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November 6, 2025 14 mins

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Have you ever felt that sinking feeling during a meeting or conversation when you realize you’re losing the room—people are checking their phones, yawning, or just looking right through you? In this episode of Speaking with Confidence, I tackle exactly that challenge: how to read the room and respond in real time so you stay connected, engaged, and in control whenever you speak.

As someone who transitioned from being a college professor to a communication coach, I’ve seen firsthand how common these scenarios are—and I know how disheartening it can be when you feel your message isn’t landing. But here’s the good news: reading a room and understanding the invisible feedback loop in every group interaction isn’t an innate superpower. It’s a practical set of observation skills that anyone can learn and refine.

Here’s what we covered in this episode:

  • Why reading the room is about observation, not mind-reading—and why anyone can learn it
  • The big myth about social intelligence—and how being a better observer is the real secret
  • The four universal behavioral cues that signal audience engagement (phone checking, yawning, fidgeting, blank stares)
  • Real-world examples: what these cues mean in meetings, networking events, and interviews
  • The importance of interpreting cues in context (and the dangers of knee-jerk misinterpretations)
  • Easy, low-pressure ways to scan a room and spot behavioral patterns
  • How to respond when you see signs of disengagement—without making it awkward or calling people out
  • Techniques to shift energy, boost engagement, and reset the group dynamic
  • Transitioning from self-consciousness to others-awareness to become a more intentional and confident communicator
  • A simple exercise to practice observation skills in your next meeting

By the end of this episode, you’ll have a set of repeatable techniques to help you read any room and respond with confidence—no matter the situation. Remember, it’s about progress, not perfection, and every conversation is a chance to build this skill.

If you want to dive deeper, head over to speakingwithconfidencepodcast.com to grab your free eBook on overcoming the top public speaking challenges, and check out the format for the Public Speaking course. Your voice is powerful, and it’s time to use it to change your world.


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Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Tim Newman (00:08):
Welcome back to Speaking of Company.
Podcast helps you build thesoft skills that lead to real
results.
Communication, storytelling,public speaking, and showing up
with confidence in everyconversation that counts.
I'm Tim Newman, a recoverycollege professor turn
communication coach, and I'mthrilled to guide you on your
journey to becoming a powerfulcommunicator.
Have you ever been in a meetingwhere you're talking and

(00:29):
suddenly you notice three peopleare on the phones?
Or how about at a networkingevent where you're telling a
story and someone yawns right inthe middle of your sentence?
That sinking feeling thatyou're losing the room, that's
what we're talking about today.
The problem isn't that you'reboring or that your content is
bad.
It's that you're having aone-way conversation while

(00:50):
missing the invisible feedbackloop that's happening right in
front of you.
The good news?
Reading a room isn't somemagical social talent you're
either born with or without.
It's a set of practicalobservation skills that anyone
can learn.
I'm going to show you how tospot the four key behavioral
patterns that reveal exactlywhat's happening in any group

(01:12):
situation.
And you'll walk away withtechniques you can use in your
very next meeting orconversation to stay connected
and in control.
First, let's start by debunkingthe biggest myth about social
intelligence, that it's innate.
People who seem to just get thesocial dynamics aren't psychic,
they're just better observers.

(01:33):
They've learned what to lookfor, and more importantly, what
those observations actuallymean.
You're not trying to become amind reader.
You're learning to recognizepatterns.
Specifically, we're focusing onfour universal behavioral cues
that give you immediate feedbackon your audience's engagement
level.
First is phone checking.

(01:55):
When someone pulls out theirphone during your presentation
or conversation, it's the mostobvious sign of disconnection.
But here's what most peoplemiss it's not always about
rudeness.
Often it's a signal that you'velost their attention and
they're seeking stimulationelsewhere.
The key is noticing whetherit's one person discreetly
checking a time, which might beharmless, or multiple people

(02:18):
fully engaging with theirdevices, which means you've lost
the group.
The second is yawning.
We often take yawningpersonally, but it's actually
more about energy drain thanboredom.
In a team meeting, yawning canindicate that the room's energy
has dropped, often becauseyou've been talking too long
without involving others, orbecause the content has become

(02:40):
too dense.
A single yawn might meansomeone didn't sleep well.
Multiple yawns across the room,that's your signal that the
energy needs some shifting.
Third is fidgeting.
This includes tapping pens,shifting positions frequently,
playing with jewelry, orconstant leg bouncing.

(03:01):
Fidgeting typically showsrestlessness or anxiety.
In an interview setting, ifyour candidate starts fidgeting
when you ask certain questions,it might indicate discomfort
with the topic.
In a team meeting, widespreadfidgeting suggests people are
ready to move on or need moreinteraction.
And fourth is blank stares.

(03:22):
These glassy eyed looks wherepeople are physically present
but have mentally checked out.
This is often misinterpreted asboredom, but it's more
frequently a sign of confusionor lack of understanding.
When people can't follow yourlogic or don't understand your
point, their brains essentiallyshut down rather than struggle
to keep up.

(03:43):
Now, the trick to spottingthese cues without making people
uncomfortable is to use yourperipheral vision.
Instead of staring directly atindividuals, scan the room.
Notice patterns rather thanfocusing on specific people.
Look for clusters of behavior.
If two people start fidgetingaround at the same time, that's

(04:04):
more significant than one persondoing it alone.
But here's a crucial point.
Simply noticing these behaviorsis useless if you don't
understand what they actuallymean in context.
Observation withoutinterpretation is just data
collection.
And this is where emotionalintelligence comes into play.

(04:25):
Reading a room isn't aboutmemorizing illicit behaviors and
their meanings.
It's about understanding theunderlying emotional states
those behaviors represent.
Let's break down what each cuesignifies in different contexts,
because the same behavior canmean very different things
depending on the situation.
In team meetings, blank staresoften indicate confusion rather

(04:48):
than boredom.
When you're presenting complexinformation and you see those
glassy eyes, it's usually a signthat people have hit a
comprehension barrier.
They're not bored, they'relost.
And this is your cue to pauseand ask, would it help if I walk
through that last point again?
Or let me put this another way.
The mistake most presentersmake is seeing blank stares and

(05:11):
they start talking faster, whichonly deepens the confusion.
At networking events, phonechecking often signals overwhelm
rather than rudeness.
Social situations can bedraining for many people, and
glancing at a phone might be acoping mechanism for social
anxiety.
If you're talking to someonewho keeps checking their device,
it might mean they need amoment to recharge rather than

(05:34):
that you're not interested inyou.
Instead of taking itpersonally, you could say, I
know these events can beintense.
Would you like to grab a coffeeand continue our conversation
somewhere quieter?
During interviews, fidgetingusually indicates nervousness
rather than disinterest.
A candidate playing with herpen or shifting in her seat is

(05:54):
likely anxious about making agood impression.
This is actually valuableinformation.
It shows they care about theopportunity.
Recognizing this allows you tohelp them relax by saying
something like, I knowinterviews can be
nerve-wracking.
Please know this is just aconversation.
This not only helps themperform better, but also shows

(06:15):
your emotional intelligence asan interviewer.
The danger of misinterpretingcues without context is that
you'll make the wrongadjustments.
If you see yawning in a meetingand assume boredom, you might
try to be more entertaining.
What people really need is afive-minute break or a change in
topic.
If you see phone checking andassume rudeness, you might

(06:36):
become defensive when the personactually just needs you to be
more concise.
Let's do a quick exercise ofpractices.
Imagine you're leading a teammeeting about a new project.
You notice Sarah keeps lookingat her phone.
Mark is yawning, and severalpeople have blank stares.
Based on emotional intelligenceprinciples, what's likely

(06:57):
happening?
Sarah might be waiting for animportant message about another
project.
Mark might have been up latewith his kids.
The blank stares probably meanyour explanation of the new
workflow isn't clear.
Instead of getting frustrated,you'd address the comprehension
issue first, then check ifanyone needs to step out
briefly.

(07:17):
The pattern here is moving fromobservation to interpretation
to appropriate response.
Now that you understand whatthese cues actually mean, let's
talk about how to respondeffectively in real time and
what to do when you see them.
Remember, the goal isn't toperform dramatic shifts that
call attention to yourself, butto make subtle adjustments that

(07:39):
bring the room back to younaturally.
When you notice the phonechecking, the most effective
response is often to create animmediate reason for engagement.
So instead of getting louder ormore animated, try asking a
direct question to someone who'sdrifting.
Sarah, I'd love yourperspective on this point.
Works because it's inclusiverather than confrontational.

(08:02):
Or shift to a more interactiveformat.
Let's break it into pairs fortwo minutes to discuss this
concept.
The key is creating a naturaltransition that makes putting
phones away feel more like theobvious choice.
For yawning, you need toaddress the energy drain
directly.
If you see multiple peopleyawning, it's usually a sign

(08:22):
that you've been in presentationmode for too long.
And the simplest fix is tochange the physical dynamic.
Say, let's all stand up for amoment and stretch.
Or why don't we move over tothe whiteboard for this next
part?
Changing people's physicalposition automatically changes
their mental state.
If standing isn't practical,even switching from slides to a

(08:44):
quick discussion can reset theenergy.
And when you observe fidgeting,your response should be calming
and grounding.
People fidget when they feelrestless or anxious, so adding
more stimulation will backfire.
Instead, slow your paceslightly, lower your voice
rather than raise it, and usemore pauses between your points.

(09:06):
You might say, let me pausehere because this is important.
Which gives people a moment toreset.
In one-on-one situations likeinterviews, acknowledging the
tension can be powerful.
I know this can feel like a lotto process.
Choose empathy while helpingthem relax.
Blank stares requireclarification and re-engagement.

(09:27):
When you see those glassy eyes,it's usually a comprehension
issue.
The worst thing you can do istalk faster or add more
information.
Instead, pause and check forunderstanding.
Say something like, I want tomake sure I'm explaining this
clearly.
What questions are coming upfor people?
Or use a concrete example, suchas, let me make this practical.

(09:52):
Here's what this looks like inour daily workflow.
The goal is to bridge the gapbetween abstract concepts and
tangible application.
Building this observationreaction feedback loop takes
practice, but becomes intuitiveover time.
The sequence is always noticethe pattern, interpret its

(10:13):
meaning based on context, thenimplement the appropriate
response.
What's fascinating is that asyou get better at this, you'll
start anticipating these momentsrather than just reacting to
them.
Developing the habit ofconstant subtle room scanning is
like developing any muscle.
It feels awkward at first, butbecomes automatic.

(10:33):
And the key is to make yourscanning brief and periodic
rather than constant staring.
Glance around the room everyminute or two, looking for
clusters of behavior rather thanfocusing on individuals.
Notice if multiple people areshowing the same cue around the
same time.
That's when you know it's aroom-wide issue rather than an
individual quirk.

(10:54):
These skills aren't aboutmanipulation, they're about
connection.
When you respond appropriatelyto the cues you're seeing,
you're showing people thatyou're paying attention to their
experience, not just deliveringyour content.
And what happens with regularpractice is that this process
transforms from conscious effortto natural intuition.
At first, you'll be mentallychecking off cues like a

(11:17):
checklist.
Okay, I see phones, so I needto ask a question.
But after a few weeks ofintentional practice, you'll
start noticing these patternsautomatically, and your
responses will feel more fluidand natural.
And the confidence that comesfrom understanding group
dynamics is profound.
Instead of that nagging anxietyabout where the people are

(11:38):
engaged, you'll have actualdata.
You'll know when you'reconnecting because you'll see
the signs.
People leaning forward, makingeye contact, nodding along.
And you'll know when you'relosing them because you'll
recognize the early morningsigns before the entire room
checks out.
This awareness changes yourrole in any group situation.
You become an intentional,responsive communicator rather

(12:00):
than someone just deliveringinformation.
You start anticipating needsrather than reacting to
problems.
In team meetings, you'll noticewhen the energy is dipping and
know exactly how to bring itback.
In networking situations,you'll recognize when someone
needs a different approach andadjust accordingly.
The most valuable shift ismoving from self-consciousness

(12:22):
to others' awareness.
Instead of worrying about howyou're coming across, you're
focused on how your message isbeing received.
This is the foundation ofgenuine connection.
The ability to tune into otherswhile staying true to your
message.
Here's one simple technique totry in your next meeting.
For the first five minutes,make it your only goal to notice

(12:43):
one engagement cue from someonein the room.
Don't worry about respondingperfectly, just practice
spotting the pattern.
Maybe you'll notice whensomeone starts fidgeting or when
eyes glaze over during aparticular point.
The immediate impact of thispractice is that it shifts your
focus from internal anxiety toexternal observation.
And that alone will make youfeel more confident and present.

(13:06):
And once you start recognizingthese cues, you'll naturally
begin responding to them withoutoverthinking.
Start with this smallmanageable practice of
intentional observation.
The more you do it, the morethese skills will become part of
your natural communicationstyle.
You don't need to be perfect.
You just need to start payingattention to the conversation

(13:27):
that's already happening rightin front of you.
That's all for today.
Remember, we're looking forprogress, not perfection.
Be sure to visitspeakingwithconfidence
podcast.com to get your freeebook, The Top 21 Challenges for
Public Speakers, and How toOvercome Them.
You can also register for theFormat for Public Speaking

(13:47):
Group.
Always remember, your voice hasthe power to change your voice.
We'll talk to you next time.
Take care.
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