implement, and
something I'm certainly workingon myself.
So you offer coaching and lotsof other things, so we will, of
(30:44):
course, put all your links inthe show notes so everybody can
see you and if they'reinterested in working more with
you to dive into these thingseven more and on a more personal
level, you're available, right.
Speaker 2 (30:55):
Yes, yes, I'm available, All right.
Speaker 1 (30:58):
Awesome.
Speaker 2 (31:01):
I also have a podcast , trust.
It's called trusting childrenpodcast, so you can search for
that as well.
It is geared mainly towardsyounger kids, but the
information in that candefinitely be applied to to
older kids as well.
Speaker 1 (31:15):
Yes, absolutely, and we'll definitely link to that as
well.
So feel free to or definitelyfollow her podcast and feel free
to reach out to her on hersocials and their website if
you'd like to chat with us somemore.
So thank you again for yourtime and your insight.
Really appreciate you, thankyou so much.
Speaker 2 (31:30):
I've had a really lovely conversation with you.
Thanks for having me.
Me too, thank you.
Welcome back to Speak Out Standout.
I'm Elizabeth Green and today'sguest is Aisha Nyer.
Aisha is an early years teacher, parent coach, educator and mom
of three, and she coachesparents on how to cope with
their young children's bigemotions and boundary testing
behavior, with the goal ofbuilding strong relationships.
And that is what we're allabout here at Speak Out Standout
(00:22):
is building communicationskills in our children so that
we can have those strongrelationships and they can go on
to have strong relationshipswith others.
So, aisha, really glad to haveyou.
Thanks for taking your timetoday.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
Hi Elizabeth, I'm so glad to be here.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
Thank you for inviting me onto the show so
before we dive in, tell us justa little bit about how did you
get to where.
This is your focus and this iswhat you teach.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
So I used to be a teacher in a nursery and then I
used to run a nursery departmentin international schools and I
always had parents at my doorand I think because it was their
kids first year at schoolusually, so they were every day
with questions, trying to askfor advice on behavior issues
(01:11):
etc.
So I kind of feel like I'vebeen coaching parents
unofficially for years and yearsand years and I always thought
that you know, oh, you know,it's so.
I'm not going to say easy,because I never I knew that it
never I knew it.
I never knew, I never thoughtit was easy, but I just felt
like I had a lot of advice togive and a lot to say and
(01:36):
obviously built greatrelationships with parents that
I used to work with.
But then I became a parentmyself and I was just hit with
this realization that, oh my God, I don't know anything and, but
more importantly, just thefeeling of isolation and
loneliness sometimes, and Irealized how little support
(01:58):
there is for parents and thatmade me realize why those
parents were always at my door.
As you know, I was just theirkid's teacher.
You know, I didn't sort of knowabout things that they, you
know, necessarily it wasn't myprofession to kind of give that
advice, but I realized that theyjust don't have anyone else to
talk to and I found that when Ibecame a parent I was like there
(02:20):
isn't anywhere to kind of justwant this question answered and
there's nobody to ask and nobodyto tell me what to do.
So I then started running babyand mom or baby and parent and
toddler and parent play groupswhere I lived in Prague at the
time and that became that sortof community where I was kind of
(02:45):
teaching parents what I knowand what I read, what I
experienced about childdevelopment, raising children in
a, you know, healthy,respectful, conscious way, and
they would come and askquestions and we'd have you know
amazing discussions.
I did, I ran workshops forparents usually for expecting or
(03:09):
new parents on how to startthis right from birth, how to,
you know, have this in your how,builds that sort of
relationship with your babyright from the start, and then,
obviously, pandemic story.
I guess everybody's got apandemic story, I sort of.
I started doing all of that.
I tried to start do a bit moreonline because we couldn't meet
(03:32):
in person.
So I I've had a few clientsthat I've worked with online and
I have had a membership group,some course groups et cetera.
So, yeah, that's sort of howI've ended up here.
I've got three kids my eldestis six and I've got twins who
are four.
So that was also quite a quitea ride when, when they were born
(03:57):
and I went to show her New borntwins and a two year old was
definitely one of the mostchallenging things, but but yeah
, it was.
You know something that we gotthrough and and I'm just going
to kind of start, if you, if youdon't mind, because it sort of
flows in nicely that'severything that I have in mind
and I'm just going to start withthe relationship that you have
(04:22):
with your child, and theextremely important foundation
of that is how you communicate.
So we just always come back tocommunication.
I think it's such a fundamentalpart of any relationship and
that includes the relationshipthat you have with your child,
and I think that's a reallyimportant part of the
(04:45):
relationship, and that includesthe relationship that we have
with our children and how wecommunicate with them, how we
speak to them, how they learnfrom us how to communicate with
others just all feeds in to youknow how we are with them and
whether or not we have, you know, difficulties and challenges,
(05:09):
which there always are, butthrough communication you can
help yourself and help yourchild get through those
challenges.
Speaker 1 (05:17):
So, yeah, absolutely, and, like you said, it's so
important not only that we buildthose foundations with them so
we protect our relationship, butwhat they learn from us these
early stages.
This is going to go on withthem throughout their entire
lives and absolutely so much ofit like you said it does the
foundation is always oncommunication, so so you talk
about.
One of the things you coach onis how to really get through the
(05:39):
big, the big emotions right.
So whether they're toddlers andthey're so frustrated because
they can't get their shoe onright, or it's a teenager that's
frustrated because they have acurfew earlier than they'd like
right, it all is the same, justdifferent scenarios.
So what are your strategies andnumber one tips for dealing
(06:00):
with those scenarios?
Speaker 2 (06:01):
So number one is and I'm going to kind of start maybe
from a point you might notexpect but number one is making
sure that you, as a parent, feelcontent and calm.
I, calm is a phrase that youknow we use a lot, but sometimes
you can't stay calm.
(06:22):
So I don't want you to feel asa parent, you know, I don't want
you to feel the pressure thatyou have to always be calm, but
I like to use grounded.
So whenever I either anticipateor see my kids kind of, you
know, becoming frustrated or Ican see that there's going to be
a boundary that they're notgoing to be happy about, I make
(06:44):
sure that myself, either beforeI set that boundary or before I
approach them if they arefrustrated or angry or whatever,
that I take, you know,sometimes it's 10 seconds, it's
a minute, to ground myself sothat I go in to that scenario
able to help them, rather thanjoining in the chaos, joining in
(07:07):
with the frustration and angerand madness.
I'm not saying it always worksperfectly, because we know, we
all know that real life is, youknow, very different.
But if I can manage that and ifyou can manage that, you know,
find something that grounds youas a parent and take that time.
You know, I've had momentswhere I can hear my six-year-old
(07:30):
, you know, whining aboutsomething or complaining, and
before I go to speak to her,I'll just and I remember sort of
standing at the fridge and Iopened the fridge to get
something and I heard her voiceand I felt my frustration rising
.
And I stood there at that fridgewith the door open and just
took that 20 seconds to kind offocus myself and focus and think
(07:55):
about what do I want.
You know, when I go and speakto her, what do I want her to
feel and what do I want to getout of this.
And I was like, okay, well, Idon't want to get into an
argument, so let's hear, calm myown nerves, calm my own self,
and then close the fridge doorand then I went to speak to her.
So number one is really beingaware of how you're feeling at
(08:17):
them in that moment as a parent,and I really know that it's not
always possible to kind of takethat time.
If you know, if it's a siblingargument or if something
dangerous is happening, you haveto step in right away.
But if you can, if you remember, then it really really helps.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
And I was just going to add too.
I think it is.
You're right, it is so mucheasier said than done,
especially in the moment, butthis has been a commonality of a
lot of parent experts that I'vespoken with.
It stressed the importance ofthis, and so for me personally,
that has, in the moment, it'sstill a struggle, right, but
it's also made me realize do Ihave to have this conversation
(08:55):
right now?
Or can I hold off and have thisconversation at a later time
when we're both calm and I gointo it with a full focus and,
like you know, under, like yousaid, know what I want them to
experience from the conversation, what I want them to learn, but
also feel from it.
And if you step away from alittle bit, it's so much easier
to do.
But, like you said, not alwaysfeasible at the time.
Sometimes we have to address it, right then, and that alone has
(09:18):
definitely helped me as aparent.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
Definitely.
And also, you know, especiallywith older children, where they
are more verbal, and I guess,you know, with little ones it's
often, you know, something thatthey might be throwing or trying
to hit a sibling or whatever.
With older ones, you know, youmight still have like these
physical reactions, but it tendsto be a lot more verbal.
(09:40):
So you can, you know, maybe thedanger isn't that immediate, so
you can take a step away and,you know, say to them I'm not
ready to have this conversationright now, I just need a couple
of minutes.
Can we just re, you know, meetagain in five minutes, or
something like that.
And they, you know, they might,you know again, they might not
(10:01):
necessarily be thrilled about it, but it's better for everybody
rather than coming into anargument and just having that.
You know, high, high emotions,high, flying everywhere, right,
so, yeah, definitely you can dothat.
And then when you, when you dogo in, it's, I think, we often
(10:25):
assume a lot as parents.
We, you know, we step into asituation and we think that and
I don't mean this in, you know,I do the same.
I don't mean to sort of meanthis in any kind of judgmental
way, but you know, as adults, wealways tend to think that we
have the solution, that we areright, that we know what's going
on right, right.
(10:45):
So sometimes it's just good tohave a little bit of a reality
check and pass that onto yourchild and just kind of, instead
of approaching the situationwith right, I'm going to solve
this, I know what we're going todo here.
Just approach it and be alittle bit curious and see, okay
, what is going on, and If it'san older child, ask them a
(11:10):
question first, like what'sgoing on?
I really really like theopening question, like, if
something is happening witholder children that are more
verbal, to first ask them likedo you actually, do you need my
help, do you want me to do?
You want to talk about it or doyou want me to just listen?
Cause very, very often as welland this applies to younger
(11:33):
children as well they sometimesthey just want to be heard and,
as we know, communication it'sas much about listening as it is
talking.
So let them.
Let them say what they want tosay first.
If it is, you know, a boundarythat you've said, like you know,
like you said, a curfew, orthey've, you know, not allowed
(11:53):
to go and see their friends ortheir screen time is finished
and they are frustrated about it, let them express that and tell
you what's bothering them andbe a listener and hear them out.
Because often, again, you knowwe and this comes from a good
place because there are childrenand we want to help them we
(12:15):
know that's our job, it's kindof our entire life role is to
help our kids and, you know,make sure they're not unhappy
and we want them to be happy, etcetera.
But sometimes we can justoverride what they're feeling
and what they're trying toexpress by our assumptions and
our sort of responses.
And feeling heard just helpswith everything.
(12:38):
And I know personally, you know,when I'm bothered about
something and I go and tell myboyfriend about it and he starts
being like, oh well, did youthink about this?
And what about this and whatabout this?
And I'm just like I don't wantto listen.
I don't want you to tell mewhat to do, I just want you to
listen to me vent and listen tome rant.
Yes, and kids need that as well.
(13:00):
So giving them the chance toexpress themselves.
And you know, with older ones,and I find this, you know, my
six year old is kind of really,she's almost, she's actually
almost seven, she's reallygetting into this and I don't
like the phrase sassy, but justyou know, like the language and
the attitude and the tone andeverything, trying not to take
(13:24):
that personally and if they areresponding to you in a way that
you feel a bit uncomfortablewith, be honest, they say, well,
okay, I hear what you're saying, but I'm not.
I don't really like how you'respeaking to me right now.
So can you try a different way?
Or, if not, maybe we need alittle break and let's come back
(13:44):
to this.
And maybe you need a littlebreak and I need a little break.
Let's come back to thisconversation in 10 minutes.
So, I think, without you know,without shaming and blaming, and
like how dare you speak to melike that?
And you know how, just kind ofbeing that you know that sort of
I don't know how to call itlike traditional or, I guess,
(14:07):
aggressive conversationalist.
Be more understanding buthonest, but have boundaries as
well that are personal and safeto you.
Like, I don't like how you'respeaking to me right now.
Let's come back to this in aminute.
Or can you try again?
Can you try saying that again?
And I will say this to my sixyear old.
I say this to my four year oldand I've said this when they
(14:29):
were two as well, you know whenthey've been either shouting at
me or crying and I say I'm sorry, I just I would like to help
you and I'm here to listen toyou.
But if they're whining orsomething, I can't really
understand what you're saying.
So please can you try again.
So okay, let's see what.
So, yeah, giving them a chanceto tell you what they need to
(14:53):
say.
Speaker 1 (14:54):
Yeah, and I just really wanted to like back up to
what you were saying about thatimportance of letting them talk
.
When you, you know I'm sayingthe exact way when I'm
complaining or venting aboutsomething, you know you don't
want somebody to fix it, youjust want sometimes to be able
to vent, and a lot of times,especially if our kids are
younger, who else do they haveto vent to?
You know it's us, so we need torespect that, and I say all the
(15:16):
time in our debate classes thereason why they are so
successful and so popular isbecause that's all it is is a
chance for the kids to speak andbe heard.
That's all it is right and it'samazing how it transforms them
to be able to have people reallyfocus on what they're saying,
because you know in the day today.
Our conversations are alwaysinterrupted or we're doing other
(15:38):
things.
So to kind of get thatattention and being able to
carve out that time for our kidswhen we feel like they need it,
and then for me too, the hardpart is if they say I don't want
to talk, looking away, you know, and accepting that too, I
think that's hard, but soimportant.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
Yeah, and I think you know those skills also.
I say that teaches them.
That teaches them about theiremotions and how to cope with
them and how to express themappropriately.
You know that's, that's allskills that they are gonna need
when they're adults to be ableto figure out what they're
feeling and how to cope with itand how to deal with it.
(16:14):
So talking things through andgiving them that space to feel
confident enough to talk aboutit.
You know there's so many of us,and myself included, when I feel
something I just shut down andI just won't, you know, won't
say a word, and I find it very,very hard to share anything,
(16:34):
because a lot of us have been,you know, brought up where, in
environments where you know weare told to stop crying or don't
make a fuss, or you know you'remaking the big deal out of
nothing and why are you so mad?
It's, you know you shouldn't bemad and we're kind of.
We've been raised and taught toshut down our emotions.
So now as adults, we find itvery difficult to to deal with
(16:57):
them and you know everybody's intherapy and everybody needs
help.
So allowing our children towork through those feelings and
learn about them and they can'tlearn about them if they don't
experience them.
And they need to experiencethem in a safe space with a
person who is there to supportthem through it, because it's
(17:18):
you know, it's that thoseemotions are really big and
strong and they can be quitescary sometimes as well for kids
.
So, giving them that securityand safety to be able to express
themselves and have theconfidence that they you know,
they've got this space to saywhat they, what they want to and
you know to what.
(17:38):
I had a moment with my, with thetwins, where I'm not going to
get into details, but they, theywere just like messing
something up and and I did.
I actually, you know, I raisedmy voice, I shouted, and after a
while they came up to me andthey said you need to say that
you're sorry for shouting at us.
(18:00):
And you know, and I was like,of course, of course I did, and
I apologize genuinely, but thefact that they had the
confidence to tell me that Ithought that was quite amazing
as well, that they felt that,you know, this is a situation
where people apologize and theydon't feel afraid, they feel
confident enough to come to meand say we feel like we like,
(18:21):
like we need an apology from you.
And then obviously we you knowwe talked about it, but just so
having that relationship whereyour child is not afraid to be
100% them and tell you 100% whatthey need from you, even if you
feel a little bit like, oh yes,I'm in the wrong, you know, but
(18:41):
they've got that confidence tokind of call you out on it, and
I think I actually feel that'sreally, really beautiful and
that's a relationship that'sgoing to last a lifetime.
Speaker 1 (18:52):
So if they don't ever see us apologize to things we
expect them to do it.
Yeah, we're like no, I don'tknow you.
An apology.
Then all we're doing isteaching them to respond the
same.
So that's amazing.
Speaker 2 (19:05):
And it definitely works because, you know, apart
from all the regular siblingarguments, I have heard them,
you know, genuinely apologize toeach other without me saying
anything and when that happens,oh my gosh, my heart just
explodes when that happens.
So, yeah, it's some modeling is.
You can never underestimate howimportant it is actually how
(19:28):
they, how they pick upeverything that you do.
So, yeah, so I'll just go backto we ground ourselves, we let
them not child speak, and wethen so they feel heard, and the
next step is to validate.
Validate their feelings oremotions, to show them that, yes
(19:51):
, we have really listened andwe've really heard, and it's
really easy to do, but also youhave to kind of it's takes
practice, for sure, everythingtakes practice and as a parent,
you know learning all the time.
We're learning new things everyday.
I always say to the parents thatI work with like, we're always
(20:11):
learning.
I'm learning how to be a parentof a six and a half year old
and a four and four year old,and next year I'm going to be
learning how to be a parent of aseven year old and then I'm
going to be learning how to be aparent of a 10 year old.
So it always, always learning.
But um, uh, what was I saying?
Sorry, yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:29):
So after we make sure we're grounded, then we give
them an opportunity to seeopportunities again, then we
validate.
Speaker 2 (20:34):
Yeah, we validate the feelings.
And this can look like you know, for, uh, let's say, a two or
one and a half toddler who isjust completely falling up out
because they got, they wantedthe green cup and you've given
them the blue cup, and ourinstinct is to say to kind of
(20:57):
dismiss, to be like, oh, youknow what's the big deal, it's
just the cup, the green cupsdirty, you can use this one,
we'll have the green cup later.
And just like we kind of tryand justify and explain and that
just that just keeps the wheelspinning.
That you know those emotionsand they still feel unsatisfied,
(21:17):
they still feel disappointed,et cetera.
Whilst, if we can just validatewhat they're feeling, wow,
you're really disappointed, youwanted to use your green cup and
it's not available, and thenjust zip it Once you've said
that, said to them, I find it, Ifind it.
It's like you have that at thetip of your tongue where you
(21:38):
want to explain and be like, oh,but the you know the green cups
in the dishwasher, just zip it.
Just say, just say to them, showthem that you understand and
with an older child, I know howupset you are.
You really wanted to go and seeyour friend today and I said no
, and I understand that you'remad about that and zip it and
(21:58):
done.
There's no need to justify,there's no need to kind of
explain yourself.
It's not about us kind of beingin this position where, oh, we
need to justify what we're doing.
It's about us being the parentwho has confidently set a
boundary and we are acceptingour child's disappointment.
They're allowed to feeldisappointed and we validate
(22:21):
that disappointment for them, weshow them that we are
understanding of how they'refeeling and we keep the boundary
because this is what we'vedecided.
For whatever reason, you're theparent, you have to keep them
safe, etc.
And again, same with an, evenwith a teenager.
There's a lot of and in areally, really good and positive
(22:49):
way, I mean this in a good waythere's a lot of similarities
between communicating withtoddlers and teenagers, in that,
of course, I understand thatthe situations are very, very
different and much more complex.
But if we can extend that same,you know, validation and
acceptance to a teenager'sfeelings, as we do to a
(23:10):
toddler's feelings, you knowthat line of communication opens
up and, yes, they might stormoff.
Yes, they might, you know,shout something at us that we
don't like, but we remember thatit's not personal.
It's just them expressingthemselves in the way that they
know, and they're learning.
They're still learning.
(23:31):
You know, even though they'reas tall as us, or sometimes even
taller, they're still learningand our role is still to guide
them at that point.
Speaker 1 (23:39):
So I love what you said about like and this is the
hardest part for me to is juststopping you know, like what you
said, just stop, like Iunderstand you're upset about
this.
Stop right, like I mean, justlike stopping yourselves that is
so hard for me.
But it makes so much sense whenyou say it.
like the example you gave, itsounded like the conversation
was over, whereas if you'd goneon with, but you can't use it
(24:03):
because of this reason orwhatever.
It just opens up a room forthem to respond, so that that
makes a ton of sense.
Speaker 2 (24:09):
That's what I'm saying it almost like just opens
up just this power, you know,room for another power, struggle
and negotiations, and you, justyou, just keep going, whereas
whereas if you can and I don'tmean, you know, in like a mean
or strict voice, but just aconfident voice and a calm voice
you state the boundary and thenyou show them that you
(24:30):
understand that they're feelingupset about it or disappointed
about it, and you know you can.
You can accept and acknowledgeand validate their feelings and
you can hold the boundary aswell.
So, yeah, like it's, it's, itis a skill.
It's definitely something thatI had to learn as a parent and
(24:53):
you know, I've sort of beenpracticing for years now and I
and I have to admit that I dofind it a bit harder with my
older, you know, the older mydaughter gets, because all these
expectations come into my headas well and I'm thinking well,
she's, you know, she's oldenough, she should know that she
shouldn't argue with me likethat.
But when, and when, you know,when I get all those thoughts in
(25:14):
my head and I give in to them,then again it just continues and
an argument happens and allthat, whereas if I can really
see it, as you know, she's she'sstill learning all these skills
and I'm still here to supporther, and my role as the parent
is to stay grounded and not getcaught up in these power
(25:34):
struggles and arguments.
My role as a parent is to makesure everybody's safe, with
whatever limits I've decided orboundaries.
I've decided and and, but, thenalso giving them the space to
express themselves because I amthat safe space for them.
Speaker 1 (25:52):
Yeah, Well, I love it and I love that five step
process, and so that makes it somuch easier to remember, right,
make sure we're grounded, givethem the opportunity to speak
and set our boundaries and zipit and validate their feelings.
Speaker 2 (26:07):
And validate yes, validate Of course, that's kind
of I think that's probably oneof the most powerful parenting
tools, if I can call it thatLike, and I, and I, you know,
with my toddlers, I would sortof see them like their bodies
would like have this physicalrelief when they were crying
about something, and and I wouldjust say back to them, yeah,
(26:29):
you really wanted to play withthat thing and it's, you know,
it's not available, someone elsehas it.
Or you really really wantedthat thing, and they kind of
just go into this like, yes, andjust, you know, collapse in
relief that finally someoneunderstands what, what.
Or you know that I understoodwhat they, what they were upset
about.
(26:49):
And and the thing is, I know,I'm sure if you've ever had a
toddler, you also know thattrying to give them the thing
that they want, that they'reupset about, that never actually
really solves that tantrum, itnever really helps, right,
because it's really not aboutthe thing, it's more about the
feelings and allowing thosefeelings to be.
And it's I think it definitelyapplies to our older kids.
(27:12):
And and then you know, againwith our older kids, more verbal
kids, we can have aconversation about it later, you
know, either in the evening,once everybody's calm once we're
having a nice cuddle.
You know, if it's somethingthat you feel needs bringing up
again, but without the heat ofthe emotions, just have you know
, open it up again and it's notlike, hey, I saw that you were
(27:35):
like so upset earlier about this.
Do you want to tell me moreabout that or do you want to
have another chat about it?
Do you need any help withanything?
So, giving them the opportunityto process it again, if you know
if it's something that'srecurring or if it's something
that you notice that you knowthey always get upset about
switching off the screen or youcan never really have.
(27:56):
You know there's something thatthat you always end up in
arguments about.
And another way is some kind ofgoing a little bit off topic
but is involving them in theboundary making process, in
setting the boundaries,involving them, you know,
appropriate to their age, andhaving a conversation,
(28:18):
communicating with them about it.
You know how, how would youfeel if your boss comes to you
and just says, hey, you need towork extra three hours every
Friday from now on, done, andwalks out of the room?
Or, versus your boss comes intoyou and says, listen, we've got
this big project coming up.
I need, like, extra hours fromyou.
(28:40):
How can we make this work sosame with your team?
You know, I'm the parent.
I feel like an hour and a halfor whatever, like an hour of
screen time a day is a good andhealthy amount.
What can we do?
How can we agree on thisboundary to help you stick to
this boundary and then, if youfind that there are you know,
(29:02):
after the hour is coming up,there's always a lot of feelings
, always a lot of upset Revisitit, communicate again.
Like you know, we agreed thatan hour is a healthy amount, but
you're finding it really hardto switch off, like what, what
could we do to help you?
You know, do we need, do youneed, a reminder 15 minutes
before?
Do you need, you know, areminder half an hour into the
(29:24):
time so that you can switch whatyou're doing?
So, yeah, communicatingeverything comes back to
communication, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (29:31):
And it's not negotiating either.
It is, I mean, it is justcommunicating about.
This is the boundary.
How can we help you?
You know, meet these things.
So I think that's fantastic and, you know, often we don't speak
to children like we speak toadults, and we shouldn't, for a
lot of reasons.
However, in some cases we arenot, not in some cases, in a
roundabout way we should Like ifI wouldn't say it to an adult
(29:56):
then I probably shouldn't say itto my kid either you know or
use.
Yeah, Like you, just use theexample with the boss coming in
right, it's the same scenarioyou want to treat him with
respect to exactly, and I thinkthat's it.
Speaker 2 (30:07):
You know, some some people get like all ruffled up
when you say you should speak tochildren in the same way you
should to adults and, of course,when we say that it just means
extend them the same respectthat you would any other human
being, because they are also ahuman being.
Speaker 1 (30:23):
Exactly you said it's so much better to be that's
exactly what I meant.
Absolutely Well, I should.
This has been really, reallyhelpful.
Again, I love the simple stuffapproach.
That makes it easy to rememberand easier to implement, and
something I'm certainly workingon myself.
So you offer coaching and lotsof other things, so we will, of
(30:44):
course, put all your links inthe show notes so everybody can
see you and if they'reinterested in working more with
you to dive into these thingseven more and on a more personal
level, you're available, right.
Speaker 2 (30:55):
Yes, yes, I'm available, All right.
Speaker 1 (30:58):
Awesome.
Speaker 2 (31:01):
I also have a podcast , trust.
It's called trusting childrenpodcast, so you can search for
that as well.
It is geared mainly towardsyounger kids, but the
information in that candefinitely be applied to to
older kids as well.
Speaker 1 (31:15):
Yes, absolutely, and we'll definitely link to that as
well.
So feel free to or definitelyfollow her podcast and feel free
to reach out to her on hersocials and their website if
you'd like to chat with us somemore.
So thank you again for yourtime and your insight.
Really appreciate you, thankyou so much.
Speaker 2 (31:30):
I've had a really lovely conversation with you.
Thanks for having me.
Me too, thank you.
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