August 14, 2025 • 11 mins
Have you ever wondered why you keep repeating the same mistakes, even when you work hard and accumulate experience? In this episode of Speaking with Confidence, I dig deep into a powerful question: what’s really holding you back from growing as a communicator and professional, and how can you break the cycle and accelerate your progress for real?
Hi, I’m Tim Newman, a recovering college professor turned communication coach, and your host on this journey toward showing up with confidence in every conversation. On today’s episode (inspired by last week’s impactful discussion with Danielle Droitsch about aligning self-confidence with your authentic self), I unpack a concept that hits home for many of us: the difference between simply remembering what happened and truly reflecting on it.
Here’s an overview of what we’ll dive into:
- Why passive reminiscing (just replaying past events in your head) isn’t enough and actually keeps you on a treadmill of old mistakes.
- John Maxwell’s Law of Reflection, which shows that evaluated experience, not just experience alone, drives genuine improvement.
- The four-step “Four I’s” framework for effective reflection: Investigation, Incubation, Illumination, and Illustration. I explain each with practical examples of how to dig deeper, create space to process, capture insights, and document them so they’ll guide your next steps.
- How to use Maxwell’s personal awareness questions to surface real patterns standing in the way of your growth.
- Why scheduling time for reflection, documenting what you learn, and acting on those lessons is the fastest way to compounding progress.
- The difference between growth that is intentional, structured, and measurable, versus “busyness” that leads nowhere, and how the top 1% protect their reflection habit like any high-priority task.
- Actionable advice on setting up your own reflection rhythm using daily, weekly, quarterly, and annual check-ins (with specific time recommendations and real-life examples).
- My challenge to you: block ten minutes today for structured reflection and see how quickly you can start gaining new insights.
If you’re eager to turn your past into a resource for future success rather than just a collection of memories, this episode lays out the step-by-step blueprint to get you there. I invite you to try the system for a week, observe the difference, and remember, we’re seeking progress, not perfection.
Don’t forget, you can grab your free eBook, “The Top 21 Challenges for Public Speakers and How to Overcome Them,” at speakingwithconfidencepodcast.com, or register for the Formula for Public Speaking course.
Your voice has power, so let’s use it, and let’s grow together. I’ll talk to you next time.
Want to be a guest on Speaking With Confidence? Send Tim Newman a message on PodMatch
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Tim (00:08):
Welcome back to Speaking with Confidence, a podcast that
helps you build the soft skillsthat lead to real results
communication, storytelling,public speaking and showing up
with confidence in everyconversation that counts.
I'm Tim Newman, a recoveringcollege professor turned
communication coach, and I'mthrilled to guide you on your
journey to becoming a powerfulcommunicator.
In episode 69, danielleDroitsch spoke about tying
(00:32):
self-confidence to who we are asindividuals.
This idea really got methinking, because I have said
for a long time that most peopledo not spend enough time
thinking about who they are orwhy they are in some of the
positions that they're in, andthis thought led to the idea of
imposter syndrome and why we getstuck and cannot advance.
So this episode is going to layout a time-tested framework to
(00:56):
help you figure out who you areand why you're stuck.
But here's the brutal truthReflection doesn't happen by
accident.
The top 1% treat it as anon-negotiable habit.
They schedule reflection likemeetings, document it like
scientists and act on it likeCEOs.
This isn't just a motivationalidea.
(01:17):
It's a proven system thatseparates those who grow from
those who stay stuck.
Most people assume growthhappens automatically just
because they're busy oraccumulating experience, but the
shocking truth is withoutintentional reflection, you're
(01:38):
likely repeating the samemistakes and missing out on real
progress.
So why do most people get thisso wrong?
Most people fall into a subtlebut damaging trap when it comes
to reflection.
They mistake remembering forreal learning.
It's easy to replay whathappened mentally, reviewing a
tough meeting, a missed deadlineor a failed project and believe
(01:58):
that you're making progress.
But simply recalling eventswithout examining them leads to
repeating the exact same errors.
The reality is most people endup repeating mistakes if they
never truly reflect on whythings happened the way that
they did.
And passive reminiscing feelsproductive.
You get that sense of beingthoughtful, of reviewing your
(02:19):
actions, but this process skipsthe critical thinking required
for actual growth.
It's like looking at old photosand mistaking nostalgia for
insight.
But this process skips thecritical thinking required for
actual growth.
It's like looking at old photosand mistaking nostalgia for
insight.
The difference betweenremembering and reflecting is
subtle but crucial.
Remembering is passive, it'sjust replaying the tape.
(02:42):
Reflection, on the other hand,is an active process that
demands you ask tough questionsand seek out lessons beneath the
surface.
John Maxwell, in his Law ofReflection, puts it simply
Evaluated experience is the bestteacher.
So just having experiences,even a lot of them, isn't enough
.
Without stopping to evaluate,you're just accumulating years,
(03:04):
not wisdom.
Without stopping to evaluate,you're just accumulating years,
not wisdom.
And Maxwell found that peoplewho set aside time to actively
review what happened and, moreimportantly, why it happened,
accelerate their growth far morethan those who just keep moving
forward.
Structural reflection, not justexperience, is what drives
improvement, and Maxwell himselfuses daily and weekly
(03:26):
reflection rhythms to catchpatterns, spot small wins and
identify blind spots before theybecome bigger problems.
So instead of waiting for majorfailures to force a review, he
builds reflection into hisroutine, and this approach
ensures that each experience,big or small, actually
contributes to growth.
He recommends pausing regularlyto ask what did I learn?
(03:50):
What would I do differently?
What's my next step?
It's this cycle of intentionalreview that turns ordinary
experience into a powerfulengine for development.
So if simply looking back isn'tenough, what does effective
reflection actually require?
There's a specific approach topperformers use, one that brings
(04:12):
structure and depth to theprocess, making sure nothing
important gets missed.
John Maxwell's Law of Reflectionoutlines a process called the
four I's.
It's investigation, incubation,illumination and illustration.
These aren't just steps.
They're the core elements thatseparate meaningful reflection
(04:35):
from empty rumination.
When you use all four, you movebeyond just thinking about your
experiences to actuallylearning from them.
The first step, investigation,is all about asking the right
questions.
Maxwell recommends using hispersonal awareness list to dig
deeper.
Instead of glossing over whathappened, you pause to ask
(04:59):
what's my biggest asset rightnow?
What's holding me back?
What was my highest high and mylowest low this week?
Which emotion helped me themost and which one got in my way
?
What's my best habit?
What's my worst?
What do I value most?
These focused questions forceyou to confront specifics, not
(05:22):
vague impressions, and theysurface patterns that passive
reflections misses.
Next comes incubation.
This is where you let thosequestions and observations
simmer.
Maxwell compares it tomeditation giving your mind
space to process instead ofdemanding instant answers.
Rushing the step leads toshallow insights.
Instead, let your thoughts sitfor a day or two.
(05:45):
Often, the best ideas andrealizations come after you've
stepped away for a bit.
Incubation isn't about doingnothing.
It's about giving your braintime to work in the background.
The third step is illumination.
This is the moment when thingsstart to stick.
Maxwell calls this the ahamoment, the point when
(06:08):
connections form and you see thelesson clearly.
It doesn't happen every timeyou reflect, but when you've
investigated thoroughly andallowed time to incubate, these
insights surface more reliably.
It's the difference betweenjust remembering an event and
actually understanding what itmeans for your growth.
And the final step isillustration.
(06:30):
Maxwell emphasizes that mostideas start as skeletons.
They need to be fleshed outmore before they're useful.
This means writing down yourinsights, not just thinking
about them.
Use the answers to the personalawareness questions as a
starting point.
By documenting what you'velearned in detail, you make it
(06:51):
more likely those lessons willguide your future actions.
Missing even one of these stepsleaves your reflection
incomplete.
If you skip the investigationstep, your insights stay vague.
Rush incubation and you end upwith surface-level takeaways.
Without illumination, you missthe patterns.
And if you skip illustration,you forget what matters.
(07:15):
But when you follow all four,reflection becomes a tool for
real progress.
So how do you put the four I'sinto practice in a way that fits
your schedule and actuallysticks?
Let's break down the practicalsystem you can use right now.
It's the three-step reflectionsystem.
This approach schedule it,document it and act on it
(07:38):
translates Maxwell's law ofreflection into a set of habits
that actually stick.
Start with schedule it.
Reflection doesn't happenunless you carve out time for it
.
Reflection doesn't happenunless you carve out time for it
.
Maxwell recommends a specificrhythm.
Set aside 10 to 30 minutesevery day for brief reflection.
(07:58):
Block out one to two hours eachweek for a deeper review.
Dedicate a half day eachquarter and plan a longer annual
session.
The reason for this structureis simple Daily sessions help
you notice small patterns andcourse corrections, while the
longer intervals let you spotbigger trends and make strategic
adjustments.
Treat these appointments withthe same respect you would a
(08:21):
client meeting.
Put them in your calendar andprotect that time.
Next is document it.
This is where most people losemomentum.
Maxwell emphasizes that realprogress comes from writing out
both your questions and youranswers.
Don't just jot down vague noteslike need to be better at time
management, because don't we all?
(08:43):
Instead, use targeted questionsfrom Maxwell's personal
awareness list what was mybiggest asset this week and how
did it help?
What behavior held me back?
What was my highest and lowestlow, and what did I learn from
each experience?
Bullet points work well here.
Keep them concise but specific.
(09:03):
One executive found thatswitching to dated bullet lists
made his insights far moreactionable when things got
hectic.
The act of writing clarifiesyour thinking and gives you a
record to revisit when you needperspective and finally act on
it.
Insights only matter if theylead to change.
Maxwell's research shows thatpeople who follow through on
(09:27):
their documented reflections arethe ones who convert insights
into habits.
It's not enough to recognizethat you need to delegate more.
You need to set a concreteaction, such as test delegating
the specific task by Friday andtrack the results.
Turning general observationsinto specific, time-bound
actions is what drives realgrowth.
(09:48):
For example, instead of needbetter communication, write
March 12th team meeting issue.
Traced to unclear roles In theaction.
Build a racy chart by Monday.
This level of detail makes iteasy to measure progress and
adjust as needed.
And as you build this habit,you'll notice the compounding
(10:10):
benefits.
Each session builds on the lastand over time your insights
become sharper, your actionsmore targeted and your growth
more noticeable.
The difference between passiveremembering and structured
reflections becomes clear andthe results speak for themselves
.
Maxwell's research shows thatgrowth is never accidental.
(10:30):
It's intentional and built on adaily habit of structured
reflection.
When you consistentlyinvestigate, incubate,
illuminate and illustrate yourexperiences, you transform the
past from a source of nostalgiainto a resource for future
success, each small insight,captured and reviewed, act like
(10:51):
interest on savings.
It compounds, leading to realprogress over time.
So here's your next step Beforeyou move on open your calendar
and block your first 10 minutestoday for structured reflection,
following Maxwell's dailyrhythm.
Try it for a week and observethe difference.
Your past isn't just a story.
(11:11):
It's data you can learn from.
I also encourage you to get acopy of John Maxwell's book the
15 Valuable Laws of Growth.
Live them and reach yourpotential.
Remember we're looking forprogress, not perfection.
(11:34):
That's all for today.
Be sure to visitspeakingwithconfidencepodcastcom
to get your free ebook the Top21 Challenges for Public
Speakers and how to Overcomethem.
You can also register for theFormula for Public Speaking.
Always remember your voice hasthe power to change.
We'll talk to you next time.
Welcome back to Speaking with Confidence, a podcast that
helps you build the soft skillsthat lead to real results
communication, storytelling,public speaking and showing up
with confidence in everyconversation that counts.
I'm Tim Newman, a recoveringcollege professor turned
communication coach, and I'mthrilled to guide you on your
journey to becoming a powerfulcommunicator.
In episode 69, danielleDroitsch spoke about tying
(00:32):
self-confidence to who we are asindividuals.
This idea really got methinking, because I have said
for a long time that most peopledo not spend enough time
thinking about who they are orwhy they are in some of the
positions that they're in, andthis thought led to the idea of
imposter syndrome and why we getstuck and cannot advance.
So this episode is going to layout a time-tested framework to
(00:56):
help you figure out who you areand why you're stuck.
But here's the brutal truthReflection doesn't happen by
accident.
The top 1% treat it as anon-negotiable habit.
They schedule reflection likemeetings, document it like
scientists and act on it likeCEOs.
This isn't just a motivationalidea.
(01:17):
It's a proven system thatseparates those who grow from
those who stay stuck.
Most people assume growthhappens automatically just
because they're busy oraccumulating experience, but the
shocking truth is withoutintentional reflection, you're
(01:38):
likely repeating the samemistakes and missing out on real
progress.
So why do most people get thisso wrong?
Most people fall into a subtlebut damaging trap when it comes
to reflection.
They mistake remembering forreal learning.
It's easy to replay whathappened mentally, reviewing a
tough meeting, a missed deadlineor a failed project and believe
(01:58):
that you're making progress.
But simply recalling eventswithout examining them leads to
repeating the exact same errors.
The reality is most people endup repeating mistakes if they
never truly reflect on whythings happened the way that
they did.
And passive reminiscing feelsproductive.
You get that sense of beingthoughtful, of reviewing your
(02:19):
actions, but this process skipsthe critical thinking required
for actual growth.
It's like looking at old photosand mistaking nostalgia for
insight.
But this process skips thecritical thinking required for
actual growth.
It's like looking at old photosand mistaking nostalgia for
insight.
The difference betweenremembering and reflecting is
subtle but crucial.
Remembering is passive, it'sjust replaying the tape.
(02:42):
Reflection, on the other hand,is an active process that
demands you ask tough questionsand seek out lessons beneath the
surface.
John Maxwell, in his Law ofReflection, puts it simply
Evaluated experience is the bestteacher.
So just having experiences,even a lot of them, isn't enough
.
Without stopping to evaluate,you're just accumulating years,
(03:04):
not wisdom.
Without stopping to evaluate,you're just accumulating years,
not wisdom.
And Maxwell found that peoplewho set aside time to actively
review what happened and, moreimportantly, why it happened,
accelerate their growth far morethan those who just keep moving
forward.
Structural reflection, not justexperience, is what drives
improvement, and Maxwell himselfuses daily and weekly
(03:26):
reflection rhythms to catchpatterns, spot small wins and
identify blind spots before theybecome bigger problems.
So instead of waiting for majorfailures to force a review, he
builds reflection into hisroutine, and this approach
ensures that each experience,big or small, actually
contributes to growth.
He recommends pausing regularlyto ask what did I learn?
(03:50):
What would I do differently?
What's my next step?
It's this cycle of intentionalreview that turns ordinary
experience into a powerfulengine for development.
So if simply looking back isn'tenough, what does effective
reflection actually require?
There's a specific approach topperformers use, one that brings
(04:12):
structure and depth to theprocess, making sure nothing
important gets missed.
John Maxwell's Law of Reflectionoutlines a process called the
four I's.
It's investigation, incubation,illumination and illustration.
These aren't just steps.
They're the core elements thatseparate meaningful reflection
(04:35):
from empty rumination.
When you use all four, you movebeyond just thinking about your
experiences to actuallylearning from them.
The first step, investigation,is all about asking the right
questions.
Maxwell recommends using hispersonal awareness list to dig
deeper.
Instead of glossing over whathappened, you pause to ask
(04:59):
what's my biggest asset rightnow?
What's holding me back?
What was my highest high and mylowest low this week?
Which emotion helped me themost and which one got in my way
?
What's my best habit?
What's my worst?
What do I value most?
These focused questions forceyou to confront specifics, not
(05:22):
vague impressions, and theysurface patterns that passive
reflections misses.
Next comes incubation.
This is where you let thosequestions and observations
simmer.
Maxwell compares it tomeditation giving your mind
space to process instead ofdemanding instant answers.
Rushing the step leads toshallow insights.
Instead, let your thoughts sitfor a day or two.
(05:45):
Often, the best ideas andrealizations come after you've
stepped away for a bit.
Incubation isn't about doingnothing.
It's about giving your braintime to work in the background.
The third step is illumination.
This is the moment when thingsstart to stick.
Maxwell calls this the ahamoment, the point when
(06:08):
connections form and you see thelesson clearly.
It doesn't happen every timeyou reflect, but when you've
investigated thoroughly andallowed time to incubate, these
insights surface more reliably.
It's the difference betweenjust remembering an event and
actually understanding what itmeans for your growth.
And the final step isillustration.
(06:30):
Maxwell emphasizes that mostideas start as skeletons.
They need to be fleshed outmore before they're useful.
This means writing down yourinsights, not just thinking
about them.
Use the answers to the personalawareness questions as a
starting point.
By documenting what you'velearned in detail, you make it
(06:51):
more likely those lessons willguide your future actions.
Missing even one of these stepsleaves your reflection
incomplete.
If you skip the investigationstep, your insights stay vague.
Rush incubation and you end upwith surface-level takeaways.
Without illumination, you missthe patterns.
And if you skip illustration,you forget what matters.
(07:15):
But when you follow all four,reflection becomes a tool for
real progress.
So how do you put the four I'sinto practice in a way that fits
your schedule and actuallysticks?
Let's break down the practicalsystem you can use right now.
It's the three-step reflectionsystem.
This approach schedule it,document it and act on it
(07:38):
translates Maxwell's law ofreflection into a set of habits
that actually stick.
Start with schedule it.
Reflection doesn't happenunless you carve out time for it
.
Reflection doesn't happenunless you carve out time for it
.
Maxwell recommends a specificrhythm.
Set aside 10 to 30 minutesevery day for brief reflection.
(07:58):
Block out one to two hours eachweek for a deeper review.
Dedicate a half day eachquarter and plan a longer annual
session.
The reason for this structureis simple Daily sessions help
you notice small patterns andcourse corrections, while the
longer intervals let you spotbigger trends and make strategic
adjustments.
Treat these appointments withthe same respect you would a
(08:21):
client meeting.
Put them in your calendar andprotect that time.
Next is document it.
This is where most people losemomentum.
Maxwell emphasizes that realprogress comes from writing out
both your questions and youranswers.
Don't just jot down vague noteslike need to be better at time
management, because don't we all?
(08:43):
Instead, use targeted questionsfrom Maxwell's personal
awareness list what was mybiggest asset this week and how
did it help?
What behavior held me back?
What was my highest and lowestlow, and what did I learn from
each experience?
Bullet points work well here.
Keep them concise but specific.
(09:03):
One executive found thatswitching to dated bullet lists
made his insights far moreactionable when things got
hectic.
The act of writing clarifiesyour thinking and gives you a
record to revisit when you needperspective and finally act on
it.
Insights only matter if theylead to change.
Maxwell's research shows thatpeople who follow through on
(09:27):
their documented reflections arethe ones who convert insights
into habits.
It's not enough to recognizethat you need to delegate more.
You need to set a concreteaction, such as test delegating
the specific task by Friday andtrack the results.
Turning general observationsinto specific, time-bound
actions is what drives realgrowth.
(09:48):
For example, instead of needbetter communication, write
March 12th team meeting issue.
Traced to unclear roles In theaction.
Build a racy chart by Monday.
This level of detail makes iteasy to measure progress and
adjust as needed.
And as you build this habit,you'll notice the compounding
(10:10):
benefits.
Each session builds on the lastand over time your insights
become sharper, your actionsmore targeted and your growth
more noticeable.
The difference between passiveremembering and structured
reflections becomes clear andthe results speak for themselves
.
Maxwell's research shows thatgrowth is never accidental.
(10:30):
It's intentional and built on adaily habit of structured
reflection.
When you consistentlyinvestigate, incubate,
illuminate and illustrate yourexperiences, you transform the
past from a source of nostalgiainto a resource for future
success, each small insight,captured and reviewed, act like
(10:51):
interest on savings.
It compounds, leading to realprogress over time.
So here's your next step Beforeyou move on open your calendar
and block your first 10 minutestoday for structured reflection,
following Maxwell's dailyrhythm.
Try it for a week and observethe difference.
Your past isn't just a story.
(11:11):
It's data you can learn from.
I also encourage you to get acopy of John Maxwell's book the
15 Valuable Laws of Growth.
Live them and reach yourpotential.
Remember we're looking forprogress, not perfection.
(11:34):
That's all for today.
Be sure to visitspeakingwithconfidencepodcastcom
to get your free ebook the Top21 Challenges for Public
Speakers and how to Overcomethem.
You can also register for theFormula for Public Speaking.
Always remember your voice hasthe power to change.
We'll talk to you next time.
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