October 20, 2025 • 48 mins
Have you ever wondered why working hard and being excellent isn't always enough to get noticed at work, especially if you're aiming for a leadership role? On this episode of Speaking with Confidence, we explore why self-advocacy is the secret ingredient to career advancement—and how not speaking up can leave you overlooked, no matter your achievements.
In today's show, I’m joined by Rosie Zilinskas, a certified high performance coach, Colby consultant, and former Fortune 500 executive vice president. Rosie’s own journey through the corporate ranks brought her face to face with the reality so many mid-career women encounter: results and dedication alone don’t guarantee recognition or promotion. After enduring a difficult divorce and becoming the sole provider for her young children, Rosie doubled down on her work ethic—only to watch others move ahead while she waited to be noticed. The breakthrough came when a senior executive told her, “You never said anything,” and this sparked a powerful realization about the importance of communicating your ambitions.
This episode is packed with insights and stories about:
- Why excellence alone isn’t enough for career advancement
- The necessity of vocalizing your ambitions and goals at work
- Key strategies to self-advocate and communicate your value
- How generational and gender differences affect workplace perceptions
- Handling feedback: turning criticism into growth fuel
- The four main barriers women face when seeking promotion (worthiness, popularity, skills, visibility)
- Actionable preparation tips for meetings, interviews, and networking events
- Overcoming emotional inhibitors and reframing limiting beliefs
- The role of self-awareness in building confidence and driving your career forward
Rosie delivers practical advice for anyone wanting to take ownership of their professional development, push past self-imposed obstacles, and show up confidently—no matter where you are in your journey. If you’re ready to stop waiting to be chosen and start actively building a career you love, this episode will give you the tools and mindset shifts you need.
Tune in now and discover how speaking up for yourself truly changes your journey.
Want to be a guest on Speaking With Confidence? Send Tim Newman a message on PodMatch
Speaking With Confidence
Formula for Public Speaking
Facebook
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Tim Newman (00:10):
Welcome back to Speaking with Confidence, a
podcast that helps you build thesoft skills that lead to real
results.
Communication, storytelling,public speaking, and showing up
with confidence in everyconversation that counts.
I'm Tim Newman, a recoveringcollege professor turn
communication coach, and I'mthrilled to guide you on your
journey to becoming a powerfulcommunicator.
Today's guest is RosieZelinskis.
(00:31):
Rosie spent decades climbingthe corporate ladder, assuming
that results would lead torecognition.
But when she finally told asenior executive she wanted the
leadership role, his responsestunned her.
You never said anything.
That moment taught her what somany mid-career women eventually
realize.
Being excellent isn't enough ifno one knows what you want.
(00:51):
Now, as a certified highperformance coach, Kobe
consultant, and former Fortune500 Executive Vice President,
Rosie helps ambitious women stopwanting to be chosen and start
building careers that they love.
Rosie, welcome to the show.
Rosie Zilinskas (01:07):
Thank you so much, Tim, for having me.
I'm ready to talk all careersfor women, so let's go.
Tim Newman (01:13):
Well, I you know, I'm I'm really excited to talk
to you about how you help theseyoung professionals and
especially females prop prepareand grow in their professional
careers.
You know, too many people gothrough their careers hoping
somebody notices how great theyare, just like you said.
But that very rarely happens.
Um that happens for you knowfor many reasons, but but can
(01:34):
you share your story about howyou were overlooked and and how
you actually turned the table?
Rosie Zilinskas (01:38):
Yeah, absolutely.
You know, it's so interestingbecause I, well, first of all, I
had gone through a reallyterrible divorce.
And based on the divorce, oncethat whole situation was done, I
was responsible for taking careof my kids financially.
And my children at the timewere five and seven.
And the only way, Tim, that Iknew I could take care of them
(02:01):
was getting a promotion, makingmore money at work.
So I kind of hunkered down.
I put all of my uh blood,sweat, and tears into becoming
what they were calling a uh highperformer.
And, you know, so but but I'msitting there and I'm thinking,
okay, well, I'm doing all thethings, I'm training, backing up
(02:24):
my manager, I'm the go-toperson for so many things.
And then I saw two people thatwere younger than me get
promoted, and I was like, what,what?
Like I'm sitting here andnobody talked to me, nobody
asked me, like, hey, do you wantto, you know, be promoted?
Nothing.
And then, so okay, so then I Igathered my, you know, my script
(02:49):
of what I was gonna say, and Iwent and I talked to the senior
executive.
And when I pitched and I said,Hey, I wanna really, you know,
step into leadership and Iwanna, you know, make an impact
in the organization, he waslike, Really?
And it was just like soshocking.
I was like, what do you mean?
Oh, really?
And that's when he said, Younever said anything.
(03:12):
And I was like, oh my gosh, Iwas just literally sitting there
thinking that they were justgonna notice my hard work.
And when I say they, it's likethe senior management team.
And I learned a valuable lessonthat day because had I not gone
(03:33):
to meet with the seniorexecutive and say, listen, I
want to step into a managementrole, I nothing would have
happened to me.
And you know, who knows howmuch longer I would have stayed
there.
So that was the the criticallesson for me that day, Tim.
Tim Newman (03:52):
Yeah, and it's it's it's sad that you know that we
that so many people findthemselves in that situation,
you know, because you know, wewe get into work and we we go to
work wanting to do well,wanting to, you know, progress
in our careers, wanting to helppeople, wanting to know all
those things, and we just assumethat people are gonna notice
(04:14):
that and and and help help usand mentor us along to further
grow.
And it's it's sad sometimesthat that if we don't say
anything, um we get stuck.
But that's that's really thenorm.
It's not the yeah, it's it'sit's not the the the rule that
that people are willing to see.
Wow, Rosie's doing a reallygood job.
Let's see what we can do tohelp her, you know, progress.
(04:37):
Or, you know, what Rosie'sstruggling over here, what can
we do to help her, you know, getbetter at this or get better at
that?
And we we get so siloed.
Um, and I don't think as youngprofessionals, we realize how
how the business community orthe business actually works.
If you don't speak up foryourself just like anything
else, nobody else is gonna fightthat battle for you.
Rosie Zilinskas (04:55):
Absolutely, I agree.
And you know, even when I wasin the corporate world, um we
were in charge of onboarding newhigher college graduates, like
recent college graduates.
And I remember like peoplegetting annoyed when they were
there, like when the collegegraduates were there for like a
year or two and starting to askfor promotions.
(05:16):
And it was like, they not theyneed to, you know, make their or
or have time on the on the joband stuff like that.
And I was like, what is wrongwith them like asking for a
promotion or what what I mean?
That's what we're trying toteach them to do.
Tim Newman (05:32):
Exactly, exactly.
But you know, and and and andyou know, to to your point is if
is if they're not ready forthat promotion, that's a that's
another teaching moment.
Okay, so yes, we see you we seethat you're doing these things
really well, but if you want toget this promotion, these are
the things that you need to do,or you need to work in this
area, you need to work in thatarea, what have you, not just
beat them down and say, what whodo you think you are asking for
a promotion?
(05:52):
That's that's not um thatthat's not helping anybody.
Rosie Zilinskas (05:57):
Exactly, exactly.
And you know, and I and I thinknow that that I kind of look
back on that time, it's thevalues, and this comes up for me
regularly when I talk to peoplethat are older than I am, like
say eight to ten years older,and they're like, these young
kids, they don't want to workhard.
(06:17):
And I'm like, that's not true.
They want to work hard, butthey want to work hard within
their values and theirboundaries.
And just because you think thatsomeone should be working 50,
60 hours and answering the phoneon on the weekend, that's your
core value.
That's not theirs.
And there's nothing wrong withthat.
Tim Newman (06:38):
Right.
Rosie Zilinskas (06:38):
But but there's this dichotomy of like the
older, you know, oldergeneration, younger generations,
and what how they should beliving their lives at work, you
know.
Tim Newman (06:49):
Yeah, and and you know, I've I've I've seen that
and I I've lived that and I andI've had those same discussions.
And and you know, I've alwaysbeen the person that says, you
know, no matter where I've beenin my career, you know, young
professional, now obviously, youknow, a much more older
professional.
And I'm in that demographicthat you talk about where people
say that they don't want towork hard.
And what I tell people, youknow, as as I've transitioned
(07:11):
out of higher ed, um the theyounger generation is probably
is so much smarter and so muchentrepreneurial than any other
generation.
What they lack is thecommunication skills.
And if we can just guide themin those skills, you're gonna
see some really, really greatwork and some really, really
great innovations.
And again, like you said, it'snot that they don't want to
(07:33):
work, it's that they they'verealized and they've prioritized
different things in their life.
And we've seen that throughoutwe've seen that throughout
throughout history, right?
You know, you you go back to uhthe the greatest generation, it
was uh husband worked, wifedidn't work, but he worked and
worked and worked and worked,and you know, so we we've
transitioned to we've our lifedoesn't revolve around work
(07:57):
anymore.
And it's for some people it'shard to let that go.
Rosie Zilinskas (08:01):
Yes, absolutely.
And it's just like, what's itto you?
Like I always think like,what's it to you if they don't
want to work 60 or you know 70hours?
That's their choice, it's theirlife.
And I think we just need tounderstand that you know, as
human beings, we cannot imposeour values on other people.
And and that's kind of part ofthe communication because as you
(08:22):
will know, in the corporateworld, there are still
generations like you know, likebaby boomers, Gen Xers, and then
there's like the millennials,and it's just sometimes there's
this like butting heads, but itall boils down to communication
and and values.
Tim Newman (08:37):
Yeah, and and you know, I I have that conversation
with with my kids on a regularbasis.
So, you know, I've um my mykids are older, I've got
grandkids, and um my youngestdaughter said to me a few years
ago, She said, Dad, I I don'twant to work like you work.
And because I like I I mean I II spend a lot of time at work.
Uh-huh.
(08:57):
But when I also prioritizefamily, so when I'm not at work,
I'm not at work.
And so like I just I just cameback from from a from a 10-day,
I wouldn't say vacation, but a10-day away from the office
where I spent with the kids andthe grandkids.
And I worked, I worked whenthey were sleeping, I worked
when they were at work, and whenthey when they were home, guess
(09:18):
what we did?
We there was no work.
And so, you know, maybeteaching them to learn how to
prioritize, you know, when it'sgoing to work for them and
modeling some of that behavioris could could go a long way as
well.
Rosie Zilinskas (09:32):
Absolutely, absolutely.
I agree.
Um, and then along the lines oflike communicating, you know,
one of the other things that Ithat I work with like with women
is when you are trying to add,because we talk about, you know,
advocate for yourself andadvocate for yourself, but then
we don't explain what what doesthat actually mean.
(09:53):
Right.
You know, and essentially whatI share with my clients is
listen, you need to be able toexplain to your boss, your
manager, a hiring manager, howyou can help them solve their
problems using your skills andyour knowledge.
(10:14):
And if you're not able toexplain that in a clear,
succinct manner, then there'sgonna be no connection and
they're gonna be like, well, shecan't help me.
And that's the trick to how doyou advocate for yourself?
Well, you start by learningabout yourself, understanding
(10:36):
who you are, what you like, whatyou don't like, you know, the
core values that we were justtalking about.
What are your skills?
When I was going through uh mycareer journey, I purchased that
book.
I'm sure you're aware of theWhat Color is your parachute
book that they publish everyyear.
And it's a career developmentbook, and it has all these
exercises.
I did every single exercise inthat book as I was trying to
(11:02):
learn about myself and figureout how I can explain to
somebody that I can bring valueto the organization.
And once you're able tounderstand that about yourself,
that's when you can startself-advocating for yourself and
explaining again.
And it's all about a lot oftimes when we are interviews,
(11:23):
it's always like, it's me, me,me, me.
What I can do, I can, but no,it's really active listening
about solving their problems andbringing stories that you know
that are relevant to that, youknow.
Well, I have a challenge in myteam with you know
communication.
Well, hey, you know, I've donea lot of communication work.
I can help you with thatbecause I did it in this
(11:44):
organization.
So that's when you startconnecting the dots for people
and they start imagining youbeing there as part of their
team.
Tim Newman (11:53):
Right.
And and and that that is soimportant.
You know, you you bring up acouple of really good points in
there.
First and foremost, knowing whoyou are, learning what what you
believe, what your values are.
Uh, we don't do enough of that.
We don't teach younggenerations uh enough of that.
Um, and I I I don't want tothrow the the school system
(12:14):
under the bus, but I I think inin some ways our school system
has has failed our our our kids,and that's in one of the ways.
Um and not not really teachingthem how to be critical
thinkers, not really teachingthem how to um learn who they
are, and we just as when theycome to us, we just expect that
they they've already figured itout, but it hasn't.
And that's that's a lifejourney too, because our values,
(12:38):
our our values probably aren'tgonna change, but what we like
and what we don't like and whatwe're what we want to do are
gonna change throughout ourcareers.
And how we're gonna be able tobe able to bring value to other
people is gonna change as well.
And for teaching them to figurethose things out is critically
important so that they don't getto you know 20 years into a
career and well, I didn'trealize I never asked for a
(13:01):
promotion.
Rosie Zilinskas (13:02):
That's exactly right.
And I was 40 when thathappened, so you're absolutely
right.
Tim Newman (13:07):
But but but but Rosie, that's not in common.
I mean, I've I've done the samething.
I mean, I'm I was kind of in inin your same position.
I mean, for for me, I've I'vehad a I've had a few
professional careers, and thelast two for me, transitioning
out was very, very difficultbecause I I couldn't figure out
what my next step was going tobe.
(13:28):
I knew that this current thisone was winding down and coming
to an end, but I didn't knowwhat was gonna be next.
I it was it was very difficult.
Even even knowing the processthat you need to go through to
figure those things out.
Rosie Zilinskas (13:41):
Yes, exactly.
And you know, it it's alsointeresting because you really
need a well-rounded purview ofwho you are, and you're not able
to do that on your own.
So one of the other things thatI that I have my clients do is,
you know, set up a coffee withfive or seven people that you
have previously worked with andjust ask them a couple of
(14:04):
questions.
Hey, you know, I'm trying towell let them first of all let
them know that you're trying todevelop yourself and give them
permission to be honest withyou.
Yes.
You have to give thempermission and then ask them,
what have I done well that youhave observed, and what can I do
better?
Because that's where, you know,I I uh I'm a keynote speaker as
(14:27):
well.
And one of the things that itthat I say in my keynote is
feedback is fuel.
Tim Newman (14:32):
Right.
Rosie Zilinskas (14:33):
Don't consider it criticism.
Feedback is fuel to fuel yourblind spots on how can you
improve yourself.
And once you get that, then youcan start implementing and
develop the developing thosethings that they told you so
that you can learn aboutyourself.
Because again, the way you seeme, Tim, is very different than
(14:56):
the way I see myself.
So those are key things.
Tim Newman (15:00):
So so Rosie, that's that's another good point.
How do you get how do you teachpeople to not take feedback as
criticism?
And I and let me give you areally good example of that,
okay?
Um I I'm I'm obviously a personwho's who's a lifelong learner,
always trying to get better,this, that, and the other thing.
Um if my wife tells me that Ineed to change something, it's
(15:22):
instant aggravation.
Stop.
But and this literally happenedabout three weeks ago.
Somebody else told me the exactsame thing in almost the exact
same words.
And I was like, wow, that's areally good point.
So how do we learn, how do wehow do you teach people to learn
how to take feedback not ascriticism, but as feedback to
help you improve?
Rosie Zilinskas (15:44):
Well, uh, I have this little acronym and I
tell people, you know, wheneversomeone's giving you feedback,
you have to take a lap.
Meaning, first is you reallyneed to, well, even before you
do that, when you know thatyou're starting or that you're
going into a conversation, oreven like if someone just kind
of, you know, tells you, hey,you know what, you left the door
open or whatever, or you know,it happens at home, like you you
(16:06):
kind of have to brace yourselfbecause anytime that we're told
that we're doing somethingwrong, it stings a little bit,
right?
Because it's like our our soulsare fragile.
And sometimes when when someonetells you that you're doing
something wrong.
So I I say take a lap becauseyou know, in sports, whenever an
athlete is having a difficulttime or they're angry or
(16:27):
whatever, the coach always saystake a lap.
Take a lap for it.
So, what does take a lap?
Means just kind of take aminute and and walk it off.
But the the L is for reallylisten to what the person is
saying to you.
The the second um is foractivating your listening skills
to kind of try to pick up whatis it that you're that you're
(16:51):
actually being told.
Because what you hear and whatyou interpret in your in your
mind in your brain could be twodifferent things.
And then um clarifyingquestions, you know, just asking
them for clarifying questionsif you're not clear on what what
feedback they're giving you.
And then the the P is forputting into practice what they
(17:15):
actually give you as feedback.
So taking a lap is what I teachmy clients to do when they're
getting that feedback and justkind of changing it from, oh my
gosh, I'm getting criticism toI'm getting fuel to get better
because feedback is fuel.
That's one of the mindsetchanges that we try to do when
(17:38):
when you're getting thatcritical, uh, that critical
feedback.
Right.
Tim Newman (17:42):
And and that that's so important to to to again to
you know take a step back andand and truly absorb and think
about what's what's actuallybeing said.
And again, that that's notpersonal.
It's it's done in an attempt tohelp help you improve, help,
help you get better.
Um and it's coming from the aperson who has good intentions.
(18:04):
Oh that's the other the otherpiece that that especially young
people need to understand whenwhen they're getting that
feedback, they're not it's notcoming from the point of trying
to put you down there becausethey're actually trying to help
you improve and and and getbetter.
Um it's trying to get them tounderstand that I I think is is
(18:28):
is a is a critical piece fromfrom our perspective, so that
they can be open to thatfeedback.
Rosie Zilinskas (18:36):
Absolutely.
Yeah, I agree.
Um one other thing that I thinkis really important is once you
start doing that work onyourself to be able to figure
out how to self-advocate is uhthe next thing that I talk to my
clients about is is justcrafting your script, meaning,
okay, now that you know aboutyourself and how you can help
(18:59):
others, what are the words thatyou're gonna be using?
How are you actually going tophrase that so that it comes
across as you're excited andpassionate and you're vested in
the success of the company?
And so crafting your script isreally important when you are in
that discovery period of likeyou want to go talk to your boss
(19:22):
about a promotion or whatever,you need to take the time to
really write down and practicewhat you're going to say so that
it comes across as positive.
And that you, again, it allgoes to you're trying to solve
their problems.
Tim Newman (19:38):
And and and I love this because you you can't do
this without research andpreparation and putting the
putting the time and effort ininto doing these types of
things.
And because it doesn't justhappen, right?
You you have you have toactually sit down and put some
thought into it, do someresearch, you know, practice how
you're saying it, practice thethe terminology, practice the
the way that your your tone,your and your facial
(20:00):
expressions, your body language,so that it comes off as as
natural and um and likable,right?
And to to me, the the the tome, preparation is probably one
of the biggest battles that Ithat that we face to get people
to, you know, especially youngerpeople to improve upon because
(20:20):
again, it doesn't just happen.
Rosie Zilinskas (20:22):
Exactly.
And you know, so uh a few of myclients have come to me and
they're like, you know, Rosie,can you help me gain confidence
so that I can go out andself-advocate for myself?
I'm like, well, I can help you,I can teach you how to prepare
yourself so that you can learnmore about yourself.
And it's a parallel processwhere the more you learn about
(20:44):
yourself and you're able toshare that with other people,
the more confidence you gainbecause you now know what to say
and how to present it and howyou can help and you can
highlight your skills and all ofthose things.
So it's so interesting that youknow in real estate they always
say location, location,location.
(21:05):
In career advancement, I'malways like preparation,
preparation, preparation.
Tim Newman (21:11):
And and I I'm right there with you because it's so
important and it's um what itdoesn't really matter to me, you
know, what you're going intofrom a professional perspective.
If you're going into a meetingand you're not even, you know,
if you if you're not responsiblefor sharing anything, but you
still need to prepare it so youthat you have an understanding
of what's gonna be talked aboutso that if something comes up
(21:32):
that you can share about to addthat value, you to do that
because you're invited to thatmeeting for a reason.
You're not invited because theyneed somebody to sit in that
chair, right?
They they want you there, theywant that input there, and you
can't get that input if you'renot prepared.
If you're presenting in themeeting, you have to prepare so
that so that you're presentingthe information that needs to be
presented.
It doesn't really matter from aprofession from my perspective
(21:54):
where you're at in thatprofessional piece, you need to
be prepared to uh communicate,share your voice, share your
opinion.
And it's it seems that againthat's that's a a big piece to
uh that needs to becommunicated, but from a female
perspective, how is that why dowe think that why do you think
(22:17):
that that females undervaluetheir communication skills so
much more than than males do?
Rosie Zilinskas (22:25):
Well, you know, I I'm sure you've uh seen that
uh cartoon where there's a maleand a female and they're looking
in the mirror, and the guy islike bald and like a little
short and pudgy, and theirbelly's out, and they look in
the mirror and they see thislike beautiful, muscular man,
you know, and they're justthey're just seeing themselves
(22:47):
as this like Adonis.
And then the woman is, youknow, pretty velvet, and then
she sees like this old person inthe in the mirror, and she just
doesn't see herself in apositive way.
So a lot of this has to do withhow we are just brought up as
human beings, where men are justinherently more confident than
(23:09):
they just go for it.
And I'm gonna actually sharewith you a little story that
would will kind of uh exemplifythis.
My husband and I went toMontana last year to uh Glacier
National Park.
And it was beautiful.
Tim Newman (23:22):
It is.
Rosie Zilinskas (23:22):
And we were driving, and he like we were
driving away a distance, and hewas really tired.
I said, you know what, let metake over for a couple hours,
you can sleep while we drive,and you know, we'll get there.
So we did that.
He, you know, we traded, heslept, and then I drove.
And as as I started driving, hefell asleep right away.
As I started driving, I veryquickly realized that it was
(23:45):
very curvy, curvy and hilly.
And I was literally hugginglike mountains, and I was white
knuckling it the entire waythere.
And it was only a couple ofhours.
I was going at the speed limit,and I was like, oh my gosh,
like, and my daughter was in thecar.
So I'm like, I cannot, I cannothave an accident, you know.
(24:09):
So, okay, so then I we gotthere, we were safe.
I was like stressed out thewhole time.
And then we we got there, youknow, we were like eating or
whatever, and I and I asked myhusband, I said, So, so are you
ever worried when you drive onon the roads, you know, and he's
like, No.
I was like, but do you everlike think about it or you're
(24:31):
like, are you concerned aboutlike the roads being all windy
and curvy?
And he's like, No.
I'm like, so you have no, he'slike, what are you talking
about?
And that is like what after Ithought about that story, that's
kind of the way men and womenare in life and careers.
(24:53):
Men don't even think about it,Tim.
Whereas sometimes we areliterally white knuckling it and
trying to figure out, oh myGod, am I going too fast, too
slow, I'm gonna, you know, hurtmy my family.
Uh, you know, I need to becareful.
And and so women are inherentlyjust more critical of
(25:15):
themselves.
And that's where the the gapcomes in, because if we were
able to understand ourselvesmore and learn about our
emotions and be able to show howwe give value instead of how we
take value away, that's whenthe transformation happens, and
(25:39):
then you're able to shed some ofthat lack of confidence, and
then they can start speakingwith confidence, exactly.
Tim Newman (25:46):
Yeah.
And and again, it I I think togo along with that, the only way
to gain confidence is tocontinue to do it.
You can't just do it once.
You've got to continue to doit, continue to put yourself out
there, can continue to um shareyour thoughts and share your
feelings on whatever it is.
Even you bringing that up toyour husband probably causes uh
(26:09):
a tad bit of anxiety, right?
You know, what's what's hegonna what's he gonna think?
What do you mean?
What do you mean you're notconfident driving the car?
Now I've got to worry about youdriving the car too.
Yeah, or or or whatever it is,right?
So so so that's that's part ofputting yourself out there and
and learning how to to share athought, share a feeling, and be
open to to to doing that.
And and I think that's umespecially from a business
(26:32):
perspective, that that's hardfor young professionals to just
get over you have to you justhave to do it.
Rosie Zilinskas (26:37):
Yeah, and and the and back to that same story,
it's like just the reflectionof like, I was like, wow, he
didn't, he doesn't even thinkabout it.
He just drives.
And here I am all stressed outabout the same exact drive.
And it's just how different.
Not just men and women are, butpeople, you know, everybody's
(26:58):
different.
But finding out, and and I didsome reflection work, I was
like, okay, why was I stressedout?
Well, it was a new place, verycurvy, very hilly.
It was kind of starting to geta little dark.
So it was a combination offactors.
But to your point, the nexttime I'm still going to drive
and I'll get more and morecomfortable as I do that more,
but it takes time and it takespractice.
(27:20):
And exactly in your career,it's going to take time for you
to show up for yourself in avery confident way.
And then uh you were talkingabout how you physically show
up.
Another way that I always talkto my clients is like that pesky
handshake.
It's like the handshake whenyou're in person and you shake
(27:42):
someone's hand and you eithergive them like the half fingers
or the, you know, like your deadfish, you know, like handshake.
That is actually conveys a lackof confidence, like that you
don't want to shake someone'shand in a very comfortable and
firm manner.
Because when you're notconfident enough to do that
(28:03):
handshake, that says a lot abouta person.
So practice just a simplepractice your handshake, and
that will give you moreconfidence just by appearing
more confident to the otherperson, that is.
Tim Newman (28:18):
Absolutely.
And and like like you said,what that does to you, you know,
from the inside out, how howmuch more confident you feel,
you know, sticking your handout, you know, shaking that
hand.
And um, you know, for for me,so this coming week I'm I'm
going to an event that I hadn'tbeen to before.
(28:39):
It's it's a monthly event hereuh where I live, and this is the
first time I'm going to it.
And as I was driving into workthis morning, I told my wife, I
said, you know, I gotta makesure we get the clothes back
from the cleaners.
She says, Well, you're gonna behot, and I said, I don't really
care because I've got to makesure that this is the first time
I'm meeting these people, I'vegot to come looking professional
(28:59):
and and prepared.
And you know, if if we getthere and after a couple times
it's a little bit more relaxed,a little bit more, then I I'll
I'll show up that way.
But for me to feel confident, Ineed to make sure that I'm
doing the things that I need todo for myself to go and show up
to do the things that we need toget done.
(29:20):
And she said, Well, yeah, I Iguess you're right.
I said, Yeah, and if if I'mhot, so what?
It's uh if I'm hot, if I'msweating, that it that is what
it is.
But I can't if I if I don'tshow up professionally, if I
don't show up who who I'msupposed to be, then it doesn't
really matter.
Why, why are we even going?
Rosie Zilinskas (29:38):
Exactly.
Yep, I agree.
I mean, you know, presentationis everything, right?
Especially and you know, it'sso interesting because I don't
know, Tim, if you've heard thatsometimes, and this is an I I
read a couple of articles.
Young people like collegegraduates are sometimes bringing
their parents to jobinterviews.
Yes.
Tim Newman (29:57):
Oh, yes.
Rosie Zilinskas (29:58):
It's just like, wait, what?
What?
Or sometimes I heard um again,you know, I've read articles
that they'll have a a videointerview and they refuse to
turn their camera on.
I'm like, what?
Like, uh how is this possible?
And it's that that lack ofconfidence.
And of course, like the wholeparent coming to someone's any
(30:20):
parent coming to any uhinterview, whether you're 16 or
you know, 20, whatever, that'sjust the parent over parenting,
you know.
So exactly, right?
But you you have to let theperson do what they need to do,
and if they fail, that's okaybecause they're they can try
again until they are comfortableenough to, you know, get that
(30:43):
that job or whatever.
But there's just so many thingsthat young people are not um
allowed to do or able to do orencouraged to do.
But I mean, not turning on yourvideo camera on uh on an
interview is is not right.
You need to be present and youneed to show up as you were
saying in a professional manner.
Tim Newman (31:05):
Right.
It's it that that's that's notoptional.
That that's that's requirementnumber one.
You gotta be gotta show up.
And you I mean, and it has tobe you, it can't be your
parents, it can't be this, that,or the other thing.
And you know, it's funny thatyou say that because I talk a
lot about and I I'm I may be thecomplete opposite end of that
spectrum.
When my kids were in elementaryschool, what my oldest daughter
(31:27):
came to me was having a problemwith a teacher, and I said,
Well, you need to go talk toyour teacher about it.
And she was looking for me tojust solve the problem.
I said, No, you need to go talkto the teacher.
And if at the end of that youstill think you aren't being
treated fairly, and I'm notsaying you didn't get the answer
you wanted, I'm talking aboutyou weren't treated fairly, then
I'll step in.
And that taught them at thatpoint that that goes back to the
(31:51):
advocating for themselves andhow you go about doing that.
And um and to this to to thisday, you know, my oldest
daughter keeps she reminds me ofthat all the time.
And I said, and look how that'shelped you throughout your life
and throughout your career.
And look at your look at someof your peers and how they have
trouble doing those types ofthings.
(32:12):
And so you may not have likedit.
My wife hated it because we youknow we're both educators, and
and but in the long run, youshowing up for yourself has done
so much more for you than youcould ever imagine.
Rosie Zilinskas (32:27):
Yeah, no, no, that's great.
And I love that you were ableto just say to her, no, you saw
your problem.
I mean, that's really good.
That's that's how it should be,for sure.
Yeah, yeah.
Tim Newman (32:37):
And and so it's to you know, to kind of go along
with that and and and showing upuh in in confidence, you know,
you you've got you've got fourpromotion uh barriers that that
women have.
What are they and how do theyplay into the into the
preparation of advancing theircareers?
Rosie Zilinskas (32:56):
Yeah, so there's four blockers that that
I that I talk to women aboutthat they generally fall into
one of these blockers.
The the first one is the umworthiness blocker, where they
may be discounting, defeatingthemselves and or disqualifying
themselves, where they justdon't feel like they're gonna,
(33:18):
you know, be selected for theirjob, for the job so they don't
apply, or they just don't, youknow, feel like they're um
worthy of that promotion.
So it's the the wortlinessblocker.
The second one is thepopularity blocker where you
feel that you're just not partof the in crowd, the golden boy
(33:39):
or girl crowd, and you're like,well, I'm never gonna get the
promotion because I'm not youknow in that in that crowd.
Um three is the skills blockerwhere you feel that you need to
constantly be upskilling orgetting certifications or
getting degrees.
I talked to a woman that shewas like on her third master's
degree, and she and I was like,What are you trying to prove?
(34:01):
Yeah, like what are you tryingto prove?
And then the last one is thevisibility blocker where they
don't feel like they're ready togo out and do a presentation or
be visible or ask or umvolunteer for a specific project
where they just don't want tobe out there in the world.
(34:24):
So those are the four ways thata woman can actually, you know,
hold herself back.
And each one of these, youknow, we have different
exercises, you know, that we do.
But, you know, the very firstone, the the worthiness blocker,
that that kind of goes back towhat do you think about yourself
and discerning if it's true orif it's not true?
(34:46):
If you think, oh my man, I'mnever gonna get promoted.
Well, why do you think that?
And then you kind of have tostart like, you know, peeling
deck the onion of like, where inyour life did you maybe have a
situation where you didn't feelthat you were worthy and you
carried that throughout yourlife and it's still showing up.
(35:07):
A lot of this is is umemotional um situations that
have happened and and havetriggered you so much that you
still operate on that oldbelief.
Um the the likability one iswhen you you see all these
people getting promoted, andyou're like, oh my gosh, they
(35:28):
just give promotions to allthese other people.
But there was uh a study that Iread about a uh law university,
and the women were allcomplaining because the men were
getting all the teachingassistant jobs in the law
school.
And then when they they didsome research, they figured out
that all the men were asking forthose teaching assistant jobs,
(35:51):
and the women were not askingfor those jobs.
So just because you see someoneget promoted doesn't mean that
they don't like you.
It's if they asked, they tookaction.
Tim Newman (36:01):
Right.
Rosie Zilinskas (36:01):
And then the skills blocker is kind of
obvious.
You know, you don't have tokeep upskilling, you just have
to, you know, refine your skillsand have a conversation.
And then the the last one,which is the visibility blocker,
you have to make a concertedeffort to speak with confidence,
right?
Go out there, makepresentations, maybe you know,
start some kind of thoughtleadership in your company.
(36:24):
But these are all the thesefour blockers are what generally
someone falls into one of thesefour categories, and they're
like, oh yeah, that's the onethat that's holding me back.
So yeah.
Tim Newman (36:39):
And then and that's identifying that is is critical
because now you can start towork on that.
And then you uh my guess is youyou find somebody, okay, this
is the one you start addressingit, and then you see, okay,
well, I'm also some of this.
Now we can address some of thata little bit too, and we can
address this one over here, andthat's gonna really you know
propel them so much further.
Once you identify whatever thatis, apply some corrective
(37:02):
action to it, whatever, again,whatever that is.
Um, because again, it'sdifferent for everybody, and
what you know, what what holdsus back and and the the story
that we tell ourselves forwhatever that is is different,
but we have to we still have toaddress it and figure out a way
to move to move forward that.
Um and I think it's great thatyou've identified those those
categories because it makes itmakes it so much easier to
(37:24):
identify and move forward.
Rosie Zilinskas (37:27):
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, no, absolutely.
And once and like you justsaid, like once a woman knows
that, you know what, I justrealized that I am disqualifying
myself because by not applying,I'm just assuming that I'm not
getting not gonna get the jobinstead of like throwing my hat
in the in you know in the ring,then I just I'm like, oh, I'm
not gonna get the job, so whybother?
Well, then you're now movingfrom disqualifying yourself to
(37:50):
in that defeatist mode whereyou're just like, why bother?
You know, now you're not reallyengaged.
So there's so many levels ofknowing yourself.
And then once you know, you'relike, once you know you can't
unknow.
And then if you don't takeaction, that's just because you
don't want to take action.
Because that that's a whole newball of wax right there.
Tim Newman (38:13):
And and and you know what?
That if you don't want to takeaction again, that that's fine,
but own that.
Rosie Zilinskas (38:18):
Exactly.
Tim Newman (38:19):
Don't continue to say this, that, or the other
thing.
Own that you have that you'rechoosing to not take action on
it, fix it, address it,whatever, whatever that is.
Um, and that you know what whatI found is when you uh address
somebody like that and they knowwhat's happening, and then you
(38:40):
say, okay, if you're not gonnaact on it, at least acknowledge
that and you're making thatchoice.
And that a lot of times willtrigger them and say, you know
what, that doesn't make anysense.
I'm if I know that this isholding me back, or I know that
this is causing me harm, or Iknow that this is causing me
problems, or whatever that is,and I'm not gonna do anything
about it.
That doesn't it doesn'tlogically make any sense.
(39:02):
And then that's something thatdoes help propel them forward
into fixing it or get gettingbetter, what what whatever,
whatever it, whatever it is.
Rosie Zilinskas (39:13):
Yeah, and like you said, I love that you said,
you know, then that's making achoice.
And you know, I I started mycareer with um people, you know,
we started in the exact sameclass, and there's people that I
know that are still doing theexact same job that we started
doing back in 1992, and they areblissfully happy doing it.
You know, they don't want to doanymore, and you know, that's
(39:36):
wonderful.
Right.
But for me, every three yearsit was almost like clockwork.
Okay, what's next?
What's next?
What's next?
I was always looking, I'm stilllooking for like what's next,
and how can I get better?
And like you, that you're alifelong learner, so am I.
And I love learning and I loveunderstanding.
And now I'm doing a lot ofemotional work because it's so
(39:59):
interesting.
I'm not a therapist, but as acareer coach, we do get a lot
into well.
So, like, for example, uh, oneof my clients said uh the other
day to me, like, my little job.
I'm like, uh, okay, hold on,pause.
Like, why did you say my littlejob?
And she was like, What are youtalking about?
I was like, You you just saidmy little job.
(40:20):
And she's like, I didn't evenrealize.
And then we had a wholeconversation about where that
thought was coming from and howshe was feeling about it.
And I think that's one thingthat I really want to make sure
that we talk about here becauseeverything that is happening in
your life is being driven by anemotion.
And a lot of times, like thesefour blockers, like what's
(40:45):
really underneath those blockersreally a lot of the times boils
down to fear.
Tim Newman (40:51):
Yes.
Rosie Zilinskas (40:52):
What is the fear and why you have it?
And then a lot of times we'llhave a conversation like, how
did you feel about that and whatcan we do about it?
And then we start reframingthat.
But again, I'm not a therapist,but I have trained like um
training in the fact thateverything, you know, has every
(41:14):
action has some kind of feelingbehind it, whether it's good or
bad.
Then if you are being paralyzedby you know, the fear, then
you're not going to identifyingit as, you know what, oh my
gosh, I'm really disqualifyingmyself.
And that's where the magichappens.
It's it's definitely yourintellect, but it's also your
(41:37):
emotional, like what ishappening in your in your heart
and your soul when it comes tothis.
Tim Newman (41:43):
Yeah.
You're so right on to that.
And um and again, I I I alsothink it's important that that
we as coaches acknowledge thatno no we're not therapists.
And if this is something thatyou need therapy for, please go
please, I'm begging you go dothat, and then we can help, you
know, the therapist can help youthere, but we can help you take
(42:06):
that stuff forward.
Rosie Zilinskas (42:07):
Exactly.
And there have been a few timesthat I'm like, you know what,
you need to go for a therapist.
I'll still work with you.
Tim Newman (42:14):
But you know, but that's right, that's two
different things, right?
And and and you know, but butit's it's important to to know
that sometimes the those fearsdo do require you know that that
deeper thing that we that weare not qualified for, qualified
to help them fix, but we canstill help them move forward as
long as they're getting helpwith those other mental health
(42:37):
issues that need that truly needto be uh uh addressed.
And um that's a differentstory.
I think our mental healthsystem is is needs some serious
help too, but that's that's overthere.
We'll we'll talk about thatlater.
Um and and how does you knowyou you you've got your uh
promotion readiness roadmap?
How does that how does that allplay into the these things, the
(43:00):
the the promotion blockers andbuilding confidence um and the
preparation?
How does all this kind of wrapup and and work together?
Rosie Zilinskas (43:09):
Yeah, so the promotion readiness roadmap is a
series of topics that we have.
So, yes, the resume and and theLinkedIn and things like that.
So the promotion readinessroadmap is very tactical.
So it's very um getting thepieces of the puzzle in place so
that when you are when you arepresented with an opportunity,
(43:30):
you are at the ready and you youdon't have to be scrambling on
updating your resume andfiguring out what to say in the
interview.
So it's the resume, theLinkedIn, crafting your script,
creating your story vault.
Like what are the stories thatyou're going to bring to that to
that interview and then pair itwith crafting your script?
(43:51):
It's creating your 90-day plan.
All of those pieces are part ofthat promotion readiness
roadmap.
So it's very tactical.
Now, yes, I do uh we definitelytalk about, you know, how do
you feel and all that stuff, butum I also I'm a certified high
performance coach, and that'sthe mindset program where we
talk all about what do you thinkabout this?
(44:11):
I it's a series of questionsthat I ask, and based on what
they answer, I kind of knowwhere to where to take the
conversation.
And I'm always activelylistening for kind of like that
example, like my little job,like, okay, why did you say
that?
And that's where we get moreinto where is where are you
emotionally in that scale andand how is that showing up?
And then like I was uh talkingto one of my clients, and she
(44:35):
went through a situation whereshe got laid off like months and
months ago, and we were talkingabout it, and and uh I had
asked her, well, what's theemotion there?
Because I I don't ask like, howdoes that make you feel?
You know, because like what'sthe emotion there?
And then she's like, you know,I just realized that I felt
humiliated, and she had notrealized that that emotion was
(44:57):
still kind of lingering there.
And what's so interesting isthat Tim, once you identify the
emotion and you allow yourselfto feel it, then you are able to
release it and then you can letit go and move on to other
things.
It's so incredible how thingsthat happen in your life impact
(45:20):
you emotionally so terribly thatif you don't process that,
yeah, then it can get stuck.
And that's when disease comesinto the body.
I mean, it's it's all connectedto it.
It's all connected to it.
It's incredible.
Tim Newman (45:32):
Yeah, and and I wish people knew that before it's
too late.
And that is so, so important.
Um, without getting into much,it had it happened to me, it
it's happened to a ton of peoplethat that I know, and and I'm
(45:52):
not even talking about peoplefrom my generation, right?
Because it's it's it's verycommon in people from from from
my age group, my generation, butit's also happening with with
people in younger generationstoo, because for different
reasons, holding that stress in,not actually sharing, not not
letting it go, uh all thosedifferent things, and it does
(46:13):
manifest itself into serioushealth issues.
And um it's if if peopleunderstood that and could uh get
the help or or get whatever itis that they need to to let that
go, it's it's incrediblyfreeing.
And it's it's it's it's I sayit's like a weight lifted off,
(46:35):
but it's it's almost like youcan't describe the weight that
is lifted off of you when youwhen when you can get through
those types of things.
Rosie Zilinskas (46:42):
I totally agree.
And it is something that umI've always and I'm uh and I do
a lot of meditation and stufflike that, and I'm like, man, I
I wish that we would, you know,kind of like finances.
I wish this would be one thingthat we taught all human beings.
It's like you need to be ableto learn to process emotions.
And, you know, kind of bringingit back to the initial
(47:03):
conversation of why women don'tadvocate for themselves is
because sometimes we're justlike processing all these
emotions and we're stuck andwe're stuck, and we don't have
anybody to kind of help usprocess.
And yet, many men don't processthe emotions, so they just kind
of go forward and they're notstuck because maybe they don't
(47:23):
even think about it or or havethat feeling.
So we're still human beings andwe still have emotions, but we
we handle them very differently.
Tim Newman (47:31):
Very differently, very differently, very
differently.
Well, Rosie, this has beenphenomenal.
I've really enjoyed theconversation.
Where can people find andconnect with you?
Rosie Zilinskas (47:41):
Yeah, the easiest way is go to my website,
which is nowomanleftbehind.com,and woman is W-O-M-A-N, or they
can connect with me on LinkedInat Rosie Career Coaching or
Rosie Zalinskis.
Tim Newman (47:55):
Well, I appreciate that.
And and again, thank you somuch for taking some time with
us today.
You take care, and I'll talk toyou soon.
Rosie Zilinskas (48:01):
Thank you so much, Tim.
This is wonderful.
Tim Newman (48:04):
Be sure to visit speakingwithconfidence
podcast.com to get your freeebook, Top 21 Challenges for
Public Speakers, Now toOvercome.
You can also register for theform of the public speaking
course.
Always remember, your voice hasthe power to change your world.
We'll talk to you next time.
Welcome back to Speaking with Confidence, a
podcast that helps you build thesoft skills that lead to real
results.
Communication, storytelling,public speaking, and showing up
with confidence in everyconversation that counts.
I'm Tim Newman, a recoveringcollege professor turn
communication coach, and I'mthrilled to guide you on your
journey to becoming a powerfulcommunicator.
Today's guest is RosieZelinskis.
(00:31):
Rosie spent decades climbingthe corporate ladder, assuming
that results would lead torecognition.
But when she finally told asenior executive she wanted the
leadership role, his responsestunned her.
You never said anything.
That moment taught her what somany mid-career women eventually
realize.
Being excellent isn't enough ifno one knows what you want.
(00:51):
Now, as a certified highperformance coach, Kobe
consultant, and former Fortune500 Executive Vice President,
Rosie helps ambitious women stopwanting to be chosen and start
building careers that they love.
Rosie, welcome to the show.
Rosie Zilinskas (01:07):
Thank you so much, Tim, for having me.
I'm ready to talk all careersfor women, so let's go.
Tim Newman (01:13):
Well, I you know, I'm I'm really excited to talk
to you about how you help theseyoung professionals and
especially females prop prepareand grow in their professional
careers.
You know, too many people gothrough their careers hoping
somebody notices how great theyare, just like you said.
But that very rarely happens.
Um that happens for you knowfor many reasons, but but can
(01:34):
you share your story about howyou were overlooked and and how
you actually turned the table?
Rosie Zilinskas (01:38):
Yeah, absolutely.
You know, it's so interestingbecause I, well, first of all, I
had gone through a reallyterrible divorce.
And based on the divorce, oncethat whole situation was done, I
was responsible for taking careof my kids financially.
And my children at the timewere five and seven.
And the only way, Tim, that Iknew I could take care of them
(02:01):
was getting a promotion, makingmore money at work.
So I kind of hunkered down.
I put all of my uh blood,sweat, and tears into becoming
what they were calling a uh highperformer.
And, you know, so but but I'msitting there and I'm thinking,
okay, well, I'm doing all thethings, I'm training, backing up
(02:24):
my manager, I'm the go-toperson for so many things.
And then I saw two people thatwere younger than me get
promoted, and I was like, what,what?
Like I'm sitting here andnobody talked to me, nobody
asked me, like, hey, do you wantto, you know, be promoted?
Nothing.
And then, so okay, so then I Igathered my, you know, my script
(02:49):
of what I was gonna say, and Iwent and I talked to the senior
executive.
And when I pitched and I said,Hey, I wanna really, you know,
step into leadership and Iwanna, you know, make an impact
in the organization, he waslike, Really?
And it was just like soshocking.
I was like, what do you mean?
Oh, really?
And that's when he said, Younever said anything.
(03:12):
And I was like, oh my gosh, Iwas just literally sitting there
thinking that they were justgonna notice my hard work.
And when I say they, it's likethe senior management team.
And I learned a valuable lessonthat day because had I not gone
(03:33):
to meet with the seniorexecutive and say, listen, I
want to step into a managementrole, I nothing would have
happened to me.
And you know, who knows howmuch longer I would have stayed
there.
So that was the the criticallesson for me that day, Tim.
Tim Newman (03:52):
Yeah, and it's it's it's sad that you know that we
that so many people findthemselves in that situation,
you know, because you know, wewe get into work and we we go to
work wanting to do well,wanting to, you know, progress
in our careers, wanting to helppeople, wanting to know all
those things, and we just assumethat people are gonna notice
(04:14):
that and and and help help usand mentor us along to further
grow.
And it's it's sad sometimesthat that if we don't say
anything, um we get stuck.
But that's that's really thenorm.
It's not the yeah, it's it'sit's not the the the rule that
that people are willing to see.
Wow, Rosie's doing a reallygood job.
Let's see what we can do tohelp her, you know, progress.
(04:37):
Or, you know, what Rosie'sstruggling over here, what can
we do to help her, you know, getbetter at this or get better at
that?
And we we get so siloed.
Um, and I don't think as youngprofessionals, we realize how
how the business community orthe business actually works.
If you don't speak up foryourself just like anything
else, nobody else is gonna fightthat battle for you.
Rosie Zilinskas (04:55):
Absolutely, I agree.
And you know, even when I wasin the corporate world, um we
were in charge of onboarding newhigher college graduates, like
recent college graduates.
And I remember like peoplegetting annoyed when they were
there, like when the collegegraduates were there for like a
year or two and starting to askfor promotions.
(05:16):
And it was like, they not theyneed to, you know, make their or
or have time on the on the joband stuff like that.
And I was like, what is wrongwith them like asking for a
promotion or what what I mean?
That's what we're trying toteach them to do.
Tim Newman (05:32):
Exactly, exactly.
But you know, and and and andyou know, to to your point is if
is if they're not ready forthat promotion, that's a that's
another teaching moment.
Okay, so yes, we see you we seethat you're doing these things
really well, but if you want toget this promotion, these are
the things that you need to do,or you need to work in this
area, you need to work in thatarea, what have you, not just
beat them down and say, what whodo you think you are asking for
a promotion?
(05:52):
That's that's not um thatthat's not helping anybody.
Rosie Zilinskas (05:57):
Exactly, exactly.
And you know, and I and I thinknow that that I kind of look
back on that time, it's thevalues, and this comes up for me
regularly when I talk to peoplethat are older than I am, like
say eight to ten years older,and they're like, these young
kids, they don't want to workhard.
(06:17):
And I'm like, that's not true.
They want to work hard, butthey want to work hard within
their values and theirboundaries.
And just because you think thatsomeone should be working 50,
60 hours and answering the phoneon on the weekend, that's your
core value.
That's not theirs.
And there's nothing wrong withthat.
Tim Newman (06:38):
Right.
Rosie Zilinskas (06:38):
But but there's this dichotomy of like the
older, you know, oldergeneration, younger generations,
and what how they should beliving their lives at work, you
know.
Tim Newman (06:49):
Yeah, and and you know, I've I've I've seen that
and I I've lived that and I andI've had those same discussions.
And and you know, I've alwaysbeen the person that says, you
know, no matter where I've beenin my career, you know, young
professional, now obviously, youknow, a much more older
professional.
And I'm in that demographicthat you talk about where people
say that they don't want towork hard.
And what I tell people, youknow, as as I've transitioned
(07:11):
out of higher ed, um the theyounger generation is probably
is so much smarter and so muchentrepreneurial than any other
generation.
What they lack is thecommunication skills.
And if we can just guide themin those skills, you're gonna
see some really, really greatwork and some really, really
great innovations.
And again, like you said, it'snot that they don't want to
(07:33):
work, it's that they they'verealized and they've prioritized
different things in their life.
And we've seen that throughoutwe've seen that throughout
throughout history, right?
You know, you you go back to uhthe the greatest generation, it
was uh husband worked, wifedidn't work, but he worked and
worked and worked and worked,and you know, so we we've
transitioned to we've our lifedoesn't revolve around work
(07:57):
anymore.
And it's for some people it'shard to let that go.
Rosie Zilinskas (08:01):
Yes, absolutely.
And it's just like, what's itto you?
Like I always think like,what's it to you if they don't
want to work 60 or you know 70hours?
That's their choice, it's theirlife.
And I think we just need tounderstand that you know, as
human beings, we cannot imposeour values on other people.
And and that's kind of part ofthe communication because as you
(08:22):
will know, in the corporateworld, there are still
generations like you know, likebaby boomers, Gen Xers, and then
there's like the millennials,and it's just sometimes there's
this like butting heads, but itall boils down to communication
and and values.
Tim Newman (08:37):
Yeah, and and you know, I I have that conversation
with with my kids on a regularbasis.
So, you know, I've um my mykids are older, I've got
grandkids, and um my youngestdaughter said to me a few years
ago, She said, Dad, I I don'twant to work like you work.
And because I like I I mean I II spend a lot of time at work.
Uh-huh.
(08:57):
But when I also prioritizefamily, so when I'm not at work,
I'm not at work.
And so like I just I just cameback from from a from a 10-day,
I wouldn't say vacation, but a10-day away from the office
where I spent with the kids andthe grandkids.
And I worked, I worked whenthey were sleeping, I worked
when they were at work, and whenthey when they were home, guess
(09:18):
what we did?
We there was no work.
And so, you know, maybeteaching them to learn how to
prioritize, you know, when it'sgoing to work for them and
modeling some of that behavioris could could go a long way as
well.
Rosie Zilinskas (09:32):
Absolutely, absolutely.
I agree.
Um, and then along the lines oflike communicating, you know,
one of the other things that Ithat I work with like with women
is when you are trying to add,because we talk about, you know,
advocate for yourself andadvocate for yourself, but then
we don't explain what what doesthat actually mean.
(09:53):
Right.
You know, and essentially whatI share with my clients is
listen, you need to be able toexplain to your boss, your
manager, a hiring manager, howyou can help them solve their
problems using your skills andyour knowledge.
(10:14):
And if you're not able toexplain that in a clear,
succinct manner, then there'sgonna be no connection and
they're gonna be like, well, shecan't help me.
And that's the trick to how doyou advocate for yourself?
Well, you start by learningabout yourself, understanding
(10:36):
who you are, what you like, whatyou don't like, you know, the
core values that we were justtalking about.
What are your skills?
When I was going through uh mycareer journey, I purchased that
book.
I'm sure you're aware of theWhat Color is your parachute
book that they publish everyyear.
And it's a career developmentbook, and it has all these
exercises.
I did every single exercise inthat book as I was trying to
(11:02):
learn about myself and figureout how I can explain to
somebody that I can bring valueto the organization.
And once you're able tounderstand that about yourself,
that's when you can startself-advocating for yourself and
explaining again.
And it's all about a lot oftimes when we are interviews,
(11:23):
it's always like, it's me, me,me, me.
What I can do, I can, but no,it's really active listening
about solving their problems andbringing stories that you know
that are relevant to that, youknow.
Well, I have a challenge in myteam with you know
communication.
Well, hey, you know, I've donea lot of communication work.
I can help you with thatbecause I did it in this
(11:44):
organization.
So that's when you startconnecting the dots for people
and they start imagining youbeing there as part of their
team.
Tim Newman (11:53):
Right.
And and and that that is soimportant.
You know, you you bring up acouple of really good points in
there.
First and foremost, knowing whoyou are, learning what what you
believe, what your values are.
Uh, we don't do enough of that.
We don't teach younggenerations uh enough of that.
Um, and I I I don't want tothrow the the school system
(12:14):
under the bus, but I I think inin some ways our school system
has has failed our our our kids,and that's in one of the ways.
Um and not not really teachingthem how to be critical
thinkers, not really teachingthem how to um learn who they
are, and we just as when theycome to us, we just expect that
they they've already figured itout, but it hasn't.
And that's that's a lifejourney too, because our values,
(12:38):
our our values probably aren'tgonna change, but what we like
and what we don't like and whatwe're what we want to do are
gonna change throughout ourcareers.
And how we're gonna be able tobe able to bring value to other
people is gonna change as well.
And for teaching them to figurethose things out is critically
important so that they don't getto you know 20 years into a
career and well, I didn'trealize I never asked for a
(13:01):
promotion.
Rosie Zilinskas (13:02):
That's exactly right.
And I was 40 when thathappened, so you're absolutely
right.
Tim Newman (13:07):
But but but but Rosie, that's not in common.
I mean, I've I've done the samething.
I mean, I'm I was kind of in inin your same position.
I mean, for for me, I've I'vehad a I've had a few
professional careers, and thelast two for me, transitioning
out was very, very difficultbecause I I couldn't figure out
what my next step was going tobe.
(13:28):
I knew that this current thisone was winding down and coming
to an end, but I didn't knowwhat was gonna be next.
I it was it was very difficult.
Even even knowing the processthat you need to go through to
figure those things out.
Rosie Zilinskas (13:41):
Yes, exactly.
And you know, it it's alsointeresting because you really
need a well-rounded purview ofwho you are, and you're not able
to do that on your own.
So one of the other things thatI that I have my clients do is,
you know, set up a coffee withfive or seven people that you
have previously worked with andjust ask them a couple of
(14:04):
questions.
Hey, you know, I'm trying towell let them first of all let
them know that you're trying todevelop yourself and give them
permission to be honest withyou.
Yes.
You have to give thempermission and then ask them,
what have I done well that youhave observed, and what can I do
better?
Because that's where, you know,I I uh I'm a keynote speaker as
(14:27):
well.
And one of the things that itthat I say in my keynote is
feedback is fuel.
Tim Newman (14:32):
Right.
Rosie Zilinskas (14:33):
Don't consider it criticism.
Feedback is fuel to fuel yourblind spots on how can you
improve yourself.
And once you get that, then youcan start implementing and
develop the developing thosethings that they told you so
that you can learn aboutyourself.
Because again, the way you seeme, Tim, is very different than
(14:56):
the way I see myself.
So those are key things.
Tim Newman (15:00):
So so Rosie, that's that's another good point.
How do you get how do you teachpeople to not take feedback as
criticism?
And I and let me give you areally good example of that,
okay?
Um I I'm I'm obviously a personwho's who's a lifelong learner,
always trying to get better,this, that, and the other thing.
Um if my wife tells me that Ineed to change something, it's
(15:22):
instant aggravation.
Stop.
But and this literally happenedabout three weeks ago.
Somebody else told me the exactsame thing in almost the exact
same words.
And I was like, wow, that's areally good point.
So how do we learn, how do wehow do you teach people to learn
how to take feedback not ascriticism, but as feedback to
help you improve?
Rosie Zilinskas (15:44):
Well, uh, I have this little acronym and I
tell people, you know, wheneversomeone's giving you feedback,
you have to take a lap.
Meaning, first is you reallyneed to, well, even before you
do that, when you know thatyou're starting or that you're
going into a conversation, oreven like if someone just kind
of, you know, tells you, hey,you know what, you left the door
open or whatever, or you know,it happens at home, like you you
(16:06):
kind of have to brace yourselfbecause anytime that we're told
that we're doing somethingwrong, it stings a little bit,
right?
Because it's like our our soulsare fragile.
And sometimes when when someonetells you that you're doing
something wrong.
So I I say take a lap becauseyou know, in sports, whenever an
athlete is having a difficulttime or they're angry or
(16:27):
whatever, the coach always saystake a lap.
Take a lap for it.
So, what does take a lap?
Means just kind of take aminute and and walk it off.
But the the L is for reallylisten to what the person is
saying to you.
The the second um is foractivating your listening skills
to kind of try to pick up whatis it that you're that you're
(16:51):
actually being told.
Because what you hear and whatyou interpret in your in your
mind in your brain could be twodifferent things.
And then um clarifyingquestions, you know, just asking
them for clarifying questionsif you're not clear on what what
feedback they're giving you.
And then the the P is forputting into practice what they
(17:15):
actually give you as feedback.
So taking a lap is what I teachmy clients to do when they're
getting that feedback and justkind of changing it from, oh my
gosh, I'm getting criticism toI'm getting fuel to get better
because feedback is fuel.
That's one of the mindsetchanges that we try to do when
(17:38):
when you're getting thatcritical, uh, that critical
feedback.
Right.
Tim Newman (17:42):
And and that that's so important to to to again to
you know take a step back andand and truly absorb and think
about what's what's actuallybeing said.
And again, that that's notpersonal.
It's it's done in an attempt tohelp help you improve, help,
help you get better.
Um and it's coming from the aperson who has good intentions.
(18:04):
Oh that's the other the otherpiece that that especially young
people need to understand whenwhen they're getting that
feedback, they're not it's notcoming from the point of trying
to put you down there becausethey're actually trying to help
you improve and and and getbetter.
Um it's trying to get them tounderstand that I I think is is
(18:28):
is a is a critical piece fromfrom our perspective, so that
they can be open to thatfeedback.
Rosie Zilinskas (18:36):
Absolutely.
Yeah, I agree.
Um one other thing that I thinkis really important is once you
start doing that work onyourself to be able to figure
out how to self-advocate is uhthe next thing that I talk to my
clients about is is justcrafting your script, meaning,
okay, now that you know aboutyourself and how you can help
(18:59):
others, what are the words thatyou're gonna be using?
How are you actually going tophrase that so that it comes
across as you're excited andpassionate and you're vested in
the success of the company?
And so crafting your script isreally important when you are in
that discovery period of likeyou want to go talk to your boss
(19:22):
about a promotion or whatever,you need to take the time to
really write down and practicewhat you're going to say so that
it comes across as positive.
And that you, again, it allgoes to you're trying to solve
their problems.
Tim Newman (19:38):
And and and I love this because you you can't do
this without research andpreparation and putting the
putting the time and effort ininto doing these types of
things.
And because it doesn't justhappen, right?
You you have you have toactually sit down and put some
thought into it, do someresearch, you know, practice how
you're saying it, practice thethe terminology, practice the
the way that your your tone,your and your facial
(20:00):
expressions, your body language,so that it comes off as as
natural and um and likable,right?
And to to me, the the the tome, preparation is probably one
of the biggest battles that Ithat that we face to get people
to, you know, especially youngerpeople to improve upon because
(20:20):
again, it doesn't just happen.
Rosie Zilinskas (20:22):
Exactly.
And you know, so uh a few of myclients have come to me and
they're like, you know, Rosie,can you help me gain confidence
so that I can go out andself-advocate for myself?
I'm like, well, I can help you,I can teach you how to prepare
yourself so that you can learnmore about yourself.
And it's a parallel processwhere the more you learn about
(20:44):
yourself and you're able toshare that with other people,
the more confidence you gainbecause you now know what to say
and how to present it and howyou can help and you can
highlight your skills and all ofthose things.
So it's so interesting that youknow in real estate they always
say location, location,location.
(21:05):
In career advancement, I'malways like preparation,
preparation, preparation.
Tim Newman (21:11):
And and I I'm right there with you because it's so
important and it's um what itdoesn't really matter to me, you
know, what you're going intofrom a professional perspective.
If you're going into a meetingand you're not even, you know,
if you if you're not responsiblefor sharing anything, but you
still need to prepare it so youthat you have an understanding
of what's gonna be talked aboutso that if something comes up
(21:32):
that you can share about to addthat value, you to do that
because you're invited to thatmeeting for a reason.
You're not invited because theyneed somebody to sit in that
chair, right?
They they want you there, theywant that input there, and you
can't get that input if you'renot prepared.
If you're presenting in themeeting, you have to prepare so
that so that you're presentingthe information that needs to be
presented.
It doesn't really matter from aprofession from my perspective
(21:54):
where you're at in thatprofessional piece, you need to
be prepared to uh communicate,share your voice, share your
opinion.
And it's it seems that againthat's that's a a big piece to
uh that needs to becommunicated, but from a female
perspective, how is that why dowe think that why do you think
(22:17):
that that females undervaluetheir communication skills so
much more than than males do?
Rosie Zilinskas (22:25):
Well, you know, I I'm sure you've uh seen that
uh cartoon where there's a maleand a female and they're looking
in the mirror, and the guy islike bald and like a little
short and pudgy, and theirbelly's out, and they look in
the mirror and they see thislike beautiful, muscular man,
you know, and they're justthey're just seeing themselves
(22:47):
as this like Adonis.
And then the woman is, youknow, pretty velvet, and then
she sees like this old person inthe in the mirror, and she just
doesn't see herself in apositive way.
So a lot of this has to do withhow we are just brought up as
human beings, where men are justinherently more confident than
(23:09):
they just go for it.
And I'm gonna actually sharewith you a little story that
would will kind of uh exemplifythis.
My husband and I went toMontana last year to uh Glacier
National Park.
And it was beautiful.
Tim Newman (23:22):
It is.
Rosie Zilinskas (23:22):
And we were driving, and he like we were
driving away a distance, and hewas really tired.
I said, you know what, let metake over for a couple hours,
you can sleep while we drive,and you know, we'll get there.
So we did that.
He, you know, we traded, heslept, and then I drove.
And as as I started driving, hefell asleep right away.
As I started driving, I veryquickly realized that it was
(23:45):
very curvy, curvy and hilly.
And I was literally hugginglike mountains, and I was white
knuckling it the entire waythere.
And it was only a couple ofhours.
I was going at the speed limit,and I was like, oh my gosh,
like, and my daughter was in thecar.
So I'm like, I cannot, I cannothave an accident, you know.
(24:09):
So, okay, so then I we gotthere, we were safe.
I was like stressed out thewhole time.
And then we we got there, youknow, we were like eating or
whatever, and I and I asked myhusband, I said, So, so are you
ever worried when you drive onon the roads, you know, and he's
like, No.
I was like, but do you everlike think about it or you're
(24:31):
like, are you concerned aboutlike the roads being all windy
and curvy?
And he's like, No.
I'm like, so you have no, he'slike, what are you talking
about?
And that is like what after Ithought about that story, that's
kind of the way men and womenare in life and careers.
(24:53):
Men don't even think about it,Tim.
Whereas sometimes we areliterally white knuckling it and
trying to figure out, oh myGod, am I going too fast, too
slow, I'm gonna, you know, hurtmy my family.
Uh, you know, I need to becareful.
And and so women are inherentlyjust more critical of
(25:15):
themselves.
And that's where the the gapcomes in, because if we were
able to understand ourselvesmore and learn about our
emotions and be able to show howwe give value instead of how we
take value away, that's whenthe transformation happens, and
(25:39):
then you're able to shed some ofthat lack of confidence, and
then they can start speakingwith confidence, exactly.
Tim Newman (25:46):
Yeah.
And and again, it I I think togo along with that, the only way
to gain confidence is tocontinue to do it.
You can't just do it once.
You've got to continue to doit, continue to put yourself out
there, can continue to um shareyour thoughts and share your
feelings on whatever it is.
Even you bringing that up toyour husband probably causes uh
(26:09):
a tad bit of anxiety, right?
You know, what's what's hegonna what's he gonna think?
What do you mean?
What do you mean you're notconfident driving the car?
Now I've got to worry about youdriving the car too.
Yeah, or or or whatever it is,right?
So so so that's that's part ofputting yourself out there and
and learning how to to share athought, share a feeling, and be
open to to to doing that.
And and I think that's umespecially from a business
(26:32):
perspective, that that's hardfor young professionals to just
get over you have to you justhave to do it.
Rosie Zilinskas (26:37):
Yeah, and and the and back to that same story,
it's like just the reflectionof like, I was like, wow, he
didn't, he doesn't even thinkabout it.
He just drives.
And here I am all stressed outabout the same exact drive.
And it's just how different.
Not just men and women are, butpeople, you know, everybody's
(26:58):
different.
But finding out, and and I didsome reflection work, I was
like, okay, why was I stressedout?
Well, it was a new place, verycurvy, very hilly.
It was kind of starting to geta little dark.
So it was a combination offactors.
But to your point, the nexttime I'm still going to drive
and I'll get more and morecomfortable as I do that more,
but it takes time and it takespractice.
(27:20):
And exactly in your career,it's going to take time for you
to show up for yourself in avery confident way.
And then uh you were talkingabout how you physically show
up.
Another way that I always talkto my clients is like that pesky
handshake.
It's like the handshake whenyou're in person and you shake
(27:42):
someone's hand and you eithergive them like the half fingers
or the, you know, like your deadfish, you know, like handshake.
That is actually conveys a lackof confidence, like that you
don't want to shake someone'shand in a very comfortable and
firm manner.
Because when you're notconfident enough to do that
(28:03):
handshake, that says a lot abouta person.
So practice just a simplepractice your handshake, and
that will give you moreconfidence just by appearing
more confident to the otherperson, that is.
Tim Newman (28:18):
Absolutely.
And and like like you said,what that does to you, you know,
from the inside out, how howmuch more confident you feel,
you know, sticking your handout, you know, shaking that
hand.
And um, you know, for for me,so this coming week I'm I'm
going to an event that I hadn'tbeen to before.
(28:39):
It's it's a monthly event hereuh where I live, and this is the
first time I'm going to it.
And as I was driving into workthis morning, I told my wife, I
said, you know, I gotta makesure we get the clothes back
from the cleaners.
She says, Well, you're gonna behot, and I said, I don't really
care because I've got to makesure that this is the first time
I'm meeting these people, I'vegot to come looking professional
(28:59):
and and prepared.
And you know, if if we getthere and after a couple times
it's a little bit more relaxed,a little bit more, then I I'll
I'll show up that way.
But for me to feel confident, Ineed to make sure that I'm
doing the things that I need todo for myself to go and show up
to do the things that we need toget done.
(29:20):
And she said, Well, yeah, I Iguess you're right.
I said, Yeah, and if if I'mhot, so what?
It's uh if I'm hot, if I'msweating, that it that is what
it is.
But I can't if I if I don'tshow up professionally, if I
don't show up who who I'msupposed to be, then it doesn't
really matter.
Why, why are we even going?
Rosie Zilinskas (29:38):
Exactly.
Yep, I agree.
I mean, you know, presentationis everything, right?
Especially and you know, it'sso interesting because I don't
know, Tim, if you've heard thatsometimes, and this is an I I
read a couple of articles.
Young people like collegegraduates are sometimes bringing
their parents to jobinterviews.
Yes.
Tim Newman (29:57):
Oh, yes.
Rosie Zilinskas (29:58):
It's just like, wait, what?
What?
Or sometimes I heard um again,you know, I've read articles
that they'll have a a videointerview and they refuse to
turn their camera on.
I'm like, what?
Like, uh how is this possible?
And it's that that lack ofconfidence.
And of course, like the wholeparent coming to someone's any
(30:20):
parent coming to any uhinterview, whether you're 16 or
you know, 20, whatever, that'sjust the parent over parenting,
you know.
So exactly, right?
But you you have to let theperson do what they need to do,
and if they fail, that's okaybecause they're they can try
again until they are comfortableenough to, you know, get that
(30:43):
that job or whatever.
But there's just so many thingsthat young people are not um
allowed to do or able to do orencouraged to do.
But I mean, not turning on yourvideo camera on uh on an
interview is is not right.
You need to be present and youneed to show up as you were
saying in a professional manner.
Tim Newman (31:05):
Right.
It's it that that's that's notoptional.
That that's that's requirementnumber one.
You gotta be gotta show up.
And you I mean, and it has tobe you, it can't be your
parents, it can't be this, that,or the other thing.
And you know, it's funny thatyou say that because I talk a
lot about and I I'm I may be thecomplete opposite end of that
spectrum.
When my kids were in elementaryschool, what my oldest daughter
(31:27):
came to me was having a problemwith a teacher, and I said,
Well, you need to go talk toyour teacher about it.
And she was looking for me tojust solve the problem.
I said, No, you need to go talkto the teacher.
And if at the end of that youstill think you aren't being
treated fairly, and I'm notsaying you didn't get the answer
you wanted, I'm talking aboutyou weren't treated fairly, then
I'll step in.
And that taught them at thatpoint that that goes back to the
(31:51):
advocating for themselves andhow you go about doing that.
And um and to this to to thisday, you know, my oldest
daughter keeps she reminds me ofthat all the time.
And I said, and look how that'shelped you throughout your life
and throughout your career.
And look at your look at someof your peers and how they have
trouble doing those types ofthings.
(32:12):
And so you may not have likedit.
My wife hated it because we youknow we're both educators, and
and but in the long run, youshowing up for yourself has done
so much more for you than youcould ever imagine.
Rosie Zilinskas (32:27):
Yeah, no, no, that's great.
And I love that you were ableto just say to her, no, you saw
your problem.
I mean, that's really good.
That's that's how it should be,for sure.
Yeah, yeah.
Tim Newman (32:37):
And and so it's to you know, to kind of go along
with that and and and showing upuh in in confidence, you know,
you you've got you've got fourpromotion uh barriers that that
women have.
What are they and how do theyplay into the into the
preparation of advancing theircareers?
Rosie Zilinskas (32:56):
Yeah, so there's four blockers that that
I that I talk to women aboutthat they generally fall into
one of these blockers.
The the first one is the umworthiness blocker, where they
may be discounting, defeatingthemselves and or disqualifying
themselves, where they justdon't feel like they're gonna,
(33:18):
you know, be selected for theirjob, for the job so they don't
apply, or they just don't, youknow, feel like they're um
worthy of that promotion.
So it's the the wortlinessblocker.
The second one is thepopularity blocker where you
feel that you're just not partof the in crowd, the golden boy
(33:39):
or girl crowd, and you're like,well, I'm never gonna get the
promotion because I'm not youknow in that in that crowd.
Um three is the skills blockerwhere you feel that you need to
constantly be upskilling orgetting certifications or
getting degrees.
I talked to a woman that shewas like on her third master's
degree, and she and I was like,What are you trying to prove?
(34:01):
Yeah, like what are you tryingto prove?
And then the last one is thevisibility blocker where they
don't feel like they're ready togo out and do a presentation or
be visible or ask or umvolunteer for a specific project
where they just don't want tobe out there in the world.
(34:24):
So those are the four ways thata woman can actually, you know,
hold herself back.
And each one of these, youknow, we have different
exercises, you know, that we do.
But, you know, the very firstone, the the worthiness blocker,
that that kind of goes back towhat do you think about yourself
and discerning if it's true orif it's not true?
(34:46):
If you think, oh my man, I'mnever gonna get promoted.
Well, why do you think that?
And then you kind of have tostart like, you know, peeling
deck the onion of like, where inyour life did you maybe have a
situation where you didn't feelthat you were worthy and you
carried that throughout yourlife and it's still showing up.
(35:07):
A lot of this is is umemotional um situations that
have happened and and havetriggered you so much that you
still operate on that oldbelief.
Um the the likability one iswhen you you see all these
people getting promoted, andyou're like, oh my gosh, they
(35:28):
just give promotions to allthese other people.
But there was uh a study that Iread about a uh law university,
and the women were allcomplaining because the men were
getting all the teachingassistant jobs in the law
school.
And then when they they didsome research, they figured out
that all the men were asking forthose teaching assistant jobs,
(35:51):
and the women were not askingfor those jobs.
So just because you see someoneget promoted doesn't mean that
they don't like you.
It's if they asked, they tookaction.
Tim Newman (36:01):
Right.
Rosie Zilinskas (36:01):
And then the skills blocker is kind of
obvious.
You know, you don't have tokeep upskilling, you just have
to, you know, refine your skillsand have a conversation.
And then the the last one,which is the visibility blocker,
you have to make a concertedeffort to speak with confidence,
right?
Go out there, makepresentations, maybe you know,
start some kind of thoughtleadership in your company.
(36:24):
But these are all the thesefour blockers are what generally
someone falls into one of thesefour categories, and they're
like, oh yeah, that's the onethat that's holding me back.
So yeah.
Tim Newman (36:39):
And then and that's identifying that is is critical
because now you can start towork on that.
And then you uh my guess is youyou find somebody, okay, this
is the one you start addressingit, and then you see, okay,
well, I'm also some of this.
Now we can address some of thata little bit too, and we can
address this one over here, andthat's gonna really you know
propel them so much further.
Once you identify whatever thatis, apply some corrective
(37:02):
action to it, whatever, again,whatever that is.
Um, because again, it'sdifferent for everybody, and
what you know, what what holdsus back and and the the story
that we tell ourselves forwhatever that is is different,
but we have to we still have toaddress it and figure out a way
to move to move forward that.
Um and I think it's great thatyou've identified those those
categories because it makes itmakes it so much easier to
(37:24):
identify and move forward.
Rosie Zilinskas (37:27):
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, no, absolutely.
And once and like you justsaid, like once a woman knows
that, you know what, I justrealized that I am disqualifying
myself because by not applying,I'm just assuming that I'm not
getting not gonna get the jobinstead of like throwing my hat
in the in you know in the ring,then I just I'm like, oh, I'm
not gonna get the job, so whybother?
Well, then you're now movingfrom disqualifying yourself to
(37:50):
in that defeatist mode whereyou're just like, why bother?
You know, now you're not reallyengaged.
So there's so many levels ofknowing yourself.
And then once you know, you'relike, once you know you can't
unknow.
And then if you don't takeaction, that's just because you
don't want to take action.
Because that that's a whole newball of wax right there.
Tim Newman (38:13):
And and and you know what?
That if you don't want to takeaction again, that that's fine,
but own that.
Rosie Zilinskas (38:18):
Exactly.
Tim Newman (38:19):
Don't continue to say this, that, or the other
thing.
Own that you have that you'rechoosing to not take action on
it, fix it, address it,whatever, whatever that is.
Um, and that you know what whatI found is when you uh address
somebody like that and they knowwhat's happening, and then you
(38:40):
say, okay, if you're not gonnaact on it, at least acknowledge
that and you're making thatchoice.
And that a lot of times willtrigger them and say, you know
what, that doesn't make anysense.
I'm if I know that this isholding me back, or I know that
this is causing me harm, or Iknow that this is causing me
problems, or whatever that is,and I'm not gonna do anything
about it.
That doesn't it doesn'tlogically make any sense.
(39:02):
And then that's something thatdoes help propel them forward
into fixing it or get gettingbetter, what what whatever,
whatever it, whatever it is.
Rosie Zilinskas (39:13):
Yeah, and like you said, I love that you said,
you know, then that's making achoice.
And you know, I I started mycareer with um people, you know,
we started in the exact sameclass, and there's people that I
know that are still doing theexact same job that we started
doing back in 1992, and they areblissfully happy doing it.
You know, they don't want to doanymore, and you know, that's
(39:36):
wonderful.
Right.
But for me, every three yearsit was almost like clockwork.
Okay, what's next?
What's next?
What's next?
I was always looking, I'm stilllooking for like what's next,
and how can I get better?
And like you, that you're alifelong learner, so am I.
And I love learning and I loveunderstanding.
And now I'm doing a lot ofemotional work because it's so
(39:59):
interesting.
I'm not a therapist, but as acareer coach, we do get a lot
into well.
So, like, for example, uh, oneof my clients said uh the other
day to me, like, my little job.
I'm like, uh, okay, hold on,pause.
Like, why did you say my littlejob?
And she was like, What are youtalking about?
I was like, You you just saidmy little job.
(40:20):
And she's like, I didn't evenrealize.
And then we had a wholeconversation about where that
thought was coming from and howshe was feeling about it.
And I think that's one thingthat I really want to make sure
that we talk about here becauseeverything that is happening in
your life is being driven by anemotion.
And a lot of times, like thesefour blockers, like what's
(40:45):
really underneath those blockersreally a lot of the times boils
down to fear.
Tim Newman (40:51):
Yes.
Rosie Zilinskas (40:52):
What is the fear and why you have it?
And then a lot of times we'llhave a conversation like, how
did you feel about that and whatcan we do about it?
And then we start reframingthat.
But again, I'm not a therapist,but I have trained like um
training in the fact thateverything, you know, has every
(41:14):
action has some kind of feelingbehind it, whether it's good or
bad.
Then if you are being paralyzedby you know, the fear, then
you're not going to identifyingit as, you know what, oh my
gosh, I'm really disqualifyingmyself.
And that's where the magichappens.
It's it's definitely yourintellect, but it's also your
(41:37):
emotional, like what ishappening in your in your heart
and your soul when it comes tothis.
Tim Newman (41:43):
Yeah.
You're so right on to that.
And um and again, I I I alsothink it's important that that
we as coaches acknowledge thatno no we're not therapists.
And if this is something thatyou need therapy for, please go
please, I'm begging you go dothat, and then we can help, you
know, the therapist can help youthere, but we can help you take
(42:06):
that stuff forward.
Rosie Zilinskas (42:07):
Exactly.
And there have been a few timesthat I'm like, you know what,
you need to go for a therapist.
I'll still work with you.
Tim Newman (42:14):
But you know, but that's right, that's two
different things, right?
And and and you know, but butit's it's important to to know
that sometimes the those fearsdo do require you know that that
deeper thing that we that weare not qualified for, qualified
to help them fix, but we canstill help them move forward as
long as they're getting helpwith those other mental health
(42:37):
issues that need that truly needto be uh uh addressed.
And um that's a differentstory.
I think our mental healthsystem is is needs some serious
help too, but that's that's overthere.
We'll we'll talk about thatlater.
Um and and how does you knowyou you you've got your uh
promotion readiness roadmap?
How does that how does that allplay into the these things, the
(43:00):
the the promotion blockers andbuilding confidence um and the
preparation?
How does all this kind of wrapup and and work together?
Rosie Zilinskas (43:09):
Yeah, so the promotion readiness roadmap is a
series of topics that we have.
So, yes, the resume and and theLinkedIn and things like that.
So the promotion readinessroadmap is very tactical.
So it's very um getting thepieces of the puzzle in place so
that when you are when you arepresented with an opportunity,
(43:30):
you are at the ready and you youdon't have to be scrambling on
updating your resume andfiguring out what to say in the
interview.
So it's the resume, theLinkedIn, crafting your script,
creating your story vault.
Like what are the stories thatyou're going to bring to that to
that interview and then pair itwith crafting your script?
(43:51):
It's creating your 90-day plan.
All of those pieces are part ofthat promotion readiness
roadmap.
So it's very tactical.
Now, yes, I do uh we definitelytalk about, you know, how do
you feel and all that stuff, butum I also I'm a certified high
performance coach, and that'sthe mindset program where we
talk all about what do you thinkabout this?
(44:11):
I it's a series of questionsthat I ask, and based on what
they answer, I kind of knowwhere to where to take the
conversation.
And I'm always activelylistening for kind of like that
example, like my little job,like, okay, why did you say
that?
And that's where we get moreinto where is where are you
emotionally in that scale andand how is that showing up?
And then like I was uh talkingto one of my clients, and she
(44:35):
went through a situation whereshe got laid off like months and
months ago, and we were talkingabout it, and and uh I had
asked her, well, what's theemotion there?
Because I I don't ask like, howdoes that make you feel?
You know, because like what'sthe emotion there?
And then she's like, you know,I just realized that I felt
humiliated, and she had notrealized that that emotion was
(44:57):
still kind of lingering there.
And what's so interesting isthat Tim, once you identify the
emotion and you allow yourselfto feel it, then you are able to
release it and then you can letit go and move on to other
things.
It's so incredible how thingsthat happen in your life impact
(45:20):
you emotionally so terribly thatif you don't process that,
yeah, then it can get stuck.
And that's when disease comesinto the body.
I mean, it's it's all connectedto it.
It's all connected to it.
It's incredible.
Tim Newman (45:32):
Yeah, and and I wish people knew that before it's
too late.
And that is so, so important.
Um, without getting into much,it had it happened to me, it
it's happened to a ton of peoplethat that I know, and and I'm
(45:52):
not even talking about peoplefrom my generation, right?
Because it's it's it's verycommon in people from from from
my age group, my generation, butit's also happening with with
people in younger generationstoo, because for different
reasons, holding that stress in,not actually sharing, not not
letting it go, uh all thosedifferent things, and it does
(46:13):
manifest itself into serioushealth issues.
And um it's if if peopleunderstood that and could uh get
the help or or get whatever itis that they need to to let that
go, it's it's incrediblyfreeing.
And it's it's it's it's I sayit's like a weight lifted off,
(46:35):
but it's it's almost like youcan't describe the weight that
is lifted off of you when youwhen when you can get through
those types of things.
Rosie Zilinskas (46:42):
I totally agree.
And it is something that umI've always and I'm uh and I do
a lot of meditation and stufflike that, and I'm like, man, I
I wish that we would, you know,kind of like finances.
I wish this would be one thingthat we taught all human beings.
It's like you need to be ableto learn to process emotions.
And, you know, kind of bringingit back to the initial
(47:03):
conversation of why women don'tadvocate for themselves is
because sometimes we're justlike processing all these
emotions and we're stuck andwe're stuck, and we don't have
anybody to kind of help usprocess.
And yet, many men don't processthe emotions, so they just kind
of go forward and they're notstuck because maybe they don't
(47:23):
even think about it or or havethat feeling.
So we're still human beings andwe still have emotions, but we
we handle them very differently.
Tim Newman (47:31):
Very differently, very differently, very
differently.
Well, Rosie, this has beenphenomenal.
I've really enjoyed theconversation.
Where can people find andconnect with you?
Rosie Zilinskas (47:41):
Yeah, the easiest way is go to my website,
which is nowomanleftbehind.com,and woman is W-O-M-A-N, or they
can connect with me on LinkedInat Rosie Career Coaching or
Rosie Zalinskis.
Tim Newman (47:55):
Well, I appreciate that.
And and again, thank you somuch for taking some time with
us today.
You take care, and I'll talk toyou soon.
Rosie Zilinskas (48:01):
Thank you so much, Tim.
This is wonderful.
Tim Newman (48:04):
Be sure to visit speakingwithconfidence
podcast.com to get your freeebook, Top 21 Challenges for
Public Speakers, Now toOvercome.
You can also register for theform of the public speaking
course.
Always remember, your voice hasthe power to change your world.
We'll talk to you next time.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
CrimeLess: Hillbilly Heist
It’s 1996 in rural North Carolina, and an oddball crew makes history when they pull off America’s third largest cash heist. But it’s all downhill from there. Join host Johnny Knoxville as he unspools a wild and woolly tale about a group of regular ‘ol folks who risked it all for a chance at a better life. CrimeLess: Hillbilly Heist answers the question: what would you do with 17.3 million dollars? The answer includes diamond rings, mansions, velvet Elvis paintings, plus a run for the border, murder-for-hire-plots, and FBI busts.