How to Communicate with Difficult Coworkers | Tim Newman

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Have you ever left a meeting feeling like you spent the whole time talking about yourself—or maybe stuck listening to someone else do it? On this episode of Speaking with Confidence, I’m diving into a challenge that creeps into nearly every workplace: dealing with the “me monster” and transforming conversations to actually build connection, trust, and meaningful collaboration.

I’m Tim Newman, your host, communication coach, and former college professor. This week, I’m tackling the tricky question: How do you handle difficult coworkers or even notice when you might be the “difficult one” yourself? In this episode, you won’t have to guess—I’ll show you simple ways to spot the habits that undermine teamwork and share a repeatable blueprint for having conversations that truly make a difference.

We start by recognizing an all-too-common office scenario: a team frantically working on a crashed server, while one coworker (let’s call her Sarah) dominates the conversation with off-topic stories about her weekend. While Sarah isn’t a villain—just another busy teammate slipping into autopilot—her “me monster” tendencies chip away at team cohesion and productivity. I’ll walk you through how science explains this instinct and why our brains so easily 

Here’s what you’ll walk away with:

• An honest look at what drives the “me monster” and how to recognize it in yourself and others
• Three red flags that signal you’re derailing conversations
• John Maxwell’s five-step Law of Connection—how to set your agenda aside, ask great questions, lean in, recall meaningful details, and follow-up
• Practical ways to apply a collaboration mindset, even with the toughest coworkers, and scripts you can start using today
• Awareness of how small communication changes can build trust, psychological safety, and unlock creative solutions on any team
• A micro-experiment for your next meeting to shift from “me-first” to shared success

Thanks for joining me on Speaking with Confidence. Remember, your voice has the power to change the dynamic of any team and every conversation. Keep practicing, keep connecting, and I’ll see you next time!

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Episode Transcript

Tim Newman (00:08):
Welcome back to Speaking with Confidence, a
podcast that helps you build thesoft skills that lead to real
results.
Communication, storytelling,public speaking, and showing up
with confidence in everyconversation that counts.
I'm Tim Newman, a recoveringcollege professor turned
communication coach, and I'mthrilled to guide you on a
journey to becoming a powerfulcommunicator.
How many of you have adifficult coworker you have to

(00:30):
deal with on a regular basis?
If you cannot identify adifficult coworker, that person
may just be you.
It's kind of like the slowplayer in a golf warsome.
The slow player never thinksthey're playing slow.
And the difficult coworkerdoesn't realize they are the
difficult one.
Have you ever finished aconversation and realize you

(00:50):
spent the whole time talkingabout yourself?
That's your inner me monster,quietly wrecking your workplace
relationships.
And in this episode, I'll showyou how to flip that script.
We'll combine John Maxwell'sLaw of Connection with Ryan
Leake's collaboration mindset soyou can run one intentional
conversation that actuallychanges how coworkers respond.

(01:11):
You'll also see this play outthrough a mix of real-world role
plays and quick teachingmoments that make the shift easy
to follow.
So let's start by meeting oneMii Monster up close.
The Mii Monster epidemic showsup in workplaces more often than
we'd like to admit.
Picture this a marketing teamscrambling with a crashing

(01:34):
server and urgent deadlines, butone teammate, let's call her
Sarah, is rambling on about thehot tub at her Airbnb.
While everyone else is tryingto solve the crisis, she's lost
in her own story.
And that's the essence of a memonster, turning every
conversation into me, me, me,even when the timing couldn't be

(01:55):
worse.
The impact of this behaviorisn't just irritation.
While Sarah goes on about herweekend, critical issues are
ignored and details slip furtherout of reach.
Teams like hers pay a real-timecost.
Employees spend an average of3.2 hours every week just
untangling poorly communicatedinformation, time that could

(02:18):
have been spent on actual work.
And on top of that, researchshows that 63% of workers
believe at least half of theirco-workers are poor
communicators.
When one person regularlydominates conversations, they
amplify those frustrations andspread more breakdowns across
the team.
Science helps explain why thishappens.

(02:39):
Researchers point out thatself-related material is
especially salient to ourbrains, which is why under
stress or excitement we soeasily default to personal
stories.
Sarah isn't intentionallysabotaging her team.
Like many of us, she's justrunning on autopilot, unaware of
how often she redirects thespotlight back to herself.

(03:00):
But the fallout is real.
Collaboration erodes, moraledips, and colleagues start to
disengage.
Over time, people stopvolunteering ideas because they
assume no one's truly listening.
The first step to changing thisdynamic is being able to see it
in ourselves.
So here are three quick signsyou might be slipping into knee

(03:23):
monster territory.
Number one, you keep steeringconversations back to your own
experiences.
Number two, you miss bodylanguage that signals let me
jump in.
And three, you realize youdon't know much about your
coworkers beyond service leveldetails.
Sarah checks all three, andit's holding her back.

(03:44):
The promising part, you don'thave to stay stuck there.
There's a clear framework thathelps retrain those habits, and
it begins with shifting how youenter a conversation.
What if you had astraightforward rhythm you could
follow to make anyone feelgenuinely heard?
That's exactly what JohnMaxwell's Connection Blueprint

(04:04):
offers.
It's a five-step system thatturns everyday conversations
into real points of trust andunderstanding.
Let's take Sarah again.
She starts with step one.
Set aside your agenda.
At first she goes through themotions, she asks her teammate,
how was your weekend?
But her body language gives heraway.

(04:25):
Tapping fingers and dartingeyes make it obvious she isn't
really listening.
The conversation stalls beforeit even begins.
But when she applies theblueprint, she changes the
approach.
She notices a coworker sigh infrustration and instead asks,
What part's giving you the mosttrouble?
That simple curious follow-upunlocks something.

(04:48):
Instead of the generic smalltalk, her teammate share was
actually wrong and gives Sarah achance to understand and
respond.
Research on connection andtrust emphasizes that genuine
follow-up questions send animplicit message, that your
input actually matters.
That message is what buildspsychological safety in real

(05:09):
time.
The second step is to keepasking curious questions that
dig just beneath the surface.
You're not interrogating,you're showing that you care
enough to learn what's actuallygoing on.
Step three is to lean into themoment.
When Sarah sees two coworkersrubbing their eyes during a
tense meeting, she suggests acoffee run.

(05:30):
It isn't a grand gesture, butit diffuses the tension and
signals I see you.
Shared micro moments like thisare what strengthen bonds across
the team.
Step four is about making smallexperiences memorable.
Sarah starts recalling detailslater, asking about a
colleague's child's recital daysafterward.

(05:51):
That small recall shows respectand cements that connection far
more than any small talk could.
And step five is to keep theconnection alive.
A quick follow-up or a shortemail or even remembering
someone's name when it mattersdemonstrates consistency.
These five steps quiet youragenda, ask deeper questions,

(06:13):
lean in, create moments, andfollow up form a repeatable
rhythm backed by leadershipresearch emphasizing trust,
respect, and genuine care.
Here's a practice you can trytoday.
In your next meeting, giveyourself a small rule.
Ask one curious question forevery two comments you make.
That tiny adjustment keeps youfocused on connection instead of

(06:35):
performance.
And while this blueprinttransforms regular interactions,
it raises the harder question.
What happens when the personacross from you is resistant or
even difficult?
That's where the next piececomes in.
Collaboration requires anintentional decision.
It doesn't just unfold on itsown.
Sarah faces her toughestchallenge yet when she's paired

(06:58):
with Mark, the office skepticshoots down nearly every idea.
Her instinct is to push back,sharpening defensive comebacks,
but she catches herself.
Instead of escalating, sheremembers Ryan League's
principle.
Begin by assuming positiveintent.
She tries a different route andasks, what would make this

(07:20):
project worth your time?
That one question services Markreal concern.
He's overloaded with impossibletimelines, not uninterested in
contributing.
Once Sarah shifts her mindsetfrom defending her ideas to
exploring his perspective, theconversation changes.
Together, they redesign thetimeline around his workload

(07:40):
while leaving space for hercreative suggestions.
And what originally looked likeresistance turns out to be
insight into recurring problemsthat need solving.
The collaboration mindsetreframes conflict not as a wall,
but as an opening.
And assuming positive intentlowers defensiveness and invites
problem solving.
Now still, it's important tonote that this isn't a license

(08:04):
to ignore harmful behavior.
It works best as a practicaldefault.
Begin with generosity, thentake outcomes and boundaries
seriously.
As Sarah and Mark continue,they practice small but critical
habits, surfacing assumptions,inviting challenges, and
clarifying interests withoutlocking into rigid positions.

(08:25):
Research across leadership andorganizational studies
consistently shows teams thatoperate this way turn friction
into creative solutions moreoften.
This is the environmentGoogle's Project Aristotle
highlighted, where psychologicalsafety, trust, and open
communication drive performancefar more than individual star

(08:46):
talent alone.
Sarah now models this by sayingthings like, I'm assuming we
need client approval first, am Ioff?
Instead of droppingdecorations, she leaves space
for Mark to refine or redirect,which builds trust.
The chain shows most clearlywhen they debate a vendor.
Sarah suggests they first listmust-haves instead of pushing

(09:06):
her favorite.
Mark prioritizes technicalsupport.
She values creativeflexibility.
And side by side, they identifya vendor neither had
considered, but one thatsatisfies both priorities.
And that's a result neitherwould have reached alone.
To start building this mindsetyourself, try the assume and ask

(09:27):
script.
Say, I'm assuming X.
Am I missing something?
What would make this worth yourtime?
That simple phrasing keepsdialogue open and constructive,
even when the stakes run high.
And the truth is, oneintentional shift like this can
start changing everything abouthow your workday feels.

(09:47):
Start with one intentionalconversation today.
Tomorrow, in your next meeting,try this micro experiment.
For every two times you want toshare your own story, pause and
ask one follow-up questioninstead.
Notice how that shifts the toneof the exchange.
You control your side of theinteraction.
Curiosity and small habitchanges influence how others

(10:10):
respond over time and buildcredibility, even if colleagues
don't change immediately.
Remember, assume positiveintent as a baseline, but also
watch the impact and setboundaries if patterns become
harmful.
Remember, we're looking forprogress, not perfection.
That's all for today.com to getyour free ebook, The Top 21

(10:35):
Challenges for Public Speakers,and How to Overcome Them.
You can also register for theFormula for Public Speaking
Force.
Always remember, your voice isa power changer.
We'll talk to you next time.
Take care.