February 3, 2025 • 55 mins
In this episode of Speaking with Confidence, host Tim Newman sits down with Aleya Harris, a dynamic speaker, marketing expert, and storytelling powerhouse. They explore the transformative power of authenticity, the role of mindset shifts in public speaking, and how to craft a message that truly resonates with an audience.
Aleya shares insights from her book, Spark the Stage, offering practical strategies for aspiring speakers to refine their storytelling, captivate audiences, and build confidence. Whether you're battling stage fright, struggling with imposter syndrome, or looking to enhance your communication skills, this episode is filled with actionable advice to help you speak with impact.
What You’ll Learn in This Episode
- Authenticity wins – Why being yourself is the most powerful public speaking tool
- The magic of storytelling – How personal narratives create lasting audience connections
- Mindset shifts for success – Overcoming stage fright and embracing your voice
- The role of ego in speaking – How to stay coachable and keep learning
- Networking through curiosity – Building meaningful relationships in professional settings
- Serving vs. self-promotion – Why public speaking is about impact, not just presence
- Captivating audiences from the start – The secret to holding attention and inspiring action
Key Takeaway
Your voice matters. Your story is powerful. Own it and inspire others.
Resources & Links
Website - https://www.aleyaharris.com/
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/aleyaharris/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/aleyaharris/
Book a call with Tim - https://timnewmanspeaks.com/
Want to be a guest on Speaking With Confidence? Send Tim Newman a message on PodMatch
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Tim (00:08):
Welcome to Speaking with Confidence, a podcast that's
here to help you unlock thepower of effective public
speaking.
I'm your host, tim Newman, andI'm excited to take you on a
journey to become a betterpublic speaker.
I really appreciate each andevery one of our listeners and
thank you for your support.
If each of you could do onething for me, it would be to
give us a five-star review andshare the podcast with someone
close to you who would benefitfrom listening.
(00:30):
Today's guest, aaliyah Harris,is a spark for your spark, a
trailblazer in purpose-drivenstory crafting.
She's a marketing executive andex-Google vendor partner who
brings her dynamic experience toher role as a CEO of the
Evolution CollectiveIncorporated.
Aaliyah is an internationalaward-winning speaker, the
(00:51):
founder and lead trainer ofSpark the Stage and the host of
an award-winning FlourishingEntrepreneur podcast.
She's also the best-sellingauthor of Spark the Stage,
master of the Art ofProfessional Speaking and
Authentic Storytelling toCaptivate, inspire and Transform
your Audience Listeners.
Let me tell you something.
You better strap in, becauseAaliyah always brings high
(01:14):
energy and she's very, veryengaging.
Aaliyah, thank you so much forjoining us.
I really do appreciate it.
Aleya (01:20):
Thanks for having me, Tim .
I appreciate being here.
Tim (01:24):
You are, without a doubt, one of the most enthusiastic and
engaging speakers I've everseen.
Even when I listen to you onjust an audio podcast, your
energy really comes through, andI think that is I think that's
probably half the battle ofengaging audiences.
Aleya (01:47):
Yeah, I would agree.
Often when I get off stageyou're right I hear people say
Alea, oh my gosh, alea, I justlove your energy, I love your
energy.
And it's funny because I don't.
That makes it almost sound likeI have to like hype myself up
in my hotel room like bring theenergy, bring the energy.
(02:09):
But that's not.
That's not what happens.
I promise that is not me in my,that is not my pre speaking
game.
I promise.
Tim (02:19):
But it's it's.
It's just you and you, youbeing your, your authentic self,
which is kind of what we'regoing to talk a little bit about
today.
Exactly when we did thepre-interview, you did the
pre-interview interview.
Yeah, I mean, you were havingkind of a relaxing day and I can
still feel that energy.
It's just who you are, it'sjust what you do.
Aleya (02:40):
Yeah, and it's not unique to me.
Yeah, and it's not unique to me.
I think that I want everyone toknow that the energy that I
have is a magnetizing type ofenergy, which I feel very
blessed to confidently say, andit's something that you can have
as well.
I don't have all the stock inmagnetism here, right, I haven't
(03:00):
cornered the market on it.
It's something that I actuallyteach people how to develop for
themselves, because people arecoming to hear you speak.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
They're coming to theconference because they want to
learn, they want to do all thesethings, but they're really
coming to connect.
Yes, and if you, as a human,can connect with them, then
(03:22):
you've got them.
Tim (03:23):
Yes, You've got them.
So before we get started, we'regoing to connect a little bit
here.
Aleya (03:30):
Okay, let's do it.
Tim (03:31):
Why Japanese whiskey?
Aleya (03:35):
Oh Lord, we can really have this be the whole episode.
So I am a japanese whiskey fan.
I like that.
It has a smoother finish, morefloral, has a speediness of
scotch but a more elegantlayered flavor profile.
I just enjoy it.
(03:56):
It doesn't feel like it's gonnasock me in the mouth like some
bourbon does, and I do like somebourbons as well.
Like I I like um belmead is oneof my favorites from uh,
nashville, nashville area,tennessee, and uh, so I just, I
just really enjoy it.
(04:17):
If you give me some habikiharmony with one of those big
rocks of ice and you sit me downon a soft couch, that sounds
like a good evening to me.
Tim (04:30):
That's awesome.
I've never had Japanese whiskey.
That's one of the things thatjust kind of jumped out at me.
I do love bourbon.
I'm a I wouldn't say I'm abourbon connoisseur, but I do.
I like.
I like the middle to higher-endbourbons.
I'm not a.
Somebody said, well, we'll giveyou some makers.
(04:51):
No, I'd rather not haveanything than drink something.
Right, right right right, youknow what I mean.
Aleya (04:58):
So that's kind of where I'm at, but yeah, it's
interesting, you know, when youlearn about things that are
(05:18):
interesting about other people,and where you talk about that
connection, where you canactually learn something about
somebody else.
Yes, that is kind of the point.
I think that people miss thatpoint.
When you're making a connection, you're learning something
about another person, like mostpeople think I'm making the
connection so you can learnsomething about me.
No, and that's not it.
Tim (05:34):
That's not it.
That is not it.
You know, again, you and I havetalked about, you know, young
professionals and not knowinghow to connect.
And you know when, when, when I, when I talk to them, I say
you're going to go to anetworking event, I don't want
you just to exchange a businesscard, I want you to actually
(05:54):
connect.
I want you to talk to them.
You know, find out about them.
It doesn't you don't even haveto talk to them about business,
right?
Just just who are they?
You know?
Are they married?
Where are they from?
Find something that the two ofyou have some relation to, and
that's where you can reallystart to build things.
And then you get into thatbusiness relationship or that
personal relationship.
What have you?
(06:14):
You actually?
Aleya (06:32):
have to have some communication, some rapport
building, some of those otherthings that actually make
networking, networking andconnections connections.
Absolutely.
I think that you need toapproach any type of networking
or connection from a place ofdeep curiosity.
It tends to be difficult whenyou are struggling.
If you are in survival mode,business isn't going well.
You really need this to work.
(06:53):
You need your next lead.
You need your next that, evenif that is, you take a deep
breath, put that to the side andsay that you're going to go in
and just make some connectionwith a person that is going to
provide you with an opportunityand, more importantly, you're
going to provide them with one,and then things will work out.
(07:15):
But if you go in there and youspray and pray business cards
and it's just not how humans,especially post-pandemic, have
decided to be in relationshipwith one another it doesn't work
that way it doesn't work.
Tim (07:27):
that way it really doesn't, and you never know where that
next connection or that nextopportunity is going to come
from.
Really, it could come fromanywhere, so you need to be
prepared for that, you need tobe open to that.
You need to be open to againlearning about other people and
(07:47):
other things.
Aleya (07:49):
Well, and not only could it come from anywhere, which I
totally agree with, it couldcome at any time.
So I recently had a client comeback to me after actually they
were never even my client, theywere just a connection.
Actually they were never evenmy client, they were just a
connection and apparently I'vebeen on their bucket list about
when they hit a certain revenuenumber.
They were determined to workwith me and I hadn't talked to
(08:12):
them for like two and a halfyears.
And then here they come,sauntering back into my little
old life in a most beautiful way, like I have the cash, I really
want to work with you.
You just you never know theimpact you're going to have on
people when you come from aperspective of serving before
you sell.
Tim (08:32):
Absolutely.
If you get nothing else, I mean, we could end it right here and
leave it there, but we've gotmuch more, much more deep
insight to get into, but that,if we don't get that, one piece.
Aleya (08:46):
you're never going to get anything else after that.
That's very true, Very true.
Good point.
Tim (08:50):
So let's talk about your speaking journey.
I've already, you know, kind ofmentioned how enthusiastic and
dynamic and engaging you are.
What's your speaking journeybeen like?
You know?
Any embarrassing moments?
How'd you overcome your stagefright?
Because I know everybody has it, Everybody has it.
And when did you know that?
Aleya (09:10):
you really had a gift.
So I'm going to say somethingthat's going to make me sound
like a dick.
Are you ready?
Let's hear it?
I actually don't have stagefright.
Tim (09:21):
You never had stage fright.
Aleya (09:24):
No Good for you.
And I know that that soundsridiculous and that sounds like
I'm making up and my whole brandis about being radically
authentic.
But I actually have theopposite of stage fright.
When I get on the stage I'm like, oh, finally oh this is the
best place in the room and I Idon't know where that comes from
(09:44):
.
I have always been someone thatenjoys talking and enjoys being
in front of the room, so Idon't have stage fright.
I'm trying to think of anembarrassing moment, because I
have lots of those in my life,any related to being on stage.
I can't think of embarrassingmoments related to being on
(10:06):
stage.
Tim (10:07):
Or public speaking in general.
Aleya (10:09):
I mean, it's public speaking in general, but I do
remember this one time that Iwas speaking and you know, a lot
of times when you book speakingengagements you're booking them
way far out Right.
So I booked it.
I don't know like a year outand I get there and I turns out
I learned afterward that I hadcovid.
I just thought I had a cold,but I had signed the contract.
(10:30):
I was not giving the money back, so I showed up.
I'm on the stage and everythree sentences I'm hacking up a
lot on the table.
Tim (10:48):
I had Theraflu in a coffee cup.
Aleya (10:50):
Oh, my God, just trying to get through the presentation
and I was embarrassed becausethat's like not me and I
apologized to people as theyleft and I felt really like
horrible I was, was like I don'teven know if they got the
message.
Oh, I'm so frustrated flew allthe way to Louisville Kentucky
(11:11):
for it and I live in LA, so I'mlike I have otherwise no
business being in LouisvilleKentucky, right?
But you know what's interesting, tim?
This one was recorded,thankfully, and I got the video
back and it actually wasn't asbad as I thought.
When I was on stage, I wasmortified and I felt like I was
(11:35):
just.
First of all, I was feverish,sweating.
Tim (11:40):
I was sweating.
Aleya (11:42):
I was feeling like every word, no word is making any
sense.
And when I watched the video,yes, there were moments of me
hocking up lungs, but they werefewer than I thought.
The message was clearer than Ithought and the audience was
more engaged than I thought.
And again, I'm not saying thisto make it be like, oh well, I'm
(12:02):
actually just that good.
And again, I'm not saying thisto make it be like, oh well, I'm
actually just that good.
I'm saying that to kind of askthe listeners who are listening
the times when you've gotten upon stage and you thought it was
so bad, or the times that youthought, oh my God, I'm so
embarrassed, or that you don'tget up because you think you're
going to be embarrassed.
I can almost guarantee you it'sreally not that bad.
(12:27):
We are our own worst criticsand, trust me, like I don't get
staged right, but am I reallygood at talking crap to myself?
All of the rest of the time?
Absolutely, and it's really notas bad as we think it is.
We catastrophize a lot and ifwe would do less of that and
(12:47):
more appreciation of ourselves,I feel like there would be a lot
less stage fright.
Tim (12:51):
To begin with, so when did you know that you really had a
gift, that this was somethingthat you were really good at?
Aleya (13:12):
that, um, the first time that someone came up to me in
tears after I I spoke.
That's why I knew, when I knewI had nailed it in, and I
giggled to myself.
I'm like, if no one's crying atthe end of this, something's,
something's not working and andand I and I don't talk about
like I don't talk about, like Idon't have these huge traumatic
stories that I tell the cryingis not because they're crying at
my pain.
The crying is because they'rereleasing something within
(13:33):
themselves.
They have an acknowledgement oftheir true self.
They have a connection with whothey are meant to be.
They have a realization of whatthey need to let go of, and so
then the tears start coming.
They have a realization of whatthey need to let go of, and so
then the tears start coming.
The first time that someone cameup to me and told me that I had
changed their lives and made adifference in the 45 minutes
that I was on stage, that's whenI knew that it was something
(13:55):
that I needed to continue doing.
And now that happens almostevery time, and it's not again
me getting on stage and hockinga lung up, or me getting on
stage.
I've been on stage in themiddle of postpartum depression
and I still get oh Lea, you havethe best energy ever.
It's because I channel.
(14:16):
I channel from my radicallyauthentic self, my higher self,
the part that knows, the partthat is always going to be there
and is connected to me andconnected to everyone else.
That's also why I don't getstage fright, because I don't
put that much pressure on myself.
I am acutely aware that I mightbe the one with the cute dress
(14:37):
on and the pink lipstickstanding in the spotlight, but
it's not about me.
Without the experience in theroom and if I can just listen
properly to the way thateverything is moving and the way
that I'm hearing from spiritmoving in the room, then I'll be
just fine and, and so you knowyou talk about your authentic
(15:00):
self, and most young peopletoday they don't.
Tim (15:04):
they don't give that any thought at all.
You know they don't know whothey are, what their values are,
what their story is.
How do we teach them, how do weteach people to figure that out
, to learn who they are, to getto that point where they know
who their authentic self is andthen be able to express it and
(15:26):
tell their story?
Aleya (15:27):
So I would argue that it's not just young people, it's
everybody.
There's a lot of us out hererunning around not really truly
aware of who we are.
We are aware of certain things.
We are aware of what societytells us to be, we're aware of
our job titles, our net worth orlack thereof, we're aware of
(15:50):
our education level, all ofthose things that are very
external.
And then so, when someone asksyou who you are, those are the
things that we tell them theschool we went to, what job we
have, where we live, and we aremaking the erroneous assumption
that that is who we are, andthat is very much not true.
In order to find out who youare, you have to go internally.
(16:13):
And now I'm going to give ashameless plug.
Are you ready, tim?
Let's do it?
Are?
Tim (16:17):
you ready for my shameless plug.
Aleya (16:18):
Let's hear it.
Okay, my shameless plug is inmy bestselling book spark the
stage, which is available onamazon and anywhere books are
sold.
The first three first sectionthere are three sections is all
about exercise, as I call them,essence expeditions to get to
know your true self.
Everything from doingforgiveness work to doing
(16:40):
freeform writing, chanting,going, going outside and playing
All of those things to take offthe layers of the should, the
could, the limiting beliefs thatare on top of your true essence
, so that you can get to knowwhat it is like.
And you'll know when you aregetting close because you have a
(17:01):
feeling.
It's almost like the feeling ofreuniting with a good friend.
You'll start to kind of havethat within you, like, oh, I
have this familiar ness that Ifeel when I'm sitting and
meditating or writing orchanting or doing on a walk.
(17:23):
I feel connected to some oldfriend that I missed and that's
your first clue that you'regetting it.
And then you start havingconversations within yourself
from that place and then letthat part of you speak more to
others and you are probablygoing to be better at everything
(17:46):
that you do, not just speakingfrom the stage, but in making
decisions and deciding how you,that you want to behave and
where you want to go.
As your next step, you'll beguided from that very familiar,
radically authentic self thatalready knows it's much wiser
than your conscious self is yeah, that's a.
Tim (18:07):
Those are really really good points and and and how
you're going to change just bygiving, like, like you say,
giving that some some, some deepthought and going outside and
playing.
I mean, I mean, think, thinkabout how we live our lives now,
you know, we very rarely gooutside.
We have our faces shoved in ourcomputers or our phones or
(18:30):
iPads or whatever else.
Right, you know, we spend timein the amount of time that we
have for, or that we allow for,recreation and fun and, in
(18:50):
winding down, has has reallydiminished.
Aleya (18:56):
It really has, and we don't know what it is like many
of us to do something just forfun's sake.
Even video games are now amulti-million dollar industry.
Like the video game playing,there are video game teams.
Like there are football teams,I think, for the sheer fun of it
, go feel some sun on your face,go roll down that grassy knoll
(19:24):
like you used to when you were akid.
Life is supposed to be fun.
Yes, you're supposed to beenjoying this experience, and
it's not all the time.
There are many times in my lifewhen it was inevitable that I
was not going to enjoy a certainexperience, but as I try my
best to get back to the enjoyingof it as quickly as possible,
(19:49):
because that is where the truthlies.
Right, it's very easy tobelieve that the sadness or the
stress or the burnout or theoverwhelm, that that's the truth
, because, alayah, you don'tknow my life.
Don't you see my schedule?
Don't you see these kids I got?
Don't you see this?
This is the truth.
That's not the truth.
(20:11):
That's your perception of it,right?
Exactly, life is all about ourthoughts that we give and our
opinions that we give tocircumstances.
The circumstances themselvesare quite neutral, just change.
Change is neutral.
Your opinion of it is whatdetermines whether you think
it's good or bad.
So if you are going to decidethat you know what, this is
(20:36):
actually good.
I got laid off, that's good.
Didn't get the grade I wanted,that's also good, I'm good with
it.
I am good with all of it.
That just means that change ishappening.
Tim (20:45):
Exactly, Exactly.
And you know, that's one thingI really like about your book is
is the way that it's structured.
It creates a framework and itallows for a shift in mindset.
And it allows for a shift inmindset right.
And so how does that shift inmindset really impact a
(21:06):
speaker's effectiveness?
Because we know how it we justdescribed, how it affects us
personally in our personal lives.
But how does it affect us froma communication, public speaking
perspective, from acommunication.
Aleya (21:19):
Public speaking perspective.
90% of speaking happens off thestage.
If you are a professionalspeaker, you're on that stage
10% of your time, but the restof the time you are trying to
(21:40):
hone yourself as a human beingso that when you get on the
stage, people experience thevery best of you.
You are the very best servicethat you can be to the people in
that room.
You are facilitatingtransformations in clear and
compelling ways, using just thewords of those exact individuals
(22:01):
in front of you, whether thereare two of them or 2,000 of them
, the words that they need tomake change in their lives.
You don't just pop up on astage and stick a microphone in
your face and know how to dothat.
All of the mindset shifts, theinternal work, you letting go,
you becoming a human that ismore open and flexible and fluid
(22:25):
to be able to understand how todeliver your message in a way
that resonates with humans thatare not you, because you're not
getting up there to talk toyourself.
The work that you're doing inbetween is what allows you to do
that.
You look at people that areBroadway stars or great speakers
(22:47):
or even great actors, and yousee them for a small percentage
of time.
They've spent hours and hoursand hours honing that craft and
honing the craft of publicspeaking.
Yes, is about story structure.
Yes, it's about the storiesyou're telling.
Might even be about your slides,but it's mostly about you as a
(23:07):
human Because, let's be honest,if you took all of your content
and you wrote it in a blog post,I probably could learn it just
as well.
Or if you took that content andthen you had some app, read it
aloud you're an auditory learnerI could learn it.
That's not why I'm sittingthere in front of you, that I am
(23:28):
sitting there to be, to beconnected with, to help you
transform me, because you areusing yourself, your body, your
energy, the way you'recorralling the room to help me
get something that I cannot doon my own, which is the
(23:49):
transformation I've beendesperately seeking this entire
time, and a transformation canbe a huge life shift.
It could be an aha moment to beable to better use a technology
effectively.
Right, it doesn't matterwhether you're a motivational
speaker or a technical speakeror a marketing speaker or
whatever kind of speaker.
You're still looking to takepeople from point A to point B,
(24:10):
and the way to do that is if youtake yourself from point A to
point B, Well, just take it froman even smaller perspective,
you know, from a parent'sperspective, mother or father,
right, you've got to.
Tim (24:26):
You take this little human person who can't do anything for
themselves, and then you've gotto teach them to be that good
person and you're modelingbehavior and you're encouraging
them and you're nurturing themand you're disciplining them and
you're teaching them and all ofthese things.
(24:47):
And that's that's to me, that'spublic speaking, right, that's.
But you're, you're, maybeyou're standing on stage, maybe
you're standing in front of ateam meeting, maybe you're,
you're in an interview, it couldbe any of those things.
You want to take somebody frompoint A to point B, to point C,
to point D, whatever it is.
(25:08):
And and if we, if we look at itfrom a, from that different
perspective, and again back tothat, back to the whole mindset
thing, it's not about you.
You need to know you, but it'snot about you, it's about them
and it's about improving theirlives, improving their lot,
improving whatever it is.
That's what's powerful.
Aleya (25:29):
Yes, absolutely, I 100% agree.
Tim (25:34):
And so chapter one is about ego.
Chapter one is about ego and Italk about ego a lot because
that, to me, is something thatwe as humans, as adults, really
we put so much stock in our egoand our ego aside and what that
did for you professionally, andhow hard was that.
(25:55):
How hard is that to learn thatyou know what my ego is, what's
driving this.
My ego is what's putting me inthis position.
I need to let go of that andbecome better.
(26:17):
How hard was that for you?
Aleya (26:22):
It is an ongoing experience, tim, it is.
It's just when you think thatyou're back in the driver's seat
, because you never want to getrid of your ego, because your
ego does serve a purpose ofprotection and motivation and
direction.
So it's not that you're tryingto get rid of it, but you're
like, okay, I'm, I'm good, I can, I can take back over.
(26:45):
Now, just when you think you'rein the driver's seat, you look
over and you're kind of like inone of those cars where it's
like a driver's training, wherethere's a steering wheel on both
sides and you think that you'resteering the car but you're not
like it's insidious, like thatExactly.
(27:05):
So it's, it's a consistentcheck in.
That's why, inside of the bookI talk about, essence
expeditions is becoming a partof your regular routine.
I call it energetic hygiene.
I call it energetic hygiene.
You are the sovereign ruler ofthe energetic empire of you.
(27:25):
So welcome to Emperor Tim hereon the call.
And this is Empress Leia havinga conversation with you.
And it is up to us to keep ourempires clean and in line.
And the way to do that isthrough regular check-ins.
Doing things before you need it, right, right, tidying up
before the house looks like itshould be condemned.
Tim (27:52):
Exactly.
Aleya (27:53):
Exactly been a challenge to consistently do that,
especially as I've gone throughlots of ups and downs and all
arounds in my life these pastcouple of years and the more
that I am consistent with thethings I know to do right and I
(28:14):
am not always consistent, I amvery human but the more that I
am, the healthier I feel, themore connected I feel, the more
successful and confident I feelmoving forward.
Tim (28:26):
So how much do you think, in terms of business growth, how
much has your business acumenand growing of your business
grown because of learning how,at times, to put that ego aside?
Because, again, from thatperspective, if we're always
(28:52):
ego-driven, we have blinders onand we never see, we don't see
the things that we don't see.
We have blinders on and wenever see, we don't see the
things that we don't see.
And when we take those blindersoff from that ego and we allow
others to influence us or see,see those types of things,
(29:14):
that's to me is what I thinkwhen we, when we get that aha
moment and we can grow.
So how much have you grown froma business perspective by being
able to let that ego go attimes?
Aleya (29:22):
Oh my gosh.
So much because I've been ableto realize that I don't have to
always have it all togetherShocking.
Tim (29:34):
Shocking isn't it?
Aleya (29:36):
And trying to have it all together usually makes things
fall apart a lot faster.
So by releasing the control andallowing myself to be able to
flow with the story that I wantto tell versus the story that
I'm currently telling and beingvery clear on what that even is,
(30:01):
then I have been able to launchproducts more successfully, go
after bigger clients, trust thatI am enough and I don't need to
add or remove anything frommyself.
I am doing it and doing it well, and I deserve to be in the
room and take up the space thatI take up, because I've done the
(30:25):
work to realize that I am notmy ego.
Right, we are two separateentities, yeah.
Tim (30:35):
And that's the thing you know.
When we did the pre-interview,I was telling you about a
student who I had a conversationwith, who thought he was really
good at communication, and Iwas pointing out these things
that he wasn't doing, and hesaid, well, I don't need to
always do them, and we said, no,but you do need to do them.
And that's a perfect example ofthat student putting ego in the
(30:59):
way of opening your eyes andseeing you know what.
Let's give it a shot, let's letlet's let this go and let's
let's give trying something newa shot and see where that goes,
see where that takes us.
If he's, if he's wrong, he'swrong and what?
What's it going to hurt?
I'm still I'm still in my mind,still good at this.
It's it to understand that,even the best of the best of the
(31:23):
best that you know I come fromthe sport industry the Kobe
Bryants, the Michael Jordans,the Tom Brady's of the world
they work on fundamentals everyday.
They had coaches teaching themevery day.
They didn't get to be the bestat their position, at their
sport, by not being open tolearning new things and trying
(31:48):
new things.
Aleya (31:50):
Yeah, absolutely Absolutely, I mean, and being
coached through it.
So the real insidious bit of anego is that it will tell you
that you don't need anybody else, you can do it all alone.
You don't need to trust inanyone, you know all you need to
(32:14):
know, and that's just not thecase.
You need to be able to rely onand trust in coaches, and
whether they're formal, formercoach, formal coaches I can
speak, I promise, I'm a speakeror are there people that you
(32:35):
just know, love and trust thatcan tell you when you are not
doing it right or when somethingcould be adjusted or shifted or
changed?
And it's in those moments thatyou grow.
Kobe Bryant as a coach well,had a coach.
Rest in peace.
Michael Jordan coach right.
LeBron James, michael Jordancoach right, lebron James coach.
(32:59):
They all have coaches.
The best know that in order tobe and stay the best, you need
to have a coach.
You cannot do it alone.
And you have to be open tobeing coached.
Tim (33:15):
You can be coachable, absolutely.
You can have a coach and not becoachable, and that's you might
as well not have a coach.
Aleya (33:22):
You might as well not, and I've worked with people like
that, but have paid me money towork with people like that and
I'm just like you are wastingyour money.
I am really trying to be withyou here and it is not happening
.
So don't waste your money oryour time or somebody else's
(33:43):
time by not being coachable forsure.
Tim (33:46):
Exactly, I mean, when you're smacked at least this is
my own personal opinion when Iget smacked in the face and know
that I don't know something,the first thing that I'm doing
is I'm letting that ego go andI'm searching out people who I
know can help me there.
You know, teach me this orteach me that, you know, guide
(34:06):
me through this.
What should I be doing?
How should I be looking at it?
And it's again when I, when Iget smacked in the face like
that, it's, it's a, it's a wakeup call and knowing, okay, it's
time to put some effort intodoing those types of things.
And again, I'm just like anybodyelse.
I put blinders on, I put my egofirst at times, Like you said,
(34:29):
it's natural.
But when it's brought to yourattention, you better do
something about it, becauseyou're only hurting yourself,
You're hurting your organization, you may be hurting your
relationships personal orbusiness, whatever that is and
if you continue going down thatroad, you're going to eventually
burn bridges or get yourself inreal trouble that you're not
(34:52):
going to be able to get out of.
Aleya (34:54):
Yeah, yeah, absolutely I agree.
I think that's really astutefor sure, yeah, absolutely I
agree.
Tim (35:01):
I think that's really astute for sure.
So the second phase of yourbook it's called Get Clear, and
here's where you're reallytrying to help them develop
their presentation, their story,their talks.
How would you describe it?
Aleya (35:23):
Okay, yeah, absolutely.
So the three are get real, getclear and get connected.
So getting clear is reallyabout like, okay, let's talk
about the storytellingframeworks that you need, as
well as the outline that youneed to be able to make sense on
stage, because, yes, you needto be magnetic, yes, you need a
(35:46):
channel, but if you don't makeno sense, ain't nobody listening
to you.
You have to make sense whenyou're on stage and people have
to be captivated from the veryfirst thing that comes out of
your mouth.
And, for me, one of my biggestpet peeves is when people go on
stage and they start like thankyou for being here, oh, I'm so
(36:09):
glad.
Oh, hey, susie, I see you inthe front row.
Oh, yes, oh, is that theweather?
Am I right?
And it's like, oh, my gosh.
Well, this person gets startedalready Five minutes later later
and they start clicking througha slide and by that point in
time, you've lost them.
You've lost them.
You've lost them.
So the very first thing thatcomes out of your mouth needs to
(36:32):
be the start of a grand storyarc that you're taking them
through, from the beginning ofyour presentation to the end of
your presentation.
It needs to capture them like.
The first line of my book issomething along the lines of uh,
I started my entrepreneurialcareer as the victim of an
abusive relationship.
(36:54):
Right, people go oh wait, what?
Let's, let me lean into that I?
I wasn't really going to listenbefore, I wasn't sure about
this, but now I'm captivated.
Exactly Right, right, I justproduced.
I'm very proud of myself.
I co-produced my very firstspeaking event where I was on
the other side.
I was choosing the speakers and, of course, I spoke myself.
(37:16):
And one of my favorites hername was Katie Chen Mazar and
she told these were just sevento ten minute stories.
She told this harrowing tale ofher aunt, and the first line of
her story was something alongthe lines of I had never seen
horror depicted in the fleshuntil I saw the burned body of
(37:39):
my Aunt, alice when I was 16.
Tim (37:41):
Oh, my God.
Right, you're listening to therest of that right.
Aleya (37:46):
Yeah absolutely.
And then from there you knowwe're all crying by the end.
I cry every time.
I heard that story and I helpedher craft it and it's still.
I was still crying when shetold it right, yeah, you capture
them and you don't let them goRight and you hold on by
articulating the problem thatyou're solving.
(38:07):
The stories that you are usingto articulate the problem, and
having a clean and clearstructure to your presentation
is key to making people realizethat they could not have gotten
this from just reading a blogpost Right.
Tim (38:19):
Key to making people realize that they could not have
gotten this from just reading ablog post.
Right, because you know, we'veall read blogs.
We've all read these types ofthings.
Honestly, if I'm readingsomething, and that's the first
line, I'm not reading anymorebecause I don't need to, I don't
, I don't.
You know what I mean.
I don't need to read that.
(38:40):
I love true crime, true crimepodcasts.
I love true crime podcasts.
And I went and my youngestgrandson was baptized this past
weekend and on the way back, oh,congratulations.
It was pretty awesome.
It was pretty awesome.
My wife was with me in the car.
I said, okay, it's time for anew podcast and she put one on.
(39:00):
Was with me in the car.
I said, okay, it's time for anew podcast and she put one on
and it was about uh, firststarted out some father was
sexually molested his daughter.
I said, okay, we're done withthat one.
Aleya (39:09):
I'm done and we're done.
Tim (39:10):
I'm not listening to that, you know, but but when you're,
when you're on stage and youhear a something that's that
grabs your attention like that,not only are you listening but,
like you said, you're actuallyleaning in and riveted by the
story, exactly.
And hanging on to every word,every sentence, every pause,
(39:34):
every sniffle, everything thatgoes into that everything that,
that that goes into that andyou're waiting for the.
Aleya (39:47):
So what?
Which is also one of the thingsthat you need to keep in mind
as a speaker.
So if she had just gotten upand told that story and made
everybody cry for no reason,you'd always you almost start to
resent her, why would you dothat to me, like, yeah, why
would you do that to me?
I was having a great day untilyou came along.
But that was not the point ofher story.
(40:07):
The reason why her aunt um setherself on fire was because she
had been sold into a brothel byher father and then at one when
she was like 13 or somethinglike that super a child.
(40:28):
And then when one of the johnspromised to take her out and
promise to the world and thenreneged on the promise, she felt
hopeless because then she hadgotten pregnant, she had a baby,
and when her baby was like fouror five she set herself on fire
because, again, money.
So she was sold into theslavery because of money.
(40:48):
She felt hopeless because shenow didn't have the money to get
out of the situation and thenshe eventually took her life
about 15 years after that, usingpills because her daughter was
financially then able to takecare of herself.
So money ruled this woman's life, or the lack thereof, and the
whole point of the story was noone should have to feel like
(41:12):
they are in any difficultsituation that they can't get
out of because of money.
So she urged the audience.
Her aunt's name or pseudonym wasAlice and she said I encourage
you to create your Alice fund sothat you never have to be in a
situation that's as desperate asmy aunt was in, because there
(41:34):
are many women that are in manyof those situations all over the
world.
So it was to create your AliceFund and to understand what you
are saving yourself from.
And so at the end, I feel likealmost everybody opened up their
wells far by at least transfer$50 in some account.
Right, you were motivated, youwere inspired and you realized
the importance of money to yourfreedom as a human being and
(41:58):
especially as a woman.
That was the point of the story.
So when you're up herecaptivating the audience,
telling these stories, you haveto keep the so what in mind,
because without the so what,you're up there again, you've
accidentally stepped out of thereal driver's seat into the
vague one and your ego isdriving the show telling you
(42:19):
that you need to pretend to bean expert and show everybody how
good you are, rather thangiving them what they need and
being of service right yeah,that's, that's a.
I'm stuck on the story againsorry, no, it's, it's because it
(42:41):
was one of those stories but?
Tim (42:42):
but I had a conversation with a woman right before I left
to go to to the baptism lastweek and she was sex sex
trafficked by her mother, her.
This was in the early 70s, backwhen fathers couldn't get
custody of kids.
Her father finally got custodyof her, then died a year later
(43:07):
from cancer.
Then she was in a horrible caraccident where she had some
severe brain trauma.
It took her three years oftherapy to be able to walk and
talk and think like normal.
It gets worse, oh my gosh.
She was then shot at the at theLas Vegas country concert.
(43:29):
She was pregnant and she waspregnant with twins and lost
both twins.
Aleya (43:35):
Oh my God, this poor woman's life, oh my gosh.
And she is alive to tell all ofthose tales.
Tim (43:47):
Yes, and again her.
So what comes back toresilience and that that allowed
her to be able to recover fromthose things and and offer
support and services to otherpeople.
And I'm thinking about it andso you know, and I'm I'm worried
that you know I'm my my day isshot because I didn't get the
trash out right, right.
Aleya (44:10):
it also stories like that help to also put things into
perspective.
Perspective, exactly, yes, yeah.
Tim (44:18):
Exactly.
Aleya (44:28):
So, but my life isn't that bad, right?
Well, I think that there's.
It puts it into perspective,but I also don't want to negate
it, because just because youhave not been sold into sex
trafficking does not mean thatyou aren't struggling with
something exactly, but what itdoes show you is that, no matter
what your struggle is, peoplecan and do overcome including
you, right, and not just notjust but thrive and and thrive,
(44:54):
but thrive, exactly, exactly solet's get back to your book,
which is much more fun and andexciting, and and, and, and, uh,
so, so the third section of thebook is is the get connected
section, and it and it helpspeople um, put everything
together to actually get onstage.
(45:16):
Yes.
So the book is really from soupto nuts how to be a good
speaker and how to make moneydoing it.
So the second part is here ishow you get together your media
kit, here's how you put togethera pitch, here's where to find
speaking engagements, here'spricing which is like the wild,
(45:39):
wild west, and everything thatyou will need so that, by the
end, you will confidently beable to go out and get speaking
engagements.
I will say that it is not hardto get on a stage.
You're like what?
It's really not.
There are open calls and callsfor speakers all the time.
(46:05):
The challenge is that peopledon't apply, or they don't know
where to go or where to apply orwhat to do.
So what you need to do is justput yourself out there so that
you can get on that stage.
And yes, you might do yourfirst one for free.
You might not, but getting thatexperience and, most
importantly, getting some videoof you having that experience,
(46:26):
is going to be key, becausespeaking begets speaking.
So the more that you speak, themore that you speak.
So I encourage you to juststart speaking, start applying
and refine as you go from there.
Tim (46:41):
And get over that, that, that self-talk, the imposter
syndrome that nobody else isdoing to you but you, because if
you get on the stage or you gethired, you're there for a
reason.
They hired you for a reason.
They want you there for areason, whatever it is that
you're, they want you there fora reason, whatever it is, that
you're telling yourself thatyou're not good enough, you
shouldn't be there, that you'redoing that to yourself.
(47:01):
Cut it out.
Not only are you good enough,they actually want you to be
there, they want to hear you,they want to hear your story,
they want to give you themessage.
So let it go.
Aleya (47:13):
Exactly.
I think that is incredibly goodadvice.
Tim (47:18):
Where'd you get the name for the book Spark this Age?
Because it's catchy.
Aleya (47:29):
Well, thank you.
Tim (47:29):
And then you couple it with your I mean your whole brand, I
think is you know, and then youcouple it with your, I mean
your whole brand.
I think is great, you're alwayson brand, it's noticeable.
Aleya (47:42):
But the name to the book.
Where did that come from?
So it actually was from one ofmy friends.
I was having an existentialcrisis and I was like who am I
Like?
What do I do?
Like, if you had to put me inwords, what would you do?
And we came up with the wordspark.
The spark for your spark,because that is what I do
naturally.
I don't I had done it for herand it's what I naturally do for
(48:04):
lots of of people.
So when it came for to writingthe book and I was thinking
about basically a lot of thethings that we're talking about
here, which is not really notbeing about you when you're on
stage, I said, well, I amsparking their spark, but then
(48:41):
they're sparking it, you'relighting it up, you're creating
a bright light in that room.
That is undeniable, and it's alight of love, it's a light of
transformation, it's a light ofhope, it's a light of clarity
that gets sparked when you steponto that stage by you being
(49:02):
your radically authentic self.
So, while I am sparking yourspark when you read the book,
you're going to spark everyoneelse.
Tim (49:11):
That's awesome and it's so true, mm.
Hmm, that's awesome and andit's so true it's.
I tell people a lot we, youknow, we just had the election.
It is what it is and you knowyou can't necessarily worry
about the bigger picture.
You can only do so much.
But if you worry about thepeople that are close to you,
that inner circle, the peoplethat you touch, and hopefully
(49:33):
that you can affect them and andthey'll affect somebody, and
then they'll affect somebody,and that's where that ripple
effect comes from, and that'sexactly what you're doing, it's
perfect.
Aleya (49:44):
Yes, yes, absolutely, absolutely.
Tim (49:48):
So is there?
Is there anything else that wedidn't talk about?
That our listeners really needto know Besides going to buy the
book on amazon.
Spark this age on amazon, we'regonna get that to at least two
or three more times.
Aleya (50:02):
Two or three more times, they're gonna slide it on in
there, um, and write it and thenplease leave a review.
Reviews matter, um, a lot,actually we do.
I want you, if you're sittingand listening to me and I've
been talking about stories andstorytelling to answer a
question for you that you mightbe asking yourself, that many of
(50:24):
my students ask when they firstcome to me, which is Do I have
a story to tell and does anybodyactually care?
A story to tell and doesanybody actually care?
(50:46):
And my definitive, clear andconfident answer to you is yes.
Yes, there just waiting for youto tell the story because they
need to hear it from your mouth,in your way, with your exact
(51:08):
history surrounding it, and bynot telling that story, you're
robbing a whole potentialsegment of humans from their
transformation by not sharingyours.
So I really encourage you tostep into the power of the story
, step into the power ofyourself and tell it, because
you are the only one who can.
Tim (51:30):
That is so 100% accurate and your story isn't wrong.
Aleya (51:38):
No, it is not.
Tim (51:41):
That, if you know, I think you know, we, we, we opened up
with you know being authentic.
And this is just this pieceright here I think is just as
important.
Everybody has a story.
Everybody can share their story.
(52:01):
You should be fine with tellingyour story and it's there, you
can do it.
As my youngest daughter, who's31 now.
She says Dad, I believe in you.
I said thank you, sweetie.
Oh, that's so sweet, but youhave to start believing in
yourself and there are peopleout there that also believe in
you and you know, if you buildthat network and you build that
(52:24):
support system, that's what wedo.
I would much, from myperspective, who I am, I would
much rather lift other people upand have them succeed and watch
them go and and and besuccessful than than me.
My success is is nothing if you, if you don't succeed, period,
and that's um.
Aleya (52:44):
Yep Absolutely, absolutely.
Tim (52:47):
So, anyway, so, um, I hear you have a book out.
Yes, have you heard about it?
It's called Spark the Stage,spark the Stage.
Where can people buy it?
Aleya (52:56):
It's available on Amazon and anywhere books are sold
actually.
Tim (53:03):
And I'll tell you it's a phenomenal book.
I'll be honest, I'm much morepartial to the first section and
the third section.
I love them.
I mean the whole thing is good,but I think it's more the way
my mind is.
I'm a structure, I'm a systemsguy, you know.
Yes and so but I mean theframework of the book is perfect
(53:29):
.
I mean again from myperspective, because it lays it
out for you.
If you do this and you and youput the work into it, it's not
just read the book and then gooff and do it.
You have there's work that'sinvolved in these things.
There's there's criticalthinking, for for you as an
individual, you actually have toto to spend some time doing the
(53:50):
work and then you're going toget a really good result.
Aleya (53:53):
Yeah, absolutely, absolutely, absolutely.
That's it.
It's literally from soup tonuts step zero to 100 of how to
become a confident, professionalpublic speaker who has a story
that people are excited to hear.
Tim (54:11):
Absolutely.
And where else can people findyou Excited to hear Absolutely?
Aleya (54:15):
And where else can people find you?
People can find me atalayaharriscom
A-L-E-Y-A-H-A-R-R-I-S dot com.
Tim (54:21):
And you have some really good services too.
I mean your masterclass, yeah,we have a free masterclass on
there.
Aleya (54:28):
You can also buy the book on there and my course Spark
the Stage.
This course is really great ifyou want to know if you're doing
it right.
So if you read the book andyou're like, this is great.
But I really certainly wouldlove Alayah to tell me if I'm on
the right track, if my talk isgoing to resonate, if my media
(54:49):
kit looks right.
Am I looking in the rightplaces?
That's the beauty of the course, because then you get the
content of the book in videos.
But then you also get acommunity and you get to talk to
me Like let's hang out and Ican tell you 100% whether you're
doing it right or not orwhether we need to tweak it.
And if you're struggling withsomething in a particular area,
I can help you find theresources so that you can get on
(55:13):
that stage.
Tim (55:14):
That's awesome and I would encourage everybody to number
one buy the book.
Number two connect with Aaliyahand reach out to her, because
if she can teach you even halfto get half the energy and half
of this, you guys are going tobe successful.
No matter what, I promise youthat.
Aleya (55:32):
Oh, thanks Tim, Thanks Tim.
Tim (55:34):
Thank you so much for joining us.
I really do appreciate it.
You take care and I'll talk toyou soon.
Thanks, you too.
Be sure to visitspeakingwithconfidencepodcastcom
to join our growing communityand register for the Formula for
Public Speaking course.
Always remember your voice hasthe power to change the world.
We'll talk to you next time,Take care.
Welcome to Speaking with Confidence, a podcast that's
here to help you unlock thepower of effective public
speaking.
I'm your host, tim Newman, andI'm excited to take you on a
journey to become a betterpublic speaker.
I really appreciate each andevery one of our listeners and
thank you for your support.
If each of you could do onething for me, it would be to
give us a five-star review andshare the podcast with someone
close to you who would benefitfrom listening.
(00:30):
Today's guest, aaliyah Harris,is a spark for your spark, a
trailblazer in purpose-drivenstory crafting.
She's a marketing executive andex-Google vendor partner who
brings her dynamic experience toher role as a CEO of the
Evolution CollectiveIncorporated.
Aaliyah is an internationalaward-winning speaker, the
(00:51):
founder and lead trainer ofSpark the Stage and the host of
an award-winning FlourishingEntrepreneur podcast.
She's also the best-sellingauthor of Spark the Stage,
master of the Art ofProfessional Speaking and
Authentic Storytelling toCaptivate, inspire and Transform
your Audience Listeners.
Let me tell you something.
You better strap in, becauseAaliyah always brings high
(01:14):
energy and she's very, veryengaging.
Aaliyah, thank you so much forjoining us.
I really do appreciate it.
Aleya (01:20):
Thanks for having me, Tim .
I appreciate being here.
Tim (01:24):
You are, without a doubt, one of the most enthusiastic and
engaging speakers I've everseen.
Even when I listen to you onjust an audio podcast, your
energy really comes through, andI think that is I think that's
probably half the battle ofengaging audiences.
Aleya (01:47):
Yeah, I would agree.
Often when I get off stageyou're right I hear people say
Alea, oh my gosh, alea, I justlove your energy, I love your
energy.
And it's funny because I don't.
That makes it almost sound likeI have to like hype myself up
in my hotel room like bring theenergy, bring the energy.
(02:09):
But that's not.
That's not what happens.
I promise that is not me in my,that is not my pre speaking
game.
I promise.
Tim (02:19):
But it's it's.
It's just you and you, youbeing your, your authentic self,
which is kind of what we'regoing to talk a little bit about
today.
Exactly when we did thepre-interview, you did the
pre-interview interview.
Yeah, I mean, you were havingkind of a relaxing day and I can
still feel that energy.
It's just who you are, it'sjust what you do.
Aleya (02:40):
Yeah, and it's not unique to me.
Yeah, and it's not unique to me.
I think that I want everyone toknow that the energy that I
have is a magnetizing type ofenergy, which I feel very
blessed to confidently say, andit's something that you can have
as well.
I don't have all the stock inmagnetism here, right, I haven't
(03:00):
cornered the market on it.
It's something that I actuallyteach people how to develop for
themselves, because people arecoming to hear you speak.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
They're coming to theconference because they want to
learn, they want to do all thesethings, but they're really
coming to connect.
Yes, and if you, as a human,can connect with them, then
(03:22):
you've got them.
Tim (03:23):
Yes, You've got them.
So before we get started, we'regoing to connect a little bit
here.
Aleya (03:30):
Okay, let's do it.
Tim (03:31):
Why Japanese whiskey?
Aleya (03:35):
Oh Lord, we can really have this be the whole episode.
So I am a japanese whiskey fan.
I like that.
It has a smoother finish, morefloral, has a speediness of
scotch but a more elegantlayered flavor profile.
I just enjoy it.
(03:56):
It doesn't feel like it's gonnasock me in the mouth like some
bourbon does, and I do like somebourbons as well.
Like I I like um belmead is oneof my favorites from uh,
nashville, nashville area,tennessee, and uh, so I just, I
just really enjoy it.
(04:17):
If you give me some habikiharmony with one of those big
rocks of ice and you sit me downon a soft couch, that sounds
like a good evening to me.
Tim (04:30):
That's awesome.
I've never had Japanese whiskey.
That's one of the things thatjust kind of jumped out at me.
I do love bourbon.
I'm a I wouldn't say I'm abourbon connoisseur, but I do.
I like.
I like the middle to higher-endbourbons.
I'm not a.
Somebody said, well, we'll giveyou some makers.
(04:51):
No, I'd rather not haveanything than drink something.
Right, right right right, youknow what I mean.
Aleya (04:58):
So that's kind of where I'm at, but yeah, it's
interesting, you know, when youlearn about things that are
(05:18):
interesting about other people,and where you talk about that
connection, where you canactually learn something about
somebody else.
Yes, that is kind of the point.
I think that people miss thatpoint.
When you're making a connection, you're learning something
about another person, like mostpeople think I'm making the
connection so you can learnsomething about me.
No, and that's not it.
Tim (05:34):
That's not it.
That is not it.
You know, again, you and I havetalked about, you know, young
professionals and not knowinghow to connect.
And you know when, when, when I, when I talk to them, I say
you're going to go to anetworking event, I don't want
you just to exchange a businesscard, I want you to actually
(05:54):
connect.
I want you to talk to them.
You know, find out about them.
It doesn't you don't even haveto talk to them about business,
right?
Just just who are they?
You know?
Are they married?
Where are they from?
Find something that the two ofyou have some relation to, and
that's where you can reallystart to build things.
And then you get into thatbusiness relationship or that
personal relationship.
What have you?
(06:14):
You actually?
Aleya (06:32):
have to have some communication, some rapport
building, some of those otherthings that actually make
networking, networking andconnections connections.
Absolutely.
I think that you need toapproach any type of networking
or connection from a place ofdeep curiosity.
It tends to be difficult whenyou are struggling.
If you are in survival mode,business isn't going well.
You really need this to work.
(06:53):
You need your next lead.
You need your next that, evenif that is, you take a deep
breath, put that to the side andsay that you're going to go in
and just make some connectionwith a person that is going to
provide you with an opportunityand, more importantly, you're
going to provide them with one,and then things will work out.
(07:15):
But if you go in there and youspray and pray business cards
and it's just not how humans,especially post-pandemic, have
decided to be in relationshipwith one another it doesn't work
that way it doesn't work.
Tim (07:27):
that way it really doesn't, and you never know where that
next connection or that nextopportunity is going to come
from.
Really, it could come fromanywhere, so you need to be
prepared for that, you need tobe open to that.
You need to be open to againlearning about other people and
(07:47):
other things.
Aleya (07:49):
Well, and not only could it come from anywhere, which I
totally agree with, it couldcome at any time.
So I recently had a client comeback to me after actually they
were never even my client, theywere just a connection.
Actually they were never evenmy client, they were just a
connection and apparently I'vebeen on their bucket list about
when they hit a certain revenuenumber.
They were determined to workwith me and I hadn't talked to
(08:12):
them for like two and a halfyears.
And then here they come,sauntering back into my little
old life in a most beautiful way, like I have the cash, I really
want to work with you.
You just you never know theimpact you're going to have on
people when you come from aperspective of serving before
you sell.
Tim (08:32):
Absolutely.
If you get nothing else, I mean, we could end it right here and
leave it there, but we've gotmuch more, much more deep
insight to get into, but that,if we don't get that, one piece.
Aleya (08:46):
you're never going to get anything else after that.
That's very true, Very true.
Good point.
Tim (08:50):
So let's talk about your speaking journey.
I've already, you know, kind ofmentioned how enthusiastic and
dynamic and engaging you are.
What's your speaking journeybeen like?
You know?
Any embarrassing moments?
How'd you overcome your stagefright?
Because I know everybody has it, Everybody has it.
And when did you know that?
Aleya (09:10):
you really had a gift.
So I'm going to say somethingthat's going to make me sound
like a dick.
Are you ready?
Let's hear it?
I actually don't have stagefright.
Tim (09:21):
You never had stage fright.
Aleya (09:24):
No Good for you.
And I know that that soundsridiculous and that sounds like
I'm making up and my whole brandis about being radically
authentic.
But I actually have theopposite of stage fright.
When I get on the stage I'm like, oh, finally oh this is the
best place in the room and I Idon't know where that comes from
(09:44):
.
I have always been someone thatenjoys talking and enjoys being
in front of the room, so Idon't have stage fright.
I'm trying to think of anembarrassing moment, because I
have lots of those in my life,any related to being on stage.
I can't think of embarrassingmoments related to being on
(10:06):
stage.
Tim (10:07):
Or public speaking in general.
Aleya (10:09):
I mean, it's public speaking in general, but I do
remember this one time that Iwas speaking and you know, a lot
of times when you book speakingengagements you're booking them
way far out Right.
So I booked it.
I don't know like a year outand I get there and I turns out
I learned afterward that I hadcovid.
I just thought I had a cold,but I had signed the contract.
(10:30):
I was not giving the money back, so I showed up.
I'm on the stage and everythree sentences I'm hacking up a
lot on the table.
Tim (10:48):
I had Theraflu in a coffee cup.
Aleya (10:50):
Oh, my God, just trying to get through the presentation
and I was embarrassed becausethat's like not me and I
apologized to people as theyleft and I felt really like
horrible I was, was like I don'teven know if they got the
message.
Oh, I'm so frustrated flew allthe way to Louisville Kentucky
(11:11):
for it and I live in LA, so I'mlike I have otherwise no
business being in LouisvilleKentucky, right?
But you know what's interesting, tim?
This one was recorded,thankfully, and I got the video
back and it actually wasn't asbad as I thought.
When I was on stage, I wasmortified and I felt like I was
(11:35):
just.
First of all, I was feverish,sweating.
Tim (11:40):
I was sweating.
Aleya (11:42):
I was feeling like every word, no word is making any
sense.
And when I watched the video,yes, there were moments of me
hocking up lungs, but they werefewer than I thought.
The message was clearer than Ithought and the audience was
more engaged than I thought.
And again, I'm not saying thisto make it be like, oh well, I'm
(12:02):
actually just that good.
And again, I'm not saying thisto make it be like, oh well, I'm
actually just that good.
I'm saying that to kind of askthe listeners who are listening
the times when you've gotten upon stage and you thought it was
so bad, or the times that youthought, oh my God, I'm so
embarrassed, or that you don'tget up because you think you're
going to be embarrassed.
I can almost guarantee you it'sreally not that bad.
(12:27):
We are our own worst criticsand, trust me, like I don't get
staged right, but am I reallygood at talking crap to myself?
All of the rest of the time?
Absolutely, and it's really notas bad as we think it is.
We catastrophize a lot and ifwe would do less of that and
(12:47):
more appreciation of ourselves,I feel like there would be a lot
less stage fright.
Tim (12:51):
To begin with, so when did you know that you really had a
gift, that this was somethingthat you were really good at?
Aleya (13:12):
that, um, the first time that someone came up to me in
tears after I I spoke.
That's why I knew, when I knewI had nailed it in, and I
giggled to myself.
I'm like, if no one's crying atthe end of this, something's,
something's not working and andand I and I don't talk about
like I don't talk about, like Idon't have these huge traumatic
stories that I tell the cryingis not because they're crying at
my pain.
The crying is because they'rereleasing something within
(13:33):
themselves.
They have an acknowledgement oftheir true self.
They have a connection with whothey are meant to be.
They have a realization of whatthey need to let go of, and so
then the tears start coming.
They have a realization of whatthey need to let go of, and so
then the tears start coming.
The first time that someone cameup to me and told me that I had
changed their lives and made adifference in the 45 minutes
that I was on stage, that's whenI knew that it was something
(13:55):
that I needed to continue doing.
And now that happens almostevery time, and it's not again
me getting on stage and hockinga lung up, or me getting on
stage.
I've been on stage in themiddle of postpartum depression
and I still get oh Lea, you havethe best energy ever.
It's because I channel.
(14:16):
I channel from my radicallyauthentic self, my higher self,
the part that knows, the partthat is always going to be there
and is connected to me andconnected to everyone else.
That's also why I don't getstage fright, because I don't
put that much pressure on myself.
I am acutely aware that I mightbe the one with the cute dress
(14:37):
on and the pink lipstickstanding in the spotlight, but
it's not about me.
Without the experience in theroom and if I can just listen
properly to the way thateverything is moving and the way
that I'm hearing from spiritmoving in the room, then I'll be
just fine and, and so you knowyou talk about your authentic
(15:00):
self, and most young peopletoday they don't.
Tim (15:04):
they don't give that any thought at all.
You know they don't know whothey are, what their values are,
what their story is.
How do we teach them, how do weteach people to figure that out
, to learn who they are, to getto that point where they know
who their authentic self is andthen be able to express it and
(15:26):
tell their story?
Aleya (15:27):
So I would argue that it's not just young people, it's
everybody.
There's a lot of us out hererunning around not really truly
aware of who we are.
We are aware of certain things.
We are aware of what societytells us to be, we're aware of
our job titles, our net worth orlack thereof, we're aware of
(15:50):
our education level, all ofthose things that are very
external.
And then so, when someone asksyou who you are, those are the
things that we tell them theschool we went to, what job we
have, where we live, and we aremaking the erroneous assumption
that that is who we are, andthat is very much not true.
In order to find out who youare, you have to go internally.
(16:13):
And now I'm going to give ashameless plug.
Are you ready, tim?
Let's do it?
Are?
Tim (16:17):
you ready for my shameless plug.
Aleya (16:18):
Let's hear it.
Okay, my shameless plug is inmy bestselling book spark the
stage, which is available onamazon and anywhere books are
sold.
The first three first sectionthere are three sections is all
about exercise, as I call them,essence expeditions to get to
know your true self.
Everything from doingforgiveness work to doing
(16:40):
freeform writing, chanting,going, going outside and playing
All of those things to take offthe layers of the should, the
could, the limiting beliefs thatare on top of your true essence
, so that you can get to knowwhat it is like.
And you'll know when you aregetting close because you have a
(17:01):
feeling.
It's almost like the feeling ofreuniting with a good friend.
You'll start to kind of havethat within you, like, oh, I
have this familiar ness that Ifeel when I'm sitting and
meditating or writing orchanting or doing on a walk.
(17:23):
I feel connected to some oldfriend that I missed and that's
your first clue that you'regetting it.
And then you start havingconversations within yourself
from that place and then letthat part of you speak more to
others and you are probablygoing to be better at everything
(17:46):
that you do, not just speakingfrom the stage, but in making
decisions and deciding how you,that you want to behave and
where you want to go.
As your next step, you'll beguided from that very familiar,
radically authentic self thatalready knows it's much wiser
than your conscious self is yeah, that's a.
Tim (18:07):
Those are really really good points and and and how
you're going to change just bygiving, like, like you say,
giving that some some, some deepthought and going outside and
playing.
I mean, I mean, think, thinkabout how we live our lives now,
you know, we very rarely gooutside.
We have our faces shoved in ourcomputers or our phones or
(18:30):
iPads or whatever else.
Right, you know, we spend timein the amount of time that we
have for, or that we allow for,recreation and fun and, in
(18:50):
winding down, has has reallydiminished.
Aleya (18:56):
It really has, and we don't know what it is like many
of us to do something just forfun's sake.
Even video games are now amulti-million dollar industry.
Like the video game playing,there are video game teams.
Like there are football teams,I think, for the sheer fun of it
, go feel some sun on your face,go roll down that grassy knoll
(19:24):
like you used to when you were akid.
Life is supposed to be fun.
Yes, you're supposed to beenjoying this experience, and
it's not all the time.
There are many times in my lifewhen it was inevitable that I
was not going to enjoy a certainexperience, but as I try my
best to get back to the enjoyingof it as quickly as possible,
(19:49):
because that is where the truthlies.
Right, it's very easy tobelieve that the sadness or the
stress or the burnout or theoverwhelm, that that's the truth
, because, alayah, you don'tknow my life.
Don't you see my schedule?
Don't you see these kids I got?
Don't you see this?
This is the truth.
That's not the truth.
(20:11):
That's your perception of it,right?
Exactly, life is all about ourthoughts that we give and our
opinions that we give tocircumstances.
The circumstances themselvesare quite neutral, just change.
Change is neutral.
Your opinion of it is whatdetermines whether you think
it's good or bad.
So if you are going to decidethat you know what, this is
(20:36):
actually good.
I got laid off, that's good.
Didn't get the grade I wanted,that's also good, I'm good with
it.
I am good with all of it.
That just means that change ishappening.
Tim (20:45):
Exactly, Exactly.
And you know, that's one thingI really like about your book is
is the way that it's structured.
It creates a framework and itallows for a shift in mindset.
And it allows for a shift inmindset right.
And so how does that shift inmindset really impact a
(21:06):
speaker's effectiveness?
Because we know how it we justdescribed, how it affects us
personally in our personal lives.
But how does it affect us froma communication, public speaking
perspective, from acommunication.
Aleya (21:19):
Public speaking perspective.
90% of speaking happens off thestage.
If you are a professionalspeaker, you're on that stage
10% of your time, but the restof the time you are trying to
(21:40):
hone yourself as a human beingso that when you get on the
stage, people experience thevery best of you.
You are the very best servicethat you can be to the people in
that room.
You are facilitatingtransformations in clear and
compelling ways, using just thewords of those exact individuals
(22:01):
in front of you, whether thereare two of them or 2,000 of them
, the words that they need tomake change in their lives.
You don't just pop up on astage and stick a microphone in
your face and know how to dothat.
All of the mindset shifts, theinternal work, you letting go,
you becoming a human that ismore open and flexible and fluid
(22:25):
to be able to understand how todeliver your message in a way
that resonates with humans thatare not you, because you're not
getting up there to talk toyourself.
The work that you're doing inbetween is what allows you to do
that.
You look at people that areBroadway stars or great speakers
(22:47):
or even great actors, and yousee them for a small percentage
of time.
They've spent hours and hoursand hours honing that craft and
honing the craft of publicspeaking.
Yes, is about story structure.
Yes, it's about the storiesyou're telling.
Might even be about your slides,but it's mostly about you as a
(23:07):
human Because, let's be honest,if you took all of your content
and you wrote it in a blog post,I probably could learn it just
as well.
Or if you took that content andthen you had some app, read it
aloud you're an auditory learnerI could learn it.
That's not why I'm sittingthere in front of you, that I am
(23:28):
sitting there to be, to beconnected with, to help you
transform me, because you areusing yourself, your body, your
energy, the way you'recorralling the room to help me
get something that I cannot doon my own, which is the
(23:49):
transformation I've beendesperately seeking this entire
time, and a transformation canbe a huge life shift.
It could be an aha moment to beable to better use a technology
effectively.
Right, it doesn't matterwhether you're a motivational
speaker or a technical speakeror a marketing speaker or
whatever kind of speaker.
You're still looking to takepeople from point A to point B,
(24:10):
and the way to do that is if youtake yourself from point A to
point B, Well, just take it froman even smaller perspective,
you know, from a parent'sperspective, mother or father,
right, you've got to.
Tim (24:26):
You take this little human person who can't do anything for
themselves, and then you've gotto teach them to be that good
person and you're modelingbehavior and you're encouraging
them and you're nurturing themand you're disciplining them and
you're teaching them and all ofthese things.
(24:47):
And that's that's to me, that'spublic speaking, right, that's.
But you're, you're, maybeyou're standing on stage, maybe
you're standing in front of ateam meeting, maybe you're,
you're in an interview, it couldbe any of those things.
You want to take somebody frompoint A to point B, to point C,
to point D, whatever it is.
(25:08):
And and if we, if we look at itfrom a, from that different
perspective, and again back tothat, back to the whole mindset
thing, it's not about you.
You need to know you, but it'snot about you, it's about them
and it's about improving theirlives, improving their lot,
improving whatever it is.
That's what's powerful.
Aleya (25:29):
Yes, absolutely, I 100% agree.
Tim (25:34):
And so chapter one is about ego.
Chapter one is about ego and Italk about ego a lot because
that, to me, is something thatwe as humans, as adults, really
we put so much stock in our egoand our ego aside and what that
did for you professionally, andhow hard was that.
(25:55):
How hard is that to learn thatyou know what my ego is, what's
driving this.
My ego is what's putting me inthis position.
I need to let go of that andbecome better.
(26:17):
How hard was that for you?
Aleya (26:22):
It is an ongoing experience, tim, it is.
It's just when you think thatyou're back in the driver's seat
, because you never want to getrid of your ego, because your
ego does serve a purpose ofprotection and motivation and
direction.
So it's not that you're tryingto get rid of it, but you're
like, okay, I'm, I'm good, I can, I can take back over.
(26:45):
Now, just when you think you'rein the driver's seat, you look
over and you're kind of like inone of those cars where it's
like a driver's training, wherethere's a steering wheel on both
sides and you think that you'resteering the car but you're not
like it's insidious, like thatExactly.
(27:05):
So it's, it's a consistentcheck in.
That's why, inside of the bookI talk about, essence
expeditions is becoming a partof your regular routine.
I call it energetic hygiene.
I call it energetic hygiene.
You are the sovereign ruler ofthe energetic empire of you.
(27:25):
So welcome to Emperor Tim hereon the call.
And this is Empress Leia havinga conversation with you.
And it is up to us to keep ourempires clean and in line.
And the way to do that isthrough regular check-ins.
Doing things before you need it, right, right, tidying up
before the house looks like itshould be condemned.
Tim (27:52):
Exactly.
Aleya (27:53):
Exactly been a challenge to consistently do that,
especially as I've gone throughlots of ups and downs and all
arounds in my life these pastcouple of years and the more
that I am consistent with thethings I know to do right and I
(28:14):
am not always consistent, I amvery human but the more that I
am, the healthier I feel, themore connected I feel, the more
successful and confident I feelmoving forward.
Tim (28:26):
So how much do you think, in terms of business growth, how
much has your business acumenand growing of your business
grown because of learning how,at times, to put that ego aside?
Because, again, from thatperspective, if we're always
(28:52):
ego-driven, we have blinders onand we never see, we don't see
the things that we don't see.
We have blinders on and wenever see, we don't see the
things that we don't see.
And when we take those blindersoff from that ego and we allow
others to influence us or see,see those types of things,
(29:14):
that's to me is what I thinkwhen we, when we get that aha
moment and we can grow.
So how much have you grown froma business perspective by being
able to let that ego go attimes?
Aleya (29:22):
Oh my gosh.
So much because I've been ableto realize that I don't have to
always have it all togetherShocking.
Tim (29:34):
Shocking isn't it?
Aleya (29:36):
And trying to have it all together usually makes things
fall apart a lot faster.
So by releasing the control andallowing myself to be able to
flow with the story that I wantto tell versus the story that
I'm currently telling and beingvery clear on what that even is,
(30:01):
then I have been able to launchproducts more successfully, go
after bigger clients, trust thatI am enough and I don't need to
add or remove anything frommyself.
I am doing it and doing it well, and I deserve to be in the
room and take up the space thatI take up, because I've done the
(30:25):
work to realize that I am notmy ego.
Right, we are two separateentities, yeah.
Tim (30:35):
And that's the thing you know.
When we did the pre-interview,I was telling you about a
student who I had a conversationwith, who thought he was really
good at communication, and Iwas pointing out these things
that he wasn't doing, and hesaid, well, I don't need to
always do them, and we said, no,but you do need to do them.
And that's a perfect example ofthat student putting ego in the
(30:59):
way of opening your eyes andseeing you know what.
Let's give it a shot, let's letlet's let this go and let's
let's give trying something newa shot and see where that goes,
see where that takes us.
If he's, if he's wrong, he'swrong and what?
What's it going to hurt?
I'm still I'm still in my mind,still good at this.
It's it to understand that,even the best of the best of the
(31:23):
best that you know I come fromthe sport industry the Kobe
Bryants, the Michael Jordans,the Tom Brady's of the world
they work on fundamentals everyday.
They had coaches teaching themevery day.
They didn't get to be the bestat their position, at their
sport, by not being open tolearning new things and trying
(31:48):
new things.
Aleya (31:50):
Yeah, absolutely Absolutely, I mean, and being
coached through it.
So the real insidious bit of anego is that it will tell you
that you don't need anybody else, you can do it all alone.
You don't need to trust inanyone, you know all you need to
(32:14):
know, and that's just not thecase.
You need to be able to rely onand trust in coaches, and
whether they're formal, formercoach, formal coaches I can
speak, I promise, I'm a speakeror are there people that you
(32:35):
just know, love and trust thatcan tell you when you are not
doing it right or when somethingcould be adjusted or shifted or
changed?
And it's in those moments thatyou grow.
Kobe Bryant as a coach well,had a coach.
Rest in peace.
Michael Jordan coach right.
LeBron James, michael Jordancoach right, lebron James coach.
(32:59):
They all have coaches.
The best know that in order tobe and stay the best, you need
to have a coach.
You cannot do it alone.
And you have to be open tobeing coached.
Tim (33:15):
You can be coachable, absolutely.
You can have a coach and not becoachable, and that's you might
as well not have a coach.
Aleya (33:22):
You might as well not, and I've worked with people like
that, but have paid me money towork with people like that and
I'm just like you are wastingyour money.
I am really trying to be withyou here and it is not happening
.
So don't waste your money oryour time or somebody else's
(33:43):
time by not being coachable forsure.
Tim (33:46):
Exactly, I mean, when you're smacked at least this is
my own personal opinion when Iget smacked in the face and know
that I don't know something,the first thing that I'm doing
is I'm letting that ego go andI'm searching out people who I
know can help me there.
You know, teach me this orteach me that, you know, guide
(34:06):
me through this.
What should I be doing?
How should I be looking at it?
And it's again when I, when Iget smacked in the face like
that, it's, it's a, it's a wakeup call and knowing, okay, it's
time to put some effort intodoing those types of things.
And again, I'm just like anybodyelse.
I put blinders on, I put my egofirst at times, Like you said,
(34:29):
it's natural.
But when it's brought to yourattention, you better do
something about it, becauseyou're only hurting yourself,
You're hurting your organization, you may be hurting your
relationships personal orbusiness, whatever that is and
if you continue going down thatroad, you're going to eventually
burn bridges or get yourself inreal trouble that you're not
(34:52):
going to be able to get out of.
Aleya (34:54):
Yeah, yeah, absolutely I agree.
I think that's really astutefor sure, yeah, absolutely I
agree.
Tim (35:01):
I think that's really astute for sure.
So the second phase of yourbook it's called Get Clear, and
here's where you're reallytrying to help them develop
their presentation, their story,their talks.
How would you describe it?
Aleya (35:23):
Okay, yeah, absolutely.
So the three are get real, getclear and get connected.
So getting clear is reallyabout like, okay, let's talk
about the storytellingframeworks that you need, as
well as the outline that youneed to be able to make sense on
stage, because, yes, you needto be magnetic, yes, you need a
(35:46):
channel, but if you don't makeno sense, ain't nobody listening
to you.
You have to make sense whenyou're on stage and people have
to be captivated from the veryfirst thing that comes out of
your mouth.
And, for me, one of my biggestpet peeves is when people go on
stage and they start like thankyou for being here, oh, I'm so
(36:09):
glad.
Oh, hey, susie, I see you inthe front row.
Oh, yes, oh, is that theweather?
Am I right?
And it's like, oh, my gosh.
Well, this person gets startedalready Five minutes later later
and they start clicking througha slide and by that point in
time, you've lost them.
You've lost them.
You've lost them.
So the very first thing thatcomes out of your mouth needs to
(36:32):
be the start of a grand storyarc that you're taking them
through, from the beginning ofyour presentation to the end of
your presentation.
It needs to capture them like.
The first line of my book issomething along the lines of uh,
I started my entrepreneurialcareer as the victim of an
abusive relationship.
(36:54):
Right, people go oh wait, what?
Let's, let me lean into that I?
I wasn't really going to listenbefore, I wasn't sure about
this, but now I'm captivated.
Exactly Right, right, I justproduced.
I'm very proud of myself.
I co-produced my very firstspeaking event where I was on
the other side.
I was choosing the speakers and, of course, I spoke myself.
(37:16):
And one of my favorites hername was Katie Chen Mazar and
she told these were just sevento ten minute stories.
She told this harrowing tale ofher aunt, and the first line of
her story was something alongthe lines of I had never seen
horror depicted in the fleshuntil I saw the burned body of
(37:39):
my Aunt, alice when I was 16.
Tim (37:41):
Oh, my God.
Right, you're listening to therest of that right.
Aleya (37:46):
Yeah absolutely.
And then from there you knowwe're all crying by the end.
I cry every time.
I heard that story and I helpedher craft it and it's still.
I was still crying when shetold it right, yeah, you capture
them and you don't let them goRight and you hold on by
articulating the problem thatyou're solving.
(38:07):
The stories that you are usingto articulate the problem, and
having a clean and clearstructure to your presentation
is key to making people realizethat they could not have gotten
this from just reading a blogpost Right.
Tim (38:19):
Key to making people realize that they could not have
gotten this from just reading ablog post.
Right, because you know, we'veall read blogs.
We've all read these types ofthings.
Honestly, if I'm readingsomething, and that's the first
line, I'm not reading anymorebecause I don't need to, I don't
, I don't.
You know what I mean.
I don't need to read that.
(38:40):
I love true crime, true crimepodcasts.
I love true crime podcasts.
And I went and my youngestgrandson was baptized this past
weekend and on the way back, oh,congratulations.
It was pretty awesome.
It was pretty awesome.
My wife was with me in the car.
I said, okay, it's time for anew podcast and she put one on.
(39:00):
Was with me in the car.
I said, okay, it's time for anew podcast and she put one on
and it was about uh, firststarted out some father was
sexually molested his daughter.
I said, okay, we're done withthat one.
Aleya (39:09):
I'm done and we're done.
Tim (39:10):
I'm not listening to that, you know, but but when you're,
when you're on stage and youhear a something that's that
grabs your attention like that,not only are you listening but,
like you said, you're actuallyleaning in and riveted by the
story, exactly.
And hanging on to every word,every sentence, every pause,
(39:34):
every sniffle, everything thatgoes into that everything that,
that that goes into that andyou're waiting for the.
Aleya (39:47):
So what?
Which is also one of the thingsthat you need to keep in mind
as a speaker.
So if she had just gotten upand told that story and made
everybody cry for no reason,you'd always you almost start to
resent her, why would you dothat to me, like, yeah, why
would you do that to me?
I was having a great day untilyou came along.
But that was not the point ofher story.
(40:07):
The reason why her aunt um setherself on fire was because she
had been sold into a brothel byher father and then at one when
she was like 13 or somethinglike that super a child.
(40:28):
And then when one of the johnspromised to take her out and
promise to the world and thenreneged on the promise, she felt
hopeless because then she hadgotten pregnant, she had a baby,
and when her baby was like fouror five she set herself on fire
because, again, money.
So she was sold into theslavery because of money.
(40:48):
She felt hopeless because shenow didn't have the money to get
out of the situation and thenshe eventually took her life
about 15 years after that, usingpills because her daughter was
financially then able to takecare of herself.
So money ruled this woman's life, or the lack thereof, and the
whole point of the story was noone should have to feel like
(41:12):
they are in any difficultsituation that they can't get
out of because of money.
So she urged the audience.
Her aunt's name or pseudonym wasAlice and she said I encourage
you to create your Alice fund sothat you never have to be in a
situation that's as desperate asmy aunt was in, because there
(41:34):
are many women that are in manyof those situations all over the
world.
So it was to create your AliceFund and to understand what you
are saving yourself from.
And so at the end, I feel likealmost everybody opened up their
wells far by at least transfer$50 in some account.
Right, you were motivated, youwere inspired and you realized
the importance of money to yourfreedom as a human being and
(41:58):
especially as a woman.
That was the point of the story.
So when you're up herecaptivating the audience,
telling these stories, you haveto keep the so what in mind,
because without the so what,you're up there again, you've
accidentally stepped out of thereal driver's seat into the
vague one and your ego isdriving the show telling you
(42:19):
that you need to pretend to bean expert and show everybody how
good you are, rather thangiving them what they need and
being of service right yeah,that's, that's a.
I'm stuck on the story againsorry, no, it's, it's because it
(42:41):
was one of those stories but?
Tim (42:42):
but I had a conversation with a woman right before I left
to go to to the baptism lastweek and she was sex sex
trafficked by her mother, her.
This was in the early 70s, backwhen fathers couldn't get
custody of kids.
Her father finally got custodyof her, then died a year later
(43:07):
from cancer.
Then she was in a horrible caraccident where she had some
severe brain trauma.
It took her three years oftherapy to be able to walk and
talk and think like normal.
It gets worse, oh my gosh.
She was then shot at the at theLas Vegas country concert.
(43:29):
She was pregnant and she waspregnant with twins and lost
both twins.
Aleya (43:35):
Oh my God, this poor woman's life, oh my gosh.
And she is alive to tell all ofthose tales.
Tim (43:47):
Yes, and again her.
So what comes back toresilience and that that allowed
her to be able to recover fromthose things and and offer
support and services to otherpeople.
And I'm thinking about it andso you know, and I'm I'm worried
that you know I'm my my day isshot because I didn't get the
trash out right, right.
Aleya (44:10):
it also stories like that help to also put things into
perspective.
Perspective, exactly, yes, yeah.
Tim (44:18):
Exactly.
Aleya (44:28):
So, but my life isn't that bad, right?
Well, I think that there's.
It puts it into perspective,but I also don't want to negate
it, because just because youhave not been sold into sex
trafficking does not mean thatyou aren't struggling with
something exactly, but what itdoes show you is that, no matter
what your struggle is, peoplecan and do overcome including
you, right, and not just notjust but thrive and and thrive,
(44:54):
but thrive, exactly, exactly solet's get back to your book,
which is much more fun and andexciting, and and, and, and, uh,
so, so the third section of thebook is is the get connected
section, and it and it helpspeople um, put everything
together to actually get onstage.
(45:16):
Yes.
So the book is really from soupto nuts how to be a good
speaker and how to make moneydoing it.
So the second part is here ishow you get together your media
kit, here's how you put togethera pitch, here's where to find
speaking engagements, here'spricing which is like the wild,
(45:39):
wild west, and everything thatyou will need so that, by the
end, you will confidently beable to go out and get speaking
engagements.
I will say that it is not hardto get on a stage.
You're like what?
It's really not.
There are open calls and callsfor speakers all the time.
(46:05):
The challenge is that peopledon't apply, or they don't know
where to go or where to apply orwhat to do.
So what you need to do is justput yourself out there so that
you can get on that stage.
And yes, you might do yourfirst one for free.
You might not, but getting thatexperience and, most
importantly, getting some videoof you having that experience,
(46:26):
is going to be key, becausespeaking begets speaking.
So the more that you speak, themore that you speak.
So I encourage you to juststart speaking, start applying
and refine as you go from there.
Tim (46:41):
And get over that, that, that self-talk, the imposter
syndrome that nobody else isdoing to you but you, because if
you get on the stage or you gethired, you're there for a
reason.
They hired you for a reason.
They want you there for areason, whatever it is that
you're, they want you there fora reason, whatever it is, that
you're telling yourself thatyou're not good enough, you
shouldn't be there, that you'redoing that to yourself.
(47:01):
Cut it out.
Not only are you good enough,they actually want you to be
there, they want to hear you,they want to hear your story,
they want to give you themessage.
So let it go.
Aleya (47:13):
Exactly.
I think that is incredibly goodadvice.
Tim (47:18):
Where'd you get the name for the book Spark this Age?
Because it's catchy.
Aleya (47:29):
Well, thank you.
Tim (47:29):
And then you couple it with your I mean your whole brand, I
think is you know, and then youcouple it with your, I mean
your whole brand.
I think is great, you're alwayson brand, it's noticeable.
Aleya (47:42):
But the name to the book.
Where did that come from?
So it actually was from one ofmy friends.
I was having an existentialcrisis and I was like who am I
Like?
What do I do?
Like, if you had to put me inwords, what would you do?
And we came up with the wordspark.
The spark for your spark,because that is what I do
naturally.
I don't I had done it for herand it's what I naturally do for
(48:04):
lots of of people.
So when it came for to writingthe book and I was thinking
about basically a lot of thethings that we're talking about
here, which is not really notbeing about you when you're on
stage, I said, well, I amsparking their spark, but then
(48:41):
they're sparking it, you'relighting it up, you're creating
a bright light in that room.
That is undeniable, and it's alight of love, it's a light of
transformation, it's a light ofhope, it's a light of clarity
that gets sparked when you steponto that stage by you being
(49:02):
your radically authentic self.
So, while I am sparking yourspark when you read the book,
you're going to spark everyoneelse.
Tim (49:11):
That's awesome and it's so true, mm.
Hmm, that's awesome and andit's so true it's.
I tell people a lot we, youknow, we just had the election.
It is what it is and you knowyou can't necessarily worry
about the bigger picture.
You can only do so much.
But if you worry about thepeople that are close to you,
that inner circle, the peoplethat you touch, and hopefully
(49:33):
that you can affect them and andthey'll affect somebody, and
then they'll affect somebody,and that's where that ripple
effect comes from, and that'sexactly what you're doing, it's
perfect.
Aleya (49:44):
Yes, yes, absolutely, absolutely.
Tim (49:48):
So is there?
Is there anything else that wedidn't talk about?
That our listeners really needto know Besides going to buy the
book on amazon.
Spark this age on amazon, we'regonna get that to at least two
or three more times.
Aleya (50:02):
Two or three more times, they're gonna slide it on in
there, um, and write it and thenplease leave a review.
Reviews matter, um, a lot,actually we do.
I want you, if you're sittingand listening to me and I've
been talking about stories andstorytelling to answer a
question for you that you mightbe asking yourself, that many of
(50:24):
my students ask when they firstcome to me, which is Do I have
a story to tell and does anybodyactually care?
A story to tell and doesanybody actually care?
(50:46):
And my definitive, clear andconfident answer to you is yes.
Yes, there just waiting for youto tell the story because they
need to hear it from your mouth,in your way, with your exact
(51:08):
history surrounding it, and bynot telling that story, you're
robbing a whole potentialsegment of humans from their
transformation by not sharingyours.
So I really encourage you tostep into the power of the story
, step into the power ofyourself and tell it, because
you are the only one who can.
Tim (51:30):
That is so 100% accurate and your story isn't wrong.
Aleya (51:38):
No, it is not.
Tim (51:41):
That, if you know, I think you know, we, we, we opened up
with you know being authentic.
And this is just this pieceright here I think is just as
important.
Everybody has a story.
Everybody can share their story.
(52:01):
You should be fine with tellingyour story and it's there, you
can do it.
As my youngest daughter, who's31 now.
She says Dad, I believe in you.
I said thank you, sweetie.
Oh, that's so sweet, but youhave to start believing in
yourself and there are peopleout there that also believe in
you and you know, if you buildthat network and you build that
(52:24):
support system, that's what wedo.
I would much, from myperspective, who I am, I would
much rather lift other people upand have them succeed and watch
them go and and and besuccessful than than me.
My success is is nothing if you, if you don't succeed, period,
and that's um.
Aleya (52:44):
Yep Absolutely, absolutely.
Tim (52:47):
So, anyway, so, um, I hear you have a book out.
Yes, have you heard about it?
It's called Spark the Stage,spark the Stage.
Where can people buy it?
Aleya (52:56):
It's available on Amazon and anywhere books are sold
actually.
Tim (53:03):
And I'll tell you it's a phenomenal book.
I'll be honest, I'm much morepartial to the first section and
the third section.
I love them.
I mean the whole thing is good,but I think it's more the way
my mind is.
I'm a structure, I'm a systemsguy, you know.
Yes and so but I mean theframework of the book is perfect
(53:29):
.
I mean again from myperspective, because it lays it
out for you.
If you do this and you and youput the work into it, it's not
just read the book and then gooff and do it.
You have there's work that'sinvolved in these things.
There's there's criticalthinking, for for you as an
individual, you actually have toto to spend some time doing the
(53:50):
work and then you're going toget a really good result.
Aleya (53:53):
Yeah, absolutely, absolutely, absolutely.
That's it.
It's literally from soup tonuts step zero to 100 of how to
become a confident, professionalpublic speaker who has a story
that people are excited to hear.
Tim (54:11):
Absolutely.
And where else can people findyou Excited to hear Absolutely?
Aleya (54:15):
And where else can people find you?
People can find me atalayaharriscom
A-L-E-Y-A-H-A-R-R-I-S dot com.
Tim (54:21):
And you have some really good services too.
I mean your masterclass, yeah,we have a free masterclass on
there.
Aleya (54:28):
You can also buy the book on there and my course Spark
the Stage.
This course is really great ifyou want to know if you're doing
it right.
So if you read the book andyou're like, this is great.
But I really certainly wouldlove Alayah to tell me if I'm on
the right track, if my talk isgoing to resonate, if my media
(54:49):
kit looks right.
Am I looking in the rightplaces?
That's the beauty of the course, because then you get the
content of the book in videos.
But then you also get acommunity and you get to talk to
me Like let's hang out and Ican tell you 100% whether you're
doing it right or not orwhether we need to tweak it.
And if you're struggling withsomething in a particular area,
I can help you find theresources so that you can get on
(55:13):
that stage.
Tim (55:14):
That's awesome and I would encourage everybody to number
one buy the book.
Number two connect with Aaliyahand reach out to her, because
if she can teach you even halfto get half the energy and half
of this, you guys are going tobe successful.
No matter what, I promise youthat.
Aleya (55:32):
Oh, thanks Tim, Thanks Tim.
Tim (55:34):
Thank you so much for joining us.
I really do appreciate it.
You take care and I'll talk toyou soon.
Thanks, you too.
Be sure to visitspeakingwithconfidencepodcastcom
to join our growing communityand register for the Formula for
Public Speaking course.
Always remember your voice hasthe power to change the world.
We'll talk to you next time,Take care.
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