Why Fake Networking is Killing Your Career | Tim Newman Speaks

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Do you ever feel like you're doing all the “right” things at networking events, but somehow you still walk away with a stack of business cards—yet none of those connections turn into genuine relationships or career opportunities? If so, this episode is for you.

I'm Tim Newman, host of Speaking with Confidence, and in today’s solo episode, I dig deep into the art (and science) of networking—and why most traditional approaches are holding you back. You’ll hear why so many professionals get stuck in a transactional mindset, treating networking as a numbers game rather than a process of real relationship-building. If you’ve ever wondered why your networking feels hollow (or downright fake), we uncover the gap between “collecting contacts” and creating meaningful professional relationships that truly advance your career.

We start with the classic post-event scenario: you’ve met loads of people, exchanged business cards, but later realize you can barely remember anyone and end up tossing those cards into that infamous desk drawer where connections go to die. I call this “fake networking,” and it’s not just ineffective—it’s potentially damaging to your professional reputation.

Here’s what we cover in this episode:

• Why collecting business cards isn’t the same as building real professional relationships
• The damaging effects of transactional, numbers-based networking mindsets
• The two most common forms of fake networking: “self-serving connections” and “ghost follow-ups”
• The long-term reputational risks of fake networking tactics
• How leadership and influence (not just connections) determine your career potential
• A two-part strategy to shift to authentic, value-driven networking
• How to discover and articulate your unique value before every interaction
• The importance of research and matching your value to others’ real needs
• Why reliable follow-through is the ultimate networking credibility builder
• How to become the kind of connection others seek out—so opportunities come to you

If you want to break out of the cycle of shallow networking and start making connections that truly count, this episode will give you both the insight and the practical steps you need. Remember, your next professional interaction is an opportunity to show up differently, lead with value, and nurture a network that lifts you higher.

Thanks for listening to Speaking with Confidence. Check out speakingwithconfidencepodcast.com for your free eBook, The Top 20 Challenges for Public Speakers and How to Overcome Them, and find details on our Formula for Public Speaking course. Your voice has the power to change it—see you next time!

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Episode Transcript

Tim Newman (00:08):
Welcome back to Speaking with Confidence, a
podcast that helps you build thesoft skills that lead to real
results.
Communication, storytelling,public speaking, and showing up
with confidence in everyconversation that counts.
I'm Tim Newman, a recoveringcollege professor turn
communication coach, and I'mthrilled to guide you on a
journey to becoming a powerfulcommunicator.
I've talked and posted beforeabout the power of networking

(00:30):
and providing value to others.
There are two types of peoplewhen you talk about networking.
You're either a connector or aclimber.
There's truly nothing wrongwith either, but what if there
was a third option?
The Connector Climber Hybrid istruly a place to build your
network and influence.
You know how it goes.
You come back from a conferenceor networking event, you empty

(00:51):
your pockets, and there aredozens of little cardboard
rectangles with names you barelyremember.
You met all these people, youdid the networking thing, but if
you're honest, you didn'tactually connect with anyone.
So you put the cards together,you put a rubber band around
them, and you put them in thedrawer.
You know that drawer.

(01:11):
The one where business cardsand connections go to die.
That feeling, that gap betweencollecting contacts and building
real relationships is what Icall fake networking.
And if you're relying on thisapproach, it's not just
ineffective, it's activelydamaging your career
progression.
Most professionals are stuck ina transactional mindset,

(01:34):
treating networking like anumbers game instead of a
relationship building process.
The problem isn't that you'renot meeting enough people.
The problem is how you'reapproaching these connections.
In the next few minutes, we'regoing to expose why this
exchange mentality fails.
Identify the two most commontypes of fake networking that
destroy your credibility andgive you a practical framework

(01:55):
for building genuineprofessional relationships that
actually advance your career.
The fundamental mistake mostpeople make is treating
networking as a transactionrather than an investment.
They walk into a room thinking,what can I get from these
people?
instead of what value can Ibring to these conversations?
And it's this subtle shift inmindset that creates an

(02:18):
immediate barrier to buildingtrust.
When you approach someone witha transaction mindset, people
sense it.
They can tell when you'rescanning the room for someone
more important while they'retalking to you.
They notice when you're onlyasking questions that serve your
own agenda.
This what can you do for methinking puts the other person

(02:38):
on defense, making genuineconnection impossible.
The psychological impact issignificant.
Transactional approaches signalthat you see people as a means
to an end rather than asindividuals worth knowing.
And this damages yourprofessional reputation over
time, as people begin tocategorize you as someone who
only shows up when they needsomething.

(03:00):
The real world consequences areclear limited opportunities,
miscollaborations, and areputation that follows you from
company to company.
What's fascinating is that themost successful networkers I've
worked with approachconversations completely
different.
They lead with curiosity ratherthan agenda.
They ask about challengesrather than opportunities.

(03:23):
They focus on understandingrather than being understood.
This isn't about just beingnice.
It's about building thefoundation for relationships
that yield professionaldividends down the line.
There are two specific patternsI see repeatedly that reveal
when someone is engaged in fakenetworking.
Recognizing these in your ownbehavior is the first step

(03:44):
towards fixing them.
The first step is what I callthe self-serving connection.
This is when someone connectswith you purely for immediate
personal gain.
I'm sure you've experiencedthis.
You're having what seems like agenuine conversation, and then
suddenly they pivot to the realagenda.
So I notice you know the hiringmanager at Company X.

(04:05):
Could you put in a good wordfor me?
The entire interaction becomestransparently transactional, and
say that three times fast.
The damage here goes beyondjust an awkward moment.
When you treat someone as astepping stone, you communicate
that you value them for whatthey can do for you and not for
who they are.
This creates a reputation as ataker, someone who burns bridges

(04:27):
after crossing them.
And in professional circles,this reputation spreads quickly,
and soon you'll find doorsclosing that otherwise would
have been open.
The second type is even morecommon, and this is the ghost
follow-up.
And this happens when you makea promise during a conversation
but never deliver, such as I'llsend you that article, I'll make

(04:47):
that introduction, let's grabcoffee next week, and then
silence.
You might think you're beingpolite by making these offers,
but failing to follow throughdoes more harm than good.
When you ghost someone afterpromising follow-up, you're
demonstrating unreliability.
You're showing that your worddoesn't mean much.
And in a professional contextwhere trust is currency, this is

(05:08):
devastating.
People will hesitate torecommend you, include you in
projects, or share opportunitiesbecause they can't count on you
to deliver.
And the cumulative effect ofthese small betrayals of trust
can stall a career for years.
Both patterns tend from thesame root cause, viewing
networking as a series oftransactions rather than

(05:29):
relationship building.
The self-serving connection isabout taking value without
giving, while the ghostfollow-up is about promising
value without delivering.
And both reveal a fundamentalmisunderstanding of how
professional relationshipsactually work.
And this brings us to the coreprinciple that separates
effective networkers fromeveryone else.

(05:50):
And to understand why fakenetworking fails and genuine
connection succeeds, we need tolook at leadership expert John
Maxwell's work, specifically thelaw of the lid.
Maxwell's Law of the Lid statesthat your leadership ability
determines your effectiveness.
In simpler terms, your abilityto achieve results is capped by
your ability to lead andinfluence others.

(06:12):
Now apply that to networking.
Your ability to build apowerful, supportive
professional network is directlylimited by your leadership
capability.
Think about it this way.
Leadership at its essence isinfluence.
It's the ability to movepeople, to gain their trust, to
inspire action.
And when you approachnetworking with a transactional

(06:35):
what's in it for me mindset,your influence is zero.
People see through it and theydisengage.
But when you approach it as aleader, when you focus on adding
value, understanding needs, andbuilding genuine rapport, your
influence grows.
You become someone people wantto be connected to.
The connection is undeniable.

(06:57):
Takers have no real influencebecause their relationships are
built on sand.
They collapse under theslightest pressure.
But givers, on the other hand,build trust.
They create networks that areresilient and supportive.
Your network isn't just a listof contacts.
It's a ceiling for your careerpotential.
If your network is shallow andtransactional, your lid is low.

(07:21):
If it's deep and built onmutual respect, your lid is
high.
You can only rise as far asyour relationships will lift
you.
So how do you make this shiftfrom connector or climber to the
connector climber hybrid?
It requires a deliberatetwo-part strategy that flips the
traditional networking scriptwhen said.
First, you need to know yourvalue proposition.

(07:44):
Before you walk into any roomor send any connection request,
get crystal clear on what youuniquely bring to the table.
This isn't about your jobtitle.
It's about your specificskills, your knowledge base,
your resources, or even yourperspective.
What problems can you helpsolve?
What insights can you share?
You can't offer value if youdon't know what you have to

(08:07):
offer.
And second, this is the gamechanger.
Adopt a research-drivenapproach.
Instead of generic networking,do your homework.
Before you meet someone, spendfive minutes looking them up.
What are they working on?
What challenges have theymentioned on LinkedIn?
And then match your value totheir actual needs.

(08:29):
For example, instead of saying,I'd love to connect, you can
say, I saw your post aboutentering new markets, and I have
some experience with regulatoryhurdles in that space.
I'd be happy to share what Ilearned.
Now you're leading with asolution, not a request.
You're approaching as a problemsolver which immediately
establishes you as a valuableconnection rather than just

(08:50):
another person looking forsomething.
Fake networking might feelefficient in the moment,
collecting cards, making quickass, but it's a short-term
strategy with long-termconsequences.
It burns through social capitalinstead of building it.
Genuine connection, on theother hand, is an investment.
It takes more effort up front,but it pays compounding interest

(09:13):
throughout your career.
The goal isn't to build abigger network, it's to become
the kind of person others wantin their network.
When you focus on providingvalue first, on following
through reliably, and onbuilding real relationships, you
stop having to ask foropportunities.
Instead, opportunities find youbecause people know you, they

(09:35):
trust you, and they want to seeyou succeed.
Your next professionalinteraction is a chance to start
building this way.
Go in with curiosity, lead withvalue, and focus on the
relationship, not thetransaction.
That's all for today.
Remember, we're looking forprogress, not perfection.

(09:55):
Be sure to visitspeakingwithconfidence
podcast.com to get your freeebook, the top twenty one
challenges for public speakers,and how to overcome them.
You can also register for theFormula for Public Speaking
Tours.
Always remember, your voice isempowered to change you.
We'll talk to you next time.
Take care.